Pappy's Flatshare - Halloween Slamdown w/ James Acaster & Pravanya Pillay (Make Everything Spooky) S14E41

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

Neither Tom nor Ben wants to make the house spooky for halloween… so Matthew says we’re gonna have to have a flatshare slamdown!Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry Wicks recorded live at the Cheerful Earful podcast festival with guests James Acaster and Pravanya PillayWithPravanya Pillay - https://www.instagram.com/pravanyapillay69James Acaster - https://www.jamesacaster.com/Come and see Flatshare Slamdown live2nd December - Christmas Slamdown at Underbelly Boulevard, Soho - https://underbellyboulevard.com/tickets/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-christmas-special/Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom! Ruh-haha! I'm Ben! Mwuh-haha! And I am Matthew! Mwuh-haha! Oh, scheming! And welcome to a very spooky, scary...

Yes, what's up, Clarky? Sorry, Matthew, we were doing silly laughs. You just did your normal one there. Hahahaha! Wow! Clarky's absolutely done me before. I've even got the title of the episode out. It was a drive by

slapping and my chops are ringing strong. But yes it is indeed a flat share slam down. He's done me strong. It's a flat share slam down and it's a very special flat share slam down. It's a Halloween episode because Tis the Spyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Sorry, let me finish. I'm scared. I am also scared.

I'm certainly scared this intro is going to go on longer than it needs to. It was a fun episode to record. We had a great time. We recorded it just a few short days ago at the Cheerful Earful Festival, which we have a great time at the Cheerful Earful. We always loved those guys, Giles and the rest of them. They're a good good good gang. I think they'll be doing Cheerful Airful again next year so we'll hopefully be back there again next year but we had

two wonderful wonderful guests we had Pravanya Pele and we had James Acaster so you're gonna enjoy the hell out of this one we're all in fancy dress. Yeah I was gonna say I hope you can hear that the audience are also in fancy dress as well. So you know picture the scene that everybody and you know some gave it more effort than others I'd say. That's fair to say yeah. Yeah yeah some of us gave it more effort than others as well Tom. Thank you to everyone who showed up in fancy dress. So I was I was a skeleton in a top hat. Clarky, you were a sort of mad butcher covered in blood. Is that fair to say?

Yeah, that's exactly it. I was an estate agent for ghosts. Estate agent for ghosts. You had a sort of gilet, a suit on, and your face was all in bandages. Sadly, the bottle of Huel was missing. And Pravanya was dressed as Margaret Thatcher. Very spooky, very scary.

And James was Frankenstein's monster. So have that in your head. If you wanna go on our Instagram, you can see photos of us. But have that in your head while you're listening to this episode. But also have in your head that if you'd like to get tickets for the Christmas show, they are selling incredibly fast. Really, really fast. I believe it is literally standing room only that's

exciting it's very exciting it's on the 2nd of December we've got Bridget Christie and another guest TBC I love that guy yeah great yeah really really good and another guess I hope they'll be confirmed by by the time this goes out 2nd of December tickets from papis comedy dot com forward slash live. Get them today. Great. Yeah. Where is it? Where are we performing? We are performing at the Underbelly Boulevard in London. Boulevard glittering Soho or the Underbelly Boulevard.

Look it up, guys. It's it's fantastic. Oh, and by the way, if you're a patron member, Patreon dot com forward slash Papis flat share, you get discounted tickets, even on those standing tickets as well. They're also discounted as well. They should be because you're standing fair play to that. OK, shall we?

What happened? What character are you doing? Fair play to that. I became a ghost. Well, OK, let's get into the Halloween episode. Tom, Tom, I've got to say. Fair play to that. You can't say fairer than that, can you? Fair play to that.

Fair play to that. Anyway, fair play to that. Enjoy the episode. Fair play to that. Enjoy the episode. Fair play to that. Tom Ben! What is it, Matthew? What is it, you spooky little guy? Well, look, you know what? Not spooky enough.

Look at the state of this place. The door isn't creaky. This horseman still has his head. And this so-called Frankenstein isn't a monster, it's just a scientist. Oh, actually, that's Frankenstein isn't a monster it's just a scientist oh actually that's right isn't it one of you two has got to do the classic household chore of spooking up the Halloween spookfest whoa well it's not gonna be me I don't want to do it no hey Tom what's the difference oh yeah oh yeah a real joke, between Halloween and 9-11.

Oh, oh no. I don't know what is the difference between Halloween and 9-11. You don't know? Oh my God. He's absolutely done you there, mates. Fair play. It's rare that someone scores a point before the show starts, but one point to Clarke's team.

Fair play. Tom. I guess people have forgotten. Hashtag never forget Halloween. Tom. Yes. What about you? Well, I don't like Halloween, Matthew.

No? Not since I went to one of those showbiz Halloween parties. Oh, I? Just last year, I went to a Halloween party hosted by the actress who was in car share with Peter Kay. You know her? I think so. Yeah, and she was showing us around the house. It was a great party.

But then we got to her bathroom and she started showing off about the size of her tub. And everyone got quite intimidated by it. Yeah. It was quite weird. And I mean, I was starstruck too. The Bath of Khan. Oh, no, the Bath of Sean. Starstruck too. The Bath of Khan. Oh no, the Bath of Sean. Starstruck too. Starstruck too, the Bath of Sean. Well, weirdly worse than 9-11, that, worse.

There's only one way to settle this. We're gonna have to have a flat shirt slam down. Flat shirt slam down. Flat shirt slam down. I'm a shan with a M. Flat shirt slam down. Let's have it now. Flat shirt slam down. Blasher Slamdown! She's sharing with her mates! Blasher Slamdown! Blasher Slamdown! Halloween!

And welcome to Blasher Slamdown! The panel show that says Boys and girls of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see This is our town of Halloween This is Halloween This is Halloween Pump this is Halloween.

Pumpkins scream in the dead of night. This is Halloween, everybody make a seat. Trick or treat, till the neighbors gonna die of fright. In this town, everybody scream. In this town of Halloween. I am the one hiding under your bed. Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red. I am the one hiding under your stairs.

Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair. This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Oh, look at this, I'm the host of Landlord, Matthew Crosby. Let's meet my clowns with the Tearaway faces. It's Tom Perry and Benedict Clark. Now, Tom and Ben, you can't spooky up

the Halloween spookfest on your own. Who have you brought to go bump in the night tonight? Well, the Jamboree's in trouble. No! It's haunted. No! By nuclear waste. We're on the, yeah.

Yeah, that's bad, man. It's bad, it's bad. That's more than haunted. That's, yeah, that's... So I've brought in my least toxic friend. Pravanya Pallai everybody! Hi. Hi Pravanya.

Hi, how's it going? How are you doing? I'm good, I'm good. I didn't realize that that was a real song. I thought you had just made it up. Oh yeah. I was like, everyone knows the words. It's crazy.

I thought you were just freestyling. Yeah, just a really good improviser. Yeah, yeah. I always improvise with a bit of pay-proof programming. Reading. But yes, thank you for coming on the show. What kind of a person are you to live with, especially around Halloween?

