Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Joe Lycett S11E02

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Joe LycettJoe Lycett - https://twitter.com/joelycettPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetWe're actually live! Thanks to our friends who run the internet, we'll be beaming into your houses yet again, catch us on the 21st January Tickets available here - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-w-arron-crascall-and-felicity-ward-tickets-136352246239If you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pinch punch first of the year! That's right listener dear, we're recording our first flat share slam down live and you can be in the virtual audience. Yes we would love to see you there it's going to be on the 21st of January that's a Thursday evening we're going to start at 8pm and the way it works is you buy a ticket, you get a centre link and you get to watch it live as we do it on YouTube. We're doing it over Zoom, you watch it live from the comfort of your own home. So go to eventbrite.co.uk and search for Papi's flat share or go to our Twitter or to our Facebook. All the information will be there. We'll probably even put a link to it in the show notes of this show. Absolutely right. They're always loads of fun aren't they

Clarky? They really are. Hello everyone, I'm here too. Clarky's here, cut, come on Clarky, what are you going to say sorry mate? I was just going to say you know a Thursday night it's a great way to start the weekend. I love starting the weekend on a Thursday night and this is your excuse. At moment. You may as well start like with the way life is going. You may as well start the weekend on a mountain. You might as well start in the week. We'll be starting the week for you on Thursday night. Yes.

We've got the fantastic guest Aaron Crascals, star of YouTube, who is going to be great fun. We're really excited to have him on board. We're going to have another really exciting guest that we've yet to capture, but we shall. I'm out with my butterfly net, but it's really tricky with social distancing, you know. It's gonna be an extra long butterfly net, but I'll capture another guest. You'll see who that is very, very soon.

Good news everyone, between recording this advert and putting this episode out, we managed to confirm the lineup for FlatShest Landon. It's Aaron Crascal and the brilliant Felicity Ward from Live With Your Pollo and the second in-between this movie. It's gonna be a cracker, link for tickets in the show notes. You'd be mad not to! We'll see you there. Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom.

I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode the first of the year beef brothers cold cuts Oh, yeah, oh Baby pinch punch first of the year Absolutely right what a treat we have for you today It was a delight to welcome back one of our dearest An oldest friends in comedy Mr. Joe Lysit. Yeah, Joe Lysit is our guest today.

Now, before we get started, just a few, we had a bit of Zoom trouble with Perry at the start. So Perry comes in a little bit late on this. But we had a great chat with Joe. He's just one of the nicest people you could ever hope to spend some time with. He's just a lovely guy. I still think the first time I met Joe Lysit was when we were gigging at the LARMATRY festival

with him. Yes. And that was when I was trying to wear a wig without referencing it for Halloween games. So I forgot about that. Yeah. The first time I met Joe I was wearing this terrible wig and just didn't reference it until the next time I saw him and I was like, I'm so sorry I was wearing a wig that the whole time. He's like, yeah, I thought you were, it was really odd. But also you put that on, we were on our way to the Larmetry Festival and you put it on before we got in the car. So before the journey began and you were like, this is what I'm going to do for the whole weekend now I'm going to wear this wig and just see what happens and all that happens really is I

You probably didn't see this because they were by standing behind you, but I was constantly we would be watching bands and people would be nudging Their mates and pointing at you and that's what happens if you wear a wig I mean not if you were a good wig, you know, but this was, this was like, it was like, it was like, a wherzal gummage. Yeah, it was like a toesop wig. It was like five quid or something. It was a joke shop wig that we had cut to look like Clarke's hair for a sketch that now no longer look like Clarke's hair. And, but you know what, a lot of fun to come on stage and perform the opening song and then say thanks very much remove the wig like it's a hat and put it back on always good just

to dop to dop your wig is a really never the wigs my favorite never never not entertaining for an audience oh thank you very much wig comes off we go straight back on. Oh Absolutely. You two will go as you listen to this episode Yeah, thanks so much to you again. Well on the other side of this we'll tell you all about our patreon for those of you that aren't patrons but in the meantime enjoy the podcast Well, if you've got a problem I'm calling a problem if you've got a problem podcast I think parry says he's restarting his computer. It's all gone a bit peaked on good to hear the that expression back in 2021. It's here the nice nostalgic

expression parry's just never left the nine things How does Pete Tongue himself feel about the phrase it's all gone Pete Tongue? It's a good point. I mean it's the toss up between it being iconic because everyone knows, you know, if you're caught in rhyming slang that's that you become an immediate icon don't you? But then do you want to be as if to be going wrong? Well that's it, we presume that he's happy with it. It's like going for a Brad Pitt.

Well I don't think that's super seeded Brad Pitt. LAUGHTER Yeah. Do you know Pete Tongue had his first kiss with Vanessa Felt? Er... No, I don't, but it's the sort of thing that when you hear it, you feel like you knew it all along. It's always been there in the back of my mind.

Yeah. And that, yeah, he had his first kiss with Vanessa Felt. I bet she's a great kisser. I mean, she's a wonderful all-rounder. I... yeah, she's a great kisser. I mean, she's a wonderful all-rounder. Yeah, she's a fantastic broadcaster. I've always loved her. She was on a radio for thing I did and she was brilliant, really like combative in a very funny way.

I did an improvised sitcom with Trinian Susanna back in the day. And she was one of the, which she was in an episode and we had to do a scene together. And she was brilliant, but at the end of it, she stole my lunch. She literally was like, you know, I'm sorry, I'm just taking all this, I'm taking this and just picked up my lunch.

I'm just out and end is. And not in the input, we'd stop the improvisation, the camera's stopped rolling, it wasn't like she'd done it as a bit. We'd just, we'd have quite a sort of, again, like it's a combative sort of improv scene. And she ended that, she drew a line under it by picking up my lunch, she was squawking off with it.

