Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Flame Hoover) S11E32

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. If you had lots of sticky money, would you go to space? Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear and welcome to another episode of Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting. So we've got myself here, Matthew Crosby, we've got Ben Clark here. Hello, hello, hello. And Tom Perry will be joining us for the body of the episode, he's not here for this intro. The only thing we really need to say before we get started is that there was a technical snafu and I take full responsibility. It was my fault. I messed up and it meant that are you going to do it again? What can I do it again? Well actually,

that's the main thing as long as you know, as long as you know you've learnt something from the experience. Here's the thing. I say I'm not going to do it again, but we recorded two episodes of House Meeting back-to-back, so the next two episodes of House Meeting will have this fuck up on you. Okay, okay. So basically what you're hearing is the Zoom audio. So it's a little bit, it's not quite the quality that you're hearing right now, but that's all it is. My apologies, it's nobody else's fault, I am happy to admit that, but I'm unhappy that it happened. So, yeah, like I say, no parry for the intro, but you know what would make Tom Parry very happy

is if you would join the Patreon. I would love that, actually. He'd absolutely love it. In fact, Mark, the reason he's a little big face, smile. His tiny, massive face. We weren't really supposed to say that, but he's currently boycotting the intros to these episodes until we get more Patreon subscribers. I don't want to make a big fuss out of it

because when he goes on these strikes, he doesn't want to sing a shout out about it, he just wants it to speak for itself. But yeah, basically, he's currently boycotting the intro in Hot Trows until we get to 17 million Patreon subscribers. So it's gonna be a while. Yeah, but not that long.

I don't know. Six months also. Exactly, it's going to be a while. Yeah, yeah. But not that long. I know. Six months also. Exactly. It's six months without power. But yeah, but if you enjoy the podcast and you've been listening for a while and you want to give something back to us, we put these out for free, then please go to patreon.com, forward slash, poppy's flat share, and join the fun. I think it is an absolute bargain. You get loads of bonus episodes and there tons of fun. Absolutely. We've just been recording a bonus episode

with Izzy Soty and it's an absolute... That's right. That's right. Yeah, that's coming up. So, if you join us now, you'll be able to get in. Ooh. This is it.

I'll guest on the next Beef Brothers cold cuts. It's gonna be Izzy Soty. So, yeah, there's a great, we'll call it some great Patreon bonus content. You wanna join, man. You wanna join, get on there. But enough of the promo, let's get into the episode.

This is house meeting. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat to?

Has meeting. Why on earth am I always weeping? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? Has meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeping? a meeting. Beating. Beating. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Half a meeting.

So since we last spoke. Oh, yeah. All the billionaires have started flying space for a laugh. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting they've all done it at the same time, isn't it? Yeah. So one of them, was it Bezos who started it and then the other the other guys were like I've bezos is doing it we probably should as well

Which you think it all is it like you know like in the Hollywood system where they've all got movies about that There are a bit like the prestige and as soon as someone sees the prestige is about to come out They rush out all the other ones. They rush out deep impact. Yeah Exactly. Yeah They're my is mus must part of the... He's part of that, right? I think Musk started it. That's why I was going, because,

let me be kind of flirting round. He's been sending stuff off into space, just not himself. He sent a Tesla into space, didn't he? He sent a car into space. With a guy sat, not a guy, but like a model of a space man say, yeah, a guy say in it, that's a bad mission isn't it? The guy is so badminton.

When you go like, I can't wait to see this spaceship. So Tesla, you like, hold on. No, the first thing you think is cool, because it's a Tesla. The same thing as you do, you gotta be like James Bond. Whenever you see a Tesla, even if it is in the Tesla showroom in Westfield, you know, in Stratford, it's still pretty exciting, you know, you see in a Tesla. But yeah, the second you're going to be shot into space in it, you're like, but that

would presumably be, wait, no, it wouldn't. If you're wearing a space suit, you can't go through the atmosphere in a space suit, can you? The ship's doing a lot of the protecting you. You're wearing a space suit. You're right on the ground. What about, what about a bum guard? No, he did it, didn't he? How far it was a, he didn't go in the space.

He didn't go, he didn't go. He was close to space. Wasn't either. He was very close to space. Was our bum guard now. He was up there. He got up where the air is thin. He got up to it, like, but it was nighttime where he was and it's always nighttime in space. But by all accounts, that's what all the billionaires did as well. They just did what bum guard did. But they did a parachute because, because Branson, Branson didn't go through the atmosphere today. Neither did Bezos, neither of them are astronauts.

According to the, like, legitimately, they're not astronauts. That's what the fuck are you? What the fuck is all that then? Well, this is my question for you, basically, because, look, they're getting a bit of a bad rap, please billionaires, for going up to space, right? And people are going like, you know, solve World Hunger first. But like, there is part of me that goes like, you're allowed a jolly, right? So that shows them that as their jolly, right?

