Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (Puppets) S11E28

Episode Date: July 12, 2021

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. What's that in the distance... has it expired from life or is it something I can nab? Also, time to reformat Big Brother?Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, it's Matthew. It's Ben. And it's Papi's flat share house meeting. Don't worry, Perry is here for the body of the episode. He's just not here for this introduction. I could have asked. He's a busy boy. He's a very busy boy. He's a busy bloke. Here's a busy bloke. He's how am I doing on the greetings this Nadir? Because it's their big shoes to fill. Yeah, they're the massive shoes. I think you're doing the right thing in not trying to emulate Tom. No, I rarely try an emulate Tom.

If anything, quite the opposite. Yeah. You two have got very try and emulate Tom. If anything, quite the opposite. Yeah. You two have got very distinct and different vibes. Yeah, my wristband that says, W-W-T-P-D stands for What Wouldn't, Tom Perry Do. That's how I operate on a day-to-day basis. So, yes, so welcome to the show. It is a house meeting. We had a lovely

time. Lovely. A lovely time. A lovely time chatting. Many topics covered. I'm going to level with you. We recorded it tonight. Yeah, I can't remember a thing we talked about. I was hoping you might remember, but no, it doesn't matter. I was hoping you might remember, but no, it doesn't matter. That's not our job, is it? To remember what we talked about, our job is just to do the talking and talk we did. So before we crack on with the episode, don't forget, if you've got any beefs, you would like us to solve. We need some more beefs because you've got a few more beef brothers recording is coming up some great guests booked so get them to beefbrotherspodcast at gmail.com if you've got a problem with your flatmate if you've got a problem with your partner your kids your landlord your neighbors animals

in the vicinity the only thing I mean people say people say oh you don't want to have ones about cats that that's fine. We've opened that door now. No, because we've sold ones about it. The Steve Paget one, we had one about a cat. A completely accepted. The structure that I don't like is, the none of us like really, is the, you talk about it like it's not a cat and then reveal it's a cat.

My flatmate is it's grace steals my food, scratches me on the face, shits on the floor, dot, dot, dot, by the way it's a cat. It's Tom Pary. It's you. Ha, ha, ha down somewhere. Yeah, but that definitely has. That's not totally to what. Jesus Christ. How has it got worse with just the two of us doing it?

How has it more just got stuck? I think the thing, you know, like Tom does a wonderful job in kind of taking the rap for our sins. He does take the rap for uh, for our, um, synth. He does take the rap for our synths. Um, he's, uh, yeah, what you don't realize is actually, if, if I'm not the one saying, don't do that, I do start doing it. My wristband isn't working basically. That's it. I need to get a new wristband. Um, also as well, if you enjoy, uh, the content we're providing for free,

that we're not charging you any money for like this one, then please support the podcast. If you're a fan, then go to our Patreon Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's Flat Share and you can get bonus episodes every single week plus a whole backlog of bonus episodes that we've recorded over the last few years. Some great episodes in there. Really, really good stuff guys. Really, really good ones. We're giving you stuff in return. It's still a two way street, I promise you.

Yeah, you chuck us a little bit of money to keep putting the podcast out, to keep this sort of worthwhile and we make it very, very worth your while. So that's patreon.com and forward slash pappies, flat share. Please join it if you're thinking because there's people listening to this now going, I've been listening for a while, maybe I want to just do it. If you don't like it, just cancel it. We don't mind,

but give it a try. For your own sake, give it a try. Forquid, forquid a month, just give it a little try, give it a tickle, see if it sits. And if Tom was here, we won't be so desperate right now. Basically, Tom has said he's not coming back until we got more money. Which actually, I think, is weirdly, when I put that out, the patrons would lost quite a few listeners. Oh no! Yeah, they're keeping it in my way. So yeah, it goes to the patron, find us on Facebook, like this podcast, subscribe to the podcast if you're not

already, tell your friends about this podcast, and most of all, enjoy this episode of Papi's Flakshare. How's meeting? I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat.

How's meeting? What temperature should we set the heat? How's meeting? Why on earth am I always waiting? How's meeting? Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This has a has meeting. What's the point?

Does life have a meeting? Now I'm going to ask you something. See if this chimes with you, right? So is a tricky one. Do you do also do this? I'll do it. I've noticed that when I see something like up ahead, like maybe in the road, maybe on the pavement,

and it's, Are you driving? I could be driving, I could be walking. I could be driving. You could have shot a shop in trolley. Yeah. Yeah. You could be weaving the ballards.

I could be weaving the ballards. I could be weaving the ballards. I could be currering down a hill on a sled. You know, any of the modes of transport, if I see something in the distance that my poor eyesight can't make out exactly what it is, I always assume it's a dead thing. Now I know that's quite a, I mean, I know what we're going in.

