Pappy's Flatshare - BONUS episode: “Flatshare Lockdown”

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

Here’s a little midweek treat for you all: a FREE episode of our Patreon-only show Flatshare Lockdown! If you’re not already a subscriber, this is what we’re up to over there.Appetite (or anything else) whetted? Then head to patreon.com/pappysflatshare and join the fun.£2 a month you get the first 50 episodes £4 a month you get 3 new bonus eps every week (plus our entire archive of of over 100 Flatshare Lockdowns, Bonus Beefs, LoveSex Shagdowns and more!)£8 a month gets you video episodes of all our Flatshare Lockdowns & 3 new bonus eps every week (plus the entire archive) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain-alice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders know, but chicken tenders yes, because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now.

For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy respons essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Greetings, Lister Dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to a very exciting bonus episode on the main feed. And no, it's a bonus episode in the air! It's exciting. It is exciting. No, it was in Bangalore, didn't it?

No, it was in Feeding us to drop a main feed banger on a Thursday. I mean, particularly me and Tom, it's taken us by computer employees. Midweek on the main feed, what the hell? Main feed, getting the bonus. Oh, boy. We going bonus on main. We're going midweek bonus on main.

So the idea behind this is we wanted you to hear an episode. If you're a main feed subscriber, you're not part of the Patreon. You won't have heard any episodes of FlatShare Lockdown. The bonus apps that we do every, we do two of them a week now. There's loads of them out there, and they're all on our Patreon. We wanted you to hear one to sort of see what it's all about.

Yeah, wet your appetite, and maybe you can sit and come in and be in part of our game. Oh, not. Well, your appetite's weird, isn't it? Because wet your appetite's, you should really be wet your thirst. It feels like it feels like There should be something it feels like something went wrong with wet your appetite Well, it's it's W H E T. Isn't it?

But I've never heard it for any other what is wetting actually mean? What is it? I mean come on yeah, does it mean? I know what it means? You're still doing it, aren't you? You'll have to get on the page and find out. Yes, well, look, if you like this kind of chat, then the page brings the place for you. So have a listen to Flat Share Lockdown, see what you think, and the subscription deal is,

it's something ridiculous, like, for two quid a month, you get all kinds of shenanigans, right? 50 episodes, am I right? OK, yeah. So the idea of you launching into telling us what the deal was without you. Ah, for two quid a month, you get all kinds of shenanigans and then the, the, the, the effort for four quid a month,

even different shenanigans. I mean, and it's not like me, take one of the shenanigans you see for ten quid, oh my god. I'm no scientist. You've got to come over and wet your shenanigans. You really do. But yeah, no, you're absolutely right. The first 50 episodes are available

to the $2 patrons. If you want to spend four quid or above, you get every episode that's already been released and the new episodes as they come out each week. Plus, you get bonus beefs and you get discounts to our live shows. There's so many great reasons to join the Patreon, but we think a flat share lockdown is the main one.

So have a listen to what you think. Greetings, listener dear, you know the drill, you know who I am, you know who he is, you've heard him before, and she's on the decks, it's Flatshare Lockdown. Oh, right. Yeah, it's Flatshare Lockdown. Yeah, well, welcome to the show everybody. Hello. You're stripping the intro right down now.

You're dispensing with the pleasantries. It was a deconstructed intro they would say on Master Chef. Do you, where do you stand on taking a classic item of food and sort of messing around with it? I think it's really hard to do, like, it's really hard to do well. Don't get clarky started on trifle because... I mean, trifle is kind of by its nature a bit deconstructed, isn't it? The ingredients are all separated, otherwise it'll be like an eaten mess. But... Yeah, I think maybe I need a little bit of a crash course in what...

A trifle? ...a kind of deconstructed, in what a what a trifle is most ball of slop Absolutely What a deconstructed thing is is it like they're just literally kind of separate out the Yeah, I think so I mean like like they're really dunkers is like a deconstructed sandwich. Yeah, yeah It's kind of like it's a bit like when they go our take on the classic, you know, like our take on the classic Applecrumb. I remember going to a gastropub,

when Tom used to live in Clapham, what was that nice gastropo? He was called the oak or something like that. Anyway, it was around the corner for where you lived. It was very, very nice. We were there one time and I had, it was either a deconstructed or an archaic on an apple crumble. Do you remember this, Prairie? When it arrived, right? Here's what they'd done. Number one, I got a whole apple. I've got a whole apple. I'm not looking for your baking, you play the role.

I would say it was mildly stewed. It may have been a steamed apple. So it was a steamed company as well, I could tell you that. But so it was, yeah. So they got an apple, so they sliced it kind of horizontally. And then in the middle, they filled it up with kind of flour and, you know, like a kind of crumbly, a kind of buttery biscuit-y crumbly-type middle. And it's an inside.