Fair play to her. Good old V felt. So, you know, that's the hell of a million. That's why she's where she is today. Oh, no, that's what I was saying. She finishes every exchange by taking it all the time. That's not what I meant for Vanessa. Well, Joe, thank you so much for coming on the show.

A pleasure. And now, obviously, we don't have Tom with us at the moment. No, because he's trapped in the internet somewhere. It was quite scary what was happening to his face on that Zoom chat. Yeah, I got a few screen grabs which I will add to my dossier. Your zoom failed dossier, you carry around with your all-time. Yes, yes. Or just your Tom Perry dossier. Yeah, no more likely the latter, yeah. Yeah. It's growing, it's a big dossier, actually.

I've got one on each of you. Oh really? Oh, no, I'm not worrying. There's a lot of long lens of you Ben. Ah! Ah! Ah! Getting around that of out. Off to that seat today. Oh, he's meeting with more than one other person in the park as he is. That is not what I wanted to say. Is that dog ink? What is going on over there?

I, you know what? I wouldn't mind. You know, obviously, you go, here he goes. I know, you know, in a spy movie when they hand the dossier and it's got a photograph, it'll be four photographs of you getting out of a car but it's making the same photograph and they'll show it in kind of, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

Yes, and they're always black and white and they've got a bit of grain on them. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I wouldn't mind. They look quite cool, they look quite sort of, everyone looks stylish in them, don't they? This is what I'm thinking. Apart from, have you seen,

I'm not sure I should mention it, have you seen the pictures of Steve Wright? Oh, when he has to climb out of his car. Yeah, yeah. Those are the sort of dossier pictures I collect. Paul wants to see you for right, because he's had trouble with his weight, hasn't he? But he's been back and forth with his weight. But he got to a stage where he couldn't drive his car into the garage,

open the door and get out. He had to climb out of the boot. I don't think it's a weight thing. I think it's the size of the car to garage ratio thing. Oh, right, I thought it was very neat. It's a very basically in order to get it into his garage. I think anyone would struggle to get out of it. And so, presumably he just wanted to store it there for a little while. Who knows, but there was a pap outside, and he literally opens the boot and climbs out of the back of his own.

Because the alternative, I suppose, is pushing it in, but then you can do the handbrake, so yeah, no, it's the only way to get out. Does it look like the car's giving birth to Steve? Yeah. Yeah, he's sort of wet with oil and wiper fluid. Kind of in my head, I'm imagining it, like the Delovasaurus scene from Dresset Park, where he's like, scrabbling around in the rain.

Yes. I'm going to Google it on my phone and show it to you, because it is, it's an image. Well, while you do that, we're joined by Tom Perry. Perry, how are you doing? Oh! Oh! Hello. Hello.

I can see movement. I see movement and also his video looks good but it doesn't look like... I see that. Oh! Yeah, you know what you're absolutely right. You can see there's no space for anyone to get around there. No, you could be. It's not a weight issue, it's a range-roguer issue.

Well, I apologise to Steve Wright for bringing up the weight factor. It's purely that he's just got a small Gary. He looks quite nimble really when you look. Oh, yeah, does actually. It looks like he's been pretty good there. I can't help but think if he got a smart car he wouldn't need to do that. Exactly. But if that thing is though, then there just be a photo of Steve Wright getting out of the smart car and that will look funny as well.

So it's tricky, isn't it? It is tricky. It's tricky when you're Steve Wright. There's no right way to do it. Oh! Lovely stuff. So, let's go. I'm do it. Oh! Oh! Lovely stuff. So, let's go. I'm going again.

He's off. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. So the first thing we hear him say, you're all afternoon. His parry shutting down Clark, he likes you loves to do. It's the only thing that gives him power.

It's the only thing that gives him enough power to do. Parry's just slammed the boot on me. Hello everyone, are we off or are we in? Sorry about that. Hey that's alright, don't worry. Are you recording yourself? Yeah. You sound like you're coming to your, you sound like you're coming to your headphones rather than my phone. Oh yeah, my, my, my, my, my, my, okay.

You could have shot it on. Shut up again, Clarky, for God's sake. Oh, that sounds crazy. That would be great. Right, Clarky. I'm sorry, I might have to just sound like this. Yeah, that's like a... Can you turn your sound up a little bit? Is that possible with that as loud as we can hear you?

I don't think I can do anything. Okay, no. No, to your system preferences. Okay, it can Jesus, and preferences. Okay, come sound and look at the input. And can you get it higher if you can do that? I'll try my best for you, Joe. I'll give it a really good go,

but I'm struggling to find system preferences. I presume you were on a Mac, but if you're on a Windows PC then I don't know what to do. I'd say what? I genuinely think we could get that to number one, because there's so many people who are probably struggling with their parents and connected to Z-Core. Yeah, and the producer says I can fix this in post anyways. Well, to the listener at home, they'll already know whether that is true. So, let's get ourselves started. Joe, great to have you on the show.

What sort of a person are you to live with? Standing. I was described by a woman I was dating as an old woman to live with. She knows she was dating Joe Lysett. Did you think she was actually dating Dave Thorecker? We are one in the same Matthew. Interchangeable me and Thorecker. Basically, I like to kind of make it homely and warm. I like particularly in lockdown. I've been doing a lot of baking. You know, put a nice fire on.

There's a nice fresh sourdough. Right, the stair lift. Get up in the stair lift. Why the piss off? What do you bake, Joe? I was doing a lot of bread in lockdown one, and then got old, chub, chub, didn't I? So I was doing like banana bread and all that kind of

cliche stuff, but I've started making these crackers that are kind of low carb I suppose, and you make them with psyllium husk, and I just love the word psyllium husk. Well I love them peaky blinders. Okay, what have I made? Car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car-car I am weirdly, weirdly Joe. Two of my friends got in touch with me in the last week and a half to say,

I just spotted Joe Lysit. Someone said, I've just seen Joe Lysit in Black Heath. He looks very hungover. My friend Mark. When was that? I mean, I've been in black. This was pre-locked down through. Oh, yes.

