Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Drinking Jam at the Fair) S11E34

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Pappy's are getting on the jam early this pod before they DIY a tombola and splat Clarky's dad's rat.Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th.

Raising's listener dear, it's Matthew from Pappies here. Now, I'm going to start this episode by telling you that we do have all three of us on this podcast, not on this bit, the intro, but on the main podcast, it's a house meeting with all three of your dear pals, Matthew Tom and Ben, together where they belong, which is, of course, in their separate houses talking over Zoom. Now, what happened with this intro was, I'm recording this, if you want to listen to this on the day, it came out, I'm recording this the day before. And obviously, as we've said, Tom is still boycotting the intros of these episodes until we have 17 million people join the Patreon. Patreon.com

forwards, slash, poppy's, flat share if you'd like to help Tom out there. I sent a message to Ben and said, when can we record the intro? He said I can only do it in the evening. I said I can't do the evening, but I can do it during the day. So at the moment, it's just me doing it. I drew the short straw and here I am. So yes, welcome to this house meeting. What house keeping do I need to do before I get you into the episode proper? I don't know why I'm suggesting I'm going to

get you into it. I mean, hopefully this, hopefully this intro is getting you right into the mood for it. That's all I can really hope. What do I need to tell you? As always, the Patreon, I can't stress this enough. It's phenomenal value for money. If you enjoy this podcast, and you would like more in your ears and in your week, then we're doing bonus episodes every single week. There are bonus beefs. If you enjoy the Izzy's City beef,

are beef brothers, then there is an Izzy's City bonus beef. There's one with, well, with every guest we've had recently, May Martin and Joe Hampson,, well, with every guest we've had recently, May Martin and Joe Hampson, Alison Spittle, who else we've had Steve with Jaya, they've all done bonus beef for us, and they're all over on our Patreon, patreon.com, forward slash Pappies Flat Share.

What else can I say? Oh, there's also the Love Sex Shag down episodes, and the Flat Share lockdown episodes, which is a really fun community. People get in touch with us, they tell us what they're up to, and we're rude to them. It's good fun.

Speaking of people getting in touch and speaking of the Izzy City episode, here is an email from a guy called Jim. That's what the only name is given, and I think for good reason. This is this blew my mind. He writes, dear puppies, I have just listened to the Izzy Suti episode and was shocked

by the nighttime bogey talk. Well, I'm sorry for that, Jim, but you know, it was, I was gonna say, Izzy started it. Izzy you did it, but I think I started the conversation. I have five children now grown up, and they were raised near Matlock. Now, for those of you who don't know what the significance of that is, Izzy Soty is from

Matlock. So already, Jim has got a lot in common with Izzy Soty. You understand why he's got in touch. The fourth one of his kids, the fourth one, used to have a dried bogey on her bedside wall. Every night I would read a story. We would thank the Dream Goblin for doing this job, then she would stroke the bogey and wish it a good night. Okay, right. So this is a dried bogey that was sort of there as a feature in the same way you might have a delightful print on your wall. Or if you're a kid,

a poster of the latest pop group, a brother beyond, a bros, a curiosity killed the cat, a little poster torn from the page of smash hit. You want your kid to have a bogey on the wall that would stroke every night and wish it a good night? I don't know about that, Jim, man. I mean, as a parent, I am very aware of the increasing number of bodily emissions that grace the walls of our house. And also, you know, we've got a cat that seems to leave weird stuff over the walls and stuff. Most of my days spent wandering around with a wet wipe trying to get rid of these things. I don't think I have ever seen some detritus on a wall and thought, you know what? I'm keeping that.

That's sticking around. I've never thought in the way in friends they put a frame around the people. I never thought, you know, in the way in friends, they put a frame around the people. I never thought, you know what, I'm gonna get a tiny little frame and frame that little bit of snot that my daughter's wiped on the wall. I just grab a tissue and wipe it off. But there we go, maybe I'm not as,

maybe I'm actually not as inventive a parent as GM is. He's creating great fantasy worlds of dream goblins that you thank by stroking a bogey. You know what, maybe we should all be a bit more like Jim. Anyway, Jim writes, Jim continues writing, I know she's grown up to be a lovely caring and intelligent mother of two and an ITU nurse. Oh well, amazing work, but I still think of her as bogey girl. as bogey girl. Many thanks Jim. Right, well I think I obviously do get in touch if you also have a pet bogey that you keep attached to your wall that you stroke every night to thank them for the day gone by. Thanks for watching get in touch Jim. There's another email on the other side of this but without further ado I'll let you enjoy your three heroes, Papis, Ben, Tom, Matthew, together where they belong in Eureka Niles. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has beaten.

