Pappy's Flatshare - Ep 1545: Where's the reinforced gusset section?

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Can you survive on 2 pairs of trousers? Are we in our dotage? And who wants to hear a review of the twenty five year old movie The Beach?Follow us on:YouTube: youtube.com/@pappysflatshareInstagram: instagram.com/pappyscomedy/TikTok: tiktok.com/@pappysflatshareFacebook: facebook.com/PappysFlatshare/And X: twitter.com/pappystweet Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom, I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's FlatShare. That's right. And we've been doing this for 14 years. Oh, we've been doing this for 14 years. Oh, we've been doing this for 14 years. Oh, we've been doing it. And if you want to help us keep on doing it, then get to patreon.com forward slash Pappies Flatshare.

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That free trial is free. It's not going to cost you four pounds a month. That's free. Because we love you very much. Anyway, let's get to the episode. Enjoy this. Anything else to add? Well, it's another.

episode where we talk, sorry, Clark. No, no, please. No, go on, Clare. No, I mean, I was going to say leave a comment, but that isn't about what the episode's about, so we'll worry about it. It's not really what we're hoping for, Clark, isn't it? No, no, go on. Tell people to leave a comment, because that's actually... Please leave a comment down below.

We'd love to hear from you, actually. Yes, indeed. Tell us how many pairs of trousers you own, because this is yet another episode, which we weren't intending to do this in this episode, but Tom dropped such a bombshell as we were about. about to start recording that we had to pick up the ball and run with it. And you can actually see the balls in the episode if you watch this on YouTube.

So get to YouTube.com forward slash at Papi Splat Share and we will see you there. That's it. Enjoy the app. We love you very much. We love you. Bye. Papi Splatcher. Talk about whatever. Happy Splatcher. How we've been doing this forever?

Papi's Flashshare. But we don't really live together. Happy Splashet Share. Yeah. My God. you are get it's yeah i've got the same thing though no my good trousers got wet and it's like you can't please let's are we filming yeah tom tom this is like um this is this is this right this is the episode now sorry clarky we'll start with you in a second but my good trousers got wet i listen i am guilty of this i've got about three four pairs of trousers yeah but my good trousers got well i've got trapped in a situation where there's only one good pair of trousers and they got

got wet and then it's like well i've got to leave and so it's like what the bad trousers are going with me and it's like these are these are not from they that's so why did you piss your good trousers again because i i would say that what i'm looking at right now tom is basically mesh in your gusset it's honestly i it looks to me like when you buy a bag of tangerines yeah yeah in every sense in every sense and one's gone molding yeah One, yeah. And all it takes is one bad tangerine. One's furry.

When one goes, I'm trying to swing the conversation around to tangerines. When one goes and you banish it like, do you ever think of the beach, you know, when the dude's dying and they stick him in a tent over there? Wait, where are you putting it? You don't put it in the bin. Put it in the compost bin, mate. Give it a chance. Put it in there.

Give it a chance to come back. You might heal. Give it a chance of it. You're just going back feeding it, orange juice through a dropper. Maybe we can nurse it back to health. I'm not ready to give up on you yet, boy. Leave no citrus behind. So is that...

You move quick, don't you want to see it? Can I just... You never move quicker. Can I ask... Can I understand your question completely? Okay. So you're saying, when you see a piece of ross and fruit in the bowl, do you think of the Alex Island book of the beach?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. No. Anyway, these trousers But do you know what? I will forever now Because that's it So I'll always think about

Or the, yeah, the Danny Boyle movie I'll always think about that From now on Every time I see a piece of I'm moving, I'm coming Can you hear what I hear? Do you have that with any other things? Huge song, pure shows

It's a huge song. It's an absolutely huge song. But the wrong song for that film yeah yeah i think it was the song that got you in wasn't it they were like hey this is gonna be a fun you know you hear this song take me to my beach and then you've got Leonardo capra like set in like tiger traps and stuff and going insane and thinking he's in a computer game i think you've got you got you can't start with leo insane in the jungle with a tie around his head or whatever it is lord of the flies thing you've got to go hey you know Leonardo capra you know how sexy is imagine

seeing him on a beach wearing a sarong and then you go in and then something like I was so wrong about that. My thing about the beach was every, every, it felt like every... Just to say, this episode has been recorded in 2025. You're watching a movie review of... No. No, no.

