Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Ken Cheng S12E25

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Ken Cheng.Ken Cheng - https://twitter.com/kenchengcomedyPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] to Ken’s Radio 4 series - https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0000ms6/episodes/player NEXT LIVE SHOW9th October at The Cheerful Earful festival in Balham - https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-4Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Gwyn Rhys Davies Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, Mr. Deer, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I am Matthew. Cleden, that was fine, Ben. I'm going to say. I thought I was quite fine. I can tell that you were really fine. I don't know. I'm sorry guys. I feel like I had to hit that A over high sea and for many rippetons loving you there, too. I'm disappointed you didn't give that a time.

I'm gonna, I tell you what, maybe we can ask that producer-guin pit-shift to I. Well, no, I tell you what, on the cheers everyone buy at the end, we'll give it a good go. Well, I tell you what, let's give it a go again now, but on this one, producer-guin pit pit-shift-my-walk-up. That's how it is.

You can do it, okay? Here we go. Alright, here we go. Hey, everyone, I'm Tom, and I'm Ben! I'm Ben! See how that goes. And welcome, of course, to another episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts. Cold Cuts. Let me tell you something, these cuts don't come much colder. Oh my god, they're ice cold, which is nothing better than some ice cold cuts on in the middle

of a heat wave. Absolutely. We're going through right now. Get those nice cold beef cubes out of the of the freezer. Pop them under your extremities. I just sizzle for 30 minutes. Sizzle away. Before we get cracking, I've got to tell you this, I got a message. We're already cracking. We're absolutely crackling, aren't we? I got a message from Lee're already cracking. We are, we're absolutely crackling, aren't we? I got a message from Lee, front name's only Lee got in touch to say,

I'm a few episodes behind on your podcast, but I have a living actor tattooed on me. Oh, actually I'm a... Why? I actually have just realized I have two. Wow. And so I said, who do you have? This is over. This is over Facebook.

Very rare that people communicate via Facebook, but I'm always happy with the DMs. I'm always happy. And they said, I've got Fox Malder and Jack Torrance. And my God, they do. Can I, in fact, I'm going to see if I can send these to you now. Okay, I mean, Paul, let's say bold choices, right? Bold choices, yes. so we've got David to cover me, but as crucially as Fox Malta. Oh It's like a caricature. It's a caricature of Fox Malta. Lear's got a caricature of Fox Malta. I'm guessing that is That's the arm I think

It's quite a close-up, but is it so it's either our more leg and it's Fox Mulder in a flying saucer, sort of popping out of a sort of marvel in the Martian style flying saucer. And so that's pretty good. And then the Jack Torrance one is something else. I like that a lot. I really like it. So it's the Jack as we know from the shining, but instead of a face, it's the carpet. It's the iconic carpet. It's the iconic carpet from the halls in the shining. So, Parry, living actors, you can never get living actors because it might be a problem. How do you feel about these?

Where does this leave you? This, to me, feels like a slightly different thing. Okay. Because that second one in particular, the shining one, doesn't feel like a, that feels like a piece of art of, you know, it's a very conceptual thing like, you know, really, it's more carpet than man. It's more carpet than man. It's more carpet than man. And the molder one is a, it's a caricature, isn't it?

It's kind of like you're classic. It's a classic cartoon caricature, really large head and little small body doing the thing that it's famous for doing. So they don't quite, you know, but... Go on, finish the sentence, they're not quite one. Well, they don't quite fit my kind of idea of portrait of a living actor.

Yes, I get that, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. I will also say, you know, like bold choices, because they're not safe bets these guys. No, no, they're to Carfley's had his... There are a couple of rogues, I would say, you know, like bold choices because they're not safe bets these guys. No, no, no, they're to coveleys had his... They're a couple of rogues, I would say. A couple of Hollywood rogues. To coveleys had his battles, you know, various things.

And obviously, Nicholson, I think, was a little... Well, Nicholson is... I get that, I understand. And Nicholson famously chased his wife up a staircase with an axe and then, you know, and obviously his son did very badly out of it in that poor hedge maze. So, so yeah, he's got some, they've both got their stories. As I imagine, I imagine Lee has his stories as well, because I think someone who chooses to go with those, you know, on their body feel like, I mean, I definitely want to have a chat with that guy, you know what I mean?

Well, you know what? Get on Facebook because I've been having a chat with Lee on and off since 2013, apparently. 2013, any chance of last year ever coming out on DVD? And I said, yes, there are plans to film it in the autumn. Well, that didn't come to pass today. It did, though. And then he said, favourite show of last year and the best thing at Mac Fest this year in 2013, later on in the year.

And then he said, really enjoyed Bad Outs last night in 2014. And then a stony, radio silence for a moment till 2020 when he came back with his messages about the tattoos but you know what Lee now we're back in contact don't be a stranger my deans as I say always open. Even if it's another couple of years I just want to check you all right just just touch base with me Lee that's all I need to know just need to know you're a good man you loved last show ever you love bad olds you love ex files the Shining, you know what, you're all right by me.

