Pappy's Flatshare - Beef brothers Cold Cuts w/ Celeste Dring S9E15

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Celeste DringCeleste isn't on twitter, but her comedy duo is - https://twitter.com/lazysusanPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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See you at for details. Greetings, listener dear. Tis eye, Tom. And it's me, Ben. And it's me, Matthew. Sorry we didn't do the Tisai as along with him. Oh, it really solves me down the river when that happens. Yeah, on the Tisai guy. Yeah, well I mean that's the reason we didn't do it, you understand? It's just an intervention.

Yeah. Well, Tis listener dear, and that's the problem. Oh, it's their fault. Yeah, it's all the way through. I've really passed the book. You've really thrown a listener dear and that's the problem. Oh, it's their fault. Yes, I've really passed the book. You've really thrown listener dear under the bus. Hello listener dear, welcome to another fantastic episode of Pappy's Flatshare Beef Brothers Cold Cut.

How'd you like your beef? I like my mother's kiss. Oh. No one expected cars to be cold. Yeah. Oh. How'd you lie? Gibby, fin the morning.

Cold and cut. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Oh yes, it's Celeste Dring from the Double Act sketch comedy, well, I see Double Act sketch comedy duo, I do. I started with Double Act, that was my problem. The horror list. Of the sketch comedy Double Act lazy Susan who are absolutely amazing. Pills. You can hear them on radio for at the moment with the show called the East Coast listing post.

They're brilliant. We had a really fun time with Celeste. Oh, this is a banger. This is an absolute banger. We solved some beefs, brought some home truths, home to roost for some couples. Yeah, it was quite intense. And actually, I think as well, Matt, if you're listening, keep listening because we have solved your problem for definite. You're heading for a flat-share problem. We've sold it for definite and that is final Have a listen. Listen to the ears. We'll see you on the other side. Bye

Let's get started Let's get started. Waller. Waller makes. Well, what an introduction to our guests today. We've got Celeste Dring here. Hello. Hi, thanks for coming on the show. Waller.

Waller. Waller. We're up for the old catchphrase. We're trying, well, it's the brand new catchphrase. It's only just, we're trying out a new catchphrase every show. Just Waller pull its own. Waller. I like it. It's elongated, isn'tase. It's only just, we're trying out a new catchphrase every show. Just Wallup on its own. Wallup. I like it.

It's elongated, isn't it? It sounds like a person the way you're saying it. Wallup, you scoundrel. Yes. Well, that's it. At the end of the show, we'll decide who's the Wallup. Grace. I tell you that. Who's the Wallup of the way?

That sounds kind of. Oh, yeah. It's all my certainly going to be me, isn't it? Clockier you wallet. Clockier actually wallet. Right. So, thanks. Thank you for coming on the show.

Oh, pleasure. And can I ask you, you're a flat mate. I am. Are you a good flat mate? It's hesitation. Yeah, yeah. I think you all know the answer to that. Bit of a wallop.

Bit of a wallop. No, I think I am quite good at flat mate actually, and hat mate. You share the hats with the person you live with. Yeah, you can stop wearing the hats please. I'm trying to make a hat mate something. No, I do like the idea of hat mates. Hat mate would be a great podcast. Everyone brings in a hat.

I guess I lost faith in that. No, Tom, please. I've got stakes in it. I can tell you now Tom, is it on the leaderboard to be top wallop of the show? He shot up the leaderboard. Shot up the leaderboard. I love it. How it makes his not I think so. So you've got hats, you're good mates. Yeah. No, I'm pretty boring. I'm quite clean. Keep yourself to yourself. Yeah, I'm pretty boring, I'm quite clean. Keep yourself to yourself. Yeah, I would say. I can chat for a bit too long, sometimes.

How long is too long? It's just so long, because we enjoy me, me and Andrew and chat. That's basically our podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this is my target audience. You guys want me to get that? We didn't invite you on,

did we? You just turned up to chat. Yeah, yeah, just hang around. It's an opportunity. Do you chat at the right times of day? We didn't invite you on, did we? You just turned up to show up. Yeah, yeah, just hang around. Like an opportunity. Do you chat at the right times of day? This is what I was just, I don't know. I just want to pick true. If we were at breakfast together, I might find it a bit much.

Yeah, sure. And I can imagine you're right there at breakfast going like here we go. No, do you know what? I'm not like, I'm not like chatty in the obvious sense of like high energy. Not none of the positives of high energy and all one, yeah, it's dark chat, you know, early, early, early, early, that's my podcast actually.

Dark chat, just with myself. You don't record it or anything do you? It's got yourself in a wardrobe, start talking. It's literally pointless. See how it goes. No, I'm also a faffa. So sometimes I'm like, there's just awkward things where I'm like, oh, have a great day. See you later.

And then I come back to the house about five times. Right. You know, and that's a bit awkward. My brother does that. So hard to get off the phone. Yeah. It's like, I saw you the other day talking, I took on the phone to your brother.

And he only rings as well. He's like, I can't text. I hate texting. He texted him something and he's like, he always tries to ring you. I can't. I hate texting. Grow up, I hate texting. He texts him something and he's like, he always tries to ring you. I can't, I hate texting. I can't grow up, grow up, I hate texting. There's a reason why we have texts in the brilliant. That's it.

I've got a lot of fun in them, but I'm a bit of an employee like that, who calls me now twice a day and just say one thing. And it's like, that's a text. Yeah. Tom, is that your new wife? Is it? That's a loud.

That's okay. I think you may have hit a nerve. Let's move straight on. Let's move straight on. I will say one thing. The thing I don't like now on the... It's people who do the voice memo on WhatsApp. They think that's acceptable.

I don't want to name names, but Lee Sanders. You don't want to name names, but Lisa Anders. You don't want to name names, but it's a mystery. That is. So, Lisa Anders is a huge fan of the voice. She's a big fan of the voice. Yeah, but I think it's just, it's for the spontaneous person. But you have to say it's a brand.

I can't do this because I'm driving and you're like, that's not good. That's not bad. That's not bad. Pull over and then, you know and then send me the message. But I don't, because you still have to listen to it then, and that requires either putting your headphones in, connecting to the Bluetooth. It's a weird halfway house of not a chat, but not a text.

Yeah, it's a voicemail, but. It's also quite final, unless you're going to leave a voice male yourself and then they're going to leave you a voice male back and then a voice memo, a voice mo, which I mean, that's, you don't even have a phone. That's what I don't understand. What's the etiquette? Am I uptight if I don't leave a funny voice note back?