We're bringing up the spectre of death, which haunts us all early doors in the podcast. But if I see something on the ground and it's like a plastic bag, my brain always goes like dead crow before it goes. You had a last time watching American Beauty didn't you? You was a lot, I couldn't believe it. A little ghost flying around.

I didn't know whether it was a live or dead yet. So that's yeah. I'm really excited to see how this sentence goes. I think you could hear it. Yeah, I guess that is... I guess that is an issue. Yeah. I guess that is something for a therapist rather than a podcast. But as we all know,

pretty much everything that's this is a lot cheaper. So yeah. What like a therapist does listen to this and is like, oh my god, these guys are fucked. Well, if there are any therapists, do get in touch. I know it's sort of, I mean, that's, you know, that's not really fair, is it? To say if there are any therapists get in touch and I know it's sort of, I mean that's, you know, that's not really fair, is it, to say if there any therapist get in touch and analyse that's their free day with you. That's their job, isn't it? I mean I suppose we're, you know, we're giving them free entertainment, but I mean I don't know. Although, I'd love to, and I'm sorry we're getting off subject here. No, no, no, no, please. That's a great way. Please take us off subject. I'll bring us back to death in a second, don't you worry. Please get us off.

Never far from a mind. If I was a therapist, I'd give people little tic-bits, just little tasters, because I bet it would be so intriguing. What, like a drug dealer? Get them hooked. Get them hooked on fraud. Oh, oh, well, you say that. I know what that is actually. That's why whenever Clarkies at a dinner party, you always get some and performs a sketch.

Hardware half a sketch. Yeah. Well, surely a 30, 30 sketch. Do you think? Do you think it must be really hard for a therapist to find the off button? Yeah. Like more so than, because like, you know, it's that whole thing of like if you're working the diet, if you're working catering, you never really enjoy a meal out of it,

because you're always, you see the things that people should be doing or. I thought you were gonna say it's because you're working the shift. Oh, you're not supposed to be sat at the table, so you're supposed to be bringing this food to the table. When you're bringing the food to the table, you can't sit down and eat with the people. That's why you never really enjoy the meal. But yeah, I guess you've seen, you've seen behind the curtain. You've

seen the, you know, what, seems like a very glamorous, you know, world to work in, you know, high end catering, even high end catering, the kitchens are grim. So it's kind of like, it's quite, well, they are for you. There's dead things all over the floor, there's no hair, there's no hair. It's good job you're not a health and safety inspector. Everywhere would be closed down. Going under people's sinks and seeing a load of plastic bags and go, what have you done?

I've got to call the police. But you know, more so than, I'm trying to think of like, because if you're a mechanic, you're not constantly gonna be iron up people's cars. But like when you're a therapist, you're kind of surrounded by your cars, aren't you? Yeah, although I think with a mechanic, probably people are a lot

more comfortable saying, have a look at that would you? Then they are with a therapist. I probably have a look at this for you. Yeah, exactly. I'm just sliding under my brain. Pop up into my nog. It is what I do if I was a therapist, Clarky, rather than tip bits. I have a card on me at all times. And every dinner party or gathering where there's a group of people at the end of it, I'd make quite a show of only giving my card to one person. I wouldn't say that I was a therapist during the course of the night. And then at the end, I'd be like, I'd'd by the way, if you ever want to give me a call and then give them to one person and it's like everyone

I think like, wow, he's been judging us all night and that's the one that he's given the card to. But what do you hope you're going to achieve? If I saw the person you give in the card to yeah Everyone else is gonna go on fine then yeah, I feel like that's that then everyone's gonna look around and go I turns out we were right Clarky is the one he's nuts Well, I just think you guarantee one one person I'm not trying to get everyone to come, I'm either, I'm not even that way too much. Yeah, but I don't think you have an chat with someone at the end of the chat, give them a card saying, I'm a regitive therapist and you're insane. Right, okay, no, I appreciate obviously people who go to therapy aren't insane and

you know, but at the same time, I think it's a real emlike shamalan twist, isn't it, to end a conversation, by saying to somebody, by the way, I've been judging you the entire time. Even though we know that every conversation is a judgment, right? Worst date I ever went on. I'd say, by the way, you've just had your first session. And then I'd walk out the room. Right, and, okay, yeah, I mean, I guess if you're giving them good advice and they're saying

this is fantastic, how do you know all this stuff? But then, you know, presumably if you were that good a therapist that you could just turn it on at dinner parties. Fucking hell, where was I? I was at a house party, hammered, and I went into the bathroom and there was a couple sat in the bath having an argument and I solved their argument for them and got them back and they were and then they were really loved with each other at the end of the conversation. I got the bathroom pretty quickly. It's been a shower, Ron. Start your shooting off you end. The fecal therapist. I will put your problems into perspective when I show you what comes out of my ass. My tagline is you think you've got problems?

