Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Aisling Bea S9E5

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Aisling BeaAisling Bea - https://twitter.com/WeeMissBeaPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters, December 15th. Oh, listen to that, dear! Here we are! Surprise! Was it a surprise? It was a surprise to me that you're going to say that. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Yes, it would be great if we could surprise the listener.

I imagine we're in there here because they've put our earphones in and they've chosen up my personal price. That's a surprise to me. If they would actually listen to something else, and then we can suddenly be like, what, here we are. Podcast ambush. Podcast ambush.

I imagine we've already got three podcasts, we don't get another podcast. Okay, well this is beef with us cold cuts. What happens in this episode, clock it? Ah, we talk through a very big involving beef. It's juicy. It's juicy beef. It's a huge juicy beef from Claire. We

have a fantastic guest in Ashlyn B. Oh, you know Ashlyn B from being on all those shows that she's been on. She's absolutely brilliant. She's a fantastic comment. She's a dear friend of ours. And we have real fun recording this episode. I think you're going to enjoy it. Don't forget, if you would like to support the podcast, you can give us five stars on iTunes and leave a review, or you can find us on Patreon and or you can go to shittiermoney.com and leave a one-off donation. All of those things help us out tremendously. Anything else we need to say?

I think that's it. Let's get into this big beef brothers call cuts. Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem. If you've got a problem call it a beef. If you've got a beef, maybe we can a problem If you've got a problem, call it a B If you've got a B, B Maybe we can help you be from the zoning I can be Welcome to the show, Ashley and B Hello everyone

What a treat I was just saying, I've known these puppies boys for a long time now But hot digitty damn I haven't seen you as a threesome In some time And it's been close Can we just clarify, we're not currently having a threesome. We're just set three of us together.

You can clarify it, it doesn't make a true one. It does. And you're all looking like you've been queer right. Fit, fit, fit. Why? Can you hashtag me to me? Maybe, I don't care. I'm down to podcast.

B, you can definitely come again. This is great. This is great. I will be tonight thinking about watching you three live. She's playing Blue Early Doors. That's what we love about Ashley. She's doing blue early doors. I did you know our great friends Ed Gamble and James A. Castler. Oh yes. I did their podcast called After Menu recently. Sorry to promote another podcast. No, by all right. But they were like, oh, so James A. Castor, this is his business.

He owns the entire company. I've asked. And they were like, we don't really do blow. And I was like, oh, that's right. And then I just couldn't stop it. And I forgot. So I just would come there, everyone. Which one was that way?

Let me do because I would hate of anyone to think that I don't do a great impression of. Adelaide, James A. Cast guys there? Does anybody do blue? Oh, is that... Oh, my God, I think you've got the spirit of the rhythm. You've completely stolen his rhythm, so you're not ready for the open spot circuit. Oh, thank you. I'm in Ed Gamble.

I don't know, James is a bit late. No, that's a bit, Josh. It is still... It's still... Yeah, the essence of him. Thank you. The impression is tend to gravitate back to Whitacombs. No, that's a bit Josh. It's still the spirit. The expressions tend to gravitate back to Whitacombs. It's just such a frown-roised agar. Who were those people?

Basically, they said I was quite blue. I never think of myself as blue, but that's why I always get, you know, banned from family gigs and stuff like that. It's funny where you're telling her. You find out you're blue by doing it. We had the same thing where we thought we're family, friendly, we're quite fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know, this is about Buggerie or whatever it'd be. Buggerie. Yes. Do you know what? They're not blue. You're a bit bluer than they're actually. It's a classic Buggerie skit. It was all about Buggerie for me, I'm afraid, guys.

It was. It was. Also, Tom's got that classic switch in his head whenever you tell him you can't do something. Yeah. You just desperately want to do it. So whenever we do a gig where it's like, you shouldn't really swear on this one, he will instantly swear. Very close.

Blue is the colour. So you know what Tom did? You have a dimension. Mentioned buggery as much as you like during this episode. I'm playing him off against himself. So the way this works actually is we're going to read out some beefs from our listeners. Now, are you currently a flatmate? No, I live alone now.

Just me and my anxieties. Wow. And how are they as a flatmate? I think I do think that the people next door, I think, two angry lesbians live in the head. Because I've done the thing which I always promise myself I would never do, because I'm from a family of quite a lot of women And one of my aunts who never married anyone

I thought that's a bad thing, but she never moved in with that. She's always she's been alone since I've known her my whole life And she talks to herself and one time she came to stay and she's like, that's where I put the tea towel I thought they didn't know that's where the tea towel was and I can see she thought she was Puffering around in silence, so I was trying to see but it wasn't happening and I find myself doing it now I go, ah, why do you leave those shoes there? you're gonna have to give yourself a break for leaving those shoes there It's just like I'm like puffing myself on and no that's not right at all Oh

Stop oh my heart. Oh God right. Well, let's go. Where am I now? Oh? I'm gonna send an email okay Send an email like just well It's you know what it stops, though, is that thing where if you do live on your own, if you spend the entire day on your own, and then you have to speak to someone at say four o'clock in the afternoon, then you just completely lost them.

Yeah, I do. I don't like you've just woken up as well. Yeah, all right. Or I'm very reactive. Like, I get very like Hunter in the Wild. Like, I did a gig after being indoors all weekend and was at the Union Chapel, Lysington, which is an old church. A lot of people in it, but there's a lot of creaking and I had the most heightened sense of awareness. I was at one point in

the middle of a gag. I thought I heard a door close. The door could have closed down the road. Jesus, a ghost! I couldn't work out why maybe that didn't really go a little giggle or we all didn't laugh at the door closed and afterwards they're like, what was the ghost bit of a... I was like, because the door banged really directly and they were like, no, there was no door bang. I was just three and I was like, oh, I've been a mo-no, we're getting in that house and I feel like Nail coming out of the woods and Nail, you know. Check it out. It's a great up-to-date reference for five left. I love a Nail. Always like a JD Foster reference, especially on for the mid great up-to-date reference. I love it now. Always like a

JD Foster reference, especially one from the mid-90s if we do one. I'm happy. So I fact, very quickly, when we played that gig, Tom, do you remember you attempted? It's a church. You attempted to crawl under the pews all the way to the back of the roof. Oh, yeah. Tom, I had forgotten that. That's dangerous for your back, baby. Well, that was like a game we used to talk about in church, was a game called Pew Crawl, where I do was, can you crawl as far forward to the front during the sermon? Yeah.

So won. Not very far. You've got up there. You actually live at the sermon. Are you a catalegal or a Protestant? What are you? A Baptist. I can't give you a moment to Baptist.

