Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1524: Ada and Bron

Episode Date: July 15, 2025

We're back in your ear canals with special guests Ada & Bron. We're singing songs about black liquids right until our untimely final days.Places to experience more from Ada & Bron:SPARE PART their latest short film, out NOW on Directors Notes https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a0P1xgz_ThQ&pp=ygUVc3BhcmUgcGFydCBhZGEgcGxheWVyTHE ORIGIN OF LOVE - coming to Edinburgh Fringe 2025, Pleasance Courtyard, The Attic 11pm for the full Fringe. https://www.edfringe.com/tickets/whats-on/ada-and-bron-the-origin-of-lovePEAKED - Their Channel 4 Blap recently nommed for a BAFTA !  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IKasYdLPZDI&pp=0gcJCdgAo7VqN5tDTo get episodes early and ad-free - PLUS a bonus episode every week - join our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareTo watch full episodes of Pappy’s Flatshare find us on YouTube: www.youtube.com/@pappysflatshareAnd follow us onInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedyTikTok: www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: www.facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom, I'm Ben and I am Matthew. Welcome to a yes indeed. We remain. No name changes since the last time. No, the only thing we like to change is the name of this podcast, but today it is called Pappy's Flat Share. So welcome one and all to this. This is a one I'm really excited for you to hear because these two guests are absolutely amazing. We love them. They're absolutely brilliant. And I feel like they are going to be huge. They're going to be absolutely huge. It's Ada Player and Bronn War. They are a sketch double act, Ada and Bronn, but they're also filmmakers. They make some absolutely brilliant short films. You really should check out their stuff.

Award-winning, recent award-winning, BAFTA nominated. They're all about it. They're on their way. Wow, yeah. They're on their way, boys, they're on their way. And we are helping them on their journey. I'm going to say, we remain in the same place. them on their journey.

We remain in the same place. We continue on our journey is a, is a nice way to look at it. Clarky. Yes, that is. You know, I've been reading a lot about how everyone's on a journey and they're at the start of theirs. And as are we, and as our listener, dear. Anyway, if you want to support your boys on the journey, go to patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share. We're just three lads with a dream of doing this for a living.

And you can help us along the way by subscribing if you like what we stick out for four pounds a month. You get bonus episode every week. You get discounts. You get to join the community. And you get our jingles, the singles. We should talk about that, Tom, actually, because the, if you love the jingles from Flat Shed Slam Down,

they are now all available in one handy drop box. Pretty much, I mean, there's a few missing, which we're trying to locate, like the lost episodes of Dad's Army, but most of the jingles- Well, it's because they're so offensive, we can't put them in. They've aged very badly.

We started years ago. It was a different time. But yeah, so you can get them all via the Patreon. So if you go to patreon.com forward slash Papi's Flat Share, you can get them all today to listen to and enjoy. I just remembered that Ada actually sent me some of the stuff they're up to. And I really do want to plug these guys because they're brilliant. Oh, yeah. They've got a short film called Spare Part which is fantastic. They made with Max Brill, one-time collaborator with us. He's absolutely fantastic. We'll put a link to that in the show

notes. The Origin of Love is their Edinburgh show. It's coming to the Fringe, Pleasance Courtyard, the Attic, 11pm for the whole festival. Great slot. They also made a blap, a channel four blap called Peaked, which is brilliant. It's got Ada and Freddie Meredith in and it's really, really brilliant. And we'll put a link to that as well, all in the show notes, but check out their work. I think they are just wonderful. They're so unique. They're so different. They're so funny and I love them. Totally and really good company. We could have done this for another hour at least. So enjoy the ep and we will see you on the other side. Pappy's Flat Share

Talking about whatever Pappy's Flat Share Have we been doing this forever? Pappy's Flat Share But we don't really live together Pappy's Flat Share Yeah we don't really live together. Happy's Flat Share Yeah! So you play music?

What gave it away? Yeah. You hang music more than you play music. I do actually. That's very true. Creating music. Yeah. I don't play.

You've got a good singing voice. You've got quite a nice... Oh here we go. Oh this is it. This is it. Okay. This is the record. Yeah. You're a good singer.... Oh, here we go. Oh, this is it. This is it. Okay.

You're a good singer. Really good singer. No, not really. Really? This is my... Such confidence. Hey, do you know what? Back yourself.

Oh yeah, sorry. Aided, say what? You're a really good singer. Yeah. It's got like a low voice. My grandma, my grandma loves it. Wait, you sing to your grandma? I do, yeah. Your grandma thinks I'm like Richard Burton.

She thinks I'm really attractive and impressive. I think because she's seen me on stage in my pants. Yeah, that's a really fancy thing. Richard Burton type legs and torso. We should say she's blind and deaf. What's your go-to song? The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Yeah, the Kenny Rogers.

Kenny Rogers, The Gambler. What's your go-to song? We'll just lose it. We do a lot of Eminem together as well. Do you sing together around it? So you live together? We live together. And you sing around the flat too?

We sing in the flat. Yeah, we sing. From morning through tonight. God, it must be awful to live with you guys. But do you, I mean, do you all sing together off stage? We do actually, yeah. Yeah, there's a fair amount of it actually. I feel like Tom, very much you will sing at the drop of a hat.

You sort of, you know, your sort of default state is singing to yourself and singing a little song. I'm kind of a very musical man trapped in a person's body who has no musical skill whatsoever. That's the tragedy of me. You've got the confidence. One of the tragedies of you. Like we had guests around our house the other day and we've got a piano, we've got ukuleles, we've got like a xylophone, it's a proper guitar up on the wall. And it's like, none of us can play any music in the house.

