Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Clarky’s Egg, Parry’s Pot, Crosby’s Tip) S14E37

Episode Date: October 21, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. We've re-written all the idioms to bring them bang up-to-date for the ripped jeans at the tip generation. Come and see Flatshare Slamdown live2nd December Christmas Show - Underbelly Boulevard - https://pappyscomedy.com/live/Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horrors abound. This spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No, you won't. After Dark. A How do you get your podcasts? Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's flat share house meeting

Meeting Yes, that's where the three of us sit down chew the fat roll it over Massoul and then stick it out into your ear canal. So You're your asshole What have we rolled over your asshole? Rolling Over My Soul is a latter day Oasis song from one of those terrible albums that no one listens to. But it's still always in my head. It's an album closer, I think. Yeah. Oh my God. They were trying to regain the kind of hype of Champagne Supernova and never managed it.

Will they be playing it at the... Roll it over my soul. I can't believe, I can't imagine it'll get an airing. We've yet to get the call up for the support slot. I know they've been knocking a few names around. The Verve have been mentioned, but I feel like it's only a matter of time. Yes. I'm happy to get the call up for the support slot. What a gig that'd be. Very, very quickly, a couple of tiny. Yes. For Papi's get the call up for the support slot. What a gig that'd be.

Very, very quickly, a couple of tiny bits of business before we crack on with the episode. We must. We have the date of our Christmas show. It's going to be the 2nd of December. Oh! Yes, indeed. I'm hoping by this point, tickets will be on sale. So if they are, they will be in the show notes or go to to Pappy's comedy.com forward slash live If they're not save the date for your diaries and keep watching our social media because we will announce it there And of course if you want to be the first person to see that ticket link

Then you will want to join the patreon patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share You will not only see the link before everybody else does but you'll will also get a discount code that will get you money off the tickets. So get yourself there. It's also going to be a brand new venue we've never been to before. The Underbelly Boulevard in London's Seedy Soho. It's super snazzy. A boulevard? It's a boulevard of places.

A boulevard of broken dreams. That's where we're going to be. Yeah, 2nd of December, mark it in your diaries, if it's on sale, then grab a tickets. Now. We can't wait to see you there. It's going to be very exciting. Yeah. Happy days. Okay. As always though, do, uh, listen to the rest of this. People who just come for the intros. We know. We've been looking at the analytics on this and it turns out a lot of people listen to about 30 to 40 seconds and stop listening. Guys we can't stress this enough you have to listen to the whole episode. Hello to all our new listeners by the way because it tends to be new listeners they listen to about 30 seconds and they never listen ever again so thank you to our new listeners but please do keep listening to what we like to call the actual episode

and as always we'll see you on the other side well no not as always we might do never i've had a thought i've got an issue i've got a question going on that I need your help with. Interesting. Interesting. I mean, you've come to the right people. Well I'm interested by the word situation as well. Yeah. And I put my finger on why.

What do you what do you think it might be when I say situations? It brings with it a certain to my mind, seriousness. Hmm. Yeah, it brings with it as a certain weight to the idea of being in a situation. Yeah, there's also I would say like, there's a little bit of embarrassment with a situation. Oh, interesting. Because if you'd like there's a little bit of embarrassment with the situation. Ooh, interesting. Because if you'd like come into a room and you go like, Tom, can I just talk to you outside about a situation for a second? You'd be like, Oh no.

Yeah. What delicate what's gone on there? It's a delicate situation. Clark is shit himself again. It feels like something's escalated to a situation. If it's become a situation, I don't think you go straight in with a situation. It starts as an issue or it starts as a thing. There's this thing I wanna talk to you about.

A thing might become a pickle and then a pickle might become a situation or maybe a pickle becomes a thing. But either way, situation's up the ladder. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I can tell you now it is an escalation. Okay. Okay. Let's just put it into terms that Clark understands. So I'd say a thing is when you think you might

need the loo and pickles when you think, Oh God, it might be coming out. And then a situation's when you have shit yourself. Right. Yeah. Just to go on your scale. Okay. Anyway. so I've got a situation as well. I'm sorry. I've got a situation too. That, oh, okay. This is why we're friends. I thought the Clarkie scale was a pickle is when you're taking an egg out of the fridge. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. This is so helpful by the way.

