Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Kerry Godliman S11E07

Episode Date: February 16, 2021

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Joe LycettKerry Godliman - https://twitter.com/KerryAGodlimanPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetTONIGHT - tickets for the next live (over the internet) Flatshare Slamdown on Feb 16th featuring Cariad Lloyd and Angela Barnes are available here - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/137786104949/If you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free them at in-up for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15.

Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to another Papi's flat share beef brothers cold cuts and it is... Yeah, what a stupid, what a ridiculous title. First time you've heard it as well isn't it? We've always kept a little bit of information away from Perry just because we don't want to blow his mind, but you don't want me to quit. He's hanging on my thread. So that means that flat share beef brothers, gold cuts.

That's where we're live in the shop, aren't we? If someone was trying to get me to listen to this part, imagine if someone of one of you said, oh, do you listen to podcasts? And I'm like, not really. It's like, try listening to this. It's called, thati's Flansher Beaf with a Scum. I've been out by the third word.

It's such a hard sell with that many words. And that's why we really appreciate that you're listening right now. Thank you so much. Please do like and subscribe. And of course, tell your friends about us. Thank you for waiting for the title. We're sorry that we made it so tough for you to listen to us, but thank you for passing the test.

Yeah, you've got through it. You've got passed the title and into the good stuff. Basically, it's to keep the normies out, right? We've got an amazing guest to see. We recorded it in an evening, by the way, which, by the way, gives a real laid back chill vibe to the perceived. I like it. Well, the only thing I'll say about it is that every time we record in the evening,

by about sort of 45 minutes in, my throat starts to seize up because I just basically, at seven o'clock every night of lockdown, I eat seven roast potatoes. I don't mean individual bit. I mean, seven potatoes chopped up and roasted and then ate them myself. And so, but I'm not used to talking

after that many roast potatoes. So I ate a load of roast potatoes, sat down, started talking, they were, but really, claggy. I'd done a full plate of bubbling squeak. And it was like having that to my eyes. It was like a family's worth amount of bubbling squeak. But no one else wanted any bubbling squeak.

Well, you were a fan, you were the person Tom. I've always said it. I'll apply to it. Thank you, Matthew. That means a lot to me. You're welcome. You're welcome. You are.

Yes, we battled through the Clage to bring you this evening's podcast with a brilliant guest. Yes, but before all of that sorry. Yes, we do have to do that. You're always sliding into the air. You're always so ready to slide into the air. Well, no, you've got to do the promo. I've gone. Yeah, no, but I was thinking we mentioned who our guest is just to keep those people who are not there thinking of changing them.

I want to keep them this late. Okay, yeah. Good call, mention the guests. No worries, not just us. We've got Kerry Godlimern coming up. Oh, suit our laws, Kerry Godlimer one. Brilliant stand up. Phenomenal action. Look, Sheree Bucking.

A luxury booking. We could have talked to our all evening if, if Crosby's Clag had a kick in it and we had to end it prematurely. Sorry, I got not gonna go. But that's coming up after we do a classic bit of promo from Crossbee Roasty. Matthew, oh God, crossbee Roasty. Matthew.

Well, we'll come to the Roasty, Matthew. It's not a bad thing, though. Crossbee Roasty, Matthew. It's not, I mean, it's no Padley's flat share of B-Fuller's cold cuts, but black crossbeard. It's not a bad thing, though. Crossbeard Roasty Matthew. It's not, I mean, it's no Papi's flat share of beef on his cold cuts, but I'm taking it. Crossbeard. I think the problem might be your bad at naming things.

I'm starting to realize that that might be the problem. Well, crossbeard Roasty. Good evening, folks. Crossbeard Roasty Matthew here reporting live from my sofa where I've eaten quite a lot of potatoes. The big news that everyone's talking about is that if you're listening to this, I'm going to run outside the room, I'm going to run inside the room, I'm going to run outside the room, I'm going to run outside the room, I'm going to run outside the All right, all right, everything's gonna if you're listening to this On the day it comes out and why wouldn't you be then tonight?

Carrie Adloid and Angela Barnes are our guests for a fantastic Papi's flat-share slam downs not a great title Yeah, but it's a title we're giving the show. It's live over zoom get yourself to eventbrite.co.uk And get yourself a ticket or go to our Twitter, app, app, his tweet or Instagram. If it's not your baking trays with potatoes. I promise you are valid and I'll have a potato in a half, don't you worry about that. 16th. No, look, for those of you that haven't done it before, it's a really fun way.

It's like attending a live recording, it's like having a night out without leaving your house. We just goof around with our mates, you get to enjoy it on YouTube, have a drink, you know, come along and join us. It's always good fun. Absolutely. And if it's after the fact, then it stays live for a few days.

You can still grab a ticket and still watch it in your own time. But yeah, 16th of February, 8 p.m. and we'd love to see you there. We should also say, if you love Kerry Godlamon as much as we do, then you'll want to hear more of her and what better way to hear more than to hear a bonus beef with Kerry Godlamon on our Patreon. We recorded a beef that is not in the main episode but was it's really good. It's really really good. It's got a noise in it that you really you have to hear

You do the noise or how we came to you know how the noise came to occur But this is a noise that you have to hear so get yourself to patreon.com For slash pappies flat share and five dollars and above. I think it's four pound 50 and above You can get all of our bonus beefs, there's loads of them, you can also get all 100 plus episodes of Papi's flat share lockdown, you get two episodes a week, and it's bad, isn't it? All our titles. More titles, more titles. You get two episodes a week and you get the entire back catalog, the second you join. Plus we've started.

And you also get, you also get our love sex join. Plus we've started, and you also, yeah go on, yeah. You also get, you also get our Love Sack Shagdains as well, which are sexy specials. We've done 10 now, and holy moly, what a treat they are. If you're looking for somewhere to get your freak on, to celebrate sex in all its hard forms,

then that is the place to do it. I say to my wife today, just how liberating I find these love sex shagdains and how kind of sex positive I think it is. And I kind of inadvertently said, you know, I was talking about when we have said, oh, it's like, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh it's suddenly realised that, because she doesn't listen, I was like, oh no, oh no, oh no, I feel quite a lot about her. I've told you that. And so if you listen to those, you'll hear another noise

that's, yeah, is really worth hearing. But yeah, so all of that is worth checking out over at our Patreon, patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's flat share. And the final thing I'd ask for is, if you'd like to get in touch with the roast potato, please. I've had enough roasties, it's time for the beef. thing I'd ask for is if you'd like to get in touch with the roast potato please. I've had enough roasties, it's time for the beef.

Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com is the email to get in touch with us if you want to send us your beefs. And to address those emails to crossbeam roasty mafus. Crossbeam. Yeah. So here's our guarantee. Crossbeeroste Matthew, it's getting on the show. Any address to crossbeeroste Matthew, to beefbrotherspodcast.com,

it's getting on the show without a shadow of a doubt. Okay, well listen, without further ado, enjoy this episode and as you're listening to it, try and guess from the sound of his voice what Clarkie had for dinner And what he was battling during the record and at the end of the root at the end of the recording He's gonna reveal to you what dinner. He was trying to keep down during this Well, if you've got a problem call it a problem If you've got a problem call it a bee if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a B.

If you've got a B, B. Maybe we can help you be from the zoning at your B. All counts. So thank you, by the way, for coming on the podcast. Thank you. Thank you. Well, thanks for doing it. What's your setup at the moment?

What's your, because it's obviously a flatmate scenario. It's a house. I know a flatmate's a Mario, so I could do the whole hey my flatmates are my children but it's not fun as that. I like the way you clarify it's a house. Just in case people you know it's not a flat. I'm doing alright. The postcode would be the revealer of that. Just in case people, you know, it's not a flat. I'm doing all right. It's a house. It's a house. And then the post code would be the revealer of that. Yeah.

But it's a house with children in it and a husband in it. And actually, up until about two weeks ago, I was away. I was away working. So I wasn't really having to do all the home schooling shit. But now I'm back, and I'm very much doing it. And I really don't like it.

And how does your home styling compare to the one that was going on when you were away? Like your kids like, oh God, mom's back. Is it like, yes, mom's got it in its cool home. I think when I first got back it was a bit of that. Like mom's back, she's the cool one and now, that's over. My teenage daughter would rather I just fuck off permanently, I think. And my son was quite happy to see me back. Yeah.

Can I ask you a story? Is somebody rubbing a bit of paper or something? Oh yeah, me. I was just, I'm sorry to be such a pain, but it was drawing me up the fucking wall. Sorry, sorry. I was trying to, without working out, I was looking at everyone's faces going, well, I was fidgeting.

Who is fidgeting? Who is fidgeting? I was just because I was talking about my family, and I had a nice, sorry. LAUGHTER So I have to scratch paper out. So fine, fine, fine. Is someone tearing strips off a beer bottle?

This seems like... She's either as a paper or I rock and sweat. Sorry. In which case, if those are your worry beads, you rub that paper as much as you need to carry. Post it, no, it's my worry beads. Yeah. No, it's all fine.

It's just that they were all moment. I mean, have you had guests on the appearance as well? Oh, yeah. Yeah. See, that's the problem is you want to kind of Share but you're aware that everyone's going through the same shit. There's no unique spin on Home schooling. I can't put a new spin on it. It's just it's just shit I was expecting you to come on and go like I've cracked it guys. I've got the answer I mean I am amazed at how I was expecting you to come on and go like, I've cracked it guys. I've got the answer. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, I am amazed at how upset I can get

in such a record short amount of time. Like, I always, when I start the day, I'm like, today's gonna be the day I'm gonna smash it. And then, artilly falls apart within half an hour. So. I've got a thing now, because I mean, home schooling is a strong term for what I've been doing

this week. Basically my daughter's 18 months doesn't require schooling but requires a lot of attention and the nurse who's been closed for 10 days because there was an outbreak of COVID in her room. I used the word outbreak to make it seem a lot more, one person had it. It's not an outbreak really, but I do. But that is Schatz and Nurse Day. It shuts the entire room down for 10 days so we we've had her. And it was the last day to day, and I'd done so well, and literally, as I was giving her dinner,

I can't remember what happened. Something happened. Something in the house, inanimate, I told to fuck off, and she repeated it. And it's like normally when... It's also so bad. Normally when we swear, which we still do around the house, she just does, it sort of goes over her head to really realise it. She'll copy phrases we use, but she's pretty good at cherry picking the good ones. But today, she just turned around and said,

fuck off to her carrots. So. I think we're just gonna have to roll with that because it's only gonna get worse. That's true, yes, that's right. You just gotta get on board with it A lot of kids are gonna be going back to school after this home schooling period with a whole arsenal of swear words Absolutely, I mean I was like

Look what I learnt and I was away Oh, complete, I mean I was in the park today And this old woman with like she was quite old and a kid fell off a swing And she was outraged by the language she went I know he's hurt himself but good god we need this language this kid was about six and he was like fuck he really hurts like fuck this and this poor old woman I was like oh I don't think there's any need for that. I was with the kid. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's swearing, you know. That's the language I do. Yeah. I mean, swearing is for extremity, and we are in a pandemic, so let's bring out the swears. There's been an outbreak. You're allowed to say fuck off. Yes, you can say fuck off.

You can say a lot of swears. You've made me feel a lot better. Be from the starting at your being! What counts? Let's do a carry, I sent you one. Oh is this the dog one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's have a look at it. Okay.

Could you read it for us? Oh sorry, sorry, sorry. By let's have a look at it, I meant you're gonna read out. Sorry, carry. I thought you were gonna show me something. That's what I'm looking for you guys. No, no, no. Let's all of us have a look at the thing you're about to read out.

Here we go. Right, so this is my, right, quick beef. My downstairs neighbor insists that I've got a secret dog. And I don't have any dog, secret or otherwise. How do I keep it in stone? It's mad. And it's perhaps worth noting that I am permitted by my landlord to have a dog. However, it's the noise of the secret dog that is the problem here.

This is like that, son. That's so good. That's so good. I had that with the neighbour once. They slid a note under my door a couple of times saying that I was up in the middle of the night banging around in the kitchen. Are you putting in covers and shutting cupets? Wasn't at all, both times, and they're like, you know, the first time I kind of said, you know, really sorry, but definitely wasn't me or my housemate like checked. And the second time, it was a very snarky second letter of like oh I suppose you weren't up at 4 a.m. in the morning banging kitchen cupboards I thought no you're eliminated sleep talking yeah well I've never

done it before in my life how would you know yeah point you make a good point yeah if you're if you're just very good at getting yourself back to bed afterwards yes you don't set up a video system or a means of knowing how would you know have you ever sleep adopted a dog could that be what's going on here why another thing at the moment I've got is my dog dreams are out of control almost every night at the moment I've got is my dog dream, so out of control, almost every night at the moment I'm having a dream that I've got a dog that I come into ownership of a dog. Are you thinking of getting a dog?

I'd love to have one, but I don't think I can or should. Why? Well, I live in a first full flat. Maybe everyone's getting an ex-covid dog. Yeah. Everyone's getting a COVID dog. You're an out-of-grief dog, Clark. Yeah, that's a...

Get yourself a pandemic, Clark. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing, you know, you know, Christmas, a dog's for life, not just for Christmas, but a part of it. Yeah, but this is going to go on for fucking years. Get yourself a dog. Absolutely. Get yourself a dog. Get yourself a dog.