My wife's not musical. But we just like the vibe. I've got a trumpet, I've got a trumpet on a stand. Oh wow. Ukulele, that's so easy to just... Well, you'd think so. We've literally got one right there. So let's put, this is a bit like somebody

who plays a lot of rock band or something goes, well, I can probably play the guitar now. I've played all these rock bands. You talked about playing the ukulele there and then knee did die with you. Yeah, the old ukulele. Do you have a musical instrument? Do you play anything? I can play the piano a little bit. I can play. Which bit? Just the black keys. Fair enough. Yeah, no, because they all sound good together with the black keys. If you play those, they always sound good.

Oh, funny. I don't know. That's the secret. Was that, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. You always did with the black keys. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. That's true. True?

Yeah. We used to do the Rugrats theme. That was a classic. Get on a piano and. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We just assume that if we wield a piano in front of you, it would make that noise. But the finger work checks out. Can we fix that in post? Can we just see a keyboard in front of you? I'll back up on trumpet.

Fix that in post. So did you, were you lessons and then walked away from it? Yeah, I did piano lessons. There's a vital bit, isn't there, where it's interesting to start learning an instrument. Then there's a bit where you get to eight, between eight and 14, or something where you think, fuck this.

Yeah, so, yeah. And that's the bit where you should stick at it. Because then it becomes cool again. Yeah, if I have children, I'm just gonna... This is, no, you're right, you're right. You're just gonna karate chop them. Yeah, if I have children I'm just gonna... This is... No, you're right, you're right. You're just gonna karate chop them. Chopsticks. I was reading an article about this because I'm a dad of two kids and there is this sort of school of parenting which is, no, you're gonna bloody well do it. It's like that's the

school of parenting because when you get to like loads of people, they said what are your, you know, what are your regrets? They spoke to loads of adults, what are your regrets? It's like, that's the school of parenting because when you get to like loads of people, they said, what, what are your, you know, what are your regrets? They spoke to loads of adults. What are your regrets? It's always like not learning a language, not learning, having kids. Yeah. Not having a really aggressive dad. That's what they said. I wish my dad had shouted it anymore, but like they think you should be doing that. Do you make your, who has kids? You've got a child.

I've got two kids. Do you make them play the piano or? They're not there yet, but they bang on the piano. So basically, of your advice, Andre Agassi's got this amazing book about tennis and his dad gave him a tennis racket from when he was six months old and just said, hit anything you want. And so he'd walk around the house, smash it up the house. And he said, it's great. Let him do it because it gets him used to wanging things with a tennis racket.

So he was like, up until I was like two or three, I'd just be battering things around the house with a tennis racket. Then he put me on a court and got me to hit a ball. And he already had the arm. And he was ready. So I'm taking that approach to like, I'm filling my house with musical instruments.

I can't play any of them, but I'm saying fucking go Adam. Oh, really nice. Yeah. I can't play any of them, but I'm saying fucking go at them. Oh, really nice. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. You've got to make them talk French by putting on French in the background.

Yeah, just lob some Brie into the house. Yeah. Brie begets, give them the, you know, let them get the berets. Yeah. Yeah. Dressing your kid as a French person, that's, I mean, it's an idea, isn't it? Smoking Galois.

But that's what, so yeah, my, my, my daughter, who's only like, she's four and a half, she started being able to blow through a trumpet. So she's blowing my trumpet all the time. It sounds awful. My neighbours. You know, my daughter's really blowing my trumpet right now, honestly. So she can blow through the trumpet and it sounds awful, but it's like, off you go and do that. And then when you get to the lessons bit, hopefully you'll be on your way.

Yeah. What I love is that you're going to take your daughter to someone who can play the trumpet and go, look what she can do. And he'll go, yeah, well, she can't play the trumpet. That's of no use to me. I'm going to have to unlearn her that and then teach her the skill of playing the trumpet. When I first started playing the violin, they didn't give you a violin. They gave you a sponge with a ruler in it.

What? Yeah, with stickers on where you put your fingers and a stick and you just played, you played silently for ages. That's better though, because then it's not annoying. I think that's a key thing. I've been like, don't make this awful for the parents. It's not annoying and it's a quid. Yeah. They're not going to buy a Stradivarius for you, are they?

It's like, let's get him a sponge. And then eventually you manage to, you know, upgrade to a loofah and a meter stick. Then you're set for life. Clarky can't play the violin, but boy could he wash himself. Oh! Well, that's what I've got to get my grade through. Do you let them swear, your kids? To get it out of their system, that kind of...

I used to have swear a lot as a four-year-old, didn't I? And now I don't swear at all. Really? Yeah, it was just to sort of get it out. Like smoking a whole pack. Did they? They were like, smoke and swear. They had a cigarette and put me off. Yeah, they were like, yeah, they said, have this.

Cause I'm sure if you have it, you won't enjoy it ever again. So you've got such a low singing voice, isn't it? Yeah, that's my voice. You gotta know where to hold them. So where to hold them. So are you testing them and making sure that they're, you know... No, I just, I think the thing is, kids swearing is funny. It's really, it's just inherently funny.

Like I was saying, because my daughter was getting very cheeky in the run up to Christmas, as they do, because they get really ramped up about the excitement of Christmas. And I said, you're not going to be cheeky in front of granny, are you? And we go and say it with granny, you're not going to be cheeky in front of granny. What? When we go and say it with granny, you're not going to be cheeky in front of granny. What are you going to say when you see granny? And she went, hello, fuck butt. Right. That's, I was like a real moment of parenting where you're like, I can't show you how amazing

I think that is. A five year old who's so excited about Christmas, they call their granny a fuck butt. That's my humor. It's good stuff. It's good stuff, man. It is good stuff. My brother's children have learnt swearing from our short lived sitcom. No!

Yeah. They were like, oh, Uncle Ben was on a TV show. They put it on DVD. We had this sitcom called Cunt Face. That's really good. on a TV show, on DVD. We had this sitcom called Cunt Face. Oh, it's called Cunt Face. On BBC3, yeah. That's really good. Yeah.