It's not their one jolly though. And they get knuckle down now. From the like-a-priced practice life, it's like, it's like, hugged, life is like, it's like, oh, good. It's like, just let me, let me get space first. Then I'll just let me go to space. Like I guess my tropical island, the man,

he like he owns a tropical island where he lives in a tropical island where he has, yeah, you've got it. You've got to, you've got to live somewhere. You've got to live somewhere. You've got to have a jolly, cheer on me. Anyway,

like, I'm saying like, I've got to live some way, you've got to have a jolly, do you know what I mean? Anyway, I'm saying I've got a house, and I go on a holiday, do you know what I mean? I like, I don't give it all away. So it's just like, it's a scaled up equivalent. Anyway, this is not, I'm not launching a different subbillionaires. This is it, this is it, this is it. This feels like you're like one step away from being a kind of Jordan Peterson figure

But like if you really care about the world I've always been one step away from being a Jordan to you But if you really cared about the world and if you really cared about you know social equality You'd give your privilege away to somebody else who doesn't have it And then of course they'd have to give it away to someone else and you know just Play it forward somebody else who doesn't have it. And then of course they'd have to give it away to someone else and just to distract. Play it forward. Play it forward, exactly.

Play it forward. No, but my question to you is right. So obviously, if you were a billionaire and you take the charitable noble causes away, right? So my question is like, what's your jolly? Would you be up in space? Is that something like, is like, what's your jolly? Like, would you be up in space? Is that something like, is that, it feels to me like going up in space feels like,

A, a stress, B, like, a bit intense. I mean, I know that's a bit like A, but like, I don't think it's particularly like, where I'd blow my bajillions, gentlemen. So like, I'm wondering like what you like pay so much of blow my bajillions for. Like, you know, like, like, for course, he knows his bajillions, by the way. He's had hate for the entire summer so far. Like, I can't, I can think of better things I would do with my billions.

Well, let's hear one of them please. Then go to space. The one that I mainly stuck on is I would try and nail the art. Okay, okay. Me and you, we're going to get on. We're going to have a hell of a time with our billion. I'm trying nail the arm. I'm trying nail grinds.

I'm just gonna put one over on our nail ons. No, yeah, of course. His, his, where my money's going if I'm a billionaire. Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna crack body swapping, you know? So like, wow. I'm gonna, I'm gonna put all swapping, you know? So like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put all my money in the robot dance, because that's body popping. And then you can just throw that, absolutely nuts.

Hey, you can't buy body popping, you either can or you can't, my friend. Exactly. All the money in the world, Musk can chuck a gazillion, that he's not gonna be able to pop and lock. No way. Not even Grimes can teach him that. Dracker, that's why he's got Grimes on board. Yeah, do you have any idea who Grimes is?

I don't tell you now. I know she's, she wasn't in a roller skating movie in 1997. No, no, no, no. She's a, she's a cool young singer, isn't it? And all the kids in the world are popping to the body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body body this wrong, but when you instantly just body swap out of being a billionaire, well, you keep yourself, wouldn't you? Well, you're going to a carrier body. Ah, it's still you. OK, sorry, I'm still not freaking Friday about it. It's not Freaky Friday.

Right. I'm talking about more like a kind of get out situation. Yeah, get in to someone else's body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's again, we're back on the same page. That's the twist. You're actually having on doing a remake of Get Out. Pro the white dudes in it. There are good people on both sides here. Look, there's here them both out, OK? How's BD? What would you say to Bro? How's BD?

Probably nothing at all. Basically, the get out scenario, scientifically, you've got to think it can't be far off with the kind of money they could chuck at the problem. So what are you hoping to have? That is going into space. Your brain, but a better body. You get to 80, you're about to die.

Yeah. You just up yourself into a 21-year-old cadaver. You go again? What if the bit I most upset about myself is my brain? Yeah, that's it. I was going to say I would I like to swap both my brains. That's my body. That's a lot. Clark, Clark, are you spending your billions on a lobotomy? Because they're not that expensive, I don't think. I'm not priced them up, actually. Clark is going to send his current brain into space. He's going to stick it up the exhaust pipe of a Tesla and just fire it into the sky. So the body's the body swap. I sort of, I mean, I wonder if they're working on that,

but that's the stuff they can't talk about. Because the thing about a billionaire, right, is you're already, you know, the prefix to a billionaire and most people's minds is evil, right? An evil billionaire. That's what we think of. And already, you know, you've got Bezos, the fact he hasn't, you know, he's not paid tax. Yeah, that's a really good point. Are there any good billionaires? No. I mean, good billionaires. No, obviously not.