Ah, so what's there? What's there? A rock band at the front of church. Adalbaptism, fully submisked. Ah, so what's there, what's there, what's there, main deal? The front of church, adult baptism, fully submersed. It was kind of rock and roll. So they never backed on the baby? It was fully submersed. No, you get dedicated as a baby,

and then as an adult, you get to go down into the pool and get plunged in. It's quite like a party church. Or like a party church, all right? I'm boring. I'm boring. And like lots of like speaking tongues and waving the flags.

Under the like the rhythms and the like speaking tongues and waving the flags. I'm born. I'm born. I'm born. I'm born. Yeah, and lots of like speaking tongues and waving the flags. I'm born. I'm born. I'm born.

I'm born. Yeah, and lots of like speaking tongues and waving the flags. I'm born. I'm born. I'm born. Yeah, and lots of like speaking tongues and waving the flags. I'm under like the rhythms and the speaking tongues and the bands and the puke rolling games.

What's the main like say Catholicism? Like guilt and shame, roleborne would sin. Jesus is your best pal. Yeah. What's the main thing of baptism? It's like it's pretty. Being saved. Yeah, like saved forgiveness go out and preach. It's kind of jealous. It's quite jealous. So, more people in the gang. Very angelic. That is so your personality. It's kind of true.

Oh my god, baptism is absolutely saying your personality. But now you do it with standup. That's it, and we kind of worked out like that. Like, when we started doing puppies, we did an interview and someone said, so who's this puppy guy? And we were like, he's an invisible man that we never meet.

And we're all performing for him. And it's for the good of puppy. And I'm like, did you all get sunnest gone? We're like, yeah, we're listening. for him and it's for the good of Papi and I'm like did you all get a son of school? Yeah, I find that recently like I'm big into as you know, um, uh, Lou Sanders, friend of the friends of the boys, friend of the show, and I are big into our alternative therapies and crystals and reading. And recently I found myself like, because I've got a psychic, a crystal healer, an energy healer. I've always crystals with me at all points. And I was like, oh, but God, I hate Catholicism. It's all that magic moment.

I'm like, no! I'm absolutely going to again! I've got rid of water and replace it with the other. They never, like the magic, the belief in magic in you. And ceremony never goes away. Like it just doesn't leave you. Hoi hoi hoi. Neither does the guilt, either. Oh no. And it's a fellow Catholic. It's kind of always there, isn't leave yet. Yeah. Hoi hoi hoi. Need it does the guilt, either. Oh no.

As a fellow Catholic. Yeah. It's kind of always there, isn't it? Always there. How did I make Brexit happen? That's what I'm working on. Like what did I do to bring this about? I mean I voted leave, so that's what I did.

Well, congratulations. I hope you're happy with your church. And that's just a feeling of being on a guilt. You feel free to it again. Absolutely. Forage Bappers. So, the forage Baptists. There's a man I'd pay to see. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? I do want to know, yeah, that's what I love is very much the podcast. Claire writes And she wrote this at half past eight in the evening just so you can picture what she's up to on a Monday night

Presumably she's had her dinner. She's not doing a box set. Well, that's fine. In on her own. You know what I'm gonna say boys She's writing an email. Yeah Talked into herself. Why she does it? Little of E time. Gleza's Hi Pappies. I'm not quite sure where to start with this house story. It's quite a roller coaster. We're ready for it. We're ready for it. Is it a roller coaster or a house? Right up your bloody mind. I have been sat on the Cobra Alton Towers for three years. That is quite a roller coaster.

Really, is there a roller coaster? Is there a podcast based around roller coasters? Oh, then the must have been. I feel like that's a roller coaster. Roller Cast. That's really good. I don't know, for me as a concept is a bit open down Something about looping the loop I can't think of it. So I have to live in Birmingham. Oh

Living Okay, so is that the end of the email? I have to live in Birmingham for the teaching grad scheme I'm on and because the person I was going to moving with pulled out the last second No, to blonde laundry please I'm on it because the person I was going to move in with pulled out the last second. No De Blancandra, please. Ashling. I ended up taking a room in a shared house out of desperation. It was three days before term started. There's no dining table, so I have to eat my supper. Sat on the bedroom floor.

Oh, wait, no chairs as well. Sit on the bed at the very least. Yeah. Oh, maybe she's using the bed as a table, so she's on the floor. A Japanese style. Oh, she could be doing that. Yeah, she could be,

is she sat on the floor with the food on the bed? Is there a Japanese area in Birmingham? Little Japan? I bet there is. Yeah, sure there is. Okay, listen, right in and tell us. If you live in Birmingham, what's the best Japanese restaurant?

Set us a recommendation and we'll say nashed in there. Also, did they sit on the floor and eat off beds? No, I'm not sure. Oh, no, guys, what I was saying is, if you put yourself... If you sit on anything and then put your food on your lap, you're giving yourself terrible neck and back pain. If you sit on the floor, yes, all the boys stood erect. This is what I said, that.

Absolutely, shoulder's back. If you session the floor and use your bed as a table, you're more likely to be eating with your neck on top of your neck, on top of your spine, rather than crouched forward. This is great. Yeah, yeah. This is what I'm thinking that she might be doing.

Just get super in your bed, that's the only problem. What you could do though, is what about this as an idea for a, what about food boxes, right? It's a box that you put on your lap that brings your food closer to your mouth. It's like a sort of like a cardboard or a foldable box. But isn't that kind of what people have with like dinner trays? Yeah but no dinner trays on the lap. This is all the way up to this is going to be a food box. Yeah, just below the gym. And it also as well bear in mind a lot of people if they're eating with the food on their lap They're watching the telly anyway. Yeah, if you're watching if you're watching Narcos. It's got subtitles

You're missing every other word good point food box. What about food cube food cube. I like it. Okay, okay No What about food? Food is quite nice. Do you like food? Here's my question, Matthew. Yes, that sounds like food is a two. So this is great if you're maybe doing something like a soup where you could put a straw on it, and you could go and then listen to kind of like, about a bit of a real cocaine, but that's not bad. But what about if you have to cut something, and then do you have to like reach over your arms up over your neck, trying to cut it?

Or do you pre-chop up all your food, then put it on the... Boob. You've got to blend your food first. This is for blended food. Yes, okay, okay. But then you could just have on those hats with two, like getting destroyed.

Soups. You might have been it. Has anyone ever used a beer hat for two soups? It's just a beer hat, two soups. But two lovely soups. Campbell's either side. I find one side, Campbells the other. Two different flavours.

Oh, give it a blend. Oh, yeah, that's a great idea. Chicken and tomato, and your favourite Netflix series. Oh, sorry. I thought you were saying chicken and tomato is one flavour, it was like. And your favourite Netflix is the other one. Um, well look, the plot thickened.

