Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Bumlich Maneuver) S12E22

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Tom can't bank and it's got him all choked up whilst Matthew and Ben watch on eating screwball ice lollies NEXT LIVE SHOW9th October at The Cheerful Earful festival in Balham - https://www.designmynight.com/london/pubs/balham/the-bedford/cheerful-earful-podcast-festival-day-4Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Gwyn Rhys Davies Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. Oh, I bet. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House meeting. House meeting. Yes, here we are. This is where the three of us get together, shoot the shit. Shoot the breeze. Shoot the breeze.

Shoot the breeze. Shoot the fat. Shoot the sh-t. Shoot the sh-t. Shoot the sh to the fat. Shoot the fat. Shoot the shit. Choke on the fat, but that's for later in the show. So exciting news in Pappy Towers at the moment. Big, first big huge news.

We've been nominated. Pappy's flat share slam down has been nominated for best Live Podcast at the British Podcast Awards. We're back, congratulations guys. We're back, we're back. We're back. We'll be back now, back on the list. Yeah, apparently we've got to stop obsessing about these lists, you know, man. We're back on the list, man. We're back on the list. So we've been nominated for Best Life Podcast. We are in very good company. Very strong competition, I think. I'm going to say.

Here we go. You've heard this grievance to us privately. I was wondering if you're going to bring it up to the main feed and here it is folks. There's a there's a few podcasts on there that aren't pure live podcasts. Sure they've dabbled. They've done a couple of live specials at the odd festival or whatnot, but they're not live in their DNA. I mean technically the live top. This episode that we're putting out on the same feed isn't live. Yeah, but this isn't what's nominated, isn't it? Yeah, you're right. Perhaps your slam down is nominated, and that is a pure live.

And it's pure live. And it's pure live. It's pure live. It's almost a two live. So if you're casting your vote, I want you to bear in mind the category is best live podcast. You know, I think it's judged by a panel by the way. So, should I clip this up and send it?

I've got the email. Should I clip this up and send it to the panel? Public vote. I... No, there is a public vote. No, there's a public vote for one category. There is a public vote. Oh, me and that category too, Matthew.

Well, I think everyone is, because it's a public vote. Oh, we are in that category too, Matthew. Well, I think everyone is, because it's a public vote. I think so anyway. Oh, best lie. So yeah, anyway. Do we know anyone, do we know anyone on the panel? Oh, yeah, we do, but listen, let's not, let's not, let's not,

I can't hate. This is good. Well, we shouldn't say that, no should we. We shouldn't be able to be in little bit on the panel, should we? Because that's bad, that looks bad for us. But are we listeners? We're talking ourselves out of,

yeah, look, let's just be nominated for this award. Yeah, I think, if we can get pure live trending then, it might bleed through to the judges. Okay, well let's see if that happens. Anyway, let's, if that happens. Anyway, this is talking to pure life. We're going to be pure live in October at the cheerful, earful festival, which is a podcast festival. And again, an absolutely, you know, it's not a competition this time. We can say what a stunning lineup it is. Really loads of

people have been on our podcast, loads of great, great other pods. And it's happening on the weekend of the sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth of October. Doesn't sound like a weekend now, say that many dates, but it's happening over that period. And it's happening over the weekend of that fortnight. And it's happening in a bunch of pubs around South London and other places. The best side of London. Yeah, I think there's a couple in West London as well, but let's no need to worry about those. Yeah, so we're going to be at the Bedford pub in Ballon on the 9th of October. There'll be a link to

tickets here. Now it's very exciting because on the day we're doing it, you can watch Pappy's Fracti S Tham down at 5 o'clock and our guests will be the birthday girls, Rose Johnson, BT Edmondson, Camille Uchan and then we are going to be guests on their birthday girls house party at 7 o'clock. So it's a it's a it's a fun old double bill of they're gonna do our part we're gonna do their their part it's gonna be it's gonna be a really fun live pod and crucially it's gonna be so live and be sure live your the 2010s we were the the 2010s reunited that was the name of our gang, wasn't it? Absolutely, we formed a gang with them back in, I can't remember what year it was,

but we formed a gang with them, when we did some videos for BBC Bite Size. So it's great to have the team back together. So if you did your GCSEs around 2010, come along and have a reunion with us. I would recommend watching those bite size videos before you come along because I'm going to be talking about that a lot.

