Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1540: Pappy's Flatshare Slamdown with Alison Spittle & Adam Riches as Sean Bean (Host the Monster Mash)

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

Neither Tom nor Ben wants to host the monster mash… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a HALLOWEEN flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at the Cheerful Earful Comedy Festival at The Bedford, Balham with guests Adam Riches and Alison SpittleAlison Spittle - http://alisonspittle.com/Adam Riches - https://www.instagram.com/adamrichescomedyTo get episodes early and ad-free - PLUS a bonus episode every week - join our Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareTo watch full episodes of Pappy’s Flatshare find us on YouTube: www.youtube.com/@pappysflatshareAnd follow us onInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedyTikTok: www.tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: www.facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, Lister Deer, dear, I'm Tom. I'm... Oh, no. Ben, he's still doing a bit. Give him... Give the master actor a little bit of time to create the character. Okay, anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry, Tom, sorry Tom. An actor prepares, an improviser interrupts.

Guys, I'm not acting, call an ambulance. Oh no I was acting Wow Very good Very good And I'm Ben And I'm Matthew

And welcome to A very exciting episode Matthew let Ben finish Sorry Full address please The Spoochrist Surname Reveal

Sorry What a terrible start to Halloween Yeah bad Bad start to Halloween But of course I'm Matthew and this is a very exciting Halloween episode

of Pappy's Flat Share Slamdown Now this was recorded at our very favourite podcast festival The cheerful, earful podcast festival And it was at the Bedford

Until Riyadh get their boats in line Until they get the podcasters a lock They just got to get their ducks in a row That's what they're going to do And if the money is right If the money is right Then you know what We can be bought

it's our old motto it's our old motto anyway it was at the cheerful earful festival at the Bedford pub in Ballam always a fine time our audience didn't disappoint they turned up in their droves and after they'd parked their droves they showed us their fancy dress

and it was a real fun time that is a classic that's an absolute classic that's an absolute classic It's that's some old school Pappy's material you're hearing there. That's torn straight from our Radio 4 pilot in 2008. I love it. I love it.

You know what? Don't chuck anything away because it comes back around, doesn't it? It really does. And yeah, Halloween has come back around and we've done a wonderful Halloween episode. Big thanks to everyone at the Cheerful Earful Festival to Giles at the Cheerful Festival. It's a really wonderful thing that he does. So we had a great time there. We had two superb guests.

Now, we had Alison Spittle, who we should talk through, because I don't know how much this is going to come across in the actual audio. I mean, not at all because you can't see it. But Allison was dressed as Shrek. She was wearing an amazing little knitted Shrek hat. Oh, yes. We also had the one and only Sean Bean. Oh, Adam Ritches as Sean Bean.

But the one and only Sean Bean, who was wearing a helmet. And I was wearing a sort of like a sort of sexy witches game. get up except my witch's hat had fallen off so I was just just sexy just sexy just pure sexy make me very confused or show long hey imagine being me imagine looking down and seeing that and and Tom of course because Tom is Tom you're a man of fancy dress principle you constructed your own costume very quickly talk us through it tell us what you were wearing I had some glowing eyes a kind of wig which was quite distracting actually it was a mop head, but I just couldn't find a wig.

And the glowing eyes were kind of table tennis balls, actually. So that was quite confusing as well. And then long, long arms, extended arms with gloves on the end. I was, I was Eugene Tooms from series one of the X-Files. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Regular listeners to the podcast will know that Eugene Toombs is one of the four or five touchstones along with the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in 2012 and I think Stormsy

one of the one of the key touchstones of things that we can't stop thinking and talking about I did I did consider coming in a stove pipe hat from the opening ceremony maybe we saved that for next year very exciting branner and a stoke we've got to do we've got to do we've got to do the three browners as ice and bad king was No, we've got to do that next year. Well, obviously, at some point, we're going to go return to Edinburgh with our full recreation of the Olympics opening ceremony, 2012. Now, that is a show.

That is a concept for a show. Yeah, if I wasn't in it, I definitely would be it. Pappies recreate the opening ceremony to the 2012 Olympics. In two years' time is the 15th anniversary, right? Come on, guys. Oh, my God. All we've got to do is get the funding. All we need is lottery funding to do it.

Surely the people of Stratford will step up and allow us to me. Surely the Riyadh Comedy Festival wants us to open. Their 2027 festival with that. Come on, guys. If the money's right, you know how much. We'll do it. We've got no principles. And we're happy to do it.

We might, listen, we won't even talk about. We don't even write a justifying ourselves article in The Guardian. We'll just do it. take the cash and let's hear no more about it. But if listen, this is a come get me plea. Not many people are doing this and there's a come get me plea. We will,

if the price is right, now that's crucial, the money is right, we will recreate the London 2012 Olympic opening ceremony in Riyadh for you guys. Happy to do it. Happy to do it for the Crown Prince. You know what? We're good for it.

But the money has to be right. Crucially. be right. The money has to be right. Anyway, the money was right for this festival because we showed up and the guests were even more right. The guests were even right. The guest, the money was right. The guests were even right. It was Alison Spittal. It was the real Sean Bean and it was a really, really fantastic time. Just to say, by the way, apologies if you tried to get tickets for the Christmas special and weren't able to, that's now completely sold out.

Ooh, la la. Should have booked a bigger venue. If it sells out in October, you've made a mistake there haven't you we've we've left we've left some money somewhere and it's in the pockets of our listeners and I don't like that you know the money turns out the money was wrong but yeah I've John Robbins has had a right go at me about it but listen we'll talk we'll talk about that another time big of venue next year but we're gonna we're working out a way to do a live stream so fingers cross we're able to do that and you should be able to watch it live with your avocar in your, in the privacy and comfort of your own festive home. Does that mean I can do it from Exeter? You can actually, yes, Tom, if Tom,

if the money's right, Tom will. Can I give him for Riyan? Because I've just had an offer jump through. Righty-ho. From three separate locations, three Isabar, King of Brunelles present a very festive Christmas show for you over Zoom. It's like, lock, done all over again but yeah let's crack on with this Halloween episode absolutely

enjoy the spooky festive treat and we'll see on the other side Tom Ben what is it Mathia yeah what is it

you ghastly ghoul it's Halloween and you know what that means some of these spookiest ghoul are on their way over no

Dracula the wolf man John Torode we didn't invite him he's just coming as a swamp thing's plus one. But listen,

one of you two needs to organise the monster mash. Oh, no. Well, it's not going to be me, Matthew. No? No, because every Halloween

I go door to door asking people whether they prefer the host of Radio 2's breakfast show, Mr. Edwards, or that guy Wes, who's the health secretary.