You've not yet dropped it, but it's going to happen. It's inevitable. I dropped an egg into my pants. It's Clarky's egg, isn't it? It's very much what people talk about Chekhov's gun. It's Clarky's egg. The Clarky's egg, yeah. As soon as Clarky starts thinking about an egg, it's already dropped.

It's just a matter of time. It's inevitable. There's an inevitability to the Clarky's egg. I'm going to start using that as a Chekhov's gun. This is a Clarky's egg. It was a done deal. It was an inevitability. It was a Clarky's egg.

Yeah, great. Chekhov's had his gun for too long. Chekhov's had his gun. Schrödinger's had his cat. Clarky finally gets his egg. Yes. Can we kill two of those? Can Clarkie also have... he's holding an egg box and we're not sure whether it's got eggs in it or not. That's probably why he drops it. I was going to say as soon as I hear about eggs, not only do I drop them as well, but

I also start salivating so there is a little bit of... Oh, Pavlov! He's got them all in his sights! He was going to make a Pavlov, but he dropped all the eggs on the floor. Also, once I dropped one, I also dropped two into a bush. So a clean sweep for Clarky. It's a real Clarky's dozen. Three nil against the, I'm going to say Russians. Are they all Russian?

Who all Russian? No, Schrodinger's probably not, is he? Pavlov, Chekhov. Pavlov, Chekhov and Schrodinger, the three, the big three of having things. And they all jump, they all live inside each other, am I right? That's right, yeah. Well, we don't know. We don't know.

Yeah, we don't know. I can't celebrate it right now. Another situation. No, we don't have a. Salamence it right now. Another situation. So crossbow. So the floor is yours. The situation room is open. OK, well, I mentioned a floor. Drop an egg onto it.

Oh, yeah. What's that bit of the floor? I'll tell you now, it is, you know, you it's trouser related. Oh, OK. Aren't they always? And is there an element of embarrassment to it? There is an element of embarrassment to it. Trousers are probably the most embarrassing item of clothing.

They are, aren't they? Yeah, they really are. Yeah. There's a real sense of what am I doing when I put on a pair of trousers? I try to think as little about my trousers as possible because when I look, when I see myself in a photograph, I go, yep, I'm just walking around with those trousers on. And the trousers I've got are the best of a bad bunch.

You know, I don't think I've ever, I think, oh, I had one pair of trousers I really liked that literally I used to wear them and people would say those are nice trousers and they got put in a tumble dryer. And so now they're not no one said those are nice pedal pushers to me. No one said those are nice pedal pushers that you can't fit your own bollocks into. I did say that. You did say that. To be fair, Clarky did say that. Also, if you drop food, for example, I don't know why I'm thinking about that.

On any item of clothing, it's always worse when it's on your trousers. You don't want egg on your trousers. Is it embarrassing? Like getting, yeah, you're like, oh no, I've got an egg in my crotch. Yeah, listen, I was just having my normal lunch of a mouthful of hot semen. And I spilled it all over. I've spilled it all over my crotch, but no one's going to believe me. A soup song. Well, if you've got enough, I hope you bought some for the rest of us.

Give me 10 minutes. I can get you some more. 10, 10. Oh my goodness. Give me 10 days. That's like me and my vasectomy doctor. I'm constantly, it's come for another pot. Another pot. I haven't got a pot to give.

I've got a pot to come in. Schrodinger's cat and Paris pot. Those are the two. You don't want to drop Paris pot. Believe me. Do you think that's where jeans, because it feels like jeans have made hay by people not really knowing what to do with trousers and then everyone goes well let's just go with jeans shall we and it's like jeans are probably nowhere near the most comfortable or decent trousers you can get but everyone just kind of goes right fine let's go with jeans. Yeah you've made the there's been a

collective decision made. Jeans are all right. You're on a safe, you're in a safe place with jeans and everyone goes with jeans. I don't know, man. I think, I think there's a lot of people wearing jeans who think they're safe and they're not. There's so many times you see people wearing jeans

and you're like, you just don't know what, I mean, this is, this is the problem I'm in at the moment. I don't, I look at my jeans and I go, I have to have, it's a bit like the denial of death. I walk around with these jeans and I just I there's a cognitive dissonance going on that I'm not I Don't think of myself as being someone who's wearing G. You take yourself out of those jeans I take myself out of the equation. Otherwise that way madness lies You can't walk around constantly thinking about your own mortality or your own trousers These are two things that would just destroy you. They'll tear you apart.

