Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Alison Spittle S11E29

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Alison SpittleAlison Spittle - https://twitter.com/AlisonSpittlePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Welcome to Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. We have a wonderful episode for you here today. It's with Alison Spittel and she was absolutely fantastic. Was she not? It was, it is indeed. Clarke, you threw me there because I assumed even though Tom's not recording this in the episode, you'd go for the greetings this and this and this.

Oh, no. And you didn't, And I was absolutely. No, no, no, no. I was absolutely all of C. That's not my vibe, man. I know it's not your vibe, but you know, it's the vibe. It's very much the vibe of the show is it starts by greeting the listeners dear. And you did a, I mean, you know, what? The tried and tested.

Well, yeah. No, I didn't. You know, absolutely nothing wrong with that. I was very tempted to go with an oh, hi. You could have come with an oh, hi, yeah. Oh boy, I am sweating. I'm really sweating, Cobbs here. I mean, I'm glad you didn't go with that. That was the intro.

It is a hot hot hot thing. I mean, I think greetings this Nadir, welcome. These are all fine, but if you start with our boy, I'm sorry. I'm going to start with the intro to Sexy Beast. That's, that's not, I've got to get. What you can't hear, what you can't see obviously, if you're just listening to this, the audio podcast, is that Clarkie is recording this,

lying on a towel in a tiny, tiny pair of yellow budget smugglers. Actually, he does that regardless. It's only now that the weather has corresponded with this. We recorded some episodes in around December, January period, when you were really releasing it. It was a long, wee winter. It was a long wee winter. My cuts were very cold. Yeah, these are, there was some, there were so frosty they snapped off some of your cuts. They did, I was like the terminator too. So yeah, as Clarkie said, it's, you can get a shake here to wait to that reference.

You know, they're being terminator too. When you take that off. You don't have to. It sticks, that's the off too. You don't have to. You don't have to. You don't have to. You don't have to. It's tick-stops. I feel like I'll see that. Oh my goodness. It's my favourite bit.

That's what he says. It's tick-stops off. But yes, this is an episode we recorded with the wonderful Alison Spittel, who is a phenomenal stand-up and obviously also, as you'll hear, very good at sorting out beefs and had some pretty exciting stories to tell from her own life. So look forward to all of that. If you enjoy our podcast and you would like to help us out, then the Patreon is a great way to do it. You can

give us just a small amount of money every month, four pounds is all we're asking for and you get loads of bonus episodes. We're talking a backlog of nearly 150 flat share lockdowns. There's a ton of bonus beefs including one with, which will be out on Wednesday, and all our previous guests, you know, Kerry, Joey, Jimmy, all those people who've done it, May Martin, all that lot. They've all done bonus beefs for us. Joe Hampson, obviously, with May Martin. They're all there, over on the Patreon. So go to patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's Flat Share, and you can get all your Patreon stuff straight away. What more is there?

Yeah, me, yeah. Yeah, me, yeah. What more is there to say apart from Clarky's sweating? I am very hot. That's the main takeaway. Clarky's very hot. Yeah, some lovely cold cuts. Lovely stuff.

Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. Here are some lovely cold cuts lovely stuff Alison Spital welcome. Oh, you've just started to eat some so sorry. No, mate. I'm just looking a bit of Philadelphia out from between two crackers I'm a retigate that way that is how I prep for a contest. And the cream cheese at the end of my tongue, and I'm ready. Right, good. I think if you're about to speak into a microphone, what you really want is some soft cheese in your garbage, isn't it? Oh, it just loosens up the mouth. It's a beautiful feeling.

But it has to be consumed between two crackers. You can't just like put it in freehand. You got to. No, I mean, that's madness. Do you eat the cracker as well, or is it just purely as a sort of receptacle for the cheese? It's a receptacle. It's like a holy communion.

That's a little cracker. It's a receptacle for Jesus. This is a receptacle for cream cheese. It's kind of like Philadelphia's it's a receptacle for Jesus. This is a receptacle for cream cheese. It's kind of like Philadelphia is kind of like the Jesus of Jesus. I really need to eat the cheese for us. The Jesus of Jesus, yes. On the third day, I don't know, eh? Something happened to do with cheese.

That's the Bible I would like to read. It's just a very non-precise one. It's like, yeah, yeah, he did some of it. Because it was, like, I mean, the Bible was all written, like, you know, sometimes hundreds of years after the event. There must have been bits where they were like, we're a bit sketchy on the details. Just say, walked on water. Exactly, exactly.

Jesus probably did say, I have no problem with homosexuals or women and they just forgot to put that in. You think just let them do it? They just let them do it. They just let them do it. It's ambiguous on it. That was how... That was walking on the water story.

It's like the guy crucially forgot the bridge. But I know. Now that I think about it, there was a bridge, he walked over a bridge, is what happened. And you have forgotten something. Yeah, now I think about it there was a pretty walked over a bridge is what happened And you're forgot something Yeah, now I think about it. It's not much of a story. So let's just keep it as walking on water. Yeah It's not much of a tale to it

That bit where he just so you saying that he didn't actually disappear and Die he actually just went into a tunnel. Yeah, this is what this is what we're saying here. Yeah You've popped to the shops He actually just went into a tunnel. Yeah, this is what we're saying here. You popped at a shop, came back. Yeah, I was just saying. On the four day he rose again. He had a lazy weekend. Yeah, exactly. We've all done it. We've all had a day.

Well, I mean, if you can turn water into wine, of course you can have a better weekend. Exactly. You need to process that. Yeah. Which of course was just him. He invented ribada. That's what happened at that part. Hahaha.

So Alison, thanks very much for coming on the show. What is your flat setup? What are you living arrangements currently? I am living in a flat in London with one, two, three. It's three other rooms, used to be four other rooms. It used to be four other rooms, so used to live with five people, and now I live with four people because it was inspected, and they said you can't live like this, and so we had to have a sit in the room instead of the the smaller bedroom is now a sit in room. It's wonderful. So did you have to sort of draw lots and

turn somebody out? Was that the... It was so awkward. It came during a time I've been here a couple of years and the responsibility of finding new flatmates kind of falls on as fallen on me. So I had to... I told the woman she could move in and she was moving over from Ireland and I had to then meet her for a coffee, her and her mum and I said I'm so sorry but this is what's happened. She took it really well. She took it really well that now we're friends. So but like I had to like look at her mum's face and go like she'll be fine in London, elsewhere like. She's going to be fine. London elsewhere. Like, you know. She's gonna be fine. I'm just not with me.

