Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Moves Like Brothers) S14E47

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Voyeurism on a train gets us chatting about siblingsPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to this very festive episode of Papi's Flasher House Meeting. House Meeting! That's right, it's where your three festive pals get around the Christmas tree and swap festive anecdotes as they wrap their presents and drink their mule tea. A mule tea we're having this year guys. Little Donkey. After Bridget Christopher suggested you eat Donkey at Christmas, we've decided that actually we're going to smooth your mule and turn that into an alcoholic beverage. So pour yourself a large glass of mules nog were you getting

confused with egg nog and yuletide log? No I was trying to I was like mix these up for comic effects and then I genuinely mixed myself up so I was gonna go for mulled log and then and then I hit yulethrough me for a loop there's a glimpse behind the curtain it does it does anyway, I hope you enjoyed this Christmas chat because it's basically all you're going to get in this episode. Once again, we started recording. Remembered 30 minutes in that it was supposed to be about Christmas. Talked about Christmas for about 10 seconds and then moved back to the topic we wanted to talk about. But, but this is a, it's a hell of a topic. You're going to really enjoy this. It's going to be, this

is our, this is our final episode of the year. So we're back, we're back in topic. You're going to really enjoy this. It's going to be... This is our final episode of the year. Oh! So we're back in February. We're back in February. Not just back in your ear canals, but also back in the live arena. We've got shows on the 24th and 25th of February. Those will go on sale at the start of the year.

So mark those in your diary. 24th and 25th of February, we'll be at the Phoenix in Cavendish Square in right in the centre of London with two more live flat share slam downs. So get along to those, get your tickets when they go on sale. And also as well, there's something quite exciting happening in the new year. If you go to the Patreon, because people have asked for this, you can get the episodes early and ad free. That'll be from February 2025 when we come back in the new year. So you'll be able to hear the fantastic Flat Shared Slam Down we recorded with Celia and Jin. Oh my gosh, that's a good one. That's a good

one. It's a really good one to start the series with. Might be my favorite of all time. Yeah. If you'd like to hear that before everybody else does, then join the Patreon and when February rolls around, you will get that earlier than everybody else, or at least everyone else that isn't on the Patreon. So patreon.com forward slash Papi's Flat Share and join today. And that's what I believe that's for every tier from the the five quid onwards or the four quid onwards. Every tier onwards will get that early and ad free advertising free.

I already know I'm going to get very excited about using the phrase early and ad free next year. Why not? Why not get excited about it? It's a great phrase. We've never used it before. We're very rarely early and we are slaves to the dollar. But no more. We know we can be early and ad free. We can be early and ad free on the Patreon. So get yourself over there. Of course, if you join the Patreon, you also get a bonus episode every single week. So imagine how chock-a-block your podcast feed is going to be.

You're going to have all of the episodes with no adverts in them, and you can have all of our Flat Share pop rounds and a whole bunch of other fun stuff besides. So get over there today. patreon.com forward slash papisflatshare. we would love to see you there agreed now let's enjoy this festive house meeting i've had a thought i've got an issue i've got a question i want to ask you i want to talk i want to chat okay let's sit down and chew the flat house meeting

what temperature should we set the heat house meeting I want to chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. House meeting! Meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting,. No, so hang on. Go on, Tom, you can do this. Come on, last one of the year. Give it a give it a push. I know. I mean, you can't, Tom. Honestly, we believe in you. You've done this before. You've done hundreds of episodes like this.

You've got this man. Last night, I was like, oh, I know what I could do. I talk about my theory of, um, of having a fallow year each year between Christmases. And then I was like, you've done that a lot. I'm sure. I mean, you say that most every Christmas. Yeah, we have talked about that. We've talked about that loads. Um, I had like, I had a really, I really like funny, like, um, really, I really like funny, like brush with non fame, where I was on the train to London on the table opposite me was like this. Let me think. I mean, late sixties, maybe this lady, I'd say mid to late sixties, but was carried was like, still very attractive, very.

Whoa, very. What I like. This is this is probably choosing his words carefully. He's really big through this. He's like, right. I've got to think about this. How do I do this gently? I was opposite this gilf. He was.

So despite being in her 60s, she was still attractive. Keep talking. Very, very clearly a little bit of money going on. Just, just very kind of. Nothing more attractive than that. Exactly. And just very confident as well. It was kind of like, you know, when you sit in the presence of someone who's confident and attractive and you kind of go, yeah, that person knows what's going on. I got to about Glastonbury and, and a guy gets on. Mid to late sixties, maybe a bit older.

