Pappy's Flatshare - Beef Brothers Cold Cuts w/ Tom Allen S11E01

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

The Beef Brothers are here to sort out your beef with special guest Tom AllenTom Allen - https://twitter.com/tomallencomedyPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetAnd on April 20th at 8pm GMT we are holding an online Flatshare Slamdown with guests Evelyn Mock (Rice to Meet You podcast) and Tony Law (The Tone Zone). Tickets are £5 (free for NHS) and are available here - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-w-evelyn-mok-and-tony-law-tickets-148215682095If you have a flatshare based beef you'd like us to solve then send it to [e-mail] us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

The End of the World Greetings, Lister Deer! I'm Tom! I'm Matthew. Ben's not here, but that is... Don't worry about that, because he's in the episode. He's just not in the spirit. He's chuckling away in the ether. It's somewhere in the ether of your ear canal, there's a Ben.

Of course, it's a nice motto for life, actually. Let's get on with today's episode. It is a beef brother's cold cuts. Always a delight to record these, but especially this time around with one of our usual favorites shall we say. Mr. Tom Allen. Makes it sound like, you know, usually we like him.

But at the moment, you know, something about today, he just didn't quite click. Usually, he's a great guy. He's usually my favourite. But, oh no, something just left a bad taste in my mouth after. No, he was brilliant. He was great.

Live from his new house in Schistlerst. We had a new house chat. Yeah, lots of new house chat in this episode. Loads in the house chat. So, if of new house chat in this episode. Loads in the house chat. So if you're on the cusp of moving, just hold off until you have to listen to it. Just to give it that extra soup. And if you're not thinking about moving,

maybe just get on right move and see, because it's a really episode. Yeah, it's like a sort of, it's like a beef brothers cold cut. It's also a little bit like location location location. It's sort of a hybrid of the two. If you enjoy Tom Allen, then you will want to get onto the Patreon because on Thursday we are dropping

a whole extra bonus beef recorded exclusively for the Patreon. So if you go to patreon.com, forward slash pappies, flat share, you get a Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share, you will get that. If you pledge $5, I think it's four quid now. It's four, so four pound and above, you get that bonus beef plus you get three new episodes

every week and a whole host of our archives, basically. There's over a hundred episodes in the archive. God. So if you enjoy this podcast and you want more of it, for just a mere four pounds a month, you can get all that extra content. Love sex, check down. It's quite nice to be able to point to what we've, you know, people say, what have you done during lockdown?

What did you do? What did you do during lockdown that day? You know, you can't point to a load of eat eaten banana bread and say that, but there's a back catalog that we can say that is our lockdown right there. What's eaten banana? Oh, sorry. I thought you, I thought you, it was like eating mess. I was like, I was picturing meringue and as the second it came out of mouth, I thought,

yeah, you've eaten some banana bread. I thought, this is kind of, this intro is a mashup between our show in the Bake-Off. But I tell you what, eating banana bread would be. Do you think that would be nice? You take a banana bread, you tear it up a little bit of strawberry coolie on the top. No, banana coolie, surely. I guess so. yeah, why not? Like a little bit of, I mean,

the only thing you're bringing in to, is the meringue. Eton banana bread is the meringue. I think you're looking at chocolates, you're looking at banana coole, you're looking at a bit of chocolate sauce. Oh yes, fucking please. That sounds nice actually.

Sounds really nice. Well look, we're off to make that. That's not a local-profile location location to grow British menu. We should talk about the first time. Before we get into that, we should talk about the flat slam that's happening tonight.

Yes, that's right, there's a flat slam happening tonight, always the highlight of the month, a live show, recorded live, and you can watch it live of our YouTube link. There are tickets available, you need to go to eventbrite.co.uk We're kicking off at eight o'clock normally,

I think it's gonna be eight and two absolutely stonking guests tonight. Two, I'd say, two comedians I would very comfortably describe as totally unique. I think that's so true, yeah. Totally law and Evelyn Mark, yeah, absolutely. Really excited to have them as totally unique. I think that's so true, yeah. Tony Law and Evelyn Mark, yeah. Absolutely. Really excited to have them on the show.

Yeah, and it's a really potent pairing, Eric. It's gonna be a blinder. If you're listening to this on the day this comes out, then get your tickets. If you're listening to it just after it comes out, we usually keep it available for a little while. So tickets will be available for a little while, probably for the, at least for the rest of the month.

So, you know, watch it as live in your own time. But yeah, let's get on with the app. Well, if you've got a problem, don't call it a problem. If you've got a problem, call it a bee. If you've got a bee, maybe we can help you be from the zoning I can be. Are you in your place in the Hearst? Are you in the, in the Gisborne Hearst? Yeah, and I have no furniture, which is why I'm sat the starting of your beat! Are you in your place in the Hearst? Are you in the Jistlehurst?

Yeah, and I have no furniture which is why I'm sat on the floor. I'm in an empty room. I've got food in the reflection. That's OK. Another suitcase in another hole. And it is a lovely house. I would love for you all to come round. It's no distance.

It's just a jump in a new building. Yeah, it's great distance. It's just jumping in the middle. Yeah, it's great. I'm the chisel herst. Chisel herst is Scotland. No, it's in the bar of Bromley. It's really next to kind of Petswood. Oh, yes Benclanley. Tom, where do you live?

I live in Exeter, no. What? Where do you live? I live in Exeter now. What? Where do you live now? Yeah. I was like, I moved to Exeter. Why? I was like, you live in that box. I moved out during the pandemic because we were going to have a baby, so we moved in with

Jane's mom for a temporary, and then we kind of liked the idea of Being that of raising a child in Exeter and we can buy a house here as well. That's nice combination of things really Yeah, I feel like I know people down that way. Yeah, it's nice. Oh Let me know who they are and I'll go find them Yeah, I think it's Threat Yeah, it doesn't see the I'll get in touch with them or maybe you could put it in touch, but no, you tell me there are enough These people down here don't you let me know

I'll pay them a visit Okay I'll just put a house two months ago How do you find it? Isn't it fun? We'll be right moving. Yeah, it's lovely, really exciting, yeah? Never owned a house before, so it's...

It's all the stressful, sort of little things that I'm slightly perturbed by. Yeah, and if something's wrong, you go, well, if I don't sort that out, it is. I'm homeless. Yes, yes. So when the rain comes in,

you finally put this fire out. Come on, that's the house. And stop this blurs. It's good. We arrive and we're like, we looked around the house twice and we're like, this is great. It's in great condition. We're really happy.

And then as soon as we bought it and then we arrived to moving day, and went into the bedroom, and the entire bedroom floor, like all the floorboards creak, and I like really springy, and it's like a really noisy floor. And because we've got a six month old baby,

like, ay, that's problematic, but like also you kinda go, I keep going, it's fine, it's just floorboards, but like unless I saw that I saw boards, they're not gonna get, they're not gonna get anywhere, those floorboards, it's like, it's like two years time, we'll go somewhere else. Yeah, we just saw that house,

because the floorboards, you know. So you've been there with the WD40, haven't you Tom, trying to get the squeaks out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the most you Tom trying to get the squeaks out? What's the most cost effective way of getting the squeaks out of my floor? That's good. Those like squeaky floorboards though, feels like a real home My motto is very quickly become it's an old house Saying stop saying that and I'm like it's an old house, it's nice, it's an old house. We didn't want a new build because we couldn't afford it.