So, yeah. So she just walked out of that coffee. She says she walked into that coffee shop, assuming she had a place to live and walked out as a homeless person. Genuinely, I felt like Louis Walsh on Pope Idol, where I was just going into a room going, guys, you should be really, really happy because you did your best, but you're not gonna make us. I'm sorry He did the old switcher. Are you?

And so yeah, I'm living and I got my bedroom which we were talking from now has its own balcony and I grow I'm growing strawberries potatoes broccoli and I grow, I'm growing strawberries, potatoes, broccoli, oh so many tomatoes, I'm so excited about that. Yeah, I have a little like farm on my balcony, I could show it to you, but I don't know. Yeah, I mean sure, I mean it's not great for the listeners, because like I would say that. Really gross though, we love salad. Yeah, it is quite the salad. Actually, I'm infested with pigeons at the moment. I do at the end, so I can bring all the equipment out. Right, okay, you're all connected.

You're going to be in a Velfresco recording going on for the last bit, yeah. Exactly. A little bit of an outside broadcast. And how you combat in the pigeons with your crop, what have you got? Have you got nets over it? Are you using a BB gun? What's your setup?

Unfortunately, I'm too, the flat I made is at the top floor. So there's nothing that I can like purchase a net off. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm necklace. I'm commando, so I am at the moment. But I've put up quite a lot of, um, uh, colouring pencils that I've sharpened and put upwards. So they can't really make a nest and also these windmills,

windmills are supposed to keep them away and pigeon tape. And I have a water gun as well for when I'm like frustrated. And, uh, what's pigeon tape? Is it like, it's not like, it's not like fly tape, is it? Oh, yeah. So, it's not like a big, it's a sticky tape that like a pigeon flyers into. You have to wake up every morning

and pluck alone a pigeon's off the tape and chuck them back out into the street. Oh, that'd be horrific, yeah. Yeah. I'm already stuffed a pillow from like, you know, the feathers I've got on my tape. It's like this shiny tape, my honest, honestly, my balcony, because it's so full of windmills, these like really beautiful foil windmills,

and the pigeon tape is like a shiny iridescent kind of silver that kind of moves in a way that like pretends it's a man, you know. Like if a man was doing breakdancing, which I think pigeons are very scared of, that's the way it moves. Breakdances, yeah. And it looks a lot like if the teletobbies got into drug dealing and had like a like a like a kind of layer like it's very this lots of enforcement. It's pigeon. There's also got like pigeon pokey things as well. That came with a manual and... Pigeon Poke things, kind of like tomorrow. Yeah.

It's the, I can't remember what it's called, these spikes to keep away the pigeons, they're plastic. And you get like a manual talking about how you can keep away the pigeons. And I've read it all and I've said, you really can't. Like they dress like, you know, they'll do what they like. They're wild things. So you've got basically, you've got all of this stuff and you're saying none of it's working. None of it's working. But basically, I think I've spent like, I think I've spent a hundred quid on keeping the

pigeons away. Do you know how cheap it is to buy tomatoes? I know. I know. For a hundred quid, you can have so many tomatoes for a hundred quid. They're about, they're about like 80p a pun it. They're really cheap tomatoes, you know. You can really get yourself a lot of tomatoes.

Potatoes, even cheaper. I know, the little one I got through little and I see how cheap they are that week and remember how much I've spent and how much emotional, and you know what's weird? It's like potatoes are hard to grow and I'm Irish and we've had issues before we've grown potatoes,

like quite a big historical issue. Sure. Before, and you know, I learned about in school and I'm like, oh yeah, that was tragic, but now, now I don't have actually grown potatoes myself. I really, really understand. I'm like, you know, my life isn't reliant on this, but it's very inconvenient. Like, it's this very frustrating. So, I love the way you went very silent during the potato fabbin' bit. I know, it's been a while since I went to Leapon. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry We went right around the trap and ate your tomatoes, what we did. We avoided the potatoes and ate the tomatoes.

Oh good for you, get down to the vitamins in. But yeah, so that's my house situation, I think. I think there's only females. I'm going to have to get a look at this Philadelphia. Have a look, have a look. You're going Philadelphia on the back of your mouth. I can't wait for these tomatoes to grow because this Philadelphia is quite plain. You know, be nice. You need something to go with it.

So who are you living with? Who are your flatmates? I got three flatmates. I got four, including my boyfriend. They don't consider my boyfriend to be a flatmate. It's not weird. Even though we ultimately share everything. More so, you know.

That's what I mean, everything. Sorry. He's gonna get a look at that Philadelphia in a second. He's just a hovering on the corner waiting. Yeah, he comes in from Bright Dancing on the balcony. Exactly. He eats the crackers when I'm done with it. When I've got the Philadelphia offer,

he gets the crackers. But then, it's a perfect setup. Oh, it's perfect. So I'm living in this room. It's got a balcony. I feel like it's quite a big room. So a member boyfriend living here. I have my own little mini fridge in here.

And the tray. Yeah. Well, I don't want to inflict as well, because there's quite a lot of people living in this house. And, you know, the fridge only has so many shelves. So it's nice to, like, just make space for other people. Um, I've quite a lot of condiments as well. Um, I've got a whole drawer, like a whole, like, space.

That's a really polite way of saying that you don't trust the order of the housemaid. I'm trying to make it so much, you're being so considerate. I just want to give them a bit more space. You don't trust your housemaids, let's be honest. Look, I'm getting this from all sides, the housemaids, the pigeons, like nothing, you know, enough of the sacred to me. So I live with them, I've been, and they're really lovely and during the lockdown and everything, you know, we've been kind of working from home, but it's all kind of worked out quite nicely. Yeah. That's great. I mean, it's not great for this podcast, which is all about you, BBC, you've got with your flatmates, but I've had so much conflict.

