Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Lulu Popplewell S10E13

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Lulu Popplewell Lulu Popplewell - https://twitter.com/lulu_popplewell or her Kofi account - https://ko-fi.com/lulupopplewellPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listen and dear, we're right here where we've always been in your air canal, I'm Tom, your air canal. That's Matthew, I'm Ben. Where are you Ben? In the air canal. Just so there's no doubt. So this... Imagine if he wasn't. What? Imagine if he was in the air nostril. The air nostril? Oh, by the way, we've got to talk about somebody set up an account called our Pappy's Thick on Twitter. It's a good question. They tweet every single day and fucking hell, it makes me laugh every time.

And normally it just says yes. And that's fine. I mean, that's fine. But now they've started picking out things that we talk about on the episode of us being desperately thick. Oh no. Now there's a bit, Tom, you might have forgotten this, in the Sarah Barron Jeff Lloyd episode where you have to answer backwards in the quickfire round.

And you've got to say, what day is sometimes known as International Star Wars Day? And you say July of 4th. Oh. And it just says, our Paddy's thick yes July of 4th. And then tag us in at Paddy's tweet. So give them a follow because it's always fun to find out how thick we are. And the answer is very, very. Oh my God. If you got a load of mud and stuck it in some mints, that's how thick we are. You know, that is how thick we are. We're like, bloody munted mints. We're like, mudded with a mudded mints boys are podcasting.

Don't mind saying it. We don't mind saying it. We don't mind saying it. So many guys were mudded mints boys are podcasting. Right, that, and it's, welcome is beef. And that mints is pure beef. It's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff.

That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely stuff. That's a great, lovely, lovely cuts. Yes, welcome to a beef brothers cold cuts. We've got a wonderful guest. We have got a fantastic guest. Lului Poppawel, brilliant comedian, but also a long time listener of the show.

Yeah, so she sent in a beef like Asapunter. We were like, come on Lului, you're not a punter, you're a mate, you're a comic, you're coming on the show. Exactly, right. And so she traveled all the way from her granny annex to our echinels and yeah, you'll get here in a second. If you'd like to take part in Beef Brothers Cold Cuts, you never know.

We might like you beef so much, but you're on the show. We won't, but hope springs are telling the human heart. It's beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com. Beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com. And we would love to hear from you sending your beefs and we will read them out on the show if they are good, which so many of them have been recently. Yeah, that's really awesome. We've got real corkers.

And also, we're really good at answering them though. So good. That's it. We feel like we've really found Anishin life. That's it, because it's fun to be talked about and have your B-Faird. But we can truly solve it. Please be Faird in 2020. So a little bit of housekeeping before or that. Don't forget to join the Patreon. Please join the Patreon.com.

It's forward slash Pappy's Flat Share and it is if you pledge $5 and above, you get a bonus episode every single week, every Thursday. I can't be true. I'm afraid it is. Once a week. I know. Unbubble, unbelievable. Bloody hell.

Yeah. But most of all, be fair. Be fair. Listen to the episode. Enjoy it. Send us your beef. We'll see you on the other side. Enjoy the Patreon.

Find us on Twitter. Here it is. Facebook. Here's the episode. It on the other side. Join the Patreon. Find us on Twitter. Here it is. Facebook. Here's the episode. It's a wrap you. It's the enjoy the episode. It's everyone. Coming up now. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem.

If you've got a problem, call a bee. If you've got a bee, maybe we can help you be from the zoning I can be. Well, right. Let's get into this, shall we? Let's begin our episode. You just drafted us with Toys. Welcome, our housemate for the next while. It's the fondness.

Next fortnight is the wonderful Lulu pod wall. Hello. Thank you so much for coming on the pod cast. What a delight, what a dream. Well, it's a dream for us as well, because you've also brought along kinder eggs, which is Emma's... I'm not sure if it's Emma's mother's mother's name. Trying to wrap the place.

Emma, please have a producer who's more committed to building a toy that a fan in a chocolate egg. And what's actually going on? Priorities. You've got to get your priority straight. Absolutely right. What have you got there, Emma? It's like a little crow thing, I think. You've got a matching crow. I think I've got to get your priority straight, absolutely right. What have you got there Emma? It's like a little crow thing I think. You got matching crow. I think I've got matching.

I had a little crow thing. All of our yellow eggs have hatched birds. Right yeah I haven't opened my egg yet. Where's my egg? It's in the center of the table. I'll open it now. It's like those unboxing videos the kids are so excited about. Oh yes, maybe that will break us to a whole new level. I think so. There are the guys who open up Kinder Eggs on podcasts and they describe the toy, but here we go. There are those old men who open Kinder Eggs. Yeah. So we've got the chocolate.

That gets, we know about that. That's a good one. And we've got the surprise, which is not knowing what the toy is. And then you've got the toy, which is the toy. The time on. Are we going to be explaining what Kinder Kindergurg is every episode? Okay.

That's my catchphrase. I don't mind. I'm not catchphrase, I'm not catchphrase. I'm the T-shirt. Here we go. Oh no, it's a cheeky monkey. It's a cheeky monkey. It's a monkey.

Oh no. Not again. Because it's already made my heart break. Oh, I can't get over this fella, right? I'm going to assemble my cheeky monkey. Lulu, the most generous guest we've ever had bringing gifts. No one's ever brought such a low-farve, it's kind of a eggshell. Oh no, no, no, but thank you.

We're easily one. You saw how I almost fell apart just looking at plastic monkey. He's a very emotional man these days. So does this reflect the kind of hazeme, you are? What kind of a hazeme, are you? I am. I'm all right. I live semi alone at the minute.

So that's semi alone. I live next door to my parents. OK. There's a lurking presence, but technically I'm... Was that a coincidence? You just kind of looked at the window at your name. We're in the middle. So it... No, it's a little kind of looked at the window at your name. We were in the middle. No, it's a little kind of granianics set up.

So they're connecting door, but we're separate technically. Can you lock the connecting door? Well, I feel like this is something I want to bring to fansaw later. Well, here we go. We could even start with this. I'm happy to start with that.

No, I'm not. It's a great interaction with Jesus. Let's get into it because it buys Matthew time to build his monkey. I'm buying a monkey. I'm building a monkey. I'm buying a dream. I'm building a monkey. Oh, there's a kind of egg app. You can, all right, let's not get distracted Matthew. Let's get cracking with this because

actually you are the first guest, not only if you brought us gifts, you'd already emailed the show with a beef. Big fangirl. Yeah, well this is it. You emailed it and I was like hello. Hello That must be the same Lulu pop well. We know so you've sent it Do you want to read it or do you want to just tell us it because you've got your I've got your version here If you want it. I can read it out. Okay, this is a first So it's it's Lulu who's emailed the show, but it's also our friend and a guest

Okay, here we go. We're gonna try and solve it. All right, hi, Matthew. Hi, Tom. Hi, Bert. Hi, Emma. Hi. Hi, I'm Tim. Hi, I'm Tim. What ever says hello to Emma. Here is my beef. I live in a granny flat joined to my parents' house. Obviously, I'm very grateful for this sweet set up

they've afforded me, even if my Nana did have to die for it to work out this way. Brackets are IP Nana. RIP Nana. This episode is a tribute to your Nana. Yeah, and Kinder Eggs. And we may live the Kinder Eggs yet, yeah. It is very generous for them to live there so cheaply, etc, etc.

