Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Prongs and Wings) S13E10

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Clarky has a two-prong attack, and those prongs attack him right backPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom. That is not fun. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters December 15th. Greetings, listener dear. I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. Now, the other two aren't here for the intro outro. Don't worry about that. They're here for the full main episode. We just slightly, slightly around half time to record an intro outro. And so here I am now. It's Monday night when when I record this. We recorded the episode a little bit earlier on in the week. It's Monday night when I record this and there was talk of myself and Clarky

being available to do it together, the intro, which would have been, you know, that would have been a nice thing, the two of us chatting away. I texted Clarky about 20 minutes ago to say, how's it looking? If you can't do it tonight, we can always do it first thing tomorrow morning and he said, I can't do tomorrow morning, I'm afraid, still in the pub. So it's always, that's a little indication of how clock his diary works. He's like, well, it is a Monday night, it is nearly 10 o'clock. I am still in the pub. Let's not, sure, you know, let's not write checks today that tomorrow can't cash, I'm not gonna be able to do tomorrow morning.

Let's just, I tell you what, it's better that we put the episode out on time and have one person do the intro. But yeah, as I say, there's all three of us are in the episode, so don't worry about that. There's not a lot of business to do at the top of the show. The next flat share slam down is sold out. So apologies if

you've only just found out that it ever was happening, but the one with John Robbins as our special team captain, that has that sold out already. The last one we did our 100th episode, oh my god, I can't wait for you to hear it. It's going to be coming out the top of next month. Ivo Graham, Fern Brady, two fantastic guests. Again, it's always interesting because they both played the game before. They both played the show, then the show before, a flat-chest them down. And they both bring a very, what's the energy they're both bring? Well, the energy of people who have never played the game before. But it was absolutely perfect.

You know, they were the absolute perfect guests for the night. We had a really wonderful time. I can't wait for you to hear it. But I don't think there's anything more for me to waffle on about. So it's going to be a very brief intro. Just imagine Tom's used some sort of odd phrase that doesn't really mean anything and Ben hasn't really said anything. And you've pretty much got the full gamma of what we normally offer in an intro. So here we go folks, this was a very fun house meeting to record and it begins I believe with Clarke. So Clarke, take it away. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat.

Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has meeting. What temperature should we set the heat? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always weak? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This have a has meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting?

Has meeting! I've got two pronged attacks here. Oh, I? Um, yeah. Is it a prong for each of us? Do you have a prong for me and a prong for Paris? Is that the plan? Yeah, it's a question with a follow-up answer, sorry Tom.

What, what were you gonna say? Can I just wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I just step in and say, yeah, and I've got to think to say after this. So, good luck me a two-pronged attack, Clarky, because the team with the old door, you got stuff to say. We'll see you in 40 minutes, Clarky. Anyway, so, two-pronged attacks. A two-pronged attack.

Hi. Sounds impressive, but actually, when you think about prongs, we think of a four. You tend to think of three or four So a two-pronged attack actually feels Yeah, but it isn't it isn't a euphemism for a two-pronged attack But it should be shouldn't it should be like a two-pronged attack should be a euphemism for a not very good attack Yeah, I think any attack, you know a one pro I wouldn't like to be on the receiving end of a one-pronged attack

I've had a one-pronged. I've been one-pronged. Absolutely one-pronged yesterday. Walking down Beckett and High Street, late at night, I got one-pronged. I don't want that, and I don't want any kind of, you know, a no-pronged attack. If you try the one-pronged noodles, they're so good. If you never, like, I would say any attack, like a normal attack would be the norm is a three or four pronged. All right.

You see how many attacks you make? How often, wait, who are you attacking and how often are you getting attacked? Well, my point is like coming up with the norm for prongs. Okay. It's like, in the kingdom of the eye, no, in the kingdom of the blind, the one eyed man his king, right?

Yeah. That only works with the assumption that two eyes is the norm. Right. That's why that phrase works. Yeah. And the norm for prongs is three is three or four. But I mean, yeah, I think it's going to be an attack for two different directions, maybe.

I would even argue one prong isn't a prong at all. It's a spike. Yeah, that sounds worse. If you say I've got a spike, if someone said, what do you want a two pronged attack or a one spike attack? I reckon I could survive a two pronged attack. I think I could get around it. Where's my god, one spike?

That's the end of me, straight up through me, no way. No, I like that. But my point is, oh I like my point it. Oh, I know your point Here's my point I'd say just before one spike attack Strength in the belly button. Oh baby. So a two-pronged attack therefore is an underpowered attack Because the norm is three to four prongs. Yeah. And I have got confused knowing this. A fork's four prongs, right? Oh, it's in three or four prongs.