The plot thickened as it is. As the soup. As the soup thinned. The soup girdles. One of the housemates doesn't use duvet covers. Oh, that's all the royal restaurants. Pillow cases or bed sheets. Oh, what?

Just plan to foot and be alive on this earth for a second. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no However, have a plastic sheet on her mattress and I can hear her squeaking loudly as she moves about on it from my room. Oh, my dear. She's painting a brutal picture here. There's a lot going on in Claire's flat. So, she also doesn't have an indoor voice. Oh, that's the worst one. Oh, I know.

But she's actually in famously has an indoor voice. She's got two. She doesn't have an indoor voice, but she does have an obscene, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry how I'm from Riverhampton. I said, I don't like the more snooty look. Clarkey, for those of you who don't know, Clarkey came from the posh side of all the Hampton.

Pen. Don't I sound like I'm from pen? Oh, can I borrow your pen? I use a quilt. I'm a quilt, I'm a quilt, I'm a quilt. Sorry Ben, but they have a point. Well, I'm Ben from pen. The poshest man in town.

Ben Ben. One evening, she told me, apropos of nothing, apropos by the way. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Her students, her future students are gonna be very clever. I lived on apropos rodened, pen, actually. Apropos.

What a beautiful, you word. Apropos of nothing. Apropos of nothing. One evening she told me that a funeral home in Birmingham had been broken into and someone had sex with a corps. Oh, my God, I'm in. She wore the rollercoaster and Claire, this is a rollercoaster.

It's also a page to it. Scream if you want to go faster. I'd actually like to go a little slower. So, if she's saying that was one of her flatmates, that's fine. Let's find out. Oh, my God. What's the plastic sheets are for? Maybe because she doesn't need it, because every night she's going that it was one of her flatmates that... Well, let's find out. Let's find out. Oh my god, oh my god.

What's the plastic sheets of all? Maybe because she doesn't need it because every night she's going into the funeral home and banging away. This is it. You know what? You need to do it for life. Like a corpse. It's like a rollercoaster. You just go to ride it.

It was a long way to go and I panicked off the crew. But we got there in the air. You could see across my eyes I was like, It's like a forest gump. It's like a forest my eyes. It's like life on forest. Gump. I was gumped that quote. It is indeed from forest. You never know. Life is just like a box of chocolates or a cadaver. Sometimes you just got to eat it out.

What? It's not as easy as it looks. It's not as easy as it looks. It's either the box. It's got the whole blue. Life is like a box. You put on your lap and eat your food. That's what I've got the box! Beans got the whole blue! Life is like a box, you put on your lap and eat your food up. That's what I've always said.

When life gives you lemons, put your knob in a cork. It's not easy to do. It's not good stuff. That's why I actually have a lot more respect for a mash in hindsight now than I did at the time. It seems like absolute bolder dash, but when you all tried one, harder than it looks. Like the corpse. Oh my god. Great just wait.

We're all stiff. Yep. This is all that's over. One evening she told me that if you don't have a burger, maybe broke into it. Someone had sex with the corpse. This is one of the many reasons why she has paid 2,000 pounds. She's got money. She hasn't got any veggies. She doesn't sound like she's from heaven. She's got money. She hasn't got any betches. She's saying like she's

from heaven. She's saving money on betches. So isn't she? She's not elsewhere where all my money goes. It's just the essentials. All you want to do is whack 2,000 pounds on some sort of corpse-shagging prevention and also the rest of your money on a nice plastic betcha. She's paid two thousand dollars for a undertakeer to pick her up from wherever she dies. Oh my god. Oh, I think straight to the crem What so straight to the crematorium? Yeah, if you just die boom straight to the crematorium I'm cutting out she's paid two grand It's already go to a funeral home. This is blah. I don't know if we'll do any other beef today because this is so rich Delivery. I feel like the dining table is now the least of this lady

Why do you show up with the dining table? Yeah, what is the dining table is now the least of this ladies right? Why don't you show up with the dining table? Yeah, what is no dining table? She took us somewhere. She took us somewhere with this. Do you think her housemate is so concerned about what's going to happen to her after she's dead? That she sold the dining table. She sold her bed sheets purely to fund this express

or deliver it. She feels like she's on her way out. At the start of this, I made a joke where I was like, Oh, just plant a foot, stay a while. Like invest in your life, self-care, get a duvet cover. You could be dead tomorrow or you could probably live for 50 years. So, you know, enjoy, have your time, self-care, all that kind of stuff.

Look after yourself in your own little space, but it sounds like she's on her way out. She sold her dining table, obviously. She barely has enough money for a food. Yep. What Claire hasn't said is her housemate is 75 years. By the way though, maybe it's this. It would have cost £3,000. She'll have only got £2,000 and they're like, well what are we going to wrap you in and what are we going to set a light to you with? So she'll like, wrap me in my duvet, set a light to me with this wood from the dining table. She would, yes.

It's very smart. The worst will ever. It feels like, and even her indoor voice, the fact that she's trying to have all of her last words known by shouting them all the time in her Birmingham accent. There's no way I'm being bugged with some dirt. It's hard to get buggery in a dirt. Yeah, you really did.

I ain't getting buggery in that home. There's no table left. It's hard to get buggery in the room. Yeah, you really did. I ain't getting buggery in that room! There's no table left. A flock me table. I ain't gonna bugger me. Okay, throw it off to the door to the door, dude. What is it weird to say that like... Can I ask, is that the end of the beef?

Oh no. Oh, there's more. I definitely feel like this is... There's something bigger going on here. Would you be bothered about being interfered with once you're dead? Do you kind of feel like I'm dead? No, it doesn't bother me. No, is that an opening?

I absolutely encourage it. Sure. I'm going to leave instructions written on my belly. You're going to stress in very sense. Yeah, I'm going to say it. I'm going to be buried in next door. Inseverated here. God, she died clutching a tub of Vasily. in this dress in very sexy. Yeah, I'm in here for you guys. I'm in very different neck, I'm in Zerda here.

God, she died clutching a tub of Vasily. I'm sorry to say help yourself. This is awful. How was actually so real? It was surprisingly sexy. Yeah, real sexy. Right, sexy is for us, remember, Vinci? She's sprung up in her bride, the coffin.

Everyone had a go. I'm going to do that, like, you know, in Macauley Colken when he moves the mannequin. I can have someone pulling my eyes, we're like, go on, go on, go on, go on You're gonna make the first move Yeah, oh I always would have The picture it appears with your corpse

Yeah, it wasn't my idea I was alone, I was at the bar This cadaver came up to me, started chatting me up The corpse molested me I'm gonna send messages through the Ouija board Like Booty calls through the Ouija boards Come and get me boys Second graze, jump to the left You're gonna say you up on a Ouija boards. Come and get me boys. Second grazed home to the left.

