Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1501: Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown with Ceyla AB & Jin Hao Li - "Fill the Fruitbowl"

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

Neither Tom nor Ben wants to fill the fruit bowl… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at The Pheonix Cavendish Square with guests Jin Hao Li and Ceyla AB WithCeyla AB - https://www.celya-ab.com/Jin Hao Li - https://www.jin-hao-li.com/You can get the show early and ad free (plus a bonus episode every week) by joining our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareWe’ve got 2 live Flatshare Slamdown shows in February  MONDAY FEB 24TH: MATT LUCAS AND LORNA ROSE TREENTUESDAY FEB 25TH: JOE SUTHERLAND AND RUTH HUSKOGet tickets to either show (or a special discounted ticket that gets you into both shows!) right here: pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling. Winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling. Winning. In an exciting live dealer studio. Exclusively on FanDuel Casino. Where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly

Greetings listener dear I'm Tom I'm Ben and I am Matthew and welcome to a brand new series of Pappy's Flat Share. And that's it. That's what we're calling it. It's not Pappy's Flat Share Slamdown. There is a brand new Flat Share Slamdown which you're about to enjoy, but we're calling it Pappy's Flat Share now. That's it. We've whittled it down to its essence.

Hang on. Is the title Pappy's Flat Share? That's it? Pappy's Flat Share, that's it. Yeah. Pappy's Flat Share,'s It? Pappy Flat Share That's It, yeah. Pappy Flat Share That's It, full stop. Yeah, when I was getting the, when I was dictating to the guy, making up the business cards, I should have been a bit clearer.

But yeah, but we've printed 30 of them now, so I can't go back. I'm not going to get that money. Not going to get that money again, am I, Tom? Well, the misprint on those business cards, Puppies flat share that shit. That's not good. It's not good to have that around. Never give critics the chance to pick up on what to criticize you.

No, no, get ahead of the critics is that's what we're doing. We're getting ahead of the critics. Oh, publicity is good publicity. Even if that publicity is handing out a business card on Beckenham High Street saying that I'm shit. And the sandwich board as well.

Papi's Ed this night. It was laundry day, Tom. It was laundry day. I had nothing else. You know what it's like. It gets to a certain point in the month and you go, well, I've got no clean pants, t-shirts, jumpers, trousers or shoes. I'm going to have to go out wearing nothing but my sandwich board. And that's my excuse that I'm sticking to it. Anyway, this is a flat share slam down. We recorded this in the distant past, 2024. Do bear in mind, it was a different interview. It was a different time back then. That's how fast the world moves now.

That's how fast the world moves. It was a time pre-Trump's inauguration when we didn't realise there were only two genders. So I'm sorry. Apologies for the mistakes of the past. But no, fantastic guests. We've got Jin Hao Li and we've got Celia AB, two superb comedians. It was great to have Jin's first time Celia returning guest. And really looking forward to re-listening to this one. It was a truly heavenly experience to have them both on. And it really was. It was very,

very magical. I cherished the experience of being able to perform with them. And now you can cherish it in your ear holes. Well, Matthew, the good news is more heavenly experiences are around the corner. So prepare to re-cherish all over again on February 24th and February 25th in London's glittering West End. We will be performing at the London Phoenix Pub. We can't stress enough that it's in London. Oh, sorry. London Phoenix Pub.

That's it. It's full stop. February 24th to 25th, our guests are Matt Lucas and Lorna Rose Trean, two very funny guests and then Joe Sutherland and Ruth Husko. Crossbow. These are going to be absolutely fantastic. They will be, won't they?

I'm already cherishing them. I cherish the booking process. I cherished putting the ticket link live on pappyscomedy.com forward slash live. And I cherish the opportunity to perform at these shows. And you should cherish the chance to come down and see them by going to pappyscomedy forward slash live and booking tickets today. Now I can tell you now you can get, you can either get tickets for the individual shows, you can come on Monday or come on Tuesday if you want to, or you can buy a discounted ticket that gets you into both shows, both the Monday and the Tuesday. That's a discounted ticket. There's even more of a discount if you join the Patreon and we should talk about the Patreon. We should talk about that. Oh, well, yes. Clark, you cherish the Patreon,

don't you? I do cherish the Patreon. Oh, guys, it's the best place to be. There's such a wonderful community there. And now you can get our episodes early and ad free on the Patreon. It's never been a better time. I cherish that. I cherish that. I cherish being ad free. That's right. If you are sick and tired of the ads interrupting your papi's flat share, then all you need to do is go to patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share and join today. Everyone in the forequad and above tier gets that early and ad free episodes. So we would love to see that. You also get a bonus episode every week of our flat share pop round.

Can I ask a question? Yeah, please. What if you want the episodes early, but you kind of like the ads? I tell you what, the only service we do is that if you join the top tier, you get them late and with ads. Okay. Yeah.

If you, if you join the hundred quid a month tier, that's the only, the only feature is we, we prevent you, we put blockers on your, on all your devices to stop you from getting the episode on the day it comes out. It's why I'm on it. Yeah, absolutely. And you get it six months after the fact. And it really was a different time. And it's late's pure adverts.

Late and add-on. Late and mainly adverts, yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, that's there as well. I cherish that. Can I also say I cherish you both? I cherish Tom. I cherish you guys so much.

And do you know what? I cherish listener dear too. Yeah, we cherish the listener dear so much. And we cherish our audience members. We cherish our patrons. We cherish all of you. So cherish the love as you listen to a brand new series of Pappy's Flat Share. This one is a flat share slam down. That's it. That's it. Oh man!

What is it, Matthew? What is it, you wretched little man is it? You wretched little man. You're a wretched little man, WLM. LAUGHTER Pfft! LAUGHTER Well, there's a good reason I'm a wretched little man at the moment. Have a look at this fruit bowl.

LAUGHTER I beg your pardon? It's nearly empty. There's only two grapes and a kumquat. Oh, wait, hang on, I'm holding it in my lap. It's actually completely empty. There's only two grapes and a kumquat. Oh wait, hang on. I'm holding it in my lap. It's actually completely empty. Oh no! One of you two has got to restock the fruit bowl and don't worry, I will disinfect it first. Who's it going to be?

Oh, it's not going to be me, man. No? No, I just, I'm fed up with fruit. Right. Right? Oh, I think it is probably like pretty privileged and it's like, oh, we deserve to like be on show and not be stuck in the fridge like the ugly vegetables they get put in the fridge or the raw meats that gets stuck in a little drawer that can't be in its bowl outside the fridge, you know, it's like, I just don't understand it. You know, I just think that like if fruit were like comedians, they'd probably be doing a panel show on the

television whereas the Raw Meats, it's basically doing a podcast in a basement, isn't it? What are you saying, mate? We're the Raw Meats and I think that we deserve to be out the fridge. Hashtag release the sausages. Tom, what about you? Well, it's not going to be me, Matthew. I've I've had a bad time with fruit back in the day. I used to run a vineyard. Oh, yeah. And we used to grow our produce

purely based on the anger of the London mayor. We used to sell that produce. Well, I say that, we used to also sell a thick soup made from a fruit with five points on it. It was quite a weird sign actually. Starfruit stew, the grapes of wrath of Khan. I tell you what, I'll say one thing. I tell you what, the lions are hungry for some raw meat tonight, aren't they?

They really are. Well, there's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a Flashy Slam Down! Woo! Flat Share Slam Down! Flat Share Slam Down! Something's going to slow down! Flat Share Slam Down! Hello and welcome to Flat Share Slam Down, the panel show that says...

I'm the host, L show, Matthew Crosby. Let's meet the apples of my eye and the beech to my privates. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark. But listen guys, you cannot fill a bowl on your own, at least not with fruit. So who have you brought? Who have you brought to twist your melon tonight? Tom? Well, Matthew, the Jamboree's in danger.

Oh, I? We've been blighted by drought. Oh no. One of the key blights, isn't it? I know, it's a massive blight on the whole event, actually. So I've hired the wettest person I have. It's Jin How Lee everybody. Jin is here. I'm Jin. I'm wet.

You're wet. But in a good way. In a good way, yeah. I'm slippery. But in a good way. You can't catch. They call you the eel of comedy, don't they? Yeah, yeah. Electric. I'm zapping, I'm zapping and swimming. But in a good way. But in a great way.

What kind of a person, Jin, what kind of a person are you to live with? I'm not, I'm not very hairy. So then, but in a good way. There's a reason I put you with Tom. Yeah. I'm not hairy either. Yes! I dropped my paper. It's okay. You don't need it.

It's going to script. Should we strip and just like ride the ride? Please don't. Please don't do that. Let's not do this. I tell you what, please win. So yeah, everything's riding on this now. Otherwise, it's riding on Tom. That sounded very creepy. Yeah, I did. Did everyone feel that? Oh, sorry. What it made you say? Celia, please, win till you take off all your clothes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 14, 21, as well. 2012, 2011. But anyway, crucially, no one's gonna take their clothes off tonight is what I'm trying to say. Anyway, Gin, you were telling me about you not being a hairy person. I'm not very hairy. I leave the shower and it's like, did he even, was he even in there?

I'm like a ghost. I'm like a ghost. It's like living with a ghost. So your flatmates don't know that you showered. Is that your superpower? Yeah, I clean up. I clean up real nice. Can I just say right now, you look very well presented. Really?

