Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Justice for Parry) S14E29

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. It's time for assembly.Come and see Flatshare Slamdown liveCheerful Earful - 20th October - https://cheerfulearful.podlifeevents.com/festival/pappys-flatshare-slamdown-live-show-20th-oct-ticketsPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of the podcast that we'd such an exciting episode this week. It really is.

Of the podcast we like to call Pappy's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! That's right. It is a house meeting and it takes some beating. It's where the three of us, three regular Joes, the kind of guys you just bump into in the street, sit down, have a natter and send it out to you. If that hasn't sold you guys, I don't know what we can do because where else are you going to get access to ordinary people?

It's not like they're ten a penny. It's not like Thomas Nitchey described what's going on outside of your front door right now. People on the street talking to each other. Guys, we've come up with a unique format of talking in a way that is no more interesting than a member of the public. So I hope you enjoy this podcast guys, because that's what you're going to get for the next half hour. Perfectly average chat.

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I've had a thought. I've got an issue. Patreon.com forward slash Pappi's Fat Share but let's get on with the episode. Let's get into it. Should we set the heat? House meeting! Why on earth am I always weeping? House meeting! Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Let's have a house meeting! What's the point? Does life have a meaning? House meeting! You know when you know something but you get called out on it and it makes you feel like you're going mad? I've just come back from a week on a beach. Yeah. British beach. Bragg. You were there with Billy Bragg, weren't you?

Pfft. But on the same stretch of beach for the last 20 years, every year, the very same stretch of beach. Can I just ask a question? Is it the beach that makes you old from that M. Night Shyamalan movie? It feels like it. Yeah.

It feels like it. The twist is I've been dead all holiday. What a dream that would be. But yeah, sorry. So you've been on the same stretch of beach for 20 years, holidaying in the same beach with your fam for 20 years now. But in the last three years, the seagulls have gone fucking mental. So I turned to my brother and I said they've genuinely evolved. And he said, can you hear yourself? That's mad to say that. But have it's changed the game's changed with seagulls how have they evolved have they armed themselves what

have they got what's going on they've got arms well they've just become they've become progressively more violent to the extent now way that we had three in one week three seagull I'm gonna call them attacks. Yeah. But one took half a sausage roll out of my wife's, just swooped in and got it. Out of your wife's what? No, my daughter's hand.

Oh, I was gonna say, cause you can't, you can't. Right? Okay, so your daughter's holding a sausage roll, half of it's gone. Is she holding half a sausage roll and the whole thing's gone? Or is she holding a whole sausage roll and the seagull nips and bites it in half and shares it? She's holding half a sausage roll and all of it's gone. Oh, no, no, that's not on. That's not on. If the seagull's breaking it in half and taking half, you know...

They're not sharing. Sharing's sharing like you said. They used to share. They've evolved. They've evolved. They used to go twos up. They've devolved then haven't they, surely? No no, you see them do reccies together now. They get in like little squads and they do reccies over the beach huts and then they see where the food's at and then they go round

and then they come back again and then they dive in for the attacks. They're like the fucking raptors from Jurassic Park aren't they? I swear to god and then an ice cream went out of one of my nephews hands and then something else went out of one of my other nieces hands. We had three separate. Can I just say as well, pathetic to be playing on the week as well. No offence to your siblings. They only targeted the young. They're targeting the kids right?

The young yeah. That's pathetic on kids, right? The young, yeah. That's pathetic on the seagulls part. Exactly. If you like, fair enough, come for us, right? You know, we're big strong boys. Speak for yourself. Not in my case, fully grown, but yeah, I'm not fully grown. But you know, one day.

You could be at risk. I could be at risk. They could see me as a topper. Don't shave off your mustache. I'm not going to, but for that reason. It's the only thing that's protecting you. My seagull cattle grid. Well, Matthew, you talk about preying on the week.

This sounds like an exaggeration. The other day, my wife and two children and I, we were eating outside of a Nando's. Yeah. And I'm not exaggerating, that happened. I know it sounds like an exaggeration. Don't tell me the chicken attacked you. It was peri peri angry. They said, hashtag justice for Parry.

