Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Suzi Ruffell S9E3

Episode Date: April 15, 2019

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef, this time with special guest Suzi RuffellSuzi Ruffell - https://twitter.com/suziruffellPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetIf you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSupport Tom as he runs for charity Phab Kids - https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/tom-parry10Produced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters for December 15th.

Hello there! Hello! Hello! Here we are. This is Papi's. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and this is the first episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cups. Bebe, C-C. Now if you're a regular listener to our live show, Flat Share Slamdown, you'll know that one of our favorite parts of the show is when we take Flat Share based beefs from audience members and we try and solve them in a kind of courtroom situation.

Yes, no, for a new listener, beef is a problem or an issue, right? I have to correct that. I don't know if you did. No, people are familiar with the world of Tupac and Biggie. They have this damage. Lovely, current references. Listen, it's still going on. Well, look, peat-short.

Peat-short. Peat-short. Peat-short. People living with that kind is more. What do people, people, people, people living with each other can cause problems. They can. There's friction, there's issues, and that's where the beef brothers comes in. You can send in your problems,

and we are going to debate them and solve them and come up with a verdict on this very show. And that is final. That is final. Yeah, no arguing. Once we make our decision, that's what you got. You've got to stick to it. You have to stick to it.

No matter how stupid what we say is. Yeah. And it will be. It will be. So if you want to send us in a beef, beefbrotherspodcastatgmail.com is the email address to send it into. Please do send in your beefs. And if you'd like to give a rolling on beefs you've heard in this episode yeah if

you'd like to chip in it'll be ignored yes but please chip in by all means so in this episode we had a fantastic very special guest Susie Ruffle absolutely here we go let's get into it have a good one team well if you've got a problem I'm calling a problem if you've got a problem team. Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem call it a B. If you've got a B, maybe we can help you be from the zoning at your B. I think the first thing to do is say hello to our guest, Suzy Ruffal.

Hello. Hello, SR. Hello. Hello, TV. You really slurred that intro there. I thought SR had signed cool and then as I was midway into it, I was like, that doesn't initials wise. It's not very punchy, is it?

No. SR. Does you have any good nicknames? I remember the boys briefly calling me Ruffal. But, oh! It was not ROUGH because none of them had seen it. Sure, but it was based on... I've guessed.

On my surname, just Iudableth. Ruffal. The Ruffal I call you. my surname just I you double F rough. Muff the ruffalo I call you yeah, I quite like it and ruffle Ruffle copters ruffle copter you call me that yeah, yeah, yeah, I just like call me that I don't call me that I call you that We can do self-susie's nickname. I call myself CZ ruffle Which is why she's shown up because I only book myself? That's the problem. I put myself and here we are. If you do keep putting things in my diary, I will keep it.

I want to slice the CZ Ruffle pie, not the roughmuff. Can I leave? Yeah, it's pretty good, cool. But no, it's probably the best way to stay as long as you have actually. Oh really? You've left in the record. So let's solve some flat beefs. Here we go, that's why we're here.

Are you a problem solver or a problem cause? I think I'm a problem solver. There you go, that's why we invited you along. Yeah, I like to keep things neat and tidy. Get things sorted out. Perfect. No? Well if I live with somebody who likes to keep things neat

and tidy, that's your problem. I am the problem. Yeah, I know. That's it. But then I think you're the problem, Craig. Yeah, I know, here we go. Do you leave notes? Yeah. No.

No, not bitch, you ones. Like, hey, hey mate, don't forget. I think there's nothing wrong, because people assume that a note is automatically passive-aggressive. It is necessarily. Jenny Beade, who was my lover. Oh, we were going with naming and shaming.

No, no, no, who was my most recent housemate who now doesn't live in the movie, Meta Boy. Oh, fine. Before she left, I have a blackboard that says, don't forget, and then you can write things on it, and she put underneath it, you're a bit of a cunt. Whoa! Nice one, baby. That was her parking shot. That was her parking shot, as she left. Yeah. I didn't notice it until she'd gone.

No, it was really funny. You were sitting there going, oh, that seemed a little bit empty. You look over to the wall. She'd do that quite a lot. I had a fridge magnet that said, great things happen when women support each other and she wrote, underneath it, I will never support you. Sounds very much like Tom. I think Tom and Jenny should live together. I like this. Should we go through? I love her, by the way, I think.

Yeah, she's a great person. She's my best friend. I think that sort of goes without saying, with all of our beef today. Sure. All of these people are great people, even if we say terrible things about them, once we start reading their beef.

And we will. That's fair to say. Do you want to start with yours, Tom? Yes, here we go. So this is from Oh, we're gonna just do first names by the way because quite a lot of people said don't use my surname Oh, that's good fine. We're gonna do how about our names only email address Let's have a look. I was about to read it

You can just do first names the name surname and date a birth of the person. I tell you what, let's do, let's just do first names and full emails. Okay, so I can tell you something for nothing, this person sent us this email at 9.29pm. They're a lighthouse. A night owl, an evening person. Here we go. Hi, I've spent the best part of a grand on home automation stuff. Robots!

We're in straight away! Straight away, we're living in the future. This person spent a grand on robots. I've spent the best part of a grand on home automation stuff. But every time I go to try to do stuff like you, Siri, to activate the lights, it won't work because my girlfriend has turned them all off at the switch because she finds it easier to do things the traditional way.

IE, like a caveman. Oh, objection. Did cavemen have light switches? I don't think so. What's the name of this fellow? It's James. James has spent a grand on robots. Am I in the wrong for telling her to make the effort

to get used to the future, or should I accept the fact that I'll be flicking switches for the rest of my life? Right, firstly, very, very impressive that he's got one of the flats that I think we all imagined we'd be living in when we were growing up, right? Didn't you imagine you would have a flat

where you could clap your hands? And the lights, hang on a sec, I've not tested it in the studio. Nope. Lights still on, standard lights are still on. My arms are falling off. Yes, the Fonsi trick is worked. Oh God, pure Fonsor Ellie there. So first, that's very impressive.

Also, very impressive for having a grant to knock about the place. Yeah, nearly a grant, yeah, that's right. What do you reckon is nearly a grand? The best part of a grand, I think that's about 700 quid. I think someone who wants to seem like they can swing it around a bit. Yeah, I think the best part of a grand is a thousand pounds. The best part about having a grand is having a thousand pounds. That's what I'm getting confused there, yeah.

So he's got the best part of a grand. That is a good question. What is the best part of a grant? I mean, that's not the beef. 850. 850? 900. Carmo. I reckon he's in the 900. It's got to be 900 plus.

Yeah. It's got to be 900 plus. I think if you want to seem like you're a big time player, though, you'd round up from about 700. That's what I think. He's trying to win an argument here. So he's trying to best part of a grant. He's trying to make it seem like he's spent a lot more money. He's also saying, if we tell him, make let it go,

he's happy for that ground to go down the drain. The best part of that ground. That's true, that's the point. If we are the law, and we are, then I guess he's throwing good money after bad. If that's what that expression means, which I don't think is... I don't think he is, and I'll just throw in money once. He's just throwing money. He's just throwing good money End it there You're throwing good money. I do enjoy just the use of a phrase that even if it's not the right place to use it

You know what I've realized as well The word irregardless isn't a word Yeah Yeah, it isn't irregardless isn't a word. Yeah. What? Yeah. Irregardless. It's not a word. No, you mean regardless.

