Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1541 Please, no one steal our amazing idea!

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

Has technology gone too far? What’s the secret to a West End smash? Are we brushing our teeth all wrong?Follow us on:YouTube: youtube.com/@pappysflatshareInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedy/TikTok: tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flatshare. That's right, where three of your favourite ombres sit down and just fucking talk. One day, you know what, one day we will work out what this podcast is. But until then, we're going in with the mad thing is, we see. spent we had a team of writers working on that so yeah i'm not sure i actually really like it if i'm honestly if you're one of the writers aren't yeah he's running he's the showrunner he's

running the room um yeah so three of your favorite ombres sit down and just fucking talk guys i think we might have got close to that's the description it's good i think it is so we've now got three of your favorite ombres sit down and fucking talk and support your boys on their journey of podcasting to the grave, which, by the way, you can do over at patreon.com forward slash pappy's flat share. That's right for just £4 a month, which, you know, is the price of something that costs £4, you get a bonus podcast every Thursday, you get discount on the live shows, you get the jingler as a single, you get loads of benefits, basically, but also you get

the really warm feeling that you are helping three of your boys on their beautiful journey as they podcast to the grave. You're helping three of your favourite ombris. Just fucking talk And you know what, it's really important To we die of it I think it's really important For men to talk

Oh, that's great Thanks man, thanks so much So exciting episode this one Yeah Another episode Where we've come up with What I believe To be a billion dollar idea

Yeah Right now are we We have so many of them This is the problem I know The mad thing is It's because we just throw them You know

We're giving these away we're giving these ideas away I think it has led to the rise of billionaires it's just that you feel that's what it is do you know what that's so true because we started doing we started podcasting what about

2011 2011 there weren't that many billionaires out there now everybody apart from us in our friendship group now literally everybody else I work with

is a billionaire yeah except for yeah except for us what have we done anyway so basically we're telling you now

You can't nick this idea because we, we love it, we want it, it's our idea. But you know what? You can enjoy being here. If you want to invest. Well, we'll talk about crowdfunding at the end of the episode. We'll talk about crowd funding, exactly. You want to get it on the ground floor guy. And do you know what?

We are veterans of the ground floor. We've moved in. We've got a basement flat. Anyway, enjoy and we'll see on the other side. Papi's Flashin. Talk about whatever. So we've been doing this forever. Papi's flagship.

But we don't really live together. Papi's Flashet. Yeah. So the other day I got the new AirPods that have just come out, right? There are new AirPods that have just come out. I needed new headphones. I thought I'm going to just, I did even know they were coming out. What's their angle?

What's happening that's new here? Well, they're more expensive. Yeah. That's the first thing you think. Well, okay. We're getting somewhere here. Yeah. Because they cost twice as much as the last pair of airports I bought.

Okay. I'm interested. Now you, colour me interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get me involved. Basically, it just happened that I was like, I was buying them on like the, I need to buy new headphones on the 18th. I went online and they're like, on the 19th, these new ones come out. And I was like, well, I've got to do that, haven't I?

Didn't even really shop around, didn't even read up in any of that kind of stuff. Just ordered them. I've got them. And then doing the setup, setting them up, pairing them. them with my phone and that you've got there's a feature yeah and this for me i was that i wish i'd read this before i bought them it's a bridge too far you can answer the phone by nodding your head no i don't want that in my life yeah you see this is it parry he's nodding his head he's shaking his head he's yeah so so basically i i don't know if you've you've had this before where you've got

your your air pods in and it'll say um cool from tom parry answer it cool from tom perry answer it I don't have the air buds so it will tell you it will tell you it will tell you it'll tell you

call from Dunberry Barry answer it and it doesn't it's not enough of a question it's telling it's demanding you know call from Ben Clark answer it call from Ben Clark

I haven't got the intonation which is mad because if you've used the sort of like the like the AI technology to chat to like chat GPD the voice thing it sounds like

it's very smooth so but for some reason they're still using this old robotic like very clear robotic voice yeah uh in there so it just interrupts whatever you're listening to

and we're going to go um but the new idea is that you go yeah you know like and I just don't think I could I mean bad enough in your house far worse if you're out on the street isn't it you know like

well what if someone calls you just as you're walking past I mean he's heavy metal gig and I'm head back in the way what if Judas priests have just taken to the stage. Here's a good little short movie. Yes, okay. Wives walking down the road.