But I sometimes think that this. I've got a dark chat to be doing. That's it. You've got this dark chat, burning a hole in your pocket. I think sometimes there's a little bit of middle ground where you know, texts are like short and size bits of information and I'll just this is what you'll find out. You're the glue the glue of papi. That's what I'm here for. It's addicted to glue but still they call me an

absolute wall up. It's not fair. Hey Tommy's all Tommy's all wall up at the moment. I love it. And then a call is like yeah there needs to be a back and forth but sometimes you just got a bit too much info. You're just like, oh, just, this would be quicker if I just, you know, blab it out. Yeah, fair enough. I've got, I suppose it's how someone's using it. I've got nothing wrong with sending a really long,

like several thumbscrolls up long text message. And then someone just giving me an emoji afterwards. I don't feel bad about that at all. As long as I got all my information at yeah, exactly yeah, because that's basically how I communicate with the two of you. I'm a relationship. As long as I know it's been seen, fine, I don't look at it. Just for the whole thing. Give me the upside I mean, I can be an inner thing. You're a big fan of the upside down face. You're not a mode you mean, I can't read.

I'm a phone wrong way up, can't see it. I'm standing on my head. Send me a voice memo. Halfway through yoga. Right, should we start with yours? Should we start with your? Your crack away? Yours is from Dan, the first beef.

This is from Dan. Your name's Andy, please. Okay, I'm struggling to read a little bit of it, but you can probably help me. Sure. If you struggle to read, just send the upside down emoji. So this says, I came home to find my peanut butter, had a large hole, dick shaped, some might say. Oh, it's gone dark early.

Dark chat. Classic dark chat. I've actually slipped this one in myself. Right, it's sort of been a wait. Yeah, it's like that. I think it says yes, a dick shaped hole we're talking in the middle of it. Oh yeah, right. My flatmates refuse to say what happened. Okay, brutal. Okay. Brutal. Okay, terrible.

Right. The big question first. Crunchy or smooth. It's got the right. It's the question. It's on the tip of everybody's smile. You know, because of it's smooth. Smooth.

I think we have our answer quite quickly. But if it's crunchy, what's that in there? What are you up to if you're who's after the crunchy texture? Do you think the same people that have smooth orange juice also have smooth peanut butter? Yes, this is a great thing. This is a good question. I'll listen to smoother foam. Orange juice with bits, I prefer.

Yeah. And that means having an orange juice and then having to take some love island. That's right, yeah, yeah. I get myself in a hammock. Yeah. There's a babe. There's some sort of interchangeable babe in there as well. Are you watching love Island by the way? Do you know what I really tried not to and then I'm back in like an absolute second?

I absolutely love it. Crosby, we have to keep him off this because he keeps from us sort of this podcast into a love Island. I'd like to be living in a love Island. This is not what the podcast is. To us do not love one. I'd like to be living in a love one. This is not one podcast. To us do not watch it. I've contacted a lot of people. To us do. So you're crunchy, you're crunchy orange juice.

Not crunchy orange juice. If you're orange juice, if you're orange juice is crunchy, then you've got to check that away, mate. So you're bits in your orange juice, crunch in your peanut butter. Absolutely. I like a little bit of extra. I'm the same on both. Thank you very much, Clarky.

Drink, where do you stand? Oh yeah, crunch in, bits on both. Crunchy on both. Now here we go. Full haze, guys. Oh! With us, can we like to grab life by the balls? Okay, now, I'm gonna change the question.

If you're fucking that orange juice, smooth or bits in. Totally different. If it's getting into the bedroom, you want your food to be smooth. You want your food to be smooth, right? I think that's double standards. I think you've got to accept the R and Shies that you have in the kitchen as the R and Shies

you have in the bedroom. If it's going in the mouth crunchy, you've got to go in the butt crunchy as well. You've got to take the rough of the smooth. Yeah, bits in the street, bits in the bed. Pop the butt crunchy. Gotta go. Have you ever had a... Have you ever had a seat in the butt crunchy?

I feel like I'm growing. I'm so excited. I don't think. Well, that's... That's all. When you were reading out the... Reading out the bit. I just interrupted you there, please. Tom is out the bit. I did it. I did it. I did it.

I did it. Tom is doing the most vile handshake. So I'm looking around to the producer for hell. So this is what I wanted to talk about because as Tring was reading, I had an idea. I did a gesture. Just that Emma picked up on. Yeah. And looked quite horrified up, man.

She still looks like she's recovering. Okay, so it's two fingers like you're making a gun. Two fingers like you're making a gun. Handgun. And then like you're holding a jar. And then you jam're making a gun. Handgun. And then like you're holding a jar, and then you jamming your fingers into the hole. You know what I find grossest about this? You're not doing this, right?

You're not going to put a term. You're giving it a twist as you put the fingers in. So, but twist is going in. This is what I'm going through. This is in my defense. Yeah. Like the gesture. It's all the hole got there.

This is what I'm thinking, right? That's what I think's happened. So I think it's actually better. That's what I'm thinking. So you I think it's actually better than that. So you're thinking it's fingers rather than... Just the terrible situation, it's a guy's put, is dick into the peanut butter. I have to say, I don't think this reflects brilliantly on Dan,

to see like an ambiguous hole in a foodstump substance and be like a dick spin in that. It's a dick, man. Very good point. Dicking the jar, like I think. I believe it. I was just thinking if I want to have some quick peanut butter, I'm not saying this is right, it happens.

Yeah, where you just go in, go your fingers, out you come. Police are making the gesture. Yeah, I'm just saying the gesture's not good. Do you not own a small spoon? Yes. I cannot honestly say I've never put my fingers in a peanut butter jar.

I don't think I've ever put my fingers in any jar. Whoa, you poor bastards. I always go, yeah, I like to, I always come home and eat like two spoons of almond butter or something like that or two spoons of peanut butter. Oh, come on Matthew. A little priest. Sometimes I might allow myself to have, why do you specify almond to you? Because I like to run to a weak horse. I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to, I because it's ethically sourced. It's not actually almonds are very bad. Oh, it's bad news. I mean milk is the least environmentally friendly. Yeah, man. Oh, fuck the planet. Flea bag too. What? Here we go.

Naughty pre-season. Naughty pre-season. Naughty pre-season, this thing is in the peanut. Yeah, no spoilers, please. I read a really good thing about that. I read a really good opinion about that. Seen in Flea bag too. This is a spoiler.

I can't just like spoiler it. There's not much flea Bag 2. This is a spoiler. I've got this like spoiler in it. There's not much flea back to it. There's like the sexy scene where she's in confession and he says Neil. I found that quite upsetting actually. Well, someone made a really good point, which is the last thing she says to him before that moment is what's your real name, father.

