Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1519: Acceptable noises to make at the gym

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

We're back in your ear canals, blazers on, down the gym… This one’s for Steve BugejaTo get episodes early and ad-free - PLUS a bonus episode every week - join our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareTo watch full episodes of Pappy’s Flatshare find us on YouTube: www.youtube.com/@pappysflatshareAnd follow us onInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedyTikTok: www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: www.facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share. She is F, fanciful she is L, lovely she is A, absolutely T, terrific she is Share. Share isn't on this episode. No, no. I think that's a real shame because what a great get that would have been. Oh, it would have, wouldn't it? Oh wow. What a way to introduce her as well. If we could have finally asked her if it's true that there is a life after love. Well one day, we said at the start of this podcasting journey, maybe one day we'll be

able to get a share on as a guest. So you know, that she's still out there. Yeah, absolutely. You've got to put it out into the universe, don't you? You kind of have to manifest. Cosmic ordering. We're asking the universe to deliver Cher to us,

but we're also asking you, the listener, if anyone has a contact with Cher. That's the more practical. We should just contact our agent, actually, rather than asking the universe. Yeah, you know what? I don't think we should. I always find whenever you go through an agent

to try and book a guest, it's always a no. But if you go direct to the guest, especially via our listeners, that would be good. Okay, so what we're saying, Listener Dear, is have you got Cher's number? Can you join the Patreon? And like and subscribe on our socials. Anyway, welcome to today's episode.

Yeah, it's a Cherless episode. Yes, it is. As they all are. Yes, it is. As they all are. Yes, so far. So far. So far. One day we'll have Share. But yeah, for today, we've just got your three lovable lads.

Three sunny bonos. Sharing their thoughts. Absolutely. Right. Let me think. We talked about the gym. We talked about the gym. Yeah, because as you know, we're gym the gym. We talked about the gym. Yes.

Yeah, because as you know, we're gym rats. If anything, this podcast is going to teach you how to get an eight pack. Yeah. That's pretty much our deal. That's pretty much our deal. Half yourself to an eight pack, guys. Yeah. We've also got, oh, another classic impersonation.

Oh, great. We've got a classic impersonation coming up. Good stuff. So stay tuned for that and then probably another thing as well. Yeah, I imagine so. Yeah. Great. Well, if you're enjoying what we put out, then please show your support by getting onto the Patreon, four pounds a

month. You get a bonus episode every Thursday of Puppies Pop Round, which isn't a musical quiz as some might think. It's a whole other podcast in its own right. You also get these episodes early and ad free. So it's well worth joining and that's video episodes and audio episodes for different tiers, but early and ad free. So why not join? You also get promo codes for our live shows and we're going to be at the cheerful earful festival on the 19th of October. That's going to be our Halloween special tickets for that are on sale now. But if you've got a promo code from the Patreon, you can get in even cheaper. in even cheaper. Lovely. Clarky, give us the social spiel, you lovely boy. Oh, thank you. Well, Tom and everyone, please come and join us on TikTok and on Instagram.

We're putting out clips weekly. It's a lot of fun. Now, can I just check, was that just to Tom or was that to all the listeners as well? You're Tom, everyone. Tom. And most of all, to share. And please do share our clips. Exactly right. So, well folks,

you're going to be walking in Memphis when you hear this song. So turn back time, relax, and it's for Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves. Pappy's Flat Share. Talking about whatever.

Happy's Flat Share. We've been doing this forever. But we don't really live together. Happy's Flat Share. Yeah! So I was in the gym the other day. Oh, here we go. Boring! Oh my god.

All of Clarky's anecdotes are like, I was in the gym. I was having sex with this beautiful woman. They're always like that. He's a real alpha character. Is he gone? Yeah. Yes. You're in the gym. What you bench him bro at the moment? What you, what you're lifting? I just, I get under the gym and just lift the whole thing. Like Atlas, you carry the gym on your back to a different location. That's right. There isn't, there actually isn't loads of Pure Gyms around. There's one and Clarky's just moving it all around London. He is Pure Gym.

That's his name. It's his alter ego. Pure Gym. So what were you doing in the gym? Well, I was doing, you know. What do you do, Clarky? Do you do the two ropes? I don't do that.

