Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Cigarettes and Alcohol on the Platform) S14E05

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Crosby "missed" the train and is now drinking pints of flatshandy and smoking a pipe. That's Sliding Doors for youCome and see Flatshare Slamdown live at the Phoenix in March18th March - Joe Lycett and Lulu Popplewell - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-joe-lycett-and-lulu-popplewell-tickets-84479158336719th March - Joe Wilkinson and Humphrey Ker - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/flatshare-slamdown-with-joe-wilkinson-and-humphrey-ker-tickets-844799938357The discounted doubler - https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-on-march-18th-and-19th-tickets-844809005477Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom, I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and please, please welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! Yeah. Where the three of us sit round the table, metaphorically speaking, and chew the fat. Literally. We've just got massive tongues, that's all it is.

So before we crack on with the episode, which is a tremendously fun one, we've got to do a small bit of admin and it's admin I think you're going to enjoy folks because we've got two wonderful flat chest lamb downs happening in March 18th and 19th of, uh, of, of March at the Phoenix in Cavendish Square, our usual haunt. And I'll tell you now, I know we've done, we did them in January, we did them in February, we did them in March. That's gonna be us pretty much up until the Latitude Festival in the summer. So if you wanna come and see a, uh, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, chance to do it. There'll be more around Christmas times, we'll do the Christmas episode, but we're racking up a bunch of episodes for you to enjoy, so that is it folks. I strongly suggest you come on down to the Phoenix. We've got phenomenal guests for both shows. Unbelievable guests. We've got Joe Lyser and Lulu Popplewell on the 18th of March, that's the Monday, and on the Tuesday we've got Joe Wilkinson rescheduled from January and the brilliant Humphrey Carr who you know we've known for a long time and

I think may have even appeared on the first ever Christmas episode and that's the last time that's the last time he appeared on the podcast so it's been over a decade. That's the great thing about you know having done it this long we get these returning guests like we had Alex Brooker on a couple of nights ago that episode is coming out soon and yeah he said oh I haven't done this for nine years mad absolutely mad it was nine years ago when he was on it I already thought it was about three or four but but yeah that's that's that's time for you folks but yeah so go to pappyscomedy.com forward slash live and get tickets for the

18th of March, the 19th of March. If you want to come to both shows, there is a discounted ticket that gets you into both shows that's also available from pappyscomedy.com forward slash live. So, and if you're a patron member as well, patreon.com forward slash pappysflatshare, you can get discounted tickets and you even get a discount on the discounted double ticket. So it's well worth your membership. Can we close that loophole? That feels mad to me. That does feel mad. We're giving them away but we'd love to see you there folks. We've just finished two and they were really really fun and you know having a fun audience full of pals that's what makes it so fun so

please do come on down. Eighteenth of March, 19th of March at the Phoenix, papyscomedy.com, four slash live. Lovely stuff, otherwise, just enjoy this episode. You're right, Tom. Was that too much admin for you? Was that, yeah, I can tell. Halfway through me giving out the papyscomedy.com, four slash life again.

I could feel you really hitting it. And that's anyway. The light went out. Anyway, enjoy the episode, folks. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I've had a thought.

I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want to chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat House meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting So two nights ago I made a decision that I don't normally make. Yes. I was travelling home from recording Flat Chest Lamb Down and I decided to not rush

to get a train home. Right? I was on the journey, I was looking at the journey as I was on it and thinking if I really pelted it I could make this train. But I was thinking when I get home no one's goingelted it, I could make this train. But I was thinking, when I get home, no one's going to be awake. I'm not racing home to see my family. It makes sort of no odds really. It's the difference of about 15 minutes. And I thought, I was like, this is going to be so relaxing. It's going to really make me feel like I'm enjoying

my life. It's cold weather, I'm wearing a big coat, I'm not running for it like I'm enjoying my life. You know, I'm not, you know, it's cold weather. I'm wearing a big coat. I'm not running for it. I'm just gonna kind of enjoy the journey. But by the time I got to the edge of the platform, I probably still could have made it. And I didn't make, I sort of like deliberately just didn't walk down the bike.