Do your research guys. Bone up on Blood Brothers before you come and see birthday girls and puppies. Really read Blood Brothers, please. But tickets are available from cheerfuleafle.co.uk, cheerfuleafle.co.uk and it should be a really, really fun. The whole, there's so many great other shows there, Hoovering Pods doing it, Rehelistopus doing it,

Sound deals with Maxine Van, it's a good old time, so you should get yourself along there. Right, that's gonna be what a treat? Why go there in my diary, I'll put it in there. Pop it in the diary, tell me, yeah, what do you mind? If you'd be a darling, pop it in the diary, and don't just write the word busy,

just write what it actually is, so you know it's show up. Is it October 9th? It is, yeah. It's October 9th, and it's in Valoma case. So don't just look at your diary on the morning of the day and go, oh yeah, I should be doing something. Oh yeah, five o'clock, I've got to be in Valoma.

So I will say this, as it's in October, you know, when you get to the end of your diary, and then there's like the year in the next year in a page. No, because nobody else uses a paper diary. It's 2022, so. Yes. That's not an academic paper diary. If it's someone who lets school,

like you left school in the 90s. Look, you know me, mate, I keep it pure live. You keep it pure live. You keep it pure academic diary. It's a pure live there. Okay it pure live. You keep it pure academic diary. It's a pure live, De. Okay, anyway, let's do one. Tom, how's your new observation a bit about what it's like to have an academic diary going, by the way?

How's the rings of your Apollo yet? No, it's not, it's just you know, you know. You've not been on any of those famous lists you want to be on. I'm going to get one of those lists one day. Do you get a bill on those lists one day. He's a man. He's a paper diary boy in a G Cal world. Come and see his head and brush. I thought you. You've got a bite of it in person because he's got no idea how to use the system where you buy them

online. So unless you see him in person, the paper ticket only because he's got to keep it real. I had to write up someone's bio for a job I was doing the other day. And I wrote, they have blah blah followers on Twitter, they've done this, and at the end I said, and there are a lot of people's want to watch lists. And then my boss read it and went, what list, and I was like, I'm I'm just put that on a trip take that off and I was like, yeah Yeah, sorry, so Clearly clearly still think a lot about

I don't need to be there these want to watch lists out there. Yeah Yeah, exactly Long we're back on forms. I'll say that and we're back on the list. So a good to good to, good to, it feels good. Good to be back on the list. Well, pop this episode. Yeah, pop this episode of House Meeting on your list of podcasts you're about to listen to today. And it's live. It's not live.

This was not live. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you, I want to talk, I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting, what temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting, why on earth am I always weak? Has meeting, who went my bed while I was sleeping?

Has meeting, what's the point? Does life have a meeting? My bankup last night wouldn't let me bank because it wouldn't recognise my own face as my face. Oh no! Yeah, this is the facial recognition thing. It doesn't sort of account for the fact that you live a very hard life. I was thinking. And so what I was trying to work out was when it had asked me for my photo, I was trying to think what was my state.

And then I remember thinking that I think you were quite tired and you just kind of phoned it in. So then I was trying to adopt. You phoned it. I phoned it. What you did spend hours on a self-tape. You didn't get a ring light. Oh, you know what?

He doesn't want this role. He's not having a lot of it about online banking. He was wearing a tuxedo last time. What's going on? I thought I was trying to work out how much effort I'd put into it and try and recreate the same amount of effort. Because I think obviously someone's face can be very different if it's resting or if it's,

you know, and you catch someone after like at the end of a Zoom meeting or something when they're trying to find the sign off button and you see what they really like. It's what you see. It's what you see. That final three seconds of just how how fed up they were to be talking to you. Exactly. The jaw goes a little bit more slack. The eyes glaze over a little bit,

and you go, that's who they really are. Everyone's ID photo of themselves on like passports and I should be taken by someone else when they don't know it's being taken. Or like that. That's pretty sweet. I'm pretty sweet. And I am the man for the job.

No, seriously, you're on it. I'm from the passport office. Well, I'm not yet, but I will be eventually. That's me trying to take a picture of a judge without them knowing. Oh, I absolutely love Pervin on judges. Wow. Yeah.

You're judging right back, don't you? I mean, I think... When you think of Pervin, the image that comes to my head is the one out of back to the future of being in a tree with a pair of binoculars. That's kind of like the cinematic equivalent, isn't it? It's like, yeah, there's something about Mary and back to the future of being up a tree

with a pair of binoculars, purvin. Yeah, it's weird that was the guy, that was the character you had not root in for. Yeah, the first time you meet him, you're like, that's in the 80s. Oh right, that was an endearing quality, wasn't it? Yeah, just sweetly climbing a tree with a peribonocular to look in a girl's window.

That was endearing in the 80s. It really was the 50s when he was doing it, so it was even more endearing. That's a 1955 when he did it. Surprise they didn't make him there, why don't you give it to Goldie Wilson? It was a different time, wasn't it? It was the sweetly naive time of climbing up a tree with a pervenoculus to look in your neighbor's window. Yeah, by the 80s it was climbing up a tree with a parabinock illustra looking your neighbor's window. Yeah, by the 80s, it was holding up a boom box.

