Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Clarky Cam) S9E30

Episode Date: October 21, 2019

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Unpacking the world with lucky numbers, scams and a pig waitPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSee us live 20th November at The Phoenix - https://www.tickettext.co.uk/pappys-flatshare/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-20112019/Produced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Listen the deer, where are we? Look around, but you can't see, but you can't hear, they must be near. Yes, we are! We're in Yorick and Al. Hey! So, it's brand new theme tune this week, which is... It's brand new day. Tom, you've been working on that for a couple of months. Thank you.

Well, I'm absolutely... Thank you. Please, please, thank you. Thank you, yes. So thank you. Thank you. Yes. So I'm not entirely sure what a compliment is. I'll take it. I'll take it.

Oh, that looked hard. Thank you. Well, this is a house meeting and in a house meeting, we sit around, we chew the fat, we spew forth. Which we've just done today. Yeah, here can help. So if you enjoy the podcast, don't forget to leave us a review.

I think we ask in the body of the podcast, four reviews. Yes, we do. So we'll leave that there. You can listen to that in the body of the podcast. Also, we are live, as always, we've got to tell you about our live gigs. We're actually live! We're not live!

We're actually live! We have got a live show coming up on the 20th of November, which is gonna be at the Phoenix, and we have two very brilliant guests. We've got Jeff Lloyd and we've got Sarah Barron, who are a real life married couple, which I think is a flat-stem first. Well, there's me and Clarky.

That's true, you are, of course, a real life man. So it's two married couples. It's gonna be like all-star Mr and Mrs. And it's that picture interest and kill yourself. LAUGHTER Please don't guys, please keep listening. You can also find us, that's the only reason. Just so you can keep listening. We really need those figures. We don't care about your well-being you guys. Stay alive. Stay alive so you can support us on Patreon. Stay alive so we get the advertising revenue.

It's not much but we'll take it. So yeah, support us on Patreon, Papi's FlatShare if you've searched for that on Patreon.com. Also follow us on Twitter at Papi's Tweet and find us on Facebook, Papi's FlatShare. Or if you Google Papi's podcast, that'll find us. If you're to Google Papi's podcast, Papi's flat-based, like any of that'll find us. If you're talking to Google Pappies podcast, Pappies flat, flat based, like any of that kind of stuff.

Or that, yeah, or an ecosier search as well. If you're interested in a... Of course, every time you plant a tree, it finds you. And it kills you. Don't trust that. Don't trust it myself. So before we get the episode started, I wanted to read this out. Now we've had an email in from our dear friend in Poland, Yaroslav.

Yaroslav, there's a given breeze. Yaroslav has got back in touch because in the... Yaroslav, I love you. He's a great guy. And in the Animagraar episode. And in the anime grower episode of Beef Brothers Cold Cuts, I think you asked what's the dirtiest country? I mean, it's out of context, it's scientific. In context.

It didn't sound great. Didn't sound great, but at the same time, you asked it, it's out there. There's no going back. And the elsewhere was chained in with the answer, isn't it? He's chained in with an email that says Poland and cleanliness. Hello, I have two answers in relation to your question about the tightiness of poles. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Oh! I can die happy. The tightiness of poles. The humorous one, notice the inverted commas, he says, is that we have to be tidy with polish as our nationality adjective. Oh lovely stuff, Yaroswav!

God just worked from Yaroswav there. Really good, really strong. The serious one is that I've seen pretty much all kinds of people when it comes to cleneless, kind of as we expected. But I have to say that I've met many more neat freaks who simply enjoy the act of cleaning slash tidying than absolute slubs. Cheers everyone, bye! Yaroswav! There we go, definitive from Yaroswav, the poles are filthy. I wasn't listening.

I wasn't listening. That's a real shame. I'm sorry because I'm afraid the poles are closed. Anyway, enjoy the house meeting. It'll take some beating. We'll see you around the back. Oh no, it started sleeting. I don't know what I started doing that. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you.

I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has beaten beaten beaten. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has beaten beaten beaten beaten. Why on earth am I always waiting? How stupid be 10, be 10, be 10.

Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This have a house meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Have a meeting. Do you have a lucky number? Yeah. Do you know why? Yes. It's my house number from my... ...from the first place I lived in.

The thing is, I didn't know it's going to be my lucky number, but you know when you've just got a number in your head that you see a lot, and then you're like, oh, that's my lucky number. Were you particularly lucky when you lived at that place? No, but I had a very... If anything, it was one of the worst periods of my life. I'd soon not talk about it. So, it's when I live with Fred and Rose West.

Was it your mom and dad's? Correct. Thanks. So, that's your lucky number. Yeah. Have you got a lucky number, Crossbow? I do. And it's actually...

Well, can we hear what Clarke is his first? Could we have an even higher note? No, but then if the listener hears the number, they can... Well, gradually, they'll peeks together. Do your mum and dads still live in there? They still do. Well, hang on, let's not tell them you're lucky number then,

but let's tell them you're mum and dad's address. Okay, 31... Yeah, that's it. Okay, so if you, from that, you can deduce... You're lucky number. What a lucky number is, exactly. You don't want to give it all away. Good, 31. Yeah, that's it. Okay, so if you, from that, you can deduce the lucky number. What the lucky number is exactly? You don't want to give it all away. Good call.