Well, we'll get to that as well. We'll tease that for the end. You know, people are enjoying the episode already. Stick around because we're going to get to hear us look at some tomatoes. And you're going to get here about some conflict. But you'll get your blood. Don't worry. Let's dive in with the first beef, Parade. Do you want to kick off? This is extraordinary stuff. Girlfriends, partner beef from day via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Hello, my wife is in another serious relationship.

Both relationships have existed for more than 10 years. We're all happy, there's no jealousy. It all works wonderfully, so please don't judge us for that. Okay. It's very, very modern and we're all, you know, as cool youngsters, we're all very chill about that. We're all very chill about polyamory. And by that, I mean, I'm struggling to get my head round.

LAUGHTER I'm confused, I'm aroused, I don't know what's going on. I've got a clue how this would even begin to work in my world. Sorry, but when my wife's girlfriend comes to stay, they always send me to stay at my parents' house. This is a little embarrassing since my parents clearly know what's going on. I only go to stay with them when this particular person comes to stay and this is exacerbated

by my almost total inability to lie. My mom wants to ask me if I'd made the spare room nice for her, and I said, don't worry, they only need one bed. Why can't I just stay in the spare room? I'd happily stay out of their way. My wife insists that she would happily bail out if I had another partner come to stay, but I don't know where she'd go, and me, it really wouldn't bother me if she stayed. It's not that the girlfriend and I don't get on by the way, we'd certainly consider one another friends. It's more that they don't get to stay together so often and don't want to be anti-social towards me. Isn't it more anti-social to kick me out though? Here's a second beef in case the first one was too rude. My wife's dog is hysterically sexually attracted to one of my cats.

What do I do? Thanks for the years of fun day. Thank you, Dave. Right, we'll start with the first beef first, I think. I feel like we should. We'll get to the cats and dogs, you know, the different skin cats and dogs in a bit. Right, my initial thought is, all of this, you know, all we just don't wanna be in your way, day, all that gonna stuff is a total cover.

Right. They want you out the way, day. They're being nice to you, they're being polite to you to say, oh, you know, like, yeah, I know, you know, it's just better if you're out of the house. That's what, that's what they want, but they're dressing it up as, you know, oh, we just, we don't want to make it awkward, we don't want to make it anti-social, all of that kind of stuff. They need you

out the way so they can have their fun. Not guilt free, I don't want to use the word guilt, but you know what I mean? In a relaxed way where they're not thinking our days just sat in the spare room on his own. That's my immediate thought. I mean, yeah, you're for two thoughts. I think that's kind of implied. I think like them saying, look, we don't want to be on social towards you. You know, that means like if you stay,

we're not going to be paying you any attention at all. Do you know what I mean? Like it's kind of like like I think it's more than that though isn't it? That's that's the plentiful to that that's the polite version. Yeah, I think I think day has to suck this up Doesn't I I appreciate living going back to your parents is is tough But you know Premier in's 39 quid a night. Oh, there's a great breakfast as well there, you know? Yeah, exactly. I know that becomes expensive, but maybe they could split the cost with you.

Yeah. That would be a good idea. So, just to get this straight, because I think I blocked out half of this because I'm ex-caflic and it just wouldn't go into my head. So I do, they're kind of trying to prevent the person they're in a relationship with, they're preventing them making them feel like the third wheel. Yes. In this situation, right? Yeah. That's, yeah, and they're worried about the parents knowing,

did the parents full on know they're in a polyamorous relationship? I mean, it's hard to tell, isn't it? I think it's kind of an unspoken truth, I think is kind of how it feels. What they need is they need to get Louis Farouin and... Yeah, I don't know if you'd love this. Oh yeah, because the parents would watch it.

Like, I feel like if you want to tell your parents something, you don't quite have the spoons to be able to kind of like explain. Just get Louis Farouin, they'll see it eventually on the eye player. Like, and you know, you can just stay at their house and not explain anything. Just, I don't know. It is, it's like that that's, I love, I think definitely get Louis Theroux in. Yeah.

No situation can't be improved with bringing a bit of Louis Theroux into it. Definitely. The, I wonder if though, it's bigger than just being embarrassed in front of your parents, isn't it? It's like him wanting to be there and them not wanting him to be there. But I don't think he wants to be there with them.

No, no, I don't think so either. I think they need to go. They need to go to the other girlfriend's house. One day his parents're very often. Yeah, tricky. I think like, you know, they don't seem to be very often. They can make it special. Can't they get a nice little Airbnb by the key or something? I mean, it's not, it's not, it's not day's responsibility to get out the way, because he's at home, he hasn't left home.

So she should either go to the girlfriend's place where no one has to leave, or they have to get a place of their own. That's the only, like that makes logical sense with what's going on. Yeah, that's it, sure. I mean, like what this feels like to me is the one thing I always feel when I hear about polyamory is what on the surface feels like, you know, like this kind of completely

kind of fluid. We just go with the flow. We live out like freely. The more I think about polyamory and the more I read like fight when I ever I read about it and stuff It feels like it's something inherently tied up in a lot of rules To succeed. I think you're right. There aren't loads of rules in place Then it's deeply problematic and so it actually for me It feels like what on the surface would be like free love man

We're all just going for it. It's great. Actually turns into a serious amount of admin that a monogamous relationship doesn't have. And I think that's one of the big appeals of monogamous. It's probably the only appeal. He's right. He's not having to collage a g-cow. Yeah. He's not having to collage your G-cow, yeah. Yeah, I think like a bad man.

But like, clearly these are rules that should have been set down at the start of this arrangement and like clauses and stuff. You need to kind of hammer out the options and I think this would have been one of them where you say, if you're seeing your other partner, it's on, it's on there. It's a way from the home. It's like, yeah, that's a simple clause to put in. It feels like the, the split in of Germany after World War II, I've kind of like deciding, you know, where, where the action happens and where it doesn't happen.

And it also feels like if you're into polyamory, it's like being into horses, into, you know, into the equestrian lifestyle, you need a few outhouses, I feel. Like a few spare outhouses would be quite handy. And even a tent in the back garden, I don't know if they've got a garden, but even something like that where you could be like, day gets the house, they get the tent. Yes. I think it's partly why when you watch things like the crown

and you look at like the aristocracy, it's why so many of them are capable of having these kind of lots of lovers and these kind of complicated love lives is because they've got the property to do it with. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes've got the property to do it with. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, big time. It's a lot to do with your real estate, gentlemen. It's land, you need it's land. I haven't got enough land to have an affair, you know what I mean?