You're gonna say you up on a Ouija board, aren't you basically? All right, penis more like. All right, you've been resting penis. Rest in penis. Rest on penis? Um, Rob. But, yes, in terms of, it's funny, do you guys see a lot of dead bodies?

I've seen. Is this part of baptism? It's part of Catholicism, well Irish funerals is the big wake. So I've been seeing properly cadavers and dead bodies since I was a kid. Oh, wow. And laid out and ready to go.

And it's a real sign of respect and you'll sit around. I've got that. Yeah, and it's very, not one day in a word, but very normal and natural. And I do think there's a place in the psyche For it to be important for us to know that we're just flesh to see this thing turn into something else and go down into the ground and burial and I re-birth for something else. I got you wait and watch and if he composes. No, we don't. I'm very busy I've got a lot going on in the moment gone if I the time-time

I've got a lot going on at the moment. Gone if I the time-tarm, I'll sleep. But mother doesn't have the most. It's what your auntie Helen would have wanted. Yeah. Can you please stay and watch? In watch. Oh god, I can see the fingers got a big gummy book. Do I really have to stay around for the whole thing?

Seriously, I've got this gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And to be honest, the smell of old ham is really overwhelming now. Great, delicious. Yeah. But the idea of someone leaving and your body being like, I don't mind it to be on some sort of a modeling, but I actually think it really, it goes, this person's gone away and you deal with your stuff and it's a marker in someone's life of when to deal

with something, because mortality and what I feel like is going on and from what I can see so far in this other other lady's life the flatmate It's a lot is dealing with more some people find very difficult to deal with mortality because it's not a discussion Yeah, it's a discussion that gets surprised upon them Take the to spirituality rather than openly thrown around, you know, it's interesting. You're listening to grief cast Sorry, Karyad, we're making a move. There's a new boy everyone in town. I think that's the problem. It's not enough white males in Carrie's podcast.

Or in podcast and general. In podcast and in general, yeah. Yeah. We continue to podcast. We're in the same beef. By the way, the title of this beef was the most ridiculous house in the world. It sounds like a sitcom.

And it's not about the funeral home. We're in the house. So she's paid two grand remembrance go straight from where she dies. This is Birmingham flat made with the plastic sheets has paid two grand because straight to where she dies so she bypasses the area where she could get burned by a crem lover. No, he's the thing. He's the thing with the crem lover. Was that two grand? Right, with that two grand. You have to think depending on where she dies that could be an absolute bargain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or she could have been ripped off. If she's hiking the Andes, right? And she gets struck by lightning from, I don't know, a match of picture. I'm not, I'm not in big on geography. Sure, no, that's good. If her house makes it struck by lightning in Peru,

two grand to get the corpse back from all the way back to the crem, two grand, bargain. It's an absolute bargain. If she the way back to the crem to grand bargain it's an absolute bargain if she's Popping down to the crem. Oh Real waste where she's gonna end up she trips she falls into the cremse post To grand I mean Tom isn't this life though. Isn't that exactly what life is you just don't know But everything you're doing is gonna pay off or if it's gonna be a bargain or an absolute waste. You don't spend all your time tethered to the funeral. Yeah.

You don't want to sort of... You don't want to basically... You don't want to... We're protested. I don't know the way to tell the yourself to the funeral. Some people of a certain age, and I suppose we're all getting to that age where if we were to look at buying a house, we go, what are the schools like?

She'd be like, what are the crems like? What's the funeral home like? How far away is a nearest cremation? How much action is my corpse gonna get? Yeah. This funeral home. Sorry. Not a trip advisor review.

Now I think we're gonna move it. It seems like we're moving away now from the funeral home. That's like a little soupsaw in the middle. Oh my goodness. Wait, still this is so deep. I know. This is like a book.

She then says, I've attached to it. I imagine I've never Oh Sorry, I don't move on too quickly from that lovely bit of business It's really good. You can go. You've done your time. From the starting I can beat you! Well, we're not deep into this beat for you. No, we are deep into this beat.

Yes, if you fancy coming to see us do a beef brothers live as part of Flat Share's slam day, and we've got a few live shows coming up. We have got a few. In fact, we're going to be at the McHutler's Comedy Festival. Easy food, sir. In Wales, please stop saying that. On the 4th and 5th of May. So very, very soon. Very, very soon. We'd love to Wales we go. We'd love to see you there. There's going to be some fun episodes.

We're also at the Soho Theatre on the 20th of May in London. And we're also doing a big one on June the 6th, which I believe is Clarke's birthday. Oh, hello. If the rumours are true, Clarke is having a birthday treat by doing an episode of Flat Slam. Clarke's saying happy 42nd birthday, Clarke. That's not, that's not, that's not, how old are you? He's 47.

I'm 47. Come and see Clarke, celebrate his birthday, instile at the Uddebelly. Oh, that's gonna be a huge one. On the biggest flat, however. The biggest flat slam ever. Yeah, hopefully. I haven't seen the live show.

We're gonna be 12 people in New Hairs. It's the biggest big old room. The biggest fun. Now, let's give it a try. Come and see the live show. It's always a lot of fun. We always have brilliant guests and a fun time we'll be held by all. Do you want to see what the world is really like?

Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom It's non-stop bonkers brilliance I love that poor things in select theaters, December 15th Bear from the starting I can be She also collects boxes and has about 20 in her room Which is weird because she's obsessed with, sort of,

kind of, coffins, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, she's obsessed with funeral homes. Why is she turning her little room into a funeral parlour? When the house was burgled, the burglar has went through every box. Can I just say as well? By the way, such a name in that house.

When the house was burgled, which it was, it was a permanent. I think it was the third time. When the house was burgled, the burglar has went through every box, but didn't find anything because she doesn't actually use them for storage. Oh, great, hey. Can you imagine those bored burglars?

Is she, wait, can I just board a deal or no? Look, can we just check right now? She's not using them to eat her dinner off because in which case, she's got a lawsuit on her hands because we came up with that. Food. She's got foobs. She's got a house for the foobs. Bitch, don't you even try and take Matthew's food idea. Absolutely right bitch. You just go away from my food bitch

I felt that when you said it I'm comfortable and you're listening to grief cast beach If it was Imagine you're a burglar you get in there. There's no table You got it you're going to a room you must get in there, there's no table. You go into a room. You must think, oh, someone's just beating us to it. There's 20 boxes, you think what, they've just moved in, you go through each box, there's nothing here. Like a bad episode of the chase.

Here we do. Another video. I knew it as soon as I said it, but you know why it was worth saying it. The way both of you both been, I'm at either side of me, like two at the exact same time, heads turned, or Jaila No Deal. We all work for you, Lance and Erin during the day. Exactly, yeah. The loss of raptors.

