Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Esther Manito S12E34

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Esther ManitoEsther Manito - https://twitter.com/esther_manitoPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare-based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] you’d like to donate to the Children’s Hospital Pyjamas appeal, the easiest way is to visit their Amazon wishlist page:https://tinyurl.com/kmh2dpsfMore details are available on their website and social mediawww.childrenshospitalpyjamas.co.ukhttps://www.facebook.com/Childrenshospitalpyjamas/https://www.instagram.com/childrenshospitalpyjamas/https://twitter.com/pyjamasmiles19#SpreadingLoveThroughComfort  Registered Charity No: 1185739NEXT LIVE SHOW9th October at The Cheerful Earful festival in Balham - https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-4Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free the pap in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

Greetings, Lister Deer, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. And today is a real doozy. Oh, boy is it. Is it ever? We've got the fantastic Estamanito,

a very funny comedian, very funny standup. We had a great time chatting to her, so look forward to that. And before we get cracking into the episode proper, we just wanted to give a shout out and a little appeal to Dave from Manchester. He is doing... We've done this before on the podcast, you may remember. He's helping out to spread the word about the children's hospital pajamas appeal. The idea behind this is a sort of charity drive to make sure that every child in hospital on Christmas Day

has a pair of brand new pajamas. That's what they're after. Lovely, lovely idea. So lovely. It's a really lovely thing. And it's running all the way through September, through to December of this year, 2022. There are a few different ways you can do it. You can either go to their Amazon wish list page and you can just find a pair of

pajamas that someone has wished for and buy them there or you can give I think you can give donations or you can actually buy pajamas yourself and drop them off at various drop off centers. But we will give you all of the details of where to find that in the show notes. Everything you need to know though is at www.ChildrensHospitalPajamas.co.uk or you can go to the Facebook page, Facebook.com, Fourslash Children's Hospital Pajamas. It's just a really brilliant charity drive and especially, you know, like it must be a miserable experience having to spend Christmas in hospital, especially if you're a kid. So it's a nice thing to do, you know, in this time when

it's kind of important that we all look out for each other. So a lovely appeal there. And yeah, get on board with that Lovely otherwise Well, I'm a little chat at the end about upcoming gigs and the patreon and things like that But for now enjoy the episode Esther firstly, baby we can help you be from the starting of your business. Esther, firstly thank you so much for coming on the show. You're more than welcome, thank you for waiting for 15 minutes while I tinkered.

And not even to do with the podcast, I just make sure that I felt it laundry. Just out a few errands to catch up on. I find it was really relaxing actually. It was a great talk about our podcast is that people often use it as a chance to, you know, marry condo, they're flat while they're yeah. While we're naturally in a way. Esther, what kind of a person are you to live with? What's your setup? Who do you live with and how you to live with? Oh, I live with worse people. Oh yes now we're talking. Here we go. Because I made two of them today. Right, yeah, so that's on you. And then my husband, so the jokes on me because I married him. Yeah, so it's all

your fault, like, you just got terrible taste. Oh, terrible taste, terrible genes, and me old man as well. And what makes them so, what makes you, what first do you, what age are your kids? And what makes them so, what first are your kids? Nine and seven. Okay. You didn't know how you did well. Don't worry, we're not checking, we're not cross-referencing. You could have said any age,

we've gone that's fine. But that was nippetock. We weren't asking their names because we don't have a risk, you're not knowing those. You know, when I get trolled by people, they're telling me I'm an awful mother and I'm like, how dare you? And I'm like, God you and I'm like God you're right

Can't remember the rage is come on a podcast the slam off oh come on You've got kids kids are not met to live with they are so yeah, you can't keep a house tidy You just can't it's draining your love them love and their great, but my God is it infuriating. I literally just said out loud in the kitchen stuff. It's like living with students and then I was like, oh my God. One of my people is like, why are they so sloppy? She's got more of an excuse being too. I've just got no concept of putting things back where they came from both of them.

Is that your wife and your daughter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh god, we're not all living with students. I know, I think what gets on your nerves is you kind of tolerate it when they're little but when they get older, you're like, no, no, come on. Because the mic is, she thinks like they'll sit in it crisps on the sofa. And then I just see a hand just wiping itself

down the side of the sofa and I'm like, oh, and that's bad, is it? The fact that you need to ask Ben Clark. Yes, okay. A greasy hand being wiped down the side of the sofa. Imagine doing that over and over again for years. What's your discipline tactics are you? Are you a task master?

Are you, you know, are you a hardcore mom? Or would you let them do what they do? No, I scream 24 hours a day and they all ignore me. And I don't know how to make them listen. I threaten, I scream, I yell, and they all just go, no, she's just bless her. Bless her. She's passionate and she.

Whisper, maybe if you whisper, they'll really pay attention. When I speak to a teacher, I used to do this thing when I just couldn't be bothered to shout anymore, where I would just keep putting pens out, so I'd get my pencil case out and I'd just lay a pen out one by one. And eventually the students would just be like, she's on a break day. She's on a break day. They'd all go quiet and start watching.

And that used to work sometimes. So maybe I need to just do some psychotic. I was the bit. I'm not coming up very well here. She wasn't a very good mum, but then she did something psychotic and it really turned things around. What, how did you get them? How?

How could you get something psychotic and mum of the year in the end? I don't know how you get good news for this, too. I really don't. You have to follow through on things and I'm not very good at following through. I'm always like, you, that's it. You're never going out the house every again and they're just like, it's blatantly gonna happen. So I'm not very good at following.

You know, parents are really good. I have tried and it has worked for a period of time doing the old reward charts and stuff, but you've got to be consistent. That's all you got to be on there. For you though, isn't it? You're making more, the thing is it's like, it's just making more work.

It's so much easier to go, ah, forget it, yeah, just watching other couple of episodes and get a bit later. That's the easy way of doing it. Well, rather than go, no, look, I've made this chart, we're gonna do this and, you know, we've come up with last, we've come up with last more, which is one past last because Glow never stops at last. So now we've got last more. So it'll be like, this is your last episode of Bing and then we'll watch that and she'll be like last more and I'll be like okay last more and it's like insanely cute she's already got she's already got past last and she just knows there's

always last more but thank god they're cute because if they weren't, you would like just pack up their little bags, wouldn't you? LAUGHTER You need to jog on, but they aren't very cute. Which helps you. Thank God you love them. Are you not going to get to a stage, though, Tom, where you come up the last more? Last more? Last more, last more, more, exactly, yeah. That's the problem is if you if you don't you know if you if you move the goalpost once

Eventually, I've done myself in because the first time I heard last more I was so impressed and I kind of melted and was like of course Yeah, of course you can get more and then that's explained to my wife. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. We've got last more now I'm just explaining to my wife, oh, I'm sorry, we've got last more now. Sorry. I've fucked the system. It's like the speaker guy that's 11, it's like, oh yeah, I've broke our system, I'm afraid. There's no last more. Yeah, Mike can do that. They just go, but if we do big eyes and they both just stand, they're big eyes and they

know I can't handle it. I'm also like, yeah, I'm very kind of like, the thing is for my kids is that I'm moan about it, but then I also do everything for them and just tell them that they're amazing all the time So I've kind of made a rod for my own back because I'm like and they they can do things But I just end up doing it for them like they'll literally just put like I don't know rubbish on the side And so putting it in the bin. I'm like oh I'll go and clear that up and it's like no you do it But that's a technique isn't it in, like, whether or not they know it, it's that thing.

