Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Duck Milk) S10E19

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Worry, bucket kicking and milking, what can Tom do?Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to pat in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear! Who is that on the ship? Who is that on the ship? Sailing down your e-cannotle, Tom is on the ship. Who is that on the ship? Who is that on the ship? Sailing down your e-cannotle, Ben is on the ship. Oh, who is that on the ship? Who is that from the ship? Sailing down your eakin'l. Matthew's on the ship. Pupu preatings this idea.

A lovely nursery rhyme I thought that felt like. Yeah, it's a gorgeous nursery rhyme. And one that I hope will be wedging your eakin'l all day. Thank you very much for opening your eakin'ls to us and letting us flow down the choppy seas of wax into your brain. Absolutely right. The ship is this podcast. We are the crew at the helm producer Emma Corsham and in the rear of the boat we are. Sorry, I threw myself off the boat. You don't have a rear in the boat. Which is not. It's not a rear in the boat, do you?

Well, it's port and starboard, isn't it? Or is that different sides of the boat? That's left and right. That's left and right on the boat. The stern deck? Yeah, with the poop. You were a little stern. So, the poop deck, get your mind out the gutter, please listen to this. Why is the Poop Deck called the Poop Deck, by the way? It's where I do my shit game. Maybe! Yeah, yeah.

Should have asked that really. Anyway, welcome to another episode of House Meeting Everybody. Hope you're doing well, hope you're staying safe and thank you very much for downloading this episode. Yes. It's a fun one, but before all of that, we'll give you another reminder that if you haven't already joined our Patreon for $5 a month, a tiny amount of money,

about four quid in real terms, then a pint. A pint, exactly, remember those? It's more. If you go to Patreons.com, forward slash Pappies, Flat share, and join for five dollars or above, then you get three bonus episodes every single day. An episode a day. Oh, what a pint.

Keeps you a pint away. Absolutely. Keep you remember in the good old days we used to have a pint a day. Oh, a pint. A pint a day. All I need is a pint a day. Vomacarly. Banned on the run. Well, anyway, thank you for joining us for this. All I need is a pint of day. Paul McCartney.

And on the run. Well, anyway, thank you for joining us for this. Please recommend us to your mates, leave a review on iTunes, get in touch on the Patreon. Oh yeah, send us an email as well. We've loved receiving emails from people who've been listening to the podcast during lockdown. They always warm our hearts. Our collective, we've got one heart between the four of us.

We've got one heart. That's of us. We've got one heart. That's why we're so tired. That's exactly it. We are incredibly at risk. But yes, getting touched with us, it's PapisFlatShare at gmail.com. PapisFlatShare at gmail.com. Send us an email today and tell us what you're up to.

Or send us a tweet at PapisTweet on Twitter. Cheers. Cheers mate. Cheers, man. Cheers, bro. Cheers, bro, buddy. Cheers. But, uh, enjoy the husband in the meantime. Yeah, just cheers, and have a great time.

Cheers, bro. Cheers, brother, and do enjoy the husband in. Bye, guys. Oh, god, he's, he's, he's, he's short on blood again. Quick, get in here in the heart. Oh, wow. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want

to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always weeping? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This has a house meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? House meeting. I am worried.

I'm worried, right. Oh God. What a start. Oh Jesus Christ. This is supposed to be an upbeat comedy podcast here. And you come in, you come in hot with I'm worried Jesus give me a heart attack Let me finish I'm worried that I'm having the best

Well, how could you say that when there are people out there? Let me finish No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they want mental health, they want grief. This is what we're talking about. Tell us why you're worried. Do you think the big twist would be that it turns out this was a true crying podcast all along? And like, it finishes with like a murder and people have to go back and listen and there's clues all the way through. I think it'll be fairly obvious.

You know, fairly obvious why the murder happens. I don't think this is not, it's not to add now in his sort of levels here. Just this is ground down over time. If one of us snaps, if one of us snaps, it'll be fairly obvious. When, when, when, that's 5,000 cut. I mean, it's lucky that... I see exactly, yeah. Did you say cut? It's... ...deck by three cuts. And... Three massive cuts.

So, go on, sorry, Tom. I... I'm very rudely interrupted, you've got to call. It's not a tall, um... ...please continue to. I mean, you have to ask me, mate. I'm gonna keep doing it. You've listened to previous episodes, haven't you? You've listened for the clues.

Oh, never listened. Never listened. Never, never, not a fan. First time talker, no, long time talker, no time listener. No, it's not. You have probably recorded more pot, in fact, you definitely recorded more podcasts than you've heard, haven't you?

Oh, a million to a million percent. Like to a huge degree. Have you had to say a million. Oh yeah a million. That's by the way obviously we're doing a lot of online quizzing. So the moment. So much. Bloody hell. It's all I do now. And yeah, of course, the million, do you remember two million pints? To remind me about the two million pints, because as a phrase, it brings absolute joy to me. So two million pints was the three of us were doing a pub quiz many years ago, and we had to work out how many pints were sold at...

Was it like a combined, the combined Redding and Leeds festivals one year? So say it was, I mean, it would have been like Redding and Leeds 2004. And... We panicked. We panicked and said 2 million points. And it was something like, I mean, you know, you can lop a couple of zeros off of that, I think. And... But that became very much our go-to for somebody panicking. You know, like, you know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know, I would know's lots of like, I love general knowledge quizzes, but the quiz question where it's like,

how many, like I was asked the other day, my brother-in-law, it's his birthday, the day we're recording this, happy birthday Mark, if you listen. And, before he second birthday, and he, one of his questions, we did a birthday quiz for him yesterday. And one of his questions was that he set about his,

about his own birthday was how many people were born on the same day as me. Whoa! What? Yeah. Did you say two million pounds? Two million pounds, so it's three for two million. I mean, I don't blame you.

