Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Bowls) S11E15

Episode Date: April 12, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Fancy a bowl or a stretch? Don't forget: on April 20th at 8pm GMT we are holding an online Flatshare Slamdown with guests Evelyn Mock (Rice to Meet You podcast) and Tony Law (The Tone Zone). Tickets are £5 (free for NHS) and are available here - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-w-evelyn-mok-and-tony-law-tickets-148215682095Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom. A pop in that book. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters for December 15th. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to another episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting. Yes, this is where we sit around and chew the fat at the end of the day. And if that's got you excited. LAUGHTER Um, what was it? It was.

It's always nice for people to know what time of the day we're recording this, and it is the end of the day. And as you'll tell from the chat, not just the end of the day in actuality, you know, half past nine, basically it's the end of the day, but also in many ways the end of our days. The end of times. The autumn of our years. The autumn of our years. It's just three experienced podcasters sitting around contemplating, I guess. That's why you described this one. Yeah. Put it this way. I've listened to more up beat grief cast. this one? Yeah. Pond, put it this way. I've listened to more up beat grief cast. Anyway, apologies for the low energy, but we get through it and it's okay. But look, if you want something to do... Listen, I was bouncing all the way through, right, some

chocolate before I recorded this episode. I had a coffee. I feel like my energy, my energy never dropped. I've got a cup of mint tea just outside the door. I know, I've got a cup of orange in my tea. You've got a cup of, oh, you're gonna drink it now. Drink it now, it'll be, it'll be stewed. It'll be a stewed affair. But I reckon pop the bag out, pop it in the microwave for 40 seconds,

be right as rain. Oh man. See, they're asleep. If you... Look, if you are up for something a bit more energetic, then we are recording another one of our flat share slam down live. Oh, gosh. Harry, you always passed out during that. It was like, you know, when you've got like a toilet running out of batteries.

We should every episode and we shouldn't really tell people this because this is a little secret. But every episode we each take a different drug. Now this one, Paris taken heroin. We shouldn't tell you that, but... Get the ludes. Paris. Paris, gotta walk. Paris, gotta walk. Marmin, to get the ludes. Paris, gotta walk a wall street drive all the way from Exeter.

Back to South London. And I tell you what he has in here a single lap post the entire journey Anyway, if you fancy flashers. I'll do some neurofennite-assam chocolate. Yeah, never start with a horse, man. Anyway, I'm excited it's my turn to do heroin next time. I'm really thrilled about it. I started on the crack of your episode back, and now I just... You just want to go back. Yeah, because when this is in, once you do crack,

um, yeah, sorry, where are you? April the 20th. April the 20th. Is it for the... Oh, man. April the 20th, who got two... Sinta-lating guests. Tony Law and Evelyn Mark.

If there's any, you know how you're on the podcast, you can change the speed that people are talking. Every time Paris talking, you may want to just switch it to double speed or 1.5, just to kind of bring him up to the pace of the rest of the broadcast. Sorry, sorry, carry on. Oh, dear, you may. Dear, you may. At Minty, how far for sip now?

Come on. We haven't put the war through yet. That's the saddest part. It's not a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. It's a compliment. The bags in the mug.

You've got a puddle in the cup. What are the bags in the mug? The water's in the kettle. Anyway, we will be recording that on April 20th. If you want to come along and join in and watch via YouTube, then you can get your tickets from Event Bright. Cross me. How do you spell Event Bright? EVNT, B-R-I-T-E, dot code at UK.

They'll be a link to the show in the show notes. It's free if you work for the NHS, it's five quid if you don't, and it's four quid if you remember the Patreon. Get to the Patreon, guys. I hope, thanks to everyone who wrote and said they enjoyed the the flagship lockdown episode. You know, there's plenty more of those where that came from. There's another sort of hundred plus of those in the archive we're doing two a week.

Get yourself to the Patreon now and join up today. Absolutely right. Clarky, anything to add? Hi guys. Classic Clarky. Enjoy the episode. We'll see you on the other day of getting old hobbies to feel young like I was thinking of taking up crown green holding. Not about it.

It's the only way I could go along to the crown green holding, and be like a young whipper snapper again. Yeah, you could be a young whipper snapper though for like, let's face it, 25 years. Thanks, mate. Have we talked about this? Because I am gonna take up Crang Green Ball and there's a Crang Green Ball in club, like, five minutes from my house.

No, there's one near me as well. Genuinely near. Yeah, amazing. Oh, there we go, we can do home and away matches. But then there is a tie, isn't there? Do you think like the young person doing old things, they're a tie, aren't they? You know, I'm sitting with two of them. I do ready to be that type. You clearly already made decisions to be that type. We've always been. I'll wave at you from the skate park dudes.

Well, that's the other way to go, isn't it? That's the other way to go, absolutely, yeah. Or you could do, you know, what I'm doing, which is having no hobbies whatsoever. Just do nothing. Do nothing with your time. What prompted you, Clarky, to just, saw the place and you thought that could be me? Yeah, that's it. And when I went into inquire and they were like, what?