Yeah. It was ahead of its time, really. Yeah. It was the precursor to Fleabag, wasn't it? Cunt Face, really. It was a very good stuff. Sorry, what words have they learned? Well, all the ones we put in the series, Dom.

Which many of them you can't say anymore. It was a different time. No, no. The classics, fucking shit and stuff. I think we had a cunt in there, but we beat it. We did, yeah, yeah. How did you write the title though? Was it with a little star?

The title wasn't really called Cunt Face. Oh. I think that was what the reviews were that. The title was Bad Alts. Yeah, don't Google that. Yeah. Yeah, you need to find more imaginative with the kids. Get them to say swearing in an interesting way.

That's a very serious point. I think you're back on because my daughter was writing a story the other day and she wrote basically this story about her friend Matilda and it's just her torturing her friend. Right? It's just like her throwing her into like a tornado so she spins around and it's like tornado get her and it's like Matilda going no! And then she gives the book to Matilda and it's like that's what I'll do to you. I'll do it.

She's not playing my friend mate. So one of them was like so Matilda has a bad dream and so she had a good dream and she woke up as good as gold and she had a bad dream and she woke up as bad as gravy and I was like, that's such a brilliant phrase. I love that. I was like, that's really good writing. So you like, you don't really need to say, hey, here's some fun swearing. They mess around with language themselves in a really sort of fun way. Yeah. It's gravy and it's, I'm feeling gravy. Isn't it? That's not an experience. It's all gravy. Oh, it's gravy and I'm feeling gravy, isn't it? That's not an experience. It's all gravy. Oh, it's all gravy.

I'm feeling gravy. I'm feeling gravy. It's all gravy is something's good. It's good. Yeah, but gravy does seem intrinsically bad. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Especially when you get it.

It's quite... Especially compared to gold as well. If you found a suitcase in the woods and it was like full of gravy, you'd be like, ah, this is one of those bad suitcases. Well, that's the thing with pulp fiction, isn't it? When they just, it's gravy actually in the briefcase. People don't know that. They don't know this really gravy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Festival alert, festival alert. I am interrupting this for a festival alert. I love it. That's not the latest Daft Punk song. Wow, that's me saying we've got some news about a festival alert. I love it. That's not the latest Daft Punk song. That's me saying we've got some news about a festival we're performing at very soon. That's right. We're going to be at the Latitude Festival, which happens in July. And that's the 26th of July.

Oh Clark, he's got the info there. 26th of July, we're going to be there on stage doing a flat share slam down. Festival alert alert, festival alert alert. Yes indeed we interrupt this festival alert to give you a time alert. We can tell you now for definite what time we're going to be on at the Latitude Festival. So Single Ladies in Your Area is on at 4.20pm then the hosts of Single Ladies in Your Area, Harriet Kemsley and Amy Gledd, who will be the guests on Pappy's Flat Share Slamdown at 6.25 in the listening post. 6.25 in the listening post. Podcast o'clock.

You know what? It's a good lineup. Single A's in your area, then Comedy Store players, then us. Make that your afternoon before you go off and watch Fat Boy Slim. You've got to go for it. We'd love to see you there.

6.25 in the listening post. Flat Shed Slam Down. It's what you're doing with it. It's what you're doing with the podcast you in. We would love as many Papi's fans to come along because let's face it, it's a big tent and quite often it's just an excuse for people to get out the rain. So if we could have a nice base of love,

some people who love Papi's, who love the podcast, I doubt you need to love the podcast if you know the podcast. Come and sit in the front row and have a great time. You'll have a wonderful experience as indeed will we if you're there. Beautiful. End of festival alert, end of festival alert.

Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I feel that way with like coffee and Guinness and now gravy where it's like, it's really unnatural to go, you see that black thing, drink it like in nature. Coca Cola. Yeah, and Coca Cola. You shouldn't be drinking black things really. No, black fluid generally not great.

Yeah, it's bad. That's always in the... Because it's bad for you or because it looks icky. Like, you shouldn't be drinking black things, really. No, black fluid generally, not white. Yeah, that's always in the... Because it's bad for you or because it looks icky. Well, like, in nature, if we were, like, in the jungle and you find something black, like, thick, and you wouldn't go drink that, right? Yeah. You'd be like, don't drink that.

But we're obsessed with drinking black stuff. LAUGHTER Crude oil. What's the appeal basically? Tar pits. That's like people are losing their shit now. This was the reason Tom never made it as a Texas oil baron. He would come in and go where's the oil?

And they'd just be all around his job. I don't know. Don't think it's any internet. Drink your oil up. Like Marmite as well. You kind of go, when I'm, I'm obsessed with Marmite, but every time I'm spreading it on, I'm thinking, this isn't right. Yeah, yeah. It looks wrong. It looks right. I have like black coffee and Marmite on toast for breakfast. And it's like, I'm not, I'm not doing well here.

It's not natural stuff. It's the four pints of Guinness you chase it up with. You know when the tar like seeps out of the road, that feels scary. Yeah, that's what my insides look like basically. That's what's going on in here. Tom doesn't get like belly button flux. He gets like just tar pouring out of him. You could stick a tap in Tom's belly button and make a million.

There must be some natural black stuff out there that's healthy and good. Treacle? Is treacle? Oh treacle. Is that actually occurring? I can't imagine people saying what's healthy and good. Oh treacle. Oh we found it, it's treacle. Have you had your treacle? Treacle. Oh, we found it, it's treacle.

Have you had your treacle? How did you lose all the weight? Well, I cut out Coca-Cola, because I was drinking five diet cokes a day, and now I drink cans of treacle. Treacle sort of, yeah, actually, that's what really turned it round, was I ate my treacle dosage.

The treacle diet. What is treacle? Great question. It's like golden syrup. Yeah, but what is that? But it's like dark. What's anything? No, because like we sort of, don't really, but we sort of know what honey is, right?

