Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Love from Februraruary) S13E02

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. You have a secret admirer, who could it be?Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for it. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, listener dear. I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to the first Papi's flat share house meeting of the year. Oh, we did. Very exciting. Yes, I don't know, like...

It struck me that a lot of podcasts now like film themselves from like podcast rooms. There's like rooms that just look... They don't look like real rooms. They look like podcast rooms. Got the got brick walls behind them. Yeah, and shelves with lots of things on them or bit of kind of a bit of toys or stuff like that. And it's like, you know, I feel like mentally, you know, I don't know. Do you ever picture us as being in one of those rooms when this is happening? I don't know. Like it's called house meeting, you know, and it's like is this?

Or is it in deep, do you picture us in a house? Is that what you're saying? Like in a kind of thing that's sort of set up to look a bit like, you know, like a studenty kitchen or something? Yeah, I imagine us around the kitchen table. I can't. This is in a house.

It's bad because it means I've got no imagination because I literally just imagine Why don't you imagine I sit in my front room and do it? Well, there's a big behind the curtain everyone. That's what's really going on That's what's really going on is I'm sitting in my front room and we're all on zoom But let's you know for listen a dear we can listen a dear with our words We're in this imagine it's a this kitchen. It's a podcast kitchen. It's not a real kitchen.

No. Ah. Imagine this with a sort of podcast that made enough money that we could hire a studio that we could all be in. Yes. That's what you're imagine here. Imagine we could stand being in the same room as each other. Imagine we could all, let's face it, imagine we could all stand being in the same cities

each other. And then if you've just been, if you've just pleaded for nothing, you're ready to listen to the episodes. So clock is pitching as I like it, in a kitchen, so maybe one of us is the kitchen table, there's mugs, there's branded mugs. There's three mugs. Did the other, the working title for the podcast. And the kind of cool kitchenette.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been down great. Just chewing the fat, mixing it up, slurping on our tea and putting the world to rights. Love it. Love everything about that. That's great. Oh, hang on a sec, the toast has popped.

I'll tell you what, you enjoy the episode, we're gonna have a nice slice of toast. Oh, we're sponsored by toast. Oh, you should say this episode, don't forget everyone, this episode is sponsored by toast. Have it today as a breakfast treat, or perhaps later in the day with some beans on top. Injo.

Toast, the better bread. Ha ha ha ha want to want the absolute toast of the Injo's bread, then you want to get on our Patreon. So, yes, so the Patreon continues a pace. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share. Get along to the Patreon today where we have, we have got bonus episodes. We've got the jingle as a single from flat share slam down. We have got bonus episodes. We've got the jingle as a single from Flat Shares of Amdown. We have got bonus video as well. So if you don't have to imagine the kitchen,

you can literally see where it is that we're recording these episodes. I mean, what incentive that is. Crucially, you get to be part of our online community. Very true. The extra episodes that we put out, everybody contributes, people write in, we have regular listeners who contribute and you can be one of those and it's a whole load of interactive fun so get on board, hop on the Patreon and join our community today. Absolutely right. Well we'll

see you on the other side. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting.

What temperature should we set the heat to? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This haven't had meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting?

So here we are first, here we are. First house meeting. First house meeting, not first big house meeting, first house meeting of 2023. And we've waited a month, didn't rush into things as we like to do at the start of the year, but something occurred to me, it's my birthday month, right? Did you birth that evening?

Did you birth that evening? Yeah, in fact, by the time this goes out, it will have been my birthday. It's right. I think this is going to go out on Valentine's Day. So if anyone, if you want to put out any love messages out into the ether, this is the episode to do it, really. Obviously, we love all our listeners ears, but if you want to put out any love messages out into the ether, this is the episode to do it, really. Obviously we love all our listeners, but if you want to put any more specific ones out, feel free. But I don't know how to say this month.

Yes, problems. I don't know. To say, yeah, my month, right? It's been my birthday month ever since the day I was born. That's kind of how that works. And I've got no idea how to say it. I think I only recently learned how to definitely spell it, right? So it's coming in as February, right?

Is that right? Yeah, I mean, yeah, if you say it, like it's written. But that's it, no, I know what you mean, no. Tom, I'm absolutely, I'm 100% behind you there February or February yeah but no one says February no way but it's not that is it no it's not right hang on let me go for a quick let's have a quick spelling B okay oh please yeah Fee B Fee B I feel confident on that I feel very I'm happy to retire on Fee B Well that's it, that's all you need to do really basically. I've always got to know what to use.

So we've got the first three letters, everybody else. I'll tell you what, let's take it three letters at a time. I go first FB. Okay. Are you a... I'm a lot. Are you a man who's able to spell February? No. Are you a Februaryan's able to spell February? No, are you a Febrarian?

