Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Kiss Chase with Jagger) S10E45

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Tom wants to play school yard games, will Matthew and Ben join him for a round of kiss chase?Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain-alice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders know, but chicken tenders yes, because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now.

For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy respons essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to a Papi's flat share house meeting. Oh, absolutely right. Get in, get in through the door of your own ear canal and that's all. Absolutely right. Do join us in your own ear canal for what's going to be a very funny show. You've effectively air B and B out your ear canal to three zany dudes who are going to take good care of your property. We're going to be so wacky but we're going to be respectful.

We're going to be wacky and waxy because we're in an air canal. We're going to be cleaning up on a Sunday morning with that kind of Airbnb and beers. Yes, we're going to let our hair down on Saturday night. We're not going to break anything and we'll probably run a hoover across it before we leave on the Sunday. Yeah. So, but not too early in the morning. We're not firing up the hoover at 6am. Don't you worry about that. We'll let you have a...

We're not squares. We're not squares, but we'll be out at the rec was it time? Exactly. Exactly. We don't outstay. I'll welcome. So yeah, this is a house meeting. Welcome to it. We've actually had a few bits of correspondence, which I thought we might want to leave stuff for which I thought we might want to make stuff. Thought you might want to chat about. Yeah, because you posed a few questions, Perry. Oh, I agree. You have done in the past, and this is from Minner. She writes, via papysflatshareatgmail.com. Please do get in touch. Miner writes, hello lads. I'm writing it on the last house meeting question of,

who is this podcast for? I mean, it's an often one. I kind of thought that was a rhetorical question, but it's good. I don't know if we want the answer to this, but let's have a look. Well, here we go. Miner says, there are times during the pod

when you'll mention something before my time, being the young age of 22 myself, and at that point, I will feel like, in the kindest possible manner, I'm listening to my three grandads, talk about the good old days. Now Miner, I'll stop the message there for a second. I love that.

Grandads. I love that. It's not even listening to like 22. Sure. I'm of an age where I can have a kid who was 22. How have I managed to not only get in a kid, but that kid's also had a kid in 22 years. Oh, calm down, Grandad. That's true.

Anyway, all I have to do is have another word as original and chill out. All I have to do is not along and say, did they? Really? And so... LAUGHTER Then suddenly we're back onto Robert and Eurone Pressions and it's solid ground for my listenership again. On a sincere note, however, the podcast is for all who enjoy a good laugh and it genuinely

feels like you're listening to your friends talking and laughing. Admittedly, apparently, according to it, those friends are 87. LAUGHTER Oh, right. Stay well. Also, Matthew, hope you like Beckettam. I live there until very recently, which makes it... I can't help but take that as another insult. As soon as you heard I moved in, she got the fuck out of dodge.

Oh, yeah, I know. You know you're not in a cool up and coming area if I'll grandad's. The over time and village of Beckon. It's just quiet, right? It's just like it, it's just quiet. And just sitting the garden and prepped for death. Reminis. Reminis.

But thank you, Minna, that means the world to us. That's great. Phil gets in touch via Pappis' tweet on Twitter. Oh yeah. Please see attached Snapchat Convo with by 15-year-old and his mates. Right, okay, Minna, listen. We're reading a Snapchat conversation. How grandaddy can we be?

Right? This is HIP. Right. We're one step away from a TikTok. So, Phil has got a Snapchat group with his 15-year-old at his mates, which I think is adorable. Yeah, should we be, should we do this like a little play? Okay, great. Okay. Do you want to be Phil? I'll be Phil, the dude. You'd be Phil, I'll be Evie, and Clark and you'd be Lewis. Okay. Great. Okay. Here we go.

Kids, who's your Robert De Niro? Question mark. Who's he? By which I mean an actor who was being in some classic films from before you were born and is considered a brilliant actor by people your age. Right. Okay. Lightning McQueen. What about Leonardo DiCaprio? Great show, EL. Crap. Will Smith. You know what? Two very strong contenders. Leonardo DiCaprio and Will Smith. This is great. We've actually got someone like Phil with his ear to the ground.

He's got the ear of the youth. He can tell us. And this is my ears because this is what I was trying to say. Look, listen to the youth of today. Who's Robert De Niro? Bosh! Yeah. 50 year old kids. Will Smith, don't know who Robert De Niro is. Will Smith is a great show actually., we we didn't even look at that and we had we had some Skon one of our

Mutual friends he got into it just listening and said my 11 year old nephew Had never heard of Robert De Niro. He said Robert Downey Jr Horries actual favor it is Tom Holland said Robert Downey Jr. Horror is actual favourite, is Tom Holland? Well, I'm not going to accept Tom Holland. Tom Holland, I think he's too early in his career to be that generation's deniro. Wonderful.

Wonderful performer, no doubt about it. But I like Downey Jr. Downey Jr. seems like quite a solid choice. Because obviously he's famous for Iron Man, but he's got some crack in movies prior to that. He's pretty good. That's pretty good. Danny Jr. and Will Smith. Fascinating.