Well, not obviously not, but John Stevens. That's a good billionaires. Well, you're hoping if you just started to phrase Good Billionaire, the name of a Good Billionaire would fly out of your mouth as well as two random names. I think Bill Gates is probably come closest just because he's a lot of lead. What are these guys? Obviously, his microtryphal. He's putting everybody's body.

Oh my God. Yeah. The 5G, the 5G's got to Clarky. Okay, okay. That's just great. Obviously, your white chip is putting everybody's body. Yeah. Yeah. The 5G, the 5G's got to Clarky. OK, OK. That's just great. No, no, no, listen.

That's why we get a little bot like this. You are eating the swill at the mainstream media. It's funneling down your throat, like some sort of fwagra, you know, like some sort of disgusting pig who just accepts everything they eat. No, no, no, no. are, you know, like some sort of, some sort of disgusting pig who just accepts everything they eat. No, no, no, no. Right, right. Firstly, Google the great reset. Yeah, it's a disgusting pig. Google the great reset. Google George Soros. And then reset your computer. Yes. Put your computer through a great reset. There are people who believe that I know we've covered this ground before but like musk

for all is like he's pioneering like electric cars and you kind of go that could be a good way to become a billionaire. Did he make a quite hot on the heels of that, literally hot nails of that, you made a flame throw. Yeah, but it's an eco flame thrower, right? It's not one of those bad flame throwers. It does. It's like, if it was a flame who torches, it's how it. Oh, wow. Flame Hoover would be good, wouldn't it?

I'd love it. Yeah. So anyway, anyway, that's where my billions are going, gentlemen. Can I just say if the same peoplewho-who would not be good. What? Can I just really quickly just say that? Why? Why would fame-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who-who- You're hoovering up the flame. Oh, right. Why not just use a blower? Pistach,

he's already got one of those on the books. Famously blowing stokes the flames, didn't it? Yeah. What happens on a birthday, Clarky? What are you doing on a birthday? Do you suck the flames out of the candle? I mean, I'm a forest fire.

Yeah, but what happens on a forest fire is that, you know, you put a fire. You know, the come on guys. Kind of fire. Yeah, but we're talking about the forest being. I got flame flame hovers not for a birthday cake. That's not what the inventions for. Yeah, all right, but I don't think the situation where you can you can suck a flame out of a thing. Well, not yet, because the flame over doesn't exist, but it's true. Well, it's like, you've billions come out.

You fucking, the fire engine. I must say, this is a post lobotomy idea. I'm getting drunk. Have you got a lobotomy? It's just our flame on the show. Yeah, but it was about 10 years ago. It was in an early bangers and mash, wasn't it? The fire engine pulls up. The firemen and women jump out.

They've got these backpacks on with like these two fracking funnels either side of them. And they're slightly ghostbusters-esque. It looks a bit like a jetpack. Then they click their buttons and just like suck the fucking flame out of it. No oxygen, no flame, no scientist, but that's what's going on here. No oxygen, no flame, no scientist.

So that's the amount of... That's the amount of flames. Tom, that's the amount of flame who has limited. So is it blowing out to keep you like a jet pack? So it's blowing out to keep you up and it's sucking up to get the flames. I mean, look, we can look at that. If it doesn't have to blow it, it's just sucking you in. Certainly.

Crossbees. Crossbees self-intuitive. I mean, I like what you bring into the table. But you said it's like a jet pack, right? So obviously it looks like a jet pack. So you wear it on your back. Handles like a flame Hoover. So why are you wearing it on your back?

Why are you wearing it on your front? It seems like a mad place to have your hoover on your back. No, it's the coolest place to have. It's the coolest place to have. I'm in like a rucksack. Yeah, but I mean, if you sleep and I even, you're not wearing it on your front, are you? You don't, when you put your backpack on,

you don't wear it on your front. Do you look like a lemon? No, but I'm not. You look like a fucking lemon crossbe doing that by the way. And we'll be trying to say this, fucking you. It's not cool, man. Listen, I wear it.

I wear it one strap just across my body, like that cool kid who got up in the stage at Glastonbury. Like that's my style now, that's my style. But so, so give this, we're talking about a forest fire here. That was the situation Karthie gave us here. So I rock up and I am me.

We're sending, we're sending Krosby over the project. It's a gladly picked up on I am me. We're sending, we're sending, we're sending cross me over the project. It's a lovely pit type of that. I'm just, no fire, no scientists, get in there. Yeah. I was down to the last two to be the pilot of Elon Musk's Tesla going into space and gutted. You catch me on the rebound.

You go, come on, we've got a project for you. I'm there wearing a nylon suit. Walking into a fire suit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she'll suit on my front. Rucksack on my back. Because I've really done wearing like, it's only gonna front the she'll suit.