And he says Neil and she kneels. And someone was saying, they genuinely think his name's Neil, and she misreads that and kneels, and then that's where he goes right. Which actually, I think it's really funny. That is a really funny thing. There'd be a really good joke there that they didn't have, which is like,

Well, do tell Phoebe that she's miscelled a lot, she nearly there. She was laughing, she was laughing. It was very nice. I have got notes. I have got notes. Tom, it's killing Eve, not killing Steve, all right? LAUGHTER

So, it's a good note, though, isn't it? That's interesting. Well, I think she might have meant it. I think she may have meant it. It's an easter egg. It's a little easter egg for when I watch it again. Do you like your easter eggs crunchy? No.

No. No, thank you. So, I was going to say, quick question. Yes, okay. Do you like it when your Easter eggs are tailored to the thing that they come with? So like if it's Ferrero, Roshe, Easter egg, then the large egg is like Ferrero, Roshe, I don't know. Oh, hold on that. I don't think I've ever had that.

Have you know? I would like that. Oh, Ben. Ben, he, Ben. He's at the top of almond butter, he's the type of almond buddy. I've only seen that before. You've never seen like, they've got little bits of, well, whatever the, whatever the chalk might be.

Oh wow. I mean, I think whichever way, there's no dressing up, but I says self-destructing them out of chocolate. It's an act of self-arm. To eat chocolate. To eat an Easter egg. Like a whole egg alone. I've been trying to talk about this on stage, but it's not got much traction.

Well, let's talk about it now. How much chocolate is an Easter egg? Well, you just look at the weight, don't you? That's what I normally do. So what's the answer? It's normally like a big bar. It's normally like a pound bar, that's worth of a V-string, which isn't actually that much.

A pound is in weight or a pound is in price. You know how they have like the 99p bars, which are normally like you get it bigger than a normal. Like a rectum, but not ridiculous. What are the shape would a chocolate bar be coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a barum. But not ridiculous. What are the shape would a chocolate bar be coming? Yeah. Like a bar, like a Yorkie bar.

Yeah. Or like when you get your dairy milks and they go to, you know, like a bigger, like a rect. Oh, okay. So you're saying that a bar is not, a bar is more, why not a bar is still a rectum? Why not you mean? You know what I mean? Like, is it like a house prick?

Are we talking about like two cubes across or say three or four cubes? or why not bar still erect angle, why not you mean? You know what I mean? Like is it like a house prick? Are we talking about like two cubes across or say three or four feet? Once you get to four cubes across, you're at a bar territory. Right, I didn't direct angle territory. Whereas when you're on stage, I believe this doesn't mean we're on stage.

I mean, you're on one or two. That's a bar, and then you're getting to rectangles. Featuring three, three. I've got something you can talk about. One, two, that's a bar, and then you're getting to rectangles. Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe. I've got a great idol. I've got something you can talk about. It's going to be a set of confectioners. It's basically Charlie and Chalk, the factory, meets Phoebe back. And he's going to say, hi, Charlie, and he's going to send me up some coke.

And he's going to be like, no, no, no, no. My name's Charlie. So I think actually, to go back to your fingering point Tom. Bless you. I think actually, I think you're onto something. Thank you. I'm going to say something here. The first time I think you're going to say something here, which might paint me in

a not fantastic light, but I reckon if I was to get a fresh jar of peanut butter and go fingers first, hump into it, I could get up to the knuckle. I can have nightmares. I've just seen two of you now. Right, I could get up to the knuckle pretty, pretty easy. Where is if I were to do it with my erect penis? I'm going to mine that one. I don't think my penis has got the...

What's the motivation as well? Which motivation? Oh, it's got to be... No, is there a pet involved? What? I don't make it bleak. Is there a pet involved? Well, why else are you putting peanut butter on your dick? I'm not snowing, I know. Oh my god! Okay, we're gonna take a short break.

I'm gonna have a short break down. Well, it's not the motivation of this person. No, they're fucking the peanut butter jar to make themselves come. Oh my god. They're not, they're gizzing out of the jar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. Because they're a gentleman.

I don't want to, they're a gentleman. I'm a lid. They don't want to be making a little baby jar. Is there a low-torch on peanut? If you come down there, a peanut is all over your kitchen Who has been f***ing the peanut butter again? LAUGHTER So, last your thoughts.

LAUGHTER So, it's psychologically fully checked out there. LAUGHTER For the best. So, look, what's more likely, your housemate is fucking your peanut butter or your housemate is stealing some peanut butter, you know, and let's not roll out the fact that a a well-spooned jar, well, I also have that effect. It might read like a fingered jar. Or a fucked jar. Or a fucked jar. Like if the spoon is at the right size, a dessert spoon, brought in and with that twist action,

which I think is pivotal though. Yeah. Well, it literally is. Well, it literally is. Can I just say, you boys are at the absolute top of your game. I can't believe it. I'm a little bit of a loser. If you pivot that jar and this spoon comes out, that may well.

I bet I could. I'm not gonna put a lot of money on this, but I bet with a spoon I could give you a the look of a fuck jar. The only thing. The only thing. Wanna make that interesting? I can give the look of a fuck jar.

That will stay with me forever. I've got peanut butter at the studios. Sorry, I can't read. OK, Tom, Tom, calm down, all right? He says, calm down. Calm down. I think Tom's got as an adflactic shot. I'm allergic to nuts.

We get a peep-end. We've got three options. There's three of us. We get three jars. Celeste is the judge. The only seed of doubt in my mind is dancing my flatmates refuse to say what happened. That's a good point. You know what, you make an excellent point there, yeah.

So just he's asked them and they've gone, they've really shut down. But here's the thing, if Dan, because he's saying it's dick shaped, if Dan's immediate thought is someone's fucked the peanut butter, right? And he comes out and goes, okay, which one of you three's fucked the peanut butter? I think if I was living in that household, I'd go, let's all pretend that someone actually did fuck the peanut butter. Yeah, that's so secretive, yeah. And be secretive, secretive about it, exactly. Can't believe Dan's coming out as the villain of the piece. I, listen, you know what?

I can't believe that either. I'm not gonna, I refuse to kink shame. I stand right down. You stand right down, really. It's time we're done. You stand by your down. That's the hashtag. You think it was a, you think it was a spoon,

a spoon with the impression of a fuck. Yes. Okay, steely down. You optimist. Steely down, steely down, steely down, steely done. You optimist. Steely done. Steely done. Steely done. Steely done. Steely done. Steely done. So what should Dan do? That's what we need to get to. We've got to get to the meat of the piece.

If you found yourself in this situation, what would you, what would be your solution? Well, I'd say that Dan's got to work on his communication skills and his ability sort of process conflict. He's either gone in hard. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Mattie the way your eyes are littered before you said that. I was so delighted. I was genuinely delighted.

