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I caught that in the show. Yeah, I'm glad. So, Painkiller already. I'm sorry, Painkiller nearly, episode 90, take two.
So, for people that don't know, we recorded this yesterday on time, and Kyle, to me, I feel like Kyle went through a Herculean effort. effort he he has shipped his mic out there his boom he bought a new laptop like right before he
flew out he did a lot i think to make sure that painkiller nearly happened and uh and i appreciate
that i hope the viewers do too and um oh but somehow the software failed at the end of the show
and if you follow me on twitter i uploaded the broken episode in case you work some voodoo
but
anyway so I was thinking we would just try and do a
carbon copy of last night as close
as possible Kyle what were all the jokes
I made at your expense about
Airbnb
serial killer victim finder
should be called
you're actually in a different place now
than you were yesterday.
This place looks just as bad.
In fact, the texturing of the mattress behind you
makes it look like it's a special wall to keep you from freaking out.
Well, see, like, hang on, let me get my pointer going here.
So this thing right here is like the headboard,
but behind that is an old mattress.
I see.
So last night I was staying at a place that was just awful and
i was sharing with a motherfucker which i didn't know was coming you know it's airbnb so basically
you're just staying at somebody's house and this guy's this guy mad is like huh i said it's so dumb
but anyway this guy mad is like okay yeah over there that's where this is and that's the and i
look and there's a whole computer desk with a nice gaming pc and a big projector above it he's like that's the projector and
there's the pc and uh come on back here here's your bedroom and he's like well i'll be just down
the hall if you need me and i'm like what the fuck what do you mean you'll be just down the
hall we live together now i don't fucking know you motherfucker like i don't want to live with you
and and so like i just sit in my room on the bed trying not to, like, touch anything.
Like when Carl in Sling Blade has to, like, spend the night over at that guy's house and he doesn't want to mess up the little girl's bedroom.
So he just sits on the bed all night.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm just sitting there texting, like, get me the fuck out of here, somebody.
Get me the fuck out of here.
Because, like, the electrical outlets don't work.
Like, I can't plug in a three-pronged thing.
You know, the bottom thing is the ground.
So that was true yesterday.
Is that true again today?
No, we're good today.
Oh, okay, okay.
I was like, again?
Is this like an epidemic in LA?
So I complained a lot about that, and I told him, I was like, this isn't going to work.
I'm not a movie star or anything.
I don't expect you to roll out a fucking red carpet
but
I need electrical outlets
I need three prongs in my outlets
that's a very minimalistic
requirement
I want windows and three prongs in my outlets
people don't know
he had a window
but there was no glass in the window
so I'm not sure if it was really a window
but it was a hole in the window. So I'm not sure if it was really a window, but...
It was a hole in the wall, is what you call that.
You know that piece of shit paper in the back of, like, an Ikea kind of stand?
Where, you know, it looks okay from the front, but if you ever kind of poke the back, you're like,
Oh, Jesus, this is, like, folding right out.
And it does, like, that Snapple bottle, like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, back and forth.
That's what it was.
Just a little shitty Ikea bit of particle board, almost, keeping all of LA out of your shitty little serial killer hovel.
Yeah, it was awful.
So I complained about that, and finally they found me a new place, and I just walked the fuck out.
I just, like, got my stuff together.
He was in there watching a hockey game or something. Yeah yeah i guess he's watching the hockey game in his bedroom
i just walked past the bedroom let myself out locked the door behind me didn't say a word
um and so they they put me in a hotel last night and it was a korean hotel and you're probably
wondering what's a korean hotel let me tell you we walk in this place and it smells like a chinese
restaurant and i'm not exaggerating
it smells exactly yeah it's good if you're hungry and you want some chinese food but you don't want
to live there you know you i walk in and it is chinese food that's what it smells like and i
guess korea's you know they border so you know maybe the the the dishes are similar smelled
like chinese food the whole place did we were the only not just white people the only non-koreans there the tv
had like 60 of the television's channels were in korean and i don't mean it was korean television
i mean it was american television dubbed in korean um did you wake up and feel tired again
10 minutes later no and it was double beds it was double beds that was nice i always appreciate having an extra bed
in case i would just want to try you know try it you should have rented it out via airbnb
the point i was making that i want to bring back briefly about the airbnb because chiz was saying
oh you're just so behind because you told me before I knew anything about it
that you were staying in an Airbnb, which is
basically just some fucker downloaded an app
and is like, hey, my futon's fine,
and puts it up there, and you can say
if you want to stay there, and I'm like, that's fucking stupid,
and Chiz was just like, oh, you're such, like,
an old man with stuff like that. Born a decade too late.
Yeah, you're born a decade too late,
like, you're just so against all new stuff.
No, I'm not, but I'm really against, like, that. I was using the example of, you're born a decade too late. You're just so against all new stuff. No, I'm not, but I'm really against that.
I was using the example of you wouldn't go to someone's fucking restaurant if it was just their kitchen.
There's no regulation.
There's no accountability.
Oops, you got salmonella.
Well, this is just my single apartment, and so you can sue me if you want.
Maybe you'll, I don't know, get my TV stand.
I don't know.
No, it's fucking nonsense.
There's no accountability.
Just like staying in the place like that that guy was able to just take a fucking picture of the corner
that was the most presentable and say this is where you're staying you can't do that at the
marriott you'll never show up at the marriott and one side looks and it looks like you know that
split between all the tourists in jamaica and then the jamaicans you know like that's there's
you're never going to see that in a marriott it's I would never stay in an Airbnb but the idea of Airbnb for being able to stop in and use restrooms
at people's homes as you need to in public is still viable wait so so I stayed at the Korean
place last night and it was it was okay I didn't have an issue with it I you know it wasn't the
best there were little quirks about it but I was was like, this is fine. It's fine.
I can stay at a place like this. I'm not going to
complain. I never would.
If this was the first place, especially, I wouldn't say anything.
And then today,
they say, we're going to put you
in a nice place tomorrow night.
That's what they said yesterday. And I was like, good.
That'll be great. That'll be great. And Kitty
sends me this message earlier today when I'm
on set, and it's like, oh, here's where you're going you're gonna be staying tonight and i look and it's that corner of the
room and i'm like oh yeah big fucking couch can you show it size yeah yeah it doesn't show the
the spare mattress in that photo or all the fingernails oh Oh, yeah, yeah. I can see why that would look good. That looks nice over there.
Mm-hmm.
Let's see here.
Yeah.
Yeah, you really underwhelmed me as you panned back left.
They had that...
Shit, what is a dating site?
I don't know.
Like the Plenty of Fish angle.
Like this is the one angle from which it looks its best.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's funny. the plenty of fish angle like like this is the one angle from which it looks best yeah yeah that
that's funny i i'm gonna i'm gonna on my review i'm gonna say that this guy is like a fat girl
trying to pass himself off as a as a hot chick with his with his disgusting uh slum hole with
no television in it so i we pull up to this place today and i wasn't paying attention on the ride
i'm talking to my driver and everything we're having a good time talking about keanu reeves
or some shit and uh. I walk up into this
place. It's kind of like an apartment building.
I turn a key to open
one door and then there's a hallway of
apartments. This old Mexican woman
stumbles out of one of them, looks
at me because I've got this
scar.
It looks like you've been crying.
A lot of makeup. If you were here, it would look like you've been crying. On my face? A lot of makeup.
If you were here, it would look like I had been shot in the fucking face
because it looks real bad.
And I'm wearing it because I thought it would be fun to have for the show.
But that means that everyone I encounter is a little afraid of me now.
I've noticed, like, there was a black guy in the hallway,
and he was totally intent.
I was a little worried about him, but he was worried about me.
Everything good, man? good man everything's good yeah going to my place like you worried about me right now he's the Russian accent would make
you scarier oh you can't double back on that now no but you should just go for a
walk yeah everything is not good. It's very bad.