Regardless is the word. Yeah, but lots of people use irregardless. Irregardless. It's not a word. But I love it. Irregation. Ah, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. Well, irregardless of that.

Let's go with it. So yeah. You're absolutely right about this slide of the future. That is how, that's kind of why this technology exists is because people watch Science fiction films and then they go like that's what we should be doing. I'm not thinking science fiction. I'm thinking like Mel Mel Bee son in what women one. Oh, that is name. That's Mel Gibson. Yeah. Yeah. I've been Mel Gibson and superkins. Yeah Yeah, that's it. Yeah

When she's in what we want. Yeah, she's got a really posh house and she likes to come on. I think they did that in lots of, like in Advertisers, I'm thinking of, there was a thing where a guy had, the shower talked to him and it was like a little pair of lips and it would talk to him, like with the towel or an anti-morning, John, time for your shower. Do you remember that?

Yeah, but I mean, it's maybe porn. It's maybe porn now, I think. Irregardless. Irregardless. Irregardless of my browsing history. It's still pretty impressive. As long as there's towels involved, though, for me, it's still not the flat of the future.

Oh, here we go. What are we still doing with towels? It's 2019. Wait, you want to be going to Dyson? I want to clap my hands and, uff, up from the floor. Uff, and then I'm dry. Wait, what? Manlin and Rostyle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine that 2019. For the listener at home, can we just, you just went off and wore. What you meant was fans blowing upwards. Yeah. You don't get out the shower, shower stops, and then the horse is on.

Oh, no. If it all blows, it'll just blow it all up onto the ceiling and then you'll have a second shower immediately. The ceilings wipe clean. 2019. All ceilings are wiped clean, Tom, but that's. Yeah, that's something that you wiped clean on but that's the problem that you're basically you're standing in water right in a wet room that's then blowing the water back over your body and onto the ceiling and then it's coming back down on you. You know it's the best

part of a grand on a wipe clean. It's also not clean it's a very good thing. You know those Dyson hand dryers they're hot beds for bacteria. I've heard all about this business. I can't get my head round why, but yeah, I've heard. Because I love the word, I love the term hot bed. Or it's an exciting story, isn't it, when hot beds involved? It's what I call my bed, but that's the part, a like a water bottle, a hot water bottle. It comes to the hot bed.

Yeah, it's a, you like to get in, it's tasty. Dyson, the hair blade spread bacteria. thing. Come to the hubbits. Yeah, I'm sorry. You'd like to get in? It's tasty. Dyson, the air blade spread bacteria. Yeah, so you put your hands in. The horse comes in. Any leaves. And you carry on in there. And see what happens is it takes all of the crap off your hands.

Maybe if you've got feces on your hands or just the water. And it puts it downstairs. And so there's a little little, or, it's a scaggy bit. That little sort of trough. Yeah. But sometimes when you've got your hands in, you think, oh, there's a splash on my hands that's not from my hands, that's from the previous dirty bow.

Yeah, so you don't know who they are? No. Hold on. What is going on here? Surely, like, first of all, this is like saying sinks are a hotbed for. Sinks are a hotbed. Finally.

But also, I bet you, when they're a little bit of bed, you know when they, you see that little sign up, you're a little bit of paper, that people have to sign several times over to show they've cleaned the, the lose in the pub. They're not doing the Dyson Airblade. There's no way someone who's... Someone who's partially...

Pub, do you go to the Dyson Airblade, isn't it? There's, there's Airblades in pubs. Oh my god, wait, what do you go to? Yeah, where are you? Where are you? There's a towel on the floor. Flint that over the harsh floor. Oh, do they serve hot foods?

LAUGHTER The soft beds. So, yeah, you're right. But wait, wait, we've come off the subject slightly here. I know how dare you. We're not solving James's beef. All I'm saying is, I think Tom will be dirtier if he does get his dice and squallade.

If you get your daughter's chocolate. What about towels? Tows must be covered. I'm not going to push it, but you put a UV light to one of my towels and it'll look like the night sky. Yeah, so do you not wash your towels? Producer M has just pulled a really strong face through the window. She looks like he's about to be sick. We should minute the topic on. Okay, so can I ask the question because I, well I've asked it already, can you answer it? Do you not wash my nails?

Do you not wash your towels? Tom, do you wash your towels or not? I wash my towels probably every five weeks. Not enough. Are you joking? Not enough. I change my towels every four days. Whoa, too much. Who's there? Somewhere in between. No, my towels every four days. Whoa, too much.

Who's there? Somewhere in between. No, that's no. Three weeks. Three weeks, no. I reckon once a week I'm washing the towels. I think like, see no, there's no fixed rule. No one knows.

There are no rules, you guys. No, there are rules. About every four days there's normal to change towels. I'm changing your bed once a week. Yeah, change the bed once a week. Hey James, have we sorted your problem out? LAUGHTER We've only been up like seven different beefs in this. I'm changing your bed once a week. Yeah, change the bed once a week. Hey James, have we sorted your problem? We've only been up like seven different beefs in this. I mean, this is all it's all about This is what beef brothers called what you're for. We should tell you now the chance of us actually solving any of these beefs

It's pretty much zero All right, so Suzy of course, that's why we brought her in the three the three of us, Suzy's made me feel very unclean. Very unclean. And you go to pretty rotten pubs as well. Basically, you're a scumbag. Are you using the towels in the pub? I'm not.

That's gonna be a really good job. You're supposed to put your towel down. This pub is so rough I've got to bring my own towel. So the question is, should I have completely forgot what the beef is? Okay, my girlfriend turns off all of his home automation stuff from the switch. So when he tries to use it, it's like, Siri do this, Siri's asleep. Siri's been put to bed. I have this problem with my girlfriend with, like she switches everything off at the plug.

There's a theory that, you know, stop the electricity in the wall and it's gonna help you. You don't have a surge, nothing explodes. Exactly. So it infuriates me because I'm constantly having to go to plugs. So this guy spent the best part of a grand 700 pounds on a flat that he just needs to talk to and it'll do stuff. But it's been prevented by his girlfriend. I'm kind of with you on your beef but I think I'm with her on his. Okay, well that's good because we're on his. The reason she gives, the reason I like the reason she gives, I like to do things the traditional way. That's what I like about it. There's something romantic about this. Something romantic about switching on a plug. Tom, how long do you think your

relationship is going to last? Let's be honest, let's get down to barastat. I mean, I love you, don't I? I think I'll beat you all these lamps. No, I don't know if that is romantic, but at the same time, the amount of, like, I've got Chromecast you know for for I'm doing all right I've got Chromecast that's no I have I'm not saying is it funny that Christy's I was just genuinely like I'm like Chromecast Chromecast is a way of broadcasting Google Chrome to your TV so you can you can put your Netflix on your TV you can put your Amazon Prime on your TV it's a way of broadcasting Google Chrome to your TV. So you can put your Netflix on your TV, you can put your Amazon Prime on your TV.

