Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1539: Steve Bugeja

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Steve Bugeja joins us and shares tales of crime, friendship, and choosing the right colour to paint the bedroom.Steve can be found on his Instagram here (where he'll also let everyone know where to watch his special, when that's ready!) - https://www.instagram.com/stevebugejacomedyFollow us on:YouTube: youtube.com/@pappysflatshareInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedy/TikTok: tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to this very exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share. It's a guest episode and what a guest we have for you, one of our faves. He's here today. His name is Steve Bouget. Yeah, yeah. Steve Bajer is here, everyone. He's on the settee and he's giving us the ride of our lives. he's telling us now a lot of people say you know when you get steve on the show you've got to ask

how is he decorating his flat well he did not disappoint he told us all about it uh in a sort of vaguely panicked way he told us about his uh his it's incredibly odd relationship with his handyman but all of that is is ahead of you um also you know he he did promise that the booge spesh will be out the he's he's recorded his um he's recorded his um he's recorded his of a show, Shiny. Now, there'll be more talk of it in the show, but if he's managed to get his butt into gear, we're recording this a little bit before the fact,

but if he's managed to get his butt into gear to the deadline he set himself, then there should be a link to it in the show notes for his special, his YouTube special, shiny, which was the show he did in Edinburgh a couple of years ago. I saw it. It was a great show. Are we like the big launch for Booge's?

This is the heart launch. for the booge spesh. Yeah. Come on, Dan. Can you call something a hard launch if it's prefaced by he might not have done it and it might not be happening?

It feels quite soft to me. It feels very hard, if I'm honest. It's hard for Steve to get his editor on the phone. That's the hardest bit of this hard launch. It's hard for Steve to get over A, his own insecurities and be his incredible politeness

for like, well, I don't want to bother the person I'm paying to do this, job. I've heard harder lunches is what I'm saying. There have been harder launches out there. There have been launches that have gone a lot harder than what we've just had to do. This launch doesn't go that hard at all.

This launch isn't cooked in the middle. They shouldn't. The juices aren't flowing clear from this launch. The phrase hard launch shouldn't have a question mark at the end of it. All right. Well, if you...

Sorry, Steve. Now look, if you want to support the comedy community And, well, if you want to support our comedy community I was going to link it to the launch of Steve's special But none of our patron when he goes to Steve Bajia And I want to nip that room in the bud right now But if you do want to support, I mean like in many ways What we put out every week is our own special

We're putting out specials every week That's a good point actually, Tom Thank you. It's a very, very good point. So if you want to support your boys on their journey of podcasting to The Grave, then you can do that by giving four pounds a month, pound a week, or the price of a posh coffee these bloody days.

You could chuck that our way, and it means we can keep sticking out. Because these episodes, they're on YouTube, they're clipped up on Insta, they're TikTok in, they're nick-knocking, they're around, they're on social media. So, see them as a special a week. And if you want to fund our specials a week, then we will benefit great.

from your four pounds a month. So get along to patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share and support your boys for God's sake. Otherwise we hope you're well and is there any other business? Yes, but there might still be tickets for the Christmas show. If there are, then you'll get them from pappiescommody.com forward slash live. If there are not, I'm very, very sorry, but you have to wait till December to hear it in the usual places you'd hear it. You know where to go. Pappiescomedy.com forward slash live if the tickets are still available. Lovely.

Otherwise, enjoy in full flow the unique stylings of Steve Bejaya. Papi's Flatsh Talk about whatever. Papi's Flatshed. Are we been doing this forever?

Papi's Flashshed. But we don't really live together. Happy Splashet. Yeah. Thank you for Benham. I was going to say. He's concealed them. Tom went, shall we?

And then just show. to let me have a pringles into his mouth and i was like yeah we shall when you finished you and your pringles i don't know yeah shall we should we eat a tube of pringles booge on a cushion have you seen that series it's like sat on the cushion you're too small surely that can't because we lose you into the perspective didn't put her on a booster seat a bougster seat got him on the boogester seats there we go we can we can we can we're can see you um it's just because you're next to tom it's the only thing i'll scooch down

you're gonna what this doesn't feel you've got to get you're trying to glass of water it's a psychological warfare you're trying to make your guest feel on edge isn't the idea with psychological warfare though that aren't you supposed to sit them on a really low chair but actually we do it the other way around in a second you're gonna be on umpires you know you can be up they're like with the twitsing you you think you're expanding you're right actually

yeah you're boost of my confidence you sense some low self-esteem we've got a big up the bouge we've simply got a big up just jack him up by the time the record's finished you're like up here you're not comfortable there are you

you've lay back now and that can't be right there I'm experimenting with which do you want another cushion would you like a cushion behind your back come on granddad stick another cushion behind him There we go. That is actually better.

Of course it is. I didn't like that you said grandad, but it has mainly feel more comfortable. There you go. There we go. Now, yeah. One thing you've got to know about Steve. Well, I think so. Yeah, yeah. That's all going in. There's no way we can't leave that in. You've got no about Steve. This could be. He's got a rubber spine. So he needs a series of, he needs to be sort of cantilever into position. What I do want to know is what, what position was I in that prompted you to say? You sort of went to start and then you would lay back like this. You were like entirely linear. I could see your body vibrating because your core was just taking everything.

You were like, yeah, so. I'm a very highly strong individual. I can tell. Hey, whatever it takes, we're happy to pamper you. How are you feeling? Are you ready? You're in the zone. I feel cushioned.

