Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Gifts, Ideas & Physical Things) S9E9

Episode Date: May 27, 2019

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Pappy's workshop a new playPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareSee us live 6th June, Underbelly Southbank - http://www.underbellyfestival.com/whats-on/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-podcast19th June, The Phoenix - https://www.seetickets.com/event/pappy-s-flatshare-slamdown/the-phoenix-london/1387251Produced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, List the Deer! I'm Tom. I'm Matthew. I'm Ben. And here we are in your air canal, gripping the walls for dear life. We're fashion something out of wax. Yes, but luckily they're covering wax. So you can just run, jump. Oh, we're just we're just wedged into the wax within your air canal. That's a lovely mental

picture. Yes, it is. And whilst we're here, we're going to be having a bloody good time with you. Listen to dear on today of all days, today. Today. You press play. Today, the impressive play. Now today, it's a house meeting today here at Papi's flat chair. Tom Soutseh's there and, really really trouble. It's a trumpet noise and gurns at the same time. There's a reason this isn't a video podcast. It would upset too many people and also we're covered in wax. Oh yeah, it's good. So it's a house meeting and it was a really fun one today.

I really enjoyed it. It's an absolute bang out. Thank you for listening. If you're enjoying the new style of podcasts that we're doing, then please recommend them to your friends, your family or other Dear ones other people who are near and dear to you Give us a review on iTunes. Thank you everyone who's joined the Patreon so far Do stay tuned at the end for the Patreon neighborhood watch roll call where you'll hear your name if you've joined the Patreon

Yeah, I was about to salute again then salute as much as you liked on okay Well, saluting and and shouting I was about to salute again then. Salute as much as you liked on. OK! Well, saluting and shouting. And shouting. Those two things go hand in hand. Well, enjoy the house meeting. Listen, Adir, clocky, how do we start this? Oh, we started this with you.

Having a great idea. That's per... That sounds about right. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. about right. Why on earth am I always waiting? Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This haven't had me to. What's the point? Does life have a meaning? Has meaning. I come up with what I think is the best first lion of the play. Oh great. That's please. Now this reminds me of the character in Albert Camus, the plague, who devotes his entire

life to attempting to write the perfect first line to his book until he gets the plague. Until he dies, yes, spoiler alert. The idea he wants is that people will hear that line or read that line and say, hats off. That's his goal. That's his goal. Hats off. So if Clark and I... It's got a racist game.

We were in headphones, but we're not wearing hats. If Clark and I, let's see, having heard the first line, how high the hat's going to come off our head. Is that really what he wants? He wants people to read and go, hats off. This is more than that, this is tops off. Oh my god, okay. This is, I'm wearing a shirt. people are reading go hats off this is this is more than that this is tops off oh my god okay this is

I'm wearing a sh**. Lob your palitzer up on the on the stage mate. What is that? Imagine that's that I missed him. Imagine that's how they gave out like prizes. Give out awards. You'd be half way through the show it's only Thwack perier lands on the wands. Yes it's arrived. It would smash. It's broken. All it it. It's smashy. It will. There's the baffer. If the baffer hit you from a distance, especially if it was thrown from the royal box.

What a way to go. What a love that. Baffer. A baffer to the head from the queen. Smank. From the royal box. Smank. Smank.

She's got a hell of a, she's got a mean right arm. Sad to hear, Tom Perry was smang last night. After a performance of his new Edinburgh show, I got, I got absolutely smang last night. He got smang, the reviews are in, it's a smang. It's a smang, it's an absolute box office smang. Now hang on, that, to me sounds like it could have negative connotations as well. It's your word, man. Well, it's just about to start. No, that to me sounds like it could have negative connotations as well.

It's your word mate. That was just about to start. Don't turn on me. No, no, no, but don't shoot the message you're making. You got like, you got like, whoa. Avengers Endgame. No, in the messenger, don't shoot the book as repeating your stuff. Avengers Endgame's a real smanger.

Oh, no, but if you got, oh, it got absolutely smanged by the critic. It got smanged at the box office. a box office smang. Yeah, yeah Yeah, you know it's a Jess a with the yeah pungent Man, it's the Ang it's the Ang there can be good Ang But that's not one bank bang that's good box office bang anyway We don't don't... Don't let's get distracted because I might forget the brilliant first line for a play. You sure you don't want to write it down? No, I've written first line. Oh no!

He's written his play. Well, he's put in placeholders, first line, second line, character. It's kind of awful. I must see my play. Play. It's got a big wall, that's my idea. Oh no. Oh no. Hold on.

No, but hang on, that's a carry. It's not going to be a play of somebody right in a play as it goes, that's kind of awful. But, that's Christ. Hang on, Danny Kaufman. Listen, listen, you don't know that yet. Oh, well, I bet we do. Spoiler alert.

So you're in the audience. The lights go up. The character looks at. Wait, what? I thought the lights go down, stop. Oh, the audience lights go down. Then lights up on the stage. House lights down.

Trad. House lights down. Can I just ask Curtin' up? Curtin' up. Hats off. No, wait, no. Oh, I thought I'd like it. Don't try and trick us into an early,, hats off. No, wait, no. I'm still on the lag. Don't try and trick us into an early hats off, you smagger.

