Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1509: Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown with Harriet Kemsley & Joz Norris - "Refill the bird feeder"

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Neither Tom nor Ben wants to refill the bird feeder… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at The Phoenix Cavendish Square with guests Joz Norris and Harriet KemsleyHarriet Kemsley - https://harrietkemsley.comJoz Norris - https://www.joznorris.co.uk/Clarky's advert we talked about in the outro - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_hlNl89j3cDon’t forget…You're getting this episode early and ad free PLUS a bonus episode every week. Share news of the Patreon feed with a friend - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share Slamdown. Whoa, baby! What a way to start the month. Truly is. Yeah, absolutely. It's the only way to start it.

I know. You're never going to guess what date it is as well. Hang on. It's April the 1st. Are you making an April fool out of me? It's April the first, if you're listening on the Patreon. Well, we've got some bad news, everyone. We've died.

Oh no! Yeah, well, they'll hear that when they hear the show. Breaking news! No spoilers! Oh, we should have started to finish. We should have done a good prank there on listener, dear. We've come unprepared. It's kind of like we pranked ourselves.

Yeah. Who is it too late to go? I would say, hang on. Wait, wait, wait. He's got one. Hang on. Oh, I broke my leg. Why are you, why is it so violent?

I don't know. It's really, I've died. I've broken my leg. It should be more fun. Oh, good news. Everyone. violent. It's really, I've died. I've broken my leg. It should be more fun. Good news. I broke a Ben's leg. Good news. We've passed our driving test. Oh God. It's really hard to come up with a, to come up with one on this on the spur of the moment. It's really, really tricky.

Still my favourite one was the one where I persuaded Clarky we were this on the spur of the moment. It's really, really tricky. Uh, still my favorite one was the one where I, uh, persuaded Clarkie we were going on the one show. Yes. I was thinking about that just the other day. Nice. Thanks, man. Um, of course, a couple of stinkers you've thrown my way, including the president's been shot. That was a bad one.

I was. Get out of bed. They shot Obama. Yeah, yeah, yeah's been shot. That was a bad one. That was a good one. Get out of bed, they shot Obama. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We remember that one. That was, that was just after midnight. I thought you cried wolf, because when I say you get out of bed, they've tried to shoot Trump. You stayed asleep, didn't you? Best sleep of his life, you said as well. To be honest, at that stage, what could I have done?

I was too far away to help. Anyway, this was a very fun recording of Flat Shair Slam Down. When we're recording this, it's actually the very day after, so we're still, in case you can help, we're giddy. We're giddy with the excitement of the recording. We're tired from the night before. Oh, no, is that what you are? Yeah, yeah, yeah, giddy. I'm giddy.

Right, good. He's tired, stroke dead. Bad news, everyone. It's happened. No, it was a very, very fun record. Two superb guests. We had Harriet Kemsley. She was back. She joined us before at the podcast festival, which was very, very fun.

Do you know what was surreal this morning? What was surreal this morning? Riding the flat escalator through Waterloo. Oh, sorry. I was going to say, because is that one of our chores? What was surreal this morning? Riding the flat escalator through Waterloo St. Oh sorry, I was going to say, is that one of our chores? So one of you has got to clean the flat escalator. No, no, no, yeah. The horizontal escalator. The moving walkway.

The moving walkway, yeah. Gotcha, yeah, yeah. The old flat escalator. I can't think you can call it a flat escalator because escalator suggests by its name up. Yeah, but come on, it is a flat escalator. It's an escalating speed, I suppose. I suppose it is actually. Yeah, you're right. I suppose it is and that isn't a prank.

Um, going along and they have got like huge pictures of the comics who are on Amazon Prime's last one laughing. Last one laughing. So I was going past a picture and it was like, Harriet's like a fucking president in a fucking country. Well hang on a sec, we talked about presidents before. No, no, but it's like- What is your plan?

Listen, is that the vision you got on the show? It's this huge kind of mural to Harriet. I was like, oh, I'm a team, that's right. Have you not seen an advert before? Have you not seen it? No, but these are big, man. And they each get their own. Is it a poster?

No, I don't- I don't think you should be allowed to describe things. That's probably true. Because you weren't on the flat escalator looking at a mural. It did feel that way though. I'm describing the atmosphere of the experience. Emotionally I was on a flat escalator looking at a mural. Emotionally I wish you were on a flat escalator.

I've known you for over 20 years now, You've never been on a flat escalator. You have been on one of the most dangerous roller coasters. A real roller coaster. A roller coaster that should have been at like Action Park or whatever that place was called, you know. You got to be this high to ride this ride, baby. Yeah. Let's pop Harry on a de-escalator.

OK, OK. Let's deflate him slightly. And of course, the other guest was Jaws Norris. Absolutely brilliant. Fantastic Jaws Norris. Sadly, not on a mural in Waterloo Station. Well, not yet. Not yet.

But that statue that I'm working on outside London Bridge. Pop it on a plinth. Norris was a first timer. A first timer. Oh my God, what a treat. Absolutely superb. There is a bit in the show which I can't stop thinking about. You'll know when you get to it.

An all timer. An all timer. Of playing around so differently to how we imagine someone might play around. But loved it. Loved having Jaws on the show. Loved having Harriet on the show. They were absolutely superb. You're going to love this. Yes. I don't think there's any AOB really. If you enjoy what we do on the main feed, we've got a Patreon. So there is. There is AOB. That's how you stealth it in.

What does AOB mean? Any other business. Oh, right. Oh, yes. There is definitely that. Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, right. Gosh. Oh, I've got to make it. I've been using that wrong for... You think it's about Sassanet Obama, don't you? Get out of bed. bad on AOB. It really shouldn't be.

So if you enjoy what we do on the main feed, get to the Patreon for four squid a month. You get bonus content, a lot of other stuff as well. But let's be honest, the pop round's on a Thursday. You get a pop round on a Thursday. Absolutely true. You get this early and ad free. You also get the video early and ad free as well.

So you can see the... Early and ad free. Early and ad free. Back and to the left. Oh yeah. A, O, V. OK, OK. That's right.

Yeah. I'm off to read Catcher in the Rye. You enjoy this episode of Flat Share Slum Down! Tom! Ben! What is it Matthew? What it is? What it is brother! It's great to have you here! It's great to have you here both!

But listen, look outside at our garden! We've got a garden! I know! It's just through that window! Look, those poor birds are starving. Oh. I know we recently joined the TikTok generation. By the way, Clarky, how many followers, genuinely, are we on on TikTok?

We're on 97 followers. 97 followers! Woo! Oh my God, now I know. We'll get to triple digits tonight? Not tonight, no. No. We've been in the 90s for about a fortnight,

so I don't think tonight's the night we're gonna get to triple digits. Judging by how it's gone so far, I think we'd be down in singles. Back in the 80s, where? We like it. With all of our references. Now, I know we recently joined the TikTok generation,

but whose bright idea was to fill their feeders with bottles of Prime and Lunchables? One of you two has got to refill the bird feeder. Oh, it's not. Oh, it's not going to be me, mate. It's not going to be me. Why not? Why not, then?

I can't go anywhere. The bird feeder, are you mad? Not after I saw that Alfred Hitchcock film. Oh, gosh, no. Just going down those 39 steps to the garden. That's lovely. Just can't stop looking. It's lovely looking. Lovely stuff. It's lovely stuff. Lovely stuff.

It's lovely stuff. Bad, actually. That'll play well on TikTok, though. Clarky. I love that on TikTok. Clip it up, make it a vine. Now, Tom, Tom, what's your reason for not wanting to fill the bird feeder this way? Oh, I had a terrible time in birds.

I was once asked to direct a music video for that band that had that song Book Rogers. Do you remember them? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just let me delete my joke about them from the script later on. That's gone. Okay, yeah, that's gone. That's why we still work together, brother.

Yes, absolutely. I tell you what, you would love Sunday mornings on Radio X. Some of the music, the music. The music, of course. The chat gets a little grating. Anyway, I was directing this music video for that band and we had Big Bird in it. Alright, that's right. Now that band, they're quite puritanical. They had a rule. They said no fornication, okay? No sex anywhere.

What about californication? That's a different reference. Let me tell you something. Big Bird was out every night. No. Oh, fucking. Yeah. Sleeping around.

Shagging. Yeah. The band discovered this. No. They wanted to quit the shoot. I had to ring the record label and say, feed us herd, puppets are slags. Feed us herd, puppets are slag. Puppets, puppets, so we're two for two. There's only one way to settle this? Aren't they great? Oh, they're birds, everybody loves them. I'm the host of Lambdoll, Matthew Crosby.

Let's meet the wind beneath my wings. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark. Hello. Now you guys cannot feed the birds alone. Who have you brought to chew their food and spew it back into their beaks tonight? Ben, I have brought my favorite bird, Joss Norris. It, Joss Norris!

It's Joss Norris! Yeah! Thank you. Thank you for having me in your flat, where we are. That's right. Very good. You know, I love it when people already get into the...

She's off or on? Oh, you know what? One of each. Great. Yeah. That's primitive. That's absolutely. So, Josh, what kind of a person are you to live with?

