Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Flume of Distrust) S09E11

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Pappy's party, compare jungle and Bromley, and pitch a new reality TV showPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSee us live 19th June, The Phoenix - https://www.seetickets.com/event/pappy-s-flatshare-slamdown/the-phoenix-london/138725130th August, End of the Road Festival - https://endoftheroadfestival.com/8th September, London Podcast Festival - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/london-podcast-festival/Produced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes! Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free them at in not for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Oh! Listen to the deer! Stay low to the ground. Listen. Quick. Gather in. I'm Tom. I'm Matthew. I'm Ben. Listen to the deer, stay low to the ground. Listen, quick, gather in. I'm Tom.

I'm Matthew. I'm Ben. And listen, the danger's passed. Oh, thank goodness for that. What a bit of fun. Good to know. Yes, so here we are. It's puppies.

We're in your air canal. Where? We are pleased to announce. The danger has passed. Oh, danger has passed, guys. Yes. So we saw the engineer wig. That's it. We saw it. Danger. That's our job.

We patrol the ear canal fighting earwigs. Tom's in the left, me and Matthew in the right. You've banished me to the other ear, of course. Yeah, of course. We can see you, though. Can you smell me? Always. You can always smell you.

You smell very waxy. Just too much time in the ear canal, basically. This is like the matrix where these podcasting pioneers and we fight these airwigs who come along every so often, then we have to stop broadcasting. I don't think I've seen the same matrix as you. I also don't think we're podcasting pioneers. Oh, I mean, just something I'm trying to get going. I know you've been saying this quite a lot to people in, in, in, in, were strangers,

mainly. We invented the podcasting, right? Not exactly. No. But we are currently suing a lot of people who have podcasts claiming that they do. Right. Yes. Bold. Well, troll. Anyway, listen to it. Listen up. Your ear canal is danger free. The earwigs have gone to bed and we are here with another house meeting. Hurray.oray! This earwig thing's really thrown you, hasn't it? Yeah, I'm really confused by it. But welcome to the show. Okay, well welcome to the show. And we're ready to whip crack a while.

Yes, let's get cracking. How did this one begin? This started with a chat about parties, was it? Absolutely, you know we love to party. Everybody does. Should we set the heat to be 10? Why on earth am I always waiting? Who went my bed while I was sleeping What's the point does life have a meeting? Welcome guys. Oh

The pod masters here nobody expected Clarkie to come in with a welcome guys. Welcome, there's all to our own podcast. Welcome. Welcome to my flat. That's what I'm in. Oh, that's true. Oh, yeah. This is a rare, well, I mean, our flat,

because of course, we all do actually live. Yeah, as you say, we're going to come clean about recording in Clarkie's flat. Well, we just call each other's rooms our own flats. Right, right. I mean, that's more complicated than it needs to be. I think it's fair. So thank you very much for having us round your flats

to record the podcast Clarke. You're very welcome, guys. Help yourself to furniture. So nice photo frames around. There you are. If you want them. Do you do dinner parties? Um, not really.

Do you do dinner parties? Yeah. But you're not coming around. This is what I was aiming for. Yeah. I do do dinner parties, actually. Thank you very much. Are you good at dinner parties?

I'm okay at dinner parties. Yeah. I'm a sort of reasonable cook. I think I can cook okay, which I think is part of it. I've got board games, you know, we'd like to play a board game after a board game. A board game's part of dinner parties.

Yeah, we'll play like Linky or something like that. Okay. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, we had you twice over for Christmas, but that was more... That was a dinner party, wasn't it? Buffay wasn't it? Yeah, it was a ridiculous amount of buffet. That was a Christmas party.

I think that's a separate thing. We were having drinks, we were wandering around and you know, singing carols, but it doesn't count as a dinner party. We're at a dinner party age, right? We've gone through to the dinner party age. Well, it should be in a dinner party podcast. Should I put on the birthday it's the birthday girls me.

The, yeah, I don't know if that's what they do. The, the problem is as well, it's 9.30 in the morning. Yeah. So that's not ideal. Is it for a, for a, for a dinner party? What are the, what are the ages of parties? So here we go, Tommy. If the question is though, if you're not being invited to dinner parties, yeah, then you're not in the dinner party age.

That I think I think it's just a popular person. It could be, it's a little from Colomay, a little from Colombe. I think I don't, I don't think it's ever a certain age because there are some people, you know, much younger than you in no offense who are already doing dinner parties. Really?

Yeah. The kids are onto dinner parties. What do I mean, crossbees doing them? And they're just a similar age to us. That's true. I've been doing them. So it's more about constitution. As in, like, can you stomach it in a Yeah, it's more about constitution.

I think I think people look at you and they think party, party. Yeah, not dinner party. I'm still house party. That's where I'm at, right? I'm still house, I'm in the house party era. Well, what was the last house party. That's where I'm at, right? I'm still house party. I'm in the house party era. What was the last house party you invited to? You're gonna throw it ask. Yeah, because here's the, here's the thing. I think despite the fact that your name, your surname, very close to party. On auto correct. It's always party. Yeah. But good reason. Birthday? Go on, What's the good reason? That I party all the time. Well, yeah, but here's the thing you just you can't tell me which part of what's the last part you went to?