The character looks like the audience and says, we can just ask for a line. Just to set the scene as well, because it's very important to know who this character is. Is he a sort of aging bald fellow? No, it's actually a young girl. Oh, so play by me. Yeah, of course. I'm wearing a wig. It's a bald girl. No, stop. No, it's me. Oh, I'm losing it right. Don't let

me lose. Okay, is there really? I don't want to slow this down because I feel like we're taking a wedding nightly sales here. And maybe if you do just set it straight away, we might have got on board. But bear in mind, that's not the end. I've got like, we're killing the idea. You're gluing your head to your head. Yeah, but bear in that in mind. Any set?

Any set? Good question. We've got a young girl on stage. You ever heard the phrase chairs, the death of theater? I've heard you say it. Yeah, you say that. Well, there's seven chairs on stage. I'm going, yeah. That's right. There's seven chairs. Stick. I'm going. Yeah, that's right. There's seven chairs.

Stick that in your pipe. Seven deck. Critics. Seven. It's seven deadly chairs. That is not the name of the play. Could it be? I like it.

Seven deadly chairs. Which chair will kill? Oh, is that a better first line? Yeah. It's a little girl comes out on stage. Points to seven chairs and says which chair chair will kill? Smaeng! It's pure Smaeng! It's not the Hat to the Earth.

It's water wall Smaeng. Immediately I'm thinking, are we at Children's Party? Is this going to be a twist? Is it going to be a really ill-attended game of musical chairs? Where one of the chairs has been booed with trapped by a psychopathic parent. Oh, Jesus Christ! This bright itself! This is really this. What else do you play at Children's Party? by a psychopathic parent. Oh, Jesus Christ, this right itself.

This is really, this is, what else do you play at, John's parties, bumps? Wink murder, you give the bumps to somebody. Bumps is the game, you give people the bumps. Oh, musical statues, musical statues. So this psychopathic parent has fixed it so that you turn into a real statue. Wow, with a parents' magusa, liquid nitrogen.

Liquid nitrogen makes science's magusa. Sorry. Science is magusa. Do you remember when you were in a play? Jesus Christ, we should write stuff together. Jesus Christ, in science is magusa. Science is magusa, I've written that down. I don't know why.

Got something for everyone. Science is magusa, listen to that. I'm actually annotating. I'm making notes during this one. Yeah, it is real. We all release one. Note two or three? Oh, here's what we do. Here's what we do.

Idea. Ex-combatable. Listen to it, dear. You can, if you're knitting, if you leave a review on iTunes with your home address, one of you will receive this in response to. No one's giving out their home address. No, by the way, don't put your home, look,

look, I'm not gonna, Tom, please stop ruffling the paper. Can I just, a public service announcement? Please do not put your home address on an iTunes review. Okay, please. A PO box. If you've got a PO box, fine. But don't put your phone in there. I think you've got a PO box.

Why? Yeah, what are you up to? What's going on? Let's talk about PO boxes for a second. Oh, wait a second. Well, when you were a kid, you were always up to? What's going on? Let's talk about pure boxes for a second. Oh, wait a second. Well, when you were a kid, you were always posting things to pure boxes, right? Well, like, live and kicking, or something like that would have a big box.

I was exactly, I was mostly thinking about live and kicking. Well, like, the, um, the Dennis and May's fan club, I think, had a pure box. That kind of thing. So, who, who, who are, what are pure boxes? So, basically, it's a post office box. It's a post office box. It's a box, at a post office that you can go and collect your mail so you don't give out your address. Dear listener, we need you to set up a PEO box.

Are they free to set up? I don't think so. I think it probably costs a bit of money. I bet they did back in the day, but about these days. The post office are grateful for anyone showing up. I bet that, I bet the handing out PEO boxes. Should we go on? There's a podcast.

This is why you've never written a play. We could call it a podcast box. PO, yeah, the PO guest box. That's a one, that's a four that's three. The PO, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the one we're doing. Oh, I'm not sure actually, I want a job. We we reserve a POD cast box. Yeah. Listen to Dears send things to that POD box. Right. And every week indiscriminately, we read them out on air. Oh, no, I don't know about that. No, you're obsessed with you're obsessed with this idea of like letting other people into our world. Part of the reason for doing this podcast is to lock other people out.

It's the three of us in a room. We don't even let producer Emma in the same room as that. She's in an adjacent room. In a hole behind a bridge in London. We don't tell you that, listen to dear. Well, how is other people? It's good, it's good, it's really, really good. Thanks mate.

So. This is why I hang out with you because no one else thinks that's good. Clarke you didn't? No, I enjoyed it. Clarke you enjoyed it, but he didn't he didn't have a shit there Look listen to it. We we're not letting them into our world We're easing ourselves into the listener. Yeah, right like raw shark in there. We do know in the watchmen Yeah, you're stuck in I'm not stuck in here with you, you're stuck in here with us.

And that is our title. Confidently delivered. It's good. Okay, darling, I get it. Love your reading. Love it, very unusual. Maybe. I love the fact you put a question mark off the end.

If not, every sentence, every word. We'll look for. Rawshark's having to all reading the script because he's got that cloth over his face. So it's very hard to see the word. Hot the cloth I've loved, and let's hear it again. Okay? Now, we're in a place together.