I think that all types of the year, I'm like the flatmate who will kill all the plants. Oh, yeah. But it's kind of like, why are you asking me to water the plants? Like, you're who will kill all the plants. But it's kind of like, why are you asking me to water the plants? Like, you're asking me to water the plants and you're watching me eat like a tin of anchovies

and a dry rap. Like, I'm not gonna keep your plants alive. Who is this person, who, I mean, who's your flatmate that can't water their own plants? Well, he went away. So, he really had no choice. I was the last resort. But it's still in my head.

I think plants are absolutely taking the piss out of us. I really do. I think it's mad that this charade goes on, that we keep plants in our house, because they've heard of the outdoors. Yeah. They know it's out there. Yeah, we built houses to get away from that.

From plants, exactly, yeah. It's like Little Shop of Goddamn Forest, isn't it? We should point out you are dressed as Margaret Thatcher. It's like a start of a spin. We built these houses. Get rid of plants. Yeah, there's no such thing as plants, only the individual. Everyone knows that.

So how many plants you killed recently? Oh, it was like five. I didn't realise they had died. And then I, well they were dying and then I was like, oh no, I better water them and then I over watered them. That's the other thing as well. Yeah, yeah, what, they need a specific amount of water? That's crazy.

It is crazy and it's really, it bothers me, but apparently like plastic plants are naff. And I want plastic plants in my life. Well, I just think like, why can't you just have like some clothes on a rail? Exactly right, yeah. Why can't you just have a load of clothes on a rail? Yeah, like a nice picture of a plant. That's a...

Exactly. It's a great thing about a picture of a plant. Never dies. Yeah. Can I just ask how long this chat's gonna go on for? If I want to turn this show into gardeners' question time, particularly you know fuck all about gardening, then I very much will. Pramanya Pillay, everybody. Thank you very much for coming to the show. Pravanya Pillay everybody, thank you very much for coming to the show.

Clarky, you better make this fucking good, man. Who have you brought along this week? He was at Goat's Store the long time ago. It's James Acaster. James Acaster, welcome to the show James, it's great to have you on the show. Now Frozen Empire, we've got to talk about it. That's about- No one knows what you're talking about. That's about the supermarket Iceland, is that right?

Yeah, for people who haven't seen it, it's when the Ghostbusters go and do a big shop. I'd watch it. What's Murray putting in his trolley this week? Yeah, well is that a genuine question? Yeah. Because I saw, I mean I know Clarkie tried to shut down the plant chat. I don't want to go into a full riff about Bill Murray shopping in Iceland. Murray, I guess, I guess he'd get, what, what, can you get frozen cigars? If you want to keep them nice, yeah.

Yeah, that's what he'd be filling up on. Would he get the mints of his own name, do you think? Oh, the Murray mints. He must have. He's got to have had a Murray. He's got to at least have had a Murray mint. You know what? It annoys me that I wasted my two days on set with him

and not asked him that because It would have been very good to have been like, ever had a Murray Mint on day one Yeah, if the if the answer is no, I know what I'm bringing in on day two Yeah, and then you can literally say to him Murray Murray I'm bringing Andrew Murray with me Go offer Bill Murray this Murrayman. And I'll just film it. Were you allowed to just bring any people to the set? If it's Andy Murray.

Yeah, of course, if it's Andy Murray. You're just saying no? James, I've got to ask you, what's the spookiest thing you've ever seen? Oh. What's the spookiest thing you've ever seen, J. Clay Custer? Very few things are spooky to me

because I ain't afraid of no ghosts. Yes! We've met our spooks, guys. thing you've ever seen J.J. Castor? Very few things are spooky to me because I ain't afraid of no ghosts. We've met our spooks guys! Are you contractually obliged to say that? Yeah, I have to say it five times a day. Preferably into a microphone. I needed it hit my quota today. It's good to get number five in. The four times I had to say it earlier today were a bit awkward. At the bank, to a homeless man. Ended the phone call with my mum like it. And under open court. Big day, big day you've had. Big, big busy day.

Thanks for making time for your podcast at the end of it. It was crazy and yet I still didn't put as much effort into it as Matthew put into page one of this podcast It blows my fucking mind Absolutely astounded every time how much effort goes into it. I respect you guys so much Thanks very much You can't see my face I can't see yours unless you cut the fucking bandage off. Alright, listen. It is bothering me now if it's actually happy but I'm not going to move it.

I've got no peripheral vision. Don't listen to him. You look great. Don't let him get inside your head. Exactly. Right. Yeah, it's psyching you out. So we have met our spooks.

Let's find out if they're as entertaining as the long running BBC series of the same name as we play Round One! I'm reading, dressed up they go round town It gives me a weird feeling And my heart starts to pound If my bells run by a ghost or ghoul It prickles my arm hair Some kids dress like a werewolf I've just pissed in my chair I do not like what's going on

It's shit to be scared. It's shit to be scared. Shit, shit, oh, shit to be scared. You're there and everywhere. Wolf, it's shit, shit, oh, shit to be scared. It's shit, oh, it's shit to be scared. It's shit, oh, it's shit to be scared. Are we? Yes, please.

There we go, folks. Some of that famous effort that James was talking about. This first round. Harmony, harmonies and everything. Beautiful, it's beautiful. Jesus. Absolutely, not a dry eye in the house. The first round is called Spook When You're Spooken To Truths and a Lie.

Okay, is everybody alright? I got a nosebleed halfway through that title, but yeah, it's called Spook When You're Spooken To Truths and a Lie. I'm going to give each team... That's what it's called, guys. That's what it's called. We didn't finalize that on the whatsapp I had to improvise. Yeah, so this is what happens when I improvise for mania I'm gonna give each team the name of a spooky character from around the world

They have to give three explanations of who that character is one will be real two They will have made up on the spot They're opposing team has to work out which one is the truth if they can get that they get one point if they cannot the Player gets a whopping two points Ben. We're gonna start with you Ben you're off to Scotland in search of the fearsome knuckle of II But Tom and Pravanya which one is the knuckleuclea V and which are the Nuclea V without? Are you improvising again?

A little bit less effort went into that one, I'm not going to lie to you guys. How are you spelling Nuclea V? Nuclea V is N-U-C-K off. No, N-U- E L A V E E. Knuckle of E, knuckle of E. So Ben, let's give your first definition of exactly who Scotland's knuckle of E is. The knuckle of E is.

Different pronunciation, sure. Why not? Mix it up. Different accent. Yeah. Is a Scottish great ape that's... Great! It's a Scottish grape, that's right.

It says great ape. Oh great, great. Great ape. It's a great ape, yes. Okay. That rampages through the town at night. The town? The town.

Oh yeah. And- Town of Scotland. It goes into people's houses and it steals the children's shoes. Oh, that makes sense. It leaves their grapes alone though, doesn't it? Because it's a gentleman. Okay, that's the first one.

It's a great ape that nicks shoes from the town. Okay. Next up, number two definition of the Nuclevi from Scotland, please. The Nuclevi is a giant fish. Ooh. The great fish. And then the third one is.

Is it still shoes? Not this one. But it swims through the towels. And the final one is, it's half man and half horse, and it's got the snouts of a pig, and smoke billows out of its head, and it's all like skinless and you can see its muscles and veins.

Wow okay all right that one's not real. I would like an amateur psychologist to tell us what that reveals about Clark. You're on his team, you're on his team mate. I said if, I said if it's not real. If it's not real. This, there's a lot about the inner work in the Clarky's mind. It does.