I walked towards the train. I thought, no, because what if I see the train? I don't wanna see them see the train. So I walked back up the concourse off the platform again. You walked back up the concourse. Yeah, I walked back away from it. And then just stood there kind of going, well, actually now I just feel like I'm an idiot.

I was trying as much as I could to sort of go like, every time we get out of that, you know, we get out of those gigs, we have a couple of drinks, we have a chat with our guests, we stroll out. I always am just about to miss a train So I always have to peg it and it makes for quite a sort of stressy end to the night Yeah, it turns out that the alternative Hiding around the corner from the train

It's alternative hiding around the corner from the train. Exactly. Not wanting to see the train just so it doesn't annoy me. But just sort of standing around the corner, just to be in Waterloo Station, just standing by the boots. Also, I was thinking, well, maybe I'll buy myself some food or I'll buy myself a coffee or something. I didn't want any of that. I don't need any of that. The old quarter to midnight coffee. Oh, it would be a decaf, it would be a decaf't want any of that. I was like, I don't need any of that. The old quarter to midnight coffee. Oh, it would be a decaf, a bit decaf at that time of night. Your version of sliding doors is like, just, I don't know, strange concourse.

And it's like, before the sliding doors moment, you would walk past yourself on the concourse and the one guy would be like, where's he going? Yeah, what's he going to say? What's he know? Yeah. And then the other guy would be going, I mean, I wouldn't even notice the guy walking the other way because I would be running full pelt clutch in my rucksack, you know, in it sweating through my coat. Yeah. She doesn't see herself in sliding doors, right? No, no, it's two different scenarios. Actually,

yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. I think actually that would have been a bigger sliding doors moment Don't you think? Seeing myself On the other side of a door not big hands so Trains leaving I would think it's a bigger thing than finding out that you know My partner's been treating on me. I think that would actually be more psychologically damaging. Is Sliding Doors like the biggest film that people... Yes, of all time. Yes, it is.

Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it the biggest thing you can think of that people reference as like a phenomenon, but haven't actually seen it. Ah, that's a good call. Like it's kind of place in... Oh, we're at Bucket List, Bucket List. No one's seen the Bucket List. No, I was gonna say Human Centipede. Oh, that's a good one as well.

Well, the Human Centipede is on your Bucket List, isn't it? I think we might have picked the top three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a real sliding doors moment when I opted to join the Human centipede is on your bucket list, isn't it? I think we might have picked the top three. It was a real sliding doors moment when I opted to join the human centipede. Sophie's Choice? Yeah, four. Come on, Clarky, let's not mention that. It wasn't a Sophie's Choice whether to join the human centipede or not.

No, no, it was very easy. I was all in. I was just gutted that I was caught in the sliding doors type line that didn't. And also, dude, Where's my car? No, I think we fit the big four there. They were that was that fellow Bucket list. I don't know like I know obviously this is true of sliding doors It was a real sliding doors moment was before sliding doors the film right was it or was it?

I don't know if it was but bucket list was definitely a bucket list definitely bucket list was you can't you know Bucket list was very late to the bucket list part. I had I seen had I heard a bucket list before the movie bucket list? surely you had How old is bucket list I feel like bucket list is bucket list we're talking we're talking 15 years old definitely Oh, you definitely knew about bucket list before 2007 you knew about bucket list before 2007 you knew about bucket list before 2007. Are you dreared one? We're done half of it One of the things on my bucket list was to not see bucket list But it was a real sliding doors moment was that knocking around before sliding doors

I bet it wasn't was it I don't think so because I don't think it makes like before sliding doors. I bet it wasn't was it? I don't think so because I don't think it makes like The bucket list makes sense is there's a logic to it But the sliding doors only makes sense in the sense of being on the tube and missing the doors I don't think sliding doors moment. I don't think that was a the idea that that could change your life forever I don't think that was in the the sort of popular Lexicon and was the main thing the main difference that one went to the hairdressers and one didn't because there's kind of like Different looks Well, I think that was just to make it easy on us the idiots who are watching it to know or not watching

