Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1543: Has Halloween gone too far?

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

Is Halloween naff? What is the alternative? And does anyone actually know what a combine harvester is? Follow us on:YouTube: youtube.com/@pappysflatshareInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedy/TikTok: tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener here. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew, and welcome to a very exciting episode of Pappy's Flatshare. That's right. Today we started off talking about Halloween, and it turned into a real treat. Or trick. Ooh. Yes, indeed. Yeah. We're not the kind of people who get bogged down by the calendar, I would say. No. Happy to address the issues outside of the typical period when people would be talking about Halloween.

Well, I mean, we started the episode at Halloween. It's quite a long episode this one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's quite a long episode. Thank you for watching this on YouTube or listening to it, wherever you get your podcasts. If you enjoy what you do and you want to support your boys on the journey, if you enjoy what you do, sorry.

Yeah, no, listen. Yeah, no, you're right. Guys, if you enjoy what you do and then you know what? You'll never work a day in your life. And we can't stress that enough. If there's any, there's not really a message of this podcast, but guys, do you enjoy? But you do, not our word, the words of George Michael and Wham.

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So if you want to have a listen to the bonus episodes, we're putting out a whole episode every single week of Flat Shair Pop Brown, which is a lovely little chat, not dissimilar to these kind of episodes. If you want to, but don't let that put you off. If you want to have a listen, there's a seven-day free trial,

you can have a listen, see if you like it, and stick around if you do. But crucially, the main thing is, don't worry about what we do. Enjoy what you do. Absolutely. That's crucial, guys.

Whatever you do. Lovely. Well, have a listen. and a watch of this. Papi's flat share. Talk about whatever. Happy's flat share. How we've been doing this forever?

Papi's flagship. But we don't really live together. Happy Splashire. Yeah. How was your hallow? My Halloween was, uh... That was yours, mine. That's a classic top question.

How are you doing what I'm doing? Let's be honest. That's all questions, right? That's a good point. Thank you. Thank you very much. I actually hadn't finished talking. Interrupted me.

It's pretty rude to jump in on the point I was making. But I feel like, you know, a lot of people think they're good conversation is. And what they mean is, I've not only got a question. I've also got the answer. I don't know. There are other question askers, though, who it's a, it's just fending off. Oh. So it's like, how was your, how was your,

journey. Off you go. I'm talking about my dad. But it's like I found myself doing it as well. I don't want to tell you about my journey. I want you to tell me about your journey. I'm not going to be listening. Yeah.

I'm just going to be having a rest. Thinking of my follow-up question, which will be unrelated. I was going to ask you, Tom, by the way. How's your journey? Anyway, I'm just going to get my head down for a little bit. That's all right? Exactly that.

Exactly that. So that's the other, that's the other tack. The other tack is, yeah, absolutely. If you think, I don't want to reveal any information about myself, I'm just going to ask a series of questions that I know have got, you know, they can't be closed questions. They can't be yes, no question. No.

They've got to be big, open questions. But also, they're going to keep... How do you think your life's going? Yeah, I was going to say... That kind of a question. No, it's going to be questions that keep you in a territory that I'm comfortable with. Oh. Like, I don't want to know how your life's going.

I want to know how your journey was. Yes. Yes. I want to know how's the weather where you live. But I don't know where you live. I don't want to know. I don't want to know that. So it's like let's keep into comfortable territories.

Yeah. Let's not get into any kind of danger areas. Yeah. It's kind of like that's where you're throwing the ball out to. Which is why you, a fortnight after the fact, want to know how our Halloween was. It's too much, isn't it? It's actually, you know what you think to Halloween's too much? Yeah, someone's got to put the break.

on Halloween. No, I love it. You've got to go for it. I was working on Halloween and I was absolutely gutted because I missed, I think, my favourite day the year. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's that exclusively just because you've got children now? No, no, I just like, I like goals. I just love ghouls. The list doesn't go on. No, honestly, I, the number of, the number of times I've gone to a football match, I thought they were going to be, I'm going to see some great ghouls. It turns out, how How wrong I was. Danny Baker is his own ghouls. His own ghouls.

And gaffs. It's really sad to me, Matthew, that you only celebrate goals on one day of the year if you love them so much. I know, exactly. Find your gawl on every day. A gul is for life. Well, afterlife. A gul is for afterlife, not just for Halloween. How was yours, by the way?

I couldn't be swinging further the other way. Yeah. We're still talking about Halloween. Sorry, what we're talking about? I'm talking about it. I'm talking about my journey. It's on the soap bank. Should have been on the Northbound.

Anyway, I think it's awful, no. Fully awful. Yeah. I've gone to fully awful. Is that because of your devout Christian beliefs? Well, that's where it started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, I started there.

Famously, you let the devil in. We've said it before. We'll say it again. That's what we were raised. Have we said it before? I think we say it every year, don't. We were raised with the message, Halloween, lets the devil in.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're anti-Gaul, actually. Very anti-Goole, very sorry. Listen, he found my list of things I love. And Gawls is the first three. And the last. And everything.