That's smart. That's your fair enough. Thanks. Mine's my pin number. So it's three four. No. Can I ask you a question? Of course.

You have three questions. Oh, answer me three. I shall tell the truth. I have to answer them. Oh, no. I will answer you three. And you will tell the truth once. Twice. Three times. He's telling the same question. Okay, so I can ask you three questions. You can ask me three questions. Oh, this is good. Here we go. Okay, here we go. Because the first question was going to be, are3 and 4 actually contained within your pin number.

Oh, no. I know Tom's pin number. Do you? What's his pin number? Well, I can't tell you that. No, you can't say, we'll believe it. Well, I can tell you his full address and then the pin number.

That's not exactly. Have you ever been, you ever been fished? No. I got fished recently. What? Yeah. Did you? I got fished recently. What? Yeah, did you? Hold on pH, he aged yeah explain it is it is that when they they they got your pin number they get they well That's what they're fishing for let me let me let me back up the truck a little bit I first you say my lucky number 17 because when I was a little kid I thought the age 17 seem like a cool age to be Oh That's a really adorable way to have a lucky number.

And actually that's very much what the magazine J17 is predicated on. 17 year olds weren't buying J17 magazine, it was people who were spired to be. There was something about... There was something about... That's why that's probably... But no I think there is an aspiration. When you're like 9 or 10, I think when I'm 17, I think it's both, it's the perfect age for being no longer a kid, but also,

you've still got a lot of the protections of a kid. It's not like you're like, oh, when I'm 18, I have to move out the house and get a job. 17 suggests, you know, seven suggests to do that. I thought, that's quite, that's right, yeah. Well, I was down the mines at 17. But you know what, I was living my room in the northwest, so it's fine.

What a flat share that was. And what a slam down, straight under the mines. You know what, I was living my friend's way, so it's fine. What a flat chair that was. What a sland out. Straight under the patio. Slabs down. Flashes down. But yeah, so I think... You're absolutely right about a 17, though.

There's like a glow to 17 when you're a kid. Yeah. You've probably done experience when you're 17. I guess that's why this is... You want to be 18 when you're 17. Edge of 17 by Stevie Nicks. It's all suggest that there's something when you're 17. I guess that's why this is what I'd be 18 when you're 17. Edge of 17 by Stevie Nicks. It's all suggest that there's something cool about being 17. 17 steps to heaven.

Is that what's that? 17 days of the week. I don't know. I don't know. Lucky number though, anyway. 17 was not that good. So that was all that was kind of... I ended up going to Camden Market when I was probably about 14.

So you changed that to you looking at them? Yeah, yeah. Hey, time to go to Camden Market. I've actually been working in Camden, so 30 nights went out looking up. But I went to Camden Market and I found a baseball top. You know that thing that's got white, but then it's got like red sleeves, but it's three quarter-length sleeves. And it had, it must have been like,

for a British team, it was like, it had the New York logo on it, but it said like North York Baseball, and it had a 17 on it, and that was, became my favorite T-shirt. I just loved it so much. It was my favorite. That's cool, that's very cool.

Yeah. So do you play the lottery? I've never played the lottery, no. Never ever! Never, I've played it once. I've played it once. You've never played the lottery. Never ever! I've played it once. I've played it once. You've never played the lottery! A wedding, I've played it once when everyone got given lottery numbers as a wedding favour.

But I've never played it apart from that. Wow, we! You've never played the national lottery. I've never won it. I mean, when it first came out. No. That's like not watching Big Brother when it first came out. My parents were.

My parents were against it. Ah right, gambling. Yeah, they were like no. Yeah, I guess that does mean they're against it. And if they were for it, they'd have been like yes. And if they were on the fence a bit like yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. But people have few words your parents. Yeah, absolutely. There's not a lot of chat, 31. Not a lot of chat, 31. 31.

And hell of a house, though. Oh, it's a lovely house. I've stayed there a few times, lovely house. But it's very peaceful. Very peaceful. Very peaceful, except when I got my lottery cards out, they weren't fucking furious. They went through the bloody roof.

I was fished, that's what I was going to say. I was fished. So what's, was gonna say. I was fished. So, what's, what's, not in Camden Market. Not in Camden Market, more recent in that week. Were you, would you have a lucky number? Yeah, I have a lucky number. Which again, like, they're often really childish,

simple reasons why. Yes. So, I ran a fun run when I was at primary school, which in my head was like huge, but now looking back, it was just round the playing fields once. Once? So what?

Round the playing fields. What would that be? About 400 meters, something like that? Yeah, yeah. And it does seem huge when you're doing it. And I ran with a number and they gave me the number six. And I used to play football for the team and they gave me the number two jersey, I used to play football for the team, and they gave me the number two jersey,

so I went lucky numbers, 26, which I put those two. So I must have had a week where I was like, I need to come up with a lucky number, because those things were, I wasn't like sitting on both of those numbers and going, like, a boom, finally, they go together. It was like, you need a lucky number. Did 26 prove to be lucky?