Yeah, we're not watching it. Yeah, have either of you seen it? Yeah, I've seen it's good. It's great. Well, is it great? Tell you what? I don't think it's great. I don't think it's great. You know what, I've changed my mind. I've watched it, it's not great. I was a real sliding doors moment there. She gets together with John Hannah, doesn't she? And I remember thinking this at the time, the way that they show John Hannah

is a lot of fun to hang out with, is that in a restaurant, maybe it's a dinner party, but it's definitely a table with a lot of people around it, he is quoting the Spanish Inquisition sketch, the Monty Python thing, and everyone's roaring with laughter and he's doing a one-man Spanish Inquisition. And you go, is that fun,

or is that me at the age of 13? No, that's what the worst people do. Yeah. That's what the worst adults do. Yeah. Although, you know, back in 2007, there wasn't YouTube was there. So if you wanted to tell someone

about the Spanish Music and Sketch, you would have to act it. That's how it was back then. We were our own YouTubes. Now when I go to a party, it's wall to wall borough impressions. Sorry, I'm doing wall to wall borough impressions. By the way I nothing worse than if somebody says have you seen this funny thing or this funny episode of

Only Sunny in Philadelphia and you said shows it. No no worse if they tell you about it. Yeah. The great thing now is just just fuck. Yeah find it on whatever What's up it to me, and I'll either watch it or not watch it. That's fine Put the ball in my court, but the the amount of time that people say oh you've got to see it This thing happens and you go this is you know, I know you You understand the context of it and you understand how good it is, but I can't get on I can't get on board of it and you understand how good it is but I can't get on I can't get on board even someone saying watch this you're like it and sending it me immediately knocks a couple of enjoyment points off it that's a very you think I think a recommendation send yeah immediately muddies the water yeah there's just too

much going on yeah and I know that because I've recommended you things and I think our parry would love this and I've sent them to you and I've said oh Georgeie like no and then I've stopped asking and I think He's never watched it even though. I there's a couple of things. I'm not I'm not even gonna reference what they are But there's no doors. I know Slightly doors the bucket list so if he's joined the human center top four films of all time Your WhatsApp is absolutely clogged with that stuff. But I know that that for you is, you know, because you're your own man in the sort of,

the landscape of cultural discovery, you don't like someone to put, to thrust something into your hand and say, this is what you should watch. You like to find it yourself. I think that's, what it does is when I'm watching it instead of enjoying it I'm thinking which bit made them think I'd like this or what what is it about me that makes them think that this is something that sure and then and

then by that point it's finished but that's why that's what I do like about it is that I like it free stars, you know Check the Guardian to see if it if you agree or disagree with the review either way be furious Pick a side Yeah, I like that when somebody gets you like a a present You know they you know It doesn't happen quite so much as it used to just because people don't give presents as much, people don't give sort of physical things as much.

But like when someone would give me a book or something and I'd read it and go, oh yeah, I'm thinking of the person as well as reading the book. Yeah, I feel different about that actually. Like if you bought me a via, back in the day, if you'd have bought me a DVD for my birthday, then I'd have been like, oh man, brilliant. Crosby's bought me Chinatown.

I can't wait to watch that now. Like I genuinely feel different about that rather than, Parry, you should watch that, you'll like it. Yeah, well there was that period when you walked around with a bandage over your nose for ages and I thought, he's gonna go and try to tell. He's it's gonna, it's gonna really float his boat. Basically, if you paid for my Apple subscription, then I, then I'd, then I'd watch, you know,

I'd be like, that's different. I'd watch it. I do really want to watch severance, by the way. I just haven't got an Apple subscription, Parry, you should watch it. It seems a bit much, it does seem a bit much actually. That's knocked 18 months off it, at the very least. Sure, it's for me. That's the biggest rip-off that they've done to us over the last like 20 years or so is that The gift of the gift of a DVD

Yeah, they've taken that's been ripped from us and that was the best gift ever Can I tell you what else they've done? They have left an entire generation unable to buy gifts Yeah, right you you you talk about what we're supposed to get for for gifts because for years an entire generation unable to buy gifts. Yeah. Right? You sort of go, oh, what am I supposed to get for gifts? Because for years, we were coasting on the book, the CD, the DVD, or the voucher that would buy you the book, the CD, the DVD. Basically if you couldn't get it from HMV, then it wasn't worth getting.