No, I can't I don't know I don't I don't if like I think I'm just at an age now where Like house parties used to be like major events sure now that's the way of life major events. Sure. Now that's the way of life. Do you want to I mean? Oh, so you just go to them but you forget all about always be partying, always be partying. First, they say anytime you're in your house, you're at your house party. Is that what you're saying? Your house, your house is a permanent party. And how does that manifest itself? I'm sick. I think you just might be ill. I think you might just have an illness.

Put just the hell-gold problem. Yeah. I don't think you can ever say this is a certain age. I'll hold on then. So hold on though. There's got to be a requisite amount of people for a party. You can't have two people and go, this is party. No, no, no, I didn't say number. I said age. I said, I don't think it's about, I don't think it's an age thing. Is it the age you are determines what party you're at. You can't have a house party until you're, you're going to say something like 17. No, Go on, what do you want to say? Like 14. 14. So that-

Oh, okay, so it's, that's parents being away, isn't it? Yeah. So as soon as your parents are away. It's a house party. And then when does a house party end in your estimation? When you start serving food. Yes, no, but I mean, when does the, then it becomes a gathering or a dinner party. But then the stage is where you have birthday party first.

And your life is... When you're a kid, your life was full of birthday parties. Oh yeah. Every other weekend, you can't have a birthday party. Yeah. Then it becomes house parties. Yeah. Every other weekend.

Can't move for house parties. Okay. Now at some point, house parties become gatherings. And then gatherings graduate to dinner parties. Okay. Now at some point, house parties become gatherings and then gatherings graduate to dinner parties. Okay. And we always thought like a gathering was the kind of hinterland between kind of just hanging out and actually doing something. We have an house party because I've had gatherings that I've sweared that have turned in the house. Yes. That's true. You can do that. And is that a number of people? Is that a number of people and I think the kind of the nature of the party when it gets

more raucous? The big pong comes out suddenly. So it's an out party? Yes, that's true. That's very true. You also go through the other stage, which is lots of weddings. In the same way you would have had birthday parties on the weekends, now your friends get married, go to a load of weddings. The other thing that's starting to happen now is you're going to other people's children's

birthday parties. That's happening for me. It comes back around. You're back into the birthday party circuit. You're back into the birthday party circuit. What's happening now is I've been to a few of my friends have just had babies. And so I've been to a few first birthday parties

in the last year or so. Did the parents all get a lash up? No. Why would the parents get a lash up? It's a no-sync that right. You've got a one-year-old requires a lot of work, right? You can't get a lash up. You can't play beer pong with a toddler.

Yeah, but while they're playing on their mats or whatever. Stick them on their mats, get a lash up. Yeah, but the second... The second day, I wouldn't say man may as a documentary on good pair in six months. Go open a couple of boxes of fags and let's have a birthday party. Yes, I'll leave. I think, no, you have to, once the kids

are stopped playing on the mat, you don't want to be lash up, mate. So you're your background on the hat on the birthday party scene? Yes. And then when your kids get older, will you be background on the house party scene as well? I don't think so.

No, you're the thing, and that's why I was thinking. You then become part of the shaperone scene and then you become out of it completely. The chaperone scene sounds like a good name for a band by, doesn't it? Nice, it sounds a bit creepy. It makes it look like sitcom maybe. The chaperone scene.

The chaperone scene. Just kind of waiting for your kids outside. Who would drive her to places? I am. You never see the kids. It's just the parents chatting or you picking them up from a club or whatever. That's not a bad idea. You see the parents, you see the kids grow up, but you only see it through the parents waiting for them places. But that doesn't happen, doesn't it? Like you don't get like a school gate see that side of the door just.

Like I'd like that. Well that you've probably, like you can maybe have like a couple waiting maybe or just have someone on the phone if you set a mr Sizzle like that's the love of a hampton very good. Yeah, what was the mr Alright, so that's where you had your hard dog just and it and the mr By the way you dochester when I think of the doorchester. I'm thinking the doorchester in London I was thinking what kind of a swanky upbringing did you have? Your your teenage club was called the door chest. Yeah, and it was... Wow, wait, that had delusions of grandeur, isn't it? It was very much the opposite, it was very grotty.

Carped it throughout. Oh, yes. Before the smoking ban. So it smells... I'm going around, maybe. So it took you a long time to sort of get from one side of the room to the other, just because of the tack, the floor, the stick to it. Yeah, renowned for its sticky carpets.

And that is true, right? What happens just thinking about the back to the party route, the party route is you have house party scene, you have a big house party scene, but then night out kicks in, right? Yes. And then suddenly house party scene really lame. It's all about night out. And then house party comes back around because you don't want to go out anymore and you're back on the house party scene just before dinner party.

You often correspond with you getting your own place. I think there's that thing of, so there'd be a period when you're living with your parents, they might occasionally let you have a house party, they might go away, you might have a house party against their, without them knowing, but the clocky house party. The clocky house party, yeah. But then, sorry, none of that. The Clarkie House party, yeah. But then, I'm sorry, not on the note. Yeah, apologies to Alan and Louise.

Alan, it's fun, they'll never listen. Imagine if they were right here, now on my canoe, and they were just like, no worries, and they're all along. What people don't know is that Clarkie's parents come to every recording. Yeah, well, I say my flat, I mean, I still don't know.