So, yeah, I was stayed with a friend in Lewisham, so we went for walks on Black Heath, yes. And then my friend who lives in Birmingham said, I saw a guy like, I think he lives around here. So you're a very, you're a very spotable guy? Well, the thing is, is that I wear ridiculous, I actually haven't gotten in the room with me, but I normally wear a ridiculous coat,

so I don't make myself speak. Is it like a big purple one with a headscarf? Yeah, I've got trolley bag. I've got purple, I've got one that makes me look like that character in Monster's Inc. Like it's like multi-colored. I've got one that's just full kind of like a bear. Yeah, so you're beautiful.

I am quite spotted. You like to be spotted. I got a text from my friend saying, I've just seen Joe Lysit. He's put on so much weight from all the bread. He's got to get out of the boot of his own car. Couldn't, is that his that true? Is that the expression of the bear?

100% true. Yeah, it's either Joe Lysit or the bloat from the Revenant. I don't know what it is. Why, mate, text me saying, I've just seen a beer getting out of Joe Lysick's car. Like he'd eat Tim. All true. All of these reports are true.

None of it is fake news. It's great to have a little bit of show, but it's gossip at the top of the show. And Sean, Sean, Sean, we crack up with some of the beef that our listeners have sent us. Yeah, really, Sean. And Harry, do you want to start off, please? From anonymous via beefbrothers at gmail.com, get in touch.

Dear beef brothers and guests, I live in an apartment building in the north. My beef is with one of my neighbours. Let me write this down. Should I do this in a north of the accent? Um, I... Yes, please. Well, I was going to say no, so the deciding vote goes to Joe. North of the accent or nay. Yes, please. My beef is with one of my neighbours. At best this neighbour is well meaning but at worst he's virtue signalling deceitful shit of a man. Actually I stand correct and it does leave feeling awful next time.

But I don't want to prejudice the beef. I don't want to prejudice the beef, not yet. In September 2019, I was doing a big clear out and had an ugly armchair to give away. I turned to the building's Facebook group and it was snapped up in a matter of minutes by this neighbour. He said, the charity I work for can make use of this. We have an old gentleman who has no furniture, this will be ideal for him. This is standard practice with this guy. If anyone offers up something for free, he'll be on it within minutes,

saying it's for charity, and on the off-chance someone claims before him, he will still ask for it, with an accompanying tear jerker, brackets, homeless mother, with hungry kids, etc. Clearly, in an effort to guilt the first claimant into relinquishing their freebie for a more noble cause. Wow. In the case of my chair though, he was the sole responder

and I was glad to be rid of it. 15 months later, December 2020, I'd left Facebook by now, but some of my neighbors continued to send me screenshots from the Facebook group, because let's be honest, it's been a dull year and local drama is funny. One screenshot, one screenshot really caught my eye. The neighbor was now looking for a lodger and attached a photo of the room.

Oh, here we go. Oh, this is super. Would you believe it there was my old chair in the corner? The chair I was told was destined for an old man living alone with no furniture, but it had never left our building. The general character of this neighbor is not on trial. He's a top tier douche goblin. LAUGHTER

And a five there is. He's a tier five, good toosh goblin. And that there is no question, but if you'd like examples, I'll include them too. Exhibit eight. Tom, can I stop you just one second? Did you see that Emma's asked if you're on the right mic? I should be, yes. Oh, sorry. No, I'll tell you what.

You know what? She has, she's actually asking me that question not you And the answer and the answer is no, I'm not so I'm sorry Real professional out for these days job That is bad that is bad Oh my god. Tight chip here. Really strong stuff from the puppies. That is bad news everybody. I'm so sorry. Oh, he said amazing. Yeah. Guys, look at that. So nice, that sound. I know. It's not maliuus now there you go Oh look at that so nice Let's get it into a more bath

It's like turning on Radio X Okay so let's start again, Joe What kind of a flatmate are you? Okay I'm gonna give you these two examples. Right. Exhibit A. The week before the first clap for carers, he posted on Facebook that as an NHS worker, the idea was silly and pointless. Then weeks later, after it had become a national event, he reminded everyone in the building

that he worked for the NHS and would appreciate it if people stood in their doorway when applauding. All our front doors open up when internal shared common area. Applauding this way would have meant facing him and not out into the street with the rest of the country. Oh my god. This guy is an absolute legend. I fucking love him. Is there a beef here? Yeah.

I mean, do we just say this guy's awful and that's it? I don't know. He's really winning me over. Yeah. It's too much of it. It's so hard. Exhibit B. The police visited him for a suspected party during lockdown too.

Oh no. He turned to the Facebook group to vent, saying, I showed the officers my NHS ID and I explained I would never break the rules. Sorry for the post but as you can imagine, I'm upset. Weeks later, I noticed a group sex party being organised on Grindr, which was both close and very much against Chris Whitties' advice. For fun, I created a fake profile and got myself an invite to confirm my assumptions. It was at his apartment. So clearly, he'd never break the rules unless

it involves a truckload of cock. Which is, I'm sure that's everyone's motto, isn't it? Should I be upset that the Labour lied to me and kept the chair? Am I the victim of a deceit? Or should I just be thankful the chair was taken off my hands? What I'm truly getting at is, can I add this to the list of all the other awful things he said and done? Or is it not strong enough? Here's everyone by, anonymous, but if anyone in my building listens, I've already incriminated myself several times over.

Oh yeah, my guys. I actually had so much of a truckload of cock the other day I had to get out through the boot. God, the visual imagery for that is I don't really know what to do with it, and I think I'm about to come. So the basic, our friend anonymous here is asking, is he in the right to be annoyed about the chair? Or is this guy such an asshole that it's a drop in the ocean of him being a toss-pot? I think of course you're upset, it affects you directly.

