Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1510: New fables and an unbelievable personal discovery from Parry

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

We're back in your ear canals. The smells don't lie, but do the bears?Don’t forget…You can get the show early and ad free (plus a bonus episode every week AND discount for the live Slamdown shows) by joining our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshare PAPPY'S FLATSHARE SLAMDOWN, is back at the Phoenix Pub for TWO Flatslams on May 27th and June 2nd!WITH SPECIAL GUESTS...TUESDAY MAY 27TH: NATALIE CASSIDY + LEAH DAVISMONDAY JUNE 2ND: ROISIN CONATY + MILES JUPPPappy’s Flatshare Slamdown is the hilarious and anarchic panel game hosted by award-winning sketch heroes Pappy’s and featuring great guests from the world of comedy.You can buy tickets for either show or use this special link to buy ONE DISCOUNTED TICKET THAT GETS YOU INTO BOTH SHOWS!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom of Pappy's Flat Share fame. And I am Ben of the same. And I am Matthew and I do loads of other stuff as well. But it's great to be here. With a dagger! Ouch! I've got a few more slightly successful irons in the fire, but not many. Not many.

Piercing. I know, it's cruel stuff from Crosby Early Dawn. Some more successful, but none as regular. That's very true. None as persistent. Like a stain. Like a stain! The podcast stain on your ear canals. We're here to help you! That's very true. Honest, persistent. Like a stain.

Like a stain. The podcast stain on your ear canals. We're here, listener dear, and we're never going away. Today we are bringing you another episode of Papi's Flat Share. And let me tell you something. These have been a real joy of late. Yes. I really enjoyed myself.

Yeah, that really comes across actually. a real joy of late. Yes. I really enjoyed myself. Mmm. Yeah, that really comes across actually. Oh no! Oh no, I'm the only one who's enjoying myself. No, they're great. We absolutely love it. So yes, if you don't know how it started working, we're all back in the same room

together recording and it's changed everything. If you want to see the episode as well, you can get over to YouTube, youtube.com forward slash at Papi's Flat Share. You can see us chatting away. It's all over there. And then of course, if you want to get this episode early and ad free, you can go to our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash Papi's Flat Share. And there are clips on Instagram on X and on Facebook and all of those places as well. And tick tock and tick tock. Yes. How are we doing?

Clarky Clarky. How are we doing on our tick tock at the moment? We are up to, I think around 130 followers. Wow. Oh, that's good. Is that near the max? Is that the max? That's almost that's almost top out. Yeah, that used to happen on Facebook, didn't it? You've got enough friends and I, the max? That's almost, that's almost. I think we're about to top out, yeah. That used to happen on Facebook, didn't it? You've got enough friends. And I think, you know, there's a, yeah, you've got enough friends. Stop asking for new friends. What are we on, Clarky?

We got, we got five followers overnight. So we're on 137 now. Yes, baby! This is it. This is progress. We're on about 800 over on YouTube. So please do join us because we got an email at 500 and I'm desperate. I'm join us because we got an email at 500 and I'm desperate.

I'm sure they'll send us an email at a thousand. I really want to get to it. So if all of the people who follow us on TikTok could also follow us on YouTube and bring 70 plus of your friends, that would be great. Do you get a message from the king at a thousand? I think so. The king of YouTube, yeah.

The king of YouTube creators. Okay. Yeah. I don't even know who that is. They've kept their head down, the creators of YouTube, haven't they? All the other ones you're like, oh, I know who owns this and I hate them. But I just assume YouTube are great. I also couldn't put a name and a face to Google.

The two guys you invented Google, the Google guys. Yeah, no, I don't know either. I'd walk past them in the street. I wouldn't know the Google guys. You walk past them in the street and you wouldn't stop to high five them on their fantastic search engine. Exactly. We've got a message in from Rob. Hello, Rob, and thank you so much for getting in touch.

Now this is crucial. He's called it potential branding issue. That's his email. Potential branding issue. Oh, my God. Hi folks, says Rob Rob only a quick one. I've been a long time Pappy's fan but never got onto the Patreon because I always assumed the pop round was a sort of Pappy's music quiz and wasn't that bothered about. No offence. I recently realized it is quite simply more podcasts for your buck and hence subscribed. Cheers Rob. What I like about this is he's made a mistake. I mean, we've told people what that's a pop round is. It's an extra episode of us chatting

and reading out emails and stuff like that and, and a fun community, but he's made a mistake and crucially at no point ever use the words music or quiz. No pop round, I guess he's sort of thinking about like, you know, like Ken Bruce would have done on the radio back in the day. But he's, he has, he's then said potential branding issue. But you know what? I respect that. I respect that. Let's change it to the geography round. Exactly.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Papi's geography quiz over on our Patreon. Yeah. So just to, for anyone who might be laboring under the same misapprehension, the pop round is not a pop round as if you might have in a pub quiz. Oh my god. It's as in we've popped round to your house and you or you pop round to our house and we're all hanging out together. That's why it's called the

flat share pop round. But again, do you know what? He's not wrong. We have had branding issues in the past. He's dead right. It's only like, it's just amazing when you suddenly see it or hear it, you go, of course, of course someone's going to think that's a, that's a music based quiz. It's like, it makes a lot of sense. We didn't focus group it, did we? We never, we focus group all of our decisions, but it's a very small focus group of three idiots. We've only got a third of a brain each. It's not much of a group.