I like the green key floorboards but it's just when you're at two o'clock in the morning, when you if you wake the baby then it's like a minefield. It's an old house, baby. It's annose. It's not that catchphrase actually. It's a good catchphrase. It's an all-touse. The thing about Chislerst, I always think of, is that we used to go to a really nice Chinese restaurant in Chislerst. That was our treat as a family. I'm trying to think of the name of it now and it's lovely and then it got there was an exposé in the news shopper that they were nicking ducks from the pond. I heard that. I was about to say, is that true? I feel like it was a cruel rumor.

No, I think it's true. I mean, you know, if we both grew up and probably we both heard it, it must chance it's pretty. It's gotta be true. But every range, I would mind, I'd rather have a duck from the bottom, you know, basheryoletly. They've had a lovely life. I mean, she's a lot of scotties. Yeah, last minute. She's a lot of herst duck.

Oh, the best, the greatest. Was it telling you ever in the place? At least that by local. Yeah. You know? The carbon footprint on those ducks was miniscule. They're like leprinth. The actual footprint led all the way from the pond to the next pond. The money for Hillary. The breadcrumbs. No more themselves there.

Well, try and find out if it's still going, that Chinese restaurant. Yes, I think it changed to the mountain view, Indian restaurant on that corner. By the pond, it was by the pond, right? The Queen's head. And the last travel agent at Erver Exist in the whole world, Go Travel. Is that still there? I think it might be, I think travel agents

are making a bit of a comeback, because you can say to them, look, I don't want to get my holiday cancelled if there's coronavirus and they go, okay, we'll find out a suitable policy whereas we were all like, oh, I can do this myself. I can buck it myself. What they'll say in the travel agent is they'll say, because I don't know if you listen to our podcast, but there's a lot of adverts now for having a holiday in Sheffield. Sheffield seems to be the, they're really hammering Sheffield. There's like, so I feel like that's what's going to happen in travel agents. They're going to be like, listen, you don't want

Malaga. No, forget that. Sheffield. I mean, not about Sheffield. It'll like steel. I do, actually. I love cutlery. It's a steel. Sheffield, it's a steel. That'd be a good slide. Ah, I'd go for that. Great. We're not even sponsored. Sheffield, it's a steel. That'd be a good sling. Ah, I'd go for that. Great. We're not even sponsored by Sheffield. That's a freebie for the people at Sheffield. No, the lead's with us sponsored by Sade. All roads leads to the lead.

It's not as good. Yeah. Go to lead, I suppose. Follow and follow. Sorry, it's leads. It's not a good spot. It's not a good one. Cheaper than Sheffield.

More direct. Yeah. You can't go to Cornwall because they hate everyone, don't they? They don't like your hosts. Yeah, if you don't plan for a staycation, Tom, or a... I don't like staycation, but you know. I don't like the phrase staycation.

I don't really know what it means, but I haven't. But at the same time, I'm not one of those people who's like oh, yeah, I've got to go to Dubai Like as soon as as soon as they said we could go as that. I'm going to book it. I'm gonna go to Dubai and I'll go there first of April whatever you're allowed out of the house and then and yeah, we had to go like so we just need a bit of sunshine Um, I'm not even people booking like always and stuff, I think you're in it, because... Well, I mean, I'm not a doctor or in any way, not a job.

But... What? Um... Did I tell you? That's the reason we got you on, actually. That's the reason I... You have a look at Charky's rad. Steve.

LAUGHTER Sometimes I do tell people I'm a doctor when I'm drunk. Of course, yeah. Look at Charky's rash. Sometimes I do tell people I'm a doctor when I'm drunk. Of course, yeah. Hey, that's how Clarky got his rash in the first place. Can I do the one hand? I can do that. And he doesn't wash the other. But I do like, I do think that surely people go away and they're talking the word about new variants. It sounds sorry the sun is added really bricks.

No, I'm sorry, but it's the one. It's the one. This isn't the usual tone. But I do, no, I sort of wonder, that's what I'm saying, you know, now I feel like I'm a phone, I've phoned into LBC, I'm sat at the moment, I crack on, I'm telling this. I wonder if you're like, you know, if you're worried about other variants coming in, and then you can all go on, I don't understand. Well, I think the whole, because I didn't last summer, they kind of opened everything up.

Yeah. It's this what life is going to be like, basically forever? Yeah. I guess it's going to be some forget last summer. Because I was like, oh yeah, I haven't been to a restaurant in a year. And I went, well, no, I have. Because I went last summer when you were allowed to go to restaurants.

You didn't close all the restaurants. Because everyone went to restaurants. So yeah. It's a dream. Yeah. So we may as well go to Dubai. We're all fucked anyway. let's go to Dubai. Let's go to Dubs, I reckon.

Sorry, are you guys not in Dubai? Yeah. I mean, yeah, living in Exosabile, I'm currently in Dubai. I mean, what? I've got some on my own in Dubai. Simuzav is on my own. Straight. Why do you have a podcast from Dubai?

Cheers everyone, Dubai. Let's put Thought of holiday to one side because this is the podcast about being at home. So that's fine. You've just been a great year for us. This is, you know, when people talk about, there's that panorama documentary on about profiting from the pandemic.

I'm assuming it's about podcast. Where does I have to capitalists? We didn't realise we are. Yeah, people who have also got two massive PPE contracts. Let's talk about that now. So anyone's too legend. Hancock's a Patreon, he knows where they keep it. So anyone's so legend. Hancock's a Patreon, he knows where they keep it, so he... But yeah, doing a podcast about the problems people have in their houses has been good for this year, hasn't it? It's worked out, it's worked out.

So many problems. So many problems. So many problems. So you've moved out of your parents and into your own place, Tom. That's your setup. That's my setup. How long have you been in your new place for? One one we can do today's. Oh right so it's brand brand new. Yeah very new to me. Like lived on your own before. No sir. And how are you? Are you finally a bit spooky being in a big old empty house? Is it old? Was it a new built?

Is it old? Was it a new built? Is it old? If you need a catchphrase I'm going to say it's an old house. We haven't got any windows, it's an old house. It's an old house. I'm certainly hungry, it's an old older! It's been, actually, fun. I don't understand how the heating works. I don't understand that at all. I get very stressed about that. And I thought I was being really cool. I've talked about this on my own podcast

to the extent that I do with my friend Suzy Ruffel. And she makes fun of me for bringing it up. But I invested a little bit in a Q, Philips Hue lighting, which basically is lighting. You can see that LED light bulbs are on a timer, and you can control them from your phone. I said, this is the future. And they just got on my nose.

So, thank you. Oh, no. Because you said I'm like, I'm in a hotel. So I was like, I want to feel like I'm in a hotel. So I want it or a restaurant where the lights come on early evening and they did mid-wavent to a restful state. That's what a thing is available. But they switch on and I'm like, when do you want it to come on? Maybe sunset? Yeah, that's the perfect time

for lights to come on. Great sunset. But the only time they can then come off if you put it on at sunset is sunrise. It's like, in fact, they've watched too much for the wrong the roof. And they're obsessed with sunset sunrise. And then you've got a bunch of embalbs that you can't turn off. My whole house is illuminated from, as soon as the sun goes down until the sun comes up. So basically, I thought, like, this is a great deterrent to anybody who might be burdening.

It looks so obvious that, well I haven't even, I'm here, right? But the lights are on, all the types of my own house is like lit up. I mean, not there's anything to steal because I don't have any furniture, but still have lights which is that much of a bovety. Tom, they're exhausting.