Brown leather bomber jacket, one of those furry leather kind of pilot jacket type of hairs. Oh yeah. Neck of chief, you know, tied around. Rake-ish. And if two vibes could have met that was like they were so like he got on and it was like he's looking for a seat and he very quickly clocks his kind of kindred spirit on the carriage. Gotcha.

He doesn't sit next to me, put it that way. So he sits down, is this seat taken? No, she says with a smile, I'm switching my music off instantly. I'm like, I'm, this is where voyeur mode kicks in. I put your phone on to voyeur mode. Turns off your Bluetooth speaker. You put your tablet on your microphone. Put a bit of Serge Gainsborough on the Bluetooth speaker.

Let me be your personal DJ. It was electric. They did not stop talking from Glastonbury to London and the kind of common ground they were reaching were all certain village pubs that they've drank in, in wealthy areas like the Cotswolds and stuff. How drinking cider vinegar can improve your energy in all these years. That is such a classic, isn't it? Where you buy your cider vinegar from, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Of people of a certain age, that is an absolute classic. It's that, you know, it's weight loss, it's living longer, it's all of those things. And can I just tell you now, in the last month, I bought myself a bottle. Containing mother? It has to contain mother. It has to contain mother. Oh my God. So yeah. Yeah. That is so, you know, I'm, I would love to join the Chipping Norton set. I'm desperate to be part of that gang. There's certain type of yoga that she teaches. Oh, I mean, come on that got, that got dropped early doors. She's a yoga instructor. Absolutely flexible. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

But this guy, he keeps mentioning his gigs. He keeps mentioning, oh yeah, I've done a show there. I've gigged around there and she's a fucking cool customer, man. She's not biting. She's, she's letting him, he's dropping them out there. She's sitting, she's sitting. Yeah. He does then start dropping that his wife's a model. But he says it three times. And I think that's one I think that's one too, too

many times. I think like he's I don't know why but he's you know, I'm not I just want to clear his name. He's not on the pull here. But I'm saying this there is electric chemistry going on. He's mentioned a partner so he's he's suggesting exactly. Yeah, he's he's he's he was holding a pineapple though.. He was holding a pineapple, though, so he was balancing a pineapple, juggling pineapples. He was he was he brought his own bowl and he put his keys in it. He raised a rakish eyebrow.

And he's mentioned these gigs and yeah, his models are why. Sorry, his wife was a model. What's his model? My wife's a model, My model's a train. My wife's serial number is my mobile phone number is. So it was like, we got past Reading. We were approaching London. he mentions his gigs a final time, she finally bites and she goes, so, so these gigs then what are they? And he's like, oh, they're just, you know, music to me and my band. Oh, cool. Are we allowed to get, are we allowed to guess?

I don't know, I don't think you will. Oh, okay. Okay. But it's like, she goes, would I have heard of this band? And he goes, well, it's just under my name. It's my bad. It's like my band. They play my songs, just these silly songs that I put together. And she says, I must check you out sometime. What's your name?

And he goes, and he said, Christenberg, he says it's Chris Jagger. Nick's brother. So he goes, he goes, it's Chris Jagger. Nick's brother. So he goes, he goes, it's Chris Jagger. And there's like a beat and she just goes, any relation? And he goes, yeah. Oh, and I am immediately on Wikipedia. It could not have come up quicker. Digga digga digga digga digga digga. He is married to a model. He has moved out

to the classroom. He does raise sheep. So it's either someone who was who was Chris Jagger or an access to Chris Jagger's Wikipedia. That doesn't feel like a human conversation does it? It's a scam and he needs to borrow five grand. Then he can transfer you back half a million. I bet that scam would work actually. You ride trains looking for wealthy, older, attractive women. You pretend to be Chris Jagger. They want to buy into this setup. Oh, it's the new dirty rotten scoundrels. I love it. Do you think in this internet age, even if you're talking to people in the, you know,

in the advanced age of sixties, the sixties, the late sixties, they're still going to be able to go, well, let me just click out quick, literally what you did. Let me have a quick Google and check who would be a good brother to have. Who's got like, there's no paper trail. That's what you want. You want to move. You want a brother that sort of doesn't actually exist. Are we back round to the Unabomber again? No. But it is, you know what? In any conversation with me, it's always worth checking. Are we back around to the Unabomber again? No.