Yeah. That's the same family, but there's no bugs making golden syrup. No. Right? No. And Treacle feels like the dirty syrup. It feels like the devil's syrup. Yeah, the devil's syrup. Yeah.acle feels like the dirty syrup, doesn't it? It feels like the devil's syrup.

Yeah, the devil's syrup. Yeah. Have you seen the devil's syrup? Great Netflix show. Very good. Woody Harrelson. He's wearing a wig. What is Treacle is actually, that's a question that's starting to bother me now.

Okay, let's go around very quickly. Everyone formulate an answer. You can't change it when you hear someone else's. I don't like my answer. Okay, welcome to What is Treacle? We've got our guests here. We're going to go from left to right. Okay. Yeah. I don't know which one left or right. Okay, one sentence. What's Treacle? Formulate your answer. You can't change it.

Okay. I'm going to do it in one word. Sap. Oh, that was mine. Really? I think Treacle is sap. Okay. I'm going to do it in one word. Sap. Oh, that was mine. Really? I think treacle is sap. I know I'm wrong. So I said, I don't like the answer, but that's my answer. I think you're thinking of maple syrup.

I think I am. I think I thought it was maybe part of the same family. Carry on. You're going with sap. Well, I was going to, but now I'm going to say hornet juice. Hornet juice. Hornet Juice! No, it's not. It's not that.

It's immediately thrown out. Well, I can't wait till we get to Ada. I really can't. I can't wait for your answer, mate. OK. Get down hard on Hornet Juice. It was spongy, spongy sugar. So now I think we're talking.

That sounds crazy. I think you heard the word sponge with the violin chat and you thought, I think you've just conflated the two things we talked about. It's still an improvement on Hornet Juice though. Yeah. Well, I was thinking there's like stuff we don't understand about tech, like phone chips and things. And then there's the idea that the aliens gave us this.

Because everyone says, yeah, there's science to explain it, but no one here. I mean, certainly not here. Definitely. You know, if four of the brightest minds in the world can't puzzle it out, then yeah, no. It's probably the aliens. It's probably the aliens gave us.

It came from outer space. Yeah. Alien juice. Don't mind that. then, yeah, no. It's probably the aliens. It's probably the aliens gave us. It came from outer space. Yeah. Alien juice. I don't mind that. I don't mind that. What do you think? I was gonna go for melted dark sugar. Oh, that's caramel.

But I think it's down that line. Same family. I don't think it's natural. No one's harvesting treacle. No, you can't imagine them with like a big. They're doing that. And you know, like the kind of, you know, the kind of factory that features in like Tim Burton's Batman.

That's where it's made. Oh yeah, so a henchman's going to fall into it basically. Yeah, like someone's going to... Like an evil Willy Wonka. I'm banding around the word vat. Yeah, so you... There's fucking vats of the shit and some of those vats are really hot. Yeah. So you think it's big, we're talking big copper vats, right? With one of those,

one of those arms inside that just turns around or somebody's got a big spoon. Somebody with a hat's got a spoon depending on the size. That's how Ada plays the ukulele by the way. That's the theme from the wild Thornberrys. But yeah, so yeah, with a big thing going round and it's so, it's fast. And I reckon, I'll go so far as to say, in the process of this factory, halfway through they're bringing out the golden syrup. And I reckon a couple of meters down the line, half an hour later, they're bringing out the

treacle. So it's like wine and port, like leave it a bit longer. The more it ferments. Here we go. The fermentation process. It starts as water. Is there much of a market in treacle nowadays? Is it kind of a thing of the past? In baking?

Yes, old pudding. Is it still being used? It's an old pudding. Yes, it's an old pudding. Are you looking at Clark and you're saying what you see? It's an old pudding. Are you looking at Clark and you're saying what you see? It's an old pudding. It's definitely a pudding for olden times. Yeah. So, treacle tart, we're still having that.

Sticky toffee pudding. I guess the treacle pudding, yeah. We can't get to what is toffee now. We can't come unstuck. Toffee, caramel, honey. We can't get to why it's toffee. We can't. We can't come unstuck. Toffee, caramel, honey. We're going mad. Toffee and fudge, there is a difference,

but it's very slight. No one knows what it is. No one knows, apart from the aliens. You look like you know. You just cook it longer. Right. I think. So you're saying in that factory,

you're getting the fudge out earlier than the toffee. Yeah Don't mind that. Yeah, I think it's right, but I don't mind it. We've cracked it Now now now Greg's gone there is we do need a new house for inside the factory and I feel like you've nailed it there Yeah, yeah, that's what we're after Yeah, crucially. We never go in the factory. We just guess what's happening. It's called outside the factory. Now you stand outside of it and go, what's going on in there? Roll credits. I must give it a big, a big bat.

Anyway, I'm here to play us out on the sponge. Yeah, I think the more you drill down into the earth, the more treacle you find. Treacle mines. But I just think, I think our relationship with dark stuff is there's something in it, basically. That, by the way, that has everything and nothing all at once, doesn't it? It feels like he's saying a really smart thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The phrase, there's something in it. And he's a little twisted, he's like rubbing your fingers together. That's the title of my kind of thesis. Because there's money to be made. Yeah, dark stuff, there's something in it. It says money to be made. From Oil to Coffee via Treacle by Tom Perrick.

Big black cover. Oh, wow. A couple of eyes. He's like the Cats the Musical. Oh yeah, sorry, I'm thinking the Cats the Musical, yeah. No, gonna be soon. I was thinking about, yeah, new labor, new danger. Meets Cats the Musical, but in a book.

Why? About Tricol. About Tricol, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom, why are you looking out of your own book? Why not just make, make, make... No one Tom, why are you looking out of your own book? Why don't I just make, no one's, no one's going to be fucking looking into it. I'll say that much. Because normally, the, no,

the author goes on the inside back flap of the dust cover, right? Picture of you, black and white, talking about how you've got pets and all that kind of stuff. You know what treacle is, yeah, looking, looking moody. The author's very rarely on the cover, but just his eyes.