Well, let's let. He's got no skin. Just to go again, body of a horse, nose of a pig, no skin. Yeah. Hmm. Sounds like one of my orders in a restaurant. Sir! I'm going off say if I want my orders in a restaurant. Sir! I'm going off menu on this.

Oh hello. Hello. There's a podcast with not much effort. 0. Ed tries hard. Ed tries hard, yeah sure. He does a lot of work. Ben William's very, very hard producing.

Benito's working overtime. I'm on Easy Street. Body of a horse knows of a pig skinless. And the upper body of a... half horse, half man knows of a pig skinless, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've got that one, and then we've got big fish and big ape. Because with a horse, man, that's already a thing. That's the centaur.

The horseman already thinks. The horseman and the centaur, right? I don't know if they got that up in Scotland. It might be like their own version of it. Yeah, like their name for it. Yeah, that makes sense. Like the flag, doesn't it? Because an ape is also a thing.

Yeah, no, that's true. And a fish is also a thing. The thing is, they're all things. They're all things. They are all things. OK, I'm going to have to push you to be a bit more specific. Don't interfere with that process, man. that's true. And a fish is all things. The thing is, they're all things. They're all things. They are all things. Okay, I'm gonna have to push you to be a bit more specific. Don't interfere with that process, man. Okay, sorry, yeah, sorry.

All of this could be true. Take your time. Any of this could be true. Pravani, which one would you be most scared of? I think I'd probably be most scared of this shoe guy. The shoe guy? Yeah, because why does he want the children's shoes? What for?

Yeah. You know, it's also quite sad as well. It's like that shoes never worn thing is what it reminded me of. Oh, the scariest, the saddest short story ever written. Can I just say as well, it's not just shoes never worn. That's not that sad story. Baby shoes never worn.

That's just new shoes, yeah. Is that what the ape's doing? Is the ape stealing the shoes and putting them on eBay? Yeah, and going, gonna got his shoes never worn. Baby shoes for sale, stolen by ape. Too long a story, damn it. Back to the drawing board, heli-pens. Yeah.

I am leaning towards horse, pig, smoke. You're leaning towards horse, pig? What, being true? Yeah, there's loads in that. I don't know why an ape would steal shoes. But this said, the horse-man pig snout sounded like a random word generator, if I'm really honest. But have you ever spoken to a Scotch? Welcome to my brain. Or not your brain, Clarky.

Whereas I think it's ape because I really think he has a motive. None of these other guys have a motive. He wants the shoes, so that makes sense. It's like something you would tell children to scare them. You'd be like, oh, put away your shoes, otherwise the great knuckle of ape will come. Okay. Do you think, I don't think, it feels like apes and Scotland don't go very well together.

That's why it's scary. We're all but half bad with pigs now in Scotland. Yeah, actually so fair. Like it's so fair. Okay, now we know that a team divided against itself cannot stand so where are we going to go here? Should we just go for fish because we both disagree. That's consensus which actually Thatcher was against but still. Knuckle of E and it's just a fish. Yeah. Can I just remind the people listening to this that Bravania's dress is Thatcher. I'm just gonna keep reminding you throughout the recording because otherwise you might think, oh she does talk a lot about Thatcher. Yeah I really can't have that one.

Okay so what you going for? Bravania I'm leaving it to you. Oh man I don't want to decide. Well that is very much the game So please do I'm gonna say I'm gonna say fish because then we're both wrong great I mean is that is that good? I mean, it's unusual gameplay. I'm gonna go for the one I definitely both think is definitely wrong. So we're both wrong together Like because it's about being a team at the the end of the day it's about the team.

We're both happy with fish. You've been the wrong answer. Okay, and you're both happy with it being the wrong answer, but you're saying it is the right answer. It's better for us as a team going forward. We want to be united. So Clarky, can you tell us now, put us out of our misery, is it the big fish? No. Thank God! put us out of our misery, is it the big fish? No. No, it's not the big fish. Oh!

Thank God! Which one is it though? Because of course Tom thought it was the horsey and Bravania thought it was the great apes did in the shoes. Which one is it? It's the hybrid of a man and a horse. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Skidless, skidless, yeah. That's the most fucked. Honestly. We did the right thing there, I think. Yeah, I'm really sorry. That was a really bad call. Never apologise when you're Margaret Thatcher. She was not for turning.

Here you go, Pravanya. You are up next. You have the Philippines' own Mananan Gal. Philippines own mananan gal. Do do do do do. But. If you're not enjoying that then what are you doing? So Ben and James, can you separate the mananan gal from the boys? Providing you three, three definitions please

of the mananan gal from the Philippines. The first one please. So it's like an old lady who lives in... Please don't say shoe. Unfortunately this ape's nicked it. Yeah, who lives in a house which you might think is just like an ordinary old lady, but it isn't, because the house is really nice. Oh. She's hoovered.

Yeah, but she's clearly busy, so she doesn't have time to clean, so it's a bit of a mystery as to why the house is so nice. Maybe she has help. And yeah, and she lures children there and then she eats them. Oh, so they're lured in by the decor. Yeah.

Oh, she's done this place up nice, hasn't she Gretel? Kids love clean, that's what they want. That's what they're looking for, absolutely. Wait a second, these plants are plastic. What the fuck? Don't call back to it, we have to leave it in now. Just... I might chuck in callbacks to stuff none of us have said.

Okay, that's the first one. Nice house, laws in kids, eats them. What's the next definition? So the next definition is like some sort of like winged creature, like a bat and it's a vampire bat. It's a vampire winged bat and it can, it sucks the blood of pregnant woman with a very long tongue. Who's got the long tongue. That's a good question, that's a good question. I imagine both must, it's like a it's like a attraction kind of thing. It's

split in half and and you can kill it by sprinkling salt on it. Okay, so we've got a winged vampire bat with a long tongue. It also is attracted to the other things with long tongues, specifically pregnant women, and you kill them with salt. Or kindness, I imagine as well. Third definition. A nagel is like a banana, but one of the extinct kinds. So it's like a ghost banana.

Yes. Now we're talking. That's how we play. Okay. Fucking brilliant. So. That's good stuff. So we've got, we've got, we've got nice house.

We've got vampire bat. We've got we've got nice house. We've got vampire bat. We've got dead banana James Ben Talk us through it. What are you thinking? Well, don't tell us what you're thinking actually because I could lead us somewhere else But just tell us what you're thinking about to provide years answer so far I can't Clarkie. I can't see you first of all I'm a ghost I can't, Clarky, I can't see you, first of all. Yeah, yeah. So, but I...

I'm a ghost. What? Can I change my answer to the spookiest thing I've ever seen, please? Or not seen. I, first of all... Yeah? I didn't get the chance to compliment you on your acting when you were reading the questions... Oh, thank you so much.

...and the options, and then as well, I think the main skill in this game is to sound like all of them are made up yeah and you both done excellently you really really sold it you both also did I'm gonna discount the banana one really yeah okay. The ghost banana one seemed like someone who wanted this to be over. And then the other two, I mean, you've got to think that the vampire bat is like, I mean, that's Dracula turf. Yeah. Surely you just leave that.