I don't have my own number. Two million pounds sized people. I couldn't, I had no idea. What do you reckon it might be? Hammington board. In 1978, on May the 10th, 1978, gone. 300,000. 12.

It's actually, in a clock, he's pretty much nearest. It was about 330,500. 100,000. Is that right? Yeah. 350,000, basically. pretty much nearest it was about three and a half hundred thousand yeah 350 350 thousand basically but how are you supposed to know that I was way off with twelve yeah you're way off which I just just thought it might be impingable just thought it might be a quiet day there must be days like it you remember there was that there was that there was that some I think it was in in the sort of 19, well, it couldn't be the 30s.

When was it when they said there's no news today? There's no news, yeah. What's that, what's that real? The great news. I think it's like, yeah. Yeah, Emma, have a look at that. When was there, when was no news day? And they said there's no news,

on the world's service. I can't help on the radio. Can we confirm, was it good news? No, this is good news. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Clarky.

Join the dots. So, um, oh, so there's one that I've got the result. Yeah. You want it? Uh, I'd love to know it. Yeah. For.

So fairly, you know, almost, what's it? It's almost at the anniversary, yeah. 1930. 1930, oh, got to be careful. It was played instead. That's right, they played the piano instead. But I wonder if the newscaster was also the person playing the piano.

Like that's one of your skills you had to have if you were a newscaster in the 30s. Listen, how are your chopsticks? That's one of your skills you had to have if you were a newscaster in the 30s. Listen, how are your chopsticks? That's kind of the way it's gone recently. One of the after effects of the time we live in is that newsreaders now have to show that they can do something else. I thought you were going to say that's how it's gone recently because the other day I saw George Alagaya on the Bond Tempe organ. Well of course. we all have to celebrate

VE Day in different ways. But it's a good point, isn't it? You've got to have a, well you've got to be more of an all rounder to tame, haven't you? So this is where I started actually. And it's lovely that we've come round to it. Do you ever get worried? I've tried to get it again.

I thought we'd moved it on for the heavy. I still too hard to hear Tom. Why is it always rain on me? Here he comes. I want to ruin it for any casting directors listening, but I turn 40 this year. A lot of you out there won't believe it, but Matthew Crosby turned 40 this year. I did. I turned 40 in February. Big news day. Big news day. In the form of your life, Crosby. You this year. I did, I turned 40 in February. Oh, you should. Big news day.

In the form of your life, Crosby, you've never looked very much. You've never looked younger. Oh, that's really kind of you, thank you very much. Well, no, I just meant you looked all full as a teenager. I was the decrepit 20 something, you should have said. You really, Benjamin Button this. I imagine Benjamin Button this, yeah, I love it. Well, that's what I was coming to, was it? Benjamin Button this. I am actually Benjamin Button this, yeah, I love it.

Well, that's what I was coming to, was, you know, we're all the same kind of age, and I'm not sure there's many listeners of the deer soon. I'm sure there are many listeners who are in this kind of, you know, we're sitting into the armchair of middle age. You know, between 1960, we're talking here. I don't want to kind of make assumptions about listener dear,

but they ain't listening to one extra. You know what I mean? They're not, they're not, they're not, they're not pop kids. They're not turning this off and then hopping onto one extra or are they listening to dear. I can we safely assume that about listener dear? Who's the youngest? If you're the youngest listener dear, getting touched.

Okay, yeah, we can do that, we can find out. Get in touch, if you are under the age of 18, get your parents to get in touch. Yes, exactly. Let's keep it that way. But as you settle into the arm jet of middle age, like you start to think, why didn't I get really good at something, You know me.

Oh, you're having that kind of moment, are you? You're sort of going, well this is what I am now. Like, well, I looked at my wife's guitar the other day. Oh yeah. And in my head I thought, why don't you learn to play the guitar? Why don't you learn to play the guitar? Because then the other side of my head said, it's too late for you, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I know what you mean, no. That I know that I understand that impulse,

but I rejected every turn, because you never know what the next thing is that you're gonna be possibly asked to do, or possibly just take up and it might take you a little bit longer but you know it's definitely worth doing and also as well who cares guitar like the pleasure of playing an instrument is like it can be just for yourself it's nothing nothing more fun than getting out the guitar and going, oh, like, here's an easy pop song I can learn to play,

or hit, you know, and just bashing out some chords. And just, it's pure entertainment for yourself. But I can keep you young, you'll make you younger. My concern, though, is I like that about everything. Like, hold on, like, yeah. It's not just looking at the guitar. It's like, literally, like, it's cooking. It's looking at the guitar.

It's playing poker. It's cooking. It's looking at the guitar, it's playing poker, it's chess, it's painting. It's like sport, it's like, what point, how am I not good at tennis? Like, oh, because I'm not, you know, I don't know. Well, there's so much. We're talking, we're talking to Andy Murray here. He's just been knocked out by Federer. No, not good at like, like, oh, go on. Go on, that's, that's the stuff.