It's like as soon as I can get myself a portfolio of property, then we're gonna have to talk about how monocle I am. This is why us porpers are forced to do it in the lay by you know It's like you this this too ways of having an affair It's cross me the dog has not poor Yeah, you never see like you never see like a Ferrari or out of a like that at a dog's place There's never quite like

Never see Jermila quiet the darkest place, there's never quite like a very nice door. Never seen Jimmy Requai. You need an adultery ring. Oh, a wing. You need a wing of a house for adultery. That's what you need. Yeah, exactly. That's what you need a second home from. What you need, yeah, you need one of those,

it's a piada town. It's our advice today. Be wealthier. it is it can't solve all your problems but in this case it really cares I think that's I think that might be solved you want to go on and solve the the cat dog beef oh that was easy just get some dog tape what a tape And tape over it's like, you know, sexy looking parents like. It's really simple actually just buy your dog a house. And buy your wife's cat a house. They can be everything's most of the year, you know, be a good form of saying it. I did, but, you know, yeah, there you go. So, are you saying that, like, like, here's a question, I'm just going to ask it, what

would happen if a dog, we're not talking about a massive dog, we don't know what size dog or what size cat they've got, but what would happen if a dog and a cat made love to each other? Would that be, I mean, obviously, you know, we're imagining they've been new to the fade and all that, but... How throw... From... From thunder cats.

I think you get something like that. Hold on. Surely it'd have to be something. That's human, fuck you, you fucking a cat, I mean. I've done see the dogs there. I'm sure the cat and the dog would have a lot of confused feelings after, maybe you would have to like process it. Well, it tells like the dog's already pretty confused. What was the phrase hysterically sexually attracted?

Yeah, that's a counting crow song, isn't it? Actually, I think if a cat had sex with a dog it would look a bit like Adam Duritz from the counting crows I think that's not that's not a bad Bit like Panthro bit like Adam Duritz I don't even know who added Doritz is in relation to catacross, but I feel I know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's a bit like a catfactor dog. So again, once again, I think, by M. SetbroHow.

Basically, what you've got to become day for this whole thing to be sorted is you've got to be like a property magnet. Invest in Bitcoin. Invest in Bitcoin. Invest in Bitcoin. Use that Bitcoin to get on the property magnet. Invest in Bitcoin. Invest in Bitcoin. Use that Bitcoin to get on the property ladder. Don't waste it on non-fungible stuff. Get some real, you know, some tangible bricks and mortar

and become like Bitcoin. Invest the money into tangible things. Like I was saying, don't waste your Bitcoin on other crypto nonsense. Get it into, you know, get it on, get on. Imagine if the answer to all of our beef was investing crypto. And then you would have the other news box on it, it was like that Robin Hood app or something. But by the way, we should say, we sponsor by Robin Hood now. Anyway, keep investing in our crypto guys.

By the way, we are floating the Pappy dollar at home, let's get it up there. Let's get it up there. But yeah, again, I think strong advice from all of us here, get on the property ladder by loads of properties, and then it won't be a problem anymore. I think the amount of lovers you have in your life should equate the amount of property that you own.

Be solved. Yeah. From the starting I can be solved. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Poor things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom. At a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's a life theater's December 15th. The line down, sir, and her son, Beef. I have beef with one of my grown-up kids on March 17th, 2020. That's St. Patrick's Day. That's that person isn't saying that. I'm saying that.'t I'll read it again

Happy St Patrick's Day for a couple of months ago. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate My nightclub photographer son David front names only bracket and I Lion Dance teach oh wait there. Let's I'm gonna read this again I have beef of one of my grown up and also happy St. Patrick's Day on March 17th 2020 my nightclub photographer son David and I line dance teach to to the over 70s we had our work stopped and have since spent way too much time in each other's company in the various lockdowns. Restrictions and intermittent work, sorry about this, I am really fecking up this, I'm just going to... I think what we're getting from it is, he's a photographer, she is a line dance teacher.

When lockdown started, they both lost their jobs. They did. All their work went away and they were living together and they were, I think that's what we're getting. David is 24 and has to live with me and is a star. He has recorded line dance videos with me and helped me run zoom classes. Quite a struggle when I'm so tech and competent and my dancers know even less. Credit where it is due. Now the beef. He never does the washing up I

don't mind I'm happy to do it all I've had years of practice and it's an achievable goal we don't have a dishwasher that dishwasher is me and that's fine but when he decides that it's time that washing up is done which is rarely straight away he piles everything up in the corner. It looks very neat, but it makes everything more dirty, and he sars are gravey and the plates get transferred to the bottom of a relatively clean plate. Sarspen's get the remains from the frying pan stuck to the bottom, cups are piled up of any amount of drink left in them. Yes, it is disgusting. I should do the washing up more often. Until then, however, I think you should either watch up when the clerk gets to him or leave

well alone and let me organize things in my own way. Am I right? Or should I put up with his minor inconvenience considering he has helped me so much that he is now able to do an impromptu line dance despite having no interest in it? And can speak middle-aged lady. The other day he said, I like your top to me. He is tougher than up for me to leave him alone. Or should he leave me in my washing up alone? We both listen to your podcast as do my other children Becky and Sam, who will be sad that they have not been mentioned, but they are not living with me at the moment. I look forward to the beef being solved and will abide by the decision. Money thanks for keeping us slightly less insane. Cheers everyone, bye, Chris!

Thank you Chris. That's a lovely beef. Yeah, why would love that? Why like as well is there's colour to it, right? Essentially, it's a washing up beef. It's straight down the middle, it's your classic beef. But the colour around it is gorgeous, isn't it? It's not too far off one of those newsletters that family send out to the show. It's got the width of the round rub in it really does. I wanted to know what the other kids were up to.