And the fragrance coming off you is fantastic. Okay. That's just me, but. No, no, it's genuine. It's absolutely genuine. Gin Howell is here. It's great to have you on the show. Gin Howell, everybody.

Um, Plaki, who have you brought along to help you this week? I have brought my very good and close friend, Celia A.B.! Celia Abey is here. Celia, it's great to have you back on the show. What a delight. Now, what kind of a person are you to live with? I'm very hairy. Yes. It's molting season for you currently, isn't it? You two are gin and yang, aren't you?

Yeah. Wow. I think I'm... Do you know what I've realized the other day? I think I'm bad to live with and I've got like weird rules. Like I've been reading into Feng Shui. You familiar with it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's this guy, he does those short videos where he rearranges people's rooms. Do you know him? He's amazing. Do you like him? He's so good. He's quite ripped, weirdly. Do you know him? It's that guy. Maybe you don't watch the same algorithm. But I've got a lot just staying in my flat at the minute. And I think I've been made aware that I've got so many like weird Feng Shui energy rules. Like the toilet bowl at all time needs to be closed. Did you know that? All times? Not when you're...

to be closed. Did you know that? All times. Not when you're... Oh, I foresee a small... You are a small floor in the Fenchry system. You are bad to live with. Yeah, yeah. We can't convert. It looks great for the first 10 minutes of the day, but I can tell you after that... I'll tell you what, my house makes no when I've showered. No. It needs to be closed because it releases bad energies into your flat, like it does. But if you don't know that that's why I do it,

and every time you walk into the bathroom, the toilet bowl is closed, you're not thinking that's friendly, you're thinking, oh, what happened? You know what's happened, you can see on the lid. Yeah. We'll celebrate, beer's here. Woo!

Now we've met our guests, let's find out who's going to be top banana as we play round one! There's the fruit boy, I'm always dreaming that it should be my home But tears start streaming, I'm trapped behind a door In the salad drawer Like nobody knows what I am And nobody gives a damn about me Cause I'm just a cherry, it's my soul baby A fruit that is trapped in a veg life, dating

I'm just a cherry, it's my soul baby, it's true Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo The ones falling over to me, they want my number They are a cucumber How do they know who I am? And why do they give a damn about me? I've got two tickets to be in a salad, baby It's at the Wald off, don't say baby I am also a fruit, baby like you I say yeah fruit boat, oh you do not know what you're missing I said yeah fruit boat, oh you do not know what you're missing

It's a date, which is also a phrase. Oh my God. Better. Better than the original. Longer than the original. Longer than the original. Better as well. Did you know a cucumber was a fruit? Yeah. Fuck me.

Tom, you wrote the sub. The first round is called Fruit Machine. I'm going to give each player a question and they have to write down the answer that they think most people will give. I will then ask the other three to shout out at the same time what they think the player has written down. The aim is for all four answers to be identical. Jackpot. Jackpot. That's what we're going for. The Fruit Machine. If you shout out the answer that's written down, you get two points and the player gets one point. But if all four answers are identical, Jackpot. The player, the jackpot, if you will, the player gets a whopping five extra points.

As always, the points are important. I'm just saying it out loud so the producers know how to score this. So that is have you got that? It's tricky, isn't it? Yeah. OK, here we go. OK, we're going to start with Ben. Nobody else pens down, everybody else, just Ben. Just Ben's writing for the moment. Okay. Ben, Jackpot. Ben, I would like you to write down the best food beginning with the letter L. It's the best food beginning with the letter L. Okay. Okay. Okay, Clarkie. How you feeling about that? Yeah. Yeah, he's happy

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's happy. He's writing such a book Jack fruit Okay, so Clark you've written something down right Yeah, the the other three players, of course This is Celia gin Tom on the count of three. I'm going to do one, two, three, then you say it. Okay. All right. Here we go. The best. Am I saying it too? No. Okay. Not saying it too. Okay. Yeah.

The best food beginning with L. Yeah. One, two, three. Lasagna. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hey! Jackpot! Can I just say guys, you don't know how badly we needed that. Genuinely, a scary moment for that for me was early on I was just thinking, Link and Barry Jack. Whoa. moment for that for me was early on I was just thinking link Berry Jam. Whoa. It was such a relief when lasagna came. I wondered why you were sweating. Also, do I have to be marked down because I have managed to spell lasagna with two G's. Listen, one G for yourself. I knew there was a G in there, so I was like, get it in early. If you're wondering, what he wrote was lasagna.

Just enjoy the points you all got guys. Don't start picking apart here. Okay. We next up now, next up. It's that was great. Hey, we, yeah, listen, we said that in 2011. But did we know? We said in 2011, they said it in 2013. Do you know what was beautiful about this when we all shouted it, we all said it at

the same time. And there was many layers of voices a bit like a. It was an audio lasagna. It was a sound lasagna. I feel like the game is... I think this harmony is really... Okay, Jin, I would like you, you'll pick up your pen, please. I would like you to write down what you think most people would say is the worst season.

What's the worst season of the year? This is... Oh, okay. I was gonna be like, does this have to start with L? Yeah, tricky. Is it definitely Lortam? Is it? The way Falky spells it. So yeah, no, no, in this case, it's just the season. What's the worst season? What do you reckon most people in the world would say is the worst season? OK, have a think about it. The other three, Ben, Celia, Tom.

No conferring. No conferring. Yeah. Oh, no. OK. This is crazy. It's hard. God, you can you can do it. Jin, I believe you guys are so adorable. Shit. That's like, what is the worst country? Oh, that's the next question.

That's the next question. That's a different podcast. House meeting. We can't do that question with a French person on the panel. Tom, Tom, please, Tom. Hey, do you know what? I'm so used to it that I just let it whoop. And you saved me just there.

You gave me hope in fighting against bigotry. OK, listen, guys, try and think together. OK, try not to be divided. Okay, so Tom, Celia, Ben, on the count of three, I would like you to say what you think most people in the world would say, and hopefully it'll match up with Gin's answer, is the worst season. One, two, three.

Autumn. Autumn. What did you say? Okay, we had two- three. Autumn. Autumn. Autumn. What did you say? Okay, we had two- I said autumn. We had two autumns. We had two autumns and we had one winter. But that's how they say autumn in America. Okay, Tom, why are you picking autumn?

It hasn't got a Christmas. Yeah. No, it's true, but that's true of most of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it hasn't got Christmas. Yeah, that's true of most of them. So it hasn't got Christmas. Spring and summer have got sun and stuff going on. Autumn, it's hard to know what to wear. You're hot and you're cold. You're yes and you're no. Up and you're down. Because of seasonal depression. I guess, yeah. Selly, you agree with that? Oh, I hate autumn. I don't like it.

I know people say it's cozy and like you get, but cozy is just a fancy word for depression. Like it's cozy if you're in a loving relationship. There's a fire, there's s'mores and Halloween, but if you're single, which I know all of you are like me, it's fucking depressing. So single people don't get Halloween? No, no, we eat the sweets.

This is mental to me. Winter is colder and it's got Valentine's Day in it. Yeah, winter is OK. Winter. OK, if we're gonna if we're gonna go there. Oh, we're gonna go. We're going there, guys. We're going there. Winter does the hope of seeing snow. Beautiful. No hope of seeing snow in autumn. Well, it will be soon. Christmas, so nice. And then the headliner, New Year's Eve.

But then you've got like three more months of it, or two, two and a half. It's front loaded and then it's got a terrible back. I actually kind of agree, yeah. Pancakes are a coming. You can eat pancakes any day of the year. Yeah, but not in a sort of state sanctioned way. Anyway, listen, we're burying the lead here because Jin has written something down. Tell us now. Jin looks very stressed.

Yeah, you look very stressed. I don't want people to dislike me. Oh, no, listen. We're all comedians. But I'm very liked. That's my brand is people like me. Listen, I don't think you're going to be disliked because of your answer. OK.

Unless you put all of them. What have you written down? I put spring. Oh, boo! Boo! Whoa! Unfollowed! Unfollowed! I'm not afraid!

What's the matter? Are you a psychopath? Well, at first I put autumn, but then I was like, this is mean to autumn. He is a nice guy. I'm so fake. You know what I mean? I just act nice. What should be for spring, bro? It sounds like it's a metal.

It's way too boingy, isn't it? None of the other ones have that. None of the other ones are metallic, are they? Everyone else has like a kind of poetic name. Oh, autumn. Oh, winter. Spring? It's too bouncy. Also, it's got two G's in it. Springy. So, you're up next. I would like you, now this is a bit trickier this one. I'd like you to write down what you think most people would say Now this is a bit trickier, this one. I'd like you to write down what you think most people

would say is the sexiest dance. What's the sexiest dance? Okay, and the rest of you, the other three, Tom, Gin. If you're a human. If you're a human, yeah. That's cheating. I'm gonna put that as a caveat for all of these. No, because if you're like a peacock, that's probably different. Oh, oh.

It's if a human did this. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, everyone's horny now. If you could just unsplay yourself for a second and just, just write your answer down and just assume it's, I'm always saying, I always mean if you're a human not a human. If you're, because we know peacocks hate summer.

Those feathers get so hot. It's always if you're a human, okay? So you write down sexiest dance for a human being. I think that sounds, you know what? I think it sounds creepy to say, oh, it's a sexy dance for a human. I think that's, I think that's, that's very much that movie with Scarlett Johansson creeping around Glasgow. It's that kind of, you know. The more you're talking, the more my brain has pictured. What if like Strictly Come Dancing, it was like, it's a celebrity but you're paired with an animal. Oh, watch out.