That's the least it. We can, we can, I still don't know. How's eating? What's the worst thing you've considered eating? How's eating? So then after that you start going out, because you want to be away from the parents, and then you move into your own place, you know, maybe that's at uni, or maybe that's just your own place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then finally you can go, hey, everyone back to mine.

Everyone back to mine, have we got booze? After pie. That's the thing. Have we got booze back at our, what have we got back at our house? And then you end up, it's four in the morning, and you drink in red wine out of a mug. Yes. And you think, why am I up?

Yeah, yeah. Why am I awake? I can't wait till the age of dinner parties. I can't wait till the age of first birthday parties I can't wait till the age of first birthday parties when they're over by 4 p.m. And loving. Then it's triathlon's. Yeah.

Then it's tough muddocks. Oh, look at those tough muddocks, fucking pelotons. What's that? What's a peloton? Peloton is when you're... That bird with a big beak. LAUGHTER

Yeah, you go hunting. No, you biking, when you're doing a bike club, and the peloton's the group of bikes, isn't it, in a race? That's what it is. I didn't know that. That's a great word. Peloton.

Yeah, so you form a peloton and out you go into the light. Should we do a peloton? I don't think I can. Good. Do you reckon we could do this on a trender? Yes, yes. We could get the, yeah, the quite higher trender. Do you remember that?

We tried to hire a trender to go over the golden gate bridge. One time we were in San Francisco. One life privilege. We've had a wonderful, we've come so close to doing so many things that we didn't actually do. Yeah, well they wouldn't let us, but they wouldn't let us. They said that sort of for display. And we were like, it would be so funny to go on a trandom all over the Golden Gate Bridge.

And then it turns out we struggled on bikes. Yes, huge. Golden Gate Bridge is long and San Francisco is a hilly motherfucker, isn't it? You've got a hit first. Yes, San Francisco guys got a lot of hills. Golden Gate Bridge, really, really long. Welcome to the podcast.

Send us another city. Well, digest it for you in 20 seconds. Paris, the people are rude, the roofs on fire. Oh, mate. Seems about right. Give me another one. New York starts bread in the news. I'll pick it. I thought I was better at this game than I am. Well, let's do it. Well, the Hampton. We know about the Dorchester, we know about Mr. Sizzle. Get to the Dorch, mate. Dorch closed. Oh, did the Dorch closed? Dorch closed. Yeah, we have a short run of the Dorch, really. There's only a few months before a shot, I reckon, a year tops, right? The silence. He's giving you, he's really giving you the old shoe face here. He's absolutely, there's Paris.

On the door, turn, turn into the beach. It's just condensed years of my life there. How long did you think it was? I was two years. Two years. I think it was one year. And you go. So, but then I think you started going before I did, so maybe that's why. So maybe a team, what, listen to the deal?

You were the door-chester with us, and he- I saw that this. I think, cracking chat. I think the way we can resolve it, I don't want to stray into beef brother, sorry, here, but it feels like we have to. Clark, what it sounds like, mate, go on. Clark, what it sounds like, mate, go on. Clarky, what it sounds like is that

you're both right, because by your very point, Tom started going first. So, maybe he was going for a, let's say, about 12 months, then he says, Clarky, I've got to get you into the door, mate. And then you start going, and then they go, this place has really gone down here, we've got to close this place. Clarkie's shown up. Is that what happens? Or maybe they just told me it shut down. Oh, it's burnt to the ground, mate. Sorry. It's not there anymore. You're there throwing a house party,

no one chose that. Not even a gathering. Another house party for one. That's all the hamper, bro. No longer than not a city, but the largest of the 32 London boroughs, but no one thinks it's London. That's pretty much Romney.

That's it in a nutshell. The largest of the boroughs, but if you say, I'll which part of London you from? Romney, well that's not really. Come on you. I say, yeah, this is southeast London. What's your postcode? BR1, there we go, fair enough mate.

Fair enough. Kent won't have us, London won't have us. We are the Midlands of London. I like that. That's why I get on with you guys because we're people who are out of our out of sorts geographically. We're living a place that no one is willing to take ownership of above the people who actually live in it. What does Bromley bring to the table? It's size. HG Wells. Oh hello. Hello. Hello, G Wells. Science fiction. The birth of science fiction. Bromley. The birth of science

fiction, there was for a long time there was a big mural of HG Wells trotting along the punch carton of HG Wells with the tripods behind him. Oh wow. Yeah. And then they got rid of it. They got rid of it. They didn't like it. Didn't like it. It was an eye-saw. David Barry? Well, yes, sort of. He was certainly kicking about. And also, the birth of Jungle Music as well. Jungle. So, Bromley and Jungle is massive. Bromley and Jungle is massive. And when David Barry...

Sorry, it came from... Yeah, they just nipped off the Bromley and Jungle is massive and when David Bowie came from. David, they just nipped off the Bromley and at the top when they were once jungle really kicked off though. Well, maybe that's what jungle is massive is all about. Because it's all over Bromley. That's true. Bromley's huge. Could it ever be Jungle is the largest of the 32 London Marathon? We've left Boothy, but it's good. They went with that first. Can we record a jungle song? Clarke, what are your LTJ book and styles skills? I mean, I think he was technically drum and bass, but are you a jungler?