Yes. Absolutely fascinating. Okay. Next week we want who is your Julia Roberts? Who is this generation's Julia Roberts? Is it Jennifer Lawrence? Oh, big mistake. Huge. What?

What's this stuff? Clarke, you were so good at acting there. I genuinely got, like, worried I'd done something wrong. No, Jennifer Lawrence. Good show. Thanks mate. Right. Amy Adams.

Yeah. Strong. Good. Good. Yeah. Right. Are you the Adams? Yeah. Strong. Good. Good. Yeah. Strong. Good. Good. Here we go. Strong, good, good. Three words, well two words that we could use to describe this episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting.

Have a strong, good, good time guys and we will see you on the other side. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. good good time guys and we will see you on the other side. Be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 be 10 I can't quit fire there. I just can't. It's not the game. It's not the game. I missed the game. Is it like a sort of, do you do a sort of spot the ball competition? Is that what it is? Oh, man. But it's for other people.

Where you, where you let out a little part at some stage during the podcast and see if people can spot it. There will be a fire in every house meeting. Oh, we can sell, we can sell sweepstakes. We can sell to listen to deers.

Everyone could buy a minute of a house meeting. And then wherever the park is, you get to have a free time of it. Or something, you know. I think when the competition is spot where the fart is, I think the notion of a free time of it is too vague to be appealing. Okay, we're met a tenor. Yeah, everyone loves his tenor, don't they? Oh my god.

Because then you'd be on tenor. You'd be on tenor hooks listing, wouldn't you? You'd be on tenor hooks? Oh, you'd be on tenor lady pants. No, I am. What? Is everything down there loose for you? Well, if I'm going to be forcing out

for every single record, then it's just a lot of time. Forces, why is it take precaution? It's a good idea. It's a good idea to double back It's more that you're forcing that you're only doing one You're not forcing out one you're suppressing 300 So anyway Tom let's because this is quite a gross start and it's already turned my stomach what fun game do you miss playing? hide and seek Hide and seek. Hide and seek. Hide and seek. Go on. Playing hide and seek as an adult is really good fun.

Well that's what I was going to say, like it's a game I think that gets better and better yes. And yet, what we don't play it more. When you play it with little kids, especially very little kids the Concept of being it's bad, isn't it because the concept of hiding they don't understand and then once they're close to being found That they always reveal themselves. You're spending most of your time pretending you don't know that they're studs Behind the On the leg

Yeah, exactly Sat like next to which ear, not even under it. Yeah. Yeah. I think we give kids a full sense of security by not playing too hard against them on hide and seek. This for me is why any of those movies where a kid has to hide just doesn't ring true for me.

Like for example, like the quiet place or something like that, you know, where they're like putting a hand over the kid's mouth and going, shh, don't make a noise. Sorry, have you ever met a kid? That is not in any way what a kid does. Like the other shining, it should be like he gets into the maze and Daddy's stood on one leg in the middle of the room. And it's like with his eyes closed and it's like, just because you've got your eyes closed, doesn't mean Johnnyik and see you. And kind of laughing and shouting, I'm here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. The end of the shining should be more realistic. Yeah, like my daughter, if you give her a scare, she runs towards the scare. Amazing. Well, I think that's because also she runs towards me to sort of comfort her from the scare, but it is like if you leap out and scare her, rather than running that's because also she runs towards me to sort of come from the scare,

but it is like if you leap out and scare her, rather than running the opposite direction, which is that she runs towards it, leaps in. Maybe your thoughts have gotten the makings of like a superhero though. She's just like, I run to be a great first responder. Yeah, she's spiked. Yeah, she's got the fight instinct. That's what it is. I don't know where she's got it from.

Because it's not from me. I was just thinking if you if you professionalised up hide and seek there could be something in it. Because they play tick don't they that's that's like a new well I've seen it like as an event. Ticks not new. or tag. What do you call it? It. We call it it. Yeah, you're it. I think a lot of people call it tag. But yeah, there's like events that they have like proper sporting events of tick where they have got loads of obstacles and they're diving around doing it like one-on-one. There's like a parkour on them. Yeah, it's like 30 seconds. And there's also Kabadi, isn't there, which is kind of a second. Look, Kabadi's like a real sport, though, isn't it?