Okay. Husband is calling, answer it. Yeah. Just as a very attractive male is walking past her. And she nods to answer her husband. And the attractive male takes it as he's been nodded at. Yeah. And the connection is made.

A meet cute. A meet cute. And the husband's on the other end being like, hello. And also is it that she starts having the conversation? conversation with her husband but it kind of sinks up with the guy yeah so she goes like hello husband hello i want to have sex with you and he's like what just a classic yeah that's how you ask the phone to your wife you've got to remind each other yeah that is nice actually you've got to you still fancy each other the spark is still there and there's nothing more romantic than hello

i want to have sex with you because what's about to happen is you're going to be given a long list of things that you need to do or that you haven't done absolutely yeah crucially we still want to have sex with each other. Get ahead of the story. Exactly right. Well, it's always top of the list as well of things to do. Yeah, exactly. That's it.

Have sex. But also get the right dishwash of tablets next time. Yeah. And that's the, and then as the husband's saying that, she's like. And then the handsome guy's not saying that. Obviously the handsome guy's saying. Yeah.

I'm going to say, the characters feel a little two dimensional. Isn't there a way of sort of like, isn't there a way of sort of like, isn't there are I sort of showing rather than telling. Every, every male character says, hello, I want to have sex with you. To this poor, this poor woman who's just trying to walk down the street to buy some dishwash. And it's quite true to life though, actually.

Crucially, she nodded. Yeah, and he was like, oh. Oh. Okay. And she's like, I'll call you back. That's when you know. She's going to have sex. Someone's about to fuck on a pile of dishwasher tablets.

But I've had to fucking with the AirPods in. I wonder what that does. If it's got the gestures. They are noise cancelling. I'll say that much. Are they noise cancelling? Yeah, they're noise cancelling. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. The other thing as well is they are very, they're supposed to, you know, I didn't do any of the set up. Basically, all I want them to do is just to pair with my phone. That's all of the other set of bits. I just skipped it, right? It just, yes, I want to have sex with you. You can do that, yes. Yes.

I want to pair with your phone. Yes. Yes. I want to be in your ear. So I put the, but they said there's a way of like moving your head around and it tells you how good the fit is. And it's like, I know, I know how good the fit is. If I move my head around, they don't fall out. You know, if they're not going to fall into the washing up while I'm doing the washing up, then it's fine, right?

Someone's got to fucking stop these fucking robots. Nerds, man. They're doing my fucking head. Absolutely. I feel, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I agree. Everyone's gone mad. They've gone mad. Yeah, technology's just not being good.

for ages now. We need to stop them. Are we forming a new Luddite movement? Are you a sort of modern-day Ned Ludd? You're going to go around into the Apple factories and smash them all us. I'm a 2005 Luddite. You're a 2005 Amish. Take me up till then and then cut me off because they've just made things,

they've gone too fucking far now. There's only so much you need an earphone to do. Well, can I tell you the problem was, so anyway, I'm in yesterday. I'm in a cafe. I'm doing my writing. You're writing out, I want to have sex to you. A well-rounded female character. You're emailing, your wife.

I'm emailing my wife. We're collaborating on the script. It's about two people who want to have sex with each other, you know. The stuff you can't get right in art, you have to, you know, in life you have to recreate an art. But yeah, so all of that's happening. And then I go, right, I'm going to leave the cafe. I'll listen to a bit of music. Open it up.

Only one. The worst. Open it up, only one's in there. Oh, no. These are, I've got... Brand new. Brand new. I've just got them.

State of the art. State of the art. And then I'm panicking. Yeah. Because it's, it's a cafe in central London. Oh, no. The worst. Crime.

Crike's London. Sadiq's, London. And you know what a criminal likes more than he thinks is one air pod that hasn't got his case. That's, oh, that's, oh, that's, catnip to the crims. I eat it, don't it? Yeah. I looked around. I thought, is he.