Do you always put it in your lottery numbers? It's always in my lottery numbers. Yeah. But obviously I've never had a lottery, but whenever there you always put it in your lottery numbers? It's always in my lottery numbers. Yeah, but by obviously I've never with the lottery But whenever there's a big win in the lottery like this week It's like I'm 170 million win for someone in Britain. Yeah, which means they're richer than Tom Jones Wow, is that is that how they do it? What they

Take a how rich as top Jones is that is that is that? Is that how they do it? Take a, how rich is top-junk? No, that's that, that's allotering. Is that, no, is that how they sort of sell it? They go like, oh, if you've got this money, you'd be richer than Tom's. You get the phone call and they say, you've won the lottery and then they give you

the name of the celebrity that you're richer than. Which, you know, it's like, you've won the lottery. Yay! Dean Gaffney. Oh. Hang up. You're in debt. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm sure Gaffney's comfortable. Gaffney's definitely, Oh, hang up. You're in debt. LAUGHTER

I'm sure Gaffney's comfortable. Gaffney's definitely... Gaffney's... I reckon he's doing pretty well. If I told you Gaffney played his... Fortune at the time. Oh, we all know Gaffney playing us well, right? If I told you he played his fortune at the time in to real estate and was known,

the biggest landlord in Burnley. He owns Warford. Yeah, you believe. He owns all the Warford. Yeah, that's a Gaffney house. Yeah. Gaffney Gaff. That's a Gaffney Gaff. Where you're living.

In a game, Gaffney Gaff. A game, Gaffney Gaff. A game, Gaffney Gaff. A game, Gaffney Gaff. Number one is Dean Gaffney. And the one of the two is Dean Gaffney's mum. He looks after his own Gaffney. He's looked after his three. Yeah, he's doing Gaffney's mom. He looks after his own family.

He's looked after his family. He's still charged them rent though. Still charged them rent. Anyway, yeah, that's the phone call. But no, this guy's gone straight in there, or person above Tom Jones. We're in above Tom Jones. 170 million.

170 million, bang. That's above Jamie Column. No, Dave. I mean, I hope so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope... Hey, Cullen's up there. I wouldn't have mounted anything's up there, is he?

No, he's not up there. He's not up there like Tom Jones. Tom Jones? Tom Jones has been an icon. He's been an icon for years. And also, Jamie Cullen hasn't hosted, or hasn't been one of the judges on a big TV reality show. You get a pretty penny for that. Yeah.

He occasionally does a show on Radio 2, I think. Yeah, he occasionally does a charm radio to I think bang He does yeah, you do get I mean You get some money for radio to but Tom Jones is being constantly played on radio to do money for radio to what the heck We do it guys. I should be on radio to that's what is my lucky number. We should be ready to radio six Oh, you know what I'm sorry for me. I'd happily take a job on either of those channels No, I'll sward. Don't worry. He could function on you through spot for me. I'd happily take a job on either of those channels. Do you know what I'll say? Dermot or Larry. He could function on either of those channels and everyone I'd love him.

He's got a sharp radio to you, don't you? Yeah, sharp way there. Oh, exactly. If he was just in the hard work. Because he gets musicians on, he interviews, and he seems to take a key in interest in it. Okay, two radio stations at Crosby, and he's gonna immediately tell you a guest,

a host who can handle both those radio stations. Okay, here we go. So I'll give one radio station, you give the other one. Oh, God. Okay. Okay. Why am I nervous? Okay, don't worry, you've got this. I'm not. I'm going to get this. Yeah, okay, sure.

Coming from me, Class KFM, coming from Clarky. Uh, Virgin Radio. Oh, who can straddle those two behemoths of broadcasting? I am going to say... It's not the greatest game ever. It's not the greatest game ever. But it's better than plugs I'll tell you that much. I reckon someone like Zander Armstrong. That's a very strong call because he's got that sort of high-brother thing he's obviously sings. You know what you absolutely know that. That's great. Yeah works. Yeah, I think you could, you know, it's a fun show where he interviews, you know,

comics and he has his mates on and stuff like that. That will be fun. And obviously you could hear him, he's got the Milifluis tape. It's good, it's very good. Okay, I'm happy. Clarke, you're gonna play? I absolutely not, no, no.

I'll, okay. Well, anyway, the sends, the lucky numbers chat. Let's find out about Crosby Gamefish. Hustle E.J. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. Hustle E.J. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes.

Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to act in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters for December 15th. You'll put a jingle in there, won't you? The end of the lucky numbers chat, and now let's find out how cross-be-guard fished. I mean, we've actually got jingles, but that's pretty good.

Oh, yeah, no,les but that's pretty good. Oh yeah, that's pretty good. You're listening to Dermotoli, Rihon, radio 2 and 6 simultaneously. Oh, it's not good. Simultaneous broadcast, that's trickier. Yeah, no, I was just trying to get into one jingles. Let's do it. Sorry. It's alright, please don't apologize. Now, you must have been a part of that song.

You feel like I should apologize for guys. Now, you must have a fire. You're simply massive. I feel like I should have apologize for radio. No, you know what? You know what, actually. It was pretty good in the end. In the end. We were on a car journey. Which is, that's what this podcast is really, isn't it? It's a car journey, but we're not going anywhere.

Either physically or career wise. You're listening to Station Repuppies. Stat-Pap. LAUGHTER You're listening to station repappies, StatPap. You're listening to StatPap. So, I got fished. Okay, right, tell me all about it. So here's the thing, when you get those emails, there's fishing emails.