Kabadi? Yeah, but it's like, it's hard, it's tick, isn't it? Kabadi. I thought Kabadi, I thought, now I'm gonna try and explain what I think the rules of Kabadi are, because actually, as you mentioned it, they sound mad in my head. Has somebody got something tied to the back of their trousers

or tucked into the back of their trousers? It's like tick. You've got to keep saying cabaddi. You've got to prove you're holding your breath and so you did that by saying cabaddi. You say cabaddi, cabaddi, cabaddi, cabaddi. And then, oh, you've just got to touch them, have you? Because I thought it was there,

something tied to the back of their trousers, or tucked in the back of their trousers, that you would pull. I mean, maybe that's what we did at Cubs or Scouts or something, maybe we did that to avoid it being too much of a contact sport. So, you know, Cabbadi was big on Channel 4 back in the day, wasn't it? They showed Cabbadi on Channel 4, yeah, yeah, I never watched it. So, my question is, right, if you were gonna, because, like, all right, I've been watching

quite a lot of BT Sport through the night at the moment. Yeah. They're crying out for shit to palmatelli, right? If we made hide and seek a legitimate sport, yes. Don't tell me it wouldn't, it'd be a really good watch. Is it not celebrity hunted? No. So talk us so what. Celebrity hunted. You across the whole country, isn't it? So you have to be within a house. It's like the idea. Like hide and seek. Like when you play hide and seek, you don't go fucking, you don't get a bus across town. Well, I do. That's the always been the thing that stopped me from from from ever really kind of being accepted in the game. I've been a maverick.

No, I always crossbeat, I was in Derby. No, but when we... Oh, okay, so I was looking in the kitchen. But when we talk about the version of the big version of TIG, that's massive, isn't it? That's kind of over a whole town. Isn't it when we talk about the no, I don't think I know no It's in like it's in like a very small area, but there's lots of obstacles. So I have produced it right Right, right, right. I take what my favorite version of of hide and seek is hide and seek in the dark

Yeah, would it be like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your sexy version, isn't it? Whoa. Well, it was never sexy, but I played it. You've like, you've been turned the lights off. Uh, you know, to have a little sexy time and then it will be like, Where are you? Oh, played a game.

Clarky, we played hide in Seek in the dark. Lones times together for me, it played a game. Clarky, we played hide and seek in the dark. Loads times together. For me, it was always sexy. You were having two very different experiences of the same thing there. That's really interesting. It was just me and you playing as well. That's the weird thing.

I think what we're talking about is a, you need a regulation playing field. So, and this is what I was trying to work out in my head last night was like, you, I think you'd have a like standardized house. Not a million miles away from finders keepers, but like, it would would be like there would be a design for every house because that way then It's not about the house. It's about the players. So you would know every like if you went to Belfast There would be you go it's like going to laser quest or quasar You'd have the same house built everywhere in every town. Like the Queen's on the suite. Like the Queen's on the suite.

They would be the rules that apply to that. So it would be a standard, so there would be no new, so it wouldn't be like you could travel to particularly good ones. It would be like, say, escape rooms or park rooms or something like that. Yeah, or you could go, you've got to play Belfast, you've got to do the Belfast one, it's absolutely out of this world. And then it's like, all like four-wheeler one. It's like, what's this circuit like? Yes, because I think, I feel like the, once, you know, you want people to sort of do multiple

hide and seek, don't you? But once you've played the room, three or four times, you've cracked it, haven't you, if it's the same room every three or four times, you've cracked it, haven't you? If it's the same room every time. But if you're like, right, I can, I can, you know, the Bromley one, I can do that one with my eyes closed. Not a great way to play hide and seek, but I can do it if I wanted to.

If you want to make it sexy. Yeah. But yeah, that's, this is a good idea. This is a good idea. Because I respect Taser Point of view, but like there's nothing more satisfying than watching someone look for something where you know it is.

That's why I think that is like a really good way of watching something. But also in terms of making the, like making the, like putting it on Telly, you know, to put it on BT Sports. The idea of having like heat sensors and stuff, there'd be all different ways of viewing it, you know. Heat sensors, head cams. Head cams, yeah, there'd be all different ways of viewing it, you know. He eats sensors, head cams.

Head cams, yeah, you'd have those. Each house would have lots of handles and shit in it. So then it'd become about like, people would be like upside down and shit like that. The real pros would be like, you could contort. You know, you think about who the competitors are going to be and it's like, it's going to be, oh, that guy can hold on to a wall for like, for a minute, that guy's like an ex-marrying climber. He's got great grip strength.

This guy can kind of get into a box. She's a ballerina or something, or in like, she's a gymnast. Yeah, yeah. It's like, what's he's a magician? Who's the assistant? Who's the dude in Ocean to Eleven who can fit inside a box? I was thinking of him.

Yeah, that guy, you want that guy? Where he's actually, it's not plumbed in, so it's okay, but he's in the loo. Ha ha ha ha ha. We're getting back to it. X files, you've been tomes. You've been tomes is back. You've been tomes raises ugly head. you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans,

you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, jeans, you jeans, jeans, you jeans, you. You're talking about toilet, wouldn't you? I'd be right in, I'd join him. We'd be splashing around, it'd be like a hot tub party. I like the idea actually, this would be good. You're on the loo, right? You're sat on the loo and out of the system comes the Eugene Tooms type figure. That would really scare you, wouldn't it?

He's doing a top deck. Yeah, he's top decking it, yeah. LAUGHTER Imagine that. I mean, the perfect place to be if you're going to shit yourself. LAUGHTER Has me, D. That socks only use for foot to your feet.