Am I a Febrarian? So it's F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y, right? That's what I think it is. Am I right in thinking that? Go again. F? It says it's comfy. It's comfy.

Men try and spell February. I mean, but I tell you what, those list of days are on the bus thinking, hang on a minute. Hang on a sec, I look at that, I'm in the queue. I've got a queue. Why am I on the bus? So where am I going? Somebody BUS, somebody has already typed it into their phone

or into their computer just to check if that little squiggly line comes underneath it But I think it's F-E-B R-U-A-R-Y I think that's February February and I pronounce it F-E-B-U-A-R-Y Yeah, how are you spelling it phonetically? February what is that?

I'm doing right off the back of a B that's Matt exactly it now are we all saying it February February February February That doesn't like Harry Kane Are we all saying it wrong?

Should we be pronouncing it because like not every word is pronounced phonetically we know that But all the other months are it feels like the outcast month. Well I'll tell you this as well because there's what about in the same way Wednesday? Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday is all over the shop as well. Do you know what I've got I've got less problem with Wednesday because I feel like there's a convention like everybody says Wednesday No one's going with nest day, you know, or whatever. Yes, true. Everyone says Wednesday. Where is February? He's been saying Wednesday Are you watching Wednesday on Netflix? Oh, it's great. Yeah, yeah, really strong

but I feel like Everyone's kind of slightly busking it whenever they say February, right? And very quickly, I haven't been watching Wednesday. I haven't been watching Wednesday because it's kind of slightly busking it whenever they say February, right? And again, quickly, I haven't watched it in February. I haven't been watching Wednesday, because it's one of those. With you e-books?

IP ID is, yeah, that gets on my nerves because it feels like we should have thought of it. Like go. Like when it's like existing IP, you know, we have those chats all the time. And then, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, well, I don't know what's that now Yeah, I understand why I don't know why you think that

Crucially we don't own the Charles Adams of states You know, it's always held us back that It's just one of the's always like, it stopped us doing that clicking act, didn't it? We were gonna be just like the family clickers. Not a great name, admittedly, not a great act. Maybe that's what held us back. A really mild reboot of the Adam's family when they just focus on the fact they occasionally click their fingers.

Take away the fact that one of them is a Frankenstein's monster, take away all of that. Actually, that's the monster's new one. That's a great one. Take away the fact that like, you know, they're creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and oaky, all that kind of stuff. And just focus on the fact that they really had rhythm.

Boy, oh boy. But yeah, I think everybody- There is a sweet spot, isn't there? There is a sweet spot that Wednesday is appealing to which is the generation that we're around when the Adam's family values MC Hammer You know that kind of reboot the Maltstrom there they do what they want to do See what they want to say you know when it was like it was suddenly very cool again No, I think I think you're absolutely wrong Tom

Yeah, because that's our age generation. Yeah, that came out when we were about 12 or 13 It's not 40 year old to a watching Wednesday. It's it's for young kids. It's a it's a reboot for for teenagers So I think what you're what you're seeing if you're looking back to the last reboot was who's enjoying it in this chat Clark is that you Yeah, not not not not particularly for me. It's you drawing it in this chat? Clarke's that. You do it in the... No, not particularly for me, it's a bit young. I've seen it, but... Clarke watches everything. Oh, exactly. If it's on, I'll watch it. Alright, I'm saying okay. It's been a very happy with this counter argument that Wednesday, I think about a young teenage girl is for teenage girls.

Agreed. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I tell you what, the Adam's family, because it started in the 30s, the Adam's family, they've got a lot out of that franchise, haven't they? They really have run a lot out of the franchise. They't they? They really have rung a lot out of the franchise. They've had more reboots than us.

It's amazing. But crucially, the topic I wanted to discuss is not the Adam's family, it's enduring legacy. It's how... The month of February. It's the month. It's the cruelest month, yeah. Yeah. And how long...

How long are you saying it? I think that's why they made it the shortest month. The like it's got such a shit name. Do you think so? I think they go, they go, we've got this spare 28 days at the end of winter. What does it mean? What is it?

That's my question. What, where has it come from? Yeah. Because a lot of, a lot of like days and months and all of that business come from like gods or often the Romans or... That's right. Yeah.

Like January is from Janus isn't it? Who's like, from friends? Yes. Yeah. That's why he's the most annoying one. The most annoying one. Yeah. The driest month.

I, yeah, but that's like, didn't, it wasn't Janus the God that had like a face on his face and a face on the back of his head. And he was looking so like, they would be like, I was looking forwards to the new year and looking back at the old year. That was Janus. Is that right?