I don't do the battle ropes. Can we come with you once? Come on, can we watch you? In fact, Clarky? Do you do the two ropes? I don't do that. I don't do the backflip ropes. Can we come with you once? Come on, can we watch you? In fact, this is... Can we live stream? This is good content. Yeah.

Yeah. Please. Maybe we pivot to be a fitness channel. I don't think we can do that. I'm so sorry. I can't pivot physically. A few things would just pop out of joint immediately. Oh, God, I can't pivot anymore.

What we need to do is invent a sort of keep fit regimen that involves lying on your back, spread eagles and crying basically, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. So yeah, so what do you do? When you get into the gym, Clarky, what's the first thing you're going for, okay?

Classic. The toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The shower, because yours is broken. Go for the mats, have a little stretch. Have a lie down. And then go home. Get back out of there. Start by getting myself on a yoga mat, 90-minute nap.

That's a good session. Is there camaraderie at this gym? You go quite a lot now. Thank you. Is there an atmosphere of, you know, he's back? For me, no. Is it like cheers, where, you know, he's back for me? No. Is it like cheers when you walk in there and goes, that's it? Like, is there a sitcom in this? There's, there's a few characters in there.

Okay. There's this guy who that we always call like the Russian superhero. We were convinced he was Russian, but he's actually, he's just from London. He's just shaving head. Yeah, shaving head. Yeah. Furry hat. He looks very broken. He's always on the Cossack machine, isn't he?

God, yeah, just a Cossack gym. Yeah. We just immediately start slow clapping him as soon as he comes in. Bear chested on a horse. All of that. Wrestling a bear. Right, riding on a bear, exactly. Yeah.

So, and you said this is, there was a key word there, right. Right. You know, exactly. Yeah. So, and you said this is, there was a key word there. I think you picked up on this as well. Yeah. We, we, we call him the Russian superhero. Yeah. Who's we, who's your gym gang? Do you arrive with your bros? I do.

Right. I arrived with my bro. Yeah. Your bro. My bro. Love it. Got a gym bro. Yeah.

I got a gym bro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We strut around. Really? Are you the guy who sort of watch the machines, you sort of walk around more than you do any actual work? You wipe them down. You lock up. You work at the gym. Okay. Okay. You walk around with a little spray and some paper towels in your hands. Yeah. Can we persuade your gym bro to wear a GoPro?

It's good content. It's good. GoPro, GoPro, GoPro, GoPro. It's a gym bro. Co-pro, GoPro. I'm talking about you. Are you okay, Tom? Tom, Tom, somebody put a yoga mat.

Get him on his back. His brain's pivoting. I'm doing mental gymnastics. I can't hold the weight. I think mental gymnastics can't be used to just describe normal thinking. Come on now, that sentence was 700 pounds. I don't know what the hell is that. I wouldn't be able to even, I'm weight blind. Oh, okay. I think I'm quite thin. You've got body dysmorphia, but the other way. No, I'm weight blind in that I have no concept of weight.

You know, when people go, what did the baby weigh? And I could be like 20 pounds. Like, I don't know. I don't know what. If it's a 20 pound baby. I don't know. I don't know what. I wouldn't know. Are you talking about birth weight? I'm weight blind and my wife is distance blind. So if you say to my wife, Oh, it's about 80 meters down the road. She goes, what does that mean? You go well 80 meters and she's like, I

don't know. Yeah. And I'm like, it's like a six second jog. You should. Yeah. Genuinely. like, it's like a six second jog. You should. Yeah. Genuinely. It's one big jump for Clark.

I have to put it into time. One small jump for mankind. And you go like, well, it's about, it's about a hundred miles away. So we better get into the car. And she's like, will that take long? And it's like, well, it's a hundred miles. And she's like, well, how long is that? So like, she's distance blind.

I'm a bit, I mean, I guess, you know, sort of approximately what sort of speed you're driving because you drive a car. Yeah. She drives a car, right? No. Oh, right. Well, there we go. She drives a truck.

And how long is that truck? So, so between us, yeah, there are blind spots. I'm actually, I'm truck blind as well. So as soon as it's an 18 wheeler, I'm like, I just don't know how many that is. I just can, I'm track blind as well. So it's an 18 wheeler. I'm like, I just don't know how many that is. I just can't tell you how many that is. I'm colour blind guys. No, you are nose blind.