You're all right, Tastes. You've got great taste. If you ever want to get a caricature of the three of us on your torso, we'll pose for it, man. We're here for you. Yes, please. We're absolutely here for you. Right, well speaking of great taste, let's get into today's episode, shall we?

Yes indeed. It's a wonderful guest, Ken Cheng, brilliant, brilliant comedian. I think he's absolutely superb. We loved having him on the show. And there are some really some really good beefs today. So I think you're going to enjoy yourselves. Enjoy it. Here's the show.

Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call me a beef. If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you be from the sorting at your bees Here we here we go Oi oi Oi o mate Ken welcome to the show Thanks for having me. How do you feel about oi oi? It's a greeting. Oh, I think it is good to kind of I think it is good to kind of put some energy into the forthcoming conversation. Yeah, I'll do it every so often.

If I feel it flagging, I'll just interject with another oil oil. It's cold. No. I don't want that sort of damnakly hanging over my head. I feel like I don't want to be halfway through an anecdote and just hear an oil oil. Yeah, I don't want you better keep them peppy. Keep them, keep them short, keep them punchy. That's the secret. So Ken, welcome to Beef Brothers Cold Cuts.

So Ken, what kind of a flatmate are you? What's your living arrangement? Are you a flatmate? Yes, I have two flatmates. I'm the cleanest one of the three. And that is difficult because I also hate confrontation. I'm really conflict the verse so I never bring it up, I just see it instead. Have you got a like, is one worse than the other?

Is there a favourite flatmate and then the worst one? Is there a favourite flatmate and then the worst one? In terms of how I feel about them personally, no, I like them both, but in terms of cleaning this, definitely one is, I'm really worried they'll listen to this now because they both are a bit in comedy, so no, this might feel like a really round about way to pass and aggressively tell them about how I feel about them. Which I guess it is now. That is kind of a service we provide for comedians who live with comedians. I get into come on the show is a chance to do this and then hope that it kind of filters back. Do you want to give them names? No, I was going to say do you want to give them names? No, I was going to say, do you want to give them names, rather than give their actual names?

Who's the one who's kind of fine? Who's the one who's like really filthy? Oh, the one who's really filthy is a guy called Adam. Great. Yep. The other one I call Bob for the AMB naming system. So we've got Adam Bob and Cheng ABC ABC So tell us the worst kind of crimes that Adam has committed in terms of filth around the around the house

I think it's mainly an issue with leaving food Out of it like old food and this food everywhere basically. There is food from cooking. There's just little bits of shrapnel everywhere. This one I've been flatmates with for like six, no, five years. And we've had four or five different third flatmates rotating and out. So I've kept the duo and the third flatmate

has always rotated out, probably because of the cleanliness. I should've say, yeah. You're too clean. They've gone, I can't deal with Ken. It's so anal about the cleaning. If any people are more like Adam, a bit more chilled out.

Plus, everywhere I look, there's something to eat. There's some lovely leftovers. There's some little bits of chicken around the back of the sofa. So great. You've got a kind of defense against the dark arts teacher kind of role where like every kind of season you get to bring in a new, a new

character to keep the audience interested. Yeah, that's exactly, exactly. They can't, they can't keep the third actor in. It's just a terrible cursed, cursed spot. It's like the lead role in Death in Paradise. No one, no one stays for that long. Yeah. It seems like it seems like it seems like such a good gig on paint a good gig. But you get to live with Ken you get to live with another guy that actually in reality too hot. Can't stand the heat. Can't stand the sexual tension.

The problem was that the third flatmate was always the confrontation one as well So I was just kind of in the middle of the confrontation And I would be in this three-way group chat where it would just be constant passive aggressive from the third flatmate to add them So you're not even doing this face-to-face you're not even got the gooners To take this into the open arena of a face to face Conversation you're living in the same place and you're you're you're tracking over over WhatsApp Hmm, yeah, well that was my issue with it that I'd never said anything in this three-way conversation

I was just kind of watching you've not even got the guts to throw an emoji in there. No, no, I'm sweeping. I completely ignored it. And now that the current third flatmate, it doesn't care, actually cares less than anyone has done so far. So now it comes to me to be that person by, I can't do it. So I haven't sent a single message. We're just kind of letting it fester. Literally.

This is the question. Do you leave it for them to eventually kind of tidy up? Or do you sort of stroll around the flat just doing like little piecemeal bits of tidying just to kind of appease your own cleanliness? Oh, I've been doing more than piecemeal. I've done full, full cleans. The full deep cleans. Yeah, I've done a deep clean of the flat repeatedly. That's my path of aggression. I'm just doing a full deep clean. That's your problem though. I

mean, we don't want to solve your beef too early, but that is your, the problem is you need to let, you know, I know it goes against your nature, Ken, but what you've got to do is you've got to let it get to absolute boiling point. You know, hold yourself up in your room. You can dust away in your own personal space as much as you like. But let the outside space, these communal space, get to sort of crisis levels.