Am I right in thinking that? I have no idea, but it sounds great. It sounds good. What was Febos? Like a bloke with a lisp. Like, dyslexia. Yes, is that right? Am I right in thinking that? I have no idea, but it sounds great. It sounds good. It sounds very good. What was Febrius? Like a bloke with a lisp. Like dyslexia. Yes. It was a dyslexia kind of Harry Kane type guy who means well.

He, yeah. And puts in a shift. Febrius puts in a shift. It gets us, it gets us where we need to get to. It gets us through to March, doesn't it? Yeah. Which is, is I think pretty crucial. Yeah, if February wasn't there, you definitely feel the lack, you know? I mean, it gets us to spring.

There's a reason they've stuck, you know, Valentine's Day right in the middle of February, because there's, you know, you need something. Oh, it's a waste, man. These does a long way away, you know, like for January, it's like, well, we've just had new years, you know, new beginnings, fresh start, new years resolutions, all of that kind of thing. Are we keeping them up? Are we forgetting about them? You know, are we trying to live a bit more of a healthy lifestyle?

By the time February rolls around, all that dream has died, right? Yeah. Nobody's still doing it there. Apart from you, Clark, you've started up. You've started? I started in February. Go for the smallest month, man You man, I'm not doing it January. Absolutely. It's huge. How is that going by the way, Clark? Are you or your your project? It's okay. I had I had an elicit burger yesterday

Wait, how can I say, Clark? I've seen you twice this month, right? The first time I saw you, you were drinking premium lager. And you were like, yeah, well, it doesn't really count as my no alcohol, no sugar, no wheat thing. And now you say you had a burger yesterday. I had a burger yesterday, but I want you to know I skipped the chips. We tend to... It's a short month. And keep it sane. I thought it was so short.

We're 10 days into the month class. I asked someone. You've had two or three days in 10 days. I asked someone what month it was. They tried to say it three times in the end of the same March. So I heard you'd ring fenced. Is your rule that you've ring fenced any pre-existing dates that were in your diary to behave normally at. So did you just choose a very busy month?

What do you mean any pre-existing dates just well? Well, the tenth was in there. Yes, certainly there. You look at that diary. There's a February the tenth right after February 9th. Have you decided to do it in February but you've ring-fenced the entire month of February? How wide is this ring fence basically? It clashes with party month. The fencing is more dodgy than Jurassic Park's at the moment. What are you supposed to do?

There's just a down and I'm running riot. You've broken through the perimeter. Last night I ate a goat's leg. I don't lawyer. There's no greater thrill though. You need to go lower off the toilet. A ring fence or a, um, a cheat day. You know what I mean?

What? Can I ask my marriage? Yeah, I was gonna say somebody. All pass. What, what? There's no greater thrill than having a little ring fence event, I think. Yeah. Like in a way, you see in the desert. Yeah, totally. How are you living on the days when

well, there aren't ring fence Tom? I've got to ask. Pretty hot pretty well on the hog. My lifestyle at the moment feels like very distanced out ring fence events. Right. Right. Oh nice. Like I don't drink and I drink maybe at one event a month and it's a glorious event. It's a big one. Yeah, it's a big one. And then it's a flat slam record. And then, I mean, then you know, off we go to the next one. That's very much my issue. Two flat slams at the right at the end of the month.

Oh, I tell you the issue is that we're it was 10 days in your eight of burglars. It's not looking ahead to the crowd. It's not looking about it. I finally got to the end of the month. I'm so close to the end of the month. The whole, the whole. It's Super Bowl Sunday. Another ring fence, hose interview.

When is Super Bowl Sunday? Sunday. What? This Sunday. Two Sundays, it's a two days time. It's Super Bowl Sunday, okay. So you're doing, when this goes out, let's break it down this Sunday. We're recording on a Friday. On Monday, you went to the Chortle Awards

and we drank till Gone Midnight. You've influenced exactly. On Thursday, you ate a burger. Did you go out for the burger? I had a meeting in a burger place. So it was a burger. You're a private job at Burger King. Are you the next Mr. Wimpy?

Doesn't sound like a very honest burger. Nice. This is not the most burger, more. The most deceitful burger I've ever heard of. Well, maybe the burger was honest, but the person eating it. Lying to himself. Hang on, they had no options in the honest burger place that wasn't...

That was no salad. There was no green salad. Listen to Deer, he's got his head, isn't it? He's got his head, isn't it? Look, I had a salad. He hasn't got his head, he's got a burger in those hands. I got a cocky. Have you ring fence this record? It's a work in lunch. It's 10 plus 9 in the morning, cocky.

Well, I can pick it. Go on, go on, sorry. You had a meeting and who suggested the honest burger is a place to meet? The guy, okay, so it's quite long story. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy.

