Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Benjamin Partridge S12E03

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Benjamin PartridgeBenjamin Partridge - https://twitter.com/benpartridgePappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's for and you can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region, see you at for details.

Greetings, listed deer, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Yes. Always a treat. This one, this is where we invite one of our friends from the world of comedy to help us go through your beefs

that you have with the people that you currently live with. And today was an absolute treat. Yes, today was a real treat. Some gorgeous beefs. We've got Benjamin Partridge of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast and Threbyne Salad as well. Both brilliant podcasts, both worth checking out. He's one of Flatstands before I'm sure you know who he is. He's always great. If you do have a beef that you'd like to send in that can be solved in a future episode, then send your beef to beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. We always need your beefs. And also

as well, if you'd like Ben Partridge, then there'll be a bonus beef over our Patreon Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flatshare. If you enjoy our podcast, then we are recording two brand new Flshare slam downs. This very month on the 21st and the 22nd of February, it's a Monday, Tuesday, double-headed. So if you're interested, why don't you come on down to the Phoenix pub, Bioxard Circus, Englandering, London Town. London Town, yeah.

We've got some fantastic guests. On the 21st of February, the Monday, we have got Josh Pugh and Sarah Keyworth, and on the 22nd, yeah, it's gonna be good, it's gonna be good fun. And on the 22nd, we have got Reese James and Fatter El Goury. Two, I mean, it's four fantastic comics, two days.

Tickets are nine quid, seven quid, if you're a member of the Patreon, so join the Patreon, and you can get tickets for both shows for 15 pounds and yeah or 13 pounds if you're a member of the Patreon. So we're giving them away. Come on down. We're giving them away. We'd love to see you there. We aren't giving them away.

You do have to push them. No, no, no, you do, yeah, we can't stress that enough. You can't just, you can't just come in. Yeah, Event Bright is where you should go to get the tickets, eventbright.co.uk, and there'll be links for where to buy tickets in the show notes to this show. But without further ado, let's crack into this week's Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem,

if you've got a problem call it a beef, if you've got a beef, maybe we can help you be from the zoning at your bee! Welcome! Welcome Benjamin Partridge. Thanks for having me. How are you doing? I've actually got a sort of a classic banging headache.

Oh! Oh yeah. A classic banger. I've got a banger, which I've decided to deal with by drinking just sort of sculling co-op cider. Sorry. So, do you think your cider levels are sort of dangerously low and your head is trying to...

I think that's what people think it is. Yeah, it's that. I'll be sculling cider throughout, and then by the end, we'll know whether it's done anything for my headache. And, uh... Yeah. Public service, if any.

This is science, really. This is kind of brain-cock stuff, isn't it? This is Daryl. Sounds well like Joe Rogan's stuff to me. This is true. When you have a headache, what you need is copious mental fire calling, just like three nagging voices persisting for about four or five minutes,

and then you're, you feel the right is rain? What is your flat share situation? My situation currently is that I live in a flat, which we rent from landlord, and I live with my partner, Catherine. And how are you to live with? What would Catherine say if Catherine were here right now, apart from stop-drinking, decided to cue your headache? I think she'd think I'm okay, but this early door's to go here straight away, feels a bit premature, but she thinks I take a long time having a shit, basically, that's the way you're doing.

Right, now you know, you're pushing on an open door here. I wish I was. Before you say, Ben, how long you're taking, we'll go through the three of us and we'll say, how long we think is a reasonable amount of time. Does that seem the way to do it? I have a leading question actually before we get into this. Okay. Are you woodling?

Are you on your phone? You know, I think quite often when you live with a partner, I'm going to the Lou can sometimes mean, I'm just taking a bit of a time out. I'm getting away. I'm gonna be doing some admin, bit of me time. Is that what's going on or are you purely ever in, get out?

I would say Tom, it's absolutely a bit of that. I would say it's 50% that and 50% absolutely fucked bowels. And just those two things come together to create. You know, it's a heady combo. What we're forgetting is of course Ben Partridge is his own doctor, as he's already told us. And you don't want to know when he prescribed for IBS. It's a chorizo sausage.

It was come up so I was, he's butt-jugging aside. It's all my fault. But you're right, you're right. So these days actually more recently, I've often been watching a YouTube video. I'm gonna say seven to 10 minutes is fine. Okay. No, I haven't said 10 minutes is a long time. I'm gonna say say seven to ten minutes is fine. Okay. No, I'm going to say ten minutes is a long time. I'm going to say seven minutes is too long. I'm going to say seven minutes in the low is a fine amount of time before people would start commenting. Oh boy, when

I first heard this, I was like, maybe thirty minutes. What? Wow. Maybe thirty minutes is all right. And then I was like, no, that's crazy. Maybe more like 20. OK, so we've got. I think the difference, right? Sorry to butt in. No. I think there's a mindset difference between two kinds of people.