Well, there might be a cheat for you here as well, because when you're at a urinal and you can't wee, one of the tips is to imagine you're weeing through the person next to you's penis. Yeah, that's why I hold it. That's why I'm always going to the toilet with you. Yeah, exactly. Let me shake that off for you. Phil Perry's pot first. There we go.

No wonder my tests keep coming back failed. I've sent it in the wrong stuff. But maybe if you imagine you're not in your trousers, do you think that gives you more stamina to walk places? Oh, I'm not imagining I'm not wearing trousers. That's a different thing. That's not like a, not like a public speaking technique. You're not imagining it because you're doing it. Yeah. Well, well, listen, let me get let me get to the by trousers. I do mean jeans as well because I've got a

pair of jeans. I've got a pair of jeans on at the moment that are there are sort of pale blue jean acid wash. I don't know if they're acid. I mean, maybe maybe acid wash maybe a distressed maybe a stone wash. Well, here's the thing. So a little while ago I fell over as men of my age. It's what I want to do. Uh, I, uh, I just, I was in Clark's kitchen. I landed in a perfect split. He was making a Bolognese.

That's why we were so surprised. You know, Clarky's motto, you can't make insert name of food without breaking some eggs. Yeah, so I went over, I skidded over onto my knee and tore a small, small hole in the knee. Yes, stylish. Tiny aperture. This is what I was thinking. I was thinking it looks like that's the way I bought them. Right. Yeah.

I believe I. Yes, I got with the little hole, little hole on the knee, little hole on the knee. Exactly. Couple of days ago, I was putting them on and my toe caught in the hole. Oh, you know, as you put them on and put them on and open up the hole a little bit more. And I thought, OK, we're right on the edge here. Yeah. Cool, groovy planet Hollywood style fashion

from the, you know, from the 80s and 90s that I love so well. And just looking like you don't give a fuck about your appearance. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yesterday with my daughter at the trampoline park, I attempted a move as I'm always trying to do to impress the, to impress the teenagers in man the place. I'm always trying to impress them with my special moves. And I took, I took the whole from, uh, from seam to seam. So it's a horizontal, from seam to seam. I was's a horizontal from seam to seam.

I was going to say, but if it's vertical, you're in real trouble. Yeah, no, it's a jeans of the trampoline. Park's a bit of a bold move anyway, isn't it? Yeah, I should have gone.

I should have gone for shorts, but I sort of I didn't. It was it was a it was a frantic day. Anyway, the trampoline park was a sort of a last minute. Let's deal with the situation. Let's just get out of the house and go to the trampoline park.

Right. But now I've got this enormous flapping hole at the knee. Now, the knee, right at the knee. Exactly. Yeah. That into the entirety. I'm sat down now with my with my legs bent. That's the usual way I sit down and the entire knee is visible. Now it's not on the other side.

So we've got a couple of scenarios we could play out here either I leave it and go look people are just going to look at it and go he's just one of those cool dudes who has an absolutely enormous hole in his jeans or I even it out make another similar hole in the same place on the other side so it looks really deliberate or I try and patch it up with a you know with a cool metallica fabric patch or something like that you know some sort of patch like that or I go right these are now going to be my jean shorts for the summer and I take them off at the I take them off at the hole big bold choice to do that in October choice Huge choice to do it with Halloween knocking on the door.

I'm trick or treating in a pair of cut off denim shorts. What have you come as? Somebody who shouldn't be around kids is what I've come as. The kind where you can see the pockets. Yeah, that's what I should really do. I should do the ones where I cut it really, really high with the pockets are sticking out and you can see half my ass as well. Yeah. Roller skates.

Why are you? Why are you? Absolutely. What's the worst thing you've considered eating? Acas powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween Horror is about this spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No, you won't After dark and with that

The curtain falls on the story of Anne the Limp the red room Exploring Irish ghost stories and haunted Irish history listen to these a car shows whenever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. What in your experience as my two most fashion conscious friends what would your what would your advice be to me in this scenario you're in a place I think I'm trying to word this in a way you try be nice back back of them you're in a place which is full of sad I was knowing is a fuck what your dreams are. No I feel like you have improved the way you dress over the last 10 years or so.

