Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Adam Hess S9E34

Episode Date: November 19, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Adam HessAdam Hess - https://twitter.com/adamhess1Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us live20th November at The Phoenix - https://www.tickettext.co.uk/pappys-flatshare/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-20112019/9th December at The Pleasance - https://www.pleasance.co.uk/event/pappys-flatshare-christmas-podcast-double-bill Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Welcome to our podcast! Welcome! Welcome to our podcast! Welcome to our podcast! Welcome to our podcast! You're listening to Papis, I'm Tom, I'm Matthew, I'm Ben, you're listening to our podcast! Live from your Iconel! I got a huge audience! Live from your asshole! No, we've not done that special yet, but if you become a patron member, we will be broadcasting one episode live from your ass hole. No, we've not done that special yet, but if you become a patron member, we will be broadcasting one episode live

from your ass hole, dear listener. Now, that's what I call an OB. Oh, and welcome to this week's podcast. It is a beef brother's cold cuts. Mmm, BB. CC. And we've got a tremendous guest. Yes, we've got the wonderful Adam Hess. What a character

he is. What a character. If I could describe Adam Hess in a phrase, it would be he'd never knowingly agrees with you. We had a really fun time with Adam. He is obviously a fantastic comedian. If you've not seen him before, do go and see him. His shows are really like properly like little miraculous. They're so dense. They're so full of funny, funny jokes, funny lions. He's a brilliant performer. As he said, he's at the SO Theatre in April of this year, of next year, even. So go along and see him there. We solved some of your beasts. So please send them in. If you've got any beasts, we need them to solve. If you want to send them in, they are this email, Clarky. Oh, happy.

No, it's not happy. Probably, what's email? Beef Brothers Podcast at gmail.com. There you go. Beef Brothers Podcast at gmail.com. We love getting your emails. We've got, we get them every week, but we always need more. And also, we need, like, anyone's,

there's two, I think, that are genuinely weird and different and interesting this week, and those are the kind of ones we're after. By the way, if you've got any about your pets, we're not interested. We've done pets. If you want to write as a beef that says, my husband lounge is about the place. Sometimes she pisses in the kitchen.

Oh, by the way, she's a cat, and don't bother. Always nice to have a bit of a barney with the listeners before we get. What do you say we get in a lot? We get in a lot. It has happened. My husband, my husband, licks my feet, my husband, drinks from a bowl, by the way. It's a budgery guy. She's not a cat. We get it. That's why we wouldn't mind. Some people have got in touch with us. Thanks. Are they to talk about their pets? Because you know how I feel about that. Some people have got in touch with us via not about their pets, but via Twitter, in fact,

app app is tweet. Oh, nice. That's the sound of the... The police says that. That's the sound of the police. Now, on Twitter, the witch finder general finder general, very strong Twitter name. Really good. Well, tweeted a photo of a kettle on a tray

of its the Clarkie suggestion of a kettle on a tray. Yes, I saw this. I liked it. It's solved. But guess who else got in touch? Andies, housemate, slash wife, slash tea drinker, Beth. So Beth got in touch to say the...

Yeah, the side of the beef. Imagine my confusion. When I found this, she was looking at the picture, all cleared up listening to puppies for the first time ever, delighted to be vindicated broner. Re-marriages being 50-50, I did all the drive. Re-marriage? No, I got married. As in our remarriage. Right, I'm sorry. On the subject of marriage as being 50-50. I did all the driving from 2006 to 2018 as Andy learned to drive age 33.

Love, Andy Towsomake slash wife slash tea drinker, Beth. Beth, that is a great thing to be holding on to. And now I am actually in the same boat because my wife learned to drive. Look, you've got to stop driving a boat. Well, learn to drive a car. You'll find out all about driving boats later in the episode. But I learned to drive at the ripe old age of 38, I think I was 38 when I learned to drive,

and my wife had been driving for a good five, six years before that. But we don't hold it against each other. Well, I mean, I don't hold it against her. Do you hold it against your two? I don't think she holds it against her. You were in a sketch group which toured the UK extensively through your 20s. And thank you. And you don't hold it against your two sketch group members who have to do all the driving for years and years.

No, I don't. I don't hold that against. No. What famously, I was told by Clarke, I'd never get into a car with you behind the wheel. And I thought, fair enough. And I have. You have now. Have since driven you back from Tom's deck. And it was lovely. And also, I must say that once Matthew bought us a really nice

harvested dinner to say thank you for all the driving on one of our tours. I mean, I hold that memory very, very dear. Absolutely. I mean, I think... I'd forgotten that. ...tutely forgotten that. Because it stood in the way of your long-term grudge. Yeah. And I think that is crucial that you hang on to that, Perry, because it's doing you a world of goodness. And also, on top of that, we got a tweet from Jago.

In fact, she slid into our DMs. What? She said, cracking up once again, but the last beef could easily be solved by implementing the game we played. Now this was about the hot drink, if you ask someone if you're getting them making them a drink.

Yes, I, yes. Yes, yes. It's good stuff. Yes. She said, he remembers everyone. So if you ask someone if you're getting them a drink, we had this debate last time, are you asking them, are you offering to get them all drinks,

which include hot drinks, or you're just offering to get them a cold drink? I mean, it's fairly obvious when you hear it out loud. But Cracky episode once again, but the last beef could easily have been solved by implementing the game we play in the office called Hot Drink or Not Drink. Sounds like a flat slam game.

It really does, yeah. Turn the chore into a game show, and it may persuade the team A key to become the team maker. This is genuinely a game show we play in our office as a theme tune and multiple different rounds which get more and more outlandish in a based on puns. Yes, please. The game is played when someone stands up and announces who wants to play Hot Drink or Not Drink. Occasion, there'll be a musical interlude where variations of the completely made up theme song is sung.

The person who announces becomes the host of the show and asks who is going to play by going around the office and asking hot drink or not drink to which you either respond with hot drink or not drink. If you respond hot drink the host asks what drink and you determine your drink from there and all of this must be done with disproportionate levels of enthusiasm. Yes. Looking to podcasting. Like, really hyped up. The host goes and makes all the drinks,

and everyone feels jazzed about making slash receiving a cup of drink. Unfortunately, office life means only that first round usually gets played, but a small gang of us spent most of last winter coming up with outlandish rounds based on puns, which one day we will play The culmination of the game is either getting a good cup of tea or a bad one The joy comes in the rhyming and the receiving not as a as a previous not drink

I have now become a tea drinker just so I can play the game. Yeah Lovely. This is what we need the joy comes in the rhyming and the receiving words Shedding spy and's wife to get involved. Thank you, Jego. Sounds like a fun game. If you work in an office, or even if you want to play it at home, hot drink? Or not drink?

Could we add a new round of Mr. Orbiscuit, where you ask for someone for a biscuit, but they've only got like two seconds to reply. That's good. Mr. Orbiscuit. Do you want a biscuit? Yes. Too late. No, I'd say that. I'd say that. Mr Obisket. Do you want to missket? Yes.