I, do you know what? I thought I was a really good person to live with, but I've recently had to reappraise it because I was sort of confronted with some old stuff. Cause I'm the tidy one in my house. I live with my girlfriend who is wonderful, but also has a habit of bringing just sort of like old shit into the house.

Like a lot of, it's a lot of like, I might need this at some point, so I better bring it in. And I've become the one that goes like, do we need this plinth? Or maybe could we do this? How old is this stuff? Ancient, really ancient stuff. So I thought I was sort of being quite conscientious. But then an old housemate of mine came around and asked me, you know, why do we have a plinth in the corner because there was

nothing on it was the thing we weren't really using it as a plinth. Was it from Trafalgar Square? Yeah, this was the sort of new project was it goes in people's houses, sort of a new way of doing it. But I explained this to my housemate and she said it's so weird to hear you complaining about this because you used to do this shit all the time like you always and I forgot and I was the guy. You were a plinth guy? Well I brought back like it was always stuff that I might come up with a comedy

character to make out of it at some point so I brought back a pair of crutches that I found in a skip I've got a really good clown costume that I found in a box by the side of the road, which I think might have been like infested with lice or something. But it was always like I could play a clown who's broken his leg and then it never happened. All your objects are so bleak, Josh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They weren't funny. They really weren't funny. So I think I'm either the person bringing the shit into the house or I'm the one saying,

we have to get rid of this shit and I've never really found the sort of middle ground in it. I think I'm dreadful. Yeah. I think I'm really unbearable to live with. Yeah. So we talked, you've got a plinth in your house. Oh no, it's gone. Oh, it's gone. Oh, right.

You got rid of the place. Yeah, the plinth went. The plinth went. Did someone take it? Well, the plinth was sort of pulling focus from this large ceramic pig that we have in the corner that we're really fond of and it came down to like, we have to make a choice between the ceramic pig or the pig. No!

You're not gonna believe this. Pigs or plinths? That's the first round of the game. It's just, Plynthal pig is the first round we're playing today. Surely, could you not have combined the two, put the pig on the plinth? Yeah, we never thought about it.

What? We never even thought about it. Should we have a quick vote for the audience, pig or plinth? Cheer for pig. Pig! God, I'd have thought Big Plinth Crow tonight. Cheer for Plinth?

PIG! But he already got rid of it, so imagine if Plinth won. If they cheered for Plinth, that would have just felt like a waste of a year. You made the right decision. Err, okay, cheer for Crutches? Cheer for Lice-Invested Clownsuit? PIG! Great band, by the way. Great band. Cheers. Cheers for lice-infested clown suits. There we go. Great band by the way.

They're supporting Black Sabbath, of course they are. They're on the pit stage aren't they? Yeah, they're on the pit stage. Well thank you, Joss Norris is here of course. Thank you Joss. Thank you Joss. If someone could just de-lice him while we're chatting to our next guest. Tom, who have you brought along with you this week?

Well, Matthew, the Jamboree's in danger. Oh, no! Yes! We put on a comedy gig and it was shit. So we needed to get somebody who was good for a chuckle. The first one laughing, because she's from Last One Laughing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right, yes. Harriet Kemsley! Harriet Kemsley!

Hello, Harriet. Great to have you on the show. Nice to be here in the flat. In the flat in the future. Yes, yes. Thank you. This is great. Imagination. It's all about theater of the mind.

I thought you were going to say nice to be here in the flesh. Weird thing to say, but yes, great. It's great to have you here in the flat. What kind of a person are you to live with? Well, I thought I was good, but I have just got divorced. The courts don't lie, do they? That's the best part, doesn't it? Yeah. So I guess I don't know, I ration marshmallows and like, I have a toddler. I was going to say, is that under intolerable cruelty? What was this? I don't know, I ration marshmallows and I have a toddler. I can't hear you.

I was going to say, is that under intolerable cruelty? What was this? Is that the reason for the divorce? I'm sorry, is your toddler divorced? You keep rationing up marshmallows. But yeah, when I lived in a flat share, I think, yeah, I don't know, I'm just very clumsy, so I'd break people's things, which isn't... You famously broke a bent as well, didn't you?

Yeah. What are you breaking? What's the worst thing you've broken of somebody else's? A sofa. A brand new sofa. How clumsy do you have to be to break a sofa? Well, it was so my flatmate that I was living with, he said we should get this white sofa and I was like, I don't think we should get a white sofa and he was like, we're adults now, we can do it. He ordered this white sofa and he was away

and then he was like so excited and kept talking about how excited he was about this sofa. And then I got it delivered and then it arrived like that day but I was a bit hungover. So I had it for like two hours, I got it set up. I was like so happy and then I went to make some pasta and then I put the pasta on the hob and then I opened the cupboard

and then the jar of sauce fell out of the cupboard onto the handle of the pasta. On the handle of the pasta. Oh no. So you made like a kind of Rue Goldberg device. It's your house mousetrap. The man in the diving board left the plinth. Straight to the skip.

Covered in lice. It was louse trap. This is good. This is good. So, so, so, so, Masoomi, you're watching this happen in like slow motion. Oh, slow motion. Everything spinning through the air. It was like a crime scene.

I was just like, tomorrow, I just was, I covered the white sofa. And then I like lost my mind. Then I like phoned my friend. I was like, what do I do? And she was like, you scene. I was just like, tomorrow I just was everywhere. It covered the white sofa. And then I lost my mind. Then I phoned my friend and I was like, what do I do? And she was like, you've got to wash it. And I was like, okay, so I bought spray and then I put it all in the washing machine and then it came out and then I went to put it back

and then shrunk. The washing machine. It shrunk. And they were like gray. So the ones that I'd washed were grey. And so then I went to put them on and then they were grey. Oh my god. And then he divorced you.

I think that's not broken to be fair. I think that's like, ruin. I don't know if he's broke. Decimated? Well, this is the earliest we've had to say this, but we're going to have to ask you to leave. I'm so sorry. Okay, if we could just very quickly just cover everything in plastic before we go into round one. Well, Harriet Kemsley is here. Fantastic. into round one. Well Harriet Kemsley is here. Fantastic. We've met our guests. Let's allow them to spread their wings not too far please Harriet.

As we play round one. Oh my god have you seen that bird over there? She just moved the table like she's in the place. She's all in the bath now as well. She's just such a little bird. I like great tits and I cannot lie. You can't deny. When the butterflies are here, the titty bitty beak and the white patch on his cheek and it's spring.

Want to say hello, cause your under parts are so yellow. And I know something that you need is to have a taste of my seed. Oh, building here, don't want to stuff ya. Just take your picture of the watch they tried to warn me. Something that you need is to have a taste of my seed Oh, birdie, don't want to snuff ya Just take your picture of the watch they tried to warn me For these tits they just got me doing ornithology Yo, feathers, feathers The garden got great tits, not the great tits

Great tits, show me those great tits Baby got bird Show me those great tits, baby got bird. Twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, twink, I said, what song have you done? He went, it's an instant classic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If everyone liked to now put their tops back on, we can proceed with the first round,

which is called Bird Seeds of Doubt. Now I'm gonna give, I'm gonna give each player an unusual fact about a bird. They will then present their opponents with three unusual facts, two of which they've made up on the spot. It's up to the opponents to separate the blue tit from the untrue tit. If they guess correctly, they get a point, but if you fool your opponents, you win two

points. Tom, we're going to start with you. There you go. Thank you. Now I'd like you to give us three facts about the humble crow. Okay? Now, Jaws and Ben, which one is the truth and which two are the crow no he didn't that's the lie We're gonna come fast. Oh wow. Is that a fact? No. No.

No. Crows have gender reveal parties. Crows get married. Crows have funerals. Bang! I don't believe all three. Richard Curtis, do something with that. Okay, so talk us through the board. There's three great facts there. We've got the gender reveal party, we've got the weddings, we've got the funerals. How are you doing that with crows? It's just like a, it's just a black firework, isn't it, every time?

Well, no, they wait until they come out the egg, and then they go, oh. No, no. Oh! Oh, it's a crow. Just a crow reveal. I'd go to it. Which ones are you leaning towards?

They can meet you fast. I think funeral. It would be more spicy wouldn't it if you had the gender real party and your child's either going to be a boy, a girl or a crow. A third element. Oh no, it's a crow. I'm sorry. We were kind of wanting a crow.

No, yeah, everyone says that but you're not really going to have a crow. No one wants a crow. No, no, we said we'd love it just as much if it's a crow. And it's like, yeah, they say that. You're lucky. Pop it in the bag with the other ones, yeah. That's five crows now. They've got five crows.

They can't break the streak. Well, we'll just keep going until we don't have a crow I guess. I think the fact that me and my husband are both crows are the part of the... Ah that is the problem, that is the problem. That's the big reason we keep having crows in it. That's why we love each other. We've got crow much in common. Guys that was good. I was gonna go with crow's disease.

Guys, that was good. I was gonna go with crows disease. That's good. Yeah, yeah, just... anyway, so... It's nice to know the edit points. So what are you thinking, guys? Which one are you leaning towards? Is it the gender reveal, the marriage or the funeral? I think funeral. I feel like it might be funeral, but I really like the idea of a crow marriage.