I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. I'm not sure if he's going to be a good guy. Go on, go on, sorry. You had a meeting, you had a meeting, and who suggested the honest burger is a place to meet? The gar... Okay, so it's quite a long story, but there's been a really tight... We've got time, we've got time. It was the hamburger. When I was working... You're not working on a job. Working as an air for Mehmet Cheese, are you? I was working as a waitress. It was working on the job. It was on the job. And I wrote a sketch where the last line was let's all go for a book.

And I was like, right what you know. I was like, that's the worst. That's the worst end to that sketch. And then as a joke, I kept putting it into sketches. And it just became like a joke on the job. And then the director was like, we've got to go for a burger. And it'd been in the diary.

Wink ring fence for a long time. Right, okay. So I feel like you couldn't move it. You couldn't bump it up to January. You couldn't sell it, let's do it in January. How did you premeditated that whole thing to get a burger? I mean, yeah. I premeditated this whole story.

Because you keep submitting ideas for this podcast that end up with, let's do some heroin. And I don't know if we can put that date in the diary, Clarky. I think I'd probably talk more on heroin. I'm a bit scared. It's a bit, I mean, it's one of those bold statements that we just don't know if that's true or not. I'm assuming, I mean, I've never done heroin and I've never been around anyone who's done heroin. I mean, I've been

around people who have in the past on heroin, but I've never been around when they've been doing the heroin. But is it a drug that you feel would make you chassis? No, I think it's the only thing. Make you look quite sleepy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like experiencing a bit of illness watching a train's party. experience of it. Be honest with us Ben, have you been on heroin? Ring fence that got you've ring fence this entire year to do smack. You know the great thing about smack is there's no sugar in it, there's no wheat. That's pure man. It's pure. It fits. Try and find that on the Weight Watchers Point system.

You won't be able to. It's fine. It's absolutely fine. So, is it a case of you've committed to this month now? I mean, like, could you commit to the lifestyle? Because it feels to me like there's a lifestyle there, right? Ring Fence events and the bits in between. Yeah.

Yeah. It doesn't sound like it. Well, I think the only thing about it is that you then, once you actually into it, you're allowed to ring fence things. Like Clarke was kind of surprised by this scheme, wasn't it? You knew you were doing something sort of health care. And you didn't really realize quite how I thought. I thought maybe it was like 2,000 calories a day only.

Well, something manageable. But it was actually, it was a lot more intense than that. And you thought, well, I'll keep the ring fence days. Whereas if you said, for the rest of the year, the only days that I've ring-fenced, you've got to put yourself a finite number of, you've got to give yourself a finite number of rings and fences.

What do you think is for March ring-fenced? Exactly. Exactly. How big of a, how big of the fences? Exactly. Can you ring fence, you know, you can ring-fenced a meeting, I think, but you can't ring-fencer. Can you ring-fencer a long fence, you know, you can ring fence a meeting, I think, but you can't ring fence a can you ring fence a long weekend? You know, maybe if you're away for it,

please tell me can ring fence a long weekend. I guess if you have to be able to do that. If you're going away for a little holiday, yeah, he's got a lot of God, man. Don't take that away from me. Just to reassure you you don't have to ring fence anything. You're fine. As you say, thank you. As you say, that's ring fence anything you'll find as you say thank you That's already the system you employ yourself and it's working. It's like going through my diary What's your bit what's your next big ring fence her parry apart from oh suit more Sunday? Super Sunday um And then

Then puppies records I wasn't joking. Papi's records. Yeah, it's tricky as well because they're double records as well. They're two records. Yeah, so. No boozing the house though. No boozing the house.

Guinness zero. And then you feel the benefits when you're at, it's like when you know that I'll, don't wear your coat indoors because you won't feel the benefits when you're at, it's like when you know that whole, don't wear your coat indoors because you won't feel the benefits when you're outside. You leave all your beers on the door. You leave all your beers on your doorstep, don't you? No, no booze in the house. And then when you get out, you really feel the benefits of it. You have nothing left to want to sit.

There's something in it. There's certainly wasn't something in it on Monday night. Right, let's talk Valentine's for a second, because you'll be about it. Like you said, it's there in the middle of February, as I, in the fall, February. February, it's there in the middle. And it used to be brilliant,

because the big, for me, the buzz of Valentine's is like the whole question mark thing is like what made it really fun. Yeah, absolutely. And then it gets very, it gets very dry, doesn't it? Do you know what I mean? Because the question mark isn't a real question mark anymore. Right. Yes, I guess he's gone. I guess that's true. You do know that the card is coming from your wife now.

The card is coming from inside the house. Exactly. Unlike the booze. That's the... do you know what I mean? Are you going to take the... Are you and Jane going to have a little birthday drink in the garden? As... Have you...

Oh, I've got a tent. That's where I... That's... that's where you got that shed, isn't it? Yeah, a little... A little Valentine's tree's bar. The shed... The shed's all right. Oh, the shed's a... The shed's a tiki bar isn't it? Basically, the shed's not a shed.