Too late. No, I'm saying. I'd say that. I'd say that. I'd say I'd give you a missket. Thanks, mate. So anyway, yeah, play that in your office. Play that at home.

Also, folks, it's the most wonderful time of the year. It's very nearly Christmas, which means that we are going to be doing our favourite show of the year. Our Christmas special. Oh, yeah. There's going to be advocate. There's going to be advocate. There there's gonna be cooking, Sherry. There's gonna be inevitably the 12 days of Christmas. We've yet to write, but we will write.

So every year we do a fun festive flat-shear slam down and this year we're going one better and we're doing a double podcast record where we're gonna do a live version of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts with special guest, Lolly Adafo Pay. Lolly Adafo Pay. Lolly Adafo Pay, we haven't put the guests for Flashland yet

because I've texted a few people and the blue ticks are there. The blue ticks are there. But they haven't yet responded. But fingers crossed, there'll be some fantastic guests by the time it rolls around. The show is on the 9th of December

and the tickets are available from the Pleasant's Theatre. So get your tickets now because it will sell out, it always does. And come along and join us for some festive fun. And where your best festive jumpers. Pleasants Theatre, so get your tickets now because it will sell out. It always does and come along and join us for some festive fun. And where your best festive jumpers? Yes! But first of all, enjoy your Sunday's episode. Beef Brothers, cold cuts, we'll see you on the other side. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem, call a B. If you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the starting of your bee.

The new castle sounds pretty nice, you have a nice tie. It's a fine city, you're welcome. What's there, thanks man. It's a great club. I saw I, Daniel Blake in a cinema there, and in the film, he walks past a cinema. And I was like, everyone, we have to celebrate. We should just drink. There was so weird that no one was really reacting. No one was like, hey, someone try and run

out front and wave at the camera. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a live, right? I thought, no, I remember thinking that as a chart. Well, here's the thing, my... Should we save this? We could talk about it now, which we're kidding. Are you kidding? We're not going it now. Oh, no! So, I thought, yeah, I thought, I used to wave at the tele. It's because you thought people were in there could...

I thought the person would be able to see me. Were you not sort of disappointed by the fact that no one ever waved back? That was quite common. They never waved back. Yeah, you waved people from a ship, from a moving ship. No one waved back. It was quite common. They never wave back. Yeah, you wave at people from a ship from a moving ship. Oh, you know, it's so disappointing. When you wave at someone from a vehicle, or wave at someone in a vehicle, and they don't wave back. But we're going to boat everyone

waves. You think so, but sometimes I've done it. I've waved at people on a ferry from the shore, and you know, they could see me. You should never, you should never wave from a sea vessel. You should never wave from a sea vessel. You should never wave from a sea vessel. Is that like maritime law? Maritime law. In case the ship's sinking. And it's actually a distress signal.

It's a distress signal to wave. When you're on a boat on the Thames, you get more tension than you'll ever get. Like, I was waving away and people on every bridge, beaming, waving, you think, you're different. You're different you're different in your relationship to water than you are and like again I'm sadam went on a boat trip everyone fucking loves it giving a wave you you want to train you're on a car no no

it's gonna wave at you because I think it's because about you look magical it's like you're in a sleigh there's a magic to be on the boat Now it's going to work in the car because you know, you either just like, you're one of four or five people in the car. I tell you what, it's not a big event, is it going in a car? You should travel around in a floaty. Yeah. Oh like a like a like a like a, like everyone weighs at those.

Do you mean a floaty or a floaty? No, like a floaty. Isn't it? Like a floaty as a collection of boats. Oh, no way. I mean a floaty. You mean like a floaty. The extension? Like a TV's a collection of boats. Clot-catchin' a boat. Basically, he wants to attend gay prize. Yeah. Yeah, it's right.

Why not mate? Everyone does these things. Everyone does. He's attended it. A 10 gay pride or the Lord Mayors, you know, the Lord Mayors day. Well listen, we should get cracking with the podcast proper because we can talk about this for hours and we will. Yes, well beef brothers, cold cuts, BBC.

Welcome very much. Welcome very much. Welcome very much I guess Adam Hess Hi everyone. Adam what kind of a flatmate are you? 510 Quiet are you 510 I would picture you as taller than 510 because people People respect me when they can't see me and then when they see me they got now is smaller than that I think I'm I think I'm fine. I think I'm they me. And then when they see me, they go, nah, it is smaller than that. I think I'm fine. I think I'm distinctly average in every way.

Pretty average, I heard that five, three was average height for a man. Yeah, we tell people that. Five, three is average height. Oh, I tell people that. The grown adult man, five, three is average height. Yeah, I mean, it depends how old you're in psychedipedia race.

I mean, before nourishment. I mean, Jesus, Jesus was recorded as being short. But this was across. I could see. This was at a time when the average height was about 5'3". So we're talking about, we have it, he was there. He could have been 5'0".

He could have been 5. We could be 4'10". Jesus was four ten. Well, it was short for his time. Bloody hell. So, so there's only going to be the sermon on the mount. He had to be the highest point in town so that everyone could get a good look at him. Yeah, yeah.

Or the other way around. If you're so small, everyone can just crowd around you. And then it's like an amphitheater. He should have been a servant in a valley. So, that's what he should have done. No, I'm really understanding. Where he was just trying to...

He's just... He's just going on tippedos. He wasn't ascending into heaven. Well, it's great to have Jesus on the show. Tom, would you like to read the first one? Yes, please. This is from Andrew. OK, here we go.

Andrew says, Hi, Crosby, Parian, Clarky, and I assume, Hesse. Hey. Long time, listen up, first time, Call Act. Yes. The best kind. Lovely stuff. My old flatmate has invited me on a lads weekend to Amsterdam for his 30th birthday. Right.

Here we go. Have we been to Amsterdam? I have been to Amsterdam, yeah. Many times? Maybe three times. It's a lovely place to go. I've been there with a lads trip, but I went there with another lads, and we did the drugs. Sorry, another lads.

Who was the first lads? Maybe in the first lads. Just checking that you made it. You were one of the lads. So yeah, I went with myself and another lads, and we had a very nice time. We took what do you call it? Magic mushrooms.

Magic mushrooms. No need, they have them there. Oh, that's terrible. You got a rest Oh, you're gonna be digging a recipe there. You're gonna be digging a recipe there. We never made it there, but it was, you know, it was, I had a really nice time. He had a terrible time, it was a lot of fun for me. That's great.

Have you been? No. Clark, if you've been. I've never been. Perry, have you been? I've been. Okay, talk to you later. Couple of times.

Yeah. Lovely city. Oh my god. Yeah, Lovely city. Oh my god. City. Hide a boat. Did you visit the... The Van Gogh. The Van Gogh. You travel a lot of people travel around the city on boat. Well yeah. I just ran a river on a boat. It's bollocks when people say, oh yeah you got a hold on. You've got no... You've got no... You've got no. You're not in the city if you're on the water. This?