Your stuck, I'm stuck. You're stuck in your stuck with me, and together we're both stuck with each other. Oh, that was the first line of my play. Oh! Oh, I'm not a chance to say it yet. Can I just say Clarky? A smang, yeah. Yes, thank you. Thank you. And also thank you for lobbying that award right into my skull while that was mid-septice. Shake you up. Toss the Tony up there mid-song. Toss it up there. You're singing away, you're giving it full bells, you hit the top

note. Bang, smang, the Tony Rives on stage. It's so nice. If I do, it would be fun. Sure, if it's a one-side and carry on, you know you've got it. Yeah. You know when you play the computer game, it goes, but it even ming ming ming. I've played a computer game. I've played a computer game in years. You were thinking of something?

You were thinking of something, the hedgehog, is it? Or something kind of, but it's ming ming. And you're like, go, wait, wait, wait, wait. Anything, do you think you're a crazy frog? That wasn't a good piece of game. You're like, all I'm thinking is, you receive the power up a rise on stage as you're going for it, so it's like...

You go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, Graveteesh! Brang! Oh, that's so... So, you try to do an octave change. Yeah. If it arrives on stage... What up? What up? You've got no idea about Adina Mentele.

I don't know if they shall word up. I'm tiny, though. Like, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, sure. It worked. So, what? ding, ding. Yeah, sure, it would. Now, so what, so you're on track for a Tony here, you believe, with this one lion, so we've got the up, the stage is bare except for seven chairs. Seven deadly chairs. Seven deadly chairs.

These chairs will kill. Crazy frogs sat in the middle of it. Or if I missed this. With an award net. With an award net. This shows a real award net. No, award net just sounds like a bad blog that refused shows at the Edinburgh Festival.

I got five stars in award net. Yeah, all right, mate. Yeah, we all did. Let's go on the party. Let's do it anyway. We're still waiting for the Guardian to come in. We're not on the Edinburgh Festival. I got five stars in a wardnet. Yeah, all right mate. We all did. Let's go to the party. Yeah, I'm still waiting for the Guardian to come in. Let's go with a wardnet, shall we? So anyway, you've got a young girl on stage already. People's hearts are broken.

I've seen this boring amount of her own. Yeah, I think that might, I think I'd said a young girl to kind of... To not make, basically make it directly autobiographical. Yes. Make it, like, right what you know. I think it should be someone, I think an old girl. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Yeah, an old girl. So I like... How old is old? It's a single to old boy. Is holding a hammer. Isn't it funny how young girl? No, not going to have this conversation with you because every time you say this, it always comes across as, well, let's say it's always a little bit misogynist and it's always seeing women as other.

No, go on. Let me finish because it applies to men as well. Young girl and young boy, that feels fine. Old girl, old boy. Very derogatory. They sound a bit like, alright old boy. You know, like old time, hours me old boy. He says he doesn't make a penis.

Oh, has me old boy, yeah, that's true, it does. Nothing derogatory about that. Come on old girl. That sounds like he talking to a dog. Old girl sounds like a dog, yeah. I mate with those old boys, well. I'm thinking of you talking to a guy who only think of Koreans in the movie.

A 60 year old East End lady in a pub. No, absolutely. End of conversation. Right. And shut it down, mate. Shut it down. Come and talk to some women and then come back and report

what it's like to talk to women, all right? And, okay, here we go. Okay, so there's an old girl on stage. Oh no. So you're a spite old girl here, you mean, she's here. A 60 year old woman from East End. And East End, next to, I think you've talked to yourself. I think in order to not lose an argument here,

you've ruined your own play, which would be well, I'm old enough. The perfect tragedy. It feels like what we've seen here is a microcosm of the problems with staging musicals in this day and age. Oh, it's a musical. I want that Tony, don't I?

I think Tony, can you get Tony for it? Is this first line of music? It's not musical. It's not musical. Okay. Again, stop trying to prove a point. Just tell us what your genius idea is. You've been in too many meetings

where they've gone, what we're really looking for is a big laugh at like Studio Sitcom and you just sort of tear up your mockumentary idea and go, well the thing about this is, it's a Studio Sitcom. Right. It's a little close to home. It's a little close to home, all of us. It's a glimpse beyond the battle to curtain. Um, so, lights up. Well, sorry, house lights down. Yes. Oh, I like your attention to the details of stage manager. House lights down. I thought you were co-drameter, can I have a

stage manager? It was always going to be the way these things end up. Slides down, curtain up. Stage lights up. An old girl sits on seven chairs. Oh. She's doing that. Oh no, sits on seven chairs. Oh! Oh no, she's doing that. Oh no, she's doing something.

She's precariously stacked on top. And she's like a pea under the floor. She's like an empire. An old girl sits on one of seven chairs. One of them is an empire's chair. Oh, which one she's having? The empire's chair. Oh, okay.

You paid for it, you know, as I use it. Best seat in the house, that's their opening line. Curtain down? Shmang. She's not there. She has to get down to deliver the line. Well, George Michael taught us that. You've got to get us to get down.

Yeah. So, yeah. Is this a George Michael? That's what I was referring to. It's not a George Michael Duke box musical. No, that's a different podcast. And by the way, check our PO box for that. Can we please have a PO?

Well, we're gonna have a best, yeah. What do you, why do you want a PO box? I've never had one before, but what are you expecting to receive? Gift. I'm not a problem. Gift ideas, like physical things. GIFT ideas, physical things.