How's B.D. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. How's B.D. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to put in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance.

I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th. A cast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. Hi, I'm David Boris, Canadian historian and host of Curious Canadian History, a bi-weekly deep dive into the wild, worrisome, and wonderful world of Canadian history. This season we've covered not season Alberta, the Palestinian partition, and even the assassination

of Abraham Lincoln. We also have eight seasons worth of back episodes all right there for your listening pleasure. Check out new episodes of curious Canadian history every other Tuesday wherever you get your podcasts. Heycast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcast everywhere. A-cast.com. The proposal would be, do you bring back a certain, like, do you make an agreement? If you're in a long-term relationship, and it's stable, and you're happy.

Do you let this go? Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you write from the start? Do you bring back, and I'm like, Why? He don't really. It's my fault. You can't ring offensive relationship, mate.

Who are you? Which of your actors are you bringing back? Just for one special night. It's just, it's the act of sending the question mark, isn't it? That's what, that's the buzz of that one. Go on Tom, because define your terms a little bit here. What are you bringing back? Are you saying, is this like the laminated list

of the celebrities that you meet, whatever, that thing, the whole past thing, as Clark, you says, or are you saying that for one night only, you pretend to be other people or you? No, I guess what I'm getting at is the buzz of sending, it's only sending something. That was ending something. It's not the first time.

It's the first time. It's the first time. The thrill of Valentine's is sending a question mark, isn't it? Yes, I took the photo and I texted it to somebody, but come on, it's the thrill of sending, that's all I was into it for. Look like a question mark. So it's like it is, like it's wrapped around a canopy of syrup. Send a question mark on Valentine's Day for the fun of the Valentine's, for the spirit of the fringe, for the, you know, respect of the tradition. Is that a healthy thing one day of the year?

Well, you know what, it's completely up to you. It's down to whether or not you are so comfortable and secure in your relationship. And I'm talking about you, person, I'm talking about, you know, people in general, it's the worst one. If you're comfortable, about what you did say my wife.

But, but if the person is comfortable in their relationship, you know, and they were, and they thought, yeah, this is all right, then I think that, I think there's, you know, I don't think I would do it, because I'm not comfortable in the relationship, it's just because I don't feel like that's,

that's the thing I don't think. Doesn't feel like you're comfortable enough. Yeah, maybe I'm not comfortable in the my relationship It's just because I don't feel like that's it that's I think I don't feel like you're comfortable enough Yeah, maybe I'm not comfortable. I think I'm very comfortable with my level of discomfort That's all right. Yeah, I'm gonna come in when you level of discomfort is like when you're at school Your girlfriend would get Valentine's cards I think Tom you lost me at when you were at school your girlfriend. You know, when you were at school, you'd be like, oh, you've got four Valentine's cards, four of the people fancy you. Bloody hell, that's a whole. Spicy, that's exciting. I'm saying it's like, if I'm now, now I get I think we're getting something yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I mean like that's that for me is the spirit of Valentine's Day Isn't it that's all I'm saying is like the whole world knows you and your partner are together and it's a done deal And you're locked up so just reconfirmed that on Valentine's days Is it in the spirit of Valentine's Day, Johnnie. There are two times he is the phrase locked up. In my shed, I'm in my marriage. You share with your illicit cans of real Guinness. You know, the spirit of the day, that's what I'm going back to is that question mark, Johnnie.

And the question marks shouldn't be over your marriage. It should feel like it might be. It's what you're sending out. I don't know. I tell you what, I think partly you might feel differently about this Tom, because as I remember, there were years when you would get a legitimate haul of vampire. We've got the Alan Tickets. Yeah, the Valentine's cards. They're all so hard. How many kind of Valentine's cards you think, because I don't think I've ever got a Valentine's card, a secret Valentine's card. I've never had a Valentine's

card for someone I wasn't already in a relationship with. Yeah, I don't think I have either. There's the buzz, that's what I'm getting at, that's the day I've never had that much. Yes, but I don't think if I open the, if I said by the way, if I put out on social media, on Instagram, hello everybody, right, yes, just to say, the opposite of ring goes, I will be receiving, I will be receiving Valentine's cards, two this PO box that I've set up. Maybe in the past I've given out, you know, confusing messages on that. I do want them, guys.

I do want them, yeah, I know, you know, firstly I'm very secure in my marriage. No, I will not be acting on any of these Valentine's cards. I just need the little ego boost because I'm a saddo. Sado, maybe, or respect the spirit of the day, that's the other way to look at it. It's true. It's true, yeah. I mean, I feel like I don't necessarily respect the spirit of the day. I've got a similar situation, I guess, to you, Tom.