Yeah, and also it's accumulative, isn't it? This sort of thing, like one thing here and there with a neighbor like that, you're like, oh, I can let that go. But it very much adds to a sense of the character of this total dickhead. Yeah, he's really kind of pieced together a collage of a massive dickhead there with all of those stuff he's done. Yeah, I mean, I can't believe the little side story that he just tossed off at the end there of.

I set up a fake profile on Grindr to go to his set up. I can't believe that isn't the big beef and then the side note is by the way, he hasn't given a chair Because there's so much going on in this story. It's pretty incredible, isn't it? I haven't yet. It's a stounding stuff. I love it. The one thing you could do though is what you could do is you could organize a British heart foundation because they will come round and pick up your furniture, right? If you've got furniture you want to get rid of, the British heart foundation will, you can all realize Don't get me starting on that. I was trying to get rid of a wardrobe the other day and they they came rounds

Eventually and then they were like, oh, you done have instructions for it? What's that was a wardrobe? The other forms like to fill out two different forms. Like, we can't take it unless you've got instructions. I was like, the wardrobe. We're just opening the door and like website. I can't, and they've been naïve. Taking it apart, because it was like an IKEA wardrobe

and all that I can do. I thought it was just, yeah, literally just. Cold handle. Cold handle. Put clothes inside. I take drugs at rock modes on bodies. Yes. You just throw the clothes in the bottom of it. Well, what's going on? Oh my word. So you thought you were making

their job easier by trying this more drips at work every time? I've been climbing at the feet of this wardrobe. I think what you should do is this, right? I think you should turn up to, you know, the film Amadeus, where there's a lot of mask stuff going on. Yes. I think what you should have done is turned up to his grinder sex party, put in a sexy mask, and then get next to the guy and adopting an accent say let's do it over the chair and then you kind of bend him over the chair. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, I'm not saying this should play out. That's my chair. One of the worst things you can say during love making, I think that's my chair.

What? I think your plan's a bit stronger than a range of British heart foundation. You can go to camera and take the chair. I've got to go ahead and pick it up. A range for the British heart foundation guys to come and pick it up but instruct him to wear a mask. And I'm in over the chair. And ask for instructions.

Here's an idea though, was the guy doing like a joke of going, it's going to an old man who lives on his own and doesn't have much furniture, and it was just a low key description of himself. I think you could accept that if it wasn't for the fact that he does this every time there's anything on the Facebook group. He's not also a single mother on benefits. He hasn't

got a variety of sort of alter regas and nicknames for himself. I've got a fresh bombshell to throw into this. I bet you 20 quid this guy doesn't even work for the NHS. He's already mentioned three times, my NHS ID card, my NHS ID card. This man has forged in NHS ID card. I've done that. I've done that. There's perks to it. I've done a couple of brain surgeries.

Why not? I like what he said about the local drama is funny because I, and wholeheartedly agree I'm obsessed with the local WhatsApp groups and Facebook's. I'm on all of them under pseudonym so people don't know who I am. Yes, I could so imagine you doing some good work there. On my local area of Facebook group,'r gwasllol am ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn ymddoedd yn fwy'r gwybod ymddoedd yn fwy'r gwybod ymddoedd yn fwy'r gwybod yma. Mae'r fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy' fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy'r gwybod yma yn fwy and from the same person. I can't tell if all of my shirts' shirts look different. So are you taking samples? Are you tasting?

I mean, how are you testing this? From the same person. Like it's kind of a new fad. There's a few people doing it. We got like a slightly lower key thing going on in this house because I'm currently living with my wife and mother in law and there's always a floating poo in the toilet and so one of us does floating poo's but maybe all three of us are doing floating poo's but very much I think the narrative in my head is one of us does floating poos. Yes.

Whoever it is, is probably, isn't it high fiber, a flota? So who's... Who is the best? It's the... Tom's a crack in the bowl. He's whiffing the guy. Why have you brought Gong into the toilet? Why have you brought gong into the toilet? So basically what you've now done is you've outed your wife or your mother-in-law

as doing floating poos. Look, they both listen. It can talk to the side place. Weirdly that's our next beef. I'm going to beef here from Tom. And by the way, that's all he's eating. Tom the bowling ball parry. Right, what's that conclusion here then, guys?

Well, is it an asshole? Yeah, I mean, anonymous, I think you are absolutely within your rights to feel aggrieved about the chair. And if you want to do something about it, I would say either the very mild suggestion of organizing a British Heart Foundation delivery, for it to be taken away, for the much more extreme one, of going eyes wide shot on it. I'm happy with either of those. But we'll leave that to anonymous to decide. I mean, if it's anonymous, they can surely just hack his account

and give all of his stuff away, am I right, guys? Oh, you think it's the anonymous movement? It could be, it could be. It could be the brookie that's queuing on, couldn't it? Could be that guy. Because it does actually... So, we didn't read the last bit of the email, but it does say that we've been to the pedophile.

So that's the... We left out the letter, he said, the whole phrase is phrases we are Legion. That's my chair. I was probably getting rid of a podium on Facebook. Big solved everyone. Solved. Solved. Solved. Big brother's dawning at your beef. Solved. Solved. Solved.

Be from the sorting at your being solved. Joe, would you like to do yours? Yes, I've printed it out. Oh, wonderful. Hello, puppies. I've listened, subscribed, and patrionized you from the very beginning. Have I pronounced that right?