You know what I mean? Like, sure, they're not living with you, how are they? They do in what are they up to at the moment. Becky and Sam, yeah, it felt like a I felt like a lovely letter into BBC Radio 2 like I felt like Steve Wright reading that out. Should have gone into the righteous brothers off the back of it. Yeah what do you think of that do you I think it's quite a nice beef. I don't feel there's any real anger. Is there there? No, I mean to do is investing crypto in a market. It's not rocket science, is it? We'll be giving the code for the Pappy. Everybody, all our listeners get one free Pappy dollar to start off.

Just to get the currency on its feet. So we start off with a nice 10 Pappy dollars out there in the ether. We're flooding the market. So I feel very emotionally involved in this beef because I am a stacker. I see. As soon as she started to bring that to the plate, I thought I stack those plates. I know, I like the aesthetic of condensing

the amount of things that needs to be washed up into a single place. Especially if you're not the person doing the washing up because it looks like you've helped. Yes it does. You reduce the amount of work physically, it looks visually like there isn't that much more to do. Yeah. You know, you've ordered it for someone so it feels like you're helping. But you are helping though, Tom, you are helping because you're reducing the general clutter. If someone wants to then make a sandwich for example, there's not dirty dishes everywhere. Yeah.

Just in one place so you are helping a bit. Yeah, I'm picking one way but when she started talking about the extra washing up you bring to the washer up I was like I knew I've always known. I've touched the nerve. I've always known look there's gravy on the top and bottom of this bowl though. Oh, you know, I know, but you're on gravy bowl. But Tom, Tom, think about this though, to think about this, you're not increasing the amount of gravy. You're not increasing the amount of gravy.

You're not increasing the amount of gravy. If you evenly spread the gravy across the works It's increasing the Now's a little bit more increasing the amount of work increasing I'm not sure if there's only a finite amount of gravy which the same way there's only a finite amount of Papycoil Well, you can find those Papycoil to talk about gravy dish what about gravy train guys The crypto train that is Papycoil in Papycoil it's all gravy We talk about gravy dish, what about gravy train guys? What's up, I'm George.

The crypto train that is crappy coin. Happy coin, it's all gravy. No. No, no, no. Right, so, so, so, but I, I mean, I think I, I think I, I think I'm gonna say, I'm literally gonna say what Tom says. I think I agree with myself here.

Yes. And I do. It does, no. I do. I feel good to agree with myself, but, but, but, listen, right? I think that if you've got gravy on the, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm? But when I'm washing a cup, I don't want to have to turn my attention to the bottom of the cup too much, because the work is in the cup, isn't it? Yeah. The same way. There's congealed gravy on the base of that cup. Now I've got to put in a bit of elbow grease

on the bottom as well. Normally the bottom is cursory. Yeah, but you've taken off the amount of elbow grease you're taking off the top of the plate. Not really though. I think you are. My kitchen works. Surface analogy works. You've slightly cleaned the plate with the bottom of the cabinet. Yeah I think I think I think I think I think you're really rinsing out a gravy bowl. We all have. Yeah. That's quite like a singular.

I love his rinsing doesn't it? I love a rinsing out. I come up back on the rinsing. Hey, listen, I mean, I want to get back on to the rinsing because that I believe is the answer to all of this. But if you're rinsing out a gravy bowl, that is like one job. It doesn't matter if there's a little bit more in there. You still got the same at work. If that gravy is spread to the bottom of something else,

that is more work. It's similar, I mean. It's like having a shower. It's a contained job. Yeah, I get you. Are we talking like, is this a corn flower heavy gravy as well? Like this is a thick gravy. We're assuming it's thicker than a broth, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well that's satisfying. I think it's like having a shower. You focus on a lot more areas with a lot more detailed than you would with other bits of you. And that's kind of like when you stack it on top of each other, it is like putting your knee into your armpit. It is where you have to really pay attention to your knees. Well, you wouldn't have done that before,

but now you have to, you know? Sure. So you got your pay attention to your knees, well you wouldn't have done that before, but now you have to, you know? Sure. So you got your own gravy on your knees, I suppose, you know? You know what, I was totally on my own side there until you did the old knee into the armpit, or you did it out. I should have seen it coming really. I have to respectfully disagree with myself. Can I ask a side question amongst this that has been on my mind for a very long time now? And Tom, I know that you do this. You know if you're in a restaurant

even eating. What's the etiquette there? Is it kind, is it nicer to stack your plates in anticipation of the staff coming to take it away? Or do you leave well alone? It depends on the crockery, doesn't it? Like if you've had a holiday, sourcing, a separate jug, they know how to stack it. If you're just going to leave it there on top of the plate, they have to like re-stack what you've done and then you feel like a right shithead. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because also as well, sometimes they will, I know they do it obviously when they

bring in the plates out, but sometimes they'll do a stack kind of along the arm. You ever see that? Yeah. And that's when you really don't want gravy on the bottom of a plate. Yeah, very true. If they're wearing their crisp white uniform,

you don't want that gravy all the way down it, so you've actually caused them troubles. I don't have a suggestion. They should know more gravy. They're eating something that isn't gravy. Yeah. They're wearing your diet a little bit. I'm a great lad.

Especially after a big line dancing session. Yeah. God, you've heard that ball of gravy. I can't be a big gravy. Yeah, just to replace your diet with like mini cheddar's. They're the most un-dirty food you can have. Like a bit of Philadelphia between them. Yeah, if you want, keep it saucy, but mini cheddar's they're a clean food, I believe they are generally. Does anybody else? Now this was the thing I used to do in my house, my family did this growing up.

And then when I did it, in front of my wife she found it grim. But did anyone else go and clean up the gravy with a slice of bread after you've finished your dinner? We'd always have, if we had something that had gravy, like a roast, we'd all then go and get a nice slice of bread and wipe it all around the plate. It wouldn't be too other meal.

It'll be brought out afterwards. It's due to washing up. That's like, we eat the bread, obviously. We eat the bread, yeah. We clean it with a bit of bread and chuck it in the bin. We love food waste in our house, that's what the issue is. No. Most of that chicken's already gone in the bin.

It's just straight into. Well, you don't want the chicken. You just want the gravy and the chicken. Throw it into a skip as a little treat for us on a Sunday. Well, what about what I do with a fry up? I do do it with a fry up. You say it's like a bit toast. Lovely, lovely with a fry up.