I really fooled you to think I was from
Akron, Ohio as I come in, no?
I've been practicing.
You both do it well.
So I come into
this place and there's this old Mexican
lady stumbling out of her apartment
and she sees me, makes eye contact and I'm like
hi! And she just says something in Spanish, stumbling out of her apartment, and she sees me, makes eye contact, and I'm like, hi! And she just, like,
says something in Spanish, stumbles back into the
apartment. Her apartment has a
screen door.
A screen door
on an indoor apartment. I'm talking about a
hallway of apartments. She
leaves her door open. I can see right into there,
and she's taking a fucking nap on the bed.
She looks at me, says a thing,
I don't know what, and then goes and hops
into bed. She might have said, come fuck me, gringo.
I don't know what she said, but she
said that to me, and then she stumbled back in bed.
Take a chance that that is what she said. Just risk it.
I go in there like,
yeah, alright, let's get this on.
She just,
oh no, oh no, oh no.
That wouldn't go well. That seems like the sort of thing that would
happen in this place, though.
So, I don't know.
I don't know what the fu-
Oh, in the other room, there's an electrical wire, like,
hanging from the ceiling, like, going from one part of the place to the other.
And I swear to God, there's a hairpin, like a bobby pin,
put on it to bridge the gap between two frayed wires.
Well, you wouldn't want to be unsafe.
And I'm sure that when he called in the inspectors
prior to your stay at his wonderful establishment,
they looked at that and they figured this is okay.
This person's life isn't at risk.
I like that. Looks good.
It's in the other, it's right over there.
It's very upsetting.
And so I wasn't mad until like 20 minutes ago
or something like that.
It's been a little bit of a frustrating day.
I think some people would have gotten mad already.
But like it's been rolling off my back all day.
Little delays.
And I was in wardrobe for three hours trying on suits.
For three fucking hours I tried on suits.
And every time I put on a different one, we took pictures.
And then I.
Oh, that sounds horrible.
What made the suits unacceptable?
Because I.
They weren't unacceptable.
We were taking lots and lots of different photos of different suits and tie and shirt combinations to show to whoever's making those decisions to be like,
ah, yeah, that combination.
That's the one he should wear.
Okay.
They couldn't have just taken a still shot of you and then just kind of simsed it?
Well, they've got to see how it fits me because it's like a
double-breasted suit and it's all fitted and it's tailored to me and they want to make sure it looks
right i guess but it's mind that it sounds like this is a big enough production it's somewhere
in between right it's not so big that they're putting you in really nice hotels but it's
definitely big enough that they've got real makeup real costume there's probably real catering
they should be putting you in real a hotel oh i can't say
which actor i can't say which actors on here but i was it was so cool he walks into the fucking
makeup room and i'm just like oh shit it's him i and i couldn't resist like if he had been if he
had been fucking christian bale or leonardo dicaprio or mel gibson or anybody i wouldn't
have said a word wouldn't made a peep but it was this guy. And I was like, hey, man. I watched your movie
so many fucking times when I was in high school
up until now. I watched it last month.
I love it so much.
It really kissed his ass a little. But I meant every word of it.
Is it the first guy that you texted about?
Yes. Yes, it was that guy.
And I was like, I'm Kyle, by the way.
He's like, I know who you are. I've watched you
blow shit up before. And I was just like,
ahhh.
I've never even cared at all that that somebody like knew who i was or what i did but but that guy it meant a lot i was like oh that's fucking cool so i was like when are you gonna be
back we should hang out more i got guns at home yeah come on yeah you ever hear of airbnb we'll
do that at my place there's lots of guns i got I got one great picture on my phone to show you.
Just one.
Yeah, this is ludicrous.
It seems like a real professional, based on the text we've been getting,
that you've been sending us.
It seems like a real professional thing, but you're in an Airbnb.
Why won't they put you anywhere?
That's ridiculous.
See, that's a different group of people setting me up with my lodging
I probably shouldn't even say who the fuck it is because I don't want to disparage them publicly or anything
But some other people who represent me in one way or another set up the room
hmm and
Kitty sent on yes, Jeremy. Yeah, Jeremy's handling my lodging stays. He's booking. He's booking everything for me
Yeah, Jeremy's handling my lodging stays.
He's booking everything for me.
But I texted Kitty and called her, and I told her all the little issues.
And I was like, look, I'm not trying to be a fucking stickler here.
I feel like they're going to make sure when you talk to them, tell them, I don't have a stick up my ass.
Like, if there had been a smell, I wouldn't have said a word.
I was like, but I don't have a television.
There's exposed wires.
The bathroom's gross.
Like, I don't want to be here.
I would never stay here on my own.
And for $90, like, if $90 is your buck, I said, tell them if all they have is $90 that we'll chip in and help them out some with this room situation.
Because we don't want to, you know, because that's.
Is it actually $90?
Or is that like an estimate? Yes, it's $95.
That's what's on the website.
What city do they think you're filming in and what year do they think it is no wonder you're staying in people's
basement layers i was i was like being facetious or what i was that's not literally their budget
that's just what it seems like they're that's what i was asking i'm trying to be insulting
yeah a little hyperbole thank you very much so i was just trying'm trying to be insulting. Yeah, a little hyperbole. Thank you very much. So I was just trying to be, you know,
trying to get across to them that, like...
Trying to express the extent to which
you're not feeling what they're bringing to the table.
And that I'm a little surprised
that they're so goddamn cheap.
Because I'm not nearly this cheap
when I'm booking my own rooms.
I'll get myself $150,000.
Who's usually in charge in the film business
high up enough
that they're making financial decisions?
That's so weird.
Why would it be?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I hit a wall there.
It looked good on the website.
I don't know what fucking happened.
I don't think.
I asked Kitty.
I was like, are they doing?
Ask them.
Tell them.
When I walked in here, tell them I thought that I was being pranked.
I'm working with a pretty famous prank video maker who I also can't say.
But I was like, tell her that I thought it was so-and-so pulling a fucking prank on me
when I walked into this place.
And at any minute that I was going to be, I was literally ready for like the gangbangers
to come up and like stick me up.
And I was going to be hard.
You know, I was going to do what you got to do.
Do what you got to do.
I'm going to my room.
You know, knowing that it's a prank, you gotta do. I'm going to my room. You know? That would be great.
Knowing that it's a prank, you know?
Yeah.
I've had that in the back of my head.
And because I'm around that guy, like, it's always in the back of my head.
It's like, if anything weird goes down, if anything out of the ordinary goes down, I know it's probably bullshit.
Don't make a fool of yourself.
Don't fucking curse out some person, an employee, or start a fight or anything like that.
You know? I'm prepared. I'm ready for the prank going in.
But no, I'd fucking turn the key and the shit works
and I just come on in here.
Life pranked you this time.
Life pranked you. Twice in two days.
You're 0 for 2 on this
Cali street. I don't think you call it a prank when it's
for real. You know, a prank
would be if I came in here, saw this, and then got
the fuck out and went to Holiday Inn. This is
just a bad life.
A prank is like a bad experience with a slight
payoff. You're just having a series of bad
experiences. I'm Kyle and the joke's on
me. I've had
professional makeup done before on
a set. I loved it.
I thought it was the greatest thing.
It was a really
this sounds awful, but like this super hot girl just like doting on me.
She had like airbrushes and then it was just a really like, it's a gentle experience.
All those little brushes and shit, like I had never like really used them before.
Like maybe most guys have had a natural curiosity where they're like, let's just check this out once.