The spirit of the day's gone, though. The spirit of the day, well, the spirit of the day. I've got a similar situation I guess to you Tom. The spirit of the day is gone now. The spirit of the day, well the spirit of the day is gone. But I think the system, the thing you've got with having a birthday that's close to Christmas, you know, obviously you respect the spirit of Christmas, but there are certain people who maybe don't. Do you know? Well, this is it. If we're going out for dinner around that weekend, I will be like, well this is for my birthday. If we're going out for dinner around that weekend, I will be like, well, this is from my birthday. It's not that, it's not that. Basically, you're paying not me. I'm not paying half.

No, that's not what you sound better. But like we're going out on Sunday night, which is my actual birthday, which I imagine quite a lot of couples will be going out for dinner to, you know, for their Valentine's dinner. For the ball Sunday. For the ball Sunday, exactly, yeah. So for their Valentine's dinner. For Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday, exactly, yeah. So it will be the combination. But also as well, we also, Charlie and I got together on my birthday in 2008, 15 years ago.

So what we do is, we say, because I don't want to tell tales outside of school, but it was after midnight, we say my birthday is the 12th, are getting together round aversory, which I was going to get superseded by your wedding anniversary, as soon as you get married. But our getting together anniversary is the 13th, and then our cat was born on the 14th. So we've got a nice little three things to celebrate, one of which is a very specific specific love-related celebration. The other one is a couple of birthdays on either side, sandwich between. So it's a little jamboree? It's a little jamboree, yeah. It just reminds me, I'm not going to present for Cosmo yet, so I need to...

But just confirm it, just involves the two of you, right? There's no... And the cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're very clear with, you know, I'm sure the cat has a lot of fans out there. And probably if we opened up valentine's cards for Cosmo, she'd get a haul. She'd do pretty well. She'd do pretty well. But, no, it's just, it's a very, you know, our relationship and the way we celebrate our relationship tends to just involve the two of us. We're not at that stage yet.

You can't, you know, the way Trace check out woman or anything like that. No one else is involved. No, it's interesting. It's conventional. It's conventional. It's conventional. Do I shop online? No, yeah, absolutely. Call us old-fashioned. Please, don't call us on Valentine's Day.

Clarky, will you be marking the occasion? Valentine's Day. Have you ringfenced it? Being able to watch the thorns of chocolate stay there. I'd say it was salt, but Clarky's gone on half for Valentine's. For Valentine's, I'm whisking your way to Paris before night. We're gonna eat to win sick. I booked the table in Paris, shared. Yeah, when I said Paris, I meant Paris.

Yeah, will you be, um, what's your approach? Balance calls generally, uh, my partner's not into it. Perfect. Very much like those doesn't not send them. Think this all, you know, like, think this all American. I think this is all American. Inter Santé? Yeah. So, Jen really doesn't have Thanksgiving. I think there are other American holidays as well.

I think they've got one. But Clarkies, well, I don't know if you know that Clarkies family don't celebrate Thanksgiving either. You've always shown Thanksgiving, haven't you? Absolutely. Independence day? Oh yeah, that would go all out for. Hell of a film.

Oh my God, can you see what's happened there? I've got all blurring. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to happen there? I laughed at you saying Independence Day and a globule of saliva flew out of my mouth and landed on my camera. No.

No. That's unbelievable. So you can mouth and landed on my camera. No! That's unbelievable. So you can't do that on my model of Mac. That's the difference, you see. It's protected. I knew I should have bought the guard. The guy said, well, he used your laptop for it. I told him, he said, yeah, you're a guard for that.

I said, I just tell the other side of the room, it's all right. It's got a big screen. Strapper magnifying glass to each eye, and I'm all right. And see everything, but yeah, there we go. Screen solved. Is there a version of Valentine's Day that's like a little bit like the purge and a little bit like April 4th day?

Oh my, where's this one? I'm just going to think about give it a bit of a really great enemy. What the two cruelest days I can think of. Let's go talk us through your new, right? So firstly, firstly, everybody need, have you got your panic room sorted for Valentine's Day? Oh no, he's buying a mask, right? Okay, right. Good play. Yeah.

Yeah, why are you painting a love heart on to that baseball bat? So, so, go on, what's your, what's your system? What's your system for the brand new? What's your system for Valentine's Day 2.0? We know, we know it starts with harassing strangers via the brownie. What's your system for valentine's day 2.0? We know it starts with harassing strangers via the Royal Mail. Unwanted, unwanted affection to strangers via this nail mail, yeah that's number one. There's some kind of, there's like a 40 minute period where people can be romantic to each other. Can I just ask Tom, have you ring fence that?