It's like it's like a... Well, give you a leather, right? A hospital robe, yeah. A refrigerator, yes, yes. I said, did you in, well, send you in like a hospital road. We'll give you a leather rack. A hospital road, yeah. A road for the yes. I said to you, you were saying to you in like a weld or some shit. That's got to be part, but that's part of it. We're not going. No, you're not going to.

It's part of the outfit, you know. Of course, of course it is. So I'm showing up there to this forest fire. And I'm turning my back on the fire, which is a good idea straight away with it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, right, hang on. He's like, ah! You know when the ghostmasters battle ghosts, when the ghostmasters battle ghosts, right?

Oh, right, okay. They're strapped on their backpacks. I've got a lot on jetpack thinking that because a jetpack fires stuff out of the bottom, that's where the who the part of it is. So when you mean like a jetpack fires stuff out of the bottom, that's where the Hoover part of it is. So when you mean like a jetpack, you just mean like a backpack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Well, like a big old industrial backpack, like a jetpack. All right, okay, I feel like the jetpack was a bit of a bum steer, but now I get it. It's a big box that's got a sort of Hoover attachment that comes out the side of it effectively. I mean, if you want to, you can strap them to your fucking forearms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Alright, so I've got, I've got a van just styling. A big box. Now, is the box going to be? It doesn't say the van just. I've got a lot of stuff. You know, the eventually, you know, the Avengers movie, one of them goes, look,

I've got these, I've got these arrows, I've got a fire everywhere. So, I could just like strap a hoover to my back as well, just to give you a bit of extra thing. Here comes Backpack Man. It's having subtitles on a foreign film sheet. As easy. By the way, and this is a very quick side note, if there isn't a hoover company out there doing Backpack Hovers, they're missing a trick, right? Yeah. There's got to be Jolly. Yeah, they're definitely missing a trick. Maybe we start with

a bus pack. You know, like, like buskers, like Billy Bragg, when he first started, had his amplifier structure is back on like a Rucksack. He was almost like a kind of one-man band, except he was just playing the guitar on the harmonica and he had his amp on his back. That's sort of the same sort of principle, isn't it? You've got everything you need. So I have to sing on you England every time I hoover my house. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's right. Sorry, sorry.

I got hung up on the Billy Prag thing. Sorry. You've got to. Not really fool me that. You have got to sing the milkman of human kindness. You're moving the flames off your birthday cake. That's what I'm trying to say. So you're like,

Bragg, Bragg's voice, Bragg's singing voice. Good, Christ, it gets me right where it's pure. Like it's such an emotional singing voice, isn't it? Is it because you think I could sing like that? I think it might happen. Yeah. He basically sings like he talks. He's got a brilliant singing voice, yeah. And I know like, I know like he's always singing

about the right on things, but Parme feels like he could be singing anything. And I'd still kind of well up. Do you know what I mean? I'd like to hear him sing, I don't know, like some pro, pro billionaire stuff. Obviously. Just, you know, we're going to, I'm going to sing a song and it's called Everybody Need To Jolly. Okay, here we go. We long-masking in, we can trust, but he deserves a Jolly. I don't know what it's. You see, it's a Kotly, you see yourself caught me?

You see like sucking on a pig your day and playing the old Joanna down the coach and horses. I'm just saying if you if Billy Bragg was singing like fucking one week by the bed, like I think I'd still find it. I'd still find it. Oh, it's me. Oh, it's anybody heard Billy Bragg. That's the sound. It's been a week since you've been there. Has anybody heard Billy Brack? Does it sound like?

Ow. Ow. You've got a Jewish film. I'm trying to have the Jewish film. I'm trying to get it. You've got the Jewish film. I'm trying to get the Jewish film. I'm trying to get the Jewish film.

But yeah, I just think, you know, anyway, getting back to the original question, I think, well, no, I think the flame hoover speaks for itself, but I think jet question. I think well, no, I think I think the I think flame hoover speaks for itself But I think I think I think back back back hoover is actually a much more that's something that we could just go We started farming that out I've got like a I've got a picture in my mind of it. Maybe I'm thinking of a leaf blowers It's a it's a sort of type of leaf blow where they have a backpack It could be. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, anyway. Who the business aside? I'm trying to steer the ship away from the rocks

of a talking more about motorized backpacks. A white man. That's the good shit. Listen, I don't know why you're trying to steer us away from the course you've set. Hey, my man, because basically, like I've answered the question, which is if I'm a billionaire, that's where I'm putting my money. And not like obviously, we can also well-peaks and end hunger.