It's very indicative of a time because it was, it was a zeitgeist. Huge book. Huge book. And so that's what I was going to say is it was the book, it was one of those instances where everyone, who was trying to be cool, knew the book. Yeah.

And then it was, well, what's the film going to be like? And that's when you're in dangerous territory. And then Pure Shores is a warning sign because you go, oh. I've read the book. And I don't know. This song doesn't sound like. Exactly. And then you go, and then DiCaprio, and you're like, DiCaprio?

Then you're in trouble. That's the, that was the route. That actually been the strapline for the movie. DiCaprio? Decaprio? Decaprio? Because that's what the meaning is. That's the entire plot of the movie.

It's DiCaprio, DiCaprio, DiCaprio. then you're in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And all to the, to the pure shawls. But it was a book, the thing about it is,

it's the, you can picture the book very clearly because it was a book to be seen carrying around. It was a book that was on the shelf of every student in the site, another book I think of,

Mr. Nice by Howard Marks. Exactly. Yeah. You go into a certain household at a certain time, you're seeing a copy of Mr. Nice by Howard Marks. It might not be read.

No, it's definitely there. That's it. And like you think, no logo by Naomi Klein. Yeah. It's like, I'm going to be on the bus, so I'm going to, I'm going to be seen to be reading the beach. Yeah.

Because it feels like I might be going into railing. I'm not. Yeah. I'm going to, I can't afford a gap year. I can't afford a gap year, but these are half price at Waterstones. Yeah, exactly. So I'm getting this. But it was like you could, you could really hang your identity on having that book about your person.

Definitely. For like a year or two. Yeah. But then I feel like the film torpedoed that actually. so I don't think Time also did that as well I don't think we can lay it all in Danny Boyle's feet Do you not think if you're sitting down on the bus with a copy of the beach People are going he's too old to be getting the bus

His life's not worked out for him No no no no But you know what No no no no no no no no no no no no no no I think it was an instance Where the film suddenly stopped it being cool Yeah The book had it was that And then once the film came out, it was less cool.

And even worse, God forbid, you get caught reading a copy of the book. With the film poster on it. Now a major motion picture. No, thank you. I read the book post film. Of course you did. Of course you did. I read it at the same time.

I took it into the cinema and read aloud. Slow down, slow down. It's going to take me about 15 hours to read this, guys. The film's only two. Now, I feel a very similar way about the passion of the Christ in the Bible. Of course, Gibba ruined it, didn't they? Gibbo ruined it, didn't they? A sequel coming out, though?

I really. Yeah. The... Redemption of the Christ, is that what it's called? It's like, literally, it's like an Empire strikes back. It's like, the Christ strikes back. So it's Easter? It must be the resurrection.

Surely the resurrection of the Christ, it must be. Yeah, God at the end says, I am your father. Less of a twist. Really? People saw it coming. Of course, Leonardo de Caprio is Christ. Of course he is. DiCaprio, DiCaprio, DiCaprio, DiCaprio, DiCaprio, he's the Holy Trinity. DiCaprio is a funny old egg, isn't they?

I love him. I love, I mean, sure, he's problematic. Pure, sure. Pure, sure, he's problematic. But I like, I think he's great. He's great. I can't, I can't ever. You can't ever get beyond Gilbert Grape, can you?

What's eating that good? What is eating that guy? By the way, with your gilbert grapes, when one of them goes off, do you ever... You've got to get out of there. What's eating that gilbert grape? I struggle not to... And obviously, this is a stupid thing to say, but it's like, great.

Welcome to the podcast. You must have heard this podcast before, Tom. That's never stopped us. But I always, I can't stop. I just see DiCaprio, I feel like I'm just watching DeCaprio acting. Oh, right. So you can't, you, like, because that's the Spencer Tracy thing, is it?