You want to pay? You can't come in here. Really? You have to become a member and he was like, that's fine. How much is that? They're like six pounds. It's not a problem. It was like they were trying to put it in. Do you think they're the really steep number? Do you think they panicked and they were like right? Well it's five quid to join but we should

really out price him but then they were like what do we do say you know 700 quid that's amazing so so you're both thinking of doing it yeah man yeah 100% yeah in fact I've got like a there's like an open day thing next week that I'm going to an open day, yeah. Where they bring in the new, uh... They bring in the fresh, the new blood. But I mean, I've played it before. I'm a big fan of the sport, and like, my granddad taught me how to play. So I played quite a bit of my granddad,

and I've played since then, in my, like, with my family and stuff, so. Oh, I like it. It's a very... I feel like what you've got here is, Perry is defending the sports from the very people like our friend Ben Clarke who are only in it to make themselves feel better about themselves.

And just the way hanging out with a load of pensions, man. Of course, of course. Yeah, but so... So I think if you watch the world Kind of when you watch the world championships the really good players are still Sprite me How sprightly is sprightly because I've never watched the world championships. They're in the Sprite Lee boy Sprite Lee boy

Yeah, go on. Well, I guess like, it's an interesting one looking into like, because golf obviously is like, golf's something I'm hoping to do a lot more of. There's other things that I just think, if you haven't done them yet, there's no chance. Like, yeah, I feel Yeah, I feel like no one's getting into the K hole in there in their in their you know late 50s, are they? No, unless not unless things have taken a turn.

Take a time. It feels like, you know, I can imagine reasons why and none of them are great. But like skiing, for example, it's always good when someone, you know, you have the thought yourself and you go, yeah, we'll stop that conversation now, but let's talk about, so. Like skiing, for example, if you've skied before, you've skied into your, like, if you were skiing

when you were 15, you've skied into your 60s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, my mate's mom is in a 70s, she can still do a black run. Right. It's just in her arsenal. But one in fact, right. Right, what a silly thing. She's got a black run in her lock

Agile I mean but but right here's the here's the thing. You're not you're not taking it up at 70 are you no one's going granddad get on the nursery slopes. It's a it's a black run another another term for a K hole. It's the equivalent, right? It's the skiing equivalent. But if things don't slow down, they very much speed up. So, but yeah, that's true that you're probably not taking it up in your 70s, but there must be people who take it up in their, you know, in Clarkies case, late 30s, you know, possibly people who find themselves in a different You know, possibly people who find themselves

in a different financial situation, possibly people who find themselves marrying into a skiing family, you know. This is a sport you could take up. I mean, I don't think you're taking up. I reckon your cut off points 35. What? It's too late for Clarkies.

Ah! Ah! You've made it. Just a little bit younger than he is. That just deliberately just to... Yeah, just to... ...diproclastic shade. I six pounds, Tim.

Yeah, you've shaved your pants. You shaved, you've clarked, yeah, of the scheme club, haven't you? Oh, well, you know, those crown green ballers, we've all got the same tactics, you know. I've come up with a game of margins. A game of margins. But we've done scheme before. We've all taken a ski lessons together. We've all done ski lessons.

I would say that because I didn't, particularly, I didn't get a lot of confidence out of the lesson and didn't really go out on the slopes. I just messed around on the little baby slopes for the rest of the day. I wouldn't say I'm, you know, I've taken it out. Yeah, because it's too late for you. Do you think that's what it was?

I reckon if we had done the skiing that we did when we were, if we had been 12, we'd have been shit hot skiers by the way. No, no, no, no, no, because I went to a skiing party. I went to a skiing, but this, how's this for a party, right? When I was about 12, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Skieselopes on the way to the one's in Kent on the way into sort of towards Favisham. And he goes up on the big slope and off he goes and you know up on the ski lift and he's skiing down. Just leaves us all behind and all of his mates none of whom can ski all have to do a ski lesson while he goes off and has a great time on the slopes. And what was the birthday? How old? Ah, let's see.

Like 12-ish, 13. Maybe it was 14-15, but it was definitely... It was under 16, yeah. That guy's birthday present is... Everyone gets to look at how good I can ski, isn't it? Well, that would be fine if we all got to... Eventually, that's what happened, because we did our skiing lesson and then we went, went well we don't want to do any more of this

because it's like spin at school. So let's go and sit in the, it's going to sit and it's eat some chips in the clubhouse and then watch him. So effectively yeah that is what that is what eventually happened. So I was like he's a little birthday present to himself. But he could have you know what in which case just get rid of the artist say, do you want to come and eat burger and chips all day? And we'd be like, yeah, and he'd be like, okay, well, I'm also going to eat burger and chips for some of it, but I'm also going to ski. And we'd be like, fine, that's okay. You'll be a good boy. You're the bottom of this big slope. Go ahead. Yeah, but you start at the bottom of the slope, Glocky.

