Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Kat Bond S12E29

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Kat BondKat Bond - https://twitter.com/KathrynBondPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] LIVE SHOWSCome and join us at the Phoenix, Cavendish Square on September 5th and 6th as we perform another classic Flatslam double bill.MONDAY: ANIA MAGLIANO & ALASDAIR BECKETT-KINGTUESDAY: JEN IVES & WILL DUGGANTickets are £9 (£15 for both shows)Don't forget you can get a £2 discount with a patreon membership!MONDAY 5TH SEPTEMBER: ANIA MAGLIANO & ALASDAIR BECKETT-KINGhttps://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-ania-magliano-and-alasdair-beckett-king-tickets-403189800547TUESDAY 6TH SEPTEMBER: JEN IVES & WILL DUGGANhttps://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-jen-ives-will-duggan-tickets-403193521677COME TO BOTH SHOWS ON THE 5TH AND 6TH FOR A DISCOUNT https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-on-monday-5th-and-tuesday-6th-september-tickets-4031816662179th October at The Cheerful Earful festival in Balham - https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-4Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Matthew. No bend this episode at all. He is out and a band, aren't you, no? Australia, of course he is. He's out in the back in Australia. He's growing our international brand. He's out there working the other side of the world. He's working the antipodes. But this is, of course, beef brothers, cold cuts and we've got a superb guest cat bond is our guest The brilliant cat bond you directed to one of her Edinburgh shows didn't I did I directed Lou role her show in Edinburgh a few years ago, which was I thought was absolutely breath. She's brilliant She's really she's so unique. She's so different. She's not like anybody else

You you'd see on the circuit and yeah, I've always thought she's absolutely great. And yeah, and also she's got like, she's just such a, yeah, she's just a really, well, you'll find out as you listen to the podcast. Yeah, I've been in the unique personality and that really comes across. Now, obviously, the last episode of House Meeting, I started with a, with a request for beefs. Yes. Thank you to everybody who sent in beef. We've had a ton of them in, but we've had a couple of very, very smart ideas about how we can broaden the remit of the podcast. The first one came from a fellow called Stuart Lennon

who suggested that we open it up to, you know, other beefs outside of the flat. We leave the flat once in a while, because there are plenty of people here who, you know, maybe they live alone, they've got no beefs with their flat mates. Maybe they're not in a flat share situation So so tell us we're gonna do one not in this episode but from going forwards We're gonna do one free range beef So if you've got yeah if you've got a beef that is with literally anybody at all right a beef in the world

Outside of the house? Yeah, absolutely. Right. So each episode we're gonna do one that is, you know, you've got carte blanche. I think- Have you got a shopkeeper who gives you the willies? Have you got a bus driver who gives you the arsehole?

And, you know, what's the worst, why, you know what I'm talking about? You know we're after. And I think as well, let's make it from your life. In the same way, it'll be flat share, but you can't just say, oh, that celebrity off the telly really gives me, you know, gives me the hump.

It's gotta be more from your own life, but we'd love to hear your free range beefs. So that should be in the next episode we do, you should hear some free, at least one free range beef. So that should be in the next episode we do, you should hear some free, at least one free range beef. It's beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. So get in touch with those beefs. We're also doing, we're also doing two September flat slams, right? The tickets are going to be on sale. I mean, I've not put them tickets on sale yet, but by the time this episode goes out, there'll be links in the show notes.

I've booked a handful of fantastic guests. Haven't worked out who's gonna be in which episodes, but so far we've got booked the brilliant Annie Magliano who is smashing in Edinburgh. The brilliant Gen Ives who's also smashing in Edinburgh. And the fantastic Will Duggan who is smashing in Edinburgh. Basically, I was looking at who is having a great time up in Edinburgh. Crosby took a stroll up to the Soul Noteboard.

I just said yeah. I'm having a load of that. Let's have a few of them. We've still got one more person to book but hopefully they'll be booked by the time this goes on sale. But yeah, it's the fifth and sixth of September. So yeah, get yourself tickets and... Jerry Sadowitz. Good. Peace. Good. and 6th of September. So yeah, get yourself tickets and shall we settle it? Could be, could be, settle it. I've not heard much about it

in recently but I haven't read the papers today. So let's let's wait and let's wait and find out. I can tell you now it's not going to be Jerry's ad-its not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. So yes, the links to those shows will be in the show notes. So grab your tickets as soon as you can and come along and have a great time. We always have a fun time at Flat Shest then. Oh, I can't wait. Really looking forward to them. It's great to be back as well.

Obviously, Clarke's been away in Australia. It's going to be great to have the three of us and our pals back in a room together. I'm looking forward to it. Should be really good fun. Will Clarke have adopted the accent? That's the big question. Absolutely. Well, if you're a fan of adopting the accent, parry attempts it in this episode,

so that's something to look forward to. This is the brilliant cat bond with a superb beef brothers cold cuts. Enjoy. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a beef. If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you from the zoning I can be. Cat Bond.

Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Great to have you on. Thanks for having me. It's a real treat. It's a real treat, it really is. Tell us. Now obviously we're going to chat about other people's flat share situations.

What is your living situation? Do you live with anybody and what kind of a person are you to live with? So I live with one other person, my partner, but I live in a flat. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I live in a flat, sorry. I do, please fill in the gaps.

I live in a flat, but I live in one flat, but it's a flat of four so we feel like we actually live with the other four flats and because we literally hear everything. I really. Yeah. We essentially bought this flat humble brag with them like I feel like we should have got together and been a co-op a night seat you know we should have got together. I'm been a co-op and like see,

you know, we should have connected and see how we get on and stuff because yeah, we're essentially living with them. And how do you get on? Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say that. I'm bearing in mind they can probably hear you right now. Well, actually, I just checked because they're messaged downstairs, which is the main kind of sharing that is being done are actually a way. But we get on okay, I'm think I'm quite a confident person but actually I'm

quite shy with them, I don't know why. Both of them are very very beautiful downstairs, they're a boyfriend, a girlfriend. How do you mean by beautiful downstairs? They're beautiful, like, BGD. But the people downstairs are beautiful. It's a both-to-there beautiful downstairs. That's good to see you. Now, wanting a scare to them, they're walking around with no bottoms on all the time. Can you add us to the show?

It's not great, actually. You're some fro your keys in situation. Big, never seen their face in the face. So you're like, what have you seen? I love. It just, it does feel quite intimate because they've got a jacuzzi slash paddling pool, like a posh paddling pool downstairs. And in the summer months, obviously you need to have the window open and it's next to our bedroom.

And our garden downstairs, we're on top of them. And they started to build up, having sex, talking dirty with each other. In the jacuzzi. So I think it's a great idea, you know, when they get hot, they're in the jacuzzi and the padding putt, so we can hear them filling it up, so we know what's about that.

