Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (ABC RAC CEO) S11E37

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Matthew is drinking Tom's drink and Ben wasn't invitedPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, Lister Deer, I'm Tom. I'm Ben, and I'm Matthew and welcome to an episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. Rolling, rolling, rolling, the boys there back out, rolling, they're all on one horse, rolling, roll, hi, we're all high on the horse. I love leaving a limp biscuit there from Tom to start it off. I would do a passable limp biscuit in terms of... That sounds disgusting. I know you've just changed your diet recently, but... Lim Pobnob, that would be good to get the kind of crazy bookings. Anyway, let's not go down that route.

Basically I'd have a red cap on and I'd be giving it both barrels. Yeah, let's not go down that route, but I think you'd be brilliant at it. And if I may, I'd like to play guitar in that, but thank you. Let's not go down that route. Crossbees on drums and our first gigs next week. So very, very quickly, I've got to tell you, Tom, you're going to be amazed by this message we've had. We have a message from Phil via papysflatshare.gmail.com. That's the address, by the way, if you want to get in touch and send us any of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, whatever.

From time only, especially if you're certain, maybe itracken. Well, that's not my guess. Well, I tell you what, we gave away a second name. You wouldn't have heard this because you missed the intro. We gave away a second name recently because we got an email from someone called Jed Lester, which is such a strong name. We've asked as well for people to get in touch if they've got a name that sounds a bit like a food. And so far it's not exactly taken off.

But we were lost to that, he's gone. We know what's so right coming, but we've got to wear more of the rail. Listen, we've got to take it. I was very, very happy with that. It was worth it for that alone. So Phil writes, Hi guys, I'm happy to settle your Tom Bola related issues. Now do you remember we were talking about where you get a Tom Bola from? Do you rent it?

Oh yes. I'm burning issue of the day. They were traditionally rented along with most of the other equipment, bunting, trestle tables, etc. from carnival supply companies. There are still a few dotted about. I wrote a book about Ernest Searle, who amongst other things owned the Oldie English Fair Company, which rented out anything you'd need for a summer fate. I've attached two photos from a similar company's 1961 catalog, showing cover and the page which offers their Tom Bowler's for rental.

I think Perry's broadly right though, the expense of renting a Tom Bowler regularly would have led to most schools, churches and social clubs having one made up by a handy person in their shed. Hope that helps. Oh my God, I was literally about to say, if you're going to be proved wrong, be proved wrong by someone who's written a book about it, I was like, what a pleasure to be put in my place by some, but then he did a little flip reverse at the end and said, Paris is also right. I couldn't have enjoyed that letter more. It turns out we were all right.

And Phil has written a book. Has he given us the title? Well, I mean, I'm guessing search for a book about Ernest Soule if you'd like to read Phil's book, because, oh yeah, here it is, here we go. Phil, it's called Ernest Soule and the London Magical Company. Oh yeah. So yeah.

Beautiful. That's so great. Have a look out for that. Yeah. Totally, it sounds like a hymn to a bygone era. And I'm not just giving you a quote to put on the cover there Phil, but if you are re-issuing it, then that is the kind of thing that would look great on the cover. You know, a hymn to a bygone era, Tom Perry Pappies.

Right, let's get into the house meeting show. brackets hadn't read it. House of ready. Yeah, it is. It is made of a blessing book. Books.com. So yeah, let's get into the house meeting. It's great to have you back on the intro, by the way, Tom.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be back on the intro, actually. Do you want to do a quick plug for the Patreon? Get on board at the Patreon, guys. If you love the podcast, as we all do, then the Patreon is the place to celebrate that love. There's a community of listeners. There is a bad load of extra episodes, too many, if anything. You'll be wading through them for days, but it's just, it's a great way to feel on board with the podcast. You get

to chat to a lot of people online and listen to a whole bag's worth of extra stuff. Beautiful. No, you did that. You did that. that was great. I could feel the confidence drain from your voice as you got towards the end of that sentence. I think it was the word bag. But. I was going to go. I was just sizing myself for not going with boat. Why would you choose a bag over a boat?

Boatload. It's a big boatload. There's a boatload of stuff as a boatload of bagful. You know what? I was about to go to boat. I thought you've led with bag. You can't go to boat now. People will start to date you. There's a bag. And that bag is on a boat and the bag is off called dig. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. I've got a bag called Dik Dik, it's a lot less, it's a lot less, it's a worse song. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you can call it in Dik Dik.

How much money did you save? Brunner, it's a bag mate. There's a man who's got a bag and that bag is full of life and he hasn't felt the day of working his life and the bags called, we're called Deacon Red everyone, we'll be appearing after Limbshawken. We'll be putting red, we're doing a double tour with Simply Blue as well and we're doing the nearest tribute act you could ever imagine. Deacon Red baseball camp is Deacon Blue songs played by Limpus Kitt get on board. Oh really bad as you can move it in here.

Oh boy, hold on, hold on, he can do a decent Limpus Kitt. It turns out he's never heard them before in his entire life. Well look, that could be his the one I really want to hate. Fred Ders, race to be. Was that a red dust? Let's get into house meeting and I'll tell you an interesting story about tribute bands on the other side in the outro. Enjoy the house meeting.