Is that a ring fence? Is that a ring fence? There's a 40 minute period, yeah go where people can go. April falls, meets the purse, that's the pitch. Okay, it's a 40 minute period. So it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will, it will minute period. So it will go to the house to also meet Valentine's Day doesn't it? So April falls meets the purge meets Valentine's Day so it's a 40 minute period. What's happening during that 40 minute period? I don't know I mean We'll work out the final details once the 40 minutes have started

But as soon as you say yes first and then I'll uh, as soon as you hear my first whistle, and then I'll tell you, as soon as you hear my first whistle, you'll know. That's a big, big, big tip. I'm a times down to your 2.0, how it started. Yeah. And championing the question mark, my masks could be involved. I'm not sure about that.

Yeah, it's a bit too, that's, yeah. But maybe like those, you know, those romantic masks, like in a bit too that's yeah It's a bit I'm like those you know those romantic masks like in a strut in like a Shakespeare production way. They're not really masks Oh the top half the old top half top top top Oh, they top for 40 minutes top top top top It's a start I'm just saying. Or I'm getting back to it is. I don't know the origins of Valentine's Day. I feel like I should.

I don't know the story of some Valentine. I don't think it was an American, I don't think he was an American advertising agent. I think it's like, yeah, I think it was there already, but it's become a big kind of... But the system of commemorating it has changed, okay? Yeah, same kind of with Halloween. But in my head, the question mark matters to you

to me, that's the thing. To the extent where maybe the thing that would scratch my itch is I send my wife a very conventional Valentine's day card, but then I also Create an elaborate Question marky or to record to send her where she thinks she's got a secret admirer And then and then I'll find and then I wait and see whether she tells me or not Yeah, that's that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. I'm

I'm Absolutely Yeah, that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. That feels romantic. Yeah, but it's like you've absolutely, you've worked out, I mean, sorry. Okay, I'm actually... I'm actually... I'm actually moved to tears by that. That's really... Oh my god, I don't. I tell you what, my screen is absolutely... Flowing out. It's just, it's barely serious, like, behind the night.

I could fall. So, I'm like, you know, I'll get a... Mark's and Spencer's meal deal and then have a lovely candlelit confrontation. That's saying, okay, great, I've worked it out. You're basically, you're just pitching the peanut colada song here. LAUGHTER Perfect.

Can I ask, is that non-alcoholic or alcoholic? I've said a weird friendship. We've been to be friends here, we've been friends here. Anything we're pouring up on you five. That's the rule. Yes, what are you five? Is that why you're eating so much gammon? I've lost a lot of weight, but only because I had to drain my ankles.

I've lost a lot of weight, but only because I had to drain my ankles. What do you do with that ankle juice? Because I'm going to have to take it for a bit. Pickle back? Yeah, you know, I'll go in the house, but the ankle juice flows. Like wine. It's all over my screen. When you were a kid, the gammon order, Bloody hell, that was appealing, wasn't it? Oh yeah.

Do you do eggs or pineapple? That one, and I think that's what made it so a pit. There were two ways to go. When you were 12, going out for a family meal, it, for me, it was like the Gamin felt like that was the one, generally. Yeah, pineapple or egg. And you could flip flop and then you're suddenly like,

do I feel tropical and exotic and, la la la la la. Whereup, do I go for the egg? Sometimes that's for both. Crazy. It's very much. Tell me you grew up in the 80s without telling me you grew up in the 80s.

That's so cocked. So cocked. Yeah, absolutely. It was like, what a classic. What a classic start, the prawn cocktail. prawn cocktail, the gammon main. And then maybe a horn aplenty to, or a nica boca glory to end off.

Oh, nica boca glory. And these are the people that are targeted by Wednesday, the Netflix series. You know what I mean? It's the same venue diagram. It's like the MC Hammer's song, prawn cocktail starters, the Wednesday on Netflix. It's for the gammon-e-weat gammon, isn't it?

That's the same gammon. The Venn diagram is just a circle and that circle is a pog. Venn pogs. Then Pogs. Err... Err... But yeah, there was, I think like, basically, the gammon pineapple or egg question prepared the way for you being asked how you like your steak. I think it's like the stabilizers of eating out on the way to, right?

Because like, when you're seven or eight, you get the kid sausage and mash and no one asks you anything, and that's okay. They think it's mashed potato or chips. Then you get to gammon and you're like, hello, who am I today? You know, will I the pineapple or the egg? Yeah. And then that prepares the way for asking for a well done steak. Yeah. How did you have your gammon?

Do you have your meat in your hair? Yeah. Very bloody. I like my gammon very bloody with an egg on top. I love it blue, please. Yeah. Thank you. Can I have the egg blue, please?

Gaman Tata. Did you ever do the doubler, though? Surely that's an option. It feels wrong, doesn't it? But the doubler must have been there, right? I think here's the thing. If you said, oh, I'm going to have an egg with some pineapple, it wouldn't sound great.