You can't go, see you, Andy Murray. Oh, I, I don't know if I, I'm up to it today. You know, poor, I'm happy Murray. I know what you mean, but I think there's two things going on. Firstly, you are making, right, the thinking you're too old for things, is making excuses to not throw yourself into stuff. And secondly, there's the seeing a thing and going, that's what I should be doing. And I think I understand both of those impulses, that sort of scatter, the scatter gun impulse. But I learned a thing sort of quite late in life.

I'm only just learning it now, but it's, if you do stick with things, you get better at them. And I know that's such an obvious thing. But the times when I'm playing guitar all of the time, I'm able to do it better, and I enjoy it, and I get more out of it. Same with, like, I've taken up, I mean, a little drawing club with my family.

I don't do it enough, actually. It was Charlie's idea to draw pictures with a theme for the family, and we share them on what's happened And it's basically it's a way of entertaining our little leases. I love that But the more I've drawn the more fun I've had and the more I've got better at it And it's just that thing if you go well, I'm not good at drawing But how much time do I devote to it? You're not good at tennis But how much time you spending on the court man?

Exactly. This is it spending on the court, man. Exactly. This is it. So you're gonna pick a skill pass and try and try and focus down on it this year? No, I'm not gonna do actually Clarky, so I'm just gonna carry a worry about it. I'm gonna look at, I'm gonna try and do a lot of skills.

Oh, not very well. That's also good. I think that's my problem. I think. A deleton approach. Yeah, why not? Just do a bunch of things kind of quite badly. Yeah, like, you know, given everything a bit of a go,

is that a good thing to have on your gravestone? Yeah. He gave everything a bit of a go. It's a weird thing to have on your gravestone? He gave everything a bit of a go? It's a weird thing to have on your gravestone. It makes you see that that's the reason you died. I just, yeah. It's sort of like a Catherine the Great situation. He made, he made, you know, he gave a few things ago. Tennis, Jess, he also gave fucking a horse ago.

Here we are Cause of death versatility He literally spread himself too thin Tom died as he lived fucking a horse and playing a banjo The worst game of tennis, people have ever seen. So what? I wonder how do Murray said it's so sad. Well, I don't feel like it today.

I don't feel like today is actually not a bad thing after your gravestone. I'd love to have that on the gravestone. I don't feel like it today. I don't feel like it today. Not today, thank you. Not today, thank you, not today. No milk today, don't mind that.

Not milk today on the gravestone. Oh boy. So what is your long list then? What are the things you're going to do badly? What are you thinking of doing? That's a very good question, actually. What are the things that I'd like to do badly? LAUGHTER

I'm not a list. We already know the things you already do badly. Let's put those to one side. It's a giddy list. I mean, the... The giddy list. I mean, the... What's on Tom's giddy list? That's quite nice. It is.

It's a really nice turnaround from how you started this. Yeah, you've got a giddy list. I think you're right Tom, though. A bucket list is by its nature, by its name, ominous. What do I have to do before I kick the bucket? The giddy list is, I'm just going out, I'm getting a bit giddy, I'm turning 40, I'm getting giddy off I go. I'm a good idiot.

I'm a whirling dervish. Why, where did kick the bucket come from? It's quite, there's got to be an origin, there's like no one dies by kicking a bucket come from? It's quite... It's quite the bucket come from. There's got to be an origin there. Like, no one dies by kicking a bucket, right? A person... A person... You kick a bucket and knives. Oh boy!

If you kick a bucket of knives off a very high shelf... He dies as he lives. He dies as he lives. Hang on. If you're kicking... That's the reason, Tom. It feels like you're not... It feels like you're kicking, that's the reason, Tom. It feels like you're not going to be the one dying if you kick a bucket of knives, right?

No, no, no. If you kick a bucket of knives, if you, if a bucket of knives on a high shelf, you do one if you're, when if you're famous high kicks and it let the bucket of knives goes straight up in the air, straight down, the bucket lands on your head and it's like a little sort of a small iron maiden landing on your head. Oh my yeah. It was a real bucket of knowledge. It was a nice phrase isn't it like like

like a hot potato. It's a bucket. Oh that was a real bucket of knives you gave me there. Or in a meeting, in a meeting when there's, you know, several of you talking like somebody says that you know it says of you talking like somebody says that, you know, it says the wrong thing leads you down a path, exposes the floor and whatever it is that you're trying to have the meeting about. Then you come out of the meeting, you go, oh, thanks. You know, you really kicked the bucket of knives there. Yeah. That's what it should be. That's that's where it is. You know, you kick that bucket

of knives all over us. Is this yours? Because it came out of a bucket. It's the bucket you kicked. No, come on. But going into that yours? Because it came out of a bucket, and it's the bucket you kicked. Now come on, but going into that meeting, you knew that case was a bucket of knives. Oh, I liked that as well, yeah, yeah. In that case, we were lawyers, did you see that?

A case. Did you feel it was a case salesman? Ah, right, okay, yes. And it was a literal suitcase of knives. Yeah. Knife salesman, see you we can make it. Hahaha. Well there you go. Am I giddy list is to work out where the phrase, but kick the bucket came from?

Where the phrase kick the bucket came from. I'm going to go with, I think, rather than the bucket of knives, I would imagine it has, not that I don't like the bucket of knives, I do. I think it might have something to do with the world of the milk made. Is there a, if you kick the bucket, then everything's spoiled and ruined. Like if you kick the bucket over, or for example the cow kicks the bucket over. And you're lactose intolerant and and then you melt into the pool. You're dead mate, exactly. Is that happening?