I thought you were giving it a recipe to begin with. Let me get to boiling point. You're gonna chuck in all the leftover food. Now you're going to leave that simmer for about three weeks. Everybody loves the leftover broth. It's a box of day, every day around it gets us. Five years is a chilling amount of time as well. Like, if you're in a relationship with someone for five years,

you'd be thinking, you know, stick or twist stories, marriage coming around the corner. You've shared your life with this person for five years. That's a stretch. Yeah, and you're a young man, you know? Five years is quite a big chunk of the amount of time you've been on this planet. It's been like a third of your life.

It's my life. I have wasted my life. That is the realization I'm coming to. Anyway, it's been great having you on. Thank you so much. This has been a real joy. Be from the starting of your beat! Right, well, let's move away from your wasted life and onto the wasted life of our listeners. Ken, do you want to start with the one that you that was sent into you?

Yes, I'd love to. So this is a Hinner. Hinner, some bathing neighbor beef from a Hinner. Here we go. High beef brothers and guests. I have neighbors. I have neighbors. I have a pension on for some bathing in their back garden

whenever the temperature exceeds 20 degrees. I am all for any individual doing whatever they like in their own back garden, brackets within the confines of the law, of course. But the site of a middle-aged white man with a visible gut who is turning red. Whoa! Oh, easy!

How you gonna say it? Well, I can't let you go. I've never felt like this. You come in to my house! You start talking like this? Okay, go. We haven't had the end of the sentence. It could be the site of a middle age white man with a visible guy.

It's a huge turn on for me. Yeah, and I can't get you if you can. It's yourself with confidence. Oh, yeah. Totally. That is a common beef. It's too erotic. It's too erotic.

It's too erotic. I can common beef. It's too, it's too erotic. Just too erotic, I can't beef. But the site of a middle-aged white man with a visible gut who is turning red as a tomato makes me feel like I'm going to be sick in my mouth. Oh, no. Oh, hell. In a place.

How are you now? Come on now. I also find people who spend their time someday think except on holiday, pretty basic. Oh. I know. A one, two sucker punch there from Hiddin'. This is gonna be hard to defend.

Basic and vomit inducing. Two stars. The only way I can avoid seeing this from my kitchen is to close the blinds on my window and patio doors, basically by keeping out all sunlight from kitchen. Thank you, Innerfiance. Bye, Hinnah. Wow, Hinnah.

Hinnah, Hinnah, Hinnah. What are we going to do with you? I believe a bit of a version therapy is this. We're coming around your house. We're whipping our shirts off. It's going to be three middle aged white men. Oh, wow. I believe a bit of a version therapy is thesis. We're coming round your house. We're whipping our shirts off. It's going to be three middle-aged white men and one young Chinese man. We're going to come round.

We're going to do it. We're going to do it. Top's off. You're going to get a gorgeous tan just from the raised bouncing off our bellies. And it's a tricky one, isn't it? Because firstly, you know, we here at Beef Brothers Cold Cuts say no to any kind of body shaming. Especially if that body is pretty much exactly describes as. Exactly. Don't shame our bodies. Oh, shame, but the people's bodies.

But don't shame anyone. Don't resemble us. And oh, because it starts with like, you know, like, here, this starts very easy, breezy, like, listen, I don't care, do whatever you like, I don't mind. But if you take your shirt off, it makes you want to be sick. And if your son bathed, you're a basic bitch. Which, it seems like you kind of do care a little bit. But obviously, you're our listener, you're our friend.

We are, we're gonna help you. That's the job our friend, we're going to help you. That's the job of this, as I've been told repeatedly. Yeah, chats. Stop. I'm going to stop. I can't really get a listener's off. I can't feel hard on the listeners. And they're the ones who we should be supporting.

So I'm going to take a back seat on this one for a bit. You guys, when are you going to have a lecture? This is the one you're choosing to back out of'm Ken, how do you feel about sunbathing? Are you a sunbathing guy? I don't personally sunbathe much. But you sort of outsource it to other people. Yeah, I do it via proxy. We are too busy indoors cleaning, aren't we?

That's the problem. You get a few minutes out. Go and catch some rays. Let Daddy clean. We are too busy indoors cleaning aren't we? That's the problem Go and catch some rays let daddy clean I'm not some by the are you not No, I don't find it I need to be doing stuff. I'd much rather burn doing stuff than tan Deliberately yeah, I thought the stuff you were doing was like, like a bonfire then. Gonna burn stuff.

I'm not trying to commit arcing with my shirt off on a sunny day. But I am, yeah, I do find it a tedious kind of exercise and a strange goal. Like the goal of like tanning, I find that kind of, it's never been something I understand, but I will defend this neighbor's honor. Okay.