Because I think they're very romantic creatures. And I'm just enjoying picturing it. But I don't think it's real. I really like the idea of a crow marriage because I think they're very romantic creatures And I'm just enjoying picturing it. I don't know. It's really that's just for me Dressed as a dove Yeah He's really trying to steer you towards the marriage I think but which one are you gonna go for I think it's well What is a wedding? You know, it's not really a thing marriage

I reckon it's funerals. I don't know why I'm going Okay, what is a marriage? I'm trying to work out how they'd I can see how they do a funeral. Yeah It feels on brand. Of course they'll be like, the wedding it just feels like. There's been a murder. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. I reckon funeral. Tom, reveal please, which is the correct fact. Crows hold funerals, correct. Yes, that's right. Crows, like humans, hold funerals where they gather round, they're dead, and read that poem, stop all the squabbles. Jaws, you are up next.

In 2021, an Australian duck hit the news for doing what? Tom and Harriet, which one is the duck duck truth? And which one is false? That was for Jaws. Okay, the options are, It stayed underwater for five minutes. Sorry, what was the question? Sorry.

In 2021, an Australian duck hit the news for doing what? Oh, I thought you said director. Is it all about birds? Okay, this is not about Russell Crowe. An Australian director. Okay, the duck is Australian. Is that important? Could be.

Well, that's where it happened. Okay, thank you. Sorry, continue. Okay. The options are, it stayed underwater for five minutes. Well, down underwater. Yeah. F**king alcohol.

Guys, let's have a quick word with the audience. You guys are going to have to get on board, okay? These are good jokes. If you feel yourself aiming for a groan, just turn it into a laugh, alright? This is going out on the internet, alright? And they don't let people put any old shit on the internet, alright? So think about that. Have your internet voices ready?

Yeah, we've been commissioned by the internet. This is huge for us. Let's just get a second take of that. You ready guys? What, down underwater? Much better. That's all we needed. It said the words, you bloody fool, or it laid an egg that contained a second egg. Can I have that second one again? It

said the words you bloody fool. Okay so we've got underwater for five minutes we've got you bloody fool and we've got an egg within an egg. Which one do you like so far. I don't like any of them. No. Sorry, would you like to come up with some? Can we have some more please? Yes. I don't know. I'm probably not happy with that. There is a rule you can come up with one of your own. If you like it.

Okay. Play that one. Is that true? Well you can do it. Yeah, but it's very unlikely to be right. How long do ducks go underwater? Cause if it's seven minutes, then that's not crazy. The news story was, what's this duck's fucking problem?

Normally they're going under for seven, eight, nine minutes. This guy's bobbing up after five. Is he some sort of pussy? The Aussies would say something about that. They would say that. That's all their news stories are like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The you bloody fool thing appeals to me.

Yes, but the problem is they don't speak. No, no, no, no. That's actually a myth. It's that they echo when they speak. That's why you'd make the news, isn't it? Yeah, that is newsworthy. And you can imagine it with the accent as well. I feel like it would have made the news over here as well. Right, you bloody fool. Yeah that's nice, that is nice.

It's nice, yeah. No one's denying it's nice, but that's not what we're here to talk about. What kind of egg was the second egg? Great question. What kind of egg was the second egg? Great question. Weirdly, like an ostrich egg. Nobody could explain it. Which is why it made the news. Because if it was like a mini egg or a cream egg or something, that would be so weird. Foil wrapped. A bit pranked. Are you thinking egg within an egg? Will it happen quite a bit? No, I think that might happen quite a lot. You get like a pepper in a pepper sometimes. Yeah, or you can put a hat on a hat.

Yeah, you can do anything. You can put a pig on a prince but some people don't do it. These are all options. Me and Crossbow used to finish the night with an egg sandwich when we first started going out with each other, didn't we? Going out with each other? Going out with each other mate. Cosmo's house was on my way home. Yeah, so you would come in and make yourself an egg sandwich and eat it in front of me when I was like,

I've got a lecture tomorrow morning Tommy, this egg sandwich is great. Then you'd leave and then I'd go to bed. Sometimes to my table. And I thought, is this romance? Is this what I signed up for? It was chugging along quite nicely. But then one night we got home and I cracked an egg and it was a double joker. Yeah. And we danced around the kitchen and hugged each other.

It was like, this is the start of something now. The love we made that night was. It wasn't the only double joker. Who came first? I did. Sorry. Okay, so you think the egg within an egg is too common an occurrence? I'm blasé about the egg within an egg. Are we talking like an egg with a shell on within an egg though?

That's how I imagine it. Yeah, like a second shell. Not too young. Something's gone on, hasn't it? Something's gone on. Fair play. I think with every story something's gone on, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a game. Is there a chicken in every egg?

They're ducks for starters. Just answer the question, okay? That's the main thing I've got to say. That really scuppered the crow reveal party. It's a fucking chicken! Oh, I don't know. But you know from having cracked an egg that there's not a bird in every egg. I'm vegan. Oh, OK.

But you've seen an egg being cracked. Harriet, cards on the table. It's going to take a lot for me to not go with you, bloody fool. I think we just go with you, bloody fool. It's so great. It's so Australian. Joss, reveal which one is the true fact. The egg said the words you bloody fool.

It's correct. Congratulations. Yes. The duck, the duck named Ripper, has been recorded sounding like he's saying you bloody fool, which was thought to be one of his caretakers catchphrases. Ripper is not. Yeah, it's quite sad.

Ripper is an Australian musk duck. That's a parrot. What's that? Up in the tree, covered with beautiful feathers. Oh, actually, yeah, yeah, he's a parrot. I actually never think about it. Now I think about it. I didn't know that parrots could do that.

And then I walked past one in someone's garden and it said hello to me. And I thought I'd entered like a magical world. I thought that they did that in like tinting books and movies and I didn't realize it was real. They're so good. They do, yeah. Parrots do say hello.

I gotta get one. You'd suit a parrot actually. You had a parrot, that would be great. One on each shoulder. No, just one. Okay. Don't get ideas above the station, Josh. Next up, we've got Harriet. Now, I'd like you to tell us why in the 1940s,

a chicken earned the nickname Miracle. Joss and Ben, which one is chicken and which two are chicken accurate? I really hope it's because it says you bloody fool. OK, so I make up some and then I say some. You've got a real one there and then you're making up two of them. Yeah. But do it in any order. Yeah.

Try and throw them off the set if you can. Okay. But I just have to say it. Just do it really naturally. So wait. You could do the real one first, Harriet, and then the other two, and that'll give you time. Mine is about chickens. Yeah.

Yours is about chickens this time. I can tell you now, there was a chicken in the 1940s who earned the nickname Miracle. Why? It survived underwater for five minutes. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it got through the blitz, isn't it? It laid an egg with two, with an egg.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. This is how we play. And then, and then that's right. Yeah. Now tilt the bit of paper and read off it. Yeah. Yeah. But real subtle, like.

Can Harriet be allowed to do more? Can Harriet be allowed to do less? Okay, if the other team will just close their eyes for a second while Harriet memorizes her lines. Oh, it survived for 18 months after its head was chopped off with an axe. Okay, now, three incredibly believable facts there about a chick in the 1940s called Miracle. Two of which you would have heard earlier on when Joss said them. But that's just a very bizarre coincidence and a quirk of the game. So what are you thinking so far?

Well, do you know, I have heard that underwater one before, So I feel like maybe it's that. Yeah. An episode of QI or something. Yeah, yeah. It was like one of those. Yeah. Yeah, I think we should go with the decapitated. The head with the axes. Yeah. I've got a good feeling.

To be honest. You're wrong. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Harriet, can you reveal?

It survived for 18 months after its head was chopped off with an axe. That's correct. Yeah. Harriet, can you reveal? It survived for 18 months after its head was dropped off with an axe. That's correct, yes. You did really well. You did really well. Yes, Miracle Mike managed to survive for a year and a half without a head. He's commemorated to this day in the West End show, Miracle Mike Live, in which a bunch of men pluck around with their tops off.

Finally... I'd like to see it. It's not a bad show, though. It's with their tops off. Finally... I'm late to see you. It's not a bad show, that. It's not a bad show. Finally, our own... It's so bleak, that stuff. But also, like, did it starve? Was that why it died?

No, no, no, it didn't starve. It fed it through its hair. Up its arse hole, of course. Up its arse hole. Anyway, yes, it was the 40s. We all fed up our arse hole. Just like the night we had that double yogurt. Was it happy? Do we know if it was happy? Oh, ecstatic. Yeah, yeah, they was our song. Anyway, yes, it was the 40s, we all fed up our awesome. Just like the night we had that double yolk. I'm sorry, yeah. Was it happy? Do we know if it was happy? Oh, ecstatic, yeah, yeah, they get the head.

It's all right, man. It was always smiling. It was always winking at his body going, at a boy. Finally, Clarky, our own bird man of alcoholism, tell us something incredible about the Bassian Thrush. The Bassian Thrush. Now, Tom and Harriet, which one is the real thrush

and which two are probably not thrush but drink this cranberry juice just in case? So, what was it called again? Bassian. It was called the bassian or the bassian thrush. Bassian thrush, right. It's bird song actually sounds uncannily like the original Nokia phone tune.