So they were like that. Hard to hold a boom box and climb a tree. Hard to grab a tree with a boom box. That's what I say. Very, very hard. What you've got to do is you've got to hold the boom box in one hand, hwik, the boom box over a branch, then grab onto the other side of the boom box,

and then use that to slowly pull yourself up onto the branch that way. It's quite difficult if you're playing a ballad. Yeah, that's it. You've got to pop on either side, you can while you do it. Exactly. A less romantic song. At the end of a rom-com, if a woman looks at a window and there's a guy just trying to work out on an oak tree,

it's not quite the... LAUGHTER To inch in at. It's not quite the clincher, is it really? Nowadays, it would probably be sending a bloody email, with a zip file, am I right there? LAUGHTER What?

LAUGHTER I said. Is that energy? Yes, that's not energy. Why? It would be sending an email, this is it file attached, wouldn't it? Welcome to Modern Rowlands, everyone. How can I just, my modern ROM comms called Open Attached File. It's the new you've got mail.

Yeah, it's good to say they've already done you've got mail. I think that's sort of better. This is, this is you've got spam. That's that's good. They've already done you've got mail. I think that's sort of better. This is you've got spam. So why do you see that Tom Casas pamklas as romantic? Well, I mean, first of all, he's done the very gentlemanly thing of zipping the file presend. He's compressed. Which does make it very it very you know makes it a lot easier. There's no wheat transfer for this guy The whole film is trying to find the person you're enamored with C. Maladress Okay, and then learning how to compress a file I'd watch it unfortunately for the audience

He finds out the email address in the first ten minutes That's quite an easy thing to get is somebody the email address in the first 10 minutes. Yeah, I'm going to tell you that's quite an easy thing to get. It's somebody's email address. I feel like, you know, the email is, it's the buffer, isn't it? Like, you know, if somebody says, oh, I need the contact details for that person, you say, well, I won't give you their phone number, but I will give you their email address. Even though the chances are, they're not going to call the number, they're just going to text. And text these days is just as easy to ignore as emails, right?

Yeah, and it's just as easy to harass via email, as it is via email. You're living proof. So nice. So nice. Not that I've got a bunch of judges email addresses and, uh, I'm really going to tell you. Tom's up a tree outside the high court with his laptop. Tom Lyfe from his tree house.

Order. It doesn't feel like the start of our romantic comedy, but a judge gets in from a busy day at trial. Yep, you're right. Off the wig. Yep, no, end it there. And it doesn't sound like a start of a romantic comedy. Judge, I mean, the average age of a judge, it's like 70 for starters. So unless it's one of those movies that Judy Dench makes every now and then. Yeah, I'm after the grey pound. The old grey pound, sorry, he gets in, takes off his wig, he's wearing his wig home. Beebeep, oh, I've got an email.

By the way, you can tell this every 70 years old. Their phone makes noises. Nobody has an email alert. Someone's driven an email round. Beep beep. Someone's posted an email for the Lord Dench. It's like you. Julie Dench scurrying up a tree like a squirrel. We'll stunt them on that bit.

Yeah, of course, yeah. Yeah, it's to fair enough. Well, at the end, he ends up, she's on trial and he can't bring himself to put her in jail. Yeah, I think. Okay. Yeah, I prefer should have just this. Yeah, it's because I was loyal for purving on judges.

Oh, this is too high-dons. This is it, is it? How do you get the judge to try the case? That's the thing, isn't it? Because you know, they've all got invested in trust because she's perv of every judge in the country. They're all the victors. Are you saying that if you purve on enough judges,

then you're gonna get away scot for it. No, no, no, no, because what happens is, they go through all of the judges in the country and then they find the one guy who is related to the judges, but it's not actually a judge, judge Ralph. It's like King Ralph, but it's judge Ralph. It's John Goodman, and American dude, who is just like, he's not quite a a judge but everyone else in his family is a judge

He went off to the job of a barbell. He's certainly a judge metal. Don't get him started on the New York Yankees Yeah, exactly. Yes judge Ralph This is now we've got the it's sort of two movies compete against each other really But I wasn't expecting that once come along But I'm happy to go with it I'm glad you've got with it I'm happy to yes and this writer's room So it's a romantic comedy but also a

Screwball comedy a knock about comedy About a guy who Through through a through an accident of birth Becomes a British high court judge. Screwball romcom sounds like one of our podcasts. Screwball romcom. Don't worry about it. Do you need dangerous upper tree? Screwball romcom. Were you a fan of the screwball ice cream when you were a kid?

