Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Ivo Graham S10E07

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Ivo GrahamIvo Graham - https://twitter.com/IvoGrahamPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSee us live 10th March - https://www.tickettext.co.uk/pappys-flatshare/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-10032020/Produced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

WAPAN, dear listener! It's Tom! It's Ben. And WAPAN, it is Matthew it's Tom, it's Ben. And WAPAN, it is Matthew as well, and welcome to an episode of Beef Rose Cold Cuts. Guess what, we're in your ears. We're in your wake. Back into the air canal, we go. We've always been in your air canal. We've always been there. Sorry to interrupt, Ben.

No, no, no, no. Let's get to the bottom of this. Are we always in the listener's air canal? Are we only pipe up now? Or do we pop away and pop back in? We don't really live the ear canal. It's a bit like, you know what, it's a bit like the shining, at the end of the shining, you see a photo of the ear canal. And, oh, sorry mate. Have you seen someone seemed to us asleep? No, no, no. No, we're with. But you look at a photo of the ear canal and there we are, stood there. We've always been there. Picture that if you will, is it if it helps?

If it helps. Well, we're welcome. We're welcome. We are welcome. Can I just say we're very welcome in your air canal. Very welcome in your air canal. This is episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. I always enjoy these.

These are fun. It's a doozy as well. What is good, Lola? Is we always get our deer pals along to help us sort out your beefs. And we couldn't have a deer a pal with us today. Then our dear pals along to help us sort out your beefs? Yeah. And we couldn't have a dearer pal with us today than our good friend, Mr. Ivo Graham. What a gent.

What a lovely guy. And we'll solve beefs. If you've got any beefs that you want to solve, send them in. Yes, it's a beef brothers podcast at gmail.com. Or you could send them via the Patreon. We have people send them in through the Patreon. That's good, which is patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share. Please keep supporting the Patreon. We can't do without your help

Yes, and of course if you are a member of the patron you are guaranteed to get your beef That's right a beef guaranteed on the air. Well enjoy these beefs and enjoy your life Well Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem, if you've got a problem call it a B, if you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the zoning at your B. So, hello, we've got Ivour Graham with us here. Woo-hoo! Hello, friends. How are you? Thanks for having me.

That's a total pleasure. How are you doing? I'm very well, thank you. What kind of a flatmate are you? I'd say not massively reliable and a bit messy But always quite keen to make up for it if possible. I'd say there's never I'll never lose the plot completely I'll have you know, you know, I'm gonna do a dirty protest Absolutely not. It's never gonna go like hunger the movie hunger The shit up the walls? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I did, I have to say. I'm wondering, did Wallowy, in the year 2013, I did live with the, let's call them, they

are, rival sketch three piece, wit tank. Oh, yes, I did. You tell us this now. I did do, I think you were aware of it at the time. Oh, God, tell us this now. I did do. I think you were a little bit at the time. Oh God, they're fucking podcast. I would absolutely love to, if they just get the band back together. But but not all sketch three pieces are plowing on with the resilience. Thank you. Thank you. We'll take that. Resilience. Resilience. Well, that's going on the poster. Yeah, the poster. The poster for what? The most resilient sketch team. That's not a bad compliment, actually.

Still going. Still going. And who's going? Three stars. But we're all off. You live with the Whittanks? I lived with the Whittanks, and it was broadly a very happy time. But I got into a relationship outside of the flat

that fringe and so started spending more and more time elsewhere. And unfortunately... What, they got jealous? No, they didn't get jealous. I don't think they gave two things until on one of my increasingly rare returns to the flat, you know, just to do a wash, et cetera. I mean, because you can't be doing that with the new G's.

Very, very crucial, isn't it? You've got to keep it fresh. That's absolutely it. But I did not leave it fresh at the Whitttank flat because I did an unwitting dirty protest, where I, number two, diduna Hari departed the flat, didn't realise that it had an all-left the building, and then didn't return to the flat for three days, and apparently it blocked the loo.

What? And it became an increasingly noxious problem in the fact that it was referred to by their director and sometimes flatmate Adam Bracers, the black barge. But I'm a very poetic man. He's a very poetic man. He's a very... Even when it's just a big shit, he can really spin it on a six-pence. Can't he?

And finally, there's a draft of a play that you would write. The Black Barge. I like it. I go and see that. I think it would be pretty interesting. Unfortunately, they did have to go and see it. How did you be drinking a lot of Guinness or... No, I don't think I was into Guinness by then.

I think that was... That's more of a recent thing. So, you know, pity the poor fool's I have to live with my barges, and I... LAUGHTER And I'll tell you what, ale has really taken it up a gear as well, that's not for now. But no, this was a standard sort of, you know,

cause-like occasional WKD, 22-year-old Graham barge, and fresh out of uni, and still pooing fairly innocently. LAUGHTER and fresh out of uni and still pooing fairly innocently. Um, so. But, but, but, because I wasn't there, I didn't realize that it was such a problem, but they didn't bring it up with me for a bit. And then, but obviously, they were quite angry that it had happened because it was, well, it's obviously just a terrible thing to have happened.

And I left it there. I just left it there for you to... They, they said, I can't remember exactly who was the first one to sort of venture the problem, but it was suggested that I get a plumber in. But you have to pay for a plumber. It was that bad. It was not like a plunger type situation. You couldn't just, I think I was certainly willing to do my, I'll be honest, I've sort of dove into this quite bleak and honest. It's cute.

And it don't, without really remembering all the key details. Because, yeah, surely, it's just a case of, I would you come back and bring a plunge or sort it out, but for whatever reason, it just didn't have, it became, it was... A saga. It became a saga, and I haven't lived with Wutank since, and I haven't seen two of them for years.

Do you think that's the reason they broke up? No, I don't. I'm... Are you the reason? Are you responsible? Can enjoy a Wutank show. You could throw over Black Bard for two years. Bard's cannot be held solely responsible.

You wouldn't show on barge to killer tank. No. And yet? But there we have it. But also, surely, their output is also to blame. No, no, no, no. I'm not sure. I'm just going to buy a joke.

I know they're not as resilient as that. I've got a lot of time for the Whittank boys. In all their solo and indeed their trio adventures. Well, the keyer and one third of Whittank did a show last year at the Fringe about, which was loosely about the history of Whittank. I know. I was obviously, I was away. I couldn't, wasn't the Fringe this year. So I would have loved to see in a show about the history of Whittank. What? Told from one of Whittank and Rise of the World. I was obviously, I was away, I couldn't, wasn't the fringe this year. So I would have loved to have seen a show about the history of Whittank.

What? Told from one of Whittank. Yes, and if it does a London transfer, I'll be with you in the front row, because I'm, you know, still quite paranoid that it's a... Oh, the budget of the budget. The budget of the board, yeah. It gets to the 40 minute lull, and he brings out

the black barge. Oh, maybe not the front row for you then. Now some of you may be wondering why I've been dressed as a sailor for this entire time. All aboard. Right, let's start with a beef. Do you have this choice, IFO? Do you want to go with a short beef or a long beef?