I've never felt so soft and comfortable in my life. You should feel very, very comfy. I think there is something about the corner bit of the sofa that does make it a little bit more. um tricky yeah it is it's an awkward shape really it should be because i've seen your other guests and some of them have their feet up and they're kind of like you've done your research i've been watching i've been watching i've been watching not listening just watching on me notes on me how did sell your ab play this what am i going to do with my knees well abby abc had her feet up a lot i noticed right and it kind of um we're not

inviting the back for that reason ben was furious No feet on the sofa. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you got a corner sofa at home? What's your sofa at home? It's a really good question. It's a great, I question. It's a question we ask every single guest.

And we always get... It never makes me. I recently bought my first ever sofa. Oh, Mazel Toff. Well done. I considered the corner. I really wanted the corner of the L shape, but ultimately, it just takes up more room, didn't it?

Yeah. It just takes up too much room. You went for a W in the end, didn't you? Strange. This kind of concertina But I tell you, the spread you can get on a W Oh my God Oh my God

Honestly There aren't enough cushions in the world You can really come home and just let it all hang out When I bought it, I actually thought it was an M Oh What, yeah, we're talking through it No, it's just a, it's an eye It's an eye, so far, just a straight

Straight, straight, classic eye, lower case L. No dot. A little poof, I was picturing. Yeah, that's quite nice. And it's lovely. I've got it burnt orange. Here's something I did, right? So I very fortunately bought a flat, and I knew I wouldn't decorate it if I lived in it.

You know, like I knew if I moved in, I wouldn't get around to do any decoration. So you had to look at play. Yeah. So before I moved in, I got a painter in and just said, right, here's all the colours. Were the previous people still in? They were furious. It was an open house. You arrived with a handyman

I'm knocking this through straight away I was negotiating my author Yellow on that Um He's shown his hand Cust me a fortune No I didn't have time to do testers basically

You know I didn't You know the little samples on the wall I was like I can't be doing with that You'd set yourself a deadline and you thought Well I'm there's no point messing around I was just gonna pick it was booked It was Friday The paint was booked for Saturday

I had to give us some colours. And I had three rooms to paint. And I use this app, Dulux app, which like AI's the colour onto your wall. I don't know it's AI. It just puts on the wall. Yeah. And, uh, and I thought this looks good. I'm going to AI onto wall. I'm going to P-A-I-N-T on to it. Sorry, sorry, I missed out of some letters there. It's like a painter trying to jazz up his business. Yeah, well, AI all that. Yeah, P-A-I-O-L-L-L-A-R. I haven't finished paint. side, actually. I'm not great a painting, if I'm honest with you.

Quite a lot of letter-based humour. It is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Sesame Street, this. Yeah, so I did the colours. I went bold colours, so I thought if I pick-bold colours, then I've got a pick-bold furniture, that it sets like a tone. So can I just ask, so you're looking at on your phone? On the phone.

So if you turn the brightness up on your phone or down, it's a different colour. Or just open the curtains. That makes a big difference. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. To colour. That's not something I really factored in.

So we went with an olive green. That came off okay. Yeah. Mustard yellow, you know, okay. Some people... All food related, salmon things. Was this a Cludeau? Up.

Scarlet study. Colette floors. Yeah, yeah. We all just trying to think of it. Yeah. Plubbed toilet. Plum dining room. No, it's got to be plum toilet.

You're absolutely right. If you haven't got a plum toilet, you're in real trouble. You're in trouble. You're still in home base. Plum the washing machine as well, please. For the love of God. It's really wet flat, this. So, mustard, olive.

Mustard, olive. Olive's not in tuna, is it? No, no. That's a green, isn't it? Yeah, okay. Anyway. Salmon. Salmon. Salmon.

We've been booged. Salmon pink. Salmon pink bedroom. Salmon pink bedroom I like a lot. No, I've fucked it, mate. I've absolutely fucked it. It was supposed to be a dusky pink. It's not dusky.

It's pink. Is it too vibrant? It's so vibrant. Is it like the Barbie house? It feels like Barbie pink. And then it also feels intentional. And then what's happening a lot is people come over to look at the flat and they say, oh, you're going to get it painted?

And then I have to be like, oh, these, I chose these colors. Wow. Yeah. So now when they walk. can I go, I've had it painted, just so you know. Yeah, just to get ahead of the Christmas sign on the door. And what's the effect of sleeping in a pink

in the kind of hot pink room? It's just like a bit unsettling. And you just wake up to a lot of, you know, it's like bright and... Do you feel like you've returned to the womb? Do you sleep in the fetal position and play sort of like amniotic sounds? Yeah, I was his area section,

so maybe it's just like unfinished business. Shouldn't have got that sunroof face, should you? No! Oh, no, that's what I'm a flashback. We do red nightlights since the kids came along, and it's kind of spread to the whole house now. Yes.

It's for the womb reason, like when you're trying to get kids to sleep. Very calm. Yeah. Red light is supposed to be like a very normal state to sleeping. You've sent back to your wife many times. Listen, the red light actually calms me down when I go to that district. So it's more meditative. Me giving you this check makes it feel normal for me, okay?

I'm headed off with Sting So, so like I'm very used now to sleep in red light To the point where actually I think I might sleep better in red light Than I do in pitch black You often fall asleep at the traffic lights as well Don't you?

People beat with you by and go Come on, mate Red light followed by pitch black How does your partner feel About having the house lit With her sort of reproductive organs Yeah, that's true actually It was an awkward conversation

in B&Q, where they were trying to match it the color. I've got some scans. Can you match to this please? Walmart.