I'm like the opposite of Gillian McKee. I'm like, I don't really know what she does. I don't think I have a minute. It wasn't Gillian McKee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're quite sweaty there going in for that reference. I'm out of my depth. The doctor who used to siv through people's feces.

Great. I siv through my own shit to make you feel better. And that's my guarantee. No problem, you can't solve with a part of your own shit. Where was that? That feels like a weird... More importantly, what was the argument and how did you solve it? Um, did you go through your gut?

They were in a sense he did, yeah. They had like issues with communication, stuff like that and he said she had low self for steam and it really frustrated him and all this kind of stuff. They got into it basically, they really got into it and for some reason they let me stay because I was battered. And then we got into the nuts and bolts of it, and then by the end, it was all good. Yeah, Tom, that was me and Clarky.

Ha ha ha ha ha. And it was, it was, we were sitting in a bath where we were doing a podcast. Oh yeah. And I took a shit. Right, okay, yeah. You took a shit in the bath. He said he wasn't podcasting on the Lou by the way?

There's gotta be one out there. In the rail. A podcast. A podcast. There's gotta be, there's gotta be like one where that's the sale. I mean, I think you're a guest who's on the Lou. I think already it must be, it's a tough listen

people talking about putting, knowing that somebody's on the Lou as it's happening. Also, you don't wanna be on the Lou, you talking about purring, knowing that somebody's on the loose, it's happening. Also, you don't want to be on the loose, you know, like, you don't want to be on the loose too long, do you? I don't think you talk about poo. No, no, no, you talk about other things. I feel like it would certainly come up at some stage.

Otherwise, what's the point? Go down at some stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. I'm just thinking, like, people are people more candid. Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm just thinking like people are people more candid. Like what was your angle, Bay? You know, like are you more candid on the Lou? You're more relaxed.

I just, I don't think so. If I know someone else is there, I'm more likely to tense up. If I was sat on the Lou and somebody pulled back the shower curtain and they were sat in the path and said welcome to my broadcast. I wouldn't go, actually, I already feel like opening up. I mean, I would open up for a second

and then I close out pretty quickly. Right. I've just remembered what that memory is. Oh, good, good. It's an episode of Sex Education. But it happens to be a nice, good education. So it wasn't you that did it. It wasn't me that did it. I just watched some telly about six months ago. Because I was going to say when will you last at a party? It's going to be a while ago.

Okay, so you saw it in a TV show. You remember in TV shows as you're self. That's bad. Not all the time. I mean like, no, but right now, let's not, let's not, let's not, let's not, let's not focus on other times when you didn't do it. Let's focus on the time right now when you did. I mean, it's just a short. Normally when I'm driving around in my talking car.

Just, my memory's been weird since I was frozen and put into the future to track tone about a human being. I was going for demolish him and then. I got it, I was, I did get it. I was reaching for demolish him. I demolition man then. I thought it was Austin Powers you were going for and I thought no TV show, Futurama, but then you didn't have to get rid of a baddie. Have any of us watched a TV show recently? Together. I suppose sex education is a recent ref, but that's mad, isn't it?

I mean, I've definitely had dreams where I've thought they were real, but I don't know if I've ever watched a TV show and gone, yeah, that was me. That was me? I love the way as well. It's also a situation where you're the hero. Oh, that was definitely me. That's gotta be me. I was I was pissed, but I was still such a legend that I sold this couple's problem. I wasn't gonna say anything because I remember what that that it was an episode of Six Chasing, I thought, maybe I'll let that slide, but then I was like, I'm sure someone's listening going. That's just sex.

This guy's just taking the plot of sex education. It's like 14 year olds doing the school. So what out there? I'm the most delightful journey there. I'm just somewhere he is talking about. Oh, that is brilliant. There we go, there we go. There we go. What a therapist he turned out to be.

Your version of therapy, which is because this me of a time, you know, and it will just be a TV show. This reminds me of a time I was living in Woolford. Woolford is not a real place. It was to me. What's your assumption when you start approaching something in the distance plucky. Do you think do you go dead? I think my immediate reaction is, is that something I can have? Oh yeah, that's good, yeah. I genuinely think I was trying to think through what my reactions are and I think mine is, oh is that going to be something I can have? Yeah, that was, that was where I go.

That was me on my paper round. I used to always bring back hubcaps. My dad was like, why have you got all these hubcaps? I'm like, because they feel like a thing. It's worth having, you know? You can't stick them up in your room, because they're obviously like a used hubcap. It's just absolutely coated in all kinds of awful filth and oil.