Thank you. Wow. And I think that's given you, you've bought yourself a bit of wiggle room here to, I would consider opening up the thigh of the other leg with some like razor blade style slashes. Whoa, daddy. Oh, God. So that you're ready for the razor blade slashes to the thigh. Yeah, don't be wearing them when you do it. I learned that. I learned not the hard way.

I learned not the hard way. Hence the vasectomy. Your jeans tie. I've filled a pot, but it's bright red. Could you even this out a little bit for me please? Just even it out. I filled a pot but it looks like a Metallica out of a... That's your batch. By the way, a friend of mine, I don't want to go back, I don't want to make this about

vasectomies again but a friend of mine recently had a vasectomy in London and the procedure did at no point involve them having a hole in their scrotum for three weeks and I've got a feeling things are done a bit differently down in the safe. You got yours done by a Wiccan as well didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a little burning sage around your pubic hair. And weirdly it's part of a wassling evening where we're all under the trees of an orchard.

I mean, they dress me up. They parade me around the village. I mean, I felt very special. Tom, can I just ask, in the village square at the moment, are they building a sort of wicker? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really looking forward to November the 5th. Your family need to get out. No, no, no, it's cool.

Tom, you and your family need to leave immediately. They're gonna, they're gonna daub me green. Is everyone else in the village being measured up for robes? And not, but not you guys? Yeah, we're all very excited actually. It's gonna be great. Yeah, okay. You need to get out, man. No, Jane's in on it. Jane's the one who volunteered me to be the main one. No James in on James the one who volunteered me to be the main Want to marry perry pot

She's come up with a solution that's really funny that he's the other guy's like yeah And he was like oh my friend said to expect this and the guy was like oh no no no no no no no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no've got a bit of, you've, you've, you've afforded yourself a bit of wiggle room to try something. Yeah. And pull it off as fashion. Do you think so? I think so. Do I need to go one step further? Do I need to go the kind of like, um, Joey Lawrence in a blossom type look where I get a sort of three quarter length leather jacket,

white vest, tie a plaid shirt around my waist. Do you think that's what I need to do? Now you see this is, this is what I was afraid of. This is, I think you've given him too much license here. The Cameron Crowe singles route, that kind of move. But that's kind of where we're at, isn't it? Like when I look around, like that's how a lot of people are dressing now. And again, I think, you know, I'm sure we've covered this and as old men, we will continue to cover it again. But everyone is dressing like people were dressing when we were 15. Yeah.

And 90s is back. 90s has never been more back. So an open knee feels quite 90s to me. And I think, you know, you can lean into even more, maybe get yourself an Italian 90 shell suit top or something like that. Have you considered getting a zip fitted in it? And so you can kind of like zip it up for smart and zip for cash. I do like that actually. Yeah.

Could I have a pocket sewn in as well? So I could just keep my change by money. That's good. That's what I could do. You know, a knee pocket, a little knee pocket. Yeah. That might be quite painful in a trampoline park. So you don't want change around your knees. My knees sound like they've got change in them. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe you'll finally get the doctors and work out. You've got 32 P in your kneecap all these years. That's what it is. I jangle when I squat. Is this what we need to do?

Do we need to sort of grab Clarky by the ankles and dangle him off his balcony and hope that some loose change rattles out? Be right as rain afterwards. That was Clarky's our piggy bank. Did you ever have a regular bus fare? 37 P was mine. For the 503 into town was 37 P.

Was yours the 32? Yeah, that's just that was to school. The 512 down to school. I had a bus pass. What? I had a bus pass. You've always been older than you. No, I had a young person's bus pass. You got a free bus pass up to a bus pass. You've always been older than the years. No, I had a young person's bus pass.

You got to... Oh, right, right, right. You got a free bus pass up to a certain age, and then you got a... Then you get, you know, like... Well, I'm just in the hinterlands now waiting for the next free bus pass. Mmm. What's right around the corner? Is it only 16 years away?