I mean, come on, come on. Right, if you're sat on your sofa though, you control it from your phone and you can control it. Like, there's a situation where you could be in where you can control both the television and the lighting from your phone. That's the dream, isn't it? It's all there in the palm of your hand. You have to get up and fill around on the wall.

What's the thing that I'm going to spend the whole with is the Temp in Bowling of your hand, you have to get up and fiddle around on the wall. What I'm going to send it with is the Temp in Bowling alley nightmare where you're halfway through your game of Temp in Bowling. It's like half seven. You're having a good game. Great reference. Half way through one of your swings, they switch into night mode. The lights come down, the UV lights come up, they start playing disco music. You didn't, you know, sure, if someone said to you, are you okay about this in principle? You'd say yes in principle, but in practice right now, like there's gonna be evenings where Tom Allen

doesn't want the lights to suddenly dim on him. I know, come on. Imagine if he's, you know, about to wipe or something, you know, he's like, he's like, he's in lamp. He's like, he's in lamp. I don't know. Yeah, what are you doing? Do you like it over to the wall? These are in lambs. These live by the side. I don't know. Yeah, what are you doing? Are you wiping by sight?

LAUGHTER So, Charles has got a series of intricate mirrors and candles he uses. Honestly, Thomas is very special. He's basically in a lamp. I'm only left. Yeah. Thomas says to his wife,

listen, remember, it's wiping night on Thursday, so don't make any plans. We're both going to dim the lights and wipe. Yeah. Oh man. Oh no. Like what? Like, you know, I'm not saying you need it to see, but if you're midwifing, you might

be slightly thrown off the, you know, but you might think you're asked is a dimmer switch. If you think, you know, But you might think your ass is a dimmer switch. If you think your ass is a dimmer switch. You might accidentally guttable. I love the way Tom was, the role of Dex of Special Occasions in Tom's brain was spinning round and the first thing you could think of was wiping his ass. I know. So what did that come from? Well, maybe what if you're about to serve your pad tie?

There is specifically. Not about to go from white to plate. You're always going from what to plate. That's the rules. Never go from plate to what. You're going to give yourself an infection. Not bad. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Are you alright? Never wash your woks. Never wash a wok. Never wash a wok. Never wash a wok. Just wipe it. That is true. You've got to have it very hot.

It's not a place. So if you've got a wok in your new house, Tom? No, no, I haven't. I was going to cry in bed and a casserole dish. That's all I've got. So have you got stuff on order? Have you got things that are supposed to be coming? Are you starting completely afresh? Are you walking around each room going right? I've got to go on the made website for this. I'm sort of starting afresh, really. And the thing is, like, you John Lewis is out of stock on a lot of items, which is fine.

John Lewis is at the early store, but kind of, there aren't that many other stores. I mean, but it kind of is. But it kind of is the only store. But no, I mean, Robert Dias, I went to for a mock. Very good. Lovely. Also, Argos for a mock, got the turbo,

via your turbo mock, recommended. You've got two mobs. Oh, sorry, the Robert Dice was a duster, sorry. Oh, okay, right. It looks like a mob, it's a long one. It's a long one, that's it. It's clean, it's clean. Isn't a mob?

Isn't a mob just a long duster? Isn't a mob just a duster for the tar? A duster, isn't a duster just a mob? It's a lick. You know, why don't we dust the floor? That's what I want to know. I mean, I'm going to carve it, so that's the reason. That would be great.

But yeah, the Valle de Turbimop is a huge success as is what else does that. But the thing I find is, I'm sorry to get onto my soapbox again, rather LBC of me. You've bought a soapbox. I've bought a soapbox. You've bought a soapbox. I've bought a soapbox. It's the one thing I've bought. So it's the gift of the Duckey. The thing is, right, it all arrives with so much packaging.

Like, I've got so much cardboard that counts, I won't even take it. Oh, yeah. It's mad, and it all comes with that inflatable bubble stuff, which gets a lot better, huh? Or it'll come, it'll be cardboard, but they'll have attached to each bit of the cardboard sort of thick blocks of polystyrene that you try to, or pull this off and put it in there

and it's like a no forget it. Pull that off and it's a snow storm. Yes. Pull over your house. And it sticks, it's like your, sticks your clothes, it sticks to the carpet, it sticks to the wall, it's just, it's painting. Yes. If you're creating.

Absolutely. The other day I had a package and inside the package were two pieces of wood Wood yes All on them. This is packing So someone is stenciled onto the bits of wood this is packing that's a confident. Okay. He's gone This is packing mate. I'll show you packing You want to see his packing So you can't put wood in your recycle bin.

What's your piece of wood? And I can't do anything with that wood because it clearly states that it's packing. I can't make it to itself. People will think, oh, Paris, hit the skids. First is born old house. All the ships. Second time tonight is hit the skids when the lights dimmed off way through. Be from the sorting like a beast! Let's crack on with the beefs, Joey. I'm gonna go with the beef. I'll do this one first of all. This is from someone called Ben.

A abrupt endings from Ben via beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. This is how I tell them. I'm gonna go with podcast. This can be I'm lucky. Okay, here we go. Hi, puppies. I'm really hoping you can help. I've been with my partner just over a year and we've lived together for pretty much all that time. Brackets we bubbled together during the first lockdown and then I never really left. One way to do it, sure. Yeah. It's been going incredibly well, but recently they have been some warning signs.

How she watches TV is fucking mental. Let's not even get into the fact that she'll skip through TV shows if she's finding a scene boring. This mainly happens during reality shows such as 90 day fiance, so I'll let it slide as we need to discuss the abrupt endings. During, I think actually, I think if you're watching

reality TV, there's like a show like 90 day fiance, or one of those kind of shows. They're all an hour long. There's, you know, 45 of them in a series, or something like that, isn't there? There's loads of episodes in a series of those reality shows. I think a bit of, I think if you think you're not

gonna get anything from the scene, fast forward through it. If it's important, they'll show it to you three or four times in the episode anyway, and in the next episode to recap. I think that's fine. Let's talk about these abrupt endings, though. During a show, she'll just get up off the sofa and walk off. Sure, this is fine when making a cup of tea, but recently, during an episode of Superstore, she got up, walked into the bedroom and started having a nap. I call that going to bed. Please note here, I've never watched Superstore, so it wasn't like she was leaving it playing

for my benefit. This struck me a strange, and since then it's got weirder still. Halfway through the finale of Cobra Kai, she decided she was done, and went off to start cooking. We stopped watching the circle during the final episode, just as the winner was about to be announced. And just last week, I sat through Avengers Endgame for the third time, as she'd not seen it, and she went to get ready for bed with two minutes left,

spoiler alert during the funeral at the end. Oh, that is a spoiler, yeah. This was, I mean, I said spoiler alert. We don't know who this fear alert is. No, that's it. This was, this was the most infuriating as well. It's an avenger.

It's gay. Poor our captain of engine. It's an avenger. We never knew he, this is most infuriating as we were watching it for her benefit. Oh come on. You're watching it for her benefit. That kind of phrase. I watched it for your benefit.

I'm on your mind. Oh yeah, I've watched it four times, but this one, this one's all about you. This one's for you. This was most infuriating as we were watching it for her benefit as we started watching the Falcon and the Winter Soldier and she didn't know what happened to Captain America and this is explained in the final two minutes of endgame right well I think I think you're really giving us absolutely well no worries for anyone who's saving that for you

I think the same explains why she doesn't need to stay to watch it to the end he's already told me to watch it to the end? He's already I get it. Oh, this is a funeral. You tell me about it. Okay fine, I'm gonna bet. Good night. Could you not have just told me that instead of Make a sit me down and watch this three and a half?