Cat is a host like that at the moment, what's going on? I know and they do use it very frequently but I'm not one to judge, I'm a lover of a bath, but seriously so they started chatting. And then we rehearsed the windows open so we were trying to shut the window but we didn't want them to know but we could do it. So we're slowly slowly trying to pull the window to in the fear because as soon as you sort of you know when you pull the window to and you clunk the handle down. They know. It says something doesn't it? That's a statement that it's a real it's a real mood killer as well. Well, I don't know but they're into it because it's part of me that also thinks it's like, they know we hear them have sex frequently. Like to the point in which you're just like, is that the fox is no? That's not the foxes. They're an athletic couple. Yeah. And I feel

like they're quite show I feel like they're show boating a bit. But that's just me. But yeah. So that's the been the major thing a bit, but that's just me. But yeah, so that's the been the major thing, it feels like very, very intimate, but apparently they can hear everything of us as well. Not out, I don't know about the naughty stuff, but they can hear us like going to the whee and like everything. So it's that, it's that, it's that badly built, you know, we've made a really bad investment. It's all I'm gonna say. If anyone would like to buy a cat's flat, we'll put the zoopler reference in the show notes. If that's all right, sure, it's very really surprising. I'm quite interested actually. Harry shows up with a pair of binoculars. Keep that window open. Keep it open.

Keep that window open, keep it open. It's very strange to be that kind of, you end up knowing someone's hours, I think he's a gamer and he's got a really bad voice and I've really felt the rage with him before because obviously I work really with hours and so you want to sleep at different times. So it's just very, very, so that's why I think I'm a bit shy with them, because I feel like I've sort of been a bit of a voyeur.

You know, that documentary about that guy who did live on top of someone, and he did have a camera in a hotel room. He lived on top of a hotel and he had a camera. So I feel a bit like him, and it's not my fault, and that's not my vibe really. That's not really what I mean to it. Are you filming them, be honest. No, no not at all, but I'm very shy when I see them and my partner's really chatty and

that's got their number and stuff. Yeah he's got his local on us and he's popping out his dance. Alright guys, Rufritidler. He's empty in the pool, yes. He's feeling the pain. He's feeling the pool. Have you thought about white noise? I've been thinking about white noise a lot because I've been looking after quite a few

friends, kids, like quite a few mates, who are also performers and have had kids and then obviously you can't stop. Will you guys know, you can't then suddenly just stop working. So I've been doing a lot of kind of, can you just walk around the block whilst, you know, I do this McCain's voice over whatever. And I looked after my friend's little boy and she had the white noise on.

And I was sort of staying the night and it sent me, I started hearing voices in the light noise. Oh no. So like you're brave. Your brain hears the thing that's supposed to block out everything and it ramps it up to 11 instead. Put something to it. It started hearing, I don't know,

I think probably it was the tiredness and stuff, but yeah, it sort of sent me a bit crazy, but yeah, I might get some white noise, that might be that is a good idea. They do brown noise as well don't they? Do I? I thought brown... no I think of the brown note. Wait what's brown note? I'm also thinking of the brown note because that's exactly where I brains were.

Are you familiar with the brown note? I mean I think it's a powerful but apparently there's a brown. It's a brown or a weapon. Right. Oh what weapon? It's like an brown. It's a brown or a weapon. Right. A weapon. It's like an arrow. It's like, it's like an arrow. An arrow.

And like, you hear it, and it makes you sort of lose your bowels, basically. It makes you voice yourself. Oh my gosh, show it's used as a way to be a weapon. It's a way to be a person. It's fascinating people, yeah. So the idea is that the Russians have the idea to play it through massive loudspeakers

on the battlefield and then the enemy would all shit themselves and then they could charge them. They could charge at them while they were in the wet wipes. That is incredible. That is incredible. That is incredible. That is so powerful. I don't care how well trained you are. If you're on the, you know, you're manning the kind of machine gun.

And then suddenly you go like, not only like if just you shoot yourself, but if everyone around you shits yourself. Shoot yourself. Oh, there's no way you're staying sharp on that trigger. No, and also the army tuck their trousers into their boots as well. You don't even shake it out, great escape style, can you? There's nothing you can do. Oh, you're catching it, that's,

and then probably when people would be sick as well, because it's now. So hang on, is this what we're suggesting to Kat is that she discovers the brown note and fires out the monster in the paddling pool? Oh no, because what? What happened? Once that's happened in your jacuzzi, you're not going to stay together, are you?

No, I'm not. You're going to walk. It's going to really kind of take the edge off. And that would be a good name for a podcast, wouldn't it? The Brown Note. That's a good, yeah, I think not be awful. Yeah. What's Brown noise then?

I think Brown noise is, I've heard of it because like everyone in comedy, I've just had an ADHD diagnosis and they said to actually, it helps with concentration. Oh. Apparently, how did you- Would you sound different to white noise? Cause white noise, I thought white noise was just,

it's like TV static, isn't it? It's just like shh. Yeah. Can I think? I'm just like, shh. Yeah. Can I think? I'm imagining a didgeridoo time, a bassy, a white noise. I'm imagining it's just a long raspberry noise. It's just like,

that just constantly playing. It distracts me so much. I tell you, we were talking about Edinburgh before we started recording. I was up for a preview week and you can play ADHD bingo this year. 100% It is it comes at about the 40 minute mark in so many people show this year It's just like everyone's kind of not mentioned the pandemic

So it's like their 40 minute moment is like I've got Yeah, so is everyone else I've seen on the fringe. It's like, it's been a couple of days. It's been a couple of days. It's been a couple of days. I've seen, and I've done it on the podcast. Clang, I went in Mac, that was the same. I was literally just writing it down,

so it made me think, oh, just I'm just not going to mention it, but I just have now. We're from the Sony A and B! All right, should we solve someone else's problem? Shall we have a look at some of those? Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Let's do it. I'm eager to help. I'm happy to help. Is our solution every time going to be the brown note? It's just why you're so surprised. We're going to have to resist that now. Well, have a brown, you know, I think you can use... It's like a joke, it's like a joker in a pub quiz.

You can use it once, all right? Yeah. One of the things you can solve using the brown note, but it can't be the solution to all our beliefs today. It's like a Joker in a pub quiz. You can use it once, all right? One of the things you can solve using the brown note, but it can't be the solution to all our beefs today. Yeah, okay. Tom, do you want to start with the one that was sent to you? I do indeed, Mystic Vision Beef from Owen via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com.

Guys, get in touch. We love it when you do, and we're always short on beefs. Anyway, Mystic mystic vision beef from I mean high puppies and guests Cat Bond my wife is very spiritual brackets think Lusander's vibe Okay, yeah, okay, yeah, I'm believes that when she meditates she has visions of the future I have a science degree and obviously don't believe in it, but each to their own. My problem is that she always describes the visions to me in great detail. Starting with the phrase, I know you don't believe in Mr. Butts.

If telling people your dreams is considered annoying, surely detailing meditative prophecy is a hate crime. Thanks for all the content. I love listening to you guys as I grade oysters on my little farm down here in Tasmania. All the best. Owen. Oh guys. Can we just deal with the very last bit first and then go back to your problem. He's great. He's grading oysters on a farm in Tasmania. Yeah, it's pretty cool. This is the thing, our listeners contain multitudes. You touch so many people, guys. We've touched so many hostages. Emotionally. How do you grade oysters? I mean, I guess, I'm guessing by size, right? Presumably. If you're getting a plate of oysters, you want them to all look kind of off a piece.