Let's have a long beef. Let's start with a long beef. There you go. It's a long beef. Lovely. Can you tell us who that is from please? Yes, it's from what name at the end? Yes, please. Deer tree. It's from Deer tree. It's signed off. Yours in Christ, Deer tree. Oh, all right. You're right. Tantalizing. Yours in Christ, Deer tree. Thank you, Deer Dury. I love it if this beef came from a convent. Well, you asked for shout outs from nuns before,

I don't know, that's the... If there are any people... Yes, that's right. Of course. Of course. If there are any people of the colour, this is going to be Brother's cold cuts. Maybe this is what's happened.

Could we get... Who are the sort of... Who are the big nuns? Who are the big nuns Who are the big names? Reverend Richard Cole would be a good member of the clergy to have on. I think he'd be a good one. Reverend and Makers. Sister Wendy, I think as past, unfortunately, here's Sister Wendy.

My sister Mary Clarence, or she was famously not a real nun. Not a real nun, although, who would be, is coming to the UK to reprise the role in the live show. Maybe we can get her on board. Will she do it in character? Who knows? I think you'd be well with any rights to insist on it. I think it would. How have we gotten in with Wuppie?

Well, find out in next week's episode. For now, dear Dries, dear Dries, we're listening to Christ. So, full email. Let's pick through it moment by moment. OK. So full email. Let's let's let's pick through it moment by moment. Okay High team this email is written in pseudonym to protect the innocent and guilty including me already already I like it. Yeah, that's good stuff. Thank you. Yeah, but it doesn't it does it does non-splume This is a she opted for deirdery as a non-de plume. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Is that because of day-day, day-day, dreet, you think? Oh, the agony aren't, maybe. The art becomes the niece. The old phrase, the art becomes the niece. I've glanced ahead and the other

pseudonym's art is good on my forehead. A lot of time at our own one. This is a second hand beef that I'm sending you, because my advice on this issue so far has been pretty brutal. And maybe there's a more creative solution. OK. Think it's crossed. We're not over our creativity. War have resilience.

Yes, that's absolutely right. We'll give you a resilience solution. All you've got to do is be less brutal than dear. The scenario, my friend, let's call her Amy, is moving in with her boyfriend, let's call him Barry. Barry lives in a house he owns with a flatmate, let's call him Colin. OK.

The ABC. ABC. Very good. Yeah, that's easier to remember. Colin Barry had been friends for some time and have flattered together for a couple of years. Colin's in his late 30s and works in IT. He is gross.

LAUGHTER All right, he is gross. He's gross. All right, let's start. That's an absolute fact. Yes, here we go. These are, yeah, to sum him up into a few phrases, he's late 30s, works in IT, gross. Tick, tick, tick. OK, dear Dree, she may be with us in Christ.

She's not with Barry in Christ. No, she's absolutely not. OK, gross is great, isn't it? Yeah. Love gross, such a good word. What does that much... Does she explain how the grossest manifest itself is? Oh, absolutely. Let's hear it.

There's a whole paragraph of grossness to come. He never does any housework. Gross. Never cleans the kitchen or bathroom. That is gross. This is an Elyse Dixon song, I think, isn't it? Never takes out the rubbish. Never even puts his own rubbish in the bin. That's bad. That's really bad. I think never taking out the rubbish,

obviously, also despicable, but the sort of thing that is an easy thing to slide into, whereas not putting your own rubbish in the bin. Anyway, he's anti-social too, which is fine. We all have our social issues, very respectful, but it's still a factor in the strain that's developed in their friendship, and it means that Colin and Amy haven't ever bonded. So Amy doesn't want to live with Barry and Colin.

She wants to live with Barry. They decided to move in together at the start of this year, and Amy was concerned that Barry would be too meek to tell his friend that he'd have to move out. Barry stealed himself and did it, though, and Colin had over four months' notice to find himself a new place to live. It's now two weeks until Aemoo moves out of her old flatten

into Barry's house, and Colin is still there. Of course it is. It's just tense. Right, too. Colin, it turns out, hasn't been paying rent since Barry gave him notice. What? This was agreed by the two of them, because Colin's work is due to finish about the same time as the move updates. So Barry is incredibly generously helping Colin save money ahead of a change of circumstances. Let's stop there.

I don't think that's a thing. Barry's a mug. Let it be noted that Barry is therefore paying the mortgage in time. No, no, no, no. I think I realise why Deirdre has been so brutal here. Yeah, of course. Because Barry is being walked all over here. Barry's a good egg.

Barry's is a good egg slash mug. Is a good egg a bad mug? Yeah, he's a good egg and a bad mug, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Of course, of course. That's good egg, bad mug. And by the way, Clarky, you're also a good egg at a bad mug.

I think that's fair, yeah. Yeah. OK, let's count here. Yeah. It also turns out Colin hasn't found a new flat and will instead be moving back in with his mum. Vays, my favourite tends to so far. Now, we've got a housing crisis.

Sure. And there's no shame in living with your mum. No. All of that we agree with. But I believe that this information is being used to make Barry feel bad for kicking Colin out and creating a suboptimal living situation for his friend. It further turns out that Colin has got Barry to agree to help him move his stuff. I.E. higher a trailer, packet, drive it, and unpack it.

Heaven for Fenn that college organised any of this himself or put in some time slash effort slash money to avoid Barry having to help with a move out as well as a move in. Barry's position is that he and Colin are friends. Colin's in a tight spot and it's a decent thing to support him emotionally and financially and help him make. Good, bad, mug. Yes.

Amy's position is that once Colin's out, he's out, and she'll do whatever she can to make that happen smoothly, but she doesn't want Barry taken advantage of, and is not going to spend her own money and effort cleaning up after a grown man who should know better. My position is that on Move Out Day, either Colin moves his own shit, or I come round and move it up for him onto the street. Yeah. And set fire.

Yeah. Great. Right, this is where she's saying she's too brutal because she's a bad egg but a good one. Deedry, it comes swinging into this set up. Yeah, can we just ask as well? I mean, when I ask this question, we're not going to know the answer. Who is Deedry to these guys? Just a pal of Amy's.

She's not Amy. Oh, yeah, she's not Amy. She's not the girlfriend. No, yeah. So she's not, because she's not Aemis. Oh! Yeah, you see, she's not Aemis. She's not the girlfriend, yeah. But she's having to listen to Aemis. She's having to listen to Aemis. Have to deal with this situation, okay, yeah. Take us home, bye-bye. And we've had a set fire to it.

Colin's a grown man. He's had all the help in the world already, and he is responsible for his own situation. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I love it. I'll put it to you that Colin is a dick. LAUGHTER That was a lot. Good day.

I'm Fatberg. Dick. Now, here's your question answered here. How am I even involved in this, you may ask. We have. I'm just a hard-nosed bystander. And since the worst my flatmate slash partner in sex does, is, oh no, that's her, she's now talking about her own. Yes, the worst thing that my flatmate slash partner in sex does

is leaf his shoes in front of whichever door he's just walked through, so I trip over them every bloody time. I figured you'd get more juice out of this scenario than mine. So she's just included a little sneak peek into her own to her own two-seat. Oh, right, right. Yeah. Do we want to very quickly solve deities beef?