Turf is in, mate. I'm not saying anything about Dracula. I don't know his politics. But that's his domain. So I would say I would lean towards the first option of the lady in the house. I think the nice house thing threw us off a bit, because then an afterthought was, marriage, you also need kids. Yes. But that does seem like the headline that was deliberately buried.

Yeah, yeah. It's a very nice house. It is a very nice house. And I am interested if that is the right answer to know more about the nice house detail and if it is written on there or if you just threw it in there because you got lost in the fantasy of this monster. But I feel like although... Yeah, I guess.

We're going back to the banana. Yeah, I would say really think about the banana one. If I was dressed as an old lady, Yeah. I might improvise an old lady as one of the options. Oh, that's true. Yeah. So maybe it's the bat one. Yeah, but she keeps specifying that it's a winged bat.

Which is like, that's the only kind, right? Cricket bat. Baseball. Yeah. It's an odd detail to throw in there when describing a bat. Yeah, it is But long-tongued that's something that yeah, that's not a given Yeah, I was throwing in there yeah Clarkie what are you thinking? Well, obviously I think it's the banana.

You think it's the banana one? No, I reckon... Oh, I reckon the bat. Is that you touching my hand? Yeah. You think the bat, I think the bat. We'll go banana, cos then we're both wrong. Yeah.

That is how we play. The true spirit of the game guys. And if we can keep this up for all four rounds we play tonight guys. Try and get as much wrong just for the spirit of the show. So you're going to go for the banana? Yeah. Pravanya can you tell us, was it indeed the dead banana? It was the banana, no it's the...

It was the bat. No, it's the it was the bat Yeah, no that we got it right, yeah With that old lady when I was I was gonna say shoe I was really gonna say Don't say she when I had to say house And then someone said, don't say shoe, and I had to say house. You know what? I'm so sorry. I was fully going to say shoe. You can't say shoe.

This isn't Parry at Jurassic World. That's a callback to something we didn't do. LAUGHTER Yeah, we'll have to go back and put it in, in post. LAUGHTER Yeah, more prep for you, more work. Go away and write that routine about you post. Yeah, more prep for you, more work. Go away and write that routine about you at Jurassic World.

Losing your shoe. So James, you're up next. You've been watching, you've watched the other two players playing. I've been watching fuck all. I've been watching the inside of this. Okay, alright, yeah, you're stuck inside your hat, but apart from that... To me, this is a podcast, Matthew. Yeah, you're stuck inside your hat, but apart from that... To me, this is a podcast, Matthew. LAUGHTER

So, next up, yes, James, you have the Dominican Republic's greatest fear, the ciguapa. Ooh. Tom and Pravania, which one is the real answer? Which two are close, but no ciguapa? LAUGHTER The cigwapa, number one, is looks like a man but is completely made up of tiny spiders that are all joined together and are walking around like one entity but actually a bunch of spiders. Like three kids in a coat.

The main thing they're doing is trying to get into 18 certificate films. They got turned away from arachnophobia. Very ironic. It's a comedy for them. They can always watch it on the web. It's beautiful stuff. Absolutely right, do a life change right then. Felt pretty gutting to run all the way to the goal line and have someone else tap it in. It was the right way to go. And they engulf their prey, their walk up, and basically they trick people in the night

to think they're a man, and then cover them completely and kill them, eat them, eat them alive. You know that old line, you can trust me, I'm a man. Let me into your house, I'm just a man. I choose the spiders. I'll take my chances, that's alright. Yes, okay, so the big load of spiders, that's number one. Number two. It lives up in the mountains.

And it's got dark blue skin and its feet are on backwards. Which way does it walk? Well you can't tell if it's coming or going. I thought that was as good as the web one but I didn't deal with it. I think a lot of the mud and livery is in my eyes. It's got a long, it's got like a mane of like long smooth glossy hair that it shampoos every morning with the blood of, I want to say virgins? Yeah, makes sense, tracks.

So that's your mane, what are you having for dessert? Stay off my turf. I'm gonna buy that. I'm a good guy. And if you look, you can't look it in the eye. You can't look it in the eye, this thing. It'll permanently. Cause it's facing the other way.

It's very difficult. It'll permanently... Because it's facing the other way. It's very difficult. Okay. Okay. Number three. It is three separate goats. Wearing a coat?

No way. No, no. Have you just mispronounced ghosts? That's got me cut out of the film. We're gonna bust these goats. This is your last warning, eh, Castor? If you say you're gonna bust goats again... ...we cannot afford to get you in for ADR. And it's very demeaning if we get you in for ADR

to repeatedly say the word ghosts. So, I'll do it again. I ain't afraid of no goats. Three different goats who can communicate with each other telepathically and they all live in different parts of the world. Do they podcast over Zoom? No, they don't need to. They're telepathic. They are in different time zones.

Ugh, that's a nightmare. And they coordinate their attacks. So that they all... They all take someone down together. Yeah, they all get three different people in three different countries. At the same time, so one's doing it in the afternoon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them is always knackered actually it's the one that has to operate in the daytime or has the toughest time of it I think nighttime is pretty much easy to pick someone off it's the goat that's going around in broad daylight

get the drop on someone and yeah they they eat exclusively the genitals of their victims well it would have been not off Devik. You kind of buried the lead there with time zones didn't you? Listen here's the twist all three options are true. Okay so which one which one do you think is it the spiders in a coat? Is it the blue with the mane backwards feet? Is it three goats or indeed ghosts? We don't know, we'll never know. Which one is it? I think the time zone thing, I mean, that upset me.

I just don't like the idea of like goats having to get up for the Asian market. Do you know it? What, yeah, what country is this from? This is from the Dominican Republic. Only one of them is in the Dominican Republic. It feels mad that they're wasting two thirds of this story with goats that are on the other side of the world. And do you know what? This is also happening in Hull.

That feels mad. No, because then it's like- Now that you said that, you've got to admit that's scary. No, it is, yeah. Because you can't escape. You can't just go to Hull and be okay. Like, there's one way for you there. That's very much Hull's motto.

Yeah. That's true. That's very much Hull's motto. City of Culture. I think we move on from goats, right? Okay, fair enough. I'm very taken by the spiders guys Yeah, that was pretty spooky. That was definitely spooky Yeah, but then we really got to think about this mountain man

With his lovely hair. Did it feel like he has slightly too much going on? I think if I say by the way if anyone remembers that episode of the X Factor when they would put the teams together And work out who's good. This is exactly what the kind of dialogue that we know I'm really taken with the spiders I think I think they'd be great in the over 30s Well, there's over 30 of them I think I think I think... I think... I think Spiders on this one. Yeah.

Yeah, I think... What do you think? I also think Spiders. I think that if it was... Right, so should we go for the other one? Yeah. Because, yeah. I just feel like if it was the Mountain Man,

then he, like, they probably would condition as well as Shabu. Yeah, exactly. There wasn't any mention of conditioning. Because the main sounded so luscious that I just... Yeah. So I don't think that tracks. So we don't think it's that tracks. Absolutely does not track. Okay, mountain man final answer.