Get that bean juice and all that in there. But not with a roast and it feels, that doesn't mean how long after the roast, do you get the bread and put it on the bread? Straight away, straight away, immediately. You bring it out and also as well, sometimes as well we'd leave a little bit of gravy that was just for the bread.

Oh. So you would put the bread down, you'd clean up the bread and you have basically bread with gravy on one side. Then you'd very carefully pour gravy onto the top of your bread so it soaked in and then you'd eat up all the rest of this gravy soaked bread. It was amazing, but now I say it out loud. Yeah, it's so good.

I'm like, have you heard of Yorkshire pudding? We had all that as well, but we're a very gravy, heavy family. We love a good gravy. Can I ask crossbeat? Yes. Do you ever have bread sauce? Yes. And what happens then? Slice a beef? Slice a gravy. Yeah, we get the skin off the gravy. Why the bread sauce? What's up with that? They're soft. Do we want to...

Does Chris want us to incorporate her line dancing into this? Is that why she's put the detail of the line dancing? Is that the key to... We do a line dancing song where we encourage our son to rinse the plates. So it could be like, one, two, rinse the plates. So it could be like one, two, rinse the plates for five. There's another number there. I feel like that. The only thing holding Alice in back from being one of the great line dancers was an inability to count to five. I got a chance to have steps for that. Very sad to be replaced by fate.

Like, she's got the life that I wanted. I think we should genuinely come up with a line dance and sound involving rinsom plates. I think you can do it. Okay. So, well, we've got the furniture. Wait, wait, do you want us us to play and then you do the... Yeah, you, wait, one, two, steps in a sink.

Trees, I had to think there for a second. Three, four. Rinse some more. Rinse some more! Yes, yes, yes, yes. Five, six. And act them. Like sticks.

Seven, eight, there's still a nice bit of gravy on that plate. It gives you slight a bit of oil out for you. Yes, sword, we've done it. Nine, ten, do it again, and there we go. There we go. If someone wants to put that all together with a nice bit of sort of cop night joke and be out underneath it, then we'll send that to Chris with a nice bit of sort of cop Nigio be out underneath it then We'll send that to Chris and that's what all of our problems

Selfed and with just you going it's all gravy over the top of it ends with it's all great Well obviously ends in investing puppy coin Yeah Hello, hello. Dangling beef from Ian. Ooh. Five beef brothers podcast at gbr.com get in touch. High beef brothers and potential guests.

Huh. Oh, we got a guest all right. LAUGHTER I have a petit... Uh, I have a persistent beef with my wife, who is a prolific lever of things dangling over the edge of work surfaces. On a daily basis, she will set something down,

ranging from her phone to documents, pans, even sometimes knives, a brackets explanation mark. With the edge poking over the edge of the table, stroke counter, by a good one or two inches, I should stress the knife was the handle rather than the blade over the edge. Yeah, I was wondering is it? Yeah. I think it's not the handle the blade spinning around. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Maybe that's maybe that's the intention. Maybe she hasn't got she hasn't got the guts to shiver her own husband. She's just setting little exactly as you say so little Kevin McAllister traps all around the house.

She also put a bowling ball on the top of the one of the doors. Because in which case it's going to be doing dangling. The only way down at the edge is your head on fire. That's kind of like the start of a lawyer's advert. In your head on fire. Oh, double one eight. And investing in papi coins. And it's going carry on clock.

It's not a matter of lack of kitchen worktop space or anything. So I just do not understand why it's necessary. To make matters beefier, we have nearly, we have a nearly two year old, bumbling around the house. She's a clear and present danger at the best of times. And now it's becoming increasingly interested and grabby for things like this.

I have enclosed a photo in case you had trouble visualizing this complex image. Do you want to share that image? Talk us through it, Glocky. Well, you've all heard of dick pics, right? So, it is that guling. No, it's in the car. It's a photo of a table, various items on the table,

including a phone that is indeed hanging about an inch over the edge of the table. It is strange. I think it's a weird habit. It's one thing when it's just you and your partner, it's another thing when you're leaving, knives dangling over the edge, and you've got a kid.

Cause yeah, our daughter's nearly two, and she's just at the level now where she can reach up to, so you know, hands, knife, knife, knife, all of that kind of stuff. Even just like, you know, even a pan that's not got anything in it, it's just on the counter, can still like, if she pulled the handle, it was still lands on the head and get wedged on.

You know, so it's still, it's still bad, our every bit of it is bad. So it's tricky. I mean, the risk of repeating a tactic that you did so well. Last episode, Alison, I introduced a game where if someone, like one of the beats was people are leaving fans on around the house. So my argument was if you find a fan that's been left on, you're allowed to keep it. So I think you introduce a game with your wife where if it's over the edge you get to have it and you get to hide it and you confiscate anything that she leaves dangling over the edge and again you just take a photo, photographic evidence and then you stick it, you hide it or you have a box and it's gone in the dangle box.

Yeah, yeah, it's a ledge. I feel like this list there is like really hershing this woman's chill. Like she obviously likes to live on the edge, leaves her stuff on the edge. We can't go bungee jumping anymore, do anything like that and she's just having a little thrill in her life. With the life of her child, I admit. But still, it's a little thrill to have a bit of danger in the house. You can't, you can't, child proof everything.

Let her have the thrill though. Don't incorporate your kids into your cheap thrills. I think, you know, when you said the game, Harry, what were the absolute, absolutely right, it reminded me of when we were on your stag, on your stag do. Now the stag do with your family was for me one of the most intense weekends of my life. But there's constant, constant forfeits.

It's like it was always forfeits of, if you're holding the drink with the wrong hand, you've got to down it. But one of them was, if you had your drink, a certain amount, like it had to be a thumbs length away from the edge of the table. It'd be more than a thumbs length away from the edge of the table.

And if it wasn't, and they spotted it, you had to then down that drink. Is there a way of bringing that level of tension? I don't see any of you. You should down the knife. Next to the knife. Yeah. Yeah.