Has me, D. Has me, D. It's for. And you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Let's not so many eggs suffer but to your feet. I'm eating! It's fall, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those. Turtles? No. But turtles the dessert? Yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials.

Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See you at for details. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coast of freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's a like theaters, December 15th. Did you ever play kiss chase? Yeah. It was definitely played at school. I haven't got particularly strong memories of playing the game myself. What was the... I can't remember whether I like of playing the game myself. What was the...

I can't remember whether I like it. I feel like the idea of it was so strong that I don't remember actually playing it. Yeah, I did. Did I actually play it? Did we try and play it? Because like, it doesn't... Oh, in fact, I did play it. I've just had a very vivid memory of me.

Grabbing Rachel Lloyd and kissing it. It doesn't feel very... Let's not tell all of these stories because we don't want to get you canceled It doesn't well it doesn't feel like a healthy game in hindsight does it? Well, it's really everyone agrees everyone agrees they want to play. Yeah, of course But yeah, and and the thing is on what I remember about it was desperately trying to get away from being kissed Managing it the game ending and then we'd be really sad that I didn't get kissed Yeah, I like that so like perfect I think he's just too fiercely competitive. That's how you are at that age of with kissing. Things you've got to know about child clarky, ferociously fit, tremendously athletic.

I know, and also very, very confused. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I knowciously fit, tremendously athletic. And also very, very confused as to what wasn't sexy. If it played in the dark,

he would have basically lay spread eagle on the floor and said, come and take me. With a simple rules of kiss chase, just you're grabbed, you get kissed, then you go and grab and kiss someone. Yeah, I was going to ask, how does it, how does it start? It's like far as, but what you're ticking with is your, is your lips, yeah. How does it, but in order to, you can't kiss someone without, you'd have to wrap your arms around them to kiss them,

otherwise you're not going to do it. Like think about how hard tick is and then think about playing that with your lips. You've got to employ the arms, you've got to employ the arms at some point else, there's no kissing. Yeah, you've either got to have like incredibly, incredibly agile lips that you're going to stretch out like that. Like that. Exactly. Mick Jagger, I bet Mick Jagger was phenomenal at Kiss Chace. Because he's already quite sort of like, like, rubberlimbed anyway, isn't he? Yeah. Lots of moving around. Yeah, definitely.

He could definitely... He was saying if we're doing a celebrity Eugene Tooms, Jagger's on the list. Yeah. Eugene Tooms, Jagger's on the list. Yeah, I bet Jagger has been to at least one show of his fancy dress party as Eugene Tooms. There's no ifs or buts about it. There's not a single doubt in my mind that Jagger has shown up. Maybe he's got Keith and Bill Wyman

to dress as Mulder and Scully. Oh's one of those things, you've got to really emphasise the character. If you go as Eugene Tooms on his own, it's going to be a lot of explaining. But if you go as an episode of the X-Files, three of you, great. Charlie Watts isn't going at all. Did you do any costumes for Halloween this year or did you skip it? Did you do any indoor costumes? Yes, yeah, yeah, we did. I mean, you know this because we were we, I know you weren't there. Well, you know, went and ordered like makeup and stuff. She owned a dress that looked like a kind of Wednesday Adams dress already, but bought

a Wednesday Adams wig from Amazon. Did a really, really good job. White face, center-parted wig with the pig tails, the dress. We bought a little skeleton suit for Clio, so she was in a little skeleton suit. And then on the day, I was like, I've not done anything at all. So I bought this, I've got it here actually.

I bought that, that's a rubber Tyrannosaurus Rex mask. It doesn't, I bought it in a Sainsbury's. It doesn't look great. but I've got that. The mouth, for those who can't see it, the mouth opens a little too wide. Yes. That's not the mouth's gonna reveal a lot of your face. Well, yeah, basically, it's like a balaclava.

It's like a rubber balaclava shaped like a T-Rex. So your entire face is coming out of it. So you're kind of going as someone being eaten by a T-Rex? Yeah, I'm going as the lawyer from Jurassic Park, you've just been... Oh, okay, I don't know. He's just been yammed off the lid. Why is it with you and your costumes and toilets? Matthew, why is it?

Why are all of your costumes involved being on the toilet or in it? What's your real fear in life, Matthew? You've always fired the toilet at party. That's true. But then actually, fortuitously, on the afternoon of the party, we had an armchair delivered and the armchair arrived in a perfect kind of white bag that fit over the body. So I then, with Sharpie, drew on little eyes to look like a ghost and I came as a ghost.

And... Do you have a T-Rex thing on underneath? Were you the ghost of a T-Rex? No, but later on, I, because I was a bit warm and I couldn't see in my costume. I took it off and so I was a man with his shirt off, with a ghost draped round his shoulders and the head of a T-Rex balanced on top of his head. That's a pretty unique Halloween costume. I don't think anyone's is doing it this year. You're not going to get another one of those, each other thin rosses part of it.