Right. Is it a bit like, you know, in the factories where they sort of put chicken breasts together, you want it to look like they're all kind of the same-ish size? That can't be only in using these science degree to just put oysters of similar sizes. Using a ruler. To use it in a marine biologist.

Mm. Yeah, maybe... Maybe there's a hotel town science in terms of shape, look, colour, personality. Oh no, he doesn't strike me as someone, anyway, yeah. But I think how incredible, how incredible. I think running a noise to farm and having a science degree, they do slightly go hand in here, right? Yeah.

You know, the quality of the water and what it's doing to the local. Can we get some oysters? I would say if they're going to be sent from Tasmania, it might not keep. If we've got a list here in Witts-Double, who wants to send us, I'm very mavy, but I would say, probably don't pop them in a jiffy bag. I mean, no matter how many stamps you put on that, they're not coming out any colour on the green. Oh, yeah. Fair enough, fair enough.

Also, you know, Cat would only give them to her neighbours and that would only cause even more problems in the year. That would be a slight issue. I did once just get oysters on the beach and thought that I could chuck them myself from Whittestable and gave my family food poisoning because they ate it. Wow, oh no. It was really bad. Let's not talk about it. I think I wish you'd not bought it up.

I think, no, I mean, the thing I like about oysters is I used to go to a Noistabar, weirdly, when I was a teacher, we used to go to a oyster bar as like a special treat because we were right by Canary Wharf and it was the oyster bar in Canary Wharf. What, you know? Bouchy teachers. Which is actually more showbiz than anything I did since I joined showbiz. But, you know, I'm a podcaster, so there we go. But I appreciated like any food that served you by a man wearing a gauntlet seems exciting doesn't it? You know, you'd have a chain male gauntlet and have like a sort of a big sharp pointy metal stick that he would use to shock him with. It just seemed like a, you know.

It's an immersive, it's a dining experience really isn't it? It really is, it's like the 40 towers dinner they do. Very similar. No oysters there. No oysters allowed so yeah I was gonna ask cat on the on the on the loose under scale of I guess into things like psychic visions where would you place yourself with zero being our friend Owen and ten being his partner. I think I'm probably about an eight.

Right. But I'm an ill informed eight. I'm just very open. And actually if Lou says, Lou's given me some advice before and I've just gone to see that person. I was like, I just very, very kind of, yeah, open and just if someone tells me to do obedient. I'm a very obedient spiritualist. Very easily

manipulated. 100%. 100%. Here's how I feel about this. I think what we could have done with is a bit of a handle on what these visions of the future are going to be. Because I do think, I think there's something very different about, you know, saying I've gone to a different realm. As opposed to, I've seen what's going to happen here. And it's like, what I'd like to know is like, does she ever come back and say, Everton are going to win 2027 Cup Final? Yeah.

Like, is it, is it, is it? Oh, we're in nice celebration, basically. Oh, we're in this like, a bit of town and, yeah. Yes, are we in, are we in, are we in Almanac territory? Are we in like, oh, the streets are full of water and palm trees are growing out of the buildings

and you can't go, well, I can see where that's come from. I like, I'd like to know how specific we're talking about with these visions really. If the streets of water presumably, she's been to the year 3000, right? Yeah, that's right, yeah. I know it's thinking, hello, oysters again. He's thinking, he's thinking,

he's thinking our busy is gonna be. Things are looking up for us. I think I know me. Waterworld, the currency is literal oysters. Here's what I think might have happened is this dude is not steep into a science degree. He meets this incredible woman and then the morning after they first consummate, she says, I've had a vision,

the streets are gonna be filled with water and he thinks, fuck the science degree, I'm gonna become an oyster farmer. Yeah. And she's actually setting on the course. Yeah. That might well have happened. That's an incredible journey.

He stresses it, yeah, yeah. I also think, like, the way he finishes where he says, like, I know people know, no one wants to hear other people's dreams. I guess that is largely true. But your dreams are, your brain's way of processing your concerns and, you know, your anxieties. And it's like, you know what your anxieties and it's like

you know it's like it's like your brain deep-fragging at the end of the day. Yeah. So you know you kind of do want to share your dreams with your partner a little bit because they might go all the reason you're dreaming about that is this is what's bothering you. Yeah and that could open things up in their relationship and he needs to shock that oyster basically. Imagine if her vision's like, I'm gonna leave you for a rugby player. That's right. Yeah.

Like, are they picking it away? Are they picking it down easy? Are these personal visions? I think that's what I'd like to know more of on this because what is the prophecy basically? I must admit, I do find that statement that way says if telling people your dreams is considered annoying, surely detailing meditative prophecy is a hate crime.

I'd argue that meditative prophecy might be more interesting than dreams because dreams feel very like you said, cross be very personal and you go, oh okay, I get it, you're scared about the meeting that you've got coming up, whereas this prophecy, it could incorporate all of us and then you kind of go, hello, what if for me? You go, what if my partner's some kind of, you know, what's the name's Samantha Morton

in, you know, what if she's a, you know, like, like, like my narrator report. Yeah, exactly. What if I've married some kind of perfectic, a modern nostradamus? Yeah. Yeah. Then we're talking. This is it. You don't want to be, you know,

you don't want to be so deep into your oyster shucking that you, you actually, you know, she could be the key to getting us out of this pickle, you know, and I use that word, advisory, the world is in. She needs once, in fact, if he pickled his oysters, maybe you could send them to us. I'm still a pickle oyster. I would just give you a bag Tom.

I think I have a nice, you've changed man. From the other side of the world, mate, come on. I think what she needs is a small win. Like she needs one, she needs ever to win the FA Cup final in 2027 or she needs, she needs one. She needs Everton to win the FA Cup Final in 2027. Or she needs one thing that's like, you're Aunt May's gonna go round the corner and buy some milk. You're on my, she's gonna come and get you. She's Should've started attempting a Tasmanian accent. But it feels like she needs one small win. She needs one small win.

And then you're interested. Preferably about him. I don't think that wins happened yet. And I think that's why he started to get a bit. Because when it first, I imagine the first time she comes in and goes, imagine you're living with someone that you're a trusted life partner and they come in and goes, imagine you're living with someone, they're your trusted life partner and they come in and go, oh my God,

I've just had this, I've seen what's about to happen and it's this, you'd be thinking, oh my God, this is incredible and then it doesn't happen and then two days later she does the same thing, you kind of think, okay, and then, you know, and then actually by the third week you're thinking, oh I think you're just saying stuff now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He doesn't maybe trust her visions, and that's quite hard because if that's a kind of main thing, it's tricky if your partner really deeply believes in something, their job, if they're a rapper or whatever, and they're just not good at doing that thing. That's really hard because you're supporting their delusion. That's really, that's really challenging. It's like when your partner first comes to see you do comedy

and it's like, oh my God, I'm going to work. It's a good one, because they're kind of, you just think they're having to invest in that. And same with her visions. So yes, you're right, she needs one win. So I think I'd ask her to start meditating on December 2022. Like, just be like, you know, when you're meditating, just focus on, give her like a, like,

ask her to drill down on something. You guys are okay. I'm just like this kind of. I'm like, I'm a decorated tree. There's a fairy on top of it. Tint's still around it. It's telling some of it's good. A lot of it's repeats.