And his right to sunbathe to the hill. I think what we need to try and think about is creative ways that we can stop I don't think we're gonna change Hina's let's be honest. It's a reflex isn't it? Yeah, her prejudice is It's inbuilt. It's a reflex. She's like being sick in her own mouth I've come up with an idea. I've come up with a solution that I think might work because because Hina says that between them is what they got like a patio door in a window. Yes. So two, two panes of glass.

Right. On one of those panes of glass, right, you get yourself a, uh, uh, Ken Action Doll, right? Not a Ken Chang Action Doll, they're not yet available, I believe. I believe the person touched it from this. From the worst. In time for Edinburgh, I'm sure. But, um, but yeah, so get yourself like a so get yourself like a Ken as in Ken and Barbie,

and you affix Ken's clothes to the window in exactly the position. So you can basically like, it's, you know, everybody loves, I like, when you're a kid, don't you love that thing of, you know, like the little cut out cardboard man that you could dress in a variety of different cardboard outfits. It's a lot of fun. You've basically got a human version of that lying in your garden. So every morning when

you see that you're you know every morning you know we're in the middle of a heatwave at the moment you see it's really hot in the morning you think okay fantastic I go to my tiny little wardrobe I pick out a tiny little shirt what is my neighbor gonna be wearing today. It's gonna be wearing me. Today I love Hina shirts. That's the real issue. She's in love with him.

I don't think Hina has asked what is she really mad at. Yeah. You could give him a Hina tattoo. No, no, no. Oh, God. Oh, it's a funny. Okay, we'll be right there. You can get the action.

You could go full action man with him, because then you could like one day, you could like make him go skiing, and like scuba diving, and then a night to climbing. Dress him as a century guard. You know, if even better, you know what, get yourself some of those poster paints that you can paint onto glass and then just scratch off like they use in like butcher's windows, get yourself

that. And every morning you get a little creative project, right? It'll set you up for work. I love this. Imagine if every morning you did a little miniature painting that was just for you, a little thing that's just for you, a little bit of creativity, just for you, and then on with your day. I think it's good to increase your productivity, I think it's going to make you a better worker.

And I tell you what guys before you know it, that fat, middle-aged, bold man, will you cut your new stuff? But it's going to be less or less a fight that you want will thank you. I think you've tried that. I've got a selfie to the situation. That guy from Wolverhampton, I'm sure. He does say I live in Exeter. So it does make does make a lot of sense now. No, but I was saying he could become her muse. And you know, she'll be inspired by him. And maybe as the months roll by,

those clothes will become less and less. Yes. I love that. Until eventually all you're painting on him is an enigmatic smile, Mona Lisa. And a bownut, of course. Where is he nude now? Yeah.

More more nude. She's she's painted off the cranks. Yeah. I mean, that's not a bad idea. You can actually paint the body you want to see over the body. Yeah, just paint a six back on him. Paint a six back on him, yeah. That makes a lot of line to shallow how.

Yeah, exactly. You've got to shallow how the situation. Third of all, I'm about to say that today. But we slightly glaze over this because this all fits in. Ken, you think there's some sort of affection going on between Hinner and the nude man in her garden? Yeah, because if I saw him, I would just be quite neutral in my response. So I think it's a kind of overcompensating kind of thing. Right. So you think that's my analysis. You think that every person that you have a sort of visceral response to, even if it's hatred, you think it's probably love.

It's probably slightly based in some kind of unconscious love. Right. Because I think Perry might have to have a word with himself about the current Tory government. LAUGHTER What do you come on? We all remember petty-morten on splash. Come on, Perry, what are you really hiding?

What's that? Twitter account truly saying. LAUGHTER But it could be. I mean, yeah, I think, obviously, the unexamined life is not worth living. Hinner, look inside yourself and if you feel that you're truly in love with this guy, then, you know, maybe make overtours towards them, but if not, then pay to overwrite double-goose. Pay to the next-offer-gover. Pate the nice double go over. I think that's beef. That's great.

Yeah. I think we've got it. Beef from the Sony Eigenbeef! Shatty Partner Beef from a non. via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Good afternoon siblings in beef. I got that. Not sure if my partner will overhear this one.

So please speak in a whisper. No, she said so please keep me anonymous. Mmm. Okay. All right. So not like Hinnah who just will per name to her fat phobia. Yeah, Hinnah is very happy to lay it all out there. Yeah, well her neighbor's so basic, he doesn't listen to podcasts. Not sure if my partner will overhear this one, so please keep me anonymous. My beef is fairly recent and is the result of a major improvement in my partner's life. He has a new job, better hours, better pay, less stress, the dream.

The dream? The only downside in the job is that he's no longer able to work from home as I continue to. Here is where the beef lies. Now that he has to leave the house, he has to get up earlier. I'm a light sleeper so his alarm wakes me. Not a problem, as if it were only this, I would have no beef. The beef is that he's decided that while dressing for work, he wants to talk to me, keeping me from returning to sweet, sweet. Can I just check at this stage, is the question my partner wants to speak to me? Get it over us, beef sauce. You may think this is sweet and it mostly is except that he's doing this between six and 7 in the morning.