But it's normally four, right? If you create your normal kitchen fork, is that why it's called a fork? No, yeah. It's not a three, is it? Yeah, it is. It's not a three-gun. Is that what she says?

Get my three-gun. I'm like, get my three car Get my three car Or had it large act to it at bestable Had it large act to it at bestable Had it large at two and a festival and it's large at two and a festival. If you can't say that you weren't there, do you know what I mean? I think we've hit on something here which is a talk, a three and a fork, and a wank. Oh my god, look what I'm doing. I'm just gonna sign off the Zoom for a second for all of it. A wank is one. A wank is just a chopstick, right?

So we've got a wank, that's a chopstick. Oh yeah. We got a tooke. I mean, you don't get, we know toocoblate that game, but we don't know who's playing. That's not too good for granted. Did I have a large tour of that festival? Yeah. I did. A three. A three like me, yeah. Yeah, I get your three con.

A four. The classic fork. But they're what is it a bike? You I mean you can't is there ever been I've ever been Should we start doing our home branded bikes? On light shop for a happy's fight a happy's flat slam fight The first all the fight club is. That's why I went side. Get me a fight for Christmas mate. Go to the bad piece shop. Oh man, because I love that.

I love that being our only merch. I had, yeah, I do sometimes think that the fork I'm using is just not quite getting enough food up. I like a big, you know, like, you know, if you have it a fry up and you want to get a bit of everything on the fork, the fork's just not quite cutting it. You. I like a big, you know, like, you know, if you have it a fry up and you want to get a bit of everything on the fork, the fork's just not quite cutting it. You're having a really big, you know.

Well, you've got to use the knife to cut it, but if you've got to use the knife to cut it, man. I like my fry up to be so moist, you can cut it with a fork. You get it here full English with a wank there. You've got to have a two-pronged attack if you're eating a full English. Full English is on the wank. I think we've cracked something here, right? I think

we've cracked something but we probably shouldn't have done. I think we really have. This is an amazing, amazing discovery. The fight. It's greatly invented a new prod. I feel like this is going to go somewhere. I feel like it is. I do it well. Do you, bro? If you... I mean, the real sign. And we talked about this back when the adverts were on the telly. But remember, what is his name? Jeff Bridges.

Jeff Bridges carrying around his metal fork and chopstick and everything in his little pouch. Do you remember that adverb? Oh, yeah. I remember. chopstick and everything in his little pouch. Do you remember that ad? Oh, yeah. I know. We talked about it on a house meeting years and years ago when it was first, when it first came out, but Tom was very taken with, you know, because he was, he, you know, he, he's an environmentalist and he has his own knife and fork that he brings with him to avoid using plastic forks out and about in a little

sort of, he keeps it in a little quiver almost. And, but, but this is what we could do is that you know like Alan Partridge with his big plate, if you sit down to eat dinner and then you bring out your own fight, you go, actually, that's how much I'm going to enjoy this meal, I've brought my own fight. I love it, it's a great idea. Brilliant. Thanks for talking. Good call. You're welcome. I don't want to talk about something else. Not really. It's having subtitles and a foreign film cheek. I've got a feeling it's a spaghetti fork.

Whoa. No, but isn't a spaghetti fork one of those ones that you press a button on the side and it spins around and it takes up all your spaghetti? I've been there's a lot less pronged. Well, like an automatic fork. Yeah, like an automatic fork that spins around for your spaghetti. You ducting the twisting fork. I think it's, I think like a manual spaghetti fork

is like five or six-pronged. It's fucking hell. A psych. What's the best of my- Oh, I'm to deck up best of all. Oh my god. I was absolutely having it not there to them large. Sorry, I see you broke up there. You know Gila Gila Gila Gila, me talking about festivals a lot like that, it's a secret language and if you can't understand it, you weren't there, you were not there.

You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there.

You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. You were not there. by the way. Yeah. No, sorry, it wasn't a large, it was fat and small, isn't it? I got a few pieces. So you're always doing that. I was there. I was going, oh, I can't wait for them to do their impression of the London boys. Anyway, Clarky, the question I had for you or the comment I had on your two prompt attack

Was you said the first prong is a question and the second prong is an answer We don't need to be here What is a circle? I don't know if the first prong of an attack can be an attack and the second prong could be the defense of the attack It just baffles me that I can be, I have the confidence to say, oh yeah, I've got something to start us off and then immediately say something that isn't even a fucking sentence. So, go, what was your question? What was your answer? I don't even know. Okay, my question is, do you think you're getting grumpy as we're approaching middle age now? Do you think you're grumbling up to middle age? Approaching middle age. Approaching middle age. Approaching middle age. You're going to live for class. It's absolutely depressing. Approaching middle age.