George Clooney said that he always thinks of Spencer Tracy, never let them catch you acting. Right. That's always it. But all you can see is the kind of the personality of DiCaprio. Yeah. Oh, what's he doing this time round, you know? Yeah, and he has the kind of thing that Daniel Radcliffe, for me, has as well. It's like, when you meet someone very young,

he always, he still, to me, feels like a young dude pretending to be old. Well, he's got a young face as well. Well, exactly. He's got a young face and it's like, and also with a young girlfriend. With him out always. And with things like the aviator where he's sometimes pretending to be really old. And you're like, you can't fly a plane. Yeah. There's no way he's going to fly a plane.

You can barely get on the big ride at Alton Towers. There's no way you're flying a plane. He's just always like he feels like a young dude pretending to be old. So, I never get away from that. What do we feel like? Yeah. Because it sounds like we feel like three really old dudes trying to be young. But at least, no, no, I don't think it's he trying to be young about it.

Hey kids, what are you reading? Is it the beach? Are you enjoying it though? I'm really, I'm enjoying being old. Love it. It's fucking great. Yeah. Love everything about it.

Yeah. I don't know. No. Jew's out. You are. Oh, wait, you don't feel. Oh, I am. I'm going to say.

Are you sure? I don't know, guys. I think I might. be 27 I'm actually going out with Leonardo DiCaprio I had to have that conversation with my daughter

the other day where she said you know it's the odd like are you going to die soon kind of chat because I just run up the stairs and I said yes no yeah

no no it was like you know you know because she said old people die and I said but I'm not old yet am I old old

and she said no but you're not young watch it's good to have her around isn't it and I said I'm not Got a fucking mirror, mate.

Don't worry about it. I said, I'm not, but I am what people call middle age. So I'm right in the middle. But I felt really good about it. I was like very, it feels very positive. I think old age suits you. I mean, middle age, sorry, sorry, Tom. You literally tell me what you like to be called and I was like.

I don't know where those middles come from. Yeah. There's absolutely no way you're living to 90, so I don't know where there's middles. You look good for old age. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now, it's good stuff being old or being older, I think. Go on.

What are the benefits? Oh, the preference. pressures off in a lot of ways. Like, you don't have to fucking keep trying to fucking read the, like, be seen reading the beach and shit like that. Yeah, that's true. People are like, have you seen that? Are you doing that? And it's like, yeah, no one's really looking at you, are they?

Or, like, you know, you don't feel judged. Yeah, well, yeah, we just, well, we're trying to increase our listenership. No one's looking at us. No one's looking at us, man. I tell you what, the view counts low, the comments are empty. It takes the pressure off, guys. Flying under the radar. Yeah, it's that thing, isn't it?

Like, you're not trying to, you feel like you're at your destination rather than you're trying to get to your destination. I'm not talking about dying. No, no, no, no. No, it's to die. No. But like, you know, you feel like, you know, like you're building the world and then you're inhabiting the world.

It's like you're inhabiting the world. I like that. I like that a lot. Is there a thing you think because, you're right, it takes pressure off. But other things where you think, oh, that's always been. a thing I thought I would start doing, I've got to start doing it soon. Like learning an instrument or learning a language or any of that kind of thing. I think those are young people's games. I felt like that's part of the pressure off because you're like, oh, I don't have to do

that now actually. They are, but it's definitely, there are middle-aged people who go, oh, now I'm going to take up painting. I've always wanted to do painting. They're kind of middle-aged, you know, I definitely think if you're going to do, you know, if you're going to learn a language, learn it when your brain is a sponge, you know, start learning it as a kid. Yeah, but... What's good about learning to do it in middle age is you're not going to get good at it. So it's like...

Pressures off. Yeah, if you're in your early... I'm not going to become a translator. When you're 18 and it's like, I'm going to be a painter. Yeah. That's how it feels. Whereas in your middle age, you go,

I'm going to start painting. Do you know who's going to see it? Fucking no one. I'm going to paint in my shed. Then I'm going to smash it up and put it in the deal. Because I've drank half a bottle of scotch. My daughter's at the window going, so you're going to die!

Daddy? No, but this painting of my younger self is. Smash, smash, smash, smash. That's my shed. He Dorian Grayes himself every day. I'm going to smoke a pack of facts. He's gone, Dorian Gray. The pressure's off to read Dorian Gray now, of course.