Yeah, who's gonna man's playing the girls? I was like, who's the man's playing the girls? Me, me. Oh, here we go. Another plot twist here. This is like Gong Girl. Yeah. Another house mate has a tampon backpack. Boom.

Well, what's a tampon backpack? Well, I'm guessing. What's a tampon backpack? I don't bloody know. I'm just going to say that. I'm going to be straight in there. What kind of a stamp of this? Well, I'm going to guess. I hope you do, because I don't think I know. I'm gonna guess. Please, a back pack, you keep your tampons in.

Oh, I mean, you'd hardly have... This is why she's nuts. So here's the value of me being on the show today. Over the course of a day, correct me if I'm wrong. I doubt you'd need more than three or four. They're not crazily bigger than a pen. A whole backpack for three tampons. I like, don't get me wrong.

I'm, as you know, big and osteopathy. I believe in backpacks for your back whole backpack for three tampons. I like don't get me wrong I'm as you know big into osteopathy. I believe in backpacks for your back, but for three tampons Yeah, for me that that sounded sore for a second like a tampon like a back log of tampon I would like to tampon the size of pen Clarke's area in Wolverham is a pretty big tampon Heavy flow, so fine suburb. Um, she suburb. So she's got a tampon backpack. She's going to explain it, I think. Oh please.

Another high-spot has a tampon backpack. It's a kids backpack. Backpack. It's a kids backpack. We'll be selling those as well. Which has a fun ton of tampons in the front pocket. There are four women in this house, but God forbid that anyone sees a tampon. Also, capital letters, tampons come in boxes.

Sorry, I don't know why the tampon thing bugs me so much. Well, she clearly likes empty boxes. Everyone in the house likes empty boxes. They don't like a box to be containing anything. A backpack, that can contain tampons, fair enough, but a box cannot. If you're boxing that out to empty. I would say that's a bit unfair of her

getting annoyed at that tampon thing. Because sometimes you want to put your toiletries in nice things So that doesn't sound like a backpack anymore that sounds like a nice like you know I put things in baskets I take them out of the boxes. Yeah, make it make your house look like a shop otherwise I don't even have the idea of a tampon backpack. Yeah, they do I and I hope you get one one day done I've attached various pictures of her shelf on the fridge. I know, I've attached various pictures of her shelf of the fridge, so we're moving on.

Wait, no, are you mispronouncing yourself? I can't understand the sentence if you haven't. I've attached various pictures of her shelf of the fridge. What? So, sorry. Her shelf in the fridge. Yes, the shelf she has in the fridge. So? So, sorry, it's a shelf in the fridge. The shelf she has in the fridge. So, we've got some pictures.

Oh, okay, sorry. Oh, great. I couldn't work that out. No, neither could I. You know what I'm going to do with the pictures? I'm not going to look at them because the podcasters can't. So, I'm going to let you describe them to me when you guys see them. You describe this is why Ashley B is a real pro-lates gentleman.

So, there are four dairy milks in a row. Next to you. Very evenly, very evenly. Next to a plate, yes, very evenly. All the ends are in line. Whoa. Next to a plate with a sliced lemon on it. A small plate or a large plate

with a tiny bit of lemon on it. I think it's a side plate with what looks like a full lemon sliced up on it. Okay. Okay, okay. That's pretty much what we're dealing with here. I'm so far in. I've got a few more photos here. Go for it. If you want to see them. Yeah. So we've got here, let's have a little look at this one. So that's her shelf and the fridge. That's her shelf and the fridge. And that's all that it contains. So her shelf in the fridge has a peeled and segmented clementine or satzuma on a plate next to a bowl. In fact, it's more than one. It's probably,

I'm say, a reckon, what's your reckon Tom? Three or four satzuma's there. Do you think she's living with like a YouTube unboxer? And she doesn't realise realize like this person has unpacked her a pack of satsuma my all the boxes are empty she's waiting to unpack the dairy I'm so impressed by what you've done I don't know if it's because I've been watching loads like making of a murder and serial killer things but that is such good case work You put you put all those patterns together so well and Tom as a friend. I'm just impressed right now

Thank you. I'm just impressed. That means it all for lots of me actually. Thank you. That is Think about crack this beef. I'm impressed as well. However Like it making a murderer a new piece of evidence emerges. There's another plot twist. Gone girl is back. Now, I tell you what, Clarky, I'm gonna pass this photo to you. Return girl. Why don't you describe this one here and see? Oh, wow. Okay.

I'm sorry. Is this still, are we still in the fridge, please? We're still in the fridge. We're still in the fridge. We have a, oh my goodness. Yeah. She won't be after she's dead, right? Absolutely. You should be right in the oven. We're right in the fridge. We're still in the fridge. We have a oh my goodness. She won't be after she's dead. Right?

You're right in the oven. We're right in the oven. We have a row, the fish, a half, of carton soup, carton soup, six across and four deep. Like a shop almost. Yes. What type of soups what what high-end brand low-end brand Covent Garden. Oh, the brands are available in the middle of the range. Yeah She's got 24 24 OCD OCD arranged OCD, OCD arranged cartons of soup. No, our cartons boxes, that's the question.

Cartons are boxes, I think we can safely say cartons of boxes. And to have that money, she unboxes the soup. Hey, the sell-by date on those things is quite close to when you buy them. They don't stick around forever, that's a lot of things. That's a good point, you don't stop up if they don't have cans. Are they veggie or are they... I can zoom in and see if you can do me. If she's stopped piling for Brexit?

Because she's chosen the wrong soup there. No, this lady doesn't seem, I think to paint this lady is crazy or in any way is a bit of a dumb dumb, would be to our naivety. Yes, I agree. And I think that this, something's going on here,

I think Tom's close, but there's a plan here. There's a, there's a, I know someone who lives with a YouTuber once. Guys, I've done some detective work from the point of time. I tell you why, Lucky, when someone is speaking, sorry, you do not interrupt them. I have to say I do bit some time, so fair enough work away, Ben.

Yeah, I'd say, yeah, you know what, the beam of triangles come back at some point. Well, come back to that YouTube anecdote. Yeah, please. Hold that YouTube thoughts. It's what it's like in a police plate, which can't just wait for everyone to put up the right edge. The YouTube leads on hold, let's go.

She's got them in order from left to right. I can see zooming in in cell wide eight. Oh, that all ordered. See, I like that. I hate food waste. So I'm on board with the way she's thinking about this, going, I don't want to waste food. The clementine's in the fridge.

Lemons in the fridge. She's not going to leave them out and let them go mold you're anything. Guys, keep your clementines close. Keep your clementines close from all right. They say, keep them all peels. It's almost works. Keep your eyes peeled for clues. And your clementine peeled for your YouTube vlog.