We get this a lot on like trying to solve people's beef. We get that where people do a thing bad. I love the way that my beef is with my children. It's the high level of the beef with your kids. It's like trying to be quiet. Like doing a job badly is a technique, isn't it? Well, I'll wash up, you know, I will wash up, I'll just wash up so badly that the control freak says,

well, isn't that, which case I'm doing all the washing up to do it properly? Isn't it called quiet quitting nowadays? Is that the phrase where it's like... Well you don't have air minimum in your job. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I think quiet quitting, isn't it? It's nice for me and Clark to finally have a word for it, like, after eight years we can finally

describe our technique. It's very quiet quitting on the podcast. a word for it, like, after eight years we can finally describe our technique. It's very quiet quitting on the podcast. How to put her? I think it's actually quite quitting and doing a terrible job. I think there's a distinction. Okay, you may have crossed that you do that last more. I'd appreciate it if we had a last more chance, please cross me.

Last more? When Ben does those big eyes that you cross me, you can't say no to him. I like to remember when I was saying it's hard to get kids to listen to you and Ben was like, it is hard to get kids to listen to you. I think Ben, you're all these, you've got to have kids before you let them listen to you. You can't just go to other people's kids and expect them to listen to you. Literally. They probably are fellow kids. That's my, that's my, that's my, that.

You brought, well, actually, kids probably listen to other people more than they do their own parents. They feel very comfortable because it's a real safe environment, isn't it? Not to listen. Yeah. So what you need is actually someone else to come in and scream at them.

Clarkie the outsider, like the, you bring him in. Yeah. Like Simon Annie, like a high gun No, so if they if he's just sat and then he just pops up in front of your living room window just a heckin Hell I go in the So he just pops up in front of the window and just goes put that packet in the bin I'd swim peek into the window. Yeah, I have a feeling that that is like, I think that will, in the short term, incredibly effective in the long term therapy, years and years of therapy

to unpick the trauma of my parents paying for somebody to sit outside the window. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm paying no one. No, come on, I'm voluntary, please. Come on guys. I ain't got enough money for paying. I'm paying men one. No, come on, I'm voluntary, it's voluntary. Please, come on guys. I ain't got enough money for paying. I'm going to do that. That's the closest I've been to a job for years.

It's an honor for you Ben, all right? It's true, yeah, I'm very privileged. I know, so what you do is you get clarky to wait outside the therapist window and when the session starts, you just pop and go, you don't fucking mention me, all right? Yeah. And then, you know, when the session starts you just pop and go, you don't fucking mention me alright! And then you know, when the day comes I'll do the same for you Ben you know. Thank you, the days you're going to come back.

I can say that it's a very safe bet you're making there, very safe bet. You can just tell Megan to do things for Ben. Get him a nice birthday present alright? And then just disappear behind a bin at a bus stop. From the starting of your beef! Shall we solve some listeners beefs? Because we're not, we're not solving any of these. No, I don't know, I think we're close.

I feel like the answer to all of these beefs is going to be get Ben to pop up in front of the window and go alright. We might have come up with a fix for all beefs. What is this new voice I've got? That's an actual... Right. That is something I sound like. Yeah.

You're strange, you know, you're he-self in your own head, but when I listen back, you're actually on it. But I always threaten the kids with the man. Like when we're out and about, I always say, the man will tell you off. So it's always like, you know, the man at the, because it's that ingrained misogynistic thing of like, it'll be a man who works at the train station,

it'll be a man who works at wherever we're at. So I'm always like, if you don't behave, the man will come. And they're like, I'm like, no, I know, it's been cold. Yeah. After all this time, I was the man. And then at some point when you start teaching about feminism, I turn them, they're gonna stick it to the man. That will also be Ben Clark.

That will also be Ben Clark. Yeah. But I mean, you must do that with your kids. You know when you're out and you're like, no, the man will tell you off, but you mean like the person that works there, but I always just say the man. They're like, who's the man?

And I'm like, I don't know. I just use that as a generic term for employee And then they know that your threat is idle You don't listen to me, but the man will come and he'll tell you off the man who works at train station as well You've clearly not been to train station recently. I was gonna say there's no one ever there There's no like never write a train station, it's teaming with staff members. If you don't behave, that ticket machine is gonna come over here

to the toilet. I'm not gonna. I just vaguely point at anyone. There'll be someone innocently just having a cup of coffee and I'm like that man will come over and he will literally go mental at you. Right, let's solve someone else's beef. Let's do this now.

Righty Ho, Tom. Weird neighbor beef from Naomi, if I beef with this podcast at gmail.com, get in touch. Siblings in beef. I hope to obtain yours and your esteemed guests, sage advice. I work from home, which is lovely as I get to hang out with my dog and eat lunch in my tiny garden. However, a problem has occurred in recent weeks. My neighbour has started making me uncomfortable with his comments. I won't try to explain the geography and topography of my garden, but I can say that my garden overlooks this neighbour's garden

rather than being directly next door. It started innocently enough with the summer sun having us both outside at the same time, and my dog being interested in him painting offence. I dust-boken to him before, and suspect he may be the sun of the woman who lives there, and we exchanged a few polite words about dogs and gardening and such. All fine and well. Except now, each time I go outside, he calls up to me about something inane or completely out of left field. Some examples. You look like a teacher. Are you a teacher. You and your dog going for a long walk today, looks hard, make sure you wear sunscreen.

I can see your tan from here. Yeah, alright. There we go. I think, yeah, certainly, there's a bit of a leap from, don't forget to wear sunscreen. I can see your tan from here has got sort of silence of the lamp type of connotation, doesn't it?

Okay, put the sunscreen in the basket. I'm going to wear your skin one day. Come on. It's my tan now. That's why he wanted to wear sunscreen. Please soften your skin. I'm going to put this one in. And then the final one, I like that dress very summary.

I know these may seem innocuous, but the tone and insistence that he speaks to me, even when I'm leaving the back of the house ready to walk the dog complete with headphones and trying not to engage is starting to freak me out a bit. Help me brothers beef, I want to enjoy my little garden, tending my herbs and flowers without being shouted up at and asked weird questions. It's got to the point where I secretly check if he's out there before using the back door, or crouching down when I let my dog out to do his business to avoid being engaged in a protracted awkward and sometimes creepy conversation with my neighbor's middle-aged son.

But dank Iadarine Thoi and also cheers everyone. Bye! Naomi! Oh! Oh! Okay. It could be, I don't know, it could be that that's his way of like he's really misread the signals and there is that problem of like a lot of people think that if you just smile and say, hello, they're like, in there, straight in there, I'm definitely guaranteed a date here. So there is that kind of like you have to draw

that very clear distinction, which you shouldn't have to, you should be able to just get to a garden, say hello and not have to show her tan line. It's tricky as well because you can't then say, sorry mate, I'm not interested, you know, and he's like, I was just saying where some sun's green. You know, it's a tricky one because you know, it's hard to broach unless he makes a more over state. Yeah, but most of us can read quite subtle signals. Oh yeah. It sounds like he's struggling to read those signals because I'm getting the impression that she would have been quite short in her answers to give off a very clear signal of I'm not

really up for any kind of flirtiness and I get the feeling that he's just not reading those signals. So the question is how can she make it clear without creating a negative atmosphere? A fake garden boyfriend. Yes, scared bro. Is that? She's your creep. We're back to Ben yeah Ben you got to go round. Yeah, I'm going to be in my ugly head. So what she needs is to criff, she just needs a cardboard cut out of Ben in the garden. Well, we all need that. Just outside the window.