When you're a lifestyle you've got, I give you second half months, sorry. Hey, well, I just had my health check. Oh, did you? How did it go, man? More right, more right. Yeah, yeah. You did live at your age, didn't you? You did live at your age, didn't you?

You did live at how they're drinking in a week. You've been at your age up 25 years, don't you? Yeah. Yeah, a little chat about the liver, but other than that, I'm all right, more right. More right. What was your health check? Do they just do it? Is it like...

It was a two-well, Paris a two-pronged attack. It was a flat-get. Yeah, it really was. Poffence. If you're question, do they just do it? Do they just do it? They get in touch and say time for a health check. They did for me, yeah.

Really? Yeah, do you have any money? No. Oh, damn. They get in touch and say time for a health check they did for me Oh Damn get in touch never done it. I've done the we've got in touch with them. Clarkey to check it Happy birthday anyway poppin on Clark He was right a little bit early happy birthday never the next I Had one a couple of years ago, I think. Oh. And it was good enough for me to take the foot off the pedal and relax.

I mean, that was a bit tough. So, yeah. So, I take my heart off the prize. Completely changed your diet. Start eating for seven. Yeah. Just drop down to a one-prong. Sorry very much to the green light.

Got to strut the train to best all. Chocked away. My health check was conducted by a shame and in a wigwam in the... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Yeah, crossbow, you old Guinness Heroes. I mean, I would say though, probably not great. I mean, I don't have one every night,

but they're not great to be having. They're quite heavy. Every morning. I'm the train on the way to work. Can I go up in a Ginzy office? So thirsty. Little, little, little. On the so thirsty. Look, look, look. On the old cereal.

They're quite heavy drink. I'd say they're not what I've described as a weight loss shake. Are they? They're not a slim first. Slibs low. I think it's a lot to do with attitude. Was it like, was it Kate Moss who says? You think you're going to die at Coke? She's not the Kennedy. She's not the Kennedy of a Guinnessy array. Do thatitude? Was it like, was it Kate Mossu says? LAUGHTER

No, you think you'd die at Kote? She's not the, she's not the kind of a Guinnessy, right? Perfect answer. No, it's as good as, let's see. Let me finish my sentence. Was it Kate Mossu said to me at best of all, slow no mate? LAUGHTER This is Camp Besterwards, the kids one. Shut up! Why don't you double drops? LAUGHTER Two jinsies. This is Camp Vestor, it was the kids one. Shut up! Why don't you double drops?

Two jinsies? Mr Tom was about to come on. Can we carry some one-stage with Dave Benson, Philip, shirt off, girl in his face off? Shotgun in a jinsie. That's been a five-prone. Already played, baby shark, Shark a couple at a time. That's time.

When it one time, it's the coupon. Oh! The... The... Wasn't it Kate Moss who said, if you have a positive attitude towards cigarettes, then they don't damage your health. Like it was like, it's all in the mind. And if you just kind of... I don't think you've got of if you're not worried that no, if you stop worrying about us, no, no, no, no, no, no,

to do it and and some time cocaine addicts, Kate Moss and Shane Smoker, Kate Moss, Painless, Painless, Shane Smoker, yeah, I get all my health advice from Kate Moss, but I think, I think that was certainly her take a while back. And maybe that could be our approach to... You didn't see the news this morning, did you? She's dead. She's sadly passed. It could be our approach to Ginzy.

Like maybe it could be the health shake we're looking for if we only have the right PMA. The right amount, yeah. Didn't Lindsay Lennon have a really similar quote when she was talking about Hurricane? And she was like, why are all these people so worried about Hurricane? If you just have a good mental attitude. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I think I'm going to listen to my GP. I'm going to listen to the guys at Beckin and Beacon rather than Kate Martz or Lindsay Loh. She said, you're all right right now but there's a R.A.K. coming.

Yeah. Your GP's now a Campbell, isn't that right? She's setting the game more grumpy as she gets older. LAUGHTER Um... Hurricanes... Hurricanes can do bad stuff, right? I mean, I was going to say... I was going to say Hurricanes feel a lot less threatening than the tornado, but... I think it's... They're the same thing, aren't they?

No, tornadoes... The twister, isn't it? Tornadoes the twisty bit. It always feels like a hurricane goes... No, because there was the hurricane that year when, was it Michael Fish who said, I don't worry about it's going to be fine. Yeah, you know that's what I'm saying.

1988. You're doing it's the cake, boss. I'm wearing it. You're not my fish smoking, you're singing it. It's fine, guys. You're worried. It's going to be all right. Me and Lindsay have been chatting about it. It's totally fine. You know,. It's gonna be all right. Me and Lindsay have been chatting about it. It's totally five.

