Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Hotel Stairway) S13E16

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Pittacks is in the building and we can only say one word to himPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. I'm Matthew and welcome to our exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! That's where the three of us, the trifecta of podcast nation, get together. Oh boy. Everybody enjoyed every word of that. Yes, if you've never heard the show before, that's a great description of what it is. The trifecta of podcast nation, the three of us, Tom Ben and Matthew. Get together and have a chat. I'd love to see the stats of just how many people just stop listening at that.

Just the lights going off. Do you know who you are? Oh my God, take me out, it would be an absolute living nightmare for me. The speed, the lights that are still on by the, like they've seen me. And they're lights still on, I think I start talking. Do you know who I'm going to be? People smashing their lights with them. I'm mad. I can't get to test my strength machine.

More off. I feel that reason. Anywho. Yes, so we're just going to chew the fat. Hope you enjoy. Do you want to plug any live shows that we've got coming up? No. I do, I do.

But here's what happened. The other day I got an email from the venue where we do our live shows asking me to confirm a date that isn't the date. That's the two of you have got in June. And I sent the back of the email yesterday to say, you mean these dates, and I've not heard back from them since? And it wasn't the guy who normally messages us, but we should be doing a couple of shows in June somewhere.

At some point. There you go. What's an important point for me? I would say, somewhere, at some point. There you go. That's an important point for me. I would say, yeah, yeah. So let's say, I'd say keep most of June free. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hold off June. Get into the centre of London, just on the off chance. Yeah, exactly. You said it. Just hang around in London on the off chance that there's something at a flat slam start. They're supposed to be happening on June the 12th and June the 27th. Stick those dates in your diary, and by that,

I'm talking mainly to the managers of the Phoenix Park in Kevin D's Square. Stick those dates in your diary, as I asked you to, in February of this year. LAUGHTER No, I'm sure it's all fine, but if I could make it more. I'm sure it's all fine, but if I could make it more. Sure, I'm sure it's all fine. In the meantime, you can support us by joining the Patreon. Get to patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share and join our Merry Band of pranksters. We have a great time over there.

It's good, good stuff. We have a weekly, a weekly very fun episode where we have a silly little chat and we read out your emails and we play fun games. We're currently doing this thing which is really enjoyable. Now you've missed a few episodes, Perry, for work reasons, but we're currently doing a

make your own Star Wars name. And we've come up with a really good formula for making your own Star Wars name so you can get over to Patreon.com. I've not been doing the recordings but I've been getting the emails. Yeah, I know you can. Every time I'm... You did my absolute ed in.

Well, Parry all you need to do is join the Patreon. I've got all the contention in it. I've got like a ping ping ping. Oh, I've got three man, what's this? Carton Toblerone. I'm not a game. Give it to yourself. But anyway Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share and also don't forget to leave

us a review and a rating and to follow and subscribe. Wherever you listen to this podcast, whether it's on Spotify, whether it's on Acast, whether it is on Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen to the podcast, whether it's on Spotify, whether it's on Acast, whether it is on Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen to the podcast, pod beam, any of those places, like it's right. Pod beam? Some people do, some people do, and we love them. No, it's been knocking around for at least ages,

and we love those people who listen on any format you're listening, we love it, any platform whatsoever. And also tell your mates about this podcast. That's the way to do it. Old fashioned, the old fashioned way. The old laugh. Well, ready with it. We'll talk about the old fashioned ways as we were.

A lot in this episode of House Meeting. So should we get on with it? Kel Suprise. All right, well, let's get into it. Enjoy the house meeting. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you, I want to talk, I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat.

Has meeting, what temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting, why on earth am I always weak? Has meeting, who went my bed while I was sleeping? This has a has meeting, what's the point, does life have a me? Where's Wee-Tex? Has Wee-Tex? Be-Tex? Be-Tex? Who went my bed while I was sleeping? Has Wee-Tex? Be-Tex? Be-Tex? What's the point? Does life have a me? Has Wee-Tex? The hotel I'm staying in, I got informed this afternoon is the hotel that Brad Pitt stays in when he's in London.

Oh! Are you in Brad Pitt's room? So now I'm on the old skate. Yeah. All pittocks. Well, when I was, um, does anyone call him pittix? Well, you see, I was, I run it, I didn't run it through, but I was like, if you were coming up the stairs and he was coming down. You'd shout pittix. I didn't think you'd vote for pittix. I think if he was going up the stairs and you come up the stairs behind you, you might

shout pittix. You're just a pittix, you got on there mate. No one will guess you 50. I hadn't thought they'd call him pittix but I was like, if I passed him on the stairway and just kind of went like, Brad and carried on my way, I kind of thought that might be the kind of incident where he'd stop and go. Hey, do you want to go and get a drink? Oh, you did, did you? Yeah. You thought you could charm a Hollywood A-lister with one word.

Is the word... Is it Pitterx? Pitterx, you've got one word in your... Pittex? I mean, pittex, if it's for life mate. No, I've hit on pittex. I'm not, I'll keep that in my back pocket because pittex. I would keep it in your back pocket forever. I would never open that back pocket. I possibly say you want a back pocket. That back pocket, you would believe you're a 58. Oh, absolutely gorgeous from behind. Keep your pittix in your pockets, it's the old phrase, isn't it?