But actually, so I do think actually but I think pink's probably a bit too on the dial. Yeah, I'm going to have to repaint it. And what are you doing with bed sheets?

Because you've got to kind of do you go full on pink bed sheets as well? Are you going like plain whites? No. I think I'm going to, well, at the moment they're like green and yellow.

It's just like a complete mess. It's a complete mess. So they were based on a different time. I'm going to have to get white bed sheets Yeah So then I'm going to have to basically Either repaint or double down And just go for a really white pink bedroom

Yes And like get a pet tiger Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah A gold chain Go and slightly Las Vegas Yeah I'm in Brixton it wouldn't be that mad

To have that Like a fluffy white rug Yeah Kind of thing And a vibrating bed Yeah Absolutely circular A circular vibrating bed

With a mirror above it Yeah. The mirror would be good above. Yeah. And just turn into an absolute hound. Do you want to me? Yeah. Turn into it.

It's the logical progression. It's tough to hear. The biggest faux part I ever did painting was we moved into our rented accommodation at university, got insanely drunk, stopped off at the hardware shop, there was a paint sale and bought primary colours and it was like six cans for the price of three and painted the living room blue red yellow same room and green yeah every wall a different colour huge mess landlord came around like a week later and was like what the fuck has happened this isn't part of the deal of course you can't just paint the house it's like we're just moving

in his tenants for a year on a short lease. Oh no. Yeah. Immediate loss of deposit. Immediate loss of deposit. Good that it was half price. It feels like you've done something a little bit similar almost. Well, similar, but I'm the only one who loses.

Yeah. I own the front leg. It's my walls that I've ruined. I mean, to be fair, your landlord was really disappointed. It was just furious. Is there an argument when you're repainting, is there an argument to repaint three of the walls and go feature wall?

Feature wall pink. Yeah, yeah, maybe. That could work. I guess I've been got scarred by the pink now, though, so I don't know if I want to keep it around. Yeah, okay. But what would the other colours be? Like, go softer. No, you've got to go plain white if you're going feature wall, right?

Three wide feature wall, pink. You can't be going various shades of pink. Because what I did. You can't be doing that. What I did the university was six feature walls. And the feature ceiling. You're not supposed to paint the carpet as well. That was the problem, yeah.

What was the first? This wall. How much shape is this room? This octagon room. Yeah. And crucially, you've got a painter to do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not capable of doing that.

I've done a lot of painting myself recently, and it's never good. It just feels like really good money spent. You know, like I feel like I'm never going to regret spending that money. Yeah. Because if you do any work yourself, all you see are the flaws, right? Well, and the ceilings. And the ceilis as well, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the ground as well, which I've got to start looking up, mate.

We do you're painting. You don't know what you're doing? If you're painting the walls, don't just look at the floors, man. I remember I painted the front room in our old place. And, you know, I was really proud. I spent like as you were. I spent the day like, you know, marking it all up and putting all the masking tape on all that. That feels great.

Then you're like, I'm doing a really, really good thing here. And so I did all the painting and I was just about to go out and I was like, ah, I'd just take all the masking tape down. Just pulled it all down and just, everything just started running. I was like, oh yeah, I should have waited for the paint to dry. I hadn't really. But then I've also heard that you shouldn't wait for the paint to dry because then it flakes it off. Yeah, yeah. Well, somewhere in between, anyway.

somewhere in between what the professionals do and what I did would be the sweet spot I'd say exactly the sort of conversations I didn't want to be having this is it isn't it exactly I didn't want to be getting bogged down in this kind of stuff I think if you're doing the whole flat as well we've done the wall in the in the Clark you painted this by the way we should say that yeah yeah we did the wall in the hallway and whose room is that it's the universe is what yeah yeah yeah it's the room we're all the wombiverse It's the Woomiverse You don't mind what you said

I don't mind a bit of the Wooner Yeah And so have you done Have you gone professional for all the jobs In the flat Or is there anything where you can be Yeah Discovered Tarce Rabbit

Oh yeah Oh my God You can They've got everything on there Like you can get them to do anything I just a man comes over And When you say anything

Pop on the red lights Yeah that Big time I've seen Steve Pemberton on the latest series of TaskRabbit. So funny. So funny. Really good. Looking forward to the next series.

Wonder who they'll have on. Depressingly, we're on TaskRabbit, aren't we? Yeah, yeah. We can't get on Taskmaster, but we will come around and put your IKEA wardrobe's up for you. We're trying to get on TaskRabbit. We've got our fingers crossed. It's our big Karim. Our agents called us up.

They're pretty pleased. We're on TaskRabit. Well done, guys. Building Greg Davis's wardrobe for him. What's the deal with Task Rabbit then? Is it a, is it a professional on there? Difficult to say. It's a guy who has built a profile

and he says he can do a various list of jobs. There's no kind of... He can build a profile. If it's flat back. He's good at lying. Now, there's no kind of qualifications on there, but there are reviews. The reviews. It's like Airbnb. Like you just, you know. Okay. Or comedy. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. And he just came over. I put my TV up and I left him a lovely review because he, it's up. It's still up. And then he gave me his card. And now we've a sort of very familiar relationship.

is he trying to get because that's the other thing as well we've had a few people who are like listen next time don't do it because they're

they're taking it's like it's like it's like Uber when you go oh this this fair's cheap and they're like yeah I get about

four quid of this to drive you around Alex Horn does the same thing with Taskmaster once the series is finished he'll still get Stevie Martin round to do the gardening

yeah he'll be he's like I've got to get this golf ball into that he gets Emma Ciddy over and goes right to get

as much this washing up done before my wife gets home. Go. We won't tell the agent it'll be cashed in hand. Don't you worry? He's just building up an army of servants. Cash in hand, mate. Phil Alice rooting through his garage

trying to find stuff to build Alex Horns children a toy. So now you've got a guy, you've got like a go-to guy. And it's a really good relationship. Like it's one of the closest relationships I've got in my life. Are you one step away from being like, Today's task is hang out with me.