So far to issues. So far to issues, yeah. So far to issues, yeah. So far to issues, you're crazy arsonist. Okay, so... I think there's a lot of... There's a lot of... Emotion in this beach.

It's a tender beef. It's kind of like... There of like, I don't think, I think Deidre's overreaching here to get involved. Oh, I'm actually, Could you not say the same of us when we offered to solve strange issues? We're just doing our job, man. Deidre's trumpling on our ground.

You know what I mean? She's kind of setting herself up as, this is our job. Barrynie, she's kind of setting herself up as, this is our job. Barry and Colin. Yes. So Barry's the good guy, what are the mug? Colin is the, is the gross guy. I, yes. I am going to be quite impartial here and say, oh, let's not say that. Let's say this. Barry and Colin are friends. Yes. That we know is a fact. Yes. Impartially, they're friends. They're friends who've lived together for a long time.

No. Amy may not like the way Colin lives with Barry. But Barry and Colin have lived together for a while. And they seem to be happy. Amy's come on the scene. Sure. She wants change. And Barry, as we know, is a good egg.

He's happy to make that change. Do you think, are you questioning whether or not Barry wants the change? Well, whether he wants the change or not, he is changing. Yeah. Crucially, he is making that change as smooth as possible for everyone. He's delaying his guilt of getting rid of Colin. Yes. By making it financially easier for Colin. He's helping him out with the move. What's wrong with that?

That's the right thing to do. He's going to help him in the long run because he's not going to feel bad about kicking his mate out. He's, I think that's a good perspective, but here's the thing. Let me finish. Bitches be crazy. Oh, yeah. Right, yeah.

Small problem with the way you ended that. What? But everything up to that point. Bitches are crazy. Sorry, sorry. Everything up to that point, very well-reasons. Clarkey counts a point. Here's the thing though. I think you are right in a lot of that.

But Colin is moving in with his mother. So all the saving of rent stuff that he's been doing is that's really on the hand that isn't it? Because you're not saving money for your next move. He could still be, he could be. Unless his mum's charging him rent. Well, or, unless he, unless moving with his mum is phased too of the saving money process, you know,

like he could be saving up for a deposit to, you know, to perhaps buy a house or just saving up for enough money to be able to be in a situation where he can rent. If we're really drilling into the financials, can I draw your attention to the use of the word mortgage? It's not rent, Barry is therefore paying the mortgage entirely on his own. So who owns this house?

Well, if Barry owns the house, what did his guy, Colin's not being paying rent? Colin's not hanging on hang on hang on. Yes, Colin hasn't been paying rent since Barry gave him notice. So Barry's the landlord. Barry's the landlord.. Barry's the land lord. Barry is the land lord. So Barry is the land lord. Daddy is good.

Okay. Daddy is on the ladder. Barry's on the ladder. Yeah, Daddy. Barry's on the ladder. So Barry is paying full, you know, all the money. Yeah. But is just going into his own property.

Yeah, and also that's, that's nice. Yeah, it's a nice position. That's what you're supposed to do. You know, if he doesn't pay it all, then, you know, how he makes that money, whether it's to rent out the room or whatever, that's an academic. He has to pay his mortgage. I wonder if he's going to charge Amy.

God! That's a nice question. That is a good question. If we could find out that little detail, she's going to have to go to that, right? She's going to have to go to that. What's that? Amy's going to have to contribute.

Yeah. I think, yes. Otherwise, it seems weird. Yeah. You don't want to be a kept person, do you? And also, I don't think she'd have the beef if... I don't think she'd be as upset if she wasn't going. If she would go into a freehouse.

What this feels like now is a victor putting the boot in. Amy's won. A victor and an evictor. Yeah, exactly. The victor evictor. Yes. This is dancing on someone's grave here. Colin's out.

He's going back to his moms. What more do you want? Oh, what you don't want Barry to help with the move. You want Barry to charge the last bits of money. So, are they just let you down? Actually, what she needs to do is rather than complain about Colin, it's praise Barry. What you need to do is, you know what Barry,

you have done a brilliant thing here. You can't feel guilty, of course you feel guilty, but you can't feel guilty because you've done, you've done everything you could do. And you know what? Collins is living with his mum now. He's going to get closer to his mother. You know, that's a good thing. Didry should just be close to his mother.

Family should be close to his mother. You know, like maybe he's mum's going to learn how to use the computer. Exactly, yes. A gross IT whiz moving in. She's probably going to get that super fast broad banches always wanted. He's going to set it up for her.

Colin might learn to be cleaner, that maybe he needs a bit of years with his mom. Just a reminder, you've got to feel sorry for the mom if he's like, you know, because the thing is, he could go back and regress even further. He could go back and become a total slob where he's letting his mom do all his washing, letting his mom do, you know, pick up after him.

So you've got to feel sorry for the mum here, but, you know, the mum is not really involved in this beef. We can't go that far into the beef. We can't start worrying about Colin's long-term future. This is about managing the transition. The situation. Exactly. Did we need to be happy for Amy because she's found a really good egg? Yeah, who's on the ladder? found a really good egg. Who's on the ladder? Who's on the ladder? Who's on the ladder? So we champion Barry, let him do his thing.

Let him offset his guilt about kicking out his lifelong friend. Well, a lifelong friend, I don't think. They've been friends for some time and have flattered for a couple of years. So this isn't a sort of, you know, it's meaningful, but it's not the end of a massive era. Baza can afford it. Baza can afford to hire a trailer. Yes, he can.

Yeah. I find the thing about these sorts of transition periods is sometimes you know, if you just absorb a little bit more of the work or the financials, then yes, then reasonably someone like Barry ought to, but ultimately in six months Amy and Barry are going to be living happily together and this transition period is going to be a distant memory already. Yeah, you know, he could even sort of share the freehold with her.

And he's going to make a sweep with a cash on the seat. Put on the deed, put on the deed. Put on the deed. Put on the deed. You know what? I think that's our, that's our solution. Is a friend on the deed. Is a friend on the deed. That's right. I really regret putting you guys on by. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Very generous of you. It's making the land on. We're looking at new houses at the moment. We're thinking of moving. It's making the whole process complicated.

But we're not selling up. We're very comfortable with where you are. This is it. You've got that crawl space. We need it. For storing old props. Exactly. Yeah. If I move to play, it doesn't have a crawl space. We're going to keep the big light from last show ever.

We're exactly. Where are we going to crawl? Where are we going to crawl? it doesn't have a crawl space, where I'm going to keep the big light from last show ever. Where exactly? Where are we going to crawl? Where are we going to crawl? Where are we going to crawl? Oh, it's something you think of, Thomas Ben wanted to crawl around. If I'm too busy, three.

LAUGHTER And so in which case, we'd like Criticise Collin, celebrate Barry. Yes. Please, for Amy, get her on the D's. Yes. And also, deodorry with respect, you know, slightly less aggressive attitude to your friends, you know, dilemmas, I'd say. Yeah, I think just, if you want to let out that aggression, set fire to your flatmate

shoes. I can't really really go on. I can't really go on. Because you can see as well that you go,, Didry, your loyalty to your friend, you're getting some angry on her behalf, it's the same kind of loyalty that Barry and Colin have to each other. Maybe you're the Colin.