Yes, please. Really good. Isn't that a good idea? It's a great idea. I would love to see like, Joe Lyset dancing with a cougar or something. I would love. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Joe Lyset gets mauled on live television. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. And then it turns out, you planned it.

You planned it for Greenpeace. Three days later, it was a prank. Okay, so you write something down please. And the other three of you come up with in your heads, the sexiest dance. Because in a moment, I'm going to ask you to tell us what you think is the sexiest dance. And of course, keep it in your heads for a human being, which the human, the homo sapien of the species. OK, OK, you got something?

Yeah, I'm drawing what the dance looks like. OK, yeah, diagram as well. Very good. Very good. OK. The sexiest dancer, please, Tom, Jin and Ben. 123. OK. Dance please, Tom, Gin and Ben. One, two, three. One. Dr. Gulling. Okay.

Okay, so we found out a lot about your tastes. Yeah. I didn't hear all of those. I heard Dirty Wine. Was that you, Tom? Yes. Okay, of course it was Dirty Wine. I forgot about your time in the dance halls.

Tom, I don't think I know this dance. Could you show it to me please? I don't think I know this dance. It's quite a dangerous dance to undertake. Like you can see it, baby. At your age. Yes, that's true. I think that's just, listen, I can, Tom, that is yet another reason, yet another excuse that someone's giving you for not dancing I think that's just listen. I can't Tom that is Yet another reason Yet another excuse that someone's giving you for not dancing. Oh, no. No, I can't talk to you Tom. I'm afraid it's too dangerous You break your neck Okay, so we've got just you on a gym. What did you say worm the worm? If you're a human

Yes Well, if you're a human. Yes. Well, if you're a worm, then it's called the human. Don't get me started on the robot. So we're getting low to the ground. You're kind of, you know, you're undulating your body on the ground. Yeah, that's the caterpillar. It is. Well, what's the difference between the caterpillar and the worm? The worm's just, you just like drive your face along the floor just excreting as you go because all the

birds want it is that not what they call ladies here yeah not recently no no No, no. Sorry. So you're fitting right here. 2017, baby. I'm slowly learning. Yes. And Clarky, what did you put down? I said tango. The tango, because it takes two. Yeah. Of course it does.

Yeah. Okay. Well, let's see if any of those match up to Celia's. Listen, I thought all of your answers were fantastic. I'm very, you know, I'm very engorged, but we need to hear, we need to hear Celia's, they call it the peacock for a reason. We need to hear Celia's answer.

Celia, did any of those answers match up? What was the answer you gave? None of you got it. No. The answer was obviously salsa. It is salsa, of course it's salsa. It's so sexy. It's a sauce. Come on. Yeah, I relish it. Anyway, we do need to move on. That's done nothing to the scores. So Tom, you've got your pen in hand.

You are about to write down the strangest looking animal. Now this is to the eyes of a human, not to the eyes. Not to the eyes of the other animals there. The strangest looking animal. The strangest looking animal. What would you say is the strangest looking animal, Tom Parry, what would you say? That most people would agree with.

That most people would agree with. That's what we're going for as well. Yeah, most people would agree with this being the strangest animal. Have you written something down? Yeah. Well, you know, Tom, because if you haven't written something down, are you umming and ahhing about your choice? You're on the fence.

I'm concerned about it. You're walking, you're walking your way through your mind safari at the moment. It's about categories for me. Yeah. Well, don't give it moment. It's about categories for me. Yeah. Well, don't give it away. Categories or dog agrees. Yeah. Happy?

Are we talking all kind of living creatures? Yeah. Okay. We're talking, yeah, we're talking, we're talking mainly animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. In fact, entirely animals.

The strangest looking animal, as opposed to the strangest looking living creature, because I think that could get personal. Just non-human living creature. Yeah. Animal. You know what a fucking animal is mate. Stop. I know you've just learned that a cucumber is a fruit but come on. But I do have a question. Is an insect an animal? Great question. This is what I'm talking about. Because an insect, you've never seen an insect and an animal like hang out. Exactly.

They've got like... There's like, you know, there'll be insects in like, you know, the insect house in a zoo. You'd see that wouldn't you? Would you? Like a big prey of man. Oh, they're like flies hanging around Buffalo. But they don't like, they've got nothing in common. They can't dance together.

Yeah, the conversation's dry. Have you written something down though, Tommy? I. It's... Have you written something down, though, Tommy? I have, yeah. You've written something down. Okay, ready, guys? The strangest looking animal. It's an English word I forgot. Can I ask you if I describe it in your ear?

Yeah, you can drive. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I whisper in your ear just to do it? Yeah, yeah do it. Because it's so funny. Oh, thanks.

Yeah, it's so funny. I'm going to get asked to do it. Do you hear that? I hear that. It's so funny. This is the nicest episode we've ever done. It's really nice. Incredibly mellow, I'd say.

A mellow episode. It's got a real mellow favour this one. People with a Frenchie on it. Tom. Tom. It is starting to hurt. Come on. Let's stop it now. We've got the little racism buzzing.

Yeah, we've got to have a little... Service. It's getting right on there, mate. It's getting right on there, it is. Okay. So, we've got a little bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of This? It's getting right on there, mate. It's getting right on there, it is. OK, so the strangest looking animal

that we think everyone would agree with. What's Tom written down? OK, Celia, Ben, Gin. One, two, three. Splub fish. Or pilot fish Okay, so you said jellyfish gin, yeah, I do I like I like that answer you said what did you say you said I said like I said those guys

Okay, so pilot fish is this one with that's what it's called right that's the one fish Pilot fish does have that as well and they have the copilot fish That's the one I think but I think most people would say blob fish Okay, you said blob fish. We got jellyfish blob fish and you said a giraffe giraffe is what I would Giraffe's what I would have said if you see the size of their fucking necks. They're huge Absolutely huge aren't they? But what did Tom write down? Crucially, that's the answer we're looking for.

Anglerfish. Oh! Oh! Does that count? Are we gonna allow it? I'm gonna allow it. I'm gonna allow it. Congratulations.

Congratulations. Right, now. Yes. I've got four more. Do we wanna do it again? Yes, I do. Right now. I've got four more. Do you want to do it again? I do. I know. I know. OK, Ben. All right, Ben, grab your pen. We'll do it one more time. All right. OK, OK. OK.

One more time. One more time. Four more times. OK. OK, so Ben. I lost my pen. Oh, there you go. You can borrow mine. Thank you. So that's it. Okay, so Ben. I lost my pen. Oh, there you go, you can borrow mine. Thank you. Son of a bitch. Very nice. So, okay, Ben, I want you to write down, okay, who's that one comic on the circuit that we all know is a bit dodgy? No, that's not...

Oh! No, but can we do that but not record it? Oh, yeah, we'll... Well, don't you love that? We're at no. Yeah! And I'm only allowed to write down one thing, is that right? We're not recording. Oh yeah, we'll... Why don't you love that? We're at... No. Yeah. And I'm only allowed to write down one thing, is that right?

Jane, how? I would like you to write... I would like you to write down, Ben, Ben, how many biscuits is a lot of biscuits? Right. How many biscuits is a lot of biscuits? I think a lot of biscuits. I've eaten a lot of biscuits. I have a follow up question. You can have a follow up question.

Are we talking digestives? Are we talking, like, it depends on the bisquee. It does depend on the bisquee. It's all bisquee dependent in this life. We're going on average, how many biscuits would a lot of biscuits be taking in, you know, like the massive fun sized cookies all the way down to eat, right? For a human being to eat, not to throw it a peacock. All right.

Not from the perspective of an angler fish, which is hard because they have the light in front of them. So, OK. Have you written down a number? I have, yeah. You've written down a number. I don't want to put this in, it's interesting though, because you've said go out and buy a lot of biscuits. If you say I've eaten a lot of biscuits.

Oh, I know. They're two different things. That's what makes this an interesting question, okay? This is how we play. So, is Ben and I say he's gone with, I've eaten a lot of biscuits or I bought a lot of biscuits? Eaten a lot. Eaten a lot.

Oh, eaten. Eaten a lot of biscuits. What's a lot of biscuits? I've eaten a lot of biscuits, but I want it to be I bought a lot of biscuits. Eat a lot. Eat a lot of biscuits. But I want it to be, I bought a lot of biscuits. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. That changes a lot of biscuits. We're looking for a number here guys. And again, I'm going to ask you to be really crisp on that one, two, three. Okay. No lag. Here we go. Ben's written down a number. This is eaten a lot. So it's okay. Is that weird? Are you having a cup of tea with it?

No more follow up questions. Are you a Pellegrin folk? No more. No more follow up questions. Why did you eat for dinner before? No, no. What time is it? What time is it?

No. Listen, it's already written down. All of these questions. It doesn't matter what the answer to these questions is. Clarky's written something down. So ready guys? No lag together in unison. Hopefully. One, two, three. Twelve. Okay. So we had seven. We had a billion. A billion. Because we are not, hold on, hold on.

That's not wrong. You're not gonna tell me that's not a lot of biscuits. That is a lot of biscuits. That is a lot of biscuits. It's a lot of biscuits. You can't deny it. I win. I said the most number of biscuits.

Yeah. It's a strong answer. A bonus point, whether or not, because... That's a lot of cup of teas. A lot of biscuits. A lot of cheese. A lot of biscuits. And yours was 12.