I've got only 16 years to wait for my freedom pass. No, mate. Will we be still podcasting when we get our freedom passes? I think so yeah. I do as well. I do as well. Pappy's on the buses. I love, I think that's a, I think that's great. That's actually, you know what, some people find the sort of march of time quite worrying. I find it quite, quite freeing. Yeah. Well, freedoming. Don't you think that's great? Only, only free to 16 years to the pass is that is that right is it 60 when you get your freedom pass I hope so they'll change that though I know they'll probably I think it might be 65 oh is that what is do you think it's yeah I'm just saying what I squeezed I'll never get one

you finally reached the day where you're googling how long until you get your freedom pass. You know what? We've just walked through a gate here. Get one of those live countdowns. We have walked through a gate. Absolutely gutted. Freedom pass is 66. 66!

Miles away! It's miles away! Oh man. Other areas may offer travel concessions for people over 60. You can check with your local council to see what help is available. I can't check with my local council 16 years in advance. I don't have to worry about that because I just get taken around on a horse and cart. That's right. Bring out your dead.

Jane keeps throwing you onto the back of the plague wag. They're like throwing flowers onto me and everyone's very, you can get very encouraging. It's really nice. That's a jam thing. everyone's very you can get very encouraging it's really nice I'm absolutely gutted about that freedom pass now yeah I got all of a tingle all of a sudden I was like yes the freedom pass surely because you know to encourage us all to be on public transport to save the planet they could start chipping away at that and bringing it down, bring it down to 45. Fifty five. Yeah.

Fifty would it kill you to be at 50? Come on. Come on. Make it free. Yeah. You know what? Make it free from, you know, up to the age of 16 and then 45 till, you know, death. Death to its part. I guess if you if you get a freedom pass in London

Is that underground as well? Good question good question I'm just thinking if it is a lot more bang for your buck than if I get a freedom pass in Exeter where I can only hop on five or six buses. Tom, that is the only way that people in London are getting a better deal financially. You do understand that, don't you? We get loads of better deals, you know, but financially we're being absolutely shafted by living here.

Yeah. And is your Freedom Pass, does it travel? Can I use my Freedom Pass in London, for example, I think the freedom pass is London, isn't it? Oh, right. Okay. But so you get like, you know, like if what I'm saying is if you're in Cardiff and you turn 65 and you get a bus pass that is like off you go, and then you go on a day trip to Birmingham. I think yeah yeah, I think you could travel all over the, uh, absolutely make hay when that happens. By the way, listen, last week was the last week was the grand shoe. I think we've worked out what we're doing on rule 66. We have to wait for Clarkie to turn 66,

which is, you know, not, you know, not that, not that far after us. And then we, and then we travel around on the buses. Top deck top deck and you know top deck are we going to be the naughty boys at the back of the top deck or are going to be pretending to drive the bus at the top of the top deck. That's always the choice isn't it if you go in top deck. I love the front of the top deck personally. The things we do it all over zoom anyway so what we really want to do is parry at the back of the bus, me at the front of the bus, Clarkie downstairs. Oh, what? Driving, driving the bus.

He's turned into a second job. Finally. Look, we're counting down the days basically. Counting down the days. Counting down the days. I'm excited about it, man. I'm really excited about it. Do you think, but I think you're right.

I think it will be pushed the other way, won't it? It will be pushed into, you know, it will be 70 and then it'll be 75 and we'll just be we'll be constantly chasing it. It will never always be just out out of reach. The freedom pass for us. Because by the time we make it to our 80s and stuff, it's gonna be they're gonna be like, Oh, sorry. Yeah, we just moved it up another year. And no doubt AI will be rearing its ugly head. Absolutely. Yeah. No. Do you know what? I'm glad you mentioned that. I think I think actually, yeah, you're right. I think AI is going to be a probably replaced the bloody freedom. Yeah. So with that as well, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be driving the bus. Absolutely. I think AI is our version of woke. Yeah, in that we don't

really know what it means. But we're really, none of us really understand what it is that we're angry about. But we're, do you know what? And actually it'll probably be blooming. You know, you want to try and get on a bus and I'm sorry, you can't get on a bus because it's AI. Well, I remember this used to be a country. Yeah, exactly. Sorry. He used to be a society man. We used to be a society. Exactly.