There's people who see it as an event, a one off sort of a specific event. People see it as a one off. They're in, they should be in hospital. Surely it's a number two off. But there's some people like myself and maybe by the signs of it, Benedict, who see it as a process. Yeah.

A process to be trusted. You've got to trust the process. No, I'm OK. I was going to say four to five hours. Four to five minutes. Four to five minutes tops, because I really don't think you're... I could be wrong, but I don't think you're bringing more out of yourself at the 18 minute one. I don't think you're like, I think your business is done and then it's me, Tori. Yes, yes. Tom is a marathon runner, so he knows about the wall.

He knows about us. He knows us. I'm in my house, I'm constantly hitting the wall. I'm going to turn it up. That's a separate issue. Do you upload beforehand as well? No. There's a lot of Vaseline involved.

And remember, don't go for the day before. The whole entire day before, we just don't go at all. All right. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it.

I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. I reckon I could have predicted those times, I think. Well, Tom, do you want to predict what partries are going to go for? I think partries is weighing in an 18 minutes, I think he's between 15 and 20. Okay, for it to be such a beef in his house. I think, I mean, I haven't timed it, but I think Tom is basically bang on.

Well, how long are these YouTube videos you're watching? I think I mean I haven't timed it. But I think Tom is basically bang on. Well how long are these YouTube videos you're watching? Surely this, you've got a timer at the bottom of the screen. If you're getting through an episode of comedians and cars getting coffee, then that's probably about right. But if you are watching a Paul Thomas Anderson movie, then... So... So...

Well here's the thing, do you think that it depends as well on how many times a day you're going? I once asked our mutual friend Mike Wozniak, a comedian, former doctor, he asked him what frequency is healthy in terms of numbers of shits. And he said, as long as you're doing at least one a week that is deemed within the healthy bounds obviously well. I think actually I think you may have told me this before and I think I think he said did he say that it was anything from like 10 times a day to once a week.

Come on, is this the reason why he's a former dog? Did he get rumbleed for not paying enough attention to men? So once a week, he's healthy. Is this the reason why he's a former dog? He's just done by the door. Try to tell past us by. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door.

He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door.

He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door. He's just done by the door was doing his consultations in Gap. That was fun. He's just done by the door. I'm trying to tell past his bar, he's been okay, not to shit. And by the way, guys, if the gap is a week, it's still fine.

LAUGHTER Should we crack on with the first beef? I think we should. Yeah, we've got to get this episode out of the gutter, really. Yes, absolutely. I'm so sorry, guys. I'm just being honest though, can I give a happy ending? Shoot. I'm gonna slap you anyway, for sure.

How you gonna do that over Zoom? You normally selects a different YouTube video. I'm moving, we're moving premises in about a week's time. And the place where I go to is got two toilets. Oh, that's a good dream. 18 minutes is gonna be the lower area. That's the best. They'll be one toilet and what Ben calls his room.

Me from the starting of your beef! One cuts! Do you want to do neck beef from Steve Parry? Yes, so Steve's been in touch with my beef brothers podcast at gmail.com Getting touched, please do get in touch. Steve writes, Steve's papys and chum, I have a large head.

It's not the beef I need solved. However, I do have a very large neck, which supports this head, and this is where my beef begins. I'm a shorter than average human male, I'm 5 foot 6. Sounds tall to me. I'm not overweight nor am I a muscle man. Overall I'm fairly run of the mill.

However, my neck is 18 and a half inches around. Oh my shoulders are very, very broad too. Oh, because I'm God. I mean, I think it's a very small. Imagine if he went in at the shoulders. My head is the size of a golf ball. I should say that as well. You know, you know I'm picturing,

you know in the Harry Potter movies, like the third or fourth one when they're competing for the cup and Victor Clum takes a potion for the swimming bit where he turns into half shark half man. Oh yeah! That's how I'm picturing Steve. That moment in Victor Clum's transition. See, he's saying he's got gills. Well, let's read on and find out. I've checked with doctors, and they've said, it's okay to just go on something.

But it will build up in your neck. I've checked your doctors. They've said that it's not common, but it's nothing of concern, medically. It's not fat. It's not muscle. I'm just built a bit differently. What is it then?

I'm imagining I'm like Thomas the Tank Engine. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, because it's going to face and then straight back. imagining like Thomas the Tank Engine. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's the face and then straight back to the tube. I imagine it's a doctor said to him, you're still wearing that travel pillow from the flight you took. Okay, well take the tire from from running on there. Well, look at it. You've entered a gurning competition. One ex-girlfriend wants to describe me as Hulk Hogan from the nipples up.