12, but I want you to say 16, because 12, I could eat that. Oh, yeah, but you can eat a lot of biscuits. With 16, I start hating myself. 12, I'm still like, woo woo woo. That's a whole other question. And what number of biscuits do I start hating myself. 12, I'm still like, woo woo woo. That's a whole other question. At what number of biscuits do I start hating myself? Four more times. Four more times.

Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times.

Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times.

Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Four more times. Or 12, possibly 16, depending on mood, depending on vibe. Clarky, what have you put, mate? Five. Oh! That is bullshit, that is bullshit. That is not, no. Come on now. Skinny legend. Okay, Gin, you're up next, writing down,

what is the grossest body part? What's the grossest body part on a human being? What's the grossest? Is it, no. Is it like someone healthy? Yeah, let's just for the sake of none of us throwing up our biscuits, let's say it's- Is it goiter?

I had a guy once who showed me... We're not talking about goiters or hernias or that kind of thing. We're talking about a gross... It's visible. It doesn't have to be visible. It could be in the soul. Oh my God. I get it.

I guess. Oh my God. Bigotry. Okay. Every time you say bigotry, it sounds like Big Tree. Bigger Tree. Big Tree, yeah. That's very bigoted.

I think it's fun to fight it. Bigger Tree. Yeah. That's a cool name for a band, Bigger Tree. Yeah, Big Tree. Bigger Tree. Or an Irish man, Bigger Tree. And on bass, my wife.

And on drums, my wife. That's bigger me, you idiot. Wow. Bigger me, bigger you. So yes, people have been accusing you of bigotry. I don't know what's going on here. I've only got I'm only married to one person. Yeah. No, I'm a racist, sure. I'm only married to one person. Yeah. No, I'm a racist. Sure. I'm only married to one English woman. Okay. The question is, of course, what's the grossest body part?

Ginn, have you written something down? Okay. Fantastic. All right. In unison, please. Ben, Celia and Tom. The grossest body part in one, two, three. The bit that's underneath the tongue. Do you know that bit? It looks like the bottom of a...

Oh, I know. Do you know that? The banjo string of the tongue, basically. Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Great album title. Absolutely.

Yeah. Oh, the bigotries are all over it. So we've got the scrotum from Tom. Famously. So we've got the, we've got the, the scrotum from Tom famously. We've got the little, little flap of skin under the tongue for Celia. And what did you say? Toe nail. Toe nail.

Yeah, absolutely right. Gin, do any of these match up? Kind of. Okay. Okay. What have you gone for? Should I say? Yes, please. If I don't say the podcast won't continue. He's holding us to ransom guys. I kind of have all the power right now. You might be the host. Oh my God. That was it. You've absolutely Captain Phillips me there, haven't you? I'm the captain. I'm not doing the accent. You think I'm going to do the accent? I am the captain. It's true. Tom Hanks is a hard voice to do. So, so, so Jin. I said the middle toe.

The middle toe. What's the middle toe? There's five of them. Oh, yeah. Can I just ask a, can I just ask a question and say you how hungover are you today? Sell your sticks and middle finger up at someone. I'm going to allow that. I'm actually going to allow that there.

So some points there. Okay, we've got some points there. Some points there, I've got no idea. I've got absolutely no idea. This will be as much of a surprise to you guys as it will be to me when I find out what the scores are. I can't tell if it's going badly, if it's going well. I've got no clue.

Celia, at what point does tall become too tall? Tall becomes the band. A tool become the band. No, not the band. Tall, tall. Tall. Oh, OK. What? T-L-G-L-G-L.

Talga. At what point does tall become too tall? If you're a human. If you're a human. If you're a human. Not if you're a blobfish. Yes. Okay.

And that's like to date. Oh yeah. If you're a human living in 2024, that's what we're going for. Can I do it? I have a question. I'm going to do it. Is this a surprise? Go on.

Yes. A rare question from Celia A.B. here. Just, just to let you know, Celia, this is the first round. This is a, this is an important question actually. Okay. Um, oh, I forgot it. This is an important question actually. Okay, okay. Oh, I forgot it.

Oh no, wait, no, I had, so tall, tall guy. At what point does tall become too tall? Yeah. Okay, I think I forgot, oh no. I think if you've forgotten it, that's okay. How many, no, I forgot the question. Are we going in feet and inches? Oh no, that's what, that's what, yes, okay. I'm going to do it in centimeters. I didn't like that. Why

can't we all do it in hands like Tom would have done? Yeah. Oh, let's measure everything in feet. Let's do it in feet. I don't know my height in feet. Isn't that crazy? Because I can't put my feet one extra. I tell you what, write it down in centimeters. We'll work it out. But what are you guys happy saying feet? Can you do feet in inches? I have to see my answer. I haven't wrote it down yet.

He's going to put a billion feet. Of course. I was. Again. I have the same answer. I haven't wrote it down yet. He's going to put a billion feet. I was! Again? That's too tall! How is that going to be wrong? He's not wrong.

At what point? I was going to say at what point? Yeah! At a billion! So you're seeing a million feet high person and you're like- I wish! One day?

I wish I was. One day, you'll be sat behind one of them in the cinema and you'll be like, nah, yeah, that is too tall actually. Ah, yeah. Also, I'm gonna, it's too tall. Actually. Yeah. Also, I'm going to do it just for you guys. This is like in terms of dating. OK. Yeah, sure.

Great. Not like a fight. Define your terms. You're absolutely right. So this is in terms of dating. In terms of dating, cellular A, B. In terms of dating cellular A, B. How tall are you cellular A, B?

I am 173 centimeters, which I believe is 5 foot 8. That's 5'8. I'm 5'8. You're 5'8. Oh my god. Should we do our own podcast? I am 173 centimeters, which I believe is five foot eight. That's five eight. I'm five eight. Oh my God. Should we do our own podcast? Five eight pod. Yeah, five eight pod. We'll do it.

Should we leave right now? Oh my God. Can you? No, they leave. We keep the equipment. Would you guys stay for five eight pod? That's actually such a good. Oh my God. watch out of menu. Oh my God, let's get Paul Rudd on the case.

It's because everybody's 5'8, very few people eat food. Very good, very good. Okay, Sally, have you written down a height in centimeters? Yeah. You have. Okay, guys, what do you prefer? Do you want to do it in feet and inches? If I can, please.

Okay, so we're saying Celia is 5'8", too tall to date Celia. What's the point where it becomes too tall to date Celia? One, two, three, four. Six, four. I think we said the same thing. Six, four. I, six, six, four. Oh, I think we said the same thing. Six, four. I said six, six.

I said six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, four. Okay, so we've got two six sixes, one six four, and I remain five foot five. So. So. You're not getting invited onto the pod. Come on, cross me, there's no need to lie about it, mate. But you have that lovely Arctic monkey song.

I'm going back to five foot five. I imagine your wife does that every time she gets into that. I'm afraid you have your hand between your thighs tonight, I'm afraid. Yeah, sorry about that. Okay. So what did you write down? I wrote it in the one I like. We've got a producer caution here with a calculator ready to go. Okay.

So I wrote two meters two. Two meters two. After that, it's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, the one I like. We've got producer Corsham here with a calculator ready to go.

Okay, so I wrote two meters two. Two meters two? After that it's really tall, but that's when I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's gonna be close to six. That's four. Yeah, that's over what everyone else did. What is it? Six six is one nine eight.

Fit. Wow. Bloody hell. So you're talking about an actual giant. Yeah. Sentimus. Whoa. Wow. Bloody hell. So you're talking about an actual giant. Yeah, I'm a tall girl. I ain't a tall guy.

Okay. Fair enough. Have we got any, Timmy's one goes here? I'm not looking for him here. No, no offense, but do take a bit. Okay. Final question. Final question is for you, Tom do take a bit. But... Okay, final question. Final question. It's for you, Tom. Okay.

Who is the coolest person on the panel tonight? Who is the coolest person on the panel tonight? We know who this is. Yeah, we know who this is. What? Who's the coolest person? If you're a human. Quantifying coolness as you do in your human ways.

And you looked at this panel tonight. Sadie's just popped on sunglasses there too. And I smoke. Oh my God, a French person who smokes! Way to buck to stereotype. Yes, you're a cool smoker, but listen, let's find out. Tom, have you written a name down? Yes. Okay.

The rest of you, Ben, Celia, Jin. On one, two, three, I'm gonna ask you, who is the coolest person on the panel? One, two, three. Jin, Holly. Hang on a sec. Thank you. Jin, that's very kind of you, but you're really wrong.

So you said me, Ben, you said- I said Matthew. I'm sorry, I'm right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's a hard question for someone desperate to be liked, it really is. But absolutely another bonus point for Gin. Smart, it's a smart play.

Ben, who did you say? I said Celia. Celia, Celia, who did you say? I said Gin. Okay, right. Well, I regret it now, but I said gin. Oh! It's gin, Ali, of course.

He's the coolest. I said Matthew because my chair is more faced that way. Yeah, exactly. So I see him. That means you're in love with him. It does, it does. I mean, I angled the chair, so. That's...

So, at the end of... Can you stop playing grab ass over there, you two? We've got a break in about 30 seconds. Just... I'm measuring him in hands. Jim, how does it feel to be the coolest person on the panel? I drink apple juice. That's cool.

Yeah, so cool. So cool. This thing is interesting. It is interesting being cool. So cool. So cool. I think it's interesting. It is interesting being cool, isn't it? Well, I tell you what else is interesting. The scores, because I've got no fucking clue what we're going to hear here.