That's a little bit... That's a little bit... That's a little bit... Oh yeah. I think that doesn't seem like it's about death though. That feels like... It's a bad reason. Yeah.

And also, it sounds a bit like suicide, doesn't it? Like, or like an accidental death? That's what I was wondering with the kick in the bucket Is it like a hanging thing or like oh? Hello, Clarky Is it the bucket I kind of didn't want to say that it's just a bit grim So this is the bucket that you put under somebody and you kick it away Producer Emma is giving you the knowledgeable nod to say, have you got the info on this?

Have you got the scoop? Yeah, that's what they, that's, there's, disputed origins, but it's, it's either hanging, suicide or killing pigs. So it's not, cheers. Oh, oh the pigs on that. He really killed the, he'd milked the pigs. He milked the pigs.

He milked the pigs. He milked the cows and then he beat them to the pigs to death with the cows bucket. Pig's milk, right. Pig's have got milk. You can milk a pig, right? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Why don't I leave you me? Oh baby. And let me tell you, the first time you go, you first me try milka pig, you're not that great at it. But you should go in. The second time, oh practice makes perfect. Let me tell you now, I have milka pig 69 times. Guys, the giddy list has got its first entry number one milk a pig Have you ever milked any animal? Great question That is a good question. Thank you. I know it in like the top trumps of life I'll tell you what this is a sign of how times have changed because you go back 60 years 70 years 80 years

two million years. Two million years. Right. You go back 100 years, everyone's milked something, right? So you were saying, if we went back now to 1920, to the Raw in 20s, to the Jazz era, you've You stroll up to F-Scott and say, Mr Fitzgerald, huge fan of your literature. Could you tell me, have you milked a goat?

He'd say, it's funny if you say that, bye. Yes, I have, and then dance away in his spats. There I was stood on the harbour wall, looking across the water and a green light, the tide had begun flowing, and I milked that sheep right into my garb. Yeah, that was the original, that was the first draft of the great Gatsby, wasn't it? It was the great goat's bee.

And it got wet. Oh, beautiful. It was about so popular. It was about, not so great. A bloke milking a goat into his own mouth. The bad goat's bee. It was cool own mouth. The bad goat's beard was called. Oh, the bad goat's beard. Oh, all this goat has gone off.

OK, well, yeah. You've never milked an animal, though. No, but I think, yeah, to finish that thought, you go back to the 20s. People, they're jazzing at night, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their,, it's a good point actually, yeah, so I guess. So it's gonna be like an exquisite. I doubt they did it. Yeah, that's it. Did they do a taste test on all animals

and went right the cows, the bears? So we're gonna focus on that, or is it more about the easiness? It's about the volume, yeah. So they don't want you to know how good gerbos milk is, because they can't afford to meet the demand. Yeah, because if you got a gerbil and tried to, you know, tried to milk it directly into your god, it'd be like a little capric

son, wouldn't it? It would just be... That's not a bad idea. It would just squeeze into nothing that put that poor little gerbil. It can't handle it. It's got a, it's got a suckle. It's young. What about, um, it does have the suckle. It's, what about duck milk? Duck milk. I think that's got I think that's got to be nice, isn't it? Yeah, I bet.

Ducks are delicious. That's what I was going on. Ducks are delicious, cows are delicious. So ducks, ducks, chickens, lamb, well, you know, that's, that sheep's milk. It sounds like a terrible advert. Ducks are delicious. It's a that sheep's milk. It sounds like a terrible advert. Ducks are delicious. It's a tried duck's milk. It's not a bad idea.

We could get, because you know what, alternative milk is very popular at the moment. Admittedly, it's less animal-based, more nut and oat and hemp and that kind of stuff. But if we could wake, come up with a way of ethically sourcing duck's milk We could be on to it. I'm putting it on the giddielist start a milk business The giddielist is very milk heavy It's a little milk heavy, isn't it? It's not very skills-based at the moment on the giddielist

I've got a milk of pig and then start a milk business. Can I can I ask you have you seen? Have you seen all of Sean Penn's movies because Because he made a wonderful biopic of Harvey Milk, which I believe that will be your next thing. Pop it on the... Have you seen it? What films are called Deadman Walking? Could have been. But...

What's your last meal, boy? Reds milk. You know, you know why the guy killed Harvey Milk? Do you know why he got acquitted? No. Is it funny? Yes. He said he was... I was trying to think of it. It's a good question because when you talk about please don't preface things I say with that. I'd never bloody say another word. I didn't mean to put pressure on you by saying that. It's like, I just remember the last time you told me how

brilliantly funny the Lee Harvey Oswald story was. Jack Ruby in an underground car park. You've got to admit that. That's not a punchline. You know, you've got to admit that's a funny photo. It's an intriguing experience. Have you not been to my Tumblr page? It's just that photo with a variety of silly captions.

I've got a lot of likes for Outchi Wawa. It's just a picture of Lee Hobbit Roy. Outchi Wawa. It's just a picture of the... Ow, chihuahua! There are words, there are words, Tumblr sites out there. No milk today, please! LAUGHTER Oh, apologies to anyone who is affected by the

Leehavi Oswald story there, of course, we miss him every day. Of course, never forget. Never forget. We sort of moved on from the topic. I don't know how funny it is to go back to it. We're going to tell you anyway. Oh boy, it'll be really funny, no? Because any time you say, oh, is the reason someone got acquitted of a hate crime funny? I've got acquitted of a hate crime funny. But the answer's rarely yes, isn't it? Ha ha ha ha ha. But I'm going to go with it anyway. The, the, it's never stopped you in the past.