What is it? You said just Tom was about there in peanut butter in the building. And then... Woohoo! I mean, I think there's two choices here, just bury it. And I mean, literally get a job. I guess I'll have it in the car. Have a Viking funeral. Yeah. Sent fire to it.

It's peanut butter flammable. Flota, I don't think it is. No. You're the only one with a fond dough. Peanut butter in the studio! Oh! Tom's using his molten hot penis to burn peanut butter. So, option one, bury the pizza in one, bury the pizza. And just let it go.

And if you've got concerns about your peanut butter, just keep it in your room like a weirdo. Yep. Okay. Or try and talk to them, you know, in a non-confrontational way. Try a bit of dark shadow breakfast. Bit of dark shadow breakfast. The other thing you do is fight fire with fire

and fuck their momma. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, I'm going to be a strong text. It's going to be a strong comment. Strong text, Anna Strong Flavor. I think it's going to be a strong smell for you. Yeah, they're going to know who did that.

There's no... No one's going to have to ask. Who's in fucking the Marmite? Why is your crotch smell like Bob real? That's an open-insured closed beef case. Why is your crotch smell like Bob real? It's our ultimate beef. And knee catchphrase? Why is your crotch smell like Bob real? Oh my god, we don't give titles to these episodes, but if we did, why does your crotch smell

that off-roar? So, what are we saying? We're saying Dan either get over it, or confront the election, pop a drawing pin in the bottom of your peanut butter. Oh, chilly. Oh, chilly. Yeah, because if you put a chili there and no one fucks your peanut butter,

you're not gonna get, he's gonna use a bomb that you're off. He's gonna give himself a drawing pin on time. So it's gonna be brutal. We, Dan, please don't do that. We don't want you to turn your drawing pin in your peanut butter. Well, don't put a drawing pin in any of your food.

The old, the old, still not. Starting to day, still. Starting to date. Starting to date, actually. Tom, what do you think is your suggestion for him? I think I'm a big fan of Get Everyone In. Put the pin up on the table. Poirot style. Poirot style.

Love it. Get everyone to get their boy out. From putting their things on the table, it's Cinderella. It's Cinderella, it's Poirot, it's ready steady cook. It's great television. Absolutely. So you just, you say, okay everyone, get your boy ready. Get your boy ready, all your little bits. All your finger and. So stand there with your finger. What's that? Stand there with two, with your gun fingers. Go get your gun fingers out. Get your gun fingers and your chap out.

Exactly, because there's guys and girls. There could be guys or girls in this flat. Absolutely. I think he's saying it's a dick shake hole, so I think he's blaming the guys. But let's do that. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is some, the miss is going to go on in with the miss.

The miss is. Oh, right. The miss is. The miss is. The miss is. The miss is. Oh, what happens inside that head? I think you get in the phone call from your wife, John. It's such a fucking wallet.

Sorry, you get them all, you get it, it's Cinderella. Whoever the jar fits. You must quit. Beef solved. You're from the starting of your beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. From the starting I can be yourself. You're solved. Hello everybody this is Matthew from Papis I'm joined it's always by Ben.

Hello and Tom. Yes please I am here I am here. And I can tell you now that they are drunker scum. All the good spoons of it we're into the spoons of it. Because we've just recorded our drunk episode of House Meeting, which is just for the Patreon. If you're meeting, pub meeting, we call you the title after the episode. It's a shame that this is one of the drunks and we'll be here. If you're watching here pub meeting, then join our Patreon and you can hear that.

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A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th. PAY FROM A SORNING, I CAN BE A CUTS! We have one here from Yaroslav. He's written, pronounced Yaroslav, but it's spelled Jaroslaw. Jaroslaw?

So he's done very well to tell me how to pronounce it. I mean, you've never got Yaroslav from Yaroslav. I would have absolutely led in with Yaroslav, but it's Yaroslav. So thank you very much Yaroslav. I think, is that, I wonder if that, because am I right in thinking he's from Poland? Well, he finishes the letter by saying,

you have at least one fan from Poland, me, if it wasn't clear enough. It's not really that significant, it's significant. But I thought you'd like to know that you're going continental, even if it's't clear enough. It's not really that significant. It's significant. I thought you'd like to know that you're going Continental, even if it's just one person. Ah, it's lovely to know. Really like the cut of Yaroslaw. I'd love to go Continental. Yaroslaw. Oh, Yaroslaw, sorry. That's a cut of Yaroslaw. We've just last that only volitionist. Yeah. Okay, well what does Jaroslav say? I don't know if you're, is Jaroslav male or female?

I don't know. Let's find out. Let's find out. My beef with my flat mate is that whatever he's doing, he's incredibly slow. What's worse, he usually interrupts my activities when he does anything, an example. I'm making a dinner in the kitchen that is really not big enough for two people to be in. The kitchen or the dough?

I can't kitchen right? Oh yeah, I think the kitchen is the kitchen. The kitchen is the kitchen. Get out my cold room. That's when he decides to make brew some coffee for himself, saying that it will only take a second. It never does. Sometimes, he'll even start preparing a sandwich which takes even longer. But, but Yaroslav, Yaroslav,

you're making your dinner. Surely you should be able to. All he wants is a sandwich. We continue. Okay, sorry. He's not a morning person, but back when he had a job I lost this job In the writing of this He's had to make a coffee Or a sandwich It was anyway back when he had a job He'd wake up at the same time as I did around 6 a.m. And occupy either the toilet or the bathroom The thing is my job starts at 7 a.m. And his started at 11 a.m. Oh around 6am and occupy either the toilet or the bathroom.

The thing is, my job starts at 7am and his started at 11am. Oh, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am.

Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am.

Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. Yeah, he's getting up at 6am. be late. It takes 15 minutes to get there. How do I solve this beef? Cheers, Yaroswav. Well thanks, Yaroswav. Cheers to you, Yaroswav. And I don't know whether it was Tom's reading or whether it was just the words themselves, but I can tell you ground down. Yeah, what this sounds like is the end of a relationship. This is a tether that is very, very close to the end. Yes, the tether is worn. We've talked about this before. We've all been here.

We've all been here with friendships. We're still in a podcast. But yes, that end of the tether point is in my rear view mirror so far back. But yeah, so what's the solution when you've got yourself someone who's, can you say to somebody, you're a very slow person. I feel that that's too hard to think of, bro, just a minute. I think he can't, it's certainly been said to me and it's definitely true as well. I'm slow.

I'm crazy slow at doing stuff. And Paul Megan gets very frustrated with it. And I get it. I get it. Is that Megan? It's on Megan in a lot of ways. I think we're similarly like I've lived with you. Yeah.