The 3310? Yeah. That diddle-de-de, diddle-de-de-de. Yeah, exactly. That's not the original one. They've had 3310. I love the way you couldn't think of the number 3310. They've had 300, 310 before that then.

I was really rewarding myself when I stopped in having to think like numbers. This is good, oh no. 3309, okay, so can we get another take of that by the way? So it sounds like the Nokia 3310. Yes, they get their prey, worms, by farting at them. That's how they capture them. Sure.

And finally, they've got three eyes. Oh, these are good. Three eyes. What's it called again? The thrush. The bassian thrush or the base and thrush? To go to the union Harriet and can we ask questions? Please can ask some questions, but bear in mind I've not given them like a Wikipedia

Just check is the question gonna be is there a chicken in That's a good question no, I was just gonna ask how many eyes Let's just check. Is the question going to be, is there a chicken in there? That's a good question. No, I was just going to ask how many eyes they have. Three. Three. Yeah. They're not in there. Can I ask another question? Do they fart at worms?

He's good, he is good, he is good. Okay. No, because sometimes they, you can get them. But not this time, not this time. Not this time. Too quick for us. Okay. What are you thinking, guys? I don't know.

No, we don't know. How would we know? There's no way of knowing. What you're gonna have to do now is guess. Yeah, so how many things have three eyes, do you think? How would we know? There's no way of knowing. What you're going to have to do now is guess. Yeah. So, how many things have three eyes, do you think? Is that common? No, it isn't, is it?

I don't know. I quite like, I like fighting at worms, but then that's just me. Well, we're going to help the early bird. We can have a break in a second, Tom, so you'll get a chance. Does it help catch your prey? Well, normally birds peck at the ground to make it seem like it's raining for the worms to come out. So it might be like a vibration or something.

And I think some of the farts... This is science. That I've done in my time. Yes. That feels like science. It feels like science. It's science. Yes.

Is that what you're going to go for? Yeah, I think probably the answer is going to be Nokia, but we'll go with farting at the worms. So you think it's one thing, but you're going to go for? Yeah, I think probably the answer is going to be Nokia, but... We'll go with fighting under worms. So you think it's one thing, but you're going with another. Yeah. This, guys, is how we play. He knows a lot about birds.

So he will have thought, yeah, there are some birds that fight under worms, but it might not be this bird. But I think we'll go with worms, yeah. What do you think? You know a lot about birds? He knows loads about birds. Well, that's not fair, is it? I know.

He's in his element here. Do you know what? This is like the last bit of the jinx. Parry's unraveling. And do you want to go with the one that you think then? No, let's go with five. The one you don't think. Great, we're going to go with the one he doesn't think is right. You've been doing this for long enough to know not to trust your own instincts.

Clarke, would you please tell us, what is remarkable about the Bassian thrush? They get their prey, worms, to move by fire and all. Yeah! Congratulations! We were wrong! We were wrong, so we were right! So, at the end of that round, a man who's no stranger to a bit of peacocking himself, Producer Gwyn, what are the scores?

The scores are Tom and Harry have two, Ben and Charles have two! That's a long walk for a small sandwich. Oh my god, that was exciting, it was a Crow reveals party, that was wasn't it? So both teams are neck and neck, neck and neck, but it's neck and neck. Liam Gallagher, is that you? There are rumours that I'm a Russian operative. I just... I want to plush those right now, guys. You've been sent to demoralise the West.

Destabilise the West through podcasting. There is still every wing to play for when we flutter back for part two. See you in a bit! Welcome back to Flat Shed Slam Down. Whoa baby, whoa baby. Before the break, both teams were in the lead and in fact both teams also losing as well. So the scores haven't moved yet. It depends on whether you're a pessimist or an optimist,

but the scores haven't moved and that bird feeder remains empty. Unbelievable. You'll like this one Tom. I haven't seen such a lackluster feeder since V Festival 2003 when Grant forgot the words to Buck Rogers, that's one for the teenagers and Tom's. But now it's time to see who will be the best. player, player, player, player, player, player, player as we play round two is flat game. Yay! Games! Games!

Let's play together. Spin that thing. Do as you're told. Games! If you lose you get nothing. Games! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Nothing games if you win you get gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold Thank you Tom, this week we're playing our version of Frustration. We'll do the 10 till 12 shift.

Should have given Papi's way. What's the worst that could happen? Right, Tom, Tom, because we talk about it, we always forget, as Red Nose Day is approaching, we talk about your dream, and this is the dream we've had, I would say, for over a decade. Easily. But when you hear the dream you think, well, why is it? I don't even that short a time. Give me a cheer if you remember the Comic Relief single

by Hale and Pace, The Stonk. The Stonk. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not enough people. No. It's because it probably came out in like 1995 or something like that.

The golden age. 91. There you go. 91. Thank you, Rob. It was 1991 when it came out. It's a masterpiece of charity singles. It's wonderful.

So it's stonk. And it's got a dance to it. It's got like a six move dance to it that is the stonk. Yeah. So, was that any of those six moves by the way? This is not the moves by that. This is just, there's a lot of legs. And I'm doing a lot of legs underneath the table.

How many legs are you doing? Two? Stick your red nose on your... It's like that. And one stonk. So the pitch is that next year, Papis, for calming relief, are going to do a 24 hour stonk. Where we're going to put the stonk on repeat for 24 hours and dance non-stop to it for 24 hours yeah and our comedian friends are gonna come down and join us for bits and we'll live stream it and raise, not bits of Love Island sense, not like I'm gonna go and help with them between 11 and 12 and then we're gonna raise, we'll live stream it, and we'll raise about 600 pounds.

Yes. That's our promise to you. Do you have to pay PRS on that? Because it's like a bond. Yes, that's why we've lost. We've raised loads of money. We've raised thousands, but Hale and Pace are cunts. It's happening for every play as well.

We'd love to get the real hail and pace down as well. But they're busy. They're busy boys. Greg James, maybe Greg James would probably pop in for a bit. I hope Greg James would be there. You would hope so. It's got Greg James written alive with that.

It's like a sticker rock. Absolutely. Greg James would absolutely love that. James, if you're listening or Greg, whichever you. Get in touch, guys. Anyway, get in touch. James Greg or Greg James, either of you want to get in touch and want to do a 24-hour stonk. Greg Hale, James Pace, they're real names.

So, we are now playing this week... You'd support a 24-hour stonk, wouldn't you? Oh, come on, fake. Of course you would. So we are now playing this week... You'd support a 24 hour stong, would you? Of course, of course you would. That's 12 people straight away. They're more of a stick it out crowd, am I right? I love to stick it out. What happened to right said Fred? I can only imagine they've gone from strength to strength.

They do a lot of practice where they cover their heads in foil. Far right, said Fred. First person to make. Anyway. Sorry. Anyway, this week we're playing our version of Frustration, which we're calling Funk Station. You're right, Tom, you really are. I would like each team to sing about a famous station to the tune

of a famous funky song. Their teammate must guess the station they're singing about. One point for a correct guess but a huge ten points for funkiness. Ben, let's start with you. I can tell Ben is ready to play. There's already a strong funk wafting off of him. Ben, you have got Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry. Now, this is a real treat. Producer Quinn is going to be a cut. Producer Quinn has brought along a base guitar. He's been playing. Here he is. Give us... Whoa! That guy can fucking hell, Gwyn!

This guy can play! Stop, stop that! Thank you. Gwyn, I knew you could play. I didn't know you could do the splits while you were doing it. Put your clothes back on, Gwyn! Gwyn will be accompanying us. There'll be a backing track, but then all the bass will be live,

courtesy of producer Gwyn. So... A man of many talents. So... Is that true? Cause I can't see you. No, no, that's all... That's absolutely true.

He's there with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't see from the sofa of the city group. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a seven string fretless there, that he is absolutely making love to as we speak. So, Jaws, what station is Ben singing about? Train station.

Well, which station is he singing about? I don't guess just train station. No, no, no, which station of the cross? That's quite right. Imagine. When Jesus fell for the second time. Imagine if that was the game. Which station of the cross? To this fun song get Ben singing about? I don't even know what they are, the stations of the cross. If I saw one, I'd have no idea.

Whoosh. Right over my head. There's the King's Cross station, we know that one. Guys! Wait, Tom, no, Tom, you're the one who groaned. Guys! Weirdly, no one else in the audience basically made any noise. That was the problem. They left it to you. So Jaws, what station is Ben singing about?

DJ Gwyn, aka the Hunk of Funk, will you play? Oh, nice. That's just Ben getting out of his chair. Yeah, yeah! Well, look at me, I got a big hat. What's he hiding under there? Oh, come on inside my station. Give me your fingerprints and you must beware.

Oh, this would be real cool. If we did it all in one take. But less sad than that. Cause that was really sad. They were dancing and singing and doing it. Oh, this is like a fun one! The body turned around and said Read that man his rights now baby Don't say anything until you've got a lawyer

Read that man his rights now baby Lay down and put your hands behind your back while we cuff you. While we cuff you! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I should say as well, Ben, you've got Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry. I'm not sure I said that before, but you seem to pick it up. So, Jaws, what station was Ben singing about? I feel like that made me think about a policeman. Yes. And then I tried to think of famous policemen. Okay. And then I thought about Sherlock Holmes.