You're going mountain man final answer because you don't think it's that one. Well, we think it's spiders, right? Yeah, we think it's spiders. So we're actually going to give you a fourth option. Now let's go for, let's do it right. Let's do the right thing. Spiders, final answer. Spiders, final answer. James A. Caster? It's the mountain man. No! I was really hoping. I tried to hurry you along. I'm sorry I couldn't do it.

First second there. Oh I thought that was going to be amazing. I was scared. Yeah you should have been scared. You're just glad that you've seen 30 spiders in a coat. Right. There you go. That was really good. That was really really good. Really. That was really, really good. Really, really good. Everyone's gonna score the same amount of points. Really, really good. Why is there a number nine behind you? Oh, spooky.

We'll never tell. Finally, it's Tom. Now, in Japan, they fear the Ushioni. But what is the Ushioni? Ben and James, can you determine which Ushi is the one and Oni? Fuck it now. The Ushioni is terrorized,

terrorizes fishermen. Terrorized it terrorizes. Yeah fishermen. Mm-hmm It's a boat It's a boat Is that the end? That's it's a like a shadow. It's like a shadow boat. And if the Ushioni comes alongside your boat, you know you're fucked, they say. That's the word on the street. It's kind of like all the fishermen who have died at sea

over the years end up rowing the Ushioni. And if you see it, it means you will soon join the rowers of the Ushioni and if you see it it means you will soon join the rowers of the Ushioni. So it's the name of the boat. Right, yes. Okay. The Ushioni is the name of a fish. Oh yeah. How you talking? It's a fish that has the head of a dog. It's this one.

It's this one. It's a dog fish. It's this one. He's overselling, not being able to read it. Go on. It's this one. Just, let's just, Tom can act. He was in Jurassic World.

Oh, man. You'll never live that down, Tom. It's like a fish. It's either a fish with the head of a dog. It's this one. Or like a shark, a hairy shark. It's like a mamolly sharky thing. It's one or the other.

No, it's like the same thing. It's like it can be, sometimes people say it's a fish with a dog's head. Oh, I see, I see. Some say it's a hairy shark. Okay, so it's under the water. I prefer the hairy shark when that's under the water. Hairy shark's pretty pretty cool that's funny or the oceone is similarly it terrorizes fishermen but it's not under the water this is over on top of the water over

the water and it's a crab with the body of an ox is this on the shore around the shore I guess for it to be a crab. Or it's, sometimes it's that. Or sometimes it's a squirrel. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER With... With tusks.

LAUGHTER Fucking hell. Must be a mobile. Humongous tusks. Yeah. Okay. All right, so let's talk. When it's a crab, but it's got the body of an ox,

what part of it is crab? What the rest of it? Like the heads, like crabs are kind of like, they're mainly torso aren't they? Or mainly a head, I mean that's quite hard to, is the head that tiny bit on a crab? Because if so, can you draw it for us please, Parry? Paint a picture with your words. I imagine there's a shell involved. Where? That's the body, isn't it? Where, where? I imagine there's a shell involved. Where?

That's the body, isn't it? Where, where? I imagine there's pincers. There's pincers as well. So the body of an ox. The body of an ox and the rest's fucking crab. Yeah, but where? The body of an ox and all of a crab.

Is the crab the size of a normal crab or is it the size of the ox? Think of it less as an ox with crab features. Think of it as a crab. Harder, harder. With the less as an ox with crab features think of it as a crab harder with the body of an ox you know you know that's harder these guys have been at sea for a long time okay let's just talk you through it. We've got a boat. The boat. We've got a...

A shadow of a boat. Shadow of a boat. Shadow of a boat. Shadow of a boat. We've got a hairy shark. Or a doghead fish. Or a doghead fish. And we've got of course crab ox squirrel tusk.

My favourite character from Star Wars. So crab ox squirrel tusk, hairy shark or... Squirrel Tusk. So, my favorite character from Star Wars. So, crab, ox, squirrel, tusk, hairy shark, or? It's a crab with a body of an ox, not an ox. Okay, which one are you gonna go for, guys? Well, I think of boat. Yeah. They think of boats.

It's gonna be the boat. What do you think, Tom Perry? This mysterious creature terrorizes fishermen out at sea. Some say it looks like a crab with the body of an ox. Oh! Some say it looks like a flying squirrel with tusks. Yeah! Tom Perry.

That was the shot at the arm this round needed. Ha ha ha! At the end of that round. Wow. Producer Nightmare on Emma Streets tell us the truth and only the truth by revealing the scores. Well Tom and Pravanya four points. After all that. Four. That's so many that's great. Ben and James five. Oh so Ben and James are in the lead, but Tom and Provania should not yet give up the ghost. There's still everything to play for when we return in part two.

See you in a bit. Whoa! Welcome back to Flat Shared Sundown. Whoa! Get out! Before the break, Ben and James were in the lead. The scores haven't moved, and neither has the needle on my psychokinetic energy meter. This place needs to get spooky and fast. Let's play round two. It's flat games.

Games. Let's play together. Games. Let's play forever. Roll the dice. Spin that thing. Put that there. Do as you're told. Games. Let's play together. Games. Let's play together Games! Let's play forever

Roll the dice, spin that thing, put that there, do as you're told Games! If you lose you get nothing Games! If you win you get gold Gold, gold, gold Oh-ho-ho Gold

Yes, if you win you get gold Gold So this week we are playing our version of Snooker, which we're calling Spookier. I am gonna give each team a mundane, non spooky thing, right? And they have to make it as spooky as possible in song. Their teammate must guess what non spooky thing

they are spooking up. If they do, they get one point, but I will be awarding a spooktastic 10 points for performance and spookiness. At the end of the round, I'll also give an extra two points to the person I think made their non-spooky thing the spookiest.

The key word here is spooky. I hope that's coming across. To make things a little easier, they'll be singing about their non-spooky thing to the tune of a classic spooky song. We'll start with our own groovy-gooly Ben. Ben, you're gonna be singing the theme from Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jr. Now I did offer this to James. No, no you didn't.

But contractually, no what? Hang on a sec. Sorry, yep. Of course, this is yet. I offer this to James. I offer this to James. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, this is the end. Of course, this is the end. I offer this to James. I offer this to James. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes you did. But contractually, he's only allowed to sing

the Ray Parker Jr. song from Ghostbusters' Frozen Empire, which is of course, chili, chili poltergeist. Giving me the shakes. So James, a little quick, just for the, just for the froze heads in the, just for the froze heads in the audience tonight. Give us just a couple of verses, a couple of bars even, of Chilly Chilly Poltergeist giving me the shakes.

Chilly Chilly Poltergeist giving me the shakes. Those in the bakery, we got frozen cakes. The boy has got pipes, and I'm not talking about the ghost from Ghostwatch. Ben. Get out. Ben, you're singing the OG Ghostbusters theme, but James, what non-spooky thing is Ben making almost unbearably terrifying?

It's a Murray Mint. DJ Mectoplasm, spin that wheel. But you wash your nerve, but the water's not cold, because it's spooky Ghostbusters! And you put in some liquid, and you use a sp-thing. Oh no! Ghostbusters! Oh no! Ghostbusters! Oh no! Ghostbusters!

Oh, I am very scared of this thing. Oh, I'm washing and the plates and all over the thing. I have put some cleaning stuff on it and then I'm scrubbing. One side spooky, the other side soft. Oh, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky, spooky. I got it on. Thank God we won it.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! James. Yeah. James, what was Ben singing about there? You got any clue?