The Holy Gournity. There is literally a Holy Ghost. Yeah. Oh, there you go. I thought you were. I was so thrown off by the. The Father-Sum and the Holy Gawl. Yeah.

I went for Gournity. Yeah, I know. I went for a, I reached. Hey, but you know what? Some of the greatest start is created by people who reach just beyond their means. You know, the worst place an artist can be is a comfortable one. Pablo Picasso said that. And you went for, you went for the holy goonit.

What was it again? Goolity. It's not easy. The holy gulity. It really is. It wasn't easy to listen to as well, if I'm honest. Guys, I know we're not really supposed to be rebranding anymore because we're pathologically addicted to rebranding with the podcast.

But could we rebranding to the holy gullity? It's Ben, it's Tom, aka the holy gullity. I think I'm trying to keep an N in there for some reason. Gorn the tea. Yeah, that's what's hard. Yeah, that's the problem with it. That's the problem with it. We've un-picked it and now we've fixed it.

Yeah. Great. By the way, at Christmas, are you going to be doing a gullivity? Every year. Every year, you've got to now. It's gone too far. It's gone too far.

They've taken the Christ out of Christmas and now gulmus. Merry gulmots to all who celebrate. I suppose you can't say that anymore, can you? Oh, I don't say that anymore, can you? I suppose you're not allowed to say Merry Goulmas anymore, are you? Honestly, you go to any garden centres in their Christmas section. You will not see one Merry Goulmas anymore.

No, you can't buy a Gourmas card anymore. You can't buy a Gormus card for love nor money. You can't ask for time off work because it's Goulmas. Your boss will laugh at you. And so you don't work here. Merry Goulmas, everybody. The thing I'm going to say about Halloween is that we've definitely seen a change, right? I'm still laughing about Goulmas.

I'll listen back to this episode of a great time. Oh, right then. Um, it's changed, right? It's definitely... It's on the up. It's, yes, exactly right. It's American, it's Americanized. Because it's, America, we've been doing it for forever, haven't they?

The Halloween, you know, the dressing up, the trick-or-treating, you know, that's, that's huge now, and it started over there. Yes. Yeah. And I just think it's, it feels to me, lame. Oh, it's naff. Is it naff? It's lame. That's a shame.

Yeah. And once I got to... lame i was like oh god and you know once you tarnish something for yourself then it's like it's so lame actually what's the cool alternative the thing is i feel like what shrove chees we've also got that get a year that can do both get that on the up though get that on the up you know i mean cake day that's huge it's not big enough anymore though it's no fact i think i think it's stroving downwards oh no we're spooking upwards and stroving down we're spooking upwards and stroving down I'm gould up to the nines.

It's Shrove Gould's Day now, isn't it? Yeah. But, like, it's, um, it's just, like, none of it's real is like... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. That's up for debate, though, isn't it? No. Yes.

It isn't. But that's the same with, you know, it's the same with Christmas. Yeah. I know. You just have to, you have to just have at least, at least Shrobes are. real. Yes, yeah, exactly. A pancake is real.

You can't argue with that. Exactly. You can eat a shrove. Mm-hmm. That's it. People are leaving in their shroves. People are leaving in their shrobes right now listening to this. I'm going to be one of them.

You've been enjoying it so much a minute ago. Yeah. I've gone off it. No. That makes me feel guilty. I'll put my hands up. It's my fault. I feel guilty about that.

So, Tom. Yeah. You're saying that. It's not real. Fundamentally, not of it's real. Fundamentally, it's not real. But what... What is real?

But what... Finally we're getting into it. Is it trying to be real? So when someone knocks on the door and says, trick or treat, you go, well, firstly, you're not a wolf. Yeah. Is that what you say? Yeah, too right.

You're not an actual witch. Yeah, too right. I'm not sitting you practicing any witchcraft. Yeah. Oh, so you love fancy dress? Yes, I do, yeah. So you feel like it's, you know, in the... Okay, good combo.

there you go great this is why you've got to ask him nice open-ended questions because otherwise it wasn't even a question it's true it was this statement it was this statement Clark that was your first one I agreed with you so do you consider it to be uh sort of like do you consider it to be sort of like amateur hour for people who wear fancy dress year round I'm not saying like just the one day Tom doesn't wear like the when you go behind it it like the reasons behind it there aren't really any real reasons are there really it's the day before all saints day isn't it it's all that's not that's not good enough reason is it why no

right here's thing you can't you can't say there's no reason behind it and i say here's the reason you say that's not a good enough reason no but what i mean is like like the thing that everyone's doing on halloween yeah celebrating or exploring your goals your zombies your Werewolves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of them are real. So, none of it's real. Like, you know.

So it's like, okay, we're all getting together and fucking around with things that aren't real. This is true. And I forget what a serious person you let it on. Crucially and dangerously, we are letting the devil in. But that isn't real. You can't have both, can you? No. No, that's right.