You know, just go outside with your positive mental attitude. You'll be fine. But anyone work up the next morning and they were like, you know, trees had knocked over houses and stuff and fallen through cars and all that kind of stuff. That's a hurricane. But I don't think we have tornadoes in the UK. Maybe we do. I think of a tornado.

I think of the, you know, the twist, you know, the twiddly bit of. I think of a tornado, I think of the, you know, the twist, you know, the twiddly bit of air that you maybe see a cow flying around it. That's what I thought hurricane was like. You saw it flying up to tornado. I saw that the Americans called them, what was the first one? Hurricane, we call them hurricanes,

and they call them tornadoes. No, because there was the hurricanes in American word as well isn't there because you got the box who was called Hurricane. He was in an anger file. That's true. That's why they threw him away man. I'm not listening to all of the songs. He's standing on the top of the building. He said good day. He was an Englishman in

New York. I think it goes. Hurricane is like a straight wind and then tornado and so it's like round winds and they're all strong. They're all strong. Could be the case. I won't look it up. No, no, no, let's let someone else tell us. So you're basically saying like one, the hurricanes like a cyclone's like a one-pronged attack and the hurricanes more like a, it's more like a fight, isn't it? It's coming at you.

It's coming at you. It's coming at you. From every angle, yeah, yeah. Five streams of wind all meeting and, meeting and being the fuck out of you. Good stuff. So get to the merch store. To get back to your point, do you think you're becoming grumpy? Well, I've noticed that I've been getting grumpy opinions about food. Right, what's the thing I've had before? How do you mean, like, what's your grumpy about? I've started getting very grumpy about places serving chicken wings.

When, you know what a chicken wing is like, it's like three joints. You get like, there's like three bits to it. And then sometimes you go to a place and it's just, they'd like half them. Right. And then they said that's one chicken wing and I say right I I've never got chicken wings what what is why are people so into chicken wings I think there's so much admin and there's more I think there's so much admin and there's more bones and shit than chicken. So but people lose their minds over them and I think the idea of wings I think it's called name I get it calling like saying wings cool.

But I've never got it. I think what is it? I think it's the amount of stuff you can get onto them. Because they're but you can do that more than fiddly You get all the pieces of breast No, you're done. You can though cuz got like it's like it's why fries are better than a Big potato Do you know mean?

Fries get coated they get crispy got all the stuff all around them Whereas a big you know if you fry a big potato, it's mostly bone, isn't it? I mean that's true. There's a lot of admin. Like all that shit, it's like, it's a bit like lobster as well, it's like you spend so much time dealing with the shit that you can't eat. The stuff you actually can eat gets lost in the can't eat. The stuff you actually can eat gets lost in the on the floor. Well you you go at it like a kinder egg don't you? Basically. I started about the bone inside then you realize that's the meat you can't eat. I had a house mate at uni who used to microwave. He used to buy frozen chicken wings, microwave them and eat them all.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, eat the bones as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crunch crunch right through. Here's my gravy. So I would eat just and just chew down on it all. That I think is the extension of the kid at school who would eat every bit of the apple, what eat the apple core. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's that it's that it's taken, you know. I mean, they talk about like, nose to tail dining, don't they? So, that's kind of, two problems.

That's kind of what he's doing. He's like, leaving nothing behind, eating the entire wing. It's funny though, because if you look at a chicken, if you look at them, it's not like, go that their wings look like the best bit. The wings basically don't really even do anything, they're not even ready, you know, they can barely even fly a chicken. That's why they don't miss them. Yeah, that's

a good point. Exactly. It's ethical, isn't it? Just remove them. And they're fine. Chicken wings are basically vegetarian, you find. Basically, yeah, yeah, of course. Of course. vegetarian, you find. Basically, yeah, yeah, of course, of course. Um, what, where did this, uh, comes to you, Clark? What's, what, what's, where were you recently, then, uh, made you so angry about this thing? And why are you blaming it on old age? It's not your, about your, you know, is your lifestyle, is your lifestyle more than anything else? This is making you grumpy. Why are these chicken wings not much bigger? After all the twice as much Just with this can I ask a question? Did you at least put them down to go to the medical check?

Look at these eggs These are the microwave for me. Well, yeah One of these things mass sex is an air fryer come on surely. Well he's gadgets well he's gizmos. Yeah I don't know I just think I just think it's an absolute jip some places he get a whole one in another place. It's fucking bullshit. And another thing. Oh, hot. Yeah, gone. Let's see, what's the second pro of the attack? Well, was Wings the first pro? Wings is one of many problems.

Can I check very quickly and say, I think you've had a grump about you, about these kind of things since the teenage years. Really? I think it's a genetic disposition. You're genetically grumpy. It's a hereditary condition, passed down from your grumpy fucking parents.