This said, there is some prime bullshit afoot. Here we go, right. The flat has its own front door, but there's also a door inside the flat that connects mine and my parents' homes. A secret passageway. Well, it's quite a door inside the flat that connects mine and my parents homes. A secret passageway. Well, it's quite a visual... Sorry.

You carry it. A normal door. I shan't interrupt. I guess every door is a secret passageway. The people don't know what's on the other side. And you don't? And I don't. It's not secret. Well, I can tell you what's the greatest secret of all.

What's hidden inside this little, young, old age? Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew,

Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, After you. Don't call it Lulule. After you. I'm going to call it Popple. Lovely. Yeah.

That's a great name. Popple the monkey. Popple the monkey. Do you remember Popples? They were Teddy bears described as balls. Yeah. My sister had one of those. Yeah.

Teddy bears described as balls. Disguised. Oh, yeah. I was like, by this Teddy. It's not very good. Yeah, yeah. It's a ball with us. Yeah, no, no.

It was like a transformer. But where's transformers were robots that turned into cars? This was a teddy bear that turned to a ball. eyes. Yeah, no, it was like a transformer, but whereas transformers were robots that turned into cars, this was a teddy bear that turned to a ball. For the more sensitive child. Yes, then that's what we're looking for. The found the idea of a truck a little bit too much. Yeah, no, let's just bring it down to... That would have been right about pop.

I would have been right about pop. I love, because I loved Emma, could you please construct your crow? I put my monkey together and still managed to keep talking You were so desperate You grow all over the bloody shop Okay Throwing your crow or I have the shop feels like a

In she comes She comes to you I grow all over the shop But because I loved I loved sort of care bears and my little pony and that kind of stuff So I would have been right in the wheelhouse for poppals. But when it became a ball too close to sport for you. Oh, I would have ran a mile.

Exactly, I'd be having a problem for you. Yes. Right, sorry, continue, please do. Okay. It's a door, it's not a passageway. It's a door. If I have a zone front door, connecting door to my parents' house. The connecting door can only be locked and unlocked from my parents side. Oh, they won't let me have a kid to lock her on lock it from my side. This means my

mum lets herself into the flat whenever she likes, often barging in on me on my girlfriend with broke up, or me on whoever I'm with, or when I'm having a poo, or when I've got people around so she can float with my male friends, etc. It's very invasive. It's very invasive. Yes. Their reasoning for this is if there were a fire in the main house, they would be able to escape through my flat, should their front door be blocked by flame? If I were to have a key,

it would jam the door on my side and they couldn't be sure the door would be unlocked. This raises the question of what happens if there's a fire in mind, though, and I want to access there from trouble. It's a cheap living situation but I feel like this one side of key deal means I never have control of a privacy and I'm afraid of burning to death. I think I should also have a key. They do own the property. Please solve my beef. Big love, Lulu. Oh, and I'm here. You're right here. Right. This is good. This is good. My initial thoughts got good. Sorry. Clark, you've gone. Sorry. I was just going to ask they got back door. If they got more than one exit out of their house as they are. Apart from the front door. They've got a garage. Can you get out via

the garage or that feature? If their front door were blocked by flame, the garage would also be blocked by flame. I can't envision a situation. Okay, sure. Yeah. So the garage is that V-trix. If their front door were blocked by flame, the garage would also be blocked by flame. I can't envision a situation like that. Okay, sure. Yeah. So the garage is sort of on the side of the house. It's a floor below it. Got it.

Okay, right. So, so is there any emergency exit? Mm. Pff. I think putting another door. Another door. Whoa. Yeah.

Putting another door. Not you, but then. In their house. In their house. A another door. Not you, but then, in their house. In their house. A second door. Have you ever seen those like escape ladder things that you can get, they're like a box

and they hook onto a window and then you can just, ptch, so you can go out of a first door. So they start as a box, but they turn into a ladder, they're like the popples. I've been at the world, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. No, I've never seen those. No. I do remember at school we had a fire safety video, which was in press

upon us, you had to have a plan if there was a... And we were told we had to tie together sheets. And I think we've shown this video once a week. I think we've never flammable sheets. So you've been all right. It's time for the sheets. It's wrapping around you, run straight into the fire. Isn't that a prison break?

Tying sheets together. I think it's sort of multi-purpose class. I think they were like... If you're breaking out of chokey, or you're avoiding a fire, or both, sometimes riots go wrong. Sometimes both. When riots go wrong.

Or in many ways, riots. Right, absolutely. That riot was so right, I don't want to be rioting. When riots go riot. When riots go rionk. When riots go rionk, coming soon to channel five, I think the thing with a, with a, with a prison riot, we will get to it in a second, the, the beef. But first of all, this prison riot, this prison riot. That's, I mean, that's the main. There are two kinds of people in a prison riot. When you're standing on the window ledge, there are those that go down, and there are those that go up,

and I'm going on the roof. If there's a riot, I'm on the roof. On the roof, because... Soft, waving at the helicopter. Exactly, exactly. And then when the screws come and try and get me down, grab a tile, whack them over the head, kick them off the roof.

It doesn't sound like you, Kross. It does, it does sound. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you.

It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you.

It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. It does sound like you. You've been squirreling monkeys away for years. Oh, absolutely. It is monkeys going straight to the Cayman Islands. I'm going to tell you that right now.

Surely there's a third route there, which is back into the riot. There's up, there's down, there's back in. Oh. Right? You know what? You're speaking my language. There's down, there's grease yourself up. Go back out there.

Go back in. That bit where, that bit where Charles Bronson greases himself up and runs me to prison, all the prisoners can't, all the prison guards can't catch him, he's so greasy. Yeah, I saw a lot myself in that. Yeah, I thought of you when I was thinking about it. He's one of the man who's got a broad, broad, broad, broad, Bronson of podcasting. It's normally how he does, he normally podcasts Greester. I'm greased up, I'm wearing my clothes, obviously,

but underneath I warm for the winter. Grease is the word. Lulu, how do you see yourself in a prison riot? Ah, crying. Yeah, I think. Okay, so you're still in the cell. I've instigated it, and then I've hidden. You started it, at least.

That's very much my approach to house parties as well. Like people around for a party, they arrive hiding the bedroom. Yeah. Why is it even bother planning this? Yeah, it's a way for it to blow over. I've invited all these people to the riot. Yeah.

You want to the riot? Yay! All right, I'm off. But let's get back to your situation. So maybe a second door is rash. Have you thought about calling a locksmith and getting the locks changed, getting the flops around? Scorters, rites.