That was how presents used to be. And it was fun. I loved it. It was great. It was fun going into town to buy the present thinking what shall I get them? It was great fun I'll get them this I haven't even seen this we can watch it together Exactly. This is good or whatever like or H&V would do a special little box. It's like a special little box I mean like this this is mad to think about now. It's It's two VHSs, one VHS is the film, The Usual Suspects. The other VHS is Bloomin Christopher Macquarie

talking about it over the film in the separate VHS. The HMV had put that in a special little box. It costs eight quid, that is a perfect present for your pals. Or here's The Usual Suspects, and here's two of Kevin Spacey's earlier films that didn't do so well. He's swimming with sharks.

You're gonna buy it, always swimming with sharks. It's the Kevin Spacey box set. I've got you the Kevin Spacey box set. The big three. Which is bad now, nowadays, if someone just say, what's it about Kevin Spacey that reminds you of me? That's bad, but obviously this is back in the day. But yeah, or you could, if you were really classy

or you wanted to show you were really classy, you go into Waterstones, you get a book. Now, admittedly, that's still there. That's an option. But the book you're buying is The Screenplay of Clerks. That's what you're buying. You're buying the screenplay. One of those books with the black cover,

you know, with the little sort of clack-a-plopper board on it. You're buying the screenplay of clerks. All the boxers, here's the screenplay of chasing Aimee. It's also in there as well. Thanks, don't mind. I'd also swim with sharks. I don't know why. We've got the screenplay of swimming sharks in there.

You've got to throw that out there as well. So yeah, so I've got you a book, or occasionally it would be like a musical biography. I think I still do that a little bit with friends that will get each other musical biography. It's so hard to buy fiction that you haven't read. It's like you're really taking a punt there. Even if you've heard, it's good. Do you know what I genuinely thought for a second?

Bloody hell, how well read is Tom that he can't find a fiction book that he hasn't. I was like, bloody hell, this is impressive. He's walking into water so as they're telling him, I'm sorry, Mr. Perry, Perry We literally we can't get the right He's cleaned us out He's back He's cleaned us out

He reads them like Johnny Five He just seams through them What was that film where What was that film where John Travolta could read books fast And then there's like Michael or something No, he did two at the same time Phenomenon Phenomenon the same time. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. That was it. Phenomenon. They were all in the box set. Phenomenon and Michael. That's

a box set. And face off. Buy the box set. Get off free. And then another three VHSs of him talking about those movies. And he also can't tell the difference between Michael. Travolta. The post-pulp fiction. the post-pulp fiction Travolta Glatt. The Renaissance, yeah. The post-pulp fiction pre-battleship Earth. That hallowed period. What a wind-out for the boy. When you can do no wrong.

But yeah, I know what you mean. It's a lot. I find gift-giving to be excruciatingly embarrassing. I find it. It just never used to be. We've been done over there. Yeah. I see Dave and God say, you're going to love this album. Or at least I've got you this album.

I've got this album. No, I've got you this album. I've got this album. Yeah. The only thing you can do now is you can give somebody a vinyl. Tim Parry, Every Christmas. But they're all still in the wrappers. Of course they are.

They're still in the wrappers, of course they are. You're listening to it on your laptop, aren't you? Or on your headphones. Every now and then Charlie and I put on a vinyl record of an evening and my god, do we feel good about it? Oh my god. It's, you know, I'm quite pleased I'm saying it on the podcast actually because you're sitting there going I wish everybody knew about this. I'm reading a book, I'm drinking a glass of wine and I'm listening to a vinyl record.

And I'm sat with my wife. This is how it was supposed to end up. I've got there. I've managed to somehow, I've managed to somehow fool the world into giving me these gifts. Here I am. Swimming with sharks on the on the VHS. Kevin Spacey reads the swimming with sharks as they cry.

I do that on a Sunday, Sunday morning, I try and put vinyl on. So it's like we're a family who listen to vinyl on a Sunday morning. And it lasts about two minutes and then glory Sunday morning. What I've not you know got radio exon Sorry after radio exon I get it on vinyl The best of the best of radio exon vinyl it is just a blank piece of acetate The best of Radio X on vinyl. It is just a blank piece of acetate. That's all it is. It's got that lovely crackle though. That's like one of those. What are the ones you used to get on cereal boxes that you used to cut out?