What temperature should we set the heat? Has beaten. Why on earth am I always waiting? Has beaten. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Has beaten. What's the point? Does life have a meat? Has beaten.

Yes. Clarke's opening a tinny. Why not, Clarke? It's one of our rare morning records. It's seven A.M. I feel like it's not a bad idea. I've got to have you. You've got to have your breakfast used, man.

You've got to power up, haven't you? You've got to power up. Clarke, Clarke, ask a very quick question. And then we'll move on to the visitors and the meat of the meter, the meat of the piece meter the piece yeah sure I had a goop put in I know this is like this is like it's like oft covered territory but it just feels like the most obvious question how are the people are good making money right like what's the bit what's the business model there? Because that, like, that can't sustain, right?

I wonder this is what I presume you're talking about the fact that it comes in like a glass ramic. Yeah. You don't say the same thing about people who make honey or jam. No, no. And you're buying more, the chances are you're buying less jam than you are. Good desserts. Well, that's my other dessert. I have either I don't have a goop pudding or a jar of jam. We've been meaning to talk to you Tom. You look awful.

We've been meaning to talk to you Tom, you look awful. So, you saying, I mean, that has just blown my mind, Cosby, you answered that so easily. And it did really unbictored all the lip. Yeah. Yeah, I heard a glass ramic kid is the preserve of a millionaire, isn't it? Well, jam is the preserve of a millionaire. Oh, I'm speaking of which. Oh my God. Speaking of which, we don't normally have jam in the house. It's always it's something that's gifted rather than bought. I think jam. Okay. And so Charlie got a hamper recently from work and had a jar of jam in it. So we were like, well, let's give Cleo some jam on toast, lovely jam on toast as a breakfast treat,

loved it, demolished it, smashed it down, had two rounds of toast, wanted a third, of course, of course, you know, sure it's got a lot of sugar in it but it doesn't really matter. We then looks at the label and it's like boozy jam. It's like she's like from Fort and amazing it's like a nice posh hamper and it's champagne jam. Champagne jam. Champagne jam. Now I want to just smash in it. Well that's my jam. It's like the after my own heart. Yeah absolutely. Imagine her bowling into nursery the next day being like, what else had any change on her? She's been wearing long gloves and smoking with one of those long fac hoses.

It's enormous sun glasses. You know, a big wrap around the head. Starts up a relationship with George Peppard. It's really, you know, she's really gone for it. But I love it when a plank comes together. Yes. I've got one of course, describing howling madmur.com.

So, I've... You think glass is expensive. I mean, I think that's it, isn't it? You think glass is expensive. But also, I've got big into jam since I moved to Devon. Oh, can I ask you then the big question? Oh, no. Yeah, can I ask the big God? Can I ask the German day? Yes.

Are you fucking that jam? Come on, you're going to be fucking that jam? Come on, you're gonna be fucking that jam, right? Everyone in down the second, the jam. Basically, I eat the top quarter of the jam, top it up with Prosecco. I'm gonna shake it up. I'll be over at chicken bags, send it to Charlie. I'll be over at the whole thing.

It's pretty impressive stuff. And you realise jam is fucking good stuff, man. It's really good stuff, Jam. And for too long, I turned my back on Jam. It's really nice. I think it's too long. Do you think Jam's kind of, was it stopped being cool? There must have been a time when Jam was like, new.

People must have lost their fucking minds. Well, that's where the phase, this is my new Jam comes from. Jam's old, right? Jam's been around for ages. Oh, Jam's old, man. That's it. You're eating that. That's a little old. Yeah, Jam's not a new invention. It's not something that's come out fairly recently. It's um yeah. Here's a good question though because I was trying to think about what is in I was trying to think of what I considered to be a new food and my first thing was pop tarts and they've been around since the 80s. They got um they got so they got so we're through their old tweets

They got to like, what are they still doing? They're still going through their old tweets. I'll tell you who's the real tart, sir. Oh, come on, guys. Wait, what do you mean they got cancelled? They even still get them. You can now, but I remember a time where they stopped selling them. A bit like Alco Popps. Is it a bit like that?