But it is, you know what, in any conversation with me, it's always worth checking. Unabomber jacket. We really need someone with no paper trail. Crosby, we're not having the Unabomber as a flat slam guest. Not that last time. No, listen, listen, what you want to do is, I've not seen, I've not seen the movie Colour Me Kubrick, but that was about a guy who pretended to be Stanley Kubrick's brother or did he pretend to be Stanley Kubrick and just no one knew who, what the guy looked like. The problem is now is that you were, you were two clicks away from a Google image search

to go, oh yeah, I am sat across from Chris Jagger. But also as soon as he mentions he's Chris Jagger, it all falls into place. The voice, the looks, really, he's Chris Jagger. The claps he was doing in the air in between sentences. He's got the moves like Jagger. He's got the moves like Jagger. He's got the moves like Jagger. I leapt off the train, straight off. I sort of wait popped a window till we got to Paddington. You got one of those little red hammers out of the box and clang, clang? This is an emergency. I'm stuck Spotify on,

listen to the first Chris Jagger track that pops up. And it's not strong. White sugar. With it first. Don't eat it. It doesn't do no good. Just like your doctor said. Oh hey. White sugar.

Have some cider vinegar instead. Hot yoga. Couldn't drag me away. By the way, absolutely, absolutely. You know, I'm almost disappointed that we don't do bangers and mash anymore because we would have an absolutely wonderful day. Oh yeah. Like middle aged, upper middle class, Rolling Stones parodies.

We could have a great afternoon. I love it. I love it. He must have had to make his peace with being the brother of someone iconic. Right. That's that's something you have to. He's probably had to do a lot of work to get to the comfortable place where he's like, well, what it does allow me to do is Mack on age appropriate babes on the on British rail. You know, like he he must have been a long

time of going like, because he's not he's not Mick Jagger, but he's he's doing what Mick Jagger does. I'm in a band as well. Try to imagine that life in the shadow of Mick. The title of his book. No, it isn't. Could be. The first song I hit play on, it's the number one popular song on Spotify. It's called It's Amazing What People Throw Out. And within the first 15 seconds, it mentions the Rolling Stones. That's not good. I don't know. I didn't listen. I don't know if all of his songs mention the Rolling Stones in the first 15 to 20 seconds.

You write about what you know though. But then what would you be writing? If I was in a rock band, would I be writing songs about my own brother? Well, then I mean, there are other loads of songs where people like referencing their own brother's work. You don't get many songs about I'm going to do you get many songs about siblings? He ain't heavy. He's my brother. That's the only one I was thinking the same thing.

Oh, what about that one by was it? Is it by Avicii that one? Hey, brother. And Brothers in Arms. Brothers in Arms. Yeah, it's all coming out. There's only three. There's only there's there's only the Holy Trinity. Sisters are doing it for themselves.

No, no, no, no, there's no brothers themselves. A sibling soundtrack anyway. I felt so starstruck, but not at the same time. Yes, I know. Yeah, exactly the same. Totally. Did you want to be part of the conversation? Because I would love to be in that chat. I feel like that would be a fascinating chat. I'd already wanted to be part of that conversation before they'd sprinkled a little stardust on him. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Did you write down the names of any of the pubs? We've got to do a Chris Jagger pub crawl. We've got to... Listen, we'll take a little bit of money out of the company funds and we'll go and do a little Chris Jagger pub crawl and see if we can run into the man himself. Well, we could book... I imagine we'd be able to book him for a flat slam.

By the way, did you know the song Moves Like Jagger isn't about Mick? What? Do you know that it's about Chris? Oh, my God. That makes sense. The dude from Maroon 5, he was on a train just like you. Ten years ago, and he was like, bloody hell, this guy's got moves. Hang on a sec. It's Chris Jagger. Of course bloody hell this guy's got moves. Hang on a sec, it's Chris Jagger of course he's bloody well got moves. Right around the time when Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger was riding high on the hog, that

summer, the Moves Like Jagger summer. Oh yeah yeah yeah. I went to my old university friend's wedding and I think the best man was called Dave Jagger and great. Great. Not another relation was it? I sang you've got the moves Dave Jagger. You've got the moves Dave Jagger. You've got the moves Dave Jagger, you've got the moves Dave Jagger, you've got the moves Dave Jagger at him so many times that he had to tell me to stop doing it halfway through the night. No, Tom, Tom, that guy is made of stone because that is gorgeous stuff. He said you can't keep doing this. I could, he can, I can. You don't know him, you've not met me.

All the way through your speech, mate. He's got the words like Jagger. Now I think he misses it. Now I think if, if, if there's a listener, dear, who works with someone like Dave Jagger, who's got that name, I bet if you sang that to them, they'd enjoy it now they'd be like, it's come round. Oh yeah. Yeah.