That's the last time I go, Rick or Streeting. I can tell you that for nothing. Is everybody, are we all right? Are we all okay? What about you, Clarkie? Yeah, it's not going to be me either. Actually, fun fact about me, Matthew. Oh yeah. Halloween is what

I say every time I see my penis. Halloween? Oh, dear. Oh, my God. I'm glad this is an audio podcast because there's only one way to settle this. We're going to have to have a flasher slam down. Blancher slacked down. We're going to do that. Flatchez slam down.

Halloween and welcome to Flatshire Slamdown, the panel show that says. I was working in my lab late one night when my eyes be held an eerie sight for my monster from his lab began to rise and suddenly turned My surprise, he did the monster mash. He did the monster mash. It was a graveyard smash. It caught on in a flash. He did the monster mash up, everyone. A monster mash up.

I'm the ghost and landlord Matthew Crosby. Let's meet my groovy goolies. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark. But listen, you simply can't organise the Monster Mash on your own. Who have you brought to spook when they're spoken to tonight? Ben. I have bought Shrek. In other words, Alison Spittles. Alison Spittal is here.

Hello. Hello, Alison. But for the at-home listener, by the way, I'm not just being insanely rude. No, he is. She is dressed as Shrek. What? You've come dressed his... Don't do this to me!

I'm just wearing green. Oh, don't do this to me! I kid, I kid, I got a gimp mask. It's a little knitted gimp mask with the Shrek ears on it. It's really nice. Thank you. A fan made it for me. Yeah, isn't that lovely?

Yeah, I mean, I guess in a way we all get the fans we deserve, don't we? But yes, it's great to have you here, Alison. Now, are you a Halloween fan? Do you enjoy the season of Halloween? I've seen some shit, yeah. Have you? What's the spookiest thing you've seen? Oh, genuinely, I did a Ouija board.

Did you? Yeah, I've done a Ouija board when I was like 15. And you've anyone done a Ouija board here before? No. Wow, sensible. They have, they're just showing you with their fingers that we're moving their fingers around and say yes. So at a party, was it?

You all got a Ouija board out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a few guffs hanging out. And, you know, and a clatter of goffs are hanging out, and we decided to do a seance. And I got very scared, and I took my hand off the vessel, which was a crystal chicken egg cup. And I just said, I'm going to take down the minutes in a meeting,

so I was a secretary for a week for it. Yeah, yeah. Were you aiming to commune with someone in particular, or were you just seeing who was out there? Just throwing it out open. Michael Jackson had died that week. Oh yeah well We had some questions

The questions remained Did you Did you get any answers From our dear friend Wacko Jacko No he wasn't there There was a man called Adam That was there

And look at he fell up And then we asked him He was lonely And he said yes And then we got scared That it was emotional And we hung up on him So it wasn't actually

It wasn't the fact you were communing with the dead it was the intimacy that you found yeah the fact that he got so real with you yeah we ghosted a ghost essentially well Alison Spittler's here great time on the show

but Tom who have you brought with you today well Matthew the jamboree's in danger you're kidding we're filming jamboree the movie and we didn't have a lead roll cast so I booked

to the most famous actor I know, it's Sean Bean, everybody. Your Bean is here. Good evening, bastard, one and all. Sean, do you celebrate Halloween? Are you a spooky kind of person? Do you enjoy that sort of thing? Being from medieval times,

I tend to celebrate every other day than Halloween. Sure, of course. The rest of years, Halloween for us. And then on Halloween, it's just a nice break. What's the spookiest thing you've seen, Sean Bean, in yours? In your time as being Sean B. Yeah, you're talking there. My CV, that's one.

But, you know, I don't see ghosts. I create him more than not. You know, I do a lot of slaughtering on side and on the side of more slaughtering, really. That's kind of what I do. So, yeah, I don't believe in supernatural. I don't believe in anything you can't stick a stick into. Is that your favourite method of slaughter,

the old stick through the heart? It's my favourite method of making chicken gifts. Absolutely. It makes sure it don't burst. Absolutely, yeah. That's what I've always thought about the French. If you stick a stick in them, they won't burst. No.

And the juices have to run clear as well. We certainly do. That's very important. Sean Bean is here. Allison Spittle is here. We have met our monsters. Let's grab our spots and get ready to mash as we play. Round one.

Woo! Woo! in my lab late one night when my eyes beheld a fearful sight my monster from his slab began to rise then suddenly to my surprise he killed a man yes he killed a man and then a grand yes he went on to kill a gran and then some kids oh dear then he set fire to a car with a dog in it I suddenly realized I had created a monster. What was I thinking? I had thought it would do a dance,

but it set fire to a church hall with a school disco in it. And then he fucked lots of people. He didn't ask for permission. He was a monster. And then he performed at the We Add Comedy Festival. He was a monster. He did lots of terrible things I really wish I hadn't brought him into this world

Why couldn't you just do a dance Why did you have to be a real life monster He killed lots of animals He killed lots of people You get the idea Then he built a church steeple The church steeple wasn't a nasty touch But killing everyone was a little bit much

He was a monster I think you get the idea it was a little bit weird that my monster was bad and in the end it made me feel really sad oh my goodness no second draft no don't listen back press send Half eight in the morning. Get it done, send. Listen to it on the night. Any notes for yourself, Tom?

No, it's great. No notes. No notes. So this first round is called, blame it on the spooky. I'm going to give each team a non-spooky scenario and they have to, in turns, make it increasingly more and more spooky.

If the other team believes they've not actually made it spookier, they can challenge. And if I accept the challenge, the other team takes over the same. the gameplay. You've got two minutes on the clock. Whoever's playing when the two minutes are up gets a bonus five points. We're going to start with Ben and Allison. Your non-spooky scenario is a warm summer's day sat by the pool with a peanut collada in your hand in one hand and a

Colleen Hoover in the other, which is a book, not a vacuum cleaner. Allison and Ben, who's going to start? Who are you going to start? I can start if you like. Okay. Allison is going to start. Your two minutes begins now. Tom and Sean, of course you can challenge at any time. Off we go. A single child's shoe is floating in the pool. Oh, a light fog starts to drift through where you are. What a way with words. Yeah, we'll have a challenge. We'll have a challenge. We'll have a challenge. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to accept that challenge. Tom, you've got a minute, 44 seconds.

The water in the swim. swimming pool turns green and waves at you. Wait, whoa. Wait a second. Wait, can I challenge? Yeah, you can challenge. Is it waving at you or are there waves? Yeah, it's waving at you?