I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always weak? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? There's a half a meeting! What's the point? Does life have a meeting? So the other day, Parry and I went out for a drink. Oh, okay. That's a hell of a...

Very nice time we had, actually. This is how we tell you, Clarky. We had a great time. I've not seen Parry and the flesh in apps at the ages. No, me neither. Me neither. In the wild. Yeah, not seen Paris in the flesh in apps at the ages. No, me neither. Me neither. In the wild. Yeah. Not seen him in the wild for a while. Always a pleasure.

I drink in ages either. Oh, that combo. You've not had a drink in ages. Must have been. Well, I did do that. When did you like, you said yesterday? Yesterday. Yeah. What, yeah. What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, We went out for a drink and they went out for some food as well. It was quite the night.

It was lovely. We had a really, really nice time. Okay. And then, Perry nipped off to the Lou. I ordered a couple of cocktails. Oh, yeah. Do you remember this, Perry? Oh, yeah.

My cocktail arrived first and it was there sat in front of me. And I reached beyond it and picked up the pint on the table and took a big swig out of it and put it back down and then carried on chatting. And then after maybe a minute I went, have I just taken a big swig out of your drink, Tom and you went, yeah, yeah, you did. I said, why didn't you say anything? And you're like, oh, I just didn't really bother me. It was such a mad, I don't know how to tell you

sure why my brain did it. I'd ordered a drink, it was in front of me, I know what my brain did, it was a bit drunk. But I'd ordered a drink, it was in front of me, but yeah, I reached, and it was a full arm as a reach across the table to reach, pick it up, drink it and put it back. I know what you did it Matthew, it's the classic power play.

I'm gonna say, to lay down your authority and assertion, do you think that's what it was? I was gonna say, it almost sounds like something you'd hear like in a seminar, I imagine. Clothes kind of... Have you ever been to a seminar? Well, no But I've heard all about them. I've also never been for a drink with friends guy

But you know I have to hear about all these things secondhand. I would say this Clarky You have been to one seminar on how to be a good father Christmas because I was so next to you And we would rest as father Christmas. I think that counted as a I think that counted as a seven hour. Oh, God, you're my son. I think that counted as a seven hour. Your only seven hour. True. I think you're my son. When you started saying that, I was like, why is this joke?

He's magic inked up. I don't know that did that. No, you actually went for it. Didn't you actually go and train to be a... Was that for like a supermarket as Father Christmas? The idea then you then got allocated to a supermarket and you, and you, uh, it was a company that just hired out

for other Christmases, but they did this kind of thing. More as a, more as a showcase, more of an advert for their company. So they had like people filming it and you go, it was like writing less to square and you kind of traips the center of town, or the far more far the Christmas is together. That's like the selling thing.

We were probably just a father for it. Can I just say, half of that was, was Ben explaining the thing, and half of it was complaining about the fact you had to go to the center of town. It was sort of like a promoter for their company, you had to traipse into the center of town. Oh, I was.

This is why we never invite you out for drinks, mate. You always turn up and you're so pissed off by the travel. Unless we come to your front room, you're unhappy. Ben, I've so arrived dressed as far as the Christmas as well. This was just off, this was just off, left to square. You would have absolutely hated. Oh, fuck that. That's right.

You would have had to do. Clarke's night out on the table these days is going to his hallway. With the bottle of IPA. What a better leave. I'm going to get back. So, did you think it was like, you know, the putting the hand on the back when you're shaking somebody's hands. That's supposed to be the power play, isn't it?

Whenever I arrive in a social situation, I feel slightly uneasy about, I go through the entire room and drink everybody's drink. Sometimes you know, and then by the end you feel fine about it, don't you? I've stopped being invited to weddings, but in that way, just march up to the bride, snatch the Prosecco from it. Yeah, it feels like, yeah, it does feel like one of those things that if you read a book on how to get ahead in business,

all of those books, those kind of books of how to get ahead in business, basically boils down to be a right old cunt. Don't ever read it. I thought it was a really underneath it. Can I just say, do you think what I did was the behavior was right out of the key? Well, you know, no, I'm saying it's a deliberate.

It's a deliberate. I'm saying it's like a deliberate move of doing that would be the actions of a right-old-cunt. Well, so I think if you are, if you wanna get ahead in business, the thing to do is to, you know, I've just, this is good stuff, right? If you, if you, if you, if someone comes in and says,

like, would you like coffee, you know, say, or you know, one of the, the, the, the juniors comes in and you're sat there with the head of the company. Order for the head of the company. Yeah. That'll be a really good thing. If you're in a job interview, order for the head of the company. We'll have a coffee. I'm a coffee-duffie. I love a D-Cath. Yeah, and we'll have two chicken chicken. D-Cath for the

for the big lad. Yeah. I love a flat white. I love it. I think, honestly, I reckon if we published a book that was called Get Ahead in Business by being an RAC, brackets, right old, bleep bleep bleep, it'd be a best... How are you saying that all of a sudden? I'm saying that all of a sudden. We're going to get sued by the RAC because I don't think they would say so. I was kind of seeing RAC.

Crossway. That's how old you are. You're an old. We're publishing it in Scotland, I should say. Sorry, I wasn't doing the accent. How to be a right old. I can't do the accent. That's why you weren't doing it.