The devil is. So the devil isn't real. No, I don't think the devil's real. And, but you're still, just on the off chart. Do you know what? No, no. Even if the devil isn't real. Letting the devil is no longer.

That was, that was, that reason was handed to us as children. Yeah. Yeah. On our way to our all saints parties where we were dressed as saints. So what's, what Shrove Tuesday representative of? You've got to clear out your cupboard of all the food. Yeah. Because.

Because. Because. We're entering Lent. Yes. And what is Lent about? it's to do with the tides i think not to do with the tides no no no tell us to do with the moon

not to do with the moon no which is also to do the tides what do you think let's about why do you have to clear out your cupboards and also crucially we're not clearing out our cupboards which we're using the eggs that we would have used anyway yeah i know so what festivals do you think we should be celebrating because they're real pancakes don't float no no but pancakes don't intrude on anyone else

his lifestyle. If I go home and make a pancake, right, then it's not going to fuck with but like, I don't care what they do as long as they don't try to ram it down with their, with their ghoul-based agenda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dress up at ghouls in your own house.

Yeah. Fine. On the streets. No, thank you. Exactly. Don't scare my fucking son. I'm not going around scaring people's sons with my pancakes. I'm not going, br-l-lough. I'm not throwing fucking flower in people's faces or cracking eggs on their heads. Here's... I've not made anyone's son cry because

it's pancake day. I've not gone pancake, pancake, pancake, eat my lovely pancake. Hello! I'm having such a great time! And everyone's like, oh, we're being cool, are we? No, you're being lame and now my son's crying. Okay. I feel like we've got to the room.

I was trying not to reveal it for as long as possible. I was trying to hold it off for as long as was good. We've got to the issue. Tom's son's a pussy. That's what it is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha your son can't ha ha ha you're being lame man he can eat his pancakes though right he can eat he can tuck his pancakes away so we'll see who's the pussy then all right yeah yeah i'll say one thing for him he's big as a fucking house he eats pancakes every day yeah he's in training

he's a bruiser he's in training for the big day okay the reckoning yeah no i totally get that it you know in in the same way that, you know, fireworks. Fireworks night is tricky for little kids. Try, fireworks night's tricky for pets. And I'm not coming out backing fireworks. No, no, no, no. No, no. Fawks was real.

Okay, yeah. Flesh and blood. Yeah, certainly, certainly was, yeah. It's not like, oh, but zombies, though. So what happened? Who, by the way, firstly? What are you point to me? This fucking Halloween guy over here.

Oh, I love Halloween. I'm a big fan of Halloween. Yeah, this guy's really. Look. It's spooky films. Tom. Stop. Right, we'll get on to the horror genre, probably never,

but you've made your feeling very clear. What happens to be poor either on Halloween? So you were out with, you were out with your kids, and some older kids dressed as zombies. Oh, they're everywhere. They are everywhere. You try travelling around after 3 o'clock on Halloween with young people,

if you don't want them to engage in the supernatural spooks. Sure, sure. Well, you can't anymore. yeah so but what but but no i appreciate that but is it is is is seeing people dressed up in those costumes and just finding it all too over well i don't want to make this about my son yeah okay sure i don't particularly want to talk about him too much no you know i've touched on it i've moved away from yeah yeah what you want well i don't know you i've made my point you you started the topic and the reason behind it is your son so it's quite hard for us to now counter that

no no no it's people's children control Dealing with young children and people are walking around dressed as fucking werewolves. I know you're having conversations about werewolves and you're going, oh, they're not real. People are just fucking dicking around and it's like a great chat. Do you know what? I don't know how I'm calming them down by saying people are just fucking dicking around. Do you know what I don't want to be chatting about? Werewolves.

Fucking were we bringing that to the table? Go, well, we've got to have the werewolf chat with our kids when they're three or four because it's Halloween. You like go, you don't. You just don't. Joe, what films are they all appearing? 18 plus. That's why we have the 18s on the front of the films. I do think there's a, there's an interesting point here.

I do sometimes see videos of, like, in America where it's real big. And it's like kids getting scared at the shops where they've got, like, the pressure pads, and it's like a ghost jumping up to myself. And I'm like, I don't know how funny I find that. Yeah. Wait. I think I do find it. Now that I think about it.

I do find it very funny because it's sort of else's kids, but I think if it was mine, I might be a bit like that. But I don't mind a jump skit. Don't get me wrong. It's the lasting effect of the werewolf. It's sticking scary images in kids' heads and going off you go, this is great actually. And you go, is it great?

You go, yeah, it's good to be scared at night when you're thinking about this scary thing that we show you. That's brill. You know all these safe things that we have on television so we don't watch scary shit? Once a year, they're going to start being a bit scary. And we go, that's cool. You know, is it?