In which case, I rescind my turn. That is spooky. Tom, you've still got control, Sean, it's your turn. What have I got to do? Okay, let's just pause the timer for a second. You've just got to make the scenario slightly more spooky. So currently we've got a pool with green water and the water's waving at you

and there's a child's shoe and there's some fog. Well, impossible, that's the scariest thing I've ever heard of. Then it's back over to Tom. Then there is a knock. The hotel door. Challenge. I'm going to accept the challenge from you, Sean. Yes, what's the challenge?

Well, it's a door. It's built for knocking into it. A knock at the door is not inherently spooky, no. So in which case, because you challenge within the team, you retain gameplay. And Sean, it's your turn to make a knock at the door slightly more spooky. It's on fire, and the fire is made of breath of a dragon's, like, bad movement. Okay, yes. Okay. I've got to stress,

Sean Bean's not great at improvising. I fully expected his script to be here when I arrived. There is one, it's just it's in my hands. Right, got it. That was great, Sean. That was wonderful, yes. We love that. Tom.

The door opens and stood there is a big giant nose. Just a fucking nose. Just a nose. Oh, face. I challenge. Okay, Alison and Ben both have a challenge. What's your challenge? Noses are harmless.

I'd rather run into a big nose in the woods than a man. It's the classic. It's the classic debate. Fair enough. Nose or man. Nose or man. I choose the nose. I choose the nose.

Absolutely. Alison, it was your challenge. 33 seconds left. There's a CPR doll beside the pool that looks exactly like Keith Duffy from boys' life. And he's making direct eye contact with you. Oh, God. And you were dead all along. Oh, my God.

I challenged, that would be quite a relief. Yeah. I spend off me time being dead. That's not scary. If you're not being dead, you're making other people dead. It's a bus for us for you. Absolutely. Get it back over here.

16 seconds left. Tom, your challenge. Your throat opens. There's a mouth in your throat. and it says, help me. But the voice, it is of your own mother. Who says, I only ever loved your sister. Okay, that's your time, guys.

The gameplay was with Tom and with Chorn. Victory. The extra five points goes to them. The audience are too scared to clash. or laugh well let's see how they're doing this next time I'm going to ask our players to make the scenario increasingly less spooky

okay increasingly less spooky still two minutes this time we're going to start with Sean and Tom so the same rules apply Alison and Ben challenge at any time the scenario you have to unspook is spending the whole night buried in the mummy's tomb

watching the shining with Jack Skellington and Keir Starmer. Who's going to start? Tom or Sean? John. Okay, thank you, Sean. Thank you, Sean. No problem.

You're in the mummy's tomb and there's a knock at the door and you open the door and it's a giant nose. Oh my gosh. And it is the nose that belongs to your mother and your mother says, I loved you too.

And she's got the breast of, what did I say, a dragon's... Dragons regret or something, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I'll make it less spooky. I want to challenge. It's all a dream. It's all a dream, right?

Well, I think there was a challenge if before you said it was all a dream. What's your challenge, Clarkie? Well, first one... I will not fuck off, actually, Sean. How dare you? It's very messy, but also, I think it's not very scary. I think it's quite cartoon now, isn't it? Yeah, that's the idea of the game.

Oh! Compliments accepted. That's the best review I've ever asked. Touche, my own brain. Clark, can we have a word? You can try. Do you want to be here? Because the fancy dress costume,

the commitment to paying attention to the games we're playing, it's not 100% it's in at the moment. I've just had a formal I've had a formal diagnosis of ADHD and there's an opening come join lovely don't make it neurodiversity

he's just a prick let's not be not saying you can't be both no we're not going to accept the challenge because the idea was to make it less spooky so the gameplay is still yours Tom and Sean Tom you're to play It was all a dream, and it's... You look at the calendar.

It's Sunday. And it's a bright summer's day and lambs frolic on Kirstarmouth. I'm going to do a challenge. Yes, Alison. These are quite vivid dreams you're having. Are you on medication at the moment? Also, there's an indication that you've woken up

at full daylight as well. Like, how is your sleep hygiene? I'm finding it spooky. Yes, I think it is incredibly spooky. Alison, you've got a minute and 17 seconds to play. Kirstearner and the lambs are nozzling each other. Challenge for a challenge. No, it's not right, but it's right.

Challenge accepted Clarkie to play. You were alive the whole time. Guys, that is teamwork right there. there's a smell of a lovely roast dinner emanating challenge is it lamb challenge accepted it's time you're to play

40 seconds you open the oven door and it's clear Starma wait hold on yeah I think that's more spooky it's back over to you Clarkie 30 seconds but he's fine

and he's holding challenge Yeah, it's back over to you, Sean. 20 seconds. It's a nice apple pie. Oh, lovely. Custard is not got any skin on it. Challenge, I like skin.

Yeah, I quite like the skin as well. Put it to a vote. Who likes skin on custard? Who doesn't? Cowards. You retain... You retain play, you have 11 seconds left, Tom and Sean. You look at the newspaper.

The election results are in. The apple, pie and custard is Prime Minister. Yay! And that's your time. Well done. So that, and... I mean, as... Amazing to watch Eugene Toombs try and drink a pint there.

Fantastic. Well, you know what, you... Oh! Oh! Ah! Oh, I was showing off. Where were you? Please.

Sean Bean, you've got great reflexes still. I like you. Yes. Thank you, Alison. So, at the end of that round, producer scammer, how spooky has it made the scores? Pretty spooky. Pretty spooky.

That's what we like to hear. Very spooky. Ben and Alison have eight points. Tom and Sean 27 Oh my God We may as well end it there folks But we're not going to

Oh my God And now we're playing for pride The losing team are not yet Dead and Buried It says here in the script They are dead it Of course they're dead and buried There's no coming back from it

There's only six more points available I think the only one way you're winning this is if after the break, that team doesn't come back. And then you just defaults. But no, there's still everything to play for, it says here. When we return in part two, see you in a bit. Welcome back to Flatcher Slamdown. Oh, yeah.

Whoa. Oh, baby. Before the break, Tom and Sean were in the lead. The scores have not moved. and neither has my need for a monster mash. Dracula's son will be here any minute. Let's play around. I know, my favourite line is, yeah.

Dracula's arrived and his son. The guests included Wolfman, Dracula and his son. It's just there to make the rhyme work. He's not even, he's not like an established character. No, he's not the fucking Gruffalo. He's not, he's not the, he's not the Gruffalo's child, no, there's no Dracula's. And also, who's to say Dracula's son is spooky in any way? He just could be his lad.

It's called Trevor. He was going to be my other costume, my dear. I was going to bring a skateboard and a sideways cap and just be like, come on, Dad, can we go home? Dracula's son. Oh, blood again. Original. But instead, I chose the crowd-pleasing Eugene Toos.