It's super normal. It was like a sandwich. But the outside was the bread and the crumble was the filling. It was just really hard to eat as well, because how do you get into that to make sure you're getting the good thing about Apple Crumble is spoon goes in or, you know, if you're our friend Tom the guy wrote in, fork goes in, knife goes in, lay all goes in, whatever, spoon. Yeah, the spoon, it's always going to be spoon, isn't it? Spoon goes in, you pull it out

and you're getting all of the things you want. You're getting the apple underneath, you're getting the crumble on top, if you've got a bit of custard, yum, yum, yum. Whereas this, it's like, how do I get at it? Do I go in with a knife and fork? What am I doing here? Hand, you're helping up over your hands.

Yeah, I guess you could eat it like as you would eat a normal apple and just play it. I'm just gonna put it. But then, I can skewer through it. Yeah, there's a normal apple and just put it in. Puffy, that's it. But then, you can ski with for it. Yeah. There's a lot of pub grub that goes on where it's clearly someone who, you know, works in a pub kitchen who's spent a bit of time watching, you know, Master's

Chef or a great British menu and comes in on a Monday morning and thinks, here we go. And you know, I mean, yeah, yeah. today is the first day of the rest of my Sheffing life. I'm going to, you know, and the people say, please don't square. And it says, I'm going to do it. I'm absolutely going to do it today. Today is the day.

I change in the menu. I see that. I'm going to tell me, oh, we're changing the menu. All right. OK, let's not go down. Today is the day route. route with enough of that. This is recorded the day after the last flat chair slam down. Thanks a lot if you join us. If you don't, you'll hit you'll have plenty of reference to the Tommy O that will be on that.

That's a reason. What's it need to be like, I guess, to ever enjoy at any point? They never really hopped on board. Our today is the day reference there. You know what? It's all right. So like Stonewall. Here's the thing, Stonewall, the doll me, I've found. Here's the thing about flat shear slam down.

We're always in the majority. No matter how. No matter. We, you know, I'd say even when we bring on, you know, more than one, more than one guest in a team, even when there's been like three of them and three of us who stood in the majority. We present a united front.

But I had a restaurant, a little sort of... It was like a sort of an oblong of what was called Artake on Fishing Chips. But it was probably, it was slightly slightly smaller than a matchbox, you know, a bit like maybe a bit maybe like two USBs stuck together and it was Artake on Fishing Chips and you ate it and you're like yeah it tastes like Fishing Chips but that's not what you want from Fishing Chips. You don't want just the taste in one little cube. You want to feel physically, you know, like,

if you want to feel, you thought you weren't your ribs to her after fish and chips. Here's our take on. Our take on. It's very, very. A chicken soup. It's an oxo. You just lick it.

Yeah. It's just an oxo. And that's... I take just feeling that sounds like they've just... Our take is we've taken away hard. Yeah. Or we tried something, we got it wrong. And this is what we came up with instead.

This is my take. I think people could try that with things like, this is my take on my coursework. I'm not... I got this. There's four words here. Yeah, well, it's the essence. It's the essence of coursework. Very much. All the punctuation in one. Yeah. These are big jambalabwords.

The he constructed coursework. That boy's going to go far. He's heavily diluted. He's virtually homeopathic. This coursework. I love that. That feels like one of those things, it's like, and they got an A star. Yeah.

But only because they stepped two petals up their nose. Oh, god. I honestly, they just must've taken it down. It's not. It's not. The sponsor, What is bravery? Oh, what? Who's asking that question? Which creature is writing of What is bravery? What is asking that question?

Which feature is writing? What is bravery? I love those stories, because they're all bollocks. But they're all entertaining. Absolutely great. Do you think the... This is an apple, eat it. Imagine. This is... Ah, this is an apple eating. Imagine this is an apple eating. This is an apple eating. Well, I'll do one, that'll serve it in my local pub.

And you've got a very sharp knife, thinking that can slice through a cricket ball. Did you heard that like at your school when it was like this is an apple eating it, they threw it, they threw it in a cricket ball and he said you peel it first. First you peel it, yeah. Yeah. Everyone got an A, I wish. But then you're like everyone got every school, everyone in that guy's school going to Cambridge. His whole year, it's a big year. Apart from the one guy who afterwards ate the apple and popped up. Yeah, he did. No one talks about the guy who actually had a go at eating the cricket ball. That's one thing.

He also got in. You know? That's the size of that coin. At his funeral when people were going, I'm sorry you died by the cricket ball and it's fair to say, we've all got lump in our throats today. Yes, yes, yes. Should we do some emails?

If I was that, if I was that, Tom's a lecturer. Well, I'm just thinking if I was that lecturer and I threw a cricket ball to someone, so this is an app I'll eat it and they gave it a good go. I think this guy will do any. This guy's going to be good for me to have on campus because if I need someone to carry my books, you know, fucking fix my tire, you know, like this is, I'm going to, this guy's going by. He's on.