Maybe, yes. Didry. Didry, would you message us back? Are you gross? I'm sure of that. Yeah, I'm sure of that. Didry, can you send us a message please? Get us onto it at AppappishTweets or at beefbrotherspodcast.g we sure do. Did you send us a message please? Get us on Twitter at Pappy's tweets

or a beef brothers podcast at gmail.com. Are you gross? Yes or no, is all we need, did you? Yes or no? Beef, so. Beef, close. Beef, from the starting, I can be! Beef, so.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to not fall. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters this December 15th. A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition,

and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Cast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcast everywhere. Acast.com.

Clarkie, do you want to marry? Absolutely. But you know, marry is his, that's a first name, isn't it? It's a front name. Yeah. Yeah. Mary F*** also sounds like a name. It's not hyphenated.

Why'd you have to go make your name so hyphenated? Why'd you have to go and make your name so high for me? You did. Okay, well we'll call her Mary. Front name's only. Front name's only Mary. We'll bleep out the word f***es when we discussed it here. For a while I was quite obsessed with Troy Wright and I've all of Veean. I remember this, yes.

It made it into our show into a two previews of our 2007 show. Oh, God. When I was playing Abraham Lincoln. That's right. You wanted to sing to me. Why'd you have to go and get your ass assassinated? Yeah, because I just thought it was a really good lyric. Because it's got the word ass ass ass three times, isn't it?

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and we would have gone, let's make a fun pop video. But we just never had the technology, we never had the skills, we never knew anyone could do that sort of thing for a long time and hog would have had it on TikTok by the end of the day exactly right. I was in hog wood oh absolutely I would have turned it to musical. Exactly there you go. Mary Mary writes. My partner and I both have a room in the house, which is just as. Hang on.

Oh, we're talking two roots. Each, yeah. All right. My house has a spare bed and my clothes and books. Wait, can we just clarify here? We're talking about, they've, pretty much got a bedroom they share. They've also got their own little dead.

Their Sim Burton and Helen the Bonham Cartoon get on a smaller scale. Yes. Yes. Nice. His is a black hole of crap. Whoa. Yeah. Mine's got a spare bed.

Didn't you do a black hole of crap? And that's why the... LAUGHTER This is a real black barge. So, sorry. We talked over you reading what hers was like. What's her story? Mine has our spare bed and my clothes and books.

His is a black colander. Is it your room area? Or is it the guest room? I don't say my guitar room. Or is it just that, yeah, I mean, the dream is, who can afford it? She's clearly doing quite well, but you get a room we can get ready in the mornings.

That's quite good to not disturb your partner if they have to sleep in. I see. Or, you know, like, yeah, I think that's that's. Oh, we're quite like that. Quite like disturbing your partner. No.

You know me, I'm disturbing you, but right now. Yeah. So she's got like a spare room, basically, that she kind of calls hers because she keeps the books in there and her clothes in there And he has got what would be the junk room wake I'm guessing here what a favorite muse album Good be good. Sure. Could it be maybe might be

I'm telling you a very quick amazing news thing. Yeah, 30 seconds max. I was at you a very quick, amazing news thing to get at the 30 seconds max. I was at a gig and talk turned to Muse as it's solved, of course it is. It's a comedy gig rather than a Muse gig. No, it was a comedy gig. I wasn't trying to riff about Muse from the audience. And someone was claiming they were a big fan of Muse, and I said, do you own any Muse albums? And he said, I've got an uprising six inch. I'm not saying.

Ah! I said, I don't hear about that mate. You got to hear me. But he couldn't even... He hadn't conceived of that being a... No! That was a mistake. You know sometimes when you said it, people,

if you're not laughing at that, then you're dead. And that's not me complimenting my own sort of skit like. I've got a super massive black hole at crappy. Yeah. Imagine saying, I've got an uprising six inch and not. Think of that, I might be sexual. Oh, wow, great. It's very good.

Very good. I went to CMU's with Perry. We did. We did. We did together in the MEN arena in Manchester. We did the Pilgrimage to go and see them. And the drummer, Dominic Watts' name, Howard. Dominic Howard.

I can't see Dominic Holland, but he's a stamp at the committee and the father of Spider-Man. Yes. But not that guy. He's in Sharpie. Right. He had to do the same riff and it didn't work. Anyone here got up rising since it's just... I'm dying up here. My son's fired up.

He came out and drummed. We were right up close to the front and he fired a champagne into the audience and I threw myself backwards to catch it in my mouth and I landed on the ground, caught the champagne in my mouth, but well I stood up, both my shoes it disappears. I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to have my shoes for some reason. And you will need some shoes for some reason.

Then the encore kicks off and there was no there was no moshpick continues. And I'm like, okay, alright, yeah. Where am I? Where am I? The black horror revelation, it is what my fucking kickers are, mate. Did you find them? Did at the end, yeah. At the end of the gig, yeah.

I was scrapping around trying to find them. As in the blast of the... He liquid, all the cork. He f**k. That was genuinely what I was wondering. It was all in the mouth. Trying to catch the liquid, trying to catch what champagne. He liquid all the cork he Was wondering To catch the liquor try to catch champagne, but I did catch the champagne He was like he's sort of sprayed it in a sort of jet, you know Not not didn't like fan it out like for me the one

He sort of like he's fizzed up and sprayed it He's sort of fixed right right over the head to the crowd But I thought I'm in the trajectory here if I I lean back enough, I let back it, I thought it in my mouth, shoes gone. I let down my own shoes, such as the excitement. I can't imagine this. It's just got so cartoon. Why does it do it? It's a traditional, were they celebrating a good party? It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party.

It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party. It's a good party I got a cake, sort of clock in Paris, you know, cross me in Paris, you know, I hear a real funny voice. No clocky. No clocky, no. I got four of these albums. Sorry, clocky, if I know you're happy. I was an intern about that point, actually. Great bands. Parry and I used to put on plug-in baby at student parties

and really, really air guitar, the head out of that. Good time. Yeah, it's good time. Painting on nails, black for that, I think. Painting on nails, black. Yeah. Then went to the Elphin of that. It's a good time. Yeah, it's a good time. Painting on nails black for that, I think. Painting on nails black, yeah. Then went to the Elf in the cinema the next day. What a weekend.

Yeah, went to the cinema line. And I just bought a big winter coat that you could fit, and it's six cans of Guinness in. So I could fit six cans of Guinness into the coat without really looking like, yeah, six cans of Guinness in. And so we went to a two o'clock showing of Elf, drank six cans of Guinness each, and is that what you were looking for when you bought the coat?

Absolutely wet. Can I fit six cans of Guinness in this coat? I'll take it. Walking around top shops, six cans of Guinness. Just going back. No, no, lean back. Put one of each of you shoes. Just stout smuggler. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking.

I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking.

I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking.

I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. I'm just joking. Because your parents had bought us a bottle of teachers. Do you remember they bought us a bottle of teachers to drink in the hotel? How? How? Why would they do that? That's hell of a tool. Yeah. It's more like the teachers in the hotel in Manchester. Yeah.