Sure. So are you talking about the way people decorate their houses? You talk about the costumes or the lot, the blanket. Think about the things that happen around Halloween. Yeah. Scary shit. Yeah, that's true. Not very pleasant images.

And everyone goes, it's cool, actually. You go, is it? Yeah. It's all like blood smeared. So it's like at Christmas. I'm not, you know, you chat about Father Christmas and Al's, but it's like, doesn't keep your kid awake at night. No, that's true.

It's not going to be something that you think about. What was your, like my first scary thing was, the ghost at the start of Ghostbusters, that stayed with me for about three or four years. Yeah. But you weren't watching it when you were... I thought you meant in the title, like the ghost that comes up in the logos.

And I was like, oh, Tom, that's a tough one. It's that scary for three or four years. Oh. Yeah, yeah, the opening of Ghostbusters. I didn't watch that until I was a bit older. I scared me then. What was your first scary thing? Day of the Triff fits.

Oh, my God. Like black and white. white thing. It just like someone... We forget Clarkie. He's 85. He's 85 years old.

I'm actually a vampire. So I was very... Because Clarkie, the other thing... Clark, you told me, that time when Austin Wells broadcast war of the world in 1939. He ran home to your mom and dad. The world's ending mother!

He was just a little... He was a paper boy yet to announce it. Extra, extra. Yeah, Titanic sank. He dropped the papers and ran. It's Day of the Triffids The Day of the Triffids So would you lie in bed thinking about

Are they flower? Is it flowers? It's plants, yeah God and I thought my son was a pussy It was on in the daytime It was Dean's so Day of the Triffitts It's not night of the Triffitts

Don't show Clarky, no of the Triffitts He would actually shit his pants The Seekles Brutle But this is the thing My take on it is To counter this

Is that I was very, I was very sheltered as a child, but I still had that reaction something that really isn't that scary. So it is like, if you try and protect them too much, maybe you do need a little bit of like, he's a kid dressed as, as Frankenstein, eases you in, eases you into seeing. I actually think like a seven-year-old and a fairly decent wearable outfit is scarier if not, you know, it might be scary than a big lad in a, a, in a werewolf outfit because they're fucking small

and they move fast. The werewolf outfits are the same. How are you saying werewolf by the way? You say Werewolf? We've got to roll back the tape and here that's here.

The first time I thought I was just a sort of just of a sponsorship but you did it twice. Twice. We're a werewolf. Weirwolf. Okay, no.

I thought there was an extra like in the way that like people from the northeast say film, you know, I thought it was like you were saying We'rewolf. Okay, okay, okay. I completely understand it if you're...

The other side of that is my kids absolutely adore it. And I know it can't be a one. My kids like it. Therefore, it can't be able to. Your kids are making younger kids cry. My kids are loving. Yeah, they love that. Absolutely.

They love coming around terrorising either. I love that shit. He's such an easy target, dad. my kids are really into sort of spooky stuff and they like the idea of being scared and they you know and they they get a real tickle as the you know as the Halloween decorations go up so sort of and but I do totally get it it's not it's not on your terms is it no it's you know and crucially it's not about anything real and you know how I think yeah yeah two very strong arguments one I taste stronger than the other the more personal one that you don't want to talk about that's the stronger of the two arguments but uh but yeah crucially

Halloween not real no and and not as it feels like we're trying to be the we're trying to be america yeah just like it is it feels a bit lame to me that that element of it i i get what you mean there and obviously like it started started an island right i think but but the The modern version of it is the Americans. So you think that they should sort of lean more into the iconography of British horror and dress as Peter Cushing. It is less scary. It is less scary. Yeah.

Why is no one dressed as Vincent Price? Surely. That just makes sense. Now, I do get that when the kind of, the thing is, I love. I like America. I mean, not all bits of America, but I like the fact that it's very clear what it is, right? Do you know what you?

You can't be disappointed by having a bad Halloween if you know what it is, right? It's trick-or-treating, it's fancy dress, it's listening to the Monster Mash the next day you don't even talk about it. It's over, you know? Whereas Christmas, I feel... It feels like there's like a big lead in now as well, though, as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It feels like you get into a kind of Halloween season, and it's like a two-week kind of... Yes, when the house it starts to start to decorate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's like it's... Where's it going to win? It's spreading, exactly.

It's too much. It's too much. Well, what's the alternative? Because in order, you know, what we need now is a grassroots campaign. Yeah. Starting, you know, and a good, let's face it, a good British grassroots campaign. What do you think you should put on the outside of your house to prove you're British? No, I don't mean that. What do you think you should... Why did you put, what would you, what would you, what would we like the alternative that, you know, because it's, it's not, I know it is like a sort of, it's like a celebration of ghosts and ghouls, but in order to sort of remove their power. How do you feel about ghosts? How do I feel about ghosts? Yeah. You're less enamored with them than ghouls. I think ghosts are scarier than ghouls. I think ghouls are fun. What is the difference? I was just about to say, I'm not sure I've got a good read on what a ghoul is. Yeah. Do you need, when people say ghosts and ghouls,

Yeah. Do you need to say both of those things? It's a bit like saying host and compare, what's the distinction between the two jobs? Yeah, I'm your host and compare. You're like, that's the same thing. Yeah. What's the distinction between ghosts and ghouls? Yeah. What makes a ghoul? It's a ghoul alive? No, the cool can't be alive. They're all dead, right? Surely they're all dead.