But I really hadn't.
curiosity where they're like let's just check this out once but i really hadn't so when she started doing me up i was like yeah this is actually a pretty pleasant way to spend my
afternoon i don't even like getting my hair cut i don't like any person i don't know just touching
me and when they like wash my like it's a necessary evil if you're getting your hair cut and you have
to go somewhere straight from there you can't just be like oh no don't shampoo me i'm just going to
be hairy you know you have to let them wash you off but that's the worst i hate feeling that
person just touching me especially when like they are trying to give a vibe of like this is just my
job and i want to be like yeah i fucking know and they're like going like too rough to show like no
i'm not being sensitive and like coming on to you i'm just i don't know for those of you guys who
aren't patreon seeing the visual version of this, you're missing out
because Kyle's showing us his crazy wig.
Yeah, so
my character initially had a wig.
This really big, long wig.
And so, like, I got a couple
pictures of me in it there. It looks a little like Milo.
Milo? Yeah.
Yeah, very Milo-like.
And, well, I've got a lot of makeup on there, too.
Let's see here. Yeah, you can got a lot of makeup on there too. Let's see here.
Yeah, you can see the scar pretty well in that photo.
But anyway, initially I had the big wig and putting that on was a bit of a process, but
I didn't mind any of it.
Like you said, I really enjoy that process when they're like, alright, I need you for
20 more minutes.
I'm like, alright, let's fucking go.
This will be fun.
It's hard for me to sit still. Oh minutes. I'm like all right fucking go. I should be fun. Cheers like it
It's still it. Oh, no
I'm sitting perfectly like and for this like it's hard to tell but it goes up into my eyelid like my eyelid is has
Scar on it so like I'm like looking up and she's painting my eyelid with this alcohol that makes this these fumes
She's like do not open. I it burn very much
alright, he ho like
Hotel you went to?
No, no.
That was her name.
I wasn't being racist or silly.
One of my makeup ladies' name is Miho.
She does my makeup and my hair person.
I can't recall her name, but she was the blonde lady in that photo that I sent.
It's really nice working on things like this because there are specific people for specific tasks
So if you need a bottle of water, there's a guy who doesn't mind a bit getting you a bottle water It's not demeaning for him. It's his fucking job. He gets water
He's the water guy because and normally on a smaller thing where there's a lot of multitasking
I feel like it's insulting like ask Paul it like CPX sports to get me a bottle of water
It's like he owns the fucking place. He shouldn't have to get my water, but he's like the only one I know.
But here there's like a person to
do all the things.
I didn't get in today. I didn't get on set. I didn't even
get to see it. They offered to take me, but I
honestly just didn't want to go. I just chilled out in my
dressing room all day.
Was your dressing room nicer than where you are now?
Yes. If there were a bed
in my dressing room and a television yes 100 when i did that dancing
competition there was a similar kind of support staff there and uh it was kind of cool people
just like getting you drinks getting you stuff i had an upset stomach and i didn't want to talk
about the details of it like i don't know just the environment like everyone there is so beautiful
and perfect and then there's me like old and
wishing I was 10 pounds lighter. And, uh, um, I just, I didn't want to talk about my upset stomach.
So like, they come back with like a bad, like must've been $60 worth of stuff, which isn't like,
but it just seemed like a lot and they covered everything. They're like, well,
if this is your symptom, I got you this rattle, rattle, rattle. If this is your symptom, I got you this a jattle, rattle, rattle. If this is your symptom, I got you this.
A jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.
And they just had everything from Gatorade to Pepto to Imodium.
Just they covered every angle that could be wrong.
There are so many beautiful people.
When in doubt, take too much medication.
It was just this.
Fix and match.
It's like more of a mosaic medicine than anything else and
um the i'm sorry i'm overlapping kyle's story but the i had watched this series it was called um
i forget it was on netflix and it had to do with surviving the apocalypse and they took these
people from different things and they like isolated them in la at this like old warehouse abandoned thing and um where they did the shoot
okay um like next point I'm sorry yeah yeah I I anyway um so I was really interested in the
building and I thought it was super cool to go exploring and to see what to me was a set for a show I enjoyed.
Whereas,
um,
you know,
for other people,
maybe they didn't get that.
Anyway,
what were you going to say?
You were talking about the beautiful people.
Like,
um,
I get like,
like most of the, the people I'm working with are just average people,
but every now and then someone will be there.
Who's like literally a fucking international model.
Uh,
like the guy who's,
who's across the hall from my dressing room,
I leave my door open, he does too.
We're both like chilling on identical couches on our cell phones
waiting all day for our time to go on set.
He's the most beautiful man I've ever seen.
Just gorgeous man, just sitting over there.
It's absurd.
And there's a couple of people like that here.
It's rare that there's some people who are like an 11 or something,
and you just don't run into them very often.
There's a lot of beautiful people here.
I guess that's true of Los Angeles, but it's really true on a movie set, I guess.
There'll be half a dozen fat, ugly guys,
and then there'll just be an Adonis over there.
You're like, hey, I bet he's not good with a computer.
In my case, it was the dancers.
So there were YouTube dancers, which is one thing.
And then there were the professional dancers.
And what people didn't see is all the professional dancers had other assistant choreographers who were also professional dancers.
And it just led to a lot of beautiful people wandering around all the time.
So, yeah.
And then me.
Klutzy damn it i still have carrington pain in my cell
phone i could call her actually but i never do but yeah wow that really hurts that lady who owed
you like a couple grand or did you just kind of ignore that i remember you talked about that a while ago oh the um the purchasing thing no i didn't i let it die and
there is i think a slight chance that i could lose in it like if i were to try to tell her
side of the story it would be this i sold this guy i think the number was like
2400 it would it was either 24 or 4800 and i paid half so i forget if i paid 12 or 24 but
28 28 you say yeah i think you're right 14 and i think i paid 14 and the whole number was 28
from her side it was like i sold this guy 29 2800 he's only given me 14 and whatever like
several months later i tried to deliver and he didn't return my text so as far as i'm concerned
the stuff's still there and he owes me the other 14 like that would be her side from my side it's
like well you let the shit rot in the mud for two months.
Like it wasn't really the same thing that I bought.
It wasn't like it was all pressure-treated wood or something.
You let it rot sitting in the mud for months,
every time telling me that like the delivery guy was tired or whatever.
People know this story.
But I was like, you know, for $1,400, like fuck off.
I don't want to go to small claims court or any of that.
I just, I don't know.
I just don't want anything to do with it, really.
I saw this scene in a mob movie, and I bet Kyle's going to know this for sure,
where the guy was, like, chasing somebody down for $20.
And the mob boss was like, hey, you know, like, $20 and the mob boss was like hey you know like $20 you know
we for $20 you can just have that guy never in your life again you can have
that guy like gone he's like don't bother chasing him for $20 just he
disappears do you know what I'm talking about I don't know that one I I really
don't there was a young mobster he would like his dad was um who's the
joe pantaleone or not um um montana was it his his father was uh a very successful actor he later
did the stupid like meet the falkers dad oh deniro deniro yeah so his dad was de niro but the mob boss was some other guy
and his dad and the mob boss kind of you know always sort of fought to be the kid's mentor
do you know this movie sounds like goodfellas a little i think it it might be goodfellas
goodfellas is the one where he kind of gets influenced
but that's not De Niro
De Niro's in that but he's not a father figure
so that doesn't make sense
De Niro in that movie is like
or no I'm thinking of Casino
where he's kind of on the outskirts
yeah it's not Casino
because he's the one who did the
Lufthansa heist or whatever it's called
Lufthansa that airline
what was that Goodfellas I bet it's going. Lufthansa, that airline. Stole all that money.
What was that? Goodfellas.
I bet it's going to be Goodfellas.
Goodfellas is great.
I don't think it's Goodfellas though.
What's his name? Lumpy Face Guy?
Not Goodfellas.
Puckmark Gangster.
What's his name?
He's in all of those.