I thought, go with something everyone's going to get it. You've got to ask the question Why are we not playing arenas? You've got to ask the question I just simply don't understand it Peter Kay is doing 20 nights at the MEN What up with, you know Give us the Royal Albert Hall

Oh my God sake Surely Come on off men you need 12 nights Give us one of them I'm happy I would love to do the Royal Albert Hall And rope off everything but about 70 seats I think

I mean it would cost a lot of money to do but it would make me so happy Yeah, just the rope alone Just the wrong It's a lot of rope Can you rope off? Nebworth That field's fallow

We keep threatening it 2026 it's the roped off tour We're doing it Just going to actually Enormous Just enormous venues Yeah, just Just give you enough rope

And then you'll make a... Give enough rope and they still won't be able to fill a venue Let's play round two is flat games Games Let's play together Games! Let's play forever Roll the dice, spin that thing Put that there

Do as you're told games If you lose you get nothing Games if you win You get goals Goals Go gold Go Go Yes indeed

Are you listening Ellis and John We can all make up games He were making up games First Ellis and John I'm off Welsh He stopped drinking Where's our award

And I'm also here. He's here. Are you the producer? Yes, indeed. This week, our made-up game is our version of Crash Bandicoot, which we're calling MASH Taxi Cab. Don't think too much about it, guys. Okay.

Wait a minute. You rejected Death Cab for Hootie. Because it isn't a game, is it? That's great. Death Cab for Cutty, of course. No, not going to talk about it. Because, of course, it's not just an indie rock band. It was the name of a Bontadog Dudar band.

I am going to talk about, it turns out. Okay. So, so, anyway, yes, we're playing mash taxi cab is what we're playing today. Oh, yes, sir. So, I'm going to ask each of our players to sing a song from the point of view of a taxi driver, taking a famous person to a famous location along to the tune of classic Halloween song, Monster Mash, by Bobby Boris Pickett.

So instead of the first line being, I was working in the lab late one night, it's, I was driving in the cab late one night. Your teammate must guess the name of the celebrity and the location to which they're being driven. Tom, we're going to start with you. There you go. That's it, mate. There you go.

Use your big long arms to... Lovely bit of your... You may have to get someone else to open your envelope for you. Thank you. Thank you to Joe in the front row there. Okay, pass it back. Now, that is your celebrity. I'm not looking.

Don't look. Don't look. Peter's Tom, brother. Neither are you. Is it that way around? Tom can't see through his ping-pom balls either, so. That's good. He's got it, he's got it.

Pass it back. Can I guess it any time? I guess at the end of the song. at the end of the song. Give him a bit of, let's have a bit of fun with it, shall we? So there is going to be an end, Tom, right? Yeah, if it runs to sort of four or five minutes, start guessing. So yes. So Tom, we're starting with you. You've got, of course,

the Halloween classic song, Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett, that you've got your celebrity and location. Of course, Sean, you're going to be guessing. But to accompany us tonight, we have Producer Gwyn on the Keys. Producer Gwyn! Producer Gwyn Beautiful. He's...

Producer Gwynn, he's on the keys. Unfortunately, he's popped those keys into a big bowl. Sorry. Producer Gwyn, stop trying to get a swinger's party going and just play the piano, you hound. Tom, let's hear it. Okay.

Watch me for the changes. I was driving. In my cab late one night when my eyes behold a wondrous sight. A gentleman going to the palladium And would you believe it? He was a Canadian. He said, I think I need something to eat With cutlery because that's a treat

When I eat my burger don't call me a dog I like to use a knife and fork fork and then he sang oh yes he really sang he sang god dang he could really sang he sang a christmas song in a swing style and then i drove it round for a while we went to a lovely place they served sausage and chips and it was no disgrace of course i will tell you once again They gave you cutlery. It was a real pain, and then he sang. Oh, yes, he really sang, I say God dang.

He sang a Christmas song. And then he did it with some swing and joy to the world while he really did bring. Oh, my goodness. Wonderful. You can release that. We should release the audience, I think. We should release the audience, I think.

So, Sean, have you got any idea who the celebrity was and where Tom was driving them? Absolutely, got it in two. Okay, let's hear it, let's hear it. You want it, Boubley. Boobley! That's one point to Sean Bean, it was Michael Boubley, and where was Tom driving Michael Boubley? Is he going to Sheffield? Because there's all a cutlery, won't it?

Is that not right? No. Well, which part of the... It's a good guess, though. It's a very good guess. And it does make sense for you, Sean. There might be one of these in Sheffield, but it's a particular restaurant we're looking for.

Have you got any idea which restaurant is the restaurant that serves burgers with cutlery? I mean, now you say it out loud, it doesn't seem like it narrows it down, but any idea where it could be... Well, a wimpy. It's a wimpy! Wimpy!

Are they still going? There's one in Beckenham, so no. Nice. Next up, next up. Is Sheffield home of cutlery? Sheffield steel, of course Sheffield steel. Okay, yeah, okay. You have that lovely steel cutlery.

That's that. I just thought you're in single. What's your cutlery made of? Silver. Oh, there you are. He's got, but of course, Tom, I've got to give you 10 out of 10 points. It was a beautiful time.

Oh, wonderful. You made it easy for me. By giving me clues. So, Alison, you're up next. You've got the classic Halloween song, Monster Mash by Bobby Boris Pickett. Here are your celebrity location. Ben, who is it? And where are they being driven to?

We still have Gwyn on the keys. Unfortunately, he's used those keys to shovel Miami up his schnoz. Oh, no! Jesus Christ! No, Gwyn! Stop trying to get a chemsex aorgy going, Gwyn. And just play the piano, you hounds. Or a hound.

Okay. I was driving a cab late one night when a little yellow thing came into my cab. It was a fictional character from a film I haven't seen, but I know it makes a noise and it could be really mean. Then it went and told me that it was going to sleep with Lenny Henry. in a purple room and it was the lovely chain place that you can get a good breakfast and it was the lovely chain place that you can get a good breakfast and dinner deal for about 25 quid it's sheffield yeah sheffield it's got to be sheffield i'm done Alison Spittle everybody

A gorgeous rendition from Alison Spittle But Clarkie What was the location and who crucially was the famous person Was it a minion going to a Premier Inn It was indeed Oh lovely We're back, we're back Give us 20 points for that

Yeah, give us 20 points for that Yeah 20 points Absolutely not I'm going to give you two points for that but Alison, I am going to give you 11 out of 10 points for the beautiful song. Next up, it is Sean. Now, you've got the classic Halloween song, Monster Mash, by Bobby Boris. Pick it.