That feels fair. To accommodate this girthy hamhawk of a neck at work, I've had to buy double XL formal shirts for years as the top two buttons on shirts will not close otherwise, this means that the bottom of my shirts can almost be tucked into my socks. When my shirt is tucked in there's a large flappy part at the back and the pocket on my shirt is around my belly button. I'm really enjoying this message. I'm really enjoying this message. I hope it doesn't ask us a question at the end of it. I hope that's just it. Cheers everyone, bye, Steve. Until last year, I needed to wear a formal shirt for work. However, my new job has a more casual, neck positive attitude to work wear. Since then, I've discovered Hawaiian shirts, and my life has been changed completely. My neck is free of pressure.

I've become a character at work. I have a pep in my step and everything is just a bit more groovy, baby. I can see why Schlops and Drug Lord are so fond of them. Initially, my wife felt the same way. However, as the summer passed she felt it was unacceptable for a man in his late 30s to be sporting a Hawaiian shirt seven days a week. She's asked that I reduce it to the weekends only. But I can't go back, not now, not having experience such dizzying heights. Please, Bappies, be the judge

of whether a neck or fashion should win out. Yours girthily, steve. What is the all-time great piece? I think that was the gmail. That is a superb message from Stephen. Thank you, Steve, for sending it in. I mean,

I know we're an audio media, but please send us a pic. Please send a photo. Please send a photo you're happy for us to put on our Instagram because that is a phenomenal message, Steve. My immediate thought, and maybe this is an instant solve, but there are other open-necked shirts that aren't quite as characterful as the Hawaiian shirt.

I'm thinking. Monogrammed bowling shirts. The bowling shirts, exactly what I was thinking. My fourth, the kind of the work shirts that you might get from a company like Dickies. You know, it can be very quickly. Is a bowling shirt just as characterful, but in a slightly different way as a Hawaiian shirt.

I think it could be a bit more muted in the bowling shirt. I think it will work over the winter months. But my bowling team are based in Hawaii. LAUGHTER Hawaii five bowl. LAUGHTER Hawaii five bowl.

Sure. Yeah, stop. LAUGHTERled. I've bowled. Sure. Yeah. Stop. Sure, we'll go with that. I think both the Hawaiian shirt and the bowling shirts scream toad fish for Becky. That's true. Yeah.

I'm master of the form. Yeah, and there's a man who, I'm not watched it for years. So I think he actually became a lawyer. So I think he probably has to wear business shirts now. Maybe he's like a Hawaiian shirt lawyer. But I think he would wear one every day, and he was considered to be quite a cool guy. Yeah. I mean, back in the 90s, there was the kind of collarless shirts had a good time, didn't

they for a while? Yeah, they were like, back. They were coming back, and that's coming back, right? Yeah. And like, also like, you know, the Beatles get back kind of late 60s vibes coming in. So I think like that kind of like, collarless round kind of effort could be a friend. How do you feel about, and this is a bold one,

how do you feel about a V-neck jumper with nothing underneath? Perhaps with, perhaps, you you know perhaps you get a small medallion to maybe break up to to collotage but how do you feel about that as a look? It's one that I definitely rock if I had a girthy upper body. Like a certain stature of man can pull that off, can't they? There's an authority to that look, you know? It's that there's something almost, um, sopranos about it.

Yeah, I was going to say it to you, Matthew. Yeah, it's got a sopranos vibe to it. Yeah. So actually, I think obviously he'll want shirts for the summer, but maybe look around to other, you know, other open-necked garments that aren't necessarily shirts. When does he open-necked kind of John Travolta, Sastina, live, wide lapel style thing. Oh, absolutely, yeah. Oh, hold on.

Harry Hill. Exactly. Harry Hill as well. Yeah, the big, the huge collar, and if anything, the bigger the collar, the more emphasis it takes off the neck. If your colours are basically you know reach to the ends of your colours reaching all the way to the edges of your shoulders no one's going to go who's the guy with the big neck they're going to go who's the guy with the massive colour. If you're already the Hawaiian shirt guy I don't have much issue with that continuing. I think we might need to push

on to this thing of like the wife is saying it's unacceptable. That's unacceptable for a man in his late 30s to be sporting Hawaiian shirts seven days a week. But if I was at work with a guy who was like the Hawaiian shirt guy. I don't think I'd mind that. Well, an interesting thing about the Steve's partner, she's asked for it to be just for home, hasn't she? She said weekends only, so presumably that's the time she spends with him. She wants to keep Hawaiian man to herself.