Could you jungle? A part of jungle is the... That bit isn't there. A lot of the high bits in there. Oh, what? I don't even know. Jungle is massive. Like that kind of thing. I'm done. John Kelly's massive, like that kind of thing.

I'm back to my chimp again. But there is that certainly like a wiki, wiki, jamming in the style. There's a lot of that. I feel like he's lacking in other dancers. Quite a lot of quite intense drum beats as well. Yeah. It wasn't just your classic Bunch, Bunch, Bunch. It wasn't an adjunct like that.

That is your absolute classic. That's dance music. Bunch, Bunch, Bunch. I said a hip, a hop. A hip to the hip. It's a heated one. Yeah. It's a lot more frantic in the jungle.

Yeah, it's what Bunch, Bunch, Bunch, Bunch. Yeah, there we go. Bunch, Bunch, Bunch, Bunch. Bunch, Bunch, Bunch, Bunch. Bunch, Bunch, Bunch,. Well, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, We interviewed him after a five a side football game didn't we? So what have you been up to David? A goals in Bronle. I've been kicking about me. So how long did you have Barry for?

Not long enough. Well, I think you went to, I think you went to Bromley Technical College. Now for years I thought moving through Market Square was referring to Bromley Market Square in the song Five Years but I don't think it is. I think it's like Bedford or... Did you used to move through Market Square listening to that thinking? Of course I did. In UDB. Yeah, of course I did.

Oh that's great. There's now a really bad painting of him by the Luz in the Glades. I look forward to them painting over that. Yeah, as soon as they really... A little bit of history, just... Who's this guy? Hanef Kureshi wrote the Buddha of Suburbia kind of about Bromley Beckham, that kind of area.

What else? What are the other Charles Darwin lived there for a bit? There we go! Darwin is bringing all the main players. I don't know any of this for Wolverhampton. Slade, cut him around. Oh yes. First time you've tried cut him around. She's

a lovely writer. Why would you do such a thing? Sure, she said to slightly dodgy stuff about the LGBT community, but that's not a reason to murder her. Who, apart from Slade, because obviously the Slade rooms, that's where we've played with. Don't say apart from Slade, list all four members of Slade, because we're gonna need... Can we do this now? Noddy Holders from Wolverhampton. Noddy Holders.

Dave Hill from Wolverhampton. The drummer of Slade, there we go. It's drummer. The bass player. The bass player. The bass player from Slade is from Wolverhampton. All of those people are from Wolverhampton. Who else at the top, there must be other.

Jasper Carrot, he as he brum? Birmingham. He's Birmingham unfortunately. Larry Lake District. He's died. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, They always are. They always are. They always are. Could you please commission Lenny and the Lakes? It's about time Lenny Henry was very belongs the Lake District boating around, looking at some foliage and doing his impression of David Bellamy.

It must be a funny old gig those shows. Because obviously when you're on the crew, you're the same guy on Lenny and the Lakes. And on the first fingers crossed Fingers crossed one day. We all will be. That's your life, isn't it? It's like, you think about like, I don't know, what's the name of, you know, like,

Portillo on Trains, whatever it is. On the first day, you got up to the catering table. And like, you're vying for the same class on. I think the catering table is probably on Portillo on Trains, the buffet car. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah probably on ported on trains, the buffet car. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They've got a table. Someone's not doing their job because they've stood by a table and the train's let's. And with Lenny on the lakes, it's like, you just have to lean out the window and grab a picture and do it. Or whatever. Sure.

I think more likely Lenny on the lakes they might have a unit base where they've got a little bit of catering, yeah. So they arrive at the unit base. Day one, you go and say, you're really painting a picture. Yeah, you must like, and even put it on trains, it's like, it's before they've started filming, it's kind of like the planning meeting, get the crew in, let's get it all sorted. We've put on a spread. It's not a dinner pie. It's a gathering.

It's a TV record, guys. It's not a party-by buffet. It's not the Clark and Christmas buffet. Sure. Famously free buffet. It's just the one you say. Sometimes panic with a buffet. You're like, it's finger food. Is this going to work? How many fingers we've got on the space?

Yeah. Well, they've cut their cloth according to the budget. Sure. There's a tray of panor-shockler. OK, yeah. Whereas Portilla quips, Treyon O'Chocolate and everyone goes, oh God, this is gonna be a long series. You know what I mean? Treyon O'Chocolate works better written down so

hats off to you for saying it out loud. And that's the way Portilla works. So you're in the room. Don't shoot the messenger. So you say, that's what I'm saying. He's you're in the room and Portilla says, oh thanks for the panor chocolate. Oh should I say Treyon O'Chocolate and Putsilo says, oh, thanks for the panor-shockler. I was sure I say, try and know chocolate, and you kind of think to yourself, that doesn't really work. And then you both reach for the final quasson, and there's like a turga on the quasson,

and he kind of eyeballs you and takes it. It's a big move. Oh, so he's a big player, he's a status player. So he's not gonna lay the in the Trump, where you just start eating either end. So you're telling me,'s not a different pro. We'll get round that in a minute. Great.

Which with Michael Wartill, very sexy. Where you fall in love with Michael Wartill, but you're also working on a show. That's different. Okay. He's only eating a train of chocolate. No, he's quicked about the train of chocolate. He's quicked about the train of chocolate, but gone for the cross-hunts. Yeah.