What? You know, it's the bottom of the screen the wrong way. Now you start at the bottom of the slope, Clarky. I can only see in the wrong way. You start at the bottom of the top. You're two old old men, I told you. You're two old. You start at the bottom, you get a lift up. Getting really hard, getting birthday parties, right? Isn't it? Yeah.

That's why bowling is good because everyone good at yeah, but everyone can kind of do it sort of fine Right if what I got what type of bowling Yeah Sorry, the green guy is say bowling that's very offensive to us. Crowned green ballers. Okay Keep off the green If you're gonna say 10 pints I 10 p in all right all right If you're going to say 10p in, say 10p in, all right? All right. A 10 pin bowling party, I would say most people

are of a level, right? I've never been to a 10 pin bowling party, where one of my eight-year-old mates has shown up with his own gloves and ball, and he's doing the funny dance like the Jesus in Big Lebowski. Like, if we're all eight, we're all kind of the same level at Temp in Bowling, right? We all want the guards down on the gutters. That's the way, you know, that's the way it goes.

Wait, so what are you saying? As Perry's pulling, he's pulling a few faces here, he's making occasional grunts towards the microphone. Talk us through what you're thinking here, Harry, is that you are always... No, is that you're... I think you make a fair point, but I think... I'm saying eight to young for a 10-pin ball in birthday party. I think you're looking at 10 to 12 to a let, like 10 to 14. 10 to 12 to a let?

I'm actually... Yeah, sorry. So that's the time. You don't get them in. That's what time the party's driving. That's the time the party's driving. 10 to 12 to 11. 10 to 12 to 11 is quite a long party.

I'm going to say that right now. I think if you're eight in your 10 pin bowling, it's of course you're an older siblings birthday party. OK. I'm going to say I think eight to young. And it's my point, at least. I get that. OK.

All right. No, six minutes please. Thank you. Yes. OK. All right. We're slowly working out the cutoff points for all sports here. It's just good.

So okay, so the cutoff point for learning to ski, 35, right? No one after. No one after 35 is. Do you have that bleak moment when you're watching any sport in particular when they talk about old sports people and they're all younger than we are now. Oh god, you can't. Like they'll go, fuck you now. That guy scored the other day.

Wait, hang on a second, I've watched a little bit of sport, right, not a lot, but I know, I've never watched an event where someone goes, oh fuck, you know. I see what. Hang on, at least blow, go, oh, okay, this guy. You've clearly never listened to any crang green balls on the tree because that is the best.

Very sedate on the pitch, but in that little in that little shed So anyway the this guy scored against Germany for Macedonia last week and everyone was like it's a miracle He's 37 and he scored a goal in an international and you like go, yeah, 37. Yeah, he's just been chickened up a whole lot. He's fed of it, yeah. You kind of go like, and now, we are well past the retirement age of any decent sportsman bar, the obvious darts.

That's kind of stuff. But does this, because obviously that's one of the, you know, one of the things, lots of little kids when they're growing up think a one day I'd like to play sports. Do you feel like, you know, obviously there's a variety of increments of realization that that isn't gonna happen? Do you feel like that's the final one for you?

Where you go, right? I'm 40. I mean, you know, Shelton still played for England when he was 40, didn't he? But he did it's rare, right? But he was already playing for England. He did it. He did it. He did it. He did it. He did it. He did it. He did it. He didn't wake up with his 40 players in the fort. I tell you what, I tell you what, blowing out the candles, really work for Shelton. I'll tell you that. Nothing. His one wish came straight straight onto the team. No, you're right. You're right. I guess that's it. So what did you do? Do you feel that? The story about Shelton is that he used to hang off the stair rail. And his dad had hang off his feet to make him longer.

It's got a... now I hear this story. You've got to ask in those circumstances, how big is stairwell that it's two, two people's, the size of two people? You're imagining that his dad's feet are touching the ground, right? You're not imagining that the two are the man hanging. And there's like three people. Real man is the man. his dad's feet are touching the ground though right? You know I'm measuring the two of them hanging.

And there's like three feet. Real man is dead. Wow, it's mathis. It's entirely honest. That wasn't what I was about to do. Shulton's height. So he's done a climb down his back. Get out of the end of his feet.

No, and then the bad thing is he's had one with a joke over the blanket. He gets on it. So he's got a little mini trampoline just by the stairs. Very dangerous place to keep it. The mum has to immediately go, well, we're going to move that trampoline away in case, you know, the dog falls down the stairs or whatever. But guess Pong gets ponged out the window.

But so you're imagining he's leaping off a trampoline, grabbing onto his son's ankles and just hanging there and they live in some sort of medieval tower. He's literally stretching his long enough to get his feet on the grass. He's being beaten. He's being beaten to shelter, like the ladder you would get out of the, you know, to get out into the attic. One of those, the basically, he's dead.