It's Captain America's dead. That's all he would have taken. And then we could have had a nice curry. He dies. Okay. What on earth is wrong with her? Is it something to do with things ending that she's afraid of? Or is it an admirable personality trait?

If something is boring her, she won't put up with it for even a second longer. Please help me solve this beef, and if possible, leave it until the end of the episode. So, should ever he is it? She is everyone, have it. Ben. Ben has also written to us a little extra bit about speaking Norwegian. He says, I, P.S, I wrote to you before and shared with you that the Norwegian for goodbye translated into English as, oh, right, here we go, translated into English is have it. Hence, cheers everyone, have it.

Is that a catchphrase on this? Cheers everyone, buy as our catchphrase. this? Cheers everyone, buyers are catchphrase. It's one of the mildest catchphrases out there, I think. Tom, how do you feel about that? Are you a completist? Have a show has started already? Will you happily pick it up? Will you lean before an ending?

I will pick it up without watching the beginning, but I will not watch the end unless I really hate it. What I would also say, the thing that strikes me here is this is actually a very sad letter because what he's not realised is that after a year of lockdown, she cannot bear to be in the same room as him. And he's felt to realise this. And so she, I think, is going like, I can stay as long as I can. And then I'm like, he's doing that thing he does. And I hate it. I'm going to bed.

And so she's going to bed early. So she can fall asleep before, if they're assuming they're sharing a bed. So she can fall asleep before he gets into bed. So she's not even conscious of his presence. She hates him, is what I'm saying. Right. That's my feeling. Is that too bleak?

No, well, bleak, but is it too bleak? We don't have a problem. Yeah, I don't think she's the one who fears things ending. I think it's our man who should fear things ending. Yeah, I think it's just not mowed well. I feel like he's at the ending and he just doesn't realize, you know? I mean, one day he's going to ending and he just doesn't realize One day he's gonna walk out and never go come back Yeah, I think she's gonna walk out and throw herself out the window

You've got to switch off the TV set man and do something less boring instead Why don't you? There are plenty more reasons to stay in a room with the person that you if the like if you love it Maybe tell he's just not doing it for you know, I think that's get yourself some double mate. Oh Credit to exactly. Yeah. Yeah I got his double slang for drugs We'll get yourself a bit of double order aing a bit of double. Get in a ground of double, right? You gotta do some double.

Listen, anyway, she's not going off to have an app. The only way you're tolerable is if I double myself off. I'm double myself off. I'm double dropped. Yeah, I mean, that's it. It's like, you know, you've got to keep that, you've got to keep that life alive, you know, you've got to stoke the fire. I also think, find stuff that you both enjoy, right?

Because look, let's pick through this. Now today, fiancee, your reality shows, he doesn't care that much about it. So you're not watching that together. She's got it on while you're in the room, right? Superstore, clearly, you're not watching it. You're not watching it together. She's got it on while you're in the room, right? Superstore, clearly, you're not watching it. You're not watching it. You don't like it. She's watching it, but you're not engaging in it.

So what's the point? You know, Avengers Endgame, you're showing it to her. Because, oh, you've got to watch this. You've got to find out what's going on here. That's not how you watch television together. You're not experiencing something for the first time together. So I feel like, find your shows. You know, watch end game on your own

time, watch Cobra Kai and all that stuff that you that you find just in a she does it. What Cobra Kai about by the way? It's the it's like the Karate Kid. It's like the follow-on from the Karate Kid. Oh I wouldn't enjoy that at all. Right. I'd enjoy the first one. So wouldn't it what are they adults now? Is that the thing? Karate man. They're all grown. They're all grown up. Karate. Why do you make a good point? Why don that the thing? Karate man. They're all grown up. Karate Joe. Quite a lot. You make a good point.

Why don't they call it Karate man? Karate man is the obvious secret to Karate. What about the much better title? Karate mature adult. Yeah. Karate bloke. Karate bloke. I feel like that's what you need, isn't it? You need stuff that you're both invested in

so that you both care about it. And it feels like that's not happening in the Queen's Gambit. Get yourself both into the Queen's Gambit. That's exactly the couples watch, I imagine. Yeah, I mean, we actually bailed in the Queen's Gambit before the end when we realized it was all about chess. He's like, it's gonna be like chess. I keep doing drugs in an orphanage. That's very intriguing. Yeah, the drug, the drugie orphanage years were great.

How far are we going to get? Four or five apps maybe? Did you not realize it was all about chess? No, no, not before I reached. LAUGHTER And then I keep clues. I got to the series for the olive cobra guy. It's all about fucking karate.

I don't know, it just didn't appeal. But at least we bailed together. At least we sort of looked to each other when you enjoy this, not especially. It becomes that thing when you've got a few shows on the go and you go, we could watch that tonight and neither of you feels, you can tell from the tone of voice, you're never gonna watch that again. That's what happened.

That was quite good with you, Grant. I thought that was good. What was that? The undoing, that was quite good. I thought it was a bit of a disappointing ending but you sort of watching. Don't say that. I thought it was a bit of a disappointing ending, but you don't sort of watch it. Don't say that. Tom, that's the last thing you're

going to be saying to Ben and his girlfriend here. Oh, yeah. I don't think recommending other TV shows is what this beef needs. It's not what this would be. I'm falling into a trap here to go. Have you thought about trying the Queen's Gambit? I thought about trying the Diver.

That's not recommended. What is it? This is what a relationship therapist would do though, right? They come in and go, something's not right. Oh, obviously, go for a card. That is basically all relationships, isn't it? Isn't that all related? That's how you, you know.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, when they're now, they were doing another series of, of, call my agent, people going, oh, well, finally, now our relationship, you know, we were on the skids up until this point. Now we can... I'll little bit of the lead. Big percent. Yeah. You've got to call it a Deespa song, Matthew.

Deespa song, Deespa song, of course. Of course, sorry. Absolutely. Philistine. Yeah. So what's your suggestion? It's actually a funestime. Philistines.

Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. Philistines. then what's your suggestion, Tom, if it's not, have you heard of Shit's Creek? Right, not I think I heard of Shit's Creek.

Although maybe something lighter would be their bag. Yeah, it sounds like a quite serious, like even the circle is quite serious. What are the other things that they listed? They said it's like a super star. So it was Cobra Kai 40, a foot super star, which is great, I love that. Yeah, I love that.

I love that. Maybe they want to watch something like, that's all quite... Are you still talking about what they're going to watch? There he is. That's not happening. I have any nice genre, Javi. Javi, review, show.

I think, I think. But I think it's a genre, I think. I think the two Netflix found. And I think they need to move back to terrestrial programming. And I think they need to watch a nice BBC sitcom, like Open All Hours, which will ground them both in the reality. None of that kind of aspirational American stuff. All kind of like nicely depressing, you know? Yes, perfect. Looming. Right. No, open mind. But do you want your, what's your outside of television? Sorry,

I think. Break your tele. Oh. Break your tele. Throw out the remote. kill or cure. I like that. Absolutely. Wasn't there a talking ed song about it But like get rid of the television and make your own stories make your own art paint each other sing songs Muk about Is it found a job? That television Play some songs. Have a disco. Get some dobbling.