Wow. What a week. As we were going up, we stopped off at your parents, they're like, I have a bottle of teachers. They polished that off in the hotel, a little before the gig a little after. And yeah. It was, we were living high on the hog. Where were you travelling from? From London to Wolves to Manchester.

What a weekend. It was great, great fun. Well, we have a so young. We actually looked about 85. Spogger and Gensert get us into a cinema in the middle of the day. Reaching of teachers. Teachers in the travel lodge. Good times.

I can't believe that shoe story. It's absolutely incredible. LAUGHTER Anyway, beef solved. Beef solved. So, black hole of crap. Yeah. It's genuinely ceiling high with musical instruments,

paperwork, exercise equipment, computer stuff, and fuck loads, what else. It's all jumbled in together. Sometimes he buys new clothes, puts them in there, and finds them months later. We ordered a pizza oven last year. What a pizza oven! A pizza oven! They sound like that documentary, The Queen of Versailles. You know, there's sort of a millionaires millionaire who just have rooms just for a crack.

They just buy a jacket in a room because they're just obsessed with the crewing stuff. So can we, we've got a question for Deadry. Are you gross? Question for Mary. Are you a billionaire? Are you a billionaire? Get in touch, Jack Papi's to eat. You were on the pizza over the last year and I thought it had never shown up. But it's been in there the whole time. Wow, I've been in the room several times for various reasons and I didn't see a pizza

oven. How much crap is piled in there? That's really impressive. Now, I know it's technically not a problem. He shuts the door and he's problem. Well, there we go. He shuts the door and I don't have to go in there. That's what it says on me.

Oh. That's not what there we go, it's what's written. I think you're right. You're right. He's saying he's not his problem. Now I know it's technically not his problem. Well, there we go. There we go.

That's the theory top. He shuts the door. And I don't have to go in there. But it bugs the hell out of me, especially when... Come on, Clarky, hold it together mate. LAUGHTER It bugs the hell out of me, especially when stuff that I have an interest in, like pizza ovens, plural, bills or presents for me

get lost in the vortex. Oh, right. Grills is interesting. Stuff that I have an interest in. Oh, I've got an interest in bills. Peas are the presents for me. Yeah. That's the Tinder profile.

I'll be right there. LAUGHTER OK. Now this, this... Also, presence for me, he's not... He's not bought your present, mate. That's just an excuse. Oh, I did get your present, actually, but it's in that room. Yeah, I can't remember.

I lost it, I'm afraid. I turned it into a pizza, but I'm just saying. This is kind of a... There's a bigger thing going on here, right? It's a bigger thing going on, which is, if you live with somebody, are there any areas of the house which are just for you? They're domain. Is there any bit of the house you go like,

that's my bit I do with it, what? Well, I'm so locked. Exactly, like, your house, I bet, is you cross my face. Right. It's a special bit for us. Like at your house, Abit is your crossmate. Right. It's... It's a special bit for us. That's just for you guys.

They don't know yet, they're crawling around. Night cross, babe. Yeah, so is there a bit that's just for you? Or do you kind of have to... Except that if you're sharing a house with a partner, then it's all your house and you have to keep it to the standard of the tidiest person. If you're setting those rules, you've got to stick to them, right?

If you're saying, that's your room, come what may. That's my room off we go. But it's not come what may, though, is it? You can't... Like, if it's disgusting, then it's... Also, it's... It's completely stuck. It's completely stuck, yeah's still, it's a clearly stopped stuff. Just then as you think they're getting bills.

Yeah, bills are getting lost there. Let's ignore all the sentimental stuff. The pizza oven, the presents for her. Bill's relating salt to the pizza oven. But that is about, isn't that about what goes in there? Yes. Like, but if you police what goes in there, aren't you also policing the room itself?

Very philosophical question. Thank you. I just, I think a rum in a house can't be allowed to go completely, fair or just the at least. Unpleased. You know, because ultimately if then that room gets, you know, damp or, you damp or mice, that's a whole flat problem.

Exactly, yes, that's going to spread. I know that's a slightly dramatic response, perhaps, to the back hole. It's not going to get damp. That pizza ruffin is warming the place up. Yeah. Those walls are in dry as you like. If anything, it's a problem.

I go the other way. If it catches fire, that's also a whole fat problem. I don't even more so than damn that. I have more urgent problem. Well you've just got a bigger pizza oven than that. Yeah, it's true. You can just slide it under the door. It's pretty cool actually. So yeah, the bathroom's up on the left. There's that, and that's always cool actually.

So yeah, the bathroom's up on the left, there's that room that's always on fire. Yeah, it's just next to the kill. Yeah. You got the pottery that he's sprueing, like that in there, that's good. That's good to go. These bills, clay. So, so, Perry, you're saying if you say that is rude, it is rude. Yes.

Shut the door and shut your mind. The conversation is shut your mouth away. Shut the door shut your mind shut your mouth. I think the conversation is, look, our stuff can't go into your room. That's a different matter. Okay, yeah. But if he's the guy who's bought the pizza rubber and then he's allowed to have it in his room. So what's the other thing?

Yeah, but if they bought the pizza oven together, it arrived, he put it in the room, was like, well, I'll set that up one day and she didn't realize. Does she have to have an inventory of the room? His room sounds much cooler than her room. Like, think about getting in that house, which room do I have a little luck in?

You don't have to go in this, the spare bed, it's always it The spare bed and clothes and books. Oh, poor. You're doing the same. Oh, could I have a rifle through your clothes? That's pretty good. Oh, thanks for showing me around, mate. Where did your wife keep her clothes?

I think... Oh, great. There's a bed in here as well. Give me five minutes. Foxten's have stopped taking my appointments. Oh, what are we going to look at today, guys? I'm watching the bedding here as well. Give me five minutes. Foxten's have stopped taking my appointments. What are we going to look at today, guys? Um, um, the, um, I think the answer to this, Mary,

is spice up your room a little bit more. Right. Get your brain out of his room, chuck some random shit, get a stuffed bird or something. Oh, yeah. The pizza oven will be damned. Look at this. Oh, yeah. The pizza oven would be damned. Look at this. Actually, it.

We have a minute more interest in the hot stuff. Start with a hot stuff. Oh, no, no, no. It's stuffed bird in a hot stand. Stuffed bird in a hot stand. I'm not a fan of that. I can dress this up with your clothes. I just think, you know, get a bit more spicy in your own room.

I'm just really glad you're putting all the wife's clothes on that stand. Whatever you hear, you're not coming. You're not allowed around my house anymore, back in the cross-mace for you. Back in the pink sort of. So I think you're actually, I think you're onto it again, there, Barry. I think you're right. I don't think you.

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think two black holes of crap is the solution. I think police, what goes into a certain extent, but also jazz up your own room. I think for the sake of your marriage, if you love something, set it free. But this is the spare room. It's not just her room, it's the spare room.

That's saying, loving something and setting it free is not the same as let your partner chuck a pizza rather than it. In the jug room, that's saying, nothing's something else, setting up freeze, not the same as let your partner chuck a pizza ruffin. It's in the jug room. If you love someone, let them chuck a pizza ruffin in a room. No. If they take it out. What is the problem then, the ownership of the rooms, right? No, no, let him finish that.