The King's cross-hunts and pancreas. Here we go. He's put the train on a chocolate bar but gone for the cross-hands. Yeah. The King's cross-hands and pancreas. Here we go. He's already lining that up. He's already lining that up. In fact, that's the whole sit. So that's the seat right? You've arrived. You're the new sound guy.

I'm putting it on trains. The first thing you're hearing is the sound. All right. Where'd you want this boom, Mike, guys? All right, that's put that down. Thanks for the train on a chocolate, everyone. You know, like Panna's chocolate. And then you knit for the cross-hands. And then he eyeballs you. There's like trainer, Shokkala, everyone. You know, like Panna Shokkala, and then you knit filikwasa, you get it, it's filikwasa.

And then he eyeballs you. There's like a tug on the quassad. Okay, yeah, yeah. Pulls the quassad away, it says. King's quassad, some pancreas, anyone, and then takes a big bite. So by anyone, he means me. And you know you're working on this show.

Right, for six months. Yeah. You have to follow him all over Europe. We're doing the trans Siberia. He's giving me the immediate months. Yeah. You have to follow him all over Europe. We're doing the Trans-Cyberians. He's giving me the immediate asshole. Yeah. That's a... And you're just there, aren't you?

Listening to Portillo? Yeah. Trying to think of a pun for muffins. Constantly trying to top him. Yeah. If on Lenny of the Lakes, you have to follow Lenny into the toilet after he's done a real big one. Into the Honeywagon.

What? They call it the toilet on a set of Honeywagon. Do they? Yeah. We clearly haven't spent a lot of time on set, far right? Because we discussed this at his dinner parties with people who spent time on set. My last dinner party was, and this is going to embarrass you, it was Portillo and Lenny. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. We were doing a fraction of my sin men. Yes. No, that is bold casting. Happy to do it, guys. Happy to do some bold casting. I was playing the, I was playing what's the name. Is it Candy, the...

The nice, obviously. I could play one that little rabbit, actually. Yeah, bring it to life. And then Lenny breaks my neck. Oh, bloody hell. I'm not a bloody hell. He's classic, classic dinner part. Because you know Lenny, he will go method.

LAUGHTER You're the third rabbit this week. LAUGHTER But he's had two shows in a minute, and eh? God, imagine that. You cast Lenny in Moise of Men, and he insists on killing the rabbit. He insists on killing the rabbit.

You've already sold all your tickets. Do you then continue? I think you simply can't, can you? Because you're gonna have Peter outside every time. Not Peter. Peter Rabbit. Not Peter Mandleton. Well, he was there.

He was one beyond botillo for the part. You're going to have Peter, the animal rights activist, go, well, every time they kill a rabbit on stage, that can't be. That can't be it, can it? They wouldn't have to know. They wouldn't have to know. Lenny takes you to one side and says, listen, don't go in there,

give it five minutes. Just give the honeywagon five. But also, I'm gonna kill it on stage every night, make it look real. People think it's some kind of genius kind of prop. Put it this way, did you? Well, I think it's a genius prop. Yeah, like when you saw the old,

what was the Sam Mendes boy? The guy with the goose? The boy? There's a goose, wasn't there? A live goose and then a dead goose. In the ferry man. In the ferry man. Yeah, but they took the goose away.

And brought back a dead goose. No, no, no, no, they took the goose away, killed it, and brought it back. But you assumed it was a clever prop. That's the genius of Mendes. Why do you want to kill an animal on stage? Exactly. That's what we're saying to Lenny. He's got a good point. I mean

It's a good point. It's hard Peter. It's hard to be a bad guy to that one. Why would you want to kill an animal stage exactly? I'll tell you what you've painted me into a corner there. So I guess I now have to go and kill an animal Um ever killed an animal, Perry. That's a very strong question Clarkie No than animal parry? That's a very strong question. Clarkey? No. No, we had we had chickens for a short amount of time and they did one of them got killed by a fox and they kind of said that you're probably best off kind of getting rid of them killing an eat in the other one because it's a bit traumatised it won't be able to go to a farm anyway. Oh no! We couldn't do it. Couldn't do it.

And was it okay? It was in the end, Jeremy Founs, we found someone who'd take it. Oh my god, I don't know what I was expecting from me. I don't know what I was expecting the question, have you killed an animal? People are like, but you know what, I wasn't expecting that. Never done it, never done it, but the opportunity was there. That's what I'm saying. Could have done. So that's my, could you ever have killed a mouse?

No, I've never killed a mouse. I've had mouse dealt with, and I feel bad about it, but. Hitman. Yeah. We've got a mouse hitman. Shot the fuck out of my flat. The wolf and the mouse.

Was he Lenny? The mouse never come back. What I realize now is now I've got a cat, the mice just out of my flat. The wolf and the mouse. Was he learning? The mouse never come back. What I realize now is now I've got a cat, the mice just don't really bother you anymore. Because they smell the cat and that's it. But no, I've never killed a never killed animal. But I tell you what, I would love to move the conversation somewhere else.