No, I didn't see David Walliams cracking that one out, no. I tell you what, this year felt all right not to be invited to Jonathan Ross's Halloween party, didn't it? This was a lot of you know, no, but it felt like everyone was missing out this year, so that was like, okay, other years, oh, it stinks like hell, doesn't it? You're right, there's the invite to that.

You're waiting for that invite to arrive, but it never arrives. I know, I know. Come on, Rossi. Come on, mate. I think you are obviously famous for your love of fancy dress, you know? No one.

Never got famous enough. Not famous enough, no. LAUGHTER I'm not famous enough for my love of fancy dress. You know, everyone has their own kind of benchmark of success. And, you know, in fact, I think I told this to Clark in the other day. Obviously Bobby Ball very sadly passed away. Oh yeah, that's really sad that, yeah.

Really sad. And at the same time, like watching the watching the tribute it was like incredibly heartwarming to realize just how it gives you a chance to reflect on just how much someone has made you laugh over it. Yes, yes, yes, yes, he had really made me laugh. Can you fall on a Saturday night? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you used to make me absolutely how? Yeah, absolutely. So obviously it was really tragic that you passed, but also like it was a real chance to kind of celebrate someone who was properly funny.

And on the news the next morning, they went to funerous son. And he said, oh, he taught me an important lesson about success and performing, and you know, how to reflect on success. And I kind of thought, oh great, this could be something. This could be like a mantra I could use in my life. And he said, my dad always used to say, if you can do what you love and pay the mortgage by doing it, then you're a success. And I kind of thought, oh, damn, I needed less, I needed less than that. I needed

less than that. I'm sorry. But damn it. I really thought that was gonna be it for me. I'm gonna start getting myself a successful person. He always said, if a global pandemic has forced you out of your home and you now live with your mother-in-law and a brand new baby, then you're a success. Yes, Bobby!

He reads me like a book. It didn't quite deliver just as I was waiting for it. What? What do you think your benchmark for going, oh yeah, that's the level of success I'd like to have. Well, it might be getting invited to try the rest of the way in part. Yeah, you've certainly talked about it. I think it's because it's such a celebration of your true love of fancy dress. My one, by the way, is getting a blow here from the Queen. My, my, um,

or my one by the way is getting a blow here from the Queen. Oh, there you go. Blow yourself first. Yeah, of course. My, my bench might be a success, disappeared. And so I will never be able to experience success because we, we, we got, we'd go up to Edinburgh to perform at the Edinburgh Festival.

And like the first three years we performed at the Edinburgh Festival, there was a huge mural on the wall. Oh, yeah. A mural yeah on the wall of like all the best kind of most loved Edinburgh acts over the years and like every year they'd add to it and there was space on the mural to add to it. These cartoons and I I always used to think, when we're successful, we will be on that wall. And that was my ambition in life. Right. And then after four years of going up to Edinburgh, they stopped doing the, they retired it. They stopped a day and they just took down and never, never put it back up. And like, I think then, two years later,

we would have gone on that wall, but the wall wasn't there anymore. And that was how I would consider a successful, I think. And now it doesn't exist. So I mean, like a post-success. Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom. No, you're not. You've just watched fielded dreams.

Yes. Make the next mural. Interesting. Make the next mural. Hang on. Make the next mural. But then, am I just gonna be a man drawing myself on a wall? Yeah, you're a lot more than just gonna say this.

Yeah, but, no, no, but, I, if you said, if you spoke to the people at the Pleasants, if you spoke to Anthony at the Pleasants, right, and said, look, for charity, the charity being a Pleasants. The charity being, oh, I thought you went charity being Tom's, Tom's, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, isn't it? No, for the pleasant, why don't we get people to sponsor a big mural? All of the proceeds go to the pleasant, so we're going through a tough time at the moment,

they've just had to cancel all their November shows. We're supposed to be there in December, are we going to be able to do it? We don't know. We'd love to be, we love the pleasant. This is what you're saying to be there in December, are we going to be able to do it? We don't know. We'd love to be. We love the pleasants. You know? This is what you're saying to Anthony. And then when they get the mural, which you get, you get Clarky to paint because he's a good artist, it's just you, a big portrait of you, and then maybe behind you, Bill Bale, other acts who've done well out of the Edinburgh festival, you know, Jenny, Jenny Claire's back, you know.

If they bring the mural back, right? Yeah, yeah. We're not getting on it. That's what, there was, the one I'm saying is 2009, 2010, we're getting on it. Now, we're not getting on it. We missed that, we missed our sweet spot to get on the wall. And it like, you know, maybe if there was, if someone made a podcast wall, you might

go, well, maybe, maybe listen to deer or chuckles in there, but I don't think we're getting on the podcast wall. I mean, that no longer you a note worthy. That happened about 10 years ago. So that's it, that cartoon on the mural, that would have been success for me. I tell you what you should do Thomas, you should, that's the, that, that would have been success for me, but I take what you should do Thomas, you should, whenever you think of that in your mind's eye, just think what we're doing with there, we're just playing a really good game of hide and seek. Oh, I like that. We're fighting. Seeking from success.