The old phrase, whenever you're meeting a celebrity, here's a question for you though, right? If you had one word to charm a celebrity. Okay, I'll give you a celeb. What word are you using to choose? Easy, easy, you know, can, can, can, can easy, you know, be considered one word. I tell you what Tom, you know the answer to that. So I'm not even going to dignify it.

I'm not even going to dignify it. There isn't. Easy, isn't. There is the answer. Okay, well in which case then, just you can do as many words as you like. What? What? Is it all connected by all connected by hyphens? Slayy, we're in the game, doesn't it?

Okay, no, we'll take the hyphen, we'll take the hyphen all like in this instance. I'll tell you what, tell you what's no fun this. You know, this hyphen rule, hyphenate, edic, I'm not going to. You give the celebrity, we give the word. You've got one word. We'll do it in a round. And so the person who... Like Pacquiao's canon.

Like London, London Regis falling down. And Jolie. What was it? And Jolie, no joke. And Jules. What was it? Jules and Juleen. Jules. And Juleen. Jules. And Juleen. Jules.

No. The way the game plays out is we'll take it in turns to be the host of the round. When you say that celebrity, you kind of become that celebrity and then you judge how charmed you are and then you decide the winner. Okay, great. You don't necessarily have to do the impression. This feels like a six-up warrior. Let's find out how it goes.

So just imagine you are... Wait, it's all happening on a stairwell, as well as we're all in a room. We're in a room, yeah. It's all happening on a stairwell. It's a hotel stairwell. It's a hotel stairwell. It's a hotel, it's a hotel stairwell,

which by the way, one of the best hotels in London, hotel stairwell. Oh, town. I'm going honestly. It's where the private space. It's where the private space. The lift is where. It's where.

It's where. It's where. It's where. It's where. There's no gym either, but you're taking the stairs, so it doesn't even matter. It's fine, it's fine. Okay, so you're coming up the hotel stairs, going back to your room, going down, possibly to do one of his highly successful concerts.

You hear it coming down the stairs. Oh, loo-doos! It's Satom Jones. Now, you know, Tom Jones has already got the word ladies. He throws out ladies and he's charmed, even the gentleman in the audience, you know. So he's the master of the what, you know. Cous! He's the master of the one word charmed.

He's a single syllable winner. It's a single syllable winner. Okay, so you're there, you spot him on the stairs. Clarke, Perry, you've got one word to charm. Sir, Tom Jones. Hello. Who's going first? Hello. Tom, Sir, Tom Jones. Hello, who's going first? Hello, who's a good star?

You know what? God, he's broken out his catchphrase early. He's gone, he's gone for it. I think he's in his third block. He's playing book in this game. He's revealed his card early. Play my ace right out there. Yeah, I got one. I would say, I think you're playing Clark.

Terrible, terrible at playing Bokehrot. Your problem will be when you have to then construct the next sentence after he's asked you a question. And you say, I'm playing my ace, my hat, my hat, my ace, are out of the tunnel. Of course. Paddle my sleeves, my sleeves are kind of tunnels in the way. Oh! The paper-moving tone is ace, I have this tunnel. Because that is what we need to charm him. It's going to be a word I'm afraid.

Parry. He's taking me to the bar to tell me to give the drinks back. You've got one word to charm, Satom Jones. Okay, a couple of options here. My initial thought was I was going to go with Nostar Welsh for good night. Welsh, yeah. But obviously because it's good night, that kind of closes. Yeah, that's a nice kick. And I don't know what hello is in Welsh.

I know Diocchewa, which is thank you. But that's not one word. It's hyphenated, come on mate. Diocchewa, thanks. I'm just gonna go with, sir. Cause you're a sir. Yeah, sir. Yes sir. Oh yeah.

And I've kind of dropped my cap slightly. I've kind of going. Sir. Oh you're wearing a cap in this instance? You've got your little... You're not wearing a cap there we go. He's popped. Oh I did not want to get a cap from...

Oh, I did not want to get a cap from... Hang on, you don't think I'm walking around Brad Pitt's hotel without wearing a flat cap to you? Of course. You've got to respect... I mean he respects gay... He recognizes gay. You've got to walk around. Game respects, game recognizes game. You've got to walk around dressed like a member

of Mumford and Tons. I can't say. When I say pittix, I also have my flat cap on and he recognizes another flat caper and then it's like, wanna go and get a beer? So I guess I'd go, sir. I think you're like, you're pushing the brim of your hat up with one finger.

So it's not, you're not actually, it's not a full-soft. It's not a full-soft. No, it's more like a kind of, yeah, it's a tip of the hat. It's a tip of the hat and a sir as well. Okay, my answer is going to be that I pretend to hit a red button. I'll let him walk past me. I'm going to give you a chance now to get out because I was happy to take your first answer but okay, you get my red button. You accelerate ahead of

him so you're ahead of him on the stairscks. You're standing behind a picture on the stairs and you just try to overtake him. I think this is a bad move. It was a bad move him booking into hotel stairwell to be honest. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's mean, you can't, Tom, you ready, can't. If you've got a stand still, lift. Ooh! Hi! Brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr. So yeah, sir or hello, there you go, there's your choices. In this round.