That by the way sounds like a shop that's opened in Christopher Palace. That you know he's going to be closed in six months' time. GIFT ideas, physical things. We sound sour, dough bread. We also sell marbles. Everything costs £150. We've got pounds regardless of what it is Gifts I haven't seen it, but it sounds like a song from the new Mary Poppins film Gifts ideas, yes, where are you off to Mary Poppins? Oh just to the shop deers? What's a bite? Well, wouldn't you know I know how it's seen it but you've seen the first high off to the shop deers I know deers Wouldn't you know? I'll come back with gifts. Ideas.

Is that all Mary Poppings? No. And something else as well. What's that Mary Poppings? What's that Mary Poppings? Oh, by gifts. Ideas and physical things. Shmurng. So I don't know. So we're going to do the little lip power up and physical things We have it Physical things won the time date Absolutely snuck out from a day's Paris play

This man got right Oh wow They're a fatter in Schmack Schmack Schmack Schmack for stars Schmack for stars They're a Viewer in Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang

Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang Shmang Sh, I shmang. Six stars, I shmang. Six stars. Six shmangs. The war's in a game, it's six shmangs. If you are reviewing this podcast, do you remember?

It really is a six shmang podcast. It's definitely a six shmang podcast, which roughly translates to two stars. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. sort of, oh you. Early 90s kind of dance energy to it. Oh yeah. So you can hear that dance energy live

when Clarky throws it down on the sixth of June, which will be Clarky's birthday. Yes. I love loads of energy. Too much energy. He had extra ribina. So sixth of June at the Uddebelly South Bank do come along and see us.

Or the 90th of June at the Phoenix Cavendish Square, which is gonna be a very special episode, if you cannot tell you why, but it will be a very special episode to come on down. Yes, also, if you're enjoying these podcasts, then please support our Patreon. We can't do this without your support. You'll be up to ponderzonpatrion.com,

forward slash Pappy's Flatshare. There's a whole bunch of tears, if you wanna give a bit every month. Yeah, we'll make your cry, baby. But with love and joy, so please support the Patreon. Love and joy. Love and joy, David Bowie singles. So, we'll make your cry with love and joy.

So, please go to the Patreon and show your support. Yes, also you can find us on Twitter, on AppPappy's tweets and on Facebook. Oh, well, and also on Facebook, Zoe got in contact with us the other day and they've set up a Pappy's fan club, a little fan group. Great. So if you want to get on getting bored with that. Apparently it's very lovely and very friendly, it's just for people who want to chat about the podcast. It's never too late to be a fan of Pappy's. Absolutely right. Someone did actually contact me and said, do you want to be a fan of Pappy's. Absolutely right. I had that, I had someone did actually contact me and said, do you want to be a part of it?

I was like, I said that'd be a bit much. LAUGHTER Oh, and also Nick, on Patreon, he got in touch to say he's come up with a drinking game. Yes, please. I'm starting to know Pappy's drinking game. You have to slam a shot of tequila into your eyeball every time Ben says Jeepers Creepers. Note, keep a phone number of local medical services close to hand whilst listening to

flat-meeting episode one. I did say Jeepers Creepers quite a lot during that episode. I didn't know you said that. Well, Jeepers Creepers! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes! Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.

A woman planting her course to freedom at a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's a like theaters December 15th. ACAST powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boros, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly

deep dive into the wild, worrisome and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday, wherever you get your podcasts. HeyCast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcast everywhere. acast.com I'm loath to ask this now. Yes.

Well, I am loath to ask. But do you have an opening line to this play? Or do you just have as I assume a lot of bluster, a lot of spunk, a lot of piss and vinegar, and no actual ideas unless you've been to the shop and bought them along with the physical papers? This sounds like a review of Seven Deadly Chairs. If you thought 12 Andrew Members too much,

come and see seven deadly chairs. Okay, so, light's down, curtain up. Light's upon stage. Yes, that's right. The order's right. Well, apparently I'm having to do it now. Come on, stage manager. In fact, I'll leave it to Clarky to call this star of the show, off you go.

Okay. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, please turn off your mobile phones. Oh, he's doing the full announcement. Yes, it's great. OK. The performance of seven Deadly Chairs is about to start. Oh, I've heard this is a real Schmanger. Yeah, I've heard this.

Watch out for that first line. Oh, it's a real doozy. Wow. A doozy. A doozy in the Schmanger. A doozy in the Schmanger. This is from the author of a doozy in the shmanger. Really? Did you see that shot?

JD Salinger. I read. Oh, from the team that bought you a doozy in the shmanger. A doozy in the shmanger sounds like what an old East End woman is going to give her when you start chatting to her. That old girl came here real doozy in the shmanger. What, I'm called? I only called her an old East End woman is gonna give you when you start chatting to her. That old girl came here real douchey in the smagger. What, I called her, I only called her an old girl. You see, don't call my mum and old girl, I'll give you douchey in the smagger.

Or it sounds like you could be having a cheeky point you go. Fancy a douchey in the smagger. Oh, I like that. And then you walk in there's an old girl at the bar. Alright, forget the old girl. Right. Oh, fancy a couple of dou's in the shmanga. Should we open a pub, got the shmanga?