Yeah, I have nose blind. Which we've established. And by the way, a lot of people have got in touch to say they think you've got nasal polyps. Yes, they have. Thank you for that. Have you been to your GP or in the gym, bro? I've got your GP or in your gym bro. I've got doctor's appointment next Friday. Fantastic. So we get your GP to wear a GoPro. If this podcast becomes an endoscopy,

real trouble. Finally, some ratings though. Absolutely. We're going to go in a space style inside. If we, I mean, we've already established we can't shrink Tom down. It's a no appear. I feel like I am. Yeah. Very live, a very skinny brain. So you, you were in the gym the other day. I was in the gym the other day and there was this guy. Yeah. The Russian superhero. It wasn't him actually. What do you call this guy?

Well, it was the first and last time I seen this guy. And he- You gave him the old eyeball, didn't you? Because of the nickname you gave him when I'm crying. Are you the gym bully? Okay. The smallest guy at the gym. Yeah.

Here he comes. The blonde wanker. Oh, he's gone. Yeah. Right. Jim, bro. Seven hundred pounds. So this guy shows up.

He's never seen him before. Never seen him before. You come out. Well, I heard it before I saw him because he was making a lot of noise lifting, lifting, a lot of lifting noise. He's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very Give me a little stink eye. Well, I heard it before I saw him. Okay. Because he was making a lot of noise. Lifting, lifting, a lot of lifting noise. Well, as he was coming in, he came in with dumbbells. Thanks for the lift. Yeah. That's nice.

Isn't it? That's nice, man. That's lovely. That is. It's important by the way, to stop once in a while and remind people when you've said something nice. Yeah, I think so. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's nice, that was. Yeah, yeah. Nothing wrong with that. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. I agree. Oh, lovely. I think that was very, very nice.

Thank you. Be kind, guys. Yeah, well, you be kind at the gym, mate. Never, never that. Poor old Russian. Goddamn Ruski. kind guys yeah well you'd be kind at the gym mate never never that poor old Russian god damn Ruski the guys at the gym think I'm Russian darling did you have a good day today darling how was the gym you okay you've not touched your spinach

It's like Popeye. He's trying to clear it up. What's going to bump somebody up? Listen, if you want to be strong to the finish, you've got to clear that play. The guys at the gym, they think I'm Russian, Aleph. Whoa. Hey, I'm Popeye. Yeah. He's not been around for a while in my defense.

Popeye? Yeah, he's dropped right off. Yeah, he really was. He was, he was huge. He's been cancelled. Why not? Where have all the good men gone? Popeye popped off.

Yeah. What did Popeye creepy eye? I really thought you were going, Popeye, where a GoPro? Because your eyes sort of went to that distant place. I was like, yeah, they rolled back in your head. I want to say GoPro again. Be nice guys.

Let me say GoPro. I've bought a GoPro, okay? Just trying to get it into confidence. Could you tell me how much it weighs? It's my new character, man who's just bought a GoPro. He's desperate for someone to ask him about it. What is GoPro, what's it short for? Go-folo-pro-folo.

Is it? So it's like what, like a prophylactic? Am I wearing it? We're back on the endoscopy. Am I wearing it on the wrong part of my body? How else are you going to get that footage? Have you got an idea? The Gophalo Profilo. Great book by James Twain. His mind goes into the forest and he's filmed by someone.

He's filmed through his knob, yes. It's like the Blair Witch project. It's the Gophalo. That's right. That's right. It is. Yes. It is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Seriously, what did happen to pop? Anyway. Carkey, do you think you could do a better Popeye than Tom's? Oh, Karky, do you think you could do a better Popeye than Tom's? Oh, it's not. Oh, that's a better one. I thought that's the one.

But I don't think I could do anything more than a good guy. Good. Yeah. See, I do. I was going for words. Yeah, that's yeah. Well, we can all do it, guys. Guys, we can all do it. We've all done it really well. So let's move on with that.

The second you want to do it, Tom, at any minute, if you want to do it. We've all done it really well. So let's move on with that. The second you want to do it, Tom, at any minute, if you want to do it. We've all done it. Ugg, ugg, ugg, ugg. You're going for ugg, ugg, ugg, right? Ugg, ugg, ugg, ugg, ugg. I think it's more of a huck, huck, huck. OK, let's hear huck, huck. Like if you're writing it down, yours is ugg, ugg, ugg, ugg.