It's a stay. Do you want to stay for me? Sid and my baby. Oh, that's very sweet. It's great. He's put up up the other half of this cracker, will you? Do you work, Christmas Day? For a couple of hours.

Lovely man. Lovely man, and he's got a lot of time with his hands. Great, great. And I pay him. Well, I mean, he's, you're paying him. What are you doing? So when he is doing the handiwork in the house, do you

leave the house and let him carry on with it? You stay in the house, right? And are you in the same room as him? Same room. Oh, mate. Are you honestly, you're sat in the same room? Yeah, I stay in the same room because No, come on, no, come on. Come on. I think I am in love.

Come on, come on. Come on, I'm in love. um i feel like leaving him to it is disrespectful you know like no no that's not is it i don't like peer over him you trust him you trust him you trust him and what are you're sitting you're sat there writing yeah i'll just be doing something at the table or like i'll put around just take your notes right on the vibrating bed see this mirror come and have a look but i'm like you know i don't want him to feel like there's a kind of um power dynamic you know like because I feel if I leave him to it, it's a bit like, well, you're my worker. Whereas if I stay in the room, it's like, we're friends.

We are friends. You're still doing the task that you're paying him to do. For money. You know, that heightens the power time. No, because the way I watch is very passive. It's very, it's quite calming, if anything. Yeah. I sing to him.

Like, it's a really nice atmosphere. Got a series of mirrors, so I don't have to look directly at him. Yeah, yeah. You're just there with your easel painting him. you know like it's actually it's it's very very comforting so who am i doing a bad thing are you worried i think the phrase he keeps coming back am i doing a bad thing is a bit it's a red flag i wouldn't pull at that thread it's a salmon pink flag at the very are you worried you're going to run out of tasks um well that was our question right's hall he's on

Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, he's our next guest, sorry. Are you worried, like, you're going to, this will be the end, like, the final job's done. And it's like, well, I guess this is goodbye. Yeah. Do you, do you collect up, do you, like, say, well, you have him around just to do, like, hang one picture. Four, four jobs. Four jobs.

Four jobs and arise. Hang this picture, it's of you. Yeah, sorry about the angle. I was taking it of you by your. I was trying to be surreptitious God, I love this story This is great Amazing

Do you want to give him a shout out I mean obviously You don't want other people So I don't know his name You're kidding I'd love it Rabbit Rabbit first let's ask

You've got to stop making him wear those ears He's dressed as a playboy bunny Putting a Billy bookcase together Tas bunny no he's lovely man you're not going to say his name well it's difficult isn't it because like I'll be promoting him or are we

I guess I could I think his name's Dan but I feel like he Quick look up Dan on task Dan the handyman He's based is straight I guess what I do wonder about is who else is he working for

Oh no you're like that Oh no You know it's not okay to be in the same room when he's on someone else's job. You're pouring over his reviews, see him without who else has been pleasing. Yeah. Oh, he put up a good shelf, did he, Gabby?

Did he? Do you ask him about that? Do you think, do you want to say that? We've chatted about what he's going to see next. Because he packs his day, you know. Like, he'll be doing three or four jobs, you know, in the afternoon. So for four jobs, what are you chucking him? It's usually 50 quid, as a general rule.

Okay, right. If he comes over, it's 50 quid. Right. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that he was. But it'll only be there for like an hour, an hour, a bit maybe it's pretty good yeah and when he's talking about his other jobs are you like sort of going oh they sound rubbish you sort of sort of trying to sort of neg the other people a little bit sort of say yeah what color of their walls like lease old really okay do you think do you think

you're his fave um certainly he's one of his most regular and i think he's closest closest it's certainly in proximity anyway and just how much i contact him just on text and stuff. You know what? I'm going to run out of jobs though and it has occurred to me that like maybe we're just in a real honeymoon period of jobs. Yeah. You need to slow down on the job front.

Yeah, because I feel at the moment he feels he's got me in his back pocket, but actually as the job start drying up, I'm going to pull back and he's then going to start, you know, going like, oh, you sure you don't. Yeah, half price. I'll fix your tap, you know, stuff like that. Could he paint? I haven't asked him, actually.

See, there we go. But a task rabbit painter, sure, you're not. getting the professional painting team job but you know he's he's more of a drill guy could you paint with a drill stick a brush stick a brush on the end of it just do the to the walls that way i didn't anticipate talking about damn this much do you um do you think the money that you've put into down you could have bought your own drill oh for sure yeah and like i yeah okay genuinely the first time i watched him was because i thought i would learn how to do it that's why i actually watched him. Oh, I see. And he actually was sort of going, oh, it's actually quite easy.