Give it a crayfish service or is he eat one of my AirPods. So hard to tell. So hard to tell. Anyway, so I'm going, oh, God, what have I done? Did I drop it, then I leave it on the, leave it on the train, it's in my goddamn ear. Yeah. It's in my ear, of course. It's in the, it's just so gently placed in my ear.

Too well fitted. Too well fitted. And that wasn't even going through all the, you know, scanning a QR code or whatever the fuck I've got to do to set it up. It's gone too far. If you, mine, if you, like, mine are old. And if you touch them, it does something like fucking turns it off or does a call.

So it's like I'm trying to say if I'm just trying to put it in my ear a bit better out and then it's done something and then I'm shouting at the clouds. Like what's going on here? I mean, I relate to that so much apart from the shouting a cloud. And yet would you go back to a wire? Yes. Okay, here we go. My wife insists

on wires. She won't go. She won't go Bluetooth. They're better. Your wife is wearing a wire, isn't she? Give evidence against you in court. for asking it for sex all the time you say it again I want to have sex with you yes I want to have sex with you answer it

we've got it answer it so anyway is that ring tone yeah that's right yes I want to have sex with you answer it hello yes I want to do

oh no oh no it's legally binding It's a legally money ringtone Yeah That feels like a movie from the Sort of like Late 90s, early 2000 The phone rings

Whoever's on the other end of the line You gotta have sex to them I'm afraid so That's how someone will die Yeah Ben Affleck hearts as a phone Samuel Jackson's like You're fucking me man Motherfug

Motherfug Yeah I mean like that's it There needs to be a there needs to be a regression everyone's gone too far that's it as well I don't know if we plateaued in terms of things we need it

or they've just run out of ideas but it feels like now all the innovation's just stuff where you go like well I don't want that if you work in an AirPod department they're going back to work now on the new ones oh yeah

you just bought those new ones that already do too much yeah these people they want to put money on the table they've got to go in and redo what's an AirPod going to do next Most people don't care about any of that, do they?

All you want is... You just want to hear. It said, it said, you know, best ever sound quality. By the way, I can't tell the difference. Of course I can't tell the difference. I'm still listening to music on a phone, you know. You know, I'm not going to... I'm not going to high-fi set up here.

I'm listening to music on a phone. I can't tell if the sound quality is better. But, crucially, I can hear what's going on. You know, yeah. Volume is about the only thing that I can discern. Is it? You're like, oh, yeah. You can only discern volume.

This is a huge revelation. Wow. Now, we know the T-Rex is based on movement, but Clarkie can only discern volume. It's all your hearing is... That's all you can register is. Loud, loud, quiet, loud, loud, quiet. Ha, ha, ha, ha, yes, I agree.

Quiet, loud, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. Quiet, quiet. Sears on the quiet, loud, loud, loud. Loud, loud, loud, and well done. I agree. Yeah. That basically is, that is our podcast. Yeah, pretty much.

So you can just discern volume. Well, you know, like, I think with most headphones, and like, I can't really tell if this is better than the previous pair I had. I don't know what treble is. But I'll sometimes. You know what treble is? Well, you're all about that base, aren't you? Honestly.

Don't even want to know. No. Yeah. Couldn't begin to tell you what treble is. Could you not? Would you know what bass is? Yeah, I'd like to think so. But I don't really have a good reading on bass.

Like when you're watching a band and someone goes, fucking out man, that bass. And you're like, go, yeah. Oh, that's a different thing. That's a different thing. That's a literal, there's a bass player playing a bass. Yeah. Yeah, but the bass is like,

the things down here, right? Yeah, but if someone's watching the band and goes, wow, the bass is amazing. Yeah. They don't mean the, the, I mean, they might do. They might do. They might, but it's like the, if you watch the DJ, you probably might say. It's stuff down here, right?

That's base. The lower drawers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lower drawers. That's right. Yeah, yeah. So what do you think the treble might be? So is it the higher drawers?