You do remember. But at the time it was just too, too, too prevalent. It's a really funny, like if you work with someone who's like Dave Jagger has got that name, I would say don't worry about being like him. Just focus on the name. I think that is the focal bit. If you work with someone whose name is Dave Jagger or even Chris Jagger, I'm sure, I mean, maybe not Chris Jagger, because that would be taunting him with a song about his brother. Can I can I ask, did you did you work out whether he was older or younger?

Because I think one is fine. One is not. I think he's younger. Yeah, that's fine. I think that's fine. I think if he was an older, older. Yeah, yeah, I agree. It would feel a bit sad. Yeah. And I say this as an older brother. Yes. But anytime I'm thinking through the McGanns right now.

I'm thinking through the McGanns. I'm always, listen, if it's not the Unabomber, it's the McGanns. Tom, you know what's going on in the Rolodex, the old Rolodex in the Noggin. It's always constantly revolving around. Now, which obviously can lead to some problems that I did update the Wikipedia page to say that the Unibomber was Joe McGann. Now I hold my hands up. I was just, I was having a bit of a tough day. I was a bit, I was, you know, the school run a bit, a bit mad and otherwise got to sit down and sit down and do some work here. And

I, yeah, I did, I did accuse Joe. And then obviously that leads inevitably to the Baldwin's doesn't it? You can't, you can't talk about the McGann's without segueing to the Baldwin's. The Baldwin's are a tricky gang. Yeah, because for a lot of reasons. Yeah. For so many reasons. Is when the good ones in court for shooting someone, you know, you're in trouble. He's. This is the problem, isn't it? He's the good one. He's the one. He's the guy that people say, yeah, we like him. He was on 30 Rock and he's still on SNL every now and then. It's bad, isn't it? It's not great.

Do you do that with your brothers when you go back for Christmas and you see your families, do you go, which one of us is Billy Baldwin? And which one of us is Alec? And does it change each year because it has to? Because the mad thing is, do you know what? They play that the Baldwins play it. Billy is now Alec. Billy says, listen, after the year you've had, I'm now Alec Baldwin. Steven, stay exactly where you are. Remain exactly where you are, Steven. There'll only ever be one you, Steven. Hey, yeah, we all remember you're suspect.

You had a great six months. Yeah, a good year. Chill out, stay at the kids table. You're all right. Yeah, they must have thought, Oh, no, hang on. Here he comes. Oh no, it's okay. It was just that.

It was just, yeah. Yeah. Don't worry. He's back to making biodome with Paulie Shaw. It's okay. It's okay. Um, no, if you had, if you had to, I love you recently. No review said it's okay. you've cleaned up into my house

I can't get through the dome if you had to if you had to though yeah it doesn't have to be a pop star any celebrity to be I'm their younger brother I would you go trapped in a dome with for a second, it would you? Yes, it would. We were 30 seconds away from which Baldwin brother and which McGann brother would you take with you into a bio dome? I actually think your question's much more. Yeah, there's a reason we don't have a spin off podcast. Now, if you head over to BBC Sounds for more,

you can hear questions no one needs to be asked. Yeah. The yes. So the question is, you've got you've got the entire you know, they don't have to have a sibling, you know, you're not saying, oh, I would like to be Dave Davis or whatever. You're saying I would like to be. The younger sibling, can we say super celeb?

Because I do think. Why? Who are you going to pick? What Polish oracles? I well, I just think we're dealing with, I think the conversation with it has to be with the brother of a Jagger. It shifts into it has to be Megastar. Has to be iconic. has to be. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. I'm not saying would you like to be there? You know, the younger brother of Clive Myrie. Because the answer is yes. Yeah, of course. Who wouldn't? Of course. But but like, you know, it has to be in the realm of icon.

And again, that in itself is he and heavy. He's my re brother. Does that work? Clive, Clive Myrie. But Tom, you have to stop doing this. He ain't heavy, he's my re-brother. Does that work? It's like mine. But Tom, you have to stop doing this. Please. But well, I've started so I'll finish. We've edited out all the other ones.

Right. Are you adopting any of their characteristics or looks? You are related to them, aren't you? You're related to them, yeah. So you're gonna look a little bit like them. You're not gonna look like you. You're gonna have, you know, presumably been brought up in some small way

with them, around them, okay? So it's not that you just get to go around saying, oh, I'm, the switch doesn't go off and suddenly, genetically you are them. Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay? This is it. You've you've grown up.