Best part of the day? I don't have to be working until 8 or sometimes 9, depending on my schedule. So this keeping me awake really lengthens my days and the longer he keeps me awake, the less likely I am. Oh, Paris, Paris! Oh, Paris! I was really just picturing being in bed. Oh, I love it. Paris, I've got, it's only 845 man, come on.

Come on. My beef is every time I try to have a nice sleep. These guys can start doing a podcast with me. Just really got, I was really picturing, I was picturing that person tucked up in bed. Oh, and it really got to me. The longer he keeps me away, the less likely I am to get back to sleep. You may just go into bed earlier, which would be fine, except that doesn't seem to make

a difference to him either. Again, talking to me before bed, despite me almost being asleep. I get that people need different amounts of sleep. He's always needed much less than me and sleeps deeply, so even if I do wake up before him, he's out for the count. Help me beefy friends, I'm becoming increasingly weary throughout the day, which doesn't help when I have work, and also look after our dog during the day, I'm the main provider of walks. Side note, I'm also learning Dutch. So here in Tom's saying, but

danked, I had the Dean Dwy really warms my cockles and on. And on and on. Wow. It's a good one. I can relate to this. As you might, as you might imagine, I normally have an extra hour in bed before I need to get up compared to my partner. And she like, she, how are you? She has a little say, what do you need to get up for? What are you hiding from us, Clark? What are you doing the day? How are my arms?

Ah! Is she leaving at three in the afternoon then? Well, you know, I like to get up in the morning to go and have my nap on the sofa. Exactly, yeah. So go on, so your partner gets up then. Very loud generally, leaves the doors open as she like has a shower, just and then comes in and chats to me and it's just too much man it's too much.

Have you, sorry sorry it's tough, I'm sorry it's tough such a nerve with you can't I? Can I ask you a can I ask you a question please? What is your what is your sleeping arrangement? Do you have any of the kind of typical city dweller or a kutrum on like a Do you have like an eye mask? Do you wear ear plugs? Do you sleep with white noise? I if not why not employ all of these I can't hear my white noise up I can't see to turn it on I do have a white noise up actually, but it is not loud enough to drown out Could you could you attach it to a big set of beats by Drake?

Just stick them on the side of your head. Because that's what I would say, I would say, could you not, like, this is my advice to a non. Surely, just get a load of kit around you that sort of means that you're, everything's blocked out. You know, the big earplugs that mold with the inside of your ears, you know, all of that kind of stuff.

I feel like no, Perry, you're, you're, you're pulling a face to say, you're living in a dream of a, I'm a very natural sleeper. I find that we just saw it. I find that I sleep mid-trimons. I find like a coutrimonce and, you know, gadgets and things. I don't I can't really respond well with them. I don't like to sleep with things on or on or attached to me. Right. Okay. You know what I mean?

Yeah, your telegis is leaping the nude is what you say. I've got like a it's like if I ever go into a coma just I don't want any of that shit on me John I mean Nothing attached or anything like that no drip to keep feeding you anything like that just let me just let me keep man I'll be happy Trust that I'll wake up You come out of like a 10 year coma and you're like oh Why me up? Who would actually just kick to me?

Who turned that white noise on? Really woke me up. Ken, any advice for our friend and non here? Well, it hasn't been made clear whether she has told him not to do this. It seems like very true. It seems like she's just letting it happen. And if she has told him, stop talking to me. And he's not.

Then you've got a bigger problem. Yeah. That's true, actually, because she starts by saying, I'm worried my partner will overhear this. Whereas, actually, your partner might need to hear this. Yes. I think if you, generally, if you don't like something your partner is doing, you should tell them. That's probably a good. I mean, I'm no marriage counselor.

Or send it to beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com otherwise we don't have the podcast. So we're happy for us to be your first port of call, but our advice might well be, as Ken says, maybe have a conversation with a person who's actually involved. happy for us to be your first port of call but our advice might well be as Ken says maybe have a conversation with the person who's actually involved. Is there something in the kind of, does she ferries beauty and have kind of like an artificial like an arm on a pulle and like a head balloon that kind of moves around while she's kind of deep under the covers. Who's pulling it? Who's that to say?

A tape player that... Oh, it's the dog going, isn't it? That's all off. So he was saying she's shown... She should wake up three hours earlier, set up. LAUGHTER Set up the doll and the pulley. Yeah. Get out of bed, sleep in another room, and then he's just talking to this doll, unaware.

She's in a travel lodge down the road. LAUGHTER Yeah, get a travel lodge. That's the answer. That's always good, guys. Soak yourself out with a mannequin and get a travel lodge. They set me so by the the way sponsored by Travelodge. Better place to stay. I mean, yeah, I think the, the, the, the some,

some level of decoy is a good idea. Or could you get him into an early morning breakfast show? Like, could you be like, oh, you've got to listen to Chris Evans in the morning. He's brilliant, you know. And that, then you've got to listen to Chris Evans in the morning. He's brilliant, you know. And that- But then she's got to listen to Chris Evans in the morning. Oh yeah, you're right, he's not going to stick it on headphones, is he?