Maybe that's what it is. Peppin' is step. Yeah. Everything's a bit more groovy. I mean, it's been the making of Steve and now his partner's worried. Yeah. Everything's a bit more groovy. Yeah. I mean, it's been the making of Steve and now his partner's worried. Yeah. So I think it's more of a trust issue that's going on. That's what it is. Exactly. Exactly. Why eat out when you can have a Hawaiian at home? I'm not going to have a Hawaiian pizza at home or something like that.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's almost a phrase. That's almost a phrase, yeah. 18 and a half inch pizza. Hello. Exactly. 18 and a half inch Hawaiian.

That's family size. I know picturing a slightly kind of... Now we kind of, you know, like, the rock in that Disney film, you know, that's kind of like, that's what Steve's kind of grown in my estimation, I know that I've pictured him as a way in, man. So are you suggesting that he wears, perhaps, a vest to work and a serong

and a sort of necklace made of shells. I know, I'm saying he does that at home at the weekend. Ah! Yes! That way he's giving his wife the next level. I see. That's right. That way he can...

Hawaiian becomes normal every day, I see. And then around the house, you house, you're welcome guy. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a really smart move. I think you do probably run into issues of cultural appropriation when you get to that level of flying.

That's true, actually. Yeah. Yes. What about just beachwear, just general beachwear, which tends to beechware? Just general beechware, which tends to be open-necked. Beechware for home, Hawaiianware for work. It's going to make your life a lot better, isn't it? I have quite a big net myself.

Not gigantic, I don't think, you know, I don't look like the half-man half-shark thing. But I do slightly have this problem buying shirts, where shirts for some reason, which I think is mad, is based on the size of your neck, right, when you buy a shirt, the sizing, sometimes small medium large, but sometimes based on the inches around your neck.

So, which is mad anyway, that's absolutely mad. It's like buying trousers and they say, oh, it's ankle size, you know, 12 inches, you just make, I guess actually that's complete bollocks because they do it by a way size, but anyway, but they do have the length as well. They do have the length as well. Yeah, but then you get into a world of slim fit, you get into a world of relaxed fit, comfort fit.

I just have to tell you what, what I'm saying is I've slightly struggled with this because sometimes you get quite a billowy shirt because your neck is slightly larger than than Mark some Spencer's would have it be. Yeah. Okay Ben, I think you've hit on something here, right? What about we have a whip round? Or Steve starts to go fun me, get thee to a tailor.

Yes. Treat yourself. Yes. That, true. Treat yourself. Yes. That's the way it used to be. You know, if you wanted a shirt, you'd get to the tailors and off you go, all you need is three or four shirts to get you through the winter. Well, you don't even have to go for a go from me.

You can just say to your darling wife, how about for my next birthday present? My next birthday present, my next birthday present. His neck has a birthday. You have not had a big news. The neck came out so much before the rest of him. It's actually the day before his birthday. I don't know how to say that.

It's not as embarrassing as I am. Steve's neck. Initially, they thought his mother was carrying twins, but it turned out it was just him and his neck. Oh man. So I think get yourself to a tailor. Get yourself to a tailor and get to make your really nice Hawaiian shirt. I think that's beef solved.

Beef solved? Get the to a tailor, go. Be from the sun and's beef solved. Beef solved get thee to a taillet go. Be from the sorting I can be solved! It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain ol' ice. Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders no, but chicken tenders yes plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes, because those are groceries, and we deliver those

too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats, no. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. This one is called ketchup beef and it's from Andrew in Melbourne. Hello, Pappies. I have a beefy dilemma for you and now that answer me this is no more, you're my only hope. Stick around long enough. So just be aware that you're very much the second tier. We're very aware of that. We made the reviews. I have a housemate called Ketchup.

Yes, it's on his driving license and everything. His name is actually Ketchup. What? Ketchup will come home from a day at work, sit down on the table or on the couch, take his shoes and socks off and watch TV for a bit. Then he goes to bed, leaving his shoes and socks there. The next day he'll put on a different pair of shoes and socks, and go about his day. When he gets home, he sits down at the table or on the couch, takes his shoes and socks off and watch his TV for a bit. He then goes to bed,

leaving his shoes and socks there, and so on. As he has over 30 pairs of shoes, and an unknown but certainly 30 pairs of shoes, and an unknown but certainly large number of socks, they're discarded shoes and socks are left where he dropped them for a very long time. My fellow housemates and I are constantly falling over his shoes and finding discarded socks all over the couch.

We keep asking him to move them, but he doesn't. We can't try hiding them because he's got so many shoes and socks, he won't notice they're knitting. We have no idea how to deal with this. He's also one of those housemates who does no cleaning, but gets snarky when he sees someone else's man in mess and not cleaned it up. I'm not asking for a complete fix to this man's sliver-nie-ways, as that is too big an ask. But can you at least give me some ideas on how to deal with the shoes?