I yeah. What a treat at the end. A big ball of bubble gum. Well, for us it was the forbidden fruit. We were never allowed the screw ball ice cream because of the bubble gum. Bubble gum was life threatening in our house. Yeah, especially a very real ice cream. What you really thought it was gonna do,

especially a big sort of gobstopper of bubble gum, you really thought I'm going to be drinking the last little melted bits of ice cream. It's going to roll down into my throat and just block my esophagus and that's the end of it. It looks like a death trap, doesn't it? No, with a pair and a sigh, it looks like a death trap. Back then, it looked like the forbidden fruit itself. Your parents' eye, by the way, is the reason that your bank doesn't recognise you anymore that I mean.

He's got parents eyes. I was using the remote controls, trying to take my picture, that's why. Go to bed now, you two tired. How's me doing? I'm so used to it, but I'm putting your feet in. How's me doing? So, were you allowed feel for better your feet. I was bleeding. So, were you allowed screwballs, or did you have to get them, you know, on the slide?

I don't think I had a screwball until I was a little bit older because you were, yeah. Bubble gum just wasn't allowed. My brother had a hidden stash of... Screwballs. Screwballs, bedroom. I was going to say the screwballs weren't last long, weren't they?

No, yeah. Under the very dawns. Just a puddle. And lots of plastic cups. The first screwball clock I ever had was cottage cheese with a bit of a gamble at the bottom of it. Every piece of chewing gum. Getting my softwares blocked was sweet release.

No more poison into the system. But yeah, it is the thing though, isn't it? That's like, I asked for it a lot as a kid, but never got it. And then as soon as you're able to get it, you get it yourself and you go, oh yeah, it's this. It's two things that don't really go together. A flake is much better to go in an ice cream than a hard thing you have to chew for ages. I mean, the chip, not the chip, but the hutspot of bubble gum and chewing gum.

Like something that you chew but you don't eat. It feels like it shouldn't be as good as things you can chew and then eat. Do you know what I mean? It's like, yeah. It's really weird. And it isn't, no. And yeah, it holds so much power over the young mind. Yeah.

But also, the novelty of there's a skill involved. Because the bubblegum's not just chewing. The bubblegum is blowing the bubble, which I would never, ever manage to do. No, someone was able to do it. If someone was able to do it, I mean, I thought it was like the only person alive who couldn't do it.

No, I know. No, I'm sorry. I told you that. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that. I told you that. I'm sorry, a lot of things. Actually, tell me that many of you could have been giving me the Heimlich.

That wasn't the Heimlich, mate. I think the key thing with bubble gum, it's like skiing, unless you start at a very early age, you're not really gonna be good at it. Oh, very similar. They're very similar. I didn't know about that because I bet you, you could get someone who's never had bubble gum before

who's in their 20s, and you could make him a champion bubble blower. She would try and do it this week. She would find somebody. Before you could make them a champion, Paul Skier. I smell. Oh, bet!

Coming on! Yeah, I'll take that bet. I can get someone to blow bubbles. With bubble gum, faster than I can turn them into a champion skier. Yeah. No, no, no, it's a good thing. You're going to turn them into a champion blower, you said. Yeah.

Oh, I mean, we've got two people right here, CrossFit. We don't need to go out on the straights, even. Our street is right in front of us. Surely I get to pick the person. I'm not picking Clark, you can't do anything. I can be a champion blower, mate. I just love pick the person. I'm not picking Clark. You can't do anything. I can be a champion blow up mate. I just have a champion blow hard. I saw this guy try and blow from an early age and let me tell you, you stand no chance. Yeah. He's the only guy in the world. He's a hot dude.

Shit. So, yeah, and Italy, I was punching him in the stomach from behind at the time. I'm trying to save your life. Genuinely disappointed that I haven't done the home lick on anyone yet. I don't really know how to do the home lick in the house. Oh no, it does feel like a scene that your life should have.

Yeah, it's true. When younger kind of growing up, it is one of the things you think at some point, I'm definitely gonna either do that or have that done me. I'm gonna be stirred over the side of growing up, it is one of the things you think at some point, I'm definitely going to either do that or have that done me. I'm going to be stirred over the side of the room, blowing bubbles, looking really cool. And then someone's going to start choking over a straw. I've never seen it happen. I've never seen it happen to anybody. I've literally, you know, you get taught it at like, at like NCT classes of how to do like a sort of mini

home look on a baby and it always looks like very intense but I've not had to do that at all. Despite the fact that I feed my baby nothing but screwballs. She's still yet to make daddy proud and let me do a little baby home look on her. But it's true though, is that you feel like it's something you should be doing. You have to do at least once, but have you ever had that? Have you ever tropeed on food? Have you ever had the thing where you thought, oh, this is it? It's cursed to me. And, upsettingly, it was by trying to eat an egg sandwich whilst crossing a road because I was late for a meeting. Oh, I think we, I think you've told us this before, did you then puke?