This is AI Britain all over again. It's a classic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm moving to Spain, which actually has AI in it. Actually, I'm not moving to Spain. Forget that. I'm moving to Italy, yeah that's alright.

That's IA. IA is fine. I'm actually fine with IA. More IA please. IA moving to Spain. IA moving to Spain. IA moving to Spain bab. So yeah, razor blade slash at the top of your thighs basically. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I'll do it.

I'll do it today. Well, you could do it. You could just take it to the AI shop. The AI shop. I think with your whitest trainers. Oh, yeah, my white scraps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I need to do.

White, super, super white trainers, slashes in there. Yeah, that's kind of your, what I need to do. White super, super white trainers slashes in there. Yeah, that's kind of your style. I think you've entered the style. That's like the well-dressed man in his like casual man in his mid-40s. Thank you. The brightness of the trainers kind of cancels out whatever else you're doing. I think. Is that just so people can't kind of see him because they're so so blind Well, they all they they just kind of that's the that's what you see and then everything else is kind of just falls into place Sort of thing the first thing you clock are the trainers. Yeah, that's it. The trainers. That's the sort of vibe, isn't it? That's the kind of world we're in now basically You know who I blame yeah

Try I in? Yeah. I try. I'm is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think does have a I in it.

I think so actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Coincidence doubt it. Coincidence doesn't have a name. Do your own research guys. That's all we're asking.

This is all right. Or get AI to do it for you. One of the two. Are you going to embrace it? Do you think, deep down? AI, when push comes to shove? Am I going to embrace it? You're going to lean into it? Never. Well, I don't really know.

I'm not using it, currently not using it at work. But I know people who are. You know, my wife is using AI to create a husband. I'm sure she'd be delighted with any kind of AI or otherwise. But yeah, like, she's using it to like, you know, create decks for for scripts and stuff like that. So she's not using the right scripts, but you know, to find a picture, she's using that AI. And yeah, I mean, I, I said, hey, my, my thing is, I've just, I've got no problem with, I've sort of got no problem with anything. Do you know what I mean? Like I can complain about stuff, but I won't do anything about anything.

Yeah. Oh, no, never do anything. Cripes. Like at the moment, there's a lot of people on the WhatsApp group of our street complaining about the fact that there's a some scaffolding being, you know, scaffolding yard being built or, you know, whatever. And everyone's really up in arms about everyone wants to talk about it. And I'm like, yeah, come on. We're living in London.

That sort of stuff's gonna happen. You use scaffolding. So scaffolding's gotta go somewhere. You gotta be nervous about a scaffold getting built. You should come to my village, mate. Honestly, it's got like a noose hanging from it and it's so weird. And my name on the, it's a nice scaffold. Do you know what? If it was wooden scaffolding, they'd be absolutely fine because it's not gonna make a load of clanking noises while people are trying to sleep. But, but yeah, it just sort of just doesn't really, it sort of doesn't really bother me. The scaffolding site, by the way, that they're all complaining about is next to the dump.

We live next to a dump. When you bought the house, the dump was there. If you're happy enough with that, just be happy with the scaffolding. Oh, mate, I went to a dump the other day. I went loving my friend. And there was one there's one much closer to us. But he was like, I think I have to go to this one. I was like, No, you can go to any old dump. I'm sure I've been to that one. And so we got member, you gotta be a member. Got it got to be in the postcode or whatever it was. So we got we queued got to the front. And then we're trying to like lie in felt like a felt like a teenager outside of a club.

That's a low moment isn't it? Did they ask for ID and he's like, it's all right. Have you got a bill or something with the address on on I don't he was like, that's all right. And you can't how about how about just get your delivery up? Wow. And then I was like, Oh, I don I was like oh I don't use Deliveroo you don't use Deliveroo no he's just a get that up then oh we'll come back did you get to have to go yeah just had to drive off but he was so he was being so first he was like oh no it's fine we can figure it out no you can't because I'm not from this area that is gonna do it

like a hour and a half round trip to a further that is pathetic is awful at it it's really that's it right also like the way of going on let's drive to this dump because it's a good one it It's like, it's like walking. It's like with a bit of a stag do walking around Leicester Square. No, no, no, no. You don't want to go to this club. Don't look, look, come with me. I'm going to say this is a really good, this is a really good dump. I know the owner. Don't worry about it. We'll get in. Yeah. I love it though. A trip to the dump. Although actually the other day I was, I was at the dump and I saw two people who looked like do you remember that advert

we've been a couple for six months. Do you remember those adverts? Oh yeah. The couples. The couples. They look like that. I tell you what, they'd have no problem with a torn knee. No, absolutely.