I don't know what's stressed. I mean, it's tricky, isn't it? I mean, it is. You could explore the route of outweeding him. Yes. You kind of fight fire with fire. And kind of if she goes like you know. No, because she'll say

something weird and then he'll go wahai yeah a kindred spirit yeah finally today it's a dangerous tack what how would you outweird pass I can see your turn from here I can see your bones. It's good. Can you? It is good. Yes, right through to your bones, very summary. Oh, what? Like, don't go, don't go fun weird, go fucking weird. Yeah, I'm like, don't go fun weird. Yeah, and also, like, put a bit of meat in an old shoe. And a man's shoe. And have the dog be eating out of this man's shoe

and be like, he was a tasty one, wasn't he, dog? And then like, and it'll be like, what? And it'll be like, we'll get another one soon. For as to feast. Can I ask Tom? We've nice bones. Tom, and it's like fucking. Did no of his message end with, by the way, it also likes to be imprisoned Can I ask Tom Bones? Tom, I did know this message end with, by the way it also likes being prisoned by the end of the month.

Yes. Well, no, but it's a, that's it. You don't really, the man do you? No, I know, but it's just you. How far? How far? Well, this plan, go at that time, I've imagined, like, in about a year's time,

she's then having to drag imaginary bodies into the garden at night times and dig. Just. It only takes one. I think one fake body. Do you just do one? Matt killing. Yeah. One fake body will really stop the that just. I'm not very good with these types of things because I'm quite I would just say to him I don't want to talk to you. Okay there there was that hole. I mean yeah. I know that that would create a bit of a negative atmosphere. Or you could just say like, if he, I mean, if he says like, oh, you know, long walk whatever, you just be like, oh yeah, huh.

But if he's saying stuff like, oh, like you're tan, I'd just be like, what'd you say? That's what you, what's wrong with you? Who says that to a person? Yeah, it's a good point. I mean, this is, maybe just. But then that is quite confrontational and it does get me into a lot of arguments. How is your relationship

with your neighbours Esther? I've got lovely real well actually those ones don't speak to me but that's okay. Lovely to that. They're lovely to everybody else. I mean I've seen them, they're behaviour different else they're lovely but me, they refuse to acknowledge my sister. No! Because of something I said two years ago when they say good morning to me, and I said what do you fucking say mate? And that one on them. They don't talk to anyone. Right. Okay. So they're polite, but they very much keep

themselves themselves. Actually, when I got burgold, I was burgold, right right and they took all The kids Christmas present Which I was bringing because the kids didn't know that we bought them obviously So we had all the like was just for Christmas. It's not everything. I come home from the kids school discos So the kids were all like hyped up on sugar had a really good time I open the front door everything smashed smashed up, everything's gone. ran round to the neighbor's house, I know, not to the door, because I didn't know what to do and I just went, oh my god we've been badgled and he just went, oh sorry to hear that and then just really slowly shot

oh my god oh my god he slowly closed the door so you couldn't see the Xbox behind him. Yeah, sorry about that I just do I'm just playing a mother's arm and then switch now But that thing said they're never any trouble Never ever any help That's wonderful. Yeah, would you maybe prefer that then having someone is a bit much? Mather half was I wish there a bit more because we get on really well with all our other neighbors,

like they come around, have drinks and all the rest of it. And he was like, I wish they were just a bit more, and I was like, yeah, but I'd rather that than they, we don't get on with them. I'd rather that than they be out in the garden going, I like your skin. Exactly. Yeah.

My help. At least they keep themselves. That's why. Yes, they took all my Christmas presents. Ah. It was somewhat the school. They were quiet. It was someone at the school. They were quiet. Someone at the school who knew the disco was happening that night.

Well, someone else got rubbed in the street as well. And they were in the house. It was an old couple. And the rubbers just walked past them. They were sat on the sofa. Rubbers just walked past them. Went upstairs, took everything, just walked out again. Oh, and it meant a... Oh my god, that's all. Sorry, I made it all about poor Naomi, we haven't given any solutions. I mean, you can be living

in the same area in there. It's just living it. Yeah, it's coming worse. No, it's not to move there. Listen Naomi, I think if he says, if he says, low, just say, low, but if he says anything weird again, you don't have to get confrontational, but you could just say, oh, that's made me feel a bit, oh, I don't know, just say something like, oh, that's a bit of an odd thing to say. And then just walk away and then he'll feel a bit silly and he won't say it again. Or say, I've killed for less. And then I killed for less. And you've got like blood around your mouth like you've just been eating.

You've got a day or something. Yeah. There's another option. Two different options, very different. Or just sit in your garden by yourself on a deck chair and then every now and then shout over your shoulder. I didn't say that. Yeah, great. So that you think you're talking to your imaginary friend.

This is the kind of vibe we're talking about. Yeah, this is good. Either that, I'll just grow some long fucking hedges or you know, I guess. I thought you were going to say arms then when you're just thinking like this. Just get some real arms. Good. Either that will just grow some long fucking hedges. Or, you know, I guess. I thought you were gonna say arms then when you were just thinking like, just get some real arms and then just, and then just win me all your way to the house.

Just stand atop the balcony with your real long arms and fucking lay into it. But, um, just grow your long with my arms and attack screaming. Beef solved. You're welcome. Beef from the Zoning A can be solved! Right, listen, my neighbours run a vegan gelato company from their house.

Several problems with this. Right? But two actually. One, our street is often clogged up with cars of hipsters stopping by to pick up their frozen goods. And two, the neighbours are frustrously generous and bring us tubs of the flavours they are tri-trialling. Often, these are not very good.

I can't think of a plight. I can't think of a right way to stop accepting experimental vegan gelato and I'm sick of washing it down the sink. What can I do? Cheers everyone, bye, sunny. Well, I love the fact that he's living that they're bringing him food he doesn't like. I mean, it's a really strong thing. I want to live next door to him. But I've just made some soup. I want to live next door to him. But I've just made some soup.

Would you like to try the soup? If you're a sunny here, could you not set up your own vegan stall undercut them and just sell the flavors that they're they're trialing? Yeah, or just make non vegan ice cream that's better. Yes. And then just have, and then you'll get all the rivals of non-hipsters. And then it'll be like, what's that film called? Westside Story. Sharks vs.

Yeah. What's the time? What's it gonna get to that? I'm gonna film what's on the ice cream. What are you gonna go with? I was gonna go, you've got mail. There's two box stores. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. male There's two box. Oh, yeah

No, there'll be like fights in the street Dendan Dendan Rather than a rather sweet email exchange which ends with a middle-aged couple getting together Yeah, it actually does much well. No, I don't think he's gonna get together with them because there are couple aren't they judging by sonnies Email this day and age yesterday neighbors. Oh, okay. Yeah, he could become a thrupple get together with them because they're a couple aren't they? Judging by Sunnies email? Well, I'm going to stay in age, just doing this thing. Neighbors, okay, yeah, he could become a thrupple. That might be my advice, become a thrupple and destroy from within.

Yeah, but he says he's sick of washing it down the sink, so where could he dispose of it? If you've already got some though, it's very easy to go. Oh, we've still working our own way through the last batch. Yeah, still working our way through the broccoli gelato. You gave it to us last week. Really good, though. Really chewing it down. Is there some kind of sabotage I that can go on here where you kind of like go over with some rapist or some shit?

This is what you need to do, Sunny, right? You, when they come round with another tub, say, look, it's been really generous of you, but I did actually have a flatmate called Jeff, and he had some of the gelato, and he's now dead. Yeah, I remember. So you have to stop bringing me poisoned gelato. You do a fake burying of the body again.