If you've been to Amsterdam, famously not. No, I have. Well, if you have, people travel around the city on a boat. You can't walk around a city on a boat. But the rivers and nature's road in Amsterdam. Thank you very much. The rivers and nature's road. So what's their roads?

Well, roads. Yes. Road to their roads. Oh, the rivers and the rivers. But the rivers are as good as roads. The rivers are as roads their roads Well roads roads road to their roads But the rivers rivers are as good as roads the rivers are as good as roads. I'm not played sometimes better It's so good so much less congestion on the boat you bang around on the boat brilliant Yeah, in Parker Poffy go there we go So on foot is a good way to see I mean like most cities you can travel on a variety of ways I mean like most cities you can travel on a variety of ways

Trump comes into play buses feet and boat. I to say the best way to see a city by boat. I'm like I want to I'm gonna veto that. I know. Okay. Well the idea We're gonna go over Lads weekend to Amsterdam and then we're about will record the sequel to this bit Well, it's humble pie. And magic mushroom. Then they're now illegal, sadly. I went again a second time and it was the weekend they were being criminalized. I then went with my wife and we took magic mushrooms.

We both had a terrible time. So we got out the right time, I think. Right. Should we clarify for myself and the benefit of the listener, when it says, my old flatmate, does that mean my last flatmate, on my current and octogenarian flatmate? Let's find out.

My old flatmate has invited me on a last weekend to Amsterdam for his 30th birthday, 30th. So it's not our... Crucially not. All right, I'll give you a hint. Yeah, that's a good point though. It's good, but if he's four, as we can try to answer down for his 30th birthday, 30th. So it's not art. Crucially not. I'm not crazy. Yeah, that's a good point though. It's good, but if he's four, then he's pretty tall.

He's a 30th year old. That's a very good point. Yeah. He's one of my best mates, and I'd love to go, but I'm married and have a young child, so crucially not four. Not four, yeah. I'm married and have a young child,

and another on the way. Congratulations. And I've given up his and his friends lifestyle. Right. They're all single and we'll be enjoying the fineries of the Dutch city, famously the boats. Yes. Something I'm not overly interested in.

I don't have a great excuse, but don't want to let him down. What can I do? Cheers everyone by Andrew. This is a fine predicament. Yeah, it is a fine predicament. Bunga is teetering at the gate of Middle Ages. I think it's a predicament that's, we've all faced at one stage, whereby you feel like you're growing up

and possibly some of your mates want to still live high on the hog and live a large lifestyle. Can I just say, Clarky must. I don't feel that way. From up on the hog. You don't feel what way at all. I can't think of a situation that it opt out of because I feel a bit too old for it now, like with my mates in out or whatever? Well, you're at laser quest this morning, right?

Of course. And in my mind, I'm still there. You got your PB, congratulations. Thanks, man. But I don't like, for me, I'd be like, you're not married. I married B. Well, that's right. You don't have a young child.

No. And C, you don't have another on the way. Not that I know. So you aren't Andrew in this situation? No, you are Andrew's old flatmate and his mates. Yes. You're living the lifestyle that Andrew has given up. And he can't hang out with you anymore.

So where are we going with this? So crucially, when I said, I said, I'm so happy. Yeah, when I said this happened to us all, I apologize. It's not happened to you, Clark. No, not checked with Adam, but I'm assuming Adam has that happened to you? I wouldn't want to go on one of these events.

How weird that the two guys who are best primed to live up the Amsterdam lifestyle have never been. I've never, I've never done that. Well, that's all main parry. And all my Clark, cross me over here. Yeah. Well, there's, he's a way to get out of this. And this is why everyone should do this with their lives.

You've got to live your life unpredictably at all time At all times absolutely Unpredictably so when you want to get around the city wear a boat sure exactly Always be unpredictable so that if anyone says do you want to do this and you don't have an excuse? You can text them and just say I'm on hot air balloon and then they don't have an excuse, you can text them and just say, I'm a hot-a-bloon. And then they don't question you. They go like, classic hair. Or you just say, I'm a hot-a-bloon.

I've got a toe. I can't find a, I lost a toe. Something like that. And it doesn't seem weird. But if you're by the book every day. Which Andrew is. Which Andrew is. I'm going to take this quite a boring answer,

but if you want to live unpredictably, have a child and have another on the way. Because kids are by their nature unpredictable. So the predictability of going, well, I've got parenting duties, but at the same time, that could be absolutely anything from my sons in a hot air balloon. Exactly, I put my son in a hot air balloon,

and it's very much the balloon boy story. I feel like a balloon boy. Yeah, I'm sorry guys, but my son is balloon boy too. Yeah, I can't go. I can't, when he says I've got no excuse, it's like, what, but my son is balloon boy too. Yeah. Can't go. I can't, when he says I've got no excuse, it's like, what's wrong with you? He has got no excuse. He's got three excuses, married, kid, kid on the way.

I think there's a three, very legitimate excuses, all of which I've used apart from the second one. The third one. Best mate though, it's tough. Old flat mate. He didn't say that. Old flat mate. He said, oh, oh, oh, he did, he's one of my best mates. And I love to go. I mean, that's just one of my best mates.

He's one of my best mates and I'd love to go. But, married, have a young child, have another one of the way and have given up his and his friends' lifestyles. They're all single and we'll be enjoying the fineries of the Dutch city. I think something I'm not overly interested in. I think we're talking about enjoying the roaring sex trade that exists in Amsterdam. The Red Light district, yes. The drugs business that goes on in Amsterdam. Even just booze and you know, going out and getting off your face. They're the things that were think- He's a liar. He's a liar.

He's a liar. A lot of people don't know this actually, but alcohol's actually a drug. Alcohol is a drug, yeah, so it's chocolate. Um, Andrew is a liar. What's the, what's he lying about? What's he lying about? I can't think of many things. I would describe as loving the idea of doing, but having no interest in doing it.

He is an absolute piece of sausage, genuinely. He's lying to us. He's lying to himself. And bearing in mind the government read emails, he's lying to us. He's lying to himself. And bearing him in the government read emails, he's lying to the queen. I'm going to say in his defense, I would love to have done a skydive, but I don't want to do a skydive. He's thinking about that. I don't think about that the

morning. I was thinking what could, what situation? I don't like rollercoaster, but when we had to, many years ago, when we did a, a, a, a show for Radiocoaster, but when we had to, many years ago when we did a show for Radio One, we had to go on rollercoasters. So on the radio. Yeah, we got to go on. It was for the different time, I don't know. It was a spunking money ass. They were just chucking money and they said,

let's go. It's on a rollercoaster. We'll pay. Happy's on a rollercoaster. I went on all the rollercoasters that I've since been back to thought park and not been on because they're too scary, but because I was being recorded, I was like, that was such a good thing because I wanted to do the rollercoasters, but've since been back to thought park and not been on because they're too scary, but because I was being recorded, I was like, that was such a good

thing because I wanted to do the roller coasters, but I'm too scared of them. So I was thinking if there was some way of like, like if, for example, it's never going to happen, but if the celebrity jungle said to me, you can, you can come on and do the show. You know, you skydive. I'm in the car, are you there, cross me? We need to put this out. Pronto.