Oh yes, please. The little floppy, flippy floppy vinyl you get. Really? You're fucking mad, that was. On the front of Frosty's. Yeah, you've got a fucking record on the front of Frosty's that you cut out with some scissors and then give it a go. Pop it on the turntable. Only one side worked as you found out. Famous guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Flipping over and thinking, oh, what? Who is this, Throbbing Gristle? To be industrial for my liking. That musterio doesn't work anymore. It's how dance music was created. That's how dance music was created. It's the oldest man thing you've ever said in your life. I was just about to say, that's how dance music was created. We're sounding so old and then I came in with an absolute software.

That's how dance music was created. Yeah, it was created in 1996 when Glucky flipped over a record he'd got on the front of Frosty's. Did you name one of the songs though? 1996 when Glucky flipped over a record he'd got on the front of Frosty's. Did you name one of the songs though? I can't even begin to think what the song would have been on the vinyl. Yeah. Were they in some way, they were pop songs, right? They weren't like, you know, it wasn't like Tony the Tiger

himself recording a like a funny song, was it? It was, they were, I remember them being like, you could get a bunch of different sort of chart singles. That's how, that's what I remember. Yeah, I think so. It was like get Chesney Hawks next single. The two and only. Get that. I am great.

Anyone? Anyway. Get that I Am Anyway anyway and now gift giving is Shit tat because everyone needs to think they need to buy something and it's so then you're stretching for shit I also think that Certainly my world gift giving is just kind of stopped for most people, because it feels like an, like, just, ah, come on, we just won't do that anymore.

Because it's rubbish now. My gift to you is you not getting gift to me when my birthday rolls around. Yeah, that's it. That's, you know. You're free. Yeah. The idea of exchanging something,

like we don't do it at Christmas with the siblings anymore, but the idea of like exchanging something like, we don't do it at Christmas with the siblings anymore, but the idea of like exchanging something of a particular value, you think let's just hang on to the 40 quid or whatever it was that we set as the target. Yeah, you're right, you're right. I mean, if we could eliminate it, I'd be very happy. But there's loads of people who wouldn't be, so you can't just, you know, get the rest of your family. Yeah, well, exactly, yeah, that's very true.

That's very true. I've come from a family of gift givers, and I just happen to be the one miserly Scrooge who's like, and it's not about the money. It's not even really about the effort. It's just about the not wanting it to be reciprocated. Yeah, I don't want this. What I guess is replaced the book and the CD

and all that is the nice bottle of wine. Bottle of wine, yeah. There you go. There's no harm in that. Nice bottle of wine to drink while you're looking at your vinyl record and listening to something on Spotify. Yeah.

Well, why you've put a vinyl on first thing on a Sunday morning. Just crack open that bottle of wine. Absolutely right. Early Sunday morning, nice glass of wine. Once Radio X is over, listen to some vinyl in your little den. Yeah, it's not a bad life. Perfect. It's not bad at all.

House meeting. The socks only use for putting your feet in. House meeting! Have you got a burgeoning wine collection? Is that something you see yourself entertaining or you very much kind of supply and demand wine consumer? No, I have a selection. I've probably in the house at the moment got 20 bottles.

Oh wow! That's on its way. But I mean, collection is a, you know, collection is a strong term. They're all with glass. Yeah. Well, you know, I buy them to drink them, you know, so, and then when I plowed through that, yeah, we've got like a little sort of thing in the kitchen that you can stick wine bottles in.

Fridge. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, nice glass. Point glass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got a few pint glasses. Yeah, I've got a few pint glasses and yeah,

just pop on the vinyl record and off I go. Yeah, what are you?, pop on the vinyl record and off I go. But yeah, why are you, what are you? Are you a wine collector? No, I've locked the wine away so that it can't be found by little hands. You've still got that German guy's name. The little German alcoholic. That German guy's name. The little German alcoholic.