That's a gimmie. You're gonna be doing that as well. We do your- That's not your jolly, is it? Bill Gates Foundation. But like, where's your guilty, where's your sticky money, where are you sticking,

where are you going with your- Sticky money? You know, where you're where's your sticky money, where are you going with your... Where are you going with your sticky money? And I think you were right, Crosby. I don't think space is where... I mean, not the shit that must be doing backstage. Like, I bet he's fucking welding animals to humans and shit like all that kind of doctor, morose shit. Like, there's bad things.

There's bad things. There's bad things are for all over the place, but like, you know, obviously the space things there for us to discuss. I like, where's your sticky money at when you're like, like, for example, like, I don't know, Clarky, I could see pouring money in, like getting animals to talk, or like,

I get this is like, you know, this is- I think that's that sticky money though. I feel like that is not, like, I feel like space is a jolly just for those like Branson wanted to do that video where he stands there in his blue space suit and 001 wasn't he? That was his sort of flight name. He was like passenger 001 and you're like, that's why you did it. It's like the idea of teaching animals to talk.

You can feel like, oh, why you did it. It's like the idea of teaching animals to talk. You can feel like a sort of... Oh, no, I'm not talking about teaching them to talk. I'm talking about jamming some kind of chip in the country ears and then suddenly you can hear me. Oh, ho ho ho ho. I'm saying like, I'm saying like sticky money man because the first couple of years of that project, you know, I wouldn't do that.

I don't know, I don't know. It's gonna be like, you know, in Alien Resurrection when he goes into the room and there's all the failed versions of herself. All the end of the prestige, in fact. I don't spoil it, I'm not seeing it yet. The reason is I'm currently working on a film is very similar. I don't want to. Basically, there's a meteor heading for us. Yeah, you'll get your love it. I'm okay. So I'm getting out of the bridge. So the only good Christopher now in the film, I will say.

So anyway, or the other thing I could see Clarky doing is like an underwater home where it's like, what's your, where do you live? I live on the ocean sea. It's like living on a land. I don't know, I'm billionaires supposed to be at least sort of reasonably bright. I live on the ocean sea. I've had a lot of me. My name is Clark. I have a sticky money's gun, though. I am. And this shot can't talk.

Hi guys. I've got to eat your mother fucker. Yeah. I can talk now. It's patient zero three two everyone. Don't ask about patient zero two seven. I can't talk. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't talk. I can't. Now Two seven everyone shark and talk to Sharky and Clarky Oh Christus of the sea I do like the idea of Making animals talk I think I think that's good. You're right. It's it's um But if Clark yeah like if Clarky turn around and Sunday Oh, hey, everyone, I've got gills now. Uh, and like I was like, I'm patient zero zero one with gills and jumps into the

water and can live underwater. And then like everyone's like, yeah, but how did you get to that? Yeah. Like, uh, fire and ease of where are the bodies buried? How many, how many other humans you have to flush down the toilet because they didn't, they didn't survive. Where are Tom bodies buried? How many other humans you have to flush down the toilet? Because they didn't survive. Where are Tom and Matthew? Patient zero, two, seven. I can talk now. I can talk now, but out of flaps on my neck, rather than my mouth.

I could actually pull mouth, stale aside here. No, I can't. I've got it. I've got it wrong. I've got a podcast on my own. I just have my cleanest side of my neck and one in front of me. This is our own barbershop call tech. LAUGHTER Good man, what a call.

That look lovely. Neckmouth sounds like an early blue singer, doesn't it? Neckmouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Nickmouth. Oh, yeah. Oh, my, I tell you what, Nickmouth, his voice just gets me right where it's pure. Honestly.

Is that because he can sing it? I'm not me, so I'm not me. I'm not me. I'm not me. I'm not me. Oh, it's made of brass, my friend. I don't believe I'm free. Right.

Anyway, is there, is there an X for a bad? He doesn't believe me'm free right? Anyway, there is lyrics for bad. It doesn't believe me. Oh yeah, everything else is fucking great. It was a really good song, it was beautifully sung. It was just a shame you said I don't believe I'm free at the end of it. And... We need to say to him, Neck mouth, you've got it all.

You've got the voice, you've got the musical ability. You've got the voice, you've got the musical ability. Why? You've got the neck. You've got the neck made of brass. It takes a go with a real brass neck, damn it, Neck made a brass. Why don't you write the song before you go on stage? Now, thank you very much, charm off. Get to the stage, hello everybody, my neck is made of brass. Oh, how are you doing? I'm for color. Hello everyone. I love this. I'm just boys. Can't break back on.

Here my name is Billy Bragg and I'm singing to you now. That's my I've got a lot of clothes. I've got clothes. Yeah. The milkman a few more men kindness I would leave. An extra point. That's my big fan. Chicken to China, to Chinese chicken.

Chicken. You ever drug stick and your face stops licking? I don't know. All right. Is that you again? No. I've been rummalled everyone. Come on, come on, come on, come on. The thing you don't know about Betty Bragg is, I mean, amazing.