Still not doing it. Hey, you're absolutely right. How to be a right ROC anyway, that's where we go. Those kind of books selling their book loads? Yeah, the only thing is, if you turn a book, if you turn over the back, there is a photo of a very distinguished looking person, you know, like a Cheryl Sandberg type figure who looks and also has like a really good CV of being successful at business.

And I think that's where that's where we fall down. No, but I think one of the main selling points, though, the book industry went through a real phase of this, of doing, like, don't be a twat, asterisk, you know, asterisk, and I'd be like, don't be like, not a bit of a fuck, or yeah. Be happy, as a shit dick, and people would be like, oh, by it, it's a self-help book, with swearing on the front,

they became really popular for some reason. That's true, it sort of issues the whole new agey sort of thing of like, or even, you know, like, because that's the thing. In like the apprentice, which is my only experience of business. Of business. Of the world of business.

The apprentice and dragon's den is what I base my time. Yeah, there's, yeah. But it's always about, you know, it's always about being, you know, obviously, they say it's about being a good team leader, but it's about throwing people under the bus, isn't it? It's about being an ROC. An ROC, exactly. Imagine if Glen Curry and Glen Ross had started like that.

Free words, A, B, C. Only B. Oh, damn it! Look at my watch. Fuck your watch mate, you can't spell. Oh no, oh no. He's out of the door straight off. Dislexic Glen Gary. Oh, I think so. So yeah, so the ROC, the rock guide, a rocks to confusing, isn't it?

Because then people think it's going to be. Can you smell what the rock is cooking? You're fired. I mean, you're fired. Can you smell what the rock is cooking? You're dinner and he's gonna eat it. He's just delegating everything in the office, the second you're up. You open this door.

You take off my shoes. You know what, that's not bad. That's really good. What's your greatest strength? I'm really good. I'm really good, what's your greatest strength? I'm really good at delegation. In fact, you take this interview.

It's real nice. In fact, you tell me, I'm gonna delegating, now you tell me what I'm good at. Hello. That world of like, you know, be like a shark and I don't know, swim like a, you know, like those kind of eagle. I'd be like a shark and I don't know, swim like a, you know, like those kind of... Be like a shark, swim like a beagle, it's a great, it's a great motto, that's the first...

That's the first thing I say, the right, the first thing you've got to do is� organise in a way, date in the local swimming pool and throw yourself in the water and do that little paddle with your two hands in front of you and then they'll know this guy means business because he is an RAC. And he's waiting by the roadside for you to pick him up and make him CEO. I'm just like, you know, is there a CEO stands for making boss? He's got three letters for you CEO. Always be hiring me. But it is an often quoted fact, isn't it, or like, I don't know, idiom where they say,

you know, 80% of psychopaths, you know, like 20 idiom where they say you know 80% of psychopaths you know like 20% of psychopaths are killers 80% of CEOs or I mean it's not that but it's something like it's not quoted kind of the misquote the thing the one thing about this fact I don't know is the factual part I know how to say a bunch of words together. It's something along the lines of all the traits of a psychopath are also all the traits of a successful CEO. I think there's a more busy way of doing that.

Paris has been off the podcast for a while, but we've requested with John Ronson, who's inevitably steered it round to his topic of the psychopath test. So John, always great to have you on the podcast. You've got to tell us now what percentage I've got to ask you what percentage of psychopaths are green grosses? We've got to know. In just three letters, please tell us. A, B, C, the psychopath test. I really, really in the head so I don't have to. And that's a fact.

You should see, you should see, you should see. Can I have a lift, I live in Loneeat. I should see. I should say, you know, I have been away from the podcast for a couple of weeks for one reason or the other. It's because I'm now the CEO of Apple. Oh, that's a bad lie, isn't it? I was trying to think of a better company to go with,

but I don't really know many companies to be honest. Well, it's easy. You just got to think of one that begins with a B and you did. Yeah. I was going to go with the Builderberg you did yeah I was gonna go to build a burger group but I don't think that's a build a burger group build a bear it's like what should be to build a bear and you want some food go next door to go to the call me builder burger group the shadowy cabal who run all burgers

so what is that what the builder burger of bird group is, is it a shadowy cabal? Well, the build of bird group is, yeah, it's a sort of semi-secret organisation that I've said too much. I don't think anyone who considers themselves to be CEO goes in a podcast that says that. I even did a Rogan podcast. I signed an NDA and I had no idea what that meant. Go tell everyone. I don't have three letters for you. And he'd be saying NDA. What does NDA say to the board? Go tell everyone. Go tell the good news.

Sorry, the Builderburg Groupers shadowy cabal. I can't say that they've got CEO. I mean, presumably they do have a hierarchy within the group. This is the kind of thing you, you're only a pod, you're normally on a podcast series that would tell you all these things about the Builderburg Group. Yeah, but they never, they never have a chat with the CEO. I know, again, John Ronson did infiltrate a meeting of the builderburgs with Alex Jones, but I don't think they ever got to the stage of sitting down with the CEO and drinking his coffee. Alex, what?