It's a way of watching it. How's it do that? It's a little small disk that you plug into the back of your TV and it just picks up the signal. It costs 30 quid. So it makes your TV smart. It makes your TV smart effectively, but only via Google Chrome.

Now, the amount of time I spend fanning around with Chromecast and it just it doesn't work and I think oh fuck it I'll just watch the propertylly. I get the feeling that she's come in a couple of times and say Siri turn on the lights in complete darkness still there in darkness Siri please turn on the lights doing different trying to emulate I've actually tried to emulate his voice can one doesn't recognize my voice true true turn on the watch you know like I, I can sense her frustration. So go out with the egg you got.

She did. You know what? She ran, where's the nearest picnic? Oh, I'm speaking of a Russian. Turns out none of us can do a Yogi no pressure. You all had a good shot. So I feel her frustration. Yeah, I mean, my mom got a Siri for Alexa for a birthday.

And watching my mom and dad spend 10 minutes with Alexa, it's really good stuff. Like it's not gonna last in the house because it's gonna be a divorce. My dad, first of all says, here, Alexa, like she's gonna go, yeah, roll. I'm gonna roll it out.

And then when she does something, when you're saying like, play the beach boys and they'll start playing and they'll go, thanks, should we go pardon? No, go. No, go. Who go, don't worry, I didn't understand that. Oh no, she's not a good conversationist. That's the problem.

The thing is your father's just too nice a bloke. He doesn't want it to be a sort of transactional thing. He wants it to be a conversation. Is it an indictment to have a moment of relationship is that they've brought an aerobot? That's one of the problems. Irregardless. Irregardless of that.

Where do we all stand? Are you with James? Are you with his girlfriend? Is he in the role? He's not in the wrong to soup up his flat, but that's for him. The standard light switches up ahead. Yeah, I don't fully understand it. Is he in the like I'm with his girlfriend? He's not in the wrong to soup up his flat, but that's for him. The standard light switches have a hat. Yeah, I don't fully understand it.

I think turning on a light switch by hand is quicker than saying the words, Siri, can you turn on my lights? What are we up to carrying all your bits? Excuse me? You've got him from the shop. You've got him from your shop. I've got him from the pub.

Yep, you carry all those towels. You've got him from home. Thinking I've got him from the shop. You've got him from the pub. Yep, you carry all those towels. You can go home. Thinking, how far away to run my body down with these? You're living in the future. Your drone has arrived. But once you arrive in the room, that's when you get to put the stuff down anyway, isn't it? Yeah.

I mean, it is pretty cool to go. Lights on. Lights come on. Yeah, but you know. You normally have to say something first anyway, so it knows that you're talking to it. That's true. You know, you have to say Alexa or Siri or whatever, but still to be able to say Siri

turn on the lights. I've just realised though, here's the problem. Every time you see this in a movie, it's, the guy is using it to impress a girl. Yeah, he's already got a girl already. He doesn't need to impress her anymore. Impressor by taking that best part of a grand and going on holiday together That's what he should have done. I think it would be funny if you had like if you used like an old lady's voice If you were like marjorie, turn on the lights or

Marjorie, turn on the lights. They must have done a lot of work on coming up with Siri and Alexa. I Reckon so yeah I reckon so, yeah. Oh, so Vinny. Yeah, I don't reckon someone like happened to pull it. Oh shit, this does everything for me. I'm not surprised that it was Siri though. As a name. Yeah.

I think it's Pauline. I think it's non-specific. And the chances of someone knowing a Siri as well, it's a name you're not going to be saying in the flattle. Because if you're called Siri, you can't own a Siri. And if you're called a lecture, it must be really annoying. Alexa's a more common name, isn't it? But no one's going to be called Alexa now. From now on.

The drop off is going to be huge for that. Or people are going to start going, I really like it, let's go. Yes. If there's a boom in like Siri's and Alexa's. Yeah. It'd be quite cool to have a kid. Alexa, what should I name my baby? Alexa.

I've always liked the name Alexa. Because then, in fact, if you've got a kid and you call it Siri, you're kind of doubling down because if you're in your flat and you go, Siri, turn on the lights. If Siri doesn't work, then your kid'll go and do it. Let's end with a rule in shall we? Yes.

Am I wrong for telling her to make the effort to get used to the future? Or shall I accept the fact that I'll be flicking switches for the rest of my life? I think accept it, mate. I think accept it. Flick the switch mates, romantic thing to do. Suzy, final vote, not that it matters because it's a landslide but... The lads have spoken.

Then I'll go with the boyfriend just to be difficult. Just to be a provocateur. Why not? Anyway sorry James, beef solved. Yeah beef solved. Be from the sun and make a beef solved. reminder, listener dear, that I am running the London Marathon this month. Ooooooh! So, that is the noise we'll be making all the way around. Yes, and listen dear, I don't know if you remember, but the agreement is that you, if you see me, running the marathon, will chan gold, gold, gold, that way as well. Yeah, why not just spur you on to greater heights?

I'm really excited about that, but also to spur me on to greater heights. I'm running it for charity the brilliant charity Fab kids raise money for children with special needs to help them integrate society They run clubs and activities So please go to just giving and support me. I think I'm Tom Hyphen parry 10 But we'll put the link out on our Twitter feeds Yeah, if you fancy sports me that would be much appreciated cheers listen to the deer Suzy do you want to do yours next? dear puppies my girlfriend is training to run a marathon

she requires? hang on hold tight can I just say if it wasn't your editorialising site if you say boring? yeah was that in brackets? no that was pure ruffle that was pure rough. Which is also the other nickname I've got. Pure rough. Have you ever done someone who's trained for a marathon?

No. It is boring. Yeah, it just sounds like it might be. I've been the person training for the marathon and I get really boring when I'm training for a marathon. You just never know. I mean, Ed, I'm energy-oking, I'm free-gathering. You're talking about it all the time. I time. You're raising money for a great thing. Yeah. You find a way to shoehorn it into every conversation. Well, what were you saying? I tell you what I could do with shoehorn for these running trainers.

Now that shoehorn in the word shoehorn in. Oh. That's a little bit different. So anyway, we've established his girlfriend's training for a marathon. Open brackets boring, CZRF all close brackets. 2019. This requires going running regularly as you might imagine. Sure it, here you come in front of

buddy. She insists on doing all of her training in my work socks. I have two problems with this. One, nice fresh work socks is a tiny pleasure on a rank early morning. These socks are being worn through on a rank it was it rank early morning. On a rank early morning, yeah. I being worn through. On a rank, was it rank early morning? On a rank early morning, yeah. This is, I've used that sock for a different reason. Oh, Thomas! That's genuinely what I thought. I didn't enjoy that at all, Tom.