They're like, oh, I can't even shoot, man. I'm a fucking treasure hunt. You know, I don't know. You're not gonna grab life by the balls here. You're sitting and watching it pass you by with all these makeup stories. In makeup your own stories. Yeah, makeup your own endings.

This is it. You know, I like that a lot actually. Get rid of the telly. Do something exciting. Use the brains that you are rotting away with the boob tube. And don't get me started on podcast. Fuck them. Your feelings on podcast are well documented on all of our podcast jobs, so we don't need to go down there. Just listening to all this drivel in your ears, chuck us out, go and say something to someone instead,

do it yourself. Treasure hunt, get out there. Treasure hunt's quite a lot of admin, I've just, that's all I'm stuck on with your suggestion there, Tom. The treasure hunt one. Yeah, just like that's quite a lot of admin to go and place all the clues,

organize the helicopter, you're doing the helicopter ride. and place all the clues Organize the helicopter you're doing Okay, that's not what you meant I was Hide and seek and then fight following each other which sounds like a very high stakes game of hide and seek shoes with a fight every time I'm and instead of that I'd say Yes, of course it's a huge show Yeah, I like that I actually think doing a treasure hunt for each other sure it's gonna be it's gonna be a lot of admin But the payoffs are going to be great.

Well, this whole thing, Tom Allen, involves effort. That's how I have to wait to you. But when you're all about doing it yourself, getting things done, it's all about putting in a bit of effort. But what you get out is so much more than just sitting there, veging away, watching Anika Rice, although... Exactly. If she's... attack, actually.

But... Tom's gonna log out on the Zoom chat before it's over. No, no, no, no. Yeah. Get it. Um, I, uh, I think you're absolutely right because this sound, your partner Ben, uh, sounds like somebody who is bored easily. And that should be a warning bell for you.

Don't be boring. Don't be a boring person. Have a nice day. Don't rely on the thing you're watching to be interesting. Be interesting yourself. That's wonderful advice. That's very interesting. Be interesting yourself.

But what if he's an actually boring person? Anyway, listen, we've talked enough about this. I think it's beef solved. TAKE FROM THE SONING I CAN BE DETECTIVED! You saved! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.

A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th. Is it not beef cured? Oh, I like that. Then you could get some like lovely brisala sent to you.

Now he tells us. I'm just saying it's, I mean, it's too late. Well, I tell you what, let's see if you can cure this beef. Again, another failed heterosexual relationship, I think. No, not failed, but. Oh, sorry. Katie says, Pappies and Friends. Katie here, please, please help me. My partner and I have lived happening for many years together, living in the Midlands. However, for a few

years now, he's worked in London, rooting in one or two days a week. So far, no big. However, since the pandemic, he's been working from home five days a week. Most people have saved their commute money up and been wise. Michael, however, hasn't and keeps buying random shit on the internet. So you might sort of hiccup with disgust. In the last 12 months, we've had the following arrive vinyl record player, 25 records, brackets all Iron Maiden or Judas breeze. I love it. Keyboard, foot pedal and sand, harmonica, chef's knives, cafeteria, beer fridge, ten books on history, brackets on the wall. Is this the generation game we're playing here?

Especially with your gorgeous RP, it really felt like you're about to say an acudley time. An acudley time. What's on with life generation? I'm subscribing to two magazines, We did not discuss which ones. Mountain bag monitors, age of the empires of game, French and German lessons, USB DJ decks, MIDI keyboard, yes, set, today. He has yet to use any for more than two weeks, and whilst I love his enthusiasm for something new,

it feels like he's spending the money, he could be saving on a commute, on a commute, on yet more pointless shit, help, KD. Right. Well, it's almost like we've got the opposite of Ben's problem here. We've got someone here who is too interesting. I hope that it's like an auto correct thing

where it's cafeteria. I think it might be cafeteria as in a... We could have bought a cafeteria here. Maybe he's right. I was trying to buy a cafeteria. I was trying to buy a... Oh, King could have bought a cafeteria here. Maybe he's right in the past. I would say this is the worst time to buy a cafeteria. The worst time to buy a cafeteria is when all of the restaurants are shut. Don't try and open one in a pan-dabbit. Oh, you're a fool, Giselle.

Have you guys never been to the vinyl metal cafe? Yes. But... Amazing. It's the sort of place that we do very well, probably. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, he's got a beer fridge. Ten books on history, no

more or less, which haven't been read, but I don't know what sort of history it is. There could be anything. There could be anything. It could be history of metal, but I'm vinyl. Can I ask, you know, if you're listening to an Iron Maiden record, yes. Does listening to an vinyl help, or is that the kind of music that benefits from being on? I feel like you want to hear the lovely crackle don't you over the top of that? It's screeching metal. You get quite a lush sound from, also as well like if they're the Iron Maiden albums that

were like released in the 80s then you might be going well this is how, you know, this is how I would have listened to it if I'd been around when it first came out. That's maybe that feeling to it. I think Metal on Vinyl works. Yeah. Metal on Vinyl work. That's what I want to know. That's a very good question. You make a very good point, but you know what?

I'm not on trial here, Tom. So. Quite right. Unknown drama. I, um, yeah, I don't, uh, I don't know. I, I, yeah, I think so. I think it's, what, what would you, what would you typically listen to on vinyl, Perry?

Um, you know, blues. Right. Oh, I see. You want to go, you want to go, oh, yeah. Right, that level of authenticity. So, you're selling metal. I feel like you want to go you want to go right that level of authenticity I feel like you want to listen to on a cassette. Yes, you do actually yeah, you want to listen to it in a cassette in like a beat up Daxon yeah, you want it. Yeah, you want to put it into a tape deck man. You know the main you don't want to be good You don't go Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, He had a job here. He's got a lot of money going.

He's got a lot of money going, which is very good. This guy feels like he's the embodiment of everyone's lockdown, isn't it? He's going through all the phases that people have gone through in lockdown. But he's chucked up in a money behind it. There was that meme going around, quite early on in lockdown, it was making everyone feel bad about how during the plague, Shakespeare had written King Lear and everyone was going, oh god, I can, yeah, it stresses me out.

And I think that's probably what's happened. He's thought, well, I'm going to buy a keyboard, I'm going to write my magnum opus, I'm going to write my gatefold vinyl, double album of metal concept. It's like that's kind of what he's going for. I'm gonna become a historian. I'm gonna drink a beer out of a fridge. You know, all of the dreams that we have, all of the great ambitions that we have

for when we've gone a bit of free time. I could have done just one of those. Just like crucially, the whole point about Shakespeare writing King Lear during the plague is that he'd already written most of his other plays and he was a fucking He was Shakespeare. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he didn't like it didn't pick up the pen Do it like the story isn't it got to the plague and Shakespeare thought I'll have a crack at right in place Yes

If you're if you're a novelist great use the pandemic to get another novel out of it, but don't try your first novel during the pandemic because your brain's all over the fucking place, mate. Well, I think this is what this exemplifies. That's what I keep thinking is that no one's been able to concentrate during the last 12 months. You can't concentrate. So it's a fallacy to think that you think you can just like delve into 10 books on history, like casually, like you say, like I was going to read the Hilary Mantel book, Spirit and the Light, the Silver and the...