Well, I like, oh, yes, sorry, why are you doing that? Because you asked me to say great. Okay, come, well, you're going to be? Because you asked me to say great. Okay, come on, well, you're gonna be my, you're like, you absolutely let them into Cambridge and be like, okay, lecture one, you've got a wallpaper, my study, whatever it is. I'm like, you're just gonna be my manager, someone like that.

You're gone. To me, it's, it, it, it's max of like, you hung over to each other and there are less and less of these things. Like they come in and they're less and less and less. Yeah. All of these things. They come in and they just... Oh, that's the way. Yeah, they're hoping that they're going to...

If I imagine a normal interview for university, you know, it should last sort of between 15 and 25 minutes, right? It should be a long time. Maybe I should come and bother. I'm going to go for the one big question. They see the cricket ball on the desk. The person I would be most worried about is the guy who gave it a good go

and like broke all their teeth. Because then you're in trouble as the lecturer, right? That's on you. Yes. You know they're stressed, you know they wanna get into this university. You said eat this, eat this cricket ball like an apple, they've done it, you're in the shit there. That's the story there, don't you? Yeah, that feels more like bunny ate. That's the story there, tell you though, is it all

of the, all of the lecturers that lost their jobs forcing 19 year olds to eat cricket balls like apples? apples. I know the lecture who yeah me. Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. I'm just thinking about the the lecture who doesn't quite get it who like throws an apple at someone and says this is a cricket ball. Let's have a game. It's like, yeah, I'm going. I was doing the VS gray, I played cricket with a, uh, a granny Smith, and then often went to smash bits pieces, put it on the local pub lunch. Yeah, it was my decon, this is my deconstructed take on a cricket ball. And the scooper of the grass. Um, the crumbling

side is actually our first years. I mean, what you want, like obviously you understand why they're doing it, because you want to get to the, you know, you want people who are a bit of a spark who kind of think for themselves. Everyone's, everyone's going to prepare for a cane, but you're ever going to say, well, a fellow's this because of that. And you know, you need someone to take a star, it's not a man take. Well, I didn't get in, I didn't get in,

I'm famous for being on the show. I'm not telling you this because of that. Yeah, I never quite, I'm not ready for that. I don't know what I've gone through. I don't know what I've started talking about, I'm telling you what I've been on. Um, panicked and hit a cricket ball. I thought, I don't worry, I brought my own lunch.

I came in, I said, don't worry, I brought my own lunch, I opened it up where, and just noshed into a baseball. Really, really, try for. Oh, this is what you're into. Brick Sam, you know, that would be such a... That would be such a funny move. It would be so good to have a cricket ball you had the whole weekend.

I would tend to be eating it, like an apple while you're talking about all you're discussing. Oh, God, that would be really good. If anyone listen to this, you've got an ox bridge interview coming up. Please do that for us. Yeah, I'd say number one, stop listening to this because it's going to rot your brain. It's going to do more damage to your brain than a cricket ball does your teeth. It's a deconstructed problem. That's going to take on intelligence. You're right. Describe it because actually a deconstructed podcast. Yeah. Um, what would a deconstructed version of this podcast though? Is there like, I'll tell you

that is there like an arts project in this where you would put a an episode where we've all recorded ourselves on separate tracks as we do for the important ones. And then you just put out them three consecutively one after the other. Okay, so when else do I do them? Well, you just, that's your experience of listening to it. Like a dogstylock, as I was saying. Is that what you can't see? I have to listen to you individually to line you all up and it is nonsense school and it doesn't make it but it's brilliant. Yeah, it would be arty. I'm happy to fit in. I say anyone done that as a play. Now it's the time to confess by the way. I'm the producer

of Dogstein. I can't second album. I got in, I was out of my depth, I just kind of, I came up with this new plan. How's any playwright done that? Where it's a performance of the same scene over in like three individual performers act out the scene. So you don't see, like it's a three act, it's a three act kind the scene. So you don't see like it's a three act is a three act kind of evening. What? Because I would I I think there's something that's fucking royal

court mate. It's very difficult though and like it would definitely work in in smaller chunks but very hard to follow. Nice. I feel like you're in the Royal Court. There's three different people's perspectives. It's a very different caliber at the Royal Court. They're coming in, clued up. They're ready for it. I think, actually, I think staged, it would be easier to deal with than audio.

I feel like because you'd have the visual markers of where people were. So, for example, if someone is talking to a chair, when someone sits in that chair, you'll have the memory of someone talking to the chair, you'll know that that's the other half of the conversation. Especially in the Royal Court. The Royal Court audience will be all over that.

They'll look at that chair and they'll know. Exactly. And then right at the end, the final one is just a dude in the corner masturbating and you're like, well, this change is here. Some of you writing yourself and a character in the corner masturbating and you're like, well, this changes. Some of you writing yourself a character in this. Yeah. What?