Well, I mean, I've got to go with the wash it up. Yeah, yeah. It was a wash it up sponge. I'm going to give you a point there. Congratulations. But how many points, Ben? Thanks, man. How many points am I going to give for, of course, spookiness and performance to Clarkie?

Oh, boy. It was spooky. It was spooky. It was spooky. The water was cold. Yeah. How many points am I going to give for, of course, spookiness and performance to Clarky? Oh, boy. It was spooky. It was spooky. It was spooky. The water was cold. Yeah. I remember that bit.

I'm going to give Clarky a very spooky seven out of ten. Next up is Pravanya. Now you've got Michael Jackson's Thriller. Nice. But Tom, what is Pravanya scaring us half to death about? Okay. DJ Emma Corpsham, hit it! There's like an intro, so don't just wait for the intro.

It's close to dressing and you need to get dressed or you'll be late. You're gonna be so late. That's really scary because your boss is gonna get so bad. You look around, but you can't find what you're looking for. Yeah. You've got the trousers, and you've got a shirt and a jumper, but you need something else.

You need a thing to wear underneath. Oh, what if you can't go somewhere without it? Because, oh, there's like two verses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is bad. Yeah. What, uh, it's really scary when you don't have this in your hands.

But if you don't really put it on your hands, you put it somewhere else. But it's quite scary if you don't have one. Okay, okay. Pravanya Pillay, everybody. Pravanya Pillay. Okay. Okay, Tom, what was Pravanya singing about there? Any idea? Um, I thought I knew, then I didn't know, then I've gone back again. It can't be lost gloves.

Then it was nearly lost gloves, then it isn't lost gloves. It's not lost gloves. Is it not being able to find your pants? It is pants, yeah, it's absolutely right. It was a pair of pants. Yeah, a pair of pants, yeah. Great. You know, you did explain several times in the song that that is really...

It's really scary when you can't find it. Really scary, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna give you eight out of 10 for performance and scariness. Oh, very nice. I can't believe I got eight out of 10. I forgot the song. You'll be really nice to me.

James. Hi. Your song. I'm not 100% sure what this means on the count. I'm gonna go for it. You can go for it, I'm sure you can. Okay, right. So next up is James.

Your song is Monster Mash. Of course. Oh, that's the one. By Bobby Boris Pickett. But I like my songs like I like my hand jobs with a nasty twist. So... Not Matthew. Not Matthew.

Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. Say less. Not Matthew. Not Matthew. So.

That is not your usual fare. That's not my vibe, is it? That's insane to hear you say that. I'm trying to move into a new sort of overly sexualized bluer type of humour. Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so... Your future's a very nice man.

Yes. It's more autobiographical, isn't it, your new stuff? Yes. Much truer to my real persona. So anyway, so, but Ben, what everyday item is James spooking up? DJ M. Ah, just in a pull to gassed play that music Sounds like you did the washing up I'm gonna flip wash it out. What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? It looked crazy. I approached it and it looked demonic. Then I had a gin and tonic. Well, his first name isn't Sobs. I'll give you that. But it's a swine, remember I said that earlier. And once I did a voice for this and it's never gone out.

I was Mr. Meerkat. It's never gone out. Over a year and a half ago, I recorded it. I was playing Mr. Meerkat in it and the episode has still never aired which I'm not gonna pretend I'm not annoyed about. Also what I've got written on here seems to insinuate that this is a theme park of some sort but a terrifying one where if you went there you would surely die or soon be dead after visiting it He did the mash He did the mash report

But then they took him off of it and Rachel Paris replaced him it's not about Nish But if Nish ever does die and I have to do a eulogy, I will put this song on. I'm sorry, he did the mash. He did the mash report. But it's not about him. It's about a swine. Not a salty swine. The opposite Not a salty swine the opposite of a salty swine Well, not the opposite the second part's true It's very scary And imagine it's a theme park

He did the match He did the mash report. He did the mash. He did the mash report. He did the mash. And he's currently on tour. And I hope his tour does well. He tells me regularly, it's going pretty good. James A. Kessler, everyone. So, okay, Ben, what non-scary thing was James spooking up before I give him the inevitable four and a half points? What are you talking about? I was kidding. If it was a bit about Nish, yeah, it was good. I actually find Nish quite scary already. Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. It is Peppa Pig World! That is a point to Tom and Pavanya.

Is that a theme park? It's a theme park, yeah. I didn't know that. Peppa Pig World. But what am I going to give you for performance? Six out of ten! Yes! Really?

I know Tom, I know. I'm happy with that. He's a mate. Fucking hell. So, finally, it's our very own answer to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Tom, you have, you have- Let me at him.

No, no, no, no. You motherfucker. The Go Buster instincts kick in. So Tom, you have unchained melody from the movie Ghost and accompanying you tonight is none other than our very own producer Gwyn. Here he comes, leaving a trail of ectoplasm as he goes. Alright, okay Tom.

Okay. As if he needs the starting notes. He'll give you the starting note, Gwyn. Okay, okay, I'm there, I'm there, I'm there. Here we go, untray melody. I'm there. Let's hear it. Oh, okay, okay.

One, two, three, four. Oh. Oh. It comes in quite quickly, doesn't it? Ready? Give me the big nod. Just give me big nod. Just give me that nod.

That's it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it, that's it. You just give me that nod and then we'll go. Okay? Yeah? Oh, this is not what I ordered. I ordered something with ham, but this is yellow and brown. And the brown it is quite tangy And full of little chunks Are you a ghost? I need a sandwich

I need a sandwich filling that has something dairy in it. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooo ooooo ooooo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o singing about that cheese and pickle sandwich a cheese and pickle sandwich congratulations but what am I gonna give you for performance are we saying 10 no I'm not I mean we just watching that after having attempted the same thing... Yeah, obviously. Crossbow. It's even more mind-blowing. You know what? It's on the balloon.

It is on the balloon, but you know what? I think it would be churlish not to. Just from the mood in the room. Just turn the gig around. This has been a turdian affair up to this point, and suddenly, suddenly people are like, oh, finally, entertainment! Ten points to Tom Barry. up to this point and suddenly suddenly people are like oh finally entertainment ten points to Tom Perry

thank you but who made that non spooky thing the spookiest it has to be Clarky two extra points to him so at the end of that round spooky because we thought you were having a stroke we were all worried for you at the end of that round... It was spooky because we thought you were having a stroke. We were all worried for you. At the end of that round, producer Darla Emma for Murder, give us those scores to a little bit of Unchained Melody. Oh, look at me now I have 21 Ben and James have 21 I can't believe we're still an elite

It's very, very close, very, very close So now for something truly scary Being unfairly judged by a jury of your peers yes once again it's time to enter the crooked court of the Beef Brothers! Yes indeed it's Beef Brothers where each week we ask our panelists to sort out a flat share based beef And this one comes from James who is in the audience James. Are you there? Hello? Hi James. Okay now James writes this My new co-worker and mum

Is really impacting my slacking while I work from home is really impacting my slacking while I work from home. We work for different companies, but she is being made to work from home for the foreseeable future and has decided to work from home with me. The main issue is the questioning of my work ethic whenever I open my phone and watch a real slash YouTube video slash TikTok or two

after completing a task. Need her to get back into her own office ASAP. So Ben and James, you are on the side, you are on James's side. That was true. And Tom. Okay, I have to change my actual opinion. Yeah.