So you can't really, you know, you definitely... You weren't taking them off cars, were you? These were on the floor. Yeah, I was, yeah. I was slowly stealing a car. I got to full hub caps before my dad realised that it's not a great idea to steal his car. But...

Why not go, you know, go eat cars by grating them on, sprinkling them on his food? Munch too, yeah. And eat a car a year or something. Yeah, sprinkling them on his food. Munch too, yeah. And he eats a car a year or something. Yeah, he's eating planes and stuff, isn't he? That's a waste, right? But I think he can eat more than just grating.

Like, he can eat bigger bits, but he does great bits of it down onto his food. But he can swallow bits of metal. And I think Doc seems like checked him out and he's peace, you know, there's been no kind of terrible adverse effects except I presume he can't go through the metal detector in the airport.

Here's a thing though, right? Are you actually eating a car? Do you know what I mean? Because... Say you have a bolt. The philosophy of the situation. Say you're normal bolt, a bolt. Yeah. Say you're normal bolt you say you're normal bolt a bolt. Yeah. Say you're normal bolt. If you're normal bolt, you're going to pull out a bolt on

you. Have you actually like, so you're saying you haven't eaten something if you it's just passing through your system. This is great chat for the the podcast by the way. This is this is the kind of stuff we would get. When me and Gillian McEath are seven through your turns, this is the kind of questions we would be asking. She's my co-host now. Yeah, I get that. I suppose that you're not sort of chewing it and you're not digesting it. You're just letting it pass through you. Because my point was going to be I was like, oh, if everyone like eight, like, if could you get rid of like more waste around the world by like, you know, if it's like excess cars or something.

Why everyone great, great, you got a bit on to there. So right food, but then I'm like, well, I think I'm still the same amount left over, isn't there? Yeah, because you're not converting it. Are you not turning it into energy? No. So you're saying that this whole guy's thing, Monge II's entire act, his entire sort of raise on debt is a lie.

Yeah. And that's what I tell him before handing him my card at the end of the party. You need to tell him. Doctor and I, you know what I'm doing? end of a party. You need help. Doctor and man, you know what I'm doing. It's a lie. Yeah mate, come on have a chat. By the way, that was a really weird dinner party.

You at my, you at my Uber. I can't leave. But like, it's more like a sword swallowing type thing, isn't it? Really, but a bit more impressive. Like, it's still pretty impressive to get it through you right? Come on. It is impressive but it is.

It's like so fucking stupid. Like, to keep doing it. Yeah but I think you've done it once. You'd be like I ate a car, you'd be like nice one. But I know I think it was his thing before. I ate another car, okay. He's still doing it., but he's doing it. He does jets as well and stuff like that.

He's eating people. He's doing so well. But like no, but in the same way that like, you know, when evil can evil jumped over low to buses, no one went, well, you've jumped over stuff now. Quit it. Did they? No, but that's the thing.

There is going to be a bigger and better feet. Well, there's an element of spectacle to seeing a man sat at a table with a napkin tucked into his chest. I'm not paying to go and better feet. Well, there's an element of spectacle to seeing a man sat at a table with a napkin tucked into his chest. I'm not paying to go and see that. No one's necessarily paying to go and see it, but you know, if you said, oh, there's a bloke over there eating a fuselage,

you'd be like, yeah, I'll go and watch a bit of that. I think, of course you would, why wouldn't you? That's proper old-school entertainment. And also, I think the Munch 2's whole thing was that he was a fan of eating metal and sort of non-food items before somebody turned it into his character. It was just a hobby. It was just a hobby that went, you know, and if you can turn your hobby into a profession, you never work a day in your life, that's what they say.

Do you think it was like a British then? Well, he wasn't getting sick. You don't have to say it. You're not a sexual glycate. I'd like to. Do you like it? Do you find it sexual having nuts in your mouth? But no, I think it was not a sexual thing.

It was just a, you know, like they have that show, Freaky Eaters. That's quite a Julian McKeefe type show, where people are like, they're very into eating like packing foam or whatever you know, or sealing tiles. They just like the texture, consistency, it's something about it.

You have to see a bit of that actually. Yeah. It's like someone who's like eating their sofa. Yeah, exactly. And it's got the same sort of pleasure that they get from eating a really nice meal, but it just happens to be something that most people people consider to be gross and or inedible. I think there's nothing, you know, you don't need to make it, you know,

you don't need to add an extra level of cook to what's already quite a kooky thing. I'm just trying to understand it, man. Yeah, where I'm trying to come from with clarky ease. What bit of it, do you, what bit of it are you watching? Are you watching? Are you watching him? It does he do it as a show? Is it anecdotal?