That would get anyway. So Seagulls were hovering around. I think hashtag justice for Parry only works when no one's heard it. Not when everyone hears it and chooses to ignore it. Well, you've laughed at it, mate. Like what do you want? no one's heard it. Not when everyone hears it and chooses to ignore it. Well, you've been laughing at it, mate. Like, what do you want? Hashtag justicefairy doesn't work, basically. It just doesn't work. So, seagulls were hovering, not doing anything. I went to the loo and as soon as I went into the Nando's, a seagull flew down into my seat and

ate my dinner. That's what your wife told you anyway. That's what Jane said. Oh, you're not going to believe this as she wipes away some perinates from her chops. Oh, you're not going to believe this. This is unbelievable. But a seagull. No, dogs too. No, I'm not going to go with dog. A seagull. Would you believe a seagull sat down? You're right, because I talk about seagulls a lot. Exactly. You're arch nemesis.

Yeah. Yeah. Since COVID, basically, they've leapt on. This is an actual experience. I'm not like, I'm not mental. Well, no, about seagulls. No, you're not mental about seagulls. You hate them. In days gone by, we'd all sit outside and have fish and chips. Couldn't do that anymore.

Couldn't do that anymore. We'd have takeaway pizzas on the beach on the last day of the ... They can't do that anymore. Can I ask one thing? And I don't want to victim blame, but have you occasionally while you're having your chips, thrown a little chip to the sky and enjoyed a seagull catching it in their gob? Have you trained? Never would I ever. Have you trained the seagulls to attack you? Someone has. Someone has. Here's the problem. Here's the

problem, I think is they now know that they can scare humans. And I think the scare factors shifted around and they know it. No, right. They know that they're holding all the fucking cards and all the sausage rolls after they've stolen them from the kids. This is it, isn't it? It's a bit like, you know, when you're a teacher, they say don't smile before Christmas because the second the kids can spot that little bit of weakness in you, you know, then they're going to go for it. They say don't smile before Christmas. Yeah. We got told that at teacher training school. Actually, I'll tell you what, it wasn't

the teacher training school who taught us that. It was actually teachers in the schools we were placed in. We heard this expression, don't smile before Christmas, because that first term when you're establishing yourself, you shouldn't be like trying to be there, mate. Oh, I'm really, I really want to find out what Clarkie thought. I thought it was like in the run up to Christmas, when it's getting close to Christmas and the kids are getting all excited. Don't like, don't you get excited as well and smile. Don't get excited about Christmas. That was the other message. Let me tell you, don't get excited about Christmas. That was the message. Don't get excited about Christmas because on your fucking salary, mate, you can't afford any presents. You're a trainee teacher. It's just a good thing you're still living with your parents and you still believe in Santa Claus because otherwise you're getting diddly

squat. In the movie of the teacher training there then, you'd have a montage where you're not allowed to smile. Oh yeah, and they'd show you a variety of jolly things. Oh, they'd be doing all kinds of funny things in front of you and what's his name? Is it Michael Winston? He'd be making fart noises. Michael Winslow. Michael Winslow.

Michael Winslow of the Peace Academy movies. Yeah, he's the crossover isn't of the Peace Academy movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, he's the crossover isn't he from Peace Academy to Teach Training. Teach Training Academy. It's great. I'd say Winslow is wasted on just making fart noises. Oh yeah, yeah, that's true. That's a noise that's a test on to most people, yeah.

I'd say out of at least two orifices, most people can make a fart noise. It's a very accurate ambulance, but it doesn't make me chuckle. No, of course he's got a whole, he's got a vast variety of sounds that can make us be amusing to us, I think. Are you his agent? be amusing to us, I think. Hashtag, I'd say hashtag justice for Michael Winslow.

He's not, you're absolutely hiding his light under a bushel. He's got a variety of sounds that can all make us amused. So at the end of the police Academy films, then there's always some kind of crisis that they have to come together and police the shit out of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What would be the emergency where they teach the shit out of the short term kind of crisis that needs to be, because it can't be like, oh no, we need good teachers. And then two years later, they pass an offstead.