Now, they're clearly not from, gone, Clarky. Clarky's the most here. Please, please. Mate, I got the same email this morning. Did you? What, hang on? I realised that you told me about this, but I didn't realise that. Here's the thing.

Now, normally, I'm very good. Like, I have had... How about, is it from me? Am I fishing you? It could be, I mean, you're the one who's got it. We're getting Papi's ones. Have you seen those? People are sending Papi's emails.

Yes, you said Akari, it was stationery. Is it because I put the put our email on Twitter? I don't know what it was but I'll tell you about that one and a bit. Tell us about yours. Okay, all right. So here's what happened. Okay. There were two bills that needed to be paid and Charlie, my wife was coming home. My wife? No, she was, what's the matter, are you not like a bar at impression? Come on, boy. Okay. Everyone loves that.

Okay, so Charlie was coming home. And when she came home, she said, we were going to high five. How fast? And she also said, Yeah, she missed. That's good stuff. So, God, I love Bora.

Yeah. When I first saw Mora in the cinema, I couldn't believe it. It's the Joker of our generation. It is, the Joker. The Guardian took it right high upon its list of films. What? The Guardian have gone fucking nuts about lists. Yeah, they love a really contentious list, don't they?

They've started listing like all sorts. Do you know the day they listed it? Angelina Jolie films. Why? Why is after that list? What's that top 50 as well? It's like calm down. How many, how many did they get in it?

Every Angelina Jolie film. Rate it. Rate it. Well, I tell you what. You're doing this at the Guardian. Do you know what? I'll tell you why, it's pure clickbait, isn't it? Because people will type in Angelina Jolie films and that because it's the Guardian will be the top thing. So people will click on it. It's pure clickbait, isn't it? Because people will type in angi-je-le film,

and that, because it's the Guardian, will be the top thing, and so people will click on it. It's clickbait. Every angi-je-le film, it's clickbait as well it is. But this is the same principle of fishing. Yeah, I was going to say, you couldn't say no. So they said, right, every. They said, right? Jennifer Aniston moved it.

And I said, I'm happy to do it. I watched Murder Mystery recently, loved it. Straight in it, number one with a bullet. Number one. No, maybe the good girl's number one. Is that what it's called? I don't know. With Jake Lohenhall?

Doesn't matter. Listen, we're getting distracted. But if you would like to get in touch with us, at Papi's tweet on the Twitter, tell us what's your favourite angelage-only movie and your favourite Jennifer and us movie. And if they have been a movie together. So, have they?

Emma, check it out. So, yes, so you get this email. And, uh, Trig Bater. Charlie got these, got an email that was a fishing email and we didn't realise at the time and she said, oh, it looks like our, it looks like our council tax needs to be paid and our TV licence needs to be paid, now the council tax was a real one so she forwarded them both to me I paid the council tax that was fine brumph out the way then I went into this one and actually there was so many red flags but it was late at night I was basically doing a favor not doing a favor because it's the shared household but but Charlie

wasn't able to pay it that night right and the email said your TV license expires tonight. Now, that should have been a red flag because that's not how they send you a message. It expires tonight. But Charlie said, we've got to get it done. So I was like, I'll get it done. And then it became a sort of weird because they asked for a lot of information to try and log us into the TV page. But then it became because it wasn't me filling in my own information, it became like a kind of a test of how much I knew about Charlie. Which is happy to take. Exactly, bring it on.

Bring it on. I can do Mother's Maiden name, but it would have up in we go. So I started, yeah, I know. So bad. And basically, it took you through three pages of asking for lots and lots of information that is kind of quite crucial for everything. I actually did it on the joint account,

rather than her account, so it was, I can't write the joint account, but I gave all of her details, I gave her phone number, I gave her mother's maiden name, I gave the long number at the front and the small number on the back, I gave the lots to them, and it was only when I realized that it was getting me

no further towards a page where I was actually supposed to type in an amount to pay, that I was like, oh no, and then I went back to the email and I just looked, you know, when you look at it a second time and you go, this is so clear. Like, you know, they weren't all of the, it's like UV low sense. Exactly. Yeah. And it all of the fonts were, all of the fonts were actually like, look, JPEG. It wasn't like the text of a big JPEG. It was just the link that was active. Oh, and I felt sick. And then I immediately was like,

sick, I was immediately peaked to have my penis. No, I was immediately, you got naked to do it. Why was it in front of the computer? So he was talking a lot about his wife. He loves his wife. But I felt so guilty and Charlie was amazing and then had to go and put blockers on the account

and like, you know, extra, you've got to pay a bit of extra to have extra securities so they check any weird activity. But the thing is right, here's the thing. I am a, I'm a sort of reasonably well together mentally person of 39 years old. Looking at number? My lucky number, exactly. But I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, because technology's gonna get more advanced.

Yes. And I'm over the hill now, aren't I? I'm on the slope down to... Are you on the precipice, mate? But still, the precipice is still... That's the summit. I'll take it to the summit. Thank you very much.

I'll take precipice, I'll take summit. A lot of people die on the summit, remember that. Oh, god, yeah. A lot of people can't get down. There's a lack of oxygen up there. They've spent so much time getting up there. Constant. Constant, no's bleeds.