If they take it out, I've got a good host of them. They have their own room that's under their own dominion. Right. But after a period of time, say every six months, they swap rooms. Changing rooms. Changing rooms. Very, very, very good.

So it's on him every six months to essentially reset the room to zero. Yeah. A little spring clean for both rooms that involves them shifting everything across. That's actually good because it will make you think about about he'll either have a terrible day every six months, or he will have, you know, it's a little bit like doing your taxes yearly or quarter, isn't it? Are you going to have the worst ever January 31st? Every single year. Or are you going to do it quarterly? And it's sort of a bit of a pain in the arse. You have one really awful Sunday, you know, every, every four months.

No, but I do. It's what the rooms, every six months. I mean, this one, it is, it's different to doing your taxes on it because it is a purely arbitrary exercise. But I do think it's a solution to be a purely arbitrary exercise. I can say that myself bloody generous actually, to be giving them archery exercise. I've been to myself bloody generous, I've been to be giving them anything at all. I'm a real barry, you know? I'm a good-eck and a total mug. I think that might be the creative solution to the problem because I was going to say don't call either room your room,

but that's a better version of the same thing. Because there is a difference between, you know, that's my mess and I like that mess. Yes. And actually, the reality, which so much more often, it's gone too far and I can't be bothered to do anything about it. I've tried to rebrand that as part of my chaotic. I prefer my option though of like, fucking a raven and a dentist chair and be like,

look at my room, you know what I mean? Just go proper brick-a-brackst all in the entire house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, in which case then, I guess it's a vote because I'm with Ival in the Swap every six months. Paris turned the house into a shit hole. So we've got two votes, but we've got this compelling, it's a deciding vote for Clarky, or alternatively, if you decide with Perry,

we'll throw it over to producer Emma. I like Ivo's suggestion. Do you? Yeah. There's room for both of the ideas. It's good to turn. Turn. I'm not saying don't get a hat stand.

Don't get a hat stand. Where are we going to hat stand in a raven? I just think a hat stand says two. It's two out there, guys. Don't get a hat stand and don't not dress it up as your dead wife. And... With the face of a stuffed bird. With the face of a stuffed bird.

All the least things out. That will wear in my car again. Get out of my room, okay? And also, why are you referring to me as your dead wife? Sorry, she's alive because crucially, she wrote us the message. So sorry, Mary, for the time of writing. But not just dead naming you, but deading you. LAUGHTER

All right, in which case I've been cancelled and F and my vote doesn't work. And... Beef. Closed. Beef Salt. Beef from the side I can be! It's soft. Greetings, listen to the deer.

Sorry to interrupt your flat slam listening pleasure, but I'm here to just tell you about my solo show. Tom Perry, Pariochi will be at the solo theatre from 25th to 28th of March, and yeah, come along and enjoy yourself. Basically, if you're a fan of one third of the podcast, where it's just me talking, it'll be a bit like that, but don't let that put you off. Come along and have a good time.

Cheers everyone, bye. Be from the sun and I can be! Be from the sun! So, Ivo, have you got a problem with a flatmate that you would like, Fanshor standing to solve? Well, I've got a historical beef. I don't live with the flatmate in question anymore, but I've not completely resulted in my mind.

I'm a cold case. Well, in case reopened, the fact is I don't live with the flatmate in question anymore, but I've not completely resulted in my mind. I'm in my cold case. Well, in my cold case reopened. The fact is, I didn't know. Fansure. Bracket's Tom well enough to bring it to him at the time. Interesting. So I moved in with a very different, still one of my dearest friends in the world, but a very, very tidy man. Sure. And I would obviously describe myself as too far on the other side of the sort of perfect, the golden mean of tightness and organisation. I'm on the other side. I'm a bit of a mess.

But I would say my friend was also on the other side. Sure. We both had stuff we could learn from each other. But did we learn? Did we hell? LAUGHTER Now, I moved into the flat. And it was his flat. We both had stuff we could learn from each other, but did we learn? Did we hell? LAUGHTER Now, I moved into the flat, and it was his flat. So I was a much like Colin.

I was paying rent that was going into another man's mortgage. And, let's see, I've got no ego about that, but it does create a power dynamic. Yeah. A power dynamic. LAUGHTER And just to clarify, you were the weak one in the power power power power. Yes, yes.

As demonstrated by your sort of scary cap version of the phrase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't have a little leg to stand on. But he's also a lover of literature. And you know, aren't we all? But again, there are degrees to this thing. He had color coded bookshelves with lots of classics. I don't have a fear about color coded bookshelves.

It's a big, you know, like, is it useful to help you find a book? No, it's an aesthetic decision. It is an aesthetic decision. And to be fair, it looked lovely. Yeah, I mean, it does look lovely. But you get it right, it looks good. My mate added a DVD collection that was Colocote the other day.

Really? You know, it's, either and there you go. There is everything. It also has Cage next to a period drama. I think with books, because... Why is Nicholas Cage? He's certainly not in one. Yes.

Er... Is it... Is it... Well, about which film, is that a period drama? No, which film the wicker man? No, it's a witch hunter or some shit. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is it a period drama? No. No, Jane Austen's the witch hunter. The witch hunter. Someone's paying for the carbon. Someone's got to fund this witch. Right, anyway, let's get back into this. So when I call a code book shop. Now I too am a, you know, to a certain extent, a lover of literature. I've certainly accrued a few books in my time.

Oh yeah. And, and, and, and like a lot of casual literature lovers, I've read a few of them. I've bought a lot more than I've read. Absolutely. A lot of good intentions. Reading book is great. When you actually do it, a lot of the time it's a bit unsure. Why read it? Just buy another one.

Constantly opening new chapters on my literary life. Anyway, I brought this big box of books with me to the flat, and then I went out for the day, and when I came back, he had taken from the box all of the books that clearly were deemed worthy of going on the communal living room bookshelf. Fascinating. So, a lot of them in to the...

Color coding. Color coding system. And then the rest were in, rest were in just in my room. And again, I loved Harry by the way for clarifying it in the room. In the room. In the room. I had a little room of celebrity autobiographies and other rejects that didn't make it into the communal space. And that was the thing. I loved and loved my friend.

I was enthralled by his, but by how many books he owned and had read and had sorted. And it was an honor to see a few of mine, you know, up there in the halloturf. But it still felt slightly invading in the room. In the room. It still felt like a slightly invasive and judgmental thing to do. And it made me feel quite ashamed of the vast majority of the leftover books that hadn't

made it. Yeah, I did. But I didn't really know how to address it. So I just sort of went along with it. When you moved out, did the books come with? The books did come with. So it was like, you just sort of been absorbed in you, like, I can't remember which ones of mine or which ones of not.

Oh, I feel fairly certain that I must have left a couple behind when I went just because You've been a couple of years, but also I he also did he did he did lend me his books as well Right occasionally I would they would get doggy and I would feel a bit embarrassed about that So I would just buy a new copy really you borrow a book buy book, buy a copy, and give him back the new copy. He's probably going to such a pristine comparison. Wow. Like a doggy book.

Yeah. It's kind of part of the show. It's a bit loved. And also, he's definitely read that one. Yeah, definitely read that one. I just go around just breaking all the spy in my books. Break the spines. Wacka bookmark at the last page.