Here is your celeb and your location. We still have Gwynn on the keys. Unfortunately, those keys are for a 2007 Ford Transit with a dirty mattress in the back. No, no, Gwyn. Stop trying to convince me to go on an erotic road trip with you and just simply play. the piano you hound may i hear song again just so an old tune yes you can hear the song again uh so all the way through all the way off and running all right so uh yeah i was um i was uh well i was driving me uh my cab uh which is a shire horse you know it was just uh i were uh i got pulled over

side of road and there was this this lad this you know well-dressed regal lad and he had six six companions would that be right sure yeah he had six companions with all ladies not all of them with their heads and and I said there's no way you're gonna get in the back of this shy horse but you know what he was up for some fun and And I knew that by where he wanted me to take him. It weren't Alton Towers. It weren't even Thorpe Park. But it was an entire planet full of world.

You could only describe them if you wanted to rhyme that word with... Shadventures. And wouldn't you know it? I found myself right back in a good old place near Eisha. If you just take the M7, which wasn't, it didn't exist at that point when I had my Shire Horse, but if you just take it there, you can get a day pass, it's a real like, I'd say it's like a park where you could have just amusement. And this lad, this regal lad with his six lady friends, not all of them who had friends, said, you know,

Oh, God Blessington, you, Short Bean. I could listen to this all day. The Guardian. Yes, yes. Absolutely wonderful. Sean Bean, everybody. Sean Bean. A man who's first and last name don't rhyme,

but certainly loves a rhyme when he's trying to improvise a song. So, Tom, have you got any idea what Sean was singing about? I think so, yeah. Yeah, what have you got? King Henry the 8th? Yes.

Sheffield. That's at least one point there. Yeah. Don't go to the Chessington World. It was, of course. Well done. Well, done. Cripsy.

You gave me some clues. Some great clues. Some great clues. Some great clues. This other team are doing, but if we give each other clues during this, It'll really help us. I think, you know, I thought it was an absolutely gorgeous version.

You didn't exactly hug the lines of the tune, but I am still going to give you nine out of ten points there. Gratitude. Finally, that is Clarkie. You've got your celebrities there. You've got your location. You've got the classic Halloween song, Monster Mash, by Bobby Boris Pickett. And, Alison, you are guessing.

So we're asking you for the location and, of course, the celebrity. Gwyn is on the keys. Unfortunately, he's using those keys. to key my car because I called the police on his swinging transit van base Kempsex party. Just play the piano, you hound. I was driving in my cab late one night when a man got in,

it gave me an awful fright. With a hat and a scarf, he sounded like a dickhead. And he also had a screwdriver and wanted me to go to bed. Oh yes, he was. He was. He got in the cab and he said, this looks bigger on the inside. Oh, that's very smart of you, I said.

I never watched any of your shows. Oh, yes, he was in. My cabin was good. I said, where are you going? He said, I like good food. But that was just for the rhyme. He was actually going. I got to see some music in a field.

What a lovely guy. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Wooded food was for the rhyme. I think so. I might not know what a rhyme is. And then, oh yes, I dropped him off into a field. It was a massive field full of acts, playing bands and things.

Oh yes, they don't play bands, they are bands. I know that, but it was for the rhyme. Yes, you've just had your festival moment. You've just had your festival moment. Was that hardcore? I physically can't. Was that encore? One more time, great.

Let's in one more. Oh my God, it got into the camp and well I fend. What are you doing in here? Thank you, mate. Ben Clark, everyone. It was for the rhyme. Doctor Who? Doctor Who is correct, yes.

And where was Clarkie taking Doctor Who in his magical cab? It was a field, it was a festival. Yes. And then it wasn't that specific. So what is, am I wrong? You're right, it was a festival, can you... It lacked exactitude. Oh.

No, it doesn't. That's the end of the road for me. It was the pick of the cropper day. Would its favorite frozen yogurt establishment be pinkberry? Like, like... Oh, I think... Look, you know by now I don't understand rhyme. So why are you torturing me?

Give it a guess, Alison. I think you're on the right track. Glastonbury. It was Glastonbury. It was indeed. Nice try, Sean. What are we going to give Clarkie? Well, because you've got two bites of the cherry,

I'm going to give you 15 points. Yay! We might be in trouble. So that is the end of that round. Producer Gorsham, give us those scores to the classic Halloween song, Monster Mash, by Bobby Boris Pickett. There were some points.

Ben and Allison got some points. They got 38. And Tom and Sean also got some points. They got 50. Aye, aye. It's still a pretty big gap, in it? You might have to take her up on her offer. Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah.

What we, 3850, this next round's worth a point. Okay, that's not great. I have faith. you've got I got faith in the power of friendship yes yeah

in which case then I reckon you could close this gap I'm sure you can I tell you what how about we make Beef Brothers worth let's make Beef Brothers worth 12 points alright okay

okay but then they'll have 62 yeah so you've got to try really hard right I don't know if I like this deal Fortune favours the bold

And the boiled What you say? A boiled onion. Is it the end of time Roger Rabbit? Oh by the way, big thanks to producer Quinn on the piano. And speaking of depraved criminals,

it's time once again to enter the creepy court of the Beef Brothers. Oh! If you've got a problem, don't call it a problem, if you've got a problem, call it a beef. You got a beef? Beef.

Maybe we can help you. Beef, Brother, sorting I get beef. Yes, indeed, it's Beef Brothers, where each week we ask our panellists to sort out a flat share-based beef. And today's one comes from Bethan. Bethan, are you there? Hi, Bethan, how are you doing?

A microphone is heading towards you as we speak. Yes, there we go. It has been held by producer Gwyn, so he might want to just disinfect that after it. Right, this is from Bethan. Bethan writes, my flatmate loves her birthday too much. Every year she does Sim Fest.

Am I saying that right? Is it Sim Fest? It's Sim Fest. Sim Fest. Every year she does Sim Fest. There are at least seven events each year. How do I get out as many events as possible without hurting her feelings? Now, Ben and Alison, you are on Bethan's side, and Tom and Sean, you are on, is she called Sim? Yes. Is she here?

No. Okay, great. She's obviously celebrating her birthday. She's planning. She's planning. Okay, so we've got, you're on Sim's side, Tom and Sean. Bethan, as we know, is here. So before we make our cases, there's time for a cross-examination. Anyone got any questions they would like to ask of Bethan?

Yeah, what's her typical event like? What does she do? So this year, she's got a coffee morning. A coffee morning? Coffin morning. Coffee morning. No, it's like, like, you would do for sort of a Macmillan cancer care.