Where, you know, there was that kick where Alco Pop sort of disappeared for a bit because they were thinking it was getting kids into drinking. Well, of course, the real one is... I got it, of course, but it's been a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, no, that's... I would have gone for peanut butter. I think in the scheme of like spreads, I think you're looking at honey being the original bread. It's bothered. Yeah, in the scheme of things, yeah. Honey's started off, then jam came along, was a newcomer for a while.

All right, so I think, then he's looking at mayonnaise, and he's questioning for you. Ah! No, I'm sort of, I'm sort of, I'm not saying this all happened in the last 10 years, Clarky, but I think in the, you know, you've got to think of the scheme of things, Clarky.

You know, that game you play in like history lessons, where they'll give you like a timeline and you have to go and place like things along. This is not a bad game. You get given the timeline of totally, and you've got a jar of helmets. You've got a jar of, it's like a big long, it's a big long piece of toast. Yeah, that is a wonderful idea. It's a toasted baguette and you have to spread on the bit of spread where you think it was introduced. And the mad moments, some bastard picks up mayonnaise and some spreading that on the baguette.

You don't have mayo on baguette. Wouldn't you obviously give it a salad? Only every fucking day, mate. Oh, we know it's not spreading that on the baguette. You don't have mayo on baguette, wouldn't you? Obviously, you don't have to give it a salad. Only every fucking day, mate. Oh, we know it's pop. Like I say, you look awful.

I've never seen you look worse. I put mayo on baguette, and then I use it to spoon the jam out of the jar straight up to my old gob gob. Oh, you're old gob gob. And then you're still using the old little goob goob. Oh, you're old goob. You're still using the old goob goob. And then a lovely goof and dessert. Those ramacans. Okay, so anyway, you're going through glass.

You've actually got your one of the few things that you've got a bottle bin directly outside your house. You just got the bottle bin. It just causes bin the bottle bin because that's all that goes in it. You don't even open the window. Any glass that goes in is bonus. Fuck me, I have fun at the bottle bin.

Don't you have fun at the bottle bin? Absolutely, wang in it in there and it's smash. Did you ever used to do this thing? It's a therapy. Go to the bottle bin and just let it all hang out, man. I used to do this as well, I did that. I did that, you're gone. The bottle bin and the new disc on it that Tom was going to. It was really, you've got to really, at least wear flip flops

as you walk up to it. This is that guy wanging it in. If you ever used to do this, where I would do this, if the bottle bank wasn't entirely full, I would get like a bottle and I would reach inside the bottle bank and smash it on the sides like you're about to bottle somebody. Oh wow, it's good stuff.

Yeah, it's good strong stuff. Good stuff, you get in there. It's like a fair ground. It's like a free fair ground. It's just sitting there in your supermarket car park. Get down there and fucking go to town, man. Did you ever do the, at the school fair, did you ever have a plate smashing stool?

Was that ever a... My friend, I'd had to use to do that on the plate smashing. I was gonna say that was my dad's stool as well. I loved it. My dad didn't, I used to get all the unglazed plates that used to come from a factory. I mean, I don't know what, what was the deal there?

They do make Greek restaurants as well, yeah. Whenever I've been out to a Greek restaurant that really goes for it, has the dancing and everything. They give you those kind of plates because they just smash so easily. Although I think my dad didn't use those. I think he went to Rancharity shops and bought a load of plates and used...

You know, he went round to cupboards. He was happy, yeah. Oh no, it's the fair again. I went to the fire post school. He went around John Lewis. And yeah, that was good. That was good fun. Well, did you, did your dad run a stall at the fair, Clarkie? No. We'll be right back. I remember, I remember going to a fair where your dad had the plate smashing stall. I bet your dad was a good barker as well, isn't he? He's got the old flap in one of the gate, isn't he? He can attract a crowd.

I had to do shift sweeping up. Oh no. Oh mate. Well, bummer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so like sweep it up and restart re, re, re, re putting the plates up. Did you ever find a plate that wasn't like, that wasn't completely smashed,

but it was obviously couldn't go back up on the shelves again and just do it with the handle. Like you, like you're gonna get your clutch down. Yeah, like you're not you're murdering Jeffrey Dahmer just like yeah. Yeah, this misery. Exactly. Yeah, do you ever do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Half the fun of the fair.