I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen a roaring fire play. I good, a lot of it's repeats. I've seen it. I've seen a roar in the fire play. I mean, is this what you hope she's going to say about December of 2022? If anything, you might get a clear about what she wants for Christmas.

I'm unwrapping an Xbox. You're unwrapping another oyster gold, as I get you every year. It's my final suggestion for Owen. You could engineer a win for her and then she'll become scared of her own powers and maybe back away. So if she's predicted something, you go out and you, you know, you Wizard of Oz it and you kind of like create something. So she goes, oh my God. That's, I saw that in a dream and it's just happened and then I'd go, oh my God, I'm not sure I can. I was scared.

I have people have visions that come true. They then go, but never do that again. I had that like under a bushel. LAUGHTER Yeah, more care. He could also join her, you know, he could start to maybe have some visions himself and see how she likes it. Listen, day in, day out.

Come on, may I have a few visions yourself? Quite a vision with vision, yeah. No, the last thing we want to do is encourage our listeners to take up meditation because we don't want to lose any more listeners. Yeah, exactly. You know, with your spare time, how about you just focus on yourself

and go on and try on the future? No, no, no, cram that silence with our voices, please. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Drown out, drown out all those thoughts. Meditation is the podcast as enemy, many times, isn't it, really? Mm. Yeah, I definitely think they go hand in their mutually exclusive for sure.

So yeah, I mean, just keep listening. We're here for you, mate. Yeah, we'll give you some predictions. Everton, they're gonna win the FAF, yeah, if you're on the internet. Do you want to be on Everton, by the way? Not even your team. You're really manifesting that.

I know, well, that's it. I think maybe if Owen goes for that, and it happens in 2027, then his wife's going to think, oh, he's the real prophecy making dude, and I'll just, you know, how much do you think? How much do you think? People in Tasmania give a shit

about evidence charges this year. Is that a big concern of this? They've got their own football. They're a universal brand. They're a universal brand, it's one of the Grand Old Clubs. That's true. And in 2027, boy are they going to rom home in the FA Cup final. Right, beef solved.

Beef from the starting, I can beef solved. Cat, do you want to read the one that's sent to you? Platonic shoulder kiss beef from spatula themed via Patreon, okay? Hello, I have a beef about a former housemate who may soon become one again. I've tentatively entitled it Platonic shoulder kiss beef. Ugh, love it already.

My old housemate is one of my closest friends. We are both quite cuddly people and are especially, so with each other, we'll hold hands watching TV or walking, squashing a single bed, whilst watching a movie, etc. However, occasionally her affection pushes past what I feel is acceptable, cuddles some friendship levels. Specifically, recently, when I was ice in a cake, she came up behind me and dropped a kiss

on my bare shoulder. My brain knows this is platonic help. Yeah, I love cake and my friend kiss. My body doesn't. This isn't the first time and also she's done the same with my arm. Admittedly whilst I was sitting on a lap at a small party. I know the boundaries seem arbitrary, but I went to a girl's school and they feel obvious to me. These aren't exactly forbidden areas, but to my mind the acceptable places to kiss your friend are. Top of the head, which is fatherly, and I do for sure to friends, forehead, motherly, a great way to say goodnight. Cheek, if you're Spanish, mouth, if you're drunk and young. Oh, we've got a lot of this.

I love this. And if you're about to fight a duel in their honor, we're hoping to move in together again next year and I don't want platonic kisses in our future house. How do I indicate that I do not wish to be kissed while still making it clear that I love almost everything and that I want the what cuddles to continue? If a solution can be achieved

via high jinks, shenanigans, charades, anything that isn't direct confrontation and especially without making it a feel that she's overstepped in a serious way, that would be ideal. If it helps, we're both female, mid-twenties, single and bi, but she's not as far as I'm aware looking for a relationship and definitely not with a woman. So setting her up with someone to get shots, we probably isn't an option. Well, there's a lot there.

Can we just first of all, like... That's an audio book. Can I really go? That's really good. Wow. Can we just congratulate, was it spatula themed, who sent it? spatula themed.

Yeah. spatula themed. spatula themed. Can we congratulate you on the list of acceptable places to kiss a person on the body in a platonic friendship? Because I feel like you've absolutely nailed that. I feel like that should be printed out on like,

little laminate. Laminate in a wallet. Yeah, you can say look, with friends, just so you know, have a read of this before anything goes any further. printed out on like a little laminate. Laminate in a wallet. You can say look, with friends, just so you know, have a read of this before anything goes any further, you know. Well that's your first solution, because that would be quite funny to the beef. Yeah, you know what, that's not a,

that's actually a very good idea, Kat. You print out your own list. Or your boundaries. You know what, you could do it in a lovely, a lovely cross stitch and have it up on the wool when she moves back in. You could rehearse a kind of like an air hostess chat where it's like, welcome to our home. I will be your housemate for the duration,

the appropriate places to think I hear here and here. Cuddles will be there, you know, you can do this, but that'll be no kissing here or here. And it's like enjoy your stay. and it's like a fun kind of... That's so cute, and I love that, and that sounds like in their vibe. Like, they're obviously mates, it's really hard when those subtle things, but you're so close, you've already kind of got interesting boundaries and stuff, and affectionate, so it's really hard to be specific, but like, obviously made her shudder a little bit. But I love that thing. I thought big shoulder pads would

be quite funny. Oh well, that's very much, that's victim blaming isn't it? So no, if you, well if you well have bare shoulders around the house people are going to kiss them aren't they? Oh my gosh that's so true but maybe they can go. What question you're expecting? What were you wearing? First of all, what were you wearing? Was it a vest? It's a shopping. You were asking for it. Making eye-sing with bare shoulders, were you? Oh, you did it every time you did it.

That is maybe getting them both like matching outfits with shoulder packs. Like proper dnsd, like 80s bow addressing type of thing. Yeah. And just be like, when she's making a cake, you know what were you wearing? A cake making. It's like James Collins to making a cake, you know what we were? Cake making! It's like James Collins to make a cake, you know that? A cake making burger, let's put it on!

I was going to suggest, I was going to suggest Deat, you know, when you go, you know when you go on a foreign holiday and you kind of, you put, you like mosquito stuff. Yeah, yeah, a lot of stuff. It tastes, my wife plastered herself in it. And I find it, I get constantly caught to see it. And she's not a person. We're on holiday, what are you spreadin' there? Come on.

Also, we're in whole. She's, she, she she's, she's Reggie's present, but he had to tone D ever since you got married. Ah, wedding night, you know, she was worried about the mosquitoes. Oh, he's done that, you know. You know, that mosquito vest is very thorough, you know, I only, only one person fits in it, and I understand I appreciate that. But if you've ever tried kissing deep, or, oh, oh, oh, horrible, so you could always deep yourself as just kind of shoulders, arms, but you know, I don't know if that's, uh...