Or what's the, do you roll up and pay a ticket and sit down and he chays on a tire? I imagine, yeah, I imagine it's like he'd be at a sort of country fair. You know, he'd show up at a country fair, he'd be one of at a sort of country fair. You know, he'd shop at a country fair, he'd be one of the attractions at a country fair. You wouldn't necessarily have to pay extra money to see him. He might just be there and it's

including the price of the ticket. And they give him maybe a cut of the bar and all the engine oil he can drink or whatever it will be. You know, yeah. Is that chicken the bar? Literally a car, the bar. That's a little chow on that. But yeah, maybe they provide the plane. I'm assuming there's some sort of, you know, there'll be a, maybe get sponsorship from an airline.

There's a sort of publicity stunt aspect of it. That's what I'm assuming our friend Monch2 was doing. The owner of a grey Toyota wheeler. Unfortunately. Should have moved it when we asked you in the first place. It's now in the pan. Would you watch that, Harry? Would you, if there was a guy eating bits of car,

would you watch it? I feel like I, I feel like how would you not? If I was on, yeah, would you, if there was a guy eating bits of car, would you watch it? I feel like I, I feel like how would you not? If I was on a, yeah, I mean, if you're there already. If you're there already, maybe. I haven't been to a fair in ages. No, that's a good point. I mean, nowadays, they're more kind of doggoms, that sort of thing. The ferris wheel, the, you know, the helter scale to that kind of thing is more what's

a fair nowadays. But like I'm sure back in the day they used to have sort of, you know, maybe a load of human interest. Human interest, exactly. Yeah, a load of animals that you could, you could pet or some sort of sort of freakish performers who might be doing some sort of daredevil feats. I mean, I guess the circus does still exist, but around the circus there'd be people

like that. Back in the days of PT Barnum, he'd probably have someone who could eat an all-time model T-Force. Yeah, exactly. I feel like, I feel like, you know, it's all part of the day. Are you mornch to his agent? Just listen, I just think he's got a good act.

I think it's about time he came back. The problem is, you know, like, and obviously I'm guilty of this. I watch a lot of reality TV, but it is killing the special act. You know, where are ventriloquists coming through? Where's Bob Carolegies and spit the dog? Where's Bernie Clifton? Who are the new breed coming through?

And I think if there's someone out there who can eat a car and is willing to go on television and do it, there's money to be made there, man. I'd be quite interested in a big brother where it's ventrilla Quest. You call it the big brother, the little brother. Yeah. We're more of the little brother.

And you could vote off the, you could vote off the dolls and you can vote off the Ventrilla, like you could vote more separately. Yeah, but you wouldn't want it. That was for the dolls. Yeah, but also that's it. No, but you wouldn't want it. Houseful of dosh. Yeah, but also that's how it would work. That's tough, because if you're voting off Keith Harris,

but you're keeping Orville right, yeah. What Orville doing? Just sitting up in bed with their eyes closed. No, Harris is allowed to. Or I'm allowed to. That's when you have to worry. No, Harris is alive. Oh, and her eyes, that's when you have to worry. No, like, like, at the end of your ear. He's talking through your magic.

It sort of sits up, it sits around, looks at you. He puppets him, he doesn't venture a question. Do you see what I mean? So it's like, if you vote out Keith Harris, then he has to go under the sofa or be on the counter and you only have the box. If you vote the puppet off then the puppet goes as well. And if you vote the puppet off first then you just get the ventriloquist.

So you just get like... You've got Jeff Dunham just strolling around without any of his racist puppets. Yeah exactly. Prefer it actually. It's not. It's not a bad idea, actually. I like the idea. But what you really want is at the end, where it's going to achieve sort of true televisual gold is when at the end it's all puppets. As you said, Clarky, it's got to be everyone's crouching behind, there's a real

premium for like areas behind tables. Like, you know, you know, you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you crawling your hands and knees and you find that, you know, Edgar Burgens already, I mean, I'm, I'm, who assume is dead. But I say, you're, you're, you're, you're, whoever, the other, the other ventriloquist part. So, I think it, well, of course you're assuming Teddy's off in the distance. He's actually a pretty stupid guy.

He's lying down. Wasn't it the merging in the first place? Has to be, T. Let's talk so you spuff up into your feet. Has to be, T. What about if you scratch the ventriloquist just to put it big brother? People would fucking love that.