It needs to be like a 12 hour emergency. Like pigeon in the hall? I think there's got to be some sort of, yeah, bird in the school is a very good one, Clarky. Well, no, we thought it was a bird in the school. Turns out it was Michael Winslow doing his bloody tricks. Oh, Winslow! He had that in it, because he's got that in his arse. All the teachers smile. He's got all the sounds to amuse and I really do mean that. He's available for work in the run up to Christmas. When we all need a smile. If it's a Christmas movie, right? If it's a Christmas movie, which you kind of have

to give your, yeah, then Tom gets his notepad out, licks the pencil. So, if it's a Christmas movie, surely it's going to be the Nativity Plays in Trouble, right? And the moral of it at the end is you can smile a little bit before Christmas because Christmas is actually a time for celebration and love. There's a heartwarming message that the teacher learns to chill out a bit and not be such a disciplinarian and the kids learn that actually we're all in this together. Christmas is the time to come together. The kids learning from the teachers. Yeah, okay, Perry checked out. He doesn't like it. He's like, okay. I checked out early on Nativity because I don't think, I think like the Nativity is kind of

already pushed over into the fun part of teaching, whereas it needs to be the teaching part of the teaching that they actually, in their unconventional way, you can't teach the shit out of a Nativity, can you? Do you know what I mean? The flamboyant drama character will already be covering that kind of- Right. Okay. And they're allowed to smile because they're the drama teacher. Exactly. I feel like, I mean, it's an Ofsted inspection, boringly, at this rate. Yeah. Yeah. And that's not quite Hollywood enough. And you know- Does anyone want to see it though?

No. Well. Does anybody? Like, you know, who's going to go and see, you know, Ofsted on the big screen? Now listen, no one wants to see the bloody Ofsted inspectors, do they? And I'm talking for all the teachers listening. When my school was Ofsted Inspec- Hashtag justice for Perry. Is that the title of this episode?

When my school was Ofsted Inspec-ed for the first time, I was in year eight. And it was kind of quite fashionable then. Not fashionable, it was like, it was a new thing, wasn't it? And everyone was like, oh, the off-stead inspectors, your teachers are going to get inspected. There was like a bit of a thing about it. It felt like- Yeah. Oh, there definitely was. There definitely was. I don't think the teachers should have told us. No. That was their mistake. That was their smiling before Christmas. think the teachers should have told us. That was their mistake. That was their smiling before Christmas. Because the teachers we liked, we were nice for. The

teachers we didn't like, we weren't. Although it was mad to see teachers who would literally say, all right, get your textbooks out. Just do pages 47 through 52. Suddenly stand up and write on the board and stuff. And you're like, what? They're dusted off the bunsen burners. The old message, never walk before Christmas. It's not just never smile, it's never open your eyes. I've never said, literally, never didn't know you had eyes. Like that scene from Pearl Harbor.

He stands about his wheelchair. Yeah. It was like that. Only less inspiring. 37. My response to the off-stead inspection being announced, sadly, was I remember very clearly, I was in swimming club after school. Whilst doing my 30 laps, I composed a witty poem about Ofsted inspectors.

Can you remember any of the poem? I got home and wrote it up, took it in and gave it to my form teacher who passed it on to the head of year who passed it on to the head of the school and suffice to say No, you didn't read it in assembly, did you? I was summoned to the staff room to read it in front of the in front of the hostage inspectors No! at the conclusion of their inspection This is unbelievable

Tom Please, give us a couplet, We need to know. We need to know the depth. We've got to know. You were there in the Shroop Hall composing it. It finished with something along the lines of, they're the only people that I know that can give teachers telling off and lectures. We've all heard about them. They're here right now. The dreaded Ofsted

inspectors. Oh, justice for Paris. I mean, I've forgotten all about that until we started to my Ofsted inspectors. I'm actually thinking about it. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, that was me. I've written a poem about the Ofsted inspectors. I've typed it up and here it is. And yes, I will read it in front of them. Yes, please. Great. Bring it on. It's all stage time, man. It's all good stage time, you know. That was standing you in great stead when you eventually took your shows to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

That's it. He'd done his 10,000 hours before he'd... Exactly. I've done my 10,000 laps of the swimming pool. It's not easy trying to come up with a rhyme for inspectors, I can tell you that much. Vectors? Anyway, yeah, there we go, that happened. So what was the grade to the school? Well, it was going to be a fail until I read the poem and then everyone stood up outstanding. Suddenly we realised why Tom wanted to be an officer in inspection. You've written yourself

the leading role, haven't you? You're the one who's going to turn the school's fortunes around with your silver tongue. Yeah. Winslow beat boxing underneath, bring a bit of 8 Mile into it. Winslow beat boxing underneath bring a bit of 8 Mile into it. Dangerous Minds meets 8 Mile meets Police Academy at Christmas. How do they make bread with no wheat in it? Did you ever do any? No wait. Did you ever do any poems about Offsted Inspectors? Clarky, when it came to the Offsted Inspectors talent show, what was your turn?

