Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (78% Tony Sandwich) S14E44

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Clarky's got a blister on his blister and it's making everyone wonder the percentage chance of them ever making it to the Oscars (skillet, or not) Come and see Flatshare Slamdown liveSOLD OUT, join the waitlist - 2nd December Christmas Show - Underbelly Boulevard - https://underbellyboulevard.com/tickets/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-christmas-special/#Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! The three of us sit down at a rather early time and try and talk for a long time. And we did it! That's not the format of the podcast. We don't try and talk for a long time.

Longest talk wins! the format of the podcast. We don't try and talk for a long time. Tom, I've told you before, we're here to talk for a good time, not a long time. Yeah, okay. Sorry. Yeah. I remember that meeting. We hope the listeners have a good time. Don't forget, if you enjoy hearing us talk for a good time, then get over to the Patreon where there's a bonus episode every single week, patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share. But let's just crack on with the episode because yeah, let me tell you guys it's a long end. No, it's not, it's really, it's no longer than we normally do, it's really fun.

I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want to chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the flat. House meeting. Meeting. Meeting. What temperature should we set the heater? I want to talk I want to chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat What temperature should we set the heat

Why on earth am I always waiting Who wet my bed while I was sleeping What's the point does life have a me I got a blister the other day on my foot. I got a blister, man. I got blisters on my tussies. Can we start again? I think we should finish there actually. Good episode, strong episode from Clarky.

Strong showing. He started it, he middled it, he brought it to an end. I mean, it's infuriating when we have an episode where Clarkie doesn't let us get a word in edgeways but when the quality is that good. Yeah, we need to release the tapes. So you've got blisters class. I got a blister on my foot and yeah. And then it kind of got better, but there was a bit of hard skin where the blister had

left and I was walking in a different pair of shoes than the ones that gave me blisters. But then the blister started to give me another blister. This is disgusting to me. Oh my God. Why are you telling us this? What do you think this is man? It's not NHS direct We're trying to do a comedy podcast Jesus the blister gave you another blister. Oh, yeah, but that hurt Blister gave you another blister, oh yeah. Bet that hurt.

A hard bit of skin from your blister gave you another blister. Well congratulations to anyone who's made it 30 seconds into this episode without throwing up into their boots. Oh no. You know like the Oscars have the raspberries? Is there like a- I don't think- I can just say the Oscars have the raspberries. Is there like a, is there something going on? I can't just say the Razzies aren't affiliated. I mean, yeah, the Oscars don't organize.

I would like it if immediately after the Oscars they went, okay, some of you stay in your seats. Because we're going again guys. And you're not going to be happy with this. Ben Affleck. Yeah. Well done for our go and everything. But because we've got to talk about Julie. It would improve viewing figures.

I'd watch the Rousey's over the Oscars any day of the week. But then, you know, it's a bit like in when the smash its pole in his party was was on the television. A lot of the people winning worst haircut were also winning best haircut. Oh, do you know? Less than in there somewhere. It's there's a lesson.

A lot of people winning the award for most healed blister was also winning the award for most recent blister caused by that blister. The winners would hobble to the stage. Walking like a geisha. Recote their famous anecdote. The audience would throw up and leave. Carried by two shirtless men like on the Graham Norton show. Because there's no way they're using their feet. So yeah, go on. You know, the, you know, the, the, there's the counterpoint to the Oscars is that is the raspberries, the raspberries. Yeah. Incidentally, do you still, do you still have like, like what percentage wise? What do you still feel, feel like you have a chance to get into the Oscars?