You just do this. So that was the dynamic. And you filmed him and you've got a YouTube series. Dan is telling him people how to do stuff. You've monetised that and it pays for Dan. It's like that Parasilton show where they went and did jobs that they couldn't do. Simple life. Yeah. Simple life. Yeah. It's like that. But I've not taken onto the job at all. I still pay him. I don't think drills are for me. You know, like it's not my. Owning a drill and being able to use a drill. Two different things. Very different things. Very different. things. Yeah, if you suddenly get into like, I bought a stud finder.

That's a different app. That's what Pichaya calls Tassrabbit. Is Dad on that? You're talking to Dad? That's why Steve calls Tass Krabbit. The old Studfinder. Hi, Dan. What is a stud finder?

It tells you where the studs are in the wall. And also if you're going to drill into, like, like a wire so I go back what a studs uh studs are like they're um he doesn't know you do know you have you have plaster board you have plaster board on top of like a frame yeah yeah and sometimes they're wooden or sometimes they're metal in this this place because it's a new build they're metal right and so if you're hanging a television it's good to go into a stud because they're more secure yes but other times you you might want to avoid them

because they're quite hard to drill into. You know what, Dan mentioned this and he said, it's all coming back to me now, yeah. He said there was something about there wasn't a stud behind this wall he was drilling into. It was just,

it was just a vacuum. Yeah. And he couldn't hang the coat hanger as it was. So we had to, you got into vacuum the house, didn't you? No, we had to.

Speaking of vacuums, another 50 quid. We had to use no more nails. Oh, really? Great stuff that. You used it? No more nails. is fantastic.

I could get into that. If that's... If it was just you showing up to people's house with a tube of no more nails. That could be my... No more nails?

No more damn. With no more nails, anything could be a coat, I need. Don't worry, I'll do my own coat. Applied it straight to the fabric. So did he help me with your sofa then,

this burnt orange sofa? No, no, no. They built that for me when they arrived, when they delivered it. Good Lord, you're not doing anything. No, you know what? I put the legs on, actually, on that sofa.

Oh, that's satisfying, isn't it? Yeah, because it's really easy. It's really easy. But crucially, it's not a sofa until the legs are on. That's the bit you've got to do, yeah. I have built that sofa. Yeah. Like, that's definitely a sentence I can say.

Effectively, you've built, yeah. Is it leather? No, it's like a felt. Yeah, felt, isn't it? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Felt?

Is it felt? Is that the material? Like, a felt sofa? Load up felt. No, I know what you mean. Do you know what I mean? It's like velvet? Velvet?

Yeah, I guess it's a big difference in velvet. It's not velvet though, is it? What's, you? Yeah, Velas sofa, yeah, yeah. Is it for lore? No, that's like a track suit you're thinking of. Oh, right. But it's velvet.

You have a velvet. It's a velvet. It's a velvet kind of finish. It'll be like a velvet type, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like a little brush, little thin. Yeah.

Yeah, if you brush it one way. Yes, it's that. Yeah, like a cat. Yeah. Yeah. And is it a comfy. Is it a comfy. comfy or is it a bit?

No, everyone's just one of those words like, it's okay, but like it's a bit hard. That's it. This is the thing about sofas, right? Why are they not comfort?

It's the only thing they've got to do. It's the only thing they've got to do. They show up and they're rock hard. Yeah. And they go from rock hard to being flat. I couldn't, I couldn't really, are we talking about Danny?

Story. Story of my bloody life. I just feel like sofas like they're an absolute mug's game. We're all being mugged off by sofers. Yeah.

And we're waiting like six months. to get built. Why is it not built? Why have you got on the website? If you're not built it? My friend ordered a sofa the other day and they were like 20 weeks or something. 20 week lead time.

I don't even know how long that is. Sounds like, what is that? It's most of a year? Two years? Yeah. If it's four or four weeks, go to months. Exactly. Yeah.

You're a sofa shop. Are you surprised by the order? They're like, it comes in. They're like, bloody hell, sofa. You're a sofa from sofa. You want a sofa from sofa.com. A bit odd. It's going to take us a sofa.

I feel like I could get you a sofa anybody know how to make a sofa we knew this day would come someone's finally done it and got an ordered one I think a second hand I think you want a bit of you know what pre-loved jeans I think like you want a sofa

that's like a couple of years in basically yeah I did go on Facebook marketplace but it's just it's feral on that you know the sweet spot is a product of divorce like is it that's just how you make a comedian yeah yeah

I was going to say, yeah. But also like a sofa that like, they've just, they've bought it quite recently. It hasn't worked out. Yes. Good Nick. Oh.

They haven't really been spending a lot of time together, so it's not overused. He's been shagging his mistress on it. He's been sleeping on it quite a lot. It's granted. It's like, that's where you want to, that's where you're sweeping.

We saw quite a lot of houses that when we're trying to buy our house, we saw a lot, quite a lot of houses where it was very clear. that it had all they bought it they started doing it up and it had all gone south we went to one where it was amazing massive garden they went oh come on look at this and there was like a shed that was

returned to a room it was like it was the sad I thought about it I was like oh my god I can't be in this room because it opened up there was like a sofa there was like a blanket on it there was a book there was a glass of wine unfinished for the bottle open so it's just like he's there

he's living in the garden this poor bloke trying to shift his house and you're like oh no because that could be in any one of our futures that's it you look at that and you go oh yeah could yeah i'm just thinking garden you're okay but yeah he's thinking was the shed for sale separately yeah okay and uh the glass of wine is he finished with this part part of deal we've talked about the way Goods. Where aren't the red goods? But yeah, your little divorce, your little divorce shared. You don't want to take a sofa with you.