No, yeah, I'm sorry to grey myself, but I just draw a picture of a very old man, so it makes sense. You're meeting in the middle. Yeah. You actually look good, considering. this painting. So you go, yeah, I'm going to take up that stuff, but it doesn't mean I'm going to be that thing. I'm just going to do it until I don't want to do it.

And it's like, that's a nice way to work. Yeah. Whereas, like, when you're younger, things, you think things really fucking define you. That's right. And it's, Tom, that is, I think that's absolutely brilliant. And I hadn't, genuinely had never thought of it like that. But it's your, you know, people always say, be present, right? You know, that's what you should be present in the moment, right?

Well, you say, get, arrive on time is what we say. Yeah, that's a similar thing. Yeah. And I say, arrive on time and it's my fucking birthday, where's the present? I'm 27. Yeah, no. So being present, right? Yes, yes.

And that is, you're not thinking, where is this leading? No. All you're thinking is, I'm, you know, I'm not thinking at one day I hope to be a painter. you're thinking, I'm painting. Yes. And that is all you can ever do. Just do this for the time being. Don't worry about it.

I'm playing the drums. I mean, I guess you're... I am podcasting right now with you two. We are recording. We are present in each other's company. God, this is... Anyway, great. See you there, guys.

Yeah. Obviously, the downside is you get tired. Oh, you're tired. Oh, you're tired. But then you're like, I am... I'm not hoping to be tired. become a professional napper. I'm just somebody who's currently napping. I'm just currently asleep. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be grumpy. You know, in the future, I'm grumpy now.

Yeah, it's true. But the thing still sounds, is there a thing, though? Like, do you feel like as you get into your middle age? I mean, I guess we're in a similar situation that we've both got very young kids. There is no free time. There's work. There's parenting. There's podcasting, which is our fun hobby. And, uh, That's it, really. But do you have a thing, you go like, oh, in my dotage? When is dotage, by the way? When does dotage kick in? Oh, are we in our dosage?

But anyway, we've got something you sort of, a saving for your dotage or a thing you think, oh, it's going to be dotage o'clock soon. There's always, like, I want to do, like, crown green bowls. Oh, that's great, because that's perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, all that kind of stuff, you kind of go, that'll be there. That's when I feel like I'll be in dotage. Yeah. Are you going to be a member of the club?

Are you going to get involved? Because my father-in-law is the secretary, and he loves it. Yeah, there you go. He loves it. I went. Did I tell you this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

No, no, no. That's how you earned the nickname Old Timer, wasn't it, from your mates? You didn't keep me out for me in too old? But also, like, I got PTF aid the other day. And that's... Now, is that the same as the people that come back from Narm. They've got that. Or is that the thing when you post a very long thing on Reddit

And there's a sentence at the end explains what it is I got so scared when I saw an orange going Moldy That I pissed my good trousers And I've got PTFA Pissed trousers Forget About it About it

Piss trousers forget about it Piss trousers forget about it I got chased in the playground And told I should join the PTFA Which is the parent-teacher fundraising association and within moments I was signed up to a WhatsApp group and now I have to go to PTFA meetings and that's the you know that's the kind of secretary of the that's adding yeah but that's crown green bowls kind of stuff adding admin to I think that's not a hobby it's

bad you don't get to play bowls then all you're doing is you're saying hey guys we still need some volunteers for the Christmas fair guys somebody needs to run the uh the spat the rat stool guys we've got we've got four people now we do need eight otherwise it's going to you know Otherwise, Kat's going to be sat there for two hours. You were supposed to be one hour shift. Oh, yeah. It's a shocker. It's the same as being a class rep.

Here we go. What's that? Where's where you represent the middle class? Yeah, yeah, yes. It's where he talked with this slightly posh voice and live in a big house. Funnily enough, we would ever ask to do that. You basically run the WhatsApp group for your kids class. And you're like, don't forget, guys, you have to be the person who isn't fucking up any of the parents.

Right. Because you know when you wake up in the morning and you're like, oh, holy shit, it's Pirate Day, you know. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Which one of us is going to, you know, just strap a bit of wood to Cleo and say, you've got, she's gone as a plank.