And then you do the fake burying of the body again. And then you do the fake burying of the body. Ben Clark comes round. We bury Ben Clark, right? Because he always has to be a prop in all the plans. We've just dug him up from the Naomi's house. They'll panic and they'll stop making the ice cream for fear of killing people and they'll stop bringing it round. It is good. I like it. I like it.

So you're saying to them, look, there's two ways we could do this. You can either shut down your company or I go to the police and say, you basically murdered my flatmate. That's the way of doing it. Yeah. I was going to be quite polite about it and be like, it's really generous of you, but you've killed Jeff. Yeah.

Is that polite? You were right so much. But you did kill my friend. Thank you so much, but you literally kill my friend. Thank you so much, but you literally and I've had the coroners report and make a coroner's report and then put cause of death poisoning from gelato soy ice cream. Yeah, soy sorry. What do you think Clarky about this vegan gelato business? When they come round, just say, I can see your tan. Hell, go ahead for the hills. I can see your tan from here.

I mean, first of all, you all, compared to the first beef, it's not all that bad. I really want to know the flavours. Yeah. I mean, just accept that they don't like them. I mean, what are you going to say? They're going to say, oh, actually, you should eat that, even though you don't like them.

So it's white chocolate, right? What does that do for you? You can't have white chocolate, can you? I'm having a vegan. White chocolate flavour. White chocolate flavor. White chocolate flavor gelato. Vegan white chocolate flavor gelato. But it's not very nice.

White chocolate. Yeah. Raspberry. But it's not very nice, Raspberry. I mean, it's all not nice. I'm not sure what the flavors have to do with it, to be honest. That's my point. It's just not very nice.

I think my idea is best. I think Jeff's dead is the best way to go. I mean, you've found Jeff's dead. Yeah. Yeah. It is strong. Do we have, I mean, like, it's like, how far do you go with Jeff being,

like, are you learning the local press about Jeff being dead? I mean, is there, like, are you holding memorial service? Is there a candlelit vigil? What are you doing to funeral for Jeff? In the back garden. I love that. You buried that front.

That's such a turn that they would not be expecting. I was really kind of you, the Jeff's dead. Are you going to have to have moved in a Jeff? No, Jeff was never seen. You don't have to move Jeff in. I'm sure that Ben Clark could do it. Oh yeah. It's definitely in his arms. I've got to call that a lot of things. Alright, you're a very first top former. Thank you mate. Thank you. It's definitely in his arms. I'm getting caught out of there a lot of things. Yeah. All right, you're a very versatile performer.

Thank you, mate. Thank you. I've got a lot of time on that. Like, if you said my flatmate died, no one's ever going to go, oh, I didn't know you had a flatmate. Would they? They wouldn't be like that. I had to say, you sure you had a flatmate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you just get bent. Get bent clock to move in, sunny. So, bent and sunny, live together for a bit. And then Ben will fake his own death. You will fake Barry Ben. And we will send you over a fake coroner's report. And you will be like that.

One up in too much time when Clark appears in one of his trademark adverts on Telly. LAUGHTER My god. It's been a long time. He has to... No, Jeff has to. Ben, Jeff, he has to wear a mask, a skin graft, he'll wear the skin from Naomi's neighbor.

Right, he's wearing Naomi's neighbor's face. Yeah, of course. Is he wearing it as Jeff or for his advert castings? Because I'd say for his advert. Well, there are two options. He's the Ben wears Naomi's neighbor's skin from now on. At all times. Once Jeff's dead, he's now got to wear another man's face

for the rest of his life. We're casting this. We're looking for a leather face type. If anyone's a sad or a little bit of other people all skin. Or wear it somewhere else skin. A pretty creepy man. And, or he is Naomi's name, he wears Naomi's neighbor's face just to be Jeff.

And then he can go back to being a big man. No, I don't think they'd buy that one. I think I think we have to sit clarky in as Jeff. Jeff's the big part, isn't it? That's the bit that we have to get right. Yeah, just think, Ben, after all these adverts, you've been building yourself up to this key role in your life. Yeah, absolutely. So, should we try an audition, you've been building yourself up to this key role of your jet. So should we try an audition, you know, for Jeff?

What, like, let's give him a few characteristics of Jeff. What's Jeff's like? He wants, like, because, you know, let's give Clark your chance to get into the role of Jeff. What's Jeff been up to during his day? Let's imagine that I'm sunny and I'm introducing Ben as Jeff to you two. Great, we're the vegan gelato guys.

You're the vegan gelato guys here next door. Yeah. Hey guys, great, we've just bought you, so this is where it's white chocolate and raspberry, vegan gelato. Oh great. Oh, that's right. And I must warn you, from a bit ill.

No, it's a clarky, clarky. What are you not clarky? Why have you made yourself ill already in the first place? No, I'm not a death-store. No, no, no, you could be a death-store before the ice cream, you lunatic. You're right, so you're full of life, you're a bit of a... You're a bit of a... Jeff's fucking life.

Okay, I'm gonna miss the goal. I'm full of life. Yeah, here you go, do me a little bit more. I reckon you play Frisbegolf. Oh, one of those. I've never even introduced you yet, You've come in like a psychopath. I'm sorry. You've overplayed your part here. All they've come out of it said I've got gelato and you've literally barged past me to get to the door and be like, oh, I'm done.

Wow. Wow. Let's just try again. Split the difference. Just have a bit of a full time. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Hey guys, have you brought more? Oh, have you brought more of your really nice vegan almond soy chocolate and broccoli? Mmm, delicious. Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but I've just moved in my friend, Jeff. Here he is. This is him.

Hey Jeff, Jeff, how would you feel about eating some some of this delicious broccoli flavored vegan gelato I can't wait to get that down my throat and into my belly pass it here quick quick quick hey Jeff sorry thanks where were you born I was born in Sunderland Sunderland why yeahunderland? Yeah! Are you okay? Jeff, why are you doing impressions of Mr. Tumble? Very, yeah, big Mr. Tumble energy from you there, yeah.

That's really quite interesting. I've never seen it. He talks like that! All the time! Hello, baby! Hello! And today we're trying vegan gelato! It's lovely!

What you didn't know about Jeff is that he also presents a TV show for children. And today we're trying vegan gelato. It's lovely. What you didn't know about Jeff is that he also presents a TV show for children. So he does that sometimes. Will it, would we have seen you in any shows? Jeff, what's your children's show called? Yes, my children's show is called Look at that, it's Jeff. No, no, it's definitely not okay. Not very well, it's not going well. Look at that, it's Jeff. No, no, it's definitely not okay. Not going well, it's not going well.

Look at that, it's really. No, I say look at that. It's fine. Yeah, no, look at that. Look at that, no. Wow, it's a guy. Jeff. I don't know, I mean, I would say look,

I mean, look at that, it's just about acceptable, but look at that, it's Jeff is, and it's all kinds of problems. Hello, look at me. I think look at that, it's Jeff, is what Naomi should be saying at midnight when she's digging a hole, to throw the neighbor off.