Patrionized. I guess so, yeah, yeah. But now, in a new low for our relationship, I must seek your advice. I like any sensible person, have a few groups of friends who I used to keep resolutely separate, lest I have to explain the differing personalities and backstories I had docked with each group. Following my wedding a few years ago, I let my guard slip, reasoning that the disparate groups had vaguely met now,

so it all must be fine. This complacency lasted until, on a fateful night, out a few months ago, I let two small groups mingle again. And two of my friends from different groups ended up hooking up. They are now in a fairly steady relationship, and I, beyond my facade of delight,

feel dreadfully exposed. What if their stories of me don't match up? What if I keep having to mix groups from now on? Who, even am I? Is it time to go on the run again? Should I encourage this union between two people I have admit, I have to admit to liking? What if it goes wrong? I'll have to pick a side. Is it wrong to hope for an early personality clash and an unavoidable breakup? Regardless of your answer, you've been my favourite life jacket in this ongoing Sea of Despair. Thank you, Nick. That's nice, isn't it? Oh, lovely message from Nick. A lovely message from Nick. Beautifully written from Nick. And it was. We get that a lot from our listeners.

We get very beautifully written emails. We're always quite surprised when they display any signs of intellect. Oh my God, you're erudite, you're intelligent. You listen to us, oh my word. He hasn't been written and chews crayon. It's amazing. Oh God, it's delightful. Well, Nick can not be more delighted that when the National lockdown was declared recently, he must have been absolutely cocky-oop about that. It's thrilled. But again, let's... They've already slipped into each other's bubble.

Well, this is, I mean, if they're hooking up, then yeah, maybe they're already bubbling together. The... This is an interesting question we're asking here, because how drastically different do you think you are with different groups of friends? I mean, what does that do mean, well, Joe's very different with his NHS co-workers.

Yes, I am. He's got a lot of these co-workers. Yeah, I'm normally in drag when I'm doing that. LAUGHTER I have to be because the past I stole off an elderly woman. So, of course, yeah. My surgery time I was with Dr. Josephine Lyce, I'm feeling quite confident about it, actually, I course, yeah. My surgery tomorrow is with Dr. Josephine Lyce. I'm feeling quite confident about it, actually, at the end.

I'm confused! Missed it! He's a fling surgery! We'll get that brain out of your head, don't you want it about that? Sorry, I'm not my microphone off, I'm an excitement. I think I'm a shape shifter in depending on where I am. I think I'm depending on how much bread you've eaten. Yeah, I think isn't that quite common with comedians?

Yeah, you sort of blend in with the personalities of the people around you a lot of it. Yeah, because you want to be liked, so you sort of fit in with what you're done. And I think that's fine, isn't it? Like, that's okay. Yeah, that's a good thing. It's one of the stressful things about I'm planning a friend's stag do at the moment. And they're quite stressed about the idea of everyone coming together from different areas and it's one it's one stress I never thought about when we got married a couple of years ago is everyone from all walks of your life are in one place at one time and for

someone who enjoys compartmentalising things that is a weirdly stressful event. Yes. Well you had two stags didn didn't you, as well? Yeah, I tried to have, I wanted to have eight different stags, very small, compartmentalised. I mean, you almost did. But, you know, it's why I think it's quite good, no one attends their own funeral because that would be very stressful if you have everyone from your life in one place, whereas. So, it'd be more stressful for the people who weren't you. If you suddenly show up at your own funeral, that's gonna freak a few people out, isn't it?

Hop out the coffin and say hello boys. Can you guys not talk? Because I was very different with you than I was with you. I still really struggle if I bump into someone who I've slept with, Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r when I'm sort of looking for people to sleep with, I choose people who are as far out of my social circles as possible, so that there's no, there can be no trickle back of like, oh well in bed he did that, or whatever it is. Because I am quite classic.

That's kind of classic, don't shit where you eat, isn't it? Yeah. Which is why I do it on the street of your area. LAUGHTER I wonder if it a steering that. So do you go on very long journeys to sleep with people then, Joe? Is it like you travel to an oil rig and things like that to get far away? Just try and get far away from social norms. I've got another friend who's spotted me on that oil rig. Blowing him an oil rig.

That's the trio of Joe's love thing. You're very excited about HS2, aren't you? You can't wait for it. You're one of the few people who've got this, can't happen too fast. It is really, it's a really interesting dynamic that show, because if you're that third person, you also can pick up on that vibe immediately. When you're with someone, they're like, oh, this is James and you're like, well, you two

have slept together. It's like, there is such a funny chemistry when you're with him. You're like, oh, this is my friend, Sarah, and you're like, oh, and I really think you've slept together. It's like a really good one. That's the thing. Because I've never slept with a comic. Oh, no, I've slept with one comic, actually. Um, I mean, hi, Jimmy Carr, if you're watching.

I mean, I'm sorry. But I definitely don't sleep within the industry. I don't think so, not much. Don't sleep. I don't think so. I don't think so. It's been so long since anything's happened that I'm sort of going back through the roller

decks. Well, if you're listening to Eurocomedian and you've slept with Joe, then get in touch. Yeah, let's see. Remind Joe. This is where I discover I've fucked everyone and just locked it out. Yeah, there's three people here incredibly offended by what you just said, actually. Are you a matchmaker though, Joe? Because that's kind of what we're dealing with here is the stress of like very recently, my wife and I, a friend of hers and a friend of mine kind of came together

and it didn't particularly work out, but while they were together, my wife found it a little bit stressful. I found it, I always think, are great, here we go, but then it is weird, it is a weird thing being a man. Well, I was in this very situation actually. I held a dinner party about three years ago and two of the people there ended up being Mae'n gweithio, mae'n gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweith thing. So I don't think it really, I think I totally understand what Nick's going through because I overthink things like that all the time, but actually nobody cares because

they're all probably doing the same thing when Nick's mates are probably going, oh god Nick's probably seeing me in this slightly different way because I'm in a relationship now and whatever. So if Nick's listening, I would say, just chill the fuck out, you knob. I think actually there is that's that's a really nice piece of advice, not the way you phrased it necessarily. Do a small bit of punch up on that, but apart from that, I think I think the notion that they are getting together, Nick, and chatting about you, you don't have to worry about that, they're not. You know, like most, you know, the wonderfully freeing thing is that most people right now aren't thinking about you. And I'm not talking to Nick,

I'm talking to everybody. Yeah, I'm looking at Nick. We're talking about Nick and I'm not thinking about Nick. The other way to think about it, Nick, is they're both your friends. They both like you. So when they talk about you, it's going to be positive. That's all that's right. I always assume that. I always think I've got two friends there together. They're having sex.