Wow. So yeah, the flip side of that is we have for years had people leaving our Patreon with the words, where's the music quiz I'm unsubscribing. So we should have clocked it earlier So we should have clocked it earlier. We should have clocked it earlier. But yeah, it's an extra episode every single week. And if you, you also of course get the video and you get the audio early and ad free. And if you join today, and apologies to you

if you're listening to this already on the Patreon, but if you join today, you can join for free for the first seven days, a seven day free trial. Oh, give it a try. Yeah. And also if we put in a few extra little if you if you do the seven day free trial, and you like it and you want to sign up there, there may even be a little sweetener where you can get the first couple of months at a discount rate. We're just trying that. So there's never been a better time to join the patreon patreon.com Forward slash Pappy's flat share and you know what I think we might even do a music quiz next week

We've got a very special guest Ken Bruce is gonna come Stewart is you know the cat Number one hit with what song? Bup, bup, bup. Great. Okay, okay, okay. Well anyway, should we talk about the next Flat Slams as well? Yeah, I was going to say something else you get with the Patreon is discounted tickets to our live shows.

We do live records of Pappy's Flat Shed Slam Down and let me tell you something, they are the most enjoyable comedy nights of the year for us so you've got to get along and enjoy them too because we always have a great time the audience always have a great time we have some absolute You did it as Bane from Batman On the cusp of a yawn which is how I believe Hardy's method for the whole of that film. So just be right on the cusp of a yawn and then you go action. He's internalizing a yawn for the whole of that film, which is not easy to do.

The audience love it, we love it and we have guests from the top draw of British comedy. If British comedy was a chest of draws, we are operating from the top two draws. We never straight down to the third or fourth. Because a lot of the top draw aren't available sometimes. You have to go to the second draw sometimes and they're great as well. We never go down to the third or fourth draws. And that is our guarantee. Well, now we're in the third or fourth.

Yeah, that's where we live. We're underneath. You look in the fourth draw where it's kind of like your old. Roll down the back of the cabinet. People have forgotten us. Your old swimming shorts, a wetsuit and your winter socks. You know, that kind of miscellaneous fourth draw. A lozenge covered in fluff.

I guess the top two, we're talking socks and pants. We're talking folded t-shirts. That's the caliber of guests that we're booking. Absolutely right. And you don't get much more top draw than the guests we have on May 27th. Or second draw. But we won't say. Okay, Tom.

I love the analogy, but it really is crucial that we tell people the dates because they're going to be looking inside their sock drawers to see if the tickets are there and they won't be. They're going to be on pappyscomedy.com forward slash live and the dates are May the 27th and June the 2nd. On May the 27th, we have Natalie Cassidy of EastEnders fame and on June 2nd we have Miles Jupp and Roisin Conaty. All of them straight out of the I would say top drawer.

Yeah, they're sitting on top of the cabinet even. They are on top of the cabinet like the Laughing Gnome. They really are. May 27th, June 2nd, pappiescomedy.com forward slash live. Grab your tickets to Daisy. And the laughing gnome was a comedy single by a witch famous pop star. That started in the Northeast and travelled up. I was going to say, your Ken Bruce is more visual than anything. That was Tom Hardy playing Ken Bruce is more visual than anything.

That was Tom Hardy playing Ken Bruce. It's very good. He's actually spawn. There's a reason we're around the back of that drawer. We've done, have we done admin there? Have we done all the dates and the times? I believe we have. Yes. Yes.

Brilliant. Well, let's get into this Flat Share episode. A real treat. Tommy, you okay, mate? Yeah, I'm just trying to remember what it's about and how to kind of introduce it in a way that makes it feel palatable. But I guess it's best to keep shtum

and let you get into it, I think. And we'll see you on the other side. Happy flat share. Talking about whatever. Happy flat share. How are we doing this forever? Happy flat share. But we don't really live together. Happy's Flat Share Talking about whatever Happy's Flat Share How are we doing this forever? But we don't really live together

Happy's Flat Share Yeah! I'd love to be crass, but a couple of things have started happening No, one of them's crass I guess I don't want to be crass, but actually I'd love to be crass for just a second If we could have a little crass break Go on, go on No, be crass, you're love to be crass for just a second. If we could have a little crass break. Go on, go on, no be crass.

You're allowed to be, listen, this is what this is about. It's very relaxed. A couple of things have started happening to me that have given me like a sense of... Purpose? Finally! How do I get this? I don't know if this will make sense to you. My, oh my god, my farts have started smelling again. I don't know if this will make sense to you.