Oh, the shmanga. A podcast pub. A podcast pub. A podcast pub. It's a P-O box. It's a P-O box. We're a post-U-B-A. A jiffy bag full of a pint of beer.

You can decant into your own glass. This is great. Not a bad idea. Something for the Patreon. Something for the Patreon guys We will attempt to post you a point in a gif you back Let's not let that when that's not my promises. We can't deliver Emblinks people got delivered So Carry on claustrophobic. This was really yeah. Yeah, I'm team the boy you're doozy

The Tonya winning musical Hold on to your hats because you may be throwing them in the air in the next five seconds I'm sorry, could you just keep keep commentating on the okay? Just sorry keep calm on taking on the stage manager's lovely. Oh, I'm excited to start. Yeah, I'm actually trying to Review for awards net. Oh, you're with the wards with the wards net. So he wouldn't mind being quiet. Sorry. Sorry carry on stage Thanks awards net good to see you again awards. Can you take that top hat off because I really can't see you Over the top of it. Listen, I want to know if he's gonna be a hats off performance Yes, I know this is gonna be a shmanga. You'll be able to see the show

Okay, you've got an award under you I've got an award under the hat if I've got an award under the hat. If the first line is good, the hat comes off, the award goes, shrink! My name's Tony. You are the Tony. Tony. I have a Tony award in my bag.

If I like the first line, I'm planning to throw it at the stage. Okay, so I don't have a quick word of the stage manager. Yeah, I just think it's going to be a big one tonight. Tony Shaloop is in. Oh my God. Make it a goodie. The full Shaloop. The Tony Shaloop is in oh my god Make it a goody the full Shaloop the full Shaloop don't tell the cast don't freak him out that old girl getting her face Okay, is she up on the umpire's chair yet? How do you know so much about it? Bye, oh wait, it's Tony Shaloop the author of the play I was a I this is press night. I can't one of the previous okay Okay, I gave one note.

We write the first line. Okay, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, the house lights are coming now. Oh, he's doing it. He's going to bump me on. You know the stage runager used to work for an airline. You know the stage runager used to work for an airline. This theatre is now at 14 feet.

Oh, he's feet, this, I did forget to say that. The show is performed. Up at unpaid hair. Mid-air. Or 14 feet hardy mid-air. It's a very tall unpaid hair. Okay. Well, very reassuring as a stage manager.

Perfect. He's got a gorgeous tone to his voice. Thanks, guys. Another idea, dear listener. Yeah. A podcast that we record at Twilight to help get you to sleep. I think we're doing it. Oh.

OK. It's a stage manager. Schmack. Schmack. Well, I feel like I'm narrating what's happened. Don't, yeah. I'm sitting on the visuals. No, no, no.

You've really taken the job of stage manager to the... But ends degree. I don't know how not to do it now. Okay, just talk through what's happening. Okay, it's working well. The house lights come down. Yeah. The curtains have come up.

Stage lights up. Yeah, it's down I go. See, it's hard not to relate what you're doing. Can I just say, ah, down I go, is the first line of the play? No, no, no, that's an adlib. She's got to get down from the unposed chair. If you've written a killer first line, tell your cast not to add li. Okay, we've put the old girl up the unposed chair though.

I mean, that's, which is also, that was a mistake. That's a classical term. I tell you, I loved it. I actually loved it, but that first line, I tell you, I mean that's which is also that's a classic theatrical term I Tell you I loved it. I actually loved it. But that first line. I tell you they really put your girl up the I'm out yeah darling listen. I was doing Panto in Chitester. No captain hook act three They wanted me to come on in a bloody Segway I said the director you're really putting the old girl into the old pie's journey.

I'm really okay with that question. Would he listen? Would he? No, no, no, no. Would he listen? Would he listen to the director? You know, would he listen? Oh, yes, would he listen?

Terrible director. Terrible director. Did the archers for years? And directed them sometimes as well. Ah! Would he listen? do you listen? What do you listen? Okay.

So, so she's climbing down the chair. We were imagining she's on an unpause chair. She's climbing down the chair. Already I'm getting echoes of Beckett. Okay. Good. Yeah. The old ghost picked by Rod Beckett, right?

No, no, no. There's echoes flying around. Beckett, Beckett, Beckett, Beckett. Oh, what? Oh, what? Genuine echoes Rod Beckett, right? No, no, no. There is echoes flying around there. Pack it, pack it, pack it, pack it, pack it. Oh, great. Genuine echoes are back. Okay, pack it. Um, spotlight. The old girl steps forward and says,

Oh, I'm ready. Somewhere in this auditorium, is Andrew Scott into skies. Oh no! And he's gonna stand up and deliver the last line of act one. Okay. Is that the end of the line? Sorry, I got upset with you because you're clocky. Parry! Parry, that's not the line. Parry, that's what the buildup was for. We must've been talking for half an hour. I think it was too much of a buildup.

Yeah. We did kind of, as hype men, we were too good. I blame ourselves. Let's explore this as an idea. Let's workshop it because we we can't I mean does oh god If you're in your set in the national theater Which I often am and thank you and and that comes on step which he so often doesn't bless you for say says

Somewhere in the audience is Andrew Scott in disguise you have to to stop. You're making me blush, but yes. True, true, true. But do I blow my own trumpet about it? Never. You talking about the cafe at the National Theatre? Yes, I'm offering the cafe. I told you about who I saw in the cafe. Simon Russell Beale. So of course he's there.