They're probably saying, what a great guy, Thomas. Yeah. Yeah. The two things you say during sex, what a great guy Thomas and that's my chair. The two things we're... Err... You're gonna wear that mask the whole time? Do you think we could just clip up Joe saying just chill the fuck out about it and just

use that to solve every beef for me? He's just... Stop overthinking it. chill if I can't. Yeah. I think that's, I mean, that to me is beef solved. Because, yeah, it's absolutely fine, Nick. Don't worry. And the other thing I will say, Nick, is if that couple go on to get married on their wedding day, you get that very unique thing. A few people have it where, if you're the person who introduced those two people, oh, you're cock of the walk.

Yeah, you have like a wedding day where it's like, you are genuinely like, look what I make. And it's an amazing feeling. You're like at my special day. You know, let's talk about, you just, you know, I've been with a friend of my Vicki introduced the couple who got married and I was kind of next to her in the church and she could barely contain that energy. The whole day, she was kind of like, well, of course, you know how they met, didn't you? She just wanted the whole day. I wrote it the day to just know, this is my work, actually, look on my work, everyone. It's like it's the incredible feeling.

Yeah. Oh, that's really sweet. It's like, yeah. I reckon beef's old. Beef's old. Beef's old. Do you know the fuck out? Yeah.

From the suning I can be beef's soft. So, Joe, do you have a beef you would like us to solve? Yes, that's it, let's hear about it. It's about my flatmate, my son, Winston, who also happens to be a cat. Okay, the start of the first lockdown, a friend of mine said, he didn't word it like this, he said, I need to get rid of this cat. He has a way to say, Hank, and some bricks.

LAUGHTER I've got to get rid of this cat. Do you reply, look, I work for a charity. I know it all, but I can't. LAUGHTER That's my cat. I know an old brain surgeon who would love a cat. LAUGHTER

Um, so I said, yeah, I look after it for a a couple of weeks and he stayed ever since. I'm allergic to him, but he's become a great friend and so I put up with the constant breathlessness and inability to see out of my eyes. And anyway, he came back the day before Christmas Eve, covered in mud and limping. I wasn't sure what had happened whether we'd been hit by car or something, whatever. I checked the friend of mine who's a vet and he said he's probably fine. He's probably just got into a scrap or whatever, just keep an eye on him. And he was eating and stuff so that he wasn't too worried. And he slowly recovered, so I let him back out again.

And then he came back again, limping again, looked like he'd been in a fight, horrible. And I've discovered that there's a rival cat, which I've got footage of the bastard, as I'm calling him. And there's obviously a turf war going on. Oh, do you cat's being bullied? Uh, yeah, I think he is being bullied.

Here's the, it's a horrible noise. It's like the cobra cat. Can you hear that? I'm glad you're going that way with it. Oh dear. Horrible noise, isn't it? That's bullying, isn't it, that's bullying isn't it? Anyway, so I, the previous owner of said cat popped around the other day and it was really sinister because he just, I was telling him about this and he just pulled up in the car and I heard the car, I didn't

have any music on anything so I just heard this car pull up and then I heard something go through the letterbox and then the car drive away and it was an envelope and in it was a BB gun and some dreamies. And his solution is that I should shoot this other cat with the BB gun. I'm not sure that's sensible. Since you gave me the BB gun, the local WhatsApp group has posted a picture of Winston. And somebody says, does anyone know this handsome fellow? He's coming to our house every day

and being very vocal at the back door. Twice he's managed to get in and steal whiz bits dinner. We are not feeding him or actively letting him in. I'm just a bit concerned that he's been out in this cold weather and he's looking for somewhere warm to hang out. So I think that other cat is whiz bit

and Winston is going into the whiz bits house, eating his food and whizbitt is quite rightly attacking. So you've got the bully. So I think I've just got the, I've got, but I hit my son and I'm gonna shoot. Whiz, you can't. You can't. Have you found a meal of drillies?

And just gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. It's like a mison men. But I've just instead... Think of the mice. I think of the mice. Winston, I'll just stroke you. Think of the mice. Look at those mice we're going to get.

Pump, pump. There we go. Oh my God. Yeah, it's brutal. But I've since heard that he's going into other people's houses and eating their cats food. So he's obviously got like a... I'm feeding him loads.

I'm full pack of whiskers a day and I've given him loads of bread I Oh no! I dare you! The poor cat's a celiac! I'm just imagining him like sputtering it as well. You're allergic to each other. That's really made me laugh. Oh no, for bread!

I can't eat a sandwich. It's an inherently funny image, isn't it? It is! Oh man! God! So I don't... So he's my flatmate and he's... It is, it is. It's really, really. Oh man, God. Right. So he's my flatmate and he's causing a lot of luck. I don't know what to do. He doesn't have a cat flap, that's one thing.

So in the cold weather I let him in and out. And then in warmer weather I'll leave a window up, stay as open and you can go out a bit, freeze as the house, so I've not been doing that. So I don't know whether to get a cat flap and then he'll be able to come and go a bit more as he pleases and can access his food whenever he wants. Or have you owned up to him on the What's Up group? No, because I'm on that What's Up group under a pseudonym. So they can't know that it's me that I'm on there. Because the politics, I'm on quite a long road,

so the politics of the road, it's kind of fascinating actually, but I don't want to get involved. I don't want people to know my number as well, obviously. Although I'm on that WhatsApp group on a burn of phone, so it isn't my number anymore. Oh! This is like a warrior.

This is a very convoluted beef, you have to tell your friends. Guns being delivered to your door, you've got a burner phone. Yeah. This is... It's a food in him. Yeah.