I know, I could tell by your face. Yeah. A rank early morning, these socks being worn through at such a rate that I no longer get fresh sock feel. That fresh sock feel. That's just true of the other definition as well. All right, let's not go grubby now, please. Two, she looks ridiculous in running trainers

and hooped off his socks. Wow, there's a lot to unpack here. There's a lot to unpack here. I don't know that much to unpack. Oh, here we go. Okay, well why don't you do that and pack first. We're pushing for a quick ruling Because I feel like with I feel there's loads going on here. No, I think a

Clean pair of socks and especially if they're new-ish is a delightful feeling Absolutely. I always have a new pair of socks if I'm doing like a new run of shows Oh, I love it. I treat myself to some new socks. They feel good in my feet in case you're wondering where I put And Two on the feet one on the left breast. It's just something I do. It's just joe. It's just my style. If you've seen me live, you'll know that. I think, I think absolutely not, going by your own running socks mate, you want to do the marathon, put a bit of bunts behind it, get to the sports direct. I think this is a good point,

but what about him as a decent boyfriend? Why don't you just go and buy a load of buns behind it, get to the sports direct. I think this is a good point, but what about him as a decent boyfriend? Why don't you just go and buy a load of those popsocks? Go down JD Sports, get a... Thank you very much. What? Those very socks. I'll tell you something for nothing. Popsocks, you don't run in popsocks just though, you know? Well, you know the trainer socks, the little small ones. Yeah, popsocks are like ladies socks that go up to like your...

Carves. Are they? That are like see through that you might wear with like an ugly office shoe? What huh? Is that true? We're learning something every day Everyday school day with ruffle. We'll talk it. We'll talk about that That was pure ruffle that was absolutely So pop socks are not because I've always called the little socks But trainers are a trail of socks. Yeah, I thought trainers are the little socks but they're trainers. There is a trailer socks. Yeah. I thought trainers socks is only a phrase that came in fairly recently.

I thought pop socks is what you'd, but then I thought pop socks were like the, you're all saying it's wrong. You know it is socks. Oh, let's give it a go. Socks. That doesn't sound like, he can do it. He can do it. It's a real shame I can't do it. He can do it. It's a real shame I can't do it.

Clarke he can do it, Parry can do it, Crosby. Oh, closer but still not good enough. My granddad, Poppy, his sole reason for not liking my cousin's boyfriend was that he will train us ox. Wow, that's way. He said, I can't trust him. He wears them a little wanker socks. Wow, that's where he said I can't trust him. He wears them little wanker socks. The thing is though, no socks. I have a very low tolerance for people who wear no socks. I don't like no socks. What about indoors? Oh, no, that's like at wish-shoes. Okay, we've got to make it clear, right? Sorry. The worst is no socks at a wedding.

Who does no socks at a wedding? Mark, me, I've been to a fair few, no socks wedding going to... Although actually, you did sandals at a wedding once. Thank you very much. What? Sandals and socks. No, mind if I do. You did sandals and socks at a wedding? No, no socks.

Well, you just said no socks at a wedding, but something you hated. I've got not in sandals. Who's wearing sandals to a wedding? It was a summer wedding. Tom Perry. This is too much. I can't deal with this. I think I've got my own business.

Who's wearing was that? Was it Helen and Martin? Yeah, it was. I'm a wedding. Tom Perry. This is too much. I can't deal with this. I think I've got my own business. He was wedding with that. Was it Helen Martins wedding? Yeah. You shut it to Helen Martins wedding. Who's Helen Martins wedding? Helen Zoltzmann, podcaster Helen Zoltzmann, podcaster. Martin Zoltzoltz Ostwick, who is also, I mean, he's a podcaster as well.

So basically. Can I just say that wedding? My sandals weren't that wasn't the controversial moment of the wedding. Oh, the controversial moment of that wedding was close. He's arrival time. Halfway through the ceremony, it was an outdoor ceremony at the bottom of this hill, and halfway through the ceremony, the random top of the hill and straight down into the

ceremony, came Ben and Megan, who had missed the start time of the ceremony, got lost on the way, and hot-footed it directly into the middle of the ceremony. He was cresting, you were cresting on the top of the hill, weren't you? Sorry. I rolly-pollied into the... You were so chasing a wheel of cheese. So no one was his gift. It really took the heat off the sandals. What, you were coming there?

It's a fair point. So anyway, sandals are a wedding we've accepted is fine as long as you wear a pair of socks. Now, and I'll see you at your wedding in a few months time. I do worry for this girl running a marathon in works socks. Yeah, that's what I think too. She's going to be blistered all over. But I think the one thing that we're missing here, the key part of the information is what are his work socks like?

Because he's hooped. I mean, hooped is a design, but it's not a... Jolt-Ruh. It's not a, like, Jolt-Ruh. Are we talking cotton socks? Are we talking, are we talking... I'm guessing a cotton sock. To hooc socks.

Yeah, they're going to do his work. Maybe he's a professional marathon runner. Have we thought about that? I doubt it. I don't think he'd say she'd not silly in my marathon socks. Yeah, if she ain't, she'd look silly in my work socks. I don't think it's going to make sense that his work socks, he's like a tennis coach.

Where does head work? We don't know. OK. What are his socks like that? I'm on your team mate, but the beef brothers seem to be having beef. There's beef within beef here. That's the little clip that we need to clip when we're doing the beef brothers are having beef. Woah, beef brothers, cold guts!

Someone likes to do a remix of that. Just... What a remix of Harry trying to do a remix of that. Just... What a remix of Harry trying to do a remix. Remix of Harry trying to do a remix. Do email us at beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. Just finish it with one of Matthew's pops and we'll be... You sounds like a silenced gun. Like, does it?

Oh, I can call it some mischief now. I thought it sounds like when you reopen a container of food and it's kind of gone off. How often does that happen all the time in your house? Gross, your house mate. You've changed tells more and throw some shit out. So grim. Throw some shit out. Why did you do a voice like Gandalf there?

That's my remix of me. That's your remix of me. It's your shit out. In the remix am I much, much older and you know like the radio jingles, that's what radio jingles do, they go like you're listening to this radio station. Radio station. Radio station. I don't see, is there a lot of scratching on that? I suppose I listen to, I'm cheapfully listening to radio. Yeah, they don't do that on Ken Bruce's show, do they? I've got a Spotify account. Yeah, it's got my own I'm literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally We've established that we don't know what kind of socks they are, but I think we can probably guess. Yeah. I think Ruffal might have a point here.

This is an open closed shut case. Open closed shut case. Open closed shut case. Open the door. Look out the window. Round the corner. Shut open closed and shut. Shut about.

I was trying to say. We've got ourselves what's known as an open closed shut case. It's closed shut. It's open and closed shut case. It's closed shut. It's open and closed shut case. Like a suitcase or a briefcase. It's open and closed shut. It's closed shut. It's Tom.

Tom explained to us how this is open and closed shut. She should stop using his socks. She should've bought some proper masks. I think we had a nice fun. I said that ages ago. Or do it. But you know I think we had a fun. I said that ages ago. Or do it. But you know what, we had a lovely chat getting there, didn't we? I had to keep listening to him remix.

It's a very good point. Give me your offensive voice. Ooh, pinnacle. Oh, it's your case. Well, I think that is yet another beef solved. Be from the starting at the beef solved. Sarah emailed in. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Sarah. She emailed in to beef. Hi, this podcast zoning like a beef solved. Sarah emailed in. Hi Sarah.

Hi Sarah, she emailed in to be first. Hi there podcast at gmail.com, which you can too. She's Gmailed in saying, I'm writing about our flatmate Clive who is a monstrous bell end. Now we know it's a cat here because the subject is our catmate is a prick. To understand how high on the beef scale he is, you have to understand I live with my husband who, despite leaving his contacts everywhere, is broadly fine to live with. I'm assuming she means lenses rather than just...

Not his filafuck. Exactly. But we have a 10-year-old who thinks she is 16, a four-year-old that thinks he's the Hulk and deprives us of as much sleep as possible, three other cats and a dog. Right. So to stand out amongst this freak show, you really have to go the extra mile. Her words, not mine. Go. What's your, they're bringing a lot

on themselves here. They've got a lot going on. It's a menagerie, isn't it? Give it to all the kids. Get rid of one of the kids. Which kid would you go with first? The 10 year old, you think she's 16. Yeah. If you think she's 16, it's ready to move out. Yeah, that's it. Move her out. Get a job. Off you bottom. Move her out. And the put the Hulk one into some sort of, some sort of, yeah, some sort of like maximum security prison. Okay, beef solved. Clive constantly begs for food. He has fed the same amount.

Sorry, this is the cat not an adult. This is the cat, yeah, imagine. She hasn't taken our report. This is the social services. She hasn't taken our advice yet and locked him in a maximum security prison. Clown constantly begs for food. He's fed the same amount as the other cats. His begging is not as simple as just meowing, which he can't even do properly as he sounds

like a crow. Whoa. It feels like he'd been quite mean to this cat. I think life sounds great. Yeah. I think I like Clown closer. Clown closer. His whole day is dedicated to finding new and annoying ways to beg for food.

Sorry Tom. Can I hear what we think crow sounds like? Pfft. I think that crow's just been killed with a silencer. Ruffle, have you got a crow in you? Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Oh! Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Very pigeon- pigeonient this day. A lot of preparation for it. Oh, it's good actually. Yeah.

Oh. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- It could be a crow reversing, yeah. No. No. Too low. I'll tell you one thing you always do is you always make your mouth like pingu when you try and do any, yeah. Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-r You sound like Alan Partridge falling down some stairs. So the grand final, the crow off, is between Crosby and Ruffle. Okay, here we go. Crosby, first up. Oh, I think that was even better than the last one.

Ruffle, you got to go some here. No, the pressure got you. Crosby. From the worst sound effect of the best. What an episode it's been already. What a journey. So speaking of journey, we still got a paragraph of this beef to get through. His whole day is dedicated to finding new and annoying

ways to beg for food from biting. That's what cats are supposed to do. Live and let lives there. I'm gonna do that. That's my life as well. Have you got any in here? I've got your food in there. I haven't got a crow inside me if I was here on Trin.

I haven't got a crow in Stunt. I haven't got a crow in there. A little bit of bubbles. Tom, Tom, now. I'm the evil sounds like. Again, the listener can't see your sort of pretending to remix here with a vinyl record. That just sound like you had a stroke.

Sorry. So let me get to the end of this. record, that just sounds like you had a stroke. Sorry. So, let me get to the end of this, you know, we've got so much to get through here. I just don't like going to the other side. You know, that's actually a really good way of helping. On a side note, have you got a crow inside you? Sounds like, you know, like a regional kind of phrase for like, how are you? Yeah, you got a crow inside you? Oh, I'm bloody wish.

I wish. I wish. And you're a second. I think there'll be a West country thing. Yeah. Oh, you got a crow inside you? You got a crow inside your what? Oh, Darren can't come.

And I know he's got a crow right inside him. Ah, me. Oh, right inside. I think right. So what are you taking it to mean? It feels like it might be, he's got a bug. Like a frog in it. Like a frog in it.

Yeah, there you go. It's got a chesty cough. Yeah, you've got a touch of the crows. No, that sounds like a different thing. A touch of the crows sounds like you. But do not eat that curry. I did it last time. I had a real touch of the crows.

It's actually the birds of the feather. Err... The reboot. Reboot that, thank you. We've been looking for that. Um, so, dedicated to finding new and annoying ways to beg for food. From biting your knee, when you're on the toilet, tripping you over when you get up to do anything other than feed him, knocking stuff off shelves and worktops to tipping over the bin, all of which we could perhaps take if he didn't terrorise in the night. No matter what we do, he finds a way to break into our bedroom.

This is big. It's like the bit in Jurassic Park. They've learned how to open doors. No matter what we do, shut the door and lock the door. Do we have locks in there? Doors, I don't know. Anyway, shut the door. That would be my first bit of advice.

No matter what we do, he finds a way to break into our bedroom from hiding in our wardrobe or on-sweet to climbing in through the window. He finds a way to get in and meow in our faces at hourly intervals from about 3am. At about 5am, he goes and wakes up our four-year-old and I hope that that will force us to get up earlier. He gets fed at 6.30, so it's not like we even make him wait forever. This is not good enough for Clive. We've even had to replace our bed as he plucked the fabric on the headburned of Anne so much when he tried to wake us up. Trying to bring an end to this sleep deprivation reign of 14 years, we got a wooden bed frame.

14 years. I mean, just, I don't want to be morbid about it, but just ride it out. 14 years. I thought you were going to say step up. Kill it. Don't step on the couch. Don't be morbid, but chuck him in the canal. No, not that.

Not that, Clive. 14 years. Trying to bring an end to this sleep deprivation rain of 14 years, we've got a wooden bed frame. This, however, has proved somewhat painful for Andy my husband. Clive simply uses the wooden bed head as a diving board to dive directly onto his testicles. This is not really a contraceptive method we subscribe to. Please help us escape this view every morning, cheers Sarah, and she's put a little picture of a Clive the Cat,

staring down from chest level. I can't be the only one thinking Clive. What a fucking legend. I love him. He's got a bit of spunk to him, as he's got a bit of get up and go. He's got a bit of Vim and Vigor. I think more of us should be like Clive.

Be more Clive. Be more Clive, exactly. There's a hashtag. Let's get a wrist bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, You're an able to see raffle you're an enabler Clive would have remix that come on. I was just being clive Just being clive I prefer clive jumping onto my testicles and listen to you do another one of those

tingles. Wow. Hey Five minutes. What do we what do we think about clive? Because you're a cat owner Suzy. They did famously a cat owner famous Famous revenue cat What what would be. Famous for having a cat. What would be your solution? Well, Valma Kelly is, that's her name, it's your fan of musical theatre. You know that that's the lead character.