The Mirror and the Cross. The Mirror and the Cross-Fate. Mirror... The Mirror and the Vinyl. The Mirror and the Vinyl. Sorry, it was the Metal and the Vinyl, yeah, that's right. I really wanted to read it, because I thought I'll have no distractions, I'm not a middle-of-the-final. Sorry, it was the better than the final, yeah, that's right. I really wanted to read it because I thought,

I'll have no distractions, as we perfeits, like, it looks like I just couldn't concentrate. It's hard, I've got the same book on my shelf. Do you do the same thing? Yeah. Same with a little life, I was like, I'm definitely going to read that, too. I mean to, yeah.

Oh, no. Sorry, didn't read it either. Yeah. Apparently it's one of the more you get into it, but I can't be bothered. I'm too busy doing stuff. You've got to check the BBC website 8000 times a day. That's the video to you. That's how many coronavirus is in my area. Check it every day. Well, you were excited as a to get the camera to the top.

Were you excited as a Bromley boy about the Kent variant? Did you feel lonely? I was, I was very surprised. Yeah, a little swell and bright. It was interesting because all through the last year, people in Bromley, it's Bromley, traditionally been Bromley Kent, but it's also in London, Borough.

So when, um, Kent, so like when London was soaring with numbers, everyone's like, well, we're Bromley Kent, you know, it's very different from the one in the East. Yeah, and then when it was, it suddenly Kent was like, the numbers were moving out, it was like, numbers, it was that where we're wrongly Kent, you know, it's very different. Yeah, and then when it was that suddenly Kent, it was like the numbers were moving out, it was like, well, it was probably London, and then it was like the Kent variant,

like, oh, it's a wrongly London, we're definitely wrongly London. And now it's gone a bit, the other way, Kent's gone quite quite, but now it's probably Kent. And also midway through the pandemic, there was talk of a Kentish border for migrants as well. So it really was, you know, like,

because I'd moved out of Penn, and into Beckenham, which is basically, and just before, that is your Beckenham, you know? Oh, yeah. Because I'd moved out of Penn's, an interbeckanum, which is basically, and just before. That is your beckanum, you've got to be our postcode, right? The our postcode beckanum can, exactly, yeah. So I really did feel like, oh, I've moved to,

I have really moved at the most reactionary time possible. It really feels like I knew, knew which way the wind was blowing. It was like, right, I've got to get out, or the getting's good, got to get out of London. Get out, get out of this town. Well, Penn's on Beckanum up, which point out, oh, but thanks, gotta get out of London. Get out, get out of this town. Well, Penn's on Beckenham Hut,

which point out, they're a road apart, really. I moved four minutes down the road. Yeah, gotta get out of that city. But it's a postcode lottery, isn't it guys? You gotta know, it's a postcode lottery, someone's not gonna get out. It's Jay Goody's husband. If you say something.

Your fingers crossed, yeah, fingers crossed, it's Jeff with a big check. But why would you recommend that? Well, yes, lockdown has been hard, right? I think what you need to do is you need to take control of his bank details. And he has to perform a rudimentary task on his latest purchase in order to be allowed access to his bank to go to the next purchase. You know what, in a game we like to call you play or eBay, that's how it goes.

So you've got to give us like, you've got to be like, if you can't give us at least chopsticks within the next seven days, the keyboards, you know, the keyboards go in on the... Not so, not so, not so, not so, not so, not about TV formats again during this podcast, but that does remind me a lot of the, Dom, I can't remember his surname, doing, can't pay, will take it away. Remember that charming daytime show?

With people who had like, electrical appliances that on, on tick, and they can keep up their repayments. So he would march round, Dom Littlewood, I think. Dom Littlewood, yes. And he would march round with a TV crew and show and film it being taken off there. Yeah, I mean, the bay lifts is a bit of a sort of dodgy one then just a couple of going looks and you're spending too much money. I think the bay lifts taking you tell you, as I think Dom Littlewood and a series of baylifts going round to the house would really

sort this out. To be honest, the thing with this whole setup I'm gonna say it to you boys, it's your gentle, you know, it's all I just think, come on, get a bit of brute force in there, go around, confiscate all of it, take it to cash converters. Right, yeah you've bought the harmonica, I want I better. And I And this is Derek. Right, yeah, you've bought the harmonica. I want, I when the saints go marching in within two weeks and then, okay, now you can buy a history book. I'm going to give you a quiz on, it's about the Romans. You're going to get a quiz

on the Romans in 10 days time. Great. You've bought a beer fridge, brilliant. Drink all those beers. I give you a quiz. You got 10 days, drink those beers. You know, and then you move on to the next one. He's on his 14th fridge. So you can only do it once you've reached a certain level. He has a good way to tyres all down and get it done. If this cafeteria isn't running a profit within a month,

shut the whole thing down. Don't know ones that have to, literally no one's allowed here. You better get them out, have an outdoor area with patio heating. You better have a delivery account attached to this. That's that. OK, yeah, I get it. Yeah, I think that's for that.

So it's that sort of a bit like what I'm saying, a little bit of sternness. But yours has got bay lips. Also, I would reinforce it with bay lips, yeah, definitely. You could get, you know, if you've got some tough looking mates, you could get them to put on the black puffer jackets and sort of, you know, just, just, just scare them a little bit, you know, just, you know, that, you know, they used to do in high schools in America, scared to straight.

Me and Tom, in two, two black puffer jackets. Yeah, I know. I don't want to read me. Do I come the Tom's? Yeah, they would be like that in the voice over. Oh, hello, yeah, we're here to talk to you. Yes, the hub on a car. Oh, yeah.

That was a terrible rendition of I when the States got marching in. Well, I, well, the Tom's are coming marching in. And then down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, down the, the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the down the No, I'm on it, yeah. No, it's about a feet off the ground. Just take it away. I'm going to call it, can't play. Take it away. We can't play it. Yeah, take it away. Oh, now this is a TV format's dive for.

This is an annual brilliant. We both Tom and I both board, so we could both be the Liverpool John Littlewood, I think, any time. You know, so we both go to Tom Littlewood and Tom Littlewood would call us up. And the Baylits. And Tom Littlewood. Yeah. Tom Littlewood and the Baylifts and Tom and me. Tom Little would in the Baylifts, sounds like a great band as well.

I mean, I need a harmonic player. Yeah. I think that's perfect. So if you want to get back in touch, Katie, do get back in touch and Tom and Tom will be around the house to shissing up me. Tom Littlewood and the Bayliffs will be round. Sorry. Beef cured. Beef cured.

Cupadgear for everybody. Beef from the starting again, beef! Recycling Beef from Gallagher, never a Grownia. Recycling Beef from Gallagher. My Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com get into get it actually guys come on greetings in happens of my ear canal please use your inevitable beef solving

proest to help us resolve an issue with our neighbors they don't do any recycling oh not a bit we've tried all the tricks in the past ag playbook first as we used to share one main bin and one recycling bin between our two flats, we ordered an extra of each from the council in Tint. That lessened the problem of fair bit, but being environmentallyist, we're not unless hated to see every Sunday their empty recycling bin and their bulging general waste bin full of cardboard, glass,

and tins, all they stained with food. Then an opportunity, they left a broken TV in the bin area out front. Of course, the Council declined to collect that over the course of a couple of weeks. I wrote on a post, it note, the web address for making an appointment at the nearby walking distance dump. For good measure, I added a link to the local council's guide to recycling Surely the measure Concentrating the recycling bug they accepted the note gratefully, but no a day or two later. I found their TV Dumped on the corner of the street. I

Were the honest I was I will be honest, I will. Provement since in their general recycling either. And I probably all get sent to the same mass incinerator anyway, but it's depressing to watch their disregard for the façade. God, that's a good title. Disregard for the façade. Unguard for the façade. For the façade. For the façade.