With Alex? What? Yeah, not the woman from the one shout show the guy from Info Wars, you know, the lab. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the... Imagine if I had been an episode of the one We're going to one of their weird alceramines. I'm here with Jamein genius We're at Davos

We're about to go into a sauna with Bill Clinton and Jeff Bezos Let's see what Jamein can glean from these world leaders. One. And next up, your peps got worms. How'd you cope with it? Anyway, your peps got worms. Your peps got worms. I'll see. killing himself. Hahaha. One. Hahaha.

Oh man. Which one of us would fare best as a presenter on the one show? Do you think Crossbeer? Um, I don't know, man. Uh, that was me saying you not you two. Oh. Yeah, yeah, no, no, I don't know if I, I don't know if I would. Oh man, that was me saying you not you too. Oh, I don't know if I would. Yeah, no, no, I don't know if I would.

That was great delegation clock. Have you a psychopath? Would I be a good host to the one show? I mean, I'd give it a shot, certainly. You know, why not? I actually could see you going at it with Vim and Vigga. Yeah, I mean I feel like I'm good at listening to people when I'm not that interested in what they have to say. We've done this part of the puzzle.

You've ran this assault course for a long enough time. But no, to be honest, I don't watch a lot of the one show, so I'm not really sure kind of what it is. I think I've seen, the only bits of the one show I've really seen are the bits where it's like Matt Baker saying to David Cameron, how do you sleep at night or Mel Brooks talking about what a mad show it is. That's as much as I've seen, I'm not really deep into the one show. The viral, the viral bits.

My dad loves it. My dad's obsessed with the one show. As I think of people of a certain age, you get to a certain age and suddenly something clicks in your brain and you love the one show. Well, that age is gonna come to us in like 50. Oh yeah, absolutely. In 15 years time.

I can't stop listening to Peter Gabriel. But what will be the five years ago would have absolutely bonked at the idea and downright. But what will be the equivalent for us? Like, will it be like Zane Lowe hosting? I like, you know, one's like, you got to think like. Imagine picking Zane Lowe is a current reference. Well, no, it's not current.

No, it's like I, yeah. No, but that's the thing, isn't it? All of the people that we grew up listening to on Radio One are now hosting quite cozy shows on Radio Two, right? Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm looking at you, LeMack. I'm looking at you, LeMack. Spide the radio tube, will it? Still occasionally complaining about the fact that Radio One let him go. I don't know if you've listened to Radio One recently. You would not, I mean, you barely fit on on six music. Why reckon you can think of BBC Radio stations

a bit like Living in London, because obviously like when you first move to London, you've got to be on the tube. And everyone's like, got to be on the tube. Everyone starts to live in some guys. I's like, got to be on the cheap, everyone starts leaving some of these. I'm like, I know where near Radio 1. You can't afford Radio 1. Come on, just make it local.

Make it, is there a seven? Is there a BBC, well there's BBC home counties. That's me. Even cozier. You've got to be on the cheap Radio 1. there's BBC home counties. That's me. Even cozier. You've got to be on the cheap radio one. Zone two, you know, everyone's like, God, zone three or four, you're dead.

And then you leave it, you know, and now you're in like zone five, Exeter, right? Yeah, that's right. Well, I love you get to that, like, that's like, that's radio one. Then you move out to zones four or five, that's like, that's radio one. Then you move out to zones four or five, that's like six music. Then you start thinking, I can just live by, you know,

a station, I can go zone five, zone six. That's your kind of way too. By the way, when you were trying to find the word now, I really thought you could just go live by the river. I thought it was good of me. Oh, I'd say, I'll just, I'll just have a makeshift thing in the woods just by a stream, as long as I've got going to live by the river. I thought it was going to be, oh I'd say, I'll just have a makeshift thing in the woods just by a stream, as long as I've got water to it to drink and to wash my clothes and I'm fine.

That's your local radio. That's his local radio. It's half in a tent drinking from the tent. That's local radio. That's our round moat. He's washing his clothes and a round moat. He's watching the skies in a round moat. So you can work it out from there. By the end you're like BBC

Southampton or whatever. By the end your hospital radiate. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely by the very end urine hospital listening to radii yeah but you know I think it's a it feels like a merry life to be in you know

and it's one you've entered into crossbow now you're in that radio. Now you're in the radio journey, you kinda go, you can, you know, you can go now. I'm sorry, I got so confused, I was like, wait a second, he's in zone, what zone are you in? Oh, you're actually on the radio. Well, I'm both, I live in London,

and I'm on the radio, so I'm quite confused because I live in the dream, but I'm both living the metaphor and also the reality of the metaphor. So it's really confusing, but yeah, I've got a nice house and I'm on the radio, yeah, that's... Thanks for reminding me. It's quite a good life, Ashley. You fucking psychopaths don't drink in my drink. Look, all it took was drinking your drink a four-night ago, for you to finally pay me a compliment two weeks later. It's paid off, I played the long game. I sip your drink I

I drink it up I drink I drink your assahi Straw go all the way along my arm down my hand into your drink I Drink your assahi I drink your na-sai, I drink it up. I drink my sarky cocktail. Oh dear. Where would Clarky go on the radio? I'm putting it around your four. Thought for the day.