Beef out, Andrew in Melbourne. Wow. Wow. He's also either a PS. Do you wanna hear that? Yeah, go on. PS, I have some additions to continue the collection of names that sound like food.

Yeah, I was gonna ask. I come across a lot of unusual names in my job. He doesn't say what his job is, but he comes across a lot of unusual names. He works in the D-pole office. And I make a note of the highlights, he says. Yeah, it's a buffet of some food-related names that I have come across. Great. So here we go.

Cake bread. I'm gone. Oh, what? What's your name? First name cake. No? It's a name bread bread all one word cake bread Wait, are these are these first names or surnames? That's god of the asses. I'm sure they oh he says you know

He says surnames hang on. He's okay, right? Okay, so Like he's a single like I like the idea like Pele that going by I want to be there with a big bread Okay You've got to be down with a big bread. Okay, you get a real kind of love in situation when you hand over your ID and cake bread is your name. Okay, so cake bread also, Bakes, Banks, Punch,

Fishwick, Cockrum, this one's my favorite coming up, Bean Land, it's a great theme park. Cockrum. This one's my favourite. Come here up. Bean land. It's a great theme park. Take the kids. Friar. Fine. Yes. Eggs. Eggs. Milkie. Milkie. It's a milkie.

Cake. Cake bread milky. This one's weird. Nut selling. I'm picturing Andrew now, writing these down this special notebook. Oh, nut selling. I won't forget that one. Nut selling, yeah. Right, next to Friar. Forkin. No, I'm selling it. Right, next to Friar.

Forkin. Well, nice. And finally, one that is not food-related, but he feels as worth sharing. Cockfield. Cockfield, yes. Cockfield. Yep. Fair enough. Thank you, Andrew. Well, thank you, Andrew. A valiant use of your time. And thank you for sharing them with us. But

but that's not the problem. That's not the problem is it? I spent a little bit too much time writing down a cake bread into his special his special legal pad and not thought about how to deal with ketchup and his many many shoes. You do picture him, don't you, on the bus stuck in traffic on his way to work in a bad mood and then he just reaches for his pad. Absolutely, that's a little chuckle to himself. Something the day feels a lot brighter. Of mainland. I start to hear the same. Ah, this is Bakes.

Right, so how are we going to deal with all these shoes? He says there's too many to hide, but I think he's not thinking, like he's thinking within the house. Surely if he's traveling to get to work, everyone who lives in that house, once a week take a pair of shoes to work, and then eventually, eventually ketchup

is gonna realize, right? Right, on steel ketchup shoes. No, not steel shoes. Hide them. Which are my work. How can that sound like stealing now you say it? It sounds a hell of a lot like stealing actually, yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, the idea is you're going to give them back, which I know is what a lot of people get caught stealing say. But you're going to become the guy at work who keeps arriving and leaving shoes. Maybe that's what ketchup's doing. Someone at his work keeps arriving, which is, and it's like, I can tell you what I'll take him home. The circle of life.

I think, yeah, but I mean, like I think hiding them is a good plan, right? Getting rid of them in some way is a good plan to at least alert him to the fact that his shoes are taken up loads of space. Catch up sounds like a bit of a dick housemate, doesn't he? I do, I do.

He sounds, I mean, get rid and get nutsellerin' for good for this thing. LAUGHTER You know what I'm sure a cash is? It'll cost you, certainly. Sure. If you want a macadamia, I mean, it's notice. I'm not called not give a mate.

No. Hi, I'm only taking them to work. Come on. I think I was going to have issue with catch up, take these shoes and socks off and watching the telly, because I was like, that isn't great communal behavior. But then I found out it was in Melbourne, you kind of go, that's hotter climbs. They're very good at like wearing thongs down there.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. So I don't know whether, aren't you better off instilling a no shoes policy or the like. So that everyone, the idea is everyone arrives and takes their shoes off. That's true. In a designated area and then it's not coming in in front of the tele. Now look, ketchup doesn't strike me as the kind of guy you're amazed by the base, these rules. But like, that to me would be the practical way to go about it.

So are you suggesting like a rack by the side of the, you know, like in the hallway or by the side of the door, are you suggesting like a big bucket you can chuck all your shoes in? Because I think the problem isn't that he's taken his shoes off, is that they're going everywhere, is they were going all around the house? Well it's because he's got so many. Two men and 57 varieties, of course. And... LAUGHTER

I think the thing is that you've touched on there, Tom, is basically, I assume worldwide schism, much greater and deeper than Brexit could ever be, which is the kind of shoes in the house, shoes not in the house, kind of debate, which is the kind of shoes in the house, shoes not in the house Kind of debate, which is a term I'm sure you must have touched on before, but I mean it's There are two kinds of people in the world, right? People who take their shoes off when they go into a house and then there are monsters

Who yes, don't deserve to be able to use the NHS or Do you take your shoes off when you go into a hospital, but... What? This is a bugbear of mine, is when you watch TV, or especially American TV or movies, and someone gets on their bed with their shoes on. And they sort of curl up and you're like, what on earth are you?