Get me on the celebrity jungle. I'd love to do it. I mean, you put in the Get me on the celebrity jungle, I'd love to do it. I mean, you're putting the message out there very subtly. I'd love to do it very subtly by saying, get me on the city. Very softly, softly, softly. Softly, softly. Catchy snake.

I like, yeah, I like the idea of doing the skydive for that. So you know, well, it wouldn't be me doing the caratage. I need you to show that you are actually parmin' parmin' with Andrews. So you would love to do a Skydive. Yeah. Do you have any interest in doing it? I would love to have done a Skydive,

but I have no interest in doing it. This is not what is being said. I think it's similar to what's being said. I'd love to go, but I don't have a great excuse and don't wanna let him down. He doesn't wanna go. And I have no interest. I'm not overly interested in that.

Do you think though, he's going through a little bit of like, like how he is a bit kind of, there are two of him now. Yeah. Young him. Oh, I love this. Young him, pre-marriage maybe.

Yeah, absolutely. Definitely pre-kids. Or he's like, part of me would love this. He did it. He was there. He's done a lot of stuff. And part of it. Andrew 2.0 doesn't do that anymore. But he still has the kind of the hard drive back up. I have to say. It's still there. The memory is still there. Yeah. And again, I don't know if I'm being a bit too like, you know, a bit of a man-child Clarky. But like, part of me is like, feels like, oh mate, if you start opting out of this stuff, 30,

I feel like you're gonna get to like, 38, for example. Yeah, you're just plucking that age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been like you all right now. No, I should have done that stuff. Now I wouldn't do that stuff. I want to make him 40, I wouldn't do that stuff, but in my 30s, I'll still yong.

Yeah, I think that's a good point actually, yeah. But then, you know what, there are plenty of people who mid 20s go, do you know what, that was my student lifestyle, I now wanna be. A bit more sense, but I wanna start that. Yeah, he's got a romanticized idea of what he is, and he thinks he's fun, which he isn't. He's not.

I like him. I'm not fun, I would never go to that place. I would sit down. I would never go to that place awful place It's fine. It's just it's real boats all over the shop We all think we'll think we have to do fun these Stupid things and then we have to feel guilty about not wanting to do it I don't want to go then it's People are you're boring Adam, you're stupid. People say to me, Adam's bringing a lot of himself to this

and that's what I love that. We love that. We go, I'm early stupid man and I'm like, I just, I'd rather. Well talk us through an Adam Hess. I'd rather, that's the way it gets. What would be a fun weekend for you? A weekend away, what would be a fun thing to do?

What are you saying away? Why are you assuming away? It doesn't have to be away, but just like a completely free weekend, you're not working. Maybe Amsterdam. I'll see what I've done here. You go left, I'll see what works. I don't know, I thought it was through, I've like,

I don't go away. This genuinely. Okay, a weekend at home. There we go. What are you doing? What sort of stuff did you do? A movie marathon? What are you enjoying? I cook. Lovely. Cook a nice meal? Pop it right in the bin.

I love to cook. Start again. I love to cook. I don't know. The genuinely. I had a night off. Well, I had a night of last night. And I did nothing with it.

This makes terrible radio that way. No, no, it's interesting. I read. Read a book, right? I read, nope. What do you read? Twitter. I'm just very presumptuous there.

Very presumptuous. It was, I mean, my apologies for that. So you look at Twitter. Yeah, I read. I read. What about when the pictures come along, do you skip through those? It goes again.

You just do the text, text only. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, what do I do? I've been on a cup, I went on a, I went on a genuine, I'm the joke. I've been to, in the last 10 years, I've been away three times. And, well, once was to go on a hot ebb alone,

not even lying. Wow. And it was cancelled. Oh, it was bad weather. No, because you had the dodge ball. Oh, oh, no, I mean, it was because of bad weather. Yeah. And then twice, twice in a month,

I went to New York City in New York. Where we are now. March. And, but other than that, I don't really go away. I'm quite content. You went twice in a month to New York City. Neither time for work. No, but I doubled it up with work.

So I taught a couple of games on the plane, had a couple of meetings. Absolutely, yeah. Meeting's absolute disasters. When you just try and like come up with a reason for a meeting like in the lift on the way up. Oh, I've done that. Yeah, that. It's about lifts. Nothing to do with the industry I work in either. But it was, yeah, no, I don't really go away. But I think I probably should.

Probably should book a treat yourself to it. I'll wind a little bit. It's a great pleasure. You just need not have to be that far. Take yourself down to Brighton or something for the week. I'm from Brighton. Well, I've got... There you go. Take yourself down. Visit your old friends. Go through your old stomping ground. Yeah, there's some Croydon. I went to Union Brighton last year, and we were four years... We had asked for it.

Don't go to Brighton then. Don't go to Brighton. Go to Worthing. Just down the road. I'm the one who's going to be a bit of a world. I'm going to be a bit of a business. But I think this for me is an open and shut close beef case because we, you can just, you can simply say, I'm so sorry, I now have a family and I've got to stay home for the fam.

I've got, you know, if you've got a pregnant wife, that is a get out of jail free card for any social situation you don't fancy. As a metaphor, it's not a You get out of jail for your car. You can't get out of jail for your car. I was pregnant. I'm going to go murder a few people. Yeah. I've always wanted to. It's not the purge.

I've heard something in this, though. Listening to her speak there about him thinking, I don't fancy this. I think it's kind of like you're entering the world of being 30 plus and going to stagdews. Everyone fears that everyone's in the same boat. Everyone's going going to stagdews. Everyone fears that everyone's in the same boat. Everyone's going like, let's get on it.

We're gonna have to drink after drink. And deep down, most people on that stag are going, oh, do I actually just wanna have a nice time? We don't have to go in hard. And then because everybody's kind of thinking everyone has to go hard, people start to go hard. I think there's gonna be a lot good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good,

there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good, there's good Maybe I think you're assuming this thing of their all single and will be enjoying the fine reason of the Dutch city. Actually, I think that's a bold assumption. Everyone on that trip is going to be 30. A lot of people have got it all out of their system. Maybe you should go along and be like, guys, let's go to the museum of modern art and people be like,

do you know what? I wanted to check that out as well. And you will actually shape the trip and maybe it isn't just going to be the cultural and massive of poetry. Absolutely. Absolutely. The poetry does start to happen. How do you have the choice of tipping your toe in? Should you do it? Or it's totally okay to opt out of that stuff. I think it is, but also it's probably safer to do what your sentence opt out because what Perry is saying is a big risk to us to go on the holiday and assume that the audience will be that receptive. It's imagine like day one, guys, I think we should go to it

and then everyone just says, Wanker! Yeah, that's the risk by I just think, once you get to be a man, I've always said, it's Fraser Mine, be the change you wish to see in the world. You're going to have to live the same. But it's always one of mine. And it's like, I just think he could be that change.