Yes, I've locked the wire now I don't. So I guess I have got about six old bottles that are just collecting dust. I'd love it if they suddenly turned into me. You know, I go, oh wow, you didn't touch that for five years. but it's probably about six old bottles that are just collecting dust. I'd love it if they suddenly turned into be, you know, like, oh wow, you didn't touch that for five years. You're rich, I'd love that. Oh yeah. But I don't think that's gonna prove to be the case. No, did you buy them from Sainsbury's?

I mean, they were bought for me. So I'm guessing they're from Sainsbury's, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm not like that. I know people who know about wine and I always find it really, like it's a really exciting skill to have, to sort of be able to taste a wine

and know literally anything about it more than the color. Yeah. It would be amazing to me. Hey, do you think there you know those people who they put out like a beer or like you know you're drinking the you know like the beer of you know I don't know Saturday kitchen or some shit I don't know but like do we do you think. Wait, wait, wait, I'm not sure what I do know what you're talking about. What is that, have we got any listeners?

So could we brew a flat slam wine? Basically. Oh, I see. Right. I see. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, already, I think brewing a wine with losing for the stars. Have any listeners got a bathtub? We know Michael Oduales got one got one in his mum's back garden. Yeah, perfect. Does anyone work for...

Like, what we're looking for is a professional listener, basically. Yeah, yeah. Does anybody work for a vineyard? Or even, you know, I think we could even do, you know, like, I could definitely see us, like, some cans of lager or something with the with the flat slam branding on it. Yeah. A flat slam day? A flat slam day? You left it out. It does sound like you're pissed order again.

She want this week on slam day. Another slam day? Slam day is not great. We should do wine, but it's a pint glass that you know, it's just like those glasses where you just kind of pull the top off and then you just drink straight out. Yeah, yeah. So we do one, but it's a pint glass.

That you get at a train station. Pappy's Pints. Pappy Pint of Wine. Pappy Pints of Wine, I think. Gets you where you need to go, why you missed that train that you decided to walk away from. I have a feeling that is that not like sort of illegal? There's gotta be something about selling a pint of wine with a foil lid on it that says

Gets you where you need to go. I'm sure of it. There's sort of quite strict rules around what you can say and can't say around the marketing and advertising of booze. There must be because otherwise it would be full of shit like that wouldn't it? Maybe we're just trailblazers man, maybe no one else has thought of it. Not to once again sound like the oldest man in the world but that was the glory period of the Alcopop. That's why these rules came into place.

You know please drink responsibly. That is very much from a post-alcoholpop world when they were literally going, look at this kids, it's got a funny lemon on the front. Drink it. It was like, it was, that was, it was marketed for the most susceptible young minds in the country.

That's what it was for. Yeah, me. It was a better time, was it? Drink a few alcohol pops, go to HMV, blow 20 quid on a couple of box sets. What a time to be alive. What a time to be barely alive. The whole point of this drink

is that you're not gonna drink it responsibly. It was like the Alka-Pops bend, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Mind you, I guess the kids today, they get vapes for that. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They get the same kind of juice off vapes. When they're podcasting,

they'll be going, those are the good old days, wasn't they? You could vape on a mango fruit or something. I don't know much about vapes. No, no, no, that's exactly it. And also, you know, the vaping indoors as well. People were vaping indoors. That's gonna be another thing.

Yeah. That will sound absolutely insane. In the same way that like you know you could smoke on the bus you should be able to smoke on the bus you know go up to the top deck smoke on the bus you know like the idea that people were vaping in an office is just crackers isn't it yeah they also used to get vapes on the front of cereal packets didn't you and that was that's right You used to get vapes on the front of cereal packets, didn't you? That was mad. That's right.

You could only smoke one side, though, couldn't you? Otherwise, dance music! Dance music, baby! Are you not tempted, Parry? Because I know you have. You've smoked in the past. Are you not tempted to get yourself a vape. What about one of those vapes that's shaped like a cigar?