They both look like models and they were dressed amazingly. They were dressed in like, you know, like what I would consider to be like the clothes I would wear to go on a really fancy night out. They were dressed like that. Talk us through your fancy night out here Crosby. What are you wearing? Well I wouldn't wear what they were wearing. Really bright. But if I owned those clothes I would have bought them because they were not, I wouldn't

have bought them to go to the dump. We're talking about like this guy had a he had a sort of a black like a little black zip up jacket that was like, you know, like again, it's like kind of three quarter length, you know, really, really, really fancy looking. He was wearing skinny jeans. He was wearing cowboy boots. She was also wearing cowboy boots. She was wearing like a like a denim shirt that was like tied, you know, cinched at the, I really looked at them for ages.

That was like sort of cinched at the waist. Right. This is interesting, isn't it? It looked incredible. I want to say he was wearing a wide brimmed hat. I may have added that on because it felt like he should have been. Do you think they were there for a fashion shoot? No, no, they literally opened up the back of their car, chucked loads of stuff into the general waste. What were they getting rid of?

Nothing of any like... Not like a smashed bass guitar or something like that? Wasn't old copies of the Fancy magazine? No, it wasn't. A glass coffee table. No, no, no. Soiled. One glass coffee table, soiled. And you've got them tricked.

The saddest short story. The saddest short story. I want to come to you to buy some baby shoes. End up with this glass table. It stinks. One glass table used. So did you have to go to the inferior tip? Yeah. Well, yeah, the much longer tip. Why did you want to go to this tip anyway? You can't just listen. You made them. You made the mess in your been there before code. You made the mess in your

postcode stick in your postcode. The thing is, it's going to go to scuzzy old places and dump all their stuff there and make the places scuzzy it's not fair it's the it's right around the corner but it's because of the way the kind of councils are you know the areas are oh yeah oh hang on a sec this is this is it's the council's problem i think i know that he's talking about. Did you go? You think you know it? I think so. Yeah, I reckon, you know, it's a good tip. It's a good tip. It's a good tip. Honest and true. Quite small.

You know, nipping boot. A couple of things in. Yeah, that's it. Very well dressed people. Oh, my God. Nobody really knows about it. It's like one of those like, you know, it's like after hours in Soho, people go, look, if you know the right code to get a place. And if you know the right person, you can get rid of your fridge there as well.

Oh yeah. Don't. But Clarkie, you've got a, you've got a hack, right? Cause you can put any address you like into delivery. Here we go. That's a good point. But I will have to have like a receipt. So I will just have to kind of order something for someone.

So you could have just gone around the corner, ordered a random person down the road sushi. Yeah. Right. Eight quid you're in. Just about for a decent tip. This is what or sit on their wall and order it to their house. No, there's no crime against it. There's no crime against ordering it to somebody else's house and then saying, Oh, by the way, I'm going to sit on the wall and receive it. I've got the code. Yeah. I've got the number. That's all you need.

I've never thought of that before. Yeah. Why have you never thought, Clarky, of eating a burger on someone else's driveway? You thought, no, hang on, he's lying. He's thought about that all the time. I've thought about it every time you visit someone else's house. Oh, I've got to go in. Have I can't just sit here and eat a burger. I did come around. You just didn't see me.

If you look on the ring doorbell, you'll see motion detected. It was just be chewing. Sad thing about the tip. Tip or dump, what do you go with? I mean, I officially know they're recycle centers, aren't they? Oh, really? No one's calling him that. It's the tip for me. A tip. I think I still go with dump.