Yeah. All right. Here's the flip of that though. What about if he is worried about old Andrew 1.0, rearing his ugly head? What if he's like, I can't go there, because someone will say, someone will say, hey, do you want to have a, you know,

go to one of the sort of beer halls and have a beer, and you'll have the first sip of beer, and you'll be like, someone will say, hey, do you want to have a, you know, go to one of those sort of beer halls and have a beer and you'll have the first sip of beer and you'll be like, shot, shot, shot, and go fucking beer monster and go nuts, right? It could happen. But if it's, as Clark points out, if the beer monster is within, every so often you've got to take him for a walk.

Why? Why? It just sounds like something. Doesn't mean anything. It will, no, I don't really buy. Just something I've always said. You've got to take the beer monster out. Take the beer monster out. Take doesn't mean anything. It will. No, I don't really buy. Just something I've always said. You've got to take the beer monster out. Take the beer monster out. Take the beer monster out.

It's what I say when I have to do that. And I think because otherwise the beer monster gets restless and comes out without you taking him out. No, no, no, no. So you just get drunk somehow. Yeah. You just inexplicably become drunk. No, no, no, no, you go into a bar and drink.

Obviously, I'm not advocating for if you go into a bar and drink. Obviously, I'm not advocating for if you have had or have a problem. I don't think he's actually got something. I don't think that's the thing. I'm recovering a drug alcohol and sex addict. He's not saying that. He's saying, okay, it's okay to cut loose, mate. What's in a while? Have a bit of fun. I think either way to save yourself from yourself, yeah, you could be as relaxed as Adam is. If you never got loose, you could just be as relaxed and laid back as Adam.

Here's the thing, I reckon, what you've got to choose two channels, and we're not going to leave both open. You either go there and you become a cultural ambassador or you say, I'm sorry, I've got a pregnant Mrs and... Mrs. What? Mrs. I've got a pregnant, you know, I didn't, I didn't want to say why I've got a, did you say, did a wife, is he married? Yes, he's married. I've got a pregnant wife.

I never say why. I never say why. I never say the word why. That's one of my rules, we'll bleep that. So no one will know what the word is, I don't say. So he's got a pregnant wife, that's a great get out of jail for you. Not an actual get out of jail for you, cut. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

I mean, so are we giving Andrew a choice there to do those two things? We're basically... We're going to... Andrew, you've presented us with a problem. We've told you what you already think about it, giving you two separate options that were probably what was already in your head. Let's put it to a vote then, let's do it. Let's fall on one side.

Do you go and try and convince people to go to museums or do you stay and say, I'm sorry, I've got it a child on the way. Several ties with a man. Okay. Several ties with a man. Several ties with that. That's a third option.

That might slightly skewer our results. Oh, I know I'm going I'm going to say don't go and give your your familiar situation as the reason I agree. I agree with okay That's two for that. I'm saying go Because you know what Paris is gonna say no, but I do I do know that you only think that's fair enough I think I think if if if you have a legitimate excuse you would have said you had a legitimate excuse. I don't think being married and having a young child and having another on the way,

if it isn't critical time for the birth, and I don't think it is, I would have really used to it. No, I don't sound exactly. Then I think you're okay to go. There is a crucial statement in this, I'd love to go. But I married have a young child and another on the way. Now listen, that doesn't mean you can't still have fun in life. You can still come in. There's a way of having fun without truly enjoying all

the fineries of the Dutch city. So I think back yourself Andrew, have a different kind of fun. Yeah. Have the fun you want to have. Be the fun you want to have be the fun be there to be on a last weekend. Yeah, and and be there for you mate Or don't or don't be soft not soft Open and open beef open beef case. Yeah, but let us know come back with what happened Don't go and then bore off, we don't hear about that with your guest. Who cares, you know? From the starting I can be! You solved!

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free them at in Lutford. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's the like theaterskers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

I'm not used to reading aloud. Fine, but let's go. That's quite alright. I'm really comfortable. I have to do it. I'm utterly terrible. So who's this one from? This is from David.

David. It's dear Paffies. I have a beef that needs an open and shut beef casing. By the way, there may be mistakes while I read. No, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that, that was, that, that was, that, that was, that was, that, that was, that, that was, that was, that, that was, that, that was,. By the way, there may be mistakes while I read. No, that was that was that was on. It sounds like a mistake. That is exactly what David meant to say. It needs open a shut close.

I could sit on myself. Okay, so I don't know who David is. Does he need an accent? To just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. If you feel like you want to bring to me to the character, why not? I don't. I can, I consider myself a thrifty shopper. Very strong Brighton accent, you've got that. Thank you very much. Very strong Brighton accent. I consider myself a thrifty shopper and enjoy nothing more than wandering around supermarkets looking for lovely yellow labels showing the bargains reduced for quick disposal.

I'm not that kind. I'm not that kind. I'm just giving a nod there, as if to say. I'm so on board with this David. Yeah, yeah. He's, he's good lad. Good lad. Loves the Yellow Sticker. I popped to my local Tesco just to check out the Yellow Stickers.

Do you really? You go to that one bit that's got all the stuff together. Yeah, I mean, if it doesn't have something, I'd be like, not necessarily because I need something. I'll be like, let's see what the stickers are at. Yeah. Sure. I mean, I've started ever since I've got a family. I've started

caring more about how much things cost all right Andrew Sorry, yes, for off mate guys by the way, I can't come to acid out with you I'm only doing it in the bloody beer section mate to right Sure the mushroom section I mean they do sell mushrooms. Yes, go there you go I don't trust the mushrooms in the mushroom section. I mean, they do sell mushrooms to desks, guys. They're not very magic. Don't trust the mushrooms in the elastic section. I promise I am. I think the elastic section, to me, results in you making purchase, you don't.

Oh, should we just carry on? No, no, no, no, no, no, that's very good. Make purchase. You don't need. Because I do not need any more egg mayonnaise sandwich filling, which is what they seem to exclusively sell there. And it's just things that like... I think we get so delighted by the yellow sticker. Yeah.

It's three P off. Oh, absolutely. Three P off. If it's something you think I need that this week anyway, and here's a reduced version of it. There's one thing you'll ever need. Then one thing I'll ever need. No, one thing you'll ever need.

Not until you've been in that today. Very, very good point. It's good. You got me there. It's the one, yeah. Got me there, buddy. OK. OK, gonna food. You got me there. Food is the one, yeah. You got me there, buddy. Okay, okay, let's move on. Sure.