Oh, that's interesting. I think there's a genetic grumpy round. And that's okay. I think you wear it well. By the way, grumpy round, one of my favorite songs in the house. Oh my god. I'll say it.

I'll say it. Friday night best of all. I showed them the shit there. You weren't even having it. I was throwing my wings in the air. I didn't tell you that. I think there might be a genetic grump around and that's okay. That's interesting. Maybe that is the case

Maybe just always had the Friend ADHD and the grump You're any brow For what belief would you take For what belief would you take a beating? Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes, four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining a woman planting her course to Not it's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th

Yeah, go on what what What else is getting you down? I don't think they're getting me down, I just think, what else is getting you goats? What else is grumpy, man? I think Italian food is overrated. Okay. If it goes on about it all the time. Who? Pastor, pastor, pastor. Isn't pastor amazing.

Who's banging on there isn't pizza I got it. Are you talking about 1993? Who's banging on about pasta and pizza to you? Yeah, man, maybe it's just a minute Is the bigger question? Is anyone else really annoyed at the mega at the moment? question. Is anyone else really annoyed at the mega at the moment? Sure, one of these chicken wings and deliver who, right? I said I want to go for the place I always go for. She said I want to try this new place. We tried this new place. The wings

are so fucking small. Oh bloody hell. Next thing she says is I'll tell you what, that's going to be a better Italian. I'm not going to fucking be a better Italian. I'm going to pitch a dress. Okay. The issue with that is that is that is almost word for word. I think we cracked it. Can we just say like if anyone says I think I've got a starting point for a house meeting it can't be isn't our partner in the game. It can't be then. It can't be. It's the rule.

I mean I like the way though you know fair play to you. That's the rule I mean I like the way though, you know fair play to you. You did put it back on yourself. You did say oh I'm really getting grumped with Megan at the moment. You did say oh Yeah, I think it's my grump you I shouldn't I shouldn't let these things wind me up But um I can do. Well, they're so far. Six wings. That's not six wings. That's three wings. Yeah. No, I'm fucking over it. How much, I mean, how much, how many wings to get to a breast? Yeah, good question. If you assemble them all together. On six, do you think six chicken wings

is a breast worth of chicken? Probably, yeah. Well, if, well, what are we talking about? Half wings, whole wings here, Barry. The wings you like to get, your preferred wings. Half wings, six wings are gonna be more than a chicken breast, I reckon. Whole wings.

Proper wings. And how many fries for a potato? Because I know you're a very anti-big potato. You know, I'm anti-big potato. I have to kind of do this with my partner over distances because they have no grasp of any numerical number equated to distance, they have no grasp of, in a way that I don't truly believe, but it keeps on manifesting itself in that way. Okay. So when we were on holiday, I was like,

it's about 40 meters just down there, and they said, how far's that? And I was like, it's 40 meters, and they said, I don't know, that doesn't mean anything to me. Now, I'm the same as that. That's me with weight. Right. I'm like that with weight.

If you said to me, it was this seven pound five. I have no concept of that. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I think like when a new baby's born, you don't know if that's big or small or whatever. No, and in fact, I constantly, in the same way, I do with names, I'll mix up stones and pounds and I frequently get people going.

It was how heavy, and I'm like, oh, I don't know. I can't. Yeah, I'm looking for seven stone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm like being like, when, what are you talking about in your life distances? I can't get cross-eyed. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I she's distance blind. Yeah, I have to go on well I sympathize and bring about the food But if you ever go to the butchers that used to like really the idea of it used to freak me out because they're like how much How much of this do you want you like oh? God, I don't know yeah

40 wings and making full. I'm really grumpy again. So I have to say now, like saying two potatoes worth of fries, which isn't an unreasonable order. Yeah. Like if you were saying in a restaurant how many potatoes go into your bowl of chips? Yeah. They wouldn't be able to answer it. I bet you. I bet you wouldn't be able to answer it. Nobody knows. Because always I always over I always oversput as well. Yeah. I always do. Especially the fishing chip shop. If I've got the fishing chip shop, I always think

like I'll get a large fish and chips for myself and they'll get like small ones got the fish and chip shop, I always think, like, I'll get a large fish and chips for myself, and I'll get like small ones for the kids and for Charlie. And you go like, basically, the small one for the kids, the small one for Charlie, and a bit of extra fish and me is all you need. We always start with tons and tons of extra chips. And I really, I think that, thinking about it in terms of potatoes is a good one because, you know,

if you were thinking about like jack-a-potato, baked potatoes, sliced up, probably if you've got a normal size, average size jack-a-potato, you're getting six or seven chips out of that. Eight chips maybe? Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe more. But how many chips do you get in a packet of chips? A hundred? Like, so break that down. Am I seeing found a meeting? Ten potatoes.