Like, there is definitely some, I bet I mean, if someone must have done that in like the kind of face here, but it's definitely be good to see, you know, like if, you know, like as a scene, I think it would be brilliant. It's a very hard to play, but a very good improv game, where one person comes on and does a scene on their own, and you keep adding in more people. So there's something that does a scene

where they're effectively having a conversation and meeting other people. It's still be quite a sort of simple scene, you know, like I'm going to the fairground and buy it some candy floss. I'm looking at the big wheel I'm deciding whether or not to go on it. Then the next person comes in, then more and more people come in until everybody in the- Why don't we just toffee our bowl? Exactly. You see, that's how it works. I've seen it played before really well. It's really

brilliant, but every time I ever tried to play it with our university drama group, it just fell apart. It's really, really hard to do. But that's, it's the same kind of principle, but it's distinct from that, isn't it? Because it requires all the bits of a carried on being filled in, as long as the first person can do the exact same thing three, four, five times. That's very easy to follow. But the idea of doing that, the idea of doing, like, you know, if you could be really ambitious and do like 10 people, so it's 10, the whole thing lasts, you know, whatever, an hour, and it's 10 people doing the same 6 minutes over and over again. It's one person. This is Clarky's head in Bridebi. I think this is good, man. Yeah, it's one actor playing every part.

One actor playing a room full of 10 people and a scene that happens. Because there's going to be quite a good scene to do it in, it's going to be like a police interview, because you could really kind of... Yeah, but do you know why to get the full picture of what is going on? But the scene I want to... The scene I've been looking forward to the most is, you're like, in the first, maybe this wouldn't be the last one, but in the first one, the first guy would say,

you know, it's the would say, for example, oh, no, thanks mate. And that would be like, you know, four and a half minutes into the six minutes. And then like, one scene would be entirely empty for four and a half minutes. And something about coming in, they're on a cup of tea. That would be the bit you'd be really excited about, isn't it? You'd be going,

fucking hell, in a second we're going to have to watch just the dude who came in once four and a half minutes in to ask if anyone wants a cup of tea. I think that is genuinely. Imagine the release. You reason of making it. And then coming into offering, I love to go back out. I'm just a bit out. No, no, no, no, you'd never see a make it. No, no, no, no, no, I think you're missing the one in in in Trins It, you're good about this.

You don't want to see a guy making making the tea. You want to you want that bit where the audience is going, you know, the first 30 seconds, I don't know who the the character is. Eventually some of them are going to be what going to be remembering know who the character is, eventually some of them are going to be remembering that in the first scene, someone said, no thanks mate, who's the no thanks mate guy,

it's a black coming in, not for your cup of tea. I think that's going, I mean, it really works. I'd go for that, I'd go just for that moment. If it's a police interrogation scene, why are they letting a man wank in the corner? LAUGHTER Well, then, he's behind the plate, Asian scene. How, why are they letting a man wank in the corner? Well, then the east behind the plate, east behind the last one, maybe. I, well, either that, this tea's a bit milky.

Anyway, I was going to say either that or we set it in the Philippines. It's, yeah, it's a good, like, I think it's a good idea. It's a good idea, man. I wonder if someone's done it. Maybe this is my route into the Royal Court playwriting podcast. I've only listened to. Maybe that's how I'm going to get on it. One of the few people who's not that bothered back getting a play on the Royal Court, but really wants to go on their podcast. I want to be a blue man who never listens to podcasts as well.

I want to be interviewed as a playwright on the Royal Court playwright's podcast without ever having to go through the trauma of writing a play that is getting performed at the Royal Court. Absolutely. Yeah, so, but maybe that could be the one. I mean, the one I have got one that I think is I think it's for another time. What's going to say? Well I think I've told you both this outside of the

pod so I don't know if I'm going to bore you by repeat to get. Just very quickly though, I do think we should experiment with putting out a deconstructed episode. I think Lister Deere might be up for that as like an avant-garde art. It's the kind of thing you'd read about someone doing in the 70s and be like, fucking cool, I don't think we could, you know,

I don't think the problem these days is everyone's out there doing everything isn't it? So there's too many people doing stuff these days is everyone's out there doing everything isn't it so like Pro like there's too many people doing stuff these days, but like this was the 70s And we was only about eight people doing stuff. We're getting a fucking textbook or something We were we were like, you know people would fucking it be an underground sensation But as now it's just like another week another fucking pod it's just like another week, another fucking pod. Pod, like podcasts are like weeds in the garden of creativity,

just like taking over and throttling everything until it'll just be wet. I know you're busy with other stuff at the moment, but I said this when you started to get business, if you need to do fewer of these, that is fine. But I can't have you coming on here and calling them leads in the garden of creativity, throttling all of the work. We appreciate you've got a busy day, mate. We appreciate you've got a busy day, all right?