That's the exact one I was thinking of as well. A charity coffee morning. No, not for charity, no. She's going to have people round within the hours of 12 and 5 in our flat. With cancer. Hopefully not. To help them.

To help them, yeah. But like with homemade cakes and things that she will give them and they will just come around and have a hangout time. Nice. Lovely. So that's like a friendship.

I can talk you through all of them but you're going to go see a comedian and we're going to go to see Wicked we're going to do a pottery painting thing she's having a big party in Central somewhere where she's paid a load of money for a venue How old is she? To be fair she's 30 this year

Oh come on! No but this is like typical of every year This is actually less intense than that's actually She went big on 29 She fucking loved 29 Can I say? You can I just... You can ask as many questions as you like, Shores Is it... She's doing this for your birthday?

If she's doing it for her birthday? For her own birthday. Right. So, are we on her side or not? We're on her side to it. Great. She's a really lovely person. She's just got this one-night aberration in her personality, basically.

How does she feel about attendance? Like, if you were to not make a couple of them, is she okay with her? She, you've got to probably make at least half. It's pretty hard with seven. Yeah, it's difficult. Why seven? You have to leave

Halfway through Wicked Which to be fair Yes, yes Yes Yes Yeah I'm out Yeah

I'll try that Didn't know you can hit that No time What kind of cakes Do they have? Is there a cake At every event? Are you afternoon boys

Oh, you're angry Who doesn't like a bit of coffee and cake? Do you make friends with Sim? She'll make beautiful all bakes. She will do that. She makes beautiful cakes and then invites her friend around to eat them. Yeah, and I'm complaining about that for some reason. Wait, can I just check Bethan? Who side are you on?

How long have you been friends? Like 10 years. 10 years, right. And she's done it every year. That is 70 birthday parties. That is a lot. Yeah, like most years, yeah. Any other questions? Clarkie, have you got any questions for Bethan about Sim? Remember, you are on Bethen's... Do you work from home?

Great question. Half the time, yeah. Half the time, yeah. Half the time, okay, okay. Seven days. Seven days a week, half the time. May I just ask one more? You can ask as many questions you like, Sean.

You're very polite, Sean. Gratitude. This, just so I know, for when we do get onto the bit where we start tearing it apart, is she all right, you know what I mean? Like, she all right?

She's all right, yeah. No, I know that, but she all right. Yeah, yeah. Is your beef, like, is it a financial thing? Is it like, does it take a, is it cost a lot on this? And I don't like to see people more than that twice a week. Is your issue that you're a really miserable bastard? Conjecture.

You won't have a problem with them cancer people, will you? Bethan, how many events do you do for your birthday, typically would you do? Nunn. Okay, right. What's the last birthday you had? None. I'm 29. You're 29? And are you going to do anything for the 30?

What's the last celebration you've had of your birthday? And what traumatic event happened at it? I genuinely, I can't remember, to be honest. And have you ever not gone? Well, it must have been pretty traumatic if you can't remember it? Have you had an argument about this? Has it come up and it's flared up and now you're... Not in an obvious way.

in a sort of like passive-aggressive way, yeah. Does Sims' love of life make you sad? Yes. No further questions. Is Doctor Who appearing at SimFest? I wish, I wish. Right, hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases.

So without further ado, Allerton, you're going to begin. Now, you are on Beth and side. Yeah. Apologies for that, but you're on Beth on Side. Yeah. Oh, I thought we were on it. No, you're on Sim's side. I was wondering whether you knew that, Sean.

I can now state, for the record, I was not on the script. So maybe less mention of the cancer patients, say. Oh, celebrate him, come on. Okay, so, Alison, you've got a minute to begin your case. Remember, you're on Bethenside, your minute begins. Now, so Sim has had multiple birthday. celebrations in one year. You know who else has multiple birthday celebrations in one year? The king. And as an Irish person, can I say, fuck the king.

Also, like, it's not selfless to celebrate yourself. You're celebrating yourself and you're making people celebrate that too. What if your friends are depressed? Like Bev. Can we not take a moment and think about our depressed friends and go, maybe they don't want to go to my coffee morning. That's not for charity. You know? Maybe, you know, maybe they don't want to go to Central London, which I'm sure if it was a rented space in Central London,

there was definitely a drink limit that people had to hit. And as a non-drinker who loves tap water, I am a disappointing invite to Annie Birthday or wedding, because I don't bring presents either. It's just my belief that I stick to. I like the way you're both against Sim and against yourself as well in this. That's me every time, baby. Alison Spittle, everybody, Alison Spittle.

Yes. Now, Sean, remember, you are... I'm pro-Sim. You are pro-Sim, exactly. You're pro-Sim, and your minute begins now. I mean, life is short, right? Life is short and should be celebrated. And I believe that your friend is trying to celebrate their life to the limits.

And that, as a friend, should be celebrated in of itself. This is not a person to be mocked. This is a person to be lauded and celebrated and held as someone of high esteem that you, as a friend, all you have to do to make this person happy is turn up to something she's baked and she's paid for and just smile for once in your life. I believe that we should all have a bit of sim in our life. And we should all have festivities.

In fact, festivities for all I declare it. Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sim! Sean Bean, everybody! Sean Bean! Oh! I feel passionately about that lads I've never been smooved So what, sorry? Do you know what?

Smoothed? Yeah Smoved criminal like our friend Jacko Just smoothed peanut butter I do indeed Do you know what Matthew Can we make it one point?

Let's make it one point shall we? Bevan, can I ask you a quick question Does Sim celebrate Bastille Day they're a favourite band do you know what fuck you actually that was a great joke I loved it Tom I absolutely loved it because like if they think their birthday is more important than Bastille Day they can get fucked

not she doesn't celebrate democracy ever she's a bad person yeah there we go Beth then how do you think it's going so far I feel quite ashamed of myself good No, you're doing great Bethan But you are going to lose this summer frame There's no two ways about it

Even if Fanshael just tells a long story about a pig You're still losing it Spoiler alert I didn't know it was going to be a pig Fuck Just call it feminine intuition Have we said on the audio podcast I'm dressed as a witch

I don't know if it's a bit of a weird moment that'll be for the audio listening and that oh okay well you know it's 2023 guys so Clarkie you're of course up next remember you are on Bethanside

Of course. One of the few people in the room who is that you're on Methodist. Including her. Remember 12 points. I mean, one point does it stay here? So play for your life, Clarkie. Play for your life.

Your minute begins now. Well, guys. It's a good start. I think there's something more sinister going on here. Simester. I've seen a pattern form. And thank you, Tom. Coffee and cake.