Does a COVID dog can it detect COVID? Do you send it into a room and it sniffs around? Send it to your daughter's nursery, crossbow. I wonder. I thought it would be amazing. I'd love, I mean, it would save it because I don't know if you've had to have the test. If you had to go down to the.

I've had loads of tests. Have you, have you had them sent to you and you send them back? No, because I was doing this job. I was working recently, so they tested us every other day. Oh, right, yeah, of course. So I was constantly having things shoved in. You've not had to... Well, that's the act of life for you, is it?

You haven't had to pass. You haven't had to pass. You've never had to pass to the bishop. LAUGHTER Was it the same swap every day? No, there were variables and I tell you what, some of them are maniacs, some of them are like, oh, it's just going to be a tickle, others elbow deep. Yeah, that's tough. Yeah.

Luna ticks. Have you had to give your kids a test? Yeah, they've had tests. If I wanted to see them at the weekend, they had to be tested. Right. It's tough isn't it, given the kit, because I've had to give my daughter a test. Yeah, they've had tests. If I wanted to see them at the weekend, they had to be tested. It's tough isn't it giving the kit because I've had to give my daughter a test twice now. It really is because also they say, they say like stick it, whatever it is, an inch up the nose, and you go, which hasn't got an inch. It's not got an inch to give a tiny. She's too little, that's horrible. Mine are older so they kind of of, you know, they could be handled it. But that's all for the little.

Yeah, my two loved it. Bring it, bring it. That's just a delager. I did used to play a game, pre-pandemic, which I now realise was prep. Which was how long you could endure a bit of grass stuck up your nose. It was a great game on some of this day. It would be like, God, it's going crazy. Yes, he got a head least to get out.

Stick it out. Now, that has prepared me brilliantly for this. How far up you know as you think you get it? Could you get it out the tier duct? Well, I can now. In the old days, no, I had zero tolerance, but now you could go right up to my brain. Take off the brain, cheer yourself up a little bit.

Exactly. Exactly. Well, what you said, Clark, you actually, makes me think, now, I hate to go down this route because obviously it excludes a lot of people who don't believe in this sort of thing. But have you thought of the supernatural aspect of it? Ghost dog. Ghost dog. Ghost dog, exactly. Do you know, we've talked before about me witnessing a ghost wolf. You know, when I was a little child, a wolf came into my room and blew in my face.

And I saw a ghost wolf. Famously I saw a ghost wolf. That is great. Yeah, thank you. It wasn't a time that was quite scary, but you know, I've done down and I saw a ghost wolf. Famously I saw a ghost wolf. That is great. Yeah, thank you. It wasn't, the time was quite scary, but you know, I've done down it for years. But could ghost wolf, you've got to have a t-shirt or something made saying that.

It does sound like a good band, doesn't it ghost wolf? Ghost wolf would be a great band. I think that's not a bad idea. I'll get myself a ghost wolf t-shirt. But, I learned an instrument. Yeah, but blue. But blowing in your face isn't a great album title. How about I blew a ghost wolf?

Oh, I'd buy that album. The boy who cried, boy, ghost wolf? I'll have an L-Puff, I think that's the name of the album. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Peter and the Ghost Wolf. Yes, this is what we're talking about. What do we think about a ghost dog, though?

Do we think of a post of me? Have we just formed a band? Have we just formed a band? We formed a band. We just need to learn to play music. One of these days, well, it's been a long time. If it hasn't happened by now. Um, yeah, so do you think Clark, he's ghosting? Ghost on your situation, well it's been a long time, if it hasn't happened by now.

Yeah, so do you think clarky first on your situation? Because it sounds like, you know, bang your pots and pans clattering of stuff. That sounds like the N-field haunting, doesn't it? It sounds like a sort of, you know, like a poltergeist. But if they're hearing like the sound of a dog and there is no dog, could it be a ghost dog? Well that's, I mean, in my case, I'm sure it's just pipes. Pipes from Ghostwatch? Well, that's I mean in my case. I'm I'm sure it was just pipes Pipes and go swatch Pan pipes

Pandemic pipes I don't why I think is unfortunately is your neighbors were a bit shitty about it's like Is if you're doing it on purpose, is it? Yeah, well, again, with that, you go, well, I kind of would be within my rights to move around at night, you know. Yeah. But also, I wasn't. Also, if it was down there, in the middle of the night, you know, clanging pots and pans, you've clearly got your own stuff going on.

You don't need your neighbours coming in, you know. But I would be upset about the second email, the passive aggressive second one, with the espouse you were not banging pots and pans. I do not like that, but I do. And you don't go to that in the second email, you save that. You hang that. You never go in second email with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I think no under the door anyway is Passag from note one. Knock on the front door, face some face to face. Do you have a bit of a chat about it?

Don't be a coward. My friend recently had a feud with her neighbour and he emailed the second email, was like, would you like me to buy you some slippers? How's that for Passag? No, it was hardcore like you're climbing about. So it's the thing though, they're hard to buy now because people are going through more slippers than they used to. No, you can get them from Jeff Bezos in a blink. We can think about slippers. My letterbox can

ship one out within 12 hours before the end of this record. We'll all be in slippers. We could all have slippers. Ghost waffer in slippers, everyone. Um, second number. Second number. A lot more laid back, chilled approach. Yeah, unplugged. Do you think that's what's going on here, though? Has the neighbor decided? Has the neighbor been really clever here,

rather than be passag, rather than be ag ag? They've decided to just go fucking weird, because now they're in that person's head. They're going like, I than be ag ag, they've decided to just go fucking weird because now they're in that person's head, they're going like, I heard you a dog and it's like, I haven't got a dog and then they're going to be in their flat going, well everyone be a bit quiet because the guy knows those things, we've got a dog. Maybe they work for Batty's dog's home and they're trying to get that person to take a dog, so if you can hit fuck them. You hit fuck them into thinking they've got a dog and then you're like well you think you've got a dog you might as well get

a dog. I've heard it enough. I've heard it less if you had one. Mine games. You're all mine games. It's my thing. It's a fantasy. If you wouldn't even need to get them to then get the dog you just keep telling them they've got a dog. You gaslight them to thinking they've got a dog. Then one day to put a dog in the flat and they go, well, I assume that's been in the whole time. Exactly. You always had a dog. You don't need, yeah, it's like, it's like the end of the shining spoiler alert.

The dog was always there. You look at the photo. There's the dog there grinning away in the 1920s. There's a dog in the show. Bloody hell. I've got to rewatch that. I think that it's mind games to drive them away. I think they'll start freaking out. I think they've clearly got a noisy neighbor and they're like, do the ghost dog trick.

Pretend there's a spiritual dog. Freak them out. Think they're going mad. Going like, do I have a dog? I don't have a dog. Do I have to have a dog? Oh, I better move out. It's something in it.