Did you eat an egg sandwich crossing the road late for a meeting? They're not to leave the meeting to go and be sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's five of you in here and I realised that the egg sandwich was still in my throat and I wasn't really breathing very well. Great start to a right as room. That's how I managed to get Judge Ralph away. Well you were out Ralph Fingertitoire there. I was there. I was there making making connections. That's the story about all of us. The story of the character is operating as a different movie. It's a real power move.

It's a real power move in any righteous meeting between the three of us. When one of us starts making an ex-samward, you walk into us the other one. Just here you go, Parry. I know, I love the idea. Just tell it to me again, have an ex-samward, mate. The problem is, I can't resist. You can't resist. You see it open. I'm exactly what's going on. You see it as a pro-crossing an ex-samward.

Are you a fool to yourself? That's you done for. That's you done for the day. For me it was a sandwich as well. It was a salt beef sandwich and again it was just before a gig I was trying to eat a quick salt beef sandwich before a gig. Papi's gig at Noctubag and I caught a bit of the sort of leaf of my throat and I found out, I've since spoken to someone about this and it turns out it doesn't just stick in your throat, but your throat kind of receives it and tries to pull it down. So when you're kind of like, you're trying to cough it out and the throat's going, no actually, I like this. You're trying to cough it out and the throat's going, no actually, I like this.

So it's a tug of war. You're tug of war if you're on the throat. You're tug of war if you're on the throat. Are you picturing that hole that they nearly throw hand silo and the star lock into it? Let's start with another jet like that. Is that the rank core pit? Yeah, the rank core pit.

Is it a bit like that, isn't it? Yeah. Your butt does the same thing, doesn't it? They're both, they're both not similar. Yeah. They do. So, I'm sorry. But choked.

Yeah, no, we're going to have two ex sandwiches and you're going to race your own body. See, which end can inhale the ex sandwich faster. I'll get to, I'll make it fair. One of them is a baguette, all right? One of them is a baguette. I'll make it fair. If you haven't been baguette, right? One of them is a baguette. I make it fair. If you haven't been eating egg sandwiches

through your butt since a young age, it's really hard to do. Johnnie, it's been a... That's what they say. Keep eating blowing bubbles. You've been butt-junking egg mayonnaise. Paris entire body becomes like a Chinese figure trap. LAUGHTER

How do they make bread no wheat in Paris? How do I make bread and no wheat? I'm eating! It's fall! And you can get anything you need delivered with uber eats. Well, almost. Almost anything. So no. You can't get a maple tree on uber eats. But maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon.

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Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See you at for details. They have the same swallowing impulses,'t they? Yeah, yeah that's what he does. Makes us inherently greedy individuals. Yeah, you got a greedy butt top. Tinky, I've got a greedy butt, I've got a greedy guy. Well, like you, I'm going to start this meeting by starting up as well. LAUGHTER

That was the way Perry would always start every... He'd always start every meeting. He'd have an egg sandwich in his hand. He'd have one on his chair. He'd sit down. He'd say, let's get started. I'm absolutely famished here. One day, I hope to be so successful that when I arrive in the room, they prepare the Examwij on my chair. You know, like in Alph, when they get the top writer to come in and they've prepared everything perfectly for him.

I want that to be Examwij on the chair. Yeah, the get on the chair. I did it. I did it. It's like King Ralph for the rich judges! Oh, that idea again. Oh, this one. He's sticking, he's sticking cross-peets cast off now.

Oh my gosh. He's asked for a bit of get in a tray for some reason. I'm not happy with the salt beef was in last week and he pitched that. So, go on. How did you, how did this, I'm a captain salt beef was in last week and he pitched that So go on how did you how did this struggle with the salt beef? I mean you survived obviously. No, here's the thing I'm a ghost We were gonna say that to the third act, but no, I've been a ghost all this time. Yeah Explains why all the admin isn't getting to me.

No, we haven't had any gigs. We haven't had any gigs, but it's in ages. No, the website hasn't been updated. Literally a ghost town. No, I did survive, yeah, but slightly, slightly, trample on the punchline of that story. Yeah. Okay, let me tell you about the time I nearly died.