Like, when you play those rock and get tracers and shows back in the early mid 80s, you'd have the abstractors back, you'd be strumming away. Everybody was like, couldn't believe it was like a modern protest singer. But the end of his set was amazing, because he'd just flip the switch and it would turn into a jetpack and it would go straight up, straight up into the sky. It was amazing. It's a litigable on mask and it comes straight back down. He played both the LIDA and the LIDA comps. He went back into the con course. He went to the con in on it and flipped the visa. He called into the air. He hoovered up the firework display at the end.

That's what the song in the air tonight is about. It's about seeing Billy Brad. I can see him coming into Philadelphia in the air tonight, oh Lord. That was it. Yeah, that was just, that was what the song was originally about. And then Nick Mac really upset everyone, because he played the rock four races and gig didn't he? Which was, that was frived upon. It was the only performer, terrible.

He didn't matter, though, because none of his lyrics were for racism, because he didn't address the issue. No, Eric Clapton was furious. It was like, oh, don't leave me again. It was just, it was just, it was just meckmouth, Eric Clapton. And Perry, going around the audience, near the gig, get any funders for his new movie of version of Get Out.

That was what I was going to do. Is anyone at all want to put in a bit of money? Get in! Get in! Get in! Oh my kickstart! So yeah, I can say, that's what I mean. It's like every billionaire's got a weakness, I think. And like, Clarkie's weakness, I think, is the sea. So I can see him splurging. He's like the sea. weakness, I think is the sea. So I can see him splurge in.

Is it like the sea? Honestly, the first thing I'll do is pay you to be my ideas, man, because so far I'm loving, I'm loving both of them. Yeah, this is good stuff, actually. You could put us on your payroll. I'm not going to cross make my sense. I'm going to come up with the ideas and I would be confused by them. Very important. I'm backing towards the sea. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The scuba tanks on your back, but you can walk forwards towards the sea.

It's okay, it's okay. Don't make such a jetpacks to cross me. He's going to go out. Honestly, he's literally going to go through the Honestly, his head's going to go through the roof. His head's going to spill around. Yeah. How do they make bread with no wheat? How do they make bread with no wheat?

Cross by, what's your poison? What's your billionaire's jolly? That's the question. It's funny we should be talking about jetpacks because for me, it would be the jetpack, but I would remove the pack. It would just be a jet. Jet from time to eight. It would just be my sticky. What would it be? I know because Clarkie famously loves the sea and the thing with me is I love the ocean sea. He loves the ocean sea. He loves the ocean sea.

I feel like, and I don't know if this sticky money, but I feel like it's definitely something. I was always obsessed with the inside cover of the War of the Worlds album. You know, the Jeff Wayne War of the Worlds album? And it had these very vivid pictures. And the end of the War of the Worlds was that they built a city underground, right? And so the

Martians had left like sort of red, I think they called it the red mist, but it's like sort of kind of like red kind of sticky stuff that like the crows are pecking out and everyone's getting on the earth, right? And so the earth is decimated and down below the earth there is people. The only thing I remember from the pictures, they were all playing cricket. Now I never loved cricket, obviously. I build a city underground that would be bullied by the people who inhabited it, but I feel like that's, I feel like I've always sort of wanted, you know, I've wanted, like general, my last place, I had a crawl space. I never happier than when I found out

that the house we're about to buy had a crawl space. I was just delighted. And it was a big, it was a big thing for me. It really sold it for me. And we haven't got that now, you know, in our new place. But like panic room, crawl space. Like those super basement things that like, Yeah.

They're all the rage, aren't they? Yeah. It's a great call. Cheefly for me. Secret room. Secret room. No, no, it's books, you press, it's books, but you press the books, it turns around. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's a secret room. I tell you what's good for that crossbow is it could be lucky. He's a billionaire, but he's still humble. He lives in a semi detached in penge. He's, he's kept to his roots and then you walk into that semi detached and then down you go and it turns out you're playing cricket all the way to ones with.

Yeah, all your real estate is underground. I'd love that. I think that would be great. You'd have that same feeling you get in shopping centers. You know, that sort of, that go airports or whatever, where it's that kind of, you never really know what time a day it is. You're doing this entirely just so you can date time drink, aren't you? Yeah. I mean, you just get in that sweet, sweet first pint at the airport. Exactly. You reset the time so it's five o'clock all the time. Yeah. You basically just put a spoon in your in your basement. I

never said what you've done as a billionaire. You know what? As a billionaire I just get a crate of carling and go in my basement. I think that is based. Sounds bleak but lovely. Respect that. Yeah. I respect that as well. I respect myself for that. None of this trying to teach well. I respect myself for that. None of this trying to teach animals to talk or putting a chip in, putting a chip in area. None of that, just a slab down to the basement, lock it from the inside and let me drive my thoughts. Would you have your money down there like Scrooge McDuck?