My, oh my God, my farts have started smelling again. Right, now listen. What, again? Yeah, and I feel like I've had, I've reached a stage, or I've reached a stage where my farts weren't really smelling that badly. Tom, I can tell you now, that's never been the case. I don't want to be crass Tom, but- Tom, shut the fuck up. Honestly, I got into my forties and I was like, oh, my farts aren't bad anymore.

What? I know. I think- Do you think I've lost my sense of smell? I think you've regained your sense of smell, yeah. No, I think what's happened is you got so used to it. You know how like when you're in your own house, you don't notice and then you leave your house,

you come back and go, oh yeah, we did have salmon last night. You're talking about lockdown. Exactly. Exactly. All the way through lockdown. I've re-entered the real world. That's what I'm saying. It's mad.

Yeah, Tom had a very long lockdown, by the way. He only just came out early 2025. Do you have anyone else who could corroborate this? Yeah like I guess just me. Tom you would crack under questioning. I'm telling you now and I'm telling you the truth the jeopardy has come back into farting for me. I don't think you can tell us that it's true Tom. It It had gone away. I could fart quite a bit. And if it wasn't loud, I'd be fine. Whereas now it leaves its own mark.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You might not sit on my sofa anymore, please. And I was like, oh, my farts are back, baby. You seem quite happy about that. I was in a way, I was like, oh, that's good. Kind of reminds you you're still alive, I guess. It's fucking hell.

Is that the only thing that reminds you you're alive? Because I think you might be dead because the corpse is far as well. For a good while. I don't know. What's a good while? I mean, yeah, the gas has caged. Please, that lid open, will you? I'd give it 15. I was going to say on your tombstone, I'd give it 15 minutes.

It'd be quite funny to have a fart pipe on your grave, and it's like a little tube, and you can have a smear. Oh, no, it's not like that. What have you just done? Sometimes when I'm really missing Tom, I go down to his grave and I just smell the fart pipe for a little bit. I just laugh at the fart pipe. And I go, well, this is one from 2023. It doesn't smell of anything. I'm telling you, I've had a good run of it. And now it's back to the bad old days.

Do you think, have you changed your diet in any way? No, this is so, this is my question. Have you, I don't know what it could be. You're not back on the Huel again are you? What is it that you've, I notice you're eating a macaroni cheese bun in the back Huel. You're not back on the Huel are you? Oh no. We've had an intervention. I think Perry's back on the heel, are you? Oh no. We had that intervention.

I think Parry's back on the heel. He comes to the door, there's just white powder all around his face. What is it? It's heel, it's heel. I assure you this is heel. That's what we're worried about. I'm a drunk heel. But, you know, it's just like, it's kind of given me a bit of a, you know, yeah, exactly. A bit of zip.

A bit of get up and go. I've actually put a pep in a few other people's steps as well. How do your family feel about this? Have you run it past them? Have you said, this is good news? No, well, gather round. Gather round. Have a good sniff of this.

Shut the door. Draw the curtains and close that vent. You just suddenly go like, oh, I've got to be more careful. I've got to be more careful. I've got to be more careful. I've got to be more careful. I've got to be more careful. I've got to be more careful. I've got to be more careful. I've got to have a good sniff of this. Draw the curtains and close that vent. It just, you just suddenly go like, Oh, I've got to be more careful again with my farts.

And you know, I didn't have to be for a good while. I think you did. Yeah, you always have to be. I've had a good five years of it. This is the thing. Oh yeah. I don't have much of a sense of smell. You don't? Or humour?

I don't have much of a sense of smell. You don't? Or humor? Sometimes I don't have it at all. Or of your own crushing board. Gone. Gone. But I think that makes me a... Good friend. Good friend to you. I think it makes me a bad friend to other people who...

Because I just kind of... My sense has gone with farting completely. Because you don't smell your own farts. Because I don't smell them. So I just kind of have this kind of thing of like, that probably doesn't smell. Oh really?

I know I'd own the side of caution if I were you. I really should. Yes, and I'm saying that. I was sat next to you all morning. Yeah. I mean, I forget that you have no sense of smell. That is mad. Yeah. Have you ever...

Had a sense of smell? Has this been from birth? Have you not wanted to fix it? I did tell the doctor, at the time, they were like, have you got it now? And I was like, yes. And they're like, come back when you don't. Why did you go the day you had it? But like, there's no, there's no rival reason to it. It's like either there or it isn't, but now it's mostly not there. On average, how many things will you smell in a week?

And that's a question for, that's a question for everybody. And that's a question for Contestant A. The only thing that cuts us through is you, Tom. That's what I like being in your company, makes me feel alive. But is it, is it like, how many things do you think you smell in a week, Tom? Is it like being hard of hearing? That's my point. I feel like I've got a vivid sense of scent.

So I feel quite good about that. Says the man who says his parts don't smell. That's why I'm a reliable narrator. So you're saying that it's a bit like when you talk about one sense being weakened, the others are heightened. Is that what you're saying? Yes, but that's my question for Clark, he is. He's got good ears.