I'm really okay with Jeff dying. He's annoyed me already. Yeah, Jeff's a twat, isn't he? Yeah, he's a really annoying. I'm sorry, I'm in the part you guys I think I think when Jeff dies You'll be the number one suspect because people will be like sunny fucking hated Jeff There was definitely a vibe though wanted to get rid of Jeff No, because we've got the coroner's report which will state that he died from the ice cream and I didn't make the ice cream

So I've already Calumbo the crap out of you Are we we buying off a Coral or no? No, we're gonna make a fake Coral in this report. We'll do that. It's fine. Yeah photoshop that. I'll be easy enough I'm going to do anything online these days. Yeah, I know. I just got a website. You can all go to it. Oh fuck off, Jeff just fuck off Christ Look at that. It's a car. It's a car. it's a color is your eyes

no one's going to Jess feud well that's our problem now everyone ate it the cunt I'll go to funeral well I'll ask you to dance on his grave slosh it with ice cream have you got a you that you prepared for Dave? For Jeff? For Jeff? Get his name right, if we're going to murder him. Yeah, we can't. We can't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, My best friend. Beef's solved! He's not the voice of Jeff coming from the grave. I think he can't keep another note.

Could you let me out now please? Another note, once you're in the coffin, just no more speaking. I think I have to be the rule, right? I'm sorry about that. Stop trying to big up your part and everything. Stop trying to write yourself a third act. You're dead. You're being buried alive. but you've got to be really quiet about it It's gonna be a life headed

Yeah, I think that's I'm sorry Jeff. That's just part of the if you want you want to go It's leading on my breath tube. You wanted to get you wanted to go She wants to go method on it so I'm afraid that's the way it's gonna be We've cut the breathe tube That's the way it's gonna be. We've cut the breathe, jeep. Oh, poor Jeff. Poor Jeff. He died as he lived, annoying. Be here for the sorting I can be! Yes, sir! Do you want to see what the world is really like?

Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. So Clarky, this is quite exciting.

We've got one of our free-range beefs now. A free-range beef for you to enjoy. I'd say this steak is very tender sir. That's a, is because it's free range beef. Brown out. Brown out. I've got a beef for you guys. Oh yeah.

Yeah. And this is a free range beef actually. Oh, I believe you guys know all about that. We do, we do, we do. Yeah. Can't wait to hear it. We do. A driving signal beef.

Okay. Oh. Oh. Did Tom Bent Matthew and hilarious guest? Can I just say, I loved you when you did that thing on that thing. It was brilliant and it's great to have you on the show. Oh. It's nice when they're persons.

That's very nice. I know. Is it my mother? This is a car journey beef. I'm a husband to an incredible wife and I'm a father to a two-year-old children. Oh, my God. This is my favourite beef from the audience.

Oh, this is going to go all gladiated. Yeah, I know. That's my favourite. Oh, it's my favourite. Oh, it's my husband. After, as is the case, we'll all get in the car and drive to various activities for the kids or family days out, etc. I'm the driver of the family. What with the kids only being four years old and ten months respectively and a wife who has a driving licence but is never driven since the day she passed her test nearly 15 years ago

That's fine. I like driving You hit that like it isn't fine Me to complain about that sort of thing, doing all of the driving, always being tired when you arrive at a thing, because you've driven for four hours on your own. Okay, that's fine. She was so, she was so t-total and refusing to drive,

so he always has to not drink. Clarke, you were just doing it with Jeff in Fletcher, don't worry, he's just still, that's fine. That's fine. I like driving. Who with that? That's fine! I like driving! Who with that? That's fine. I like driving and my wife likes deserved snooze occasionally,

especially on our long the journeys. My beef though is with driving etiquette. Thank you, beef. I want to hit that again, Clarkie. It's my big etiquette. Because this is quite an important bit, the beef. My beef is, they're going to be driving them, but thank you, beef. My beef is.

My beef is. My beef is. My beef is. I'm going to get a curder. Ben never ever reads the news. You'll be like, and the reason for breaking out in, as a... So moving on. Thank you, Beef.

The answer is this, is it incredibly simple? I think I've cracked it. No, thank you, Beef. Okay, my beef though is a driving etiquette, thank you, Beef. That's your ship. I'm sure it's an idiot. I don't think this is on Ben. Clark it, I apologize. It's a confusing one and there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a there is a Yeah, if I'm ever out driving with my wife in the car and let's say we're waiting at Junction and someone lets us out Then she will perform the internally accepted signal of a raised hand at sorry the internationally accepted signal

She better turn the side herself Who's herself like a puppet. LAUGHTER I've heard of Maxie driving. LAUGHTER I'm ridiculous. I thank you, Beef. Thank you, Beef.

Oh, thank you, Beef! LAUGHTER Oh, yeah. Ah, OK. She will perform the internationally accepted signal of a raised hand to express thanks to the other generous driver. My feelings is that it's the responsibility of the driver I trust him. Sometimes you both thanks simultaneously and offer a double open palm. I'm fully capable of doing it when driving solo either with a raised hand or a classic flash of the hazards.

I love that yeah. I love a I love a hazard thank you. Is this not a driver to drive a thing? Beef brothers please sort out my beef and send it back to me swiftly down the motorway in an open and shut closed beef case. to drive a thing. Beef brothers, please sort out my beef and send it back to me swiftly down the motorway in an open and shut closed beef case. I thank you, mate. Weirdly, I said that exactly right. PS, I'm a new patroner and I'm loving the back catalogue. Thanks for keeping me going over the past few years. Front name is only Al. Well, firstly, thank you for being a Patreon subscriber Al.

Secondly apologies for what talking into your message. Thirdly thank you, B. So just to clarify he's annoyed that his wife is thanking on his behalf. Yes, I think that's it. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

I know how he feels because I think sometimes if the person next to you does it it makes you feel it like But you're a learner Yeah, or like no you like you're like you're like you're an ungrateful person. Yeah, like I Does it yeah, we see I don't drive So that's all I have said that but I have had this no I don't drive. So that's all I have to say on that. But I have had this, no, I don't. And I never even got my test. And that's fine.

That is fine. No, I can't drive. I was your off-road customer, money. Yeah, my house is most, he pulls over and frog marks his meter of cash machine. Every time we do the big shock. But I'm... I'm half of the way there.

I'm talking about... Frogmarch and Indians get to get you to gigs. You don't have to give your husband petrol money, that would be intense. I know, I thought it was like, yeah, I was like, wow. If I'm getting your pressure, your Mrs is a lucky lady. You know. I imagine. Oh man.

Um, but I don't, so as a passenger in his car, I wouldn't do the thank you on his behalf, but that's probably more because I don't know when to do it. Yeah. Just, I don't know when to do it Yeah Just waving it visually nearly waving it people like well like a monarch But we have had we have had arguments over me asking for the bill Oh go on Explain that what he'll ask you'll ask for the bill and he'll pay the bill is that the is that the problem or he'll you know What had it to ask for the bill?

He's always up white you always have to ask the bill I don't know. Do you always have to ask for the bill? Well, it's not really a problem anymore But I remember when we first started going out I used to wait just ask for the bill and he's like, why'd you always do that? You always ask for the bill. He always asks the bill just after the starters. Why are you come on? Surely the date's going to be a bit of a mix, isn't it? It's because I didn't want to go out with it. So I don't know. I thought I wondered whether it was an emasculating thing.

You'll put in the hand up, or is it just that, oh, it's implying that you weren't going to do it, which you think it's that. I think, yeah, I think it's the latter. Yeah, I think it's definitely makes you look like you, you're just going to be like blithely, you know, just accepting that everyone should give you right away on the road.

I would have thought that if I saw someone saying, thank you in the passenger seat, that the other person is a learner driver, that's what I would have said. That's interesting. To nervous to take their hands out of the tentative position. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, his, his another thing, the other day I received a double wave From two labs in a car and it made me double happy He felt like Jeff please But you drop were you driving at the time? Well you just It was it was it was you and me Tom, we drove past Glocky. Yeah, the show about it.