Okay. Fine. So much adventure. This is going to be for the listeners. But no, I started. I started, I took a massive bite of this sandwich and I was sat with our dear friend Pax, our techie. packs are techy and they were able to realise what I was saying. I'm joking. I tried to say that. I'm joking, I'm joking. And they thought I was saying I'm joking. I'm joking. So

was just sitting there kind of going, this is one of these classic cross-bjapes. It's not his best gear, but he's one of those Steve's. He's keeping the powder dry for his age. He's had a busy day. I didn't have to help get him out of a tree earlier on. And he's been up because he ran his next. He's got a lot on his mind. But yeah, in the end, I just had to kind of cough it up, and then that's the worst bit, isn't it? It's the hockin' up the food, because you're like, most of the sandwiches

I've sort of already partially chewed. What do I do with it? Do I chuck it away, and then I have to not have a sandwich. Or do I eat the food that I've already chewed a bit? Well, you've got an easier sandwich, don't you? I actually have to have the bathroom so I've already chewed a bit? Well, you've got an easier sandwich, don't you? I should have the best. I'll have to go for hardest. Oh, yeah, that's the, well,

I could be all know, gratefully received. Exactly, yeah. I've done, really, my teeth have done all the hard work. Take it home, but take it home. It's hard to find a word, like, people always have a go at flies for their eating habits, but we've managed to find a worse one People do have a go at flies That's the reason people are trying to hit them with the newspaper

The old saying the best the best way to a man's heart heart is through stomach, but also the best way to a man's stomach is through his butt. It's through his stomach, then his mouth, then his butt, then his stomach. I don't know if I want to go all those different places. This secret in the space is not as exciting as I thought it was going to be. No, no, no, don't tell you. Then it's great riding on a sandwich. They're inside John Goodman, right?

Yeah. All the other test subjects died. John Goodman had to step in. Goodman's one of those men who is good. Well, he's very good. Very good, man. Very good, man. Very good, man.

Which is a strong choice for a middle name. Um, but I'm like, God, that would be such a funny deep hole. But he, well, I don't, he's, he's a deep hole. Just change it on his Wikipedia. Just go on John Goodman's Wikipedia and change it to John, very good. Yeah, he's a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d Of course he has. What was your, what were you going to say about Alfred Dogg? You're Clarky, you're doing it right now. Yeah, he's on it. We've lost Clarky to his old tricks again on Wikipedia. John could have been, when, now he's lost a lot of weight, it feels like it's made him

look old, but then also he is getting old. Did you see what I'm saying? Take his online banking. Which way? Which way to look? If I'd have undergone a John Goodman-esque transformation, then I don't understand my banking app, not recognising me, but it feels like I can't work out. If John Goodman is stay bigger, would he have stayed younger looking? Do you understand the question? Okay, if John Goodman is staying bigger, would he have stayed younger looking? It's a good question.

It's a good question. I know, I do know what you mean. Guys, do you understand that point? I was still thinking about the way flyers eat Tom. So you have to slow down a little bit. You got to get up there back about that, man. I shouldn't stop it to do that. Dude, just try and away, you know what I'm saying?

Just enjoy. If I'll prundle to lie a pound. You'll prundle to lie, yeah. So yes, go on. What, you're saying that if he was bigger, would he look younger? Is this, are you asking for a friend to? Is this what you're saying? No, you know, maybe Tom, very parry wicks, is it?

Interesting, that's all. Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe Tom, very parry wicks is interesting. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I think what I'm saying is, if you leave it until just about the time you're getting old to lose a lot of weight, then people won't be sure whether you've lost weight and it's made to a colder or you've just started looking older. It's like Bill Clinton, isn't it? When you see Bill Clinton now, because he's gone vegan, he's a lot skinnier than he used to be. But he has-

It makes him look frail. He's gone old, yeah. But then he is an old dude. Yeah. But if he'd have stayed a bit more chunkier, you'd be like, would he be old tonight? I think everyone gets old, yeah. I think everyone gets old. Yeah, I think everyone gets old. I'm not going to lie.

I think you can actually get an old. I think no, no. You do? No, that's called... That's called eating yourself to death, Parry. And don't do that. I'll be there at your funeral going, well, he's always wanted to never age anymore. He's done it because he's there in that box over there.

He ate himself dead, but he never got thin. And he's done it, because he's there in that box over there. He ate himself dead, but he never got thin, and he never got thin. Oh, what is it? He never got thin. But it is defense, he never got thin, he never got old. They should not get thin, like we that left get thin. That's easy.