You've grown up potentially in their shadow. Who would you go for if you had to pick? Oh, it's tough. Yeah. I am inclined to go with someone who whose work I I'm not massively enamored with. That's interesting. Because therefore, yeah, that's like, yeah, that's like, they're like, I like this, like, I'm proud of them. It's so great what

they do. But you know, it's not really for me. That you if you can take that for that reason, I'm choosing the uniform. It's sure an impressive body of work. Undeniable. So, you know, like so then then you're looking at like, if your brother is like fucking Bono, I don't know, like you go. That's huge. That's absolutely huge. If Bono is your brother, you can be super proud of him. He's kind of he did lots of good stuff at the top.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not I'm not. But I'm not jealous of his. I'm sure I'm in the slipstream of his wealth. Have you got, has he got more than one brother? Is it just like, who knows? I don't know, is it Dos? Come on, come on, Clarky, we want to hear it.

Let's see the whole thing. Come on. But yeah, yeah, I think I think that's a good choice. The one thing I would say as well about that is that you're going to, you know, you're going to get a lot of props. Yeah, because if you've been drinking establishment, you've been to Dublin, Dublin's a small city. Big, big vibe. but it's a very small city. So you're walking into a pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Would you, to get recognised, always wear the shades as well? Or is that too close to him? Would you dress like Mr Mephisto,

his devil character he did on the Zootv. Only on Halloween. You constantly wear the little the little red head, the little red horns and be constantly filming yourself with a camcorder. It's no secret. I'm Boris brother. Also, your name isn't going to give you. You're going to avoid the Chris Jagger moment.

Yeah, you're going to be Tom Husson, aren't you? Yeah. Husson, we have a problem. No one knows who my brother is. No one knows who he is. Yeah. So unless I start calling myself Tom-O, but even then people won't get the name. Again, I think there's plenty of Tom-Os. And is it true? Sorry, I'm going to boner. And Bonner got his nickname because of a yellow and black stripey jumper that he wore. That's correct.

He always wore the same jumper to college and people said, you know what we should start calling you? Fucking Tosspot. Could you soften it to Bono? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. By the way, by the way, have you got any Febreze? This absolutely stinks.

Yeah. So, yeah, sure. And by the way, by the way, have you got any Febreze? This absolutely stinks. Yeah, so, yeah, Bono. I think that I- Because it's funny you chose that because I would like to be, I would like to be Matthew Edge. Yeah, okay. Yeah. That was your stand-up comedy name for a while, wasn't it? That was when I was doing, when I was doing, like, slightly riskier material.

Yeah. Yeah, that was- I was called Matthew the Bleeding Edge. Yeah, yeah, back in your heyday. Yeah, that's when we fell in love with you as a comic and wanted to work with you. Yeah, yeah. Conksy dressed like the devil, always filming myself with a camcorder. Yeah, Matthew the Bleeding Edge, yeah.

And then we turned to Ben Mullin Jr. Of course, it's got to be Ben Mullin Jr. Clarky Mullin Jr. What a twist if all the brothers of YouTube got together and had a middling comedy podcast. What if three of the members? Yeah. What's happened to poor Brendan Clayton? What's happened to him?

He was all right. He was dating a model. He was very much a sort of Chris Jagger figure. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. The Brothers of U2. Should we start billing ourselves as the brothers of U2? Should we get into the Peterpigs? Tell everybody. Little known facts about Pappy's.

They're three of the Brothers of U2. And they didn't realise until like they've been working together for 10 years. We never really talked about our families. I mean, what are you doing tonight? I'm going to go and see my brother's band. Oh, what's your brother's band called? Oh, sorry. I've got to go.

I'm late for the gig. Oh, my brother's doing a gig tonight. Is it weird we're all at the same gig? We're all chatting. God, you're already good mates with my brother's mate. Yeah, I think that's good. Be the brothers of U2. Oh, my brother's in a famous band as well. U2.

Yeah, yeah, me as well, yeah. That's where the confusion comes too. Yeah. Yeah. Me as well. Yeah. Is it the right one? Does he say like Catores? Yeah. Catores he says. Does he says like one, two, is it like, is it like one, two, three, fourteen? Is that what he does? Is that on purpose? I don't know. I have to ask his brother. I'm assuming, I'm assuming most things they commit to record and release are on purpose, although it doesn't always sound like it.