LAUGHTER We'll be translating that sentence in the next episode. So she just comes in. She doesn't have to look. We'll be translating that sentence in the next episode. So she just comes in, she doesn't have to look, she knows she's going to work her way down the order of soups. Left to right as you do with the book, I've heard when you made them. Or pen, or paper. So what does she do with the ones behind though?

Is she literally other ones behind? They like don't you like that? Also in order. For months. No, no, also in order. So she goes, front to back, left to right. Wow, this is fascinating. That is absolutely fascinating. I am amazed by this woman.

This woman would make a really good indie movie. Yes. And actually, the person, sorry Claire, you writing in would be very much a side character, only for features in the first few minutes. You're the less interesting person here, Claire. I'm so very happy. She'd kind of be like the narrator or something.

Yeah, I don't even think she'd have that much. I think she would help the audience have a point of view for the first 15 minutes of this person. And then she'd take it to the world. And then she'd like, and that was the 80s when we lived together. But by, and then we see her now. We see Box Lady now. Now in her.

Who's going to play her? Really Mara will probably play the Box Girl. We're a great girl, we could do it, yeah. And it's gonna be like, I've paid $2,000 to have my clubs go straight to the funeral home, and it's gonna be like, that's kind of a good thing. I feel like we're gonna go, we're gonna explain it though. I don't think she wouldn't say anything.

I think she'd go, oh, the reason I keep these boxes here is because I have a YouTube blog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think really Mara be like, nothing's going on. Yes. You know, to be mysterious. To be mysterious. How much of a mystery do you want it to be?

Now, Ashley, I know you didn't want to look at the photos of the fridge. Would you like to look at and describe the tampon backpack, which is also a photo, tampon backpack. Oh, see, now this is interesting, because this is a cute little cat, kitson backpack. And it's like falls into, it's not totally my style, but it was at one point, a little bit of a twey place

to keep your stuff. And I would rather see this in a bathroom, so it becomes a nice pretty feature, than a box of tampons in their blue big old box. This is kooky, and this is not made. Yes, it is. I think it's a character thing. Oh, she's got a tiny little tampon back there. And it's cute, and it's nice. I don't and this is not a Viterritory. Yes, it is. I think there's a character there. I think there's a character there.

And it's cute, and it's nice. I don't think this is her. She walks around at all points just in case she's like, whew! Yeah. Like, she thinks it's like between one and 28 days that happens every single day, but sometimes it's one day. Sometimes it's 28 days.

It's good to see that it's dainty, and it's not like one of those buildings on a half kind of hiking. This isn't a Nike, let's do it. Let's do it. Just do it. Backpack, you know,, short, half kind of hiking. This isn't an Nike, let's do it. Let's do it. Just do it. Backpack, you know, with a sock hanging out of it. I think this is, she's actually used something, she probably,

do you know what this is guys? Okay. This is a backpack that was given to her by an auntie that's clearly pretty, but she would never wear it in real life, because it's too much. It's a bit cutesy. And this is something, now it's a nice holding device, it's Cat Kitson, it's too much. It's a bit cutesy. And this is something you are fantastic. Now it's the nice holding device. It's Cat Kidsin.

It's an up market brand. And she uses it to hang her stuff there. This is not me saying you should be ashamed of having tampons in your bathroom. This is me literally going, I don't like the boxes on stuff. I like baskets. I like hanging things. I like, you know, but I don't like tampons.

I like to have a lot of them. It's my favorite Mary Poppins song. Yes. So, honestly, that same one, she pulls all the tampons out of her bag, and that's like... Sure. Sure. The reason I said sure. Just a moong up. I'm just doing it.

Just a moong cup of... Just do it. It's good. Just a moon cup of... Just a moon cup of blood. That's it. That's a baby not come round. Yeah, just a moon cup of blood. Just a moon cup of blood. Just a moon cup of blood. That's a moon cup of blood.

Just a moon cup of blood. That's a moon cup of blood. Come round in most of life, all the way. Beef solved. Not see Mary Poppins too, but I imagine that's how it went. How have we technically solved the beef? I don't think we have. Because this has been a long beef,

but it's been a good beef. What are we actually solving here? I think move out is our solution. I think embrace the fact that you're living with an enigmatic lead character from an indie film. Let them have their mysteries, embrace it, don't be the square in the flat. Lean into the Zoe Dechele.

And the patterns do that you've uncovered, Tom, do actually calm me down. Because it's hard to know what this person gonna do next, that's weird. Whereas actually, once you put a sort of profile of someone together, you're like, oh, that calms me down, I sort of understand what their thing is.

They like packing, they like organization, not wait, they like unboxing, segments of things, compartmentalizing. Maybe they had a very messy childhood and to be able to put things cleanly into boxes and plastic, it makes them feel camera and safer and nicer and that's what's going on there. I just desperate for order. Desperate for order? Yes, and in a chaotic time guy. Yeah, in a chaotic world.

Yeah, desperate for order. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, you lived with a YouTuber. I did. So this was a comedian friend of mine, who I think you guys might know, but I won't name them afterwards in case I'm like, oh, that's a YouTuber that lived with. Okay.

But they lived with a YouTuber and they did say that he would sort of go into his room for ages and come out. And they were like, oh, it feels like we're not really living with you and it's hard because he was a little bit quiet but it turns out like in his room he'd be going, hi you guys, welcome back, just kind of say,

I love malt teasers and malt teasers would give him like a grand to mention malt teasers on his vlog. So that's how he was paying his rent. But just silently in his room, having some opinions and doing little sketches but he wasn't actually engaging with the rest of the world. And it was a bit like.

And grandma, you say, because we, quite like malt teas the world. And it was a bit like, oh, that's quite like more teases. I think there was a lighter choice. That's great. Some would say the lighter choice. Can I tell you this thing? So doing James and Ed's podcast, the food one, I will mention Quaker Taps, which is, you know, the hot tap that you can get on demand. Yeah, lethal tap.

And I was, yeah, oh, it's my, you know. You live them. Well, they'd be my dream and my house, because living alone, you know, you have to avoid a whole kettle. You know, now that I would boil a whole kettle, I actually have an eco kettle. Thank you, but just to say, I would love a cooker. Cut tap.

Anyways, cooker after it started following me on Twitter, like, hi, Ashling. Do you mind if we get in touch? Do you want to follow us back? You're going to be a very sinister voice though. Yeah, well, the sinister voice came in hindsight, I think. And then they were like, can we leave your email? We want to talk, she bait something.

I'm like, oh, shit. Here we go. And I texted Ed and James, I was like, you know, it's only bloody happened. My celeb pulling power is getting me a free god. And these things are worth up to 600 pounds, guys. I think that's plus installation. Don't quote me on that. Yes, please. But anyways, I got an email from them saying that they would like to offer me 30% off. Oh, buying one. And for like a load of social media posts like I'm Chloe Kardashian. And I was like, bitch, please.