Again, it's the deep, what's the fact that a bead has got to do? Yeah, it's in a real tricky one. She said, like, high jinks. I feel like it would be quite funny to call it out, but in a funny way, just like, you're in love with me. You know, like, straight away, just like, deal with it when she kisses her, but like in a jockey way. Okay.

So you just go, you love me. I behave like it's like, oh, of course you're doing this because you're in love with me. Do we have to deal with the possibility that this person might be in love with spatula? Yeah, I guess there's always that possibility. When someone's as wonderful as spatula-feens, there's always that possibility

that somebody's gonna fall for them. Such a wonderful way with words, why wouldn't you? And the fact she said she's definitely not up for not with a woman and not looking for a relationship. I'm not a bit like Lady Doff protest too much, like. I mean, it's, it fit like, that's the pity for me. It's like, I love the vibe of these guys. It feels like, and like that, you know,

the idea of them just popping on her lap at a party and you know, she decides, oh, give pop a little kiss on her. I just feel like, oh, this feels like really lively. They've got that easy intimacy already. That is actually sort of quite hard to get in the early stage of relationship, isn't it, seems they've already got it. But also, again, if that's not what she wants,

then it's sort of, you know, that ends there, doesn't it really? Yeah, we can't, we're not gonna push you, we're not gonna push you. I just say, if you haven't, I'm sure you probably have, pushed that as a possibility, but it might be worth examining whether that's something, like you might be repressing that idea as well, I don't know. But also, like, that's what I'm saying, is if you do as a joky thing,

oh please don't kiss me, you do risk if the person's in love with you becomes going to be coming difficult and or like it's you know it's an interesting one basically. Yeah, what about the other option if telling, you know when you tell a story about something that's happened, so a way of telling her housemate about what she doesn't like is by saying that another friend did that and she didn't like it. Or is that just a bit, it's quite tricky,

and it's pretty scary. You know, when you sort of tell someone something, you're just like, gosh, it's like we have to do that with someone who was using, just not using the odreant, using just body spray. So we were able to tell a friend that someone else was doing that. And I was like, I think they thought it was the Odron

at school, when we were first getting a bit sliny. I was, what would you do in that to me right now in real life? No, I know, I know. I know, I know. Because body spray is great, right? Body spray is amazing, but not to be used as the Odron. But yeah, just that tricky thing

where she sort of says that another friend has done that and she doesn't like it. I don't know, I think that's kind of obvious and potentially terrible, but and it's not high jink shenanigans or charades. And then she just play a gay with charades. But how do you do the kissing the shoulder? That would be tricky. Well, first word sounds like piss. Suck it up. Suck the one off. It's like bolder. LAUGHTER I think we need brown noise for this. I think this is the one.

I can only because I can't think of anything. We need to play our Joker. Every time she hears a shoulder, you play the brown notes. Yeah. Old brown notes, yeah. That's good. That's good. That's good. And also she you play the brown notes. Old brown notes, yeah, that feels extreme. And also she lives in the same house. Yeah, she doesn't clear it up. Camacars, why are you wasting that cake with headphones on?

You'll find out. Oh, so hang on, every time she kisses you, just shit yourself, is that what I was saying? Is that the other way to go? Or do a little pop off? I can't be this solution. I don't think it is. Is that the other way to go? Or do a little pop off? Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off.

Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off.

Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off.

Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. Pop off. No, that's a really, that's a really good idea. You don't have to yes and that, Tom. What exactly are you going to fit on to that cake? How big is this cake and what's the message? Just put shoulders and then just do a big cross on it. Showed as a then this and X. My solutions are so bad. Spatch in a fiend. I'm so sorry. At the end of this episode, can we finish on the brown note?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Right, just so that our listeners have it, if they should they need it. I'll speak to the Kremlin. I'll text Pete in now actually. What are we doing the next beat? I'll text Pete in.

You've been doing, you've been doing, by what's that? You've been doing punch up on his scripts. I've been doing, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, scripts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Runs a really good ad. He's been on the podcast.

Yeah. And had you read the book before you book, you can. How would you feel about that? Yeah. We advised him on how to solve a B for his neighbours. We regret it now in hindsight. I think we may have gone a bit too hard. We forget it's, some people take this advice seriously.

Right. I know. I think, I think we may have got a bit too hard, but forget it's some people take this advice seriously. Right, so... Oh my gosh. I, yeah, I mean, I think the first solution was the best one. I feel like the rules, just a few simple house rules. The rules you've set down yourself. You know, you don't even have to be... You don't even have to be really playful. Yeah, do it in a really, do it like a, you know,

I have a drink together and go all right Let's let's make our list you can have your list already in the back of your head. Let's make our list Yeah, where do you think it's okay? You know, you could even do it as another person. Yeah, you know cuddles No kissing yeah, yeah Really nice and it's kind of like because we can't fall in love Imagine that it ruin us being housemates, you know, and it's like playful thing of like we can't risk that we'll fall in love. Imagine that it ruiners being housemates, you know, and it's like playful thing of like we can't risk that we'll fall in love. And then yeah, in fact, we now this early doors didn't we, we did, we now this early doors. Matthew, you just had it straight away. You didn't even know your answer in the beef.

That's why it's become so second nature to you, resolving. Yes, that's it. Thank you. Thank you. We had the clue. We had to walk down the corridor, stare the cake in the face that says shoulders with a cross through it and know that we've gone too far. I wasn't sure how seriously you sell stuff but you really do. I feel quite emotional about how you're helping people. It's been a journey so far, hasn't it? It's really gone somewhere, but I love that idea. Beve solved.

Beve from the starting out your beve! Can I just put us in a dendom? Don't rule out that this person Be from the sun and make it be selfed. Can I just put us in a dendom? Don't rule out that this person could be the one and it might be a really cool thing that you've got with them. Yeah, I love that. Just in case, in case you end up getting married and you can play this on your wedding day,

it's like, you know what there it was. Yeah, and also that should be used as a stand-up that little bit about places to kiss. It's so good, if not, can I buy it off you? Ha ha ha, it's really good. It's funny. It's a fantastic list. So this is Wedding Outfit Beef from John via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Please do get in touch. John writes, good afternoon. Afternoon. Afternoon mate. I offer you a beef. It isn't mine. I have no real skin in the game, but it's happening around me. I'll set the scene. My sister is getting married in September, congratulations to your sister, John. My mum and my sister's fiance's

mum got their dresses for the wedding from the same online outlet. Not being coyote just don't know the name. My sister's fiance's mum had her delivered to a family friend, as she was in the process of moving house and works full time. The person who took delivery of the dress proceeded to try it on. What? Sorry? I'm sure it's. But if you take a delivery from somebody else, you don't unwrap the package, let alone then use the product, right?

It's against the law, Matthew. That is against the law. I think this person is a family friend. How do I predict it? It's a family friend, yes. So my sister's fiance's mum had hers delivered to a family friend, one of her family, I guess one of their family's friend.