And we felt those frustrations. But I think that's because we're at different places, and I think that's what's going on here. I don't think you should ask someone to change. Yes. I don't think Yaroswav should ask this person to change, because they are who they are. Unless he, every time he makes that coffee, Yaroswav just pops in a little teaspoon full of speed. Slowly, slowly working

him out to a reasonable pace, spiking. A little bit spiking. Nothing wrong with the little spiking. Is that what you've been doing to us? That's right. I've spiked the gap, I've slowed you down. One time, the coffee's round the wrong way, it was the worst day of my life. That's really taken away. Stop putting in coffee, sorry, just, just, just, just, Coffee's a mistake, I'm not going to be able to. We just balance each other right here. I'm still working out. I'm still, I'm still, came back from Glastonbury three days ago and he's still. I'm still in the stone circle.

I'm still there, mate. Still on a blessed island. I'm still there. I'm still there with the bloody druids. That's kind of the tone of this, albeit given to by me. But it feels like you're as much, to Eris, you're as much of the problem as your husband so it feels. I think that's true of almost every flat-related problem, isn't it?

I'm not sure that last one. And some podcast. Dick. So what are you taking a shot at peanut butter? I think Dan's just sharing the play. That's dance fo. Dan, if you leave the lid off, mate. Guys, this is 50-50, are you bringing me all the way?

You brought the peanut butter. I was supposed to do not put my dick in it. You're part of the fucking problem mate. I'm only human. OK, Celeste. You say you're a slow person. Yeah. Have people confronted you about it in the past? Have flatmates found it problematic?

Quickly, quickly. Come on. Um, yeah. LAUGHTER Well, this is a thing that's from the letter. There's no sense of the good points of being, of maybe being slow. Or there's no sense of...

Talk is true, isn't it? Well, I think it means that you're quite considered and often you think things through, well, I think I'm quite slow, but I'm very thorough. So I'm not like a slow person since I'm like flaky and I don't get stuff done. Like if I'm cleaning the bathroom and it's slow, it's because it is going to be immaculate. It's going to be, you can eat your dinner off. Yeah. You can fuck your dinner off.

You can fuck your beard and butter off. That toilet is so sweet. That's so sweet. That toilet is so thick. I can fit up the peanut butter and really go to town. But yeah, no, that is tricky. It does sound to me like a... I suppose you're right though, aren't you? Because like, you know, the sandwich is getting made, the coffee is getting made. It's just not getting made at the pace of that Yaroslav, who Yaroslav wants it to be made. And he's not even the one eating that sandwich.

Yaroslav's in full flow with his dinner, though. I mean, you can picture that scene where you're like, you've got a few things on the hob, you're cooking away. This is going on, that's going on. Or I'm just gonna brew a coffee, dinner time. Yeah. And then halfway through the coffee, I might start a sandwich. That's the stuff that gets you.

It's a lack of awareness, I guess. It's a lot of different than that, it's not being aware that you. It's a lack of awareness, I guess. It's a different advantage here. It's not being aware that you're in the way. Do you think you could put like, because you could put like an occupied sign on the kitchen door like you do with a bathroom? You could do, you could, I was thinking that maybe put like a,

you do it disturbed. That's a bit passive aggressive. What about this? This is also passive aggressive, but in a much sort of nice, sort of way I hope. It's not a way I hope. This is what you were saying, but in a much sort of nice nice thing. This is what you were saying but it's a bit Mossmart.

No, no, no, no, this is not the same thing. It's not the same thing. It's everything you're not. It's basically shut your fucking mouth. I'd like to say a few words if that's possible. Well, what about this instead? What about this instead that you make a sandwich and brew a coffee before you do dinner? You make it at your own pace.

Add five extra minutes onto your dinner, dinner cooking time. And then we come in and go, I'd love a coffee. Just go, hey, tell you what, I've just brewed a coffee. There's a coffee for you. I'm not gonna meet this, because I've made it before I'm eating my dinner. Have a sandwich.

I think I've just cracked this beef wide open. Okay, all right. Here we go. A real eureka moment. Okay. Does everyone get their boys out? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wake up at the same time as I did, right? When the other person's in the kitchen, he decides to come in and make a coffin. This is about company and loneliness and love. Like that, this person loves spending time with you, Yaroswav.

Yes. They will set their alarm three or four hours early to get up the same time as you. And also won't leave early for their job because they wanna leave you. They don't wanna leave you under the last minute. They will make a coffee at dinner time and tend to have just a sandwich for dinner. No, it's having a coffee at dinner.

It's mad. They're not gonna have dinner, they're having a sandwich just as an excuse to be in the kitchen next to Yaroslavav. They're not a morning person yet. There goes their alarm. Six A.M. in the morning. There are Yaroswav persons. They just want a little bit of company.

They just want to be with Yaroswav. So actually, when you leave for your work at 7 a.m. Yaroswav, what you don't realize is your flatmate is absolutely devoid and is is hollowing you down the street and watching you until they have to go and got fired from their job because they weren't showing up. They were two busy sitting in the car park of where you work with binoculars. And there's the crux of it. He usually interrupts my activities when he does anything because he wants to be a part of what's going on. He wants a slice of the

Yaroswav action and who can blame him? Absolutely. Well, I think that's beef solved. Let love shine a light in every corner of our dreams. Let your love light carry. Let your love. Oh, Swav. Beef solved. I didn't know on that song. That was Katrina and the Waves with the other other song. Because you know they did walking on Sunshine. It was one that was the Eurovision. Yeah, it smashed Eurovision, didn't it?

It was a good one. Let it love Shine a Light. In every corner of our hearts. Well, be solved. You, Jarrah, so has to marry their housemates. Yeah, and that's your first dance. Jarrah Swav, we're going to show up. We'll be there to sing it.

Drinks are going to be there as well. We'll get to Poland. We'll teach her the song, which is going to a hell of a singing voice. We'll back you up with that. And we'll perform in a Katrina, the way it's trippy band, at your wedding. I'm certainly the two people in this room who can sing. They're the two who are this room who can sing. Don't know how this works. They rest the two who are most bold with their singing.

We love this thing, but it shouldn't be singing. You could start it slow and then make it fast. And then that'll be, you know, perfect sort of harmony. Exactly like the flatmates. God, it works on so many levels. You're from the starting of your being, you soft. Ian. Hi, Pappies. Hi. Hi. works on so many levels. Be from the sun and make a beat! He's soft! Ian! Hi, Papis!

Hi! Hi! Hi! How's it? Not pronouncing Ian. Oh my god. Clarke just wretched hair. You're right.

Clarke. Whoa! What about Bees? Don't react well to how to pronounce things. Don't ask Clarke. He haven't pronounced anything. He will puke on himself. You're not dyslexic dude. Long time listener, first time beeper.

Lovely. Lovely, thank you. Welcome to the show. I'm trying to turn my partner into my flatmate by finding somewhere to move in together. The problem is he vetoes every flat I suggest him because he thinks it has some massive problem. Some recent reasons include it doesn't have a bath, doesn't have a gas hob. There is linoleum in the kitchen. It looks small, it's in a shit area. And all the same places are these are different places.

Different places, different reasons. Here's the thing though. Just because they don't be in a stage. Don't move into that flat. Just look at one more flat mate. All of the above apply to the flat he lives in just now. Oh, twist and rune. So I argue that any flat we would move to would be an upgrade

because you'll be together. Can I help him see reason? Brackets that I am right. Thank you. Ian. Thank you. Ian. Thank you. Yeah. Yes, because I think there's an alarm bell ringing. I think the flip of this is true. The flip of the last one. No. No. Well, go on Clarky. Let's love Shane Light on this. The other thing is, because moving such a fath is stressful, you stay in a bad flat. You know, you know, you know, you know, you have a problem.

And the opportunity to move, you're like, well, I might as well get everything right. So I get that because I've definitely moved to flats where I've, I've been, been picky on things that my flat already, it doesn't have. Yes. I lived in a flat that only had a bath. So that was something that I insisted on. I only had a bath.

It was just, he lived in a bath. It was that like the episode of it. Oh, he had a bath. He was just, he lived in a bath. It was like that episode of last summer, why? Like he would, like if he's traveling down there. I'm just looking down there. You can only move down here. He's always so slow, so everywhere. So then the next flat, hat to have a shower. Of course.

You see what I mean? Yes. So if your flat has shortcomings, your next flat, you has to have a shower. Of course. You see what I mean? Yes. So if your flat has shortcomings, your next flat, you want to iron those out. Yeah, but your upgrade is the fact that you're living with the person you love. Yes. And that's what Ian has to say. That's what Ian's partner is in seeing here.

Yeah, but maybe, all right, maybe we went in too hard on Ian there. Maybe you just have to make it because house hunting, certain people absolutely love it, certain people absolutely hate it. Now, there are certain people who would walk past and stay agents and every time they'd wanna look into the window, see what's going on, who look at Zootpler for fun,

and you know, these. Like a bath, fuck it, freeze. Well, I was actually describing my wife, but before I date, I don't think he's a psychopath. But like, you know, the kind of people who watch location, location, location, they enjoy that sort of the idea of it. Other people, and I pretty count myself in that category, find it a little bit stress-making.

So when I came to, when we came to move, not, yeah, when we came to, to move house, most recently, I found looking around houses to be a little bit stressful. So maybe that's all it is. And it wasn't that I didn't want to move in with my wife, obviously I did, but the stress of looking around the houses. And also, you know, I think you're right, Clarky. So as you see a place and you go, it's nice,

but is it perfect? Yeah, you can always do better. There will always be something. You can always get better. Inflats be something. You can always get that. Inflats are not in partners. We cannot stress this out. This, I, there are a big alarm bells ringing here for me. Because the partner isn't looking.

The partner's not making suggestions. This is one way traffic here. Look at the opening sentence. What does he say? I am trying to make my, what's the, I'm trying to turn my partner into a flatmate and the partner is not for turning. This is going one way. It's not like we've agreed to move in together and they're not bringing enough flats into situation. It feels like this is, I think. Don't you have to say something funny than that though.

LAUGHTER Do you want to be a guest on the dark channel? LAUGHTER This is the end of the road. I'll be there for the dark channel. LAUGHTER I think Ian needs to go big, break up with a partner, move into a really nice flat, then invite them right for dinner, let them see what they could have won.

Well, then they'll be begging to move in. I am charged with loads of money. One thing I would try as well, we had this with the Comedation for Edinburgh accommodation and there was one person, it tends to be the person who is not looking that also goes, oh, but this isn't right, or the same as this, I don't like the bathroom, you know, kitchen, see, whatever it is, because they're not having to learn the reality by going and finding these, but I'd say what's actually out there.

So the other thing that they could do is just somehow pass the burden of responsibility, of looking for places onto the path that I'm trying to turn it. I've broken both my arms. I can't log into the ladder. I think that's true actually. If you make it a thing that they are invested in themselves, then they're going to be a bit more like, oh, I've found this.

Maybe that's what it is, maybe it's Ian's partner, I've found this amazing place, you know, I think it's absolutely fantastic, that's the kind of enthusiasm you want that he should be bringing back to you. Or even if it's not enthusiastic, it's just Ian's partner's dreams have to die as well. He's got a go and look around,

so he's got a go and instigate, look at him, it's a dark shit. It's dark shit, man, please. I'm a one-trick pony. LAUGHTER But if he has to go through that process of learning, because our Edinburgh person was just like, oh, it's easy to find flats. And then when he realised that she was really difficult,

he was much more willing. Name names. Brent Goldstein was much more willing. Ah, of course. Love him, from the Up-Podcast, Brent Goldstein. I will say one thing though. Of course. Love him from the Bob Podcast, Brent Goldstein. I will say one thing though. I knew you found the flat and he was a legend. He found the flat, but then you ended up you and Freya,

your double-eyed partner in Lazy Susan. Please, can we not pop this list? Okay. We fucked a Jara Pina, buddy. You had to share a room together. Yeah. And then at one point, when I came round to see you guys, you were sleeping in a sort of cot you'd made by pushing two sofas together.

Yeah. That was really was like a sort of child's cot. Yeah. So I'm finally to see the problem. I'm waiting for it there to be a problem. I was going, I'm so early, I'm early. I built a brilliant thought. Yeah.

No, but we had to share room because we didn't, we always said we'll try and share room if we can. It was part of the specification. Because we didn't have enough money to have our own rooms. Sure. We had two double beds in our room. Did you win those? And the cot.

And then the cot was in the living room. That was just like an effect. Well, that was like when boyfriends would come and say, and one of us would go in and say, and your boyfriend would go in the car. Yeah, would want to see one of us in the car. Is that way you're wearing a bonnet and holding it over his high-loathing pump as well? Okay, we don't get into the play of that. That's really dark chat. He likes black chats. I'll see your dog chat. Okay, what about if he just moves in to this guy's flat? It's not a bad idea.

Because look, he said his flat is kind of compromised, it's got a no-no to him. Why doesn't he just pitch in, turn up at the door and say, look, pack my bags, less, no, it's pretty flat. But like, I'm just, I'm all in. Here we go. Yeah, moving. I think that's a great, I think that's actually a good plan. Yeah. Call his bluff.

Until eventually he goes, do you know what? I quite like Lennonium floors. They're all right. We don't need a gas hob. You can cook off electric, it's fine. We're the boy down. We're the boy down.

Beef solved. Beef from the starting, I can beef! Beef solved. Beef from the starting again Beef solved. So Matt writes in Edinburgh. Please, front names only. Yeah, Matt. Hello, Matt. Matt in Edinburgh, he's not in Edinburgh, he will be in Edinburgh. He says, in Edinburgh I'm staying in a flat with two other comedians.

We all know. We've all ended up paying the same amount for the flat. And here we go. Same all in caps. Fifteen thousand pounds. It will be something like that, yeah. However, there are three all in caps, different sizes of rooms, small, medium and large.

We are struggling to know who gets what room for the whole month and making it fair. This is a tricky beef, isn't it? Because we've all been involved in the Edinburgh flat share. Yeah. and making it fair. This is a tricky beef, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Because we've all been involved in the Edinburgh flat share for many years, since 2006. Not for me, I'd like to stress. Not for you, because you're incredibly young.

I'll have you 17th, by the way. Thank you. No, you just trust that way, because we're boyfriend. Congratulations to the GCZs. So, we've all shared. I'll put in a shirt close beef case for me. Oh, hello. Okay, here we go.

I don't open a close-up beef case. I've got an idea here too. It's a bit of fun. Yeah. It's the game of things. Sure. You draw lots. Who doesn't love drawing lots?

Everyone loves drawing lots. The stakes are high. You get in there. Everyone knows we've threw them, they won, boom, there are the straws off you go. Well, do you know what? In fact, let's, why don't we draw the lots? How's that? Okay.

I'll do it now with these bits of paper. Okay, we're gonna sort this, well, let's hear Clarky's suggestion first. Clarky's suggestion first. Let's get Clarky's suggestion the way in there. Yeah, this is way more exciting. Because what we can do is we can say,

right, you're listening, Matt, right? Matt, are you listening? Tell us now, you've got it in your head. Tell us that, Matt. In your head. Out of that. Shout out if you're listening. So, Matt, your comedian number one in your head,

your number one, then you, in your head now, decide who is comedian number two. And if anything, you could text them, say, look, your comedian number two. And then label the other person comedian number two? And if anything you could text them say look your comedian number two and then label the other person comedian number three. So you know who the three comedians are, right? comedian one's Matt and then you know who comedian two or three are. We'll draw the lots. Yeah. Our say is final. Perfect. Sounds good. Because the other ways are what? You swap rooms halfway through? No. No. You don't have to do that. Do you've made your home your home? Well the other thing is the want you swap rooms halfway through You know to do that. Do you made your home your home?

Well the other thing the other boring point that I would make and you can cut this out But if it's listening before he does before he hears a lot Decide on a price for each room With everyone so that when the lots are drawn. It's no one can feel like it's unfair the lots are drawn, no one can feel like it's unfair. I have a brilliant dream of the thing. Well, with Hexenbury, you've probably just got your budget, so no one would actively pay more. Well, he's the exciting thing about the lots game.

So I was gonna add, which is even more spicy. You draw the lots, your rooms are your rooms, but that's when the bartering starts. Because if you really don't want the small room, and you'll draw the small room, then you know there's an element of, here we go in the gameplay,'t want the small room and you're drawing the small room, then you know there's an element of here we go in the gameplay. You want the large room? I'm interested.

Make me an offer. I'll give you four equid. I'll do two hours flying for you. It's good. I'll build you a cot. I'll build you a cot when your boyfriend comes to this day. You can borrow my bonnet. We're into a like chap.

So like put all the hands down. Here's a jar of peanut butter. You know, like a chap. So like put all the colors in the jar, a peanut butter, like all the way up. Like a judge, that's the bar trade, and then you go, okay, or I'll cook you a breakfast every morning. You won't know, I'm talking about it. So you know, all I'm saying is, or I'll give you a lift home,

then you're into the bar, and then you make your final deals, then the rooms are sorted. Okay, I've done. There's entertainment then. I've got three are sorted. Okay, I've done. There's entertainment then. I've got three lots here. One, two, three. Okay.

Have you written on them? No, no, because you're going to be the comedians, aren't you? Okay. So, one of the best. Do you want to be comedian one, Matt? Okay, I'm Matt. Or comedian, okay. Okay.

And then, Clarke, your comedian two? I am. When did you show? It's... It's two-thirty at the cage. Oh, of course, two 2.30 at the cage. You got an inhaler. Wait. I don't know if I should have asked you until the end of the festival and then it's a real problem. I'm comedian three. You're comedian three. I'm doing a 45 minute show this year. I've done it for you hour until next year. Of course you want to make sure there's a lot

of us. Eligual for newcomer. Okay Eligirou Fennel, come on. OK, so we'll start with comedian one. Matt. Matt. Matt, would you like to draw one out? Oh, God. OK, good like Matt. All right, we don't know if that's the longest, shortest,

or whatever. comedian two. It looks pre-long, though, Matt. It looks pre-long. Yeah, but that's perspective. I'm tiny, I'm a tiny baby. Look, I'm already drawing it. I'm not your boyfriend, stop trying to chop me up. Communion two, pull that one out.

Oh, comedian two is swinging on a freighter's side. And then, comedian three gets that one. If you'd like to hold them together. Okay, so comedian one Me too, very close to Okay, so comedian two has the biggest room. Oh, Matt comedian, well then I'll see this room has the medium room and Matt I'm afraid you've got the small room. I'm so sorry So now let bartering commence.

Exactly. I mean, we can't do that bit for you. No. But let's just confirm those results. Fair's fair though. I mean, if you go to the comedians now and go, look, Papi's assorted it for us. I'm in the smallest room.

The comedians will probably say, who the fuck are Papi's? Yeah. You remember those guys? No. No. I don't. Well Matt, I wish it could have gone better for you, but I'm afraid Beef Law is final. So, uh.

Exactly in that he's an open and shut closed beef case. Roll up. Beef from the zoning out your beef! You've solved. Okay, so Celeste, you've got a beef you've brought here. Yeah. From your own life life with your flatmates. Would you like to tell us please? Yeah, so the beef is that basically I am a fresh gal.

I'll fresco. Raised in the wild. Yeah, it was raised by wolves. And you raised the wolves. Yeah, technically, I like open windows, fresh air. Sure. My flatmate does not like windows open. Like if I have a shower, open the window, let the steam out. Absolutely, yeah.

No. No, why? Do you shower with your flatmates? Is that all? Yeah, no, no, no, do you show with your flammate? Do you have an extractor fan? No, I don't think so. Which case then yeah, I'll open that window. Yeah, but yeah He's not a big fan of having the windows open and I find it sort of clawing He's not he's not a big weed smoker. He's not a hotboxer. He's not trying to do I'll remind you to a hotboxer, he's not trying to do. I'll remind you. Try the hotbox, the shower. I can't like this for a loved one, really.

Okay, so you want Windows open, he wants Windows closed. Is it going to be an open closed shut beef case? Let's find out, Tom. Yes, I'll go and get financial. You're going to get financial. He's out of sight. He's out of sight. Okay, just had lunch. Okay, buddy

It's a tricky door So let's love in it with that door open gust of fresh air Hello, the happy's wearing Ladies and gentlemen of the podcast. Oh, have a door. Strong arms. Well and socks. That's the right thing on my letterhead. Oh yeah.

Yeah, I got a look at that. Thank you for that lesson. It was quite legally threatened. No worries. Yeah, I'm very, very officious. Well, happy to be here in the studio under the ground down the stairs. What's under there?

We're actually, we're about five stories up. Yeah, I don't know how I got here. Never launch. See upside down, I'm out of my reach. Yeah, I'm out of my reach. Well, there's the list. Now, you don't mind me calling you Celeste. All right, then.

Bless you. Here in your bed, talk about. Bless you. Bless you. Here in your bed, talk about the air. Oh, God, me thinking.. We folks we live here in a small town high off the ground tall as a hill not on a hill but across from a hill. See how does that hill? So how's that happening? Because there's the hill. And we're the same high as that hill,

but we ain't on no hill. So what's going on there? Nature's mystery. Ah, town. Is it a mountain? Shool and not. Reminds me of a way that we learn about that. Man came by. One of them dead teeth. Take a break for a second.

Oh no, I'm getting to the number of the point right now. Do you live on a nub? Man came by. Let it went up in the town square. Is it a nub? Hell the nub group come along waving their signs. This ain't no nub town. I said I was all wasn't in the nub group. I'm a hilaq. I'm supporting the hilaq guys. They said they were if it's a hilaq how you the same size as the hill? Hilaq seen this big as a hill? I said where dad ridden? Where dad ridden? You nubbed? You nubbed? Oh, it's getting testing now. People say the nub, people say the hilly. Who knows? No one knows.

One man said a grass and an op. What are you talking about? Zabruda, get out of town. We sick of your shit. It was a long job. Get out of here. It's got very Mr. T to that. You got it. You got it cold.

I came all the way down. He stares into this basement. Anyway, is it a nub? Is it a hillock? Is it a null? An inlet? Is that a... It's gonna be on water to be an inlet?

Yeah. We chucked that out early doors He is the point K living on a point Turns out we weren't looking to the hill at all It was just a really Shiny rock shiny rock reflection of the town reflection of the people of that town maybe you're your own

well speaking of fresh air I got to get me to the latrine. God bless, list. Good look. And I really do mean that. Bye. See you later, fan sure. Oh my goodness. Well, that was something else.

He's going to the latrine for some fresh air. Yeah. Tom. Oh. Tom, how? Tell me Mr. Trey. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, for some. I was not. Well, it's hard? Tom, he missed a treat. Yeah, absolutely. No, no, no.

I was not. Well, it's hard to tell, really. It is hard to tell. I think Spet say he's tired. LAUGHTER He's a tired old work, workhorses, our fancheers, work. He's at a long career. But that's all of your problem.

Yeah. I'm not the one that I asked him about, but it's a different one. So Les, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. Is there anything you'd like to tell our audience is about? Um, a silent green. No, not really. What are you talking about?

Radio show that's still on the Radio 4 website. Yeah, so there's a, uh, uh, ladies' season radio show and radio for at the moment and we're probably doing gigs and stuff. It's called the East Coast listening post, that might be quite useful if you want to do it. Yes, it might be. Radio for all the East Coast listening post. It's on the set on zap. Yeah, and then yeah, I got a fair bit of downtime on at the moment,

so if anyone wants to hang out or just drop me a line on Twitter, just say what's the fact that this is a little bit of dark chat. Dark chat. Happy to do it. Yeah. So let's drink. Thanks so much. Be well, be. Be well.

Bring the room on it. LAUGHTER Be from the sorting I can be! Be solved. There it is. Wow, we done. Sorry, Matt. Sorry Matt. Sorry Matt, you're in the smallest room,

but I'll word his final. You're in our hearts. There's the rules. And the hearts of listeners, deers. And that is a large room. That's the largest room of the house. It is, it's a very large room. So if you're enjoying the podcast, please show you a love

by support because of Patreon. There are lots of tears for you to join. Anything from $2 a month to get involved in and we cannot do this without your support We absolutely can as lives of Ludibona footage coming your way if you're on the page Yes, so please do support us there Also, we're gonna be doing some live shows of our flat share slam down Podcast which I'm sure you all enjoy. We're gonna be at the end of the road comedy festival well end road festival with we're at the comedy of the road comedy festival. Well, then the road festival,

we're at the comedy bit of it. And that is on the 30th of August. Oh yeah. Always good festival. That's always good fun. Ah, I suppose. And then we're also at the London Podcast Festival on the 8th of September.

You'd love to plug that, don't you? I do. It's like my one bit, isn't it? It's become a little bit. My little roll. You can love plugging it, yeah. I'm going to be 30. Oh, I think I'm seven.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Come on, stuck. Oh no. It's going to get taken from me, isn't it? I'm afraid so. Just googly-listener, dear, and we'll find out.

Clark, you, no, I tell you what, Clark, that's yours, mate. Cheers, man. Not only are you the only one allowed to promote it, you're the only one who's going to show up. Finally, the one-man podcast one who's going to show up. Finally, the one-man podcast. I'm going to be up at the Edinburgh Festival during August with a show called Pariokey. So if you can Google that and you can buy tickets, they're all online and I'll be previewing throughout July in London. So if you want to come along, check out my Twitter feed

for that. Yes, at ThomasP. And also I'm doing a show Sunday mornings on Radio X with Ed Gamble, if you'd like to listen to that, it's 8am till 11am. It's the perfect way to start a Sunday. Perfect way to start a Sunday. If you can't be bothered to wake up, then listen to it on a podcast as well. Beautiful.

We start. Leave a zero of your iTunes, five stars, or to do it. Yes. Stand by for the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. And don't forget that this episode was produced by Emma Corsian. Corsian team. Cheers everyone. Bye! Please be upstanding for tonight's Patreon and Neighborhood Watch Party Roll Call! Oh, I'm about to have a party! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Please cover himself in ham. It's Carl Stoltzman He's taken some pills That's okay. He's he popped his finger between my folds, it's John Reynolds. God is Dan Carpenter. Get on your feet join the party!

Here he is Christopher Moriotti! That concludes tonight's neighborhood watch Patreon, RollCorponny! Buncha, buncha. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.