Yeah. That's all we could find in the garage. I'm sorry, we don't have a pirate's hat. I tell you what, just walk with, walk with bow legs. You've got scurvy. Come and it's fine. Put some lipstick on. You're bleeding from the gums. It's bad oranges.

If only you'd have a tangerine. So, are you a class rep? No way. No, thank you. No way, man. But you, it comes around. Yeah. It comes around.

You want to be active on the WhatsApp group, but not too active. Do you know what I would do if I was in charge of WhatsApp? Oh, yeah. Now, I've not seen Severance, but I would have two WhatsApps. There should be like a fun, like a fun WhatsApp. And the dark web. I, you know. You're thinking of WhatsApp and Signal?

Because that exists already. The one where you can buy drugs. I've got it. You call one WhatsApp and one WhatsApp. Okay. Right. Oh. Yeah.

Not bad, eh? Yeah. Well, I think so. WhatsApp is where all your social fun stuff is. Okay. You know, like, I've got a WhatsApp group called Bristol Bino. And it's trying to organise going to Bristol to get lashed up and watch gigs. Lovely.

That's going in WhatsApp. Yeah. WhatsApp is where your PTFA is. Yeah. You know, you've got to organise the podcast. It's a bit of business and pleasure to a certain degree. Yeah.

And you can decide where you put your, no one else knows where they are. So like you could put your parents in WhatsApp if you want to. But you could. I might think they're in WhatsApp. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So what's,

what is separating them? well one's a burner phone we should say that what always ends with tom saying thanks very much I'm not going to snap this phone in half of but each half and two individual bins four miles apart your wife doesn't know about one of them in one message you never use first names and you always say baby what's up darling you've read my what's up oh no

why is your bedside table buzzing well it's for two reasons And Lily Allen might write an album about both of them. So what was telling me the story about a guy used to be Walls manager? Who was like, oh, he's a real. It's a liable story, but don't worry, we've not narrowed it down to who it is. There's a long. It's a long.

This version of the podcast is now what's up. We've gone into what's up mode. Oh, no. Now, I've just, I've just, remember the story and yeah yeah i'll be bad for the more than you forever it made me funny it was like they said oh he was a womanizer it turns out i was like i doesn't seem like the type that's womanized that and they said the story is he had a separate phone from his wife yeah that like a burner phone but he hid can i just say i've also got a separate phone from my wife but uh but uh you don't

share phones no yeah but it's like so he had a separate phone that his wife didn't know about that he hid where you keep your spare tire on the back of your car like in that thing He hid it in there so that he could. But what he neglected to realise was that like the window from his bedroom looked straight down onto where he parked his car. So his wife would just see him go into the car. I thought he went, she's just the car's lighting up or she's got incredible vision and could read the text messages on it. The car was just parked there. That can't be real.

He's just leading it to the boom of his car, going, darling, you're making me hot and cold at the same time. And like, she's going, sorry. Are you talking to the spare tire again? No, he's got the spare tire. Why did you keep, why do you keep showing the spare tie you're dead? Why are you wearing, keep talking? Why is he talking?

Why is he sexting the suit into a spare tie? Honestly, you got me all jacked up. Oh, dear. But obviously, that's not a real. or it's unofficial or whatever the story is. Oh, it's unofficial. Allegedly, what do you have to say? I don't think you say anything.

Yeah, yeah. You stopped talking five minutes ago. I think what you do is you don't tell the story and we cut it out the episode. Either will work. I do like the idea that he's just, she's just like, you're changing the car on the car again.

And he's just under the puncher. She's like, you know the bottom half of you is outside of the car And I can see you wanking He's just just in himself up under the car He's one of those mechanic trolleys That is not how you change the oil And you know it Oh dear

Why is your dipstick? Why is she dipstick black? Something's going on I see I'm going to town on the car every night It's like You're right I've got to buy a second car

So he bought another car He parked it next to his car We've got to get Why are you paving over the driveway I'm just got to get a second car Goet Don't worry She's got no idea

She's got absolutely no clue Don't you worry about that Tyler Oh dear me He's a used car stuff I've told you about my wet trousers by the way, haven't I? No. I've told you about my wet trousers when, again, now, I again, two pairs of trousers.