My other the other stall that my dad ran was Splat the Rat. Oh, that was good man. He was Crocker or Splat the Rat. Oh, those are the two best. I was a big fan of the Lucky Dip. Yeah, I know the Lucky Dip as well. Although I did the top bowline. Every time I did the Lucky Dip,

dick hair, every time I did the... I did the strong Polish Lageras kicked in for lucky. Sheep was great, I'm only about a quarter of a can in. The strong Polish Lager has kicked in for Glocky. Sheep was grief was only about a core of a can in. Did you ever learn the Lucky Dick? Is that why he ran into me? He never ran into me. He never ran into me.

He never ran into me. He never ran into me. He never ran into me. But rather than the stall, I'm a lucky dick. No, he's lost it. No, he's there lowering himself down a drain pipe. Oh my god. Like the right down a drain pipe. So yeah, lucky, lucky dip you'd stick your

onion in sawdust when you income up with shit. Yeah, or sort of shredded paper or something like that, yeah, yeah. And it would be... You had like one go, is that right? You had like one plunge and then a cup of plunge. And it was not only wrapped as well. So you couldn't kind of get a good feel of what it was, what it was made of. It was wrapped in, often wrapped in newspaper. And then you'd pull it out and it would be like one of those really cheap water pistols. You know, they were tiny,

and they have just that little trigger and, you know, like, you could fill it up and it would squirt once and that would be it. By the good at that too. Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Yeah. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then you also like the coconut shy. Yeah, but with Alan, they weren't coconut. They weren't shy. They weren't shy.

They weren't shy. They weren't shy. I enjoyed the teachers in stocks, let's sponge. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that was actually quite like a one year there was quite a sophisticated thing that was like a trap door type thing. Do you ever see those? Like it was almost like a sort of they sat on a leg. You look like Dave Benson, Philip. Yeah, it was like that. It was exactly like that.

One year at the fair, someone had, I don't know who hired this, but it was a big old thing with like a tank of water underneath it. Whoa. So that you, yeah, you would sit on it and then you had to throw, you have to throw sponges that were sort of heavy enough that would press a kind of buzzer above the person's head. Ah. That was like a trigger for them to fall. It was like sort of an end game from League of their own or something. It was like a big production. It was wild. But yeah, anything that was like, you know,

teachers going in the stocks, any of that kind of thing. Does that still, is that still a thing? Can you still go to like a party higher place and the higher stocks, presumably there'd be news for other stuff? That's little things, well, you know, one day, you know, the life of a, the life of a higher stocks, at a tough life, isn't it?

One day, you know, the innocent fun of the, of the primary school fair, the next night you're being used using some dungeon, you know? Yeah, at least they're getting like spunged off on the fair. Well, it must have started, it must have started dungeon, right? Like back in the honey days, like it started dungeon. And then they must have gone out of business for a long time. And then suddenly some affairs and it started picking back up again. Into the jam days, is that what you're talking?

I think you're talking now, yeah. I think peanut butter past, I think the jam days is the bit when no one was doing stocks anymore. So, what about like model, what about model, like not like a model village, but do you know what I mean? When it was like a reconstruction village to show how people lived back in the olden days. You know those kind of places? Oh yeah, we have a living museum.

A living museum, that's the phrase I was looking for. Yeah, black country, we got the black country museum. It was amazing. That's surely gonna have a stock, a sort of permanent stock there, right? That would do, right? Not necessarily one that's being used, but definitely it would be there,

wouldn't it? I always want to be a picture. Maybe one you could have your photograph taken. I always wanted to picture sitcoms set in a living museum that was like a period sitcom because they have to stay in character. But then like, you know, I've like five minutes of every episode would be them in the dressing room. And it'd be modern day. Right. It's a nice idea. Yeah. It essentially be like the village, the M night, my, my, Shamel and film, but like, put the sitcom. Put the sitcom. Yeah. Basically, I've pitched a lot of M night,are Mellon movies the sick of. Could I do it?

But can I do it funny? Oh my God. I mean ghosts. I mean, yes. I watched the trailer for the new M Nightshare Mellon movie and... I just brought that guy to a beach and then they get old. A beach that makes him old. It made me laugh so much.

He was six years old this morning in this, like a 40 year old dude just don't think I'm all. It was so, oh my god. I was not seeing the train. It popped up on my Instagram and I was watching it. And it was so funny because I immediately, of course, showed it to Charlie because that basically is her nightmare. I don't know if you've experienced this Tom having a kid,

but Charlie is just permanently anxious about the aging process now, as a result of like, you know, she, it's not that she obviously takes a lot of pleasure in watching Cleo grow up, but also she finds it stressful. Only today in fact, I was saying to my partner, like, when they're so and so, I'm gonna be so,

like, literally, I think about it all the time. Like, when they're my age, I'm gonna be 80. And that's really, you know, like, it's constantly there. It's dark. Especially with the amount of mayonnaise you're eating. Yeah, well, I could better get through my jam. No.