It's too, there's like them personal. It's too personal. It's just too big as well. You can't fit it into your back. And they're weak in negotiation. And that's when you really, that's when you're really, that's when it's right. They've got a divorce and negotiate. The last thing they want to be worried about is their coffee table.

Have you sold on Facebook? Facebook Marketplace? Have you tried to shift any on Facebook Marketplace? Have I? I don't think I have, no. Parry's had some. Oh, do you hit something that I did last week, talking about Facebook Marketplace, it was Gumtree.

But I bought a bike, and it was very reasonably priced for what it was. And I was like, it seems in a really good Nick. So then obviously your first thought is, is it stolen? Yeah. And then so I looked on a website and it was like, here's how you, what you do. You ask about a serial number. Then you put your serial number into this website and it'll tell you whether it's nicked or not or it's been reported nicked warning signs if they're not if you don't meet them

at their house if it's like a garage or something right um if the photos of the bike aren't of them on it or it doesn't feel like it's their bike no wait wait that's if the photos has someone on a bike like racing if they're holding bolt cutters in the photo that's a big red flag if the phone is them robbing a bike from wrestling the bike of a teenager but also it's If you were selling a bike, you're not posing on the bike yourself, are you? Surely on country, it's not going to be you sat on a bike going thumbs up, you know. It can't be the case. So I met him and it was in a garage.

It wasn't near his house. There was nothing else in the garage apart from the bike. It was like all the warning signs. But I was too, not nervous, but like I didn't want, it felt like a social faux par to check whether it was stolen or not. by the way so I bought he's just gonna say no isn't he

yeah you're not gonna go is it stolen and he's going oh you got me that is I can't believe and like

and like I said oh it's nice and light and he hung on that he was like yeah it's light yeah I've always thought that

it's light I whisked it away it's light and I'm light finger I got over a fence with this thing it's fantastic

did you check the serum so then he was so then he was like it is light always thought that when I've used it it's nice and light and I was like it's so light and like I kept on and said can I take it for a ride and he came back and he went it's light isn't it and I was like oh I don't know if you know I don't know if you do know this bike you know how to ride a bike if it's light completely well that would be the real test actually make him ride it if you can't ride it he's definitely start with it

pop a wheelie so I said it's got a serial number and he went oh probably you'll have to check and so I looked and it did have a serial number and that's the point where I should have but so but you got it must be so hard to go okay so i bought yeah so instead i bought it and then cycled around the corner and then checked whether it was stolen or not after i bought it had the stolen if it was like just because it was too awkward for me to be like and like so i said he's got seven and me went yeah he said you'll probably want to go away and think about it now will you like so he gave me an out to do that and i was like no no no think about it no if the cash if i'm giving you twice as much cash you're mugging me here have my half my

phone you don't know half of it give me that bike back so so you cycled around and he had two bikes that was all he had in the go is these two bikes and i was like you had two bikes and he was like yeah yeah so i just was very flustered and like normally the country as well you can be like oh like what i like to do is try and knock 10 quid off it makes me feel good yeah yeah you feel like you're a man of the world 10 quits you know it's not really i've got you so i always got at that point you go, I got cash, should call it this much cash? And it's 10, 10 quid left. But I was so flustered, I was just like, I gave him the asking price.

Oh, my God. I was like, I've got cash, I've got cash, there you go. And like, gave him the full thing. And then drove around the corner and got off it and checked whether it was Nick. And it was not being reported stolen, but like everything was like, so then I was like, oh, few. But I still don't feel great about it. Yeah.

It doesn't sound good It doesn't sound good It doesn't feel good No And I think I'm just going to Keep on checking In case it gets reported And then when it gets reported

What are you going to do? Hand it in It's just nice to know That's just paint it Spray paint it Hot pink Get someone on task Grab it round

Can you change this bike So it doesn't look Nick Please File off the serial number mate Yeah Put the seat with the wheels I don't know Just do something

Isn't it light? Isn't it light though? It's light. Oh yeah, there's no tyres. That's why I'm right. It's just a frame. I was just too, it felt too awkward to go like, I'm just going to check the serial number, mate, wait.

Yeah, totally. Yeah, I think you're a thief. Yeah, stand there while I verify. You seem like the sort. And he was a bit older than me. When I first met him, he was older than me, and I was like, oh, probably he's too old to be a bike thief, was what I thought in my head.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I thought that's not. It's a young person. game a little bit. That's what you think. But then I thought, is he like a fagin? He's got like urchins working. Oh, there were urchins.

I should say there were urchins there. That was the only other thing. Did you think you grow out of it? Or do you think it's a... Of being a bike thief. Yeah. You hope... If you start bike thieving, you hope to sort of graduate up.

Yeah, you're dealing with bigger stuff. It would like, you know, like you're still... Pettie fatherings. Exactly, yeah. You want those... Unicycle. Those really tall unicycles. That's what you want to get, yeah.

Isn't it light, though? Isn't it like. But you feel like that's, you know, that's your entry level, isn't it? If you're going to start a life of crime, you know, you're nicking a few wallets, you're nicking a few bikes and then eventually, you know, cars. You're nicking cars, exactly. You're nicking a double-decker bus. Articulated lorress, 747.