No. Absolutely not. I mean, to be honest, not even your trousers. No exactly. I want to be nude and lubed before I get into a bed. I want to be slick like a dolphin before you get into those rubbish sheets. He's sliding into empty sheets and sliding right back out the other side. So for me, what I'm saying is the shoes for me, the fact the shoes are on when he's getting towards

the sofa, for me is the problem, but maybe I'm taking it too far, I don't know. Yeah, no, I agree with you. You know, it's gotta be shoes off when you get to the front door, through the front door, certainly you have to take them off in the street. But yeah, but then how do you enforce, how is our friend Andrew going to enforce

this without, you know, some sort of passag types? Well, don't go passag. Go full-ag. Time up. Time up on a chair and make him lick the bottom eat an espadrille. There we are. You know, you're killing with kindness. Well, you're killing. What's going to be the shoe band? Is it affects everyone in the house? So I don't think you're being passagged. You're going, look, this is where I see it.

Yeah, this house is going now. We need to keep the house cleaner. We need to have an agreement on shoes being like left all over the place. So there's no shoes in the house. They all get left here. Can we all agree on that? In one house meeting, it's a very simple,

in-fatic proposal, you know. Sell it with a slogan, Bosch. And then it's done then. And then it's like all in, we agreed. Can I just ask, is the slogan Bosh? Because I don't think it communicates quite enough of the details of the agreement. As you say, you'd throw the shoe into the book. Oh, I see Bosh is the sound of a shoe here in the book.

You get home from work. Bosh! Everybody's having a good time. You know, that's not the catchphrase. I like Bosh. Maybe even a rack? No, it's in Australia. I've got one bit.

Yes, please. Now we're talking. Well, you've got one better than the Bosch. I've got an addition to the Bosch. What about you make the entrance to your house about Ccastle, right? So you get a bouncy porch area. For example, you know, it's, you know, listen,

I'm not going to throw a bit of money at the problem, but this is what you do, because everybody knows it's a shoes off policy on a bouncy castle. Everybody knows that. But also, how fun is it going to be to get into the house every day? You're going to come home with a literal spree in your set because you're gonna take your shoes off, you're gonna leap onto the bouncy castle

and you're gonna launch yourself towards the sofa, shoes off, you sit down, you enjoy an episode of Home in a Way, and you have a great time. I think this is the full system. Or you install and employ a 16 year old to man, the desk they have in a bowling alley and then when you get in the house you have to give in your shoes put on the bowling shoes

and then go about your life. Great and then you get the little sprays where you get a little spray. Get a horrible little spray. You get everything. It's tricky for me because my bowling teams in Hawaii. LAUGHTER You're the catchphrase of course. Who won't? Who won't? If I bow, we know all about it. LAUGHTER Well, I think definitely the house-wide shoes off policy from the second you enter the house, that has to be it. Or just a vict catch-up, he sounds like an awesome.

Yeah, I mean, that's the other thing. Yeah, I mean, that's the short and long of it. I mean, just beat them to he sounds like an answer. I mean that's the other thing. Yeah, I mean that's the short and long version. I mean just beat him to death his own shoes. Seems like the best system. Um, beef solved. Beef from the zoning I can beat! Beef solved! Okay, we have washing up washing hands beef from Reese.

I sometimes catch my dad washing in a verticals. His hands in the stagnant dishwasher does sometimes get left in the washing up bowl. How can I get him to stop being so fucking disgusting? And a beef. And a beef. And a beef. That's it.

It's a good beef. It's a good strong beef. It's an interesting one as well. So he just goes up to the dish water that is just there and there in the sink that's presumably already had dishes washed in it and uses that. It's scummy.

Kind of, you know. Instead of washing his hands. Now is this, is this what he's doing like after he's been to the Lou? Is he leaving the Lou and walking into the kitchen to wash his hands in this day in this water? Or is he deciding to do that just in the middle of the day as a little what he considers a freshen up?

Or are the dishes in the toilet sink? I mean, you could also say, you know, I don't know what their setup is. The topsy-turvy house going on there. Do you live in a very small caravan type set up when you've only got one thing? I think the dud is, is this kind of an economy thing? Is it helping to save the planet? Is it, oh yeah, old school, you know,

waste not want not because that dish water's finished. Yeah, right? It's soapy water. Hey, he's using the word stagnant, and it's not stagnant. It might be a bit dull, but it's not stagnant water, is it? There's not algae growing on the top of it. Well, a plumber would call it grey water. It's grey water, exactly. And grey water runs deep. Grey water runs across the dunes, yeah. But I would say grey water, as long as it's not been sat there for too long.