How do they make bread with no wheat? How do you think? Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Poor things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom at in Lutford. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters December 15th. I was saying this the other day though. It's so annoying because the aging process and time in general just is always surprising and we live with it. It's like a massive constant but I'm always just like oh my god I can't believe this this was then now is here I'm this old when that was out I was this old like I do it like concerted all day long like but but also that is that's a real like it's a big social media thing as well. Basically, I follow a lot of accounts on Instagram that are like,

you know, is this it? It's 20 years old now, and it's like, it's all designed to make you go, oh, worth the time gone. But actually, when you think about it, when you break it down, you go, yeah, it's felt like fucking ages ago since that came out. It does feel like 20 years. My favorite thing to do is look at Facebook and look at my old classmates from

Pro School and stuff and go, fuck in hell, he's got fat and old. And with no sense of self awareness that people would do that. And then Jane comes in and goes, Tom, why are you staring at that mirror? I'm sorry through my jam jar I couldn't tell. I was 40 this morning. I was also 40 yesterday. I'm 40 now. I'm 40 since I turned 14. I'm 40 now but I've eaten some honey. And I'm fucking the job. I'm fucking. You can't tell me they're making money on those ramekins bloody norms. Is that what you're honestly doing? You're going, you're looking at people from,

from primary school and going, or they've aged. Every so often when they crop up on, yeah, I don't look for it, but like when they pop up, I go, oh my, like, basically, me and my best mate from school, we send each other photos of people with school whenever it crops up and go, bloody hell, and put me, him and I are so fat. and put me, him and I are so fat. Yeah. We're so fucking fat. It's just like, it's just a bit of fun, I guess, but it's just like with no sense of self awareness at all.

Or it's almost so much self awareness that you just like, I need to feel better myself. So it's happening to everybody. It's just funny. Yeah, it's funny not to imagine that it hasn't happened to you. But it's like, yeah. Well, so you do, all the time, go, there's so many, they don't look.

Do they look as old as them? It's like, yeah, mate. You're the same age. I mean, I don't know when this is going out, but the Olympics is happening at the moment. And it's pretty brutal in terms of the age you process, watching the Olympics and realizing, like, you're never going to get to go to the Olympics. And then like to tell you that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm so glad. Wow. It's drinking the jam. He's lucky it's every year, basically.

Can you just check if they've made goo eating and a little in big sports? I think they haven't. Oh, no. For me. There are so many Olympic sports these days that I'm holding out for jam eating. I mean, it's not beyond the realms.

Honestly, like, oh, here we go. You've just, you've gone, you've segway perfectly to, I look 40 to, here's a conversation that's such a 40 year old person's thing to say. Or anything's an Olympic sport these days. What about, what do you mean? What's an Olympic sport? What's the little what's the little sport that shouldn't be a little bit sport softball. Three basketball. Why are these these are sports though? More so jam eating. No, if someone says fancy a game of softball, I wouldn't be like, it wasn't a bit weird. Do you want to play that? If someone said fancy

racing me to the bottom of this jar of jam, I'd say, yes, please. I'd say, of course, yes. I'd say you're going to have to give. Can I have my daughter represent me? Because believe you, maybe, what a little bit of, you know, you're thinking this, you'll be all right. But yeah, my point being, I was watching the Olympics thinking like, well, you're definitely not going to be able to be at the Olympics. But yeah, my point being, I was watching the Olympics thinking like, well, you're definitely not going to be at the Olympics, but then Hope springs eternal. I was watching the shooting today I was like fuck me. These guys are fucking old man and they're fat and then and then they weren't and they were all younger than me

They're all like oh, yeah, they're like four years younger than me. But I think shooting might be my way in now. I feel like if I dedicate a good eight years to shooting, I could be it. Not the next one, but the one after that. Tom, can I just say one thing as your friend? You did enough damage when you bought a trumpet that you weren't able to play. Don't buy a gun. Don't buy a gun. Don't buy a gun, man.