Ugg, ugg, ugg, ugg. I think if you go to his subtitles, you'd probably get more of a huck, huck, huck, huck. I'm saying H-U-C, H-U-C. This is good. This is good. Let's hear it. Huck, huck, huck huck huck huck. I'm saying H-U-C-H-U-C. This is good, this is good. Let's hear it. Huck huck huck huck huck huck. I know, I know. It's very haunted doll.

Yeah, but I think it's actually more accurate than huck huck huck huck huck. It's amazing. How are you, how are you spelling your Popeye noise? I've said it before. G-R-O-P-R-O. Yeah boy, we're back. I've said it by G R O P R O. Yeah boy, we're back. Okay. So you're, you're there. This guy is grunting away as you're, as you're walking into the gym with the gym.

We're already in there. Huck, huck, huck, huck, huck. Huck, huck, huck, huck. Yeah, actually, no. Now you hear it. Now you hear yourself say it. Now I hear it back. Huck, huck, huck, huck. I mean, I'm into it. Now I hear it back. Huck, huck, huck, huck.

I mean, I'm into it. Now I hear it back, I agree with myself once again. Amazing that. It's always good to be nice to yourself, actually. That's why I bought a GoPro. I finished the day by watching all my footage back, going, yeah, smash that. Good stuff.

Nailed it, actually. Another good day for me. And I don't regret a thing. What were you pressing there? The lid to your coffin? Switching off my monitor at the end of the day. Oh I see, you're watching the monitor. Meet the parents style.

I switch it off. What a reference. I take the dog off the toilet. I go to sleep. Anyway, I just have to say. You're in the gym. If you're watching your entire day back. Yeah. What a reference. I take the dog off the toilet. I go to sleep. Anyway, I just have to say. You're in the gym. If you're watching your entire day back.

Yeah. By the time you finish watching it, it's the next day. Why do you think I'm so tired? Exhausted. The guy's coasting on fumes there. Yeah. I lie back for my 30 seconds of sleep. But he's happy.

He's fuelled purely by self-belief. Right. So. So. The guy's making, we hear him before we see him and he's making grunts, but they sound like sex noises. Yeah, let's hear them. Come on. Let's hear them as if Poppa was doing it. Let's hear the noises just so I can...

Okay. Do you round the corner and he's lifting things with his... With his ding dong. ...with his dick? He's not doing ding dong dumbbell, is he? How many more reps he got? Do you mind if we jump on that? Can I get two of you and do the ropes? Poppa GoPro on it, mate! Yeah, go on. So yeah, he's making noises, grunting, grunting like sex noises. So he's like sort of crying and apologizing. He's like, oh, central. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's getting into it. He's enjoying it. In fact, let's

run down the clock on this episode. Just make those noises. Tom and I are going to close our eyes for a little bit and just enjoy ourselves. And how's he spelling that? I'm imagining Oh, good, good, good, good, good. And how is he spelling that? I'm imagining he's spelling it F-U-C-K-F-U-C-K. It's central. Do you know what makes it central is that little fade off at the end. Yeah, the fade out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The little sigh at the end.

The sort of satisfied sigh. Also, no judgment here, but when we did clap eyes on him, he's wearing jeans. Can I, we've talked about this before, but the phrase, no judgment is one of those phrases that means the opposite. Yeah. No judgment, no judgment, but I am judging this guy because he's arrived at the gym. Can I ask what else is he and we took him full length jeans? Yeah, full. Oh yeah, cut offs.

He's not wearing, not even shorts. I wouldn't have mentioned it. He's wearing full length jeans, denim jeans, blue jeans. Forever. And what's he got on his top half? He's wearing a pink polo shirt. Wow. Sorry. And is he wearing like loafers without socks? I can't remember what he's wearing on his shirt. Is he got a popped collar? No. And is he fucking someone? Actually. Yeah, me.

So he's just walked straight in and... He just walked straight in out of a slug and lettuce and into a really felt that way. Did he look like one of those guys in that meme with it with the jeans like spray on tight? Oh yeah, no, they weren't. You sound very disappointed about that. Yeah, yeah.