Also the cow. It's a cow breaking bad kind of stuff. This is unbelievable. And your cat's stealing from other people's houses, is this? You're running a cartel, is what's going on here? A catel. A catel. So, yes, that's my beef.

I don't know, I mean, do I shoot the cat? Do I keep him indoors? I mean, that is an option. I think I'd go keep him indoors before shooting. I think that would be, yeah, don't go to the park to do it. I think, I mean, again, always, always a classic, it's a bit like chill out, move house, solve any beef with move house, move house, get a divorce, chill out, if one of those doesn't work, I can't help you mate. It's not good, try bumming him over it. Try bumming him over it. Yeah. LAUGHTER

I mean, could you... Yeah, I mean, do you want to make him an indoor cat? Is that the... But then it means that that's punishment to you, isn't it? Because it's punishment to both of you, really, because they can't get out there and, you know, go and have fun and play. And you have to deal with the fact you're... Get out there.

Go and have fun! Live your life, sir! Have you become emotionally attached to Winston? Yeah, I have, I really have. I've become one of those people, I thought it was not going to kill him! LAUGHTER I mean, this microphone. No, I'm not for discipline, though.

I'm not for being kind of from, you know, a tough, a bit of tough love. But the problem with him is they're just idiots aren't they cats so they weren't, he weren't learn. I mean the only thing I can suggest is you just feed Winston until basically he doesn't want to leave the house. Yes, you know, really chubbed up. Just getting properly, properly, you know, leaving by the boot of the car, which as we know, it's the cat flap of the car, you know. It's like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha because you're not giving enough dinner. Unfortunately, I think you've got a really feet, you've got a feet up Winston. Okay. I think that's two packets of whiskers a day, is that?

I think what you need to do is get one of those, get one of those dispensers that looks like a kind of gumball machine that's constantly dispensing dry cat food. So there's never a time when he has to mute at you going, oh please, have a nice dinner whiskers or another pot. Sash air whiskers, just get a constantly, like I get a, like you know, if you go to a posh party

and they've got a chocolate fountain, it needs to be that, but with kitty treats, just constantly flowing. Maybe I've got us, I did have a flat mate, he moved out, while he's sort of still, it's long story. But there's a bathroom that he would have used. I could fill that bath with whiskers, couldn't I? Yeah, exactly.

And then you can just hop in the bath whenever he wants. Again, it's like breaking bad. Did you shoot your host mate? No. I was checking. No. He sort of moved out. He's here.

He's not under the carpet, is he, Joe? No, I wouldn't have put him under the carpet. That would be the wrong place. That's definitely where I wouldn't put him. Okay. He's very much alive. You can check with him. He's just over here.

Hang on. I'm going to say hello to everyone. I'm fine. See you there. There he goes. He does sound fine actually. And you know, it's just another burner phone to cover that all up again. Yeah, just nearly.

Yeah, dealing with all these WhatsApp's. And the solution of feeding them all, that actually might be... I'm thinking it might be the practical one. It's a good practical one. Yeah, I'll try that and see what happens. It wouldn't harm to just give WizzBit a little bit of a BB, just a warning shot across the bat. Yeah. The other thing is you could bait over it.

You know the scene in bait over when the little kid is being bullied and bait over and shows up behind the little kid and the kid thinks he's actually sort of convinced the bullies to go away. That's what you need to do. Dress as a giant cat and the next time Winston goes out for a stroll, just trail after him a little bit and then when when WizBit comes and tries to sort of you know do a bit the old Southpool then you show up big cat and just go I can leave it you know exactly Winston gets a boost

of confidence yeah that'll certainly get the text messages flying in I think I saw your friend Joe Lysit the other day. He was just, he's just, he's just, he's just, he's just a taboo. Basically, this whole episode has been, Joe Lysit is a furry. LAUGHTER He got his hat in very as Fink. It's all true.

LAUGHTER Well, in which case... Well, I'm not gay. Beef and podcast solved. LAUGHTER Thank you for solving my beef. Joe, thank you so much for being on the show. It's been a real pleasure having you, even though our attention to tech has not suggested that.

But thanks so much. Is there anything you want to plug? This is going out this Tuesday, so it's this week. Oh, yeah. Is there anything coming up? I mean, no one's got anything this Tuesday, so it's this week. Is there anything coming up? I mean, no one's got anything going on, but so. Not really. I'm sort of working on a few sort of art things. It's going to be a way off, I think. But if people are interested in anything I do, then on my website, joelicec.com,

you can sign up to my mailing list and that's where everything, I put everything first. So first dibs on tickets to stand up and everything goes on there. I was very privileged to see an original Joe Lysett in December because you gave Josh your Wayne Lineker portrait. I do. It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. I was very pleased with that because I didn't think I did that on another podcast actually on I forgot what the podcast is called. Was it an immigrants? I'm trying to remember what it's called the podcast. Comedian podcast. Ah, people podcast. I know. And I was sure. Secret artist. Thank you. Yeah, was an immigrant. It's really fun. And while I was painting it, I am because I was talking as I was doing it, I thought this could be shit.

And then when I looked at it, I was like, oh, actually, I've sort of captured him quite well there. Do you think the distraction unlocked something? Maybe, no, in the way of your trip, if you're trying to come up with an idea, so I was going for a walk or just doing something different. Do you think, actually, the less you think about it, the more you can channel. Maybe, yeah. Yeah. But Josh didn't really have to do it. So he's mounted it on the walls.

That's a good sign. Yeah, it's delightful. It really is. Thanks so much for being on the show. It's been a real, real session. It's so nice to see you all. It's been years. It has actually not been years.

Yeah, it has. And I feel like, yeah, I've missed you guys. It's been a pleasure. Cheers Joe. Let's talk about it. Bye-bye. Bye-bye a pleasure. Cheers Joe. I shot a funny. Bye bye. Bye then. Bye then.