It's never stopped me in the past. You know what, when I see that something isn't looking great, there are two, there are two roads you can take. Backwards and forwards. And you know what, I'm going under the fucking steam roller. Every time, baby. Every time. backwards and forwards and you know what I'm going under the fucking steam roller every time baby every time Uh, he came to you've gone insane because he didn't so much fast food

Oh Which is which feels very much from the sort of the the the little black book of Brian Harvey's big book of excuses, isn't it like There's been drinking a lot of duck smell book of excuses isn't it? Like, there has been drinking a lot of duck smell. Oh god, I'm on danger to the addicted to duck smell. I had some bad goat curry last night and I've got ballistic. That's half way through making this documentary called Super Size, man. Yeah, exactly. Watch out for spur lock. You know, if you, honestly, if you see spur lock on on a tear coming down your street, wide birth, wide birth straight

away, not just because of social distancing reasons, but also because of, you know, he might shoot you. And also because he's really fat. Yeah. Also, he's a chubby old fellow, but then you know what? He's a lot of McDonald's the boy. It's a lot of McDonald's that boy. So, just very quickly, kicking the bucket, it was related to hanging. Do you know that's also the case with falling off the wagon? Is it?

So, apparently, you were put on the back of a wagon to be carted off to be Hattonk and they let you stop off if they stopped off at a watering hole or a tavern I call it a watering hole. Sure. They'd let you off the wagon to have a drink and then get back on to going to be hung Did you get so I was told did you get the drink so I was told did you get the drinks for free? Is there you're right? Are you gonna put yourself for hanging? Not a bad idea, is it? I mean money's a little bit tight at the moment. If I can get a club trope of carna situation going on, um, by, but I reckon, I reckon, you know,

you know, that's what the song club trope of carna is about. Is it, club trope of carna is about about a man going to his death at the gallows? It is, it is, it's in there in the subtext, yeah. Well, it's interesting to say that because you know Led Zeppelin's gallows pole. Oh yeah. That's about 18 to 30 holiday, would you believe it?

It's about a nine-club in a nine-club. I don't believe it. It's a weird, weird twist of event. It's really strange that Copa Cabana by Barry Manolo. That is about a man. Fainlessly. Fainlessly. Exactly.

Exactly. The Mercy Seat by Nick Cave. Yep. And the bad seeds. And the bad seeds. Of course, the bad seeds. That is, of course, about a lovely, lovely mini-breaking Ibiza.

It's a wonderful holiday, so we'll win some. Guys, I've got some terrible tragic news about what the Venga bus is about. Oh no. Oh no. No one. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Imagine if the Venger bus is coming, replaces, kick the bucket in years to it. Like in 150 years time people are saying, so what is the origin of the Venger bus is coming? And it'd be like it was a song back in the party Margaret. Yeah. The Venger bus came for it last night.

Yeah, she came for it. So sad. If the doctor says, look, I don't know how to break it's you, but the vengaboss is on its way. I reckon the vengaboss is going to be here. If you're lucky, a month, six. But I reckon you should start prepping your MOT mate because... Your driver is on its way. Your driver is dropping somebody off.

It's just completely tripping nearby. Completely tripping nearby, exactly. The venga bus is coming. That's quite a nice phrase, though, isn't it, from when you find out your term, Nileel? Ask not for whom the venga bus is coming. It comes. Funny. Kick it back if knives.

We've got to ask Tom, how long have I got left of this? If you got left, I wouldn't make that good. He'll less too long. I've got two seconds.'m just gonna set the door. Oh yeah. January B? Hoi Chi Mama! That's easy. We can't be thinking. Let's stop so many weeks off of a particular thing.

That's easy. That's easy. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at in-lawful. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's a like theaters for December 15th. Do you think anyone ever sold themselves as like a Jack Ruby lookalike kind of? You know what you have lookalikes for everyone? Yeah. I think there was anyone who was like a Jack Ruby

and you could have like a Jack Ruby a gram. It's like your mate's birthday and there's a knock at the door and like he steps forward and goes, happy birthday. And then has one of those little guns that the little thing comes out and the flag drops down and it says, happy birthday on it. And you think Jack Ruby is about to bump you off before you go to trial. It's not a terrible idea actually. Which one of, I mean I only know Jack Wu from his life.

You're about to ask which one of us looks the most like Jack Wu? I think it might be you, Perry. Jack Wu, he didn't have a beer. He didn't have a beard admittedly, and you're sporting a beard currently. I can get rid of it if it's good for the business. It's good to make a little bit of cash to fund the old giddy list. This is quite a heartwarming story now, I hear it, isn't it? It's good for the business. It's good to make a little bit of cash to fund the old giddy list.

This is quite a heartwarming story now, I hear it, isn't it? That this is what we need in these trouble times, is this young man who is having a bit of a midlife crisis, it'll appeal to a lot of people. What's a young man? No, I'm still gonna call you a young man, you're not yet 40, come December 16th, forget it, all bets are off, but up until that point, it's up to the more king. It's definitely there, man, walking.