I think so. I think so for the end of that sentence. The anticipation was killing. Tom percentage wise. How do you feel about getting to the end of that sentence? I just got to know you percentage wise. We are on rare form today. I can tell you what, there's a reason we don't record this early in the morning. There's a there's a really good reason. Listen, for the listeners at home, we were up last night late at night writing the 12 days of Christmas

for the Christmas episode. So listen, the reason we are shonky is because we have spent a lot of time talking about celebrities that no one has thought about in 15 years. Oh no, can't do them, they're dead. So many. So many. To the point where we talked about doing an in memoriam for all of the celebrities from previous 12 days of Christmas that we've lost. I woke up with the first in the box of heads was Sven. Sven's ones who's slimming. I thought RIP. RIP's the big guy. RIP Len Goodman. RIP Sven-Göran Eriksson, R.I. fucking P. So listen, Tom, what was your

question again? Do you still harbour a percentile chance? I can't believe you've answered. It's really hard actually. Why is there a percentage in the question? It's become the crux of the question. The answer has to be in as a percentile. Can I, was there any chance that you can give me a quick recording break? I hate to do this

to go and get my scientific calculator because unless I can press it. The answer has to be a percentile, but the question is what year did you last watch the Oscars? I don't know why. I don't know why it has to be a percentage. It's also got the word harbor in it. And I don't know what the harboring bit is. When you're bringing a boat into the dock, how much of a percentile are you thinking about the Oscars? What chance do you give yourself of still getting to the Oscars? Oh, my God.

Oh, that's 12. We have still getting to the Oscar. That's never ever been a big one for me. I don't know if you will. I have to say you've played it badly. You only realize that in hindsight, don't you? No, I mean, to be to be fair to you, you know, you have you have worked in the film industry. You know, you've you've made two fantastic Christmas movies for Amazon. So, yeah, you are in that world, I guess, more so than ever. But I would say I'd say to say it's only a matter of time for the Christmas movies, get their own Oscar and the award for best Christmas movie. We've got to jazz up the Oscars guys.

Obviously we lose out to hot frosty once again. How do you feel about hot frosty? As someone working in the world. Hot frosty wins for the third year of the row. For the listeners, hot frosty is, it's been very memed, hasn't it? Hot frosty is the big new Christmas movie about a snowman that comes to life as a sexy man without his shirt on. So how do you feel about Hot Frosty as somebody who works in that industry, the industry of Christmas movies?

Have I not told you I wrote Hot Frosty? In that case, your percentile is going right up. And I tell you something else. Your carrot is standing to attention. And the award for hottest frosty goes to yes, we've had chances here. Tony the tiger there with his, with his paws crossed. Juggling a bowl. Not, not, they're not so great when they're hot.

You got, have you got a stance on hot milk? Cause for me, there's no, there's no other substance that I can think of. Oh, that goes from something I absolutely love to something I loathe when you add heat. Oh, I can't understand people who are just fine with hot milk. Like, I love hot milk me. They, it was like, I can remember like fucking as like a six or seven year old getting whiplash. No need to swear. Tom. Sorry.

You're talking about a seven year old drinking hot milk. There's no need to go blue. I mean, literally the story about to tell is my nan said, would you like some hot Weetabix or cold Weetabix? And it was like, fuck off, nan. The fuck do you call this shit. I just felt incredibly. I can remember feeling like what, what has just gone on here.

What the Jeff has just happened because that was one of the nicest things and it's now become one of my worst things. I'm struggling with this time. Is there any way you can put it into a percentage for so what percentage were you on cold milk and what percentage did you harbor? I harbored real contempt for warm milk at around about the 78% level. All right. Yeah, Now I see it. The only two percents is I can operate at 12 and 78.

They're the only two I know. Oh, you can think of other percentages. Oh, good for you. I'll stick with my 12 and 78. Thank you. Stood me in good stead. It doesn't even add up to a hundred. It's not even like. That's a shame.

That's a wee shame, isn't it? That's a shame. It's a real shame. They have to add it to a hundred, do they? Every day is a school day. Which is what I said to myself, when my fucking nan gave me fucking hot milk. Well, I. Right. Well, I.