Kind of, yeah. Well, it's been extreme in it. It's not bad, I do. The problem with it is... So long. The problem is my parents would know this, because my mum comes in every day to see my dog and stuff. And is there ever, like, emergency locksmith,

or if you're working out, like, is there a time when everybody's out the house? Yeah, but my, the issue of this is the, is that I don't currently pay rent, and they're very nice to let me live there. There we go. I feel that that situation, like they let me sing very loud songs later night,

they're not complained. Sure. When a granny flat is part of the house, it's connected to the door, it can be seen as an extension of the house. Right. And it's their house. Yeah.

And that's it. It can be seen. It is, it is. Let's be honest with you, it's very much going on here. So the question is, you know, let's go... Should that door be warm-way? Let's go old school on this. Which way does it open?

Into yours or into theirs? Into mine. Stick a chair behind it. You know, like they used to do? You know, like they used to do with... I've seen it in movies, I've never done it myself. You stick a chair, just under the handle. Is it an opener or is it a knob?

It's a knob. It does not work on a knob. Because I guess the knob would just turn smooth. It would just turn and you would just move to the chair. They've thought of everything these parents. They put a knob on the other side. They've thought of everything. Right.

This is, because I would love to do the chair, I mean, I'd love for you to test the chair and see if it works. Just because I've seen it in films and I've never, I've always wanted to do the chair. I mean, I'd love for you to test the chair And see if it works just because I've seen it in films and I've never I've always wanted to do it Yeah, my other what a pathetic ambition He's got a point Listen, I'm not saying that was my only ambition in life. I always want to grease myself up I'm like he's really a huge Always looking for his cleaner chair against the door No, but in not not just any old chair against.

Against any old door. I've moved the house and stuff, and I'm sure I've leaned a chair against the door in the process of that. But I mean, I wanted to, you know, if you're being chased by somebody, you hold yourself up and you think they're not gonna get in this way. Czunc, chair against the door handle, that's sorted.

No, and I do think that is a good idea, but again, what happens when my mother starts banging on the door and saying, I can't get in, is there a chair against the door? You have to say yes, mother. There is a chair against the door. Is that our chair? Yes, please.

Oh, that's a good point. You don't have to go out and find a chair. Do you own the furniture? I do. Do you? I'd say. Then do the chair, man. LAUGHTER

The chair's right there for it. We've done the time, do the chair. Do the chair. We're back in prison. Oh, I think I've seen it before. I've got an idea. Here we go. Clark, he's got an idea.

I'm about just tonal. We tonal, I think. This doesn't completely solve it, but I think it'll give you at least a little bit of warning. You pop a little shot of the bell on the door. That is lovely. Yeah. At least you can hear a car.

I'll go ahead, Zach. What are you, what's you walking into, though? The front room. The bathroom. All the way. All the bathroom. That was all. I thought it was a living room.

It's like, grubby, am I? Just a spray. It's just a bathroom. I'm afraid, yeah, this is the toilet. The toilet is mounted on the back of a door. So if you're just taking the shit as I'm what comes through, you'll be swung into the main room. I'm living a toilet.

Yeah, that whole thing is a toilet. I used to live above a pub, and the toilet was where the fire exe...exe it was. So there was like a fire escape. And so in order for people to come up to the flat above the pub, they'd come up the fire exe and walk straight into the bathroom. So sometimes you'd be there taking a dump and in would come someone who's got access to the flat.

AKA me. Yeah, you would, would it be a barrier? And you'd come clarky and you'd have to walk past me having a shit and off he goes. Oh my God. It was like the bubble pub. Wow. You know what, that had always been my ambition.

I heard that story. And I know now what a pathetic ambition there was. More ambitions. At one time there was an ax on the toilet and it was like yeah, there's gonna be some trouble tonight some lads are coming down the pub So we've got an ax on the toilet. Just tell them not to come to the pub Please don't come to the Let's be coming down the pub please. All right, bye Yeah, I know someone had an axon day.

He can't say the name of this person, because this person's still has an axon. It was that kind of pub. It was a bit rough and ready. Yes. They got an ax in the loo, a parry upstairs. Quick question, do you have weapons in around your house? Weapons.

What happens? What happens? Weapons, where the weapons come at? Weapons. What happens with the weapons? My wife's constantly kind of, she likes to have weapons that she knows she could use in the... Do you know your face are quick?

Have other purposes but could be used as weapons or actual weapons? Because crucially, when it comes down to a court case, if it's an actual weapon, you'll get done for manslaughter, but if it's something that looks like... That you could use as a weapon. You thought about this? Yeah.

Why haven't thought about it? My wife has. Even thought the thing about you, your brother, your brother, your barista. Right. Something else is like the advice that she's been given is like, you know, you can't have and don't keep a knife by your bed because you've stabbed someone, but if you keep something that's sharp enough to be used like it's a knife that should be around in a bag, it's by your bed, then you're okay.

Like if you sharpen the end of a two- An axe. A shiv. A little prison. We should get your mind out of prison. A little greasy shiv. I just like a... A grease shiv is a real mistake.

You don't want to grease up your shiv. Don't grease up your shiv. Grease your body up, but don't grease your sh... Oh my god, imagine if I grease myself up first and forgotten to pick up my shiv. And I'm there. I'm there. I'm going around, so... I'm going to throw it away with my greasy shiv.

The human shiv. Imagine if you sharpen your head into a point and grease yourself up. Just imagine it. Is that an ambition? It is now, Lula. It is now. The human shiv. So, okay.

Wait, sorry, I do want to touch on that. Yeah, gone. We've got a gun in the house. Whoa! Love it. So, I'm not sure you do want to touch on that. Yeah, gone. We've got a gun in the house. Whoa! Oh, I love it. Love it, love it, love it. So I'm not sure you'll get away with that being like, well, it wasn't a weapon, it was just lying around.

What if you got a gun in the house, please? That's got a hunting rifle. Oh, yeah. Does he have a hunting license? I hope so. I got it. And he's in town. Yeah.

This changed everything though. This whole chair behind the door, things not going to fly if he's got a fucking rifle on the other side. If they've got a god down, I'm going to have to cast him in. Just let him in. Let him through. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Jesus, not doing much.

Okay, so I've had another right, can you? Just very quickly, have you got a weapon by your bed? No. Oh, something that can be used as a weapon? No. Just fists. Yeah, yeah. Just the left hand on the right hand. Just my words. Oh, something that could be used as a weapon? No. No, just fists. Yeah, yeah. Just the left-hand on the right-hand.

Just my words. Oh, God. My words as weapons. And a polka-tanking down with some heckler putdowns. Yeah. I've got a tempin bowling pin. Ah, yes. Is that got a lot of hip to it?

Oh, yeah, there he is. I've got a bowling ball, so together. It's me. You've got a good game of hip to it. Oh yeah, there he is. I've got a bowling ball, so to get that thing. I'm swinging it. You've got a good game of bowling going on. So basically, it'll have fun. Shall we wear his truck? That's put you off the idea of trying to rob Paris House now. I don't think so.