This young man, this young gentleman, he was having something in midlife crisis, people can relate to that. Those people have these midlife crisis at any stage in their life. He decided to impersonate Jack Ruby. He started his own business and used that money. He used that money to milk a goat. Now this, if that is a fantastic and finally story, then I don't know what is. This is going to... It's certainly the kind of story

that Ricky Gervais' character would pretend to have to report on in the in after life. After I've it's exactly what it would be. It is. I imagine I haven't watched it by I imagine that's the kind of yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the kind of thing. And Ricky Gervais would in in the literally the scene before it sit down with an old person go I'm just going to be kind from now on. I'm just going to be going to be as kind as I possibly can. And then he would jump cut. Jump cut to him, calling the person who milked a total cunt and then end of soon. Punch like a Henderson. Well, like Big Long Paws. Big Long Paws then end of soon. Phil, try and fill the half and half long. Yeah, absolutely. But you know what, if I was

a local journalist and who knows, it's on my good what, if I was a local journalist, and who knows, it's on my goody list, if I was a local journalist, you'd be a great local journalist, right? You would have actually, yeah. I think I take interest in people. I'm often interested in things that other people then tell me very boring.

So you and Clarkie's newspaper, no one's reading it apart from you too. No one's reading it, but we are having a heavy time reporting it. Every day is a no-news day. Yeah, it'd be like, it's the big scoop. The name of your newspaper should be called the 18th of April. Oh, I love you. The 18th of April, we've got some absolute relicking stories that nobody cares about.

That's it, yeah, it's been really nice to have a bullet in every day and it's like, welcome to our show, where every day is the 18th of April. No news, man. Man, milk's pig. Get your piano out. Come in up. Come in up. Live in the studio.

I think if you're milking a pig, don't use the phrase coming up. I think just, you know, just man milking a pig, I think is the headline when we go with there. It's welcome to the 18th of April. Clarkies gonna be with a bucket of knives. I'm gonna be with it. I'm not gonna be intimate with a bucket of knives. I'm going to be with it. I'm not going to be intimate with this bucket. I think you guys have really been thrown

by the phrase coming up. Yeah, the 18th of April isn't a bulletin where everyone jizzes in every stout. It's not a porno. It's not a grumble, Mac. I reckon no news porno. I reckon a grumble. You don't like your...

A grumble, Mac. Yeah, a grumble, Mac don't like your... A grumble mag, yeah. A grumble mag where every page is Clarky enacting one of his anecdotes in a saucy way. Yeah, because you know what's ruining most grumble mags out there is their modern, you know, their news stories. No one wants current affairs in their grumble mag. The 18th of April is a grumble mag with a difference. It's got Clarky in every single mag. Exactly. The 18th of April is a grumble mag with a difference. Yeah. It's got clarky in every single photo. Yeah. And it's got no news in it whatsoever.

And people can, people can read it and milk themselves. And the headline is, you're learning as you're churning. Because people are, people are, are churning away on their old touches, looking at a a picture of Clarky having sex with a bird feeder. And... Right, cross me. I'm gonna take it back. I don't think you'd be good as a lucky person. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

But... Okay, if you keep trying, that's eventually... It's better to... This is down the job. No, learning as you're churning, that's the slogan for our milk business. Learning as you're churning. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Can I just ask what kind of milk we're selling now? Well, it's a variety. So we've got a load of facts.

A savoury tasting. A load of facts about ducks on the side of the ducks milk. So you're reading, you're reading about the facts about, I think. I can get on board with this. Can I? Confusingly, a load of facts about ducks on the gerbos milk carton. Oh, hey! Err, hey, lucky. Oh, hey, lucky. I just thought about the milks.

Err, it bows. They have pink milk. But that's a good milk. Wow. We're learning and we're churning everyone. We're learning and ch're churning everyone. We're learning and churning. This is great stuff. If it doesn't taste of strawberry though, are people going to be disappointed?

That's true. There's a pig milk in front of you. Absolutely, because part of taste is science, isn't it? If you see something that's pink, your brain automatically gets, it preps itself, doesn't it, it preps itself for that taste. Could you, is that why, is that why Shambhorsi mousse? Used to advertise using those hippos, diving into a swimming pool,

because they were little pink mouses. Oh, they were, aren't they? I don't know. Maybe. We'll never know. We'll never know. Listen dear, have you drunk hippos milk? Get in touch. Oh yes please.

Happy's flat share at gmail.com. Get in touch if you drunk hippos milk. Get in touch if you know the answer. Prime the shamborcy mousse adverts. What's the weirdest milk you've had and was it delicious? Listen dear, do you want to work for the 18th of April milk company? Get in touch, you will learn, you will churn, you will probably have to work for minimum weight.

Yeah. It's one of these startups, so it's gonna be a commission-based, it's gonna be a commission-based salary, I'm afraid. But it'll look great on your CV. It's just good experience, you know? You're working with three of the best, you know. Your CV, or as we like to call it, your giddy list.

Yeah, it's great, it's great for the giddy list. Oh, hold on, is that what your giddy list is? You're already just putting it on your CV. Horse riding, yeah. I reckon I'd be good at it. It's on the way, it's on the way, don't worry about it. How are you, Clarkie, didn't you stick that on your spotlight thing, quite early doors

that you could horse ride? No, no, no. No. Swordfight? Probably. You could swordfight. I reckon you could swordfight. I had one less than once.

They're never going to ask you, if you got a job as one of the musketeers, and that, I think, could still happen. And you've got to do a little bit of sword fighting for a TV job or for an advert or whatever. Then I think they train you up. Why can't you've got enough natural now when it comes to what I call the bucket of knives? Then that you'd be able to do it.