The person who took the baby, to proceed to try it on, I think. Remcil. That is mad, and that's John's words on, I think. mental. That is mad. And that's John's words, not mine there. I think that is mad. Anyway, she finally gives the dress to my sister's fiance's mum. I didn't want to name them,

even though there was no chance they'll listen. It is confusing though. We're talking about the mother of the groom right here. Yeah. That was assuming so. The groom's mother's got the dress back. It turns out she needs the dress to be slightly altered. Maybe it's been stretched out a little bit. Autodazzin, not to worn.

So she takes it to a place that does that sort of thing. The person working there asks if the dress is new. And if so, it looks that there are several food stains on it. No. No. It's like I was trying to remove with a wet sponge. No. Right, John's really changed his tune in the next night of this. He says, I didn't say I had no skin in this game, but that was rubbish. The beef is, I think, the saying so obviously from the person who took

delivery and admitted to trying it on, why admit it? My sister thinks they sent it out like that and these things happen. I should probably let it go and by giving it to you guys, in some ways, I have cheers everyone by John brackets front names only. Right? Well this is an absolutely amazing astounding be thank you for thank you John. Huge thank you John. Oh God what an offering. Let's break it down. Let's look at it from John's perspective. He is now it's an interesting thing I think is that he is angry on his sister and his sister's fiance's mum. He's angry on their behalf.

Everybody else seems to think it's sort of fine. Yeah, they're letting it go. He's furious. He's like, how could you let this go? You know, there is the term, you know, the bridezilla or the groomzilla. He is the brother of the bride-zilla, a very rare breed. A rare breed, the brother of the bride-zilla.

Who is the bride-zilla? He's the brother-zilla, he's the brother-zilla of the bride. He is more worried about the wedding than his sister is. I mean, I've just got absolute the right attitude because your wedding day, things are gonna go wrong. That's just what happens. It's a big day full of lots of, lots of moving parts. You know, you maybe you'll forget your can of date. Something's going to happen, you know. But this one of, one of

little things that could go wrong and it's really important to try and be a zen and a chill and as like, you know, these things happen about it. And it's as if the system's already in that mind space, whereas John isn't. But that does not rule out that what the family friend did is back shit crazy. Is that family friend gonna be at the wedding? That's something. Yeah, I was gonna say, are they gonna be there?

And what's she wearing? A dress covered in food stains. This, I mean, where'd you begin? I mean, my initial. Confortation. My initial thought is freeze the dress and DNA sample. Yeah. Yes. Go old school. No, but the thing is, that doesn't work because she's admitted to trying it on. So we... You know, she's tried it on, yeah. Why is she, why is she said, she's tried it on yet. Why is she why is she said she's tried it on?

So she tried on this dress and then what's the five guys and then and then and she got all the topping. She got all the topping. I don't know this in my own clothes. Just give us just give us the works. Don't need a knife. And if you could load it into a t-shirt cannon and fire it directly in my mouth, that'd be amazing. You're an pipe bowl in it.

Oh. Is she a little... I'm holding some sort of dazz doorstep challenge that didn't quite go as your plan. Oh gosh. Could, um, is there something in John Ordering the same dress on wearing it to the wedding and standing next to the family friend? You know, like, kind of like making a crack

under pressure, like. I don't know if wearing a dress or your sister's wedding is solving as many problems as it's creating. It's a classic. It's a classic, isn't it? Hey, can I just say, it's 2022. Look, fuck it, you can wear whatever you like.

Yeah. But I would say, it's 2022. Look, fuck it, you can wear whatever you like. Yeah. But I would say wearing the same dress as your mother and the mother of the groom, when you're the brother on the wedding day feels like a statement akin to, you know, where the South Park boys showed up in those dresses on acid. It feels like you're saying something, which maybe he isn't. And you're pulling focus, you know. It's always a feeling you're going to wear the same dress

as someone else. I think he goes more like he bases his own outfit on a kind of detective vibe sort of thing. And just in a quiet moment, you know, after the actual ceremony, in that moment where you're just having drinks, a few canopies, if you can find them. And he just pulls, he just goes over and he just says, can I have a word? And just starts to explore it as it, where are you, you know, and explores it like a full detective.

He shows up dressed as Colombo, basically, the crumples, the crumple suits, the trench coats, just one more thing. I, my real suggestion for this is, you go with the whole case to either the best man or the five bride. This is dealt with in the speech. Because wedding speeches you cover a multitude of sins and you can you can deal with these kind of issues in a room that will clearly take the humor of it and you can go come on tell the truth what happened what were you

eating and it's like oh yeah okay and it'll all be and it'll be a sensational bit of juice for the speeches. That's fantastic. And I suppose as well that kind of, it takes the sting out of it a little bit. I suppose the detective thing, you know. I wouldn't be interested. No, no, I think we can meet them both because if instead of going for Colombo,

you go for a pyro style approach. And that's the wedding. That's a great answer. John says the wedding. John says to his sister. You look good in that. Yeah, John says to resist, look, do you mind if I make a speech and she'll say,

oh yeah, no, of course, and you stand up and go, I have gathered you here today for a reason. Yes. And then you kind of want to allow the poor. I wouldn't use another. No, it didn't. The Dinkoye. But why are we from Tasmania, right?

That is very definitely as his is on the walls? But you do your grandstanding puarro moment as part of the speeches. You could go that way. I love the speech, I did. I think the speech is one other thing, right? And this might be a little bit left to centre, but you go up to the wedding cake,

you write shoulders on it, you cross it out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no listen for their first dance. His 20 quid, play the brown note. Imagine if that was your choice. That's the most legendary first dance ever. If you don't agree with me. For your first dance you make the entire room shit themselves. It started with a she is. It would be a good way to get people out of the end of the night, you know, and they just go, we could play the last track and it was like, no!

How you got the floor? There's well sort of. Right off the back of New York, New York! New York! Marry! Carriages! Oh, you can't get into an Uber like that. New York, New York! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Oh my gosh. Beef sold? That's absolutely beef sold, yeah. Beef sold. You're from the starting, I can be beef sold.

So Kat, do you have a beef that you would like Tom and I to solve? There isn't your neighbours fucking in the hot tub and you firing the brown out at them. Because we've solved that already. With my neighbours. I'd like to be able to look them in the eye. Yeah, I feel like we know that, like that's the thing.

I think we should look at, what's the WhatsApp group etiquette? I'm imagining there's a WhatsApp group, right, with the four flats, is that right? Yeah, there is, but I'm not on it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How did you manage to not be on the, is your partner on it? So my partners on the WhatsApp group,

I've just been added to one which is called leak, drain leak, which when I saw it. They're setting up individual WhatsApp's for different problems. For different issues. No. And I was added to that because my partner is away and I just, adulting like that,

I just, I'm really really struggle struggle with and they needed to get a key essentially the flat next door to us I don't know how interesting it is essentially it's had a massive the ceiling has completely fallen in and I was actually just on my way to Glastonbury to have a to the healing field and my neighbour knocked on Corventus and he basically said, I need to show you my seeding. This guy has been... Look at that! I just get his take when he's doing that. It's not amazing. Anyway, Drury Glaston me. He's been... Yeah, he's been off a Lada just painting beautiful, yeah, really just like

lovely, it's amazing. Over that, he just brings you in, starts playing the drums and the ceiling opens and you just basically, you stay at the museum of an old person, he's just died. We are quite terrified of him because he's garden, he's very, very overgrown, he's garden next to our one. We've got the back gardens and basically he knocked on and basically just said, I've just found a fox's head. Oh, okay.