What a way to go. Oh god, I'm gonna die on this summit. Yes. What a hill to die on. Illucinating, ordering a fake TV license. Shitting yourself. Oh god, naked. Being sick on your own penis.

A wrecked, smiling. What a way to go. That's all right, actually. What a great time. It's a sick on your own penis. A wrecked, smiling. What a way to go. Sounds alright, actually. It's a great time. It's a great Sunday. But here's the thing, like if it's only going to get more sophisticated, the fishing technology, I'm only going to get older and dopier. Yeah.

Where does this leave us? I know. Have you been fished? No. Have you ever had the email where they? Probably, I'd just probably tell you what I'm saying. Don't even realise. Have you ever had the email where they say we've got video of't know. I don't know if I've realized. Have you ever had the email where they say,

we've got a video of you, this is what I've been getting from the Pappies account. From the Pappies account? Which one? I get in front of podcasts. No, at Pappies tweet or whatever it is. No, I don't know if it's like Pappies. Oh yeah, no, it's the Pappies one.

It's the Pappies one, I'm sure. Team at Pappies comedy, yeah, that's it. And it's from, and it says it's from team upappies, comedy.co.d. And they're like, we've got into your account, we've got a video of you jerking it, AKA being sick on T-P in us, whatever they got. Yeah, they've got some sort of footage

that you would like, you will only put out in the money's range. And they're like, so you need to give us $750 worth a bit coin. $750. Yeah. Clark, you're mind with like 10 grand. Oh, wow. How would they give you a bit of a, well,

but please. They gave you the $750. Yeah, but it's Bitcoin, so it's worth, like. No, it's worth $750. Oh, what? Yeah, Bitcoin, it's like a ton of feathers or a ton of lead. $750, it's still. I'm not glad, please.

I'll take it. Well, it's heavier, isn't it? But here's the thing. No, Bitcoin is... Bitcoin is... Big deal. Yeah, yeah. It's a big deal, but it's also a deal, mate.

$750 worth of Bitcoin. If you wouldn't spend that $15 million. If you wouldn't spend that $15 million. Stop people showing you jerking it, but you'd probably spend $750. Yeah, I think that's true. I mean, it's more reasonable, isn't it? I reckon, yeah, you get a lot more always paying money for people to stop Putting videos out of me jerking it, but that's got nothing to be in fish

Probably not know. I mean, I'm just a lucky with people filming me jerking it It's been fish, but I'm so a direct debit to them actually. Yeah, so I'm not gonna stop jerking it Make clearly I'm gonna stop filming me. So yeah, also you've got a video on your email signature, don't you? Yes, you do. Yeah, absolutely. But that's actually been shot quite professionally, isn't it? You had a team together for that. Yeah, well, that's it, exactly.

That was the right way. You got to put yourself out there. I'm not a sham alarm. It was a real twist at the end. Well, a king could say twist. What is your king? And I'm a sham alarm. Mine has to be Ray Davis.

That's a lovely choice. It's a lovely choice. Just for the listener at home, the guy who still does borrower impressions was shaking his head at that joke. I live in a house made of iron sheet. How many things? How much would you... I was just wondering if I was getting into the blackmail thing. No, it's a good thing. What's it worth to say?

What would be the worst thing someone would blackmail? You have a book. The thing is, if you tell people that, they don't use a blackmail anymore, because you've told the world. Yes, that's true. So let's keep... Let's keep...

Let's keep someone with things that listen to a deer and blackmail is on. I'd say it would be fun. Listen to deer, I should go on iTunes. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish.

Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish.

Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish.

Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's keep someone's fish. Let's so it's TEAM at pappiescomedy.com. Email us with your best attempts at fishing. Yeah, I will read some eight. Let's see if, yeah, let's see if we can be fish. Yeah, if we read them out, that's good. But if we end up sending you 750 quid to worth of Bitcoin, that's even better. AKA 2.5 million.

Or a video of me jerking it. Sure. Who fishes the fisherman what what am I sending your TV righteous let me just mind fish hook at himself fishing's cruel isn't it so real fishing yeah or internet fishing real fishing the problem with fish. Well, these modern day fishermen, they just go out and just tell the fish.

They've got a lot of video you jerking it by the way. Hop in this net. I'm an Nigerian prince game about. Wee wee wee. Hooray. That's the side. That's the side. That's the successful fisherman.

Hooray. Three fish. The thing with fish is, because they live under the That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that.

That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that.

That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's the side of that. That's be okay. Oh, I don't know about that. But they're a bit... Is it the eyes? Yeah. From the head. Yeah. For crabs, have eyes at the front. Yeah, no, we eat crabs as well.

We have no problem eating crabs. Hold on. Oh, hang on. Oh, sorry, you mean? LAUGHTER Basically... Oh, my God. The sauce come out, man.

The sauce come out. But eyes don't look... They don't have a face. Their eyes are above their head, right, crabs. Or not, not, no. They're on stalks, aren't they? Their eyes are up on little stalks. They're on stalks above their head.