Yes. Oh, there we go. A lovely thought for the day. The thing about Clark Oh, there we go. A lovely thought for the day. The thing about Clark here is he's got some, he's got a del sit tone, he's got a slow calming way of speaking that's not unlike a vicar. Yeah, that's true. You know, you could imagine the thought for someone

who's lost in a sentence. Yeah, but you know what, that's the great thing. If you're on radio four, you know, if you're on radio one, you know, if you're on Radio 1 and you took the kind of pauses, you take Clarky. He could play songs in between, exactly, is Ali. They're thrown into Do-A-Leaper just to cover this island. Whereas, if you were... If I was Radio Show, he's one sentence.

With 15 songs in between. He said good, and then he played four songs. Is the next word going to be morning? Who put this guy on the breakfast show? I'd be quiet for that actually. It's like a kind of stream of consciousness kind of, you know, it's like a rambling anecdote and there's like leaping off points for songs along the way.

That's not bad. That's not a bad idea, yeah. It's basically how my brain works anyway. That's true. It's very true. That's what happens when you wait, is it? You're stopping, you're listening to music in your head. Yeah. Clarke is the only person in the world who's got hold music in his own brain. My wife does a terrible thing, which is whenever she's on hold, she puts it on speaker and she's got the house to the house music, the old music.

What's the alternative? Hold it to your ear. I go hands-free on that. If I never go make a phone call that I know, and I go hands-free and I can wander around the house, I leave the phone sort of where it is, and I wander around the house, you know, doing a few tasks that need doing,

letting the whole music play. Put your earphones in, man. What's that? That's... They're the actions of a psychopath. Put your earphones in. Yeah, that's... No, I'm saying I go hands-free with my hand-free. Oh, good. No, no, that, they're the actions of a psychopath. Put your earphones. Yeah, that's, no, I'm saying I go, how do you want hands-free with my hands-free? Oh, good, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no say. But also, I don't mind hold music. I'm not on the phone.

You know, it doesn't, like, I think it only, if you train yourself to go, well, look, this is me, this is here for my entertainment. The purpose of this isn't to annoy. We sort of, like, you know. Oh, hello. I could sing you my best. You thought it's hold music now. I know it so well. Clarke, let's hear it, man. Ah. Baa-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-ink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink-dink thinking about what he's thinking of the answer to the question. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Excuse me, somebody turned my lights off.

Excuse me, can I afford to go into the centre of town to have a tin of food? All the Trapes. It's all right. It's all right. I'll just drink their drinks. Is that HSBC, Karky? I'd say what a good job, a whole DJ. That's what I do, if I was CEO of HSBC.

Which, if you don't know stands for, the little sparky king system. Yeah, I would have an in-house DJ every day who's curating. I mean, fuck me, you've got the money, I'd get Le Mack, you know, you get all the money, you know. That's the journey, we've got a right now. We've got Le Mack. You start on Radio One, you go to six music,

you end up on HSBC Holds Music FM. Like, why haven't they got DJs curating their hold music? Do you know what I mean? Like, we live in a modern world. Why are we still on computer music? Yeah. Like crap, those crap on a generic whole music. Why haven't you got Zane Low playing, you know? Gotta be Zane Low. It's gotta be Zane Low. And by the way, your bank account is running Oh It's an all-time Kookie your overdraft is Pete Tongue

I've started following Gary Kemp of Spandar Ballet on Instagram He went on holiday recently with Pete Tongue and his wife, and he put up a picture of them having dinner, and it's very genuine, lovely, and they were all having dinner, and it just said, lovely dinner with the Tongues. If your name is a thing, it's a really exciting thing for people to be, oh, we're going to meet the Tongues tonight. He's not what Colin Farrell said on that infamous video. He certainly used his tongue, didn't he? Yeah, his tongue was right up there.

For his lunch and dinner with the Tongues. And I'd say, well, after that, he was not. How clever. Oh, and here's another one. You should be able to, let's technology for this, on your marks, devices, on your devices, you get to select your own style of hold music and then whenever you're on hold So if you go like Fleetwood Mac blah blah blah like on Spotify Yeah, then whenever you're on hold it goes into your choice at your genre of whole music

The tricky thing with that is remember when you can have songs as alarms It used to make you hate a song that you loved. I've been out walking. I don't do much talking these days. Royal tenor bum soundtrack all the way through university. Whenever I think of being hungover or waking up not knowing what it did the night before, like the soundtrack to my wild years of university. I mean like by the way, when I say I can't remember what I did the night before, it was normally WalkPats Crobbing's house, et an egg,

and watched a bit of Monty Byth, and that's what normally happened, or like we watched Mr. Show for three hours. We had an egg sandwich, and then I ended up back at the house. Again, clock, he wasn't invited. Just like that. Ha ha ha ha ha. The weird thing as well is we had like this lovely tradition. an egg sandwich and then I ended up back at the house. Again clock he wasn't invited. The weird thing as well is we had like this lovely tradition we'd get back home from

the club. Crosby and Makers two egg sandwiches then he'd eat them both. He was a real shame actually. He'd just eyeball me and then eat my sandwich and then tell me to leave. He put them both in front of you as well. Yeah, he'd put them down, he'd eat them both, then he'd say, I'm gonna end up with a nice house and a job on the radio, and get it. I heard a brilliant story, by the way, which I'm sure the guy who told me won't mind me telling. But it was, he had to pick up the much missed, the late