It's a choice. Success is looking for us. But no, we're not going to let it catch us. What's your mark of success, Clark? What have you got in your head? To be able to pay my mortgage. A wise man once said. Fair. I mean there's that I think the bit that you know they say like if you enjoy what you're doing you've never worked a day in your life. Yes that's right. That's right. Yeah that's right. Yeah yeah yeah. Find a job you love you'll never work a day in your life. Yeah yeah. And you know my dad is always telling me that I've never worked so he's like so who's that? That's also true, find a job you love

that just you're not that good at and you'll never work a day in your life. Or never get a job and you'll never work a day in your life. So that's another way of looking at it. It's a hell of a mantra. But truth be told, if I got, if I did get invited to Jonathan Ross's Halloween party, I think I'll be too nervous to like I think you it feels like you have to be a

certain you have to be a certain level of eye belong at Jonathan Ross's Halloween party to go for a really good costume. So if you go for two if you go for two outrageous of costume and people don't know who you are it might feel a bit gosh. Well but here's the thing. What if your costume is an incredibly, incredibly realistic rubber mask of someone much, much more famous than you? You go as David Walliams. I'd go as Walliams, yeah.

Walliams is as tall as I remember. Yeah. You see, how can I wrap it in the toilet all this time? But here's the thing, I'm going to have to have the toilet all this time. But here's the thing, I'd have a Williams, I'd be like, was it Crang? You know, inside the big body? Yeah. Because Williams, what, Williams is like six foot five, he's huge, isn't he?

He's much broader than me, both comedically and, you know, in, in stature. So I'd sit inside a little suit like in aliens and I'd be operating it from inside. And everyone would be chatting away to Walliams. And everyone would go, Walliams, what is the straight down in the middle costume you've come as? You've come as yourself from earlier on today. It's just him wearing, just him wearing. Oh, actually, I suppose not. It does have to be volumes in a costume, doesn't it? So it's going to be, let's, let's, let's, What about with the latex T-Rex on his head?

Yes. So it's, so right, here we go. Here we go. It's going to be quite, it's going to be quite warm, but here's my costume. Right. It's a full dinosaur costume, right? Inside the full dinosaur costume,

is a full David Williams costume. Papermash, aye. Well, I think we wanna make it out of something a bit more sophisticated than Papermash, if you've seen Walliams up close, his skin is gorgeous. Okay. Doesn't look like it's been-

You just varnished it. It's a quest to it. Yeah, you need to buff it in varnishing. If you're doing papiamashay volumes, you've got a buff in varnished with an inch. So then, inside that, yeah, papiamashay volumes costume. And then... Actually, let's not go papiamashay because I'm not famous for being very movable. The arms and...

Basically, I've what I'd be doing is putting casts on my arms and legs like I was in traction. Let's not go... Let's go, let's go. You're flexible. Yeah, some sort of articulated rubber costume. Right. That's inside, and then inside of that is me, but I'm also dressed as Peter Pan, because you know, I'm at the party as well. So, I have infiltrated the only...

You're like a ducukken. A fucking trash. Exactly. Exactly. I'm a Tadukken, I'm a Russian doll. I am, but crucially, I'm at the party. The only thing is, volumes is also gonna be there. So when I'm revealing myself to be volumes to people,

I need to reveal myself to be volumes to people who volumes is not gonna chat to. Okay? So if I run into Amanda Holden and she goes who are you, I just go raw and move on, right? Because I know they're chatting, right? But if I run into somebody that he's had a famous falling out with, for example, boy George, then why am I making this more complicated needs to be? I tell you what, I'm not that bothered about the party. No, I'll go as a ghost.

Pop a sheet of my head, sharp in the eyes. Exactly, sharp in the eyes. Ask him if I can go as Nish Kumar's plus one. He'll probably say, yes, let's do this. Perfect, you're in. How's BD? For what belief would you take a BD? How's BD? So there you go.

Everything we wanted to deal with, dealt with. Absolutely right. If the deer should know, when that conversation came to a stop, there was about a two second silence and then we went, is that it? And we all went, yeah, I think that's it. Well, sometimes it just comes to an actual conclusion, doesn't it? I, what sometimes happens is I will talk and I'll literally, because I had my, I didn't have your, the images of you in front of me on the Zoom.

I just had my, my quick time and, and the the emails were about to read. And I didn't know if you were still there. Yes, I mean. When I got to the end of describing what it was gonna be like me breaking into, breaking into Jonathan Ross's party, I genuinely didn't know if I was, if I, you know, there have been times on a Zoom chat, by the way,

where the Zoom has crashed on me, and I've carried on talking, and I've just not noticed. Yeah, I've just... It was kind of hard to know how to add to your idea of dressing up as a T-Rex as David Williams as yourself. And you know, I've just no time to say that. Yeah, exactly. Let's not say you drove it I just know, I'll say that. Yeah, exactly.

Let's not say you drove it into the ground, let's say you elevated it into the trees. Yes, absolutely. Either way, either way I crashed. Yeah. Whether it was the trees, the side of a mountain, or deep, deep into the sand, cross-beat, crash the podcast.