So you're the show about it? No, you don't give any cash from me, no? But I felt as a driver, what I'd done was so generous that both of them felt compelled to give me a little wave. I also think that if you're a driver and you're in the passenger seat, then you'll automatically do it without thinking. Yeah.

So even if you're in someone else's car. But that's, Al's wife doesn't have that excuse. She is, I mean, technically she is able to drive, but hasn't driven for 15 years. So that's what we've heard from this. So, I mean, but how do we, like, so what's the solution? I've got two suggestions. I think the sensible thing, as ever when you're driving, is you do you. Your passengers can do what the fuck they like, but you do you. It's your car,

you're the driver, you thank, if they thank as well, it's a bit much from them, but you're doing you, right? So I think that's the first thing. Yeah. You thank regardless. The second question then is how can we busy up your wife's hands? Well, at least this is what I was thinking.

The first thing you do is if you get easy there. Easy. If you, nothing internal, the first thing you do is is killing Jeff. I'm not a bad boy. Struggling Jeff in the foot, well, I think the first thing you do is killing Jeff. Right, Jeff in the foot. Well, I think the first thing you do, right, is you say you should be Jeff in the back seat. Well, a great back seat driver to have Jeff there. Jeff's dead in the boot.

Oh, my God, I'm trapped in here. My breath pipes, come on. You're connecting my breath pipes to the exhaust pipes. Oh no. I think what you should do, first of all, and it's a generous thing to do, but if you're going on a long journey, the first thing you do is you go to one of those like drive through Starbucks or Costa or whatever, and you go in, you go. That's too large, it's too large, get too large,

get too large coffees and when you come out you go, sorry they're nevery lids, so you're holding, they're holding to your coffees for the entire journey. Obviously one's gonna be depleted, you can slowly sip away but you go, oh no I'm fine for the moment, I'll wait for it to cool down, you can pass it to me in a second,

but they're always gonna be. Just for sure, she's always got two things, just to be like ice creams, coffees. So there's the coffee. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go.

I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go.

I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you to go. I want you White chocolate and raspberry. Off you go. So sorry. I think that's, I think. I think that's genuinely the way to do it.

It's like, or a game boy, or Nicky. The game boy is a good guy. I think he's really good. Chocolate balls. He didn't say, I did say that he didn't mind driving because she, you know, is tired with the children so she wants some little snows. So maybe, but he're a blind child.

Yeah, encourage her. Make it so comfy. Be like, oh, I've bought you a little carpet blanket and I've got you some carpet. Oh, carpet, carpet blanket. Oh, my God. Roll up in a piece of carpet. I think that's called a rug, isn't it?

A carpet blanket. I'm a girly country. Treat her like Jeff. I treat her like a laden. I genuinely don't know why I said that. I make car blanket. I don't know where car blanket. I know I see you're like a car blanket.

A little car blanket, yeah. I tell you, I don't drive, so I don't know the words. So, I know all these technical terms. So, yeah, get her a blanket and I'm asked. Little comfy slippers. Maybe put like a little lavender infuser on her side. Oh, you just make sure that she's gonna fall asleep in the wheel You're driving look after yourself and busy up your wife's hands. I think that's

Don't don't say it like that Yeah, not like that. Don't say it like that. Don't say it like that, but maybe say it like Jeff. I'm gonna busy up your hands. Busy up your hands. That's another type of Jeff's TV shows. Or it sounds more like something Naomi's neighbor would say. Yeah, let's be sure you're gonna busy up your hands. Oh.

Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef solved. Put them down. Beef from the sun and I get beef solved. Esther, do you have a beef with your flatmate, your neighbors, your anyone in your surrounds that you would like us to try and solve? And by us, I mean Jeff.

Ha ha ha. I do have a bit of beef. There's a woman that lives, she lives off the back but one and she keeps feeding foxes. So they just come to our garden and they're pooing everywhere and it's getting worse because a fox has had cubs. So at least when the cubs are small, they didn't really go anywhere, but now they're pooing everywhere and it's getting worse because the foxes had cubs so at least when the cubs were small they didn't really go anywhere but now they're grown up and they're just pooing everywhere and I don't have to get

rid of the foxes and she's not very well like I don't like she's not she's not very well in the head so you can't go around there and have a go at her but she keeps feeding the foxes I mean the other neighbours are like what what do we do? And we have tried to talk to her, but she doesn't really get it, bless her. So I don't know what to do. So I think, okay, obviously we've got to set Jeff a light as a... Yeah, yeah, yeah, first things first. But how'd you deal with that? Apparently someone said, well, one of the neighbours says, she said, oh, you've got to get your husband to piss around the garden.

But then it's just kind of smacked. So I was about to get you shit yeah you get Jeff to shit in your garden like so then they'll see bigger shit and it'll scare them away. Is that what happens? I don't want to shit. I don't know but that's what I was going to suggest. That's what based on you. That's that's kind of solving a problem by creating yourself a bigger problem. Yeah because they know just smell of my piss and shit. I've got to wish I had a bite. As we know, Esther's piss and shit smells worse than Fox's piss and shit. I was just, I was like, before we started recording, but we've already got this.

We've already got this. We've already got this. Well, that's how, you know, people brought my baby. That's how I introduce myself. Hi, I'm Esther, a little fun fact. I'm not smell worse than most foxes. So, foxes ever come to her show. So, you know, she's right. But I don't think we can stop the woman from feeding foxes. Okay, I've got it. Get your kids. You have your kids on a rota, on the fence, and whenever she puts the food down, they eat it before the foxes.

What she- What the- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha What, what, what, what's she feeding though? I'm not, I'm not gonna get my kids to like rule me. Okay. Look, okay, alright, I get it. Alright, if you don't want the problems. Sorry, sorry, could we just say that? We've already said, you don't think I'm the best mom. But I would rule the life.

You're shitting your garden and get your kids to eat raw chicken. I don't know what we can leave just a wall to we can't make you drink. Alright, listen. Yeah, sure, yeah. So if you're not gonna to fucking be slow, then what are we supposed to do? Thank you, Beave. I want to know, how do I stop foxes from coming into my garden, or how do I communicate, or how I don't know, how do I stop the foxes being fed? Now I remember seeing on Blue Peter years and years ago that if you fill a large clear lemonade bottle with water and leave it on your lawn it means that the foxes won't come on your lawn. I don't know,

I've never tried it. They're shitting mate, they're not sorry. What are they having babies, aren't they? They're certainly doing something. I heard the street. They're making that weird noise. Why don't you care about the ejaculation. I don't want them shitting there. I'm like, I can come with that light. But I don't want them shitting there. You refuse to slutshane these foxes. How do you, how does a clear lemonade bowl stop them from pulling on your nose?

I don't know, it just warms them off. I mean, I'm not sure. I don't think it's something I remember from the 80s. We used to do that, but I thought it was for cats. Oh, it's cats but I mean it could but could be the same thing but my mum used to do it I'm do chie so it is she used to piss and shit all the time oh wait which one are we talking about talking about? Is that the thing? What? Absolutely not.

What? Erm, erm, okay. Alright, so this is tricky. This is a tricky one. Okay, so I'll try the lemonade thing. And if not, then say it in me. It can't be the lemonade. It can't, it cannot be the lemonade thing.