Oh yes, yes, here we go. So then I thought, Baker Street, that's Sherlock Holmes. There's a statue of him there. 221B, Baker Street. Yeah, yeah. But then you started singing about reading your rights, which Sherlock Holmes wouldn't do, because he's a consulting detective.

He's not like a police, he doesn't work for the police. And then I was just flat out of ideas. So now I don't know whether to go for my gut and say Baker Street or whether to go no, because he did say I'm gonna cuff you, which Sherlock Holmes just wouldn't do. And so now I'm just trying to think what are the policemen out there?

And I'm thinking, I'm thinking of Chris and his dick. And I'm trying to think like, I'm trying to think where does she live? And now I'm thinking of Scotland Yard, which, but that's not a station, but it's near, I think it's near, like Westminster. Yeah. Or like Embankment, it's between Embankment and Westminster.

This is like that film, Beautiful Mind. If he didn't have a beautiful mind. Yeah. Yeah. Like he's drawing on the windows, but it's just all just like doodles in permanent marker. Absolutely rubbish. I reckon... I've tried to stall because I thought somebody would arrive, but nothing's

there so I'm going to go with my gut and say it's Baker Street. But what, is that right? Is that wrong? There's a chance to throw, I'm afraid it's incorrect, I'm gonna throw it over to the other team. Do you know what station Ben was singing about? What do you mean by station? I think, I tell you what, I tell you what, just go with what kind of station you think it was. Oh my God!

Police, we're gonna go with police station. We're just gonna go police station, yeah, police station. We'll just go with police station, I think. Now, that was miraculous because everybody else thought he was doing the bits. Everyone's like, well, this is a good bit. Well, we all know the answer, but he's taking us down the house before he goes, but it's a police station.

But no, Josh, you changed, you really didn't understand. I really didn't understand. I thought you meant like a tube station. I have to say, I thought you meant a TV station. Well, stick around because there's three more to go, so who knows? Who knows? Is it a police station?

I tell you now, it's in no way related to the location of Cressida Dick. Well, this time. But yes, it is a police station, Jars. Congratulations. I got it right immediately. I just went all round. In the edit. Congratulations. I got it right immediately. I just went all round. In the edit, you would have got it right immediately. Yeah, yeah, cheers. Yeah.

Okay, but what am I gonna give Clarky for the funky? We've almost forgotten that Clarky also sang a song. Yeah, that was great. During that round as well. It was nice. It was really nice. It was really, really nice. It was really nice.

Beautiful, it was really nice. But crucially, was it funky, Harriet? I think it was. Oh, It was really nice. It was really, really nice. It was really nice. Beautiful. It was really nice. But crucially, was it funky, Harriet? I think it was. Oh, it was quite funky. I think it was eight out of 10 funky. Well done. Woo! Harriet, your song is Papa's Got a Brand New Bag

by James Brown. I have to sing it. Well, I mean, if you heard what Clarky did, it's not a hard and fast rule. Yeah, basically, sing about this type of station, okay? And I can't say this enough, not always a train station. Okay. Sing about a type of station,

and you're singing it to the tune of Papa's Got a Brand New Bag by James Brown. I don't know tunes. That's okay. Just okay. I don't know tunes. That's okay. Just okay. I don't think anybody here is gonna be like impressing you with their vocal stylings. Okay, but you don't realize.

Okay. I've got a feeling we're about to. We're about to realize. Okay, okay. DJ Gwynn, wax up your plectrum again and... Well. So I just start, I just start speaking. No, no, you don't know tunes. DJ Quinn is going to play it now on his slap bass here.

He'll point you as you're about to start. Are you two both like playing characters here? The guy who doesn't know what a station is, the lady who's never heard a song. If only they were playing characters. DJ Gwyn, la la la la don't funk with my heart but do funk with that bass. Here we go. Okay, okay. There's a place in the sky. It's up there. Why is this happening to me?

Okay. Okay, let's get up there, everybody. Oh, what's that flying about? Get down, what are you doing? Oh, I can't breathe. Is it a police station? Have you started? Boom! Okay, watch out! There's an explosion!

Ah! Um, oh! Look at something round! Whoa! Wow! Ah! I've got to ask, Harriet, have you finished? Wow! I've got to ask, Harriet, have you finished? Oh, I'm running out of... Oh, I can't touch the ground. Yeah. Harriet Kempsey everybody.

Beautiful. That was an actual living nightmare. You should have had to listen to it. Oh no. That was... No, no, no. Guys, you're right, it was fucking brilliant. I'm wrong. That was amazing. Did you just miss the bit when she said,

Oh look, there's something round? Were you not listening, man? So, Tom, yeah. You're going to struggle, but I think you're're gonna do it. What station, okay, what station was Harriet talking about? Is it the station that sells a lot of MDMA? That's what it sounded like. No, it's not the relaxation station in Bastonbury. I made it too easy. You made it too easy? This is on you actually mate, this is on you Tom. It's obviously Baker Street. Join the dots though, join the dots.

Where's Crescentedick in this, that's what we need to know. Something round, something round. The dots are round mate. Remember when I said I can't touch the floor? Yeah, oh yeah. Seared into my brain. No, I think you can't touch the floor and getting high and looking at something round. Yeah, yeah.

Space station. It's a space station, yes. Yeah. Really good, really good. Good job. Fantastic. Also, it felt like we were stuck up there for nine months. What happened?

That is gorgeous, guys. What am I going to give Harriet though for funkiness? Because it was... It was undeniably funky. It was. The focus was on the funk. It really was. I'm going to give you seven out of 10 for funkiness.

Congratulations, Harriet. Thank you. Thank you. was on the funk it really was I'm gonna give you seven out of ten for funkiness congratulations Harriet Thank you Jaws you're up next and you've got Word Up originally by Cameo later covered by Gunn Mel B Corp and of course Little Mix not all together it was not like a low rent version of Band Aid You're always singing about Edgeware Road Good luck.

So... I did to be... I said train stations before we began. I asked for help. And I think I said not necessarily. Yeah, I know. So I tried to give you some small bit of help. Oh no, I'm sorry. Markey, what station is Jaws funking up?

DJ Gwyn, Bass Man Gwyn, you funky monk. Get down on your knees and play. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ow! Oh! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. He does do that. He does do that. He does do that. That's in the original song rather.

That's not like a new bit I've added. When does it start? If you have a TV, you might find this channel. I've just realized I can't think of anything that rhymes with channel. Oh, hang on, I've just thought of the word funnel, which doesn't really rhyme with channel. Let me tell you more about this channel.

There's a channel on your telly with naked ladies. They will, actually I can't remember if they were naked or if it was more sort of suggestion, but basically, if you went too far past the shopping channels, you'd get to one where you weren't allowed to watch their stuff. Wave your hands in the air if you like this channel.

I never really watched it, so I don't know what they do. But I, well no, that's not true. I, I, I, certainly I, that's not true. I... I... I... certainly I... They would sort of... they would cavort around... Oh no, it's the... it's the breakdown. Um... It is a breakdown.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh... I believe that it was... Maybe... maybe you would pay to see more of it or something. They wouldn't like sell you a product necessarily. They would say you would call up and go I love what you're doing and they would say thank you I'm grateful for the feedback. And then maybe they would turn around and show you their bum. That's all I can remember about this channel,

but I forget, I don't think I've actually done the chorus of the song. Word up. Thank you. Thank you so much. Very good. Yes, yes, yes. You're gonna kick yourself at flannel.

Anyway. Oh. You're gonna kick yourself at flannel. Anyway. Ben, what song... Oh, not still one. Joe, this time, what song was he doing? It's a good question. Joe, what station was Jaws funking about? Well, obviously.

And with your parents in the audience, how did you know about that? I TV too? I believe it was Babestation. It was indeed Babestation. Oh, my piece of paper says, King's cross St. Crook. And Jaws, I'm going to give you a,

I mean, it started off funky, and then it just became a sort of weird lecture. Yeah. I'm going to give you six out of 10 for funkiness. I'll take that. I'll take that. Here you go, Tom. Tom, you're going to close up strong with a bit of uptown funk.

But Harriet, what station is Tom singing about? For the final time tonight, Gwyn, Bass Man Gwyn, funk you very much. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me.

That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me.

That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me.

That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. That's not in Canada. I'm singing still this song you never stop singing it's not in Scotland it's not in London it's somewhere in the middle locomotions where we going oh I don't know ma'am locomotions yeah ma'am we're going abroad or we're staying in town yeah I'm gonna get a nosebleed soon. We're on a train and it's nearly noon. Why don't we look at this second city? Have a nice time in the station's pretty.

It used to be by the boring. I think it still is, let's sing. La la la la la la la la la. What the fuck's going on? Huh, no! What the fuck's going on? Fuck! Oh! Oh, God. No! What the fuck's going on? Fuck! Woo!

Oh God! God! Whoa! I've never seen a man closer to exploding. That was relentless, huh? That was relentless. You know wild. That was relentless. You know how like fucking Simba in The Lion King when the stampede's going on?

Fucking hell man. How can you both be Simba and the stampede? Tom, you were doing a phenomenal impression of the neon sign behind you all the way through that. Bulging veins growing, never read it. It was amazing. It was really, really good. But Harriet... It's like an angry sprout.