Is it like your hard of hearing? Yeah. Is it like your hard of hearing that you can smell strong smells they get through? Or is it like your smell blind? Yeah, smell blind. Why isn't there a word for that? Because there's a word. I tell you what I get, if I blow my nose, I'll get like a split second of smell.

So it's in there. So if I've had like- So there's a lot of stuff that's in there. Did you play a lot of sort of marble runners? I do sometimes think that they're like, if I go to the doctors, I'll be like, oh yeah, they'll just like pull out a drawing pin or something. The old P in the ear. Is that what happens in the story?

I've never read. There's a man who's been deaf for 30 years and he goes to the doctors and she with a fisherman's hook. She takes out a pee. Is it? Takes out a pee. He's had a pee. Is it?

It's a good book. You got to read it. That's great. That's not the whole book. That's just the start. I don't want to be like, who's playing that mandolin? No, that's easy. It also got no sense of smell.

She pulls a mandolin out of his nose. It's like, I'm surprised you came. That's where I put it. I'm surprised you came. Guys, I'm back in the band! So, if you've not read Captain Kareli's mandolin... I've not. Why are you saying it like that?

What would you say, what would the story be for you? It's a very famous book. I think there's like a war element and a guy who plays the mandolin. So I thought it was like a guy, guy who's like on an island. Yeah. Just like, you know.

Mint cigarette. Mint cigarette. Mandolin hero. It's just some guy mint cigarette on an island with a mandarin. It's a tropical island. Where did he pull that? You're listening to Papi's book review. We review books we haven't read.

And books that were really, really hugely successful about 25 years ago. It was massive when it came out. But anyway, if that's the case, then that means it's working, right? But something's in its way. Yeah. I think there's some kind of, yeah, you've got to get this sorted. It feels like, yeah, this more so than... It feels like an intervention. Yeah. More so than Parry getting his arsehole sorted. It's bad, baby.

Take you away with that. That's why I want to keep it plugged. It's uncorked. Oh, that's my second point. I've started shitting again, guys. It feels so good. I'd forgotten how good it is to do a shit. Yeah. Five long years. I know, I was going to say you look slimmer.

What a draught. It was locked down in more sentences than one. It was a pee. It was a pee. Should never eat that pee. I'll never touch vegetables again. Just pure yule. It's back on it. Back on the yule now. Liquid in.

Oh, reliable yule. No need to breathe. He's back on it. Back on the Hule now. Liquid in, liquid out. No need to breathe. Responsible Hule by the way. Hashtag add. Tom, I've got to ask you though. Now that your sense of farting has come back, do you think other parts that you've lost are going to grow back? Are you assuming you're going to get a full head of hair?

Imagine if with every fart. Other parts that you've lost are going to grow back. Are you assuming you're going to get a full head of hair? Imagine if with every fart. I really enjoy that. It's official. The idea that by the end of this podcast, you'd have like, it'd be like Rapunzel. With every fart, his hair grows back. He regains his looks but loses his friends.

It's kind of like a trade-off. And that's what Captain Grell is about, is it? I might give that a read, actually. That sounds way better than what I was about. Just a man farting around on a tropical island with a mandarin. You open a door and I've got a full head of it. I wouldn't come in if I were you. Oh no.

Enjoy my luscious locks from afar. There's got to be like some kind of parable in that. You know, it feels like one of the old kind of Aesop fables or something. What's going on? Is this how the man got his hair? Yeah. There's a crow, you know, it'd be a crow that farts. How the crow farted so much he gave himself a flat top. Now, you were very harsher on Clarky, but I've got to ask you the same question.

Have you read Aesop's fables? What do you think they're about? Fair play to Aesop. He did well with those fables, didn't he? He did do very, very well. They stuck around for a good long while. Yeah, if you think of a fable, you're thinking of Aesop. Yeah, anyone else who was having their fables, didn't he? He did do very, very well. They stuck around for a good long while. Yeah. If you think of a fable, Yeah.

You're thinking of Aesop. Yeah. Anyone else who was having their fables batting around. What are the highlights here? Well that's where he says, he's got curtains, he's got frosted tips. He's got curtains, he's got frosted tips. It just depends on the strength of the fart.

Yeah. If you're like, right, I really want to get, I really want to get highlights. I've got to eat a lentil dahl. What you eat is what your hair colour is. Is that what we're saying? I think that's kind of it. Okay. I don't mind it. What happens with, no, no. No, let's not. In fact, should we not talk about any of this?

The big fables. Is that what you're going to ask? What are the big fables? There's the crow who farts his feathers away. Yeah. There's the pig who pisses himself a jumper. Hence the expression, piss me that jumper. Piss me that jumper is freezing. Yeah. Well, it'll be more but first. I like the, of course, the frog who burps himself goggles.

Yeah. That's very sweety. It's heartwarming. Very, very heartwarming. Exactly. It's a cautionary tale. Yes, yes. Good point.