It's probably still fair game. You could probably get another wash out of it. You might not wash a glass in it, but, you know, I, well, I think they're big. I think it, if it's not good enough for a glass, it's not good enough for your hands. Yeah, but you wash a glass. No, no, no, no. That is my motto, yeah. That's my catchphrase. If he feels like, oh, maybe I could do my hands, we just do with a bit of, you know, a little bit of a freshen up while Duncan's in this water. I think it's fair game. Clarky washes his hands in window cleaner. LAUGHTER Well, what's good for the glass?

I'm pretty sure that he's washing his hands. He's not trying to toughen them or season them with the li- Is he a bear in the carboxer? Yeah. Does he soak them in vinegar when he comes in at night? That kind of thing. Yeah. Like when you're trying to harden the conca. The conca.

Oh my god, he doesn't put his conca in there as well. Do not drink the stagnant water. How much does conca is in there? I mean, part of the responsibility here lies with Reese for leaving stagnant water in the sink. That itself is something you could write in and say is a beef subject of his own. Well, I did wonder it. Is he being passive? Is he being like, oh well, if someone's leaving the water here, am I as well just...

Might as well pissing it and wash my hands. That's what he says, right? That's what Reese says. How easy would it be to be like, dear beef brothers and guests. I live with my son and every time I come to wash my hands, there's stagnant grey water in the sink. And I can't turn the tap on without getting my germs on the tap. So I have to wash my hands in the stagnant water. Please help. Conquers, man. stagnant water, please help. Conquersman. Conquersman, Conquersman. Get straight. Conquersman, not sir. Yeah, excuse me, it's been that month.

I've got to be honest. I agree. Staglan Gray water in the sink, that's the worst of two two evil, so I think he's got to get rid of his water and his dad is You know an example of the boomer generation saving the planet. His dad is a legend. Reese is a prick Well, that brings us to to you Benjamin Partridge. Do you have a beef that you would like us to solve? Okay, is it that your partner doesn't let you have a 20 minute show? Every time I have a show. I sit there, I set out the sustenance, I've got ready the cereal bars. That's your part of the juice. I was leave ruin the Godfather part too for me. Okay, my beef is quite a simple one.

And I think it comes down to a, it's a simple difference of opinion between myself and my partner, which is about the sheer number of kitchen gadgets that she deems to be necessary or desirable in a kitchen. I think in my ideal kitchen there would be one sharp knife, two chopping boards, one frying pan, two plates, two bowls. Maybe a toilet so I can take my time. But no, I've got a very sort of sparse dream line.

Yeah, exactly. Just what you need, whereas she has got like every week, it's like a new thing, it's like, oh, it's a specific chopper for making salsa. Yeah. Or it's a mega grinder. Exactly. Exactly.

And it's that kind of stuff you only would see in kind of TK Max in the kind of homeware section. And to be fair, you know, it's a passion for us, you know, it's fine, but I think we don't see IDIY on this, certainly. Can you help me? So she's an avid cook, is what you're saying. She likes to... Not really.

You should also ask the pastor, the pastor bears is buying the stuff, not just the food. Yeah, okay. Have you had salsa since she's bought the salsa chopper? It was very nice. Nice, that's it. Ah!

In a fence, right? Yes. I think I like the idea of a kitchen full of stuff. And also as well, if it's out, then the chances are you can use it. It absolutely like changed the way I cook when I bought a sort of spice rack that just sat out in the kitchen rather than having all my spices in a cupboard. Because it means you just see what's there, you know. And I can see how much spice you've got until you need to go and see your dealer again. LAUGHTER

Just get us to make me a while to get there. LAUGHTER Yeah, actually, my wife is worried about how much time I spend in the kitchen, because I'm just stood there, zombie-like. LAUGHTER Yeah. He's been touching his toes for four hours. How long will he need to be?

I'm gonna speak in defense of partridge for a couple of minutes by saying. Thank you Tom. On my honeymoon, we did a camper van for three and a half weeks. We did a camper van. We did a bloody camper van, mate. And for three and a half weeks,

I cooked with nothing but like, you know, one chopping board, one sharp knife, a pan, a single pan, a frying pan, and the simplicity of life, you know, it was kind of, it felt rustic, it felt like we were getting back to kind of, a more natural way of being. It felt like everyone used to live in caravan.

I can't even go down there. It felt great. Painting a bison on the wall of a caravan. I mean, sure, we ate out every night. I mean, of course, we were on the restaurant. We had the restaurant after the restaurant. But you took your caravan and said, cook it in there.