Yeah. What does that mean, though? So it's like, oh. Well, if there's too much treble, it can sound quite like tiny and like a bit, you know, and if it's too bassy, it's too bassy, it can sound quite like flabby and like you can't you can't discern like the treble you kind of pick out the finer details and the bass is kind of like the warmth of the the sound a well-rounded sounds cool perfectly balanced is it right i think i've got this right but if you if you do a lot

of the drugs yeah the drug cocaine yeah it you can't hear any treble right it just you can't It takes out, you can only discern volume. It can only deserve. Okay. This is an intervention, by the way. You've been doing, you've been discerning huge volumes of cocaine. Listen, man. I was discerning a lot of volume.

That's not, baby. So you can't. Apparently, it takes out that bit of your, you know, like the way sometimes, like a very spicy food can make your ears ring. I guess it must be along those kind of lines. But anyway, as a result, be here now is one of the trebliest albums of all time. Right. And they've said that, like, if you listen to it, it's like, the treble is cranked right up. I think I'm getting this right.

Because it's like, it's all up there, right? Because they would listen to it off their minds on Chang. Yeah. Okay. And it was, and they were like, no treble on this. Turn the treble up. Turn the treble up. Turn the treble up to 11.

Yeah. I think that's, I think that's the story behind it. So, uh, take it. The fact that you can't do treble is a real warning. I just got no idea what it is. That's the next stage. You've done more, you've got more, you've got more drugs than the Gallagher brothers put together. You have to take it on.

You have to take it up. I'm about to, I'm about to miss my last opportunity to go to the Oasis summer. Can I tell you now, oh yeah, this, this summer, yes. This kind of. You are, because it's almost not the summer anymore. Yeah, exactly. But this is, there's one more gig, I think, or two more gigs. Yeah.

And then the window is closed. I thought they were done I thought they'd finished No no no they still did a few more And then they're going to the States And then they're coming back here And doing some more Right

Because Well by then Do you know what I mean Feels like Is it worn off? Yeah yeah it feels Yeah I think so

Yeah And what you know It's mad to me That hasn't happened That you haven't been there Yeah You haven't done it Yeah

And you're not going to you now No Tickets or anything No So you can just see that you can see that window closing and all you're going to do is you're just going to watch it close and it's gone yeah it's absolutely gone how do you feel about that how do you feel about that i've been through kind of like a rollercoaster of emotions of like the seven stages of grief

yeah yeah yeah bargaining denial anger that was just on the day the tickets yeah after the ticket fiasco i was like fuck him i'm not interested i don't want to go yeah and then as soon as it started to happen on the first night I was like, what on earth, why on earth did you tell yourself? Yeah, I can't believe you didn't go. That's tricky. Yeah. Yeah, but there you go. There we go. That you have to deal with it. Yeah.

Because by the end it'll be like, oh, when they play the art centre. Like if you wait long enough. I think you wait quite a while for the start playing art centres. The next tour around, they're doing they're doing Farnham Maltings. You should have waited. We played the long game.

I saw him in a 70-seater. It was absolutely insane. It's a bit like that with Hamilton. Like, do you remember like Hamilton was like, I mean, I know it's like that with everything. But like, yeah, yeah. It's true. You get the, you get the fever.

And also, I mean, it's suppose it's different for Oasis, but you get like cast changes. Yeah. Well, cast are supporting them. So, yeah. You did get chast. Aet eight.

Yeah. I had to shed eight. thing at digging, it's shut out. Does people say shed out? No, shell out. Shut out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Hamilton?

Yes. As good as it should be? Right, here's the thing with me going to see Hamilton, right? I went on what felt like, I was slightly past the curve, right? Slightly past the curve. The people sat next to me to posh old people having a really loud conversation about sorry, what is this we're seeing now? What is, what, like, you know, what is this?

And the other, like, so the guy's like, well, what, what, like, it's kind of almost as the lights were coming down. Right. What is this we're watching now? And she's like, I don't know. It's meant to be very good. And I was like, so we're like, I was, I was at that stage where like, like, people who kind of half heard of it were like, yeah.