Do you not think it goes rank? No, I don't think so. I don't think so at all. And actually, I've just got myself a coffee maker. And one of the great pleasures is the milk frother, you know, heating that, heating that milk up to pop into your coffee. So are you are you your your anti flat white, your anti latte, your anti hot chocolate? No, no. But I'm not tasting hot milk when I get in those. The hot milk becomes a passenger for the taste of the coffee. Sure. Okay, I'll

give you that. Yes. Yes. As a substance, I don't mind it. But as a taste on its own, the taste of it on its own, a little warms milk or evening or for all I know, I've this really interesting what happens to it becomes like I think it feels like it's it feels like it's sweetened becomes more by your right click and by what percentage? It depends how much you're boiling it isn't it if you want it warm or warm or cold I guess they keep a little 10% for me. Can I ask Tom, do you think there's a possibility that your nan scorched the milk

because burnt milk is, and I don't want to, she was a saint 78% saint. I would always say if you're a nan 12% about herself with a twinkle in her eye. We don't know about the other 10% was. Twinkle in her one good eye. She had 78, 12 vision. I think it's fair to say all nans are 10% warm milk at the very least. But do you think it's possible that, you know, she'd it was either, you know, either a bad pan, like she'd use the egg pan to boil the milk or she'd or there was some sort of like scorching going on.

I actually do think she did use the egg pan to boil the milk, but I don't know that if that's a bad thing to do. I don't know, man. I think your egg pan should be for boiling your eggs. Surely the egg pan can't be solely for boiling your eggs. Surely. Surely the egg pan can't be solely for boiling eggs. We when we when I was growing up, this was a thing that my my parents

were like, don't nothing else in the egg pan. What else? The egg pan is the egg pan. Have you been sticking your balls in the egg pan again? My eggs. Yeah. Surely these surely these eggs are

fine, Mum. And they've been in for seven minutes, so they must be boiled by now. What's wrong with that boy? What's wrong with that boy is I tell you what, he is a good 8% eggs. The longer it leaves him in hot water, the bigger that percentage gets. And no, we had we had an egg pan and my parents were very much what at least my mum was very much. What what comes off the shell of an egg?

His basically poison. What? So I mean, you don't want to be putting other stuff into you don't want to be making, you know, using that to sort of heat up the mince for a spag ball or anything like that. Does have a point there. So so so. mints for a spag bol or anything like that. She kind of does have a point there, doesn't it? Reassess my spag bol recipe. Four eggs straight away. That's the best thing that's going in. One for the chef.

Little treat. Down the hatch. One for Rocky. Round down the shells and then start to make your pasta. Okay. So is she coming from the point of view that it's come out of a chicken's ass? I don't think that is. They don't come out of any kind of thing's ass mate. Well yeah, but they sort of do, they come out of the bit that the eggs come out of, which is a bit like an ass.

It's all an ass. It's all an ass. They all like to have an ass. It's, what would you describe it as? I mean it's the cloaca, would what would you describe it as? I mean, it's the cloaca. But what's what do you what do you describe it as? I would have thought it was more like a vagina, right? But everything comes out of it.

Does it really is it one? Yeah, it's one thing that everything comes out of. I didn't know that. Clark has been fucking his chicken all wrong. Can we click that bit up for socials? When Clarkie feels like chicken tonight, the chickens better run. But but anyway, that's that. That was my mom said. That's what my mom said was that, you know, there's something bad about what comes off

the shelves. I guess it probably is a little bit to do with the shelves are probably a bit dirty. Yeah. Yeah. So we had we had a separate a separate steel pan just for that. And yeah, yeah, that's true. So what I was going to ask, but I think you've answered it is, is it's not the same for fried eggs or anything.

There isn't like, no, it's the same hole for whatever. Well, it depends what you've been doing to the chicken. Come out flat. I can't be the same bit. Imagine if they had a little one, a little hole for scrambled under that wing. It comes ready to go straight onto the plate. You can make scrambled eggs outbreak. Little poach poach. You can make scramble things outbreak. My daughter is like currently addicted to David Attenborough products of any kind. It's like living with Clarky again.