We're from the starting of your beat. Welcome. So you go. Sorry. It was lovely, wasn't it? It was. It was lovely. I talked right over you there, but it was a lovely treat. Oh no, it's fine.

It was lovely treat. I mean, the podcast, not me talking over you. I mean, I get that treat every single day because I talk over everybody I'm awful for it. It's a treat I treat myself to I'd say 45 times an hour. Just ignore. Stop thinking it as a treat. It's a little treat I enjoy once in a while. You've got to treat yourself don't you?

Clarke, if I could just interrupt you for a second, I'll say, it really is. It's a wonderful treat for me. Not for the listener at all. I've had emails about it. We don't read those out on the podcast. So we thank you very much for listening folks. And as Perry said, if you haven't already joined the Patreon, now is the time to do it.

Because it's a great time to join the Patreon. It's a great time to join the Patreon. Oh It's a great time to join the Patriots. Oh my God, yes. Because not only are we putting out bonus episodes, three bonus episodes a week, we're putting out three bonus eps every single week of a very, very fun flat share lockdown and some bonus beefs, we also have now, if you join for $2 and above, you get the first 50 episodes of flat share lockdown. It used to be only the five dollars and above patrons. If you join it two dollars you get the first 50 apps straight away and come on let's face it we've all got tarpawner hands now right? Yeah absolutely.

What a bargain, what a new year bargain. And yeah once you join the Patreon you get to be a part of the Patreon community there's lots of messages flying around there. We read out a lot of emails on the flat show Lockdown. It's its own show in its own right. And it's its own community as well, if I could just talk over you for a second. And there it is. Oh my God, it's so much fun.

It's so much fun. Anyway, go to patreon.com for a slashbappiesflash. I'm gonna shut up for the little little this last bit. Oh no, don't, the pressure's on there. Yeah. Clarke anything you want to add? Of course, absolutely nothing at all. I'm told so for a reason. We've become so used to cross-be-talking over us that if we're left our own devices to finish our own sentences, it actually gets rather... It's...

Yeah, I was gonna say it's almost... You know, it's... I'm killing myself over here, guys. What are you doing to me? You smoking the monster out? Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham G... Cheers, everyone! Bye!

A please be upstanding for today's neighborhood what's roll call? La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la I shit through the eye of a needle and then I pass that needle to my friend Ali McEl Well, hello my friends, thank you for that story I to have a story that I'd like to tell you now One time I For your story One time I was doing I now after I'll start again Miss story hopefully no interruptions. I don't want to be passive-aggressive, but this is quite a tricky one to do. One time I was making love and I was told to fuck faster. I was fucking too slow, I was fucking Simon, fuck master.

I'm just like, oh fucking Simon, fuck master for us. Well, I was doing it all myself, but if there was any residual enjoyment, I am always happy about that also cursed in English. It's really thrown me, you for throwing pen off the center. We've also thrown him off the ship, the poor boy has thrown it. I am now in the water, drowning, drowning, drowning. I am shouting back to the ship, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. There on the deck is my friend, Sean Conroy. He won't pull me up, but he will fuck me faster. Thank you for your tail, Ben, you really told it sweetly.

And I gotta tell you, something was right now. I stood on a boat and I pushed it off the ocean. I couldn't see. The room was very darkly. Then I turned around and said, this isn't a room, it's the ocean. The person standing the ship was the asshole Richard Barkley. Well, thank you for that story of the time you confused the see for a room.

It really filled my heart with joy. If I had to describe that story, I'd say it was sweet and nice. And also someone who fits the description is a lovely, and he priced. Thank you for thanking me for for thanking me, how about the story? Also to bias on Nacker over to you, Ben Clark. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's in the water again. He's not stopping from drowning. I think he's only waving.

Let's let him carry on. Oh, boy. Oh, the sweet, sweet drowning. Let it come for me. Down to the bottom, I go. Oh! Try and drag him out, maybe you could proper a sandal. I'm gonna borrow one off, math you Campbell. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Sorry, Clarkie, we interrupted you. You can do the next one. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, here they am! Here in the lovely ocean! I tell you what! I'd like it if it was harder. Never mind, maybe I'll be saved by Michelle Potter. Never mind me, boy! Never mind! Oh, hey, hey!

Thank you, clock, and for your help. I'll tell you the tale about the time that I was on a boat, and I carved a new figure to be at the front of the ship. It was quite a graphic image of me and an elephant getting quite pally, and it was really offensive and someone fainted onto Christian Dali. So I don't have time to get peace. Oh, what a... Time.

And thank you. Well, thank you for thanking yourself. It never goes unnoticed. Let me tell you all of the tale the time I climbed the riggin. I was on the cross nest I was there with Christopher Biggins. I had a wonderful peace of course. Oh, Christopher Biggins was there to greet me. I said, Chris, can I have a lovely hug? He said, of course, a rapier arms around me. I said, I'm gonna rap and grab your love, handle. He said, last person to do that to me was Joe Randall. I thanked myself and him and I also thank Tom. I also thank Rory Smith and Peter Dobson. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thanks to Rory Smith for creating such bliss and thanks to Peter Dobson and thanks to Michael Craig and from the Thin Blue Line, David Hague. Oh, my God. and from the Thin Blue Line, David Hague. Oh my! Oh well, thank you all of you. Thank you all of you. Thank you all of you. Thank you all of you.

Thank you all of you. Thank you all of you. I was on the deck. I was scrubbing it vigorously. Thank you for doing this. It really was great, great. You almost lost your marbles, you gave them to Laura Sharples, but tell us about this, tell us about this deck you were scrubbing I can't wait to hear the tale

I didn't see the deck he scrubbed away I was facing Oh, oh wish. And the captain is Alan Smurger Smith. Land the whole boat! Fio! Heep hoat! Thank you, lad! Hold what you roll, Hiko! Hahahaha! Yeah!