That's easy. That's easy. What's the worst thing you've considered eating? That's easy. We should ask Tom at this at this juncture, what do you think you can do to get back into your banking app? Can you only bank very early in the morning, very late at night? Do you have to, like, you know,

do you have to go on a, do a lot of intensive exercise? Do you have to, you know, sort of smother yourself with a pillow for a bit. TFS puffs up. What was depressing was that, I think when I did it, it was in a very half-ast way, and it was from quite low down when it's supposed to be in front of your face. So, right. Well, I was trying to recreate it with this kind of like, like a double chin kind of like, well, I'm not recreative. Just just, how did you find those exact conditions, Tom? Tom bought a load of gamma and wrapped it around his neck. That was just like trying to be like,

oh, a little bit like, oh, and then I was trying to do it sprightly to see if I'd done it sprightly, but I kind of thought maybe that might be a way to add I was trying to do it as sprite-lead, see if I've done it as sprite-lead. I kind of thought maybe that might be a way to add an extra layer of security, a bit like your password, isn't your name. I think maybe we'll get to a stage where your face isn't enough. So you'll have to have a particular expression to like.

Yeah, that's cool. It's like multi-serve, they give you, like they give you a fearful and, you know, a photo smile or whatever. And you've got to do, you know, like, you never know which one you're going to get. Yeah. I know the classical monologue and then a song. Oh, we love what you did, darling. We absolutely love what you did, but I mean, it's not for us, no, no, you can't.

You can't. That direct debit. I'm so sorry. I was asked down to the last three to pay for that. Sikkim, top back again. Went to bloody Dan your cook again. He's not just paying on water bill this one. Well, he can because he's working.

So, but yeah, what like this, this will be the future, right? Because they always, you know, in sci-fi things they have like I scanners and stuff That's that's a thing isn't it presumably that that's the thing in real life not just in sci-fies. Yeah, yeah With with photo with photo unlocking your phone right if you can photo unlock your phone and you go yeah This is gonna be it. It's gonna. It's gonna get to I love it. It's gonna get too easy. People are gonna be able to make, I can model of someone's face and just use it to photo unlock stuff. Hey, what about this though?

What about if you've had Botox though? It's good point. And you can't be surprised or angry anymore. Is that your time? I should have told you that, sorry. I had Botox yesterday morning. Sorry, that's why I'm in shadow. I didn't want to use that.

Imagine if I came close, sir. And all my features were suddenly like small. The proper behind the candlelar, bruv face. Suddenly. Wait, wait, did you just say in telling me that my features get all small in a big head? That's not what happens to me with Botox, otherwise no one would take it. You're just describing your head already, though.

It's like the way I think of it is like, you know, like those kind of custard pastries where like the crusts kind of puffs up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, like the, you, in the middle of your face is the little, is the little, the Portuguese custard tarts you're getting nando. Yeah, they're just expanding their head. Just kind of, the boat act kind of forces your features together. I don't know that's what it does. I mean, it does just move that wrinkled.

But you have to take a lot so that your face, it literally moved your eyes further down towards your mouth. I mean, you know, who knows, maybe with the increase in people taking Botox, that's going to be what people look like. You know, beauty norms change, don't they? Throughout time, beauty norms have changed. So maybe, Tom, you might be in luck.

Maybe all your features in a very localized place just around your nose. Big head in the walkout face. Massive. The bigger the head, the smaller the face. The greedy of the butt. Big head, greedy butt, small face. And if you become, if you become the model,

Tom, if you become the sort of poster boy for that look, they'll be a front cover magazine, a front cover magazine with you, Alan Kim Kardashian firing a bottle of champagne and it's shooting up your own arsehole over your head. That's what's going on. Oh, hold on. I can't believe you're taking this from me. I can do that without the to shoot the ball or champagne. To be fair, why he said to Clarky when we were 14 was,

you're the only person in the world who can't blow bubbles, but you're the only person in the world who can blow a champagne cork over your head and in your ass. No, I gave him the Haymlick to get out. The backwards home look. Did it? Clarky Fas and Corkat have his ass all across the room.

It can't be the butlin, can it? The butlin's a different maneuver. I can also do that on myself, actually. Hashtag, what would you say to Rho? Hashtag, probably nothing at all? What would you say to Roman? Asking? Probably nothing at all. Wow, there you go, that was a treat, wasn't it? Yeah, great to be back in the live arena.

It felt live, didn't it? It felt so live. It felt real. That's because you're doing it basically outdoors. You're recording from a shed. So feeling, as people are wandering around outside. It feels like... My neighborhood, yeah, people waiting at the wall, they. It feels like, my neighborhood are all, yeah,

the people waiting at the moment, at least they just, I've got my name, it's the stuff inside the window and listen. Yeah. You're doing like a podcast road show, aren't you Tom? What's going on? Tom's body is potty show.

He's potty shed on the back of a flatbed track and he's driving it around. What? I mean, we talked about doing the, the puppies' fate, but a podcast road show. Oh, listen, but yeah, I mean, I mean, we talked about doing the the puppies' fate, but a podcast for our own show. Oh, listen, but yeah, I mean, I would because every time we do a gig, there's not in London or Macfest, it absolutely shits the bedmate. Yeah, but we'd be on the back of an Arctic Laurie doing it.