It's great. It's like, it's feel right back, feel right back to when we used to share a house and she's like obsessed now with David Attenborough. She's really hammering through all of the stuff to the point where she's now landed on a documentary called David Attenborough, the life of eggs or no, the one, the wonder of eggs. And it's like a 50 minute episode, David Attenborough episode all about eggs. Yes.

And that's great. That's been on a few times. No, but I'm concerned it's going to stop her wanting to eat eggs. Oh, okay. Because you, because the more you think about how the egg is made, the more I'm going to bang on about how great they are. He's never going. What you want to do is put a little bit of butter in the pan. It's not Ainsley Harriot on eggs. Two very different shows. Can't put butter in the same pan that eggs go in. No, you've got to put the butter

in the butter pan. That was the problem with cooking in my parents house was that every, we had a pan for every separate thing. And you had 45 Hobbs as well, didn't you? You have to And you might 45 Hobbs as well, didn't you? You have to assemble. You have to assemble your meal at the table. Yeah, that's not a bad idea for a restaurant. Have you eaten at 45 Hobbs? For you got blisters on your fingers. Yeah, I took 45 Hobbs last night.

Oh, bloody hell. Let me tell you. That skillet was warm. Can we clip that up please? I've got no truck with the restaurants that make you cook your own stuff really. It seems exciting. The only thing I like is when they bring a dish of like the stuff for fajitas and it's still sizzling. Oh, anytime you get a sizzle dish.

Although actually, I think when I see someone else have a sizzle dish, I'm like, amazing. When I get one, I'm like, this is too much tension. like, if you have to sizzle your own food, stay at home. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Any restaurant that's not just bringing out a plate of food and going eat that it's great. It's what you're doing. It's a distraction from something else that's going on. But this is this is actually what I think it is a good point. Money laundering front or something. Carry on. Definitely. 100% agree.

The anxiety as well I get with it with this sizzle plate is like, at what point is this the right amount of cooked? Should I be in this straight away or should I leave it sizzle? That's a very good point. And that's what I find tricky about any time they're like, oh, you just, you know, you barbecue your own food on a grill in the middle of the table. Like one of those kind of places. You can't say to anybody else, oh, go to this place. The food's amazing. Cause you, you've cooked the food yourself.

Go to this place. The beef is overcooked. When I was there. Cause I got distracted thinking about Clarkie fucking a chicken that time. You know what I do with him? When I go to a sizzle, when I go to a restaurant that has like a sizzle plate, I take a couple of eggs in my pocket and stick them on the side for a little cheeky bonus. And what percentage of the time are you doing that? 78%. I can confirm.

You've got to get some bang for your buck if they're serving at a sizzle plate. Yeah, it's like anything like that. They can talk about the theater and all that stuff, the theater of eating and etc. But all of that is just a distraction from like, we look, we can cook really good food. Yeah, talking of the theater, the only thing I would accept is I've never been to one I don't think that I don't even know there are any in the UK. But you see him in friends and stuff like that. The Benny hammer place. Do you know those places

where they're throwing throwing, you know, big sharp knives around and there's it's basically like the kind of flaring for cocktails. Salt Bay. It's got salt bay energy. flaring for cocktails. Salt Bay. It's got salt bay energy. Yeah, it's got salt bay energy, except salt bay with knives. Knives bay. God fucking kill for some salt bay energy, man.

Knives bay. Wait, so they're so like a knife straight into your mouth. Yeah. It's cooked to perfection. And how hot is that knife as a percentile? I'd say it's warm, it's 40 percent. It's at least 12 percent. Yeah, it's over your threshold, don't worry, for a warm knife. Because they do, like I thought where you're going to go with that. They do do in this country is like, come for Dickens Christmas feast. And it's like, you'll meet Mr. Tumnus, but also one of them. You'll meet Mr. Poodle. Is this organised by the same people who did that Willy Wonka experience?