They're not gonna make trumpet playing an Olympic event. I know, I know, I know. But I'm saying, don't buy a gun. Don't buy a gun. He's all I'm saying. That's fair. I mean, that's fair. That is...

I feel like... It's the best chance at a medal though. What? Stealing off somebody at gunpoint. I was watching. I was sizing up the triathlon and then I thought, no. I saw you tweeting about it, didn't you? You were like, if I'm not ahead by the time, you know, I'm not even getting on the bike. What was the thing you were saying?

I mean, it is insane, isn't it? Like people coming off the swim and they're last and they still get on the bike and go for it because that's the Olympic spirit. No, but that's what you've got to have inside you. Not, not, not, no, man. I could just go, I could just go have some food. I'd get, I'd get, I'd get, I'd get, I'd get, I'd get, I'd get, I'd get. I could just go have some food. I'd never sell that. I could catch some sandwich. What's the quickest way to get some food? Hop on a bike and cycle really fast. Walking slowly is not going to get you to the food any quicker.

They could be thinking I can get some food now. It doesn't matter. I've got a jar of jam in my trunks. That may be the reason I'm so slow. I hop into the water and the low-sleeve. And the low-sleeve jam dragged me to the bottom of the ocean. That's also the phrase that Alan Clark kicked out of the school fair. I remember the headbone, the express and star, in a bit of a jam.

The picture Alan just asked. Tom's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. I think he's got that. Yeah, he can buy Tom Bowlers. Where are you buying your Tom Bowlers from? Same place you're getting the ducking stool from and the splat the rat and all that kind of stuff. Yes, I will grant you.

They're not naturally occurring. They have been built. My dad's flat the rat was I made by the way. I would say a splat the rat out of all the things. I reckon I can make a splat the rat. He's a big part of Tom Bowlers. He's put into a press board. I think actually my dad might have even made

the sort of the shelves that you put the plates on for the plates mashing. But, I'm saying, I'm saying most tomboyers I've encountered are homemade. They don't look good, but I bet they were higher. Maybe some guys making a tomboyiler and then renting it out. But I think it's kind of the kind of thing that gets I think this is this by the way might be the the name argument we've never had. Are they are they made or are they higher? The answer

is obviously both. But what I'm saying is there isn't a Tom Boiler factory where it's like we make Tom Boiler's. Oh I see, we sell them out. We sell 200 Tom Boiler's a year. I'm saying some guy in his shed goes, the summer fair is coming up, I'll knock us up a Tom Boiler. And then every year they dust down the Tom Boiler

that like the caretaker made. I don't think people are going, I boy, there's a Tombowler, and there's not like a Tombowler shop where it's like, I'm going to get a hang of it. No, I'm going to get a hang of it. I'm going to get a hang of it. Boys, I'm keeping the tape. I'm going to get a hang of it.

Tombowler, the hire, I'm keeping the tape. Never on a house, me, egg. No, there's a code, boys. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh a code, boys. Also, this was fucking 1992. No, I tell you what, they're going for a Tom Boiler. I tell you what, go what? I tell you what's getting on Google for a Tom Boiler in 1992.

And we all just let the record show. Let the record show. Old man's Harry called Google. Like I'm just a literary student, that's all. You're a what? You know what? I'm looking at this, the prop factory, they hire out a fully working Tom Boiler, 38 excluding that. And it's a nice looking Tom Boiler. It looks wooden, it looks made, but it looks professional.

So much so that I believe it's on the set of loose women here. Collie Nolan is using it on the set of loose women, but you can also hire a 38 quid. Also, on this one here, fundailimitive.com, they've got a metal tombola. Now, I have seen these as well. It's like an oil drum with a handle on it that you spin round with a hatch on the top. I've done that about that. I've definitely seen these kind of tombolas before, but yeah. That is how I'd feel if I popped along to a skull fate and there was a metal tombola. You wouldn't feel happy with that. No. No?

Would you leave immediately or would it be, would you just have to wipe it off? I'd splat the shit out of the rat first. Of course, yeah. For your final test. Just for your final. Clarke, it's a metal rat. Oh my god!

It's, you've come to a metal fair, I'm afraid. It comes to the download festival. Can I have a lift? I live in the need. I'm saying, back in the day, it was, you know, it was all, it was the Wild West back in the day, those summer flares. If it wasn't in the Yellow Pages, I'm just saying, I don't think you're going to find Tom Boiler higher in the Yellow Pages back in the yellow pages. I'm just saying, I don't think you're gonna find Tom Boiler higher in the yellow pages back in the day.