We would have every story still. We'd go slowly through the times, but we'd never stop. Yeah, yeah. We'll give them chance to boo. It's an Arctic Laurie in that that's where we're performing. We're performing to a bunch of polar bears. Hey, good response from the last episode. Oh my goodness.

Oh my goodness. Oh yeah. A lot of people, a lot of people chiming in on the last house meeting. Yeah, do you want to read an email? Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh no! Tom, it's true though. What did you send back? How did you fire back? I had to get it done. So you done, didn't I? Yes! No, with a chance.

And you know what, Tom? So it was a pick. Doesn't surprise me. Well, I don't know. It didn't surprise you. It surprised me how you even... I knew it was a secure strip to get it, but didn't surprise me in the slightest bit

when it finally arrived. A bloody eyelid. Anyway, someone else has got in touch. Toby door got in touch. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello.

What's their name's on you? What's their name's on you, of course, Toby? Hello, the puppies. Hello. Funny to hear about the hell in the bottom car to carf that's here in your recent house meeting. Brackets. What temperature?

Should we set the heating? That's in there. That's not just nice. No, no, of course. Nice. I have what I guess is the boy equivalent. Okay. The boy equivalent of Helena Boroncata.

Interesting. Burke from Aliens. Paul Reiser's character for Aliens. What? Yeah. I love Paul Reiser. I love Paul Reiser's character for Aliens. What? Yeah. I love Paul Reiser. I mean, I love Paul Reiser. I think he's great. Then there's a photo and it says, it's better than the attached photo suggests.

It's just hard to take a photo of the back of your leg. Anyway, that's all yours in Christ Toby. He's a baddie though, isn't he? Yeah, I was gonna say this. So I guess you're, what you've done there, you've got someone who is like, they are, they are a baddie and spoiler alert, no longer with us. So not Paul Reiser obviously, look the character.

So you've kind of, all their baddie, all their baddies are contained. So we were worried about them getting canceled. You sort of know how bad they are. Yeah, that's true. You can go up and do a baddie are. I'm cool with that. I'm cool with that. He's got a quote underneath it that says,

I worked for the company, we don't know that for you, I'm actually an okay guy. Right, dramatic guy on you though, right? Cause we know he's not an okay guy. Yeah. It's good, that's good. It's a good character, it's a good character. It's a strange one.

Yeah, well I mean, it's up there with the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. Have like, no one, you know, if someone said, pick 100 people, 100 fictional characters get a tattoo of. I reckon there's no way Burke's showing up. What would you, what would you go for, Bonneville Burke? I think, I think Burke.

I'd go Burke. I like, I'm just, I think I'm a big fan of Paul Reiser. He's very good in Stranger Things. I love to matter about you. I love his stand up. There you go. You know, I think he's, yeah, I think he's good. We had another message in.

This is, it's really, it's really brought people out the, out the, out the woodwork here. This is from, this is from Rue and they write, hello, Pappies. I'm 24 years old and I subscribe to the Patreon and avid listener. You're reaching the older Gen Zeds at the very least. Here we go.

And I've got lots of silly tattoos, none of any relatives. I've become quite good pals with my tattoo guy over the years. I was one of his first clients as an apprentice and I've been stabbed by him many times since. Sometimes he wants to try out new techniques or doodle something with. He wants to tattoo something for practice, so does it for cheap or for free.

He knows I love Ariana Grande and have done since I was about 13. When he was getting into tattooing people more, he asked if you could do a cool graphic of her. I told him of course, but even though she's my faith person ever, we have to prepare for if she's cancelled. So I think what I'd say, if she goes down a route like Moral Sea or JK Rowling, it's like a modern day per with a girl earring, some sort of social commentary, or some other random pop girl. Sorry for the essay, Pix attached, love you, Roo. Well, I can say is it? Firstly, it's a cool tattoo, but it does just look like a girl. Right. So it's like you covered.

Yeah. You're not going to get yourself into any hot water. It could be, you know, it could just as easily be a do-a-leaper, you know. It's making me really want a tattoo. Do you want a tattoo? It's a good dude you should get a tattoo man get a tattoo of the the two of us cross me might be surprised

I think surprises me and look twice well look twice speaking of the Patreon do join the Patreon folks patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share to get an extra bonus episode every single week. Always good fun. And join the community as well. Join the community of other other patres. Such a good guy. It's a fun guy.

Great guy. Absolutely. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corson. Corson. Corson. Corson. Corson. Corson.

Corson. Corson. Corson. Corson. Corson. 我是 就是 everyone bye bye