Yeah, you can have the back of your head on the inside. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, looking, looking moody. The author is very rarely on the cover, but just his eyes. Yeah. You can have the back of your head on the inside. Oh my God. Yeah, I like that. That's a good idea for a book. The more pages you turn, like, then we go beyond the skin, rock DJ style. We go beyond, we go, we go. You can like flick book. You can flick book through it until you get to my skull. Yeah. Where are the words about Trico going? Where's the brain? until you get to my skull. Yeah. Where's the brain?

Get to the brain. The reviews say where's the brain? I'm just a dark expanse. I think that's a good idea. This segment, cause when, um, when Lenin died, when Lenin passed away, When, um, when Lenin died, when Lenin passed away, yeah, not John Lenin, Lenin, the, the, the guy in, in Russia, who's lying in state in Red Square, they took his brain out and they can't, they sliced it into loads of slices to study it. What?

Yeah. And I thought, is that the way to study a brain? Do you want to just chat to the person when they're alive? Study it. Read one of his books. Yeah. Yeah. Don't talk to him yet. We're gonna wait.

What did they find? Oh, they found out. You know, if you slide a person's brain, they die. That's the reason he's lying in state. He's like, I would like to donate my brain to science. Well, not today, mate, not today. He ticked the wrong thing on the donor card. I'd be afraid to donate my body to science

because once you're dead, you don't want people releasing bad things. Like, they're going, good, look at this piece of shit. I thought you meant like smallpox. Like, you know, your body's there and you don't want people to go, oh, God, this was a bad body, actually. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I've got the, you know, I've done all the donor stuff, but yeah, you'd hate to be like,

oh, we can't use any of this. They did that with John Lennon. They said his body was filth. Like it was just filth from top to bottom and he would have died a couple of years. No, really? I mean, I could be, this could be rumour. Did they use the word filth?

That is absolute filth. That is, he's full of treacle. But he didn't have long to go, I think. No way. I mean, don't quote. I don't mind that as a rumour. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Your body is filled. It's the absolute, because he would have been like, he was about 40, didn't he? He's the absolute... Because he would have been like... He was about 40, didn't he? He wasn't old. So he would have been going for that medical checkup that everyone has to go for when they're 40. Going to some New York doctor and going, listen, I know how to break it to you, but you are

78% filthy. If you keep living the life you're living right now, then I'm afraid you'll achieve maximum filthosity and that'll be the end of you, mate. You're filthy. Well, oh, Richard Burton, they say talking about Richard Burton, when, uh, he had a problem with his back and they operated, they opened him up to operate on his spine and they found that his, his spine was encased with crystallized alcohol. Crystallized filth.

It was crystallized alcohol. So you have, and he said it looked like diamonds attached to his spine. The surgeon looked like diamonds all over his spine. Scraped it off. Scraped it off. Scraped it off? Bunged it up the nose. Absolutely. Carried on.

Oh my god. Don't make him like that anymore. I'm on the Burton's diamonds tonight, boys. Ah! A little vial around my neck. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! That's some good filth. Don't worry, I've got my second wind. I didn't know you could grow diamonds inside you. Yeah. Yeah. If you drink enough.

I wouldn't recommend it. If you drink big, can you dream bigger? You can do that thing when you die, you get forged into a diamond. Wow. Did you know that? They offer you that as a service. What is that?

Hold on. Who's they, Tom? How much money have you given them? There's a offer you that as a service. What is it? Hold on. Who's they, Tom? How much money have you given them? There's a company. There's a company. When you die, they kind of compress you into a diamond and then someone can wear you. Oh.

Yeah. That is not the reaction I was expecting. You're the only person that's going to be you. I've been waiting for someone to give me that reaction. I'm going to change my will. Finally someone who'll wear me like a diamond once I'm dead. And that would be weird for you because you'd be able to go, yeah I met him once.

We're not that close. He invited me on the podcast and... I forget his name to be honest, but it's nice, isn't it? You can be sent up to space as well, can't you, when you die? Which I prefer, because no one's judging you in space. No one's judging you in space. No one can hear you. People are just looking at you from a distance going,

no, is that a new star? No one's going, god damn it, that brain 78% Phil. So I'd actually prefer going into space, I think. Yeah. What do you want to do when you die? Have you two talked about it? Is it something you discuss with each other? Everyone says they want to be put on a boat and stuff, don't they? They want to go on holidays.

A cruise in a way is a bit like that. It's a bit floating mausoleum. Someone should just as they sail out, just fiery arrow it. Save us all a load of bomber. Fiery arrow. Oh no, someone's fiery arrowed the cruise ship. That's the third one this week. Is it a short series of below deck?

So we fire fiery arrowed the ship on the first date. But yeah, so you're buried at sea, is that what you're after? Well I think so. Or Viking burial. I think that's what everyone said. That's what everyone said. That's all the Viking says. I'm only, I'll just...

No, you should say you're only, all your friends are Vikings aren't they? It's what John Lennon said, he said, give me two years so they just stick me out on a boat, stick me out on a kayak and set fire to it. Yeah, but I mean, what we could, what do you want to know? Die, die, die together, death pact. You want to die together, death pact? That's not a good idea, is it, if we do a death pact? No, but you don't want to be left behind.

I've got high risk. Health problems. Well, I don't have any health problems, but I'm high risk. Well, we haven't put you open yet. You were smoking from a very young age, so these things catch up with you. It's true. Everyone's got gout at the moment. It's back. It's cool. It's back and thing. I thought that was... It's having a real resurgence. Yeah. I'm drinking a lot of cherry juice to stop the gout from hitting in. It hasn't hit in,

but then... You've got to because there's so much. Yeah, because everyone doing the Edinburgh Fringe apparently has gout at the moment. They get gout. You get gout. Yeah, but it's like you've got to protect yourself from gout. Presumably these are quite young people. It's not contagious. We all went to Edinburgh and then a case of gout went around us. You don't go into that little pool before you get in the swimming bath.