So he's wearing jeans, jeans and a sort of a pink polo shirt. Yeah. So he's wearing jeans, he's wearing jeans and a sort of a pink polo shirt. Yeah. And he's, he does very, very kind of big, odd and chic. He's making grunty noises like they're sex noises. Did you say big, odd and chic? Big, odd, odd and chic. Oh right, okay, sorry. I thought you said he's very big, odd and chic. I was going to describe him in three words. He's big, he's odd. Boy oh boy, could he fit in with Nile Rogers.

I'd take big odd and chic. I bet you would. He's very big odd and chic. Listen, you know we love a rebrand. Now's the time to ditch the Pappy's brand. Big odd chic. Oh, thanks guys. It has to be.

There's a lot of weight on your shoulders. I can't be chic. There's a lot of weight on your shoulders. I can't be chic. There's a lot of weight around my belly. Can we get Clarky to chic? Can we get you chic'd up? Define chic for you. A little bit. I imagine it's quite like quite glamorous. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

We need to give you a glow up, basically. Yeah. I'm sorry, but the corduroy trousers have to go. They have to go. What, this is my gym wear? What are you talking about? I'd love it if we cut to the other side of town, and there's a guy in jeans and pink faux leather coat.

There's this guy in here with cords, right? He had cords. Making no sound whatsoever. Breathing through his nose, couldn't smell through it. And he's there with his gym bro. Handing out nicknames. I'll say the first thing I said when I saw Clark this morning is they look comfy. They do look comfy.

Corduroy trousers, yeah. Chic and comfortable. Don't go hand in hand. Not really. When I think of chic, I think you've got to go, you can, it doesn't have to be overtly glam. It can be quite subtle, but you know, you could be wearing, I think genuinely, if you were in a suit with a white shirt, a couple of buttons undone and you'd look quite chic.

Right. I don't think you have to go- It can be understated and classy. Understated chic, yeah. You could dress like Tom Ford. Classy again. This is an uphill battle for me, chic. Right. I don't think you have to go. It can be understated and classy. Chic, yeah. You could dress like Tom Ford. This is an uphill battle for me guys. Yeah. I can't see. I think we may have picked the wrong man for chic. Yeah. Are you volunteering? Are you offering yourself? No, no. I think we get rid of him and we get Steve Bajair in. It's a complete recast. Wow. It's not a complete recast. Steve Bajaya, I mean, I, you know, we love the bouche here. Obviously we love the bouche. I've always seen this coming, but, but he's

a man who basically lives in oversized jumpers. I wouldn't describe him as chic. If I had to pick an, cause you could have picked anyone in the world to replace Clarky with and the foot, when you think of chic, you think of Steve Bajaya? It's just because he's my go-to replacement guy for either one of you. Basically, you just want to do a podcast with Steve Bajaya. You're watching Steve? Can we? Can we? Can we click this up and send it just to Steve?

We're going to set up, because I don't think we have close friends on Instagram, but we're going to set up close friends, you know, Colleen Rooney style and just make Steve Brajay our close friend. Okay. And just start putting out videos where- See if he's been leaking information of us to George Hall. I don't know who that's for. Anyway, sorry.

Anyway. We keep interrupting. It must be very frustrating for everybody. Not at all. I think I pretty much said it all, really. Well, that's all the time you've got, guys. Just round us off with those noises again and we'll call it a- Not at all. I think I pretty much said it all really. Well, that's all the time you've got guys. Just round us off with those noises again and we'll call it a...

I've got a question though. If we did need to parachute someone chic in, who would it be? When you think of chic... Michelle Visage. That's good. Yeah, I think she's definitely chic. I don't know who Michelle visage. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. She's definitely good. I think she would Michelle visage Michelle visage. She was one of the hosts on drag race.

She did strictly. She's absolutely brilliant. So she's phenomenal. And I tell you what she could absolutely hold her own in, in, you know, you would if any came she would in the gym. That's right. She ain't wearing jeans to the gym. She called her own weight.

Let me tell you that. No, she's she's great. So I I think, yeah, I think, so if we're going to go for, what is it again? Big, odd and Michelle Visage. Oh yeah, that's a better title actually. I think, I think if you've got a podcast with Michelle Visage on, lead with her. Yes. And if we can't get hold of her, then we can't call it Big, Odd and Michelle Visage. No, I think- That would be strange. Yeah. I think it would be, I can't believe you've got rid of me and then the word

sheik as well. I really started to see through this whole thing. Do you know where? Because I could be big, I could be odd. Grace Jones I was going with. Oh, better still. I had Grace Jones in my head a little bit. Yeah.