That's a court of law for you. Tom and Pravanya, you are on the side of James's mother do you your mother's not here in the city to defend herself no okay fair enough does your mother have a name are you happy to give out your mother's name yeah yeah Loretta Loretta okay Loretta but before all of that let's have a cross-examination any questions for James any questions from either side yeah go on what what are your jobs what you do I do by the way spoken like somebody's never had a job what is job give me job I work for a college for young adults with learning difficulties. Supported internships kind of thing.

Got any jokes about that Ben? And mum does accounting, bookkeeping for a restaurant. Brilliant. We've got this in the bag with one. You're a good guy, she's a piece of shit. The defence rests. Good luck over there. Defending Satan! She just cares about him, okay? Why do you think that your mum gets annoyed?

Like, what's your opinion? Does she think that the kids with learning difficulties deserve someone who's gonna work really hard for them. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Maybe, maybe. I think it's like a generational thing. Like a boomer mentality. That's unfair, but okay. I've got a good question. Yeah. Pramanya, turn it back. She's turning back into that.

Thatcher up. Thatcher up, baby. Let's do this. Let's do this. You've got to do it. You've got to do it. Whose house is it, James? It's their house. Sorry, whose house? Mum and Dad's house, yeah. Oh, interesting. Interesting. So interesting.

Okay. Okay. It's hard to afford your own place when you've got such a Selfless job looking after people you have to you know those places don't pay much, but you do it because you get So what kind of what kind of slacking off does she object to that you're doing sorry, it's just like yeah Scrolling your phone and watching yeah Scrolling yeah scrolling your phone, watching you. Okay, scrolling, yeah. Scrolling your phone. Yeah, yeah. Listen, if our client wants to watch

for another few hours. When you're supposed to be working, right? Like I've- He is allowed to. I finish something, and I'm like, ah, let's have a break. Grab my phone. What is finishing something?

You're gonna have to explain a lot of this to Clarky. Waiting for a page to load something like that. Okay and you couldn't be outdoors maybe? Getting some fresh air that you're scrolling? It's winter! Think of a sad reason why you can't go out. He's got no shoes. What are shoes? How many breaks do you think you give yourself a day? Oh, be honest. We've got to get off the bench here. They're absolutely murdering him.

Six to eight. Six to eight. Maybe more. Six to eight, maybe more. Six to eight, maybe more. Is that including lunch? Is that including lunch? No, that's not including lunch. Oh, not including lunch. Wow to eight maybe more. Is that including lunch? No that's not including lunch.

Oh not including lunch. Wow. Okay, okay, a pattern forms. What's your role in this young adult college of kids with linear difficulties? Administration, doing like their bursaries. Oh no it's the worst part. So pretty important job that. The applications and stuff. So if you fucked up, then the kids,

they wouldn't be able to go to the college. Yeah, they might not have their money to get the bus and stuff. Right, yeah, yeah. So that's pretty important stuff. Learn to soften it, James. Don't fuck it. You're overbooked, son. I mean, I think we feel pretty comfortable here.

Yeah, I feel pretty happy, yeah. Are you guys happy? I mean, James isn't feel pretty comfortable here. Are you guys happy? James isn't happy. No, can we have a different problem please? No, we're going with this one. You've got different problems, Clark. When you are on your phone, what's your mum saying? What kind of language? Direct quotes here. It's like, what are you doing on your phone now? Have you not got something to get back to?

Yeah. That sort of thing, yeah. She's right though. Yeah. Okay, well hopefully that is enough information for our teams to make their cases. So without further ado, I'm gonna call up on James Acaster.

You're gonna begin the case for the prosecution. You have one minute and it begins now. The mums are cunt. James? Huh? That's not a nice thing to say, alright? You can't say anything nice. I would say my client, no one can focus all day long. In fact, science has shown that if you don't give yourself breaks, the quality of your work goes down. So you have to give yourself

little breaks and watch little things and all of us do that. Who among us doesn't reward ourself with a little YouTube video or a little bit of time off looking at your phone and this... mom. Careful mate. I have it on good authority Just drugs That's the end of my arm is doing drugs at work and that's fine to do drugs, but she does it at work It's fine to do drugs, but she does them at work. Okay. All right, very compelling argument there. Let it all be struck from the record.

Pravanya, you're up next. You've got a minute to begin your case for the defence and your minute begins now. I would just like to say that the mum is not a cunt. Just... Thank you for addressing that head on. I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah.

I'd just like to start by saying that. I also think that maybe your mum just wants the best for you. She worked very hard and she thinks maybe you should be working hard too. And maybe she doesn't just want the best for you, maybe she wants the best for the children. That's all. That's all. And is scrolling really useful? Maybe you could be doing something. Do I sound like your mum? Is that...

LAUGHTER This is this wig, man. LAUGHTER But I think that the scrolling that you're doing in your breaks, you could do at lunch, perhaps. That was OK. Fair people love scrolling. Yeah, that's... I guess that's.

Ravanya Pillay, everybody. Ever thought of that, eh, Castor? It's a solid argument. Yeah. Ever thought of that, Clarky? Sure she's juicing. Yeah. We could have a whip round. James, how do you think it's going so far? Are you feeling confident? I think it's close. This thing is close.

There's a chance. There's a chance. There's a chance. There's always a chance. Hope springs eternal in the human heart, James. Okay, next up we have, to conclude the case for the prosecution, we have Ben. There isn't a chance. There's always a chance. Hope springs eternal in the human heart, James. Okay, next up we have, to conclude the case for the prosecution, we have Ben. There isn't a chance.

There's no chance. Come on, man, I've given you a lot of work to do and I apologize for that. I said one thing at the top and then I spent 30 seconds recovering from it. Okay, Ben, your minute, should you need it, begins now. Listen, the mums are coming well look okay okay firstly right goes b. I'm kind of an expert at this,

because I take a lot of breaks. In fact, my life is kind of one long break. So you've just got to make the breaks look like they're the work. Sell a tape your phone to your laptop, or go to tick-tock the website did I have different rooms like she wants to. She wants to do this. The woman's a cunt. The defence rest. That's all we're going to hear from the prosecution today.

Thank you very much. Finally, to conclude the case for the defence, Tom, I've got to ask you, are you going to be doing this as yourself? I'm going to be doing it in the style of a John Grisham defence lawyer from the Deep South. Okay. Mr. Fanshawe Stanton.

Fanshawe Stanton, presiding and providing, your Minute Should You Need It begins right now. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, nice to see some smiling faces there. Probably, I hope you can hear me alright, A lot of you might have been clearing out your ear holes. Them dare lawyers there from the big city. They normally, they're coming to town with their long, complicated words. These heathens here from the city

with their short, crude terms. We don't drop no C bombs around here. We drop A bombs, finish the war. They started it, we ended it. Only four letter C word I like to use is cake. I recognize you from the bakery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Round here we simple folk, we family folk.