And the way you were saying it is if we'd chopped off a fox's head and left it there, like he's quite challenging to cry. But anyway, so there's a massive leak problem. Oh, this is not really, what is my beef? My beef is my communication with all of them because I just kind of hard avoid. So I need to try and find a way of being an adult, stepping it up, forming relationships with people

who I actually, you know, share a property with because I'm basically not on the main group, I don't have communication with them because I feel like I've seen too much and I've heard too much and I feel too much, I'm worried about ventis basically. It's a lot of beef. Yeah, so you clearly haven't let them know that you're a full-scale legend. And I think what we should do is we should kind of hone your social media kind of what your approach is to this WhatsApp group.

Like for example, if you thought about going to Stainsweez, buying the biggest leak you could find, taking a picture of yourself holding it and say, I've got you massively crying here. And then suddenly people are going to be like, oh, this guy's a fucking legend. People love visual puzzles. That is true. That is true. That is true.

Maybe I should just be like, I'm your favourite now, but yeah, I'm definitely going to do the leak thing. Maybe I could do a little gathering. That's too much. I mean, I'm all on that fear. You have a shed, space at all, like a garden shed, space or anything like that. Do you have, you know, or you have like a shed, space at all, like a garden, shed, space or anything like that. Do you have, you know, or is there like a local pub

that's like, you know, walking distance? Yeah, there's a local pub going Tom. Don't be, don't be the organ, don't be like, oh come round, make some friends. You've got to be the fucking legend, like order a fox's stall off the internet. Where around your neck? And next, don't be see Ventis, go right Ventis.

Uh, remember the old fox's head? Uh, eh, eh, and it's neck, and next don't you see Ventis go right Ventis, remember the old fox is head, and it's like oh my god, suddenly you're the neighbor who killed a fox and it's wearing its body, like a small scale revenant. Can't bond the shit out of the WhatsApp group, do you know what I mean? Yeah, just bombard them with all the good stuff. Yeah, I could just like bit by bit show them other pieces of the fox. Again I'm taking all your advice and I'm making it terrifying. But yeah I like the fox idea. Do you think I should make a joke about here in the Mav sex? I walk up to that. I'm just spring a leak before. Yeah, don't you worry about that. Look at my ceiling, it's crazy.

I'm sure you hear quite a lot. Could you kind of like, next time you can hear them having sex, record a little video of you doing almost like a TikTok dance to them having sex? Just as a fox. I would have imagined that. Like you have some advice with the point in you nose. Oh yeah, that thing with your point. It's a word appear. Yeah, yeah, like. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm with so yeah I could maybe get yeah I just need to basically make higher contact and be open yeah just be a legend rather than putting on a spread what you have to remember is you're the most interesting person in that flat those people are lucky to live in the same building as camp on and you've just you've just got gotta let them realize that. You gotta go front and forth on this.

Just cause that fit couple of shagging lately, that doesn't make them interesting. They're the pretty couple at school. They're always boring as shit. The first couple at school who had sex and were like, we're having sex. We all know that. I'm not gonna name them.

We all know who they were. It's like they're always really boring. They're most interesting than they've got got about is that they're having sex. Well, we're not 15 anymore. Big warp, you know, your cat mod. You can have sex too. I didn't know what a BJ was for ages. So that makes me more interested in my sex.

Get on the WhatsApp and tell them they can have sex. I don't know. I don't know. All right, guys. I didn't know until I was 12. I, alright guys, quick. I didn't know it was your poll. I told you when you found out what a BJ was. I can't believe I said BJ's. BJ's around.

That's what BBS does. Okay, this is great. I feel like I've had a pep talk. Yeah. My confidence is high, high, high, high. Like Tom, you're like a motivational coach. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go in there.

I might start just leaving them some little... I could leave them and maybe a little note with a motivational coach. Okay, I'm gonna go in there. I might start just leaving them some little, I could leave them and maybe a little note with a joke on. Love it. No, that's just, no, that's just okay. Get into that WhatsApp group and work. I know, get in. Go on, get on it. Be fun, bam, bam, bam, bam.

Yeah, I'll be funny on the WhatsApp. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna do that. That's great. Thanks guys. Be. Be soft. Be soft. Yeah. You sound really nervous about it as a prospect I'm terrified I've been set on a you know like you make a promise you're like I make a promise

to myself I will do this and I'm like oh I need to follow through checking with me next Sunday yeah well if you need to follow through can I recommend a note to the next one Yeah, well if you need to follow through can I recommend no Thank you so much for coming on the party. It's been a total pleasure having you are a true Where can people see you where can people find you what you up to at the moment? Oh the part from Being a legend on the WhatsApp groups You've got to lose the site, it's like shaking your voice. I'm sorry, sorry.

Well, yeah, I am, I'm gigging again, so I'm making a show, it's called Pleaser, ironically, and yeah, so I'm gigging out and about in London and doing bits of books. I'm also doing Panto at Stratford East this year. I'm playing Fanta. Amazing. That's a huge Panto as well.

That's a legendary Panto at the Stratford Ease Panto. That's amazing. That's a beautiful theater. I've never done it before. I love that theater. Oh my, you'll be such a great buttocks. Oh my God. I love that.

It's set in ancient Egypt so I'm playing a cat. Anyway, you have to come and see it. It's like a cast. It all will be explained. Absolutely. I've got to see me. Cat, will be explained. Absolutely. I've cut a steamy. Cat, get those boring cuts in your flat tickets to blow their minds. How are you doing, Panto? Yeah.

I tell you what, we've got a great prediction for December 2022. Please let Owen know. And his wife. I'll let his wife. I'll WhatsApp his wife. I'll put her on the grove. Just send her a fox Did ever to with the 127 oh no, they did Be smile I do is Owen okay Thank you so much. It's been there

Have him me what a dream What a dream. Yeah, it's bitch. It's bitch. You're from the sorting egg and beer! I loved all of that. It was such a treat to have cat as a guest. I love cat. I love having her on the show.

Really, with that. One of the great spirits of the comedy circuit. I just, like, she's got such a great vibe. Love her vibe. And by spirits. Well, she did it at the start. She's a ghost. She's been a ghost all along.