Yeah. You get the most popular puppets over the last 40 years. You get them in a house. You get what you see happens. Yeah. So you're going to have, the most popular, this is already a great question. Who are the most popular puppets of the last,

you're saying 40 years? Yeah. I've got to be a curmit. Up top. Cermits, curmits in there. Oh, by the way, when curmit, because here's the thing, when curmit and Miss Piggy were guests on the last leg,

when they were not with their handlers, they have to be covered. So Miss Piggy sits down, crosses her legs and is covered over with a sheet because you can't see Miss Piggy without her handler. The magic can never, you know, no one can take a photograph or even just, even for the people there, they cannot see Miss Piggy resting. We have the same rule for Clarkie, don't we? We registered his handless. You can't do a public appearance unless one of us are there, always got a cloth over

him. So, yeah, so who are the, or before I asked by the way, I know it's tricky for an audio podcast, but how do you rate your ventriloquism? How good you think you are? I cannot be quite good at it. You know what Tom? I am not very good at all. Tom, you're hidden behind... what you've done brilliant there is you've hidden behind the microphone. That's actually it. Ah, you're all just tricking the book. You're all just tricking the book. The oldest trick in the book. Oh, that's really good, Krozo. I don't think it's that difficult.

Who are difficult, it's quite difficult. It's difficult. I don't think it's very difficult. I don't think it's a difficult skill. I don't think it's a difficult skill. I don't think it's a difficult skill. I don't think it's a difficult scale. I don't think it's a difficult scale. You're good at it, Harry. That's really good. Okay, it's okay. I don't mind it. It's okay. You're actually really good. I think you need a big nice.

Because you need, you need room for your tongue to do stuff behind your teeth. So I've got quite big teeth. So I think there's a lot of rings in a guy's ear. Obviously you just gotta look like you're not racing. I look like I've sat on something. Yeah, you look like, you've got a kind of Richter's grin on your face. So you're kind of... Oh yeah, I'm checking your mouth out.

I've got to, I know you. But how are you doing like bees and peas and stuff? Yeah, can you say, my name is Tom Perry, and I'd like a beer. I need his Tom Perry. Oh, no, don't try to rap. Don't try rapping. I know the phrase, my name is Tom Perry,

goes into one of your famous old school raps. But just how, just how he's devastated three skills. Yeah. He's the third skill of rock casting, because that's not a skill. But just how Harry's devastated three skills That's not a skills I need Tom, Harry Oh yeah, okay the piece T-t-t a three-dimensional. Why did I'm Tari? You kind of got like, I think you've just hit every,

I think you've got inside your own head there. Your own doll. What doll would you go for? Well, this is... Of course, something out of a crossbow. Well, what you're gonna see? Your is gonna be a little bitbeard. It's good. Well, what are you gonna do? You're gonna be a little bit like to scale version of me. Fitz, perfectly on your hand.

It's a little bit bigger, you know, just so it gets fit. Sure, so people can see it in every, you know, if you start playing venues of over 50, you know, and it will be the only thing I'm gonna see. I was always, that was always our problem, wasn't it? That's right. We got bigger than 150 seat venues. People people thought we were a double-act. We had to invest in that giant magnifying glass, and then we were very poor,

and that very hot day and I was burnt. It's a real shame. It was a hell of a routine, though, me running around on fire. Yeah, latitude, I threw myself into the toilet, of course, and there were just bails of hey, I only made the situation worse. So yeah, the top, the top, so what do you get for Big Brother? Let's say if we do sort of five or six going in on the first night of Big Brother, little brother. So you got a recent say recent but like out show Out show is a great cool

Yeah, there's the duck out go back if you're going CBBC you've got to have hackety dog as well hackers fantastic So you got to go out show hacker yeah, and the duck at the duck yeah Gordon the go for Go for as garb you know yeah go for over at the. Was that the duck just a teddy? At the duck. What? No, it was a teddy. But it would only squeak at the duck. So we'd go on the gofer. Neither of them spoke.

Right. But Gofer on a mouse, didn't he? Yeah. Rowan raised the duck at the back. At the duck at a beak. Come in, come on. I know we're splitting hairs here. Yeah, we did.

But it would be. In my head, at the duck's mouth wouldn't move like he. Maybe you're right. He just, he just, he just, he just, he just, he just moved. Did it? Yeah, 100% 100% A punk ride. I had to end Ed the duck toy.

And the mouth moved on that. Yeah. Yeah, they were. But I was really disappointed it didn't sound the same. The squeaks, but of course it didn't. The, the, I, but of course it can. I remember watching an episode of Going Live and people started writing, they were kind of sort of like on going joke, the people writing and saying Gordon the Gofer is just a puppet. And like, the Phillips Gofer was reading

these out in like kind of mock horror, and someone said, we've even found a picture of Gordon naked, and it was just a photo of a hand. It was very fun. Yes, it was. You remember that? Yeah, I did. But then they would then they decided to sort of prove, they were like, we're gonna prove it, we're gonna prove it.