You'll meet Mr. Tumnus. I wrote that. Cards on the table. I wrote that, I finished hot frosted. I had to bash out a Willy Wonka experience. The mad thing about that is now there are Willy Wonka experiences where people are going for a shit experience. The dream, the absolute dream. It's like fire festival too, the worse it is, the more people are excited. How long till we get our own tribute podcast? Sad when you have to host your own tribute band, isn't it? Yeah, because you get that, don't you?

Some pop stars end up playing in their own tribute band or turning up with their own tribute band. I think definitely tribute bands have like, you know, like if you are the lead singer of a band and you fall out with all the rest of the band, you might hire a good tribute band to sort of tour around, uh, tour around with. Yeah. I know tribute singers have joined the real bands. That's, that's, that's the other way around. That's, I mean, that's obviously, that's the dream.

Yeah. But, uh, but yeah, the other way around is bad when every member of the band is still the same. But no one wants to see you. And but yeah, what what what were we talking about the the experience you were you were saying? The day, you know, it'd be like, yeah, be like, but you're not cooking your own food there. Mr. Poodle worth will come out and give the monologue of bleak expectations and then you'll eat, you know,

a duck egg from, you know, the Timmy Taylor novel or whatever. And you're like, come on, lads. Come on, lads. One of us must have read one of the books. Come on, lads. Come on, lads. One of us must have read one of the books. Why did we choose Dickens?

This is God. At best, this is 12% Dickens. Has no one got access to Wikipedia? That's a great title. Welcome to 12% Dickens. This is God. At best, this is 12% Dickens. Has no one got access to Wikipedia. That's a great title. Welcome to 12% Dickens, where we bring the work of Christopher Dickens to life.

I am 12% Simon Callow. You'll be visited by two ghosts! We can't afford two ghosts. You'll be visited not by any ghost, but by one man who was quite ill. You'll be visited by my uncle. Don't open the door! So what are you saying, Tom? I hate to go back to this bit.

But Tom, I have to ask you in the words of your words of your of your nine. Yeah. What the fuck are you on about? I'm saying it's a little fancy my chances of getting an Oscar is what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'re saying that going to a Dickens experience, how is that like cooking your own food? Well, they have like that. It's a restaurant experience. So it's like, you'll be Sherlock Holmes. Welcome to Sherlock Holmes' dining tavern. Someone's died and we'll solve the murder whilst you feast on grouse. I get it. Yes. Yeah. It's the same voice as the guy who does the dick in the poo.

The same desperation. And there's always a fucking fiddler in the corner, you know, like going, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding Fucking a cat instead Is it a vagina is it an ass we just don't know Clark a job I'm a cat fucker at a dickens experience I'm Mr. Meadleworth the cat fucker from bleak

Nicholas Nickleby for a while, but I'm pretty sure this I've not played Nicholas Nickleby for a while, but I'm pretty sure this... Because all of the Dickens characters have like sort of, you know, a nominative determinism, don't they? The old curiosity shop fucked the cat! You'll be staying with me. You'll be staying with Ebenezer Catfucker! Oh, God. Why do I not like the sound of that?

He doesn't sound like a goodie! He sounds 78% wrong and... Bleak House 2024! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Anyway, listen, yes, I've got nothing against theatre. I've got nothing against theatricality around food. I think the food often takes a second place there in instances like that. Yeah, I don't know.

In secret cinema, the food was never amazing. Something's covering something is what I'm saying. Yeah. If the food's good enough, you don't need fucking Mr. Picklewick. If Mr. Picklewick's good enough, you don't need the fucking grouse. They're both undercooked. Both the act. This is my reviews in reviewing it. Yeah. Both the performance of Tony sandwich and the sandwich. I it was a cheese sandwich. It shouldn't. No, actually. Yes.