I'm eating ten jacket potatoes. We carry sauce on top of them. Because that's insane. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody knows.

I think the chip people know. But they don't want us to know. The people at Big Chip. They're keeping information away from us. Of course they are. So how far away is your chip shop from your house? Five minutes walk. Steve, no, that's, I think that's what I should need.

That's what I need to do. Cause I think five minutes walk is better than 80 meters. Oh yeah, yeah, I see what you mean. Yes, I think that's a slow walk You know to be honest I wouldn't I probably couldn't tell you whether that was three quarters of a mile half a mile whatever it would be I don't know I don't know how far it is, but I know I know exactly where it is not me to wield it Yeah, no, I've not I've not got the old clacker out. I've got a trouble with that You know, I've not got the old clacker out, I've not got the trouble with that.

You know, I love to get the trouble with that. How many blue whales between your front door and the chip shop? Now I've got to read on it now. I know. That's how I have to explain things to my partner. I have to say, yeah, it's half a blue whale away. Yeah. It's a certain number of clicks, it's half a blue whale.

Well, she's a dolphin, we should say that, actually. LAUGHTER She's... She made just things in clicks and wails. LAUGHTER Because... Because she's a dolphin. Yeah, she's a dolphin, I should have said that. That's really key.

Did you watch the documentary about the dolphin who fell in love with the trainer? No! No! In the LSD experiments. Sad little like a start of a joke. No, they didn't. By the LSD experiments, do you mean best of all? No, let me tell you, if you didn't shut the adult fit three times in the 795, you ain't even dancing on it.

No, what happened to this documentary? They gave some dolphins LSD, was one of the things they did, but they also tried to teach a dolphin how to talk and spend time with it to teach it language. And part of the nature of getting the dolphin to trust the trainer who was this woman she started masturbating the dolphin as well and then they started to develop a kind of intimate relationship and the dolphin was kind of into the train. And I'm saying that, I mean, I mean, I didn't know. I didn't know that they mastered it. I don't know if this is like the dolphins. I don't know, man.

The dolphin fell in love with her, basically. I know, I think the dolphin was like the most kind of dolphin. It was like, like anyone would. No, no, he liked her. Wankin' him off, I think. Already, they got away. Either way, they get everyone else in the office.

Just an experiment. Would you mind? Would you mind my got this dolphin? And just to check is not just like he's not just a slutty dolphin. Give him a lot of problem. And look, I've not watched the documentary, but I think that's all true. I believe it's all true. I can't tell you now the LST experiments haven't yet taken place, but I'm currently I've got the funding out there. It's... Basically, I've got some strong weed and a DVD of flipper and give me 48 hours and I'll

take you on the experiment. Anyway, it was problematic and the dolphin started rejecting female dolphins in order to spend time with the female human. And there was like, I don't know if they ended up chatting, but I know you had an answer. That's a matter of like purchase, isn't it? Surely. Well, you have to have a certain amount of purchase, yeah.

Yeah, it could be quite slippery. If somebody said to you, right? Someone said to you, okay, you can get a hand job or you can get a fin job. What do you want to go for? You don't obviously go for the hand job, right? Oh, you would. I am married to a dolphin, but I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. I have to say that off.

I'll be in the doghouse. The sea doghouse. The salty sea doghouse. Been jobbing yourself off to say we're in salty now, yeah. Anyway where were we? Can you let someone drink through my wall at the moment? If water starts pouring through in a second, I'm in real trouble. It's a little dull for Doryhole. So, how did we get there? It was for good reason. It was for good reason.

It was for good reason. It was for good reason. It's for making me grumpy. I'll tell you that, but don't make me, don't make me start an impassioned defence of Italian food though. Yeah, Italian food is great. And you've got a, you've got to, but got a, but also you can't be angry about people liking something, right? No, because, you know,

it's okay. Right, okay. Because it's very, it's very popular. Lots of people love it, but no one's forcing you. No one's forcing it down your throat. In some way, there are plenty of people who, you know, for example, like spicy food or curries or whatever, like, you know, gone. Someone is forced to get that

on my throat. It just happens to me, mate. Absolutely furious. Oh my God, it's right. But when we went to Italy, you know, recently, well, say, we've seen a few years ago now, three years ago. I got you, you and Ben went to Italy. You were there as well. We went to Italy, remember. We went to Italy in September, to Italy. We went without me.

You were there. Oh, to the wedding, to the wedding. Yeah, to Italy, yeah, yeah. To Italy. To Italy on a home. So my friend was going, so that was Greece, some kind of those distances. Fuck. Great. That's a distances. Fuck.