When I make these crafty purches, I do two quick assessments, how much is the reduction? And is the food still in the condition worth buying? The classic one to yellow sticker. It's always in the condition worth buying. I would say, I would say, I would say, that's worth checking as well on all foods,

because it's not thick. Yeah, of course. Why? Very wise, very wise. How am I sick-host channeling? I would say that's worth checking as well on all foods because I think I think those I wouldn't just I wouldn't If you're listening don't just restrict that to the yellow stickers Oh yeah all food is edible and not covered in like human Feeces or whatever Absolutely My particular highlight was last week when a fresh loaf of bread for nine people drew some three pounds, brackets, it was from Ray Troz.

Whoa, he's doing it, well, if you're doing it in weight troz, that's already a very expensive stuff. I'm really not. Nine P-L loaf of bread, love it. My partner has been encouraged to follow my parsimonious ways, but she appears to get shopping blindness. When she goes shopping, well, it often end up with packs of vegetables

that are half yellowed, grey mint or bacon that rainbow... With that rainbow-ish. ...rame-o-cheese on it. Yeah, the rainbow-ish mint. So add insult to injury. These perches are accompanied with minimal discount. This goes against the grain and ends up being a waste.

It even happens with normal shopping, with getting a skecky packet of in date fruit or veg. What can I do to make a chicken, but come more careful as a shopper? Just to be aware, I'm not tight. Oh yes, just to be aware, I'm not tight. Honest, okay thank God, okay. He means I'm not tight. Honest, he gav.

Yeah. But I need to make savings for the Patreon payments. Oh, very nice. Well, in which case, there we go. There we go. He's made a very strong case. Very good. Very good. I agree with you on all fronts. Yeah, in which case, I'd say stop buying food. Yeah.

Send the cash to us. And you'll get lovely bonus content. Okay. This is a... Mmm. It's an interesting one, isn't it? Because he's got a system he applies himself. And I think a lot of these beefs boil down to the fact that if you've got a thing that you do yourself,

you can't expect the rest of the world to do it exactly to your exacting standards. He's not asking the rest of the world. He's asking his wife with maybe who shares money, and that is more reasonable than the rest of the world. That is reasonable, but I think if you're going round a supermarket, man's explaining to your wife how to pick up veg.

Wow. Then, sorry, just win by the way. That's just a really nice, genuinely important to back my head and I was like, oh, I can use this word now. Great. Great's great. Great fun. Finally we're reclaiming the floor right.

Absolutely, isn't time meant to it backman's played it? I know, finally. But no, do you know, no, all right, I'm not saying, I just think a lot of these things when you go, look, how much money are you actually losing? I mean, throwing food away is bad, I always hate throwing food away. Yeah.

Yeah. But, which maybe you do need to do more if you get stuff with the yellow sticker. Well, because you're on a time scale there. Yeah, I'll tell you you got a day. You got a day. It depends. If you're doing a big shop though, you can't go nuts on the yellow stickers too. Yeah, that's true. And that's why I do it because it's like there's one quite close to me. And so I can just pop in and be like, oh, there's something I can have that's true. And that's why I do it because it's like, there's one quite close to me. And so I can just pop in and be like, oh, there's something, I can have that for lunch tonight. So what are these things? Yeah, what are you getting?

A variety of things. What are you getting for lunch? I don't deny that. Sometimes, sometimes, some chicken slices that I can make into a sandwich. Sometimes a loaf of bread. I generally though, with the bread, I don't like to do, because normally it takes me a long period of time to get.

A day, a loaf of bread in a day. You're not doing that. Just having toast for every meal, you're just yamming bread constantly. Challenge, accept it. If I buy an unsliced loaf, though, that goes a lot. All right, stickins. Sorry. You buy an unsliced loaf. Are you from a parable?

What? Who the hell? Are there to feed your starving family in a book? An unslice bread. Those great pleasure in slicing bread. I love sliced bread. And you know what they do. You're not eating it.

They're the co-op. Right, in the co-op, they do fancy breads. So they do like a alapeno cheese loaf. But good in the sense. Oh. It's called the best invention for a reason. Yeah, butcheese loaf of goodness. It's not called the best-in-invention for a reason. Yeah, but you know what? Exactly.

There are plenty of good inventions that I still use the beta version of. Go on. Oh, I still write up any fun. I'm sorry for a problem. I'm actually not thinking about it. I'm going to say I've got a bearded no misdash. I might be an armistice, actually. I might be an armistice, but actually, no, I might be an armistice person.

Or a hipster. I'm a hipster. Could be a hipster. Oh, no, I'm a hipster. Um, completely forgot about that talk. So, um, but I love getting there, but I will eat it much faster. You get a, you get a nice loaf of rye loaf.

There is a great pleasure in being able to derive your own thickness of size. It's true. You're going for soldiers with boiled egg, you're going to need a bit more gear. This can't even go in the top of this one. Let's thin it down. My current life, I bought, knowing I was going to be boiling my eggs on one of the soldiers. No, no.

Is that a loaf with currants in. No, no, no. My most recent life, I know I was going to be making soldiers, so I went for the thickest slice in the bakery. I love it. But now I'm shackled with extremely thick slices, too thick for a sandwich. I'm struggling on my sandwiches. So I'm just saying there is definitely room and reason to buying an unslice life. Okay, take back control. Okay, hang on, steady, steady. Control, how did it go? I don't want it.

A nice white loaf. I told you well, let's not. They're wrong with it. I just don't want Jay Sainsbury dictating how thick the bread should be. Front name's only placed. Sorry, Jason. I don't want Jason. I don't want Jason telling me that it's got to be this because I've you've got they put it through the machine

I take the loaf. I have my slice it myself with a knife like we use like our forefathers did I slice my bread the length of the And wow Yeah, and as such lovely. I have the widest sandwiches in East Britain. And, and that is something that is something I like to do. It's just something you've always done. Yeah, yeah. Just kind of go down the edge of it like a call on the cop. Yeah, yeah, it's a great way of living, but I'm sorry, parry.

No, I think a ban on yellow stick is shopping. Is what I do here. I'd say neither of you buy yellow stickers. Listen. So he's gonna walk past a nine-pence loaf. He walks, he's gonna unslice, and he's not gonna buy it. Yeah, what you're looking for. He's gonna walk over to the point where he's in weight trust.

What this marriage needs. What this marriage needs is consistency, and it needs rigor. And at the moment, this yellow stick is like a hand grenade in this fucking marriage man. It's gonna tear this marriage apart. What you need is a regular shopping list that you know you're gonna rely on.

You know that they're gonna be ingredients you're gonna use. You don't need this erratic fucking time bomb nature. This is like Andrew 10. Like you don't need those days are gone. You're not living like a student anymore. Clarke he still is still, he's obviously, he's professed so much, you know, he's living in a... Badly ever.