There's something in it. There's some weird shit going down. There's some weird shit going down, Kerry. That's all there is. There's some weird shit going down. Or do they have, like, how do they move around the flat? Oh, they have a problem. On all four of us.

We haven't asked, do they pad around the house on all fours? Oh, I was saying this as an audio medium because your impression of padding around the flat was great visually. Clark is a very physical performer. He's absolutely wasted on podcasting. He's the Charlie Chaplin of podcasts. Oh, silly. It's really good dog padding around the flat action. I've got a dog. Don't leave. It's really good dog padding around the flat action. I've got a dog. Oh, here we go. And I am rather bored of my dog. She's nearly eight. Can I have it? Well, why don't we give it to these people and they could just have it. And then that's the dog they had all along. Yeah. My dog's a bit boring. She's a boring dog.

What kind of dog do you have? She's always boring. boring, she's a boring dog. What kind of dog do you got? Where she always boring. Where she always boring or she's definitely boring. She's got boring as she's got older. Now she's like, people do, don't they? Yeah, well they're people aren't they, not dogs. We're talking about dogs. I mean, I'm sorry, yeah. There's a crucial difference, sorry, yeah. I mean, welcome to your parenting book people do it I'll get boring of the age of eight just put her out in the yard my dog is a sort of shitting ornament that's how I look so she's really boring so they can have her they can have my dog there is beef solved to get real dog and there he are beef solved me

I'm just having a Why like to call a godlamins moment of silence when I find the email? There it is okay jump scares and send your twinkie from John via beef brothers podcast at gmail.com getting touch everyone getting touch All right me pappers and good day from Melbourne. Oh, hello Wow, wait Australian accents. Yeah, no. Oh, no, okay at the start of 112th day hard lockdown here in Melbourne, I was forced to move and ended up in a new... I think it's going to detract. Yeah, yeah.

No one heard any words there, they were two dazzle. I thought he was with you for free. At the start of the 112th day hard lockdown here in Melbourne, I was forced to move and ended up in a new house share. I know I have a bigger room in a nicer house and pay less rent. Ah, I even get on with my two new housemates for the most part. Or good so far. However, one housemate who shall remain named Richard has two unusual habits.

The first and easiest to explain is a passion for sneaking up on me or my other housemate and scaring us. He's a very large South African man but can seemingly move throughout the house without making a sound. I can now no longer do the washing up whilst listening to flat slum, house meeting or beef brothers without the fear that Richard could scare the shit out of me at any second. The second and more peculiar habit is pretending his protruding lockdown belly is a French man named Senor Twinkie. Senor Twinkie. Senor Twinkie. Senor Twinkie speaks with a bad French accent, likes to press himself against you without consent and

consume food through Richard's Hairy Belly button. These sites, once seen, cannot be unseen. So, puppies, how can I return to enjoying your podcast whilst doing the washing up? And how can I make sure I never see, send your twinky again? Lots and lots of love. John from Melbourne. Right. I think you've got about twinky the twinky. I, yeah. You've got to fight, you've got about Twinkie, the Twinkie. I, you've got to fight, you've got to fight Twinkie with Twinkie, unfortunately. What, what this is pointing towards, isn't necessarily,

I mean, like they're two specific problems, but what it's really pointing towards is, you're living with a bit of a character. Yeah. And living with a bit of a character, can grind your down, can't it? I mean I don't know I've always been the character. I've lived with you. Well you're very blinded. Would you have done that sort of thing though as a character?

No, do you know what? That's not my character at all, no. It feels like, you know, there are these people in the comedy world. We all know who are great, amazing people, and they're great to spend time with, and they're awesome on stage, but then they come off stage, and they're still the same,

and it's like, oh, you're not off. You're not on. You're just, you just keep going, and it's like, those people are amazing. But then if you were living with that person, it's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. I have a rest.

I feel like I feel like. I'd love to see Senua Twinkion live at your Apollo, but I wouldn't like to live with him. It's what we're saying here. There's definitely good, Senua Twinkie's doing good gear. We all know that. He's doing good for Senua. Yeah, but you. We all know that. He's doing good material. Yeah, but you can't stretch that sort of shit out for 20 minutes.

I mean, that is... No, you're right. He'll do one of the competitions. I mean, it's for sure the competitions. Then he'll really struggle to step up to 20s, yet. Marsala Conte's absolutely good. It about that. I mean, I can't believe it.

Marsala Conte's going. I can't believe Senior Twinkies on the seas. Straight at the Apollo, he's only just started. I'm not a big lover of a pranking. I don't like pranking. No, I was going to say not my vibe, particularly that just coming up and scaring someone. No, thank you. No, it's short lid.

Do you scare easily, Carrie? Yeah, it's really easy to make me jump. So when you, when if someone does it, afterwards I'm like, Oh, well done you! I mean, what, what, what, we achieved? If anything, you scare them back much more. Oh, yeah. I think we might be getting something here.

This might be good advice for John. I think if John's on higher alert for the scare at all times. And when it arrives, he like tends running out of the, like if he's on higher alert for the scare at all times and then when it arrives he like tends to like if he's got like Freddy Krueger kind of if he's saluting some knives to his hand or something and then like as he's washing up. You do what you gotta do, you do what you gotta do because his place go to learn. So the way you're not going to salitate all't wait till your eyes just... You can't wait till your eyes just... You can't wait till your eyes just... Yes. Swushing around in the sink.

Yes. Hopefully you'll only need to go through this once. Exactly. You modernize a pair of gloves. You kind of customise them. You fit loads of knives to them, and you're waiting. You've got your hands under the water, and you're just waiting. He thinks you're washing up.

He thinks you're washing up. He starts... He jumps out, he turns around and goes, no, today you can't. Now that is a sitcom. Unfortunately, we made it in 2013, Kerry. But now I think, Marigolds with a load of like knives for spatulas the lot Yeah, and a little egg beater or something the lot yeah all sticking out of the end of it and then not today you can I think it's good You won't scare you again will it yeah? Yeah, you the fuck alone and then with the knives shavers bell bellied why

Edward's Edward's hands and your twinkie do you think there's a sort of sands and likability in his bodily hair do you think that's what it is if you were to get some immac and you know immac all his hair off he'd stop doing senior twink. Did you, Twinkie really has that memory for me of watching Greece, like between the ages of like, I don't know, seven and 15, me and my sister watched Greece like five, six times a year.