He's not going to do it on his phone. So then it's back this man. Or by him, a nice pair of earphones. Yeah, wireless earphones. I can muzzle. Yeah, I'm a full-canned-phones. I can muzzle. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a brain star muzzle. Yeah.

I'm a nice pair of handcuffs. I'm coming to the bed and he never has to get up for work. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, getting fired. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't know. Hasn't he just got like his dream job?

Wasn't that the expression she used? He makes some money. He's making money. He's got better hours. Yeah, but we're solving her B,. He's making money, he's got better hours. Yeah, but we're solving her B, aren't we? Yeah, that's true. But then surely, like, surely, like,

well, what about just accentuate the positive? He's bringing more money into the household. You have got more time during the day to walk the dog and wipe yourself into a stupor. It's the dream. I knew that would have peered to you, Clarkie. Clarkie's the dream. He's just waiting for that dog.

He's going for the nails. Okay, I've got a slightly more practical solution to trial. Well, then making a robot of yourself fit talks. Yeah, okay. I want to hear this. Yeah, okay. Cheers. I want to hear this. Okay, so he wants to talk to me. He thinks this is sweet.

Right, so I propose for about two weeks you commit to getting up with him at six o'clock in the morning. And you engage him in some really fucking deep dark chat? So he goes like, morning dear, how are you? And she's like, we're all gonna die. And it's like, we're all gonna die. And I'm gonna die. And my death is inevitable and so is yours.

And let's talk about that. And he's like, after my dream job, no, honey. And it's like, let's talk about the amount of cancer in my side of the family, you know, because it is inevitable. You know, there is a lot. And it's like, oh, okay. And he's cleaning his teeth. And I reckon after about four mornings,

he's slipping out of bed, he's slipping his clothes on. And he's leaving forever. LAUGHTER Yeah, but you don't have to be dark. You don't have to be dark throughout the entire day. You can just be like, no, I'm just not a morning person. I'm a heavy morning person. You're not even really, I'm just a heavy morning person, pre 7.30am, which I think is a perfectly reasonable time to be quite heavy.

Yeah, that's great. He's good. Because you know what? is a perfectly reasonable time to be quite heavy. Yeah, just that's that's great. He's good Because you know what fully engaging with all the big shit if you wake up in the night That is the time for your brain to go like Worrying, worrying, worrying all the anxious thoughts all the little worries and stuff Just bring that anxiety to the floor when he wakes you up It's gonna be there. It's gonna be buried only very marginally below the surface Bring it out let it pour out of you like a d6 and 7. I mostly like to talk about my ex lovers And then a side bar of that is you could also try just speaking in Dutch

And then a side bar of that is you could also try just speaking in Dutch. Ah! Yeah, you could try some of the older, but Danke, but Danke, do you, could he? It's harder than it looks, but it's the end is, you really is. I make it look easy, but you could. Unless he's Dutch and unless he's the reason you're learning Dutch. Oh, but I don't think he is. I'll say you can fire up the Dutch oven as well just

Cherry on the cake I'll send him out I think there's there's two more practical ideas. It's good Yeah, if you can't build the robot and you find it tricky to sleep with ear plugs in Then just talk about your cancer. Beef solved. Beef from the sun and at your beef solved. Walking wives beef from Nick and John, and this was from the audience at the last flat chair slam down. Right, so this might be brief, there might be big questions to be asked. Yeah, it's brief But it's punchy

Let's do it both my cousin and I have an identical beef with our respective wives They both like to go for a walk a something to do to pass the time Why we have everything we need at home That's the end of the week. That's it. You know what you're absolutely right, it was short and punchy. The problem that Nick and John have is that they don't like to walk without purpose. Yes. I mean, this feels fairly I mean, this feels fairly easy to solve. I'd say so. Should we all say after three?

One, two, three. Segue. Oh, right. Segue is not... Segue is good, actually. Yes. A very slow segue. He's so well-a-be.

A very slow segue, alongside your partner. One of two things will happen. Either that will solve it and you don't have to walk and they can or they'll just stop asking you to come on the walk. More likely the second one. Also I can't ever imagine being bored on a segue. You know, like if you find the journey bored but a segue, it's got to be, it's

always got to be fun, right? I've never done a segue. Two questions for you. Have you ever segred? No sir. Never, never. And how do you feel about a nice walk? I probably identify a bit with the Nick and John here in that my girlfriend prefers walks to me but I would know. Wait, she prefers walking to you or she prefers walking to how much you prefer walking. She prefers walking to how much I prefer walking. Okay, I'm very afraid. how much I prefer walking. Okay, fair enough, right? Sure, sure, sure.