You have chicken slices for breakfast, he's fucking yam in a baked potato at noon. Because of the yellow stickers, they're dictating things. These yellow stickers are in your life. You need solid, so reject the yellow sticker lifestyle. You're good for it. I know, but what you will gain in security and health of your relationship.

Oh, yeah, relationship, yeah. You will not miss the few pence that you're scraping on the cheap bargains. Okay. I disagree. I think it's fine to have, I don't think, you know, I don't think a couple should be carbon copies of one another. They shouldn't have each other's, they shouldn't have each other's foibles, they shouldn't have each other's habits. You know, there's always

going to be a situation in a relationship where someone, you know, we're one person goes, why they spend a bit of money on that, but let it slide because I spend a bit of money on this. That's the way it's going to be. So there's going to be a bit of a bit of balance, but I don't think you should, you know, a Genesis PR-age, who, him and his wife had plastic surgeries look like each other. That's not, sorry, a Genesis. That's not what we're trying to do here. We're not trying to turn this couple into carbon copies of one another. We're saying, I think it's going to be a live and let live. Live how you want to live, but don't enforce your rules on your partner. Absolutely. That's my, that's my, okay think it's going to be a live and let live. Live how you want to live, but don't enforce your rules

on your partner. Absolutely. That's my take. OK, here's my take. OK, here's my take. I'd say a problem shared is a problem solved. Yeah. Or halved, isn't it?

It's a problem halved. Yeah. And a loaf. A loaf sliced, Adam's way, is a loaf halved. Yeah, also, yeah. But I would say then shop together. Shop together. Yeah, bring together. She's shop together. She's a gather, bring back the big family shop.

You're then, then you can, then you can regulate the kind of thing, you can discuss, or make a short of it Monday night. Yeah, Monday night. I mean, day night. Waiting wait, I was talking in wait, I've got a very nice cafe.

It's good, and you get a free cup of coffee every time you shop. Absolutely, so you can have date night in Westeros. This podcast is brought to you by waiter. I think the wife, and we don't have a name here, and the wife of David, she just buys some yellow stickers, slap them on the expensive stuff she buys on the way home. Very smart. Right, one pill and everything.

And then before you realise it, it doesn't solve the problem. right, one pill and everything. And then before you realise it, it does have to be a marriage. It doesn't solve the problem. So tell you why. You've got dark roots. That's rotten. Oh yeah, that's right. I saw me on a stickers and just before you go to bed,

pop it on your pajamas and be like, I'm your special offer tonight, baby. Oh, right, man. Keep it spicy and veteran. I've only. I think you're right, you have differences in your relate. It is we only have one side of the story. He's really slagging off her purchases.

That's true. The rainbow bacon and grey mint. Also, the rainbow bacon, I believe, doesn't actually mean that that is off. Yeah, I choose food exclusively with a sort of a rainbow. A rainbow shouldn't. Means it's actually a good for you. It's called vitamin. It's all the vitamins. They do say a rainbow. That's what it's like. It's a rainbow on your plate. Yeah, that's true.

What do I do on your plate? So if you can have one slice of bacon, and that's all you need to eat, you can eat in the rainbow there. It means it's ripe. That's the fiber bacon is ripe once it has the rainbow on it. It's like petrol. You know, in petrol, it's just on the pavement for a bit. Yeah. That's what it's best. rainbow on it. It's like petrol. You know, and petrol is just on the on the pavement for a bit Yeah, it's ready. It's ready. It's ready. Siphoned off. And what about the grey mince? What about the grey mince? We're just dig some skittles on top of it. Yeah, but it's called haggis. It's very very offensive. Exactly. It's haggis. So, well, what I think that's the answer. I think that's the answer. You know what? Live and let live. Buy some yellow stickers and we're all off to Amsterdam. Beef closed.

Beef solved. So finally Adam. Now you have told us already you live in a flat with another person. Now have you got a flatmate beef you would like to solve? I didn't until I was texted by you this morning. Okay, to say, please come up with something. Please come up with a beef. Do I think it's a very unhealthy way to live? Please think of a problem that you have with someone. Sure.

I was really happy. I was really happy. Oh, no. And then you said, and then you basically planted it, a moment, you're not really happy. Think about it. Think about it. Think about it. Think about all the awful things. So I just had to have a good old, a good old brain wag, because I called it. And you wagged your brain and what has fallen out. He hits me. Oh, genuinely. So I had't get all the, I realize there is something.

Oh, go on. There is something, which is, so in the living room, he's living room. In his living room, there is, there's nowhere to sit, and I'm not lying. What?

So there's one place to sit, but there's two of us. So what's the one place? The chair. Oh, there's an chair. So there's a chair, there's sort of us. So what's the one place? The chair. Oh, there's an armchair. So there's a chair, there's a sort of an armchair. That's not a living room, that's not living. So it's like slightly bigger than armchair.

You know my granddad's armchair? No. Okay, well I mentioned that. Okay, sorry, well my granddad had an armchair. Right. I'm sure, I'm imagining that. Is it your chair? No.

But it's a sort of a bit wider than an object. Oh, okay, I know, yeah. Are these like, is there a word for these? They're like cuddle, safe, or something? You could cuddle on it. You're like, they're kind of designed for, oh, but only for like a cup. Yeah, the only time you could legitimately have two people on it

is if they're three years old, and it's for a photo, they're both wearing suits. Sure, yeah, lovely. Or, yeah, you're hugging, watching short-sangular action. Yeah, that's the only two times you wouldn't look. Like, not a cool teacher. There, and other than that, it's a question of, only one of me or him can sit on the chair.

Right. Are you ever in the chair and he comes in and you vacate the chair to let him sit down? No, no, so there's the big chair. Yeah. And there seems to be no politics at whose chair it is. It seems to be if you're sitting on the chair, you're sitting on the chair. There are dining chairs in the living room as well.

Yeah. Which I can sit on, but you can't recline, you can't be reliant to sit on a dining chair. And also life, I think, is two people next to each other on their laptops. That's kind of the way you just live. You just sit near each other in the same room. Have you broached this with him? Is this something?

No. Have you ever thought of maybe buying like a halfway house like a bean bag or something? I can't. It can't just buy a bean bag. Can't buy a bean bag. No. Buying a bean bag is passive-aggressive. I don't want to buy. You also don't want a bean bag. You can't buy a bean bag. Buying a bean bag is passive-aggressive. I don't want to buy, oh no.

You also don't want to be in that. I don't want to be in that. Crucially, let's forget the passive-aggression. Forget the passive-aggression. You don't want to be in that. I don't want to be in that. Buddy, boy. Boy, doesn't want to be in that.