Surely there'd be a conversation about this angering your fans in Latin America. If somebody started a song, it's a joke. You really are his brother. Pretty good. That's a good body. If you did that in English, you'd I think people would find it funny. Yeah, I think so. I guess it's that you're doing it in the language you don't speak and it seems like you just haven't got to learn it.

Or is it the whole thing that he's got vertigo. So he stopped being able to count properly. That's one of the symptoms. It's definitely one of the symptoms. Or he's up on the 14th floor. That makes more sense. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We put that, we put that 20 year old song to bed. The theory of why he miscounts at the start of vertigo. Gosh, the internet rabbit hole, you can go down on that, you know, late at night, the manifestos you can read from the uno dos tres bomber. Tom, you don't. Dave Jagger. But you had Tom, you had a question.

So if your brother's a megastar. Yes. What? Yeah. Do you let him do you? Lame. Do you let him pay off your mortgage, for example? Yes. Do you let him pay off your mortgage, for example? Yes. I'm going to second Clarky's answer. Yeah.

Okay. And I ask him to, I not only ask him to pay off my mortgage, I move house to a much bigger house before, just before he's about to offer. If I hear he's paid off mum and dad's house, I'm going right. Well, I'm I'm upgrading because I'd love to have the mortgage on this place, but I could if I'm on Bono money, I could do better. But like, here's a question I like is like, when you think about the Baldwin's or the McGann's music, if you got the Wainwrights, for example, it's like if you let them pay off your mortgage too early and then you

move into their field and start doing well, you know, you don't think there'd be like a thing there where it's like, well, now I want to give you my mortgage back actually, because I'm in the usual suspect. So I don't, I don't like, I don't know. You want to feel like you've kind of to pay off their heads in return. Yeah, they were so busy paying off everyone else's, they to pay off their heads. Yeah. They were so busy paying off everyone else's. They forgot to do their own. The tricky thing with that though is when are you ever going to be at a level

where you're like, actually Bono, I think I've got a similar amount of money to you. Here you go. Here's the money. You know, podcasting can cross me. It's true. That's very true. I realised that we're YouTube's brothers And this is the premier U2 podcast. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. It would be nice for him to do it so you could, you know, but would you eventually be like, oh, now I'm probably in a situation where I could afford to give him some money. I'll do that.

Because I think what you don't want is, you know, it's in it's in it's impossible because this is this happens. But you don't want a hierarchical system within the family. Or you try and avoid a hierarchical system within the family. In all of those families there is and it like it their kingdoms are fiefdom. That's true. Like you can't not the heart the entire structure of the family has completely shifted.

Like select Bono's the dad. Bono's the daddy now. Bono's like the fucking like, you know, like he's become he's Tony Soprano. Yeah, like Christmas is at his house and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, like Christmas is at his house and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. In the Dublin Hotel. We're spending Christmas at the Dublin. I've hired out the whole 14th floor.

But it's like it's like that. Well, he's hired out. Oh, no, floor, floor, it's like that. Well, he's tired out. Oh, no, floor, floor, floor, floor and get all safe. Floor. I'll be on guitar. Faithful. Bad news. The lifts are out. You know, there's no way around it is that like that family is now like, you know.

Beyonce's family. They know, Beyonce's family. They're just Beyonce's family now. Then also they're a very nice family. What about Solange? Solange, farewell. No, but Solange is, you know, yes, she's Beyonce's sister, but she is a musical artist in her own right and respected in that way. In her own right, though.

Yeah, I think you have to say, yeah, I think, I think so. I think, I think, I would say, she's well, listen, I would say if you're talking about Solange or Chris Jagger, she's not what she's a musical artist in her own right. She's not in the waiting room is she? You're not about to put her in. For a real surprise, because by the way, let's not forget, this is our Christmas episode. So let's not forget guys, it's our Christmas episode. Oh no! We've done it again!

We've done it again. Ah! I know, honestly, you know, I can't believe we've, we've chatted for about 20 minutes already now and we've got the 12 guests of Christmas. I'm going to bring them all out. So, Slanders number one. It's a real shame, but I'm just going to, I'm just going to tell caution to let them all go. Oh, what a shame. Yeah. It's a real shame. Or do we just skip straight

onto Beyonce? I tell you what, actually, Ronnie would left already. He left. Yeah, Ronnie Wood was absent. Oh, yeah, just just trying to caution in the chat. He was absolutely fucking livid. So that's all we say. I said, Ronnie, come on, we're going to talk about your talk about your career. We're going to talk about how you really are the beating heart of the running stones. You won't mention anyone's siblings. As long as your brother to try and contact him. I promise you won't mention anyone's siblings. Has Ronnie got a brother?