I mean, I think you've already moved the goalpost on this argument here, because how are we supposed to find that out? Find, like, if a listener dear has an old copy of the yellow pages, if they've got a yellow pages from the mid 80s, specifically, why would this wall of the Hampton area?

I want listeners dear to tell us their Tombowler experiences. Yeah, that's not a bad idea actually. That's what I want. I want to be honest. Best thing I've ever had. My granddad made a Tombowler. You know, oh, my dad ran a Tombowler shop, and we lived very well off it. That's what I'm after from listener deers.

Yeah, that's what we need to hear. That's what we listen to to get in touch. And PappensFlatShare at gmail.com, get in touch with your own Tom Bolloranic Dotes. Very important. We're doing God's work here, I believe. We really are. Well, so was there some affair then?

The swingy kind of ship swings. Did you have those? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the swing, but two people sitting in it and you swing back and forth. Yeah. They've now started as a Cub Scout and pulled my stomach muscles and was in agony for like two weeks. I thought you were going to say you went all the way around. So strong, I was going to go, boss. This was pre-jam days. Yeah, it was the black muscles. You gave yourself like almost like a mid-bacteria. At the Black Country Museum. Oh my god. Yeah, there you go. But then recently we went my, when I started dating my now wife, we went on one at the

seaside on like our third date and it was an absolute hoot. Have you seen this start? You're doing them now at playgrounds. I'm so glad they stand up. No, you're not allowed to stand up Did you did you tell her about your stomach muscle story when you went on the on the thing with Jake? I don't think so because it was the third date sure What why are you holding that back? Yeah, holding that back man

I think that's you know you don't want to start embarrassing You want someone to think you've got stomach muscles of iron on. You know, you don't want to start embarrassing. You want someone to think you've got stomach muscles of iron on the third date, you know what I mean? Tom, I don't, come on now. I mean, yeah. I think that's the sort of story that's, yeah, like I could see that being a,

a definitely a sort of few months in kind of thing, you say. I mean, you wouldn't say it too far after the fact. You wouldn't be like, remember our third date when all of those machines? Well, before that, I've been at the camp fair and pulled my stomach awesome. No, you'd sit them down and be like, look, this is something I need to tell you.

I've been wearing a metal stomach. Every time we've been to beds. I've got girdle on the periphery. I've actually, you thought I had a hamster, I've actually made myself a stomach of corrugated iron. It was, I didn't make it, I hired it. I hired it. You can hire anything now, I know.

Yes, this is one that's been used on the episode of Blues for a minute. Anyway, do you want to see my tombona? Alan Clark. Get out of here! Oh no, first name only. Wait, wait, you don't want to give away your dad's second name. That was the poll with the gym mats underneath and you'd sit on the poll and hit each other with either pugils or pillows. Post gladiators, that was very, very popular, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything I was basically resembled the gladiators, yeah, yeah. I was picturing a vertical poll and I was like, holy shit That's too much Horizontal pole sit on it cross your legs and try and knock each other off the off the pole. Yeah, that was good Did you ever have the kind of bar skittles type thing with a load of skittles and a sort of swinging ball. A little swinging ball, yeah. And there was a certain way that you could play it, you could rig it so that if the stick that had the swinging ball on was leading to a certain

way, it would always miss. I really. Yeah. Yeah. Because I had quite... Were you running a rocket? Well, I had my, I had my, that was nothing my dad used to do. It was my grandfather's it belonged to my grandfather. And I think he used to make it. Did he make it? Well, he's, he's, he's, he's in higher it.

So it comes razor, yeah, he must have made it. Interesting. Didn't, didn't spring fully formed from the forehead as this. He must have, he must have been in his woodshed whittling away. But yeah, I think when he used it down the work immense club and there was money, there was a certain way you could point the sticks so that people couldn't win their money back. But I was like, we didn't use that system at the, but it was great because it meant that you had these things in the house for like two or three days running up to the

fair. So you know by the time it got to the fair you were bored of it. It was great. You had it for three days. You would just play as many goes as you wanted. Obviously not the smash the plates thing. That's, you can't smash me, it's like it gets, the way of running the stool for my dad. A child's a dianna commemorative plate. Was your granddad like a grifter then? I don't think so, I just think you know, he was in the swear wasn't he? He was in the, you know, everyone was in Southeast London, you know? Yeah, it had to be in the Srive. I love that.