We know early doors. We're nothing wrong with us. We're a good, one of those good weeds, you know, like, I don't know, fucking dandelion or something. I don't know. So you've got a you keep attitude to podcasting. It's just gone, yeah, come on. I mean, it's too many now. We've got to shut the door at some point. The podcasting world has got to say no more. Can I separate myself from this? This what the thoughts of Tom Perry here because I I make it living out. That's your yeah that's that's

the same as Brennan butter your throttle in here. You're enabling you're a nail yeah I am I'm going out feeding these weeds. Who's turning round and say it's some of these weeds someone needs to say look there's no need for you to start a podcast. Like that conversation isn't happening enough. Guys, I need to sit you down. You're actually laying. Surely, though, do not think there's an elements of kind of meritocracy as the wrong word, but basically, if, you know, the what I like about podcasts is, you can do a podcast about anything you like, you can do it really easily. There's a real sort

of genuine DIY sort of ethos to it. And if people don't listen to it, people don't listen to it. It doesn't matter. It's not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you know, just last year, no one listened to it.

Because, because all the other fucking podcasts. Oh, that's why is it? Was this your NFL podcast? Look, let's move on. Let's not talk about it. Let's just not talk about it all right. Anyway, let's get into emails shall we? I was getting through emails.

Have you got on a something in podcast, being the weeds in the garden of creativity? I mean, I know you do because you said it, but come on mate. I've got no problem with Peter Crouch. He's welcome to it. Right, so I'm assuming we're going to get some a burning mischief from Adrian, aren't we? Shouldn't we? I was looking through our guys and finding a message from Adrian.

I think we had a ghost message from Adrian. I think we're going to find out if we say we go look for this message and say Adrian. But Adrian died 300 years ago. Yeah, it's a cricket ball. Okay. General stuff, some good clean general stuff off the bat. Levi Patriot says, I'm listening on my iPod. Yeah, a few people getting it. They listened on the on the iPod. He's just rowing, rowing's a mechanic. He said he doesn't want to get his phone dirty. So he uses an old iPod. So yeah, still happening. Still out there. That's pretty fucking cool. How are you connecting these iPods to things?

Are they not like? They have USB cables? are you connecting these iPods to things? Are they not like... Do you find that? They have USB cables? They have USB cables, yeah you find. Although actually you've got a laptop and no USB cables so it's probably not fine for you. Yeah you have to just be...

Well some iPods can connect to the internet can't they? So you can just, presumably you can just... Oh, you can just like, do it over Wi-Fi. You can just update your pods over wi-fi, right? Yeah, I'm like just don't I've got I've just found three old iPods. Have you? Yeah, all next to each other in a row I kind of thought I wonder if I'll do Well, is it is it gonna be a bit like finding old cassette mix tapes? It's like if you fire up the wi iPod and be like, dogs dying out cars, there you go.

Yeah, I imagine they will be on, you know, that was very much the year for us, wasn't it there? There's dogs dying out cars on one of those iPods. I do you fire up an iPod and find out what's on it. I have the thing with old phones as well. I always think, should I just keep these old phones and look at the photos, but just the hassle of it. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like, do you think, oh God, I have to remember how to use an old Samsung phone. I just say this, yeah, literally this week, Megan's just sold three of our old phones. She went through kind of a draw with all our old tech in and sold off three of our old phones. What did you kind of a draw with all our old tech in and sold off three of our old phones. What did you get for an old phone?

I mean, you just know this. Like, I think for one of them, it's like £3.50. Genuinely? Yeah. It's a £3 in the billion. It's stuff inside it that's worth the £3.50. Now that's it. If you definitely want to keep older the stuff, but rather than throwing it away, I'm just thinking it might get put to you. My dad sent me a message. We've got a node, Compute a towel.

When I was big old, and I've just... Sorry, Compute a towel. Tower. Oh, sorry. I knew he was like a lizard. No, I can either pretend I know what a Compute a towel is and just nod nod away or I can ask, I'm glad I did. And I also don't want a computer towel, is he there? You know, like the ones where you go into an office and it's the computer that you plug into a screen.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that big block, yeah. And I didn't shoot one of those. You're just driving it. Yeah yeah yeah yeah that big block yeah. And I ain't shit one of those. You're just driving it. Yeah all of that and he said can we get rid of it now and I said oh should we keep the hard drive for I don't know what's on it. Can I keep it is the worth keeping the hard drive because there's probably our photos and stuff but I just don't have. You're never going to get you're never going to get around to it are you? I was always taking the hard drive out and then throwing the rest at a square row.