Too late to try and contact him. Should we get Ronnie Woods brother on the podcast? Did you were you in any way tempted? Were you like when you see someone like that, are you in any way tempted to say, oh, by the way, I do a podcast, would you like to be a guest? You seem to have had a fascinating life. Were you in any way tempted? Not with our podcast, but if we had a different type of podcast,

then I think I might. If you were Elizabeth Day or Stephen Bartlett is your say. Yeah, I think I'm pretty good. Yeah, I mean, it was like bring that side of vinegar stuff. You'll be great. I like the way. No, no, not me personally. That's a bit like that. I mean, you might

as well just lose the word podcast. You might as well just go like, well, if I had a completely different career, then yes, I would have said, would you be interested in collaborating with me? But with my current career, no, not even Chris Jagger. I'd be embarrassed to say to Chris Jagger, would you like to come on my podcast? It's such a terrible sentence to say, isn't it? No, I love it. I say it all the time. I mean, I have to, otherwise we wouldn't have it.

Can you stop saying it to me, please? Cross me. Halfway through the wedding, he had to just be waiting for you for 10 minutes. Yeah. waiting for you for 10 minutes. Yeah, I mean, look, let's I don't want to get into Solange's career. But. I there's a there is a question mark in the margins from me. Can I ask you, can I ask you a couple of questions about this question mark? How many Solange records have you listened to? Zero.

Oh no, I have one. Okay, good. There will have been one, right? Was there one that involved like a bird cage of some description? No, maybe that wasn't. Maybe that wasn't. Anyway. Anyway, sorry.

Now you've proved your credentials. Tell us a bit more about Solange. So this is this is my question mark is. Yeah, yeah. It is in no way like I've got the same fucking question mark on Patrick McEnroe. It's like without John McEnroe. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

I think you know, you could have worked that one out. Yeah. Fuck me, I don't know Patrick McEnroe, but come on, I got 50% of the answer right there. I was just like, why are you going to McEnroe? So here's why there's no question mark on Serena Williams, right, because she actually bettered her. That's the thing, so there was a question mark in Serena Williams's margins and she fucking rubbed it out with a plum because she not only matched her older sibling, she

bettered her older sibling and is the greatest athlete, arguably, of the 21st century. I see that and I completely agree with that point. I think in music it's harder to quantify because sales and success isn't necessarily indicative of great achievement. It is a great achievement. Were you listening to Chris Jagger's concert? Yeah, I have. I've been listening to it.

I've been living it for 24 years. This was Redding to Paddington. This was his diatribe. I like it. This is why I want him on the fucking podcast. This is why I can't believe you had a golden record. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. This was Redding to Paddington. This was his diatribe. I like it. This is why I want him on the fucking podcast. This is why I can't believe you had a golden goose sat in front of you and you didn't push a business card across the table. This is unbelievable, Barry. This is the man I think is going to help. You know, like honestly, all the years of therapy, one conversation with Chris Jagger and I'm just going to go, I'm all right. I need this, Tom. You don't even realise how much I need you to get Chris Jagger on the podcast. He is also a fully trained therapist.

You find him in the yellow page. Yellow pages. Fantastic. Yellow pages, I love it. Oh dear. Do we need to be more Christmassy now then? Oh well I'd say the horse is bolted Tom. The reindeer. Yeah, well there's a couple of things we should talk about as we reach the end of the podcast. Firstly, a big happy birthday to you.

It's your birthday. Oh, birthday, birthday man. Happy to happy to commemorate it on the part. And what better way? What better way to celebrate your 45th year on the planet than to to be sitting in your shed talking to us over Zoom? Yes, sure. Your family are there. I'm sure your kids are there. They want to see you. band to be sitting in your shed talking to us over Zoom. Yeah. I'm sure your family are there.

I'm sure your kids are there. They want to see you. They're waiting outside patiently. I can hear the knocking. You've got Chris Jagger around. You've got all your mates, all your showbiz mates, but you're hanging out with us. So I appreciate that. Thank you.

Yeah. Do you have anything Christmasy you'd like to say for our very festive Christmas episode? Yeah, I've got this thing where I think if every other year was fallow, yeah, yeah, okay, this is great. This is great. I'm really looking forward to Christmas the next time round. Do you know what I mean? I, you know, do you know what though? I actually sort of did that in my, in my sort of mid thirties because I would go away to

a country that didn't really feel like it was celebrating Christmas. And then you'd come back and you'd be like, the next Christmas would feel extra, extra Christmassy. So I did India one year. I was in Kerala for Christmas. Did you have Kerala singers? This is great. Some Keralols singers did come into the place. We were having having dinner one night and sung carols. But that was the only concession to Christmas we had the entire time. That was Christmas Eve. You told me.