You know, it's just going to, you're going to count each other out. Up there. No, I've never, I've not kept any weapons besides the side of the bed. What do I have next to my bed? I've normally got... Books you haven't read. Loader books I haven't read. Could be used as a weapon. I've got a mirror. Small

kind of a toy. Small kind of. Seven years bad luck. Seven years bad luck. You're going out to be with seven years bad luck. Seven years into bed. And a little monkey. If I smash the mirror over the like the assailant hill, the burglar's head. Yes. do I get the bad luck or does he? Great question, Lili? I've been, if you split it, don't write down the middle. Three and a half years, that's actually not mine. That's a good question.

Three and a half years in jokey, Greece's over. Fucking woman shit! Yeah! And now, how long is the hallway, and what do the hallway look like? Right question. It is a square from which all the other rooms lead off. Ah, that's not what I wanted to hear. I'm so sorry. No, no, no, no, that's absolutely okay because I was thinking maybe what you could do is a bugle. It's above the garage. So it's one floor. Right. I was thinking what you could do is in Bungalow, sorry. It's above the garage, so it's one floor.

I'm interested in there. Right. I was thinking what you could do is you could make, you could build the info. She got, it's got a party. You're not going off to the loolies now, are you? Yeah, I'm going to hold her dad's gum. I'm really excited.

Hey, come on, get your mind out of the gutter. So, so I was thinking, could you do stuff? Always thinking. Always thinking. Words as weapons. Could you make some partitions along the way in the hall to sort of make the journey a little bit longer for them?

I'm still going to face into a maze. Yeah. Turn it into sort of like, yeah, like a little maze or just put into a tar down on the floor. First thing you do, first thing you do, butchers curtain. Right? Butchers curtain just maybe a tar down on the floor. First you do, but you do, butchers curtain, right? Butchers curtain just maybe a foot away from the door. So they go through the door, then they lose that after they have to go to your butchers curtain.

So a bell into a butchers curtain. Yeah, so you've got the bell on the butchers curtain. And then you're a butchers curtain. And then I'm there behind the counter selling me. Yes. In fact, could you turn your flat into a butchers? As a veggie a veggie, it's not a great idea and I can't stand behind it, but you know what, a little bit of extra income and maybe you could afford to buy your flat. Or at least your own door. Or at least not that doesn't smell of meat.

That's true. No, I just think if there's some way of like, I think, well then, that isn't Lulie going to have to deal with that every day. You build a maze of your, you're stuck in a maze of your own building. Sometimes I'm trying to go into the house. Is it the only way that you can get, you can get out of your house. I'm going around the front, but what a fath. Yeah.

So this is based, this is based your exit as well as their entrance. No, I've got my little steps that go down to outside the house, but. I think you have to write off the door. Well, you have to write it off. You have to pick it up. Don't break it up necessarily. Bars.

Make it so hard to travel through that they go, oh, I've got to go through, I've got to hear a bell, that's going to give me all manner of gyps. I'm going to go through the butcher's curts, and then I'm going to go to the lamb. I'm going to go to the lamb. And then a claxon hole is going to go off, and they'll just go, you know what,

I assume Lulu's fine in there. You did mention this, but where does the door open into in your fat? Is it in the hallway? That's why I'm saying make the hallway fill it with little obstacles that make mum go, it's not worth the squeeze. Yeah, I feel like that will affect my quality of life. Unfortunately, unfortunately, at the moment your quality of life is being affected

and your mother isn't. Don't worry, Clarkie's got it. You've got a home alone, them. Y'all said... You've got a lot of club machines on the floor. I said home alone about five minutes. Oh, sorry, mate. There's the only female voice in the room.

But not with you, yeah. Go on, how would that work? You send them on a holiday to Paris. You stay behind. And have a good time. When they go and hold it, do you have to complete one of the house? Yes. No, we're getting the invite.

Here we go. I'll be in the room hiding. Yeah, cross the big east up running through your kitchen. Absolutely, happy to do that. I'll be holding you, that is good. In fact, let's not have this party, shall we? The scene is weird. Some kind of one way system, I feel like, is what you need, isn't it?

Oh, my friend has got red and green lights outside his door for his kids. Stop and go. What? Yeah, it's got banging lights. No, they're not banging lights. It's just like, you know, lying lights. What a banging lights.

Sure. But, well, it's on red. It's just like you know lie in What about you? Mmm, sure But well, it's on red, the bedroom Oh, right So it's basically traffic lights outside the bedroom, prostitute When the red light's on, red light's working And when the red light's on So he's got lights on outside his bedroom door Which means that if it's green the kids are welcome to come in

If they're red,, if they're red, and they have to stay outside. And the key area, exactly, and there we go. Exactly. Wow, that's cool. How old are the kids? I would be a better friend if I knew, but they are. I think they're both under six.

That's a good plan. This might be the best solution yet. Traffic lights are the key. Traffic lights are the key. You know? Night system. Like, you know. Like a studio system, you know, you get one of those like like on-air, do not enter, kind of things. Or even just a hotel, do not disturb and please make up my room. There you go. It's so simple. Why do we not think of the do not disturb, so it's the initial. Why do we go by and get those in prison? What we've been talking about for 15 years.

We've had a lot of disturbing warden you fucking screw. Steadily on, steady on, close me, come on. Grace, you're so fucking out. No, crossing is so close to the right. I'm taking a bubble wave. No, no, no, no, no. So yeah, would you think I would work? Do you like the stirr signs?

Yeah. Beef sold. Beef sold. Beef from the starting out you beef sold. it, Sterb signs? Yeah. Beef Salves. Beef Salves. Beef from the signing out your beef. Beef Salves. How do you be brothers? Will here, first name's only. Front names.

Oh, in fact, they've got a really good surname. Yeah, here's the thing. Am I allowed to break the front name rule? Well, here's the thing, Will, it's will. It's will. Here's the will. He's got a great surname.

And it actually comes into play within the beef slightly. So maybe we should, maybe we should, maybe we should, we don't do this. We don't do this ordinarily, though. Will Lee here. Will Lee. No.

Will Lee. What a life. Will Lee. Yeah, Will Lee. Will Lee here. Solid Dangle and loyal podgerigar. Podgerigar, I think. Poggeriga. We've never heard that before.

I like Poggeriga. You could be our Poggeriga. I have three beefs, but only the first is a classic shared accommodation beef, so the other two are broad beef and relevance. The beef runs. My housemate, Protowife Emma. Protowife. Protowife, fiancé? This guy's got a wonderful life-region. It's still kind of crazy. ...life-ready. OK, my housewife, Protowife Emma,

does significantly less housework than me, despite her spending comparable time at our jobs. I do 90% or more of the cooking, all the washing up, all the laundry, most of the shopping and and silery jobs pertinent to our living situation. Can I ask a question of will they? Because it sounds like if you're doing 90% of the work,

the main question is why? Why has this become the arrangement? She does the hoovering once a week and a deep clean of the home once a week. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home once a week. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home.

Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home.

Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home.

Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. Deep clean of the home. the rest of it, that could be a few hours. It could be a few hours. This was fine when we lived in a rented house, but due to a series of financial missteps, brackets, I work as a self-employed gardener with aggressive imposter syndrome. She booked a holiday more than £500 over budget, and I've got a love of biscuits. There, there, there, there, biscuits. They're the financial missteps.

I know more about the aggressive impostor. Can we pick through this? Okay, moment by moment. Due to a series of financial missteps, I work as a self-employed gardener with aggressive imposter syndrome. That's the first. So he is a self-employed gardener,

and we get that bit. And imposter syndrome is the idea that someone's gonna tap you on the shoulder and go, I'm on to you, make you a shit gardener. So does that mean he's turning down jobs that, you know, is it like, come and do my- Oh, I thought you were saying, I'm a gardener. Brackets, I'm not really a gardener.

Yeah. Like, or that if he's just turning up and just willy-nilly. Well, willy-nilly. Willy-nilly. Willy-nilly. Willy. Just doing people's gardens. They're like, get out of a garden, you know, in Boster?

Oh, you think he's, what he's, like he's sort of cutting in before the actual garden arrives, doing the job, trying to collect the cash and leaving. I guess what it is. I'm just worried about being an imposter, right? Worried about being found out. I can't do this job. I can't do this job. So I guess what it is. I was worried about being an imposter. I was worried about being found out. I can't do this job.

So I think what that might mean is someone is going like, oh great, come and do my garden. And it's a big detached house. Emma's got the answer. Doesn't it just mean that he's not promoting himself properly? Like, he's not doing the advertising and the, like, touting to the point. Because he's worried he hasn't got the ability to do

what he's doing. Yeah, God. got a hundred. I think so. Put himself out there. Step two, she booked a holiday more than 500 pounds over budget. Okay, that's fair enough. That's fair enough. I've got a lot of biscuits. Now, I think biscuits is a cheap habit to have.

Yeah. So you can gorge how many... ...custard creams for like 20 p.m. pack. Yes, got a serious problem for that to be. You've got to be getting those biscuits that are half, like there's sort of big crunchy biscuits that are half covered in chocolate that you get about six of them in a pack and they come in like a plastic tray.

Luxury biscuits. Luxury biscuits, exactly. Luxury bitfix, but anyway, just for the soul. It's there, it's an issue. It's there. He's throwing it out there. It's there. It's there. It's dangling in the wind. So due to a series of financial missteps, we now live in a caravan.

Now, her share of the work takes less than an hour. And my duties have expanded to include filling up the water barrel and disposing of the used water, partly by sink, but mainly by Whittle. Whittle by Whittle. What is a Whittle? Well, Dylan is his middle name, so... Whittle... No, the work. I didn't understand it, sorry. I wanted to work for you, could I try again? What is it? Whittle, because his name's Will. Bill.

Never won. And I, with a little Patreon-nabled watcher, I think. LAUGHTER Right, life is hard, but the love of my life, Bracket's Emma Slash podcast, helps to make it better. Is it reasonable to push for a more balanced approach to household chores when she only has my love

and doesn't like podcasts? That's the main beef. Right. The second beef is simply, I've got a stupid name, but she likes it. I'd like to take her name or a compound version, but she wants to be Emily. I don't like other variations of William. So he doesn't want to be Willie for the rest of his life.

No, but she wants to be Willie. Whatever her name is. She wants to be Emily. Which is, let's be honest, a core criminal. It's a baggy name. I'm Emily. First name, Emma. Second name, lady.

I don't know, just swap names. Immediately, a lovely bit of it. That's great. That's great. I know what? Swap names. As in last names. Yeah.

Trade last names. It's no way. It's no way to take somebody else's name. I will I disagree because I think the whole point is you want the same name. That's the whole point of, that you become the same. You're a tribe. You're right. You're a clan. That's your name. That's the whole point of, you become the same, you're a tribe, you're a clan. That's your name.

Yes. The same weeks change the name. We've both changed with Parry Wicks. Oh yeah. Yeah. Double Barrel. But I think that's the whole point of you want the same name as going forward.

Yes. I've brought your back to square one. He doesn't want to be Willie. She wants to be Emily. Why would you not want to be Willie. She wants to be Emily. Why would you not want to be Willie though? It's so fun. Willie's a funny name.

I think he'll use... You can have a fun name. Yeah. Yeah. But now you're older as well. Like, I can imagine it's skulls. He's through the worst. That's it.

Yeah. He's in Poster syndrome to deal with, isn't he? That's all he's got. But final beefy volleyball. Oh, nice. She says nobody outside Somerset has ever heard of taunton. I think its fame sits squarely between Wolverhampton and Bromley. And of course, people know where it is.

That one's a bit lefty. Yeah, that's a bit weird. I'll read that one there. Quickly round the room, who knows of taunton? I know taunton. My cousin's there. Great. Emma, who knows of tauntin? I know tauntin. My cousin's a little bit. Great. Emma knows of tauntin.

I know tauntin, yeah. That's a clean sweep. So if that helps, that one can be put to bed. OK, that one's big. Shut up. Follow on away. Cheers, everyone. By PS, reading this back, it feels very negative.

I utterly adore Emma. Would probably lose an arm to save her life. He's having a arm. That's not enough, mate. Just an arm to say for life I would lay down my life for you was the phrase he's looking for Quite Brian for you. It's not quite Brian Adams is it Had life you I'd die for you, I'd lie for you. Losing arms for you, but only my left. I honestly adore them.

I would probably, I would probably lose arms for them. I'm totally adore them, I'm one. Given the right, so. Yeah, I would say. I would probably lose an arm to save her life, even if there might be a better way of saving her than I haven't spotted yet. PPS, yes my name really is willy but my little sister went to school

with a guy called Ed West. So my parents aren't the only dummies around. Ed West is a great name. My sister went to Union of a guy called Hugh Cumber. Really Hugh Cumber. Oh my god, that's amazing. That's great. That's a lot of fun. Did the parents know? Did they realise? I think it was because he had to be Hugh from like family name on the other side.

Right. And then Cumber was from his dad's side. Oh no. So Hugh Cumber's strong Hugh Cumber. Yeah, and obviously I went to school with a girl called Charity Knight. It's just a lovely bit of business. Charity Night. Charity Night. That's amazing. Pretty good.

Yeah. So much to unpick there. I don't think it feels negative. I think the love of Emma is runs throughout this. It's apparent. Yeah, we know you love Emma. And podcast. And podcast. Yeah, which Lim would he lose for the podcast?

It's a good point. I mean, it would lose chocolate. It would lose an a good point. I mean, he would lose chocolate, he would lose an arm to save it. I'd probably lose an arm to save your life. Such a romantic phrase. Thanks. Imagine that. Ah, I love you.

I'd probably lose an arm to save your life. It's not a Valentine's card, you buy, is it? No, no, no, just carry on with the whittling mate. You just, oh, podcast back in. So, I mean mate. Yeah, you're still. Oh, Bob was back in. So, I mean, what it comes down to is housework. That's what the crux of the matter. That's very much it. And he's doing 90%.