Which Dickens book is Tony sandwich No the fucking the paper the paper man Cards on the table never paper man by the way sounds like a show on a stream or I don't have started Billy Bob Thornton We advertise in train station. And it's not fun. Yeah, it's not fun. It'll be really intense. He's just gone out of prison.

Oh, you find out why you went in at the three quarter mark and it's grim. There's a lot of desert and sand and every scene starts with a guitar going and you're like, OK, I don't know. Michael Madsen sat like a petrol station. Oh, I've just put the kids to bed. I've got about 15 minutes before I fall asleep myself. Come on, let's have a fucking laugh. Billy Bob, come on.

Can't we have a chuckle once in a while? Jesus. It was a 78% recommendation on Netflix. You get two types of Billy Bob Thornton films. You get like the 78% of them, which is what you've just described. And then the 12% where he was on a cash grab with the Brookheim a lot. It's like, okay, okay, Bing, bang, bong. Great movie Billy Bob Thornton in Bing, bang, bong. One of the great blockbusters back when they, you know, back before

the Marvel Cinematic Universe took over. If you would go to the cinema, you'd see an Armageddon, you'd see a Bing, bang, bong. This is the kind of movie we like to see. The movies that made us. These are the movies that will eventually, Tom, when you bring them back, will eventually win you your Oscar. That's what we're heading towards. That's what we're heading towards.

If you could, if you could write yourself a bing bang bong. Yeah. But for 2025, if you could write a modern bing bang bong with all of the stuff that's going on in this world right now. Dude, have you been looking at my whiteboard? Firstly, it can't be a whiteboard anymore. It's 2025. You can't have Billy Bob Thornton in it. Can we get this pizza delivered to the meeting?

Cards on the table then. I've never read a Dickens novel, but I feel like I have to tell us that. Do you know what I mean? Like I feel like I have. Yeah. Well, it doesn't sound like you have. I feel like I kind of, you know, I don't need to. I think you do. I feel like I'm smart enough to have read Dickens and it feels like I have.

So like I might as well just put out one like I have. I think people think I've read a Dickens novel. Not now, they don't. Not now. You've really outed yourself. Unfortunately, you shouldn't have put those cards on the table face up. Can we keep this behind the Patreon? I can't have my reputation ruined. How many Dickens?

How many? Oh, one, one. But that was for school. That still counts. I guess I feel like I've ticked the box. What did you read for school? Great expectations. Which you called bleak expectations earlier on.

School was a long time ago, wasn't it? Have you not read Oliver Twist? No. Have you not seen the musical of Oliver? Yeah, I've watched it. That's all you need. You've seen the movie with Oliver Reed. Exactly.

That's all you need. You've got the story. There are no songs in the book. You must have read A Christmas Carol because that's not even a novel. That's such a novella. No, no, no. You've not even read A Christmas Carol. Why would I?

Because we've done about 50 versions of Christmas. Every time we do a Christmas show, it's got a Christmas Carol element. What's great about Christmas, Christmas Carol is the dream in that the story is so good you don't have to read the book. You just know everyone knows the story, you don't have to read the book. Everyone loves that. That's the goal. Tom, can I ask you why you lost your job in publishing?

Increasingly now with the time we have left on earth, you kind of hear about good book you look at it you think I get it I can see it fine I bought it I don't have to read it so you you literally judge books by their cover yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I feel judged by my books, my critics, my own critics, if only that were the case. We've got to a stage in our career where we would appreciate criticism of any kind because criticism equates to attention. We'll take it. Bless you for calling it a career. Thank you. You're welcome. So fundamentally, two things, theatre and restaurants, right? Never mix. Never mix. Never the twain shall meet. You'll accept a pre-theater dinner for a cut price. Two courses for £19.95. Love that. Love a pre-theater dinner. Course you do. There's three words that just conjure up. And here we go.