It's a cautionary tale. It's a cautionary tale. It's a cautionary tale. Go on. I would, I was quite comfortable on these sort of fables and now I'm getting to it. I think the crow and the jug and the stone. I don't know this one. So the crow and the jug. And the stone. It's a great book.

The lion dies halfway through. No spoilers. So the idea was that the crow was putting, had a long, the crow had a short beak, so it couldn't reach the bottom of the jug. And so it was putting pebbles into the jug, so the water level rose and it was able to drink from it. Rose, I see. Is that the entirety of the fable? Because that sounds like a science. Is that like entirety of the fable? Because that sounds like a science. It sounds like a physics lesson. I don't think that's something you would do in primary school.

Yeah. Rather, and you don't need to involve a crow then. And then there's the one where the bat drops some phosphorus onto the top of the water and it floats. I was struggling with physics experiments there. There's the beaver and the magnesium and the beaver and the bunsen burners. Great fable. Yeah I can't think of any of them. Talks of the hare, is that Aesop? Let's give it to Aesop. Let's give it to Aesop. Let's give it to Aesop. What about the bear and the two men? The bear and the two men. Losing faith here. And the two men. I think the bear and the two men's one as well. Go on, tell us it. Two men are walking on a... Oh, and the man in the coat and the wind. Wait, just...

That's your one, isn't it? The man who can now smell his own wind. I should have just taken my coat off. Turned out it was muffling the smell. Keep that in my coat. Blow me out. Can I take your coat? I wouldn't if I were you, mate.

Didn't know you were in a puffer jacket. It's not. Barry's absolutely rife with. Parry looks like the bloody Michelin man over there. Just steam coming out of the collar, that's not steam. Parry puts his head up, he asphyxiates himself. No, you were going to tell us, you had a couple of fables you wanted to tell us, Parry's fables. So you have the man, the two men and the bear, the two men and the bear. Two men and the bear. There's a man. No, no, no. You can't just end it there. What's the fable?

There's two men walking. Yeah. And a bear comes along. I mean, there's only one set of footprints. The bear's hitting the man. And the one bear plays dead. The bear plays dead? No, sorry. Hang on, hang on. Let's get this right. There's two men walking. Plays dead Let's get this right there's two men Get this right There's a bear. There's two men, there's three men. And the wind, have I said there's wind?

Oh God, the crow. There's a bear and two friends walking. Two friends. A bear and two friends. A bear and two friends. Sorry, sorry. This could have sounded more flimsy. There's a bear and two friends.

No, no, sorry. There are two friends walking. Yes. A bear appears. Right. One friend runs and jumps up a tree on his own to a high branch. That's impressive. If you did that, I'd be so impressed. If you ran and jumped up a tree. I wouldn't have to play dead.

And the friend is like, help me, help me. And the guy's too scared to help him. So he lies down and pretends to be dead. The bear comes over, looks like he's going to eat the guy. Whispers something in his ear, walks off. The friend comes down from the tree and says, oh my God, that was incredible. What did the bear say to you? This can't be right. This can't be easy.

And then the guy says, the bear said, get a better friend. The bear said, get a better friend. The bear said, get a better friend. The bear said, don't worry, I've got an axe in the car. That's it. This is not true. That's one of Aesop's fables. I'm putting it up there. I'm putting that on the board.

So you've got the bear and two friends. If this is pointless, it's like maybe Aesop's fable. putting that on the board. So you've got the bear and two friends. If this is pointless, it's like naming some fable. Talk us through the boards. I'm going with the bear and two friends. You actually whispered the same thing to Zander Armstrong to you. Really unfair. Really unfair. Richard's a good man. Get a series of friends to come and do it for a week. And then the second one is, and this one I'm confident in now actually, the more I think about it, there's a man in a coat, are you as confident as the last one that definitely wasn't an Esop's fable? The more I think about it, the more I know my Esop's fables.

Yeah, go on. There's a bear, no. Is the coat bearskin. Are you thinking of the reverend? Bear and the man are now friends. There's a man, there's a man in a coat and he's being watched by the sun and the wind. Oh, okay. Yes. You don't mind it. Yes.

I know this one. And the sun and the wind says to the sun, I bet you I can get that guy to take his coat off. Yeah. And the sun says, go on then. And the wind blows and blows and he's guy to take his coat off. And the sun says, go on then. And the wind blows and blows and he's trying to blow the coat off. And the more he blows, the more the man puts his coat around. And then the sun says, watch this.

And he goes down to the man and he whispers in his ear, get a better coat. That coat is so much easier. Go ahead, get a better coat. Get a better coat. That coat is so hot season. Get a better coat mate. Yeah, the wind, the sun shines and says, yeah, the sun says watch this, the sun shines, it's really hot. He takes his life. If I was the wind, I wouldn't take that bet because the entirety of time you see people in your season, which is like autumn, right?

Yeah. Putting on coats. In the summertime, there are no coats. This is mad actually, isn't it? Why is the wind gone? Yeah, all right, autumn, right? Yeah. Putting on coats in the summertime. There are no coats. This is mad actually, isn't it? Maybe it's the wind gone. Yeah. All right.