You have to mention them On at least another podcast, is that what you're saying? And I said to Quaker, that amazing company, no way. But like, imagine, 35% off. I was like, oh, throw is a free-blooding tap-labs. So I wrote them back, like a load of, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I was like, no, you're all right, I'm going to use it in my kettle. I genuinely thought you were going to offer me a free one. Like, I was so honest about it. I was like, no, you're all right, but I'm going to use it in the kettle. I genuinely thought you were going to offer me a free one. Like, I was so honest about it.

I was like, no, 30% or not on your nail. They scare the life out of me, those boys, the quicker things. Yeah. Why top? When you go to the, firstly, you need to like crack the code of like, to tickle it three times and then once to the left.

And then it like, I just like a lady. Yeah, very much so they are. Can't work them out. And then they're too hard to handle. Oh. Woo. They kind of froth that you and kind of get the very aggressive.

I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah, they are terrible. Can I wouldn't recommend spending money on one? Yeah, go on. I don't know what these are. Ah. Because I thought they were like, you know,

if you work in an office, sometimes you'll have one that just immediately does. Yes, that's what it is. Yeah. What's the code like, the twisting and everything? You just press the security button and press the thing down, is that? Yeah. The kind of design for the ones that I've experienced is like, you have to go to the base.

Oh. You have to pull it down twice. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Do you listen? You have to pull it down twice until it starts to go red and then you kind of twist it and then it all frothed. Oh, I don't know that one.

Sorry, I thought you were just getting back in like, the ones I've seen are the ones you've seen. Right, okay, it's fine. When you start describing that, I suddenly thought, I thought I knew what we were talking about and then said, I was like, no, I don't. It's often the way when I try and talk about it. You've actually made it more complicated,

it's quite a simple idea. So, listen, we need to solve Claire's beef and move on. What are we saying? So, Claire, if you're listening, I feel that you need to respect whatever this person's gone through. She's not as invested in the house as you. She's just finding somewhere to live and rest her vlogging hat for a while. Her whimsical.

Her whimsical. And this is like in relationships. If the other person isn't as into it, then you either make peace with that or move on. Yeah. Beef. Solved. Beef from the starting at your beef. Solved. So all that remains after doing a very lengthy beef is which is

a strong, strong, Matthew, please. We'll take a break in a lengthy beef. We're now back. No one's taking in. Still with Ashlyn beef. And Ashlyn, we are going gonna bring in a fan sure standard in just a moment to solve your beef. So tell us what is a beef you have with your flat mate

or a flat mate you've had in the past. Well more like Ashlyn beef. Oh, Ashlyn beef. Ah, ah, ah. So this isn't really funny. It's just more maybe something that gets them a ghost. Yeah, sure. I love that.

That's what we need. Yeah, it does. My goat's like, I'm like, you've got my goat now about this. I hate, I suppose, I hate ghosts. So just don't bring them in my halls. They're climbing all over me. I don't like, it makes me nervous if someone says they're gonna do something and doesn't.

So I'm actually very good as someone goes, oh my God, we must go for lunch sometime. And if I genuinely can't see a time down the line, I don't promise anything. I go, oh God, I'm so busy at the moment. I hate over-promising or being let down. I'm sure this is due with my childhood stuff. That's so good, yeah.

But I really hate someone saying they're going to do them and they don't, or they don't have. Yeah, and I would rather you just were real and then I can move on with my life. We're going to, you know what, I'm not free for a while or whatever it is. I had a flatmate who used to say she was going to do stuff and it was never a malice.

She'd a gorgeous heart. But she'd be like, oh, I'm going to do those dishes in the morning. And then three days later, they'd still be there. And I'd be debating, doing them or not doing them. But I was also really sad, because I knew she meant it when she said it, but I just wanted her to be real. I just wanted to be like, listen, I'm leaving a mess for a while.

Can you do them and I'll get you back next week? Grant, then we're all camera. Because she felt into a spiral of guilt about it. And when she would wash something as well, she'd only half wash it, and she thought she was washing it. So I have to sit there watching her watching, knowing I would have to wait a polite amount of time so I didn't make her feel bad,

because there was no malice in her hands when she washed. And it was just how all she knew. And then I would have to wait for the polite time. And maybe she'd gone to bed, then I'd have to go back and rewash, and it was just all a waste of time when I could have been chilling And I know you're like that's a bit anal whatever, but it's a sort of that stuff

When you're living with someone you've to make some you've to both bend in certain ways You really do you to sort of go, okay this I live my life, but how do we Coexist together. It's the same as the society. Compromise. Compromise, exactly. So I knew that sometimes she was busy and in the evenings was knackered and wouldn't be able to do the dishes despite it's sort of like being a bit like, yeah, at me. But as long as she did them the next day improperly, but this sort of over-promising and under-delivering, I found very difficult. I find that genuinely very difficult when someone like goes, I can show you the world. Take your underbying.

Shining shivering splendid. Tell me, Princess, when did you last let your heart decide? I would have to say that. Oh, God, that's so weird. That's a weird coincidence. He did a whole new world. Don't you dare close your eyes. But I would rather be on the carpet and he go like, I'll be honest, this is already a mad day for me. I don't normally have a carpet like this. This is showing you a lot of a world that I can't possibly commit to because I'm quite

poor. I mean, it would be a short film. It would be a short film, but it would be an honest film. Setting up that that's a normal day for him is, I would be really disappointed than afterwards. I would rather him under promise and over deliver than over promise and under deliver that gets me that really gets my can I tell you now we're in for a treat because Tom you're off now aren't you oh

Tom see you at Tom bye and we want a nabbede yeah she's got let's talk about Jesus Christ. Oh my God, we're not recording any of this. We're just doing it for a self-esteem. He's been so over it.

He's pathetic. He's got no work going on. Oh my God, it's all great. Anyway, Fanshawe standards wandered in. Fanshawe, it's great to have you here. Now, you heard, I don't know why you wandered in after being with him, but you heard it through a crew. I did it all in my outdoor voice and you heard it. You heard it all.

So, Fansure, what are your thoughts? Fansure, Stan, in presiding and providing. Oh, please help. What are your thoughts? Ladies and gentlemen of the podcast, Hill, we're all sat round here speaking into a magic candle. Hill, rope goes in, sound comes out, science.

Well, we're in use to these new, fan-dangled technicians in this here town. We simple folk, we simple people hell. You probably remember there a few years ago, town center, square, real of homely like church overlooking the stars old past the Nick strong and tall attractive man was the appraisal did make pasta past the Nick's beginning don't trust it yams now we're talking. Past the Nick, past round the dish, time for a new cross on that their church. Hell, wooden cross been there for seven or seven years. To sound that long. No, weak wood, struck by lightning, time for a new one.