Look at this Tussoon for a post-mortar. I don't know, I don't know if it's a post-mortem or an analysis of where we're going, but post-mortem is what you do after something is diodes. It's very judicious. You don't say post-match analysis. You said post-mortem there. Let's see what the cause of death is. Well, there's no denying, a post-mortem very rarely ends with the conclusion, well,

he's alive. You know, he was breathing. No, it's not normally a good end either, is it? No, no. It wasn't a peaceful cause of death. He didn't pass away smiling at his sleep. No, no, no. So, um, we thank you for listening to what you hit the ground with some force. Yeah. Thank you for listening to my last one in testament. Yeah. Still, you know, if you get to the ripe age we have, you know know it's good to go out with a proper bank and it Dressed as David Williams dressed as a T-Rex Dressed as Peter Pan on the inside of course, let's get that. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. There you go No, no, you know what that's that's I I wouldn't I'm gonna leave that to you guys. I'm gonna leave the Peter Pan costume to Minna my granddaughter

I'm gonna leave the Williams costume to Clark in. I'm going to leave the T-Rex costume to you, Perry. Oh, great. Is that it? We're back there, I'm not going to lie to you guys. I'm still talking about this, I'm not going to lie to you guys. I had some work I was supposed to do this morning that's now gone away. So I've just got free time.

I'm just enjoying the chat. Yes, right, okay. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. That actually is the measure of success. Sorry, I always think. Yeah. I've just invented some work that I need to go and do.

So, I understand. I understand. Can I try and get myself up on that wall? Well, we've got to, we've got to of course, plug the Patreon because it goes from strength to strength the Patreon. We have a really, really fun time over there. We're putting out these episodes.

Three. I was about to say it fluctuates wildly. So glad you, I'm so glad you went with it. Go from strength to strength. Parinate, come on. This is why you never never getting on with it. It's almost like you don't wanna pay your mortgage. No, I'll tell you what's going on

at the patient at the moment. There is no, you can, give us, if you're enjoying what we're doing, you can chuck money our way. And it used to be, it had to be in dollars, but no, it's in pounds. Yes. And so you've now got the option

of been able to chuck a couple of quid our way. And now, I must admit, it just feel a lot more tangible and more real now that it's in pounds. When it's in dollars, it felt like something weird that podcast people did. I don't know if that makes sense. No, I don't. But you get that. You know, you'd always hear podcast people be like, oh yeah, I give $10 to this, so that

has $5 to that. And it would always be like, it's a bit like when British people try and get into the NFL, try and get into American football. It's very hard for British people to talk about American football without sounding a bit like a knob. And how's your podcast going, by the way? Yeah, I mean, that's part of my problem, you know, I'm into the NFL. I really struggle talking about it without sounding like a knob. And I think it's very hard to talk about giving dollars to a podcast.

It just, it just sounds like, I don't know, appropriation of the American way of life. I don't know. We have, we do have plenty of American listeners and big shout outs to all those American listeners. You can also donate in euros, it's what we have people all over Europe listening. Oh, no, not that, we've left.

You can donate. We have left. And that is, we can donate. Okay. Listen, you can you can donate in your owes in dollars. I think in lots of different currencies. But anyway, get to patreon.com forward slash pappies flat share. You get all the episodes, all the bonus episodes straight away. You can start listening today. There are some people who've listened to the entire Patreon in like the space of about a week and God bless them. That's some good listening. But if you enjoy these shows, just think of it, think of it as buying as a pint, a London priced pint I would say. Exactly. Well they're closing the pub so you know, that's exactly.

And you don't even have to buy just three pints't you can just buy as a point and we'll share it between the three of us. Yeah Four four pound four pound fifty you get all the bonus of these draws have have a London point ask for three straws Yeah, I'm listen. Oh, and the you know the reuse Yeah, all the paper ones because you've got it. You've got to think of it. Oh all the paper ones because you got it you got to think of the turtles Listen crying I'm back to crang listen guys hear me out my costume idea has got genuine legs Not just got legs. It's got two sets of legs. It's got six legs. It's got six legs. It's got T-Rex legs It's got Wolliam legs and it's got my legs dresser feet of hand in so I have to pop off guys I'm afraid so yeah, sorry actually. Oh oh yeah, I've just got some work coming

out of that. I'm just going to pay the muro. It's going to pay the small gift right now. Okay, all right, well listen guys, it's been really wonderful. Today's episode has been produced by, you know, change from the usual, the usual producer, David Walliams produced this episode. Oh my God, I wonder where you get dropped

because now Walliams teams. No, of course and then we get dropped in his name. Walliams teams. No, of course it's produced by Emma Corsham. Corsham team. Cheers everyone. Hi. Ho ho. Will you please be upstanding for the telephone? People of all.