He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. It's a strong, strong. Yeah. No, presumably you could do it, you could hang on to say the radiator and go horizontal. That would be a way to do it, couldn't you? So if he hangs on to the radiator with his hands,

and then he hooks his legs over his dad's shoulders and his dad sort of walks the other way. You can stretch yourself out that way. All right. You wouldn't have to be hanging down. It's just so long as there's a... Well, you want to stretch in width ways, making wider. No, he's still pulling on his legs.

Wait a second, I think he just handrawn and caught it. He could have shot it. He'd hold onto his dad's spot like the bumper of his car. Yeah. His dad has started driving. Yeah, those legs get those arms nice and long. Yeah, I mean, he could do that as well. Before you know, he's back to the future and it ran,

ran, ran, ran to his neighbour. Yeah, waving at the girls doing the gymnastics. I was speaking about the future. Oh yeah. I am listening to a podcast at the moment about the MBA, and the ABA when it merged. Oh thank God, I thought you're gonna say QAnon then for me. Well I'm also listening to a lot of QAnon,

but you know, that's been well documented and you can always check my Twitter if you want to see which podcast I'm listening to. It's a very, very good thread. It was only when I put them all together in a thread. I was like, no, I do listen to a lot of podcasts about QAnon. But it's an interesting phenomenon. Anyway. By the way, conspiracy theories, that's a sport you can absolutely get into at the older you get.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. If you want to hop on the, you know, the Jewish space lasers, I would say 55 is the minimum age. What's the Jewish space lasers? Try to, just, just Google it. Anyway, it's not a, right, but it isn't a thing. That's all you need to know. It's like one of these things that isn't, it's not real.

It sounds like something Peter Schulton might use to make himself long. Sorry, carry on. And so it's basically it's talking about the, it's talking about a bunch of players in the NBA and sort of setting it alongside the rise of Ronald Reagan as a sort of political figure. So it's around the 80s. Every time they mention Ronald Reagan, my mind wanders because I start thinking about back to the future. I start thinking about that bit where he goes, who's the president in 1985 and he goes

to Ronald Reagan. He goes, Ronald Reagan, the actor, and you go, Reagan he goes wrong Reagan the actor and you go yeah It's lucky that it is a person you know Because that's 30 years time Are you gonna know somebody's gonna become the president like do we know who's gonna be the president now in 30 years time It feels like a long time to Do you know like if the rock the equivalent would be like it, I mean, do you think rocks can be the president in 15 years time?

Yeah, but yeah, rock, rock will be the president in 15 years time, but 15 years ago, if you'd have said the rock, yeah, you're right. Right on the wrestler. Yeah, yeah, you're right. So I think it does hold up, and crucially, there's's the Trump example is it there? Yeah. Where if you go at any point in the last 20 years or whatever, you don't know. Trump, the lunatic? Yeah.

I think you're probably right. Like increasing now with it being more like, you know, with more people who are sort of celebs going into the world of politics. Reagan was fucking old as well, wasn't he? They're always quite old, presidents. But I think Reagan was an old dude. Yeah. I don't think he's as old as Biden, I think.

I was just about to say, is that he's Biden. No one's as old as Biden. Biden's not allowed on the ski slopes, let me tell you. Biden's too old to join the Crank Green Balls Club. Wow. That's what they say when someone shows up and they're really really old, they say, I'm sorry, six quid, put your six quid away, but have you considered becoming the president of the United States of America? The crown green balls clubling Club near me have a treat where I'm gonna hopefully join The bowling green is sponsored by the local funeral parlour

Doesn't double up as a cemetery does it It's a little bit bumpy at the moment because we just we just buried Graham So that's it. So yeah sponsored by a funeral the funeral parlour. Oh my God. Well, you know, that's the thing I think about, isn't it? I do. You know, this is what you've got to think about, Harry. You've moved out of London, you've joined a Boris Club. It's time to start thinking about planning your funeral. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for...

It's non-stop bunkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. This NBA thing that you're listening to, right? Yeah. You don't experience sports. That's the first time I've ever heard of you experiencing

like experiencing sports Did you say you listened to an NBA podcast? Yeah, it's a podcast about the NBA and the and the rise of Reagan's presidency So why is that like is that you getting into sports or is it just? I think you passed the you passed the point at which I think you passed the point at which you could do it, yeah. I think even with me, I might get a gross mark and get off your ankles. Head in on the stairwell. I could be the next career-mabbed-old jobar. All I need to do is grow another literally two feet.

That's all of this. What's the last four feet? That's weird. Does the Shelton thing work? Does the Shelton thing work? Does the Shelton thing work? If you hang off someone's... Like, it's possible to do that. It can't, but...

Does physically stretch someone. No, not in any significant way. I don't think. It might... I mean, your taller when you start the day, aren't you? Then when you end the day, because you you, than when you end the day, because you're stretching yourself out, makes you a little bit taller,

but it's tiny, it's almost imperceptible amounts. Unless you can stretch bones. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have any effect on how you grow. Are you fatter or thinner when you wake up? Oh, that's a good question. I always think thinner, because you have an eaten for a bit. Yeah, but you're also spreading out, aren't you? Into the deva. Into the mac and look a bit better, topless, in the morning than I didn't the evening. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah.