He believes he's doing 90%. And the caravan thing has thrown that into perspective. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm posing of the used water, partly by sink, but mainly by griddle. We'll never know. We'll never know what griddle means. I must look it up. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. my duties have expanded to include filling up the water barrel. Emma's looking at that. Emes is looking at the used water, partly by sink, but mainly by widow. Oh, widow. Is he talking about wean though? Well, is he, but what's he saying? He's drinking it and weighing it out. But he's saying, by drinking it.

And he's talking about, oh, I think Clark is right. Oh, I know. I dispose of the used water. The water is used partly by sink, but mainly by widow. I dispose of the piss is used partly by sink, but mainly by water. I dispose of the piss is what you're saying. Well, that's what used water is in a caravan really. I guess it is.

You don't dispose of the used water by the sink. But no, by sink, he means the washing up water, some of it is by sink. That's how you've used the water. And some of it is by us. I suppose the used water. The water has become used partly by sink, but mainly by widows. He's too clever for us. He's more to the face.

He's too clever for us. Mainly, but also widdle as well. No one's calling it widdle anyway in 2020. Call it having a fucking slash. Come on, mate. Call it having a fucking slash. He's just being fair, mate. Be fair.

He's just, I chucked a bottle of slash at the old fucking warden, the other one. Fucking screw this up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, mush. So anyway, you call it having a fucking sledge man and be done with it. My friends was visited by a convict, the house, not like expectations, an ex-con visited their school. Oh, I like expectations. And ex-con visited their school. Oh, so enough, yeah.

To give them a talk on, don't be bad because she'll end up in prison, prison's horrible. And he said, in prison, you get this. And he had to put a metal mug. And he said, we call it a pita. It's called a pita, because it's got one endalonic. And then he carried on talking. He said, the rest of the talk, he won't go,

what does that mean? Well, just because it's got one handle on it, why would that be a Peter? Peter Handel. So he's Nick that, the presentel, said, Peter Handel, said, that's what it was. It was the 90s, OK?

It was the 90s. Love it if it was, Peter Handel, said, that's a huge reference. Right, so let's work backwards. Tornton, we've put to bed. I tell you what, you've made up for that widdly comment. Boy, boy, Peter Handleson. What?

Peter Handles one. Peter Handles one. Peter Handles one. Peter handles one. Oh, it's a stretch. Peter handles one and therefore we call it a Peter. If there are already people currently doing bird, you'd like to get in touch. Apologies for the sort of broad strokes we were drawing your community in. But do get in touch. Papi's flat share at gmail.com. And tell us if you know why a prison mug is called a Peter.

And also, what are you in for? What are you pizza. I'd also, what are you in for? What are you in for? Of course, what are you in for? You know, why are you in for? I'm in for. Leave us a five-star review and just tell us what you're in for. Tell us what you're in for. Okay. So, how does work? The crux of the matter. Because I am feeling Will's pain.

Right. I reckon I do about 80%. Do you know? And do you discuss this with your partner? Um, sometimes. Right. And there's always promises that never come to fruition. Sure. Let's say that.

Ultimately, I think it gets done by the person who wants it done the most. And also, if you're working from home, it's the kind of self-employed person's quandary. But it's like you're in all day, put a wash up. Also, as well, if you're working from home, it's very, very easy to go, well, I'll start work once I've done the washing up,

or I'll start work once I've put a wash on, or I'll start work once I've repainted the house. You know, all of those things you can sort of, you to procrastinate, because as the day goes on. Now, how does it break down in the granny annex? Does your washing up stay in the granny annex, or does it ever find its way to mommy and daddy? No, it's entirely my responsibility.

Right. Okay. When you talk about a story from your annex, do you call it an annex, don't? I will from now on, thank you so about a story from your annex, do you call it an annex date? I will from now on, thank you so much for that goal. I'll see you on Friday, I flush with the success of Peter Handlesson. Peter Handlesson, that's an annex date.

Absolutely, all on A roll. Oh my God, it's like hanging out with Milton Jones. That's unbelievable, Clark. That's me. So the other thing I'm getting apart from the imposter syndrome off of Will Lee is a desire to be imprisoned. A strong desire to do a bit of porridge, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You would have. No, all right. No, Mike, come on. Is a sense of the alpha dormatormat, the alpha-mata, somebody who does everything in the house, then complains that no one else has done it. They put themselves, you're not getting this sense? Yeah, but I feel like that is a fancy way

of saying that someone's a bit of a pussy. Like, I don't. It certainly is, no, it's definitely within the broader spectrum of pussying. Yeah, I don't know, I feel like this has come up before, It's definitely within the broader spectrum of pussier. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like this has come up before. And I think, I think it's Rose Johnson talked about it.

It's just sort of like man up. Just like you've got a problem. You've got a problem with your misses. Just say, I don't want to do it. Say you don't want to do it. I hate to leap him over the obvious solution. No, you know what? It took us a long time to get to do not disturb.

We haven't got any more time. So it's good that you can. So what's your advice to Willie on all counts? Just grow a pair, Willie. Grow a pair, just keep letting the widow build up until she can't get up anymore. Do you think this could be solved by sitting down and saying, look, let's let bygones be bygones, let's forget about the 500 quid holiday, let's have a share of packet of biscuits and make a rota. Do you think that is? Yes, it's going to leave crumbs. Rotas, the death of Romans, the death of spontaneity. There's nothing romantic or so exciting about the outside of the world.

The spice in a relationship who's going to do the washing to death. You're not making a dating rota or a shaggy rota. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing.

You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing.

You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. You're not making a day to do the washing. I mean, I think rotors are problematic. Just within relationships or in any flat share situation. Yeah, full stop, I think.

See, I've been the person in flat shares has put up the rotor. You're a rotor girl. Sorry, sorry. He's kicking off, I said. Sorry, the warning came past. He's throwing a bottle of slasher at the warden. Right, sorry. You're a rotor girl slash at the warden. Right, sorry, you're a rotea girl. I'm the rotea boy, but it's not well received.

That's the thing. See, one time I put the rotea up in a very kind of, guys, that's not Fallout about this. Here's a rotea. Be fair in 2020. Yeah, be fair. Well, it was 2017 bars being fair, even then, before it was cool. I got you an early adopter.

Yeah, and then I went away for a few days because I had to... You got sent down. Yeah, just a few days. I came back, the fly is in the kitchen. And I said, guys, what's going on? They said it was your turn to take out the bins. No, no, no, no, no, no.

You were so assisted on the rotor. That is some pass-agged. They've made their living situations so horrible just to prove how much they hated the rotor. They're really spite in themselves though Yeah, I should have lived with that. I was doing protests. I was doing protests. Prove a point. Yeah, rainbow. We're sort of like living in a in a butcher's to prove a point. Which A great idea and I stand by that

Can't believe I shouted down on that idea Okay, final words for Willie? Final words for Willie. Poppa well saying, man up. Oh yeah, well I feel that's quite gendered. Sure. Just to cert yourself. There you go.