Way to Bruno Mars, man. He's fit, he's fit. He's got the lung capacity, hasn't he? He must have, yeah. Hope's on the boy. Harriet, what station, and if you get this, it's a fucking miracle. What station, now crucially this it's a fucking miracle What station now crucially it's not in how it's not in Canada

Kind of helpful but not entirely helpful what station there was enough in there, you know, yeah Harriet what station do you think Tom was singing about? Okay. Is there like an animal station? Sorry, can you repeat the question? Is there a chicken in every station? It's a very simple question. Is there an animal station? Because you said a bull, there's a bull. Oh, I did say there's a bull, that's quite important actually. Yeah. The bull ring?

The bull ring. But it's not in Spain. He did tell you that? Crucially. Where else would you find a bull ring? There's only one of the bull ring that's not in Spain. That's fact. Yeah. Any idea? This is not, no? This is not helping in any way.

It's tricky. It's a tricky one. Is it okay? Mm-hmm. Okay? It's not okay. But is it a train station? It's a train station. We're getting there. It's a train station. Joss's dream. Yeah. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. You're not going to believe who lives next to this train station. Crested a dick. Joss is kicking himself. In a ball ring.

Okay, because I was thinking, because you're saying it's a beautiful journey. That's what the thing is. No, I don't know. I would ignore that bit, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Because I was thinking, is it to Edinburgh?

But then it's not up. It's not up. But it's not down. No. But it's not to the east. No. But it's not Hull. No.

So, no, that's good. That's good. But there's a ball ring. Yeah. And then you think when there's a ball ring, it's... Is it Birmingham? Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yeah! Yeah! It was indeed Birmingham International Train Station! Sorry Headless Chicken, we have a new miracle! What am I going to give you for funkiness though? Not since 1940. Not since 1940. Not since 1940. Die a little to 11, mate.

You want me to give you 11 points for that? Fucking 11, mate. All right, fair enough. 11 points to Tom there. 11 points. But we all know, we all know the funkiest fucker in town is of course producer Gwyn. He's been absolutely murdering that fretless. So here he is again. It's wild. It's wild stuff.

No Gwyn! Get down from there! Gwyn! He's got liquid fingers boy. You really do. Gwyn, on your fretless face... We thought of this just before the show, and it's making us laugh more than it's making you laugh. But we are very comfortable with that. It's got to be stuff for us. It's got to be stuff for us. I mean, it should be everything, but...

No. It's only the end of that round. Gwyn. You have to be so fretless, Gwyn. Get the frets out, lad. Come on. Surely one fret. Please put the frets on me.

At least one fret, boy. We've got guests. You come fretless before a lady? Gwyn! Have you no honour? So at the end of that round, Producer Gwyn, give us those scores with a little bit of funk bass underneath, please. Gwyn! How's he doing it?

Okay, so Taupe and Harriet have 23 points points and Ben and Joss have 17, baby. Oh baby! Yes! Oh my god. You know that bit in Call Me Al? That was Gwyn. That was Gwyn. It was his birthday.

The little bit in Call Me Al, then everyone goes crazy for the wedding. That was Gwyn. Little known fact, he was actually back to front when he played that solo. Unbelievable. So from word up to the word of the law, let's visit the Lucy Lawless Court of the Beef Brothers! If you've got a problem, don't call me a problem. If you've got a problem, call me the Beef.

If you've got a beef, maybe we can help you. Beef from the sorting of your beef. Yes indeed, it's Beef Brothers where each week we ask our panellists to sort out a flat share based beef. And this one comes from Moe who is in the audience. Moe, where are you? Hello. Hello Moe. What do you know? Hello.

Hey Moe, what do you know? Moe Wright, my boyfriend Alfie, he is also here tonight, has a seemingly unsolvable problem. Oh dear. Is it terminal? Keep it light, guys. I realize this now, I've picked the wrong one. Wheel him out of here, guys.

Try not to snag your drip on the stairs, but you're bumming us all out, all right? No, no. Worst baker wish ever. He just wanted to hear some fretless bass before he went into this dying wish. No, Gwyn, no, you'll finish him off. No, Gwyn, no, it're finishing up! No, Gwyn, no!

It's too much! It's too much! It's too much! It's too much! Emma, in the final edit, This girl has barely beaten Park. In the final edit, can you sneak the fretless bass

and then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining?

And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? And then someone flatlining? No! Alfie, we hardly knew you. Oh, he died doing something he loved, Funkin'. Okay, my boyfriend Alfie, he's also here tonight. As a seemingly unsolvable problem, he is incapable of putting an empty packet back into the bin. It always goes back in the cupboard.

Same for empty paracetamol or empty Tupperware. You throwing those away? OK. All right, fair enough. Empty pots and pans. He's washing them up, putting them back in the cupboard. Single each, no. We've used the same oven three times.

I'd say sticking in the skip outside. No money, no problem. Come on, for fuck's sake. No, that was Alfie, he just died. Play him out, Gwyn, play him out. It's infuriating and he denies it's him. It's Gwyn! Gwyn! Gwyn!

Slap at the bass player! Gwyn, you're not on trial but you should be. Killing up, we cannot afford to lose audience members. We've been doing this consistently since 2011. He denies it's him. What do I do? Okay, so I'll tell you now. Ben and Jaws, you are on Moe's side. Tom and Harriet, for as long as he's got left, you are on Alfie's side. Oh. Okay. Yes.

How do we defend this? Before... Don't say that out loud, Harriet. Listen. We talked about this. Don't say that out loud. You defend Alfie to the death, but luckily that's only gonna be about 45 seconds,

so you're fine. So does anybody have any questions? We'll start with Mo. We'll talk to, well, in fact, let's start with Alfie. We don't know. No, we'll start with Mo. Does anyone have any questions for Mo? And I remember Joss and Ben, you're on her side.

Of course, Harriet and Tom, you're not. I have a question. Mo, in your statement, you're on her side. Of course, Harriet and Tom, you're not. I have a question. Mo, in your statement, you've said that he won't put empty Chris packets back into the bin. Yeah. So he's taken empty Chris packets out of the bin and then putting them in the cupboard. Sorry, it was quite a hastily written note.

Right. So he's taken- Very understandable, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time is up, yes? Every second counts. Every second is precious. You were also exactly on a wheel at the same time, weren't you?

Sign this, Alfie, mate. Alfie, you're someone waking up. Slapping round the face. A grid place and base. Revive him quickly. It seems a bit heartless how you're being so mean about all his empty paracetamol wrappers. It's a bit... Empty paracetamol wrappers, empty morphine drips.

What are you doing when he's going through it? When you're done with it, just put him in the bin. Have anybody got any other questions for Moe. When you say he denies it, is it just the two of you? Do you live with anyone else? Yes, just the two of us. It's just the two of you. Who else could it be?

If it's not Moe, Alfie's denying it. Is it Moe? Oh no, we're on our own. If it is, you want us to keep still about that, really. So the issue is you go to the cupboard, say there'll be an empty packet of rice in the cupboard. Finish the rice and put the thingy back in. Sadly, yes. It's called weaponised incompetence. We've all heard about it.

We've made a career of that. Thank you very much. We've made a career of that, thank you very much. That's nice, I'll give any incompetents a bad name. That's where we're in real trouble. Is a reason that you find these empty things that Alfie has used and discarded, is Alfie very proactive in the kitchen? Mm-hmm. No.

Oh. Okay. He might be on death's door, but he's still sassy with it. He's still got that funk in him. Okay, Alfie, this isn't Drag Race, mate. Take that sass and kick it to the curb, alright?

Anyone got any questions for Alfie? You say you are proactive in the kitchen. Yes, I am, yeah. Okay, any other questions for Alfie about his kitchen? You sound the picture of health, honestly. I barely know. Alfie, why? You're supporting Alfie.

Oh, why not? Great question, Alfie. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm a bit afraid. Alfie, are you proud of yourself? No. I think that if it is me. What do you mean? Who do you think you are? You're doing well here. You stick to that. You stick to that, son. You stick to that.

I don't know if it's wrong, dad. No, no, you say that, son. Say that, that was good, that bit. Say that. I listen to a podcast, dad. No, no, you say that son. Say that, that was good that bit. Say that. I listen to a podcast, dad. No, no, no, no, no. What have you done Alfie? What have you done?

What have you done Alfie? No son, no son, don't worry. Stick to that. That's all right. I don't know how any of this works. What is this? All you need to know is this podcast is being done in one take. Oh, okay. I haven't seen it, so I was like, what the fuck is happening?

You have now. Alfie, who do you think does it? I think it's not always clear. That's it. Muddy the waters make it you murky, yeah. Keep guessing. It's not always clear. Is it because you're trying to prevent waste? I think if it is me, it comes from a place of instinctively tidying up.

Yes, by putting rubbish. Putting rubbish all around. Putting stuff away. Yes. You know, that us. Putting stuff away. Yeah. You know, that makes sense. Good intention. Good intention. Alfie, have you ever been accused of putting something empty back and it's not actually

empty on first glance? It might be empty, but there's actually still a little bit of rice in the bottom or one Weetabix. No, it's always empty. What have you done, son? One Weet-a-Mix. No, it's always empty. It's always empty. LAUGHTER What have you done, son? LAUGHTER Someone call Cod. Someone call Cod.