Grace Jones was the first straight popped in there. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. And then weirdly, once straight popped in there. Yeah, very good. Yeah. And then weirdly, once we started to try and describe it to Clarky, I nearly said, you know, when Bradley Cooper goes to Wimbledon and then I stopped and thought that isn't chic. I've not seen that movie.

Is it a sequel to Mr. Smith Goes to Washington? Wait, what's Bradley Cooper goes to Wimbledon? Bradley Cooper goes to Wimbledon most years. Okay. Fantastic. He's always there with like, you know, who's the Scottish guy who's Billy Connolly? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If you, Ian Sterling's got a link to bouche, by way. Is Ian Sterling chic? No, I don't think so. I think you would struggle to find a male comedian working today who you could describe as chic.

I don't think there's any. People don't find chic funny is what we're saying. Maybe that's it. If you want to be kind, I just don't think there are any chic male comedians working. Wow. Yeah. I mean, guys, get in touch if you'd like to tell us

who you think is a chic male comedian. Well, I can't think of any. No, no. Well, Google when Bradley Cooper goes to Wimbledon, get back to me. Sheep. Because it's a shot in the dark. What's he, like What's what's what is

your way to blazers? Blazers? Yeah, yeah. But a blazer doesn't necessarily you've got to be the right kind of person in a blazer. Fucking hell in the right location. When you first have to when you first join secondary school and you have to blazers come into your life, they can absolutely go fuck themselves. Oh, mate. Yeah, you feel like this is too soon for me to be turning into a little businessman. But also they're bad Blazers. As an introduction to Blazers, you get the absolute worst. They're like kind of polyester-y type.

Disgusting. Also you two are the eldest lads in your family. I had passed down Blazers. Oh, third hand Blazers. You're going into, and it's way too big because it's obviously like growing to it. You'll be fine. Full of Josh's grot.

Josh's grot in your pockets. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pockets of a blazer are absolutely disgusting. They're absolutely rank. Just from day one, they get full of all, like, lint and little bits of like twig and it's just... Your first blazer should be like good enough for Jon Hamm to wear and then you get... So you're introduced to blazers properly. Jon Hamm can wear a blazer.

Yeah, yeah, totally. But how do you... What do you mean by that? Because what... Well, you start with this rank blazer and it puts you off blazers for life. Right. Right. You should get a really nice one. Start like, oh, this is what a blazer can look like. First day of secondary school to the tailor. Savile Row. It's double breasted. It's it's got nice lining in it.

Yeah, it's got cuffs. Do all blazers have cuffs? This one has. But it's like welcome to the world of Blazers and that way then you're going at it. Cause like very early doors, I was like, these aren't for me. Yeah. No thank you on Blazer fronts. What about the crest?

You know, cause I think the crest does a lot of damage to the overall look of the Blazer. What was your school crest? This is mad, my school crest. It was a teacher with a birch in his hand and some kids reciting Latin trying not to get beaten up. What? Yep. What? They've got rid of the birch, but I went to an old- They've got rid of the birch? Yeah, they threw up the teacher and the kids reciting Latin. So he's just like that now? Yeah, they threw up the teacher and the kids were fighting about it. It's a machete now.

You've got to move with the times. I used to go to school with a little logo of Corporal Punishment, even though it was, you know, I'm not that old, but it was still happening. I wasn't getting six of the best for being, you know, chippy during Latin declensions. But so proud were they of their corporal punishment history. So proud were they of ruling with an iron birch. It's wild. It's absolutely wild. That's bonkers. Yeah.

And that was the whole crest. Just it's a it was it was a circle and it was a guy sat behind a sort of writing desk, holding up a birch. It looked a bit like a baguette, but we were told by the teachers. That's a fat birch. It's a birch. It's a big old fat birch. That's a fat birch and I'm weight blind.

And then the boys are sort of stood like this. They've got their hands sort of paired together reciting Latin. Ready to get ready. Yeah. The second they get the Amo Amasa match bit wrong, straight down on the knuckles. I'd have been black and blue. Imagine me going at Latin. I was a terrible, terrible kid at school.