Yeah. Um, are you trying to say what you're doing? You're trying to say she's left you. Well, yeah, she is. She's just gone on a 10 week walk. I'd expect it back soon. Um, she prefers walking than I did, but I don't think I ever, I don't think I ever

I don't I'm not against walking enough to really be like I need to solve this problem What is about the walk you don't enjoy I? Probably have a similar idea that I Do like purpose I do like going places with purpose, but I don't know actually. Can you not, because my thought would be that, you know, if someone wants to go for a walk, you could say, oh, we could walk past that thing I wanted to see, or that shop I wanted to go through. The pub. The pub, exactly.

We could walk to the pub, go for a quick drink and walk back. No one's going to begrudge you that on a walk. I think it feels like a pub trip. I think it feels quite idyllic, is that you've got, you're coming here as two couples, right? And I know, it sounds to me fantastic. I'd love this to go. Let's go for a walk with four of us.

I've picked the route and it's a loop. So it's like, it's a loop. So it's like it's a mile loop. The girls like to go for a nice long walk at the Aua mark or at the mile, the first mile point, there's a really nice pub. You girls carry on, do your walk. They get to have a bit of a chat about the state of their marriage. We get to have a chat about the state of our marriage. And then you can almost tag out the pairings if you're wanting to mix it up. So it's like you stay one stays and has a point with the other person, the guy and the woman go for a walk, then they come back to women who are on the next lift, the two guys are like, well, I don't know,

it feels quite interesting to me. But like, chiefly, if the two women enjoy walking and they know each other, and you and the other guy don't like walking you know each other, you've got a perfect walking pub in scenario or change that for a cinema or a you know an art class. I think this is really I think it's really good actually. You set up a little rambling club for people who aren't that into rambling. Perfect title gone.. Ramblers anonymous. Oh, it's good. It's good. It's really good. They must be.

They must already be a rambling anonymous. Ramblers anonymous is really good. They must be. So there isn't what's going on. Well, what's going on is Nick and John are going to start it. Set it up. The shirt. Because also as well, you know, for some people people it's just, you know, no destination, just

discovering what's in front of you. For some people it is mapping out a route. And I bet you, either Nick or John, whatever, a bit of fun, you know, looking at Google Maps, trying to map out a nice little route for you through the village. I think you can have, I think this is, I think it's a perfect solution. Yeah, definitely. It makes, you've got a perfect solution. Yeah, definitely. It makes, you've got a purpose now. And if you don't like the first pub,

you can go to another one. Oh, that's a pub crawl, isn't it? That's also great. Park is big suggestion if you don't like the first pub, you can go to another one. It's a matter of life. It's a good suggestion, because how often do you find yourself in a pub you go?

I don't really like this pub. All the time. Especially when I'm with pub. Yeah, that's why you're always leaving, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. I'm going to go to the pub, two pubs on. No, you don't like walking. Not another pub that stinks of piss. Um, not another pothit stinks of beef. Oh no.

Beef's solved. Beef's solved. Beef from the sorting egg and beef's solved. So Ken, obviously we've solved a lot of beef today for our listeners, but do you have a beef? We've talked about the cleanliness in your house. Do you have another non-cleanly related beef that you'd like us to solve with your flatmates, with your landlord, with your neighbors,

with even with your pets, if you have them, do you have one you want to solve? I have quite a very specific beef I have with my state agent, actually, does that count? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It's very minor, but it is, it's in the level of minor where I can't really do anything about it, is that I'm due to renew my contract

at the end of this month, and I don't wanna do it any earlier than I have to, but my stay agent is sending me an email that says the same email every day at 12 11 AM. 12 11 past midnight a.m. saying reminder please dock you sign this document I get it every single day every single day reminder please dock you sign this document for my my friend. I think you have to fight doc with doc and you have to at 12 10 every morning get an auto like just get a scheduled auto send and just send him a variety of different docs for him to sign. This is what you need to do.

Signing up to mailing lists you know, order him some medical equipment off the internet. It's just whatever. Just get him Get him signing and he'll realize that yeah, actually he's got it. He's got to leave. He's got to leave you be Yeah, and do you think he's not staying up till 12. I don't think so, but they aren't exactly the same time So maybe one was at 12. The 12 a.m. And one was at 12. 10 a.m. But maybe it is it just has a slight discrepancy I don't know what's weirder that that has a or he's manually doing and he can get it about Exactly right. I think as well in that instance you're

What you're doing is you're stopping it from Me and anything yeah, if someone sends you a doc if someone sends you one document and then sends you a message like five days ago, how did you get this? You go, oh yeah, I'm so sorry. But if you send you the same document every day, you go, well, if you've got multiple copies of this document, I know it's digital. But if you've got multiple copies of this document, it means nothing to you. It's going to be enough.

It's happened over the last eight days. It's the law of diminishing returns on this document. Have you signed it? No, I don't want to sign until I have to. When have you got a sign? What's the date? End of this month, I think. Because the contract ends in September. Have you considered talking to this person?