In this round, I'm gonna say, joining me at the bar tonight would be Tom Perry What a night that would be as well. Yeah, you have to go all the way back down the stairs I think the Duff of the cap and the sir, he might, you know, he might open up the mini bar. He might say, oh, I've got the presidential suite in hotel staircase. Would you feel, if, so say, so I've won that, right? And Tom goes, fancy joining me for a drink in the bar.

I, in that moment, I don't know if I would end up enjoying, there's a lot of pressure sitting in it. Oh, power, I can't believe you've got all this way, without considering. I've only got you to do it. It's what you desperately wanted. That's the problem with the dream, isn't it? Once you get there, I'd be quite like up against it

to be interesting with Brad Pitt for an evening over a beer or a couple of beers. Here's the thing. I have a top chance of theirs, can I help you out of it? You can do that. You definitely hope you can chat. You can definitely make the right choice to go running the back of this there. Well, one second, Pizzards.

I think in that instance, you almost treat it like you are hosting a talk show and you ask a lot of questions, right? You've got to be a good listener there because your telling me Tom Jones doesn't have some great anecdotes that he loves to bust out. You've got to go for that.

I don't think if you're chatting to Satom, you can't dominate the conversation. And I think, well, the two things you can't do, do an impression of the red button. Yeah, I'm going to say. That's all I've got for you. I think no. No.

And I think you can't go, I've got some great stories to tell you, because he's a man who's lived a life. Yeah, yeah. And continue to, just gonna trump you at every turn, exactly, you know. life. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm getting used to it. Yeah, just gonna trump you at every turn. Exactly. You know, he's played Vegas more times than you've tipped your hat. So he's got some stories. That's a lot of times. It's a lot of times, man. I know. It's the only time I'm called a good at tipping. Right, so. I don't think you said a thing to him about calling it cunt.

Jenny really went, there's the only time I called it cunt. It's where I tipped her. I was like, what, all right. I said, I've already said I like the tipping of the hat. Having a little confidence, first you're lacking confidence that you can hold your own with Tom Jones. Of course you can. I'm not doing the impression of the chair.

He's really regretting going back down the stairs. It's a weirdy step aside, a peaky blind as I've ever seen. He's regretting not going with a hello guy. I've got a thing quite chilled out compared to this guy. I wanted to keep tipping his cap. I thought please don't call me a cuncer. I'd end up feeling like a shoe shy boy. Just calling him serendipity. Oh no, I'll plead now.

Suddenly cleaning Tom Jones's shoes and the hotel bar. Would you work it? What's tonight there? It's a nightmare. But I don't want to make it. Anyway, round one. Yeah, well done mate. Do you want to as as winner of that round give us give us one? You two walking at the stairs the band

At least give us four words There's no catch all that's gonna get Larry Munn and junior and the edge I find out from my wife the other day that she wants went for a drink with a lead singer of the view. True. Oh no. Which she said she made her excuses and left because he was unpleasant. Oh dear.

How was he? I said did his jeans smell. What a terrible celebs story. Anyway, thank you for sharing this story. You guys are welcome there. Tom Johnson's millionest excuses. Oh, she's been gone a bit of a headache now. I think I'm a land down.

I used to play table tennis with Elvis Presley, oh the times we had a farewell mate, let me tell you about my wife, right? Oh God, I can't see my face in these shoes, oh God, you're polishing your own now, I no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, down the central staircase. Oh yeah, Sasha is now okay. Is none of that? Yeah. Then sex in the city legend, Kim Kutraoff. Oh, all right. Evening boys. Wait, she's saying the first word to us. And hang, no, that doesn't work. I say evening boys.

Yeah, you've got to assume she's walking past you. She's sashaying past you. Yeah. This is true. Okay. It's Kim Katrell. It's Hotel Stairwell. Round two.

And because Clarky went first, I'm going to go to Crosby to go first. See if, when he's bringing up the rear something other than hello pop surface By carcass is a much needed thinking time listen, it's a goodbye Carcass grabbed the dictionary off the show Cargis grabbed the dictionary off the shelf. What the worst thing you've considered eating. How's eating? Oh. Young got long though, she's on her way down.

Oh, she's nearly in the foyer. I'm gonna go for it. It's a long steak. I'm gonna go, this it's it's hot and heavy right but I'm gonna go for it you can't have that way mate it's not that heavy it's hot and heavy I'm gonna go for the word stew. Oh my, I'm going to go for the, I'm going to go right.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna play the Tom Holland in White Lotus type manoeuvre. You know, when he first sees, when he first sees Jennifer Coolidge, and I think I'm just gonna say a word like, I'm gonna, but if you're allowed a bit of body language as well, I'm going to throw my arms out wide, not in a hug, but as if I've just seen a perfect work of art, and I'm just going to go enchanting. And then I'm going to carry, no, Paris, not Apple, he's pulled a really sour face. I'm not planting my chances, Clarky, this is yours. This is yours to lose I believe now after seeing

genuinely pull it pull it face like you just sucked on 11 Enchanting though I mean Well, no, no you do know you told me You're not going for interviews. Fair enough. Fair enough to gamble. It's a huge swing, but it's also a miss. How about this? Drink? Whoa! It's bold, it's brazen. But how does it work? It's forward. It's very important. And it's British. I'm not here.