I was always getting detentions and Saturday detentions and stuff like that. And so I would have been, yeah, I would have been beaten to a pulp. What's the system there? Normal detentions and then if it gets really bad, a Saturday detention? Yeah, yeah, basically it just depends how bad a thing you've done really. Sometimes you can push further down the wick. You know, like you can jump straight to Saturday detention. If they catch you doing something really bad, then straight to Saturday detention.

Whoa. Your breakfast club just makes me think of Saturday detention as quite a cool thing to be on. Absolutely wasn't. In an old boys grammar school, it was not cool. We weren't, listen, we might've been listening to Simple Minds, that's the only similarity between the breakfast club and my Saturday detention.

Did you try to get a breakfast club bond with your fellow Saturday detention people every time you were there? Well, it was all my friends. It was quite, you know, it was all my mates because we were all just total pricks together. The Josh. Sounds great. The nerd.

The nerd. The nerd. The other nerd. The third nerd. The big one. The odd one. Michelle Visage. Et tu, Michelle Visage? I'm afraid sorry 12 inch delecto.

A flat birch for you what? Yeah that was my logo for school. What was yours? A birch the size of a baguette. That wasn't mine I was just, I'm still fixated on yours. just hungry. I'm just picturing those guys, gee, he's in the gym. It was two crosses, oh no, not two crosses, two keys forming a cross. Oh, this sounds familiar. That sounds familiar. Because she knew me when I was in school. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, I remember.

I knew you back then. I remember that from being your best friend for the last 40 years. We did go to the same school though. But you were around at the same time as you must have seen Tom in his uniform when he did his fashion shows for you. Look at my blazer. I'm checking out my blazer. Blazer, blazer. So it was, yeah, two keys crossed like that in a crest. Simple, elegant. And what did that represent? St Peter was the first locksmith. Is that true?

No. It's pretty good though, isn't it? It wasn't bad. Did Jesus call him on Easter Saturday and go, listen, I'm locked in. Is there a chance you can let me out of the tomb? The rock just had a nice... Yeah. Roll the stone away. His credit card. No, that was it. No idea why. I don't even know what Saint Peter's... I know Saint Peter got hung upside down, didn't he? Crucified upside down. That would be worse than mine. If your school crest was a man being crucified upside down,

that's more violent, I'd say than a birch. Crucified upside down, but I don't know. I can't imagine keys were around when he was going on. When was the first key? When he was going on. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good point.

When was the first key? I don't know. Actually, no, I think about it. I think it was ancient Egypt. It usually is, isn't it? It usually is. Yeah. The first a lot of it was ancient Egypt. It usually is, isn't it? It usually is. The first a lot of things were ancient Egypt. Yeah.

I think they had the key. But I don't know if St. Peter did it, but he's certainly taking credit for it. So you had two keys. What did you have? Two keys. Uh, guillotine. Yeah.

Yeah. Guillotine with a firing squad in front of it. I genuinely don't know what my school crest was. What was Highfield's school badge? Highfield's... some kids smoking behind a bike shed. I don't know. Was that your school, Highfield's? Yeah, Highfield's. And you can't remember what your badge was? No. Wow. No, not at all. I feel like it was like all I'm imagining is the... Barkey moves his hand to his chest. You've found the location of it. Yeah. I feel like it was on my chest I'm imagining is the quick. Clarky moves his hand to his chest. You found the location of it.

I feel like it was on my chest. But no, that's as far as I. No clue. Well, that's all the time we've got guys. Another Clarky coldy sack. What do you think Clarky? Nothing. Imagine what Michelle Visage would have said. That would have been unbelievable. Steve Buzheir would have been perfect with

that. Buzheir would have walked the episode home just like that simple prompt. 15 minutes of pure gold from Buzheir and looking great. Immaculately dressed. The blazer on him. Beautiful blazer. Yeah. Blazer over a jumper. Perfect combo. Gorgeous. So have you, have you never got, cause you've got, you've worn blazers in your adult life. I've seen you at weddings in blazers. Go on. I think you're going to ask the same question as I. Yeah. What's the difference between a blazer and a sports jacket? the difference between a blazer and a sports jacket? Sorry. What's my name? What was your crest?