Were you on a unicycle juggling three pins? What were you doing? I'd love to know. Did you have any unconventional performances in school? Was going to be my question. Outside of school place. Did you do any big assembly turns? Because assembly was very much my specialty. I can imagine. Well, you know, because I was obviously a cool rebel, me and my friend Paul Canova played a Nirvana song and I smashed up my guitar at the end of it.

No! What? It was, yeah, it was a guitar I borrowed off my friend. And I ended the set because I'd just seen that. Did you just see him in the assembly? Yeah, and it was so bad because my poor friend Nick Forgeaud lent me his guitar and at the end of the song I vaulted the guitar into the air, right? Because that's what Chris Navosalek had done at the end of the VMAs. He'd thrown his bass into the air and it actually

had landed on his head and I locked it quite badly, but I made sure I learned from my... And you were inspired by that? I was inspired by that. I was inspired by that. I thought, I'll throw it into the air. It will land on its neck, you know, and the neck will break and it'll be like, and I'll grab the rest and smash it onto the ground. And I threw it up into the air and I just heard...

Because Nick was obviously in the audience. And I just heard, no! As I launched his Fender Squire, high above the heads of the audience. I was genuinely just, I don't think I was doing it as a mean thing to him. I was just so overcome by, you know, rock. I was overcome by the power of rock. I felt I was so apologetic afterwards. But yeah, at the time I was just a terrible thing. Yeah. One of the things that I don't know about, I don't know the sort of story behind the famous bands who smashed up their instruments, Nirvana, Pete Townshend and The Who, but I'm pretty sure they just bought all of theirs. They paid for it. They weren't like going

to members of Mudhoney and going, oh, excuse me, after your set, do you mind if I brought your guitar just to do our final song? No! Not the final song, Kurt. No, not the final one. You can do the penultimate song if you like. No, I really want to use it for the final song if that's okay. If you expand out that London calling sleeve, you can actually see a guy in the background going, uh-uh! I let that do you in good faith! And what did the Ofsted inspectors have to say about it? Outstanding.

We got an outstanding in our field. Yeah. No, that was just an assembly. But I know you sort of cut your teeth on the assembly circuit, didn't you? You were very much like, if the teachers couldn't be bothered to do a thing, they'd say, well, Parry can come up with some sort of... I actually never gave them a chance. I would say that I've got this, they'd be like, no, no, no, I've got something

I must leave for this number. No, no, I'll take care of this. So, Clark, you didn't have a turn in a sample. You must have done a thing in assembly. I did. I was in the school musical. They made us do a song to kind of like as a trailer for the for the musical. And during the process of me doing musical, I could sing it. And towards the end, I really struggled.

And I had to do that in assembly in front of everyone. Did your voice break on stage during assembly or did it just break during like during the rehearsal or just one day? Yeah, during the process. This is going to be a dopey question, but does your voice break? I mean, I'm presuming my voice is breaking, but does your voice break? I hope so. Does it go like, do you literally go from talking in a high voice to suddenly going,

oh, and then suddenly you're talking in a lower voice? Because I've got no memory of it happening. You think it would be one of those things that you've got a memory of happening. It feels like you'd remember the morning that your voice broke. Yeah, but I've got no... You suddenly Barry White. Yeah, I just don't have any... I've got no memory of it happening at all, which makes me wonder if it ever happened. I'll tell you what though, do you remember the first kid that it happened to?

Because I remember Edward Hellyer. Yeah. Like, he was like a... You know, the first kid whose voice breaks is a minor celebrity. No offence to me if he's listening because Edward Helia was a nice guy, but he didn't have much about him kudos-wise. He wasn't big on the assembly scene or anything like that. No poetry in the staff room. But as soon as his voice broke, hold your horses. Then that's when everyone heard about Ed Helier.