Glutton. He's going to run out. Pottery. He's had two minutes. He's absolutely sweating already. Do you reckon he's on five? I'm going to say, grief. Denial bargaining.

He's got two fingers up. He's only done one. Pride. Pottery, of course. Lust. Sorry, can we ask about the Pride pottery thing? No, you can't, mate. Lust. Go and see a comedian, of course.

Seven things. Greed. Pestilance. Could be in there. But ultimately, she is committing the seven deadly sims. Oh. I was driving in my car, but one more point, everyone. I was climbing in my cab, late one life. It's on Mawson.

It's back to 12 points, everyone. It was good stuff from Clark. It was great. As it always is. Now, Tom, speaking of good stuff. I had money on him doing The Sims joke. the sims joke yeah well listen tom um now are you you're you're right are you're right under yeah it's fine i've got it i've got it he doesn't he's dabbing he's oh no why i'm sure someone from

the cheerful fearful festival could come and help you out here let's have a ride of applause to the cheerful fearful festival every day Thank you so much Now Tom Are you going to be concluding the case for the defence as yourself No, I'm going to do it in the style of Eugene Toombs As I live and breathe

I'm going to do it in the style of Eugene Toombs from X-Files series one Eugene Toombs, your minute should you need it, begins. Now, Oh, I love it. I eat more. I eat liver. Well, ow.

Pigs. Ow. Leal, leo, the defense breast. Very strong case there. Very strong. Oh no. Oh, dear.

Oh, no. Is there any chance that, like, I mean, we've been doing this podcast for a long time. Is there any chance that the weak link is us? He's not a good bloke to have in court. No, you don't want Eugene Tooms then defending him. It's a bad egg. It happens now. It happens now.

There's nothing we can do about it. But obviously, I cannot make the decision myself as I'm currently involved in my own high-profile case against producer Gwyn and some keys. So instead, I'm going to call a podcast. on our live, cheerful, earful, comedy festival audience. So if you think Bethan, and therefore, Allison and Ben are in the right, I would like you to applaud now. But if you think Sean and Eugene Toombs made the best case, please applaud now.

Turn up that gain. It's a big 12 points to these guys. Oh, points! Eugene, you bastard. Hard to know who to blame there, Sean. You fucked us at the end. Hard to know who to blame. Was it you?

Or was it Eugene Tooms? Who can say? Is that the next game? Now, a big thanks of course to Bethan. Bethan, everybody. How do you feel about the result there, Bethan? Are you happy with the results? It's given me a will to live, so thank you.

That's all we. Didn't even have to do a coffee morning for you. Fantastic. Now, out of his coffin, Draxvoiced ring. Can we get her off the front row? She's really bumming me out. Bumbing everybody out here. Out of his coffin, Drax foisted ring,

seems he was troubled by just one thing. He opened the lid and, as the guest did mingle, he said, whatever happens to my Quick Fire Round jingle. Yay! This is the Quick Fire Round jingle. It's the round that goes really quickly, which is why it's always so amusing that it has a long introduction. It has a long introduction, but the round is really quick. It's as quick as

A late night That takes place in a lab When my eyes beheld What did they be held? An eerie sight One you're not going to believe My monster from his slab he began to rise

and then suddenly to my surprise he did the monster match I don't believe it he did the monster mash it was a real graveyard smash I was over

in my laboratory I've got it situated in the castle east and in the master bedroom Ooh that's a prime real estate where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their abodes They made a real mess of my master bedroom They wanted jolts from my electrodes and that must be where I keep them. Ooh, give me them jolts. My electrodes are in my master bedroom.

Anyway, the party it had just begun. All of the guests were there. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. You don't tell me it was Stephen Frye. But Dracula bought his son. I'm not sure what he was thinking. This isn't the kind of party where you bring your kids mate. It's the kind of party where we've got electrodes in

in the master bedroom, you get what I'm saying. Ooh, I think I do. The crypt kicker five are here. They're not suitable for your son. Anyway, as I said, it was a great night. Drak is now a part of the band. I don't know what's happened to. his son.

I think I'm gonna leave. Hopefully stayed away from the master bedroom. As I've said, that's where I keep my electrodes. Anyway, we've spent enough time talking about the party. It's time to get back to the quick fire round, which is a graveyard smash. Now we're talking Hopefully it catches on in a flash Or at least as long as this intro takes

Anyway, here it is Get on with the Quick Fire Round Quick Fire Round Yes, it's the... Brub, Brub, Brum, Brub, Brub, Tom. What's the 6-7? 6-7? Oh, my God.

I don't think you can do it with disembodied hands. I don't think it works that way. Yes, this is the quick-fire round, and as our show is a Halloween spook fest, I'm going to ask our panellists to answer every question to the tune of the Adam's family theme. So, yes, for those who didn't,

hear us play this this round before it was devised by our friend tom who sent who sent us who sent us this he sent us this voice note um to to show how it's played hopefully this should make things clear it's cold and it's tasty you keep it in the fridge you eat it sometimes it's vanilla ice cream yeah it's cold and it's tasty you keep it in your fridge you eat it sometimes it's vanilla ice cream just want to have to work with guys right one more sim I get sent that and then a week later there's a script

I'm trying the heavy lift it's good it's good it's tasty you keep it in your fridge you eat it sometimes well you drink it sometimes I was in the quiet carriage of a train Tom, Tom, that doesn't affect the content, man.

It's not the shit ideas, carriage. It was a really weird journey after I sent that. I'd broken the rules of the quiet carriage for that. People were like, oh, I was it. Anyway, accompanying us for this round is someone who's hot and tasty. It is, of course, producer Gwyn. Oh, no. Here he comes.

Here he comes. Okay, instead of buzzers, guys, I would like you to shout out your first names. Ben and Alison, let's hear yours. Ben. Alison. Thank you. Tom and Sean. Tom. Thank you, Tom.

Thank you very much. Okay, here we go, guys. The Adams family, and again, folks, if you want to do the old, feel free. Here we go. Great. Click, yeah. A film with Matt Damon about a bloke called Jason It's the first one of the franchise

Ben Ben The born identity A He's a funny Scottish comic He's also in the Hobbit He's known as the Big Inn Tom Ian Sterling

Ben Ben Billy Conner Lily Billy If you're one of the believers In a man called Jesus The name of your religion Top

And Christianity And listen guys Turns Jesus It's a channel on the TV for kids stage 1, 2 or 3, Mr Tumbles on it often. John C. C. Beebees. Didly do.