Who la la? All right. What do you, how do you feel in the morning, Parry? Do you feel fat or thinner in the morning? I feel fat in the mornings, I feel fat in the evenings. Time to start planning, if you're in a roll. Alright, Michael, they're giving you. So, I don't really know where... Maybe I feel thin when I'm asleep. I don't know Dream thin

Dream thin guys if you're stretching yourself out presumably you're stretching all of yourself out So you should be a bit a bit thinner, right? Well, that's right if you're taller than maybe you're thinner. Yeah, yeah, proportionally maybe your thinner, yeah? Yeah. For poor should lay. They're... Uh, uh, sure. That's all right.

No, no, there's always, always, always a good sign with a podcast. You know, you're really cooking on gas when one of the three people recording it just starts yearning. Right, because the talk of, just talk of being asleep and sleepy, I think. Is it my just sleepy?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's also the evening. It's also your bedtime because it's nice. Quarter past nine. So you know, poor parry, you've got to get yourself tapped up, you've got to get your little cap, okay, okay. I will think. Um, leave through those brushes with my class

plus pitch on the front. Turning a musical instrument right. Yeah. Do you think there's a cut off of that? No. No, never. Start at any point with a musical instrument I reckon. The problem with any of that stuff is,

and I've definitely done it. You go like, ah, it's a bit late to be doing that. And then a year later, you're like, I could be a year into it now. Yeah, and that, I mean, this is crucially the time where we're having that conversation about the things you could have done in lockdown. Yeah. Yeah.

All the stuff you feel like you could have achieved. I think with a musical instrument, the only thing that you, like the, well, it's like anything when you're a kid, all you've got is time, isn't it? You know like if you if you can come home and practice your guitar for like three hours I used to do that you know when I was playing when I was a kid I would come home and I would literally play the guitar

For three hours just because I had nothing else going. I don't want to do my homework You know, I wasn't going anywhere You know, it wasn't like I, you know, I wasn't like I was, you know, going to head out and see people, it was, that was all you could do. And you just sort of don't, you don't have that time anymore, do you? Well, I didn't know what I'm filling this time with. I claim to not have, but you know, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean, but yeah, Tom, definitely in Lockdown that's when it it feels like could have

Did you try did you try anything and try to learn anything a lot though? No, I don't think so I I don't think I genuinely don't think I did. I think I just kind of hunkered down and got into it. I genuinely don't think I'd like, I think I like it's weird for me because every other time I would be pretending to try to learn something to myself and not do it. I'd be like, this month I'm learning Italian.

Now I'm playing the trumpet. Now I'm doing that, whereas like as soon as lockdown started, I was just like, wow, there we go. That's fucking it. That's all that then, isn't it? You want set a thing to me, and I think lockdowns are a bit like this, but you want set a thing where you sort of thought

You were talking about either wanting to go It being a car crash or go to prison. Do you remember this? Yes, yes, yes It was quite upsetting because you were driving the car when you were telling me and I was like oh my god You're driving the car, mate. You could do a two for here and I was like, oh my god. You were driving the car, mate. You could do a two for here. He could absolutely,

he could absolutely live out all of his dreams. He could have a real shiltern's birthday. If he puts his mind to it, you were driving and you said, oh, you know what, sometimes I just think, oh, I wish I was in a car crash, like a really bad car crash,

or I wish I'd done something awful that I was going to prison for a long time. Because then at least I'd have the next bit of my life sorted and I just wouldn't have to think about anything else and just be like, right, that's what I'm doing now. I'm in hospital, trying to, you know, trying to mend my bones, you know, I'm in prison, trying not to get shivered, that's what I'm doing.

That's my, you know, time. And I feel like there's a- There's a lot of questions answered, isn't it? Yeah. There's an element of, of a lockdown sort of came around. That was sort of the feeling. It's like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to try that hard to do extra stuff. I'm not going to treat this as like, you know, my kind of like creative rum springer.

I'm going to attempt just to get through it. And that's going to be, that's going to be it. That's, I mean, you know, I think the life of a worm, basically, or a small fish. Yeah. Yeah. There's one to be, there's something in it. The way we used to live when they were dying of sauce,

I know that like we've talked about that as well, but it's just like, you know, you've got three hours to play guitar. Have you actually going to get, you know, you've got three hours to play guitar. Have you actually gonna get, you're gonna get eaten? I think it's why people get quite like into a zombie apocalypse films, because they're like, it's that kind of like break down a society and it's like,

oh it's quite like a, it's almost like a terrible yes, but it's quite attractive and that you're like, I just go back to just like survival The idea is just like I'm not going to be scrolling through Instagram If I know that there's a load of zombies outside and they want to eat me. Yeah, yeah I keep I've survived and I've eaten well done You've yeah, you've you've had a good day. Whereas whereas today's days are a lot more complicated than that Yes Bring it on the road and we'll be happy. That's your dream, isn't it? Basically, it's

you. It's the road of thought. You're child and a shopping cart and a never-ending sort of shower of ash landing on both of your heads. And all you've got to do is avoid getting, you know, a shot gun to the face from an amputee. That's basically it, isn't it? Hopefully find a nice stretch of green grass so we can play a bit of bowls. Just roll a couple of decent sized rocks so you get close to the graves that are freshly dug. Life's got too complicated. Life's got too big on us, didn't it, really? That's what happened. Life's got too big.