Especially if that drink is tea. Are you holding a pot of tea? It's just tea. I want it off of her. Clark is wearing a tea pot on his head. He doves the pot, pouring, pouring into a tea cup on his shoulder. There's a sweet.. I think so.

Here's my friend, do you shorten style? It's quite interesting with both of these, because it feels a little bit like I'm being chatted up by the both of you. Bit lascivious. Mmm. And so, but, so my concern with enchanting is, in the moment, I think she might think that when you're face turned inside out.

LAUGHTER You look like Tony Shilloub when he's headshot off in men in black. LAUGHTER Imagine opening with that. LAUGHTER Classic Megan. Next... Next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next,

next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, next, which she gets all the time. Which she gets all the time, of course. I think that might have put her off. I am gonna go with Clarkies.

Very casual, very British, very kind of drink. It's trying to be off hand friendly rather than suggestive. Just, hey. Drink, drink. Drink good. It is good. And I would pos it, it would have worked with Tom Jones Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

Think he's like yeah, why not? Oh Spitting feathers over here The pillows are terrible He's going down to change his piletto hyper. He was on his way to reception to complain. I'm spitting feathers. I've come on in high hopes. Lainey's. Lotus.

Okay, great. Thanks mate. Okay. Clarke. So, a select for the two of us. Come on, before you get into it, what hour of the day is it in hotel stairwell? It is 8 p.m. 8 p.m. Okay. The witchy-witching Hour. It's actually zero watt. Yeah. Okay. Who's it going to be? 8 p.m.

You hear, as you two shuffle up the stairs, you hear the loud stomps coming down the stairs. It's not the cast of stomps. You love your work, won't work. Huge fan of guys. Where are you just bitten guys? You want another song with that show? Okay, 8pm.

A huge frame, hoes into view. Oh yeah. Bloody art. The art at hotel. Steyle world's in grip. It's live laugh laugh in the frame. The live laugh takes a sense. Yeah.

Keep Garmin home. There's not a fire. Eat prey 10,000 steps. So, big frame, hose interview. Oh, love a hoe. It's a Hulled Swarth sneaker. Oh! Lulling!

The carbonator's here. The ride. excuse me. Oh, no. Excuse me. I like it this guy. Yeah, okay. So it's Ar it's on it's our food bar. What is what you heard Okay, I believe you've got to start this one. Oh, that's good point. Yeah, so yeah, yeah, yeah So I went first last time. Yeah, it's with me. Give me a bit of time. You're a bit of time Yeah, good, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, he's got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Single hand out, open palm. Yeah.

Breaddrin. Breaddrin. Oh no. Oh no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm thinking I think breaddrin. I think you should regret it. Breaddrin. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so.

I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so.

I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so.

I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. I think so. Yeah, yeah, Fredrick. Fredrick is a great brother for you. Fredrick, and I don't know if you can do that. I don't know. What? I was trying to think that. When it came to you, there was a real flash of inspiration.

I was trying to be something. Yeah, what? What? Oh, yeah. You're a classic with Fredrick. No, that's a classic. I was trying to be like, Fredrick, Fredrick, Fredrick, Fredrick, Fredrick, Fredrick, like the German.

And then I said, Fredrick, and it came out as you're trying to be street. And it wasn't like, no. I was in like bread, as in like bread, as what you're saying. Yeah, bread, that's what I wanted. But I thought I'd gone in for a while. You only get one shot. Yeah, yeah, favorously. Because when you first came to you, I would say you pulled the opposite of the face.

You pulled, whatever the, when I said, well, when I said the word enchanted. Inchanting, enchanting. Right. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot in the, a lot in the nation of this word. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tommy threw it.

Okay, Faris gonna going to check his phone. Why not? He's trying to do it to be fair. Do you know what? He thinks he's lost this game. He hasn't heard the word at first. Popped into my head. There's still everything to play for.

Okay, okay. Okay, it's a tricky one because... Oh, right. I'm it's a tricky one because, oh, right, I'm gonna look around a bit, I'm looking around, I'm gonna sort of do a bit of a shrug. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. I'm gonna get up. Do you know what? Me looking around and saying,

I'm gonna say in bread, you're gonna say in bread, then what I'm gonna do. Oh boy, I was gonna say, I'm gonna say, in bread run is better than what I'm gonna do. Oh boy, I was gonna say donkeys. Donkeys. Donkeys. He keeps donkeys, he looks after donkeys, isn't he? I was gonna, oh, as if to be like,

mate, where are the donkeys? But you can't just go, donkeys? He makes it seem like, he's like, what about the donkeys? I mean, I guess once you say, once you say, what about the donkeys, you'd be like, you keep donkeys, aren't you? I'll tell you what, I'm not gonna, yeah, I've changed my action.