I'll take the bet. Yeah. Maybe it's a young wind. It's like naive and go get in you. You know, sure. A hungry wind. The hungry wind. Hungry wind subtitle.

I could smell it. You've just eaten. Is it this then? Is it the wind and the sun having an argument about which is stronger? This sounds like what's the... And then they look down and they go, well here you go, and I think the sun goes... I'm going to give that man cancer. Come back in 60 years, then we'll see you win. Yeah, that's it, isn't it? Is it the sun's eye, is the sun a bit of a trickster

in this case? It sounds like it, yeah. But is there like, is there a moral? Yes. You're supposed to be getting for this, and what is that moral? Don't use force. Don't wear a coat on a hot day.

Don't use force, manipulate people with kindness. Is it kind? It's like, it's kind of, you can get, I think it's some long lines of getting your own, you know, get people to do what you want them to do. That's why I think it's quite manipulative. By being sunny. A sunny disposition is more likely to get someone to take their coats off. If you leap on top of somebody and they try and pull your coat off, don't let the tree play dead. It's literally like persuasion, persuasion rather than force. I think is the point. And it's basically if the sun keeps doing what it was doing anyway, where the wind really gets sort of aggressive.

I swear there's a few more with birds in them. And then what's the moral of the bloody bear one though? Get a better friend. They literally tell you. But, but... Don't abandon your buddies. Don't abandon your buddy. But how would that have helped in that situation?

If you... Listen, what he should have done is he should have pointed to his friend and went, he's dead. If you need me I'll be up this tree. Listen, what he should have done is he should have pointed to his friend and went, he's dead. If you need me, I'll be up this tree. Get a better friend or like pull him up. I don't know. There's something in it. You also get that thing of play dead around bears.

And that never feels like, surely that's not the best way. I heard it's different for different bears. Yeah, you've got to know. Do you know what I mean know what kind of bear? The scene I'm imagining now as well is the bear comes along and I lie down and I'm playing dead and the bear comes out and he's like, this guy's fucking dead. Oh well.

And just as he turns to leave, you know, like in the great escape when they're about to get on the train. Oh yeah. Have a good holiday. And he goes, thank you. I haven't seen it for a while. So just as the bear's about to leave, he goes,

what's that smell? Yeah, exactly. That's it. The bear turns around and you just hear a brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr his fart and he goes, oh, few. And that's the moral of the story. Oh, few is the moral. It's a good moral. A few good fables. And it's every, every fable ends with the characters. No, no, no one is affected by anything.

And everyone gets away unscathed. Oh, phew. Oh, phew. Oh, phew. That was half of the best. What did he say? He said, get a better friend. Oh, phew. Look to camera.

I love the way as well, Tom, you know, Tom, there are three cameras here. Your look to camera was this. Looks at wall. You could have done, look, you could have done any one of those cameras to do a look to camera was this. Looks at wall. You could have done any one of those cameras to do a look to camera, and you did the wall. How am I gonna mime look to camera

in a room literally full of cameras? What's the moral of this? Get a better friend. Should we try though? I feel like there needs to be a modern fable. Like we need to come up with new fables for the TikTok generation. Is the hair and the tortoise a fable? I think the hair and the tortoise is definitely a fable. Like we need to come up with new fables for the Tiktok generation. Is the hair and the tortoise a fable? I think the hair and the tortoise is definitely a fable. Yeah, but we don't know whether it's one of ESOP.

It's slow and steady wins the race. And of course the tortoise is a few. Phew, I've won that race. Slow and steady wins the race is the moral and the fable. I don't know if it's ESOP, but it's definitely a fable. Okay. And yeah, okay. Is there one in looking before you, like, do you, I'm kind of working backwards now. You're starting with the idiom and then you're working backwards. Yeah, look before you leap. Yeah, and it's like, what's the fable behind that? Okay, so look out of the tree and if there's a bear on the ground chatting to someone, don't leap on his back. This is E-SOP's method, isn't it, is think of the idiom, sit there, wait for inspiration to strike and stick a couple of

animals in it. Yeah, but your examples of the idiom have been few and get a better friend. There is no idiom there. We've come up with so many examples of better friends. I back myself on a couple of those. Yeah, go on. I know, yeah, yeah, go on. What other ones are you thinking of?

What other ones are you thinking of? Isn't there one about the, is the dog are the ones you're thinking of? What are you thinking of? Isn't there one about the, is the dog in the manger? Is that one? What's the dog in the manger? It's an animal party. It's an animal party? This is a bad start. There's an animal party. It's an animal. Is that teddy bear's picnic one of his? No, there's an animal party.

You know when you're throwing a party and you're like, right I hope someone brought a manger because mine's out of action and an animal party with a manger There's a dog in a manger. Yeah fancy that my chances on that one Yeah So the idea is that the ever all the animals are eating out of the manger because that's what they're that's what they do That's what I do And then the dog gets in the dog gets in Travis sleep or In the manger. And everybody thinks the dog is the infant Christ. The shepherd dog.