Life's got a bit too big on us as humans, and no, no one's that happy. Like, no one's that happy. No one's that happy anymore and it's because everything there's too much going on. Right. It's the overwhelming amount of choice that you feel like people have got. Yeah, I'm an expert. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you.

I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you.

I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you.

I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. I just take you. We're just taking people back to a much simpler time where people would talk, not know what they're talking about, they're unencumbered by facts and information, stories, myths. In that respect, we're sort of, you know, we're kind of men out of time. And I don't mind that, you know, I think I think that's not a bad thing. Well you feel quite young when you're when you're when you're when you're a man at a time

at this age, you know, you get you get into it early on aren't you? Is this podcast our balls club? I mean, you know, yeah, in a way it is. I mean, like, it's, I guess that's sort of true. People of a certain age like it. And sure, we've talked about this before, but there are some young listeners. There are, yeah. But effectively, they're old. They're old souls, you know?

You know, they're not. I don't think our young listeners would consider themselves to be sort of active members of the TikTok generation. Our young listeners are where we started this conversation You know Clarkie going to a cranberry bowls club. Yeah, that's you know that we're there led Zeppelin We keep we keep them we keep them feeling young. And you know Led Zeppelin is a good reference point I think. Thank you. Midland's based.

Yeah. We've got the sort of, I certainly, it's certainly Led Zeppelin now. I think where you go? Come on guys. LAUGHTER We're still doing it. Still doing it. Yeah.

LAUGHTER We still got it. Oh. You got something. Yeah, certainly have. I was to get a process. LAUGHTER You got something? Yeah, certainly have. Osteoporosis. Cauter rats. Broken arm from skiing.

Broken arm from Clarky, hanging off my legs, trying to stretch me out. Jimmy Page fell off the ski lift. Clarky was all his uncles. I was looking at him. I was looking at him. So yeah, and getting into some sort of quite contemplative stuff here on this podcast, but not afraid to do it. Not afraid to enter it. No, well, you know, there's a reason we don't make the Guardians List of 50 podcasts to make you know. It's because, you know, we make you think, you know, that's, that's by the way.

By the way, that list, I will be on there. By the way, I absolutely knew that was going to be, I could tell, as soon as I saw that list, I thought, our parry's going to take to Twitter on this one. And there I go. Straight away, he's there. What do you call it when you... Is it shit posting? When you're not saying what the thing is

that you're upset about. So you're just talking about the thing. Is that what shit posting is? I don't know why. I thought shit posting was just doing what I do, which is like bad tweets. A lot of puns. A lot of pun like bad tweets. A lot of puns. A lot of puns from cracking.

A lot of puns. A lot of stuff about the Sewers Canal. Well, exclusively puns about the Sewers Canal. The journey to the other day, I saw outside Denmark Hill Station, a truck parked across the road, like, you know, the wrong way. There you go. Offloading some stuff into the builder's yard. And I thought, should I take a photo of that

and send it to Clarky? Yeah, I'll have an absolute field day with that. Mate, what you should have done is sent it to Twitter. You would have got at least 12 likes. I can't even say that, actually, that's not bad. But yeah, so I saw the list of the 50 top podcasts. And I thought, well, I mean, I saw the pokes list of the 50 best Suis Gnauz tweets

and so similarly, you know. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. You got left off. I can't believe it, man. No, what the guy gotta do, you know? I know, they were good stuff. I know, you know what as well?

The listeners retweeted it. They really went for it. They were retweeting it and they're absolute droves. Yeah, I mean, what, you know what I was well. The listeners retweeted it. They really went for it. They were retweeting it and they're absolutely droves. Yeah, I mean, what, you know, there's just only so much you can do. Where's that assembly listeners, that's the problem. That's the problem. That's the problem.

That's the problem. Every listener retweeted it twice. Yeah, a boat might get jumped again, Clarkie. You might get a second bite at the chair. Thanks, man. I really hope so. And I really hope the podcasting thing works out for you as well. LAUGHTER

We've each got our things, you know, and it's good that we can reach across the divide and kind of get wedged in the middle. Yeah. That's right, you're getting into boats being wedged in the canal. I'm getting into sports, Paris getting into podcasting. It's not a moment, but he's getting into a gravy stug for himself in the back garden. Rolling a bowling ball onto his face. At least I know what I'm going to be doing for the next few years!