lamented Sean Locke to drive him to a festival. Right? And he had to drive him to a festival. And on the way, they said, oh, Sean said, I want to just pick up my mate. We've got to drive to Chizek. Go and pick up my mate. He's coming with me for these festivals. And so they picked up Mark Lamar, right? They drove and picked up Mark Lamar. And Mark Lamar apparently changed smoke the entire time. And the only time there was any kind of interaction between Mark Lamar and the guy who was driving,

was he said, oh, pull over at the next services. They stopped at the next services. And he came back with three white, magnum ice creams, and he ate all three of them to himself. No! It's one of the great stories, I think that is. Yeah, it's amazing. It reminds me of...

No, I know it was Paul Betany. When Lars Von Trier was filming Dogville, and he was basically trying to sort of psychologically torture as he loved to do, psychologically torture his actors. So the first thing he did was, and he obviously wouldn't, he wouldn't leave the country, so he filmed it in Denmark, so I've got to come to him. And he picked Paul Betany up from the airport and drove him to a service station.

And then when he got to the service station he bought like all of the porn in that service station, Lars von Trier did, and said, do you want any of this porn, Paul? Paul was like, no, you're fired, thank you. And he sort of chucked it in the back seat next to Paul. And then he went and picked up, I think it's Catherine to nerve. And he picked up Catherine to her from her hotel. And then Catherine to her got in and looked at all the porn. And Lars Von Trier said, yes, sorry, Paul's brought all this porn. And Paul and Catherine were going to work together for a month and hadn't met each other. The first thing is him going, the first thing is him going,

the first thing is him going, no actually this is Lars Von Trier did this, this wasn't me. And it just makes it, like, it just immediately, it immediately sort of puts the cat amongst the pigeons, doesn't it? Immediately, I don't know what he's trying to achieve.

No, I mean, when I first moved to, no, when I started my second year at university, Marco, one of the guys in the house was the last one to move in, and we all moved in and went to the shops and bought several porn magazines and decorated his bedroom with it. He arrived with his parents and walked into his bedroom. Now look back on that and think what on earth will we try to do there because like we weren't like fingering Marco because it's not like what? Like this. His parents aren't going to walk into his brand new room and go Marco you've pretty

decorated your room with porn. It was just like, what a hot, what a weird thing to do. But it does remind that story about Lars on Trier's at Vartner bar. Joe Allen parched you the football manager. You still know us, yeah, he used to par listen. He's supposed to be an absolute rotter. And so, and someone said like, how you know he's a rotter is he was, he started at a club and he sat down and he

sat with his kind of team around him and the kick man they all ordered food and his food arrived and the kick man's food ordered and he said oh I really like your food it looks nice to the my food what you've ordered and the kick man was like oh yeah you know order envy blah blah blah and part you was like give me your food what Kitman was like, oh yeah, you know, order him for you, blah, blah, blah. And part, he was like, give me your food. What? And he was like, well, no, because, you know, I've ordered it and he said, yeah, no, I'm the manager. And he made him give him his meal, gave him his meal.

But whenever I think about that, I think like, that might be the, I think we've come for circle, almost. Yeah. That's like the actions of an artist's psychopath. I can't think of something much worse to do to someone than to make them give you. And it's kind of how I felt, you know, back there in that restaurant. It would be weird if I was like, I want that point of a Sahi.

And you went, yeah, but you've just drunk a point of a Sahi, yeah, but I want your point of Asahi and you went, yeah, but you've just drunk a point of Asahi, yeah, but I want your point of Asahi. Yeah. But you can just order another point of Asahi, no, I don't want another point of Asahi. I want your point of Asahi. In fact, you know what, you know what, Alan Pargy is a fucking pussy

because he asked. Yeah, that's true. I'm leaning over. I'm taking... I'm more of a psychopath than Alan Pargy, alright? And I want the world to know that. I want that to be out in the open. I'm gonna have business cards on bone,

American Psycho style, printed up, did you say? I'm sure both. Matthew Crosby, nice house on the radio, more of a psychopath than Alan Pargy. NHOR, decentms on the radio. Which dance for of course, always be closing. Hashtag. His having subtitles on a foreign film cheek.

Hashtag. Well there we go, that was a real treat, wasn't it? It was a real Bronx cheer, it was on, isn't it? So here's my story about, well, it's our story, actually, about tribute bands. Listen to Dears, my no, that for my wedding celebrations, I asked Ben and Matthew and a couple of other dear friends with talented musicians to form an Oasis tribute band.

How many of you told us to form an Oasis tribute tribut band. The way you said, the way you broke the news to me was you said, have you heard about the Oasis tribut band? No, that's amazing. An Oasis tribut band. You're on drums. I was like, I can play all the Tony Macarol stuff. I hope you get well soon, Tony, but I can't play any of the Alan White stuff. That's too fucking tricky. I did my best though. They formed OASisters and famously, now, the best gig of my wife's life, she says, whenever she's asked what's your best live gig ever, she says it was OASisters, and I actually think it might be right as well. Oh man, that's so kind of. Thank you.