Metal on vinyl, reckonable. Otherwise polite and friendly guys, we are in a separate dispute over their all-mite parties, though. So we'd prefer to avoid discussing it with them like grown-ups option. Something sneaky is required. Please help beef brothers, many thanks. All good.

I reckon if you got on with these neighbors, you wouldn't give a fuck about their recycling. You hate them, and this is just a way of you feeling superior over them and going, well, we do this and they don't. I think, I honestly think, all you can do is you can look at your own house and deal with your own house. What?

Cosby, do you not recycle? Yeah. He's coming at this, you're coming at this a bit spicy, mobile. He's coming at 10. I'm very honest. He's telling me that you're honestly telling this a bit spicy mobile. Yeah, he's coming. I'm barely honest. He's telling me that you're honestly telling me that me chucking away some bean tins is going to you know those big factories spewing out black Black smoke 24 seven into the sky and it's me with the bean tins.

Is that what you're saying? Oh, yeah, it's me. Is this because Tom? Is this because Tom just told us we're too nice on this spot. Yeah, I'm taking that. I'm taking that. I haven't actually taking that note you know what I You know I actually I lie earlier on about that. Paul Astirin. I love it. I chuck it all over the place

Chuck it I chuck it I chuck it in here by pond and watch the ducks choke on it love it and then you serve them serve them up the giant And then you serve them up at the giant. LAUGHTER That's... You work for two work for Tom's like a restaurant. You're their errand boy. They're eating bread. They're eating bread crumbs. They eat polystyrene, they die.

They float back up to the top, of course. They're the full of polystyrene. LAUGHTER You used them as tapping in all the things you've done on the vinyl. They're ready to be delivered as takeaway. Yeah. And I used their giblets for soundproofing.

It's, yeah. No, giblets for soundproofing is a great record by the way. Yeah, you've got to have it online. I'm going to have it on vinyl. No, but I think you've got a just accept that know if your house is a hundred percent carbon neutral then maybe start looking around But you know do you sell a power? Do you sell a power mate? You don't do you? You don't you don't you sell a power you haven't got a sell a panel on your representative expensive You know I've motes and baby. You just think you just think Greta should concentrate on a schoolwork, do you cry?

I'm one of those guys. I'm one of those guys. I'm one of those guys. Where are the parents in all this? It's jumped up. We're all the parents in all this. Walking out of school. Mission a day of schooling.

I never missed a day of schooling. Oh, get fired. I think the big thing we're scurting around here and I do think it's important is the situation with the all night parties that they want to discuss. Like that is much more an issue and you need to deal with that because that's like you say breeding the resentment. I mean, sure they're not washing out some tins and they can't be bothered to recycle them, mangled up Telly. That is annoying but if you're having all night parties, that's really stressful.

It's the lack of sleep that's stretching you out. It's the fact you can't sleep. You've got to listen to stuff like the Squares. You've got to have squares all the time. So if they're not, it's a big, great guys. I didn't know if that meant that there were two guys, maybe Gays, and maybe there's a homophobic. A chair. That's what I have to do. a homophobic attack. Oh, that's right. You're on top. These poor people who just are just, I'm on top. He's an assortment.

He's someone who's very faintly homophobic. Homophobic. Is that your defence when people catch you littering? Yeah, homophobic. I was just trying to slaughter this duck and then keep them along. Tell me I can't do it, whether I'm a phobic. That's what I say to them. And the reason you've got no further, should you,

has, because you're flight tipped on the local ponds. I've loved to flight it in local rivers. It was all marked as packaging. It was a piece of, you know, where the packaging ended, and the furniture began. So I just put it all down to the woods. Nobody who tells me off'll put it down. Flighty thing with Tom Allen is a film, is it?

I would definitely watch. That would be so fun, just throwing a fridge out the back of a car. Tate on my motorway. I wash the machine and stop working. Where can I get rid of it? I'll take it. To take it hidden pen! That's it!

You've got a lovely bit of grassland somewhere around there. It's a nice declaration, you know. I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can, I can just, I can, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can just, I can, I can and walking off. You never saw anything, all right? Bye! I can't help me bother. The thing is, you've got a phone on the camera, you know what they're like. There's good as nothing.

And then... Oh, no. That would work. I think that would work. But I also think that maybe go to the parties, get to know them. And if you say about the parties, get to know them. And if you're so bothered about the recycling, why don't you offer to sort through their bins for them?

That's the other thing I'd be like, go to the parties. That's great. Go to the parties with a big green bag. Hi! Yeah, good point is big room. And just be putting away, you know, chucking all the bottles and all the cans and everything and you can finish sticking the recipe. Maybe use the passive-aggressive textbook, but it's good as I've said before on this

podcast and I'll say it again. There's nothing wrong with the Adjakes matronly textbook that they seem to have emitted, which is basically confronting the issue head on, going to the party with a big set of, no, it's not just a black bin bag, is it? It's like the green one and the blue one

and the green box and the black box and the blue. They're gonna go in there and be like, look, whatever, Jonathan and Brian listen. Wait, we brought some crisp and we know you don't like recycling so we're going to help you, we're going to we're going to make a start. Is that right? And shame them in front of all their pill popping friends. And everybody would laugh about it but everybody would know. And then you'd be like, and then after that you could be matronally about it and go, have you done the recycling in your next week? Oh, you're getting much better on you, Brian. And do that primary school teacher thing of like,

would you get a behaviour like a child or treat you like a child? Now, it's what it's like. Well, sounds like I'm here. go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down.

I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down.

I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. I'll go down. Where's the Hattie Jakes? Where's the sort of joy scremeful characters? Anytime you invoke the Jakes, yeah. You've got to, yeah, sometimes you've got to go psychsassister on your ass.

It's got to happen. You invoke the Jakes, invoked the Jakes. Exactly. It's not, and it doesn't have to be like, it's not confrontational, it's not positive. It's just going, come on, you're not doing your recycling and it's getting on my tits. So, we're going to do it together, come on.

And then we'll have a nice party. And then I'll stay up late in the new world, and you'll be with me, we want it to be, but I won't, because you love our, on that part, you know, it's passive aggressive, but it's also like just speaking it as it is and not being afraid of people. And I think that's what we all need to learn to do.

It's communicate. Is that too boring? No, you know what? It's so, sometimes it happens that you just, you get to the number of the gist so quickly, that the more- Well, I'm thinking now is that in the format of flytip and with Tom Allen, we'll need a final thought section

at the end because that was great. Yes. Really, but we bring back like the Jerry Springer final thoughts type section and that happens, but you're in a brook, you know, you're wearing waders in a book next to a microwave oven. Yeah. The shopping's really.

We'd have stolen for a quid. I would take it back, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, I'm a cracker, Beef cured? Beef cured. Is that all it took? God. All it took. One brick was all it took. Beef from the starting, I can be served. Shall we do your beef now, Tom? Do you have a beef with...

Is it a historical beef with someone that you used to live with or was there a problem with your folks or with your new neighbours? Or in fact, you want to talk about your new neighbours? Well, I think they can hear me through the wall. OK, that's not it. They're very... Well, I think they can hear me through the wall. Okay, that's not it. They're very...no, they're lovely. They're lovely actually in the both of them.

Not come round, they're not come to the door, that's all. They're welcome to the herd. That was nice. And then I was like, can I just inspect your recycling? Oh, well, but I will need to know that you are washing out your tins. And they've been very nice. But I did what is nice about living on mayonnaise. I lived with my parents for a long time.