But I was, I was very excited about it because I loved the, I loved the, I loved the, the, the, the album. Right. So you went in knowing what you were, I went in knowing what I was getting. But it was. like seeing a tribute band because you're not seeing the cup like i knew the album so well yeah and i knew the voice is so well i was like how alexander hamilton sounds so it was a bit like seeing a tribute band so i couldn't really like i never could really like latch onto it so i came away feeling a little

bit how did the posh people how were they coming out of it yeah i mean it just felt generally like the whole audience felt a bit flat that night right and we were definitely you know i was definitely part of that it was on you it was on me yeah i felt i took i showed a lot of that response But yeah, I would, I'd love to go and see it again to kind of go in with lower my... I can't imagine that's got better, though. Lower my... No, but to go in with like, well, I know what it is now. I know how to appreciate it.

I think I was going in, expecting it to change my life. And it didn't. It just felt a bit like not quite as good as the record I've been listening to a lot. Was there still a standing ovation? No. Really? Well, maybe a few people were. And there were definitely people which made it worse who were.

were going for it, like it was a rock concert. And then you're like, well, you guys have got to chill out. Yeah. Because you've got pockets of people who are like standing up and throwing their arms in the air and stuff. And you're like, yeah. And then you're like, well, that's a problem because I want to, that's what I want. So you're showing me what like, you're faking what I would like to get for real.

My favourite type of, um, of that is when the Western musicals, which are kind of like, when you go and see them there's signs that are like please don't throw drinks at ushers like please don't take your bras off you're like oh my god what's been going on here then and like you hear those stories of like just people drinking like four bottles of wine on the coach to the music and then losing their absolute minds

have you been to see like one of the bigies have you ever been to like go and see like the bodyguard or something like that which is just like it's just a big It is just like a big prosceco factory. It's a way to shift prosceco. The production is completely incidental to people getting... It's like the darts. It's like the...

Yeah, yeah. It's the equivalent of the darts. It's the closest since I went to see the darts in Ali Pali. It's exactly like that. Yeah. Because everybody's buying those, you know, like people coming back and they've got those, you know, the little miniature screw top proscicos,

but they've got like four under each arm. Yeah, yeah. Because you're not allowed to buy a bottle of Prosecco because you're not allowed to take it in. But the plastic one, ones, you can take in as many as you like. So people showing up with like a... People just getting absolutely hand-bode.

People showing up with the bag for life. Just stick as many as those in. I know they're 17 quiddish. As many as you can in, I'm going to absolutely get trolleied. And meanwhile, the arts going on over there. It's exactly like the dance. It's exactly, yeah. And I think the performers must have to in the same way that darts players have to switch on.

Really, yeah, tune it out. But that's totally like... Well, you know what they do? Earpons. They've all got noise as the headphones here. There was a bit where Alexander work went, blah,

oh, it's my ears, it's a minute, for a second. But yeah, it's, it's, it's,

it's a, a total, a total nightmare. Ditto, worse still, yeah, the commitments. The commitments

was in the West End and obviously, you know, Irish family, my parents want to go and see the commitments, you know, everybody is tanks.

Absolutely. You know, it's a musical set in a pub. Yeah. Where you've basically turned the whole place into a pub. Yeah. It's everybody,

hammered and screaming and standing up and, you know, like, you know, you can, you know how like when the Beatles stopped performing it, because they couldn't hear themselves over the crowds. It was like that except no Beatles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just a load of people screaming their heads off and chin in Guinness. So that's what we need to start thinking about, really. That's the moneymaker is what's a show, what's a musical that has yet to be explored where people are going to really want to drink.

really want to drink you know what I mean salt the musical it's like people get so thirsty I thought you meant the movie salt with Angelina Jolie I was like bloody yeah what's the biggest movie about time maybe that salt the biggest bit of salt right

bring up the box office I'm pretty sure it was like it was like Avatar the last airbender then it was salt wasn't it salt the musical yeah what are the big kind of drinking movies like the hangover, if you did the hangover

the musical, that's good. You would do absolute gangbusters, wouldn't you? Yeah, okay. You know. That would be fun. What about darts the musical? And we recreate a night of the darts. Oh my God.

That's actually good. But it's like with Luke littler as Billy Elliott. It's like that kind of thing, right? It's darts the musical. Yeah. 100%. Are you kidding? That's fantastic.