Look, and I don't know why they did this, because obviously this is what's gonna happen. But they moved Gordon's leg to be like, look, there's nothing underneath. And I remember seeing a wristwatch. And then Philip quickly moves his leg back. But I remember really clearly going, alright, they're sort of almost, like maybe they were kind of going, look, it is just a puppet.

We'd, you know, we'd, we'd, we'd, Scofield would just sort of trolling us slightly. But, um, but yeah, I remember that being a big, quite upsetting moment for me. I mean, I sort of knew it was, obviously I knew it was a puppet, but he still didn't want to see that. No. What about... For the class, at least. Surely with the class. So, yeah, so we've got...

What about someone, if we're going to go sort of kids' morning TV? Roland Rat. Roland Rat has to go in, yeah. Roland Rat has got to, you know. I want to bet it, Zippy. Oh, Zippy's good. Zippy's good. If you're going to, I think, maybe we have to be, maybe we have to be from each show, you can only pick one, right? Because otherwise, you know, you know, you're going to get to the Muppets, it gets for it. So I think, I think, Kermit, would you put Kermit, if you wanted to succeed in the Big Brother House, would you put Kermit in?

I mean, he's got a good moral code. Everybody loves him. But I wonder if there's like someone who's... Isn't Miss Piggy Moore. She's more of a better value. You want her at, yeah. If someone's gonna have a proper full on freak out, it's always gonna cry and chopsock across a room.

Kermit's not winning Big Brother. Too nice. Top three, absolutely top three. But too nice and so. You're kind of monster if you're voting out. Kermit, come on. But it's not about like something. But you're not the British public alike

when they get in Big Brother mode. They don't want someone to be reasonable, do they? No. They want fucking bells and whistles. They want the drama. Exactly, exactly. They don't want someone to be reasonable, do they? No. They want fucking bells and whistles, they want the drama. Exactly, exactly. So, so, Muppets were going,

what do you think it's gonna be Miss Piggy, right? Will you accept Miss Piggy Clarke? I wouldn't know. I'm not. I'd go for it, but I think Miss Piggy's more big brother. I love Gonzo as well. I mean, you've got to have someone in who's going to be, you know, you're lunatic.

So why not put Gonzo in? I mean, I don't know, it's tricky. I tell you, this is a tricky one though. If you had to put in either Zeg or Zag, who are you putting in? I don't know. If I was in the bar and I was in a chat with one of them. No, no, that's been chatting to you. Tom, Tom, you didn't have a chat with them in the bar. You watched the big breakfast and you just remembered that. I know. I was floating with Paulie Eates

on the bed. I remember really clearly. You were in leather trousers. So it's going to, I wouldn't really know either which one I'd been talking to. Was it Zag who did the wrapping, who did, oh, them girls, them girls? A lot of Zag and I'm here to say. Here is tonight. I don't know if Zag say I could get it in. No, not for me. Okay, all right, okay, fair enough. Sutty.

I mean, like if you're going to put someone in, put sweeping, right? Agent of chaos. Yeah, a bit more cheeky. You know, Sutty is a bit like putting, curmin in, nothing's really gonna happen. You know, I feel like you wanna put in, you wanna put in sweep or so. Cause you gotta have, you know,

you've gotta have a bit of a gender balance in there. Okay, let's go Miss Piggy and sweep. Miss Piggy, sweep and that's it. Are we going, are we going to Ed the duck or Gordon the Goather? Yeah, all right. Miss Piggy and sweepep, and Duff. Are we going to Ed the Duff will go on the go for it. Yeah, all right. Miss Piggy and Sweep, that's it. Have you seen Big Brother recently? It's just come back.

It's a bit weird. It's a bit weird. It's weird, but it really works. It's just basically a dog fucking a pig. A dog big show. Fuck me, man. The man it just works. Yeah.

The dog and pig shows, you know, was the next act next to the guy eating the plane. That's what you'd see. You'd see the guy eating the plane up a bit. Oh boy. How's B.J.? What the worst thing you've considered eating? How's B.J.? Wow. How's B.D. What's the worst thing you've considered eating? How's B.D. Wow, what an app.

What a strong app. All that stuff that we talked about. I can't believe it. It was really good stuff. It was really good stuff. Lots of subjects. And my favourite ones were the ones we talked about at the start and all side of the end. Well, I feel like stuff we talked about, the start really sort of came back into full effects towards the end.

We've got a message. It was great. We've got a message from Camilla, who has sent us a message, quite an accusatory subject line, this message from Camilla. That time, Papi's, this message from Camilla. That time, Papi's nearly killed me from Camilla. Oh, good. Finally, this time, I knew this was coming. Sorry, I'm mad.