Yes. I've since tried to redress the balance. But I got my trousers dirty in the morning, right? One of those things where, like, the kids spilled something over them. I was like, this is. It's, it's, it's, it's. It's untenable. Yeah,

they get... Lots of oil all over these cows. I was doing. Rums around in the boot of the car. Something got on the front of my trousers. Another puncture. No more stories need to be told around that. For me, that's not what the story's about.

Terrible stint as horse manager. You know, it's like, I can't come to the meet and my dick stuck in the exhaust pipe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I suppose if someone else drives. I just, I just feel on the... I just kneel on the mechanics things. It's the worst version.

The worst version of Battle of the people. It's the power of love. The problem is, I love two women. It detach him he went flaccid. It just can't. It's like two wolves fucking, isn't it? You just got to give it half an hour for one of them to deflate slightly. Oh, God dear.

All of the people who are doing their aerobics, they're not waving at that guy. There's no. way. They're doing the aerobics in there. Hey, Marty, morning, Marty. They're not, they think. Oh, dear. Crosby's got his John Thomas stuck in the Corsa again. I've got a

very important meeting. It was good of my wife to drive, actually, yeah. I want the other phone. Charlie, easy on the turns, mate. You're going to rip it off? Clegg it onto the bumper for dear life.

Oh no, don't go down An unmade road Actually, actually do Reverse, reverse! Another pot hole while it's October. Potthole for you! But anyway, I... But anyway, but anyway.

One set of trousers... Sorry, I tell you what it was. One set of trousers, filthy the day before, went in the wash, put on a pair of trousers, As I was putting them on, just crotched, you know, it's going to happen to yours very, very soon. You've got to re-it.

It's going to happen by the end of the... Your toe is going to be... By the end of the episode. Exactly. Your toe is going to one day meet the little hole by accident. Your leg's just going to go straight through. And you're like, okay, right, I can't go wearing a grass skirt to a meeting.

So anyway, it was the first time I ever had to meet Bradley Walsh. Right. So I had a meeting with Bradley Walsh. Allegedly. Had to travel a... I had to travel to Elstree. I'll call you on my other phone. How did you get there?

Charlie, I've done it again. Uber pool. Yeah. Yeah. So then I got my, I got my, I got my, sorry, my other trousers had been messed, right? They had been messed. My black jeans. My black jeans had been messed.

So I got them out of the wash. and I tried to I tried to sort of wipe you always go the water wipe first sometimes it works sometimes it works better than washing them perfect there you go water wipe didn't work

had to put them in the washing machine and put them in the tumble dryer again tumble dryer is a problem because they're going to shrink so you're like I mean they're going to be wearing dry trousers that are so tight

he can tell what I've been doing to the exhaust pipe or I'm going to be wearing wet trousers as it goes I had to stand for the entire it was else tree so I was going all the way to Elstree, had to stand for the entire journey.

And then when I arrived, he said, take a seat and it was a plastic chair. I was like, Bradders, don't do this to me. I can't be sitting in a plastic chair. So I just was like perching on the edge of, because I knew that no matter how well the meeting went, if you get up and there's a perfect ass print on the chair, you ain't getting that gig. So I had to be per-you-day, I'll tell you what, that story about Davra, I was on the edge of my seat. So it was wet, you went, I went, wet trousers. Yeah, yeah, I went wet trousers.

So you what, he enjoyed the meeting, I'll take. A lot of people are nervous meeting Bradley Walsh Yeah, absolutely He's used to it He's used to it It's happened before Contest is on the chase Yeah, yeah

So just scrolled your way out of here And we'll be in touch But yeah I had to sit on the edge Perch on the edge of like, you know But you know Fake broke the straight man And I took my wet trousers

To Elstree again But yeah It was such a Such a panicked thing Yeah So But I don't think I could have gone You can't go mess trousers