Bumph done. Done. Highlight, a couple of random lines. Absolutely, a couple of random a few bits. Yeah, great. That's great. Put a review on Amazon just so people... Yeah, you know, there's a paper trail out there,

you know, people could see, yeah. Yeah. And then what's the film of it? Which is, that's now, you're now writing for the London Review of Books, aren't you? Which is, you're in real deep trouble. It's a good guy to feed. Yeah'm just going to skip to the end. There's definitely like pilot books by my bed that have come from the shelf to the

bed, they've moved up a league to the intention of being rent. Yeah, absolutely. They still don't get rent. Oh no. They buy the bed then. I've now got stuff that's piled on top of those books though. I like some of them like prop it up a mirror and stuff and it's not. So they're just part of the first one.

They are sort of now, so the intention of reading them would involve Tiffany's battle. Tiffany is a bad luck kid. Yeah. Seven years into it, not worth the risk. But of course we can't solve this problem, but Tom, would you like to go and get fansure? Come on, fan sure. Oh, he's on horseback, is it? Is it?

It's a lot worse before you got married. Ladies and gentlemen, after podcast. Oh, pleasure to be here. Thanks for asking. Listen outside there, Mr. Graham there, talking about his travails. I don't mind telling you, I'm a fan of the scripture myself. All right. Oh, a good Bible shouldn't have a cover. Not my words. The words of a man selling bad bodies. Never could afford those covers. It's a great message to have.

Here's about your tales, then. Reminds me of the stuff of a man. You probably remember him yourself. Went by the name of Harold the man. Well, Harold the man. Harold the man. They called him that for a reason? Big, big reputation. Lots of money, dear.

Horse. He lost his voice. No, no, no. He had himself a nice big horse, dear. Went by the name of Harold the horse. Oh my god. Get the child to tell the difference between how the man, how the whole town. Harold the man and Harold the horse.

There. Oh, right pair. Tron in a round town. There we all looked up to the man. Anyway, you'll probably remember the date times go a change in there. Harold comes back from the big city with some kind of noise over to Hill. What's he driving there? Beep, two toots. Harold the car. Oh, Harold the man there driving Harold the car. People coming out there this there? Ford Model T. What?

Incident the lack there, the devil's toss. That's what I call him. How was the horribly drunk? Go to a very bad patch. But anyway, good along story short, they're Harold the horse. Popsies head out the stable. What's going on there Harold, the man? I was talking to him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, now he says by his expression, oh yeah, you see it in his eyes there. What about me now?

He seemed to say, as I say, I was in a very dark time. Looking at this horse's eyes. I was reading in a lot of things. Well, you were on the horse as well. You had heraldatics for years. Harold the man had let me sleep in his stable for a couple of weeks. Just till I got myself back together, got the practice out. Bukes out to light.

Is that what lawyers do? Get their practice out? Yeah, get your practice out. I was getting in my practice out. Getting your practice out was why was getting my practice out. Getting your practice out was why you got struck off in the first place. No, no, that was never proved.

That was never proved. Anyway, there I was, standing in Harold the stable. No, no, no, no. When I heard the horse, he seemed to look at me and say, well, what about me now? Could a long story short, it got to about midnight, and I put Harold the horse inside that car. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

to this day, I don't know what I was trying to say. But Harold, the man wouldn't let me stay no more. Furthermore, I had to pay a hefty fine. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, so I may be that pertains to you, I have, oh, I had to pay a hefty fine. So I'm maybe that pertains to you. I'm, oh, I don't know. But what I'm trying to say is sometimes there's a man, sometimes there's a car, and sometimes there's a horse.

And I guess that's the way it should stay. Well, I'm off now. Holy cow. And it's been a real pleasure, Jens. It's been a real pleasure, Jens. It's been a real pleasure, madam. Enjoy yourselves and enjoy your day. Bye, everybody.

Oh. And he just collapsed at the end. He's passed out. He's passed out. He's passed out. He's passed out. I just cover him with some straw. He'll be all right.

He'll rest. He'll take him back. He'll be all right. So, I'm going to leave on the carpet. That's a leap on Harold the Carpet. Well, I've only had that solve your problem. Oh, completely. Yeah, good idea. Absolutely did.

Well, thank you so much for coming up. It was such a good, you know, there was a metaphor and there wasn't no sort of a thing. So yeah. Because my Harold, the man, were my good books and Harold the car was my friend's bookshelves. And Harold the horse was my sort of 100 most pointless things in the world. You know, my, is that an ebohemian ritual of biography? Sure, I know happy to know.

Can we get you in every month to decode fan sure stories? Because we feel like this is something we use. Even Tomlis understand them, which is amazing. This is like speaking tongues in church. Yeah, someone comes along and translates. Tomlis. Really impressive. Yeah, even when they're cracking those tongues.

I'll be playing the spoons. You be clacking the tongs. We're in a blacksmiths. The old blacksmiths church. Anyway. Thank you, I vote. Well, thanks for coming on the show. Thanks for having me on the show.

It was a pleasure. If you would like to send us any beefs, of course. Beefbrownspodcast at gmail.com. Yes. We would love to hear them. You could be like Mary, or you could be like Deirdre, or you could even be like Ivo. Yes, Ivo, have you got an email that you want to give out? No, I don't.

It's actually quite easily available if you dig around online. Worryingly so I think I'm going to go find it. Ivo.griamgmail, that's what I guess. Slot in the ear of my birth and you're pretty much there. Thanks for coming in buddy. at Gmail, that's why I guess? Err, it's slotting the ear of my birthday, you're pretty much there. LAUGHTER Thanks for coming in buddy. From the starting egg and beans!

So, that was the episode, isn't Ivo a good man? A good egg. He's a good, he's a good egg, and not a mugs. He's a good egg, he's no mug. And no mug. He's no mug. If you'd like to go and see Ivo doing stand-up comedy, he really is one of the absolute best out there

It's so good. He's got he's got an email if you can work that out email him and ask him when he's on I think I think I'm close. I think you were I think you were really close moments away I think you were close. He's only a matter of time one day will get that email I mean we've got his phone number. That's how we booked him but the email is the elusive That's the elixir You can't avoid an email. You can't avoid an email. You can't avoid an email. That's what they say.

You can't avoid an email and you can't beat an email. If you enjoyed the show, please leave a review on iTunes or more importantly, recommend us to friends. Tell your friends about us. We'd love more people to listen to this podcast because we have so much fun making it. We put lots of work into it and we would love it to be shared by as many people as possible.

I love listening to these podcasts. I really wish I could experience it live. Well, Tom, you're in luck. Oh yeah. I'm not going to lie, you're reading of that slightly through me, but I loved it. Thanks. You're in luck because we've got a couple. In fact, we've got three.

I don't know if you're lying. Three, you want to see a dot? Oh, it's cool. Oh. We've got three London flatslams coming up. We've got Tudor the 10th of March. We've got Wenzoghe 8th of April. We've got Tudor the 12th of May. And hopefully by then I'll have recovered from the eye roll that producer Emmett has

shot me on the last joke because it cut me to the core. So the first one, I'll choose it at the march. The guests for that are Matt Lucas and Jenny Beade. Ding, dong, what a fucking. Pretty exciting. And then on Wednesday 8th of April, we've got Joe Wilkinson. Waller, I've heard of him. And another guest, TBC. TBC's arrived.