But is it, so is it eyes on the front of your face? Means, we don't have more of them. So we don't eat cats, because they've got eyes on the front of the face, right? We don't eat dogs. I love that, but we eat a lot of things that do my- I'm trying to work out what we do it that's got an eye on the front of his face. Oh it's in front of your face.

Cows. Cows. Cows have eyes on the side of the head don't they? Oh hold on. Cows have eyes on the side of the head. Because if you saw a cow sideways on you'd see it's eye right? No this is now confused. If you saw a cow sideways on, you'd see it's eye, right? Now this is, now I'm confused.

Pig weight. Big weight. Older. Big weights, guys. We're gonna take a little pig weight. We're gonna be back. Older. Whilst clarky, imagine the pig.

I'm gonna draw a picture of a pig and see. So it's not the thing. We don't eat things that have eyes on the front of their heads. No, but we're more likely to empathise with things that have eyes at the front of their face. Wow. Things with the face, you can, yeah, I mean, you don't see a fish and think, oh, it looks cute. No. And that's why, like, in, in finding Nemo and that kind of stuff, they've got to work quite hard to make the fish look like basically, they've got a human face on the front. I thought it was more to do with like pupils.

Oh! If they teach. Just call the fish. Just call the fish and run my way. Oh my god, he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- he- Man Keeney. We should tell the listener that we're all wearing man keeney's. Of course. They don't know that, but that's what we're recording. If you watched the webcam, which by the way, is a cool 750 quid in Bitcoin, all you got to do, pay us the web, pay us that, we will show you the footage of us all sitting in man keeney's. Man keeney's, eh? I don't think it's that. How much would you have to be paid to have a camera on your,

on your person the whole year? Oh, like the headset camera that film your face. Yeah, so people could log in to, like, you know, they could choose which are you. Clarke cam. Clarke cam. I like the idea of that. Oh man. If you would pay the decent wage, would you be up for it?

It has to be a lot of money I think. Okay, how much? Because bear in mind as well, it's just your face. In terms of what they can see, it's a locked off shot of just your face. But also it's having it on your person constantly as well is going to be annoying as heck. I'm going off of you sleeping at night.

I'm going off of you 60 grand a year. You're going to turn that there? How many years you have to do it for? It's just as many as you like as many as you want to keep it up. You certainly have to do it for a year. Oh yeah, you can't do it for a lot of years. You can't do it for a few months now. I'll cash out.

You do it for 60, wouldn't you? Yeah. Okay, interesting. Do you have 55? Youfft. Parry him. You probably would. He got the money on you right now. I just got a few successful scams, right? You fished the money out of Charlie's account,

and now you pay for the... So I could sell a clocky account? I did know how I was to sell a clocky account, all right? You should just, I would have offered the money. I want to be a shareholder for the stock. Giving was going nowhere. I think the crap, yeah. Just giving.

Like, yeah. I am currently about, I'm thinking of running the marathon to raise money for Clarky cam. Yes, great, please do. I will film you the whole time. Here's the thing, I'm gonna wear a cam. We need to set up Crosby cam in order to afford Clarky cam. Yeah, Crosby cam.

I can't give Tom cam away. I've been filming myself for three years. So, really, yeah, can it? So, for people to keep on filming. Yours can't give Tom Kammer away. I've been filming myself for three years. So many of you are working it. You're sitting on your face. I'm blackmailing people to not send them your photo of the video of me jerking it. That's my efficient scam. I've got a video of myself jerking it. You're going to receive it unless you give me 750 bit going into my Clarky cam just giving me pay. 150 bit going into my Clarky cam just giving pay. Let's get Clarky film. Spent a really weird web of deceit for myself, actually.

Yeah, but you know what? Oh yeah. It's all going to a great place. That's true. That's true. That's true. It's for a good cause. If you do go on our just giving page, dig deep guys,

because we would like to set up, please be honest. Please be honest as well. If you are, just give me a big, we would like to set up a camera on Clarkies face. 24, seven. 24, seven for at least five years. Yeah. And for now, we're gonna need 55 ground a year.

Well, I've got a five year old tape. Hold on, I never said yes to 55. I think you'll take it. Clark, yay. You'll do it for 55. You'll do it for 55. You'll do it for the right number of those. Let, let's call it 58. No, 55 is the line in the sun. You do it for 55. You'll do it right away. You'll do it right away. You'll do it right away. You'll do it right away.

Let's call it 58. No, 55 is the line in the sand. What? 55, mate. 55. I tell you what. That was such terrible, what? 57.

That was terrible bargain by you. Oh, what? Are you never show weakness in the barter in? Can I ask you a question? No. No. No. 50, 57 a question? No, 50 57 52 no hold on no, I'm out. I'm out. You're over 52. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. You've turned in the water mate You can't you can't do that. This is a bad day for Clarky calm

This is really calm. Can I just sorry Clarky got all just take a little pig weight? We're gonna have we have a little meeting Very Clarky got all just take a little pig weight. We're gonna have we have a little meeting right Two thing I was gonna try the cat moves the pigeons. I think when we sit down in front of Alan Sugar Yeah, I'm sorry. You're coming back into the board room because it was your aggressive bargaining I know that is that shit on the car key County The thing is he would do it 52 of course he would he's not a pride man. We knew that but you So the thing is he would do it 52 of course he would he's not a pride man. We knew that but you But his needs the dog 52. He's not a proud man, but listen You you really really badgered him. I know 52 is gonna make you made him sit You know what you made him seem like he was desperate, but watch this now. Let's get back in the show

I'll show you why I did it. Okay, thank you. Okay Clarky. Yeah, mate. Sorry about that. I was really out of order there. No, you were. Yeah, that's all right. And I was, and like, my colleague, Mr. Crosby over here, he had a word with me about it. Yeah. And we're saying 27, 27 grand,

27 grand, you cheap cunt. I got 27 grand, you scumbag. I'm sorry, sorry. I was doing the press. Listen, he was like. No, I know, obviously 27 is such an issue. So we respect you much more than 27. At least 51.