You've got to know, you know, you know, he wasn't snide, he was just a bit naughty occasionally. You can't be having here. You can't be having a good time. Exactly, exactly, exactly. So we have a fair, an affair. We devote a much, enough times to each other as it is. This is basically like an affair. We have like a, we have like a listener dear fair.

What a fair. You're not suggesting that we actually do the jamboree, aren't you? Like, yeah, that's what it'd be, it'd be the jamboree. And we'd have all the stalls. You'll be, you'll of course be bringing the jam. Yes, the weight of the jam. That I've eaten. It's the weight of the top. We'd have some on a big weighing scale. That's actually not a bad fairground ride. Tom stark-nude sat like Buddha on a giant weighing scales. And you have to put on a, you know, you've got a variety

of different items that you have to put on and see which one balances them out. Quite like that. Wasn't that, is that a thing like, you know, do you want to set a scale? So you have to balance, you know, if you reckon, like, if like three little kids come along and go, I reckon the three of us

are the exact same waiters as Uncle Tom there, then they make it on and we're, that's not a bad idea for a round. Yeah, that's a good idea. It's kind of a bit like the, it was like guess how many sweets in the jar was there? Yeah, guess in the jelly beans. That was the classic.

And people would like fucking go at it for a couple of minutes, like really kind of weighing it up. Let's have a look. And the other one's a shit one, actually. Let's be honest. Yeah, let's have a Jamboree old fashioned stalls and then we'll have a nice time of it. I think that's a great idea. Yeah, do a record in the middle. I love it.

I'll start building the Tombowler and I'll start hiring the splat the rat. Clark, you can't tell my dad to put this thing away. So if your dad's out of prison. So there it was, there we have it, the episode of House Meeting with you three buds there. If you enjoyed this then please do like and subscribe and follow us or any of the things that you need to do. We're wherever you're listening. Also, tell your friends about this podcast. It's always great when we get new listeners. It warms my heart when someone gets in touch and says,

but only recently found your podcast. I've listened to a bunch. I know there are some of you who've been with us since, you know, for the last 10 years, since back in 2011 when we first started, but it's always great when new people join, you know, regardless of how old they are, we're always welcome, always welcome new listeners. So tell your friends if you think they might enjoy these chats that we have, if you think they might enjoy beef brothers, cold cuts, if you think they might enjoy

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or problems you might have with your neighbours that you might want us to solve. Pete's got in touch at Beef Brothers podcast at gmail.com. Pete's got in touch to say, hi, Pappies, in response to your request for names that sound like food. Now, if you don't remember this last week, we got an email from someone called Jed Lester, and I put a shout out for anyone else, who has a name that sounds a bit like food. Pete's coming with an absolute corka here. In response to your request for names

that sound like food, I used to work with a bloke called Terry Makewell. I mean, it's not bad, it's not bad, is it? Terry Makewell, Terry Mcwell, Terry Mcwell, he finishes Cheers everyone by Pete, Pete, that's exactly what we're after. So get in touch with us, beef brothers podcast at gmail.com with your beefs or with your bogie stories

or with your people that you know who sound like they could be some food. All right folks, well thanks very much for listening. It's so wonderful to have so many of you listening at the moment. It's such a pleasure. Don't forget about the Patreon. If you want to join the Patreon, you know, if you've been listening for free and you think, oh, you know what, I'd love to give a little something back.

Then for four quid, four English pounds, just every month, four pounds a month, I mean, that's not hard, hardly anything, you'd barely notice it. Four pounds a month, you can get, I think, nearly 200 bonus episodes straight away, a new bonus episodes every week. We'd love you to join us, patreon.com, forward slash, poppy's flat share, but most of all, just keep listening to the free feeds, tell your friends about us, and we will see you very soon. This episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. It's quite weird doing all this. I'm just sat in my house on my own, doing this. It's quite weird when there's not anyone else to join me. But I think I've done okay. done okay. I hope I'm done okay. Have I gone insane?

Anyway, a caution team. Cheers everyone, bye. I'll tell you what, I'm not doing a Patreon neighborhood what's roll call on my own. I can't, I've just not got it in me. There'll be a new Patreon, Patreon neighborhood what's roll call back next week

because I'll make sure that I tie in this bed and I work out in a recording time when it's not just me in my house on my end. Bye. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th. her course to freedom. And in that form. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters December 15th.