Should we do the whole episode, no scores? Yeah, no. It's already got so little purpose, Tom. But let's not forget, we're doing this for charity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It does feel like a marathon. I'm not going to lie to you.

At the end of that, producer Emma and producer Gwyn, I would like you to tell us the scores simultaneously. Tom and Gin have nine. What? Only nine? Ben and Celia have nine. What? Only nine? Ben and Celia have 14. Oh! Yay! So Ben and Celia are in the lead, but it hasn't yet gone pay-shaked.

For Tom and Gin, there's still everything to pay for. We'll return in part two. See you in a bit. Yay! The Scorebed app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news. Yeah, hey. Yay! have any knees or... The score bet, trusted sports content, seamless sports betting. Download today. 19 plus Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to ConnixOntario.ca Welcome back to Flat Shed Slumdown! That's right folks, it It's me, Matthew, the cool one. Now, before the break, you know what? Before the break, talking of unbelievable, Celia and Ben were in the lead. The scores haven't moved and the fruit bowl remains empty. So before we all die of malnutrition, let's play round two. Two. Come on, it's only round two. Unbelievable, isn't it? Let's play round two. It's flat games. Look at that there! Do as you're told! Games! If you lose you get nothing!

Games! If you win you get gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Gold! Listen to that! It warms your heart! It really does! Gold! Gold! Gold! Come on Channel 4!

That's right! Gold! Gold! Gold! Come on Channel 4! Look at this, it's a movement! It's an absolute movement guys! You don't have to pay us, just put us on. Give it for free. Tom, that's about that's the business model that's kept us in this in this basement in the middle of Oxford Circus since 2011.

Anyway, this week we're playing our version of Tic Tac Toe. We're calling it Tic Tac Hoedown. I would like each team to sing about something you'd find in a garden to the tune of a classic country song. Their teammate must guess what they're singing about. One point for a correct guess, but a huge 10 points for performance. So if I could give you any advice,

I would say you've got to know when to hold them. Oh yeah. Know when to fold them. Know when you've got to know when to hold them. Oh yeah. Know when to fold them? Know when to walk away and know when to run. Never count your money when you're sitting at the table. And also very few words rhyme with purple, month or pints. I'm pretty clear of those. So we're gonna start with you, Tom.

Tom. Oh yes, please. There is your thing that you would find in the garden. Now you're singing Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire. Yes, the man in black as covered singing Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire. Yes. The man in black as covered by the man from the black country. Who also has a ring of fire. Yes. You're not wrong. Very, very. A ring of Fisher I think is a different, slightly different thing. Oh yes. Fisher King. They used to call me Dr. Elm. It's the game that people will have to make it hard for them to figure out.

Oh, no, because it's for your team. So you're trying to win points. Oh, and we like each other. You like each other. Yeah. In the reality of the show, like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I thought she said she hated me. So, Gin, you are obviously guessing what thing from the garden Tom is singing about. Of course.

But of course, it's all about the performance. Bless you. Thank you. Apology accepted. Some taken. Cowgirl Corsham, play that music. In this garden, I'm pretty fond. And I sit next to the pond. Pond. To the pond. I am

really small. And my hat is really tall. I sit by this pond with a fishing rod. I look up and I think is there a god God I don't know because I'm porcelain

Gorgeous, gorgeous. Tom Parry, everybody. Wow. He's the point of life. So funny. Now, we'll start before I give any points for performance, and there will be some. Before that, Jin, have you got any idea? What was Tom Parry singing about?

Do you want me to tell you? Yes, please. And if you do it into the microphone, it'll be better. Do you know, I can whisper it to you? You can whisper it into my ear if you like. But then they won't know. Well, I tell you what, you whisper into the microphone really loudly. It has to be a garden gnome.

It was a garden gnome! Straight away, a straight away a point to gin there. Finally a word with no Gs, am I right? This is the best podcast ever. Wait. What about 5 foot 8 pods? Oh my god. This thing is the Manson family. Will accept both reviews.

What's going on the poster? Well, what am I going on the poster? But what am I going to give Tom? It was a it was a good it was a gorgeous edition. It was a it was a solid, if unspectacular eight out of ten. Celia, you are up next. Now, your song is your song is Jolene by Dolly Parton. But then what thing you'd find in a garden is Celia singing about? Okay, two seconds, two seconds.

Have you got your thing there? Don't forget to take it out of the envelope and read it. Oh shit. Yeah, that is crucial to the game. Oh my God, what I did was, oh my God, this is bad. I thought I had to come up with the thing, so I wrote a whole song about something else. Guys, okay, we'll do that one in a second. Let's do the other song first. Definitely, definitely. We're absolutely doing this.

We're in no rush. We're in no rush. I mean, I'm not bothered about this. You know, this is this is unreleased material. Come on, we loved it. Okay, when I say a whole song, I like there's like five words. Do you want to do it to Jolene? Should we play a bit of Jolene?

If you make me. Okay, here we go. Here we go with an original comment. I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going whole song, I like there's like five words. Do you want to do it to Jolene? Should we play a bit of Jolene? If you make me. Okay, here we go. Here we go. With an original composition, this is Donnie Parton, Feet, Celia A.B. With a song about something else. Little house, little house. Oh no, shit.

Second house. At the, shit. Second house. At the back of my garden. Okay. Can we do it from the top? Yeah, of course we can. We're in a rush. We're in a rush. Absolutely.

I'm sorry guys. This is my first live gig. And it's actually a very vulnerable song. Little respect here guys, little respect. Here we go, so this is a song about something else. When does it start? When does it start? Second home, second home, at the back of my garden

I keep all the tools in there You're wooden and beyond compare, you have a little hat that's a roof. Very cool in the winter, but sometimes it's a bit cozy, which is why I like you at the back of the garden. Are you ready for this next bit? Yeah, of course. Reece James turned his into a podcast studio, oh boy, you're right, sometimes... I wasn't ready for that. Sometimes, sometimes when you're a teenager you can have parties in there, but it's not the garage.

That was amazing. And also crucially, garage work with 15 Gs. So there's got to be bonus points for that. Can I tell you something about this song? Next week I'm releasing the version with Troye Sivan. Yeah, work it out on the remix. song and next week I'm releasing the version with Troye Sivan. Yeah, work it out on the remix. There you go. That's so you know what I'm of course gonna give you I mean I feel like I should I'm gonna give you extra five points just for doing an extra song there. Absolutely loved it. It was fantastic. But that is the try not to show it to

Clarky because he's guessing. I've seen it. You've seen it, okay. Yeah, let's just guess that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, no. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. We've only had Gin try to take over the show. We're not having you as well. And may I say you look great today. Thank you so much. Let Celia take over the show.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm going to drool it. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. Don't show it to Ben. Here we go.

A song about yet another thing to the tune of Jolene by Celia A.B. Um, this is an encore. And the Simpson, there's a guy, he keeps walking on this thing I'm singing about. The devil would use that, but minus one of the things. You could use it. Okay, stop the song. No, I won. No.

Oh yeah. We can't do it again. This is the song. No! I won! No! Oh yeah. We can't do it again. We really can't. This is my process. This is my podcast.

Marky, have you got any idea, either of the two things that Sonny was singing about? I think the first one was a shed and I think the second one was a rake. Two points and so you scored five for the first song and I think you're going to score three and a half for the second song. That's most reviews I get. for the second song. That's most reviews I get. It reads like a four point. So Gin, you're up next and you have got Cowboy Carter Beyonce and her song Texas Hold'em. Okay, so Tom, what thing you'd find in the garden

is Gin singing about? Wait, I haven't read it. Okay, no, it's all right, plenty of time. Easy. Happy? Okay. You're shaking uncontrollably there, so that's... It's controlled, it's controlled.

Don't worry. It's a performance, it's a performance. Okay. Okay, cowboy caution, while we enjoy the control shakings of Jim Howley, would you take it to the floor now? Oh my god, oh my god. This ain't Oldham, this is Texas, and this is my song, song, song, song. It's not gonna go wrong.

It won't be long. I should do the occludes. No pressure, no pressure. I'm freaking out, I'm really freaking out. You're doing great, man, you're doing great. What do you guys do for... oh okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Where you want your grass to be greener?

What do you do? What do you do? You gotta water it, but you're not always home. You gotta water it, but you're not always home. You gotta water it, but you're not always home. Sometimes these things, they make you wet. And you're like, oh, but I'm wearing all my clothes. I'm wearing all my clothes and I don't wanna be wet. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh my God. Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Wow. I mean that's how you play. That is how you play. You know what? What a journey we went on with you. What a journey you went on

most of all. It was like you had to bait Miles, wasn't miles. Did you say eight miles? Yeah. So sick. So good. So good. What a pod. What a pod. What a pod. What a show. So, so Tom, though, before we get to dishing out what's gonna be a lot of points, right? We all know that, right? Wow, wow, wow, way up there, way up there. What was Gin singing about that you'd find in the garden? Sprinklers.

It was a sprinkler, of course. Awesome. It was a sprinkler. Awesome. Awesome, what? And it would be churning to me not to give the full 10 points to Gin Howley there. Oh, yes, yes, yes. That was good. Yes. be churning to me not to give the full 10 points to Jin-Hao Lee there.