And they say, get a better dog. The dogs, there is a dog, and the manger and a silver spoon. No, that's cats in the manger and a silver spoon. No, that's Cats in the Cradle. Cats in the Cradle. And also, by the way, that is not by Aesop, that song. No, no, no. No, it's ugly Kid Joe, isn't it? Well, that was certainly the cover version. I was just racking my brain. Is it Harry Chapin or is that Father and Son? But anyway, it's neither here nor there. It's not Aesop. We can agree on that. So what happens to this dog in the manger? Everyone,

everyone eats it. No, no, no. It plays dead. Someone says get a better manger. We're gonna need a bigger manger. It's gonna be one of the three. Anyway, long story short, I think the animals are having a party and then a dog gets in a manger and it really pisses everyone off. And then there might be a, the barn might go on fire or something. Feels like it might be. So it goes back draft. That's sleep where you eat.

That feels a bit like a Dick King Smith type novel. What's the right? The sheepdog? The sheep pig, yeah. No, the sheepdog is just a normal thing. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. That's what you think of one man and his dog. Yeah, he wrote the sheep pig, which became babe. Oh, literary is confusing, isn't it? Yeah.

Do you say literary is confusing? Why did you lose your job at the London Review of Books? I'm going to be the fable for you. And the moral is, literally, it's confusing. It's literally confusing. This is the story of the man who never read. Tom, can I ask you a question? Can you read? Look, if we... How I feel is like, if I had just an ounce of prep for this, I'd be fine.

Do you want to take, do you want to take a short break and go on esop.com and see if you know if I an ounce of prep for this, you'd be fine. Just Googling animal party. I also think there's one about, I think a fox will play, there's gotta be a fox. A fox will play its part. Because there's an element of like, the gingerbread man is not an Aesop's fable, but there's sort of, you know, the wily fox, never trust the fox, that's kind of the part of it. Cause the gingerbread man ends with the gingerbread man

leaping on the fox's back and he goes to go across the river. And it's basically, I don't know if the moral is like, Oh, get on my nose. Trust nobody, yeah. He says, get on my tail first, then his tail starts getting wet and he's like, I don't know if the moral is like, trust nobody. Yeah. He says, get on my tail first. The tail starts getting wet and he's like, I'll get on my back. And then he's like, get on my nose. No, no, no.

He gets on his tail and he goes, get away from my tail. I've just turned 44 and they've started smelling again. Sorry. I must be eating from a new bin or something. There's a Morley's that's opened here, I'm always foraging late at night. Get a better boat. So yeah, he gets on his tail, gets on his back, gets on his head. He throws him up into the air, snap and eats it. And that was the end of the gingerbread man.

Something else is brutal. Fucking chicken Licking. I was just thinking of Chicken Licking with the sky falling in. Yeah. Fuck me. Have you read that recently? No. Chicken Licking.

Something lands on Chicken Licking's head, I think. Is Chicken Licking, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an acorn. Thinks the sky's falling in. Goes and tells their friend who's like a rabbit. Penny, Penny. The rabbit. Goes and tells their friend who's like a rabbit. Penny Penny, don't they? Penny Penny, the rabbit. Goes and tells. Goes and tells Penny Penny. Goes and tells Goosey

Lucy. Yeah, yeah. Goes and tells... There's no rabbit. I don't know. Bunny, funny bunny or whatever. Flopsy-dopsy. Anyway, there's about eight of the cunts and then they all get to a wolf and he eats them and that's the end of the story. What?

Yeah. I can't remember the end. They literally just get eaten and eats them and that's the end of the story. What? Yeah. I can't remember the end. They literally just get eaten and they go, that's the end. I wonder if I had like an abridged version of the child. Like the story is. Or my mum just like would shut the book. They get scared and then they get eaten. And that's it. And it's like, don't be scared.

Don't be scared. Don't be scared or you'll get eaten. YOLO basically, I think. YOLO and don't go down the sort of conspiracy route. It's sort of like that sort of thing. It's like, you know, don't- That's what the big state want you to believe. Yeah.

Okay. You're a chicken. The firmament is falling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. All right. Wake up sheeple people. Oh, sheeple people, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

They do tell sheeple people. That's how they go, told sheeple people. Uh, but maybe Esau was the first, you know, truth teller. The first rapper. I thought you were going to say he was the first rapper. Oh no, I thought maybe he was the first rapper. He was sort of like, Eesop was a bit like Kendrick Lamar and that Fox was very much like Drake. Actually Dutch would be like Drake really. I don't know why he picked a Fox.

But yeah, anyway, I think a Fox will play its part when we get to the ESOP for true. And by, sorry. Yeah, yeah. Can we have that sentence again? I know, I know. Can you have that sentence in a different order maybe? I know literary is hard, but. Literary is hard.

You know what, your farts have started spelling, but your sentences are absolutely impenetrable. It's one, one end's got to work. You can't have both ends working. There's going to be some kind of block chakra going on here. Yeah, I mean, the second bit that I was going to say right from the very start, I don't think we've got time for now is, and nosebleeds are back. Oh no. So maybe that's not good. Yeah. I think, I think you farted.