Yeah, no, I'd have my money, well you know what I would do is I'd have my money converted into Catholic, and I'd have my money. Well, you know what I would do is I would have my money converted into cancer calling and I dive into that. I would leave off the diving board straight into a load of cancer calling and let me wait till the bottom I see. Yeah, yeah, it would eventually. It's an idea for you, Crosby. Yeah, I got calling backpack. Wait, hang on a second now. day for you, Crosby. Yeah, I got calling backpack. Wait, I got a second now. I got it. I got it. So this is a car, the carling calling comes out the back of the backpack. So I have to put one off of someone back, a can of calling, I have to back towards them. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's not like a

pest dispenser, but it's like like the beer, like beer people at the beer people at festivals, you know, those people who have big, big backpacker beer beer except instead of a hose on the front it's just a dispenser at the back shaped like a big ass yeah do you think you'd feel better or worse diving into a certain pool full of calories of carling and swimming around in it or having to drink them them. Physically, I think, where would you be worse off? How far are you diving? You're screwed, Mark Duck in it. Oh boy. That's going to hurt. I think he's the ones going to kill you. Death by Carling. He's the choice to cross-measure. I love it when that's on the bed, you. He's the choice to cross mistro. Oh, I love it when that's on the menu.

So it's either you dive into the carling, you drink the carling or you beat them to death by wheelcarling. It's one of the three. It's death by carling. That's, in fact, that's it. That would be my underground layer. If I was like a billionaire, bond villain type person, that would be my choice. I'd get people to decide. Death by Carling. There it is.

There it is. So, Tom. Tarky's living on, we're gone. Did we discuss your sticky money? What, what you would actually do with yours? Yeah, I'm, I'm body-swapping with Will Carling so I can kill CrossFit. Yeah, you can get the set out, brother. That's right.

That's right. I actually would work. At least we're all employing each other. Clark is employing me to use by Perry's ideas. He's also employing Perry, obviously. I'm employing Perry to beat the hell out of me. Yeah, it's not a bad old stalling. As will coming, of course.

I swear, one of those billionaires is looking at that body swap thing legitimately, because you're thinking in the same way that you're looking to go to space, that's the theory, isn't it? Is that they're leaving the sinking ship, it's kind of like the theory. That's why they're so interested in space,

because they know where it's going under. Right. So in the same way, in a micro kind of version of that, your body's the ultimate sinking ship. Well, so my doctor told me. That's where there were those rats running all over your body, isn't it? They're just trying to get out. Sinking into that swimming pool for the car, like, yeah, you've got, I'm afraid you've got

a serious case of sinking ship rats. I'm afraid. You've got scary basically. But you know, I think that's something in that. But the thing with the billionaire's though, is they all went up for like 15 minutes, didn't they? You know, like, what's the, what's the eventual plan

that you're just going to kind of be good enough? You know, like 15's the, what's the, what's the eventual plan that you're just going to kind of be good enough, you know, that's like 15, 15 minutes in Will Carling. 15 minutes, but like, is, are they going to leave? Have you seen that video, by the way? Oh, not suitable for work. I can tell you that much. I remember that next time I have a job. But yeah, the, the, what are they going to do, like sort of hop along the earth in like big leaps? Is that what they're going to do?

So while the earth is burning, they're going to like, zoom up into the air for 15 minutes, pop down refuel, pop back up, pop down refuel. Like whales really, like whales. Oh, now you're talking my language well okay I'm the ocean and I'm the only brave oxygen. Has meeting. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. Has meeting.

There it was. In all its glory. A strong episode of House Meeting there for you all to enjoy. Anything else Clarky? I realised I sort of railroaded the start of that talking about the Patreon and about the the the audio snafu. Anything you want to get off your chest at the moment? Um, you know, I'm a little bit sad that the Olympics has just finished. Oh, mate.

So it's some kind of pipe, some fresh hot steaming sport into my flat. That'll be lovely. Parasys just around the corner man. It's quite far in it, it's quite far in, quite far journey. I suppose Eurostar, it's not so bad. No, not Paris, the Paris. Oh, yeah. The Paralympics. I wasn't saying go to Paris. Well, they think I've just gone completely insane. Oh, right, oh, I see. So I didn't know that. But I was in the U.S. the Paralympics. Oh, the Paralympics.

Great. That's a very good point. That's a very good point. And they are closer. They are closer, well, they're not closer geographically. They were so in Tokyo, but they are just around the corner. Great. So enjoy that.