So I roll this onto my crown! What the worst thing you've considered eating? Well there you go! Infra-penny, infra-pound? Absolutely right, another strong episode from your three lovable lads. Infra-Betty, infrared pen, but not for six pounds. No, never that, never that. Just in the motto above the door

of the Crayon Green Balls Club. All right, well, I've got a message here, by the way, which is the topic we covered in the flat shell lockdown that we put out The other day. This is from Daniel who writes Hi, Tom Ben Matthew and Corsham team Following a discussion of cricket balls in Oxbridge interviews and telling people to not listen to you as it rocks your brain I did attend an Oxford interview in 2014

The same year the same year critically a claim show battles ed, which I loved. I even owned series one on DVD. It didn't do me too much damage as I managed to get a place. Hashtag definite brag. Many years later, a friend of a friend from Oxford even messaged me after seeing me being active on the Pappies fan club Facebook page. So you can count on at least two occasions

where you manage to avoid rotting our brains enough to stop the Oxford interview from working. Cheers everyone by. A nice message there, to know that we've actually... Great. And it's nice to know that we've got... It's somebody's buying you, someone's setting a bomb off here. What did he do?

Can you believe in, yeah? Is there a bleeping going on? Can you hear that? That is a little bit of that. I don't know what it was. But it's not... It's not... Paris, it's not your pacemaker, is it? Is it? Oh God. Paris, have we lost it? It's the stop clock on my tea.

That's what you like to do. You like to really let it, you like to let the bag brew for an hour first. You put the bag in. You've got to show, yeah, you've got to show the bag to the cup. That's a quite paddy. You've got to show the bag to the cup and then, you know, you've got to show the bag to the cup. It's a quote Paddy, you've got to show the bag to the cup and then you've got to get it ready and then the water comes as a surprise. Yeah, you lull it into a full set of security and the basically water board it is what you do. So yeah if you want to get in touch with us, papysflatshareitgmail.com, if you want to send us a beef for beef brothers, we've got some beef brothers episodes coming up this month,

beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com, do get in touch because we need your beefs, and we always appreciate them, whenever you send them in. Any other bizz? No, man, I don't think so at all. Thank you for listening, we really appreciate it. And we'll see you next week.

This episode was produced by Emma Corshin. Corshin team. Corshin team. Cheers everyone. Bye! Bye! Okay darlings, gather round. It's... Listen, breaking news.

Oh, ha ha, listen. Oh, yeah. The times are in. Do we have to do it now? Because I'm absolutely knackered. No, listen, the times are in darling. And so, go out there, give it your best shot. Oh, please.

Be upstanding for today's Patreon neighborhood watch role call, and I should also say the telegraph ring as well. Oh, please. Be upstanding for today's Patreon neighborhood watch roll call and I should also say the telegraph, really as well. You should, I've told you, never tell me when they're in. It's bad luck to tell you, never to throw some salt over the audience. I feel.

Exactly. Pass me the crickets, but the critics are in. Don't panic right now, but the curtain's gone up. Had I've shattered my leggings? Oh, please, don't tell the chorus, but try and get a message to Alex Jenkins, please. Oh, my goodness. Oh, you're not going to believe this. No, the male.

They've just dimmed the lights. Oh, yes. Oh, they've just going to believe this. No, the male. They've just dim the lights. Oh, yes. Oh, they've just dim the lights. Darling. I don't piss myself. Oh, no. Darling, first night. It's gone.

It's gone absolutely everywhere. I can tell you my job puts will never be the same. Lord, try and get a message to the head of costume. Tony Graham. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Oh, you don't believe it. Please, does. try and get a message to the head of costume Tony Graham Oh yeah Sorry, I'll catch you Oh you don't ever leave it please does It's wrong darling

I just didn't have the excuse Oh no When I come out I do the speech I stride over to the main character and I slap him Well, never gonna believe it I slapped the wrong one.

No! Oh! Please send my apologies to Roger Johnson. No, no. Terrible news, get around. Guys, terrible news, but I've just done my big seed in my jocke first. Oh no.

That's right. Oh my god. Yes, that's right. Well, I couldn't help it. I was in the middle of a civil equine. I had to spend a penny. Oh, so maybe I'll go behind the scenery, but it turns out on spotkins there was Kenny. Oh, spotkins. Oh, don't tell the male to start. Oh, that's the male on Sunday, I mean. Let me, please don't tell me if they're in. You have to throw a serrature over the audience. Now, please, just to blind them.

Right, you're not going to believe this. Oh, please. Put the end to the first half. I shut myself while delivering the in a liquid. Oh, you're in the suit, Alice! Oh, dear. Oh, dear, Monju! Yeah. Oh, I... Was that it? That's what I was saying. I hadn't seen.

Well, they had seen. They'd seen it running down my back of my legs. Oh, I'm a little thin. Oh, let me tell you nice, I shut myself during a silo liquid. Yes. And then it's a stage dive. Oh, no, for a penny. He's for the pound. He's for the penny.