I took it in there. I would say the simplicity of that was liberating. But can I add something which is that you know you don't know the size of my kitchen. Is it bigger or smaller than a caravan? It's smaller, it's very very small. So every time you open a cupboard or do anything a different kitchen gadget will fall out into your face. It's very, very small. So every time you open a cupboard or do anything, a different kitchen gadget will fall out into your face. It's a space thing. We've got this issue as well. We don't have a microwave.

We don't have a toaster to try to... What? What free up kitchen surface space. What? Sorry Ben. But we do have a reclits machine. You've got, you've gone through a clit over toaster. When you have cheese on toast, you just have the cheese, don't you?

Go for the best bit. Yeah, the reclits machine was a present. Maybe there's something with you have like a timer on objects. He's probably got a timer as well. He's got all sorts. And if it doesn't get used, say in a fortnight, it goes. No, that's that's that's too regular for everything to be used. So you use your raclette machine more than once I made. He's every morning, he wakes up with it. The reclet machine has to go. I bought it up the other night, it has to go.

Does your partner want the reclet machine? Probably. You just make a sort of that for you. No, I think a Fortnite is mad, Clarky, because like, think about something like, a big item like the potato masher, right? You want that in your kitchen, but you might not be using it every single Fortnite.

That's a big-sale potato masher. I don't know. right? You want that in your kitchen, but you might not be using it every single fortnight. How big is your potato, mate? No, you're not using your potato, mate. In a fortnight. Not every fortnight, no. Oh my god, that's a lot of time. Belly two days ago, by the way. It's quite a lot. It's quite a lot. It's quite a lot of time.

It's quite easy to get yourself into his trousers. You eat with it, don't you? I mash so regularly. He is in constant use. I was considering getting a second mash so that when the ones in the dishwasher I got access to the other mash. You're eating that much mash that you're having it most meals. There's a lot of mash going on at the moment, yeah.

Is this because of like baby food or is this because of you? It's a it's a heady combination of both, really, a perfect marriage. Did you have all of your teeth punched out by a sailor? I moved to the southwest, it was kind of a rites of passage. This is across the board, are they kind of going to get in there then?

I'm saying boy, welcome. I worry this is going to be the first ever kind of like beef impasse because... Well, so this Ben, you're moving house. Yeah. Two toilets, a bigger kitchen. Slightly bigger, yeah. So we could fill one of the toilets with... ...impermanent.

...impermanent. I'm saying you get a bit more time on your toilet. If she's getting a bit more space in the kitchen, I think it's a bit of give and take, isn't it? Is it acceptable to take a bath in the stagnant water that's been washing while you get your influence? I think you're right. I think I need to, yeah.

I think once I get in the slightly larger, very slightly larger kitchen, things will start to feel different. I think you're right. Be solved. Don't forget, be Brothers Podcasts at gmail.com or as Pierre Navelle might put it, send us your beef, your whining fucks. So Ben, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been a real treat. Pleasure, thank you so much for having me on. It's been a pleasure. Obviously you do two of your own hugely successful and fantastic podcasts. Do you want to plug those? Yeah, I do two. One's called Beef and Dairy Network. You should check that out.

And the other one I do with Mike Wozniak and Henry Packer, it's another three men podcast. Obviously you're listening to this. It's very much in your wheelhouse. It's called Three Bean Salad. In fact, it's one of those, yeah, I think people who like this podcast will like three-been salad because I know that, because whenever, you know, radio four or Spotify will ever put out a, what podcast you're listening to, and there'll always be a few people who say, I'm listening to Pappies,

they'll often have three-been salad in there as well. So I think there's a strong cross. You're saying we are bitter rivals, is what you're saying? This is, yeah, basically, if you'd like to get into this soundproof box. I'll be in there for about 18 minutes. Sure. So it's good. And the head-ex gone.

Absolutely, yeah. You've cured me, guys. Thank you very much. Well, this episode was brought to you by Co-op Sider. Co-op Sider. Be from the signing of your beef! What a cuss! Wallop! your beef! B check out the bonus beef that we did with him over on our Patreon, patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's Flash Air, and also please do if you enjoy this show,

leave us a review on iTunes, like and subscribe, all of that kind of stuff, recommend us to a friend because our mission... Yes, it was a review in real life. Leave us a review in real life. Think of someone you know who you think would love this stuff and have a chat to them about it. Ever in a word about it? Have a little intervention. Yes, because that's our mission in 2022 is to get more listeners to this podcast because we love doing it and we love more people to hear it. Beautiful.

Guys, have a great week. Have a great week, everybody. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham. Corsham. I should stress we're very, it was a late record. We're all very tired at the end of this. We're barely getting through it, but thank you for carrying on listening.

Cheers everyone. Bye! It's fall. And you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So now, you can't anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those.

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