Are you not, ooh, not seeing that. Do you not think that would be a, have you not? Oh, they're great, and the little end glows red. So it looks like a toy cigar. The little end glows red as you're buffing away on it. They're about the size of it, you know, like a stogie. And yeah, that to me looks like a lot of fun. That is that is almost advertised for kids, isn't it? Because like when you when you're when you're

a kid, anything that look like you know, you'd be eating chip sticks. And someone who was eating a chip stick would be pretending to puff on it like a cigarette. You know, you get your bus ticket, you'd roll it up, you'd pretend to puff on it like a cigarette. Everything's kind of fun to do that with. It feels like the cigar. Candy cigarettes as well. Like that was the, you know. And they were the grossest sweets ever to have been invented, but they looked like cigarettes that everyone still bought them. Everyone loved them, yeah. And you got a card that was a picture of a spider behind them. Hang on. Did you think they were gross? Oh, they tasted like sand. They were chalky. I'll say that much. They were sweet and chalky, but I didn't mind them

I was I was big into them Well, you but never for the pretending to smoke side. That's that bit used to put me off Because it felt too naughty. Really? It was too expressive for you. Yeah. Whereas what I did enjoy was the tastes, sucking on a cool candy stick,

putting them in your mouth and feeding them go soft. That's what I really used to like. And you get a card with them, which was pretty good. The card, the pictures by the man, you know, that was very, very exciting. But of course, who doesn't like popping something in the... Wait for it to go soft? I used to love them. But yeah, I mean, obviously, they knew what they were doing.

Oh yeah, big time. But yeah, and I think I could see you, Parry, and I think it's not a bad affectation to take up would be the cigar. The vaping cigar. Yeah, just special occasions. I quite like to just go into cigars, to be honest. Oh, cut out the middle one. It's gonna be me now. Cigars, cigars for a, you know, like, for a wedding.

I don't mind. Yeah, or a festival. Yeah. I mean. Just be like, a cigar guy. I think every stage you want cigar. Every stage of growing up is basically doing something you think is disgusting until you like it. Yeah, yeah. You know. Pure orange juice.

And normally the training ground for that is festivals. Yeah, that's- It's like, for this weekend I'm going to do something that I don't do in my normal life. Yeah. And it's horrible, but I'll come out of this weekend liking it. Yeah. Regretting it it but liking it. You know what? I didn't used to like the script, but now I do.

I think they're brilliant. Because I forced myself to enjoy them. Yeah, no, but I think that's it, isn't it? Like when you're a little kid, like the idea of like beer and wine is very enticing. And then occasionally, you know, you might be sort of eight or nine and your parents go oh yeah go on you can have one sip of it because they know you're not going to like it and you take a sip and you're like oh

god this is poison. Why are you doing this to yourself? But you tried to pretend to like it. Oh of course yeah yeah yeah and I think that's kind of that's cigars now. That's the next stage isn't it that you kind of smoke a cigar at a wedding, actually, I mean, it is obviously you are getting a buzz off it because it's a cigar and also I'm a non-smoker so it really blows my head off. But quite a lot of it is going, this is grim. It stinks. I've got to get through this.

I've got to get through this. In the morning it's going to feel terrible. I'm going to feel, yeah, it's going be worse than the five glasses of champagne I've drunk. That's the thing I'm gonna, you know, when your tongue is black and you've got a sort of hacking car. Yeah, it feels like you're eating a shoe. Exactly, yeah.

That's what I'm saying. You think, oh, I've got, you know, I've not smoked for the entire year, but I've done a year's worth of smoking in one night for some stupid reason Yeah, that's when you that's when you feel bad. I mean, it meant no one wanted to talk to me for two hours Yeah, you're stood outside with a couple of other saddos Smoke puffing on cigars thinking. Yeah, this is it. We've loosened our ties. We might even have a spirit in a small glass in our hands,

swimming it around. We're setting the world to rights. We're planning on starting a podcast together, all that kind of thing. Talking about our small business ideas, and you go, actually, we're not in the party. We're not enjoying ourselves. The band's playing, we're not dancing.

We're not with the happy couple. We're not with our partners, we're not enjoying ourselves. The band's playing, we're not dancing. We're not with the happy couple. We're not with our partners. And when we arrive back, people are gonna make a big, they have to give us a huge wide birth because we're gonna absolutely ring into our feet. And I'm now unable to swallow. Anyway, goodnight. I'm just having to swill this whiskey around my mouth.