Yeah, it's just, anyway, it's, I mean, that's it. I've got a load of phones. I've got a load of pictures on my phone that I just don't look at. You just don't do you? You just don't go, unless you get those brilliant videos that, you know, when it says, on this day, we've put a bit of sort of mumphid and suns time music to you just taking photographs of your tea from a year ago. This is a great message coming up here from Tom. It's very, this is basically, this is the Venn diagram intersection

between our show and Elaine Pages show on Sundays on Radio 2. This is most the the Venn diagram intersection between our show and Elaine Pages show on Sundays on Radio 2. This is most embarrassing acting moments from Tom, Firepapis, FlatShare at gmail.com. Get in touch. Oh yeah, dude. Following on from Clarkies Mistake in the Pipe Piper, I remembered my most embarrassing evening of acting in a summer theatre school performance. I was dandy Dan in the summer school production of Bugs in Malone. We'd already done a few nights and it had been going well. One night I thought I'd finished my scenes for the half and dissipated back to the dressing room to check on my

drawn on moustache and have a snack. A few minutes later the director came roaring into the room, grabbed me by the arm and dragged me back down the corridor towards the stage. It turned out there was a scene where I meet Fat Sam and give him some money for something that I completely forgot and it was the money for something that I completely forgot about. Sam had walked out from the wings on his side of the stage, expecting me to come on from the other side, but I didn't appear. So he just kept on walking until he left the stage again on the other side. Still walking, still walking. Just like a forest gump. I then got tossed onto the stage

a minute later and we started the scene. My mind was blank though, so I just mumbled something like hello Sam. How are you? Sam and I had to adlib something which would remind me of my lines. Finally, they came back to me and the scenes started to flow and the adrenaline started to subside. How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it?

How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it?

How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? How was it? House your speech easy as usual. Finally they house his slam. Finally they came back to the scene, started to flow and the adrenaline started to subside. However, the final kick

in the teeth was yet to come. I had to give Sam some money during the scene and this night for the first time I decided it would be very cool. If I took my hat give Sam some money during the scene. And this night, for the first time, I decided it would be very cool. If I took my hat off and some money was inside it, I took my hat off and looked inside, but the money wasn't there. It's totally George on me. The money was in a neat little stack up my head. I reached up for sheepishly and took the money from my head and gave it to him. It ignominantly completes. Keep up the good work, much love Tom. Oh my god Tom. Oh yeah. is up there. That is absolutely up there.

We were delighted to discover it was in fact a pomer granite. Imagine being in the audience, just thinking, God, that character is an absolute legend. Dandy Dan is a real card, isn't it? Dan's a real card, isn't he? Turn, D-Dan. He's taking his hat off. Rife all around in his hat. Reach up with the top of his head and taking the money off. I bet you, you know, that's a nice bit of slapstick business, isn't he?

You can imagine, like, half a leg. You can imagine half a leg. Mark's doing something like that, like, looking at his hat, you know, busting a hole through it, reaching around inside of it. But also, just the money's OK. So, just wait, the scene starts. And I'm saying that's just the money. So, just wait, it's the scene stuff. Hello, Sam.

Sorry. And Sam's already walked across the stage, aren't you? LAUGHTER Ah, I absolutely live for stuff like that. So I must just be so many brilliant moments of chaos in like school production. Yeah, it's really brilliant. So good. The forgotten the forgotten queue.

I love it. I've done it again. Clark, is you want to read the next one? Yeah. This is from Fiona by a patron. No idea why it'm spelling it. Sorry, sorry. No idea why I've just spent 10 minutes thinking about this. I can only assume it's locked down anniversary madness.

But what were the teams, sorry, what were the team choose as their names if they were gladiators on 90s TV hit gladiators my suggestions Emma caution Matthew crossbow Crossbow even sure Ben bird killer Tom to pass sorry everyone Sorry everyone bye so really good sign off actually. I think that's a great email.

It's a great question. And actually it has really good guesses. Not bad at all. Crossbow I think is very strong. I'm happy with that. Crossbow's nailed on for you. I think I'd argue Clark, he's my, I like after dark for Clark, but it doesn't go.

I don't know. It's kind of tough. What is the, because like, first of all, the Gladiators, they weren't necessarily, it wasn't like a... It's not robot wars. No, they're not aggressive names necessarily. And there's now like a iteration either with the person's name.

So, like after Dark, after Dark wouldn't work for Clarky because that would have been reserved for a gladiator of color because they were super keen on reminding you. Yes, that's very true. Nice. You were a black gladiator. You had to have a name that were like Sarasin, Shadow,

Rhino, they were all, it was pretty, it was like you couldn't just be black in a gladiator. Yeah, it was rum stuff. It was in there back in the day. It was. So after dark would probably be reserved for someone else. But then I think bird killer, I mean, you know, we should remember John the bird flew away.

So, you know, that's a legend. I bird bird saver. Bird saver's not a crazy, it's just a bird, man, the Lark of Trass. Bird, I mean, bird man's not bad. Bird man isn't bad actually, yeah. I think, you know, like, because you could imagine a real person like, I think there'd be something

a bit, there'd be something a bit, a bit howling mad, Murdock about you. The bird man would be a bit crazy, you know. Yeah. He'd be like, like, you know, in the same way that Wolf had the real personality of being like proper, you know, proper mean and a bit wild. I think Birdman would have the similar thing.