Metal cross, brass, r rest in man, attractive man. Tractive delightening as well. Hell, we all dug deep into that dish. Seven nickels, five dollars, 15 cents. Real expensive like. Came the day, came the hour, gathered in the church up we go, cloth go off the cross. Ain't no brass, Ain't no grass.

I might be lovely. Get us a little bit left in there. A pumpkin. Pumpkin on a church. Pumpkin on a church, past a lit, gone a devil. I think actually maybe crying, actually. Pumpkin on the church, past a lit, gone a devil. Over promised on under the live the jury rest your No further question. Well, Ashlyn

Does that solve your beef? In which case? I really beef solved Thank you so much Thank you so much. I'm so relieved And made me feel so much better. You sound so relieved. I really, I think you got the spirit. I didn't mean Tommy.

I mean, facial. There you go. I'm back in. I'm back in time. But it's funny because it's time you didn't make any sound coming in and out of the door. No. It's your puke roll. I was black in what I did. So, Aston, thank you so much for leader of the door. He's your pupil, right? A pure crawl under the door, I was the black guy I did.

So, Aston, thank you so much for coming on the show. What a treat for me, boys. This has been so fun. You're gonna come back? No! It's never coming back! They never do. They never do.

They never do. So, when you show out, by the way, so we can plug that. Oh, I don't know yet, but between now and recording, I'll have Married Off My Sister. To a man. Yes. It's exciting, congratulations. My own TV show won't be out until probably maybe

the summer or something like that. What's it called? It's called This Way Up. So when it does come out. Is it about boxes? No, but you know what? I got the idea from it because I was thinking of up and I want the show to be about hopefulness and

And I got this I was having a quite a bad time in New York writing the show quite one sad day And my friend Kitty sent me a box of love with lots of nice things in it when you feel better over Christmas Well, I was on my own and on the box It said this way up on the box and I'd written it down ten minutes before that as an idea to name the show and then this box came through in the past called this way up. So it's the universe saying yes, that's brilliant. So that will be out. So if you listen to this later on the one at first drops, please do watch my show.

I don't know when it comes out yet, but God please watch it and if you don't have anything nice to say about it, God please don't just add me in say but I'm a back like most polite people. Yeah, Twitter. Yeah, so be nice on Twitter and do watch Ashton show. Anything else? No that's absolutely it. This has got a new series coming out called Handle with Care. Handle with Care. Do you really? Oh my God because I was like oh no Ben because that's the same! I didn't know that's where I am now in terms of joking about it. Oh no!

Oh no, that really... Please not that. I can't revisit it with marketing again. Tom's got a show called Fragyle. Oh no! It's because we say about him when he's outside the ring. Oh no! And you're just called MrLivery Package.

Left with a neighbour, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, thank you very much, Ashden. You've been left with a neighbour. Yes, not bad, is it? Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye.

Hey. Wallup, we certainly solved that beef. And what a treat it was. Can I say, right now, for people who have listened to the last episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts, that wasn't an open and shut closed beef case. No, no, no. It was an open and open. It was an open and opened box case. It was an open and open box case. We can't come up with new catch phrases every episode. So it's open and closed shut beef case. It was an open and closed shut beef case. If you enjoyed the episode,

please go and I choose to leave us a five star review and tell us what you would like to have happen to your corpse after you. Ha ha ha ha ha. Why not? Why not? So that's just five stars and then, you know, just burial or cremation or you know.

Throw me in the sea. Pop me in the ocean. Off mumble's pier. That's my personal preference. Now that in mine. If you would like your beef, red out and solved on the show, then set us an email at beefrotherspodcast.com. Also, we've got a patron.

We are now putting out weekly podcasts. We really hope you're enjoying them. We are absolutely loving putting them together for you. It'd be great if we had your support to do it so that we can financially make this work So please go to patreon Papi's flat share. There's lots of different choices for you. You get loads of bonus footage the more you kind of Arabot contribute you get lots of outtakes you get some bonus rounds We'll be doing some drunk episodes every quarter. You'll be able to get exclusive listen to those

So there's loads of perks Please support us if you're enjoying the podcast because we want to be able to keep doing this. If you can't afford a regular donation, go to shityeamoney.com and give it a one-up. Shootyeamoney.com and give us a one-off donation. And if you can't afford any of that, just tell a friend that you like listening to our podcast and recommend that they do as well because it's all about word of mouth and we'd love to have more listeners. Absolutely. This podcast was produced by Emma Corsham now. Stay tuned for the Patreon Neighborhood of Watch.

Roll call! Thank you for joining us. It's been a pleasure being in your ear. We'll see you next week on Pappy's Flushette! Cheers everyone! Bye! So, that's the Patreon Neighborhood Watch. Comments. Thank you to everyone who donated on Patreon. These are their names. So, that's the Patreon neighborhood watch. Comments, thank you to everyone who are on Patreon.

These are their names in rhyme. Oh my god. Err... It's cocky stuff. I've never been thinking about this one. He's a bit of a pest. It's Roger Best. If he spots a two-pay, then he's CWIG.

It's Kalee Big. Oh my god. He's got his eye on me. Well they have got their eye on me. It's Cosmic irony. Wow. Yeah. I'm bursting with pride to announce Gervan Burnside. Really nice. Really nice. Great, great rhyme, great name. Go on, goadie. Oh no. Go on, goadie. Go on, goadie. Goadie. Oh, look at that. Awfully nice. Louis Price. He's nobody's son. It's Jess Robbins.

He's a real penis hardener. It's Simon Garner. Oh. Oh. Oh. He couldn't give a shit. It's John Riddett. She's giving me bone.

It's literally with a stone. Oh, wow. Oh, he's a bit of a gropa, it's Jim Roper. They really screwed his butt on, it's Neil Hudson. Oh, no, not Neil. Oh, no. No, Neil. Oh, sorry. He's really been through the mill, it's James J. Poundrill. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He knows Jimmy Somerville, his name is Andrew Somerville. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER OK. Is he on catchphrase? Or 12 and then 12? Or 12 and then 12? LAUGHTER Oh no. I'm so sorry to have been hasty on Patreon.

OK. OK. Keep going. Oh no, I'm so sorry to have finished an 80-odd Patreon. Okay, okay, keep going. All's well, but then swell, it's Andrew Karswell. Let's take him to town, it's Anthony Brown. It's very disturbing to hear from Edward Durbin. Barry Donovan, he's got a lot on his plate. I'm not saying that. Did he swallow something? Um, me, well here's Murray H.

Oh, can I do you want me to tell Doc Danny? He's got a lot on his plate. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. LACHE!