Anyway, I think that might be me. My tongue's got done. That might be me now. I think yeah, it's good. It's good call Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you're going that I'm going for the pipe. I'm going the pipe It's gonna be the pipe. Oh, I could see you with the pipe actually cross. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Yeah, you know get the old briar out. Where does that leave me? They've just finished gladiator two haven't they filming it and Paul Meskow's The Gladiator Ridley Scott Like directs from a trailer now, so he's not really around but like there was like a picture Paul Meskow put on such a media of like we've wrapped and it's like them in Ridley Scott's

Hotel room on the last night and it's him and Ridley with these huge cigars And you can just tell that like Ridley Scott would have been like young man on the last night of filming me and you We're gonna smoke a cigar and poor miss couple be like oh no Just like I've got to go to Ridley's room now smoke a fucking big fat cigar With a man who lost the sense of taste 40 years ago. It's like... Yeah, in every sense. The worst thing about that is that Ridley made them smoke it in Paul's room so he still

gets his deposit back. Because they took, you know, they take your credit card at the door in that hotel. So you know, they'll just, honestly, they'll never be able to get the stink out the towels. So poor our mess gal's picking up the bill. Um, it's, yeah, it's exactly that. Where you like, oh no, and he's like, this is a fine, sit down and let me tell you, this is a fine cigar. You all enjoy this, smell it first, smell it first.

And like teaching him how to cut the ends and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. It's been like rolled on the thigh of a Cuban lady and you go well that's I like I like I like clean factory conditions for things I'm gonna put in my garb if that's okay I'm already a bit freaked out by the fact I have to use the same fork as a hundred other people when I go to a restaurant But I try and put that out my mind mind you know the idea that someone's gone oh yeah it's always the sunny point if you were even like even amongst your friends if I said if I

brought you around and I said oh you know what I have made an absolutely beautiful beef Wellington I rolled it on my own thighs you know what none of that thank you very much don worry. I'm a virgin Oh That's me. Shall we light up a should we light a cigar to commemorate the end of this lovely This is the end of this episode. Have you not been smoking a cigar for like this? of this. This lovely shot. At the end of this episode. Have you not been smoking a cigar throughout this? It's been a correct... that's the reason we have to do it now over Zoom. We're actually all in the... we're all in London currently but we've all decided to not meet up together

because we're all doing like obviously you're on the big cigar, I'm on the vapes and Clark is on the candy cigarettes and you know those flavors just cut They can't match each other. They can't meet each other never the twain exactly never the twain shall meet So there we were and here we are all this confusion nothing's the same to me If you like what we do we also put out an extra podcast on This confusion, nothing's the same to me. If you like what we do, we also put out an extra podcast on Thursday normally called Flat Shed Pop Round.

And that, I'm afraid, is behind a classic Patreon paywall. So if you wanna get some more, oh that's weird to say, isn't it? No, that's fine. It's fine. It's absolutely true. It is fine. It's true.

It's quite a Patreon paywall. Okay, great.'s true. It's by the Patreon paying all the money. Yeah. So if you want a bit more of us in your week. Do you want us to close that loophole? Should we close that loophole? If you want a bit of us on the back end of the week, then get on board and join the Patreon. It's a lovely community of listeners.

We read out a lot of emails. We play a lot of games. It's cracking. And you can get that for something like a pound a week or four quid a month or some shit. So go along to patreon.com, you'll find it if you Google it, forward slash, pappy stuff I guess. Tom, Tom, you criticise my admin, but I'll say one thing, it's efficient and I get the information out there, mate.

You're good, you are good at it. I very rarely use the phrase or some shit. You make it look easy. You do make it look easy. I'll say that much. It's patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share as well you know Tom. That's the one, exactly that. That's the shit.

Oh and if you'd like to send us a beef for Beef Brothers as well, beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. We'd love to hear some more beefs. We're going to be recording some beef brothers very very soon So we'd love some more beefs from you, please Great. All right, then. Well, we'll see you again. We don't know when probably next week today's episode was produced by Emma Caution Cheers everyone. Bye