You've really helped me out there, actually. Absolutely. That's all right. I tell you something, we didn't help out is our friend, Jed, who's got in touch to say another instance of nearly dying listening to this podcast. I never knew this was going to become such a regular feature but it turns out we've nearly killed lots of our listeners which explains the Patreon numbers, most of them have caught it. Patreon.com forward slash pappy flat share.

Jed writes, now by the way, I know we do front names only, but he's got a phenomenal name. What do you think we should? Do you think I break the, I'll say we'll read it. And you can say him's only. I can't wait, we've given the question. You're given the question. I'm sorry, yes. Right, I'm gonna read it and then at the end, we'll given the car key, you're giving the car key, you're giving the car key, you're giving the car key, you're giving the car key, you're giving the car key

yes. Right, I'm going to read it and then at the end we'll make a decision as to whether we're going to give his back name because it's strong. So hello, chaps, all this talk of near death experiences suffered by Papi's pod listeners, reminding me I also experienced a near miss years ago, possibly a decade ago, has it been that long? It actually has, yeah. I can remember the exact moment in an early podcast that caused me to laugh uncontrollably. I believe the

subject matter had got round to school performances and you would all describing the worst experience. Ben who set me off to the path of near death was talking about a time during a school play when he got a frantic call to be on stage. I remember this story. In fact, I think we I think we touched it again on one of the flat-shell lockdowns. It's such a good story. He immediately scrambled to the stage, but crucially, didn't know which part of the play the performance had got to,

therefore stood in silence at the middle of the stage. Then Tom, who nearly certainly grave was describing his most embarrassing moment, where post-performance, he assumed somebody possibly the headmaster was describing him when they spoke about a star performer and confidently stood up to accept applaud its an awards but another name was read out and he had to act casually as if he was stretching his legs. Well I think what happened in that story was that the guy who directed the play, the teacher

directed the play stood up and said but you know he thanked all of the different people you know that they done they done Amadeus by Peter Schaefer. We've got to thank the guy who played Sally Erie, we've got to thank all of the wonderful, you know, all of the people who designed the set and the sound design, but I think the most of all, most of all, we have to think Wolfgang, Amadeus Mozart, and Tom stood up because he played Mozart, but actually what the teacher was saying was, we've got to thank Mozart because without the work of Mozart, this play would never have been written. Took a bow, realized his mistake, sat down next to another one of the actors,

and they went, and the actor went, they weren't talking about you, and he went, I know. No. Oh man, it's a funny story. Anyway, I was driving on the motorway at the time and eating an apple. You shouldn't be doing that, mate.

You shouldn't be doing that. Apples are a top choking hazard. If you're desperate to eat an apple, pull over. Pull over into the hard shoulders, obviously. Juicy. Suckly. Clark, he's got one of those juicers that you can plug into the cigarette lighter.

Yeah, it's a little bit. it's a little bit, you know. It's a lot to be doing on the, in the fast lane, but it's safer, safer man. But officer, I was juicing these beetroots. What was, what, yeah, they was eating an apple. What was definite is that I overly laughed, subsequently started choking, ended up steering with my knees. Oh, last. Mr. Beane, heavily coughing to clear her ways.

Achieve this and made it to the hard shoulder with tears and laughter in my eyes. I was then sick down my front. I've always remembered the moment, but it's only now that I can tell someone brackets you. After listeners recently started emailing in with similar near-death anecdotes. I've listened to much package from when there were four of you,

and your comedy output is outstanding. What I enjoy most is its three mates having a laugh. Any small group of close mates can have the exact... I can have the same experience. What are you going to do? That's not so. Literally anyone can do what you do. What I like about it. What I like about it is anyone could do what you do. What I like about it.

What I like about it is anyone could do it. There's no skill, there's no talent here. Anybody could do this thing that you do. Actually, he has ended up quite a funny way. He said, any small group of close mates can have the same experience, although clearly not four mates. Am I right? All right, you're that.

Keep up the work of goodness, Jed. Now, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, let's hear it, let's hear it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you. So Jed's name is Jed Leicester. Oh! What a fantastic name. Wow. Jed Leicester.

Gerb Leicester, yes. I feel like, let's move on. Who knows if this is going to take off, but let's move on from times you've nearly died whilst listening to puppies. And do you know or do you have, do you know anyone or do you yourself have a name that sounds like a food?

So we're talking about, like is there somebody called Keith Lorraine? Is there a Keith Lorraine out there? Listening to this podcast, please do get in touch. And the way to do that is papysflatshareatgmail.com. And if you'd like to send us a beef, thank you to everyone who sent in beefs recently. Send us it to beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com.

But most of all, have a lovely time. Enjoy yourselves and each other. Remember that you're not going to get any power until you join that Patreon. And we'll see you all very soon. This episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone.

Bye! by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Bye!