Well, hang on no, Clarkie's got something here, though. Something's clicked in his brain. Are they all dead? Of all the things. Wait, a ghoul's just a catch-all for all the other things that aren't ghosts? Or all ghouls are good. So what, does that mean that we're ghouls? Your dream? No, I mean like Halloween-y things.

So, like, goblins. We might be gulls. So, like, goblins. Yeah. Vampires, zombies. They're all, like, ghoulish. They're all general ghoulish things. Oh, so everything else is a ghoul.

I wonder. I don't know. Don't mind that. Well, I know every horse is a ghoul. Does that play into it? Every hole's gul. And what do we think about where we'll lives? I don't know.

Where do you live? Siddon? It's a nice area. Do they go big for Halloween? Yeah, I like that. I like goals being the catchall for the thing. Thanks, man. Like when you go like bugs and insects,

you kind of go bugs. kind of do bugs cover like a litany of is it an insect or you know I'm thinking about slugs

you know slugs are bugs snails bugs yeah we can't do this what podcasting what a way to find out yeah

still great app yeah Strong way to finish, I think, guys. Anyway, get in touch. Anyway, get in touch. Is a snail a bug or an insect or a ghoul? What's a ghoul? A c'cool spooky coat.

I refrained from trying to make that joke earlier. I want the record to show. Thanks. I liked it. Thanks. So there you go. go. That's all the balance you need, guys. That is all the balance you need. We'll move away from bugs. We'll move away from slugs. Let's talk about the alternative. Let's talk about jugs.

Let's talk about just. Fine. Finally. What's your favorite receptacle? Is it a vase? Is it a drug of ours? Get in touch. Can be. Shit, you can be. Get it. When you say get in touch, do you mean us with you right now? No, what's our alternative then? What's a celebratory thing we can do that gets, you know, because the thing I like about it, right? The horror aspect of it aside is the community aspect of it. Right.

Yeah. The excitement of the kids feel, knock on each other's doors, meeting the people in the street, it's a good, yeah, I like all of that. If it was a fancy, so to go back to the fancy dress thing, right? Yes. If everyone gets to dress up, that's nice, isn't it? Yeah. Everyone's going around, go and look at this.

They do, yeah. The pageantry. Yeah. You retain the pants. You just get rid of the bit where you go, going to fucking put some kind of scary image into people's heads? I feel like it needs a theme to tie it together. Yeah.

Great. Autumn. No, I think that's too. Right. Okay. Let's just. Harvest festival. There we go.

We just swing harder. We just swing it a bit later. We got Harvest Festival. That's happening. No, but no one's going, daughter's all dressed as a fucking tin of soup, are they? I think, yeah. Maybe they could.

For the reason. We swing. We go back. To Harvest Festival. Harvest Festival was great, wasn't it? I did. You used to love Harvest Festival. I had good songs.

Harvest Festival is still happening, guys. I don't know why you're saying we're going back to a harvest festival. We're getting it on the up. We're taking Halloween down and we're harvest festling up. Okay. It's close enough to feel fucking great, actually. I think you've gone more restrictive with Harvest Festival than autumn. Does this be your...

The apples are ripe. The plums are red. The broad beans are sleeping in a blankety bed. Yeah. What a tune. You remember cauliflower's fluffy? and cabbages green? He's too old for this.

It was after your time, wasn't it? No, it's because Clarkie grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household and they said, no, we will not worship the strawberry over our Lord Jesus Christ. Yeah, this is very pagan. Carlyflowers fluffy and cabbage is green. Strawberry is sweeter than you've ever seen. All grow steadily day and night. The apples are white.

The broad beans are sleeping in a black goodie beard. It's like the most barbershopper you could get in school assembly. It's one of the top, it's one of the top sort of, yeah, assembly songs, isn't it? Because also it's a celebration of fruit and veg. Assembly is something you have at school. If you hadn't been homeschooled, you'd have... You'd have... Alarkey was one of the few people who played Truant from being homeschooled.

He homeschooled himself, didn't they? The walls are white. The room is small. I haven't been outside to see the sky at all. You're listening to Home School Assembly. What did I miss here? I love Harvest. It's a full-scale banger.

What happens to the fruit and veg? It goes to the local old people. That's what I was. Again. Great. Just good things. It is good things. Better than giving a load of haribote to a kid.

The harabot to kids after it's dark. Yeah, yeah. This is, we've cracked it because what you do is you bring up harvest festival, you're taking down Halloween, bonfire night is still there. We're not saying it's great, but it's still there. We've said before, there's a problem with the proximity between Halloween and bonfire night. It's true. So by raising up harvest, okay.