In wicked. No, Chicago. If you're not a fan of musical theatre, grow up. It's brilliant. Valma does a similar thing where she does like to sleep in my arms like a baby. grow up. It's brilliant. Velma does a similar thing where she does like to sleep in my arms like a baby. Oh I love it. But when my girlfriend Alice moved in, she would get in my arms like a baby and then as soon as Alice fell asleep sort of bite her because she was jealous of the other

girl. Oh yeah. Yeah very jealous. Yeah yeah very jealous. Yeah and how are things now she got used to us. Now now now I'm really loves Alice yeah they have like special my jeans or make Alice sleep on the sofa. Well Alice tried to get into the cat bed but it just didn't work she's a woman in her like 20 they she's too big. She's too big. She's too big. Fair enough. So she sort of said eventually, I think the cat's not gonna be able to sleep in your bed anymore because she was, and so we've now,

Thalma now has her own bed in the lounge, but it is a heated bed that we make sure it's warm every night for each case of bed. You've got a hot bed for your cat. It's a real hot bed. It's a real hot bed for cats. We put the cat to bed. One of us has to be like,

you put the cat on. Oh, that's so sweet. So like you have to put the thing in the microwave. Then it's like, you put the cat in the microwave. And then it sleeps all the time. And she has a slow-cow six weeks. No, put the thing, the heated thing in the microwave and we put that in her bed.

And then the bed's a snarger, and you sort of put her in it and she's like, oh yeah, then you give her a lot of tickle and she goes to bed. What a life adorable. Long story short I think maybe if they made the cat's bed more good point yeah like a little microwaveable cat. Yeah he's back yeah and and pop that there and they just and she just loves it and sometimes I get out before her. Also 14 right here's the thing just feed the cat all day. Yeah just have one of those food just have like one of those dispensers for dry food

that just keeps dispensing dry food for you the cat all day. It's 14. My my name is 98 now. She's not 14. No, no. She's not she was at one stage but that was quite a few years. Yeah, long time ago now. Long time ago now, when she was 14 there, watching the Christopher Palace burn down. She started the fire I had. No, no, she didn't start the fire.

She didn't start the fire. Not her single, she released. Billy Joel. You're not his Billy Joel. My hands, Billy Joel. Wow, we. I should have started with that, really. That's the headline.

No, no, Billy Joel. My hands, headline. No, no, Billy Joel. My name's Billy Joel. No, my name is 98 and all she does now is sit in her chair and she eats walnut whips and she eats shortbread biscuits and she eats pre-packaged prawn sandwiches which she loves and you've got like, you're 98. You've absolutely earned it. Get one of those dispenses that dispenses food for days. For all sandwiches.

For all sandwiches. Well, not whips, but can't be dead in seconds. Is that how old Clive Clive 14, so he cat ears, that makes him an old, Contankable, old man. He's a cat. I mean, I don't know what breed is, but. So do you just need to like, if they picture that, like, if they think of him as like Larry David or like someone like, you know, he's a Contankable, old man. Who's picture that like if they think of him as like Larry David or like someone like you know

He's a contender. Who's the oldest man I can think of? Mr. Heck was from friends. Yeah exactly. Yeah, he's like a cast member from last of the summer wine sure He's coming down the hill in a bath That's really good. Hello, Martin! Who got you last time it is? Why am I so late? If you think of it as a Katankrasal man, then you can let a lot of this ride. And maybe just, yeah, I'd give him loads of feed for an easy life.

Sure. Why wouldn't you? Yeah, do it. And also, bear in mind the more you feed the cat, the bigger it gets, the less mobile it gets, the less easy it is for them to jump up on the bed or basically do anything. But it will have more weight to throw against the door. Oh, that's a good point. If it gets up on that bed frame and lands on your testicles

and it's a big fat cat you've been facing. There are thousands of dogs. Force feeding, that's it. No more kids. No, but they shouldn't have any more kids. They've already got loads. Two. Is that loads? Hey, I they shouldn't have any more kids. They've already got loads. Two. Is that loads?

Hey, I worked for a Chinese government, alright. I meant to ask you about that. So, I think we've solved the beef. Beef solved. Beef solved. Beef from the Zoning out your beef solved. Listen to D.A. if you're enjoying the podcast that we're putting out then please feel free to support us

at patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share. We can't afford to do this without your support. It'll be great if you can get on board. And at each tier you get loads of different extras and bonus stuff. Let's go through them, shall we? Okay, so for two dollars a month you get the nod in the wing, which means you get a mention on the show You get your beef as a priority

So we're gonna solve your beef on beef brothers cold cut and you also get access to pre-sale tickets for any of our live shows Yes, and five dollars you get the secret handshake Which is all of what Matthew just said plus you get the jingle as a single the our flat slam monthly jingle And you also get a load of extra bonus footage. For $10, you get the solid dangle. I don't know if you get the solid dangle or you offer us the solid dangle. I don't know how that works. But either way, a solid dangle is in play.

I mean, a solid dangle cannot be snifter, so you get all of that stuff. Plus, you get an exclusive post-match interview with our our slam down guests, you get some badges and some stickers and also we're going to be recording a drunk episode. Oh, man, quarterly. So you get access to the drunk episode, flat share, pissed up. We decided to do it quarterly to correspond with when we do our VAT receipts. Okay, it's good, it's good. So you also, there's also the copper bottom's winner.

Now that is, this is huge. That's, this is for $25 a month. Now for this, you get an exclusive Papi's Flash S-Lamdown T-shirt. Whoa! You get a birthday message, custom made by us to you. And you also get all of the above that you get from all the other tiers.

Holy moly. Well, look, if you want to become a neighbor of the show and join us at Patreon, that would be much appreciated. Cheers, Lista! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny

and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in not for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. Beeth Brothers, darling, I am Beeth! BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH BOTH petty beef with my wife and to be as balanced as possible she has the beef right back with

me. It concerns liquid hand soap. When the bottle of liquid hand soap is almost done, a little tube pump thing no longer reaches the bit of soap left in the hand soap container. Too true. Yes, I know this. True, true. In order to access this perfectly good soap, I put in a bit of water into the bottle.

My wife hates this. She argues that it waters down the soap making it less effective as you get less soap. She argues that it waters down the soap. I mean, that's literally what he's doing. He's putting water into a thing. That is the very definition of, I think, I think, I don't think he can use the phrase, argues here. She correctly informs me. But he's also, what he knows, it's watering down the soap. Anyway, sorry, carry on, Collie. A secondary point is it makes us look like cheap skates

if people are at a house and happen to use that soap. This has caused countless arguments. As I keep doing it and she keeps throwing out my soap water. He's calling it soap water. Yeah. I kind of, it heats up here towards the end. Go on. We've been together for some 13 years,

but almost a life of a cat. Since you knew, and in that time, haven't been able to resolve this beef, please can you help decide once and for all a marriage, maybe at stake? Ooh. I would say don't have a key three for marriage. No, I think that's the right people. That's the premise of the whole podcast.

Oh, I do, right. Sorry, marriage. Guidance, canceling podcast. Sorry, I'm so sorry. I feel very embarrassed now, of course. Right, let's get into this. Let's go down. What are your immediate thoughts, Clarky?