It's all things that people could do day-to-day back in the 20s. And I'll keep going on about this, but milking things, horse riding, sword fighting. That was just like a Thursday in the 20s. I think you haven't gone back far enough. You're talking about the 1920s here.

Everyone could ride a horse in the 1920s. Everyone was riding a horse in the 20s. F's got Fitzgerald. You know what those rappers who did those dances? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They originally did it with like knives and shields. It did they. So it's like a form of fighting. It's like the wax off. It's like the wax on wax off thing. You just want to do wax off. Anyone reading the 18th

April grumble mag because we've got a gorgeous picture of Clarky pretending he's done up like a, like one of those flapper girls. And he's got a sword and armor that's only just about protecting his modesty. Crosby can I ask you a question? Oh, you said photo. You know you said photo. Do you mean a drawing that you've been doing? It's a drawing club.

It's a drawing that I've inadvertently shown it. Please don't send it to the what's up. No, that's not good. The family's not going to see the drawing. That is an assort. I tell you, 18th of April, it illustrated is something that list of deers can expect on their doorstep, coming soon, if you will only give $200 to Patreon. Yes, absolutely. If you join the Patreon at the $200 a day level, we will draw you a nude photo of Clarkie once a year.

The 18th of April illustrated, as it's known. The 18th of April illustrated. Confusingly, it won't arrive on your doorstep on the 18th of April. We might promise it will, but... LAUGHTER Hey, that's something else that's on my giddy list. Let's not worry about that. LAUGHTER He says wearing one of the t-shirts.

Yeah, you're literally wearing one of the t-shirts. What ask you record this? And you still haven't sent... You know, and I can tell you now, people have sent their t-shirt sizes, please. It's on the Gidea list, everyone. Okay. The t-shirts are on the Gidea list.

Exactly right. Well, do you want us to nominate one thing to go on your Gidea list? Well, I'll lovely way to finish. I think that would be a good thing to do. And I'll give it a good go, I promise. Okay, because this is something I've always wanted to do, ever since I saw the movie, back to the future. Few, for a minute though, I thought you were gonna say milk. Come on.

It eats so much fast food. That you got to say. That I don't know what I'm doing for 24 hours. I can hit a murder. No, not that. But I would like to see you, I would like to see you Tom Harry, before you're 40, learn how to skateboard. Oh Jesus, I dreamt last night that I was a skateboarder. No, that's that's so weird. Is that so you just broke my dream? I dreamt I dreamt that I was skateboarding. Wow. Is that phrase break you broke me dream? I like that. I think that does happen Doesn't it sometimes you'll be like yeah? Yeah, yeah

I think from your dream was suddenly popping So what was the what was the context of the what was the context of the dream? By the way, what was there were there were three skateboard's my brother was skateboarding on the good one I Was skating on a really bad one and then there was another one that was better, but I couldn't get hold of it gosh This is like the dream this is like the dream from Joseph and his main technical dream coat My skateboard was shit, but yours was good. Why can't I have that one?

My skateboard was shit, but yours was good, why can't I have that one? It's because you know the truth, I am the chosen son, is that what it is? It's like it's got, yeah, it's to do with, so talk us do it again, you've got a skateboard that you were on a skateboard that wasn't very good. My brother was on a skateboard that was really good, and there was a skateboard that was better, but I couldn't get hold of it. Classic sibling rivalry. But what is like, Joseph, why do you think it's all these family quizzes that we're doing?

It's really gone into my psyche. I think this is it. Do you think your brother is handling lockdown better than you? Do you think that's the reason behind it? If you met my brother, his name's Tony Hawkes. Ah, now it's fitting into place. Yeah, yeah.

He went round Ireland with a fridge. Oh, God. Oh, that is a beautiful bit of, that is a classic Cosby. I really mean that. Let me tell you now, I really mean that. That's a big, big shout out to all my Morris Minor, the major fans out there. That's a straight from the humour pages of the 18th of April newsletters. Try getting a look on to that mate. Clarky, what do you want me to stick on the guinea list? I want you to try and learn a hell to do a good and the Murray impression.

Scotch accent, love it. Love everything about it. Can I just say, well, very quickly, we'll get back to the accents in a second. But you reminded me that I have a dream last night. This is a weird dream. I dreamt that I was chatting to Claire Balding and Toxfig was over in the corner and she pointed over to Toxfig. It's a little bit of an inside showbiz secret. Now, one knows this, but I'm her mother.

So Claire Boldinger said, I'm Tox figure's mother. That can't be right. Yeah, that was, I mean, it isn't right. No. It's what I dreamt. It's anything I'd have had it the other way. Yes, I'd have had it the other way around. Of course you would, because the age is, but.

But, but, because the obvious reason. Hey, call me a maverick. Sure, I'd have had it the other way around. because of the ages, but... But... But... Because of the obviously... Hey, call me a maverick. Sure, I don't know if I should do the other way around. Sure, call you a maverick, but you view time in a very sort of lateral... Linear way, yeah.

Linear way, exactly. So, yeah, so, right, so the dream is, at the end of this, for your 40th birthday, you're going to skate... Hopefully, there'll be pubs open. You're gonna skate ward up to the pub and say, it's Mon, what's have a drink? And- And people are gonna go, Andy Murray's here.