Right, that's a relief. Okay. You thought I'd caught. Tell you what, this, this, this, so black, he's not tasting very good. Yeah, that's a ball of nose. But I smashed all those plates. Yeah, you'll piss out your mind mate, it was a wedding. But when you went to Italy, like, and the food they served there, you've got to admit that was pretty fantastic, right?

No, I'm sweating, I know I'm putting this in. I put you a tricky situation there. No, it turns out not a tricky situation. You have to say no, it was just here. No, it's fine, you know. It's fine. Pizza? Come on, pizza is everybody's favourite food. Yeah, that's it, that's it, see? Pizzies, everyone's favourite food. What's wrong with that? You're telling, it's not, it's not good enough.

Pizza is fine at best. It's absolutely mad to hear you row back on pizza. The sheer amount of pizza that I've eaten with you and seen you eat over your time on earth. It's actually audacious though. You're not saying the pizza's not peaking at all. It's like how dare you slap the teeth that feeds you. And pizza has been nothing but a day.

And pizza has been nothing but a day. It is absolutely outrageous. You turn coat. Pizza's been nothing but a serve you. It can is, it's a pin. It's a pin, but it's a beer. It can be long and well and often. Pizza's fine at best is total cobbler's. And you know, what a fr- especially now. I love this.

I love this how he's start with. No one cares that much about it. No one's rubbing it, daddy, so. And now suddenly it is, this is what people are like. I like about pizza. No, you said everyone's going, pizza's great, pizza. Pits are pit. No one's rubbing it daddy. So it now suddenly it is this is what people are like about pizza. No, but you said everyone's going pizza is great pizza. Pit no one's doing that. You're doing that. We did it in 1992 when it first hit our shores. The year was 1992. Pizza arrived. But I'm'm saying it's the lack of gratitude that you're showing now Your pizza your pizza boy

Listen, you recommend that boy that's a different thing when I when I moved to When I moved to the place I live now you were like, oh great. You're right by my favorite pizza place I was one of the first thing you said when I when I moved there and why would you know? Why would you have said that to me if you thought pizza was rubbish do you not like me as a friend are you trying to kill me are you trying to poison me pizza's so pass out now you just moved on from it no but you know and it's okay to move on from it people move on to these days but just don't disrespect down just because you've you're moving on you know you don't forget where you came from Don't forget where you came from. You know?

Tell you what, I mean, a right-o drunk part. I'll tell you what, that was too... That was a too-pronged attack. That was a too-pronged attack. It was devastating. We jumped down your throat like so many slice of pizza in the past. Straight down your gob, even as you were saying, I love pizza. No, no, no, no.

I think what it represents, though, as well, for Clarkie to turn his back on pizza, we've had many, many happy times eating pizza with Clarkie. And if he's to say, oh, actually, I never would like to that pizza, extrapolate that to being, well, I never really enjoyed your company, either. You guy, you to a fine. Oh, I know that. No, I understand that. I understand that. I've made my peace with that.

You made your peace with us. Yes. But I know he didn't like eating it with me, but he did like eating the pizza. If anything, the pizza made you more bearable. Yeah. I drove him to pizza. He is. and yes.

I think now that he doesn't have to put up with me that much in person, he's realised that he doesn't need the pizza anymore. So gone then off menu. What do you like instead of pizza? So brilliant. What are you enjoying so much? No, I totally support Clarke's, you know, his movement away from his matureness, his formerly loved food. I just think, I just think it's like, look Aaron Rodgers, the Green Bow Packers quarterback is leaving the Green Bow Packers having played for them for 18

years and he's heading off to another club. And I think fair play to him and I wish him well, as long as he doesn't start turning around once he's hit off to another club. And I think fair play to him and I wish him well. As long as he doesn't start turning round once he's hit the exit door and starts slagging off his old club. Fair enough. Be like those guys are shit. Absolutely.

You know, you go with grace, you move on, your fan base supports you in your new home. There's a classy way of doing it. Yeah, yeah. Don't, you know, you don't have to turn around and dick it back. That's what I was thinking of actually there The thing is repeats it right is pizza has a convenience level that other other fast foods don't

So if you're at a party or you're with people you can go let's just get load of pizza and it's easy Yes, it's much more difficult to go for any one of the other major. Yeah, you can do it. You can do it. You can even even fries a big bowl of fries at parties. It's got a pretty tricky proposition. That's it. It's just like a couple of things and it's just like easy, easy, easy.

Yeah. I think that's why I've had so much pizza with you guys. It's convenient, say, rather than it's like, that's the best food that I can think to eat. You know? This is interesting. You can have a pizza party, it's a pizza party, like it's easy, because you just buy a bunch of big pizzas and try them out, I don't think any other.