That is fantastic, isn't it? And we just call it The Darts, the Musical. The Darts. The Darts. The Musical. Oh, my God. Well, I don't think we should put this episode out because I think we really need to trademark the Darts the Musical. Because you're looking at absolute bedlam in the West End and an absolute cash go. You've got some original songs. You're going to have to obviously.

You're going to have to. But you put lyrics to them. Yeah. Yeah. My dad is over there. is upstairs and I'm learning the darts. Okay, we're going to have to not put this out for another reason now. You telling me that Luke has never been a situation where his mum is upstairs,

his dad's over there and he's learning darts. That is his, that's his entire life from the age of two and a half mates. His mum is upstairs, his dad's over there, he's learning the darts. We may have to get the Fratellis on board early doors. We might have to lock them in. Yeah, very, in charge of the original score. Yeah. Oh, my.

To dance the musical original score by the Fratellis. Oh, are you kidding me? It's got to happen. Kaching, Kaching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's to. I mean, it's great, actually. It's great.

It's great. The only thing is what you've got to get is people who can sing and also play darts convincingly enough. Because any time you sort of put a. sports on the stage or on the screen that's always the thing that lets it down i think you can cheat that you never see the dart you never see a dart being thrown well you know but when you're watching the darts you see that and you see it arrive yeah oh yeah you just need that you just need a chunk absolutely that's all you need and then a spotlight illuminates you know big or treble 19 yeah absolutely here we go yeah that's good and it's great as well because you know like increasingly

now like a lot of artists are saying like you know arriving fancy dress to my, you know, to my concerts and stuff, you know, that's a big thing. That is a big thing. All the Swifties, you know, with their, with their cowboy hats and their bracelets and all that kind of stuff, you know, chaparone and all that kind of thing. That is, what people want is an event that starts a week before when you're getting ready. Yeah. This is it.

So you think, I'm going to the darts, the musical. We're going to the West End. It's really good. Yeah, you do it on, you know, one of those, one of those, like, you know, it's got to be on the strand. It's got a lot of bars nearby, loads of pubs nearby.

And you can imagine as well like a couple who've never had like the thing that they both really like. Just like that their partner call them and say I want to have

sex with you. It's the first thing in the conversation. I've booked us to go and see the dance. Oh, the musical. I want to have sex with you.

Book a hotel as well. Book a hotel. We get some of that. yeah yeah yeah some of that sex we want 10% of all the sex can we watch you have sex it's it's very good actually it's very good okay okay

it's very very good okay we're gonna have to we're gonna have to look into this because you've got original original songs around the absolute hits of the darts the baggers of the darts yeah so it's kind of a jigswarks musical but also yeah the best kind of

the best kind of musical where you're like at least i'm you know you want the songs to be good but at least i know i'm going to know a handful of them as well yeah absolutely that's really good i don't mind it i don't mind you buy what what you're getting your dad for father's day the dance the music tickets to the dance i tell you what i'm doing your mother's day the dance the musical joe it probably shouldn't have had it over christmas to be honest but they're not going on the same day the same day yeah and uh what are you getting for your brother and of course sort The Musical.

He's a big Jolie fan. He loves Jolie. Sad to say it's Salt the Musical, I'm afraid. Was there any part of Salt the movie that was about salt? Is this where I find out it's a very sad form? I don't know what's... I couldn't tell you anything about it. Except that it was...

had Angela Jolie in it and it's called salt. Except that we're going to have to use the behemoth of Darts the musical to fund Salt the Musical. It's a passion project. Yeah. It's a passion project. It'll run and run and run. run but it'll never be sold out I found out the other day by the way

this is um you know Oliver absolutely massive Oliver with an exclamation mark it's the Oliver Twist the musical Lionel Bart right absolutely huge do you know what the follow up was called the follow up was a Robin Hood musical right would you think that why do you not know about this do you know what it was called

Robin? Twang Music by the twang no it was twang with an I'll make you mark the musical, which I think is already. It sounds painful. Yeah. I bent over too quick.