I'm gonna go, I've changed my action, but I haven't changed my word. Okay, and I'm, so I'm gonna go, donkeys. Oh, okay. And, and he's gonna go. Double point, double point, and then I'm gonna say, donkeys, and he's gonna go double point. Yeah, double point, I'm gonna say donkeys. And he's gonna like, yeah, I keep donkeys.

I don't think I've got to do it. It's trying to impress you, but I'm gonna say donkeys. I'm gonna say donkeys. Brodron, so you've got bread journal, you've got donkeys. It's not been, I would say, a step around. No, I've won worddron and you've got donkeys. It's not been I would say a Stella round. No, I One word to Charmin a little bit He turns on a dime and pegs it back

You stuck which we're the rock and a hard place here, aren't we yeah Yeah. You've got... I mean, you have to pick either one. And they're the names of the two restaurants in hotel stay-well. APM. Oh, brussel starts the evening for the governor. Yeah, yeah. It's not a great start to the evening for us. It's awful. One of us has got to go for a drink with the fuck after this as well.

Sit there the hard time thinking about Donkeys or Brettry. Oh god. I'm gonna go. I feel insane saying this. I mean whichever answer you give is the wrong answer. Clarke, we've actually made this game harder to be the host of than it is to play in this round He's gonna turn to Matthew and say will be bar and head down to the bar We'll be bar you're all right mate I was in the loose

I was sorry I thought he said he'd keep sheep. I thought you were... I thought you were... I thought you were... I thought you were... I thought you were... I thought you were Shrek mate. I got confused as someone else.

Yeah. So he said, say, will be bar and take me down to the bar. So I've won that round. You have won that round. Well you know what? This has been an absolute assimilating. One point per player. No one's coming out smelling of roses. No, it's coming out smelling of roses. It's not that enchanting. Good game though. Great game. Really good game. But I think I think what it has maybe realises I don't particularly want to hang out with anyone.

I'm sure I'm trying to be usual. Of house meeting. Sure, I'm sure I'm trying to be usual. But you know what? It's not like the last one. It's maybe realises. I'm actually happy away from you guys. I'm not recording a podcast with you for a month and a half and I'm happy. In the last 27 minutes, my mood has just been crushed. I thought I was finnically depressed, it turns out I just hate my two friends. Clark, you want to saw Jonathan Ross on a stairwell and assumed you knew him, didn't you?

I think that actually went quite well as an exchange. I think I actually probably gave him one of my world famous hellos. I thought you said business cards. It just says, I like on it. I would be really good. That's actually quite charming, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I can't like the idea of that. It just says, it just says hello and then, you know,

maybe like imprinted in the same color as the actual card itself on the back, you've got contact details, but you can barely see them. It's mainly just a card that says hello. I want no contact details. Yeah, can I give you one of my cards? Just a cello. Then I'll be going, give me a game.

Who's that guy? I'm into that guy. He has just done a couple of feet away, putting the same card in someone else's top pocket. So, I can pretty much go up and tap on the shoulder and say, sorry, what's your name again? I tell you what, the R-Souls dropped out of the business card market, doesn't it?

Oh, totally. Do you remember when you used to be able to go to a shopping center and get them printed? You get like 50 business cards printed. By the way, it was always the sign of when we started doing comedy, someone who was going to be absolutely rubbish. It was, it was, it was, it was always the worst comics on the circuit. Did you ever write the load? Oh, yeah. Do you remember? Just saying hello. That was my app.

The two things, one has been proven right by Hesby, one has been proven dead wrong. The two things that made you think, oh, you're going to be awful, is if they had a business card, and the other one is if they had a website, any kind of web presence, you'd be like, you're going to be dog shit. I know you are. It was part of the reason why, like for ages we didn't have a website. I was gonna say it felt like when we finally had to embrace kind of website it did feel like failure. It felt like we're being traitors.

Yeah, it felt like, we've become one of those people. We've sold out. Unfortunately we didn't maintain it very well. It kind of lost any kind of relevance really quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh boy, the business card. Oh man, it seemed so exciting. As a kid, the idea of having a business card. And also as well, like going up to Edinburgh and collecting business cards, do you remember that? You used to come back with a big stack of business cards. No memory of who any of the people.

Clark would need that to remember who he'd been hanging out with. Who did I, it was like with last night? Clark, you would take a business card, right? Hello on it and just hand it straight back. He'd just give it to other people, people thought he was someone who worked at the baby's city. He was the class of the close-up magician of business He'd just give it to other people, people thought he was someone who worked at the baby's. He was the close up magician of business. Do you think there's a sort of retro, you know, like, you know, the resurgence of vinyl?

Do you think people are going to bring back because the phones are still there? Well, this is it. The other day I was working with somebody and they said, oh, can you send, I always took some photos of us working together on my phone and he said, oh, can you email those to me because I haven't got a smart phone. And I thought, is that incredibly cool or incredibly obtuse?

I couldn't work it out. I couldn't work out if this was like a brilliant move. Because actually, the thing that's annoying about the phone is that you pick it up and it's got everything on it. You know, it's not just the thing that you've got to look at, it's got all the other distractions on it. But at the same time, would it be better if it had just nothing on it,

apart from the last five texts you'd received and snake? I think that's a step. I think there's got to be a half way house between the two, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, where you're not looking at it and going, oh yeah, whenever this app I'm doing brain gym on or any of those things, that's a little distraction instead.