Here we go. You know, sometimes I have a pre-theater dinner. Of course you do. There's three words that just conjure up an experience. We go. Here we go. You know, sometimes I have a pre-theater dinner. Didn't even go to the theatre. Now we're talking. That's the stuff. Everyone sees you. They think Clark is off to the theatre. They never know. That guy's cool. He's all dressed up. Wait a minute. He hasn't paid. He's in a pre-theater, he's in a dining dash. It's about to start. Come back at the interval. The pre the pre theatre dinner. It does it conjures up two things. It conjures up a bargain and it also conjures up eating way earlier

than you want to eat and eating slightly faster than you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit like when you go and have you think all of a full English a full English before you get on a plane and a pint and a pint, of course, and a point against the point arrives immediately. So you drink that and then you're just like a little bit pissed at 7am and you're agitated because like it doesn't seem that your breakfast is ever gonna arrive and the plane takes off in 30 seconds. That's what happens. And it feels like that's true of the pre-theatre dinner. And you say to yourself, never again. And then you do it every time. Every single day.

Because it's tradition. Every single day. It's the tradition. Exactly. Yeah. It's the tradition again. The pre-theater dinner. The pre-theater dinner.

It's just saying, can I have that skillet to go? Juggling your skillet. Always take oven gloves with me so I can just walk into the theatre, skillet still on the go. As the show starts, there's just on the go. The show starts. There's just like a hissing from the stalls. This is what you want. What you really want to get to is the stage. You know when Helen Mirren went to the, when she was doing the Queen or the audience, whatever it was called, the foreigner and she bollocked somebody for their mobile phone going off and everyone

was like, yeah, not just Helen Mirren, but Helen Mirren as the Queen bollocked somebody for their mobile phone going off. And everyone was like, yeah, not just Helen Mirren, but Helen Mirren as the queen, bollocking you for your mobile phone. You want it to be so bad that there's an article in the London Evening Standard saying, has skillets in theater gone too far? Skilletting in theater has gone mad. Has it gone too far?

We speak to Sam Mendes about how skillets are ruining the Lehman Brothers. People are showing up. Oh, they throw a skillet between both ends. The theater should be on the stage, not in the stalls. Keep skillets out of theaters. Just trying to assemble a chimichanga in the middle of the national. Sorry, yes, sorry. Sorry, sorry. All elbows. Could you hold my quack?

Oh, I love it. Yeah. I mean, there's a fine line, isn't there? The acceptable levels of food in a cinema, in a theater, there really is a fine line, isn't there? They leave the acceptable levels of food in a cinema, in a theater. There really is a fine line. As soon as I think as soon as an element of heat or moisture. Is included. Yeah, agreed. And when you go to those posh cinemas and they're like, we'll bring you a burger at your chair, then it's like, then go away. Cause also they don't give you an option not to like, you're

like, can I order here? And they're like, no, no, go sit down and we'll come to you. So it's all right when the film's starting. Yeah. And then you know, thank you. No, thank you. We went to the theater the other day. I said the other day two years ago. We pre the other day, I said the other day, two years ago, we pre ordered. You got your blister, you were late. It was me and Sven-Göran Eriksson.

Just to give you an idea of the time frame on this. Me, Len Goodman, Sven-Göran Eriksson. We ordered half, we pre ordered drinks for the interval and they came in a bag. They came in a bag. Yeah. Just like they poured them in. Plastic and they attached it to an IV. What did they do?

That way you can keep two hands on your skillet. Yeah, you've got to keep two hands on your skillet. A firm hand on the skillet. That's one thing. If you go to, if you go to a theater with Clark, he's always a firm hand on the skillet. That's right. That's what Sam Mendes brings as well.

When Mendes is directing, he's got a firm hand on the skillet. Because they were, it was like red wine. They were in small bottles. So they were kind of sealed in a bag and then the two glasses in the bag. Like getting them out of the bag. Yeah, like they was like if you bought perfume or booze at an airport and they'd seal it in a little plastic bag.