Right. Eat the meat. Yeah. But folks should have come into our cities now. It cannot be the lemonade thing. Either me. The foxes have come into our cities now. This isn't the 80s anymore. They use sweets. They're not going to be spooked by a plastic lemonade bowl. Maybe you could make, like, maybe you could make, maybe you could make like a fox that looks so terrifying. It scares all other foxes.

Like a knalled, like a crackin beast. Yeah, this is good, I like this. Out of plastic lemonade bottles. Enter Jeff. Enter Jeff and fuck him until his nose. I actually, this is a problem. We to teach you fucking Jeff, become the thing. Upsackingly in the bonus beef, so this isn't going to make any sense. Yeah.

I listen to a thing where crows were eating a football pitch and it was becoming problematic. And Chris Packham came on and said, what you need to do is you need to warn them away with better feed and lead them to a different area and then it's their problem over there. So I need to make it do. You need to start preparing better meat. If she's putting raw chicken down,

you've got to cook it and season it five spaces. You've got to kind of like work them away. Some kind of special thing for the foxes to go that they prefer your stuff and then you lead them away to a different area. Can they be cut and grow? Yeah. To that area. Yeah, but you just leave this for anywhere else. And then then I'll go someone else's problem. Package advice that was. That's good. I mean, if you know, if package says it's going to be right. So you might need to put a bit of effort into the first kind of week of preparing meals for foxes. Okay. A little set up, yes, set up a little fox cafe, but just not on your property.

Elsewhere. And then you then you need them away. And turn the end of their like a tube. It'll take a few months. Cut them on the tube. Find the end, you'll let them all the way. Like to the upper ground. And cook chicken with the smell of wafting, like the lines. And then I just lead them to the central line.

That's right. Cove makes sure it's not the circle. Cove your entire body and chicken and sprint through the streets. And when the fox is chased after you jump on the street. Like a lady gargoyle meat dress. Exactly. Exactly. Yes. I've had an error all on me. Like, police dogs. I'm doing it for the neighborhood. And I'm just screaming, get Jeff. Get Jeff. I've had a quick Google, by the way, and there is, I mean, you know, there's a few people anecdotally on forums saying, um, deterring Fox's and cats with plastic lemonade bottles

half filled with water and left around the garden. I've also found this as well, which is a gardening expert says, keep your old tea bags and dip them in eucalyptus. The smell is so strong. Foxes can't abide the smell of eucalyptus. In the same way that like mice don't like coffee, the smell of coffee. So if you get peppermint, dip your tea bags in peppermint or eucalyptus, the strong smell will ward them away. I mean, I have to say, our new podcast, Pappi's Google,

the answers for you. The left is the baby. No. It's not as entertaining, is it? It's not as entertaining. It's not quite the hook we talked about, where we said it. I tell you what, the weird thing is,

I googled it and it said fucked yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's now thing. It's gone. It's gone viral. Where are we? Where are we? The Google Home page is in it for the next few days.

I was coming home from McGig last night and I was walking along me and quite a big guy, big, big guy and this tiny little mouse round down the corridor and both me and the guy let out a scream that was of similar pitch. And he was like, that was embarrassing because we both just went, and I was like, oh dear, get Jeff. I was walking home from a gig in Edinburgh at his midnight, I was walking home from a gig in Edinburgh, it was midnight, I was walking with Kate, my friend Kirin, and a rat crossed our path, and I leapt into the street, and went, and at that moment, the guy who owned the restaurant opposite

was like throwing water onto the pavement. So I like, so I leapt from the rat, and then this crash of water came to my right, and I thought that was a swarm of rats. So I like went, oh splash, and like just lost. You just like, you just were coping with lost to my, yeah, look like Edinburgh's, you know, it got me early. I was so, I was so hungover in Edinburgh, like I had my 40th in Edinburgh and I was walking down the street the next morning, like I felt

like my eyeballs were bleeding and I was walking with two friends and a very enthusiastic student leapt out and went, when I come to this show, it's a hundred pounds in an hour and I couldn't even articulate how much I didn't want that so I just literally pushed his face away and just went, errrr. LAUGHTER And they were like, she's really not feeling well,

sorry about that. I was like, I couldn't even voice that that's the worst thing I could think of. I think that's actually Esther, because that was my show. So, you know. One hundred months in an hour when you're really... Oh no, I think I'd... I'd react worse to that than a swarming that. Please, please stop.

Right, thanks for that. I'll try all that then. Well, you're very well-loved then. Yeah, meet your... Or just googlet. Yeah, there's also googlet. Arz's are all there. Listen, I was only doing it tommorow.

This is not me doing it tommorow. Checking if my thing was right or if I just made it up. No, I know. Well, Esther, thank you so much for coming on the pod. It's been a real pleasure having you. Thanks for having me. It's been really, really fun. Two, been terrible. Two, yeah.

Rare we get an apology during the podcast. People normally text them afterwards. But, I do that. No, I think it's important just to make sure that everyone knows I'm aware. I'm aware that this is not okay. Where can people find you to help you out? Now where can people find you if they want to see your comedy? Where can people go? If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook or Twitter, I just put all my gigs up there.

Great. I reckon. That's where I put them. What are your handles? What are my handles? Oh right, Esther Minito. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Esther Minito on everything. Okay, well that's it. Yeah, we'll be able to find you there, definitely. I love that you're on your way. I love that you're on your way. I love that you're on your way. I love that you're on your way. I love that you're on your way. I love that you're on your way. I love that you're on your way. I love sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. on the Zoom chat, does anybody know who this is? She's just come into the Zoom and we've got no idea. She's, that's how I get all my gicks. I just hang outside the comedy store and just slip in my no one's looking. Be in front of the door and hang in big! There we go, that was great. It was, wasn't it?

I loved chatting to Esther. She's absolutely brilliant. That's such a fun time. Don't forget, as well, if you enjoy Esther and you enjoy us, then get over to the Patreon, where there will be a bonus beef, a whole beef that wasn't included on the podcast, that will be over there at the Patreon.com,

forward slash Pappy's Flat Share, for just four quid a month, you can get that bonus beef, all the previous bonus beef that we've recorded with our previous guests, and of course a brand new episode of FlatShare Pop Round every single week. Loads of great stuff. It's a phenomenal deal, it's well worth it. So get on board for

that. We've got a message though, a message from Brian about the beef that we solved with Tom Nien and about the groundhog day dinner beef. Yes, groundhog day dinner, something my wife and I have talked about a lot since it came up. Brian via Patreon got in touch to say, in defense of people who eat the same thing over and over. No jokes in here, just a bit of sharing. I'm a man of broken brain and a fair old way up the old spectrometer. I've always found comfort in eating the same food for every meal.

Either at lunch or at dinner endlessly or dinner and tea as I'm a northerner and use the word dinner correctly. Whenever I've started a new job, colleagues always flabbergasted when they see me eat my same meal again for the third day and then more so for the fourth. By the fifth day, it's become funny and then no one bothers. Having not to worry about what I'm going to have for dinner or tea removes so much stress from my life? I think that's something we hint in at. Yeah. I would recommend it to anyone. However, it comes with some drawbacks. Firstly, when a shop stops stocking one of the vital items, it's a bit of a panic and we'll take a week or so to adjust. Secondly, I was once tiled by an ex, it was one of the least attractive things about me. I think the world of real sting ain't that sick.

Anyway, if I did it, it would still be pretty low down on the list. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Horrish air clocky. Anyway, let the poor bloke eaters, I don't get dinner in peace and enjoy your own food more so quietly in your own head. Thank you, Brian. Great message and, uh, was a great. Yeah, opened up our understanding of what this guy might be, possibly going through. Cheers. If you'd like to get in touch with the beef of your own, uh, get in touch at beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. You can have your beef solved on the show.