And that Twinkie, who wants a Twinkie and Twinkie, I never knew what a Twinkie was for the life of me. But it was like, we used to reference it all the time and go, Twinkie's a winery on class, yeah, but it was like such a, we used to reference it all the time and go, Twinkies away in real class, yeah. Yeah, but the thing about Greece is it's filled with these, these like absolutely littered with them, like I remember dancing around to, oh it's a real pussy wagon. Yeah. And then it's like, I'm, yeah, your chicks are cream. And then you watch it when you're an adult, you're like, oh shit, And your kids are watching it, but you know they don't understand it so and the cycle continues Yeah, exactly

So Twinkie for me was a ghost busters that's a big Twinkie. Do you remember they look like? Like can I just ask what is a Twinkie? It's like a sponge is like a sponge Sort of like like a sponge kind of bar that has got cream inside it. But what's the root angle? Um, what's the root angle? I guess maybe because it's like penis-like with cream and f- Is it phallic? It's phallic, is it?

It's a bit of cream inside, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see, so it, jizzes. Well, it could do it, yeah. Yeah, if you bit the end of it and gave it a squeeze I reckon yeah, that's the rude angle That would be nice. Are you are you one of our American listeners? Can you choose a twinkie getting touched? Let us know Be sure there's podcastedgmail.com Twinkie we don't twinkie I'm having a't twinky! We don't twinky! I'm having a We don't twinky! I'm having a We don't twinky!

Oh, I'm having a We don't twinky! Oh, I'm having a We don't twinky! That's the third album! No, you're not. I don't think that's beef sold. I think we've sorted that. Yeah, I love it. I'm really happy with that resolution. I think that is a really good bit of advice, solid.

And get back in touch and tell us how he reacts. Is this the end of senior Twinkie? Actually, can you video it? That's what we're after. Yes, I mean, I'd love to see that action. This is what we need. Go pro on the head, I want all of it. Well be solved.

And also sit con commission. From the starting I can be resolved. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that.

Four things. It's like theaters December 15th. This one is from Becky. via pappiesflatshareitgmail.com another way to get in touch. Why not? Becky writes, Hello Gang. As you wonderfully solved my last beef, waiting to the anniversary of our wedding for my husband to finally write his side of the thank you cards, I remember that one well. I come to you with a new problem. Less than 18 months after our wedding, we

have done the stereotypical thing of people in their 30s, we've got pregnant. Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! The due date is looming March 18th. Oh, right, that is, that's close. And since I've ended the third trimester, my emotions have gone crazy.

I'm so quick to anger, I feel like a character from a cartoon or a dream sequence from Scrubs with steam coming out of my ear and a devil voice. I know my emotional roller coaster is a lot to deal with, but am I being unreasonable to ask my husband to be the better person? Right. My husband loves debating, but I'm asking that while carrying our unborn baby,

can he back down from an argument and just concede? Yeah! I get the feeling this is one of those emails where you don't necessarily need to solve it, you just need to be able to play it back to him. You know, you can just take this podcast now and go look, this is all I need. Listen to this, listen to this man you've never heard of, read this out, and this is what I'm feeling right now. He says he shouldn't get into the habit of, he says he shouldn't get into the habit of giving in, and shouldn't get into the habit of

giving in and that's not his personality. Oh come on mate. He sells on the way. Not today can. I can say, I think the answer is the answer. I think the answer is the answer. Two problems. I'm sorry. I'm gonna have another do you, Vey. LAUGHTER Well, actually, darling, I think you'll find... NAP, TENDI! CAMCH! That's my kind of delay.

LAUGHTER By the way, my water's a broken. LAUGHTER He says he shouldn't get into the habit of giving in and that's not his personality. I argue back with my exorcist voice that I don't want to walk over for a husband but now can he just put my feelings above his? Is that completely unfair? This situation is exacerbated by the age-old problem of one of us being a hot drink drinker and the other not. Okay. What I love here is, now we're going into this.

That's so cool and alcoholic. Someone's been on the hot tardees. For me, tea and in pregnancy hot chocolate is a real comfort. And if I ask, if you can make me a cup of tea, it's always met with a sigh. It happens. Oh, no. But with a sigh.

In the seven years we've been together, he has never once asked if I want a cup of tea. The other night when I was in tears with work problems, an offer of a cup of tea would have warmed my heart, but alas, it never comes. Is it also unreasonable to ask a non tea drinker to offer tea? And then she writes, this is very, very, very kind of you Becky, but don't worry about that.

She writes, as I write this, I write it's actually quite heavy material, I think, with no jokes. Sorry. Any help would be appreciated, Becky. Well, Becky, don't you worry about it being heavy material. We're here to help. Yes. Right. I'm worried that I'm not, I mean, my help will be a time machine. Go back seven years. You need to review your life choices, mate. Yeah, you've done the stereotypical things, married in your early 30s, pregnancy in your late 30s, divorce in your early 40s. Absolutely right. Let's try and save this marriage. Let's try and salvage it. Come on, for Becky's sake. There's got to be a tea. Come on, for Becky's sake.

There's got to be a tea equivalent that he drinks, right? I think that's it, isn't it? He must drink some liquid, right? When you get, when you get yourself a drink, you get your partner drink at the same time. It's pretty simple, those are the rules, right? Yeah, and so if you're getting yourself a water, you've just got to say, if you're getting yourself a water, you've just got to say if you're getting

yourself a drink, offer me. Yeah, but he has an aversion to being walk tall over. We need to go back to that aspect of being now. This is a man that thinks losing an argument means being walk tall over. Yeah, he's one of these, I see equality as oppression. He's one of these things. Yes, we've got a hat. We're talking patriarchy here is what we're talking. Yes. Yeah, he's one of these I see a quality as a prescient. He's one of these We're talking patriarchy here is what we're talking. Yes

He talks it masculine Patriot I mean this is this is some serious hardcore therapy required Yeah, you're not gonna fix it in this little podcast guys. No well Listen, we've we've fixed bigger problems And we've we've fixed bigger problems and we've broken up stronger marriages Calm down dear we'll solve this Anyone's gonna figure it out it's three white men all right I'm really worried I'm worried about this unborn child, I've got loads of concerns. That's a lot going on.

This bloke needs to come around here and I'll have a chat with him. Yeah, I mean, how can we get through to this guy through, you know, I feel like, let's shall we do, shall we do a bit of a roleplay? Yes. Should we do a bit of a roleplay? Yes! Harry, if you were to be, if you were to be this, won't back down, non-push over, alpha, shouldn't be a hard role for you to adopt. And Harry, you want to be Carrie. You're sitting down now with husband here.

You can say whatever you like to him, what would you say? Oh, I'm feeling quite emotional. It's been a really tough day today. Oh, okay. I like the voice as well, really you know what. I'll be really nice if you probed a bit or asked me a little bit about my day. Yeah, just let me finish this cold beverage. Hang on, hang on, how is this going to give you an opportunity to climb down from a debate and acquiesce to my opinion. You know I don't do that know I don't do that babe and that's one of the reasons why you

love me. Well it was when we met but now I'm sitting down the right, no when I look back I think I was depressed when we were. Wow. Wow. I think I had low self esteem. I think I can, I think I confused. I think I confused your wanker inners a sexy but I appear to have made some appalling life joys.