Well, I think it's totally fine to water down your soap. Agreed. And also, so I did it with pretty much anything you can. You water down everything. I water down everything. If you ever come around mine for a beer, you'll know that. It's a half and half, isn't it?

Half fizzy water. It's a half tenons. It's basically a Shanley, but without the... Shhhhand. Yeah, what, I don't know what it is. What does Shanley get his name from? Not a discussion for now, but certainly one that I will. Tweet into app puppies tweets.

Yes, app puppies tweet. If you want to tell us where, don't forget to email to beefbrotherspodcast.com If you know where, the name Shandy came from. I think we've got what we've got about as people see Radio 3 Counties as we can here. If you know where Shandy comes from, do tweet us in. Next up, it's Jirangirang. Okay. Jirangirang, you are listening to Papu Radio.

Well, what I think, and then we talked a lot about washing and cleaning us so far. I am certainly, it turns out no ex, no ex, but on all of this stuff. But I personally use about a fifth of the amount they say to use when I wash my clothes with the washing detergent. And I'd heard that, I heard that on the radio

that you can do that. And it Absolutely fine, my clothes smell delightful. Sure. And the pool is on us. Same thing you get to the end of your shampoo bottle and you put some water in to get the, get the drinks out. At last rages. Yeah. I think we should start with watering the stuff down. Get your hands soap. Yeah. Divide it over six bottles, fill them a board and then off you go. I think that's a very good idea actually, yeah. So you're basically just, it's a bloody con, isn't it? I think we're up by more than a constant the oversold on these things. No, I think you're dirty. I'm going to ruffle on this one. I think there is a happy medium here

where you get to the bottom and you turn it upside down. Yeah, let it drain all the way down. And then just basically you change the method of disposal. So instead of walking it down. I like the last two days. Yeah, just turn it upside down. And then when you need to use it, you take off the top.

And then you give it a little squeeze and then you're into it. But why wouldn't you put water in it because that's basically what you're, you know, you're just trying to get it off the edges of the bottle. It's the bits that won't drip down, just trying to get the bits off the edges of the bottle. So it's a bit like a little bit of water. You're a bloody good chat. You're about to mix it with water. Exactly.

You're about to mix it with water. Exactly. You're about to mix it with water. Why not start it by mixing it with water? I can't believe this is a 50-50 split. But here we go. I think the other thing I would say is why it's causing the total trouble. Because they're worried about appearances. There's a certain degree here of the...

This is a couple that are worried about what people think of them. Well, okay. So when you've watered it down, pop that under the sink, hide in a way. I was going to say the same thing. That's for you, that's for a pair of you. That's very good. Or that's for you guy, because you look at the guy to a good marriage. It's compromised, isn't it?

So if when you get to the water down bit, he waters it down, that's for him. Right? You've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've, you've? You've, you've, you've FIME's like putting it in your pocket. He slips it away somewhere. He puts it into his dressing car. He takes it to work. He puts it in his, in his cupboard. And then there's a new bottle for her to keep on using. He keeps on using the water down bit. That way, basically, you've been together since you need, you need your own space. You know, you can, you need your own soap, you need your own space.

That's kind of, that's the key here, I think. That sounds like you're trying to split them up. No, no, no, he's not at all. He's trying to bring them closer together. He's trying to split the soap up. If, you know what, in, in the same way that like my wife and I have two different bottles of shampoo. Hello, we're not sharing a shampoo. Have two different, soap dispensers that, I think. I think you've cracked it Tom. Yes, Tom's already made it. You've cracked it Tom's already made it. He's up on his feet.

Get like a tube of, like maybe a pasta, oh I thought I cracked it. A tube of pasta? Get like a tube of pasta and extend the straw. No. No, I've gone absolutely. I've gone, I've gone, I've gone, I've gone. Now, listen, what we've experienced here is you know how like, you know how they say even

a stock clock is right twice a day. We've witnessed one of those moments with Thomas here something so sensible that he's had to immediately go and say something so ludicrous to sort of counter it. You've got so excited there, but I think now that was... You could, no, no, not of extending the straw. I don't think the extension of the straw, but I do think the split, you've actually, Tom, you know what, you've convinced me, I think double soaps. I just think double soaps at the end of the site. He can always finish off the last two days, pop it under the sink, he can use that, she doesn't have to do with it. Exactly.

And then that's a little routine they get in. I mean, alternatively, why don't you start using actual soap? It's better for the environment. There we go. You're not using the plastic. Use a bar. Use a bar of soap. There's someone like Lash. We've got a nice one. Yeah, you're using Lash to bars. Are you using like bar shampoo and stuff as well? Not yet. Right. I just switched to bar shampoo. How is bar shampoo? Really good. Bar shampoo is a great place. Yeah. Oh, you should see the dieson they've got in there. Absolutely good. Very good. Great food.

Yeah, it's really. Can't allow that. It always brings it down to hell. Do you use bar conditioner as well? Well, no, I use conditioner once my hair is sort of like towel dried. Oh, like a leave-in conditioner. Yeah, because I wash it every day, so otherwise it gets greasy. I can't join in this conversation because I've got no...

Well, I think we solved the beef. Not only that, we've had a lovely little jingle from Tom. Tom, you know, we're going to put in actual jingles here. You don't need to always create a little jingle. These are the jingles. These are the jingles. Okay, well, in which case... Beefs. Closed? Beefs closed. Beefs closed. Open and shut. Beefs. Open and shut beefs. And case. Right, so. Beef case.

We're closing up the beef case. Oh God, that doesn't sound good. No, what about your beef case? Guys, we've closed the beef case. I've hidden it in my beef case. Guys we closed the beef case. I've hidden it in my beef case. It's an open-and-shut closed beef case. So by the way that is if you are talking about the show don't forget to use the hashtag hashtag open-and-shut closed beef case. That's the review. We want you to leave on our channel., no, no. With five stars.

This podcast is a five star opening shot closed beef case. Please do leave us that review. Oh my God, I love you so much. We'll send you some soap. From the starting at your beef! It's soft. Finally, to wrap things up, we're going to say goodbye to Tom. Goodbye, everyone. Tom, it's been lovely having you here.

I've really enjoyed my time here. Don't forget your beef case. Thank you so much. So we're going to say goodbye to Tom. Goodbye everyone. Tom, it's been lovely having you here. I've really enjoyed my time here. Don't forget your beef case. Thank you so much. So I'm going to say goodbye to Tom. And we're going to bring in Fansure to solve one of Susie's beef. Now Susie, what is your flat-based beef? Well, it's with my ex-house mate, Jenny Beade.

She still comes over so frequently it could happen again. Sure. I run a bath, she gets in. Whoa! Oh! Unacceptable! Pixar, it didn't happen. So, is that true?

She gets into the bath with you. Yeah. That's a very relaxed house. What? With you or? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Okay fine, I was just nipsy and I was thinking that is a very relaxed house. I've sure I've done that before with my wife, but we've got an arrangement. I don't have anything with your wife as well. Yeah, that's totally yeah.