Try not to use any phrases like I am a Nigerian prince, so they don't slip into the spam folder. Although if you are a Nigerian prince, don't let that stop you getting in touch. Yeah, please do get in touch. If you want to get in touch with us and say hello, Dainty. I've come into £8 million. If you want to get in touch with us, and say hello, Dainty, I've come into eight million pounds, could you transfer your bank details to me so I can give them to you? Then that'll be great.

I think just use the word actually, like I actually am an Igerian. Just to say, yeah, yeah, don't be known. We'll look out for that. Honestly, yeah. Yeah, up coming gigs, right. So we have got on October the 9th, we've got the cheerful, earful festival

that the tickets are still available for that. It's us and the birthday girls doing a flat share standout at five o'clock, at seven o'clock, we're gonna be joining them for their birthday girls house party as their guests. It's a wonderful double-bubble, baby. It's a wonderful double-bubble. We're gonna be so drunk for the second show.

We're gonna have a lovely time. It's over in Ballam at the end. going to be so drunk for the second show. You're going to have a lovely time. It's over in Ballam at the... You're going to be drunk for the first show. LAUGHTER It's in Ballam at the Bedford. Tickets from cheerful, earful.co.uk. I think we'll link to the ticket notes here. We also, by the way, watch this space.

We've got a date for our Christmas show. We now know when our Christmas show is gonna be, we're gonna put a link for tickets up on the Patreon first and then a couple of days later, we're gonna put a link for tickets for everybody else. So another reason to get yourself over to the Patreon, if you'd like to get first dibs on those tickets, as well, we're doing the Patreon for that,

patreon.com, forward slash pappies, flat share. Are we doing a date for that Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's FractShare. Are we doing a date release? Yeah, well, I would say the tickets will go on sale via the Patreon rather than a save the date like it's a wedding. But you know what, should we do a date release? Yeah. Let's do a date release.

Okay. Okay. We'll do a date. It's coming your way soon. A date release. Yeah, we'll do it on the Patreon first. And then we'll release it. Listen, and if you are a member of the Patreon,

don't leak the dates. Guys, we're not just watching the same thing. It's too much alcohol. It's too much alcohol. Oh, it's too much alcohol. Oh, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry,

Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry We're telling tales of school Come on, we've been holding out feb Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Everyone bye! Don't forget, be for this podcast at gmail.com or as PNF any might put it. Send us your beef, your whining fox. This is a paid advertisement for Papi's Patreon neighborhood watch. Roll call!

Now I don't know about you, but if you want hearing that's as clear as a bell, then give your ear canals a quick scrub with ear cleaner by Graham Wells. Oh, it's a fantastic product. I can't say enough about it. Let me tell you now, if you are ever in your back garden thinking, I wish this was flocking with a variety of pigeons, magpies, sparrows, etc. Then you want to get yourself the new bird feeder from our friend Dan Leeder. Ah, that's a wonderful, wonderful product that.

And it is a great product for you. Have you ever thought I want to like watch other people do bits of life. Well, you can do that. Yeah. You can do that. I have to say, I do think that on a regular basis. Exactly. Any specific, well, there are all kinds of variety, Tom,

at a theater where you can just go and see a play. And that's a wonderful product being offered by Jazz K. I'd play of course. It's an Impressario Jazz K. A bits of life. A bit of life. Enjoy it. On tour, nationally.

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Oh, you know what I love I love I love various farming products and you know Who doesn't love various farming products and you know, who does it love various farming products and all of my farming products as you well know are made out of a variety of reptiles. Scurrying gecko trowel. I've got a, I've got a, I've got a, I've got a blending in chameleon spade, very hard to find that one. And I've even got a snake, which I call, of course, my slither hoe. And it was made by the good people over at Ian Clitherow. Wonderful company and from fantastic products, you really should get your hands on them today. A standard work.

No, can we get that a bit? Just a 20 seconds. We need that outfit. I'll do my best now. If you're anything like me, you know that you need a lot of farming products. I've got a few myself. They're all made out of various reptiles.

I've got my scuttle in Gecko, a rake. I've got my blending in spade made out of a gachameleon. And of course, I've got my stoo the hoe made out of a snake, made, of course, but the good people that eat and clear the row, get your farming products made out of reptiles today. Yes, it's really good. And I've actually used the discount code on that and do have just, it's a great product.

It's a great product. It's a great discount code. We don't tell you now. I'd like to talk to you for a moment, if I may. About money, it's there. I personally find it a mystery. Why don't I have it? How can I get more?

When I have it, how can I hold on to it? And that's why we have this wonderful guy who's going to help you out with his financing. It's the wonderful. That was a wonderful Terry Reignancing. Thank you, Terry Reignancing for... Financing? Ted Danson. Oh, it's not... Ted Danson... Financin! Ted Danson! Oh, Ted Danson, of course it's Ted Danson.

Ted Danson! Great to have Ted Danson. Also, very rare we get a Hong Kong Dollar Patreon, but thank you, Jerry Danson. Your secret is safe with us. Guys, it's red. It's wet. It's blood. He can get you a few milk bottles, full of the stuff.

It's craigwood. Craigwood with his milk bottles of blood. They are truly used. Don't forget, of course, if you wanna get that product type forward slash, give us some blood. That's not asking. No questions asked. It runs a no question policy.

No. The only question he will accept is can have some blood please in a bottle. Yeah. And he will answer that with a hearty yes. Three bottles coming right up. No question. No, you're what though. I've actually I've been getting a but I't know, just blood I've been getting now from the good people over at Craywood, but I have been getting a lot of bile. Oh yeah. Bicyclals. Oh, grace.

Yeah. Bile, which is, as you know, very hard to get bile pumped, fresh from the spleen, but they're a good people over at Aaron Green, very helpful, and they'll pump it. They'll do it. They'll do it. That will do it.

Oh, no, no, no. And also, what's refreshing about Aaron, the people over at Aaron Green, they'll accept any questions about their body. Oh yeah, if anything, I ended up spending most of the day there just chatting, asking. Also quick, questions, questions, questions beyond the bile.

Yeah, very much like with the previous two, I know a lot of you, we've had a lot of people actually, a lot of interest in this, getting a hold of large quantities of stomach acid. And people love it. People love it, they can't get enough. And if you've not got any of your own,

you've got to get your own. That's it. You know, of course your milk bottle's a blood, but how can you, how can you step it up a gear? Well, of course you want an entire milk pale and who can get that for you? That is Oli McAil. I don't think you're looking to the milk pale.

If you're a lot like me, you've got your blood, you've got your spleen, but where are you getting your sex beads from? Well, give a call to Rosie Gees. I think we get it, but it doesn't really matter. The sex beads are fantastic. You've got to get them. Yeah, you've got to get them.

I've got some great news, a wonderful offer. Currently 100% off this product, unfortunately it doesn't exist. It's 100% off, it's not a bit left. We're completely sold out, so I'm afraid, yeah, we're completely sold out of the fresh green grass that the cows have been chewing to fill their stomachs with all the cuds. So I'm afraid nothing bad, I'm everyone through I'm going to go and get a cup of tea and it's Charlie and Matt's everybody. I'm really surprised he managed to get that in one take actually, cross big. Yeah, I thought I nailed that actually.

So that's forward slash patrons, neighborhood watch, roll call, forward slash concluded, forward slash dot com. Tom, if you ever used to compete before. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha theaters December 15.