What an hour of music. Wow, the tent was just heaving, it was amazing. What, what a scene. We got an encore and we hadn't rehearsed any more than five songs so I had to play two. Just rehearse up again. Yeah, it was great. They're the best on calls, man. But anyway, someone got in touch, who was at our wedding,

got in touch with my wife and said, we're getting married and we want an OAS tribute band. Have you got the contact details of the band from your wedding? So guys, you're in demand. But another booking. Yeah. We're booked.

Well, Clark and I are now more currently in demand on the wedding circuit than we are on the live comedy circuit. Yeah. I mean, it's the inevitable transition. You've gone from six music to radio too, guys. That's the way it happens. Anyway, great.

Thank you for joining us, listen to Dear, support the Patreon if you can. We'd like to have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own.

We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. We'll have your own. the usual stuff if you enjoy it, recommend us to a friend, let's spread this list in the ships, leave a review on iTunes. Do people still do that? I guess they do. People do, yeah, yeah, yeah, people do still, review us on iTunes, like and subscribe, tell your friends about us, it all helps with spreading the word about the podcast. Absolutely, nominate us for a podcast award. Yes, that's a whole sale bit. Maybe next year, but it always rolls around and I go and it always sails back off again. The podcast awards have happened and then you go, yeah, we always forget to enter

ourselves in the competition. I know, I always go. I always go. I can't believe you haven't bloody won a podcast. I would didn't enter us. I was, yeah, I care about elsewhere enough. That's fair enough. They're not just going to go and listen. I mean, there's so many podcasts out there. They can't just go and listen to every single podcast. It's insane. It feels like if you're going to be the judge of the podcast awards, then listen to every podcast, you know.

The Academy do it. They watch every film. I don't know how it works. Anyway, point, yeah. Right. Anyway, thank you for listening. Thank you. Thank you.

No, please. Thank you judges for listening. This is the episode we're submitting, yes. Clarke thank you for listening for the times you weren't listening to the music in your head. Sorry I just missed that one. Do you want to play us out with H. Plantin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-tin-t-tin-tin-tin-tin-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- Caution team! Cheers everyone! Bye bye! Will you please be upstanding for today's Patreon Watch neighborhood roll call? It's the Patreon Watch neighborhood roll call. Okay! There we go too for a pad. I got three sausages, made out of blood, black pudding.

I'm selling them to Helen Bud. I tell you, you might want to just slightly re-frame the way you're selling those sausages. No, it's a plastic. They call it blood sausage back in the day, you can't say anything now, they? No, no, no, no, it's peace he got there. You can't say anything now, they? You know, you, you know, you, you can't say, uh, eggy bread anymore, you've got to say bread with egg. It's an absolute dilemma. It's an absolute.

As I was saying to my old friend, a gemmer. Oh, you can't say anything anymore! You can't say nothing, no more. I bought my daughter right. This little, cuddly, little baby for us to look after, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, I can't call it a dolly anymore. No, I've got to call it a tiniest person

of unknown origin. All right, look, Mr. Genoa, should we do, we stop doing this, this guy, to know, because it's getting, it's already getting to, like, let's not, let's not, it's a rare situation, folks, where we're gonna, we're gonna switch, tack midway, like immediately. I think we're just, we get ourselves in a sticky territory.

The listeners don't need it, we don't need it. We don't need it. We don't need it. I think we're much more comfortable with the general sort of, you know, the barra boy, the green grocer type of thing. That's what we were. And I hold my hands up, I steer the ship slightly from the end. He's been doing that. He's been doing that.

He's been doing that. He's doing that. You know, nippet in the butt early doors move on, move on. Right. All right. We're moving on, we're moving on. I'm doing your tattoos. I'm doing that too for a pad.

But they're not permanent. they fade after a few days, they're henna. I think we've already done this name, it's Jema, we've done it. Yeah, you've got to go all the way back to the names, we know you were doing Daniel Jolly, remember, that's why. Oh, okay, okay, I'm Jolly. Well, it's as simple as that,

I'm selling you a baby little girl, aren't I? It's a dolly, who am I selling it to, Daniel J that. I'm selling you a baby little girl, aren't I? It's a dolly. Who am I selling it to? Daniel Jolley. Let me tell you now, it's an absolutely gorgeous dolly. Let me, all right. This dolly can do absolutely everything. It's wonderful.

It can laugh. It can cry. It can eat black pudding. You can take this belly ache, but I put it exactly. Yeah. It moves. It's hair is curly.

Ah. I'm selling it once, Yeah, most of all, it's hair is curly. Ah! So I get once, twice, three times to pull Shirley. He's bought three of them. If he tell you, Sam, he's gonna enjoy those dollies as well. He's gonna enjoy it once, twice, three times a dolly. Listen, I'm selling, I'm gonna sell you another version of that dolly.

Like, it's got a lovely habit on it. Look, it's got a nan-t fit on it. Oh, here we go, yeah. Little baby, she can live at her time. She'll leave you confession. She'll say hail Mary's. She can even pray. Go in wads, go in twice.