Yeah. What's it become then? It becomes like food is your general gist, food's real, which is good for me. food isn't scary for my son he's not scared of food there's a community obviously we're living in austerity

Britain so there's a that you know you're giving food it's connected to charity it's very good community stuff yeah everyone's going around dressed as I was going to say mutton

but I don't know what I'm in your area I was a dressed as lamb you get food based every you know food's big these days. Everyone's watching fucking food shows and stuff like that. Yeah, everyone's eating it three times a day, yeah.

Food is big. Food's good. Food's on the up. Food's big. Food's definitely on the up, yeah. And crucially, it's real. It's linked to the earth and then harvest. It's a real thing, farming. Yeah. Very British. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. You've got Clarkson, you've got, you know,

you've got the protesters. All of this can be involved with the, yeah. Trick or treating could work both ways. People would be cooking things and go around, you offer them to people. instead of asking for things. Everyone's knocking on and going, I made these walnut brownies. Not, no, cut me nuts. Oh, yeah, sorry.

Really dangerous. Yeah. Chemical warfare. Because that's the, that is the problem with, that's, fucking harvest festival's gone woke now, has it? That's the problem because,

you know, there was always these stories in, of Halloween, like, you know, someone's putting, like, poison in the sweets. Yeah, yeah. You know, but,

so don't get, no one's saying people are smuggling walnuts into their walnut brownies. That analogy would have been People were putting sweets in their sweets Yes, but Tom I'm saying is that you can't go around And get food from other people's houses Unless it's very clear what the food is

You can have little flags You can have little flags A part of the front of the house Of course, yeah Big flag at the front of the house Small flag that says gluten on the brownie Just so everybody know Everyone's on the same page here

Everyone's on the same page. Yes, I mean I do With GF flags flying halfway up the house Lump posts. GF next year, GB. That's what I say. If you listen to GF news, they make a lot of salient points. But they're always rushing off to the loo.

I'm so sorry. Oh, God, I eat cheese toast at lunch. You know, I like them, but they don't like me. Stop the flour. Stop the bloats. So, anyway. Yeah, so we've got, we've got, um, yeah we've got we're raising up now we're winning here because people are driving around in pretend

combine harvesters oh oh i like that i do like that i instantly went to horror film there yeah no we don't worry we're moving away okay sorry it's a good combine harvester yeah yeah yeah if would you allow for somebody to dress would you like because fucking out when you're when you're young yeah oh my god Nothing gets the blood pumping. Can I ask a question? He's got a big questions. Good question. We've got two questions.

Two questions. We'll talk about Combi Harvisters. But, yeah, crucially, I don't want to hear them. I don't want to talk. And I don't want to say mine. So that's great. I was going to ask that they still have combined harvesters. Or is that another thing that's gone the way of the way?

Well, back in your days, it was just go around with a sheath. Yeah, sigh, that's it. A sheath, yeah. That's right. Clarkie, of course, not allowed to use a sheath because he was brought a bit of fundamentalist Christian household. Let's not forget. It keeps the devil in.

I was going to say, what does it combine? That's great. Thank you. That's a good question. It's better than yours. Do they still have them? What do they combine? Because I thought they separate.

They lift and separate. Yeah. It's what they do. You're thinking if the Wonderbrandt. Always. It doesn't separate, doesn't it? It lifts. It simply lifts.

The wonder is. The whole wants it. You're doing this? Okay, you're doing that. So you'll make it a sort of gesture with your hand here that's suggesting. But then it said, doesn't it separate the wheat from the chaff as it goes? Oh, so it's not. But, but, yeah, sorry.

What I love it. about this podcast is, when you guys make a noise like that, like really impressed, but someone's listening in the go, it's not doing that. It's not. It's no way. It's not. It doesn't. Listen, it keeps the comment section active on our podcast to talk

absolute bullshit all the time. This is on purpose. This is by design. We're actually very clever. We're very tough. We have to protect. Yeah. That's the reason why. It's very difficult to look this thick. It really is. So I'm, I think we've reached a really healthy

place here, which is... Well, I've got a question, one final question. Where do you stand on the only thing that I believe is bridging the Harvest Festival and Halloween? Okay. Which is the Scarecrow costume.

Yeah. Okay. Now, where do you stand on that, Parry? Because it can be scary. Scarecrow's are by their nature. Yes, but you're intending to scare... Only crows. Only crows.

I made a scarecrow the other day. Did you? Yeah, there was a scarecrow competition at my daughter's school. What? We weren't going to enter. Because you don't like that sort of stuff. Well, you know, it was close to, it was close to Halloween.