No, because it's... Definitely not. No, the last thing you want to do is call up an estate agent after speaking to the company. Can you sign it like a letter at a time? Gradually, you'd read it through to him. I'd be with the K. I like that, yeah. I really like that, actually.

Yeah, so the first day you just send back, yeah, that's it. Just do it. Do it incrementally. One letter at a time. The next day, two letters. Yeah. You've it. Just do it. Do it. Do it. Income into the next day, two letters. Yeah. Yeah. You've got time to do it. Yeah. I have 15 days, I think, 16, 17 days. And just like sending a point. The floor in this plan is in the floor in this plan though. If you just, sorry, if you send it back with a K, they'll just assume that's your signature in your own. But you're involved under me. You're also putting like

where it says name, you just put in K. So you're going to think that. And also send a note saying, really sorry, I haven't been able to completely complete it. I'm swamped at the moment. I'll get it. I'll get it to you tomorrow. Join us tomorrow at 12.30 a.m. for letter two. I like it. I think that's good. I think that's B solved. Yeah.

Yeah. From the zoning at your B solved. Ken, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's been a real pleasure having you on. Obviously, we know you've got your contract up at the end of the month, anything else exciting happening in your future. Are you doing Edinburgh? Where could people find you? Where can people come and see you? No, I'm not doing Edinburgh, I actually have sworn off it, but I mean, if you want to, if you want to handle all sort of, you know, aggressive landlords,

you know, if you want to sort of swerve aggressive land, I think Edinburgh is the place to avoid. Yeah. I was looking into going up the visit and it was so much money to even visit for three days that I was like, it's cheaper to do a show than visit. I should have just done a show if I want to visit. That's true. It's bad, isn't it? But you're you're you're gigging here and there you're I'm a social media can plug my Third radio four series has just come out Oh, a couple couple weeks. You on BBC sounds. It's Ken Cheng Chinese comedian Wonderful. I was listening to it just the other day my car and really laughing. Yeah, that's nice It was really nice when Matthew said you were the guest because I was like bloody hell, there you go. There we go. Yeah, so I can I can confirm

that it's definitely worth a listen. Thank you. Don't you take Ken's words for it. Paris on board too. So yeah, find that BBC sounds. We'll stick a link to that in the show notes for the show. But yeah, well, have a wonderful summer. Tell us how it goes with your one letter at a time and try to link it with your estate agents. I will. But can you let us know one letter at a time? Be from the starting again, be from the start!

Wallup! Absolutely smash those beefs right out the park. And can I say crucially, an oi-oi free episode? Yeah, exactly. You know what, there was not a single oi-oi there from Parry, which is good. You know, unless if you- Well, I too was living under the acts of oi-oi. You know, I feel like it's spurred me on as well.

Nothing more tragic than the man who has to o himself. We've all got to do it. It's pretty now and then you've got to take yourself away for a second, have a quick oil and back into the group. Get yourself back into the game. Speaking of being back in the groove, let's talk about the Patreon. It's a really groovy little... Oh no! Oh yeah! Oh Tom, you're not going to believe it actually. We've now got zero patrons just after that message

we're down to zero patrons now. That's a shame because we had over 800 early on so that's a... Oh well look, come along and join the 800. We put out a bonus podcast every Thursday for people who join the Patron and there's a lovely community, people all writing, everyone chats away, there's loads of other perks to be in a Patreon as well. You'll also get a bonus beef as well from ourselves and Ken Cheng, so an extra beef that we didn't solve on the show. And the beef that we solved on the bonus beef is genuinely crazy. It's really, it's really, it's a mystery that I, you know,

sure we do our best, but it's a case that remains. It's not an open and shut close beef case. This is a beef case that remains wide open, but you're going to want to hear that. So patreon.com forward slash poppy's flat share for just four quid a month. You could get those all those bonus beefs, all the bonus episodes loads of extra audio. You also get advanced tickets to lots of our shows. For example, we're going to be at the cheerfully a full festival on October the 9th in Ballam. So our guests are the birthday girls. So come along to that. That should be really fun. They'll be a link to that in the show notes.

Cheerfully full in Ballam, a fantastic festival. And again, last time I checked, we were in the lead. So we've sold more tickets. Right, so the way it works is the birthday girls are doing our show, Papi's Fatshia stand down, then we're doing the birthday girls house party. And for some reason, the promoters have sort of pitted us against each other head-to-head but we're currently in the lead so let's keep that lead going guys by tickets by early by often get your tickets just by just by for us just by for us yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's it do

on the door yeah it'd be fine yeah, so grab tickets for that. Any other business at this late juncture? None. Oh, no. Well, in which case, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, He's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one who's the one Could you come under the back of that like Jules Holland? It's a bit of Boogie Boogie. It's a bit of Boogie Boogie. Oh, that's awesome. It's fact. It's whole eight trope. This whole eight trope bit.

You should have just been Boogie Boogie, you know what? I'm the piano. Like Jules Holland. Absolutely right. Great. Fantastic stuff. Cheers everyone. Fantastic stuff.

Cheers everyone!