And you can't go torn trousers Do you know what I need You know like when you You know workman's trousers where they're like fucking tooled like you know when you when you buy you know you can you just redo the myam you did there okay so you punched you you punched your leg twice in the thigh and then grabbed your clutch so what i'm talking about what do you mean by tools so right there are stores i read in one um this year actually when we're looking for props in Edinburgh yeah like

workmen stores is it like juicons or something like that yeah and you go in and actually that the clothes are really fucking they're robust clothes yeah there's like uh lots of like donkey jackets check shirts with like fucking lining in and fur and stuff like this is good quality gear actually the trousers in there yeah the fucking crotches are going nowhere oh yeah they're like reinforced and they've got like fucking rivets that's what i'm punching they're meant to be for men who are constantly up and down the gather down exactly so it's like they've got like fucking rivets down the fucking and it's like that is the kind of shit i want actually it's like reinforced gusset i want to go in mn s and be like where's the reinforced gusset section and then

There'd be no stigma around that. Yeah. And it's like that crotch is going fucking nowhere. This is the thing with M&S. I'm on my knees to go. I don't care. Great, but it's always the gusset. And it's like, well, that's your day.

You've gone because you're in Piccadilly Circus and you've fucking torn your asshole out. Listen, what you get up to when you're working away from home is a separate issue, Tom. It's on my second phone. It's good. We've got the episode title, though. But I mean, like, like, I don't think, oh, you split your knee. your trousers. You go, great. Yeah, I don't mind that.

Yeah. That's actually, you know what? Very cool. Very cool. Yeah, exactly. I'm trendy. I'm reading the beach. Exactly. Glory days. But it's always here, isn't it? And it's like, so that's the stuff. So I want, like, I'm tempted to be workman fucking trousers. It's like, won't be the way to go. It's tough, though, if you're not being all. They are tough. Yeah. Yeah. That's the point.

Yeah, but no, I think that is absolutely fine because, you know, Tom, as a fashion Easter, you can adopt the look of a certain professional. without being that profession. I'm thinking of seafaring. There are plenty of people we know who dress like a seafaring type, right? They're not doing any seafaring, but they dressed like a seafaring type because of the they love the look. You know, there are people

we know who dress like a acidic Jew. That's not their religion, but they just like that vibe, you know. And I think I wear my stethoscope. That one says anything to me. I dress like a deep sea diver, mainly the trousers. The fact that I

wear half of a wetsuit, an antique diving helmet is neither here nor there. It got me the job. But I think that this is it. This is it. I think if you, because the other thing as well, dotage, you get to, you get to decide your look, don't you? Yeah, exactly. Am I going to, you know, we've talked about it before. Am I going to go for hat? Am I going to go for the, you know, the old bandana? Well, how I feel, what I think about dotage and middle age as well is, you don't decide your look anymore. That's what you do in your 18, 20s. You decide your feel. Yeah, totally.

I love it. Absolutely. So it's like you go, I want to be comfy, actually. And people go, oh, that's what it looks like. It's ergonomics. It's comfort. That's what you're going for.

Looks a way down the line now. And what you need, what you basically need is a sort of medieval chastity belt to stop your trousers from rending every time you put them on. Chain mail. You need chain mail. You see that guy in his 50s wearing chain mail in the park.

Yeah, he's happy. He's not very good at Crown Green Bowls. it hurts when he goes down and also don't let him anywhere near your car no no way but can he shuck an oyster with his knees

yes he can the only thing is you get your chain mail trousers wet you wake up and you're like Jane they've rusted again you're driving you're being driven

on the back of the car sparks flying off the knees he's gone from back to the future to team wolf he's on the roof living the dream Oh, you cannot do a handstand in a pair of chain mail trousers.

I'm so sorry. That's the challenge. That's a workout. Yeah. That's a workout. Are you doing the chain mail handstand workout? Do you think, you know, in the way that people will buy the weighted vest, you know, do you think, as Clarkie is done? Do you think the weighted vest?

By the way, I saw a weighted vest in a shop the other day and just really chuckled thinking about Clarkie wearing a weighted rest. It's like every time. I still never got it. I know. It's a dream. It's there. It's there. One day.

One day you guys. Yeah. In your dotage. Don't wear it kayaking. That's one thing I'd say. It doesn't act. You know, it doesn't act as a lifesaver.