You're trying to nick 15 double-decker buses in a line like evil can evil. That's how you do. A bus while in transit. hijacking it I will drop you at Stanston but after that but after that we're going to Cuba yeah so it was just one of those you know when you're flustered

yeah yeah yeah I we did it a few times where we would buy stuff from Facebook marketplace we did it when we were trying to buy like a little add on for like a bugaboo buggy right they're all really expensive every bit for a bugaboo buggy you've got to add on to it but this is like a little sort of Moses basket that clips into the thing and it's probably like

about you know 80 90 quid or something we found someone selling it for 40 quid so we thought great went to their house the house is absolutely massive that's the first thing first thing you know they live in an absolute mansion i i bought it in the kids cinema room so like you're like and and so i said oh yeah i sort of thought well they're loaded right i'll see if i can talk them down and i said um oh yeah any charts you could do it for like 20 you know i'm here now 20 quid 25 quid or something like that and they were like oh the thing is um we we actually we're actually going to give the money to charity i was like total bollocks it's absolutely it's clearly total bollocks you're not giving the money you're not a hell of a line now in it but it's a great

line because there's no you can't say oh no you're not look at you this is and also just gives the money to charity yeah exactly i tell you what you know have a slightly smaller cinema room for your children get some sick kids in here to watch that film exactly you Yeah, yeah. I guess make a wish kid's in here. Exactly. I had exactly, when we first moved to London, me and my house,

I went to buy a sofa and we walked through three front rooms to get to the one. And he was like, there it is. Take it or leave it. Make me an offer. And he was like, like, clearly like this kind of finance guy. Make me an offer. And I, again, my head went and I went, 40, 50?

And he went, 40, 50? Yeah, 90. 40, 50? 40-50 40 pounds 50 pence mate What do you mean by 40-50 I'm thinking 150 And I was like 150

And he went okay Deal And Marco's next to be going like What have you just done That was out of our budget And we were like giving him the money And he went And he did it

And he went That'll pay for tonight's takeaway And I was like That is our fucking rent We've just given you there Yeah I This is just a

remind me of a story. It's not buying things, but I was driving, and a motorbike went in front of me. Yeah. And then at the lights, he started like really justically and go pull over, pull over, pull over. And I was, oh my God, what's happened? And I was like, a bit wary. I was like, Stockwell Road. I was like, this doesn't feel like a sort of place you want to be pulling over the be

pulling over the beck of some motorbike man. But he kept doing it. So I did pull over. He accused me of running over his foot at the traffic lights. What? Right. He said at the traffic lights, I apparently got too close to him and ran over his foot. Right.

I was dubious. I was pretty sure I hadn't run over his foot. Did he have one really long foot? Like a cartoon character. She's like, that wasn't a clown shoe when I put it on. He goes out in one really long shoe. I've got my little roose here. I've got a wrinkle picker on one foot.

By the way, Phil out like this motorbike is. He put a limp on, to be fair to him. He was doing a little, but he was so, like, sure that I'd run over his foot. I was like, well, I don't know what to do. And he's like, I was like, here's my, I'm giving insurance details. We can swap, I guess. And he's like, no, I don't want insurance. So I was like, right.

He wants cash. So I was like, okay. I was a bit scared. So I was going to have to give this guy cash. Oh, no. Because I've supposedly. Oh, boo. You stopped you.

I was outside the car. I was stood outside on the road. I was like, what can I do? I can't do. So, please don't tell me. This is how you met Dan. I'll tell you what. Anyway, he gave me a bug of me Moses Barclays.

So I haven't got cash, right? So he's like, there's a cash machine over there. No. No, booge. So I just want this to be over and done with. So I said, how much do you want, right? And he's like, he's like 50. And I was like, I guess that's one Dan session, you know.

What we're seeing Dan tonight? No, but here's the bit. I said to him, what are you going to do with the cash? Like, and he goes, I don't know, get a massage. Because that's what they say. If you've been run over, just massage the money. If you've broken five toes. I basically just massage him back into shape.

Basically, I went to the cash machine, got out some cash, and basically got this guy a pedicure. That's mad. Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I didn't run over his foot at any point. No, of course you didn't. Of course. Of course. But like, because the thing is, driver, if you run over my foot, that's the kind of, it's the perfect one, isn't it?

Because it's not going to be picked up on it. If you've got like a dash cam or anything, they're not seeing the foot, are they? No. It really is. The worry there is as well, you have to ask yourself is, he's obviously profiling drivers. Yeah. Yeah. And, but then you're thinking, you're thinking I am one then?

Yeah, you're absolutely what you were one. He was thinking of, he was thinking of, I've got an absolute booge here. that's 50 quid right there's 50 chiching look at this guy in his hot pink car 50 quid yeah but I hope he enjoyed his massage like yeah I mean

I'd be choked on it were you tempted to were you tempted to follow him at a safe distance you know far enough away from his feet but ram in through my how much is that mate for a full body massage to give him 150 quid first.

Don't worry, mate, you'll need it. But no, see if he's doing it to other cars. See if he's like, you know, see if he's, like, you know, see if he's his third foot of the day or whatever. He's got three feet. Well, he has by the time Bouch ran it over. Stick it out for miles. Pieces.

No, I felt like a mug. And when I went, I told my, uh, my partner at the time, oh, she was, it was embarrassing to tell me. My partner for the afternoon. I was telling Dan, he took the, he took the TV back off the wall. You don't know, is it? I can't pay for this, Dan. And he's wife.