I'm not 27. Not 27. For 51 pounds. 51 pounds. I mean, you do it for that. When he says quite well, you're pulling 51s and awful lot. It's nearly double 27. That's true.

Subtracted a bit. He could have said, well, you've got to do a bit of math. Since you've started going up on the price. Yeah. 51 seems there. Do you know what? It's going to be a real pleasure making Taki-Kam with you. That's the handshake! We did it!

That's how you bought it! We did it! That's how you fish, baby! Yes! You guys, you guys, you guys, you got such idiots. I talked to you all the way up. Oh my God. I got my money there.

Exactly. But Clarky, I got money there. Exactly. But Clarky, here's the real pullback reveal. Oh yeah, go. Clarky can, here's a fake organisation bro. When you gave us your bank details, we were fishing, yo! Oh my goodness. Yo, just been fished, bitch. By the way, I just got a video of you pulling back and revealing.

I will give you $51,000 in Bitcoin for that video, please. That's okay. It's all yours, baby. I'll also give you $51,000 to buy it off you. I love it. Fantastic. I've come out of this. Even, I think.

It was a pleasure doing business with you, men. I tell you what, we're not good businessmen. I think what we've established here is we're not good businessmen. I think anyone tuning into this podcast would know that from the get go. Do you think there's part of you that doesn't want to be a good business person? You know what, I sometimes think that. You know, when you see very rich people, yes, when you're standing outside their house looking in.

Sure. Sure. Face, face, face. Bloody hell. Face is pressed up against the window Watch the meat holes eating a full roast dinner and thinking why can't I afford that? Our kitchens got an island in here. Oh roaring open fire in the middle of the island

That kitchen I was going to throw you in fire That kitchen I was going to throw you in a lot of heavy lifting That you just set because you were jealous about it. Hang on with it. That helps his on fire. Oh no, I've got to, I've set Branson's house on fire. I've set fire to his private island. It was a bit of his kitchen. That's how Richie has got a private island in the Minerva's kitchen.

The kitchen island. I would go so far so that's a lovely bit of business. Thanks mate, thank you very much. I think that would work as a standalone message. Yes. Great. Now listen, here's the thing. So I had to give a little pick right.

You've got to give it a pick right. Every time I see truly rich people, I always think there's a part of you that means you're a total scumbag. Oh yeah. But you're not stopped you thinking that completely. It's that their eyes are at the front of their face Just got so much empathy for them. That's the thing when I see Jacob Reese Mogg. I think oh There's little eyes. There's piggy little eyes

I was a big little eyes. He's taking a little nap. He's taking a little nap in the commons He's piggy little face. I think we were well-think we would know what to do with it would we? No, this is it. I think... I would love to be rich, but then I also hate to be rich. Maybe gone in a week. I know. But then you'd be poor again, so problems halved. Bees halved.

LAUGHTER I had a friend who got paid by his rich mates to quit his job and go and play golf with him for a year. What? So it was a teacher at the school I taught that, right? What? Check this out. A teacher at the school I taught with a PE teacher.

When he was leaving, we went out for drinks. I said, what are you doing? What? You move into another school, you're going to say, no actually, my friend set up a teaching agency. And they started it maybe 15 years ago, and they basically supply supply teachers to all these schools. And he's now sold the company, and basically never has to work again.

So he's just gonna go and travel the world, playing golf. He loves playing golf, and he wants company, because it's quite a lonely life just to travel. So he's paying me a wage it's better than my teaching salary, to go and play golf with them. And I think that's the kind of business when you go, you're probably not a bad guy. You know? That's what you did with those 10 years ago.

That's right. And do keep sending the invoices and one day I'll get around to you. Yeah, please. Because we've been going to say it. It's been 10 years. It has been 10 years. Put our jobs to come and hang out with you and make comedy with you. Gave you all of my bank account data.

You've promised us you were wealthy. I, you can tell, obviously I'm wealthy, but you know what? Isn't it better to be... Can tell my how you're sat. You can tell by the fact I'm man spreading so much. Yeah, listen, his leg is, could not be more cocked. It's so, I've realized, if I get an armchair, the legs go straight over the arm of the armchair.

That's, you can take a photo. I mean, if you could, if you could double arm, that would be amazing. Photo, but I need to say I can fish you with it later. LAUGHTER It's a great cock. Can I get the... No, I'll do it. What do you mean now? I mean get the... No, I'm not.

What do you mean now? I mean the cock of his leg. Yeah. Oh, that's why I keep the cock. Between my two legs. Could you imagine ever hearing that sentence? Can I get both legs over? That's the question.