Is that okay? And you know what, I hold my hands up. One hundred percent my fault. But sometimes when you're just riffing away, you're coming up with new stuff to talk about, you think, here's an avenue we haven't explored before, on our podcast, you can have your kids. We're all snuffling for truffles, aren't we?

Anyway, speak to me. You can't kill the pitch. LAUGHTER How sweet it! How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat?

How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat?

How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat?

How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? How do they make bread no wheat? I love that. Poor things. In some like theaters, December 15th. Let's move to the conversation, because I've got another question I wanted to ask you. Have you ever killed a person? Have you ever killed a child? What are you sure that? Scrosby. Have you ever had a gathering gone wrong where you need to dispose of a body? It happens. It has happened before.

It will happen again. Because, of course, famously, It happens. It has happened before. It will happen again. Because of course, famously, a lot of dinner parties end in murder, which is, that's where the game Cluello comes from. What do you think that would be like a good reality TV show where it's like, you present three minus celebrities with bodies, human bodies. Like people would have donated to, so I don't look, so like, you know what you don't look what?

You know, you don't make, I don't find the idea of showing Russell Grant a corpse. Sorry, sorry mate. Sorry, I'm too sensitive. Sorry for my blindness. No, that is an audience. That look was the look of an audience turning on their tellies, going, oh my God, am I going to watch this?

My heart is going 10 to the desk. I mean, that is what I want when you look at on the front of the radio times. Instead of donating your body to science. That's not going on the front of the radio. Listen, instead of donating your body to science, you donate it to entertainment. Okay. A bit like the body world exhibition.

Exactly that. The guy who plasticized all those bodies And I bet you're gonna get lots of people who are good now, you know, there's people who are gonna want their 15 minutes of fame after They're dead. Yeah, so like part of the show is you profile who they were Oh my god, no, I'm not sure about that. No, anyway, I think if you're gonna have okay So what's the what's the background of this story? We've got, so we've got our three celebrities. We've got Rusty Lee, he shows up. We've got Lenny Henry, we've got Michael Portillo.

Oh, okay. Rick Stein. Rick Stein's show. And Rusty Lee's been friends with him. And Rusty Lee and Russell Grant. So we've got actually quite a lot of celebs. Two men. Possibly two men.

We could pair them up. Rusty darling, Rusty. You're going to hate me for this, but you've been taken off pencil. I'm so sorry Rusty I'm so sorry. But I was on the front of the radio times. That's a great Rusty Lee impression I think I judged that just right. I would bet the one you could have done. I'm gonna say. I stand by that, Bakky on that one. Bakky on your Rusty Lee impression there mate. The I stand by that, a back key on that one. Back key on your Rusty Lee impression, there mate. The thing I would say is, these people

have consented to have their bodies on screen. Sure. It's like a donor car. Exactly right. One of the things you can put, are you facing the end? Do you want to be involved in exciting channel four? We're all in contact, that's it? We're all facing the end.

If you're a fan of fan of naked attraction, yeah, exactly. It's exactly sort of, you know, and like, what's it gonna be? Is it gonna be an autopsy? It's, no, it's gonna be like hunted, hunted. What's the best shallow grave? The whole whole whole whole whole.

Michael Portillo. This is real. Everyone walks into their blood. And there is a dead body. They have to dispose of the body. They don't know their own, it's a reality show. They don't know what they're on it. Well, that's quite a game.

You know, like that, it's crafted reality. So they're followed by a little mini camera guy. You got disposed of one of those. Right. Is it me? I thought I was working on sounds. Listen, you're short enough to work on the cameras. You put it in a little bit of that early doors.

Basically, you can fit in a shallow grave. It's all we care. Until we care. You line your back in a shallow grave, we throw some germs on top of you. Yeah, so it's hunted me to shallow grave. Five minus celebrities are given a corpse to dispose of who gets caught.

How do they go about it? Who gets caught? It's true crime. You think about true, yeah. Don't get caught. So it caught? It's true crime. You think about true? Yeah, don't get caught. So it is a working title. Sure. So it was going to be the title until I saw the look in your eye.

So, so then, you know, what are their methods? How do they do it? What's going on? It's good, fellas. It's shallow grave. It's hunted. You're watching Don't Get Caught. Don't Get Caught. You know what? It's a fantastic idea.

It, can we just ask, and I don't know the answer to this, what's the legality? You have a kill, then that number one. Have you ever killed? Guys, can I ask? It's just that. I mean to pray. Can I ask, have you ever fucked an animal? Oh well, funnier than that. It is a bit of a lie relief. Yes, an animal. Oh, well, fun. Nice, it is a bit of a lie, relief. Yes, a mouse. A mouse. Now, can I just ask, I don't know what the legality is.

Now, even if the person has given their consent for their body to be dealt with, however, you know, however, the producers see fit. Yes. What's the legal situation with just cardio corpse around? We can do Bernie stars. We can't a Bernie star. We can't Bernie star. What I'm thinking, are we able, you know, like,

so if you see Lenny Henry and he's trolling down the street and he's got a guy who looks a little bit loose he goes to in his wearing a pair of shades. Yeah. Well, that's all, this is all part of the fun. If he chooses to do that, someone's gonna call him in, he's gonna get caught off he got, it's hunted.