So, yeah, you were telling, you were telling your partner. It was just embarrassing. It's clear that you've been, like, as I tell the story, I'm like, I've been, because as I drove away, I thought, well, maybe, maybe all that did happen. And I've just got away with a good insurance claim that. Like, I could. that could have cost me way more yeah and then as i told the story i was like this is that's the worst you know what this is so embarrassing it's the mad thing is it happened to you in the city

you live in like if it's that's a holiday story isn't it that's a oh this guy was really helpful he said oh you you look at your hotel i'll show you the way and then it becomes that you know take you down a silent he's like if you don't give me 50 quill i'm not showing you the hotel or any of that kind of stuff that's that but this is and you run over my foot you're in a car he's on a bike he's still managed to get you out of the car two minutes from my house Oh, it is, it is, I hate, I do hate that though When someone's like gesticulating or flashing or something like that

And you're like, is this the start of And he must have, when he was profiling me He must have really been sure I was the guy Because he did, he made a real effort to get me over Like he was, he was playing at loads of different cars He was like, no, no, not you guys You drive on, drive on Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh no, no, no, no, he's looking past

No, no, no, yeah Would you feel driving over someone's foot? Yeah, I think Would you get like a little, I don't know. Well, is anyone where to find out? Parking your cars outside? Wait, are we talking about you feeling it in the car?

Are you feeling it outside? And did you have boots on? Yeah, he did. He did have boots on, yeah. I bet they're like steel towcapped as well if they're proper. Yeah. So he might not have even. So there's another world where he is, he's sticking his foot under the tire.

Deliberately. Yeah. So there is that. There is that possibility. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just, I just wasn't totally sure that I hadn't done it. You know, and I thought I could get away with this. Yeah.

A bit of money, throw money at the situation. But there's actually a real theme of what I've been telling you tonight. It's just I throw money at all problems. Well, thanks for coming on today, $150 quib. I did bring you some Pringles, actually. You did, yeah. Thank you for that. So, Steve, where can people find you if they want to find you?

I mean, to stick store you. Stock ground road. I just go up and down. in the car looking to get scammed uh i on social media steve bougger uh bugger is how you spell it bugger bugger be you if you put steve bug it comes up i should have got a stage name but you know here we are and what about we've got to ask you when's the booge spesh coming out the what the boog spish when's the boog spish coming out when you filmed a special oh yeah it's coming out when's it coming out you got to work on your promotions i filmed it a year ago yeah

this is the bit this is the big question you filmed it a year ago It's coming out in December and then we've been waiting for it. I didn't know anyone who paid any attention to what I say. You put it on social media. I did put it on social media. I didn't think anyone listened to anything. No, what happened is the editor had a baby. It's just going to cost you a little bit more.

Steve, listen, are you being extorted by a baby? Is that what's going on? The other thing is, no baby. You went for a horrible divorceist partner. He's living in a shed. the moment. Until he can shift that house, there's no one can go back to work.

No, I didn't want to chase him, you know what I mean? I didn't want to be like, ah, you know, yeah. But in hindsight, it's gone on for too long. But the good news is, I spoke to him yesterday, and the special is coming out at the end of October.

I'm going to release it. It's called shiny. I'm actually dead proud of it. It's my favorite show in the world that I've ever done. I saw it in Edinburgh. I loved it. Oh, thanks, man.

Great show. I'm very proud. And I am going to release it. So it's end of October. You've just got to work on your promotional blurb for the local radios. When you're doing the BBC regionals, you can't be going with the whole. The editor's had a baby story. It's not selling it to anyone.

The baby's nearly old enough to watch it. It's been that long. But it's going to be funny. It's going to be good. Yeah, so get me on Instagram and whatever, TikTok, be sure you. But bear in mind, if you say something on Instagram, he's not a man of his word. Whatever you read on Instagram, don't believe it to.

It's said in my bio, special coming out soon for a year. Yeah. That is ridiculous, actually. Now think about it. But it is coming out soon. I'm just terrified to put it on YouTube and like it gets 10 views. You know what I mean? That is an underlieve fear.

We know how it feels. Well, if you're really scared about it, why don't you outsource uploading it to Dan? Pay Dan to watch it. Dan, you know those TVs you're putting up? When you put them up, can you just log onto YouTube? you stand put the remote behind him just going on your

around the South London area you're sat watching watching your special oh very good oh well he's like this pays for this does it yeah you'll be out

when's this coming out probably at the same time great it'll be out our editor's having a baby so it could be 12 months we'll see this has really given me the fire

that I needed to release the special knowing that you remember that's the main thing actually that's I will release it now great thanks guys happy to help yeah we're done we're done that's it wow

what a treat that was what a lovely treat I could chat to Steve B.J. I could we know you could he's your favoursen he's your absolute favour. I mean, we, you know, we all love him, but there's a special place in your heart, in, there's a special ventricle somewhere in your heart, Parry, that will always be

Bajaya. Is that fair to say? Maybe it's the frequencies of his voice. He's like an hour or bath. And I should listen to those tones all day long. But don't do as Tom does and replace an actual bar with an hour of bath. Please do one. wash yourself, guys. You've got to. Please, please are bloke. You can't simply. Tom has at least ten booge-related infections going on at the moment.

He's covered in booge-related in Patigo as we speak. Well, I'm off to see a doctor for that who will prescribe me. He'll say, have you tried listening to the comedy stylings of Steve Boucher? Almost explicitly. I am already a doctor. fan of stupid. It's less good. Okay, so, thank you for me.

Yeah, Dr. I'm already Steve Boucher's friend. Yeah, okay, we'll go and see your show. Yeah. Anyway, good hard launch. Good hard launch to this episode, I reckon. Good hard launch. And it was produced by

Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye. Bye.