Yes, I bet. SRB shows up. He's completed his loyalty card. Oh, I'm in trouble. He's completed his loyalty card. He announces it. I've completed my loyalty card. Oh, I'm in trouble. He's completed his loyalty card, he announces it. I've completed my loyalty card! Loved it. Beautiful.

For a moment. What a moment to witness. What a moment to witness. What a moment to repeat. Here's a good question then. What are the celebrity would you like to see? Complete a loyalty card. Well no, or enjoying a mundane moment.

So what's your favourite kind of mundane moment? Well, I saw Celia Emory. No way. Yes. In the John Lewis Cafe. Here we go. Here we go. Put a coffee.

I love a cafe. I love a cafe. The John Lewis Cafe. Celia Emory goes in. She puts a bagel onto toast. The bagel wedges over toast sets off the fire alarm. Is he making this up? No way mate.

Would I make that up? I mean, I'd be disappointed with my imagination if that's what I was making. No, two for two. Two for two. Cafe-based celebrity anecdotes. Celery, burnt a baguette. Celery, burnt a bagel.

Burnt a bagel in the John Lewis Cafe. Simon Russell will complete this loyalty card. Simon Russell will complete this loyalty card. All we need now. In Brody of the Lightning Lewis Cafe. Simon Russel Bill completed his loyalty card. Simon Russel Bill completed his loyalty card. Um... All we need now. In Brody of the Lightning Seeds, Itzoo, Holland Park. Oh God, the guy.

Had health and happiness. They're really dropping off. What you took away? In Brody. I mean, that's... He's had a bunch of number ones. Two... Twice with the same song.

Who else has had an unborn with the same song? Twice. Skinner and Medell. I didn't think the skinner would Medille actually did nothing for that. How's B.D? What's the worst thing you've considered eating? How's B.D? I feel like I'm trying to move away from the anticlimax of my first line here.

So what you've done, B.D. is you've realised that Andrew Scott very hot property at the moment of the back of playing sexy priest in Flea Bag. Every priest sexy. Every priest is sexy. That's the opening song of Sovne Deadly Jazz. It's getting pretty stunning. It is sexy. Good and close during the interval.

I feel like that's the way this is going to go. You know how shows close after opening night. I feel like this is going to close. This is one of the only shows. This is going to be a shmang free show. It closed at the interval, but it had one by that point the Tony and the Pulitzer prize. Oh, congratulations. It done all it set out to do. Think about it, right? You're putting Andrew Scott into the audience every night in a different disguise.

So what's the girl doing? Announcing. Yeah, I know, but what's the play? Like in terms of dramatic irony. What's the play? What's the play? Because it's just a parlor piece, isn't it? You're like, oh, they check it out. There's a celebrity in the room. Yeah. It's exactly it. And once the secret's out, which it will be, unless you're telling people go story style to keep the secret,'s the secret out everyone's keeping the secret everyone's keeping the secret the show's called keep the secret yeah it was called seven deadly chairs yeah sorry sorry seven deadly chairs so long

colon keep the secret yeah what was the opening ceremony of the Olympics save the surprise was it what's it called save the Olympics, saved the surprise? Was it? Was it called Save the Surprise? What was the surprise? The opening ceremony of the Olympics. Oh, as he boiled it loads of like... He did the rehearsal. The dress rehearsal, since then.

Yeah. The whole thing was like, save the surprise. Oh, okay, sorry. How did you say the surprise? Sorry. And what a surprise. It was a surprise. Oh, it was a banger.

I think we could officially say, the last time Britain was kind of on track. On the, yes. That's actually, I think the historians will look back and be like, that's the tipping point. That's kind of where we peaked. Yeah. We got cocky. It was all downhill from there.

And this is what happens when you get cocky. Which is why currently I am petitioning and do write it into my PO box for this. If you'd like to fill in the form. Should we get the PO box inside by side? I'm with, well, we should get three. But we've already got Graves side by side. I'll tell you what, I might pop into mine a bit. I might go, Clarke is going for a mid podcast in his own grave Anyway, I want to kill Danny Boyle That's my that's my decision at the moment. I feel like that if we murder Danny Boyle It will reunite the country what a funeral what a funeral scale Well, no, but he won't be ready to direct it

Somebody else will come in Richard Curtis will do it Curtis or Fudge it mate. Curtis is gonna Fudge it Curtis is gonna try and make it to sentimental Curtis has got all the songs from the Beatles movies and he's going to put them in it for no reason at all. Lovely reference. It's the film where the guy reinvents himself as the person who wrote all the Beatles songs. He wakes up after like a storm and he realises that no one remembers the beat. All the Beatles never existed but he knows the Beatles so he can sing all their songs and he gets to go on James Corden's show, so James Corden's in the beat, or the beat was never existed, but he knows the Beatles, so he can sing all their songs, and he gets to go on James Corden's show,

so James Corden's in the trailer, Ed Sheeran meets him, he gets to record a song with Ed Sheeran, so basically he gets to live all of our dreams. I pitched a similar film script, like two years ago. Yes. But with a much lower budget. That's right. It was about the band Gomez.