It's shallow grave. Which we can't a Bernie's is it where he comes alive every time he hears man-born music by that point they'd probably jump the shark I think the shot before the middle first one of the rarest is of a franchise jumping the shot before it began it's weekend at Bernice too is it we can at Bernice too yeah I mean that's the little twist that they were looking for isn't it back in the back great he's back in this time, he dances to Mambo Music. LAUGHTER

So, we've got... Oh, treat yourself. You've got to. You certainly must. You've got to. Certainly if we're going to pitch this show. So, you've got... You've got... And they're not famous people, the corpses. Well, I mean, that's another twist, but I don't think so. You can't have a sort of... Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith The celebrity don't get corpse. Celebrity don't get corpse. And with all the real people trying to get rid of the celebrities.

Yes. And they're all the celebrities who were in the first series. The test is. Who just could have been dealing with what I've done. Well, part of the contract of Don't Get corpse is you sign away a waiver that says, I'm going to be a contestant, I'm going to dispose of this body. But when I pass away, I have to be one of the bodies in Don't Get corpse.

OK. It's the circle of life. That's how we explain it to them. Elton John's the circle of life. That's how he explains it. Elton John's involved. He's side tracking it. I love it. So... LAUGHTER So the camera follows them around and who's after them?

The police? Our police. Our police? This sounds a little bit like vigilante. There's like hunting, isn't it? Right. So I mean, hunting, there's this whole, there's a team of the hunters and they're all on it. Sure.

The police are on the police now. The hunters are all on it. The hunters are on a good time. Sure. They're all on the gathering. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on.

They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. They're picked on. and then therefore, you know, it all works out. That's how you end a pitch meeting, you guys. You get into the deep water and then go and that's how it works out.

It works out. The great thing about that, no idea how he ended the sentence, but no one could tell. When he got to the end of the room. Yeah, so that's how it all works out. I bet Lenny's take Lenny will head to the likes, because he knows it so well. Of course, of course.

No, no, no, no. The stones in the pocket. You think he's hiding in plain sight? First place, everyone's going to look for Lenny. Lenny is. Well, I think of Lenny. Whenever I think of Lenny, which I often do, I think of a premier in the lake district. Yes, he's having the absolute time.

They're going to flip over that incredibly comfortable mattress. Yes. And they're going to find a corpse underneath it with Lenny Huddling next to the corpse for warmth Listen to dear. Where's the weirdest place you've ever seen Lenny Henry? Let us know. Yeah, where's the weirdest place to see the corpse? Have you ever killed a man Let us know Classic police thing

It's been a long con No classic police thing it's been a long con hasn't it? I've been posting since 2011 just to see if we can draw a few of these naughty faces out. We built up a web of trust with our listeners. Exactly. I don't think we have actually. It's a bit opposite. Knowing our listeners. A web of distrust.

That is the opposite. Or it, or, okay. Yeah. a web of distrust. That is the opposite. LAUGHTER Or, oh, yeah, OK. Is a shoot? Gone. What's the opposite of a web? A shoot? Why is it a shoot? What do you mean a shoot?

Well, a web, a shoot, CHUT. Oh, yeah, I know what it... Yeah, OK, it's like a funnel. Like a kind of... Is it a shoot? Like a tube? Is it a shoot a funnel? No, I didn't mean funnel, like a kind of like a tube. Is a tube to funnel? No, I didn't mean funnel, I meant tube. Like a, like a flume.

A flume, the flume of distrust. The flume of distrust. That's the opposite of the web of trust. That's very last. I tell you what, that could be the name of our celebrity hunters. The flume of distrust. They've got their corpse, they've got a 45 minute head start, but here comes the flume of distrust.

Down a flume. Yeah, that's the opening shot. Was that number music? Don't play, don't play that number music on the corpse. Yeah, that's the thing. This is Netflix. This is Netflix. We go over Channel 4, we go to Channel 4.

They're just in gentlemen, you're listening to Netflix. We go straight to Netflix. We go straight to Netflix. This is Netflix. We go over Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4.

We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4.

We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go to Channel 4. We go to Channel 4, we go It's a shocking bit of telly people getting their giblets out on the TV You know to be rated by other people. Yeah, and then you know that's my friend by the way works on Negative traction as a as a work on what you works on what position he works in but so if I say very small cameraman No, he works like he says the smelliest set you could ever hope to me Really is you what you don't want to be near their craft table. Oh, I get it.

Really, really smelly. But anyway, the reason Telli is going down the spout at the moment, down the flume, down the, down the, absolutely up the shoot. Up the shoot. Up the shoot, down the flume, and around the funnel. He's just everything. The reason it's going is because there's

no controversy anymore. There's no big headlight. There's nothing for the Daily Mail to get angry about, to get upset about, this is what we're giving them. We're giving them controversy. This is punk rock. You know what, I expect that when this comes on, someone's gonna kick in there,

tell you like when Bill Grundy interviewed the Sex Pistols. This is what it's gonna be like. Yes, you know what, I am absolutely all about it. I love it. People think we're just three nice lads. You know what, there's a dark side to us. There's a real flume of distrust to us. There's a real flume of distrust.

We've all killed animals. We've all killed animals. Sure we have. We'll kill one right now. That was a cricket. I just killed it. It's a killer. I just...