Of course you do. It's because you glass coffee table. I've done this twice. You can't take your kids anymore. Oh yeah. Do you know what? I think the two saddest moments I think in Cleo's life have been when she got told off on the forecourt of a petrol station and which you got told off at the tip because you

think that used to be such a joy yeah used to be such a joy oh getting to fill up your dad's car or getting to throw a massive bit of polystyrene into the general waste oh sorry i could hear the doorbell go in there yeah i'm just chewing on it. I just go and sort it out. All right. See you later. The telling off on a public on a petrol forecourt is quite a public telling off as well. Yeah, that's what I was gonna that was gonna be my follow up question is was it over the microphone? Was it over the speakers? Because my mate had that he rented a van. Yeah. And and went on and they talked to him over the speaker and he got so spooked he drove off. I was supposed to meet

him to say the van back. He's like, I haven't filled it back up with petrol. What has that said? They spoke to me over the spot. They said to him, he didn't even hear it. He just knew it was about him and just like panicked and bolted. And then he could ask a question before we get on. Are you and your mate? Have you got this system where you drive around and pick up scrap? What's going on, Clarkie? You've got a lot of manic.

That's all. My. Jesus, dad, are you still. I'm sorry, son. Well, I'm just about old enough for it now. You've got a lot of manic things for you with your mates. She hits his dad. Are you stepson? Clarky and son. Well, I'm just about old enough for it now. Clarky and Alan. And get a drive in round picking up old tin bathtubs. Then driving down hills in them.

It was disastrous. Do you know what? I've got no prob- I've got no problem with it, Clarky, but I've got some stuff I need to- shifting. No problem with it, Clarky, but I've got some stuff on it. We were just talking about the public telling off of a petrol forecourt. Was Cleo told off over the microphone? Did it come over the speakers? No, the bloke came out to do it. He was sort of indicating he was indicating with his hands in a way

that I just couldn't really work out whether I thought he meant the pump was wasn't in action, then he had to come out and and say it. And she, she's, she's really, she's, she hates being told off public. I'm with you. I mean, who loves that? A public dressing down. She's really into she really loves bluey. She loves poor patrol and she loves being bollocked in public. So people think I'm a bad parent. I'm a fantastic parent or I'm screaming at her in the glades. She wants this. She likes it. She loves it. She loves it. She's really into it.

We high five afterwards. What's she done though? Just been there. You're not just not allowed. You're not allowed to be on the forecourt. What? Yeah, I know. Do you know what? Do you know what that is? It's AI.

It's AI gone mad. It's AI gone mad. It's AI gone mad. It's AI gone mad. It's AI gone mad. Oh, do you know what? Sick of it. It's deleted our childhoods. That's what it's done. Deleted childhoods. Absolutely. Deleted our childhood. Fuck that.

So yeah, do get in touch folks with your other examples where I has gone too far. But you know what? Last week was us talking about how we want to be more like Jeremy Clarkson. This week is complaining about Petrol Four Court. I think we've done it. We've done it.

We've nailed it. We passed the audition. We've nailed it! We've passed the audition. We've cast ourselves. House meeting! What would you say to Rosenkees? House meeting! Probably nothing at all. Well there you go, there it was.

We did it, we made it. We made it through. We made it. Yeah, thank you so much. Looks like we made it. Very quick message from our dear friend Matt Hoss. Oh yes. Who says,

Hello Pappies, just wanted to respond to the most recent house meeting. Very quick message from our dear friend Matt Hoss. Oh yeah. Who says, hello, Pappy. Just wanted to respond to the most recent house meeting. At the end of the episode, you talked about comedians who had business cards. I was one of these comedians. I had a business card, a website, and I was absolute dog shit. Was? You were right. You were right about that.

I was very confident giving them out and asking if they wanted to play my little club above a pub. The card had no picture of me, doesn't really have any USP and features my uni email address, which was shut down after about a year, a year after I received them. But it was 25 quid from Vistaprint. I hope this brings you some joy. Best wishes, Matt. Great.

Thank you very much, Matt. Yes, indeed. Legend. Of course, listeners, please do get in touch. Pappiesflatshare at gmail.com for how has AI ruined the modern world? Yes, please do get in touch. Send your reactionary opinions through. It's all bloody AI's fault, isn't it?

It really is. Absolutely. And please do not use AI to send in those entries. Cannot stress that enough. One other thing as well, by the way, at the end of the episode, don't forget, you can stop listening. Oh yeah, please. Not until the end. As always, keep listening until the very end.

And otherwise, all there is to say is that today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham Tea. Cheers, everyone. Bye. Acast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween Horrors abound. This spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol.

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