Much better. You know what, yeah, if you're doing 90% of the house work, do 50% of the chatting about the house work, right? Surely that should be the case. Sit down, have a conversation, make it clear how you feel, tell your partner about this. Also as well, I'm sure you're a great gardener. Yeah. Leave yourself on this. And also if you live in Willie's area and you need...

Tornton, is it in Tornton? We don't know actually. It's just Tornton. She says, no, I'll be outside some of the set as I've ever heard of Tornton. I think it's famous. It's square between Wolverhampton and Bromley. And of course, people know where it is. I think people do know where it is. But listen, that aside, if you need gardening work,

I'm sure he's willing to travel. If you live in Taunton. Well, you want your caravan deep cleaned. If you want your caravan deep cleaned, do that as well. Hang on. Willie is the get what have you got? Clarkies.

Clarkies. Clarkies on for the hatchery. Clarkies. Absolutely. the form of his life. It's going to take his middle name's leg, he's willing to... Jesus Christ. He was doing so well. He's so well-affloved to close the service. You're great until you try and tackle Willie,

which is already a pun. I don't really feel. You're a pun within a pun. It's your wickily. It's your wickily.ly, sure, it's fine. Anyway, look. Anyway, that's, I think. Listen, the warden's coming round.

Wait. I said you look. Still put guests in there. Fuck you, warden. Yeah, yeah, alright. That was easy, nice. Well, he's on the Shackling Router as well, yeah, right. That was easy. Well, he's on the track and right for as well. It's

a I don't mind you. You're carry on. Carry on, warden. He's all right. The warden. All right.

I've got a bit of cuts on the riot. Got a bit of time for the warden sure. Sure. I've got a bit of time. I've got a bit of time for the ward, in sure. Sure. From the starting, I can be. Fancy. Have you got any better solutions than the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the waiting to be spoken to like. Hello, Root. He ain't even had my egg. But that's for another time. Listen, I've been sitting here thinking about your little problem there, Lolo.

I've been thinking to myself about this dog. Only goes one way. Don't open both ways open both ways reminds me of a little story now now you probably remember about the farm over the hill over there hill farm legs 11 anyway number 11 anyway in the farm they lived a man and in that man they lived a house In the farm they lived a man and in that man they lived a house. Yes, that's how the rhyme went. That's how the rhyme went. It was a great rhyme, we all remember it. It was a strong rhyme.

Why do you have a house? Well, it's swallowed the garage. So it's swallowed a house. Nobody knows why he swallowed a garage. Maybe he's marriage. Anyway. Everyone remembers the day the farmer went out to the barn there and he saw his hand. And what was the hand sitting on there but an egg. Not your normal egg.

No. This egg had a little picture on it. What? Painting. Little it. Yes. Yes. What? A little painting. A little leg, a little painted egg. Oh, sick of the surprise. If only. If only.

A farmer dare looked at the chicken. Hell with me. I got a chicken, the can lay a painted egg. He said, hell with me. He said, hell with me. I got a chicken, the can lay a painted egg. He said, helly me. He said, helly me. I got a chicken that can lay a painted egg. Picked up the egg, looked at it. Would you believe it? The perfect likeness of a cow.

What was it? Yes indeed. The perfect likeness of a cow on that. Paint it on a hen's egg. Farmer suddenly thinks to himself, well, there's money here. If I can sell eggs with paintings of cows People come from miles around if you book them they will come But in order to do that I got to keep this hand safe. I got to keep him happy. I'll put the egg back for a while

Where we from this makes a very good point. How far is the, from back as you said it? From when Sid came. No. Anyway. Hiding the eggs back in the head. He tried. Kill the egg, kill the chicken.

Some doors are meant to be one way. Oh no. Oh no. Anyway. Well, that's time for me to go, I guess. Some doors are meant to be one with Anyway Well, that's time for me to go I guess you take you every selves and each other Ellie me that was Meeting from so now you flexed Can I ask Lulu how did it feel to meet your hero, fanshore style?

Oh my god, I feel like I was about to say like a maker wish. That's not right. No, no, no, no. I mean, you better go because you've not got long left. So that was quite me. Also, it's well great to hear if you book them, they will come from way to way too. Not from fielded dreams, of course.

That was the parody. But yeah, if you book them they will come. Lovely reference to Wayne's World 2 from Wayne's World 2. Great stuff from Fanshawe. Well, Lurley, thank you so much. It was so good to have you on the podcast to solve your beef line. Only a couple of beefs, but they're always the best kind. Oh, absolutely. Deep beefs. Deep beefs. Deep beefs. This episode was a real egg with a paint of a cow on the side. I think we can all agree on that. So, is there anything you want to plug?

Is there any... Willy's garden business? Really? Yeah. More than anything. Just please help Willy out. If you see Willy advertising his garden wares, then you definitely should take him up on the offer. Oh, got really hot. Right. So, Lily, what have you got to

plug? Oh, love, just follow me on Twitter, everything's there. Well, where do we do that? It is at Luley underscore, Bobblewell. Strong. I'm doing a show in Britain. I forgot about that. Here we go. I'm doing a show in Britain. Brighton French, come to that. What's it called? I can't remember. That's fine because you don't need to say the title of the show during the show.

No. You just need to remember the jokes within the show. Not relevant at all. I think it's called Look at my Great Big Ribbons. I think I had to pick the title a long time ago. LAUGHTER It's a good title. Thank you. It's not a bad title at all, yeah. Well, look at my Great Big Ribbons, possibly on in Brighton. Great. Enjoy it. Thanks so much for coming on the show.

Right. Thank you. We're off to start a riot. Funky Warden. Funky Warden. Anarchy. I've never started a riot. No, it shows. From the starting I can be.

It's a song. Well, there it was. A prison theme. So did I know this thing. It's... We always say we never revisit the time we spent in bird. But there we were. You could never really get away from it.

So we've had the word, mate. Everybody's heard. Oh, Mike, you know what? We just had a text from Luloo. Oh, yes. She's left now. OK. You knew that already? That wasn't part of the word. It's good, really. We knew that already. She's left now. Okay. You knew that already. That was a bother to me. It's good, really. We knew that already. She left. And we recorded the little intro outdroid for her. She said, you know what? She brought

us kinder eggs and she didn't make a going eggs for tree eggs joke. But you know what? The chances are I would have forgotten what that meant. What does going eggs for tree eggs mean? You're very busy. It's, you does going eggs for tri-eggs mean? You're very busy. It's, do you go in eggs for tri-eggs, by the way? Oh, come on, I'm absolutely going eggs for tri-eggs. What does that mean? Is it being very busy? Yeah.

Oh, it's eggs for tri-eggs. Are we even made opposed with an egg? Yes. Unbelievable. Well, I'll tell you what, what we'll do is we'll say, we'll just do it now, and Emma, you just drop it into the episode, of course. So Lulu, thanks for bringing those eggs.

Oh, I'm going eggs for three eggs right now. We'll just drop that in and that'll work out. But it'll be... I did sound exactly like her as well. It was uncannied. It wasn't bad, was it? It was absolutely essence. The absolute essence of Poppa well.