Into the ground, for a shittin' for a penny. Into the ground, things. compare a penny into the ground links. That's what they said. I shut myself during a silhoulaquie, threw myself into the orchestra pit, and I landed on the conductor, Scott Kerbischley. Oh, God, he gosh, he's right. Oh, terrible news.

The mirror in. Oh really? I'm holding it up to life. I've tapped the third row in perry perry salt. Oh, that should do it. Well, I've done just cut back from doing what I've seen. Oh, what have you been seeing? What have you been seeing? Congratulations darling.

Thank you, thank you. You love it. Thank you darling. Did you have to play the flute? Well, of course, I had to play my flute right across the stage. And you know me, darling. You know the problem I have. We don't know you, actually. You know, I love wings.

Oh, yes, yes, that's right. So I think that's terribly good, of course. Of course, it, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes Chortle in it. Chortle in it. Terrible use of the name. Let's have a sound. Terrible use of everyone. The Yipserva critics in the front row and he's ever so tall. No one else is going to get a charge to observe anything. Exactly right. I was trying to tell Sarah Paul. Oh god, she was trying to tell Sarah Paul. Oh God, I was just trying to tell her.

But then I pissed in her ass. I thought it was some rude awakening. I'm giving you the script. I can't see it anywhere. She's up and providing. anywhere. He's up and providing. He's woked you yet up and ruined. Ruined the final. Oh no one wants to exit. Pursued by that. Bad a Barthagree turns out. It's my one man show. Bad a Barthagree with Harvey Kahill. Oh darling. Oh darling my sweet toast. Please darling. I feel so used. Do you tell me that meant something?

Now, I can tell you now, I haven't got high hopes for the second half. Oh, I believe it is. No, because in the break I nipped, nipped out front to see what the chitter chatter was. Oh, never did that long. Yes, I thought I'd go and hide in a cubicle. And I'd go for a, you know, spend a penny myself and you're not going to believe it. I pissed into the mouth. Pressed into the mouth of the lead of the lead critic from the stage.

I pissed into his mouth. I pissed into his nostrils. I even pissed directly into his eye man. And he said, how dare you do that to me. My name is Robert's Commissiamen. Robert's a horrible, terrible woman. What a journey. He is just looking at the name and thinking, what on earth is he up to?

Where did he go with this? Well, I worked with a plomb. That's what I was saying. Terrible news. Well, I'd say what? It's good news at bad news. I know him. I was out of state.

I was on the stage. Okay. Do you want to be out of stage? Do you welcome? Of your many scenes. Do what are my scenes? Ah, Fluteroan to play itself. No. The bad news is. The bad loot. The bad loot, Henness. What am I seeing? Ah, Flutrown to play itself.

The bad loot is... The bad loot? The bad loot, Henness. With RVK. With RVK, I tell. Sorry, the bad loot is what? Sorry, bad loot. The bad loot is...

The bad loot is... I shat by myself. Oh, what the good loot? I did it strongly. Ah, four stars. If you, if you, if you, if you, if you dry up on stage, and it sounds like you didn't, but if you dry up on stage, whatever you do next, do it strongly.

Do it strongly. You have to drop a number. In the case you dropped a number two. Four brown stars. I can't. I did it strongly. One man clapped. David Longley. Oh, he's a diamond in the rough. Terrible news everyone. Oh, no, not tonight of all nights. I've done a jizz again. Oh, no, not again.

No, it was clear the room, clear the room everyone. Can the actors eat the stage please? I was given by five-minute warning and I didn't complete. You know my traditions and then I broke my leg. What? Cut a long story short. The Sunday Telegraph said it was very well done. Oh yeah.

I owe it mostly down to the tremendous supporting work. Can I just ask, you owe it mostly down? I owe it mostly down. I just owe it mostly down. I owe it mostly down. I just saw that. I just saw that. Mostly that. I just saw that. Mostly that. I just saw that.

Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that.

Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that.

Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. Mostly that. saying. I was side of stage for that old performance and I took my trousers down. Jotally, I took my trousers down. I took them mostly down and I couldn't help but watching, watching you breaking your leg and juicing all over the place. I couldn't help but watching you breaking your leg and using all over the place. I couldn't help but giving you my own one gun salute from the side of this stage. And as I was polishing my ward, not to put too fine a point in it, although I was using a pencil sharpener to do it. As I was polishing myself off, I caught the eye of the lead critic from Broadway, baby. And I could just tell from the way she looked at me and from the wink and the hand gesture, it was the greatest performance she'd ever seen. And I said, thank you, I dear, my darling, my love, Jenny Green.

Oh, Jenny, bless Jenny. I bless Jenny. I tell you, Jenny. I tell you what. I am. I tell you where else is there. Oh no. Jake called. Jake called was there. Oh, obviously.

And seen well. Well, we are in motion. Well, we are in motion. The press is in. And we've passed. Oh, we've passed. The trows are presses in. In the no business life show.

No business life to the day. Oh, please. We're stuck in slow business life. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. It's the biggest one. Thanks. And so like the theaters December 15th.