Sorry, yeah, she's been dead for 30 years. But wonderful to have a, in that lovely spiritual medium. Nice, she's just got such a good soul. She's great soul, yeah. Of course, the Patreon continues to paste. Join the Patreon please, if you like our podcast and want to send some money our way to keep

the free feed free, but also to get some fantastic bonus content, including a whole beef that we solved with Kat that you're not going to, you haven't heard in this episode, that is over on the Patreon, Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flatshare. It's also, it's just a lovely community to be a part of, we do an extra podcast every week where we respond to emails and we play silly games at the moment, we've hit on a brilliant feature, one of our new games that we're playing, which, you know, great. I don't want to say the next taskmaster,

but, well, I think it's a good reason. Yeah, because it's quite hard to say. Yeah. But could Dan's game be the next taskmaster? Come and find out on the Patreon. Find out on the Patreon, guys. Yeah. And we're up, yeah, of course, don't forget

the September shows for FlatSlam and still tickets available for the cheerful, cheerful in October. So that's three FlatSlam's, happening in the next few months if you wanna come on on the CSLive, which I really recommend because we're absolutely wonderful. Huge thanks to Cat Bond, huge thanks to you for listening. Anything else to say, Tom Os?

Yes, today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham, Corsham team. Cheers everyone! Bye! Good day mate! Oh no, oh no mate! Good day! We please be abstaining for today's Patreon neighbourhood wash roll call! Oh no! Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good We please be up standing for today's Patreon neighborhood wash roll cool. I know

Good good. I made yeah, oh there you go That's where I think that's that's it yeah, right here. We go good. You're starting down there I'm gonna I'm gonna start down here. Yeah, I think I can always work up to here later on But I think I'm gonna start you starting down here, mate Start fair play fair didn't come mate. Fair fair, fair didn't come. All right, well listen, I want to tell you all about, I want to tell you something, I'm going to give it a go brother. Yes brother. I was down here the,

oh mate, I was down the Great Barrier Reef with Sega. Oh, were you? Yeah. Yeah, mate. So that's how we talked about dispensing with the rhyming scheme this time and just going straight for saying them. No, no, no, I said, oh, man, I'm gonna give it a go.

Oh. I was down Great Barrier Reef with my mate, Sega. Oh, I see, right, sorry. I got caught up because I couldn't think of what as rocks called these days and it really flew me. Okay. I didn't want to use the old name and then I got all confused. I tell you what, I was, I was, I was, that's a Sydney Opera House the other day. We're going to run, we're going to run, we're run we're gonna run sure to these but that was gonna be my next one. Okay, I was at Sydney Opera House

just the other day and I saw my dear friend at performing a lovely bit of Opera Oliver K.J. Oh mate let me tell you something. Oh was it the light house where they used to film around the twist and let me tell you something, it was covered in leaves, mate! And I was there with Mark Hargreese! Oh, mate, I'll listen to the other day, I was on Ramsey Street. Of course I was, I was on Ramsey Street, mate. And I said, you know, it's, where's everyone gone? And of course I realised realized that neighbors was finished

and everyone's moved out of Ramsey Street. I felt like tremendous folly. I said the same thing to my mate, Daniel Jolly. Listen mate, mate, I was at Wolf Creek mate. Let me tell you something, that wasn't very fun. No. You don't have the atmosphere of a crematorium, mate. No.

Really? And I said, oh, no, I should never have calmed a wolf creek, mate. I said, that's my mate. More bataurium, mate. Oh, I tell you what, man, I was down a, I was down at Biron Bay the other day. And, you know, it was at it.

Yeah, that was it, yeah. That's what I'm not gonna do a name is that you know I was at a bar and bay the other day I couldn't believe it I said I said I reckon there are I reckon there are sharks in that water but I don't know for sure I said that to my friend Uurama Fosua Oh I know, mate. I'm saying something, mate. I've just been on Wikipedia and let me tell you right now.

I was at Uluru. You're Uluru? I was at Uluru. Yeah, you're Uluru. Yeah, we go. I was at Uluru, mate. Let me tell you something. I was, I was, I was really, I had a real good time there. It's a great place, mate

I'm glad you had a good time. Oh, it's fair. You have to if you took any snaps. I'd love to see him really I have to listen. Oh, I had a problem. So I'm with my camera. I can't my cap was on. No, no, not your I know I made I didn't have any pictures of me being there with Ollie Johnson. Oh, no, no. That's awful. Can you believe it? You and Ollie Johnson, you really are a couple of silly men, you know? You really are a couple of silly men.

I said the same thing down there that lasted as when I was syncing a pint with Catherine Milliken. Oh, double neighbors, are we, mate? Yeah, yeah, well, you know, you know, do what you know, do what you know. Oh, I was at we mate? Yeah, good. Well, you know. You know what you know. What you know. Oh, I was at summer bay mate. Oh, summer bay. Let me tell you. Yeah, things would go in really well.

Until Pippa, right? Not Pippa. Pippa only went and tried to adopt me and Tom Campbell mate. What? I'll tell you what. The other day I was... No, I was in a rostle-crow's house. Oh mate! I'll tell you what.

It's not so much a house. It's more of a ranch, you know. He's got acres and acres filled with cattle. That's a lot of cowland. I'll set the same thing to Susan Gowland, you know? Oh, that's how it's done, mate. That's how it's done. The other day, mate, I was watching cricket

at the MCG, mate. Oh, the MCG, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, let me tell you, mate, I'm bold and lucked a little bit off. And I said, I don't fancy our chances here. Let's go, Slake, at first with the kind of VB. I said that's Sarah Minslaw. I slightly lost sense of that, but I,

yeah, sure, I go, get your meaning there. Oh, mate, listen back to it, I think. Yeah, I'll just, I'll listen, of course, I'll listen back. I'll listen back to all of these. It's how I meditate, mate. It's my, my, my'll listen, of course I'll listen back, I'll listen back to all of these That's how I meditate, mate, it's my My name is on twice a day, mate. Now what am I gonna do? I can listen to this instead I'll tell you what I was away, mate. I was having a Having a couple of espresso martinis with basil Lerman

You're only human, mate. Of course. I am. I didn't feel human after the number of my martinis with basil ermine you're only human man of course I am I didn't feel human after the number of my martinis you can sink that poor that lad I'll tell you what I said that poor lad poor lad poor lad he was can put him away it's a real shame now listen I was saying bad is the real shame I've loved you move you about I've loved you move you Elvis. I love your move on Rooosh. I love just, you're strictly ballroom, but, oh, he's an auto. Have you ever thought about making a,

making a movie about that, that Dan Acroid and Eddie Murphy? Oh yeah, mate. That Dan Acroid and Eddie Murphy movie, yeah, you know. Believe I've got it filed in my DVD collection as places comment trading I was, he says not a bad idea and if I was gonna, that's not a bad idea, if I was gonna cast someone in the Danette Quirrell, I have to be my old friend Ian Hayden

So uh, Trace's, Chase's come, okay anyway listen, you know, it's great. It was great great taking a trip down and down under there with your brother Oh, mate listen that concludes today's patreon neighborhood washroom It does and it's probably for the best because more Australian access just upset my neighbors don't oh god You mean a dingas gonna take your baby watch out, mate. Oh, no, no, no Well that concludes today's patreon neighborhood washroom. Oh, cool, man. Boy everybody. Is that Clarky? I agree Oh no! Well that concludes today's Patreon Neighborhood Watch Roll Call, man! Boy everybody! Is that clocky? I agree.