Which by the way, she is also afraid a fragrance she's selling from her online store. So thanks very much for listening to this episode. What a treat. No, you're very welcome. Tom, thanks for being here. Can I just say Thomas clocked off because he's putting together what was your list? I've got Puppel my mum and he's chess. Everyone else has done their Kinder egg toys.

Yeah, it's because they're better than you. I'm trying to get this carol to good. Oh, Clarky. Oh, you've both got little crows. You've known the crows. Emma and Clarky have got little crows that were the wings flap. I've just got a monkey that clutches onto a tree

that honestly makes me sad to look at it. I'm going to burst. I'm going to bust out, cry, and looking at this motherfucker. And, popall you absolutely. Why do you tug at my heartstrings? And then Perry has got something that looks like it should be at Carnival. It's got full on wings, that's amazing.

So you've got a little bird there with actual cloth wings that flap, that's beautiful. Oh, I don't know if that's right. No, I think you may have put the wind on up so down this. That bird ain't flying. Do you think so? No, I think you may have put the wind on up so down this. But I'm fine. Do you think so? No, I think shouldn't the wings be going up?

No, they're going to be instructions, no? Oh, well, anyway, never get those again. Well, look, get onto the patron and you might be able to win Kinder Egg Toys. That's absolutely right. So what we're going to do is, if you can answer Perry's question of the day correctly, we will post you our Kinder Egg Toys and what is Perry's question of the day? What was Kinder Transform?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no fucking ex. Okay, it's been really fun doing this episode up until it wasn't and we better go because we've got a record of drunk episode and I think Perry you've only had half a

beer but you've already gone on your way. Stay tuned for the Patriot neighbourhood watch roll call. This episode was produced by as always by Emma Corson. Corson team. Cheers everyone. Bye. There you go. That was our last in person beef brothers cold cuts before the lockdown, wasn't it? Yeah. That's right. So the next time we do a beef brothers cold cuts, we're going to have to get a guest on the on the old zoom. But we will.

We will. Don't you worry about that. We will. We will. We still got other. We've got a house meeting still to come, we've got a flat slam, in fact we've got two flat slams, so they're all still to come that recorded pre-lockdown. And of course, if you are enjoying these, do go onto our Patreon because we're doing daily episodes on our Patreon. Every single day we're doing extra bonus episodes of what we're calling flagship lockdown. So go to lockdown. patreon.com forward slash puppies flat share. Every single day we will give you a bonus treat and they've been so far.

And to play us out today, it's for us saying, yeah Lulu, probably was a fantastic guest. I'm sure you'll all agree. She's been doing songs on Facebook, she's very talented musician as well. So she's been taking requests of songs that she should cover. And so I set her the challenge of covering the quick fire around Jingle. Clarkie sent to the courts. Hi.

And we'll play you out with what she put on Facebook. That's a pretty cool thing to do, isn't it? And if you like that and you fancy chucking her some money, you can go to her coffee page, which is the, you know, you can buy people a coffee if you like the work they're doing. And I think we can all agree, she does fantastic work. A great, a coffee, a KO-FIN-FI.com forward slash Lulu Poppelwell, which is L-U-L-U-P-O-P-P-L-E-W-E-L-L. Coffee.com forward slash Lulu Popwell, I think we'll do a link for my Twitter to that, so to find that. Show notes as well.

We'll be in the show notes. We'll be in the show notes. Show notes. I'm pleased, be honest, when you do that, please be honest in the show notes. So please be honest in the show notes and do be fair in 2020. So we will see you very soon guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope you're all staying very safe and washing your hands. This is the quarantine round. It's the round that goes really quickly. If you don't think about all the hours there are two fill in my day. My days are so long, try to sleep in a lunchtime and avoid existential make substantial dread There's lots of things you can do

To make the time pass quickly Like whanking and cooking Sleeping and whanking Get a new hobby Learn to crochet Did I mention whanking? It was good to say to limit, I'm not having one right now I'm capping it to three a day

Or you could listen to lots of lovely pork costs Papies would be an excellent place to start But I beg of you Please don't start your own pork costs There's enough of them already Even I don't have one Don't be part of the problem I just go one of the peoples This song was a suggestion from Tom

And Clarky gave me the courts for it. Crowspees hands are cleaning all of this. He didn't have a part to play. He's entirely blameless, but the others like me on to this. Ooh, I'm sorry I talked about wanking Anyway I have to go and walk my dog now On my daily government a lauded walk time Definitely not going for another wank now's not here for me, it's a mooo.

I definitely have a talk. Her breath smells like a lost home, but I love her anyway. Anyway, enjoy your pasta and your lural And clarky please, enjoy your dusty I'm ashamed of the fact that I have made this Anyway, I'm off. So please enjoy the quarantine round. Please... Be... B Abstanding for the neighborhood watch roll call he was got locked in a position

Here we go the neighborhood watch roll call Down for a full house Ladies and gentlemen don't smell that number, it's a real treat. Here we go. Here we go, it's the British Bake of the day. I've made some cake, it's number 42, I've got it? I mean, I'll him and I'll him and I'll, and sold to Brendan Blay. It's a very, it's a very confused entry on neighborhood watcher. Oh, God. Oh, here comes the number.

Oh, he's writing. That's it, sticks the high heaven, but no one about that right now. Oh, ladies and gentlemen,! Oh, he's the best! That's the highest heaven, but no one in my life right now! Oh, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think, man? It's number 21! Custy Brinkman! Oh, he wants going twice too. Custy Brinkman! And sooo, that's the Brinkman, sooo,

to lady of that! Oh, that's coming up fast and expected. Oh, don't smell that number. It's a real treat. Oh, smell them in my legs, darling. This is how we play. OK, I swear. Let me tell you folks, it's one of my favourite numbers.

I've been doing, introduced a T-Wall tonight. I don't everybody, and I won't waste any more time. I won't waste any more time, because I know some people see me as a little bit anxious about saying numbers. And yes, sometimes I can be a bit of a stressed Lord. But, oh, it's nice. I can't be, but not as much as number 52, it's Jack, Berris Fools!

Berris Fools! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- the sun. Don't smell the number folks get your eyes down and your nose is up. We're having a wonderful time. I'm sure you're all agreeing. The number here. Number 52. It's Jennifer. No, he wants going twice And it's come back name Oh He's don't smell the number guys in real treat Smell the number guys it's real treat Yeah me Yeah me Yeah me Yeah me oh it's a good number though

Oh it's a strong number Oh thank god for that It's one of the best numbers What what what what what what what what It's 39 And police got Scott Scott Going once going going twice. Oh!

The Polly Scot Scot Scot! Come on! Come on! B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Oh dear! Oh god, I... Oh, that went down smooth. Wait, hand it out. It's got strange carcass man! It's really nice! Hand it on! Please, don't smell the number.

It's a real treat. Oh, this is a great number. It's one of the best numbers It makes me go absolutely out of my brain. It's number 572 So Let's go twice So baby! Oh baby!

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