LAUGHTER Well, I think we've done a good job here. I think we've heard enough. And you're throwing your Tupperwares away. The Tupperwares, if it's been in the fridge, there's been like some leftovers. Takes the leftovers out, heats them up, eats them, puts the empty Tupperwares back in the fridge. Doesn't wash it.

It's so bad. I mean, good. That's crazy. Yeah. Good for you, Ed. So bad. I mean good. That's crazy. I love that. Yeah. Good for you actually. Good for you.

And a boy Alfie, and a boy. Good for you actually. So hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. Now don't forget to make the case for the person whose side you're on. I hate to have to say that, but I do. So without further ado, I'm going to call upon Jaws Norris to begin. You have a minute to begin the case for the prosecution. Your minute begins now.

This is very difficult because I understand that Alfie is in a really kind of difficult stage right now and there's a lot going on. And I don't want to make this evening a negative experience for him, because I understand it might be his last evening. But I think he is a trash panda, and frankly, I think he needs to sort it out. I think it's disgraceful behavior.

I basically think that you've got to, you have two choices when you have like a thing that, so say you have like a plinth in your living room. And you have like an option of kind of getting rid of the plinth or sort of leaving it there and then just letting that be a thing that sort of amasses bad feelings around it. I think you've got to ultimately, like how near is your bin?

Is your bin like there? Or is it like a long walk to your bin? The bin is very close. Yeah, put it in the fucking bin, mate. You've got to put it in the bin. That's your time. Yep. That was bang on a minute.

I tell you what, I've got no idea where you live, but you should live right by Cressida Dick. You really should. That was fantastic. Now, Harriet, you're up next to open the case for the defence. You remember whose side you're on? Yeah. Got it.

Okay, your minute begins now. I guess my first question is what is empty? That's something for us all to think about. Okay, I guess my first question is what is empty? That's something for us all to think about. Going back to the divorce again, aren't we? What is? Yeah, and divorce is always an option, so better get on your toes everybody. You never know. You never know.

Never relaxed. Never relaxed. It could come for any of you. I have you tried rationing the marshmallows. I think treating him like a toddler is the way to go, but he's not doing anything wrong. That's the main thing. That's the main thing. Crucially.

Crucially, crucially, this man is sick. He's sick physically and mentally. And I think you could have a bit more compassion, sweetheart. Thank you. That's your time. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Mo, I've got to ask you, how do you think it's going so far, sweetheart? I'm feeling pretty good about this.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, you should. And Alfie, how are you feeling? Feeling quite unwell, actually. Sorry, Alfie. Well, let's see if this makes you feel any better. Ben, you're up next. You're going to conclude the case for the prosecution

and your minute begins now. Well, I'll tell you what, guys. Sometimes you sit here and you listen to everything and you're having a lovely time. And then suddenly you realize it's your turn to speak. And you haven't really been thinking about anything at all other than just generally having a lovely time. But thankfully this is one of those times. I've got loads to say and I'm barely

gonna be able to fit it into the how much longer 29 seconds 29 seconds I've got left Alfi... repetition. Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, wrong game. Sorry. Ultimately, Alfi used a bin.

Oh bloody get in it, mates. Whoa. Eight seconds. Reiterate it. Reiterate it. That's all we needed. That's all we needed. So finally, to conclude the case for the defence, are you going to be doing this as yourself, Tom?

I'm going to be doing it on the side of a Deep South defence lawyer from a John Grisham novel called Mr Fanshawe Standard. Fanshawe Standard presiding and providing your minutes should you need it begins now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, nice to see a lot of friendly faces out there in these troubled times. Hell, now a lot of y'all as confused as I am, some of them dead lawyers there from the big city with their big long words and their fancy names, Crassida Dick.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Not round here, young man, potty mouth. Different morals in them there city, turd under the fingernails, you know what I'm talking about. Hearing that there dying boy's story there about them empty bags kind of got me thinking

about that old parable. Don't ask me what verse, don't ask me what number. I'm going to go with something like Shannon, chapter five. Could be six. The old rat in the can. You remember the old rat in the can, I suppose? Little rat walking down the road, his birthday. No one had remembered again And he decided I'm gonna treat myself this time Yeah

To ride sister you're right Yeah, you say it we all feeling it Lights himself a single candle, talented rat, good with them hands. Finds himself a can, goes to get in it, beans. A nemesis of any damn rat. Someone had thrown out a full can of beans. Someone had thrown out a full can of beans. Well, guess I'm gonna go home and kill myself,

said the rat. Buy us a rope. Buy us a chair. Talented with those hands. Nimble with the change. Draggs that chair and that rope all the way home. About to get through the door. Another can. Surely not more beans.

Rat can only kill himself once. As they say. Opens the can. It's empty. Puts down the chair. Puts down the rope. Relights that candle. Handy with them hands. He lights that candle, handy with them hands. And has himself a big old birthday wank in a can.

Defense rests, your honor, the fence rests. Now I can't make the decision myself, because I'm currently sad. So instead... I'm crazy that that was bang on a minute. I know, it's unbelievable. A lot of content into that minute. So I'm going to ask a live Phoenix audience to decide. So if you think that Mo and therefore Joss and Ben are in the right, I'd like you to applaud now. Yeah.

CHEERING Ben are in the right. I'd like you to applaud now. Yeah. But if you think Harriet and Fansure and therefore Alfie had the best case, please applaud now. Here we go. A death row pardon for the boy. Big thanks to Moe and Alfie. How do you feel about the results? Devastated. Much better, thanks. It and Alfie. How do you feel about the results? Devastated. Much better, thanks. It's a miracle! It's a miracle! Headless chicken! You've taken one out of a beating. There's a new miracle on town.

One more round to go. One more round to go before we find out who will be filling our bird feeders. But it's midnight! I know, it's been a long one. But before we separate the tweets from the chaff inch, let's hear my favourite bird song, it's the quick fire round. It's the round that goes really quickly. Which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction What a lovely joke

It has a long introduction Though the round is really quick And here's another interesting fact about this jingle It is actually recorded as one take The interesting fact about this jingle It is actually recorded as one take Why don't you jizz yourselves about that? I don't know what he's referring to Everyone jizzes about the fact That things are done in one take

Oh my god, it's so incredible because it's done in one take Oh my god, you never cut away to see anything else You know what's done in one take Please tell us Fucking life, mate Please tell us fucking life mate Oh my god, it's actually a masterpiece because it's done in one Well, do you know what if it's done in one take how come you never see the cameraman take a shit? Answer me that mate when you're busy losing your crap. Oh my god, here's a secret that the wallpaper in that episode 2 tells us.

It actually is a revelation about the way society had its done in one take! I don't care that it was done in one take. Ooh, tell us again. I've been doing things in one take. All my damn life. So you can take all your one take hyperbole. And you can stick it in one take wide up your arse. You know what I have said.

Still thinking about that pronunciation. Yes, you know what I have said You're still thinking about that pronunciation Yes you know what I have said And now I'm regretting that this is one take Because I just didn't think where I said You know what I have just said and it didn't make any sense Ooh, that's never stopped us before But there's no going back now Because this is one take

I'm starting to see the benefits of an edit. Maybe we should try doing three or four takes, maybe cut the best bits together. Ooh, it might be an idea. Maybe that's the best way to do it. And then right at the end, we'll attach the microphone to a drone. And the jinger will fly off into the air and everyone will be like, Oh, how are you doing that though? I just can't believe it's a masterpiece! I was crying and then it flew off into the air! Can everyone just calm down? It's just sad things happening one after the other

And happening in one take try writing a bloody joke, man that's a good point just write some fucking jokes and then come back to me about Masterpiece Anyway, this take is nearly ended It's time we all grew up Get it? And got on with the quick fallout Oh, I think that's a good idea

Which is also done in one take. But you don't read about that in The Guardian! Anyway, here it is. Let's get on with the quick fire ride. Jason, what have you done? The thing that was really making me laugh is that this is going to come out in like a couple of months. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

One's two. No, no, no. House of Games will still be on then. I can't believe they did it in one take. Next month's Flat Stand one that's just about to come out, is your Tiger King. Do you? LAUGHTER So this is the Quickfire Round, and as our show is all about bird feeders... Oh yeah. I forgot about that.

LAUGHTER This is well, isn't it? Bloody hell. They've all flown away because of Gwyn's base. LAUGHTER He's based them out. He's based them out the garden. Gwyn! I'm going to ask our panelists to sing their answers to the tune, because this is all about bird feeders,

of I Am Like A Bird by Nelly Furtado. Great to hear that song again. So, specifically the line... Harry is delighted to hear the tunes are back. Specifically the line... Larry is delighted to hear the tunes are back. Specifically the line... I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away. There'll be two answers to each question, one that sounds a bit like...

I'm like a bird, and one that sounds a bit like... Fly away. So if I were, for example, to say, who am I? I'm one of the greatest basketball players of all time, who earned the nickname Larry Legend, and I'm going up some steps, you could answer... I'm one of the greatest basketball players of all time who earned the nickname Larry Legend And I'm going up some steps you could answer. I'm Larry Bird and I'm on the stairway

Yes, guys. It's fake assonance Instead of buzzers, I would like you to shout out your first names Ben and Jaws. Let's hear yours. Ben Jaws Thank you very much Tom and Harriet Ben and Jaws, let's hear yours. Ben. Jaws. Thank you very much. Tom and Harriet. Harriet.