Shall I put the kettle on? No you're not today you can't. Oh God, are they knives? Oh! Yeah! Where play's really good for? I can't tell you what, I could actually... I think the not today you can't is a catch all as well. It just won't, it just cuts through to the number of any arguments. We're gonna have to change the title of this podcast. Welcome to Not

a There You Can. What's an Ariadur? Let's tell you to tell someone. Not to there you can. It does solve a lot of problems that cash factors. It really does actually, doesn't it? Yeah. Gosh, you say it to the South African variant. Not today again. Sadly, it's more like it's what the Kent variant is saying to the rest of the world. Yeah. LAUGHTER Um, I mean, not today, you've just...

Oh! LAUGHTER Not today, you've very end. So, um, is, I mean, like, look, basically, this is... This guy needs to realise that this is his moment to change. Right? That's what I asked that. He's got to want to change.

He's got to want to change. So how do you make someone want to change? We're knives. With knives and the seaword. No, no. With total aggression. I feel like, I feel like ultimatums are useful because he's about to go into a brand new existence

for him, fatherhood, right? So you can say that on the horizon, you can say, look, I like you as a person. I quite like you as a husband. I don't know how much of a father you're gonna be. You need to pull up your socks. Because then it's giving him a person. I quite like you as a husband. I don't know how much of a father you're going to be. You need to pull up your socks because then it's giving them a deadline. Rather than going, you're bad now, change, which is a bit, it's a bit nebulous. Say, look, we've, we've got just over a month before our world is going to get turned upside down forever. You need to be, I, I feel ready, you need to be ready.

And I feel like that's what he needs, you need to meet me at that starting line and we need to cross it with holding hands, rather than you going, you know, I don't actually back down. I feel you might see that as an argument, right, Ne? He'd be like, well, I don't wanna be seen as a, you know. Well, I think that's the other thing as well.

You gotta explain to him, we're on the same side. You are nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, you're not losing by helping me. We're both winning. Yes, that's so true. But you're saying that because you're a nice person. Well, I'll thank you, Kerry, but honestly. But if you've got to explain that to someone,

if you've got to explain that shit to someone, you're losing already, aren't you? If you have to say, yeah, you know, we're a team. Well, are we though, or is this actually a competition where basically whoever dies first loses? Yeah, that's what you flip out, yeah, your finger, the swords. We could send them some YouTube videos about not being a wanker or something, are there ways of going?

Well it's like basically the simple message is, it has never been less about you than it is right now. Oh. That's what, that's all he needs to know is like dude. It has never been less about you than right now Maybe that's why he's acting out Yes, it does happen doesn't it? It's like you know It's a tricky thing for husbands apparently that they're used to getting all of the attention And then suddenly they're getting not as much of the attention. Yeah, and maybe maybe maybe if actually right

He's that's it. He's doubling down because he's worried. I have got a tip then. I have got a practical tip. Let's see here. Get a birthing pool. Just get one. Get a hose pipe. It gives bloke loads to do.

Keeps them really occupied for weeks. And then going to hospital anyway. I do, do what you've got to do. But let them let him feel like he can blow it up He can deflate it. He can fill it up. He can Play it from it. He can drink Bearing it and then when he's in the project when he's having a little swim around in it Just a knee to the back of the neck

Three to four minutes and you know what? When the bubbles stop, the good times go. LAUGHTER Problem solved. Oh, beef solved. Beef solved. It's a really good catchphrase. From the starting, I can be beef solved.

Kerry, did you have a problem with your current living situation raise. Be from the starting of your being! Kerry, did you have a problem with your current living situation that you want us to sort? It doesn't have to be the people you live with, it could be your neighbours, anything like that. Well, I do, mine is related to homeschooling. Okay. And this week, I don't want to read you the whole poem. Yes! week, I don't want to read you the whole poem. Yes, I mean, it's a long poem called

to see the rabbit by Alan Brownjohn, right? Now, this was set as the whole week's work for my 10 year old son to use as a sort of piece of, I don't know, like they're going to like study it, talk about it, write their own poems based on it. So it's the whole week with this. It's a project, basically. It's a project, it's a week long project. Now, if you were in the middle of a global pandemic and you were offering bits of creative writing and poetry, I would say, keep it light, wouldn't you?

Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Keep it light. Yeah. Do you do some pameirs? Something a bit funny. I mean, I don't know what definitely go pameirs or Michael Rosen anyway. Lovely.

Do you want me to read you the whole poem? Go on, let's have a reading of it, yes. Okay, we're going to see the rabbit. We're going to see the rabbit. Which rabbit people say? Which rabbit asked the children? Which rabbit? The only rabbit.

The only rabbit in England, sitting behind a barbed wire fence under the flood lights, neon lights, sodium lights, nibbling grass, the only patch of grass in England, in England, except the grass by the hoardings which doesn't count. We're going to see the rabbit, we must be there on time. Shall we go by escalator, then go by underground, then go by motorway, then go by helicopterway, and the last ten yards we shall have to go on foot. We're going now. We're going to see the rabbit. We're nearly there. We're longing to see it, and so is the crowd, which is here in its thousands with mounted policemen and big loudspeakers and

banners and banners, and everyone's come come a long way but soon we shall see it. Sitting and nibbling the blades of grass in but something's gone wrong. Why is everyone so angry? Why is everyone jostling and slanging and complaining? The rabbit has gone. Yes the rabbit has gone. It's actually borrowed down into the earth and made himself a warrant under the earth. Despite all these people, what should we do? What can we do? It's all a pity, you must be disappointed. Go home and do something for today. Go home, go home for today,

for you cannot hear the rabbit under the earth. Remarking rather sadly to himself, by himself, as he rests in his Warren under the earth. It won't be long. They're bound to come. They're bound to come and find me even here. Okay, well we've got that one, Kerry, can you just have fun with the next one? Just play around with it a little bit. Just mess it around a bit. Right, I want to, isn't it?

I want to say to the school, what the fuck are you doing? Why are you setting this as a subject? Why are you setting this as a subject? It's like an apocalyptic version of we're going on a bare hunt. It's not a stupid and rapid. It's awful. It's made me cry. Yeah, it's children of men, but like cross with water ship down to increase the me depression movies. It's totally children of men water ship down.