He took us where we needed to go. It was fantastic there. Now, finally, Ben, let's have a little bit of Southern rock. It's Lynyrd Skynyrd's sweet home, Alabama. Hey, Clarky, Clarky, don't choke. Don't choke. Wow. Did he get that? Did he get the references? Probably not. There's a part in an email.

I don't get it because it's not in centimeters. Celiya, now what garden based picture is Clarky painting with his sunny tones? Okay, this is what you've got to guess. What is he singing about? You'd find in a garden. DJ... I'll just enjoy myself again. You're just about to do a really straight karaoke version of Sweet Home, yeah. DJ Cattle Russela Corsham, I have one simple request.

Turn it up. Oh, yes. Yeah. Always an orchestra. Yeah, it's always a nice orchestra for you. Play it in your thinking time, man. Well, this thing is a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess.

It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess.

It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. It's a little bit of a mess. Well, this thing is very old now It fell out of the sky It's been buried for a long time I really, really don't know why Don't know why, don't know why Yes, we won, but at what cost? So much to my gloom What have we left the world with now? When I found it out the ho-oh-oh

It'll wait, I hope it won't go off Yeah, it's buried in my garden It's been buried there for years. When I found it, I found it. It went boob and it burned my ears. It hurt my ears. Yeah. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Okay. So it's something, it fell out the sky. It's been buried in the garden for a long time. There was quite a melancholy bit in the middle there. I loved it. But Celia, do you know what thing you might find in your garden Ben was singing about? What are you on about? Good question. Is it, does everyone else know? Yeah. Yes.

Something that fell from the sky and is buried in your gardens, you sickos. What is it? Well, I can't ask that they're sickos, actually. Is it, like, no, this isn't my answer. OK. OK. Something that fell.

I don't know what the start is. Something that fell from the sky, but it's buried in your garden. And you say it burns your ears? Did you say that? Yeah, I mean, it was a rhyming line. So yeah. It fell out the sky, it exploded.

It burnt his ears. Oh, well, it fell out the sky, exploded. That's like, is it like a note? You don't have, you don't all have bombs in your gardens. You know? No, but you're absolutely right. It's an unexploded World War II bomb. Yes!

That's right. There we go. Some countries bother to fight the war. Do you know what? I would answer, but it's not in my character as a French person to reply. To a tax. Half of me has surrendered to that. And for that, Clark, I'm going to give you nine out of ten there. I thought it was absolutely fantastic. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Well earned.

So at the end of that round, DJ Cowpoke Caution, give us those scores to a little bit of Texas Holden. Okay. Happy to do it. Just taking the inspiration from everyone else's panic. The best. Tom and Gin have 29. Ben and Celia have 33 and a half. Woo! Very, very close.

Very, very close. Now we bid farewell to the Cowboys and say hello to the Beef Brothers! Well, if you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call in a beef. If you've got a problem, I'm calling a problem. If you've got a problem, call in a beef. If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you. Beef from the Sauté Nega Beef. Yes, indeed. It is Beef Brothers where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef. And today's one comes from Valerie.

Now, Valerie, are you in the audience? Still here, yeah. Hello, Valerie. Valerie writes, my housemate, aka husband, aka Gareth, brackets fan of the show. Not listening to yourself, Valerie? Not a...

He introduced me to it. Ouch. Valerie, come on over. Stop making a fool of me. Come on. We were all thinking it. We were all thinking it. We were just waiting.

We were all thinking it. No, we all thought it. We were all thinking it. We were all thinking it. We were all thinking it. No, we all thought it and went, nah. No. No. That's fine. No, not TomStyle, not TomStyle. Now, Gareth is very particular about his,

and this is absolutely our demographic here. He's very particular about his Magic the Gathering cards. Of course he is. Legend. I am not allowed to touch them. And if we play, he's very protective of the cards being upside down, shuffling methods, et cetera. Yet when it comes to his shoes,

in our hallway, it is a huge mess with dirt from dog walking everywhere. Please help me to shame him into putting his shoes away. Okay, so I'll tell you now, Tom and Gin, you are on Valerie's side and Ben and Celia, you are on Gareth's side. Okay. Absolutely. So is Gareth here by the way, Valerie? Yes, he is. Okay, so we've got Gareth here as well. We'll start with you, Valerie. Does anyone have any questions for Valerie? We'll ask if you have Gareth in a second. Any questions as a cross examination? Valerie?

Why do you feel the need to touch his Magic the Gathering cards in the first place? I don't. But if we play together, I should be touching them. Oh, so he's not allowing you to touch them? No, no. But if I do touch them, I don't touch them correctly according to him. What are you touching them with? I think Gareth sounds like a great guy. I mean, I'm in the character.

I believe women, but like... So you play together? Sometimes, yes. Do you want to play or does he insist you play together? Sometimes, yes. Do you want to play or does he insist you play with him? No, I do enjoy it sometimes. There's a key word in that sentence, if you can spot it. As long as I win.

Of course, yeah. And you're not allowed to put them upside down or shuffle them? Well I just apparently don't do it correctly or act carefully enough. How much mana does it take to summon? Like, um... Sorry, I couldn't think of a reference. I don't know Magic the Gathering at all. Can you explain for those of us who've had sex?

What? I've had sex? Oh, congratulations. Hey, say it again. You said you'd text me, man. Anyway. No, I've not played Magic at the Gathering, despite all evidence. Jin didn't want to go back to five or five.

All right, now tell us what Magic at the Gathering is, please. Well, it's to me, it's like Dungeons and Dragons, but with cards. OK, yes. I'm sure it's a fantasy card game. Is it a strategy game? Is that sort of thing? Yes. Yes. Defend yourself. Thank you, guys. And right now, Gareth is on mic. Anyone got any questions for Gareth?

Anyone got any questions they'd like to ask Gareth about Magic the Gathering? How big are your shoes? Great question. I would say normal size, really. What size is that? We're not playing the first round again. Size nine. Size nine.

What size are your feet? In feet. I only know in centimeters. What about all your middle toes? How big's a scrotum, Gareth? Or has he caused his magic gathering? Shelley, you've got a question for Gareth. Gareth, what do you do for a living?

It's equally kind of boring and nerdy. I work in pensions. You work in pensions? That's cool. Helping those people. Fan of the show. Yeah. It's a fucking audience, isn't it?

Is it like a... Do you work? How long have you worked there for? 20 years. Three years. Twenty. Twenty years. Round it up.

And how old are you? I'm 40. You're 40. Half your life. Yeah, that's good math mate. He's going to have a great pension. I should frame that shit to gathering. Oh my god, rain man over there.

It's a gift, tell you, it's a gift. Gareth, tell us about, what's your beef with how you handle the cards, Valerie? Well, we're normally sort of having a beer as well. And, you know, sometimes, you know, there's... Don't try and make it sound cool. So we're having kombucha and there'll be spillages and there'll be condensation on the table. Have you thought about getting one of those cool hats with the two beer cans on the side? And a propeller on top.

Stop trying to make it cooler than it is. Any further questions for Gareth or Valerie before we... How long have you been together? Ten years. Ten years. How much of his life is that? What of his life? What of his life?

How does he do it? Ten years. Ten years. Ten years, Gareth and Valerie have been together. Do any of the characters in Magic the Gathering wear shoes? That's a great question. That is a good question. You should know.

Generally they're pictured above the knees or waist. Yeah, because I don't want their feet on line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want their feet on line. No further questions, your honor. I don't want to be on WikiFeet. Blow right open, hasn't it? Which I am on with a 3.5 rating.

Reads like a four though. Reads like a four. You're looking at someone with OK beat. I don't think you worked in feet. Sent him. So good. So good. I love it. It's so good. So just to remind you guys, Tom and Gin are on Valerie's side. Ben and Celia are on Gareth's side. Hopefully that's enough information to make your cases.

Without further ado, you've got a minute to begin your case, Gin. You've got one minute to begin your case. Oh! Hold on. I've just speak for a minute? Yeah, but you can do it, man. OK.

You just did a, you just did an Edinburgh run. You talk even more than a minute every night. You're the coolest man on the panel. Come on, listen. What a it, man. Okay. You just didn't, you just didn't Edinburgh run. You'll give them one minute every night. And you're the coolest man on the panel. Come on, listen. What a trick. Yeah. Okay. So you're going to talk, you're going to talk for a minute explaining why, of course, Valerie is in the right, Gareth is in the wrong.

Your minute begins now. I am Valerie. I am in Valerie's shoes and I take care of these shoes because they're pretty shoes and I want the house to be a place where where there's love around and my shoes is an extension of me for they protect my feet with which I walk the earth and I I'm confused as to why my lover doesn't see that. My lover who has normal sized feet, who walks the earth with me,

doesn't protect his shoes. I want him to be protected. I want to protect him. I just hope his shoes... I hope they find a home. I secretly love Magic the Gathering. I like spending time with him. I like the condensation on the cards because it adds a fog. You know? So if the card is like a little ogre and there's some condensation on the cards, then it's like extra. It's like, you know when you watch a 4D film and there's like extra?

I am the gathering of magic. I am magic the gathering. Put your shoes away. Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Is that what it is? Well, absolutely superb, Gin. That was amazing. That was great. That was compelling. It was really compelling. It was beautiful. Do you feel seen?

It feels like you read out of my diary. There we go. Right. Well, let's see if Celia can do the same thing and make Gareth feel that way. Celia, your the same thing and make Gareth feel that way. Celia, your minute begins now. Male mentor half is very important. Hashtag ad.