Did you add extra syllables to the start? Yeah, they've got, so what shall I just say? It could be has if you want. Has, har, har. Har, har. Let's go with har. Har. And you can be par.

I'll go with par. Par, par, and par. Can I ask a quick question? You can, of course. You said you could answer, I'm Larry Bird, I'm on the stairway. Yes. Would that be correct? You can, of course. You said you could answer, I'm Larry Bird, I'm on the stairway. Yes. Would that be correct?

No. Right, no. That would be incorrect. Cool. Just worth checking how it works. That would be absolutely bang on the money. We're going to start off with question one. That's the one I like to start with most weeks.

Who am I? I'm a former Conservative Party politician who served in the governments of Margaret Thatcher and John Major, and I'm in a Conservative Party politician who served in the governments of Margaret Thatcher and John Major and I'm in a machine that photographs bones. Tom. Tom. I'm Sherlock Holmes, I'm a consultant detective.

Tom, I see why you've made that mistake but that is incorrect. Right, right, sorry, sorry. I'm Cressida Dick. No, I mean again, it's not that. I'm a Baker Street. No, no, no, it's not that, but I see it's an honest mistake. Parr. Parr. I'm Douglas Hood, and I'm by an X-ray.

Yes, absolutely right, yeah. Who am I? I'm the current monarch, and I'm playing a round of golf. Har. Har. I'm like... Wait, what is it? The current monarch. Yep, so that would be King Charles. So I'm like King Charles.

I'm like King Charles. And how many Charles have there been? That's worth thinking about. I'm like King Charles. Yeah, yeah, just say it again. that's worth thinking about. I'm like King Charles. Yeah, yeah, just say it again. Are you going through all the King Charleses? Is that what you're doing to get to the third one? I'm going like the next King Charles. I'm like King Charles the third and I'm something about playing golf

and I think you say bird. Do you? No. You can get a birdie in golf, but that's not it. It's a rhyme in with way here. Oh, wait. And we're on question two. I'm King Charles and I'm free like a bird.

Okay, Tom. Tom, you're going to have to help out your teammate. I'm Charles the third and I'm on the fairway. Is correct. Who am I? Who am I? I'm an actress who starred in Last of the Summer Wine and advertised stair lifts. And I've joined the band to perform Sky Full of Stars and Fix You. Hara.

Okay, yeah, go on Hara. I'm like, Thor Ahead and I'm a bird. No, you have 50% of this game absolutely nailed. This can't be true. This can't be happening. The next bit is best by the way. I'll give you half a point. And yeah. I'm Thor Ahead and I like Coldplay.

Yeah, you're in Coldplay even better, but yes, absolutely correct. Who am I? I'm a small flying bug with a red and black dotted shell and I'm in the location where they film Home and Away, where Home and Away is set. Jaws. Yes. I'm a ladybird and I'm in the location where it is set

and it is called Home and Away. Is that in the question? No, it's not Home and Away. Where was it set? Tom. I'm Ladybird and I that in the question. No, it's not home and away. It's not home and away. Where was it set? Oh, Tom. Tom. I'm Lady Bird and I'm in Summer Bay. Is correct, yes.

Half point to Jarz, half point to Perry. Who am I? I'm the song that uses puppets in the sound of music and I'm in a big bunch of flowers thrown at a wedding. Tom. Tom. I'm yodel-odel-ay, and I am a bouquet. Okay, I'm going to give you half a point there,

but it's not the correct, it's the right, it's the right bit of, it's the right song, but it's the, yeah. Oh, Jaws. Jaws. I'm once on a hill, lived a lonely goat herd, and I'm in a bouquet. Yeah, I'm going to give you that, absolutely right. Who am I?

I'm the British band who performed Your Gorgeousorgeous and I'm standing where a plane might land. Tom. I'm Baby Bird and I'm on the runway. Is how we play, very good. Who am I? I'm how James Bond likes his martinis prepared and I'm a dish you put your cigarettes in. Ben. I think Ben was there first. I'm a shaker not stirred and I'm an ashtray. Is correct. Who am I? I'm the 2000s TV show about a group of gay and bisexual women living in left-west Hollywood.

And I'm in the galaxy that contains our solar system. Ha. Ha. I'm in the L Word and... Oh no. Oh no. You can do it. I just want to say bird. Not bird, it's way this time. It's a fly away. And I'm in the Milky Way.

Yeah. Yeah. That is how we play. Who am I? I'm a word processing program developed by Bill Gates's company and I'm appearing in a production on a Manhattan Avenue typically regarded as the heart of American theater land.

Yes, Ben. Uh, what's the... Ah. Par. I'm not gonna lie to you, it was a long question, but you can do it, Clarky, go on. Uh, I can't remember the first bit. Well, you can't do it then.

Par. Par. I am word appearing on Broadway. I'm gonna give it to you, I'm Mike Wood, word appearing on Broadway. That is our time and those are our questions. And at the end of the round, we have a winner, but before we find out who that is,

would anyone like to plug anything? Jaws, anything to plug? I'm making a new show, it's called You Wait, Time Passes. It's about doing fuck all with your life. It's in Edinburgh at the Fringe this year and I'm directing a bunch of other really great shows as well. They're all on my website or on Instagram and that stuff. Have you heard of this?

Oh yeah, I love it. I love it. We're all about it now. How many takes? One. That's all we need to hear. That's all we need to hear. Harriet, what about you?

I have some podcasts. I have one called Desert Island Dicks and it's about things you wouldn't want on an island and single ladies in your area. Both fantastic. Thank you. Is Cressida Dick on the Dicks podcast? Cressida Dick. Thanks to all of you for watching. As always check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share, like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. The next shows are happening in May and June and there's some fun lineups.

For May 27th, we've got Natalie Cassidy. She's going to be doing May 27th. And then June 2nd, we've got Miles Jupp and Rasheen Conaty. So look forward to all three of them cancelling very close to this. Connity so look forward to all three of them cancelling very close to them. I was reading out why we even say it. One of the chances. Why are you even saying it? But it'll be May 27th to June 2nd. Also our producers got an album coming out.

Give us a little taste of it. If you're a fan of the fretless bass. Oh baby. And give us the scoop. Take us down, boy. So producer Gwyn, with the funk bass ringing in our ears, what are the final scores? I can't do both at once. Ben and Joss have 20 points, but Tom and Harry are the winners with 31.5.

Oh, so Ben and Joss are filling the bird feeder, whilst Tom and Harry are filling the bird feeder, whilst Tom and Harry are filling me with a different kind of seeds. They're feeding me some flaxseed as part of my low FODMAP diet. Thanks to our guests, Joss Norris and Harriet Kemsley. We've been Pappy, see you next time on Flatshare Slamdown. Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown, leading Matthew Crockett, Ben Clark and Tom Perry,

with special guests, Harriet Kemsley and Joss Norris. He was devised by Pappy's Flashest Landout features Matthew Crockett, Ben Clark and Tom Perry with special guests, Harriet Kempfry and Joss Norris. It was devised by Pappy's and Ben Walker. TechLens, which is produced by Emma Corsham and Gwen Rhys-Davies. It was produced by Emma Corsham. Big thanks to everyone at The Phoenix, to all the wonderful folks who came to today's show and to all of you at home for listening. Pappy's Flashest Landout is a particularly good production

for the ACAS and the internet. Cheers, everyone. Bye! CHEERING Roll it! Wow. Honestly. What a show. So enjoyable it makes me want to get to Waterloo Station and kneel down in front of a bloody mural of Harriet Kemsley. That's weird. I suppose it is. It's a bit, you know. What are you saying is we went to Neil on a flat escalator. On a flat escalator, yeah. It would be.

You'll be disappearing, waving to Harriet like you're on a train. It would feel like you're doing one of those long football slides. Remember Clark, he did an advert where he was on his knees sliding and he went all the way around the town. It's an homage to that, if anything. Is that on YouTube, Clarky? It must be somewhere. Can we put it in the show notes? Clarky, listen here, Clarky did an advert where he slid on his knees like a gold celebration, but then slid for about three months or something around

the town. He slid around the world, didn't he? He slid, or it was the slide that could be heard around the world. What were you advertising? Knee pads? Canal Plus? Canal Plus. Ironically, a walk away.

What, the film production company? Yeah, well, they do a sports stuff as well. That makes more sense. I just love films. Whenever I'm down the Kersin Soho, I always see the logo for Canal Plus and Pathé. And I always think of you. He's doing these lines. He's doing all the way down.

I take a knee. I take a knee. Anyway, join me there. Waterloo Station on Annie's, enjoying that episode. Right, we're going to go and have a lie down. We've got to record a flash to stand down tonight, Tom. Bring it on. The Tuesday gold. Anyway, thank you for listening. Listen, today's episode is going to be a and have a lie down. We've got to record a flash to stand down tonight, Tom. Bring it on. Tuesday gold.

Anyway, thank you for listening. Listen, today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers, everyone. Bye.