That's right. So there's a hard reign. Yeah. And the next day people wake up. That's the other reason why it wasn't put up. People wake up and they've forgotten about gomas. I mean, I think that's just today, isn't it? I walk into a pub. I'm humming Whippin Pickadilly. And I'll go's at the bar. I'll go's at the bar. I said, where are you singing, old dear? Come down off your chair and I'll tell you, she comes down off the unpacked chair.

I'll go, I've written a song, it's called Weeping Piccadilly, and then this old boy stands up, removes his flat cap, and white mustache. It's Andrew Scott. And he goes, go with I live and breathe That's a lot of fun I'm not lying One subana time Not too long ago It took a day out in Manchester Three shmangs out of five

And Walsnet were very cruel about the show They said it didn't really feature the seven deadly chairs It was like a go miss Jeep box It was like a go miss Jeep box The, but they don't pay for one song. Also, who are go-mas? Doesn't make any sense. Could that be the final line of the, could that be the final line, though, of the play?

Could it be him standing up and saying, I'm Andrew Scott, and this is the final line. Black. Yeah, that's where we work into it. Yes. But it's the end of that where we work into it. Yeah. Let's see under back more, no? Yeah. I was going to ask the actor, Andrew Scott.

That's why everyone leaves at the end of August. They have their intervals, they're like, well, I can't wait for that too. And they're like, no, no, that was it. LAUGHTER It's got people talking, actually. It's interesting. And to be fair, normally, right.

I'll have gone to the theatre. You do famously. But normally, you get to the interval and you're like, I'd be okay if that. I'd be okay to leave now. I think that's true actually because a lot of shows, they do a really big, like, oh, something's it'll be a big musical number

at the end of the first section. I like some big moment where you're like, why, if it ended there? Yes. I'm, I some big moment where you're like, why, if it ended there? Yes. I'm, I'm, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying it, but I could leave now. Yeah, that's why. That's why gift ideas and physical things

is gonna be the last song of Mary Poppins 3. Because that's what everyone's come to see, right? Okay. But the problem with that is, the play finishes with her going down the shops. It's not like, it's not like, it's not like, it's not like, it's not like, you just grab it and clear it to your heart. It's a real problem because she's promising to go down the shops. She sings the big number. Also, can I just, we don't know what happens.

Can I just ask as well? Can I just ask, what ideas do you buy at the shops? Oh, that's a very good question. Yeah, so in fact, and one the film will definitely not answer. Yeah, so it sets it up for Mary Poppins 4. You've got to think ahead. So Mary Poppins 4 at the shops. Because sequels always sell better than the originals.

Basically what we're doing here is just kind of cutting out the middle man and we're just getting to the sequel really quickly. Absolutely. But like that film was only 45 minutes long. of cutting out the middle man and we're just getting to the sequel really quickly. Absolutely. But like that film was only 45 minutes long. Make a really quick, yeah just do a really really quick first show and then the second show. This is a smart money maker.

I quite like the idea of an ideas shop. Yes, go on. You go in. Okay. Is the idea for the ideas shop in there? Yeah. Hey, you of shopping? Yeah. Hey, you go in. Yeah.

You pay a quid. It's a quid, is it? Yeah, okay. I've just realised what I'm doing here. Yeah. This is the kind of shit that would be in a gazebo at a festival. Yeah. Yes.

Right. This is Glastonbury, isn't it? This is Glastonbury. Someone's in a gazebo. What go with dreadlocks in a sort of felt type waste coat and no shirts? You go in, you give them a quid. Yeah. He's got one of those old parcel labels like Paddington's got.

Yep. And he hands it to you. Yeah. You probably kisses you on the cheek. Yep. You look at it and it says. Live every day as if it's your last. Yeah.

Or it says like dog factory. Oh right. So it's not even like sort of tri-aperisms. It's an idea. It's just an idea. Dog factory? Dog factory? There was hotel for dogs with Don Chiddle.

Factory for dogs. Set them to work. Could we do ladies? Is it made of all dogs? Okay. Yeah, go on. That's it. Well, what'd you want?

So you paid a quid to this guy to give you a label. This is a label for dogs. This is a label for dogs. Yeah. Can I just ask at this stage, is this guy, are all of his ideas just dog relatives? Yeah. And that's just real life things, but we're dog,

put it into the title. It says ideas shop or whatever it's called. Yeah, ideas shop. But then once you've walked in, the wind blows. And the top part of the side is revealed. Dog ideas shop. And in fact, actually, do you know what, if you listen to this episode, treat us at Pappy's Tweet, um, with, I'd like a dog idea, please.

And we'll send you a dog idea. Yeah how's that? We are the dog idea shop. We are the dog idea shop. We're opening ourselves up guys as a dog but also as well can you please then and be honest send a pound to our peopier box. Please be honest. Please be honest. I know a lot of people are angry about the fact we now have efforts on the podcast and there's a Patreon, but listen guys, please be honest. Please be honest and send us a quiz. Send a quiz to the P.O. Box. Be honest guys, send us a quiz.

Because we'll be giving you those dog ideas because we are the dog idea shop and we have our P.O. Box. And in 20 years time, we're going to go to that P.O. Box expecting the pounds to be there. We're not going to check it. We're not going to check it. We're going to be trying to pop out. Because I get through college. Just think about it, that money's going to accrue in value. It's going to be there. We're not going to check it. It's time. We're not going to check it. We're going to be trying to pull it out.