I think he's here on it now, isn't it? It's like finding something that's personality driven. Yeah. I think we're gonna have to reference the fact that your ass is up on your shoulders because in those days, that's a good point Yeah, it's gonna be almost be completely out when it infects like in a leotard. Yeah, what about camel? That's the one for two reasons firstly he smokes them

Secondly check him out in that leotard No, that's it back for two reasons you can see them both. You can both only show us. Yeah. Caution, that's exactly right. He would come on to my humps by the Black Guy piece. Yes. Well, isn't it? Yes.

Lovely. Great. Dogs, Dianne, hot, karaoke, a feature that just gathers momentum all the time from Blind Cate via Puppy Flatch yet at gmail.com, getting touch. Oh, hi. I am probably far too late to be jumping on the karaoke bandwagon, but please describe yourself

in one of my, oh please describe yourself, it's one of my favorite albums ever. If I was ever burning an album for someone, I would always put Langer on the end of the album as that was definitely and still is my theme tune. I am just a lazy get. Oh, that era. Blind Kate, you've taken us right back to an era there.

If I was ever burning an album for someone, that is, there's nothing like Midnaughties. Burning and burning an album. You don't make a mixtape. You burn an album for someone bloody hell, that's evocative stuff. If Clark, he could sing it for me. It would be absolutely amazing.

Oh, no, I can't remember Lounge. Do you remember? Yeah. Thank you for having those. No, I don't. Listen to this. Thank you so much. Bloody hell, you are still the best five pounds. I've spent each month during lockdown. Oh, I don't know what I would have done. Cheers everyone by blind Kate. Kiss kiss kiss. Thank you blind Kate. That's very good. Thank you so much.

Well also, I mean, it's a two way street because without you and the rest of our lovely Patreon subscribers, we, I mean, you know, like you say, like we say, it's democratic, you know, the reason we're still doing this is because you're still here. Yeah, we're probably doing this is because you're still here. Yeah, we're probably going to be in first. So 100 wouldn't we have locked down if there was no one. If there was no one then we would have got to the big, the big one. No, I'm not sure.

Yeah, and then we would have got to. Well, our 100th episode was episode 99. Yeah. And then, have you had a listen to Clarky? Have you had a listen to the lounge? I haven't, no. That gave you the perfect opportunity. Yeah, and they have you had a listen clarky. You had a had a listen to the have a know that gave you the perfect opportunity. Yeah, that's why that's why I say I had to do your job, but I thought that's what we're doing I thought we were buying some sweet time for clarky down a quick quick refresher course

I did you definitely look like he wasn't like he wasn't zoned into the conversation. Oh, yeah, I wasn't zoned in He didn't do the conversation. Oh yeah, I wasn't on his own, dude. Of course not. I mean, were you chucking the grist up here? He was, I thought, hello. He's like, what a prime, I thought he's doing exactly what he needs to be doing. Yeah.

Right, have you had a listen now, Plucky? I've had a slight listen. I'm not going to be able to sing it. I don't know, well enough. Give us your best lounge check. Give us your, as much as you can do for for poor or blind Katie's are so nicely And said that without you boys. I don't know what I would have done I mean the least you could do is the least you could do is but it's bone up a little bit on this song lounger

And I have a quick sing it Well look I tell you what play it and sing along to it. Wow. We won't be able to hear it on the rest of the... No, we just let him do it next episode as like a special performance. Yeah, you know what, absolutely. We'll start the next episode. We'll start the next episode.

We'll, after the first jingle, we'll throw straight to Clarky who's gonna give us. He's gonna have forgotten about it and then panicked again. No, not our Clarky, no way. Who on earth do you think you're talking about there? No, not our Clarky. The camel. You're giving me the absolute humps. Shall we do another, should we do another quick,

another quick message? We've had it, I mean, I can't stress enough, please don't send these in. But we've had another, what am I looking at right now? This is from, yeah. And this is from Mark, by a Pappy's Flat Share at gmail.com. I'm currently on Glasgow Queen Street station, lower level, look at an old woman on the train before mine, to Millengavi, and I need to pee.

Okay. I know it, I get it. This is interesting, because it's always, this always chimes with you, period, doesn't it, when it's foodstuffs. I know it, I get it, smoked salmon. Raw, funky fish that is somehow eaten with eggs. Mark. What do you think about that man?

I think I can see that one actually. Funky though. I don't. Smoky and salty. Yeah funky. What do you mean funky? Did I think that it's something like a bit like pickled herring or something like that? Yeah. He's not gonna wanna eat it like this. He knows it's not his taste. Smoke salmon is, is like a salmon generally, I would say, is bit of a bland fish.