It's so bleak. We read it out. I'm totally children of men who are shipped down. It's so bleak. They've paved by that. We read it out. How can the lad that sheds so proudly? Certainly. Like, I'm doing my mental health as is everyone else's is hanging by a thread. And this is the shit they're making us do the things. This is the handful of knives

they bought to the table. It's like a wine star. It's like a wine dog. It's like a prank. You keep it thinking Antendeca gonna burst in and go only joking. Here's a rabbit. Only joking. What a rabbit. How do you politely say to these really overworks, strong out teachers, can you keep it light? Keep it light, mate. Could you not write them a poem? Like a poem back about we're going to see the teacher, the only teacher left, because they're also fucking depressing, you know. The teacher that's borrowed underground, hiding from the whole country. Hiding from from the hungry homeschooling parents.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know, we've all got friends that are teachers, I know they're up against it, I don't want to be that asshole, but this is this really not me back this week. He didn't need that, he didn't need that. He didn't need that. I mean, it made algebra look like a laugh. I'll tell you that. What's one rabbit left in England plus one rabbit dead underground? I mean, mountain police officers and barbed wire. I mean, come on.

Is it worth you writing a jolly poem about a rabbit for a took on a light and the mood kind of like came to it? Like, their once was a rabbit from Nam Tuket, kind of vibe, you know? Just like a... Who's tail was so long, exactly? came to it. Their once was a rabbit from Nam Tuket, kind of vibe, you know, just like a... Whose tale was so long, exactly, and you get the rest of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send it back into the teacher.

Oh, I mean, we could have done that. I tried, I did try that. I was like, let's do a sort of other version where there's loads of rabbits and everything's fine. But yeah, I mean, wow. It's hard enough. It's a strong choice. Yeah. It is a really strong choice, isn't it? Yeah, that is a good one. I just wanted to clarify that it wasn't me.

No, no, no. I'm the least. No, I lost it. I can't think of an interpretation of that poem where it's jolly. It's really bleak. And it's too, like, it's too close to home. It's a lovely poem.

It was a great reading. It was a great reading. It was a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It's a great reading. It The only ghost dwarf left in England. Live! That's how we'll open our gigs. That's how we'll open our gigs over the tunnel. We'll be like, we'll be like, spinal tap, just a little rabbit in a ghost dwarf. You'll come on stage in like a monk cowl type thing. And like just in the spotlight and we're going to see the ghost dwarf. Through the barbed wire, and everyone will be like, oh here we fucking get it. On'll emerge out of our warrants. Yes! We all have a bloke called Warren who looks up

Get back piggybacks on the stage by one Absolutely GCSE or something but not when they're 10 Not when they're 10 God damn it. Keep it light for God's sake. Keep it light. You wouldn't see that shit on bite size It just wouldn't do it. It wouldn't do it. Honestly I can't get out. I've already said anything since you read that poem because I'm curious to get to be in top of myself. I really am. You're going to find me swinging from the

swinging from the raft tomorrow with rabbit ears on because it's not good. I blame Michael Gove. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, he was the education secretary when these decisions were being made. Someone needs to attack him with some Eric Ols with some knives attached to it. He thinks if they're laughing, they're losing. I mean, so what like have your kids tried to write a poem based on this? They had to write a poem based on this? They had to write a narrative based on it. Yeah, so they had to do a storyboard Which you know was like very different of a rabbit in a hole crying Yeah, I mean like with barbed wire pictures of barbed wire and

Police mounted police horse. mean, it just felt like, read the room, guys. It's not the time to be doing a dystopian poem. And also, like at year. So bizarre. At like at whatever they are. How old are they? Is it year six? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

You can pick them. You don't have to, like, it's not like, there's a strict curriculum that you have to study all these. But it's not, like you say, it's not like GCSEs. No. You can pick study all these but it's not like you say it's not like GCSEs No, you can pick whatever you like. Oh my god. You can do it. You could literally do anything So someone chose that someone thought this was a good idea Well, we need to speak to that teacher and just check that there you know Maybe if somebody sent you know if you have a whip brown and send him a care basket or something because I think we should we should put them on

You know, yeah a whip brown and send him a care basket or something because I think we should we should put them on you know. Yes. We should be straight on exactly. I didn't want to go on the pair and WhatsApp group and go hey guys anyone else struggling with the dystopian rabbit boomin because I don't think that would be met with much appreciation. They're all just very serious about it, basically. Yeah, well everyone's really stressed out and you know, locked down. We're on a, we're on a parents group for Sing and Sign, which is like a baby sign language. And basically it's just this

one woman who's you know is running the course and now she can't do the courses You know is sending us links to videos so we can do the course at home But one one of the mums on it. It's just so intense and she's always like I need these videos now my my son My son can't relax and I see what she's singing sign videos. She messaged the group on Christmas morning to say I need I need the login What's the login for the video? And you're like, come on, it's this poor person who's running a single sign. Doesn't need to be coming away from Christmas dinner to like, you know, send you the links,

they get very intense to these groups. So yeah. Yeah, they can get very intense. Maybe you could send her, you signing that poem. I guess, I was gonna say, yeah. One rabbit. Well, get Clarkies, Clarkies the physical, the physical one. I'll be doing going to say yeah that's one rabbit. Well get Clarkies. Clarkies the physical. Clarkies the physical. I'll be doing it with knives on my fingers if you

don't. The last rabbit in England. But bad news guys there isn't a rabbit left anymore. Anyone want to come up? I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring the mood down, but I think that was this week's beef. Yeah, beautiful. And you know, we basically solved it, I think. Beef solved. We've solved. We've solved. Carey, thanks so much for doing this.

It's been really fun, I hope you had a nice time. I've had a really lovely time. Is there anything you are up to at the moment that you want to plug? Is there anything that you want people to watch of yours or... I can't think of anything, no, or the moment. Yeah, all the Twittery things, but no, nothing pluggy. You did that paper again? Oh yeah, sorry.

Carey. It was because I was remembering that I had a tour that I would have once plugged, but that's gone away so I'm glad. Oh, no, yeah. So you haven't gone for the reschedulant because I know a few people. Well, I have, but it's all getting kicked down COVID strings. Yeah, of course, that's it. So it meant it was spring and then it was autumn and now gold nose, so.

Yeah, who knows when it's going to start up again? And it will start, it will probably end up being me reciting that poem. Kerin comes on dressed as a rabbit with blood coming out of her eyes. when it's going to start up again. And it will probably end up being me reciting that poem. It's time. It's carrying comes on dressed as a rabbit with blood coming out of her eyes. It's not done in the past, yeah. Just shut the two quid, or a leaf. We should say we've put on working progress shows in May for Edinburgh. There have been a lot worse than that, so.

Yeah. We haven't even had the pandemic to blame, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Be from the pandemic to blame, yeah. Beep from the zoning I can be! Can I just stress by the way, I wasn't puking up potatoes during that. I didn't turn into like one of those tennis ball machines, but every now and then I have to mute my microphone and turn off my camera and just fire a potato at the wall. I was just a bit of a sore. You did it very subtly. You brought your hand to your mouth and just deposit it down your sleeve.