Right, well, obviously, we can't solve this ourselves, but I don't want to be in that. I don't want to be in that, man, man. So we can't solve this, but we know, man, who can. Paris. can Paris is gonna go and fetch his deep South lawyer friend Fanchill standard who will solve the problem Here he comes ladies and gentlemen of the podcast Pleasure to be here wide room strong friends, emotional times, ain't seen you for a good while. I was listening there to Adam's dear story now, got me thinking about an event. Well I'm sure you're

remembering an event that happened in his very town but 75 hours ago. Oh, Fred, hot off the press, fresh. Ali, nice is that. Oh, God knows. In this town ain't no telling. Ain't no telling. You'll remember the story there of a lady went by the name of Janice Helen. Oh, yeah. Very wise, lady, broad shoulders.

One eye. Tender. I'm a lady, broad shoulders, one eye, tender. A former, a former paramour of yours? Don't know what that would mean. Sure. But it all you need to know is, we still send each other Christmas cards. Oh, that's wonderful. At least you say that.

Containing photos of our genitive. Oh, anyhow. I get distracted. Jan is hell. Janet. Anyhow, I get distracted. Jan is Helen. As I used to call him, how do you pronounce anything again? Jan is Helen. You'll remember the tale of the egg.

Yes, there she was. Christmas morning. Just look at your car. Just look at your car. Tom for her egg sandwich. open the pan. What? What? Yeah. That was the first mistake cracked out the pan. Cracked open the egg. Here, what was there in front of her? Two yolks. Two yolks warning. A double yoke. Yokes warning double yoke could a long story short

She was dead by Easter Whoa Was it the egg We don't know can I after you put any sort of extra stuff in with that photograph? I'm gonna be honest with you. It was a swimming accident She died in the lake Should never been swimming that far out Never the list that egg. A tail.

As old as time. Two yolks. A parable. Or was it a foretelling? No. The problems. All I'm saying is. I think it's a foretelling in front of the glasses.

It's only one yolk in one egg for sure. Yeah. And when there's two yokes, who knows what's going to happen? Death may be around the corner. Well, I'm off to Lisa and flowers on a grief. Well, this episode is a tribute to Janice Helen. Hell of a girl and a fine set of genitalia. Should you want to see the photos?

They're on your blog, aren't they? And they're on her gravestone. A family with very upset. Anyway, I'm off to have a bite! Bye, Fanshor! Bye, Fanshor! One football to have fanshor. Notional from into it. It was quite a lot. We really, we learned a lot about Fanshor himself there,

and he's, I think he's still holds a candle for Janice Heller. We'll find out in his book. Oh, he's gonna book a bit of that. It's too fast for deal. Oh, what? Congratulations. Imagine. What?

Yeah. Is it any publishers want to get in touch? You know where to call us. You know where to call us, the PO box, and please be honest. Please do, be honest. Adam, thank you so much for being a guest on the show. Oh, thank you very much.

What was your final question? I mean, you know it's solved, right? I mean, you know what to do. That's been, yeah, that's solved. That's solved, no, that beef. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So I meant to get a double yoker, sure. And be careful.

But be careful. Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, thanks a lot. Gentleman, for the man. Thank you very much to Gentleman. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. From one gentle man to another gentle man and two others. And two other gentle man. Is that it? That's it. How's your feel? Thanks so much. I feel very helped. Do you feel seen?

I'm helpful. I feel very helpful. This is wonderful. It's the wonderful experience. It's not bad. I've never been on Teddy before. Very exciting. You know when it's being shown. God, thank you. It's our title pleasure.

Well, that's it. Can I plug my book? Oh, yeah, of course. It's a must-pluggy book. Fuck, I should have had a funny thing to say. Yeah, nothing plugged, but... If by the time I'm doing... If this is out, I've got a funny thing to say. Yeah, nothing plug, but if by the time I'm doing, if this is out, I've got a national tour on.

Oh yeah, when did you tour? I don't know, but by the time this is out. So, so theatre, there we go. So, so theatre. So, so theatre in April by tickets. Beautiful. Go and see Adam Hess outside of theatre in April. Beef solved.

From the starting, in April beef solved There we go what an app two beefs Two very strong beefs and of course beefs Hesse's beef himself. Yes, he's off to Amsterdam as we speak We're very good each pocket with an egg in each pocket Thank you for listening if you enjoyed the podcast Please leave us a review on iTunes Five stars probably. Ah, I'd say so, that'd be nice. Definitely today was a five star episode.

Yes, and if you want some bonus footage and other treats, then get involved with the Patreon. Thank you to all our Patreon supporters. We can't do this without your help. We love you, actually. Absolutely, right, yeah, loads of you. We do love you. We really, really love you guys.

If you'd like to send us your beef, don't forget, it's beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. And if you are listening to this on the day it came out, tomorrow we have got a live flat-sheast land down 20th of November at the Phoenix and Cavingish Square with Jeff Lloyd, Sarah Barron, or it's gonna be a lot of fun. Very exciting. Come on down, get tickets through our Twitter

or through TicketX.co.uk. This episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. And stay tuned for the Patreon, neighborhood watch, roll call. Cheers everyone. Bye. Will you please be upstanding for this week's Patreon, neighborhood watch, roll call. She is the proud displayer of a great big knob.

No one expected it from Louise Robb. Okay, let's get one thing out of the way. Um... Okay. Let's get one thing out of the way. They are a proud displayer of an enormous knob. A great big knob you could say. It's the size of a van. It's Ali-cam. Well... of a van, it's Ali-cam. Well, let me first,

pay to the rumours they are indeed, of course, display a display. Of a great big rock. Few, but mean, few. But also, there's more. There's more to this. Peel back the layers. Never do that.

No, okay, for a minute. Because he can't. Oh dear. The wheels of absolute. He come up. He is the display of enormous knob, but he can't afford to house the knob, because his name is Matthew Edges. Yeah, I don't believe it.

One of the worst. One of the worst. One of the worst. He strode into the car park. Massive knob on display. And boldly strode over to me. And kicked me in the pooper. Are you sure he kicked you? Wow.

What did I do to deserve that? I asked of Mr. Steve Cooper. He strode. He strode across the land. Oh no, he's playing many with his massive knob. I've heard of that knob. Displaying it to others. In fact, when he got his knob out.

Oh yes. The whole planet went dark. The whole planet? Yes, that's a big knob. To be fair, he may have went out at night time. Oh, you would. His whole planet went dark. For it was Mr. Duncan, Parks. Well, not good. You won't believe this. I don't think we will. This guy, oh yeah. He strode. It's time. Yeah.

He strode. I got the lead slow down. All the way down to London. From as he went. Oh, it's from land end. Oh, up. Up across. Up across. He's from all the way. Wait, wait. He went from land end to Johnny Grote and then down to London. Okay. What's happening? quite a stride? Are you okay?

Bad at geography, bad at rhyming. They went going bad and wild. With his great big knob. It was poor good child. Well, that concludes. What can only describe? Can we apologize to all that? Can we apologize to all that? That was never, never. Adrian, neighborhood watch. Roll call. Rob. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes.

Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.