And they're gonna go, Andy Murray's here. How many points do you want, Andy? I go, who wants to join me afterwards for a Jack Rubin Murray? Oh Jack Rubin Murray, don't mind me for dee! A curry so good that you'll get shot! What? It's... Who can turn a mountain? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha do grab onto it and pull yourself along back to the future style. On a skateboard, do you want to do that?

A bonnet, that's never a good idea. Actually, a good point, bonnet. Bonnet is the bit you want to run over the bonnet. On the skateboard. On the skateboard. Yeah, bumper. Poverst about the car you, you. Yeah, if you start trying to do that on the car bonnet,

you're going to end up kicking the bucket of knives. Yeah. Don't grab the bonnet of the vanguard.'t don't grab the bonnet of the vanguard you'll be grabbing the bonnet of the vanguard He grabbed the bonnet of the vanguard us and hung on just too hard rode it all the way to hell No milk today How's meeting Goat impressions. Let's hear bleeding Well, there you go, eh, as house meetings go.

It, oh, I was going to say, never mind. No, go on, you know what, I have the courage of your convictions, Tom, because I love to go. Oh, parry. We'll back you up. That's house meetings go. Talk us through.

Oh, no. What I wanted to say was, as a house meeting, that takes some beating. But I said, as house meetings go, that takes some beatings. Wow. That's it as house meetings go. That takes some beatings. Wow! There you go.

As we've learnt from the Patreon neighbourhood watch role call, we're nothing if not experts at boxing ourselves into a corner with a Ryan. Absolutely right. Absolutely right. Well, what a treat that was and thanks for joining us. Please look after yourselves. Stay alert. Do stay alert. Can't stress that enough. Can't stress that enough and also be honest. And be fair in 2020. And be fair. Yeah. Be fair in 2020 when you're staying alert okay. Please get in touch. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham to Corsham to D. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. E. It's the upstanding for the neighborhood watch Patreon roll call! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Yeah So is it oh My dear grub one. That's right. Yeah, you're gonna be so turned on Matthew You're gonna be so turned on bed Tom's gonna. Jesus balls out when they meet letitia head. Oh my gosh

Oh my gosh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right, okay, here we go. I'm revving myself up. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm getting myself in, I'm getting myself in the zone. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what? I got one in the mood for having full on consensual penetrative intercourse with all of our patrons. Let me tell you, I'm gonna get them all together.

Oh, we're gonna have an absolute, you're right there Tom. I feel the run the idea, past your first. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Not again. Oh, so I can only apologize. Oh, you know what, I'm going to get all our patrons together and we're going to have an orgy. Oh, first of all, first of all, I'm going get going on Barb Rommendus Georgie. Oh, I've got to tell you guys, I've already had full on penetrative sex with one of our patrons. Oh, it's a game stack!

I'm just so tired. I jumped in in front of the Orgy! I couldn't help myself, and now I'll tell you this. My genitals are on absolute fire! Oh! Oh, yeah, that's a shame! Because I did it with punchy pariah! Oh!

I've got a confession to make. I wanted to have full penetrative sex with one of our page. I had to stop myself and whack myself up the dick with a metal bar. But it's still to then stop me off in full penetrative action with Aaron Oma. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I've been having incredibly impure thoughts Oh no, no, no, no I've been having absolute rendy thoughts about one of our patrons Oh You're only fucking human stuff I've been fucking humans all over the place Oh, most of them patriots Most of them Oh, branched out

No, that's not what we discussed You can only fuck a patriot Is this non-patreon you've been fucking blood? I can't I'm alright the same malloc Oh Holy fucking human star got another confidant Confidant Oh god, oh no, oh I tell you what start talk us through it I've been I've been I've been waggling my knob all over the place It's only going in one direction as well, isn't it?

It's been going, it's been going out, it's been going in. I've been waggling in front of the men, I've been waggling in front of the women's. What? And I've waggled it in front of Sarah Simmons. Oh, yeah, oh, blind me. Oh, God. Oh, no. Yeah, no. It's a! Oh, God. Oh, no.

Yeah, no. It's a real beauty. I'm gonna see the one you're gonna do, Clarkie and it's a real treat. Clarkie, I'm right there with anticipation for this one. Clarkie, mate. He's got another confession to make. Well, I've been, I tell you what.

What? I've been,'ll tell you what I've been gone. What I've been trying to save it. Oh, I've been absolutely trying to save it He's been reserving it. I've been I've been reserving and all You've been holding it back hold it baby! I got another confession to make! I got another confession to make! I got another confession to make! He's got another confession to make! I can hear the rubbe!

Rubbe! Rubbe! Rubbe! Rubbe! Rubbe! I'm a one-way motorway! Yeah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That poem when I learned to fly, yeah. Put your hands on, put your hands on me. It's your lips, it's your lips. No, it's yours. Don't put your hands on. I've been trying to save it. Oh, he did a punishment.

He's trying to save it. What a call I hope for, sir. I got to help myself. A 4DJ. A 4DJ. 4DJ. 4DJ. Oh my God.

Mr. Rider. Why don't you try to like really is So over the front Be sure to give me a road Raid racing through that best phase They're my beautiful singing app That's what Oh I can't even try

I'm even trying I can't hold it back anymore. He's bringing me to the verge. It's Michael Klingenberg! And that concludes this week's neighborhood watch Patreon! ROOK! BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING BING B I got blisters on my Patreon! Did we pass the audition? No. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.

A woman planting her course to free them at a lot more. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters, December 15th. on stock bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters, December 15th.