No, I mean, I wouldn't put it past us, but she's known to jump into my bed sometimes. Jumping out, okay, so she's jumping. In a non-sexy way, she's straight, I'm gay. Sure. But we have a very close relationship. You've got an intimate and tactile relationship. An intimate and tactile relationship, like to a gal pal should. We should all be so lucky to have that kind of relationship.

So I'd be like, oh, I'm gonna have a lovely bath, and she'd be like, oh, great idea. And then she'd be like, typing away. And I'd like go and put some like, you know, nice, smelly stuff in it, and bubbles. And then I'd go like typing away and I'd like go and put some nice smelly stuff in it and bubbles and then I'd go into getting the bathroom and as I walk in she'd just sort of smile at me and go, oh was this for you? Oh no and she's rubbing away with the with the Sabar of shampoo. Oh my god. Right well there's a we can't solve this obviously

but there is one man who can solve it. Mr. Fanchor standing, presiding and providing, what is your solution? Hell, ladies and gentlemen of the cold cuts. Thanks for having me here, strange place, podcast land. What's happening here? You know you've been in a podcast since 2011 Times there be a change in I used to phone the other day no lead How my voice getting in there Susie interesting to meet you today and nice to hear your story there Reminds me of

someone that used to be told to me by old farmer John lived upon the hill. Strong and cough. Who is that his leg or is that? Fresher accident. Timely. Timely fresher accident. Timely, timely, Thresher accident. Stop putting your leg in the thresher jar. Sure, I will now. Too late, too late will be the cry. Hell, farmer John there had a little story. Stable,

relationship, he was him. He also owned a stable horses in the farm Hell feeding the horses he put the put the grain in the trough Got to the trough one day dogs in the trough Dogs in the trough with a little a kiddin Good question with them kittens come from little kiddin's. What's in the kiddin's ear? Good question. Where'd them kiddin's come from? What's dog do with kiddin's?

And how is this linked to my friend getting in my bathroom? Well, it's funny you should say that, because old farmer John would tell you the same thing. Ain't no reason. Ain't no reason for them kiddin kittens to be in the trough. Let alone the dog. Where's my horse, Garth? Hell, we've left the gate open again.

See what I'm trying to say, Susie? Sometimes there's a kitten in your trough, but is your gate open? Close your damn gate. You're welcome. Thank you. Wow. There we go. You're welcome. Thank you. Wow. There we go.

I hope that solved your problem. You do have a gate to your bathroom. Yeah, you're right. Good, good, good. Close the bathroom gate in the future. Maybe... hello? Oh, Tom! Oh, Tom!

Tom, you're my little... hello, mate. Maybe that's... Maybe... Close the bathroom door. Sure. She doesn't know how to open it. She does have pumps. Clever girl. Yeah.

She's like, I like that. In that respect. When I said to Jenny Beano, I said, I'm going to tell the boys today, I spoke to her before. So I'm going to tell the boys about you getting in my bath all the time. She asked me to tell you a story about us living together, which I thought you might enjoy, but we are so ego.

Yes, I love her. A few years ago, when she and I were living together, we'd watched a scary film and then we both went to bed. And then whilst I was asleep, I farted so loudly it woke me up. Oh my god. And then I woke up scared. And I had to get in there bed. Because your mum was haunted.

Oh my god. You farted yourself away. Yeah, farted. She's the night she's, I think the boys already enjoy that story. Oh, that's really lovely. We did enjoy it very much. Very much. Right.

We don't have to get Jenny B dot too. Oh, B's got to have a right of reply for the return leg. She's got to have a right of reply. Jenny Bead, we'd love to have you on the show. If you'd like to be on the show, Jenny Bead, email us. I'll text you. All right, Suzy, thank you so much for coming on the show.

Thank you. Real pleasure. Pleasure to have you. It's been an absolute pleasure. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure. Brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, pleasure. Brick, brick, brick, brick, brick, brick,

for a whole related phrase there. Yeah, that's my beef related phrase. Lovely, lovely. Great. Lovely, lovely beef. A strong catch phrase. So, well, to be kind of a strong catch phrase, we've got a right here phrase lovely lovely great lovely lovely beef the strong catch phrase so well It's beaking of a strong catch phrase. Yes, we've got a brand new phrase for a solved beef and it is an absolute doozy So it is an open and closed shut beef case Again open and closed shut beef case. Please use the hashtag when talking about the show. That indeed was an open and closed shut beef case.

You've nailed it. Every single time you've nailed it. So what should we, what do we need people to do? Please leave us a review on iTunes. Absolutely. Or a toilet wall. Anyway, you like just leave us a review. Five stars tends to do the trick, doesn't it? Yeah, I'd say so. Also, if you have your own fresh take on any of the beasts that we've talked about, why

not leave it in the reviews? Absolutely. You've got your own resolutions to these problems. Yeah. We'd like to hear them. But mostly, try and use the phrase, open and closed shut beef gase. Try and use it. Use it today.

Use it in the next conversation you have. I know I will. Oh my God. If you're at work, if you're at work, try and have a conversation with your superior, like your boss or your supervisor, whatever it is, and try and fit in without a joke of a lie, the phrase, open and shut closed beef case, and let us know how it goes in the review

that you leave on iTunes. We'll read out our favourites on future episodes. That sounds good. Yeah. Go away for that. Please try and do that. Okay. If you have a beef you'd like to send in,

beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com, and don't forget to go to shittyeamoney.com to donate to this podcast so we can keep making it. Please. We are also on Patreon.com forward slash, Papi's Fatsher. This podcast was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team.

Did you get all the time? And she is the best. Please stay tuned for our Patreon neighborhood watch, Roll Call. I think all that remains is to thank our guest, Susie Ruffel and say goodbye to you guys. Cheers everyone. Bye! Let the Patreon neighborhood watch Roll Call come in.

Tom is saluting this time with two hands. Thank you to everyone who's related on the Patreon. These are their names in Rome. She's, he's got a lovely leg, B. It's Rob's pegby. Sorry, Rob. He's a lot of fun. It's Ian Wilson. Let's not make this orc worth. It's Daniel Orc's worth.

Oh, God. Uh, he never makes me pukes and he jukes. I think we should thank Bethany Packward. Lovely. She brightens up a photo booth. It's Janine Mooth. He's got a series of adorable and sequined jerkins. It's Mr Nick Perkins. He's never been to Paris. It's Hugh Harris. Well, this is going to be a good one I can tell. They're going to leave a good looking corpse. It's Miranda Osgoothorp. Sure. She's scared of the dark. It's Charlotte Clark. He's a bit of a monster. It's Tom Hunter. Oh poor old Tom, what do you do? It was give us some money.

He's never mean, John Dean. He's a big fan of Alex Sammond. It's Tom Hammond. He swims like he's got fins. It's Jacob Rookin. I don't very sorry. He's a real hard-fired monkey. Oh, good. God did a good job putting this guy's face on. It's John Mason. Like my computer, he's always going down. It's Nathan Brown. Sorry Nathan. When she washes her jumpers, they come out bubbly. It's Ross. Shr off. I think we can stop this.

We have to end it now. We have to end it now. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at in luck for... It's nonstop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's the like theaters, December 15th.