Can I put a pin in a Helier for one second? No, don't do that. No, no, no. I have to. I have to. I've got to put a pin in a Helier for a second. You said the kudos, right? Did people know you'd gone into the staff room to read out a poem you'd written whilst you were swimming? And did that, what was the sort of, what was the kind of like? Yeah, basically, why weren't you bullied? Put it this way, it confirmed a lot of people's opinions of me. I'd say it wasn't a surprise and it confirmed a lot of people's opinions of me.

Got it, got it, got it. I would say I probably was bullied, but I just didn't really pick up on it. Oh yeah. I was the same way. I was just so absolutely delighted with myself that I was impervious to bullying. Well, you know, again, I've talked about this, it happened one year in Edinburgh when a couple of guys came to see us in Edinburgh and then afterwards took me out for dinner. And during the dinner, they said, well, the reason we're going to pay for dinner tonight is because we bullied you so badly at school. And I was like, Oh, I thought you were my mates. I'll take a free dinner. I'm up at the Edinburgh Fringe. I'm hemorrhaging money over here. So yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'll have a friend over in here.

And then at the end of the festival, me and Clark took you out for dinner and said, it's been a rough month. And you were like, what guys? I'm having the time of my life. You said it like that because your voice still had a broken. Yeah, I know. I'm having the time of my life. Anywho, yeah. But yeah, Eddie Hellier, you're saying that after that day, he was…

Eddie Helyer It was the making of him. Will Barron This is like when Izzy Sooty went to school with Ben from Gomez and when he's sitting on the dock of the bay in assembly that one time, like no one really paid any attention to him and then he did an assembly again, the school assembly, the power of the school assembly. He's sitting on the dock of the bay at the school assembly in that famous gravity voice he's got, you know, and then suddenly that was it. Everything changed.

Everything changed for him. And you think this is what happened to Hellier? Yeah. And they say that everyone who was in that assembly went on to start a band. I thought, I thought everyone who was in that assembly went on to do another assembly, words traveled, word traveled. somebody went on to do another assembly. Word travelled. Word travelled that there was a guy in Matlock doing really good assemblies in Paris. He thought, well, let me write a few lines about our upcoming sats and see if I can't inspire the troops.

So yeah, I think big, big school celebrities in that vein. I could tell you straight away the person whose voice broke first time, I could tell you straight away the person who lost their virginity first in the year. It was Ed Elion Fowlton for that reason. And he lost it to you, didn't he? I tell you what. And that was one hell of an assembly. You were absolutely blown away by that. You know, you wanted to get his voice high pitched again. I can do it. Let me show you. Absolutely. Winslow to do any sound effects with that. All the groupies, all the assembly groupies. Winslow, Winslow, making people's voices break for them. Yes, please. You can do that.

You can do any sound that you want him to. He absolutely can. Great. And they're very amusing, all of them. For us, it was Alistair Wood, first guy to get pubes. Big deal. Big old deal. Did you ask to see him?

I even showed him to you. When we got changed in the change room, he was just wandering around with his big old dick covered in pubes hanging out. It was great fun. It was great. We were the often inspectors impressed. Because the last school we were at, some prick read us a poem and it was shit.

Did you get any repercussions for your solo in Assembly? Yeah, man. Yeah. It's brutal, isn't it? When you know, because you know everyone's in there. Yeah, that's it. Lots of just like, why, like, why have you done that to yourself? Yeah, no one thought it was cool. My friend Nick was really upset. And then the head of year basically had a word with me and Paul and said, look, this is not what assembly's about. At least you played it with a straight bat on like at least you were doing sort of, you know, like,

Oh, no, parable of the talents, but done as reservoir dogs. Hold in front of the head of year. Yeah, yeah, that's not what somebody's about. It's Church of England School. Yeah. You know. Talk me through this. How was this realized? I'd seen Reservoir Dogs. Yeah. And it was, we had to do an assembly about the parable of the talents. Talents?