I only mad at time. I was thinking about this the other day, if somebody came to your door and I'm thinking law enforcement officers and said, we know it was you. We're arresting you. What would go through your mind? Would you?

It's a fair cop. Yeah, do you think it would? You got me, I need your word. I know eventually this day would come. I couldn't keep running for this long. But anyway, Camilla's caught up with us. She's written an email to papysflatshare.gmail.com, you too should get in touch and tell us what you're thinking.

Dear papys, recent chat about how you guys have been podcasting for a decade reminds me of my early days of listening to you. It was around 2013, great year. We just put out a podcast from 2013, the Paul F. Tompkins and Ella's James episode of Flat Shest Landown. Oh, fended.

Could have been this one she was listening to. It was around 2013, I was home from uni, listing my parents. I was listening to a recorded ep of Pappy's Flat Slam, late at night, glad it was a recorded ep. The ones that we didn't record, really hard to listen to. I was listening to a recorded ep of Pappy's Flat Slam, late at night. I went to get a glass of milk in the kitchen.

I can't remember what bit it was, but at some point I laughed while drinking. Well, as you can expect, that did not go well. I started to choke as the milk went down my track here. I was struggling to breathe and spewing milk all over the kitchen floor for a good 20 minutes. I've never felt closer to death. Somehow, none of my family heard me and all I could picture was them coming down in the morning to find me dead on the kitchen floor covered in milk with your podcast still playing.

I'd like it if, if her tombstone simply said, got milk? G-O-T-M-L-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G- with your podcast still playing. The horror and shame of this image is what made me keep fighting. I just couldn't imagine my poor parents having to tell everyone I died because of a podcast, even one as good as yours. Oh yeah, I just remember what you talked about in the podcast, been a death. Talked about death. Oh, we did.

So it fits. It's a perfect message. Camilla continues to write. Eight years later, I'm still an avid listener, but won't eat or drink while I do. I've learnt my lesson. Here's to 10 more years years all the best Camilla Thanks Camilla. What a lovely message she received

Very lovely really really kindly weirdly lovely. It was weirdly lovely about how we nearly killed you guys I really hope we almost kill a lot of you Well, if you have nearly died while listening to this podcast it doesn't have to be through choking It could just be that you know you weren't paying attention you drove off a cliff It doesn't have to be through choking. It could just be that you weren't paying attention to your drop off a cliff. No, why that often? If you drop off, I'd say what?

Forget it if you listen to the podcast. If you drop off a cliff and survived, papysflatshareachemales.com, tell us that story. Thelma Louise? No one remembers Thelma and Louise too when it starts with the car landing. So then we go, whoa, man there. That was a wild ride.

Anyway, what do you want to do for food? So, but yeah, if you have nearly dying distance to the podcast, or if you've driven off a cliff, then please get in touch. Papi's flat share at gmail.com. We will definitely read that out on the podcast. Clarkie, has that ever happened to you where you've been laughing and started choking? No.

Cause it happened to me this week. Oh no, really? And it was, I was, this is, I was stood in the kitchen. I was having a little, little work break. The thing with a work break at, when you're working from home is, not less fun. You just handed the kitchen on your own,

drinking a coffee, there's no one to chat to. So I was drinking a coffee and I was looking at, sort of suggested pages to follow on Instagram. And one of them was like a kind of funny comedy clips. So I was watching a clip of Would I Lighty You? And I genuinely was, I didn't expect it to be as funny as it was. And I had, it's always funny. But like this little moment I was thinking, this is making me laugh.

I was sipping on the coffee. David Mitchell said something and I had hot coffee go through my sinuses. Oh, it was so unbelievably unpleasant. It was so grim. I mean, I had to sort of throw myself at the kitchen sink. I just sort of stick my head over it and just kind of go, puh, puh, as like coffee drizzled out my nose and I could feel it in the back. You know, you could feel it in the back of your eyes. Oh my God. I could feel crying.

On coffee. I could feel, yeah, like I was some sort of like, um, uh, shrine at lords, you know, crying coffee. A load of, a load of, a, a, a, a Italian ladies started touching my feet and doing the rosary. It was really an intense moment, but yeah, it was wild, really unpleasant. So I hope that's not happened to any of you guys when you left this podcast, because milk's bad, but hot coffee's worse.

Anyway, cheers Camilla, and cheers to everyone listening, and we'll be back next week with another fun episode Yeah, man I was I was tired out for you to do it. No, you were right. You were right to do it. You do it man. You do it This episode was produced by Emma Corsham Corsham team Cheers everyone For some team!

Cheers everyone! Bye!