But before that, I did live away from home and lodged in a person's house, who was actually, in many ways, quite fortunate in that she did her entire house, that she had rent out to naive 20-somethings, quite myself, my friend. And she lived there. That was all fine, but she would, I have always treated myself to nice things because I'm worth it, as they have done so. And even...

A lot more liquor. 10 books on history. A beer for it. And nearly metal on record. I can't for sure. You're a big fan of Judas Priest, of course you are. I love Judas Priest. If I'm going to listen to anything, it has to be priest and it has to be Judas. And anyway, I would always treat myself to a jar of bond memoir, Stovic is a concern.

And she, even though she was very wealthy, she was in the house. She would steal my jam. That's one thing to steal it into, like, onto your toast in the kitchen, but there was also a flat downstairs that she would sometimes really cater to. And she would, she once stole it and took it down there. Oh, what?

And the other thing she was insisted on was a daily hug. She was like, I haven't had my hug today because she was convinced I had some sort of like, I was too like, not a doubt about, I don't know, being affectionate, which I wasn't. I just disliked her intensely. You still want to hug your landlord? I think yes. That seems like that's pretty right. Where's my hug?

Where's my hug? She's probably going to listen. I don't carry the bon mamon jam, byole jam, by the way, which is sensational. It's sensational. There is a difference between the strawberry, Bommamol and the wild strawberry and strawberry Bommamol. What? What? Oh my God. Like the wild strawberry and strawberry Bommamol

is so much better than the strawberry bomb mumble It begs the question the wild strawberry has heroin in it, doesn't it? What? It's really wild. It's so wild. It's so wild. It's so wild. It's really big. It's a full of double.

Yeah, no, but you can't get it normally. But oh my god. Yeah, so if you've not tried the wild strawberry bomb mumble, fill your absolute boots. But did you see the D thread on Twitter last month or so, where it's from America and this guy was like, I was in the supermarket looking at jam and this person came up next to me and picked up a jar of bomb my mom and said, I always buy bomb my mom because I'm a Holocaust survivor

and the bomb my mom factory hid lots of Jewish people during the holocaust and smuggled them out. So bon mamon were like holocaust heroes. So every time I come to the shops I buy a jar of bon mamon. Wow. That is amazing. But I should say, I don't know whether that's true or not, but I do know that regardless of that moving story. Well, to be honest, I'm of the opinion that if someone had said, did you know that Bon Ma Mom would nats his during World War II? Part of me would be like, yeah, but that wild straw breath.

I mean, I don't know if it would be enough to stop me buying the wild straw breathable mom. But anyway, it's pretty interesting, isn't it? That makes it even worse than it was being stolen from me, surely. So she was coming in, so you had your own kitchen area, she would come into Rife and the Fridge and carry your jam down to her fridge basically. Yeah, yeah, small. Yeah, yeah. That's small to wear, yeah. Yeah, and she would, yeah, also the oven didn't close,

so we had to put a broom handle, or we had to put a chair against the oven to make the oven door close. And also she put an X on the floor in front of the sink, which we weren't allowed to stand on, because it creaked. It's an old house! Old house! And it cres on, and that disturbs her in the flat downstairs.

But you know when you were in your early twenties, I mean, we were so naive about things. Did you not, we not tempted to lift up the floor board and check there wasn't treasure underneath it. Well, is that why I said, is there a land mine here? Yeah. Bit of a bleak version of the same joke. That's not bad. That's not bad.

That edge, you've got that edge. You're an edgey, famously an edgey comic. What are the great edge lords of the comedy scene? Terrific edge. That's what they say. That's what they say. That's an edge. When I get it. I'm trying to think about the edge tree.

It's a dummy. It's bastard. It's bastard. No, it's a dummy. Yeah. So, the thing to think about is because of this experience, though, this terrible experience for having your jam, stole, and all this kind of stuff, that's probably given you the motivation to, you know, get out there,

be successful, earn some money and get this place of your own. And maybe without that, that bleak experience, you would still be in house shares, frittering away your money on odds and sods, jam, you know, whereas because of what she did, it forced you to become the successful homeowner that you are today. Please don't call me a homeowner. I don't know. I said, but that is true actually and I did make sacrifices after that when I moved to a moment there and we had.

So can you give us a second place to enjoy the homeowner joke? Yes, please. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It's that.

But yeah, I moved back home to my mom and dad who would buy Supermarket Homebrand Jam, and I was very happy with that, which I essentially was stealing from them. But the... What did that supermarket owned jam do during the war though? That's the question, isn't it? That's the question I was asking myself as I was slathering it on. Some sort of delicious, starchy toast. I don't know. That's the thing you don't know. I don't know. You can't ask Tesco what they did. If you go, yeah, that happened to help badge, only goes so far, doesn't it?

No matter how much you're doing, I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there. I'll be there. What did you guys do during the Holocaust? That's going to get you a ban from at least the branch. It's going to be difficult.

Yeah, you're going to Morrison's. So I think that's actually Perry. I think it's good advice. From, obviously Tom, you've said we've got to be Harsher, but I think we've been Harsher on you, but Farah on your landlord. You should go back round when this is all over and we're allowed to do this stuff again. And give her one jar of jam to the window. One crook. You could jam

bomber if you like. Yeah. Just give her a big hug and a jar of jam and say thank you because in some small way you made me what I am today. You made me what I jam today. Oh That's lovely. You made my jam? Carl jam Of course, yeah, gotta be fine. Yeah, yes, that is so beautiful. Thank you because I feel like I was still angry about that and why was I carrying that with me? I've moved on in my life literally Oh, there we go As usual a favorite let's go with that, you know as usual Literally. Be from the zoning at your business! Oh, there we go.

As usual, a favourite. Let's go with that. You know? As usual, absolute favourite, yeah. Paul, you know, the bag. Yeah, a real treat. And like we said, hop over to the Patreon to get even more of our time with Tom Allen

with a bonus and beef brough that called cuts. Lovely. Well, any other business, cross-by? Well, we're at it. brough that cold cuts. Lovely, well any other business, cross-bite? Well, I think that's everything. Thanks so much for listening. You know, Patreon, go to our Twitter, of course, at Pappy's Tweet, go to our Instagram, at Pappy's Comedy, find us on Facebook to find out when new shows are happening,

when new episodes are dropping, all that kind of stuff. And also, try our recipes. Try our recipes and report back sending your pictures of your Eaton banana bread. Let's see if it works. If you may, Eaton banana bread. Do you know what? Because obviously, fingers crossed with lockdown easing, it feels like the pandemic is over.

And you were kind of, obviously, what you were saying, it feels like the pandemic is over. Obviously, what you were saying, it feels like the pandemic is nearly over. What you were saying is we can point to what we've created, which is our 100 plus episodes of our podcast, plus the 50 odds that we've made of the main feed stuff, but I think our true contribution is this new dish. At this last, you know, as right at the death. Yeah, absolutely right. Well, let's not use words like death during a pandemic, but yeah, the, as the final embers were flickering out, we said, hang on, just like like Colombo, just one more thing. What about sticking some meringue into some banana bread?

Eat some banana bread. I've got it, you know, I've got to go and contact Ivo. I've got to tell him I'm asking if it's been done already. He could be the face of the dish. He's smitten. Well, I'm waiting to taste. To the quite right team,

today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone! Bye! It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.