You've all got to eat it. You've got to wear your gout socks. It's the end of Britain. Wet markets. That's the problem. Have you not heard about everyone having gout? I've not heard about this. No, I mean, I know of gout.

Oh cool. Yeah, because I thought it was medievalism, but it's really back in a big way. Yeah, you know, yeah. You influence it. or something, but it's really back in a big way. Is this a get-gout with me? Everybody's doing the brand new creed. What's my gout for it? It's gout. It mostly involves black fluids to be fair. Some of our friends have had gouts, but later on in their comedy careers, when it feels

like you've been really, I feel like you have to go some to get goat in your first couple of Edinburghs. I feel like you're getting goat 10 years in at least. You can peak too soon, can't you? You have to be kind of Edinburgh living year round, presumably. You know, Edinburgh is quite an intense month, I don't think it can't give you guys. Well, I'm not going to say that, but is it the same thing with the diamond? Like does it it's for life? Isn't it?

Got it. Once you've got it, there's no going back. I think you can, you can, you can ease it, but I think, yeah, taking the red pill or the blue pill in the matrix. Once you get gout, that's it. There's nothing going back. No, the toothpaste doesn't go back in the tube. You're going to have big old knuckles and ankles and everything else for the rest of your life. So we've, yeah, we're not a red pill or a blue pill podcast.

We're a gout pill. We turn to you to ask about gout advice. It's like you're the one who knows most a gout pill. They have to ask about gout advice. It's like you're the one who knows most about gout. I don't know why, but it seems like you're the natural expert on gout. Show us your toes, Clarke. What percentage of gout is your body at this stage? No, I didn't know that. I didn't know it was cool again. I didn't know it was coming back. Who's got it? You can't name it James.

No, we can't. Just think of the coolest comedians who have the most fun. Yeah, I think the fun... That's just a nice thing to do anyway, isn't it? That's why you all looked at me. I get it now. I get it. Who are the coolest comedians who have the most fun. Yeah. They're hobbling around. It sounds like you want to go for it though. It feels like a bit of a badge of honor. Yeah. No, you've put it like that. It does.

It's like, I've got to guys. Yeah. It's like people got like their arena ready. They've got gout. Sure, they're too ahead in Brazil, but they've already done tour support and they're ready. They're good to go. They've got gout. Okay. It's on the list. They've got their gout routine, haven't they? They're ready to go. I didn't know it was cool. This is great. I'm really excited about this because this is definitely... I feel like I tried...

You tried your best? I tried my best. I feel like I aimed for Goat. Yeah, you've done well. Because it does that thing with... does it make your things go diamond? It certainly... does it calcify your joints? It puts crystal in your blood and they become painful in your feet. Come on Clark, he put some crystals in your blood.

Is it in your blood or maybe in your joints? I think it's very similar to the spine thing. Well they're all connected aren't they anyway? Can I have NHS directs? Should we call 111 live? Does anyone else feel like they're having a stroke? I suddenly come out with a variety of conditions. I did go to the podiatrist to check that I didn't have gout. Oh did you? Yeah, yeah.

Really? What was your symptom? A sore toe. Is that a symptom of gout? Yeah. He said no. He said no, stop wasting my time. That's 70 pounds. But what he did do was he got out a sander and did my feet with the sander, which was great fun.

Your nails? No, not my nails. No, I guess he probably could do my nails, but he did all the bits of my feet that weren't feet. The dry bits. The dry bits, yeah. So there was something on your feet. Oh yeah, the fish one. He did it, put them in sharks, and I'll take the nails thing. The dry bits. So there was something on your... Oh yeah, the fish one. He did it, put them in sharks and they'll

take the nails off. So was it your dry skin was causing your poorly turks? It was basically... This is, by the way, this couldn't be more a 45 year old man on a podcast, but yes, that's what it was. I never thought I'd say this, but can we go back to discussing what treacle is, please. I'll tell you about it afterwards, but it was, yes, it was a running injury, basically, that had caused a build-up of... I'm telling you now. It was, yeah, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, but crucially, it wasn't gout, because I had a few friends who had it. I can't believe all the young books are worried about gout.

I wish I had a few friends who had it. I can't believe all the young bucks are worried about gout. I wish I had it now. You know, the gout's nothing worse than thinking you've got gout and not getting it. Yeah. I was down for the last two. You know, that horrible Tuesday night before the Wednesday we were announced who's got gout and you're like oh I know the gout doctors were in four times to see the show. I'm on crutches, surely. I'd settle for Piles. The less cool Gout. No one's going to see the Gout. The Piles comedians.

Yeah. Everybody with Gout sells out in the final week. I've got hemorrhoids. No one wants to see it. Hemorrhoids was so last year. It's like doing a Dead Dad show now, isn't it? It's like, oh, you missed the boat on that. Anyway, thanks for coming on the show. I'm so glad. Is cherry drink the way to go?

Is that genuine? Yeah, it's a cure. A preventative. Both. I thinkative. Both. I think it... You're telling him now, 10 years too late. Why is it a prevent? Probably the fruit inside it.

Why not carry it? That feels probably right, yeah. It's either the fruit or the juice, isn't it? They're one and the same, they're like the joints in the blood. They're the same thing, really. I can't separate the two from one from the other. So yeah, how did you hear about this? Why did you first think you were going to get gout?

What was the worry? Did you have a scare? I had a scare because Ada, you heard word on the street. I heard the word on the street that it's very easy to get gout. And then I thought Bron could be high risk. So then you bought me some cherry juice. It's very easy to get gout. And then I thought Bron could be high risk. So then you bought me some cherry juice. Because of his lifestyle. What do you do?

Eat a lot of cheese. Cheese. Cheese is crisps. Cream. And beer. Cream out of the pot. Yeah. Cream out of the pot?