Talents. The talents, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never really understood what that means, but is that the guy, the guy who like either invests his talents or buries them in the ground? Yeah. Oh, yes. And talents are a currency. Yeah. But it was confusing because it sounded like he was handing out talents, but then I think the Bible used that to their favour. Anywho.

Oh, it's a great book. It's a good read. It's not a stretch of the imagination to take the power of the talents and turn it's a great book. It's a good read. It's not a stretch of the imagination to take the power of the talents and turn it into a reservoir dog style spoof. The father's the boss, nice guy Eddie. Everyone had their black suits and black ties and we had water pistols. But I think it was under the proviso that they didn't have water in, but then on the day we all filled them up with water. And it finished with a Mexican stand up and then we all squirted water ourselves and then into the crowd as we were dying. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

It really, it took the roof off. It was, it was, it was the talk of the talk of the school. It was a smash hit, but not with the authorities. Yeah, I love it. You know, I love it. Shut us down. I was the orphan to reable of the assembly circuit. This is absolutely this is unlocked another memory. I forgot another again. This is pre smashing the guitar. This was like what this is when I was.

But I was I was put. No, I was still playing. I was still playing guitar on on stage we'd done this thing. In fact, it was a form assembly. It wasn't a whole school assembly this time. It was just a form assembly. So it was happening in our classroom, right? So it would be a bit where you get up and you do a little sort of show and tell type thing. And again, me and my friend Paul got our guitars out, we played a song. But the idea was we'd found out they were getting rid of all the French textbooks there. They were just chucking them away in the bin. We got them all out the bin and we'd given them to everybody and we'd said, right, the second we start playing, open up

your desks and start pelting us with balled up bits of old French textbook. And so it was like, you know, so like everybody was equipped. It was basically like, it was basically a big prank or just the teacher who was doing it. Yeah. They were all equipped. Exactly. Yeah.

They were trickle odds to the back teeth. Absolutely. So yeah. So then we hit the first chord and then just everybody just started pelting us with like, you know, tons and tons of balled up paper. Oh my God. We'd all been doing it. It was really, it was really good. It was really fun. It was really, it was really like an arcade, but obviously-

Were you singing aloete, jauntie aloete? Absolutely, yeah. Jauntie in the way. Yeah, it was great. Oh, you know all the words as well. Yeah, I know all of the words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, that was- That was great. Oh, you know the words as well. Yeah, I know all of the words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, that was… That's great.

Again, I think we're cut from a very similar cloth. You know, you've got to create a theatrical event in these assemblies. You've got to, you know, people have got to remember these things. That's what they're there for. Well, very similar. Yeah. Me and Shaps had to do a French assessment at the front of the class and you had to do a scene in a restaurant where you had to order a meal. One of you had to be the waiting staff, one of you had to be the customer. At lunchtime, we went to the cafeteria and got salad and mayonnaise and peas and vomit, an edible vomit and hid it in like a bag. So the customer went and ordered the food and then started to complain about the food and then vomited into the bag and

then the waiter started eating the vomit. Again, huge success in class, but problems with the authority. Yeah, this is it. Do you know what I mean? Wow. The bad boys of the assembly. That's it, that's exactly it. That's exactly it.

That's what we were. Yeah. We're assembly bad boys. Really pathetic stuff. Really the worst. Imagine, imagine filing into the sports hall and seeing either you or I stood at the front again and going, oh, fuck me. Not again. Oh, God. Oh, God. Here we go.

It started with a poem. And the scene of it. Who ever thought it would come to this? What is the Edinburgh Festival if not one big assembly? Am I right? By the way, the email if you don't want to send justice for power years, Pappy'sflatshare at gmail.com. Get in touch guys. Please get in touch, JFP. Anywho, my point still stands about the Seagulls, but stay safe out there. Yeah, absolutely right. Absolutely right.

They're evolving. They're devolving. They're revolting. They're not, honestly, they're smarter than they've ever been. Are you sure it's not that you, like, is it just that your family have been going there for 20 years and they feel comfortable enough to borrow? They recognise them. They're like, oh, these guys. They weren't just targeting us.

It was happening all over the beach. Now look, you know, Jane's got a story from her childhood where a granddad was once attacked in a park in Exeter by a seagull and that stayed with her. She's never trusted seagulls for that reason. And I stood up for them in the past. But it does feel like they've crossed the line. Yeah, when they come for your kids, man, they're big, man. They are.