That's not what I'm here for. I'm fellow. Can't you see I'm eating this curry in a fellow year? But I am then then a couple of years later or the next year we were in Australia, which admittedly does celebrate Christmas. But you know, blazing hot sunshine, you're not eating typically Christmasy food, you know, you're on the beach. It doesn't feel like it. So when you when you come back, it feels you miss Christmas. And it does. I think it's a good theory. I know you said it as a joke, but I genuinely think I think it's good good theory. I know you said it as a joke, but I genuinely think. I think it's good theory. Every other Christmas.

Just celebrate every other Christmas. Totally. Hard to do now we've got kids, because obviously kids love Christmas. And when you go through a December without Christmas, you're gonna be absolutely Jones in for the year after. A long December, Mr. Jones and me. We're talking about counting crows, right?

Of course. We want to be. You want to be the lead singer's younger brother, right? Adam Duritz, his younger brother. Could I mean, by the way, I know a great look on a man. Have you seen Adam Duritz? He's got like you said Adam Duritz's younger brother. I'm hoping they I'm hoping they share some sort of similar look, but like he's got like the, he's got the white

man dreadlocks. He's got a tiny little goatee beard. He is, he's a real treat. You took out with Jennifer Aniston for ages and it was always like, what's going on there? How are you managing that? How do you handle it? I would love it. If you're walking around with my white man dreadlocks and my little goatee by men. Well, no, but you wouldn't you wouldn't have dreadlocks. You'd still have your little goatee beard, but your older brother would have the dreadlocks and you'd be able to go. Jen, do you think you should lose the dreads? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. That is. Yeah. That's a big thanks for paid off a mortgage. But yeah, come on, mate. What should you do if your older brother starts dating Jennifer Aniston? What a cliffhanger to end the episode. By the way I love how we- It's not the greatest Christmas cracker joke in the world. I was going to say I love how we tried to talk about Christmas for a second and then we immediately got back up to talking about Christmas. Listen here's the thing about this podcast.

There's a reason, like, we can't do anything differently. Right? So you either like it or you don't like it. This is what we do. Cause we can try and do a special Christmas episode and it just, it doesn't work. Cause fundamentally we want to do close to an hour on talking about Chris Jagger.

Oh, have you got Chris Jagger as a guest? No, we didn't ask him, but we want to talk about the concept of Chris Jagger for an hour. And Merry Christmas to all and to all good night. Merry Christmas and to all a good night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. How's meeting? Meeting. Meeting. How do they make bread with no wheat in? How's meeting? All right, there you go. Oh, that's really, that's really got me in the mood for Christmas, that has. How do they make bread with no wheat in it? All right, there you go. Oh, that's really, that's really got me the mood for Christmas.

That about does it. Ties it up with a bow. Listen, dear, thank you so much for sticking with us in 2024. We love doing this podcast. We love sticking it out. You stick with us, we stick it out. We love doing this podcast and love sticking it out. Do you remember the song Stick It Out by Right Said Fred?

No, let's not get into that. The comic release special. Yeah. Imagine being Right Said Fred's younger brother. Yeah. I think he's also in Right said Fred, isn't he? I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

We found it. And they've got something about a brother. I know it's mate, isn't it? You're my mate. And I will stand by you. You're my mate. Huge song. Anyway, big love to our friend, Wright said Fred.

Wow. What are they up to at the moment? We've got to get them on the pod. By the way, if you sit across from either Richard or the other Fairbrass, he's not called Fred, is he? But if you sit across from either of them, please invite them on the podcast. Oh yeah, please. But also don't engage in a conversation, it'd be a lot less charming. Bring him on the podcast, but he's not allowed to say anything.

Bring him on the podcast, but he's not allowed to say anything. Maybe he could be one of our guests for the Flat Shares Slam Downs that are happening on the 24th and 25th of February. You'll have to get tickets and find out when you arrive. We wouldn't do that to you, don't worry. But thank you for a lovely year and have a very special festive time with your loved ones, whatever you're doing, and we'll see you in the new year. Yes indeed. Happy birthday Tom. Thank you. Happy birthday mate. Today's episode was produced by Emma Corsham. Cheers everyone. Bye.