Oh, that looks lethal. Oh, my God. We are about to see truly three great cocks. Crosby is double cocket. Oh, and it feels so good. Yeah. Well, we'll put those on the Instagram. Yeah.

Oh my god. Fish this. So anyway, I feel like we've, I feel like fish. Fish this. Well, I feel like we've covered quite a lot of very important ground. We've covered it. It was very business-orientated. We've covered lucky numbers. We've covered barats. We've covered fishing scams. We've covered whether or not I can get both my legs over an armchair turns out I can. And we've found out that... Clarky's going to be on camera for a year.

Clarky's on camera for a year? Yeah, 51 grand, baby. So get in touch with us at Papi's Tree and tell us how much you're willing to pay to see Clarky on cam as wearing a man-key-ney. Oh, hold on. Well, it's a locked off shot of your face, but we take it on trust that you're wearing a man-key-ney. Well I'm in a wearing one now, why wouldn't I? Would you disguise the fact you were going to the Lou?

How? By putting, right here's what you could do, is you could put a large bit of card behind your head with a picture of the eye full tower. But you do that every time you go to the toilet. So we always know. You've got to pretend you're shitting off the high full tower, don't you? I'm off to the high full tower, oh yeah, clocky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, sure. What have you eaten clock? You've been to the high full tower four times today. It's only been the first hour. A lot of croissants. How's eating? Can we get this piece of the liver to the meat? How's eating?

Crash Bang Walla Pay! What? Crash Bang Walla Pay! What a cracking episode! Did you mortal words? Too many croissants! Who finished that? I was meaning... So too many croissants!

Now what you don't know about our podcast is we normally start with the final line we write that down and then we just have to find a way of getting to that final. I'll be fine to you actually. That would be quite fun. Maybe we'll do that for the next episode. Listen to the deer, when you write in, when you leave out your review on iTunes, you're doing fishing scams for as long as I can do that.

Do that, do that. Well, do this another time. Do that, do that. Also, do all the other stuff, sport as I'm Patreon, come and see us live, 20th of November, that's going to be a doozy. Yes, 20th of November, you can get the tickets from TicketX.com and they'll be on our Twitter as well. Great, stay in touch, look after each other, stay tuned for the Patreon Neighborhood Watch Roll Call. This episode was produced by Bye. Cheers everyone. Bye! Hey gentlemen, I said ladies and gentlemen, please ladies and gentlemen.

Okay, sure, you have standing for this week's Patreon neighborhood watch roll call. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, very strange. And of course, non-binary. Yes. People. All people. Please be upstanding. I spent, right, oh gosh.

It's a good songstuff. Okay. I'll tell you one thing. I had in showered. Oh, no that's it for a good few days. Oh my goodness. And This this young fella popped around and he really helped get the smeg off me It's you and Gregory Well Funny you should say that. Oh, yeah cross me because

Well, funny you should say that. Oh yeah. Because this, the three of us, I'm sure you can remember, we're in our flat together. And this chat popped round for a for some, it's David Newsom. I hadn't showered for several days and my balls were smelling like hell. Stay away, Kathy Bell. I holy shit, what a weird coincidence, Charlie just sent me in a message, my card's been cloned and they're now sending me a new one. But that's, I mean the fishing was ages ago. That's from Ryan with Hannah Green. Oh sorry. I liked it though. It's, I mean the fishing was ages ago. That's from Ryan with Hannah Green. Oh sorry. I liked it though.

It's, I mean, it's very apropos for the podcast, but it doesn't rhyme. And I've also just lost the list. Yes. Oh, I tell you what, I hadn't showered for a few days. Oh, really? And the smell was absolutely obscene. But luckily, along with the hose,

came our friend friend Hannah Green. Well, it's funny you should say, because I hadn't showered in a few days. And thankfully, I was cleaned by my new friend. And I cannot fix him. I cannot fix him enough. It's Kalamanics. I hadn't showed for a good few days. There was crust on my perennium. And I long came a mate, but chiseled it off.

It's not a great job for Liam. You know what Liam and Perennium rhymes me? You pronounce it Perennium. It's a Perennium Falcon. I've got my beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard.

You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. You've got your beard. Oh yeah. And... And... I tell you what, it's been a few days. Oh yes, it's the last, came my friend Amy Williams. I was at the different vibe.

Oh, Clarky, Clarky, close it up strong, man. Okay, well, no chance. Unfortunately, no, I tell you what, Harry, Harry back in, we're with a little support, Harry's gonna do it, Clarky's gonna do it, there we go. Unfortunately, guys. That's the Harry's put his coat on, it's going to go like this. Here we go. Unfortunately, guys. That's the Paris put his coat on.

It's not a good size. Hunt Showered. Hunt Showered for a few days. Okay. And honestly, my arson's was an absolute state. But thanks, sorry. Sorry, you're what was? My arson.

My arson's. Oh, you're arson. My arson's. You're arson's. It's a real state, but luckily, a long came Reese Parsons. And now it's looking great. He doesn't deserve you, Crossbeater, Bailey, mate, like that.

We deserve each other, unfortunately. We deserve each other. That's concludes this week's the neighborhood watch Patreon roll call. Roorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Don't stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.