You've got to do the old trick of knife swallowing, yeah. It's got to be some sort of punishment about, if it, you know, maybe it's not even that you, maybe it's not even that you're taking them and putting them in a box, maybe it is that you're breaking them. If we see it, it's gone forever. Or you buy yourself a massive pair of scissors

and you just cut off whatever is over the edge of the table like a pair of shears and just boom. So the bottom of her phone, shum, go on. Yeah, one of those super sharp ginsu knives, slice straight through the bit of the phone. Oh, you're apparently this third isn't important to you. You don't care about this third of your phone, boom, straight through it.

It's good. Oh, I really like it. Buy another house, that is always there as well. And if you are looking for the best way to buy a house is obviously with cryptocurrency. And can we recommend Pappy Dollars? They've been floated as of this week. Very exciting. Get them now. I don't even think I've got the bread to mop up that Pappy gravy. Be the bread. So what are we saying? What's our final line?

I think Tom's high is the most realistic and effective. You don't, yeah. If you can't be trusted with it, you don't get it. Yeah. Yeah. Where is the box though? Because that's the other thing as well. Well, you know, well, it's dangling over the edge of the water, because...

Okay, beef solved. Beef, beef, beef. Yeah, beef solved. Beef solved. Lovely bit of edging beef. Beef from the starting, I can beef solved. So my beef involves...it was a house I lived in for five years. The rent was so good that I stayed there, even though it was that war for about two years

over this issue, that never got resolved. So the issue is, when I moved into this house, very cheap rent was quite the decor, was 70s kind of style. And the art that was in the house was art made by Artist people that lived in the house very amateur art. So there was a very big painting of a woman floating in the air with spirals around her That scared everybody and Also Once I was on my bike my bike is called judge Judith Scheindlin and it was quite a big bike with ribbons on it and a big basket.

And people would leave offerings in this bike because it was just so ostentatious, it was a mad bike. And somebody left a piece of our in my bike basket, which was a crow's skull, Hock glued to a canvas that was kind of painted pink and yellow. So I looked at it and I was like that's a sign I'm gonna put that up in the shared area. Anyway this woman moved in didn't like my crow skull didn't like the old art left by other people and took down the art without asking any of us to throw it into a bin, replaced it with live laugh love. No, I swear. Stuff from she got photo frames from Primark that had stuck foot photos of other people on the beach. None of her family or friends, but they

were put up in the shared area. So it was a it was a war over like artwork within the shared area. that was my, that is my big beef with this woman. Yeah, it was very strange. And it's a cry. That is one of the most egregious beefs ever. Thank you. Yeah, that's the part. Genuinely a shocking beef that one. Because you can't just wander into, you know, the Louvre and take down the Mona Lisa and put up its Prosecco o'clock. That is

... that feels like so actual. I know obviously art is extremely subjective. People know, for certain people like certain things, that's fine. But at the same time, there's no art that I wouldn't defend, you know, like to exist, right, rather than go in the bin, you know. I would have appreciated a discussion. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't, she felt because it was so ugly to her that this couldn't have been a discussion that we had with the house as a whole

And it became like a really passive aggressive Taking bits of our down putting it up again type thing. It was just horrible Did you rescue it? So you rescued it from the bin and put it back up and then I put it back up. Yeah, I did Yeah, and so where did this end? How did this end? Genuinely. It ended, it culminated in a massive row because, oh gosh, I'm going to chit- chit. So it ended with me coming home drunk one night and finding my printer that I'd left in the sitting room in my room and I came down and I said you're not allowed him. I said it in a very angry way.

I was like you're not allowed in my room. She stood up and said you don't show it with me and then I showed it at her and then she sat down again and then I went to do that. So it ended. There was a lot of in-built tension there. There was a lot of inbuilt tension there. There was a lot of... Yeah. My advice to you was going to be, showed to this person until they sit down.

I genuinely as well, that never felt more powerful in my life. I felt like I was in prison, and I just made a big show of aggression. Do you know what I mean? Just to do it. Yeah. Yeah. It felt amazing. If I was a man, I think I would have had a little. Yeah. Yeah. It felt amazing.

If I was a man, I think I would have had an erection. Like I just felt that like masculine and free. We've all got boners now. Yeah. Thank you for that story. Power boners. Power boners, exactly. Do you think though, do you think this might be why you've basically turned your room

into its own flat? Yeah, I think it is. I think I've sort of bled into this. Yeah, I think it is. I think I sort of bled into this, the mini-fragion, all that kind of stuff. And even in, we have, when this new room was made, when the ex bedroom was made into a sit-in room, I made sure not to have any involvement in the tech-orating, that was for everyone else.

Like, I went to IKEA and I bought like mutual furniture for for it but it was very plain and it was more practical. I would never ever kind of like say put my personality in a in a mutual area ever again. I'll do it in my own room. That's a shame though isn't it? She's forced you to hide your light under a bushel slightly. Oh, I think it's because I found the primark. Honestly, I was living in the home where it's the apartment of primark. There was just these decorative cushions everywhere and it made me feel terrible inside being in that. I'm not the Arabic. I don't have the best taste in the world I don't pretend to so I wouldn't inflict my taste on other people I'll do it in my room and stuff but like you know

yes I do that's the the the the the solution I was going to come up with for for this was I was I was thinking could you could you not have created artworks of her and so then she's she's a bit conflicted as to whether or not to take them down. I've got three words of advice for both of you. Live. Live. Love. It's a mutual living space you need to bring the laughter back. We do.

With love. And till yeah it's the... Do you... Like what would you put up in your mutual living area if there were, like, you know, pieces of sage advice that you could, like, part on a piece of wood? Three, three words, very, very simple, by Pappy Dollars. That's what I can say. Invest in crypto.

Do you feel like investing crypto is the live laugh love of men? Of the heat. I don't know who's watching. It's crypto. I think you've never been her by crypto like you can afford it. That's right. Beave solved. Beave solved. It's protein o'clock. Yes.

Alison, thank you so much for coming on the pod. It's been a total pleasure having you on. No problem. Where can people find you? Do you want to quickly plug Wheel of Misfortune and all that kind of gabbings, yeah? I do a podcast with F Brady called Wheel of Miss Fortune. You can find it on BBC Sound,

so no replaces you at podcast. I got an old podcast called The Allison's Spittleshow, which is on headstuff.org. And that's about it, really. I hope you have a lovely life and stuff like that and tanks for having me on the podcast. Allison, it's been a total pleasure. Yeah, it really has.