And if they coordinate, if this if it spreads from the southwest, I'm saying we could be in trouble basically. And our eating outdoors days might be Number two should tell the listener that the I've explained that this is it's not your only podcast But Tom is wearing a seagull pelt like the revenant No wonder he's sweating so he's covered in oily feathers so it is illegal to punch a seagull? You looked it up.

Yeah, we Googled it. Oh, you know your rights. Listen, don't get caught out. You know your rights. Listen, I don't think you should be doing anything to a seagull. It's just one of God's creatures. What do you want to do to it? I mean, obviously you want to punch him. I want to defend my family. Sure. And I want to avenge my family. Yeah, that's a good sausage roll. I want to show my daughter that, look, that seagull that took your sausage roll paid the price, the ultimate price. What, £50?

Yeah, he owes what he owes. Nick is pocket money. Turn the seagull upside down and shake him out so the coins drop down to the sand. And if you want to know what that sounds like, then tune in to the hits of Michael Winslow because honestly, he can do a seagull being shook upside down so that the loose chain falls out at the drop of a hat and it's very amusing. And to play us out guys, here's Winslow himself with the noise of a seagull being shaken upside down and some coins falling onto the sand. Take it away, Michael. OK, let's all give it a go.

OK, this is our closing assembly. Who's up first? Go on, I'll give it a go. OK. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, That Madonk at the end was his voice breaking. Oi! Aargh! Aargh! Kaching!

It's not easy, is it? It's not easy, no. It was good though. It was really good. That kind of just like cut out for me. It was too it was too much for my my zoom tab. Too amusing. It was too good.

I liked it. Yeah, that entirely cut out. Yeah, I did it'm sorry, Clarky. But we'll hear it on the pod. Don't worry. We'll hear it when it comes through. So listeners, please do get in touch. Who did the best version?

Please get in touch. You can DM us on Instagram. You can get in touch via a pappiesflatshare at gmail.com. And please do get in touch. Who did the best noise of a seagull being shook upside down and the coins fall out of the sand? And the way this EPS played out, I do really need the win. So please do think about justice for Parry on this one. Well, well, well, there we go.

Yes, that was nice. Great stuff. Those emails again, if you want to get in touch guys, papysflatshare at gmail.com if you want to tell us who made the best noise at the end of the podcast. And it really will be a sign that you've listened all the way to the end of the podcast. And thank you for that. I've got to tell you guys, I've got an update from Beth. Beth sent us a beef a little while ago. We solved it on Beef Brothers a couple of weeks ago about crockery and cutlery going missing in her house. This led to us talking to Nick Sampson about his incredibly weighty cutlery. It was a very fun episode and Beth writes, thanks for solving my cutlery beef on the most recent ep. Thought

I'd update you as to what went down. Turns out that housemate two was the issue and she was putting cutlery and dishes directly into the outside wheelie bin when she left the house. She's since been sectioned and we all moved out, beef solved. So thank you very much. Thank you. Yes. So it's always good to know that yeah, she's unfortunately, she's been sectioned. So there we go guys. But if you have a beef, you would like us to solve and that's as far as we can go guys. We didn't alert the authorities to this situation. That's all we can do. Then again, in touch, beefbrotherspodcast.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you. Beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com.

Send us a beef today. Lovely stuff. Otherwise, thank you for chiming in with your... All right. All right, justice for Perry, guys. He's firing pearls here tonight and you guys are just underappreciative, right appreciative But thank you for trying to get with you. Oh, no As you do indeed every week

I'd hit on chiming and then and then I was like, oh no Sentence me like trying I was going for tuning and I ended on chiming and then I tried to be like, oh, they're chiming in with their thoughts and I was like, no, you can't do that. Parry's just chucked his microphone above his head and it's a borrowed microphone. Yeah, leave us a review guys, and maybe not don't review this one, but leave us a review of one of the others as you've enjoyed Five Stars or to do it to do it. And don't forget to like and subscribe, whatever you do, because it all leads towards more people finding out about this podcast. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Corsham team.

Chime everyone. Bye. Chime everyone by him. It's chime everyone by him this time. Yeah, yeah.