Yeah. Single. Single cream out of the pot. No, are you single? Ew. Yeah. Yeah. Single. Single cream. But thank you for getting me the cherry juice. That's really nice. That's lovely. Yeah. And if you try to do it, instead of drinking cherry, why don't you just stop drinking cream? Surely that's the other way to go. I can't change him. I can try to fix him. It's so heartbreaking.

That's what life is, isn't it? I bet you the phrase, like, you know, losing weight without exercise or any of those, it's like always, what can I do without changing anything, really? I don't want to. If I can add a thing in rather than taking stuff away, you still, you've got to have your, you've got to have your, your creamy nights. You've got to come home.

You've got to come home. When the gigs gone well, you've got to take the edge off. When the gigs gone bad, it's double cream. You know, you've got to, there's a cream for every gig. Don't come between me and my cream. So I think that wraps that one up. Yeah. Any other business, anything else you need to talk about?

Will you come back on next year for your medical checkup? How it's going. Yeah. But where did, did you ever get to how you wanted to die? That's a different question. How do you want to die? It's not how do you want to be buried? Finish with a threat.

No, you never got to what you said. Everyone wants to go on boat. Yeah. But you never said what you wanted to go on. And then we started talking about GAL for 45 minutes. I think you should have changed the subject from the murder pact. You're sort of going, we'll die together, right? Well, let's talk about gays.

Because crucially with the death pact, one of you is going to go first, right? And then the other one does have a choice because the other one won't know, right? Well, it depends on the, it depends on the death. If you're both jumping off a thing together. Yeah. One, two, three, off you go. I'll be with you in a minute. I'll be with you in a minute. The worst thing to hear. People talk a lot about last words. They didn't talk about what were the last words you heard. I'll be with you in a minute. That's a bad one. I don't remember that being the ending of Thelma and Louise.

Rolling out of the car as I could roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'll probably just stoke my head in with a rock later on. Wait a minute! You've got to both definitely be locked in, right? Locked in, yeah. But it's just you don't want to be just a lonely one. Also, it feels like a bargaining point from my perspective because if... It means I'll eat less cream. He'll eat less cream. If I say, if you die, I'll kill myself, then he's got it to stop on the cream. How functional would you say your relationship is?

If you die, I'll kill myself, so please stop eating cream. Feels like a sort of headline even Jerry Springer would have balked at. And I was like, gang isn't going to kill you, is it? It's not going to make you stronger. Or is it? Consider Clarkie Superman. I've got one foot in the grave, but as long as it doesn't spread up, put the cream down from the socket myself. Start drinking some black stuff for God's sake.

It's cream, it's Tipex, come on. Yeah, okay. But do you have partners? Yes, unbelievably, yeah we all do. Yeah, yeah. How would you feel if they died? Oh yeah. I'll of course be like, with you in a minute.

Can we shock you? Really sad, I think is the answer to that question. Also, can I shock you? We've not discussed it at length. How would you feel if your partner died? I think bad. Yeah, it would be great. It wouldn't be great. Yeah, you know, I'd feel bad about the fiery arrow. Yeah. It's like how long into the grieving process would you go to a dairy for a lock-in?

Call up your milkman, I'm packing the game buyers! Just a can of whipped cream at the funeral. Bring out the heavy cream. Bring out the heavy cream. Bring out the grief cream. But yeah, yeah, bad would be odd. So I feel bad. And in answer to your question, I think cremation. My concern with that is my wife wants a, you know, like the funerals that they give to

East End gangsters where they have a horse and carriage with like glass carriage that you can see the coffin in and loads of flowers. That's the funeral my wife wants. She wants a cray funeral. Yeah, she wants a cray funeral. She wants people walking in front of the horse, you know, through the streets and the horse and things going on. And that to me feels like a real amazing organisational ball. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah. So you want to go first?

Yeah. Yeah. So you don't have to organise it. You don't have to organise any of that. Source of horse. Yeah. But also people, it's kind of cool because people will assume that she lived. That she murdered people.

Legend. They'll be like, oh my God, wow, okay. She does love her mum. I'll say that much about your wife. She's very good to her mother, which that was the two things the Craigs were known for. They loved their mum and they murdered people. And they were twins. Oh, twins as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the three. There you go. Yeah. And she was- Oh, they're two people. Yeah. What the hell? She was played by Tom Hardy in a biopic of her life as well. But I also think people will automatically line the streets somehow.

Like if you see that coming down, you like go, oh, someone important died. And then you kind of get to increase the amount of people who are... Quick, everyone, line the streets. The cry goes out. If you saw a coffin on the back of a horse and car, you'd start following it. I'm lighting the street. I'm at least lighting the street. You walk along with it. I'm taking my hat off. I love taking my hat off when I see a coffin. What kind of hat do you normally wear?

Oh, flat caps sometimes. Oh cool. It's like the Peaky Blinders. Yeah, yeah, so you can kind of, it's very like, you can kind of doff it. Yeah. But I feel like, I like, I feel like the old fashioned mark of respect. Salute. Yeah. I know, salute feels a bit much.

Yeah, you know, you don't know. But I don't mind a bit of hats off when the coffin goes. We have to stop moving and make the sign of the cross. That was our, that was as Catholics, that was what we had to do. So when the, as the hearse goes past, you don't, you don't carry on walking. Agreed. You just stop moving. And as it goes past you, don't mind that quick sign of the cross.

The people who've, who've passed away. Pentagon, son of a pentagon. Son of a pentagon. Hey Satan, yeah. Listen to some slayer. Yeah, I don't, I don't chase the hearse down and go, what denomination were they? They're not Catholics, they can go

fuck themselves. But I just don't mind. I think that I like, I like the stopping. Yep. Some kind of gesture. Stop. Just head down. Head down is pretty good. But then how do you know? Well, it's fast. I think that I like, I like the stopping. Some kind of gesture. Stop.