Did you know that one in three men... What are you saying about me, a lot of men, a lot of men struggle with depression. And the way you the way you help those men get better and not become you know, toxic, horrible men is to let them have a garden of peace somewhere where they can feel happy, they can feed that inner child. And I feel like that's what Gareth has with those cards. And I feel like Valerie, as much as you know, the shoes, that's a problem.

We get it. But when you look at Gareth running around, putting his shoes, not putting them back, do you know what I see? I see a kid. I see a little boy who at home feels safe. And when he runs up to play with his cards, that's not a grown 40 yearold man that you're looking at.

That's a little boy that he's nurturing. So what if he runs home, kicks off his shoes, he's excited, he loves those cards, that's the only thing keeping the house of cards that is Gareth from collapsing. And you've been together for 10 years. He works hard, I think. As part of a pen, he works hard, people building pension, but maybe the pension that you should be working towards Valerie and that you should be working together as a couple is allowing each other to play,

allowing each other to have a bit of freedom in your home. And what's a pair of shoes when a kid wants to play? Fannie Ray B, everybody. Two extremely, extremely compelling arguments. Both of these have been so poignant. Very, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I imagine that's going to continue.

You know it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, actually, yeah. Valerie, how do you feel like it's going so far? I'll have to see. For the final. OK, and how about you, Gareth? How do you, how do you feel it's been going? It's been quite revealing. Yeah. Yeah. A lot to chew on there. A lot to chew on.

Well, this will give you plenty of thinking time. Tom, you're up next. You're going to conclude the case for the prosecution. Now, are you going to be doing it as yourself, Tom? Oh, no, no. I'm going to do it in the style of a Deep South defense lawyer from a John Grisham novel. Oh. Mr. Fanshawe Stanton.

Fanshawe Stanton. Fanshawe Stanton presiding and providing. Your minute should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen, after jury, I see a lot of smiles in your faces there. Glints in the eye. Hell, I recognize some of you from the bakery. Not a fan of that new croissant that they brought in. No, thank you.

Some kind of buttery cake from the surrender monkeys. Not in our town. A pain, oh, Chuckler? No, thank you, madam. We suffered enough pain back in the days. Old Eisenhower sorted them out. Now listen to me. We good, honest American folk around here,

them dare big lawyers dare from Europe swanning into town using their fancy words. A lot of talk over there now about this magic. Gathering of the magic sounds like the devil to me. We don't know no magic in this town. We don't know no magic in this town, round here the only magic we know, Lord Jesus Christ our Savior. Riding on the third day like that good loaf from the bakery. Y'all recall that one time they talked about us having magic in that town?

That strange man lived on the edge of town in a cave. Darren the man. The man. Darren the man with his magic powers, so he say. Y'all remember, I suppose, the competition for the town's hairiest hawk. Farmer John. Oh, remember, I suppose, the competition for the town's hairiest hog. Fama John took one of his hogs to Darren. Can you make this hog less hairy, I suppose?

Darren laid on his hands, fed him a fish, touched his hooves. His hands fed him a fish. Touched his hooves. Hooves? Hooves? Three days later, hogs as dead as a pickle. Shoulda just shaved him. Now that's what magic'll do for ya. Keep it safe, keep it straight.

The defense rests your honor. Thank you, Fanchel. Strong, strong concluding arguments. Clarky, you're up next. So poignant, I just... Clarky, you have a minute to conclude the case for the defense. Your minute begins now.

Fucking hell. Fucking hell, mate. Sorry, can I just ask my answer, and this is a human. All right. Okay. So, Gareth. Oh, Gareth. How are you spelling that, by the way?

Good question. Great question. The normal two Gareth. How are you spelling that by the way? Good question. Great question. The normal two G's. That's what I've got here. Whoa, Danny. It's the first time you've asked for extra paper, isn't it? Three G's, you know what that means. Three G's, you know what that means. G-g-g-garen! Look, you know, leave his stuff alone.

You know, you can't, if he wants it in a certain way, you've got to leave it in a certain way. I don't know what your interests are, you know, but he's, and you know, I don't know a huge amount about women, you know. But I'm sure he's not meddling with your war hammer figurines. He's not turning around your space marines like, you know. If he wants to cosplay as a virgin while he's married, let him. If he wants to behave like an incel... Oh! Incelia AB. That's what your fans call themselves. Incelers.

Yeah. Incelia AB. The defense rest. Yeah. Very strong. Instead, yeah, it beats... The defense, Razz. Very strong. No, no, no. I needed it. Now, obviously, I can't make the decision myself because I'm weak from lack of fruits, just to remind you all of the thing.

So... Oh yeah? Oh yeah! Just to bring it... you know, you've got to bring it back once in a while. Just keep people, you know, top of the mind. Anyway, so instead, I call, instead I call upon our live Phoenix audience. So if you think Valerie and therefore Gin and Fanshawe are in the right, I would like you to applaud now. But if you think Gareth is in the right and therefore Celia and Ben made the best case, I'd like you to applaud now. Less people but louder people.

Yeah, I'm going to give it to Valerie. I think it was Valerie there. Valerie, congratulations! Yeah, I'm going to give it to Valerie. I think that was Valerie there. Valerie, congratulations! Big thanks to both Valerie and to Gareth. Firstly, Valerie, how do you feel about the results? Yeah, validated, although it wasn't about true. Sorry, validated. I couldn't read your handwriting. That's my apology. Can we all get a clean validated? We'll just drop it in the air from each one of you. Yeah, okay. How about you, Gareth? How do you feel about the results?

I guess I'll have to tidy up my shoes and give up my beloved hobby. Yeah. Oh, he's gone for it. It's a scorched earth policy. Fair enough. Fair enough. Scorched earth is probably a fucking car. Yeah.

I scorched your earth. Anyway. Anyway. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Big thanks to Gareth and Validated. Now there is just one quick round before I'll be up to my eyeballs in plums, but enough about the after show party. Let's hear the quick fire rant.

It's the rant that goes really quickly. which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction what's my favorite color? it has a long introduction though the round is really quick this jingle well it goes on for a long time. It often goes on much longer than the round. Did I mention it's a quick round? I'm not sure you did, but it has a long jingle.

Yes, the jingle is quite long It's hard sometimes To keep concentrating On this jingle as it keeps on going on I'm currently trapped in a terrible email exchange About whether having a chimney breast removed needs building regulation Oh, but if we didn't get building regulations Someone's telling us that we should have

But the guy who did it, he says we didn't need it But then I guess he would say that because he's the guy who did it and we paid him in cash mate there is no paper trail and now someone's forwarding me something from the council oh yeah it says, it says we should have recs and it is in detail. Ooh, snitch, it doesn't make for good reading. And that's what I'm doing right now I should be concentrating on this jingle But instead Steve Chapman, Assistant City Development Manager

Has said, please note planning permission for... Nor fucking Steve May be required if the work affects The exterior of the house Well I'm sorry to tell you Steve It affected the exterior of the house Because it took a fucking chimney off the roof That's pretty fucking exterior

You should look from the other side The chimney wasn't in the fucking house It was sat right on me roof Anyway, there's no time to go into all this now We've got a quick fire round to get on with And I'm researching indemnity policies So that sounds fun You can get indemnity policies

That cover people like me who pay for cowboys to come round and whack off the gym for a bunch of bag notes handed over in a bag oh no I can't sell my house ooo ooo ooo even that the jattman won't let people buy my house because of the chimney saga anyway whilst i reply to this email it's time to get

on with the quick fire round the quick fire round, the quick fire round. Sounds like there's more to come. You're as strong as a chimney. What's it gonna look like with a chimney on her? That song wasn't about my house, cos it hasn't got a chimney. Oh, it used to, but now the chimney, it be gone without being asked for. Oh no, and not permission from the council.

Can I have indemnity for that? sorry I've gone back into it let's get on with the quick fire round Woo! Wow. Yes. If anyone wants to buy Tom's house, by the way, he'll accept cash. Yes. This is the quickfire round. And as our show is all about the fruit bowl, I'm going to ask our panelists to evoke the classic nursery rhyme, oranges and lemons say the bells of St. Clemens.

Now you must know this, Celia and Jin-Hao, as people who didn't grow up in the UK. Have you heard this before? The oranges and lemons say the bells of St. Clemens. Now, do you know this? We're gonna have a great time. What I'm gonna ask you to do is I'm gonna ask you to end each answer by saying, say the bells of Saint,

and then give a rhyming Saint's name. So, but before you go, you know, reaching for your Bibles to beat me to death with, the the Saints don't have to be real, they just have to rhyme, okay? So if the answer was cheese and onion, I'd happily accept to say the bells of Saint Bunyan. That's fine, okay? So let's hope none of the answers are purple, month or pint. Instead of the, instead of buzzers, I'd like you to shout out your first names. Ben and Celia, let's hear yours. Ben. Celia.

Absolutely right. Tom and Gin. Gin. Tom. That was beautiful. That is a G. Really good. Really profound, yeah.

Okay. Very moving. Off we go. Who hosted Saturday Night Takeaway? Ah, fuck you. Ben. Ben. Wait, what? Why is that show?

What? Do you all know what that is? Yeah, yeah. And it's been on there. Who was the president of France in 2001? Come on. This is very hard. I don't know that show. I've got an English guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. Listen, someone will know it. There'll be things that you do know. It's okay. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Can I answer it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all right. I'll tell you what. I'll take out all the ones that you wouldn't know as a French person. This is the first question and the only question. No, we'll do this one first of all. Who hosted Saturday Night Takeaway? Ben. Ben. Ant and Dec sent the bells of St. Feck.