People of Notnam. Please be upstanding. Oh, yes, absolutely. For the feather for people of people of people of not them please be upstanding Oh, yes, absolutely within these midlands today for a Patriot roll call What a wonderful day it is here in the ink's midlands Tried a bit not so Shane medals I'll trade a bit not so... Shane Middles.

Oh! Oh! I have an old... Well, I've had a nice time and that's the plan. I'll give you a nice time. Welcome to Nottingham with George Kaplan. Oh! Oh!

I tell you what, we're having a nice time here in Nottingham. Oh! Let me tell you now. Nottingham is a it's a wonderful place But if you're if you're walking along the pavement Don't don't go into a savelin pressure Let's make sure we don't do that And now you've put that in my head.

Oh, dear. Oh, well, no, not now. Neither now nor then. Oh, well, let me tell you if you walk on the pavement. Don't step on the cracks or you might meet Ed Jacks. Oh, welcome to Nottingham with this lovely fucker. It's a good friend Tom Trucker. Oh, he's a lovely fuck that. Oh, dear. Oh, welcome to Notman. Let me tell you now, I'm having a wonderful time here. Oh, I'm having a

lot of fun. We're all having a nice time and a few different friends have come and visited me recently. friends have come and visited me recently and they're all the great thing is mother. You've got friends you'll never be bored. I said that to Owen Rutherford. Oh, well in Leeds now. This is like Spitty Gimmage I imagine. I do believe the two key impressions in Sp speaking image series have been Paddy Consodyne and Alan Bennett and people say it's lost this edge. I don't think so. Oh well I'll tell you what I've had lots of friends visiting me recently up in Nottlin. Oh, yes, I've been lovely in Ollin. Oh, I tell you one one of them's a fickleman What a fickleman? It's Mark Nicholson. Oh Fickleman, Martin Nicholson

Welcome to Darby and it's my pleasure to open this new this new branch of Duncan Donuts. Oh God This new branch of Duncan Donuts. Oh God. Oh God. For this morning only it's free when your donuts are Duncan. But only until 12 o'clock. So don't go mad. How Duncan. God I'm so sorry. I'm not in it. All right, but the brunch is now open. All right, here we're in leads. We like to have chips with a little bit of meat sauce. Maybe it's a lamb sauce or maybe it's beef sauce. We like all kinds of gravis here. We like all kinds of gravis. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r You'll fall in over me Ed Oh no, I'm not gonna ask you but you're gonna sit down on my favorite throne Oh yes, we're my favorite good friend Peter of Unstorn. Oh! Hello! I'm live in... ...in the... ...movement! ...in the... ...hallo! I'm alive!

I'm alive! In Nottingham! And I'm here opening this new Amazon warehouse. That's right! Oh yes! And I've got a very important message from the Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos. He says, all those boxes you see are free, but only until 11. So don't go crazy. Claudia DeVos, I can see you. I'm Claudia Claudia Devos with 11. Oh! This rhyme goes all the way up.

Well, it's, we're having a lovely time here in the Amazon warehouse here in Leeds. Oh, let me tell you now. Oh, we're dreaded summer's day. So let's go. We're wrapping it up. We're meeting with the cemetery gates. Oh, the cemetery'sed summer's day. So let's go, we're wrapping it. I'll meet you at the cemetery gates. Oh, the cemetery's closed, is it? Well, I guess we're gonna have to plan again

with my friend, Tarnish and Anagins. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, indeed.

It's a yes from not them. It's three yeses, you threw to the drunken houses. In Dhabi. We're in the break room, in the Amazon warehouse. You break it, you pay for it, that's the rules in this room. We've got a variety of drinks and they're all they're all different gravies You Thiefen bastard But unfortunately they've all been drunk by the absolute deviant that is mark Davies. Oh, that's okay. They're free to 11 a.m

You join me live from a nightmare man. Where't where how stuff room where I'm interviewing a farmer. Oh Christ on a bike. I don't know what to say. Have you ever heard of stuff, farmer? Oh, Pary, you've got a really nice line in rhyming the word with the word. Oh, Harry, you've got a really nice line in rhyming the word with the word. Thank you for that, thank you, and the apology accepted. You know, well, please do. So here we are here in deepest darkest Mackelsfield. And I've had a wonderful day and a wonderful life. Yes, that's right, I am alive, but only till 11 a.m. When I will be dying, live on Amazon Prime. So don't forget to get your subscriptions in,

connect it up to your Chromecast and ask Alexa to show you my death and don't forget you can't get it wrong because it's live so you've got to be careful with the timing as I said to my friend and the man who will be merging me I'm entwining oh no oh good grief oh it's a shame it's a shock. I haven't enjoyed any of this. The reviews are in. It's it absolutely ruined my lion. Never mind at least the gods have enjoyed it with our best friend, Lucky Lion. Well, that concludes today's latest. Never lost.

Oh, I mean, Scotland's the day of his death, and I must look all over the house. I'm in Scotland to finish things off! Oh, would you finish this? Such scrawfist guam as in Primeo! Many Christmas everybody ends up scramed Amazon Plays! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Number 15.