But I think it's their way of doing something that isn't Halloween, but kind of could be. And with an hour to go before bedtime, my daughter decided she wanted to enter the Scarecrow competition. Of course. So it was a real kickpollock scramble. Yeah. And because of that. Cut to Tom, putting a Hessian sack on his head. Standing outside, standing outside the nursery for eight hours.

that's why my son started crying okay we've got to it now actually yeah yeah that was me what a journey so um I use like swimming uh noodles oh that's good

yeah well they're too big crucially so what I ended up what I ended up building was essentially an effigy it kind of looks and that's it's an effigy isn't it but it was like and they hung it from a tree oh dear You're regretting putting your own face on it, aren't you?

The mask from your stagged that you used. Genuinely, because, like, we had a paper plate cellar taped onto the front of it with a face that kind of fell off, which just left like a poking pillow that looked a bit like a hood. It looked like a hooded figure. A hooded figure hanging from a tree. It looked terrifying. And the fact that you'd put a little tape player in the centre of it playing the hanging tree from the Hunger Games, that didn't make things any better.

But the crows stayed away. Yeah, I bet. Everyone stayed away. Is your problem with Halloween is that you're such a fucking spooky dude the rest of the time that actually you can't have another day when everybody else ramps it up?

You blend in. But I think scarecrows, look, again, they're not haunted scarecrows. No. Although fucking Wurzel Gummidge was scary, wasn't it? Yeah. They're fundamentally scary. Yeah.

Well, it's in their name, isn't it? Yeah. I tell you what, they're fundamental. It's fundamentally scary, but they're not fundamentally crows. Square that circle, guys. Get in touch. Get in touch. Get in the comments section.

But I think scarecrows might scratch the itch for, you know, your kind of ghoulish side. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. They can scratch your gawls. Thank you for that. Could you stop scratching your gauze on camera, by the way? I forget we're filming this sometimes. You love ghouls, don't you?

I do love gals. I get all the goals, I get all the goals. So, so I think there could be, it's, I think we're in a good place now. We're dialing down Halloween. Okay. Yeah. We're up in the Harvest Festival.

I'm happy with that. Yeah. It's got songs, you know, it's got fucking bangers. It's ready to go. It's got reason. It's got purpose. Mm-hmm. We've still got a movie.

It's got a celebration. Yeah, absolutely. It's got a bit of distance between it and Halloween. It's also, you know what? We need more songs for it. That's the thing. thing is like because Halloween as well yeah you know you've got obviously you've got your monster match you've got you've got your ghost busters theme and then you've got then it gets

into stuff like somebody's watching me and um is that that got that gets played every Halloween you're like is that actually a Halloween song and zombie by the cranberries which is about the troubles it's like that and that's like number five on the playlist oh sure you're like oh you're in trouble now yeah well you're in the troubles now yeah but you're right Christmas loads of great songs Halloween, not that many straight down the middle Halloween songs

All we've got, I mean, cauliflower's fluffy is a banger It's an absolute banger Up there with Monster Mash I can love Monster Mash I love Codleyflowers I love Codleyflowers But we need

I think there's a few more I think if you go We need more songs I think we're going to find a few more Autumn days one Yeah well that's what I was going I was about to go Yeah exactly

Autumn days When the grass is Jewy and the things Inside the chestnut shell jet planes meeting in the air to be refueled all these things i know so well but i must forget now you've sung this to me before it must be a recent song because it's got jet planes meeting in the air to be refueled followed by the line all these things i know so well and also like it's a thing that just happens in all it was and it actually combines

threshing with separating all these things i've got a vague grassy Like someone who is really into jet planes has just learnt that jets refueled the air. Well, it's written by someone who's autistic. It's written by the kid down your road who's autistic who every time he's, every time you meet him on the school run, he tells you about how jet planes meet in the air to be refueled. And you love it and he's very passionate about it.

And he's a classic person where you can ask him a question and he'll just go. How is your journey? Well, jet planes, off you go, mate. If it was written in the last five years, it'd be, uh, jet fuel doesn't melt steel beans, all these things we've looked after on the internet. Can I just say some? Five years? You may want to check your history books on that.

No, but you'll remember the events of September 11th, 2020. He did forget. In the last five years. They've only got cooking now, though, haven't they? Really? Yes, that's right. That's right. They only really got cooking recently.

He clearly had to write a song about autumn, but really wanted to get into the Jets. Because it's the third line of that song. Yeah. So it's like... The grass is dewy. Something's inside a chestnut shell. I'm guessing it's a chestnut.

Jet plays. It can't be the other words. Something inside a chestnut shell, is it? No, but it's not... It can't be chestnuts are inside the chestnut shell, is it? Well, what else is inside a chestnut shell? Autumn days when the grass is dewy and those... Inside the chestnut shell.

There's not enough space to say chestnut in that. Seed? Get in touch, leave it in the comments. Leave it in the comments. If you've heard this song that only two people in the world have heard. Third line in, jet planes meeting in the air to be refueled. All these things I know so well. Yeah.