I want to have sex, but my hamstring just gone. My band-o string. It's a small orchestra. That was deliverance to musical. Welcome to Sherwood Forest. Do do, do, do. Oh, boy. I call him Will's Scarlet for a reason.

Willie Scarlet. Any songs that you... No, I just heard the title of it. And I was like, oh, it's such a shame. Such a shame. Because you think... I mean, you call it Robin Hood. Call it Robin, Robin, ex-mation mark.

You call it Robin. The hood. Hood. Yeah, yeah. Call it hood. Twang. Twang. Twang.

I think you've nailed it with Oliver. Right? Yeah. Right? It's simple. It would be like calling it gruel. Oh, yeah. You've picked the wrong detail of the story.

Yeah. Is everyone going to monogram Cachief tonight? I've got, I've got balcony seats for monogram Cachieve. You were standing next to Monarch Cacheve when you're at Hamilton. What's this? We're watching again.

Oh, no, monogram Cachief's here. The Darts the musical, they say. What is the darts? game they play darling but also darts the musical you're ending with stand up if you love the darts every night's a standing girl yeah every night it doesn't matter if you're sort of cooking the books like to get your standing oh you're getting a standing o every we've got to stop talking about this because we have

got to go away and make it we've got to yeah we can't end the episode we're doing a really short right yeah i know this is it the problem is we've you know we've struck upon something that it's just too good to give out on the main feed and we never thought we'd say that we'd say that we've never achieved this before

we've been doing this now since 2011 and we've never done anything that was too good for the main feed regular listeners will know right we have to ask now just to cleanse the palate has anyone got any terrible ideas Harry I'm looking at you

I've already given you sold the music. I did have an invention the other day. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is quite a left turn in this discussion. But you know that thing when you're really tired, like you're falling asleep on a sofa or something and you go to bed and you can't sleep?

Yes. I reckon I've cracked what it is. Is it a sofa bed? No. No, I think the thing. I think the thing that wakes you up is scrubbing your teeth. I agree with this. Sometimes I've brushed my teeth.

teeth so vigorously that I thought well I've just woken myself up now. And also I think partly it's because toothpaste is designed to have like that kind of refreshing. It's zingy. Yeah. It's got a twang, you could say. It's got a twang to it. It's a twang to the gob. So night.

Sleepy paste. Sleepy paste. You have like a lavender or something. Like parma violets. You're brushing your teeth with a packet of parma violets. I think it you need. Cameroyle. Yeah. You need a mellow. night time flavor.

So two, this is good actually because you've got sleepy time tea sleepy time paste. All right, guys, this is too good for the main feed. I thought your invention was going to be not cleaning your teeth

at night. Do you know what I've invented? So like if you're tired you just don't clean your teeth. Okay, yeah. Yeah, you're preaching to the converted with myself and Parry there. I was like, yeah, I'm like, yeah.

I'm going to level with you I don't even do it in the morning. Love the Duh. Tuan could get out of his teeth. So a sleepy paste. A sleepy paste. You could imagine.

Imagine toothpaste companies going nuts with that. Can I give you, I think it should be same tube, two ends. Oh, that's good. So it's the, and it's got the, you know, like you get the toothpaste.

I'm worried about the physics of that. Why are you worried about the physics? like if you squeeze one is it going to fire out the other no it'll have to be they'll have to be like a a taper in the middle and also you've got the lid on you're not taking the lid off both sides are you so yeah it's great okay so yeah you've got it's it's like it's like it's like

almost like a bow tie you've got in the middle oh now I'm interested you've got that monogram cachees to wear it's a monogram is our biggest investor and so yeah and and it'll have those you know not the little tiny squirrel lid it'll be the flip lid the big one so you can prop it up on top

of the lid you know those kind of you know the wide circular lids you can pop it out either way yeah like an like an hourglass yeah exactly yeah sleepy paste tooth sleepy paste and yeah and if it's like you know kind of toothpaste and sleepy paste essential

oilsy kind of you know Valium we put Valium in it chloroform exactly you just put it on to this rag and sniff it. Sleepy base. Then somebody comes like and cleans your teeth for you

whilst you knocked out. Oh, I'd like that. Yeah. You roofie, it's Rufie and Toofy. That's what it's course. What, um, you haven't hit the flavours right yet though.