If you've grown out of C.B.B.s but still want to watch the TV, the next channel. Tom. C.B.C. Hey It's a film by Richard Curtis We watch it every Christmas Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman Shown

Love actually It's love actually Love that's You died in that film but they cut it It's got to be it It's got to be I'll do it one more time It's got a beach

It's got a beach and a pier It's actually quite near It's a coastal city in Essex Alice in South End on Sea Doodle O'Doo On the first day of Christmas My true love gave to me

A bird on a brunt Tom A partridge in a petrie Too a do Is it a Christmas episode It powers my home, I use it to charge my phone. It comes out of the plug, Ben. Electricity.

I could do this all night. That's lucky. You play it on your computer, it's a first person shooter, it's a military video game. Tom? Tom. Call of duty. Yes, Tom It's a film that Jerry Seinfeld

Made once he'd Piennes Seinfeld He plays a honey-making insect Allison Top B movie What a reach It's a gangster movie The Worst of the trilogy It comes up with Godfather Part two She was up on the part three.

Hey! She raises up her knee when she takes a penalty. She plays for the lionesses. Ben. Ben. Oh! He fell into the trap. It's Ellie.

It's not Ellie. Yes, go on, Bethan. One point to Bethan. One point to Beth. It's Chloe Kelly A film with Matt Damon About a bloke called Jason It's the second one of the trilogy

Sean Yes, the born supremacy It's correct, Sean Last one everybody You can all sit along with this one All sequels It's cold and it's tasty You keep it in your bridge

You eat it some Everyone, Vanilla Ice Cream. Yes. Producer Gwynn. Producer Gwynn. Producer Gwynn on the keyboards there. That is the end of the round, and it's the end of the game. So before we find out those final scores, Alison and Sean, have you got anything to plug?

Where can people find you? Where can people see you, Alison? I'm starting my tour of my show called Big. It's going to be on the 2nd of December in Soho Theatre, and then in the new year I'm going to be in Manchester and you. and I got a podcast with Poppy Hillstead called Magazine Party where we read magazines, real-life shock and stories. Out loud? Uh-huh.

Do you read them out loud? Oh, yeah. Sounds great. Just the sound of pages turning. Yeah, it's an audio book for magazines. Alison Spittl, everybody. Yes, please do you go and see Alison. Sean Bean, where can people find you?

I will be undertaking a Christmas tour or campaign where I'll be going around country doing the 12 Beans of Christmas. You can look at Chum's Comedy for that. And I'll also be playing Jimmy Connors in a place. Wow. Yeah, yeah. What range?

Next January at the Park Theatre. Come watch that if you like. Sean Bean as Jimmy Connors. Fantastic. Now, thanks to all of you for watching. As always, check out our Patreon. patreon patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat share like subscribe rate and review our podcast I recommend the podcast to all of your friends I can announce now the Christmas show is

going to be on sale on the 20th of October and it will feature Nish Kumar and Amy Annette as our guests it'll be happening on the December the 8th so get your tickets now so producer emma let's hear the final scores Bethan got one point congratulations to Bethan well done Bethan cheer up mate everyone also got one point yes yes neck and neck with Ben and Allison 57 Tom and Sean 56 it's a Halloween miracle oh oh my god Oh my guys.

And all All they needed was to cook the books, that's all they needed, yes. It turns out that Tom and Sean are organising the monster mash while of course Ben and Alison are mashing their monstrous bodies against mine. Thanks to our guest, Alison Spittle

and Sean Bean, aka Adam Richards. We've Sean Bean Pappies. See you next time on. Flatshire Slambna. Pappy's flat chest landed up each of Matthew Crosby, Ben-Clock and Tom Perry, with special guests, Adam Richards and Sean Bedele, in person as herself. It was devised by Pappies and Ben Walker. The second expertise was by Emma Corsham and it was produced by Emma Cautierce.

Big thanks to Giles and everyone at the cheerful little comedy festival to all the wonderful folk who came to today's show. And to you at home for listening. Pappie's flat chest town and it's a secret news production for ACAS and the internet. Fears, everyone, die. Wow. There we go. Always a pleasure.

Always a treasure. The brilliant Sean Bean, Adam Richies. Alison Spittle. Yeah, I love that. Absolutely loved that. If you enjoy Adam Richies, he's doing his play,

Jimmy, about the tennis play of Jimmy Connors, at the Park Theatre in January. Oh, it's so good. They've had him back. And this time they've put him in the big room. So if you're going to see that, then it's, and if you're looking for, if you've got, like, parents of a certain age who might have watched Jimmy Connors as a tennis player back in the... If your parents are Adam Rich's age.

Yeah, exactly. Then it's a good, I'll tell you what, it's a good present. It's a good present for Christ. Are you Adam Rich's son? If Adam Rich's son's listening or Adam Rich's daughter, if they're out there and I know they are, I believe they're a tortoise. He doesn't. But if they're listening...

I'd like to go and see that because I had tickets to see it but I wasn't able to the last run around so I'll be sending some text messages out to people connected to the show and hoping to get something back even though last time they provided me very kindly with comp tickets I didn't show up

so good luck with that you ungrateful bastard fingers crossed if only I knew if the price is right to zero you'll go and see it The price is right, you can pay full price. And obviously, check out Alison Spittal. I'm sure if hasn't happened already, she'll be doing the Soho Theatre with her brilliant Edinburgh show.

Yes, she's on tour as well. Yes, she's on tour with the show. Absolutely fantastic. One of England's finest comedians, I'm going to say. I believe she's right. Anyway. Also, speaking of perfect Christmas presents, we are entering the festive season.

And if you are a loved one, love what we do, year round and have the lovely warm feeling of supporting your boys on their journey as they podcast to the grave, then why not look at a Patreon for the year as a Christmas present for yourself or a loved one, hop on board for just £4 a month, you get to support us, you get to support our cause, which is, of course, having a nice time whilst living our lives and keeping on doing this, and you also get a bonus episode every Thursday, you get discount on live tickets, you get the jingle as a single, all sorts of little pleasures and privileges along

the way. So, look into that, it's at patreon.com forward slash pappy's flash air and treat yourself this Christmas and also treat your boys. Treat your boys, exactly. Ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas. I think that's everything that we need to talk about. It's been a real pleasure chatting to you guys, not just you, the listener, but also, of course, Tom and Ben. They just want to say, I, I love I love your work, especially Tom, your directing work. I think you're a straight, very nice, good director. If you've got any upcoming projects that you might want to chuck a comp, what's the allocation like?

Just on a text three. Oh, no, not sure about any cheeky bastard. This time I promise I'll sort my childcare out. Anyway, yes, I have a wonderful time, everybody, and Merry Christmas. Oh, yes, Merry Christmas. Today's episode is produced by ever caution. Caution team. Cheers everyone.

Bye. Bye.