That's Bibles' week for tomorrow night, exactly. You're like a pes dispenser of potatoes. Yeah, but with, yeah, I was going to put... I mean, that's just another word for Tato's, yeah. The greatest thing about it is you can call a potato whatever you like. I, for one like, call them a roasty crossbeam. And that's why I've earned the nickname Matthew Roasty Crossbeam. Beef Brothers Podcasts at gmail.com, get in touch. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, that's right. So, crossby Roasty Matthew.

Clarky, what did never you digesting when we were having such a lovely time? Well, I had a crossbees dozen of roast potatoes. I'm sorry, 48 potatoes. Crossbeer Roosti Matthew Surprise there. All potatoes all the time. It is worth flagging up before Luke Crossbeer or the fans of Clarky getting touch. During the record, Clarky said paternity and I really enjoyed it but didn't have a chance to say how much I enjoyed it

So just just if you if you go back. Was it the Patriotty? The Patriotty I thought it was a lovely bit of business It's just when it's things got moving too quickly for me to flag it up That's the thing. It's not the we ignore Clarke. It's just that we've got other things you want to say I was gonna say things we've got things we've so quickly but I've really asked because we start talking again. Sorry mate we've got bigger fish to fry and by fish I mean potatoes. We've got a couple of messages I think we're worth reading out because people have got in touch

with us about these are these these are quite crucial actually. Clarke, do you want to start with yours? From Jezevans at Papi's Tweet, where we live in South Wales, the second line to let's all go to Tesco's where Parry buys his best clothes, would have been, he thinks they're really nifty, they're only £1.50. That's great. That's good. It's good to know the second line of that. You can genuinely get some decent closer on £50 from Tesco's, so in your face. And Nifty, great worth to say in a Welsh accent, I imagine.

Oh, Nifty. Yes, it works. Rachel got in touch via Patreon and said, just been listening to the latest house meeting. We're screaming at my phone that the AR running app that Perry has invented already exists. Oh, for your friend. At least as a Kickstarter, it's called Ghost Pacer. Now, you've got to see this, Perry. Ghost Pacer is our support band, isn't it, for Ghost Pacer?

We're up to... We'll put Ghost Pacer up first, you know, they get the crowd warmed up and then Godler then puts on a cow off we go. I'd love it. The set the level. You've got to see it though by the way, it's like a little blue hollow out. I've you look, checked it out. Yeah, I've checked it out and it's living my dream. I mean, I think obviously with my technology, the Parry Pacer, you won't be looking at a blue Robocop figure, you'll be looking at yourself. That's the crucially, that's the difference.

Brocop figure. Yeah, it's kind of like, if you look at it, it's like a Robocop-type robot figure thing. It is as well, you're not wrong. No, there you go. But with my parry pace, you'll be looking at yourself running in whatever app you choose. So you can be up against yourself in a nice P-cock suit or a special effects 1-Z or whatever. A rabbit, the last rabbit at work.

You could be chasing the last rabbit. Well, there we go. Today's episode was produced as ever by the one and only. That's it, baby. Corsium T. Emma Corsium. Corsium T. Again, confusing.

Emma Corsium is her name. We call it, of course, we call it Corsium Roasty Emma, but we don't need to mention that on the podcast. Thank you, Crosby Roasty. You're welcome mate. I was at my friend's wedding. We went away to America for the week and his niece, who was 10 at the time on the first night of the holiday, gave me the nickname Tommy Cummy and then for the whole week her family called me Tommy Cummy and it was

like here they found it hilarious because it was slightly rude but more than a slight live-over hat Tommy Cummy gross but anyway there is a problem with evening records I think there's one floor I can see in them is a problem with evening records, I think. There's one floor I can see in them, is that we get so fucking giddy doing them. I've got so hopped up on starch. So this is Crossbeer Osteemathu, Tommy Cummy and Ben Clark, signing off for another week. Cheers everyone. Cheers everyone. Bye! Order, order, order in court. Will

you please be upstanding to your disorder order? Will you please be upstanding for today's call versus the... uh... I'm James, is in the case of a roll. Over roll. Over roll. Objection to your overruling. With a right honorable gentleman. Honorable gentleman Do a business oh Your honor and I put it to the jury that the victim's name is rotated our face Can I could I first establish are we in the houses of parliament or are we in court? Can I just I of Parliament or are we in court? Can I just... Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

Oh no! I'm content... I mean, content apartment for our cannot question. Let me... Let me tell you... Word the right Honorable Gentlemen, not agree that we saw him last night interfering with a dog in the park. We have a witness, Jean-Dac. I would like to object to that, please. And put it to you that in fact in the park it was Emma Louise. Please. Oh, the right honourable member. It's because clearly that the jury are over here.

And I put it to the jury that we can't afford to bring the next witness, Myreful! What's Myreful? Let me put it to you, members of Parliament and indeed of the jury. Let me put it to you that you this is indeed of course a case of a man with a cough as diagnosed as diagnosed by the preeminent physician Zoe Gough. Order, order, order, order. I was ordered, order, come down, everyone.

I know we all have at this stage a very short fuse. Uh, none other, of course, than my right honable gentleman. Horde, order the Thomas Matthews. Order your honour the right honorable gentleman is clearly not realise that this is in the court of law in front of this court of law. I can't question sustained that I have something to confess. The next witness's statement has been pissed on by Ben Dennis.

Order, order, order. Order, sit down. Can someone clean that up? Someone gets him blue roll and clean that up, please. Thank you, Ben. You made it, you can clean it up. Now listen everybody, order order order. I put it to you right honorable gentleman that this case will not be solved very quickly. So it is extremely no, it will be solved rather slowly. For the evidence need to be presented,

and the jury need to deliberate hard. And no one needs to deliberate more than Max Bougiard. Order! Order! No idea. That was a stab in the dark at the pronunciation there, but... I put it to you uh... says and and and

madame and you know i put it to you that there was a lot of silence and my client only four to one my client of course

uh... Alex got on all of that course Alex Gorton. Oh, the will the jury please remember that this was a story about someone in a park bumming a dog. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,, Jack Hard. Yes, now would the jury please remember that this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there. I'll tell you have a game Paul Maloney Order Order Now I just want to put it to you that we should go out for a break because I want to smoke at least 5 or 6 6

Yes, then I'm gonna bomb off my good friend Joel Briggs Yes You're right honorable gentleman is clearly forgotten that when he was chilling out is clearly forgotten that when he was chilling out, maxing all cool and shooting some b-ball outside of the school that he was in the wrong town. And it is therefore, I call for a mistrial and I would like to go to lunch with Lesley Crafts. So stay, let's go to lunch and order some food. Order. Well, that concludes today's Patreon neighborhood watch. Roll call.

Roll call. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free them at in not food. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters, December 15th. A woman plotting her course to freedom at inla... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.