Boy, your nan dolly's sold to Christa. What the fuck did you run with Christa there? I'm sorry I thought Nundale was like So in a half run right now, no, no, no, no, I do it. You know, do you know what right? Um, you know, I'm selling these curries. I'm selling these curries, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in fact, forget that. I'm not saying a cur right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, I forget that.

I'm not selling the carries no more. Oh, yeah. What? You know, I was obviously... It was a bit spicy. No, no, no, no, I'll tell you what, I will sell the carry. I'll tell you what, I'll sell you the carry, right? I'll sell you a carry.

You know, the Ruby Marie. Oh, no, well, I'll tell you what, I'll sell you a tie red. I'll even sell you a carry. Sarah Ruby Marie. Oh, no, well, that is a thing. I'll sell you a tie red. I'll even sell you a tie green. And I'll sell them now to Aden, Bacadine. Let me tell you something, right? Let me tell you nothing. I'm selling you this little toy, Teddy Boy.

Oh, he's adorable. He's got the blue suede shoes. He's got a comb. He's even got a quiff. I'm selling it your way. I'm selling a monster, oh, let me tell you, it's got really awful teeth. It's got boggly eyes. It's absolutely gruesome.

And I'm selling it now to Joby Newsom. Well, I'm selling you this. And fortunately, it is a jar of headlice. I can't even dress it up, but it's only three quid. So, is it Ian? Guy nice. I don't know, here's the thing about Ian, good E.J. However, you pronounce it.

He leaves and rejoins the Patreon. Probably, once we're two months, this blame always crops up. I've never had to die with it, I think. But it always crops up and I'm like, why'd you keep, I mean, love having you. But just stick around, you know, shit will get off the pot, Ian.

So be fair, he's dealing with a lot of lives. He's got a lot of lies. Why are you too many lies? Oh, lies are too tight to mention when it comes to Ian. Ian Gwydus. Gidis. Who knows. Anyway, listen.

I tell you what. Oh, excuse me. Oh, sorry. Sorry about that. I've got a bit of the old sellers cough, right? I've got the old sellers cough from doing too much selling. Let's just hope there's something out there with a buyer's cough and I'm hoping it's Lee Myers cough. Oh no, I've got a terrible case. I've got a terrible case of buyers' warts. And the doctor told me I've been doing too much docking.

But don't worry, because I'm selling you this keish. Absolutely. And it tastes delicious, actually. I can really, I can, there's nothing I enjoy more than a bad, after a bad docking and a slice of geesh Absolutely and that is why rain remove the pain. That's why that is why I'm sending it to my good friend Robert cock it All right Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

I'll tell you what I I'm selling this Trails of Press. And it's not one of those knockoff ones, it's a genuine one made by Corby, and I'm selling it to Andrew. Oh, B. I'm selling you this Peppa Rami, believe me, it's no baloney. It might be a salami. Is it ham? Find out! Naomi!

Is it ham? The age old question that we can ask of any of our products. This product you sold me, is it ham? I tell you what, I've got some, I've got some great framed photographs. Have you now? Expensive. We've got a frame, let me tell you. There are rarities, let me tell you now, I've got a framed photo of Tessa Sonderson. Oh, I have, I've got a framed photo of Fatima Whitbread.

Oh, yeah. Gorgeous photo of Zola Bud. Who recently had a frame? Just the Javling Frows then. Not just no. No. No, you just, not just Lee. Not just the Javling's get us known. No, not just the Javling throw is then? Not just no. No, he just de- Not just Lee.

I thought back Lee was good as no. No, not just the Javling. I was looking at it thinking he's had a line with Javling. I'm actually struggling to remember I've got this guy's name right. But I've also got... You've got the big gun haven't you? Oh, God, yeah. You've got, yeah. You know what I'm thinking of. You've got the big gun, haven't you? Oh, God, yeah. You've got Steve Graham.

No, I've got Roger Black. I've got Roger Black. I haven't got time to Google it. Is it Steve? Is it Steve of it? It's Steve of it, yeah. I couldn't remember his name. It was Steve or Chris.

It's Steve of it. Is it Steve? It might be Chris of it, actually. Is it Chris of it? Is it Chris of it? Steve Avert? It might be Chris Avert actually. Is it Chris Avert? Is it Chris Avert? Let me give a skivvist. Give us a two, and two more. Give us a second, and it's Chris Avert.

Is it Chris Avert? Okay, now there's Chris Evert, who is a tennis player. It's Steve Avert, it's Steve Avert. We as Steve Avert. We as Steve Avert. The Steve Avert. Steve Evert. We are Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it.

Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it.

Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve of it. Steve I'm going to sell it now to my dear friend Helen Previtt.

And I hope she says, ho ho ho. Merry Christmas Helen, this sausage is made of blood. But the big question is, is it pig's blood? Is it hand blood? Is it hand blood? Oh, that concludes today's Patreon Watch Neighborhood Roll Call. He's never been to Patreon Watch Neighborhood Roll Call. It's always a Patreon Watch Neighborhood Roll Call.

It's the Patreon Watch Neighborhood Roll Call. That's the way we used to say it. Actually, our heart, our heart, we love it. Gary Watts, going twice. So. Go in Ian Gweedice. See you again next month. Old guy does.

See you next month for you and we love you brother. See you later mate. Good night.