Are you thinking of Pesci
oh I know who you're thinking of
he was in Casino too
it's not who I'm going for
who's the other guy in Casino
not De Niro not Pesci
DeVito
not Danny DeVito but Joe Pesci
Joe Pesci
I'm sorry Goodfellas not Casino
well Pesci was'm sorry goodfellas not casino uh well he bet she was in bow goodfellas um
the lumpy face guy god damn it sorry kyle's let's see
lumpy faced guy i i'm imagining the meme where they laugh ray leota okay oh he's in the meme where they laugh? Ray Liotta. Okay. Oh, he's not Lumpy Face.
He has got some mean pockmarks.
I'm with Taylor.
And that's not like an insulting, like I'm not being a dick.
He just does.
That was the descriptive way that I was trying to get him from your memory.
I don't think of him like that at all.
Maybe he does, I believe, if you say so.
He does.
I've never really noticed it, I guess.
I've always thought of him as a really good looking guy.
No, it's pretty bad next time you watch
him. Take a peek.
Well, other than
that bullshit, I guess I'm
enjoying my time in LA. The weather's beautiful.
Can we watch a thing together?
Sure, what you got?
The scene I'm talking about. I think I found it.
I haven't watched it all, but
I think I got it.
Are you ready to watch it replay? Ah, A Bronx Tale. Yeah. See, this is the movie that I thought you were at all, but I think I got it. Are you ready to watch it replay?
Ah, A Bronx Tale, yeah.
See, this is the movie that I thought you were talking about
in the beginning.
In my head, I was thinking American Tale,
because there's this great scene in this movie
where these bikers come into the model bar.
Now you can leave.
Are you ready to watch this?
It's a minute and a half long for the viewers.
All right, ready, set, play.
I hope it's the right scene, but I think it's going to be.
You have it oh I the last time you when you show me that use can leave soon I meant to watch my grandmother sick I gotta get out of here I'll talk to you later I can't
I gotta go do something where's my fucking money
fucking dead when I catch you, you piece of shit! C, come here!
What's the matter with this kid?
Get over here.
He's fucking crazy, this kid.
Yeah, the kid wants his fucking money.
What do you want to do?
I got a car.
You got to stop paying me.
He owes me money.
Give him what the fuck I'm back.
I come all over the fucking block.
What are you kidding me?
Is that the advice you give the kid?
Is that the advice you give your fucking hoodlums?
Stop it, babe.
Come on.
Let's go in.
Don't listen to these hoodlums.
I'm gonna go to Gino's.
I'll be right back.
All right, but T, stop that move.
What's the matter?
This guy Louie dumps over here.
You know, he owes me $20.
It's been two weeks now, and every time he sees me, he keeps dodging me.
Yeah.
And he's becoming a real pain in the ass. I mean, should I crack him
or what? What's the matter with you?
What have I been telling you?
Sometimes hurting somebody ain't the answer.
First of all, is he a good friend of yours?
Nah, I don't even like him.
You don't even like him. Well, there's your answer right there.
Look at it this way. It cost you
$20 to get rid of him, right?
He's never gonna bother you again.
He's never gonna ask you for money again. He's out of your life for $20. You got off cheap. right? He's never going to bother you again. He's never going to ask you for money again.
He's out of your life for $20.
You got off cheap.
Forget it.
You're always right.
You're always right.
All right.
That is why I haven't pursued this thing.
You know, I don't want to work with this woman again.
I don't want to go to small claims court or spend a lot of time for this $1,400.
I don't want to risk that I owe her the other $1,400, I don't want to risk that
I owe her the other $1,400 even though I feel pretty clear on that.
For $1,400, it's just flipping over.
Not everything is worth going to court over and that's where this landed on me.
And somehow, that was just like the Bronx tale.
Yeah.
Somehow.
Yeah.
I agree.
No, I agree.
It's just not worth your time or your money.
If you paid a lawyer to help you recoup these funds, it doesn't make sense. It's too little money.
Yeah, the lawyer would be close to that.
He might want a retainer. He might want $2,500 just to start or something. It's no good.
Lawyers – and it makes sense because what lawyer wants to do like a 30 job right because there
are 30 jobs for lawyers so you know just going in and oh yeah here you go both of you signed good
i'm out right but you do everything i stamp it okay you know you're not gonna have to get a
lawyer on retainer for something like that it'll just be more than likely an hourly fee like you're
not hiring a lawyer on a retainer for unless you're really anticipating that this
lady has got some big legal guns on her side like i fucking doubt it yeah maybe you're right but but
like all i've hired i guess three lawyers now and they all wanted retainers although they all had
work to do and they all were very good at what they did so i guess maybe that's to be expected
so i hate lawyers they're
the worst people in the world i get your lawyer is a great guy though i like my lawyers my lawyers
are so much fun because because when i call them they love to talk to me on the phone because they
get paid what is it the one guy that i had yeah i got one lawyer that's 550 a fucking hour and the
smallest increment they can charge you in is 15-minute increments.
So I'll take up that whole 15 minutes when we talk, but I ain't going to 16.
I don't ever go to 16.
We could be getting down to some down and dirty details,
and I'd be like, all right, well, you'll have to explain this to me next time I see you.
At Woody Craft, we hire an attorney
to chase down chargebacks and stuff and um you know he would help us and he'd draft letters to
some of the bigger ones in an effort to get them to like recognize the severity of what they're
doing and um but the thing is like one of my staff members would reach out and call him the bill ran
up to 25 000 for this fucking attorney and And it's like, Jesus, like,
I'm not sure we're even collecting that much in bad debt. You know, it was a real pain in the ass.
Now, in the end, I think it worked out because we got a reputation as a server that you shouldn't
charge back on. You know, like people reach out to me like, Woody, I heard you sue kids.
You know, I haven't actually taken one to court, but I'm glad you think that,
you know, because, uh, because it came came to that yet but you might be the first yeah right
you know like when's your birthday motherfucker yeah why wouldn't you just roll with that yeah
just don't even say i've never done it but you watch out just be like yeah you know just scattered
ruined lives of selfish people left in my wake. You know?
Just tell them, yeah, yeah.
I sue the ones that I think maybe could find a way out of this hole they've dug themselves
into, but most of the time
I handle it myself, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, we had a group called
the Guidos,
and they would chase down bad debt,
but they were actually
collection agencies not
god you gotta get a pull of sharif you gotta get those liar miles ticking and just be showing up
on kids doorsteps if the guidos don't work out we hire sharif that's a good plan up one kid's dad
in front of him and that's it forever more nobody like like really all right johnny i'm coming to
whip your daddy's ass and you're gonna. There's really diminishing returns on that tactic the older you get.
Because if I were to say to you, Kyle, or Woody, even worse, I'm like, Woody, you just wait.
I'm going to go beat the fuck out of your dad.
And I just show up and just start wailing on a 69-year-old man.
It's a bit different than, I don't know, an 18-year-old being like take on this 35 year old show them show them what i got you know yeah yeah that's true
at some point it's hard to beat up someone's i'm thinking like a 40 year old dad though right
because they're kids charging back on a minecraft server we don't yeah i don't even want to talk
about it but these people are all good and sue worthy you know good yeah yeah sue worthy what he lets a few slide here and
there you know sometimes there's cases where it's like ah that was an accident or all that was that's
for sure we do let some slide especially if they get back quickly enough you know like it i've had
like grandmothers call me and say my kids bought this today and they weren't supposed to and i'm
like full refund you know you think You should see it right now.
It's not like – people get it all twisted, right?
That these are all unauthorized charges, kids with mom's credit card.
That's not it typically.
It's typically their own money.
And after six months –
It's not very sustainable if you're just trying to scalp off the top little shitty amounts that aren't really earned.
I'm not a good long-term business model's not how it goes with your sandwich at subway and you bring it back
they wouldn't be like oh i've already got your five dollars fucker like i know i had a kid charge
he bought like i think over some period of months he spent like four hundred dollars and then he
charged it all back right and uh and i'm talking to him i'm like what's up with this like what like you're
charging it all back like it you're claiming it wasn't you who bought it and he's like well i
wanted the new cell phone like what else could i do and i'm like you already spent your money
but i want it would you fucking i'm glad we have all this in text i'll tell your credit card company
about it you know let him do this now. Bernie's going to even
it all out.
Before you know it, you'll be paying
him to get upgrades and
hit your Minecraft server.
It's not fair that some people can
afford their diamond pickaxes
and the others can't.
Fair point. You can work for your diamond pickaxe.
You don't have to purchase it.
Would you stop it with your work thing?
That's somebody else's thing.
I'm a taker.
You can go into Minecraft and work.
That's right-wing propaganda.
Everyone who's ever been successful
falls ass-backwards into it, Kyle.
You just happen...
Jeremy Coke.
He was walking by and someone was like,
you should make a soda. Here's one to do.
He's like, alright.
I'll start this up. I have a whole
rant. Was it Jeremy's Coke? Is that how they got the name?
Coke? Well, it was
Jonas
Coke because he was from Norway.
It was originally a beverage there
with the cocaine in it that it was
used medicinally and then it
came here and because he was foreign
they just changed it to coke yeah
i always thought that it was called coca-cola because of the you know the coca plant and the
uh the uh with the cola plant yeah and then you know that they got away from that uh at some point
i think it takes you know originally it was marketed as a medicine that's what most sodas
were marketed as yes and i think it tasted really. I think the cola nut or whatever they used to,
were putting in there is like a really bitter taste or something.
And it literally had cocaine in it back in the day though.
You need sugar for it to be good.
So it wasn't like a delicious Coca-Cola tasting beverage where you were just
wired on caffeine,
not caffeine,
cocaine.
Does cocaine make you feel better?
Like,
I don't know.
I have.
Oh yeah. That's why so many people get addicted to it. I am. I've never had cocaine. Does cocaine make you feel better? Like, I don't know. I have. Oh, yeah.
That's why so many people get addicted to it.
I've never had cocaine, but I went at altitude.
We were hiking at altitude, and somebody brought these leaves that were supposed to be, like,
cocaine leaves or something, like in a tea bag that you'd, like, put under your lip.
And I tried it, but it did like absolutely nothing for me.
Are you sure it wasn't like cot, that thing that the Somali pirates choose?
Oh, yeah.
Trying in desperation to seize a 21st century naval vessel with arms in 1936.
It could have been fucking lettuce for how ineffective it was.
I wish we could get some cot.
I feel like all these poor foreign countries
really have it in with the drugs
I don't know if cot's even illegal here
it's like a grassy stalk
that they chew
and it looked like bamboo
a little bit, it was thick
and they get all day
these warlords, minions
are getting fucked on this shit
just wasted out of their minds
and that's the story of their minds and that's that's
the story of blackhawk down that's that's one of the reasons why we had such an issue there
um because all of those guys running around with ak shirtless in the streets are wasted out of
their mind on cot feeling no pain feeling no fear yeah i've got yeah it's not wasted like they're
stumbling around ineffectively shooting it's like uh in wolf of wall street
when you see like uh them totally wasted on cocaine we're like they're not stumbling they're
just like oh just like so they can't even handle themselves like they're so focused on everything
and that's not good what i had was fighting someone like that in a gun battle leaves of a
coca plant which i it It's the plant that produces cocaine
and it's an antidote to the thin air.
You can make
tea with it or you can just put the
leaves from the tea bag under your lip
which is what I tried.
I've read about this. Nothing for me.
I think the people that lived in the Andes Mountains
would chew on it because something about
the altitude.
Oh yes, of course. Are you sure it wasn't the alps i have no idea i just i just know they do it in peru that which is where like where's macapicchu that's in peru right it's called like the ricola
leaf on this web page it's called the coca leaf oh no i'm pretty sure that was their war cry in in
nepal before they would storm down the mountain to meet invaders
they would scream Rikola
and run down in defense
of their homeland
that's where the cough drop comes from
a Nepalese war cry
Rikola
are you fucking with us right now
I'm pretty sure he's fucking with us
it could be true
this is true. Really?
My sarcasm detector is too sensitive?
That's uncommon.
Have you ever watched rugby
where those
New Zealand people are
screaming, doing their hype-up dance?
Hoopa-doopa-doopa!
They're freaking out.
They did well in war, and so people look back at that
chant as like, that was a good chant. The chant did not you know herald in many victories if anything
they're like you send in less guys these fucks are really high pitched and screaming into a horn
uh that's why they were conquered by china failure to intimidate
i i think you're full of shit.
That is my final answer.
No, if I'm being honest,
even I don't know where it crossed over into nonsense.
Looking back in the last six minutes,
I think some of that stuff about Coke might have been true,
but I know that Jonas Kolk didn't come over from Norway
and struggled to sell his fine elixir
because of where he was from.
And so he just changed it to Coca-Cola.
Yeah, I knew that was a lie.
Coca-Cola is from Atlanta.
So I've been to the Coca-Cola.
Yeah, it's from about 60 miles from here.
Yeah, yeah.
I've been there.
I've seen them bottle it and everything.
I've tasted the thousand flavors.
They got this room full of machines that are circular in nature.
You can get served on
360 degrees around it.
They have every flavor of
anything that they've ever made.
Most of them, it's a good thing
they're not available to the public. There were
no good experimental sodas. Not one.
Not one. There wasn't a single
good one. They had all these
random sodas from other countries
that Coke sells in the other countries or maybe coke owns that brand or whatever
terrible
yeah well it makes sense like they wouldn't be just keeping some diamond in
the rough like oh man we got raspberry coke here and everybody fucking logs it
but you know screw the consumer
this is for us having said that you go to those coke machines and you mix it
like I find sometimes when I invent my own, it's not bad.
I'm sure it is.
It's also like building a Sims life
or building a Lego castle.
Because you were involved in it,
you give it the benefit of the doubt.
So if someone had brought me a Coke
with way too much vanilla in it,
I'd be like, gosh, what the fuck?
But if I do it, I'm like, oh yeah, this is better.
They don't have strong enough vanilla in their.
This is the gold standard.
You know what?
Orange Coke, better than you think.
They make that.
They do?
In the freestyle machine, you can do orange.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
The freestyle machine.
Yeah, you mix that stuff up.
Yeah, a little orange, a little Coke.
This will be great.
You try it, and you're like, ah, I guess.
It's like the dead bird meme.
I don't know what I expected.
I like the Freestyle Machine a lot.
I usually get vanilla Barks root beer.
That's usually what I do.
A Freestyle Machine is a restaurant draw to me.
If a restaurant adds a Freestyle Machine, I'm like, ooh, that whole restaurant just got slightly better.
There's two things you're getting, the food and the drink.
Most Qdoba places – most Qdobas have them now.
A lot of places do.
Most people – all of the like, I don't know, middle of the – middle tier places.
Like I don't know, Five Guys has it.
Chipotle has it.
I looked into getting one one time.
They were quite expensive.
Very cool though
about five grand does that sound right
Kitty was looking into it and it's been like five years
but it seemed like it was more than
I would have that I wanted to spend
it would have had to have been I would have spent two or three
I just know I would have
it's five I think I might be
screwing this up but I thought I looked into it
it was like five-ish but the other problem that I have
is the maintenance around it.
Like, there must be...
Yeah, you're going to have some dude just show up at your house unexpected every three weeks and refill your soda machine.
Right?
There must be like 40 different bottles of stuff in there to do all the mix and matches.
And, like, carbonation.
Does that last?
Or do you need to...
It does.
Do those things not get old?
does that last or do you like does it like do you need those things not get old machines like that is you don't actually like you're not going to want every flavor of soda that they have in there
every single day you're not going to walk over and be like i wonder if i like orange soda with
some cherry in it you'll be like no i tried a little thimbleful that once and it sucked there's
like three good things in this machine and you're going to be running out of all those ingredients
so much faster to the point you're going to be mad out of all those ingredients so much faster to the point that you're going to be mad at yourself, kicking yourself. Like, god damn it.
Another cup of fucking –
Here's my fear.
I want to be – so what if, like, you know, I don't like raspberry.
So you come over to the stable where, of course, the Freestyle Machine is.
And you're like, ooh, you've got a Freestyle Machine?
And I have to be like, yes.
But don't make anything with raspberry, orange, or vanilla because I don't like those and they're all
six years old.
It's just some nasty sludge.
I don't know how those machines
work but I kind of know how soda machines
work I guess. I guess my first
question would be is it making the carbonated
water
on tap? Is it just creating it right
there? Is it carbonating it or is there a big thing
of CO2 and it's fucking carbonating it? Or is there, like, a big thing of, like, CO2 and it's
fucking carbonating it there? I don't know
how that part works, but the rest of it is just
bags of syrup in there.
They must expire.
Well, it lasts
for a long time, I would think.
It's just, I'm sure one of those bags
of syrup can make so much soda.
Like, a bag with this much fluid of that syrup for, like, Dr. Pepper,
that could probably make, like, what, 20 times its...
20 gallons of it or something.
Yeah, 20 gallons, and that's based on nothing that I said.
The best sodas I've ever had always came from instances
where fast food restaurants improperly made a soda
and put too much syrup in it.
I had a Sprite one time at Wendy's when I was 13 years old,
and I still remember how fucking delicious it was.
I was just like,
It's amazing!
I gave it to everybody in the car.
My dad was like,
Yeah!
Why don't they make them like this?
It's so good.
Whenever they put too much soda,
it could be a Dr. Pepper,
and all of a sudden you're like,
Wow, I didn't even know Dr. Pepper tasted like this.
There are extra flavors in there that the sugar is
allowing me to detect.
More sugar is always better, no matter what.
Speaking of that,
I haven't eaten in a long time.
I don't think I've eaten since yesterday
afternoon. Yeah, I haven't.
I just ate right in the middle of this podcast.
Melissa made some more of the
venison that we killed,
and also some burgundy mushrooms and rosemary potatoes.
You killed venison.
I don't remember you telling us a hunting story.
I mean, it was deer hunting.
So not like a super exciting.
So we sat still for not one, not three, not five, seven hours,
seven hours in.
We see it coming across.
Oh, no, he got a little nervous, ran away.
Next day, next day next day
you know like it's a deer hunting story so it's not i don't know it's not exhilarating but yeah
me and melissa when you sit still for seven hours do you bring like an iphone with you and just surf
reddit no no you just sit there and you look out and you're looking for movement anything at all
that might be indicative of a deer and then then you have to know. And I'm
like, I was with Melissa and my grandpa and my grandpa's a big hunter. Um, they're both great
at sitting still. I am fucking horrible at it. I struggle so much to sit still that like, I'd just
be sitting there like 20 minutes into an all day deer hunting trip. And I'm just like tapping my
leg or something. And Melissa's like, can you stop? Can you, can you gonna scare all the deer away which it legitimately will that's all it takes is like a
little fidget and kyle knows this and it can freak him out i feel like i could be pretty still but i
can't control the snoring like that would be no no he'd give us away right away 10 minutes into
the hunting trip so that's and i'm not exaggerating that is woody snore right there it's not a
it's just a continuous and it goes on for like an hour like that just continuously
no but with the hunting hunting deer what i found is if i like to get up in a tree i always get up
in a tree and i usually get up at least 25 feet and And if I can, I'll get up 30 or 35 feet because I don't want to sit still. And I don't really want to pay that
close attention. Most of the times when I've been deer hunting and I haven't hunted in a while,
don't let me fool you. It's not like I did that this year or anything, but I would be sitting
there with my rifle and kind of just zoned out and then hear a noise or detect movement and then kind
of net zero in on what was going on I usually hunted over places where if you
didn't see the deer right away it wasn't like he was gonna pass through a
clearing and then that was your only chance I would hunt over like a really
big soybean field that was like 600 acres or hunt over like a big cutover
spot where they had cut all the timber off of it and just left the scrub brush
and such and once they're in that no man's land out there they're not getting away yeah we
weren't up in a stand we had a small blind on the ground and then most of the time it was just
slowly moving around the forest and the woods there and kind of trying to find them which is
just oh my god bird hunting is infinitely better if you've
never hunted before and you need to get into it bird hunting not turkey because turkey is very
slow too a lot of the time so no turkey do pheasant quail dove um you can do duck if you kind of want
to be in the middle but it's also cold it's always cold and wet and always wet well yeah even if you have like the best
waders ever you're not perfect like you're gonna get a little wet yeah you always get wet i know
people who are super into that rednecks love that shit and i don't get it i don't get it even a bit
deer hunting is um exhilarating uh i i want to get a a deer with a big rack that's what I always wanted
that's what I aspired to get was this big monster buck
that you see on the internet or something like that
so when I see him my heart's racing
the adrenaline that's going through my system when I would see a deer
I would draw my bow back and normally when I draw it back
it would be
I'd even have to turn my head a little to like
do that and draw it
but when my adrenaline was going I was just
the amount of strength that I had in that moment
I always wished that I had like a barbell or
something in the deer stand with me so when the deer
came I could just be like
DEER! GO!
FUCK THE DEER!
Get my pump on So you always just go for a big buck i slaughtered
everything i saw um but i wanted a big buck doe meat is better that's what i've heard yeah younger
and more tender and stuff i've eaten a baby deer before that got shot you know i've i but i would
kill a lot of deer um our tags here think, would allow for like two or three bucks
and like 10 or 12 does.
And there were hunting trips where I'd fill the back of the truck up.
We would be up on a ridge or something like that,
and they would be so far away they couldn't really.
The echoes from a rifle shot going through a valley are kind of,
they couldn't figure it out.
And I just slaughtered a whole family of them one day.
There were five of them.
Just fill the back of the truck up. That's good eats. For somebody, I figure it out. And I just slaughtered a whole family of them one day. There were five of them. Just filled the back of the truck up.
It's good eats.
For somebody, I guess it was.
That's the whole fun of hunting, is that you get to eat it.
Now, do you think that you saved money on this trip?
Oh, yeah.
Altogether, I think I shot once, and Melissa shot once.
Did I?
Oh, I shot.
No, I hit him with the first one, and then I shot him again to try and kill it,
even though it was already pretty much dead.
But all in all, we used like three bullets, four bullets,
and we got three bullets, a ton.
Okay, whatever.
But tons of meat. Yeah, I think we saved money on it i once asked on the internet 20 bucks for a tag or
something and for them they thought they didn't save money they were like oh you know like the
hunting's not about saving money they're like every year i spend this much in clothing this
much in like urine and this much in ammo and you know their guns and this and i
recognize some of this could potentially last for a really long time but the people i talked to
were like you know you don't hunt as an effort to to be frugal here's my thing about deer hunting
you do you can so so the internet the internet thing is bullshit because they're just like
fucking weekend warriors or something and they're not serious about it like i own camouflage like my friends that hunt and stuff they just own that shit like they wear it
daily but some of them it's not like it's a special occasion you they'll be wearing a camo
shirt at you know to dinner or something like that it's not like you know to mcdonald's you
know to a fancy place like that or something so but there's such a huge market for selling the deer urine and the deer calls and the antlers you rattle together and the endless, endless things that you can buy and then go hunting.
And it's 95% bullshit.
If I were going deer hunting, I totally could get up in a deer stand wearing exactly what I'm wearing right now with my cologne on, my deodorant on, get 35 feet
up in my tree. I can get up
there and fucking play with my phone,
do this. I can take a piss
off the side of that deer stand, and
it doesn't fucking matter.
Maybe if you've got that monster buck
who's six or seven years old, and he's
wise, and he knows what man piss
smells like,
then yeah, you might have a problem
slaying that guy.
And I feel like they're not going to be fooled
anyway by all the other things where they're like,
oh yeah, that
pee smell? That's how we lost Tony three
seasons ago. Don't ever fall for it.
It's complete bunk nonsense. He's telling all
the other deer that.
The way you know camouflage is bullshit
for deer is that they make you wear a goddamn orange vest that has to be 200 cubic square inches or
something like that i don't remember the exact square inches but i see these guys put on that
real tree camo that's like perfect and you look at it it looks like it's not just like
like brown and green mushed together it's a tree on on his shirt. And if he doesn't wear his vest,
then yeah, he's as well camouflaged
as you can be without a ghillie suit.
But you gotta wear the vest. That's part
of hunting. And it's...
Even though the deer can't see that
color, they are seeing a big
flat thing on you.
You might as well be wearing a blue shirt or a green
shirt or a yellow shirt. It doesn't fucking matter.
It's not natural.
Like, even if they can't see it as bright yellow or bright orange or whatever,
like, it's still like the size of a traffic cone,
and, you know, it looks like you've got police line tape on you.
It's like, if they're smart enough to figure that shit out,
they're going to be like, that is not a natural pattern that I see.
You know, that's... A deer has never seen me and then been like nah guess that was a
tree instead like when i'm when you're bow hunting you're much closer to the deer you have to be
because you're using a bow my um people my my bow had sights that went out to 50 yards and i think
a lot of people set their sight and have sights that go up to 50 yards but most of my kills were within 30 and most of them were at 19 20 yards
21 yards so you're 50 60 feet from this super receptive animal who's like been evolved who has
evolved to hear everything and smell everything and see everything but you're in a goddamn tree
they're not prepared for that shit you got a bow that shoots 320 feet per second it still doesn't matter i've
never been seen by a deer and had him think better of it and i've never been uh i've never felt like
the camouflage you can have everything in the world on and all the correct pisses and scents
and if that deer sees you at all it doesn't like it doesn't think well this one's different like
no it's out of there before you can even think. Like, you're right, it is all bullshit.
The urine works now.
So the urine is like dough and estrus.
It's dough and heat.
So during the rut when the deer are mating,
if a male deer smells that, a buck smells that,
then that's right up his alley.
He's looking for that.
He smells it and it sees you right next to it.
It doesn't give a shit.
Well, you don't put it next to you.
You put the scent out at a third location.
I haven't either, but you put it in a third location
that the deer is going to be drawn to,
and then you're intercepting him by the wayside,
you know, a little bit of an ambush situation.
Tactics.
Speaking of tactics, Company of Heroes 2,
did you download it on your new laptop yet?
No, I didn't.
I had that Korean internet last night, and I didn't...
Was it bad, you think?
I don't know, but I didn't... I'm trying to remember why I didn't download the game.
I was thinking about your no TV situation.
If you have decent internet, for me, I wouldn't be suffering too much.
Yeah, it's... I guess I won't, because I'll put it on here.
I've got Netflix code. I know all my login information off the top of my head
so I'll just log into Netflix here and I'll have Netflix
and that'll be nice. So you aren't staying
here tonight though? I'm staying here tonight
that's one of those phone calls that I had to
take during the show was Kitty saying that
or actually she sent a text
that call I got was my ride let me know that I was
fucking getting picked up at 7.30 in the
morning. That'll be nice.
But yeah I want a TV though. It's kind of the principle it's like why don't you have a fucking tv in your place did someone steal it before i got here like what happened i've never know if
someone stole it there's no you know not a big yelp site that's going to be critiquing him on it
saying you know steve johnson's house didn't have a TV. I'm going to leave some mean reviews after all of this.
This is just, it's upsetting.
I don't get it. And I really don't think that
the people who are setting it up are doing it on purpose.
I think that they're just getting
hoodwinked a bit. Kitty said that
after she talked to him a minute ago that they were
going to literally go to it before I
went to it. Like, whoever's scheduling these things,
he's going to schedule me a new one
for tomorrow and the rest of my trip tonight. And then he's going there tomorrow while I'm on set. And he's going to, like whoever's scheduling these things he's gonna schedule me a new one for tomorrow and the rest of my trip tonight and then he's going there tomorrow while i'm on set and he's gonna
like scope things out and make sure it's okay so that should work out i have a question potentially
the last topic so i'm taking hope to nationals for her speech and debate stuff right it's in
sacramento i sometimes get sick especially if i don't have enough uh
sleep the night before which will be the case because it's friday the night after painkiller
already would i be a terrible person father etc if i flew first class while she flew coach
well seeing as how you've both put in the work to make your family a success i think you
should both have to fly no of course not you fly whatever the fuck you want those are your 10 lawn
mowers here so so as someone who has done a lot of first class flying and just a little just enough
coach flying to know how bad it is i say put her in coach and here's why she's tiny she can fit
back there maybe maybe give her that 35 upgrade give her even more
leg room but what is she like five foot five you know she's a tiny girl or something like that yeah
yeah yeah so she's gonna fit just fine that thing i'm six two i had a it was a nightmare coming over
here there was a i had the window seat uh there was a korean guy to my left the koreans it's it's
such a an inter they're the smallest minority in the country but i There was a Korean guy to my left. The Koreans! It's such a...
They're the smallest minority in the country, but
I know for a fact he was Korean because I was
trying to peek at his book for a little
entertainment on the way, and it was in Korean.
But I had a Korean guy to my left
and then a big fatty sitting to the left
of him, and he was pushing the Korean guy
onto me. And at first
I was like, when the Korean guy took the
armrest, I was like like i'm gonna take that
back from you this is gonna be like the fucking 48th parallel motherfucker we're not gonna we're
not we're not taking this lion down we're moving we're pushing you back this is gonna be just like
the war but then i remembered uh what's his uh jim jeffries bit about how you know if you got the
middle you get both armrests and i for some reason i accept his bit
as law like he's just being silly making a joke but in my head yeah that's that's the courtesy
that's what you do that's on a plane you got the window you get you you don't get an armrest on the
left you get one armrest on the right and the window you've got extra room you can lean against
it if you're on the left you got a little extra leg room You put your leg out in the aisle when no one's passing through,
and you've got your left armrest.
That guy in the middle, he's got shit.
He gets both armrests.
I had an armrest battle one time on a flight.
This is like three years ago.
I talked about it on PKA before.
Okay, so I don't think there was a middle.
I think that he had the aisle and I had the window.
He was sort of taking
too much armrest, you know? He
just took it like
I didn't exist, right? And then
he'd, like, and so I'm like, alright,
maybe I can, like, use the front half of it.
And then he stole the front half. I'm like, alright, I'm taking
the back half. And then he starts, like,
pushing on my elbow, like, to reclaim
the back of it. And mind
you, I'm using, like, 20% of the armrest. Like, the front 80 is there. I'm just sort of it. And mind you, I'm using like 20% of the armor.
It's like the front 80 is there.
I'm just sort of, you know, like I'm trying to be almost courteous about it.
And he's pushing and pushing.
And it's like in my head, I'm like, well, I'm not your fucking victim, bitch.
You know, like I, it was empty.
I took it.
You can't fucking have it.
Nada.
And he starts pushing hard like like almost
like digging into it whatever and i'm just fucking no no no no fast yeah and um oh yeah and and like
i think he was like taking like he maybe was man spreading too or something like that and at some
point he verbalized it and he was like, hey, you know, like you're taking
the whole armrest.
And I was like, bullshit.
Look at this situation right now.
I am taking the back quarter of the armrest and I don't know why you think you've got
the right to take it from me.
On top of that, look at where your knee is right now.
Your knee is on my side and I'm not saying anything about it.
Why don't you just get
yourself on your own side and i have to choke you out yeah and deal with the front of the armrest
that i'm not using because i tell you you weren't there when i took this i don't know why you think
i need to move so you can have it and um he really had like not much else to say if i recall correctly
he was like he had to fucking put his knees back together because he's manspreading to my side
which i didn't say anything about and uh you know he had to deal with the front of the
armrest and it was just like i i felt like he was trying to push me around and like i will give you
something if you ask for it but fuck you if you think you're taking it yeah i agree i don't like that at all um i have to take a hard stance on
petty things that's not a petty thing if it's a long flight it's a big deal and and it means a
lot to me but yeah your earlier question i would you definitely should take first class it is a
long plane ride i just made it it's four and four hours and 40 minutes or something like that that's
what i had to do i'm going to to LA. You're going to Sacramento.
It's negligible difference, as I would say.
But, it's a long time.
It's a long time.
I've never even ridden first class.
First class isn't...
It's the difference
between being uncomfortable
and upset and being content,
happy, and satiated.
Is it like the difference between an Airbnb
and a Holiday Inn?
It's the difference between
an Airbnb and my house.
I would love to have
my own bed, my own bathroom, my own shower,
all that shit. Normally, I
find hotels to be an adventure, but this Airbnb
thing has really
upset me. I hate Airbnb.
I wish that I had a platform to go on to berate them on their shitty service
because it's a stupid fucking idea.
Because if someone needs money badly enough that they're going to rent out a part of their home,
then it's probably not a nice home.
Yeah, I also don't want to get duped into some weird lonely guy's makeshift sleepover where I'm just in his fantasy world now.
Like I come out of the bathroom and like weird dystopian music is playing like from Alice in Wonderland.
And he's like setting up plates in front of animals.
It's just uncomfortable.
Oh, like a big tea party for imaginary characters and now I'm part of it.
That's how Matt was.
The guy at the first place I went to.
The first B&B I went to.
He was polite enough. His name was Matt.
Yeah, Matt.
I like that we all know him now.
He was a skinny white
guy. I probably would have
gotten along with him just fine and everything. Seemed nice
enough. Seemed polite.
He was laying out all the things that
we could do while we were there. I didn't know he laying out all the things that we could do while we were there.
I didn't know he was laying out the things that we could do,
but I thought these were things that I could do.
He's like, yeah, there's the projector
and the TV, or the
pull-down screen.
But he was like, yeah, maybe we'll watch
some sports later. And I was just like,
I gotta do
a podcast, so I'm gonna go
do that. Do you have a chair? I'd like a chair
I didn't even ask for the chair
I didn't have a chair in my room to do the show
so I literally just went into his kitchen and took one of his
kitchen chairs and left it in the bedroom
when I left
I don't know why he thinks that's acceptable
I think he was a young guy maybe
I have a hard time gauging the ages
when you're like
23 to 33 or so, you know, somewhere in there.
When you're definitely an adult now, I can tell you're an adult, but you don't look like you've aged very much at all.
I can't fucking tell.
So maybe he was 30.
Maybe he's my age.
Maybe he was a kid.
But I don't know why he thought that place was acceptable.
If you're a college student, totally.
Like if I normally lived in a dorm, yeah, let's crash here.
No big deal. But that's not the
situation. I'm kind of on a business trip to
fucking...
Be the fit.
It's like a different time in your life.
You're too mature.
It's like at the time, when you look back at
college and whatnot, you're like, man, frat parties were
really fun. That was bananas.
But then you think about, given the opportunity, if someone if someone called and said hey our old fraternity's having a
party tonight you want to go hang out with a bunch of people eight years younger than you
be like that's gonna be a hard pass you know that'd be really uncomfortable like but it was
good in the moment and that's what airbnb is i think it's for people who are young and don't
really give a fuck and their big payoff is the fact that they got a place to stay for $90.
They're just ecstatic
that they didn't have to pay.
I guess, but I definitely
wouldn't recommend it to a business
traveler, which is what I am,
in lieu of hotel.
Or, most importantly,
in lieu of
VRBO.com.
Now, that is a website I'll get behind fully.
I use them so much.
When I go on a real vacation, when we went to Colorado, we used VRBO.
And it's Vacation Rental Properties by Owner.
And it is fantastic.
It's the same concept as Airbnb.
It's just for people who have money.
We used it at Simple Pleasure when we did our trip together.
Yeah, yeah.
And what you get with that is
reasonably priced stuff.
And you can set your price bracket.
There'll be shacks on there for $120
or $150 a night. But they're literally
shacks by a lake that are meant to be used as
a hunting shed.
It's just a little better than camping.
But there are mansions on there.
Legit mansions that you have to pay
$1,500, $2,000 a night to get.
But if you're inviting like eight couples and you're all going to like the Tennessee mountains,
then yeah, everybody just chips in a couple hundred dollars total.
And you've got the place for a weekend or four days or whatever you want to do.
And you can get a mansion.
And it won't just be a mansion.
It'll be like a mansion with an indoor swimming pool and like all the things that come along with a fucking mansion you know all the
the things that normal people don't purchase i like that a lot but airbnb is is the opposite
of that fuck airbnb i'll never ever ever use airbnb is one i guess vrob um vrbo um the notion that there are these
infrastructures that can turn anyone into an easy entrepreneur i think is kind of cool
but uh you know i guess yeah i don't know there must be maybe there's a way to be more clever
about airbnb right perhaps the people setting you up don't care as much about you as they should.
Whereas if you were setting yourself up, you'd have an eye for these things and you'd find a good room.
That's possible.
That is possible.
I don't know what the fuck they're doing.
It's just frustrating.
This place really didn't look that bad online.
It's just upsetting after the
first place which which which like i i guess we should have asked beforehand like wait i have my
own place right like i'm not on the on on the website for this place like when you look at
the description of this place i'm in currently there's even a thing there that says tired of
stumbling through some stranger's living room awkwardly to go to the bathroom well you have your own place with us and i was like fuck yeah i got my own apartment and that's
what it is but it's a real slum hole it's a real slum hole when machinima book peep booked like
accommodations for me i always felt like they really didn't give a fuck you know they just
you know you do that like list on um kayak or travelocity
and there's just the cheapest flight at the top cheapest flight at the top don't give a shit
pick seats no we don't do that like we don't make sure the seats are decent or anything
and i of course can't do it myself so you're in boarding zone six fucker yeah yeah right even
though it's booked like months in advance you know. You're getting aisle seats next to the bathroom.
That's how they did it.
I think what we would do is book them ourselves and then have them reimburse us.
Because, yeah, they were shitty at it.
They couldn't figure that stuff out.
And Kitty's amazing at it.
Kitty can figure some stuff out.
I just...
To say they're shitty at it, right?
For example, you asked me to sweep your garage floor
and i and afterwards all i did is like rearrange the pattern would you say i was bad at sweeping
or i just didn't give a fuck about your garage right i think it was the latter yeah it's not
that they lack the ability to book decent flights i'm sure when they booked their own
flights they were lovely but when they booked my flights, they were not.
Nope.
Is that a show?
Yeah, I think so.
And you know what?
I'll say this.
I think it is much better than the Lost show.
Ah.
Yeah, no politics talk.
All that's getting saved for PKA.
Yeah, there was no politics talk.
You guys might, I don't know how much you knew,
but my Skype crashed
four times during that,
and it didn't crash at all.
It's much better.
Much better.
I'm going to hit stop recording
and hope that it writes the file
because that's where
we went wrong last time.
Here we go.