Woo! Hopefully see you very soon. Absolutely. I see you guys. Have a great day. Bye. Bye. From the starting, I can be.

We'll catch. So there we go. A fantastic episode from Alison. And again, as we said, if you love Alison's stuff, then obviously follow her on Twitter and go see her live. But also, join our Patreon and get even more Alison's Bittittle on Wednesday tomorrow as you're listening to this. There will be a bonus beef solved by her

and us on our Patreon Patreon.com for slash Pappy's Flatshare. Also if you want to send us a beef yourself then you know the address to go to? Clarky. Oh no. Oh no. It is beef brothers. Yep. At Gmail. Oh beef brothers podcast at Gmail. Podcasts. We have this podcast at Gmail.

We have this podcast at Gmail. We would love for some more beef. We've got some more guests booked. We haven't recorded any more episodes. We've got some more guests booked. So we need some more beef. We've got some more guests booked. We haven't recorded any more episodes. We've got some more guests booked, so we need some more beefs. So send them today. Beef brothers podcast at gmail.com, getting in touch with us, send us your beefs. Follow us on Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook. But most of all, leave us a review, click like and subscribe and recommend this podcast to your friends, because it really, you know, what we really

would like to get some some brand new listeners. We love the current listeners. Nothing wrong with it. Oh yeah. I mean, there are faves, of course. You guys are faves. Yeah. But at the same time, we would, we'd love some new listeners. So tell people about the podcast, leave us a review, click like and subscribe, tweet about it, shout it from the rooftops and tell the world that this podcast exists because we can't be bothered. We tweet about it and that's about as far as it goes. Yeah, that's it, man.

But yeah, thank you for listening. It's too hot for all that. Too hot to tweet. That's how bad it's got. Thanks for listening guys, we will see you next time. This episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham. Corsham.

Corsham. Cheers. Cheers everyone. Bye. Bye. All right, everybody, please be upstanding for the Patreon neighborhood watch a roll call I bought my tiger along with it they're great now listen listen to me everybody I've been I've been out in the

field I've been planting some radish I've been planting some everybody, I've been out in the field, I've been planting some radish, I've been planting some carrot, and I've been planting some celery, and I'm giving it all to the wonderful Alex Ellery. Oh, my feet. Oh, the poor old died feet. I've been up and down in my tractor, collecting the crops to give to them. Who's them? Well of course, it's my favourite, M. It's M, of course it's M, of course it's M. Of course, it's M, of course. Oh, I've been out in the field and Oaksen beans and barley grow and let me tell you now

I've been out in the field planting my lettuce. I've been planting me iceberg. I've even planted some romaine Heart and I'm gonna give them all to Andy Lockhart. I'm not sure about your business model. I'm giving it all away. Just giving it all away. I'm going crazy. I'm slashing prices. I'm giving it all away. He's the most generous pirate I ever did. The pirate farmer with a generous heart.

That is me. And of course Andy Lockhart. Well, I beat out to my green silo. Oh, and I've collected up all the grade that I'm going to give it away to my favourite. Polly Rebecca Lally. She's getting all the grain she can carry. I hope she brought her own silo and I hope it's on wheels.

Right, let me tell ya now. I have been out in the fields for morning through to dusk, and I have been... I've been so in me wild oats. Oh, no! Oh boy, oh boy! Well, now you've been way too generous. I've been so in me wild oats. That's right. After I've finished planting seeds, I have Miss Elf a little fun. And I have it with Adam Pat, Patison. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I've been out, up and down the perimeter fence. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe And guess what I caught? Kitty Spence. No! I never goooall. Right, I never goooall.

I've been out. I've, I tell you what, the other day, I was milking one of me goats, and then I put it up in a big harness and I lowered it into the tank for the dinosaurs. I said, that's it. That's said enough for you, me boy. That's enough for you, Billy Goat Gruff. Yes, I lowered it down into the tank full of vicious dinosaurs and all that was left was bones. And I said,

you can have them, David Jones. Oh, David Jones is locker. David Jones is lockers full of old goat bones. Oh, I'm a treasure. This is nickname, the bloke you don't want to stand next to a locker-off. I can tell you that now, it's full of goat bones. Well, he was just outside the primitive fence and... Oh, yeah? I said a car and me and my sister and and and you wouldn't believe what came along. Oh no. A blum in T-Rex! No! Not a T-Rex! Not

such hide with all of his goat bones! He's come for an ornus and the man who was with us just ran off No, what an absolute What an absolute what an absolute bed wetter What was his name? Matthew led bet He ran off He's an absolute bed wetter not great at the well-shed and I've got to say I'm gonna go back to me farm Hi, I can tell you now. Oh I was looking at those dinosaurs and I said I said to myself I said

Your scientist was so preoccupied with whether or not they could They never stopped to think if they should. I tell you what, if I was a scientist, I'd feel like a total Wally. And I said all of that to my good friend, Holly. Well, well, my boy. Well, my lads. Well, my lad, I'm from the Welsh valleys. Um, how you was out of the field?

Of course. Look at that deer. The Lotha Soruses. Oh, the old Delafs. The old Delafs? Of course I climbed the tree, I was very scared of them. One came along and it was just like a cow. Sneaky's done me. Turns out a lovely fellow. So I turned to my good friend and kissed him right on the mouth.

Gary Flelello. Gary Flelello. Oh me. Gary Flelello. Gary Flelello. Gary Flello. Let me tell you now. Let me tell you, Lolo. Let me tell you, Flello, Lolo.

Flello, Lolo, Lolo, Lolo. Let me tell you now. I can tell you, true. I was walking around the fields. And I looked at all the plants I planted. I looked at all the veg I'd grown. And I looked at all the plants I planted, I looked at all the veg I'd grown, and I looked at all the dinosaurs I'd genetically engineered, and I looked at my work and it was good.

And I said that to my dear friend Ian Wood. Ian Wood, but maybe he shouldn't. Now that concludes, now that concludes the neighbourhood watch role called Patreon neighbourhood watch role call for today. Stay safe out there and don't put the T-Rex bite. BOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOB Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 15th.