Also, just like tickets and stuff like that now, everything's on, walking around with like reams of paper. Do you know what it's maxed to me walking around with like, reams of paper. Do you know what it's maxed to me of? Someone who's got no self control. It'd be like someone going, have you got a car? Whoa, no, no, no, I don't, I don't get behind a car.

I'm like, kill loads of people. It's like, what? What, because you've got to get some off control. Because also, you're just behind the car, unless you're Jeff Capes. And you're picking up and crush the load of people with it. I say, don't get me wrong. Yeah, but no, but I know what you mean, or...

Yeah, but then like the people I know who don't drive, who are anxious about it, have been in multiple crashes and therefore don't drive, you know, as opposed to whereas what can you really do with a phone? I mean, you can ruin, I could ruin several lives for my phone right now. That's a terrible challenge. We've got it right before.

The old format of how to do a phone. How to entice a name, a celebrity or a stint? Well, that's out, right? Yeah. You can send one word to someone and ruin the most lives ruined with a single text. I've just thought of a really good word, by the way, it's come to be late. Oh yeah.

But for the game. And it's a pimp on Clarke's. Oh yeah. If you said tequila, two Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. There's something in there, isn't there? Because Arnold's watch and they go. Yeah. There's something in there, isn't there? Because it's better than drink.

Yes, it says, do you fancy an adventure? Yeah, it's just a type of night you're gonna have. It's cheeky, there's something in it, there's something you'd want to pursue more than. It's slightly more Hail Mary. But I think there's more, like, if it works, it really works. He's Hail Mary hyphenated in that instance. So bloody Mary.

So five times into a mirror. I was just thinking of a piece. I was trying to think of a famous Mary then, saying to Mary, all I could think of was Mary, Natalie. No, it's not. If anyone's heard of Hail Mary, it's her. I don't know, but I was aiming for the woman who played Maid Marion in Robin Hood Prince

of Thieves, but that wasn't Mary Magdalene. No, no. But it was close, she's close. Mary, it's something, isn't it Mary, if she's a Mary? Anyway, Hail Mary, is it a different game? You're a good member, Blake. Absolutely, we can, we can. Can I have a lift, I live in Lonee, to have a meeting?

Surely the middle ground is, have a smartphone, but control how you have a lift? I live in Lonee too. I'm meeting. Surely the middle ground is have a smartphone but control how you have a smartphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have blockers on it. The only thing with, I've tried to put blockers on my smartphone and basically, what you really need to do is put blockers on your smartphone that only somebody else can unlock, right?

You know what I mean? So like, if someone else is smartphone, right? You know what I mean? So like, if someone else is smartphone, that you don't know the other person. Yeah, that's it, yeah, that's basically it, yeah. You and your partner swap smartphones, and you're fully wasting. Oh yeah, absolutely.

You've been texting a lot of words. Just a dream of one word text. I just released a different drink. Why have you taken the word pittex to 14 different numbers? I couldn't read it. Anyway, that's, yeah, but I also, there is a coolness to going. I don't know, a smartphone. It feels like... Oh, I was immediately impressed, but then I was like...

Unless was it someone in their 80s? When I say working, I mean, I'm working at a care home at the moment, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to say events. I'm one of the few people who's working there, and also one of the patients. When I say working there, I'm trying to eat a pudding in the corner. Well no one visits me. Oh Mr. Crossbeef and working on that pudding for a long time, haven't you? Yeah, so yeah, that's that's where I

Is it the car equivalent is it more like not having a car but having like a horse and cart? No, no, no, no, no because it a horse and like a horse A bike Yeah, a horse and car is really affectations't it? And actually a lot more hard work. He hasn't got telegram machine. Can you more scope that photo you're taking to me? Just can't have any time before I'm guys. I just can't see that far.

Surely you go back to bike before you buy a vehicle. Yeah. I think it's absolutely like having a bike, but at the same time, no, there's something to see, there's something to see. Having a bike isn't necessarily, it can be, but it isn't necessarily an affectation. What is a bicycle? Don't have an appellate bike? I know, there we cycle, don't act.

I have an appendipharic. I know, there we go, that's it, that's exactly what it is. It's me being bullied, but an appendipharic, I think I was very convinced. So the person asks you to email the phoeton that you're taking, because they're on a smartphone. Yeah. Did you refuse?

No. No, I would have told him. He would have told him, I wouldn't have. That's how I like to make good working relationships. It's for someone who's to make a totally reasonable request to me. And we'd go, donky. You've been working with Arnie. I've been working with you. Working with a Gavinator. I've been working with him.

I've been working with him. I've been working with Arnie. I've been working with you. Working with a Gavinator. Yeah, no, of course I didn't say. Would you have said no? Would you have said no, go and you've marched them to the Apple store? No, no.