But the Gaman holds it together, right? The Gaman is that, you know, that's your, that's your van diagram. If one of the circles is a fried egg and the other circle is a pineapple ring, if you cross them over the intersection in the middle, that would be gammon. That's true. That's very true. That would be it. But you couldn't have them, you couldn't have it separately. Never normally the twain should meet.

Yeah. That's the twain should meet. Yeah. That's the power of Gaman. There's no other bridge between those two food types. And in the natural world, they would never dream of meeting. No. No. The things that lay eggs don't go anywhere near pile apple trees. That's true facts. That's just's true. That's just a fact.

That's just a fact. That's just the hard trees that we've even had. That's just a hard tree to be. Guys, I'm sorry that the podcast got so heavy towards the end. It started with a very light and fun chat about how you say the most confusing month of the year, but now we've got into the fact that no chicken has never been up a pineapple tree. Yeah. We heard that that's the heaviest part of the year, but now we've got into the fact that no chicken has never been up a pineapple tree.

Yeah. Weird that that's the heaviest part of this episode, considering we went in terms of my marriage. I'm desperate for Gamma now. I think having had all this chat, Gamma legs and... Can I get a line fence? Can I get a line fence? Can I get a line fence?

Can I get a line fence? Can I get a line fence? Can I get a line fence? He's fired up or ring fence the day. You know, it's one of the great traditions of Super Bowl Sunday that somebody sits in their corner with their back to the screen and he's going to get gas. It's one of the great traditions, like, I hope you uphold it. That's what you should get back to. That's the essence, isn't it? That's the truth of the rest of Mark of Super Bowl Sunday. Yeah. That's the real purge. The real question

Mark, is he watching the Super Bowl at all? Can we get this piece of the liver to the liver? There we go. I tell you what, that went down like a slice of buttered toast. It really did. Sometimes sticks in the throat. If you eat it too quickly. It's like you overdone toast, I think. I'm always eating toast too quickly. Because it's just so bloody tasty. Of course you are. I don't know, can you eat it too quickly?

I don't think. The only way I feel I've eaten toast too quickly is when it's over, and I think, well, I wish I had more toast. That's's you know, just love lovely slice, oh I'm gonna take the grills the grills beeping Let's have another slice of toast Let's have another slice of toast and leave these good people. We'll see you next time All right, well today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham Corsham team and cheers everyone. Bye! Toast. Please be upstanding for today's Patreon.

Oh! I don't know man. I don't know. You can be a British chef. Hey, why did you assume I was a chef? Oh, good point. Oh, damn you. Good point. I'll see you later. You got all that toast in your hand. Obviously. Oh wait, have you made toast? Are you a chef? Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

I was living with a chef. Okay, table, table for four. It's just arrived. Oh no. It's going to be a crazy evening. Please, please. Well everybody be upstanding in this restaurant for the day's victory in the day for the watch. A roll call!

What's this? What's this? What's this? What's this? What's this? They've ordered two pieces of toast and some butter and some bacon. There's a lard on. That's right.

It's for Mr. Mark Atherton. Mr. Mark Atherton. What's this? What's this? It's for Mr. Mark Atherton! Oh, Mr. Mark Atherton! What's this? What's this? What is this? Oh, I tell you what... Ding, ding! I tell you what... Oh, I tell you what this...

This steak... This steak isn't looking too clever. How, you know, I don't... It's supposed to be what, this steak isn't looking too clever. How, you know, I don't know. It's supposed to be serious, the dweett. What? I'll tell you what, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this's, it's, it's, it's, oh, it's not very good. Oh no, no, no, no, no. But anyway, listen, if the customer is always right and the customer in this instance is Stephen Greenwood.

Ding ding service, get out there, please. Oh no, this cheese, it's kind of soft, it's supposed to be very hard. Quick, run out to the shop, Smatter-up-yard. Okay, okay, okay. Everybody calm down. Someone's lost the order for Table 5, go back out there and ask them, oh no, it belonged to someone called Jemmeraskam! Oh! It was a gift! It was a Ding Ding card! Oh, don't, please! Please, everybody, please stop ordering right now. We haven't got time. Oh, uh, somebody has asked for some toast with the side of Gammon. It is, of course, a Vicky Baron!

Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding! Hey, what are you doing? Oh, no, you're a gale, is it? He's bent to the forks! Quick, go to the shop, he's saving me Everybody, please stop sending us to the shops Okay, okay, here we go To serve this haggis please wear a sporen

Take a table seven for Joel Please wear a sporean. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Oh! What? Oh, what a rush. Listen, the reviews are in! I'm Michelin Star! That concludes today's Patreon. I'm so much roguer! Please go to the shop. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining.

A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for... It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.