Lavin doesn't tell you for. You want something, you know, semenomile and everything. I don't think it's, they're all a bit gross. Yes, are we? Yeah. Yeah, like a Horlix-y type.

Yeah. But then Horlix is, it definitely, it definitely sort of makes you sleepy. As long as your teeth feel clean. As long as it's mellow. I think it's just got to be a melon. Melon. Melon. Melon?

Is it, are you suggesting brushing your teeth with a melon? Glarky, is that what you're suggesting? I'm just going to use some of my melon paste. I don't think we've got the flavours. We haven't got the flavours. That's crucial, actually. Yeah. Mint.

is way too zingy. I think we can agree on that. I mean, that you do think, like mint is kind of like, that's like an essential oil as well, isn't it? Yeah, but it's not a sleepy one, is it?

No, that's it. So I think, I think, can, I think a lavender might be the one. I just don't know about the idea of, it's a nice smell,

but do you want to taste it? No. No. Yeah. But what about a flavourless paste? Like my dad doesn't like mint, hate mint. So he's always had non-flavored toothpaste.

And he sleeps like a log, doesn't he? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But he can't wake up because he doesn't have him to the bed in the morning. Oh, he's sleepwalking through the entire day. But once it gets to 6pm and he puts himself to bed. Honestly, he's out for a good foot 13, 14 hours. So yeah, there is that, like, you could do just a slightly more neutral thing.

But it isn't quite. What's the sleepiest taste? well I think milk milk paste is a tough that's why you get a little yeah powdered milk

it's warm milk it's warm milk flavour because the problem with with Hawlix and Ovalty and all that kind of thing is it's got multi it's got a bit too sweet a bit too sugary

I mean obviously like kids toothpaste have you I mean we nicked your toothpaste last time we came around that yeah you did we're using your daughter's toothpaste at the moment

it's good stuff But it's strawberry flavor. It's like it tastes, like, you know, we've, we've been on a holiday before and we've like, oh, we've forgotten our toothpaste, you use the kid's toothpaste. It's insane. It's so sweet. But how else you're going to get kids to brush their teeth? And crucially, they're not keeping those teeth forever.

They're going after a while. That's a good thought. You're just bedding in the habit, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. So. Oh, I reckon we could have done with a few more of them.

A few more sets of teeth. them through. Like just a production line of every... I think it'll pass your teenage years. Come on. It does seem mad. You're not grown up enough. You grow them when you're about two.

You get them for about five years and then you grow another set and then you keep them until you die. But they're already there, aren't they? That's the thing. You don't grow them. You're born with them. Yeah, but they come through. I think it's a space problem, isn't it? How many more...

We should evolve a longer... How many more teeth can you fit in your fucking face? Is that why aliens? Is that why aliens have such long heads? Yeah, they're always just shedding teeth and growing new teeth. Maybe. The greys. They've got those, which is what we call our teeth.

But yeah, the idea. It's a strawberry toothpaste. It's not toothpaste, is it? No. What about brown toast flavored? No, because toast, brushing your teeth after toast, like, it's... Butter? Butter?

Butter please. Your old night time butter? Butter flavor before bed I don't think it's I don't think it can Hey I don't think psychologically people are going to be like Well I've had my buff I've buttered the inside of my mouth

I'm ready for bed now Primula Well yeah It comes in a tube I might just switch to that anyway Just a bit of primula before bed Flossing up the little bits of ham I think we've done it

I think we found the bad idea Yeah Okay yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, cool. That's wiped to the memory of all the good ideas from everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. Well, off to the patent office, I guess.

Primula to the face. We can't remember any of the rest. We've run it all excited. Primula's amazing. That wasn't it, wasn't it? Oh, no. And also, Primula, like, exists already. If you want to brush your teeth at Primula, go for your fucking life, mate.

It's there. This is the green light I've been waiting for. Well, anyway, yeah. What a very productive brainstorm. Thank you guys, yes. Good night, guys. Sleep tight. So there you go.

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