It's quite the opposite. It's not good in your dotage. Is it a weighted vest? Because where you can't get up. No. That's when you go to string vest. Not weighted. Although,

if you're anticipating a good nap, you slip your weighted vest. The weighted blanket. The weighted blanket. Yeah. But yeah. Anyway, that's, I, I need to go trousers shopping, basically. So, yeah.

I, um, I bought the same pair of trousers. My, I got my trousers out and was like, they've gone. Yeah. This was like last week. Same thing. I had noticed that at all. Can I just check? I'm getting very strong deja vu.

Did we talk about trousers about four episodes ago? Could be. Well, but anyway, yes, let's, listen, guys, and I, to avoid this. I, I went into my previous order. and ordered the same pair twice. Yeah. And it was just like, I'm just going to have backup trousers.

They're still in the cell of fame. Can I just say, by the way, I'm sure this problem has been solved by people having other clothes. We were talking about before the episode, when I met Tom for a coffee, I was like, one of the things about filming these episodes is it really brings into stark focus how few clothes we are. We're changing our T-shirts every ep.

But what's the point? I've basically got, I've got two steams on the Titanic. really down t-shirt, two Jeff Rosenstock t-shirt of pavement and a lemon heads. You're seeing all of those. And that's already three more than I have. That's right, yeah. Yeah, I've got the same,

I don't think I've changed my jeans since we started recording this, and I'm talking about 2011. I think I've wearing the same pair of jeans. And they're soaking wet. I don't even take them off to go anymore. I just go in them. I've started cycling again.

He's how my trousers got wet. Oh, hello. A bike. I think I told you about buying a bike. If you're going to start cycling again, get yourself a bike. That's how about buying a bike? No. Yes.

I can't remember. Well, I thought it was stolen. Yes, you did. Yeah. So, um, I bought a bike, which was cheap because it's probably stolen. And, um, so, but the ball lake, I realized why I kind of, it's a ball leg, isn't it? Yeah. More ways than one.

You want one of those little padded seats. Well, I had to buy lights and a lark. And, and that's, and a helmet. It's all. More than the... Well, no, I found a helmet, but it was a helmet. I bought myself to go to a Halloween party

about eight years ago where I went as a kind of like a jazzy American footballer, so it's like a sparkly grey kind of BMX helmet. Oh, cool. It's sparkly gold. It's sparkly gold. So that's what I'm rocking around in that. It's not how it looks.

It's how it looks. It's how it feels. Yeah, absolutely. But it's safety. But it's cost. more than the bike, all that shit, basically. And then I got absolutely rained on and I was like, oh, well, there goes my good trousers.

Now what I need to do to stop myself getting around and I was buy a car. It turns out you're adding more and more things on until eventually you're like, oh no, I've just built a car at myself. I've built a car from scratch that for some reason I'm pedaling on this. It's so nice being in a car.

It's so nice. Yeah, it's crazy in it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I sleep in mine. My text of mine You sleep with yours I sleep with yours

Thank you for listening For the whole of that If you're still listening now It means you made it through to the end We enjoyed recording it We hope you enjoyed listening to it Or viewing it If you did then please

Leave a comment Like, subscribe Recommend in real life To your friends Do what you can Spread the word of Pappy Flashair Are you following us on Instagram at Pappy's comedy. Are you following us on TikTok at Pappy's Flatshare? Are you watching this on YouTube? You know, I think it, you know, it really enhances the experience. If you can see our old decrepid, dotage style faces. It's, yeah. Tom, you're getting some comments about your, about your legs.

Yeah, yeah, a lot of comments saying that in a previous clip, my shorts were too short and there was too much leg going on. It's about comfort guys. What you've got to understand is we're not, we're not thinking, I'm sorry, but it's not, it's no longer about aesthetics it's about comfort and I've never seen a man more comfortable in his own legs than tom parry thank you about i mean we're pappies always used to be about aesthetics of course everyone used to follow us for for the hunkiness but now hey the hunkiness is still there but we've also got an added level of comfort yeah in our own skins it's now backed up with the level of chunkiness it's hunky chunky comfortable that's your boys and thank you for following us and supporting us in our job of podcasting to the

It was filmed by Edmore. It was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers, everyone. Bye!