Really, we do need to know by the way. The audience are on 10 Turks. Is a suit jacket, when does a suit jacket become a blazer? Good question. I feel like the badge is very key. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sort of the Marks and Sparks logo as a crest. When Bradley Cooper's at Wimbledon, he hasn't got a badge on his, he hasn't got our I'm Bradley Cooper on his chest. Although if I was Bradley Cooper, I would definitely have that badge. And you make your friends on either side, the Scottish people that come with you.

All of the Scottish people who come with you. Gerald Butler. Gerald Butler. I was going to say Andy Murray. I mean, he is there there but he's working. Come on Murray. He's a bit busy. Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper, they're having a great time.

Possibly the dude who got run over by a snowmobile before he had his accident. He was there as well I think. What? So a guy got, he got run over by, the dude who got run over by a snowmobile before he had his accident. Yeah, he was at Wimbledon probably with Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler. I was going to say, if getting run over by the snowmobile isn't the accident, then we're in trouble. Oh yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, they're the kind of guys there, they're all in their blazers.

He played the bow and arrow guy in Marvel. Oh, Jeremy Renner. Here we go. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Before in Marvel. Oh, Jeremy Renner. Here we go. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes. Before we get there. Poor Jeremy Renner, yeah. Jeremy Renner, Gerard Butler, Bradley Cooper. They're all at Wimbledon having a great time.

Not a badge in sight. Jon Hamm, he's around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's around. He's around. Yeah, I think most Blazers don't have a cross. I think it's if they don't match your trousers. If they don't match your trousers.

Yeah, this is it. A suit jacket, but that doesn't match the trousers. That's the blazer. Yeah. It's a suit jacket that flies solo. Right. Okay. Gold buttons. That feels quite blazery. It can be. I think, yeah. I think you're still thinking of the PGA tour. I think we've just defined a blazer to you. This is a bit like when we asked Clarky, what's a jersey?

And he went, well, it has to be yellow. It has to be yellow. Tour de France has to be yellow. That's what that's what signifies a jersey. It's the yellow in color. It's going to be skin tight and yellow in color and only worn by one person. The winner. Yeah, right.

But now that I think about it, does your school blazer match your school trousers? So why is that a blazer? Sometimes. Okay. Well, it's been a rich conversation. It's anyway, listen, listen, it's good to finally get a really conclusive answer. The thing about this podcast is we ask a lot of questions that we don't know the answer to. And no matter how many times we ask the questions, that's not going to change how slow and pathetic our brains are.

People watching going, Jeremy Renner, you fucking idiot. Four minutes later, yeah, Jeremy Renner. Everyone like, yeah, we know. Those are people shouting the highfields logo. I think that's actually it. We provide a useful service because we make even the thickest dumbest person in the world feel vaguely smart for half an hour. And don't you think that's worthwhile? Yes, absolutely. It's a valuable service.

Anyway, next week, it's not going to be us. It's going to be Steve Bagea, Jack DeMichelle Visage, and they're going to know it. And you know what? Just to make sure we've got Richard Osman with his laptop there as well to fact check things. Big. Big. Big. Poor old Bagea. Just come on. Sorry, Béj. It's good pod though. Oh, I'd watch it see Osmond. I have his arch you can't say it And that seriously is all the time we've got And that seriously is all the time we've got. Well, we hope you enjoyed that episode. Now a lot of people are written in about the gypsy's thing. We should address it really. It is also for other listeners.

We've also had a lot of people confided about me using the phrase gypsy's dress. Yeah. So it's, it's, it's great to be canceled during the intro and then have to try and do some uncancelling during the outro. Our final outro. Anyway. I was born in the wagon of a traveling short. Yes, yes. Let's nip that in the bud. So thank you for listening all this way.

Why won't you sit down for the morning of the intro? Please do continue. Papa would do whatever he could. Spread the news of the podcast. continue. Do whatever you could. Spread the news of the podcast. Preach a little gasp. But anyway, we simply don't have time. We don't have time. Sadly.

Yeah. Patreon, Instagram, TikTok. These are all words that you can enjoy. But crucially, what shares phone number, guys? Get in touch. Yes. Today's episode was produced by Macaulsham. Caution, team. Caution team.

Caution team. Cheers everyone. Bye. Gypsies, trumps and logists.