It's quite nice, but like the chicken of the fish world, like it takes on flavor pretty well. We saw a Clarkie time. LAUGHTER Apologies,ologies for talking. I have yet. I think that's the deep. I think it's not. Poor old Clark, the Clarkie file, everyone's going to spend a lot of time wondering where the real tension is. That's the meat of the piece. That is it. Yeah.

It is. Would you like a cup of tea, man? Would you like it? It's like, you know, it's like when Silent Bob speaks in those early, you know, a few Askew movies, that's, it's exciting, it's an exciting moment. So, go and Clark, you were saying about salmon. Well, I think, I think smoked salmon is by far the best iteration of salmon.

Do you think so? Yeah, so I think if you like salmon, Smokesammon is, it's up. Very good on the barbecue, nice bit of salmon. Very good on the barbecue, also a curry. If you ever end up with a salmon curry, I think, yeah, there's... I'll take it, I like it, poached. Oh, lovely bit of poached salmon, yeah. Oh, salmon is nice.

Very nice, very nice. But I think, yeah, I mean, I do love smoked salmon as well. Salmon chat, how'd you like your salmon listener getting touched? Yeah, I mean, Salmon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Salmon chat. It's like shareagemail.com, Salmon chat.

How'd you like your salmon chat? All right, time for a bit of clock time and then we're off always Oh Oh Little bit of clocky time a little bit please a little bit of clocky time A little bit of a clock in time. A little bit of a clock in time. Tell us what you got. A little bit of a clock in time. Oh, hi.

Oh, hi. I was thinking the other day. Now, I've not... I jotted this down and I'm going to be honest. When I jotted it down, I was a little bit drunk. So this... Here we go. I jotted this down and I'm going to be honest when I jotted it down I was a little bit drunk. So this, here we go. But this is my rant. It starts with carsamad.

I'll take carsamad salad is all over the place. Cars are mad. And the reason for this is probably the most impressive single item I've ever owned is a car in terms of like its heft, what it's able to do, the technology involved. But you can buy them like super cheap, like even for like, you'd think how much the metal alone would be worth. Like, my first car I think was 275 pounds.

But then on the other side, cars are equally mad on the other end of the spectrum where they can be like, what, half a million pounds. And it's essentially the same thing. And there's such a massive weird disparity between what people pay and what people think a car is worth. I personally don't think they're worth much, like there's much point in spending a lot of money in a car, but some people will spend more money

on their car than any other thing that they are ever owned in their life. I just think cars are mad, like they're amongst us. We've got very used to them, but when you actually break it down, you look at a car like, fuck it out, that's mad. I drive around in my car and it's worth barely anything at all. On the same roads, they need exact same jobs

and other cars that are like 100 times the price literally. Car's a mad. It's been some time with cocky, alive, life's much better now He's filled up with no mercy and you put a time for it Sala, I'm so like, why the fuck? It's a tricky one this week, because I feel like I've got a real right a real desire to reply to it But that's the wrong you okay you need to go Tom The axe man is at the window The axe man come back man. He well he

The axe man. He was listening to that Clarkie time and I What a time for him to me the scene Clarkie time and I want to what a time for him to me this evening. He's he's just he's at the window and he's kind of pointing and kind of come with his way he's way he's way he's so sharpened. Why is it going to your house rather than the Clarke's? It just feels like just I'm just saying he has he's not in the house yet but well... Well, that Clarky time summoned him. This is what happens. He visits, he gives Clarky fair warning. He visits Perry.

He visits Eucorsham. Oh, I'm saying this. Yeah. He's just, he's arrived, yeah, he's giving me the sign. On the... It's like a, it's like I have to make sure. What's that way? No, don't tell us.

I'm not again. He's really scared. Let's just say it. He only turns up at midnight and he, er, yeah, he's also one of those masked nighters as well, isn't he? So it's not, it's not safe. He's tapped out.

And he's a close talker. And he's a close talker. And he's a close talker. I need to, I need to make sure the feature, the feature's got the thought he gets to me. Otherwise, you know what happens. We know what happens if we get guys anyway lovely episode everyone juice does ever buy ever caution. in the afternoon. I am a champion the morning, what's that over there? It's a piece of truth.

Well there you go if you like that sort of thing then it's out there waiting for you. It's been a very reasonable price. Get yourself over to patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share and join the patreon community today as you can see we We get your emails we read out your emails. We chat to you We also have I mean that the chats are freewheeling. They're expansive. They're unedited So you really get the you get raw papis And that's not you know like and that is a good thing. It's like it's like So she's a good thing, okay? You know, raw, you know,

it's one of those instances where raw is good. It's not like a bag, it's like you, all right? Yeah, it's like chicken, it's just a big piece of small chicken. It's the chicken sushi of the podcast world. It's a twitchy chicken. It's a twitchy chicken, yeah. It's a twitchy chicken.

Join us on Twitch, by the way, for twitchy chicken. I'm not trying to promote that now patreon.com forward slash prappies flat share join us there, please May