Hell, we look after one another. I want to tell you a little story that Mama Stanton told me. Hell, she still tells me to this very day. First day I was going off to law school, trousers in my hands, apple on my foot. Slow down there boy, she said. Let me tell you a little story about the raven.

You know the story about the raven? The raven that wanted to hold onto a hat. Impossible dream. When you got wings. That raven's mom took that raven to one side and said, slow down raven. Let me tell you a little story. Let me tell you the story of the little red ants that wanted to drink an entire pint of liquid. Let me tell you the story of the little red ants

that wanted to drink an entire pint of liquid. That ant was running out the door, six legs to the wind, tits in the air. That red ants mom took that ant to one side and said, let me tell you something right now, my girl. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. No, the ant didn't end up drinking that pint of liquid that day, and sure, the other things didn't happen either.

Hell, I've never seen a raven hold a hat and a dog ever will. By the time Mama Stanton had finished telling me that story, you know what, my trousers weren't in my hand anymore. They were around my waist. Mama Stanton still tells me that story every morning before I head out into work. And it makes me realize the day's gonna be okay.

And she's been dead for 20 years. But her words remain. Cherish them while you're here. Defense rests, your honor. Yeah. Now, unfortunately, I can't make the decision myself. I just, my mind, I was thinking about overwatering plants. So instead, I'm going to call upon you the live cheerful earful festival audience if you think that James and therefore James and Ben are in the right I would like you to applaud now

but if you think Pravanya and Fanshawe made the best case I like to applaud now made the best case I'd like you to applaud now. How do you feel about the result James? I guess I'm gonna have to go back into the office. Yeah, I pray so. Big thanks to James everybody. Wonderful stuff there. Now the witching hour is almost upon us but before we disappear back into our coffins what's that jingling sound? Is it the jingling of chains from the ghost of our old business partner, Brendan?

No, it's something even scarier, the quick-fire round jingle! Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize your neighborhood and whosoever shall be found listening to the jingle of the quickfire round. My standing face, the hounds of hell, and rot inside a corpse's Howlistench is a bear The fuck of forty thousand years And grizzly ghouls from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom And though you fight to stay alive Your heart begins to pound For no mere mortal can resist the introduction of the quick-fire round. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Oh Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! The Quickfire Round. Yes, indeed, this is the Quickfire Round.

And as our show is a Halloween spook fest, I'm going to ask our panelists to answer every question to the tune of the Addams Family theme. If you can't work out what that would sound like, this game was devised by Tom, so allow me to play you this voice note he sent me. Which can hopefully make things clear. I was on a train. It's cold and it's tasty. You keep it in your fridge. You eat it sometimes. It's vanilla ice cream. There we go. It's cold and it's tasty. You keep it in your fridge.

You eat it sometimes. It's vanilla ice cream. A word of warning if you are heading over to the Parrys for some Hargandals, you may want to pack a straw. And, accompanying us in this round is that creature of the night, producer Gwyn. Woo! Oh.

Now, instead of buzzers, I'd like you to shout out your first names. Ben and James, let's hear yours. Ben. James. Yes. Tom and Pravanya. Pravanya. Tom. Off we go. It's a lovely little sitcom with Caroline Ahern, Craig Cash was in it also. Tom, James. James. Was I first? Yeah.

The royal family. Is correct. In the Christmas song on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Tom. A partridge in a petri. Diddle-a-doo. I am Sandra Bullock, an FBI agent. Who does a beauty pageant. Pranya.

Miscongeniality. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct.

I was once the singer of a band in the 80s. The name is Spandau Ballet. Bed. Ben. Vanilla ice cream. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct.

It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. It's correct. You've got more than one boyfriend or more than one girlfriend It seems like a big hassle Polly and Marie Is correct!

I'm in Julia Caesar I say friends, Romans and countrymen, lend me your ears. Tom, I'm Mark Antony. I'm a series art of movies, set in a law enforcement training school, I star Steve Jattenberg. Yeah, go on Ben. It's Police Academy. I'm a simulated experience. You use a headset to enjoy me. I'm often known as VR.

Virtual reality. Correct. I'm a song by Jamiroquai in which he says that the future's made of virtual eternity. Correct. I'm a piece of medieval art, I'm 70 meters long, I weave the story of the Norman Conquest, James? The Bay of Chapters tree? Is correct! A northwest football team, they often play in blue, Phil Foden's there midfielder, Tom?

Manchester City? Is correct! in blue Phil Foden's there midfielder. Tom. Manchester City. He's correct. A show by Jed Mercurio about a bunch of coppers. Adrian Dunbar plays Ted Hastings. Tom. Line of Duty. He's correct. I'm big and I'm pink I crash all over the place I'm mates with Noel Edmonds Mr Blobby It's cold and it's tasty You keep it in your fridge You eat it sometimes. Tom? Everyone!

It's cream on the cream cream! Yay! That is the end of the round! Yeah boy! And the end of the game. So before we find out our final scores, Pravanya, James, anything to plug? Pravanya, where can people find you? Er, online. Online! James, anything to plug? Provine, where can people find you? Online. Online. Yes.

Oh, should I? Oh, yeah. I'm ProvinePillai69, which is the year I was born. And James, what about you? You're not on social media. We know all about that. Yeah. We know all about that.

Shut up about it. Do you have a podcast or anything like that? No. No? Good for you. Thanks to all of you for coming along and watching. As always check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash pappy slash share, like, subscribe, rate and review our podcast

or recommend the podcast to all of your friends. Oh, and by the way, we can reveal that the Christmas show, I think it goes on sale tomorrow and it's going to be the 2nd of December. Mark it in your diary, save the date the date so producer Texas chainsaw and massacre let's hear the final scores Ben and James have 28 Tom and Bravania 33

YAY! So Ben and James are spooking up the Halloween Spookfest. Tom and Marania are doing some spooning up with me. Thanks to our guests, Bravania Pillay and James Acaster. We've been Pappies. See you next time on Flat Shares, Snapdown! Pappies, Flat Shares, Snapdown feature Matthew Crockney, Ben Clark and Tom Carrey. Special guests James Acaster and Bravania Pillay. It was devised by Pappies and Ben Walker. Technical Expertises was by Emma Corsham and Gwyn Rhys Davison. It was produced by Emma Corsham.

Big thanks to Giles and to everyone at the Cheerful Airful Festival! To all the wonderful folks who came here to donate to the show and to you at home for listening, Papys Fracture Stand-alone is a secret news production for Acast and the internet. Fierce everyone, bye! Raaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So we loved having Pravanya, loved having James on the show. They were great, great, great guests. We had a wonderful time. Thanks to them for doing it. Thanks to everyone at the Sheerful Earful and thanks to you for listening.

Can I put a big shout out to the audience member who brought along a shiny number nine balloon. Yes. Without a doubt, my favorite effort of the evening. Those of you that listen to the Patreon will know that I had a spooky incident involving a shiny number nine balloon. You did it on a house meeting mate. It was on a house meeting. Oh, on the main feed. We looked out into the audience and there was a shiny number nine

balloon. Really nice touch. Tom went pale as a sheet and as pale as a bottle of fuel. Right, well, have a spooky Halloween but be safe. Don't dabble in the occult for the love of God or class A drugs. So, today's episode was produced by Emma Caution Team. Cheers everyone! Fair play to that!