It's pretty good. But then how'd you know? Excuse me. Someone told me I've been here for a week. I can't get my neck back up. I live next to the crematorium, this is always happening. I want to be cremated but then scattered in various places. Not random places. Specific places that you have a connection to.

Specific places, yeah. So that's what I want. I want to be pretty good. The only problem with that is it's not environmentally friendly friendly is it to be cremated? The environmentally friendly way to go is just to be in the hole. No, but the hole is not enough space on the floor. What about under the floor? Because that's the traditional method. It's a certain... Crucially, crucially you're under the floor.

That's the important bit. You just want to be laid out on the pavement. Yeah, great. So it's to get full, don't they? Yeah, all the graveyard I've been to, they're just ram-packed. Yeah, no more room. But the idea is you should go in a biodegradable box, somewhere where you can go back into the cycle. And that way then you don't truly die, you just carry on. Your energy's still in the universe. Whereas if you cremate, then you're polluting, aren't you?

Yeah, one last fuck you to the planet. If you won't have me, no-one's having this planet. Yeah, so that should be the real way to go. It's just a, just a whole shoe box back garden. Yeah. Where you go box. But you want to, you want to be able to go back into the ground is the point. Right.

To be a nutrient. That's the idea. And then you give it, you're giving back at the end. And what about if you were all filled? nice clean ground trees just falling down or the plants like the end of a team what about you well how you I would to go? I would like to be frozen like one of these Disney men. He's frozen himself. Oh, cry gently frozen. I was genuinely going, is that like Sleeping Beauty?

Which Disney is that? Frozen was Disney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disney. Is that happening? No, no, no. Walt Disney. Walt, that's his name.

There was a rumour that he had his head, just his head, cry-gently frozen, is that right? Or maybe his whole body. But yeah, he was cry-gently frozen to be thawed out when they had the technology to... Well then do the fucking rest of the body then. I know, yeah. Imagine how gutted you'd be, everyone's like, oh everyone's got their body. Of course we did. I'm not even the last to have a head. He's like, Oh, everyone's got the body. He's got a short of a bob or two, is he as well?

Imagine being dead for 200 years, come back to live a second and go, Oh, fuck them all. Those hover balls. Hover balls. That was your nickname at the trampolining club, wasn't it? So you're cryogenically frozen? Yeah. With the chance of coming back?

With the chance of coming back. Part two. Part two, the sequel. Yeah, but wait, you have a death pact. Oh, he'll see you in a minute. He's burnt on the moon. Oh no. You've given the game away.

Now we see the plan. Now we see the plan. Death pact. Death pact. Death pact. Death pact. Death burnt on the moon. Oh no. Now we see the plan. Now we see the plan. Death pact, he goes off on a boat, gets set on fire.

You're sent back to the game. Don't worry, mate. You're game to your game. We're part one. Six months later, you're back on the scene. Back on the apps. Okay. There are easier ways to break up with someone.

Can you just try to gently freeze me until he's out of the picture? Yes, okay. I mean, isn't there going to be a way that you can do it now, like, AI-wise, and you don't actually... Going into the verse, the data verse. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck that shit. Should we do it?

Yeah, I mean, I mean, if you are, because it's not working, it's not working for me in the current verse I'm in. So if there's another verse out there, get me in mate, I'm good for it. Honestly, this verse is filth. I've got to get into a new verse. Should we wrap it up by the way, by going- Speaking of getting into a new verse. Yeah, yeah. Singing the Gambler. Yeah, we've got to get into a new verse. Should we wrap it up by the way?

Speaking of getting into a new verse, singing the Gambler. I thought you could sing the Gambler and then we could go along the line and say what Nugar is. Oh I see. That is a spongy sugar thing. That's spongy sugar. That's spongy sugar isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to sing us a bit of Gambler to to close off the show. Met up with the. That was perfect.

That's all we need. That's all we need. It's a lovely voice. Thank you. Well, there you go. Grandma's favorites. She. Liked it so much, she cried because she had an ugly throat or something. Mid-verse. There you go.

There you go. Love that. Isn't it mad that they're still calling them blaps? Surely they should have changed that name by now. Yeah, absolutely. Because we want to call this podcast Blaps. That's the idea. We've sent a message to... Blappies.

We've sent a message to Blappies. Sounds bad. I don't know why, but it sounds bad. We've rebranded to Blappies. In a naked display of ambition to Channel 4, we've started calling ourselves blappies. Listen, we know we're not series ready, but could you please give us a blap, guys? We found out we weren't series ready the hard way. By making two series.

Anyway, support your local blaps. I do mean that. Yeah. Oh, by all means guys, send us an email, pappiesflatshare.gmail.com. Tell us your favorite blap. What have been the blaps of your years? What are your tent pole blaps?

What are your tent pole blaps? Exactly. Obviously there is some of the big ones that were developed. But you know, go niche if you want to. Just what's the blap? What's your tent pole blaps? Exactly. Obviously, there is some of the some of the big ones that were developed. But you know, go niche if you want to just watch the blap. What's your comfort blap? What's the one you always get in times of trouble, which the what's the blap? You always go back to. I've watched it. There's a island blap as well.

Give us your top. Give us your top. Well, and listen to support support Clarkie's new podcast, Desert Island blaps. You'll be able to find that on the Patreon as well. It's a certain tier or other only three blaps Clarkie that's really that's tough it's hard to do but you do a real deep dive on them don't you you do so yeah do you go along to black menu blackmenu.com forward slash desert and blabs. Anyway, yes, go and see Ada and Bronn. Oh my god, you're gonna be up there. And don't forget these episodes are all on YouTube as well. If you want to see see us as well as hear us, then get over to our YouTube channel.

We're doing clips on tik tok. Get over on tik there Pappy's flat share Instagram at Pappy's comedy yeah we'd love to see you on all of the socials they're aging like a fine wine