Is correct, yes. With the initials S and P, what are the two classic seasonings found on most Western- Oh, fuck you. Fuck you for that. Why? Why? Where was it even? We're English.

You know we don't use seasonings. Fuck you. Wait, why? Why? Why? Can I be honest? I really regret saying that. Oh, you regret saying fuck you to me in the final round of the show? I'm not... I'm very sorry.

Apology accepted. With the initials S and P, one are the two classic seasonings found on Western? Yes, Tom. Salt and Pepper say the bells of St. Lepper. Is correct. Yes. Which two superheroes are sometimes known as the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder? Ben.

Ben. Batman and Robin said the bells of St. Lobbin. Absolutely correct. Yes. Oh. Which children's toys were portrayed by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling. Oh, I got. So you do it.

You do it. Wait, can I know from Sally and a shush shush from gin. We really just need you to shout out your names. You do it. Yeah. Can I do the next one? Oh, yeah. Gin, gin. If I. Yeah. Can I do the next one? Oh, if I get it. If I, if I know the next one.

Okay. That's fine. I'll do the next one. That's a good point. Why don't we just take it in terms? This is so much better. Can I also say, shh is so much more polite than oh, fuck you. Yes. I'm so sorry. Okay, please the future. I'm so sorry.

It's okay, please, please. I'm so sorry. I don't know who that was that said that earlier. So yes, Celia. Barbie the movie said the bells of Celia AB. Which two children's toys were portrayed by Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling? Barbie and Ken said the bells of balance.

Wow. I love it. Which 60s folk duo recorded Mrs. Robinson and Bridge over troubled water? Celia. Celia. Jen Howley. Shh. No, no, no, no. Celia Howley.

No, no, no, you do it. Go on, Celia. Simon and Garfunkel say the bells of the... Simon and Garfunkel say the bells of Jerusalem... No. What about the word uncle? No. That's so true.

Yeah, it's good, isn't it? So true. OK, name the classic dish often served in UK seaside towns. I'm so sorry, Celia. That's so true. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Okay, name the classic dish often served in UK seaside towns. I'm so sorry, Celia. UK seaside towns made up of battered cod and deep fried potatoes. Oh.

Is it fish and... Oh, gin and honey. Okay, okay, okay. Yes! Yeah. Gin! Yeah! Yay!

Gin, what's the answer, my friend? Okay, okay. Fish and chips. Yes. Sit the Saint. Say the bells of. Oh God. No, it's okay.

No, you're good, you're good. You're doing so well. You got this, you got this. Say the bells of. Oh, this is not good podcasting. It's great. This is, this is not good podcasting. Honestly, this is the best this ever made.

Okay, sit the bells of St. Gibbs. Yes! Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Disney film about a Hawaiian girl and a little alien. Oh my god. Celia. I actually know, no I don't know it. Okay Ben. Lilo and Stitch said The Bells of Submitch. Absolutely correct. What are the first names of the Gallagher brothers? Celia.

Celia. The first names. Their what? Yeah their first names. Yeah yeah. Because I've given you their surnames. I'm not like. If you know their middle names, amazing.

But we typically, yeah, we go for first names. How are you going to figure out their middle names? There's only three of them. Wait. Ah. No. No. No.

No. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. It's so good. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Is this callbacks on callbacks? This is so good. That's such a good job. Is this callbacks on callbacks? This is so good. I'm sorry, how are you spelling Gallagher? Oh, this is... Woo! Go on, Celia, you can do it, you can do it. Nolan Liam say the belt of St. William.

It's lovely, yes, that's an actual name, isn't it, William? Name the Irish puppet who co-hosted the Big Breakfast. Now this one, you're not going to get this one. Ben? Ben. Zig and Zag said the Bells of St. Bag. Absolutely right, yeah. Who were the children who end up trapped in a gingerbread house in the classic fairy tale?

Tom. Tom. Hansel and Gretel say the bells of Saint Heavy Metal. Oh, beautiful, yes. What was the name of the Gothic horror story by Robert Louis Stevenson about an English doctor and his horrendous alter ego? Tom.

Tom. Jekyll and Hyde say the bells of St. Miles wide. What's going on over here? It's such a good time. Such a good time, such a good part. Please not my centimeters for Celia as well by the way. What is the name of the international ice cream company fronted by two hippie businessmen?

Celia Hagener. Oh, Ben. No, no, no, Ben and Jerry's. Fuck you. Oh, that is a bit, that is a bit. Oh, it feels bad when someone says that to you. It does, doesn't it? It's visceral, isn't it?

It's really tough. It feels really bad. Who knew as well? Who knew? Okay, yes, go on. Ben and Jerry say the bells of Saint, my friend Terry. Yes. In popular music, what do the initials R and B typically stand for apart from a good time?

Ben. Yes, Ben. Rhythm of blues say the bells of sunt nudes. Yes, I'm going to half an hour. Blues with nudes. With the initials T-A-T, what is the southernmost island country in the Caribbean? Ben. Trinidad and Tobago said the bells of St. Bells.

And what a way to finish. That's the end of the round. And the end of the game and very nearly the end of the podcast. So before we find out the final score, Celia and Gin, anything to plug Celia? I'm going on tour. Fantastic. Yes, yes. What's there with your show? It's called Celia AB of all people. Great. It's nothing like this. Fuck you.

No, but like, but like, I mean, I would prefer to do this. But you can buy tickets. There's like, oh, God, there's so few. It's for charity. Yeah. The charity of my landlady. So do go and see Sally if you see her coming to a place near you and Jen.

Can I say something? Yeah, you can say whatever you like. I've seen John Mulaney live. I've seen so many. This is like the greatest hour of comedy I've ever experienced. I'm so serious. I'm so serious. This is like, although he did say hour,

so he's hated at least two thirds of it. He's trusting me, Eddie. He's trusting me, Eddie. Yeah. It's just a collage of all of his bits that he's hated at least two thirds of it. He's trusting me, Eddie. He's trusting me, Eddie. Yeah. It's just a collage of all of his bits that he's added up. It's so good. Where can people see you if they want to see you? I'm doing a run at the Soho Theatre in February, from the 3rd to 8th of Fab. The show's called Swimming in a Submarine.

It'll be on the website. So you can... And then I'll be the only face that looks like me. Only I have this face. So you'll find it on Soho Theatre next year. So, yeah. Guys, say it. Guys, say it. Thanks to all of you guys tonight for watching.

As always, check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash Pappies flat share, like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. Now, just say the best hour of live comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've got three hours to spare, I can give you one fantastic hour. The middle hour. Yeah. The middle hour. Yeah. Wow. Now. Excuse.

Now, yeah, and we're back next month at the Cheerful Airpool Festival. We're at the Bedford in Ballum on the 20th of October. We would love to see you guys there. Now, producer Emma, let's hear the final scores. Very exciting. Let's hear them. Tom and Gin have 34. Ben and Celia have 43. Oh! They flipped it. So Tom and Gin are restocking the fruit bowl whilst Ben and Celia are getting to the peach of a whole different kind. Celia, keep your clothes on. Go, my god!

Go, my god! Thanks to our guests Celia AB, Jin How Lee! Jin How Lee, see you next time on... Slash the Slambos! Pappi's Flash, there's Slambos, Regent Matthew, CrossFit, Ben Clark and Tom Perry, and special guests Jin How Lee and Celia AB. It was advised by Pappi's and Ben Walker, Deca Critiz,

it was by Emma Corsham and by Grinwree Stavis, it was produced by Emma Corsham, big thanks to everyone at the Phoenix, to all the wonderful folks who came to tonight's show, and to you at home for listening. And that's it guys. Right. I'm back off down the high street. I've got to give out four more business cars. I'm really looking forward to you putting the sandwich board back on by the way, because it's been quite a sight. It's hard to sit down in it. The good thing

about your diminutive size crossbow is your sandwich board is made up of two business cards, isn't it? My sandwich board is smaller than a normal sandwich. It's a Sylvania family style sandwich board. Yes. So don't forget guys, Patreon early and ad free, Patreon for discounted tickets to the live shows. The live shows are the 24th and 25th of February. We would love to see you there.

Matt Lucas, Lorna Rosetreen, Joe Sutherland, Ruth Husko, fantastic guests. Join us. We'd love to see you there. Matt Lucas, Lorna Rosetreen, Joe Sutherland, Ruth Husko, fantastic guests. Join us. We'd love to see you. Yes. And cherish each other. Cherish yourselves. Most of all, cherish the planet that we live in. Are you living in the planet? Do you live in the Earth's core? No wonder you're so red.

I know you just recently moved out, so I didn't realize you'd gone underground. Cherish the bunker that you're broadcasting from. It's a smart move, man. It's a smart move. The world's going to hell in a handcart. I guess we live in the world and on the planet, don't we? Cherish the world we live in is what you were looking for. Oh, I see. Yeah, lovely. The world we live in, planet we live on. Cherish language, guys. Do you know what?

I'd love to cherish the end of this episode. So can we, can we rattle along with it? Today's episode was produced by Ever Caution. Caution, please. Cheers, everyone. Bye. Bye. That's it. FanDuel Casino's exclusive Live Dealer Studio has your chance at the number one feeling,

winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting Live live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

Please play responsibly.