Yeah, T. My favourite rapper. LAUGHTER You can't all rely on your eyes, that name. TBC's arrived. My favourite rapper. LAUGHTER You can't all rely on your eyes, that name. You're not going to believe this, but TBC is actually passed away. Oh, of TBC. RIP, TBC.

RIP, TBC. And then the twilight, what it means to me. The twelfth of this is just supposed to be a quick one, Tom. The twelfth of May, we've got a guest who is hanging in the balance, but we're very exciting if we finally get to book them, so that is very good. We're also doing a couple of shows at the Maconclood Comedy Festival. So go to Maccomedyfest.co.uk. We're doing one on the 2nd of May, which is the Saturday at Midday.

We're doing one on the 3rd May, which is the Sunday at Midday. We're doing one on the third May, which is the Sunday at midday. Guests, again, we haven't yet. Well, we've got a couple of them, but I've got a couple of names I really want to book before I start announcing who else is doing it. There's always good people knocking out of March. There's always good people knocking around Mac. That should be very fun.

So come along to those. If you want to get your tickets for the London ones, it's ticketexed.co.uk, forward slash, Pappy's, hyphen. Flatshe share, and it's maccomedyfest.co.uk to get your Mac tickets, and we will see you there. But listen, amongst all this had been, let's not forget how good a joke, the R.I.P.T.B.C. find out what it means to me was.

But most of all, thank you for your continued support. We really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Yeah, do you know what, your good eggs are mine. You know what, your all good eggs and none of your mugs. None of you are bloody mugs. Speaking of people who aren't mugs, this episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. The best egg. That's what I'm going with. The absolute best egg. The best egg. Sonny side up. The results are in. The results are in egg of the year. Can we go to two? Egg and caution.

Egg and caution. Egg, egg, egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma.

Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma.

Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. Egg, ma. It's starting off with the tribute. It's something terrible. Some sort of weird NHS Direct. Anyway, cheers everyone. Bye! Please behave yourselves. We've had several complaints in recent days about the behaviour during this week's Patreon neighbourhood, what's wrong with you? We've had some preemptive complaints about the behaviour.

People are expecting the worst. Let's find out. Well, I can tell you why. Oh, yeah. Because this fella's involved. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's right. He's from Hogwarts.

Oh, exactly. No wonder they've been complaints. Certainly he's from Hogwarts. He was in the Sawing Hat ceremony. Of course he was. And they said, this one's a Gryffindan. This one's called Gryffindan. He's a Gryffindan. He's going to Gryffindor.

He's a real Gryffindan. Don't quote me. I won't. Mr. Lee Wolfenden. I tell you what, there have been several complaints about this, but I'm so sorry. Several complaints about this problem. You're never going to guess what? I'm glad I came with this one.

Yeah. He went into the grocers, he was like, again, dropped his kecks. Oh, he knows, not good. He started, well, he fucked every piece of fruit, you can imagine. Oh, absolutely. He started to come and quatt. He fucked a cum quart. He really put the cum into the cum. He was a quart when he started with it. He was a quart when he started with it.

Before his squat. He was just a quart. He fucked a banana. He fucked a lychee. But the worst thing was, he fucked a giant peach. Oh, no. Hens his name, James. It's James. I fucked a giant peach, leech.

Well, I'll tell you what, you won't believe this. Not more complaints. Is this going to be a reference to a children's book? Because we started a really strange theme. Pressures on. Precious on Clarky! Is it Danny the champion of the world? As he fucked the world. There are big guys going solo.

There have been complaints. Oh, old James fucked the giant peach. He was only in there with his mate. Oh, no. And of course, of course, the fuck the giant peach. Yeah, I didn't know him. He was only in there with his mate. Oh no. And of course, of course, the shop owner. Yeah, absolutely furious. You would be. He's like, you've got to compensate for this.

Ha ha ha. At the very least, you've got to pay. But of course, this guy, he won't pay. Ha ha ha ha. But of course, this guy, he won't pay. Because it's Gordon Hodson, right? Famous he won't pay for his mate's foul at the beach. Bad news, guys. There's been a complaint.

Notting off the complaint. No, another complaint in advance. One of our listeners pulled the big friendly giant's pants down. One of our listeners pulled the big friendly giants panstand. PUSHED HIM OVER A HILLUK. Ran between his legs, pulled apart the cheeks, and had a really good look. Yeah. That's right.

We've got to talk about our behavior. It's Natalie Cook. Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook.

It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook.

It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. It's Natalie Cook. Oh, she stayed for three nights. LAUGHTER You never could ever leave this, but... That's a big, great place. That's perfect.

This one actually comes from Mr Von Trapp. Oh, yes, Mr Von Trapp. Yeah. The captain himself. Yeah, the captain himself. So you know after the kids had all sung so long, farewell, I'll be you saying goodbye. How are you, I remember it well.

And they'd all gone to bed. Of course, it was the right time. It was the right time. All the adults were around. I can't stress that enough. LAUGHTER Erm... And er... Oh, she'd been invited to the party.

Oh, she'd loved the scene. She'd got on the list. She'd managed'd been invited to the party. Oh, she'd loved the singing. She'd got on the list. She'd managed to get somehow, somehow get into the party. She's very close to the Nazis. She was at the party, and she thought, a bit of fun. I'll fuck the cake.

Oh, no. That's so wrong! That's how she's doing a reverse cow girl girl on top of this red velvet. And... She's having a great time of it. And a few crowd has gathered their waterplotting. But Colonel Von Trapp rocks up and says, my kids are sleeping upstairs.

I'm about, I'm about to sing Aidle Vies. You already changed the tone of the night. Yeah, one of the 16-go- Going a cake and f***ing a cake. It's like Natalie Cook, she had an anal voice. A anal voice. Oh, well, guys. Oh yeah, you won't believe it. No, no, no.

I'm so sorry to tell you. We've had a complaint. Don't tell me it's been a complaint. It's been a complaint. It's been a complaint. I thought it was. All of our listeners, is it? Well, George.

What? George? You know, I'll George. Oh, I might. He spent so long on that marvelous medicine. It's a wonderful medicine. It was great medicine. Yeah. It was. You say. It was great medicine. Yeah.

It was so we like about the dark web. You can get some great medicine off your job. It's marvelous medicine. Real, absolutely marvelous medicine. But of course this guy comes along. Sticks his little dick, right? Oh no. He's swirling his teeth to get out of the marvelous medicine.

It's not what I'm making you grow, is it? George said. It's swirling his teeth to get out of the marvelous medicine. It's not what I'm going to make you grow it, is it? It's worth a try, is that it? Draw said, give that a stir. Not like that. He calls the stir. It's through a bit to an absolute rage. Of course it did. Of course it did poor George.

You've actually wrought a Thomas page. Oh, you're right. A real tweet. And that concludes this week's Neighborhood Watch Roll Call! Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-b Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to act in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Four things. It's the like theaters, December 15th.