I get through college. Just think about it. That money's going to accrue in value. It's going to gain the interest in the P.O. Box. Is that how a P.O. Box works? Like a high interest in cash. High interest in cash. High interest P.O. Box.

It's a high interest P.O. Box. It's a high interest P.O. Box. Guys, whack us a quick. Wack us a quick. Wack us a quick. Wack us a quick. Wack us a quick. Wack us a quick.

Wack us a quick. Wack us a quick. Wack us a quick. Wack the PR box. Sell it for a dog. I've seen your bloody life, guys. Sell it for a postcard. Send it for a dog idea. It's a goddamn Quid for the PR box. These dog ideas for God's sake. It's a quid, isn't it? Is it? It's honey a quid.

Honey a quid. No one else is gonna give you something that's normal and put a dog into it. What? Isn't that why a dog idea is sharp? Yeah, I wouldn't phrase it that way though. Oh, okay. It's DIY, I-S-O-S.

But with dogs. Yeah, this is it. I mean, that's good, that's it. That's it. That's an example of one of the things you have. For a quid. For a quid, I mean, mate. For a quid, you can't buy a coffee for a quid these days.

Absolutely true. You can't buy a coffee, you can buy a dog idea. Sent, what's our PO box? Oh. ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, trying to get a PO box, I agree, yeah. Listen, we're just three old boys asking for a quiz. We're just three old boys asking for a quid for a PO box. Okay. I'll tell you what though, I bet you, if you went up to somebody in a pub went, get a quid for a PO box. Just to get you away, they're pretty chuck you a quid, wouldn't they?

Just to get you away from them. Get a quid for a PO box. Okay. Get a quid. Good luck with the PO box. Get a quid for a PO box. Okay. Get your acquid. Good luck with the PO box. Get your acquid. Cheers, L boy. Cheers, L girl.

Cold rain or hot snow? What is sleeping? Houset meetin' a journey. What a beat. That was a really fun one. I really enjoyed that. It was a treat. It was a treat.

Whether or not the general public will think so. That's it. That's always the type public will think so. That's it. That's always the type rope we walk. But we enjoyed it and that's all that matters. But dear listening, thank you for your eye-to-ings reviews. We've been reading them and having a lot of fun. Thank you Lizzy for pointing out that Tom Perry does not own a horse. Correct.

Thank you very much to trying to hard 2016 and he's spelt to T.O. I hope that's a joke. It says, he's gone for song titles. so he says, check this out tonight, tonight. This podcast will spice up your life. All of Pat, we set with so, it's given the perfect sound, whatever. The circumstances. It's so funny that I would listen to this podcast from 9 to 5, 8 days a week, if possible.

This will be a new favourite podcast if you let it be. It just ends it by saying, but he may be absolutely shh. Wrong. Thank you so much, try to hard 2016. Thank you for your review and keep sending in reviews. Also, don't forget on Twitter at Pappy's Tweet, if you would like to contact us and ask for a dog idea. And guys, we all we ask is that you're honest. It's a pound.

Just be honest, God. Just send us a pound. Just throw a pound out. It's of the pound, guys. It's a pound to a PO box. Just throw a pound out. It's a pound, guys. It's a pound to a PO box. It's a pound to a PO box. Send a pound to our non-existent PO box. Come on, guys.

And we will send you a dog idea. Thanks so much for listening. Hope you enjoy, as another episode in a week's time, hope you enjoy that one. Today's episode was produced by producer Emma. Emma Corsham, Corsham team. Now say tuned for the Patreon Neighborhood Watch Roll call. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr not a scub on her knee that's Sarah Nabny he'll never be the same he's Danny Amy he's not a robot it's Nick Robert you don't know what rhyme is

flaky I want to give you the words two words that are slightly spelt similar to rhyme to yeah it's a real problem. It's an absolute. Front names only made don't take the piss. It's Chris! I went on a holiday with him to a villa. Oh god, I'm so sorry. I had to be. It was 1984. I remember it was in the good yesterday. We woke up up it was a glorious summer morning. The light shining in through the shutters and I said Craig Batters. Oh well, do you think he should? Matthew would. I'll have this hot cross bun to go Joanna Monroe. He means us no harms, it's Ed Barnes. She doesn't seven togers. It's Max Rogers. He's got a Max number of togers as well.

Um, this guy really makes me feel mighty real for it is Tom Chiehl. He's very tame. It's Max James. Hey, that cat over there. Sit down, son. It's Doug At Clemson. He loves a nice pad tie with some delicious nuts crumbled on the top and after that he'll squeeze a lion on? It's Simon. LAUGHTER Beautiful.

That's how it's done. That's how it's done. On a Friday night. Oh! He likes the watches for a show. Jimmy Fallon. It's Jimmy Fallon. Finally, my friend of the show.

Jimmy Fallon. It's Glenn Allen. Glenn Allen. She loves a good bunk in. It's Glen Allen. Glen Allen. She loves a good pumpkin. It's Catherine Duncan. She wants a little bit of food just to put her on. It's Psy Delta, Parker Tron. Great name. Could be a guy, could be a lady. Who knows in this day and age? Oh God, do you smell that whiff? It's Ali Smith.

You'll always remember Streffon Swimmer. That concludes another classic episode of the Patreon Name and watch Roll Call. Shalom. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters December 15th.