Yeah, I mean, they've got a laptop, have they? Yeah. Dual standards. Where's the fucking... No, I think that's fucking Windows 95. Top of they yeah dual standards I think that's fucking windows not you five. I don't know. I don't know what I don't know what I didn't get out a laptop Talking to it like a phone I don't know they didn't get out a laptop and then just you know check the I don't know what they're doing when they when they get back Okay, I don't know what the situation is all I know is they said can you please email me that photo because I don't know what they're doing when they get back home. I don't know what the situation is. All I know is they said, can you please email me that photo because I don't have a smartphone?

And that person was married, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fair enough. Fair, we said that smartphone. And then she... What's happened? No, that's true, no, that's true.

LAUGHTER You know that, the, yes, James's true. No, that's true, no, that's true. You know that, the, yeah, St James's Bible. The Tom Perry Bible at the end of each day, all of the first three. And on the third day he rose again, one about that. It seems a little off-ish, no, it could be wrong, but. Quite me on this, but in the beginning, God create hell of a... Don't know! Alright, listen now, you know. This is just what I heard. Peace makers, I suppose.

I don't know, really. No, probably maybe not. Fuck, man, it's not. Anyway. I'm sorry. They're peacemakers. They're all the people to have a gripe against. It felt mad. Back in the... It felt like a really bad bit of obstacle back in the down. It felt like new versions of the volleyball. Like when was the last new version of a volleyball? Is that some is still a thing? Because there was always new versions coming out

that could do a new spin on the old tail. Grimaxing. Wait, what, how old are you, Tom? How many took you back? Do I always new versions of the Bible? That's why I stopped. This isn't gonna fly. There's a bit of observation.

Can I remember the King James Bible? Yeah, if you like me, when you went to school, everyone was reading the King James. Then Yeah, if you like me, when you went to school, everyone was wearing the King James, then this new international version came out. Whoa, oh the fuck's Gideon. And why is he staring at the same hotel as Brad Pitt? I mean obviously if Gideon's coming down this day, I just say Bible, he's like, don't mind if I do.

And if I do, how's you one, then you say shots and off you go? That's true, is it still true? I don't think there's do. How do you want, then you say shots and off you go. That's true, is it still true? I don't think there's a Bible in this hotel room. Anyway, that's by the Bible. It used to be the Bible. That used to be the fun fact, didn't it? That there was a Bible in every hotel room?

How fun was it? I'll tell you what, Tom Jones has fucking left the building. Tom Jones is in reception, asking to trade hotels. So he's checking it out. Is there a problem in your room, Tom? He's got a little pittex, so he's got one. Are you going to do a search for pittex, though? Have you been walking around trying to find pittex?

I've stopped taking the lift putting that way. Yeah, this is... I've told you about the... When I was staying in a hotel with my... It's just going to be the lift all the time. And I just want to be around the bank. We're going to cover as much surface areas possible, yeah, exactly. When I was staying in a hotel back on, in a holiday in the 90s, we were in L.A. and we were staying in the, the, the high at the riot house.

And I got into the lift in teenage fan club, the van teenage fan club were in there. And I was immediately like, your teenage fan club? Could have said, could have got away with teenage. Teenage! Nothing done, you know it. You know it.

You know it. I said, go on, no, finish the other door. But they said, they said, they said, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're staying here. I said, what, what are you doing in LA? So we're on tour with Radiohead. And I was like, a radiohead's staying here. I said, yeah, we're staying here. I said, what are you doing in LA? So we're on tour with Radiohead. And I was like, whoa. A radiohead's staying here.

I said, yeah, we're all staying in the hotel. And so my family wanted to go up to, you swim in the rooftop pool. And I was like, you go to the rooftop pool. I am gonna walk around every single floor of this enormous fuck off huge hotel in LA. And I just went, you know, I went down, again, down the stairs, round. And I went down the stairs,

round the entire floor, down the stairs, round the entire floor, hoping I would run into a member of Radio Never Did. Did you ask Teenage Franklub, like where the hangin' out, or what they were up to, or could you come and see a show? Yes, because, well, no, I can't see a show because I was like 16 or 17,

so I wouldn't be able to get into one of the shows anyway, and I was on hold of my parents. I was literally with my parents. I couldn't go, hang the second mum and dad. I know we've got plans. But I think I might be hanging out with T.H. Frank Club. You literally were there, teenage. I was in the track club, yeah.

But no, I did, I said like what, yeah, what are you doing? And they said are we going to go and I think, when you had that night, night were doing the J Leno show or the Letterman show, or one of those shows. And I didn't realize that, so all the time I was walking around the hotel, I didn't realize that of course, it's not live, isn't it, that show? Letterman isn't on it, they didn't go to there

and record their song at a letter. They would have been in the studio, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, there was, the Letterman studio, whichever one it bit, there was a bit in the, you know, the, the letter in the studio, the whichever one it was, whichever one was recorded in, in LA. Um, wander around doing that. So yeah, never saw them. So I was like, yeah, it was still pretty, you know what, as well. God.

That was a weird tour that. A lot of the teeny bumpers leavingers leave it after we're witched. They were an headline. The risk of selling like Dick and Don. Do we enter into a pledge now where the next time we bump into someone famous, we have to open Don donkeys. Oh no. Oh no.

And the biggest donkeys wins. Oh, the loudest shush out of donkeys. I know. They're the biggest. The biggest leb. The most famous person you can say donkeys. Who's the most famous person you've done, Kid? I think it's the most famous Percy, you know, big.

So, is, do you have to get a response back from them in order for it to have been effective? Don't you, you can report back, yeah. Okay, all right, all right. Next time, next time I run into a top celeb yeah wandering around the streets of Beckham which is what the only place ever got it You have to open you have to open with donkeys Donkeys again

Donkeys that that's the agreement, that's the pact. I think saying, gone. I think saying donkeys like that, the way you just said it, donkeys. Donkeys. There's a chance that if someone walked past me with donkeys, I might be like, hello mate, I might just sort of see you in the greeting and give them a hug. I think it's good. I think the sun is good.

Donkeys. Yeah, donkeys. And listen to, listen to De deer's can absolutely play along. If you can get a donkey's in to someone famous report back. Yeah, I would love that. Get in touch with us. Yeah, papi's flat share at gmail.com. The most famous person, you can say,

We've got an email address. What? We sold out. We sold out man. Write it on a business card. Just to get in the post. To the PO box. But yeah it's good man.

Yeah that's what we want. Donkeys. Great. There you go. Beautiful. Something's good come out of this game. So that again times something's good. Something's good come out of this game. So that again, something's good. That's a weird thing about my mouth.

Something's good. Scum. Something's good come out of this game. That's the next thing you have to say to them. Once, once Keir's Dharma has stopped to say, so do you say donkeys to me? Hey Keir's Dharma is like that, boy. He bought his mom a donkey sanctuary, did he? Did he? Him and Arnold are the two that it might really work with.

God, my bag of nerves, just even thinking about sitting down with all these famous people. It's really gone. Yeah, it's tough. You're not going to get on a board and sit down with the movie opening with Donkies mate. Well, that's why I'm not quite drunk on your own. Well, let's find out. I'm off to walk the floors. Bit-e-ux! How do they make bread with no wheat in? How do they make bread no wheat in? How do they make bread no wheat in?

There you go. Beautiful. Chalk it up another one for the books. And a great mission for the listeners as well. Can you, can you donkey a celeb? Don't look up. That means in urban dictionary. Are we talking purely about can you, can you say the word donkey as a greeting to us there see how far it gets you see how far it gets you yeah let us know report

back please do awesome all right then well thank you for listening Am I caution? Corshirt! Cheers everyone! Bye! Hey! Get to the chopper and be upstanding! No, come on! I was a paid treat! Oh no! Good watch! Roll call! No! Please!

Hey guys! Let me tell you something! No, please Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Yes, because my energy it was fading. I could barely say I'll be back to my friend John Hayden. You'll hear me. I'll be back to say that I was in the jungle, free basing cocaine. that I was in the jungle, free basing cocaine. When... And it sent me into a frenzy. So much so that I had to call my friend to talk me down. Her name is Katie Mackenzie. I was in the jungle!

Yeah, to the jungle. I was in the trouble Of course smoking my crack pipe and then We have look straight through an eagle. Ordered to the left. You flew through an eagle, man. It was terrible. Ordered to the left of it was its talent. I gave it to my good friend, Greg Allen. No, man.

I was in the jungle, leaking frogs, man, and I was off on my face. I couldn't stop licking my good friend, also standing in the pincin case he gets to the job. To the job, I was in the jungle injecting horse into my All my other veins had collapsed Every bit of this is bad man. Oh, are we impersonating sort? Oh!

I was just there injecting the nasty little horse was wedging out and watching American Idol with my good friend, Joseph Heigel. I, I double dropped and was listening to John Gull. And just as I hit my peak, I went and locked into an eagle. An eagle's back. No. I sure wasn't Joseph Ego. I was so upset I gave it to Abby Gleak.

I wrote a pifter the size of my bicep in the jungle. This Tom Jones again. And he was going absolutely no pairs. Oh no, that's the no man. No, no down. Karen Lopez was there to get to the chopper. Oh, get to the chopper. I was in the jungle rubbing some naughty, naughty spice into my god.

It's good. Was standing myself with a palm fronds. And then my dear friend came up to me and said, hey got any crack man. I said get away from me These drugs are mine Tom black's land. I Was in the jungle It's a tricky one one. He's losing him. I was doing some yow-yow. At least think to journal because it's all about the base. Don't my friend I loved him it was of course rotated out face Again Me

Real full son on a full Seren Johnny constant told me it was time to go home Oh it was time to go home but before we go home I have one final anecdote I'm a panic, though, to put me in the... Yes! Oh, yes, please. This, by the way, has been the best. This has been the best now. A cutscene on it was meeting I've ever been to. And I support you in your sobriety. I was deep, deep, deep, deep in the Amazon junk.

I was swinging on a tendril and scouting the ground to see if I dropped any quailudes during my bender the week before. Let me tell you, drugs, they may be the key, but they are also my jailer. I said these solemn words to my dear friend and dealer, Chris Taylor. But I conclude today's poetry and name with watch.

I'm not sure we'll be back. Good, I'll be cracked. Smoking in the jungle. In the jungle! Ho!