Do jet planes meet in there? This is the other thing I wanted to ask. Because normally, if you're doing a long-haul flight, you're stopping, it's fair, you know, we've, we've flown on a, you know, on a 20-hour flight to Australia or a 23-hour flight to Australia. Didn't we stop in, like, Hong Kong or something? Yeah. Rather than they were saying, we're going to hover in the air for a bit while another jet comes right, comes right closer, but they're going to, how else they're going to meet? And shares their fuel with us? Yeah.

They match up. Yeah, but how quick is the refueling process? It's not just like, like that, is it awesome? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got the tube. Yeah. Imagine like, like, think about Wales fucking. Thinking about Wales fucking.

Imagine this connected to what we're talking about, by the way. What are we talking about? He just wanted to ask one of those questions. Think about Wales fucking. I've never thought about Wales fucking before. How do Wales fuck? Well, immediately. No, no.

It can't be, surely. They breach. Is that the second verse? After they say, they tell you what's inside an acorn. And then they tell you that whales, you know if you've ever seen a whale jumping out and the tail flips up?

They're actually hoping for a shag. If you see a dolphin leaping out of the water, it's going, come on, guys. I'm giving you a green light here, guys. No one up for it? Fair enough, back into the water I go. Wales meeting in the air to shack. On the go.

They're going on the go, I imagine. Well, yeah. One swims above the other, and then out comes to the, and then they go, and it's like the plane comes above the other plane, and then they go on. But I think that's a prop. That's a special refueling thing. I don't, it feels, the way it's saying, it's like, just planes are meeting in the air and stop it.

Yeah, they're not like swapping fuel. It's not like when two bus drivers wavering each other. Yeah. It's like, it's not like a happy coincidence. They're doing that, right, we're doing that route to say, are you, mate? Oh, what did she got? Do you want a bit extra? It's a weird lyric to go.

And the things inside the chestnut shell. My flight's stopping over in Dubai for 12 hours to refuel at I go to Australia. You know what? I'm going to say, it's no weird, and then Jet Plains meeting in the air to be refueled. Yeah, also, I think if you're... I mean, when we break it down as well, it's less weird. It's less weird. Do they exclusively do it in autumn?

Why is it in autumn? Why is it in autumn? And also... Like they're flying west for the autumn... Let's not forget the big overarching thing that it isn't an autumn song and no one else thinks it and no one's... What I'm really waiting for as well is someone to go,

guys, they're not the lyrics. Yeah. The lyrics are squirrels building their nests. And you're like, go, oh no. It's something Ben and Tom have told each other since they were 10. Oh, we forgot to say, we at Tom were homeschooled together.

I was his teacher I was headmaster Welcome aboard this home schooling flights Your teacher today is Tom Parry He's a fuck wit Three things up in in autumn Today we're going to teach you the correct way to pronounce the word Where will a little of Zaza

I'll be telling you When something grows in a chestnut shell I know what that is. I think we should stop this episode because we're all becoming thicker. We don't want it to spread. Yeah, we don't do it spread. But anyway, great idea. And I'm sorry about your son.

Another one in the tank. Another one in the tank to be refueled in mid-air. Right. Now, Clarkie, you found the lyrics to us. I have. The song, first of all, the song exists. Worth saying. Yeah.

I apologize for saying it's a song that didn't exist. It does exist. It's called autumn days. Autumn days, when the grass is jeweled. Jeweled. That's our first mistake. And the silk inside the chestnut shell. Okay.

Is that how you get silk? We'll never know. We'll simply never know. Can I just ask, is it lyrics by Ben Clark here? Why is it written on the notes app? Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Third line, Jet.

planes meeting in the air to be refueled all these things I know so well. So I mustn't forget. Do you think he, would you think the lyricist here, our dear friend Kevin, do you think he heard the word jewelled or like wrote the word jeweled? Like the grass is jeweled. It's really good. It's a beautiful, you know, like it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not dewy. It suggests that sort of like, you know, it's just the sort of the magic of the kind of autumnal allure. and then he was like, he was so stuck on that, he couldn't think of a rhyme. He's like, refueled.

Refueled? Surely not. It's going in. I mean, it's a lovely rhyme. It's worth getting to the other verses just very quickly. Clouds that look like familiar faces and the winter's moon with frosted rings. Smell of bacon as I fasten up my laces

and the song The Milkman sings. This guy is on a trip, man. It's great. He's having a great day. That is good. Shoes so comfy, though they're worn out and they're battered and the taste of apple pie. Picked up engine that's been stuttering

and stalling and a win for my home team. This guy loves it. He loves life. And so do we. A lot about engines as well. You know what? I like it because there's a, there's the meeting of the kind of the, the traditional and the modern.

Yes. You know, I'm sure if you'd written it nowadays, there'd be a verse about crypto. And please do invest in our meme coin, guys. That would be the last line. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. do support, review, recommend, and enjoy the rest of your day. Yes.

This episode was filmed by our dear Fred Edward Moore. It was produced by him of caution. Cautium. Cautial team. Cheers everyone. Bye.