Yeah, it wasn't sealed. But yeah. Okay, you have to show your passport when you're ordering a paper bag with our names written on so we can just pick it up. Like a lunch bag. But then taking it out of the bag during the performance, we got told off. Clarky, this is the saddest I've ever heard in my life. You didn't have a chance to open them in the interval. We go, I think our timings were I think it was a small

maybe it was like the second interval. So it was like really it was really a real tight window of time. But you didn't have enough time to open a bag. Can I just start? It was really a second interval. Maybe we went to the toilet or something. I don't know. We just, we got the bag. We sat down. It started. We're like trying to take the stuff out of the bag. And the guy in front of us was like, oh, because that's not annoying. Great. I'm with that guy. I think if you were with that guy, we could see to the steam.

Like that's not annoying. I'm a big fan of the fact that Clarkie ordered drinks for the second interval as well. Wait, how many intervals are there in this thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Better make it three bottles. Just keep the bags. I've got to go back and pay for a meal in a bit. Keep them coming. He had like one of those washing lines to his chair, just take them back. Just keep them. I went to see Birdsong at the theatre years and years ago and they had two intervals and the second interval they didn't tell you but they just scrolled up the names of all the war dead so you couldn't go for a piss.

It was so bad because they were like oh a little short interval but they were like everybody basically it was obviously a very powerful moving, but like the lights sort of basically still stayed down and they scrolled. It was in the brochure as a, as an interval, but you're just, you're just stuck there. You're just, you're just trapped. You can't do it. You can, I mean, you can stand up. You could barely open a bag of booze. Honestly, honestly, I was crying into my mortises, working away on that. What happened in the end to your blister, Clarky? Let's just, let's get some closure. Well, hopefully you or your blister had some closure.

We've gone far away from the blister. Now we want to go back to it. Which we never thought would be the case. I was going to ask, I feel like, you know, that it's a poor, it's a poor design feet. You know, I've got the ideas about that guys. If you have to redesign feet, please stick wheels on them. They go perfect. They go. We've done it. We've nailed it.

Another classic episode from the Golden Pen of Peppies. Are you suggesting we make Starlight Express? Yes, that's right. OK, great. Two intervals. Three course dinner. Yeah. Every audience member is skillet. Who's got the bag? The skillet's come out on a little train set.

Oh, perfect. Skillet and bag Starlight Express. I think this could be this could be the making of us. Tom, get your tuxedo. You go into the Oscars. Yeah, hottest skillet of the year goes to hot frosty. Oh, can I have a lift?

I live in the meeting. Oh, lovely. A lovely amount of time spent talking there, just. Oh, you know, I know what the perfect with with severe edits the perfect around. Yeah, I mean 78% edits We kept the start We kept the start, did we? Okay, okay. I wasn't expecting that, but there we go. Blister chat made it.

It took a little while. It took a little while to limber up, but that's like every, every fine athlete has to have a little, a little stretch, a little jog around and then off they go. Absolutely. You know, yes, we started, we talking about blisters, but we eventually ended up talking about skillets. So guys, at ease. And then by way of eggs, as all of our podcasts do, we've

got to get sponsored by eggs, man. We should. We've got to look into getting sponsored by eggs. Do you work in the egg industry or are you a chicken? If so, stay away from Clarky. If you have any link to the egg industry, please do get in touch. Pappiesflatshare at gmail.com. I'm guessing. Is correct, yes. Yeah boy! So get in touch.

Let us know how we can get sponsored by eggs. Otherwise, any AOB? I don't think so. I think we've dealt with everything. Oh, I was going to ask what came first, but we crucially I don't think so. I think we've dealt with everything. Oh, I was going to ask what came first, but we crucially don't have the time. No, that's front of the time. Clarky's the answer.

When there's a chicken around, they definitely do come first. So today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye.