Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (In Servitude of being Grubby) S14E13

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Tom's washing machine stinks, and he has an historically inspired plan for who should fix it.Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew.

And welcome to another exciting episode of the podcast, Papi's Flat Share, House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. House Meeting. Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of the podcast, Pappy's Flat Share, House Meeting. House Meeting, and we're not lying, I am Tom, he is Ben.

That is Matthew and we have just recorded an exciting episode of House Meeting. It was good fun this time round. It always is actually. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this time round. Do you know what? Compared to the usual slog, actually had quite a nice time. It whipped by. It did whip by. It was, you know, we focused on a lot of issues that Parry needed to work through. It's one of those ones.

Yeah. We'll talk about the end, whether or not you you feel like it's been useful. It's been helpful. It's been it's it's been of service to you, no spoilers. But before all of that, we wanna say, please do join the Patreon. Play do. If you enjoy these episodes, it is a, sorry Tom, what did you say? I said play do.

You said play do? Play do. It's an abbreviation of please do. Play do. Oh, play do, of course, play do. Play do. Play do join the Patreon. please do play do of course play Do join the patreon? Absolutely, I'm glad I asked now Play do join the patreon if you will

It does it certainly does this please do oh my god The man hours I'm wasting I'm genuinely thinking of outsourcing my please do is else. Well, yes. Well, no spoilers. Um, anyway Play do join the the patreon patreon. Give me one second At least say this before we say the play the things as well It doesn't count if you keep saying play do all the time because I would I would I would only probably ever say please do once or twice in one of these little reads and If we're saying play do 30 to 40 times, especially over the the web address for the Patreon, then maybe it's not not quite as economical as it might be. Anyway, here we go, folks. It is of course, and I'm very, I'm very aware that it's going to happen any second. Yeah, I'm very aware it's going to happen any second now. It is of course, patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share.

Oh, there we go. And play, dude, play, dude, get on board there, guys. Now, if you if you would like to join for absolutely free, you can get a seven day free trial of any of the tiers, any of the tiers are available for a seven day free trial. That sounds fucking mad. And free,. And free. Tom. Free.

I'm afraid so, yeah. Free, free, free for a whole 7 days. So if you want to just have a little look around, see what it's all about, listen to a few episodes, play it who, get yourself over to patreon.com forward slash papi's flat share and yeah, and we would love to see you over there. I mean, I would say that the key tier, the golden tier would be the four quid a month because for that you're getting a whole bunch of bonus episodes. You're getting the Jingle as a single, you're getting bonus beefs with our guests from Beef Brothers and you're also getting once a week,

you're getting an episode of Pappy's Flat Share Pop Round, which is another fantastic show that we do, which is us, it's us telling stories, it's having a laugh, it's doing regular features. If anything now, it's actually weirdly more of a formatted format than house meeting. If you like house meetings and you wish there's a little bit more structure to them, don't we all, then get along to patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share Play do. Play do. Here we go, here's a house meeting. I've had a thought.

I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want to chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the flat. House meeting. Meeting, meeting. What temperature should we set the heater? House meeting. Why

on earth am I always waiting? House meeting. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Let's have a house meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meaning? House meeting. I was just emptying my washing machine. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah. No, worse. I was loading my washing machine. Oh. I can tell you now, this story is crumbling. This story is falling apart. But the smell that came out of the washing machine was bad, but I continued to load my washing machine. So you haven't washed the inside of your washing machine? You've not done a... In the clothes when you close the door. And the thoughts of flush through... Tom, can I just say one thing? Oh yeah.

You're saying this like, this is like you're doing sort of some sort of McIntyre style observational material. In the clothes go and you close the door. Actually what most people would do there is they're, well, I'll tell you what I won't do is put the clothes I'm gonna wear out in public to see other people in a little fucking rancor pit of stench. I think that what they would do is they

would go look, I'm sure I've got enough clean clothes to get me through the next couple of days, I will go and either use one of the little the little hacks like putting a little half cup of white vinegar in there and you know, neutralizing the smell or I'll go and buy one of those chemical things that you put in or even I'll just take out some of the little trays and you know the filters yeah those black trays that are full of grot. Firstly they should never be black unless you've got a black washing machine which you might have. The drawer of death. Take it out and run it under the tap and it will stop being a black tray of death. It's such a design fault those grubby drawers.

No it isn't. It's like saying anything you have to clean is a design fault. This is why I never got to the Apollo. My observation stuff doesn't cut through. You see the entire body as a design fault, don't you? Because you have to clean it all the time. Otherwise it stinks. You know when you're filthy? I'd say what's a design fault? My nut sack.

It absolutely reeks unless I clean it. You know, hey guys, you know when you're wearing those trousers you bought from TK Maxx for the seventh day in a row? Guys! You know what it's like. No one, no one doesn't cut through anyway. Those, in fact, I had the opposite experience of... Was it the opposite experience of that? I don't know. What, the opposite experience of... was it the opposite experience of that? I don't know. What, the opposite experience of what? You had a clean washing machine, what are you saying?

I don't know, I think I had the opposite experience of doing a bit of material that's relatable about how grubby my life is. My friend came round in my house and I was like, do you want a cup of tea? And he said yeah. And I said oh... It's kettle stinks but... I said don't mind these mugs, because they've just, I said, isn't it annoying when mugs get old and they just get those brown rings inside that you just, you know, and they're just, and he was like, no, no,

that can be cleaned. And I was like, no, no, no, that's just the way they go. He was like, no, no, you just need to clean your mugs, man. And then I went to see him in his show at the roundhouse and it turned into a bit. And I just started seeing Jane and I was like, oh, that's about me. Oh, no, that's me. That is so it turned out if you'd been on stage going, isn't it mad how mugs, you know, mugs have a ring in them when you. Yeah, exactly.

You can never clean it. Exactly. No, no, no. But he's managed to spin it into absolute, I mean, the roundhouse as well, big venue. Because people are laughing at me, not associating with me. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, totally. Nobody wants to see a grubby boy up on stage. They want to see Stig and the Dump up there.

What they do want to see is, and I know who this is, still pretty grubby boy, saying some things about a more grubby boy. The grubby boy tour. What you want is that little bit of release of, well that's not me. I'm grubby, but I'm not as grubby as old as old as old ring mug. It's um, it shits in the sea all over again. You'd be like the best support act. If you just go up, do all your material and then the headliner gets to come on and just be like, what the hell?

At least that's not me. Just do all of the material but in the reverse. At least that's not me! Just do all of the material but in the reverse. At least that's not me, Tor. He spent a good 25 minutes showing us his areas of bad skin. That anal fissure closer. Wait, wasn't it close? It was, yeah, I mean, my, my God, the bit about how his, how bits of his body just open up in certain weather conditions.

Really? I mean, a man for all seasons, that man for all seasons routine was awful. Well, at least it's not me. Standing ovation. What's the opposite of photosynthesis? Do you know that's how, that's how Frank Skinner used to end his shows. This is, I think it was his last tour, maybe the tour before, but he had a guitar on stage. And at the end of the, at the end of the show, he says, now a lot of you might be wondering why I've got the guitar on stage.

I just, I just wanted to have it here. So at any point you could be watching it, you could look at the guitar and go, well, it could be worse. Really nice. Really, really nice. That's very much what you would be. Tom Badskiller. Anyway, so now currently somewhere in your house you're polluting some of not just your clothes but your poor wife and children's

clothes as well with the horrible stench that you as the house to deal with I think they helped contribute to it as well yeah oh yeah certainly much team stench what you're gonna do put your Put your 7 month old baby in the washing machine and say get scrubbing mate. Team Stench, very much shirts versus skins. So we'll all be skins in our eyes soon if the washing keeps going like this. I've no choice. The old topless family parry. I have no choice. The old topless family parry. But before, you know, it hit me and the first thing that occurred to me was Taylor Swift doesn't have to do this. And it led very quickly

to the idea of like, if you get into the, how many servants would you be comfortable with? Zero, if they're called servants. It's definitely a branding thing, isn't it? I know, I know people who have their own PA and I can understand that. I think somebody said, if somebody said, you know, if I was working on a TV show and the host had their lunch brought to them and he said, Oh yeah, by the way, this is, this is Rose. She's my, she's my servant. What the fuck is going on?

But what I'm saying is it is a branding issue, isn't it? Because like, like people go like, Oh, Beyonce's team are incredible. She's got such a great team, right? Here's my team. But it'd be a much different post if she was like, and here's the servants. But that is what's going on. Yeah, no, but in that they serve you, yes, I guess they serve a purpose, yes. But I think I crucially could say any job that isn't the absolute supreme boss could be considered

to be a servant. But I don't think it's a branding thing. I'm saying it's like, yeah, but like in the day, back in the good old days, let's call them and you get an old e-key. I'm not calling them that. But you know, Downton Abbey would be different now because it wouldn't be they're the servants in the servants quarters. I don't think they're even called servants in Downton Abbey.

I think they're called at help aren't they? Surely are they not called... I don't even think they're butlers and maids and stuff like that. They're not called... Where am I? Parry, why are you rebranding from like the 14th century?, so are they servants if it's royalty? Like has William got servants? Are they not like footmen or type of servants?

Yeah, I know. Okay. Yes, Tom, we've established that literally any position where you're not the absolute top of the tree, any position that's lower than top of the hierarchy could be considered a servant yes in a domestic situation in that's that's right isn't it is that the way it goes anyway I just thought how many would you be comfortable with a couple I feel I feel bad now we've got a cleaner and

They literally their job description is cleaner right they clean 40 So you're saying in 1984 people having servants, I know it was a dystopian time if if you got to the stage would you be comfortable with a living cleaner could you go with that I think I'd depend on my one bed. It's because depending on the size of the property currently, no. Where are they staying? Yeah. We're going to need a bigger bed. But I think, I don't think, and I don't know much about Taylor Swift. It will surprise you to know as a 44 year old man.

But I, you know, I don't think, I don't think she had a burning yen to avoid loading the washing machine, which is why she wrote her songs. I think that might be actually the driving force behind most people. We just don't realize it. You think so? Has it changed? I think the push is the same. You just find what channel to put it into. Right. Yeah, I feel like a new man today. I've had motivation like I haven't had in 15 years.

It's unlocked your creativity. I wish I'd smelt that smell 10 years ago, I tell you. Do you know what I think is going to happen is, you know, when they're going to do the Bafta Craft Awards and they bring up Tom Parry to give his little speech, he is going to, you're going to open up a, one of those sort of aluminium suitcases and you're going to bring out a blackened, blackened drawer from your washing machine and you're going to go, I carry this with me everywhere I go. On the first day of me running a writers room on my new HBO show I made every single person around that table sniff my drawer

And I said do you want this yeah, or do you want to make the greatest television show that anyone has ever made? I give the same speech to my servants when I employ them when they get to my house Welcome to the team. Well, they're going to be smelling a lot more of this. Get used to this. Weirdly, I've never asked one of the servants to use some of my vast wealth to buy me a new washing machine. I've still got the same washing machine. I moved from my house in Exeter.

I ran the writing room. I called them my servants. that was problematic. It's mad I'm getting this award. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

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Acast.com. Yeah, okay. I get it. I mean, I just, I'm just, it just got me thinking. That's all I guess. Well, I'm glad you get it, Tom. I'm glad you get the idea. But the re-brand would be like,

is something like, and he's changed because he's had to change his clothes. You'd be like, this is my team. This is the team. Team is fine. team is fine because teams yes we're all working together yes but it is it is just a re-brand it's just a re-brand isn't it I don't I don't know I think servants suggests and a service to suggest a sort of lack of rights. Imagine if you were someone's personal trainer and you arrived and they were arriving for

their session and you heard them on the phone and they went, sorry I've just got to go, I'm doing something with a servant, I'll speak to you in a second. And it's like, oh your cleaner arrives and it's like, oh yeah don't worry the servant just arrived and they're like sorry what? No no no don't worry it's just a guy who's still trying to pass off that he has lots of servants To what end we still don't know? We don't know why? To blag his way into Davos? Sorry my servant's just making my coffee. You're in a costume, mate. What's going on?

I bet you in Davos they're dropping that word all the time. Is that a good thing? When are we going to get to Davos, guys? Live from Davos. What would we have to say? I mean what would it like? How would it... Would we do a flat slam? I know but... Someone's got to bank the billions. Well it's not gonna be me. Tom, well let's... Have you ever heard our theme tune by the way Tom? I made money by selling whales. I'm a krillionaire. Here's Warren Buffett. Is he alive? That's the introduction he asked for weirdly.

He said, would you mind just saying, am I asking the audience if they think I'm still alive or not? Oh man. Tom, how do you think you would be as a servant? Well that's the flip. I landed on that quite quickly as a trainer thought and was like, I find it tremendously, I find the idea very appealing. Okay. Now that was not the answer I expected. But then again, I don't know what I was expecting. Why do you find it appealing? Well, I feel a bit like that now actually.

Is it because you're very busy and you wish you just had a much simpler life? Well, it's because I feel like I'm in servitude to my wife and children. And with that comes a tremendous, I think part of finding peace in life is knowing where your focus is in life. And once you know where your focus is in life, then you can just focus on that. Because otherwise, when you don't know that, chaos reigns.

Is there any way that we can change your focus to cleaning your washing machine? Yeah, I mean that's. Is there any chance we can just... But that like if my focus was cleaning Taylor Swift's washing machine, you know, then you know that's your job. You're getting paid for it. You got one thing.

What's your job in life? Make sure Taylor Swift's okay. On the laundry department, I'm head of laundry. You know, there's my focus. I'm going at it. And why do you not see your responsibility to your wife and children is the same thing I know I do that's what I mean like that's why I'm here now talking about it I've got white goods you've got white

bads to yum it in get it get on mic. I'm dealing with it now mentally by talking about it, you know, processing it. So what's your plan once the stinky clothes come out and you- Can you Hoover out air? Like, if I get the Hoover on there and just get the air, get a new bit of air in. Tom, you're fighting the symptom, not the cause then, aren't you?

Because the air smells Because things in your washing machine have gone bad It could be bad air I reckon Tom if you get the Hoover in there But then you need to leaf blower to get the new area some new air back in exactly It did smell like bad air. How are you gonna deal with having a smelly Dyson though after that? Sucking the bad air straight into the, into the bag of the suvo. Obviously Matthew put the Dyson in the washing machine, don't you? Come on, man.

And also we have to say, don't we, on behalf of Clarky and I, that shark is now the official hoover of this podcast. Of course. So we have to have to say. Sharky and George. Yeah. From a branding point of view,

and obviously we know sharks excel in water, so I think that's gonna be, I like that, I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. excelling water so it's blocking it's blocking a lot at the moment oh is it yes have you cleaned it you do have to give him a clean. This is kind of an off mic conversation, but I do think a shark is a single man's oeuvre. Oh! I don't think it's built for the detritus of family life.

It so much as sniffs a sticker and it gives up the ghost. And that is essentially what they do, isn't it? They're big sniffing machines. They are big sniffing machines, yeah. The one that we got, and again, it is a Dyson, and I'm sorry for that, but it's one that's deliberately designed for people with pets. Yes.

And that's effectively what you need, because you've effectively got yourself two little pets If anything in our house Cosmo used to be the one who made the most mess and that is very very very much changed I love that. We're now calling We're calling anyone who works for you servants and children Can I say one thing? It's a bright thing. I think I think I think I'm much more comfortable calling my kids my pets because you care for your pets. Your servants you just work into the bone and then they die.

They die on your watch. I'd be a good Lord. I'd be kind to them. Yeah. They'd get a day off for weeks. One day off a week? Yeah. You're not giving them the full weekend? I think the maximum I could go to with my team without feeling like I was being

excessive is seven and then so they all get one day off and then I've always got a team of six. Right. Seven people. You know that that feels like, and his, Tom with his team, and if it's seven people, that doesn't feel like people are gonna go, oh, he's lost the common touch. He's only got seven. He's only got seven, which is fair enough, fair enough. I mean, you know, I've got five and I feel like an absolute pauper.

Yes. What are each of them doing? What are the jobs? Cuisine. Yes, nice. He wants to be called the chef, but I'm not letting him. He's the food servant.

There's a title for it. Food servant. Sorry, food servant. He's not in. Life style. Oh, wow. House. Life style servant, cuisine servant, house servant. Wait, can I just drill down because lifestyle servant appeals to me. What's the job description of the lifestyle servant? What are they in charge of?

What areas are they in charge of? I think that would fall into PA type territory. I assume. I don't rightly... Two things that I do a lot is I'm a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, I think that would fall into PA type territory. I assume, I don't rightly, I don't, two things that I do a lot is I confuse PR with PA

and I don't, it's one thing and then the other thing is not. How about in relation to personal assistants, yeah. Yeah, and I confuse those all the time and then I also don't know what PA actually does. Well, I always end, you know when you don't know someone's name, I'm speaking about myself here, but when you don't know someone's name, I'm speaking about myself here, but when you don't know someone's name so you become, you kind of Peter off halfway

through a sentence. If their names Peter off you're in real... By the way, if you don't know someone's name, don't just guess their name is Peter off because it's really, really unlikely. It's better just to go with man or dude or pal. Yeah, me. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So yeah, so you're so you could you could use and you know, I'm so PT is personal trainer. PA is personal assistant. PR is public relations. They deal with all your the press side of things. Your personal assistant is a bit of a movable feast really,

isn't it? They could be organizing your diary, keeping your calendar in order, telling you when the meetings are happening. They could be picking out your clothes, they could be, they could even be you know, preparing your meals. I mean maybe a dresser is a bit too far for a PA but you know, organizing your transportation, making sure you get to where you need to be. All that kind of stuff. Show for servant. Possibly show for maybe me. Transport servant.

What I'm going to do, my tactic will be to shorn off all the P's. Too many P's, very confusing and not necessary. It's like, I don't need to express that my trainer is not your trainer. He's my trainer. I don't need to say he's my personal trainer. You know know that he's on the contract yeah or she so just take fair enough fair enough she's I will employ women as servants as well incredibly modern of you so I would drop the P and add the S at the end So rather than a PT, I'd say this is my TS, my training servant. Territorial servant.

How do you think PT's across the nation who are listening to this now would feel about the fact that you're trying to de-brand them? This is not a re-branding, this is a de-branding. You're trying to de-brand them. It's a pivot. And also personal trainer doesn't mean- The word we use in Dav's a pivot. And also personal training doesn't mean that you are only working with one person. It means that you do one-on-one training with people. You train them personally as opposed to running spin classes or running groups like that. You know, you're that's why they're

personally trained. Not because they're employed by a personal trainer isn't employed by one person only. I would demand exclusivity. They're my ETS, my exclusive training servant. I can't have my ETS doing something with me and then jogging off in the afternoon to do f***ing squats with David Duchovny. They're my squats. That's a hell of a jog. They Remark it. Oh, by the way. They're going to have to be very fit. Jogging for exodus to Los Angeles. Oh, no, no. De Cofney lives in St. Lenin's down the road.

Oh, I forgot he kept the place there. It's the posh part. Is this still a misch to jog to? I'm not going to lie to you. It's the posh part. Imagine how many servants they've got. Exodus St. Leonard's, I'd still be pretty, you know, I wouldn't use that as a pre-training workout, I'd use that as my training.

So Tom, when you're, what is it called? ETS. ETS. Your exclusive trained servant, when they are not, so let's say they're working you out, let's go crazy. Let's say they're doing two hours a day working you up personally. Let's say they're spending another one or two hours every day working out nutritional plans, training plans, that kind of stuff. Working with the cuisine servant, yes.

Working with the cuisine servant. Well the ETS probably, exclusive cuisine servant. They can't be knocking up spag bol for Gillian Anderson. It's a real X-Files theme. Well Exeter, X-Math, the X-Files you know that's it's only natural that they gravitated around here to the River X people don't know that the X-Files was named after the river X they told you they but the truth is out there it's in there yeah certainly the water's being managed these days by the company I can tell you why the water's so bad Tom because it's flowing out of your fucking

washing machine mate. I tell you. One theory is maybe it's the water that's flowing in from the bloody Tories. Yeah yeah. So actually that's what I'm going to do in my washing machine. I'm going to vote against the Tories. Get Stammering. Bit of fresh air, both in Parliament and in my washing machine. You want him to chip away at the lime scale of bureaucracy. Is that what you're saying? I'm not going to vote for the Greens because that drawer's gone bloody green in my washing machine and I don't want to look in there.

It's green enough. Thank you. Yeah, anyway. So yeah, so what are they doing the rest of the time that they're not allowed to work elsewhere? Focusing on, I've got a social media server. Just focus down guys. Yeah, but no, I'm just talking about the,

the exclusive training servant. What are they doing? So if you're, if you've got them working, say four or five hours a day, what are they doing for the rest of the time they are, they are living in your property? There's gotta be, there's gotta be stuff that can keep them all busy, you know?

We've got to be seen to be productive as a team. How much on average week, how many hours are you working out generally? Well, I'm going to go down the Tom Cruise, Simon Pegg route, where I'll rarely not be working out. They'll be having to prepare the ice suit for, you know, to calm my body down. That kind of thing. You still talk about your bad skin. Prepare the lotion. Prepare a bit of calamine lotion. Fetch me my overnight oats. I wear them overnight. And then I

think for the whole team on a couple of hours downtime a day just be looking into eternal life So, you know, I think they'll all be coming at it from different angles Absolutely. So it's like yeah, let's deal with the here and now that's that's your main aim. You're very, you know present servants, but Let's keep one eye on eternal life because absolutely absolutely the first side is gonna the first I don't know if this is I don't know if this is PA I don't know if this is a nutritional expert I don't know if this is a fitness expert but could one of you check should I be drinking the blood of my children that's really important I just need to know

I don't know which one of my pets. The blood of my pet. I wish I could get the blood of my pets. Well, certainly the blood of someone else's pets. If possible. But we'll see. Never say never. Well, Tom, I wish you tremendous, tremendous success in your, in your new life. Can I possibly ask? Because I think it's not just the, it's not just the title that is different,

it's also probably the pay scale. Now what are we talking here? If I was to come on as, for example, house maintenance servant. Well, C Crosby remember I asked you this week if I could get a little bonus from the secret dudes bank account yes indeed I do remember that yeah yeah well that's what it's going towards it's going towards me to come out of the house I didn't inquire about whether you know just just could you chunk a couple of system have we got a couple of grand lying around if push comes to shove? No, we don't. We actually don't. Well, that's a shame because I've just interviewed seven very talented people.

So you managed to whittle your short list of seven down to a list of seven immediately, yeah. Down to cross me. Just me? Yeah. The three-line gunman, the smoking man. Yeah. Oh, you can tell us. Come on. You're going to be on the list.

Those are to reach places. He's brilliant. Yeah. A hell of a PT. Eugene Toomes. Well, I say it is my ETS. What if we skip the stretch in today, baby Great that caps is the strongest Eugene Tombs inclusion we've ever landed We got there very naturally Wasn't he didn't force his way into this one. No way.

That's really satisfying. House meeting. The socks only use for putting your feet in. House meeting. Talking of Gillian Anderson, by the way, have any of you watched, have any of you watched Scoop yet? Which is her news. Where she plays Emily Maitlis. Anderson, by the way, is, is, do you think think she's she's angling to be the female Sheen?

Certainly, because she's she's, you know, like we've we've had her Thatcher. Now we've had her Maitlis just a few more characters, a few more real life characters that she can play using the exact same voice she uses for all her characters. It's weird how much Emily Maitlis sounds like Thatcher in The Crown. It's because all English people sound the same to people who aren't. She's English. Yeah, but she spent a lot of time away. Yeah, she's forgotten her upbringing, she's forgotten her roots. I, without meaning to be crass, it is one hell of a Venn diagram for me, Gillian Anderson playing Emily Maitlis. Oh really? Absolutely.

Wait, where's the crassness? Absolute wall of it. I'm missing it. Don't worry, I know where the crassness is, Tom. No need to explain. In the Venn diagram there's Emily Maitlis and Gillian Anderson, in the middle it's me going like that. Whoa.

Thumbs up kind of thing. I missed that scene from Scoop. She's off for a jog one morning and it cuts to a bloke going, whoa. Have you seen Scoop? Yeah, I watched it the other night and there is, by the way, what I think, what I imagine would have been the audition piece because they obviously they recreate the conversation with Prince Andrew incredibly faithfully. So they recreate the conversation of him

and the key bit, which Rufusul does so brilliantly where he's talking about not being able to sweat. And so it starts on him, he goes, I'm not able to sweat, yes, that's right. I wasn't able to sweat. Like he sort of, you know, I'm not able to, I, yes, that's right. I wasn't able to sweat. Like he sort of, you know, like when he's sort of writing the story in his head as he's doing it, but then the next bit is they should get him on house meeting. Actually, he'd be very good.

He basically put in a house meeting performance, didn't he? Really? Did I say servant? What's the story? What? Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'll I say servant? I'm going to say. What's the story? What? Right. Yeah. OK, yeah.

I'll stick with that. I'm going to go with that. I've said it now. There's your on. I'll tell you what. Makes enough sense. I'll say one thing. Prince Andrew's washing machine, sparkling clean, wasn't it?

Oh, yeah. Obviously, he barely needed to launder those shirts. Absolutely. He didn't need to do anything. The only thing about Prince Andrew that's sparkling clean, the inside of his washing machine. No Calgon for him. But yeah, so the next bit, I loved it because I thought this is a great audition piece. The next bit is it's a close up of every other person in

the room. So they just cut to them listening to it. And so you cut to, oh crap, I can't remember who plays the, the, the, the, basically the, the, the commons PR, the head of PR for, sorry, the head of PR for the palace. It cuts to her and she pulls her, oh no, and it cuts to Billy Piper, who's the sort of celeb booker who's managed to get the interview going and his is like, oh yes, but it's all really subtle. I absolutely loved it. It's not supposed to be, well, it's kind of supposed to be a little bit funny. All of these things. I think the problem with any of these things that are like meant to be based on a current

news story, the too soon problem is it all feels a little bit star stories, you know? It's really, really hard to kind of avoid that. And then it cuts obviously to Maitlis who was like, I can't pull too much of a face, but I've got an absolute winner here. This is gonna be a good one. It was really-

The lady is not for turning. Well done Maitlis. Oh. And then it cuts to me. Well done, Maitlis! And then it comes to me... Oh baby! You may not be able to but I am now! Andrew must have watched it as well, right? Maitlis must have watched it... Do you think they watched it together? It must have been a WhatsApp group! Do you reckon all the people-

Do you think they are? Do you think they're still charming after what happens? Big interview, the WhatsApp group. And do you reckon they were like, come on, let's all get together. I have a few sides of the watch. It'll be a right laugh. What do they do with us?

Shall we get Billy Piper and Gillian Anderson in the WhatsApp group as well? Shall we do that? Yeah, let's get them in. Let's get them all in. Let's get everyone in the WhatsApp group as well. Shall we do that? Let's get them all in. Let's get everyone in the WhatsApp group. I don't think Maitlis and Andrew are on general texting terms anymore. I also think, is that not a sort of slight compromise of journalistic integrity to be – I guess you have to be in contact with people you're talking about.

Once you do a show, you know that glow after the show's finished? It wasn't a show by the way, Tom. Once you've done a show together and the buzz of, oh well done, that's in the can, everyone goes, we're going to be friends forever. We all know that feeling. The rap party for it must have been amazing, yeah, definitely. I'll start the WhatsApp group, here we go, we'll all go fucking ice skating or something in a few weeks time Let's go play bowling. Yeah, that'd be great. And you know, you know so-and-so is doing a thing

We'll all go and support them because we're a family and then that what's up group just lies dormant And then when scoop came around the text comes in bloody hell lads. It's in this mate-less and Just like oh, I know. Who else is in this group apart from Andrew? I don't think it counts as a group. And I don't think she'd be started by saying bloody hell of lads. It'd be whoever Billy Piper's playing and whoever the other woman's playing. OK, yeah, yeah. So, yeah.

Do you know, there's another one coming out. There's two in production and this one was the first one and there's another one due out in a few months time. Just the exact same. It's like the illusionist and the prestige. We surely cannot be that starved of stories that we are. For example, something that happened like three weeks ago. It feels fucking mad. It does feel crazy does feel crazy. Come on. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know. Yeah. You know, there's a there's a there's a lot of history, isn't there? In the world for us to do. Tom, I know exactly what you mean, but crucially, the thing about it is no one cares about history. It's a real it's it's a real shame. What they care about is dirt and grub. And the thing is, even though there's plenty of dirt and grub back in the day, people want to know

about grub about people who are still around. That's it. Yeah. We're just basically dredging up the stink of our own trays, you know? Gosh. Pulling out society's tray. Bloody hell, Clark has got poetic here in the dying embers of the podcast. Sorry Clark, I didn't interrupt you to keep talking. I'm enjoying this. This is good.

You know, we could hire someone to deal with the dirt, but we love our own stinking trays. Can I interrupt you? My laundry's just finished, I'm gonna have to go. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Oh no. Oh no. Tom, can I tell you one thing? The laundry hasn't finished, it's only just started. It never finishes. It never finishes. It never finishes. It never finishes.

We're all servants to our own laundry It's the cycle of life. Also, please Tom before you next come and see us Can you please sort your washing machine out? I can't promise anything What What's the worst thing you've considered eating? HANDS ME EATING! Awww, what?! Did you not even enjoy that by the way? My servants, they were listening to the whole thing. Oh lovely, I'm so glad you gave the time off. Get back to work!

Is that why they all broke out in some polite, cricketing style applause at the end of it? Absolutely right, yes. Is that what it was? Yeah, yeah. Well Tom, good luck to you and your servants. The team, the team. Yes. Good luck to you. You're already branding them as the team now. Are you? They've become the team again, the team servants. Yes. My team of servants. That's the t-shirts they wear. And team's really small. If you keep servants or you, or you are in fact yourself a servant and

you're listening to this while serving, do get in touch. pappysflatshare.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Play do. Play do. And if you'd like to send us a beef, we would love to hear your beefs for Beef Brothers. You can send us a beef at beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. That's an email address. That's an email address, yes. Type that into your email provider and send us an email today with your beef about anything

at all. It could be about your landlord, your neighbors, any problems you might have. It could be a free range beef, something that's happening at work, something that's happening on the nursery drop off, something that's happening at your local park, something that's happening down. We need beefs. We're desperate for them. We love them.

We love them. We love them. Well, you know what? I will say one thing. The thing I like about the free range beefs is we're not going to get the same the same sort of thing. The thing we get a lot, you know, is what order should the cutlery drawer go in? Or so and so loads of dishwasher in the wrong way, you know, this rushes think they're never they're never going to. These problems are never going to go away, but we've done them a few times.

So I like I like the ones that are coming from slightly further afield. So beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com. We would love to love to hear from you today. Um, but yeah, have a wonderful week. Join the patron. You're oh, Tom's off to bed now. Yeah. It's been a long one.

Um, it's yeah. Uh, join the patron and see you very soon boy Please do is play day and your version of goodbye is war Cheers everyone As women our life stages come with unique risk factors Like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke Know your risks visit heart and stroke.ca