Yeah, I've just come from one, actually, I'm absolutely stuffed, I can't look at it. Is this why you're so pissed off? You've been to a pizza party, where everyone's talking about pizza I Did you Say you a fire pizza shop. You were fired for a bit. I was going to say you were fired for a pizza shop. Yeah.

Maybe it's that trauma. That was the thing. That was the thing. The smugging it off to the custard. What, you want a pizza? You don't want this, trust me. You're right. You're right, you're sitting bitch.

Oh. Go, what if you're, what's the dream then for you, Clarkie, then if you're not having a pizza, or you're not getting to have your massive big chicken wings? What would be, you know, if it's just, if it's just the two of you, you're, what's the dream then for you, Clarkie, then if you're not having the pizza, or you're not getting to have your massive big chicken wings, what's the, what would be, you know, if it's just, if it's just the two of you in and you're ordering a, ordering a takeaway. Me, me, yeah. But well for me, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for listening, everybody. It's a big goal. It was a zero-pronged attack from Clark yet. I better want a fucking dough one.

I don't want another fucking slice of pizza. I'm trying to get out of it. Without even joking about it. Now we've been talking about some pizza so much. I'm really thinking about pizza though. Have a pizza. You live right around the corner from a really nice pizza place.

And I've said away, as you told me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say what, Clarky? Hop in the car, come round, let's have a pizza. There we go. I'm gonna put a pizza. You two, we're having a pizza together. We'll deliver it on to you.

We'll talk about Tom. Don't worry, we'll eat all the time for me to be in Greece. Ah! Hashtag! I've said it once before, but it bears a reason. Hashtag! Well, folks, there we have it. Another very strong episode from the golden tongues of the three Pappy's boys.

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absolutely brilliant. The bonus stuff we're giving you is absolutely fantastic. And there's also, if you want to be part of the, you know, part of the Patreon proper, there's a lovely little community where people chat to each other of the, you know, part of the Patreon proper, there's a lovely little community where people chat to each other in the comments and they send in emails to us, which then get read out. And, you know, there's a variety of people who've become sort of, I would say, minor Patreon celebrities, as a result of the work,

they've been the shifts they've been putting in to the Patreon via their emails. It really is a wonderful thing. And I'd love you to be a part of it. If you enjoy what we do on these podcasts, then I think you'll enjoy the Patreon as well, but I feel like I've waffled on enough about this. So yeah, patreon.com, forward slash, prappies, flat share. But most importantly of all, just tell people that you enjoy the podcast. If you're something you're willing to admit in public, which I know not all of you are,

but if you are, then tell people about it. You know, if you're sat now on the bus or on the train or in public in some way, just tap the person next to you on the shoulder and say, I'm just going to tell you, I'm listening to this great podcast at the moment. It's cool, Papi's flat share. You've got to have a listen. And then if the chat's going well, encourage them then to get their phone out and open the podcast app and to subscribe there and then. I mean, and if it's going really well, then see what they're doing for the rest of the afternoon

and maybe hang out, you know? The weather's getting nicer. Take advantage. Take a stranger to the park and just have a really fun time with them. And then if you want, I think if you're in a sort of a reasonably exposed area that you're not gonna be bothering anybody, pop the speaker on your phone and listen to the podcast together.

You know, possibly with a couple of pims in a can, you know, it's a nice day at the moment, just enjoy it. Enjoy it and enjoy each other's company. And who knows, maybe you become best friends. You could have made a new best friend. I mean, all that's holding you back is your own cowardice. You know, tap that person on the shoulder. I've already, you know, extrapolated a wonderful fantasy for you for the rest of your day. Right, it's a tell you what before that calling sick to work, right? What it calling sick if you're on your commute calling sick to work Then tap the person on the shoulder because now, you know, you've got no plan B, right?

Obviously if you tap on the shoulder and how the chat doesn't really go as you want Then you've still got work to go to forget Forget work, get work out of the equation, tap the person on the shoulder, call him work, get, yeah, tap the person on the shoulder and then you're gonna want it a lot more. You're gonna want the conversation to go well. You're gonna want the little platonic play date to happen. Do get in touch and tell us how that goes, folks.

Papi's flat share at gmail.com. I really would love to know. Okay, what else needs to be said? I think that's everything, you know, Twitter, Facebook, all of those places. We're still there. Instagram, Papi's comedy. Do go along to all of that. And yeah, have a, have a, a wonderful rest of your day in the park. I hope it is still nice, whether it certainly has been today. I had a lovely, a lovely time of bowling around the park in my doors. So hopefully the weather will stay. I hope you had a good

Easter and I'll see you all at the next episode of Papi's Flat Share. And until then, this episode was reduced by Mccorsham, Corsham team. We're saying on your own, cheers everyone! Bye! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to act in love for. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things.

It's like theaters December 15th.