I just... I just saw his little face. I couldn't do it. Jumini, he knows! I just I just saw his little face I couldn't do it I genuinely think this is a I think this is a great idea. Yeah, this is what's gonna get us back We belong Netflix Netflix. This is gonna It's to shut down another channel. You know what we've not been on Netflix for a while No, it's a boy. I'll be on Netflix for a while I feel like Netflix if you're listening, which I know they are. They are, they're always on. Imagine if

it turned out Alan and Louise, Clarkies parents around Netflix. Oh my god, here we go. They're running in the other way. We can ask them. Let's get them in. No, I think this is it. Yeah. I like it. That's so much useful for you, Flea. That's me too. Whoa, well, there we go. Wow, we. That episode got went into some places, I don't think any of us can be proud of. No, it was dark, but it was fertile.

It was a bit messy. You know what, like the soil of a shallow grave. Oh, very much so. Strong stuff. Very strong stuff. We need a cup of tea after that. We need a cup of tea after that. Yes, but also we need you to leave some reviews for us You know what that was actually seamless tell us what else you think is dark and fertile

Look to the studio here listen in here Tell us what else you think is dark and fertile leave us five five stars, that will do. We've had some lovely reviews come down in the tube. Let's have a look, anyone want to read one of those out now? Yes, I've got one from Matthew Wood that said, six mangas out of seven deadly chairs. Thank you very much, Matthew Wood. Thanks mate. This one is from Pumel Horse.

It gives us five stars and says, tattoos you must all get. I promise I will never do ASMR on Mike ever again. Sorry about that. I'll make no promises. I'll never do it again. Absolutely disgusting. I can't promise.

Here's a story that has a real lovely twist at the end. I love this film. It's been in like Shamiland. Blambin, Blambin, and this one. Blambin. Crutchin, and... What happened? Crutch Drop, he said, damn. LAUGHTER I like it already.

I mean, Crutch Drop is my name. Is Crutch Drop your jungle name? It's my dance name. My jungle name. I'm trying to be a... You can do it, you can do it. I'm trying to be a language, I'm trying to be a language. He's speaking to your crutch.

Yeah, well, there you go. Crutch Drop. I've been a fan of this podcast for a long while. I was in the audience at the Phoenix, and please do come along to some of our live records. Absolutely, you're always welcome. Look at our twister to find out where we're playing live. For one recording with my then new girlfriend who is from Spain, who had broken her foot and was using crutches. We slowly made it down the stairs one step at a time. Then found a seat on the aisle so the crutches wouldn't get in anyone's way. As I was explaining to her what we were about to see, one crutch fell from the back of the seat to the floor. Before either of

us could reach to retrieve this crutch, a kindly gentleman came from nowhere to sweep it up and hand it back. Do you know who that was? I said, no, she replied. That was Tom Barry. We saw the show needless to say, she didn't follow a single word and hasn't listened to the podcast before or since. But it's a five stars from me. It's a five of you. Oh, thanks man. You're from Winham Hall.

Thanks very much Crutch Dropper. That is nice. Yeah, I think it is nice. So yes, leave us a review. And if you enjoy the podcast at the moment, please get on Patreon and show your support. We've had some beautiful Patreon support recently. It means we can keep on sticking out weekly content, which we're really enjoying doing

and stay tuned for the Patreon neighborhood roll call at the end of the show. This episode is produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team! Cheers everyone! Bye! Listen to dear. Remains seated and please stand. And salute for the Patreon neighborhood! What's wrong? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, time we would have your baby not kill you as a baby. We'd n nestle you to the bosom. There's nobody nicer. Adolf, no, there's nobody nicer.

Dylan Spicer. He's up to no good. It's Stephen Greenwood. Let's have a good clean fight, play fair. When you beat up Gordy McNair! Don't beat him. Try and be nice to our patrons. What you say in fam, it's James Abraham. Yes, I'd love a pint of cider.

It's Paul Bulmer. Yes! Yes, you live and you learn, unless you're that fuck wit, Tom Flaur. No! Tom, you got to be nice. Tom, please, Tom, you are one of our... You're gonna be nice to... Let's have a look at what... How much you doing, it's...

Yeah, we've got to be nice, Jimmy, so you're doing a lot of money. Listen, could've been nice to... Could've been nice to Tom Furn, Tom Furn. Come on, how much do you earn? Come on, up that page, Jimmy. LAUGHTER Renowned pervert, it's Sarah Beth Kilburn.

The room is a truth. He's not one gold, he's not one bronze, he's one silver, it's Jordan Elver. That classic arthole, Matthew Alcoll. Oh dear. Yes. He's very winsome, it's Bruce Simpson. Is that London calling? Well, it should be, because on the phone is Peter Baldwin. Sorry, he's done. Good. If there's any conservation, we all got nosebleeds during that one. We really like the way your bum sits. Will Tom sets? Oh nice. Whenever his dog fows the pavement, he's right there with a plastic bag and in his other hand a pooper scooper. It is of course Mr Tom Hooper. Ruth Vivils! It's true we do. I guess man, meavers, Ruth meavers. That concludes the neighborhood watch.

Patreon! Oh, cool! What do you mean Ruth Vivils? I'm an artist! I hate you all! I hate you all! I love the poor things. on Stop Bonkers' brilliance. I love that.

Poor things. You'd select theaters December 15th.