I was like, Oh yeah. You could have blocked me. Cause nosebleeds, they feel like, I felt quite like, Oh, that from back in the day. And are you getting, are you getting nosebleeds? Oh, when you have a nosebleed, Clark, it, I felt quite like, oh, they're from back in the day. And are you getting- I've never had one. Are you getting nosebleeds? Oh, when you have a nosebleed, Clark, it had to be the end of you. That absolutely will be.

Well, maybe that would be, I need one. Yeah. Actually, I don't know. Yeah, you're very keen there, but. You've never had a nosebleed. No. And you've got no sense of smell. Yeah.

There's gotta be something in it. Yeah. Something going on, isn't there? You've basically got, Your nose is just no function whatsoever. You may as well be Voldemort. It's porcelain. It's a purely decorative nose. It's a gorgeous nose. It's beautiful. But it does absolutely filch. It ties the face together, certainly, but your nose doesn't work in any way. Did you just point a hankie up and pull it? That's weird, you've had nosebleeds, I presume? I've had nosebleeds, yeah, not since I was a little kid. Exactly, well they're back.

For you? Yeah. Go to the doctor, please. kid exactly well they're back for you yeah go to the doctor please listen my farts are smelling and my anus is gushing blood I should say that and my nose can smell again and it is gushing blood and look at these weeping sores all over my flanks can we talk about these ears I'm actually sort of more blood and smell than a human being. But I feel so alive. But I know from chicken licking, I shouldn't be scared. Don't be scared. Don't be scared.

Um, well, anyway, yeah, that's, that's, that's about it really. Oh, well, thank you, Tom. Listen, I've really got other patients to see. So thank you very much for coming in. If you wouldn't mind popping your clothes back on. I must reiterate, I never told you to take those off. I was only examining your nose, but it's good to get a full picture. Yeah. Yeah.

And these polaroids you've taken actually, you can keep those. Just my advice, I guess is get a better friend. I told you about the time I got hives all over my body before I told you about that. And I had to send some photos to the doctor and they said can we have some photos where your bum isn't in it because we're not allowed to keep the ones with your bum in. And it was so humiliating. Felt cute, might delete later. Sorry, Doug. Felt cute. You got Snapchat. I'll delete it later. It was the fact that I said, what you saying?

As the comment underneath. What you saying? What's up, Doug? Take that out. It was so humiliating having to, having to crop it, but I still cropped it with just the tiniest little bit of cleavage. You're a cheeky one. You're a cheeky one. I did have like, I had hives all over my sort of torso and back and ass as well. So it wasn't, it was apropos.

It wasn't like my heart was completely fine. Like what would they see these hives on my neck? What if you only had hives on your ass? My neck, my back, my hives. Has anyone got an anti-istimid? What would you do if you've only got, yeah. What would you do if you only have hives on your ass? I think they'd say come in and show us in person. Well that's the problem. But yeah, I think if you have them all over your ass, they would say, yeah, I don't know. If you said, yeah, I've got a real problem with my ass, could you, can I send you a photo?

I didn't say can I send you a photo. The weirdest thing was I was in the office at the time. I was actually in the doctor's surgery. I said, I'm a little bit shy. Would you mind if I went behind that screen and sent you a few photos? Yeah. I said, I'm a little bit shy, would you mind if I went behind that screen and sent you a few photos? Yeah, that's probably how they do it these days, with the younger generation. Again, you're going to have to back up the track slightly. Work backwards and tell us it, music animals please.

Just before we put the lid on the Aesop's fables, is Icarus an Aesop's fable? No, that's gotta be a Greek myth, isn't it? Is it a Greek myth? He's an Aesop Greek. Ooh. For your consideration. Are you hoping to be nominated for a BAFTA for that, Tom? Submit that.

I'm gonna just leave that there. I'm gonna say I don't mind Icarus being in the mix. We should like at least one of us read a book. Yeah, yeah. I'm assuming, caution, have you done any, have you looked up any of these things? Can I just put by a thumbs up or thumbs down? Have we said anything that's in any way right? Oh no, that's not good. That's not a good sign. That's not a good hand shake. She's just holding up a photo of your ass.

Yeah, sorry for sending you that, otherwise it might be apropos. He's Greek as well. Apropos fables. She wasn't saying few after looking at those photos. Get a better friend. Get a better camera. There we go. Another epic episode. Another classic episode. Yes indeed. Yes.

And thank you very much for listening. Don't forget, of course, you can find us, you can find us on YouTube, you can find us on Instagram, you can find us on Facebook, you can find us on Facebook, you can find us on X, and crucially you can find us over on TikTok. Please do, please do find us there because we are, we would like to grow our, grow our social media fan base and we're not, you know what, we are not shy about saying that. We would like there to be 200 TikTok followers by this time. 2025. Okay, all right. We've all got different timeframes.

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