Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (The Rest Isn't Triple Crowned Triplets) S14E18

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

Tom, Ben and Matthew slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Obviously, as you can tell from the title, this is our Election Special, so we're casting a new Kray biopic and getting baldPappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetPappy's Insta - https://www.instagram.com/pappyscomedy/Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareFind tickets to all our live shows here - pappyscomedy.com/liveEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listener dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I am Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Papi's Flat Share House Meeting. House Meeting! That's right, three of the finest voices ever to grace your ear canal in one heady conversation. And it is a heady conversation today, it truly is. It sort of freewheels all over the place. But obviously, don't worry, guys, we are going to be talking about the upcoming election.

All right. So I know that people, a lot of people, you go to, you know, you go to your newscasts, that sort of thing. You go to, you know, the one that Emily Maitlis does, the newsagents, you go to that. But of course, third off the rank is Pappy's Flat Shair for one. What is their take on this proposed election on the 4th of July? And you really get the skinny from Clarky about him singing Things Can Only Get Better outside Downing Street during Wishes and Nights, but we get it, we get the scoop from the man himself.

So if we haven't already heard, this podcast will now be daily, every day until the election. Oh yes, yeah. Oh wow. We are, I will say one thing, we're putting out just this episode. Every day. So this episode. But you can listen to it every day. You can listen to it every day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We will be putting it out again tomorrow, so thank you. If you didn't, by the way, if you don't want to listen to it today day. Listen to it every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We will be putting out again tomorrow. So thank you. If you didn't, by the way, if you don't listen to today, you'll be running out of time. Don't worry. You can stop the podcast.

It's coming again tomorrow. Same time. We're going to put this same episode out every day all the way up until the fourth of July. Until the fourth of July. And then of course, join us again for a brand new episode on the fifth of July. Our results special. Yeah. of July and then of course join us again for a brand new episode on the 5th of July, our results special. Yeah, which should take us through to about the end of the year.

That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is our way of doing two podcasts between now and Christmas. The results are in and we haven't got any listeners left. Right, yeah, if you enjoy what we do, patreon.com. I do? Thank you, Tom. If you enjoy what we do, patreon.com. Oh, sorry. It's no, please.

Never. I talk to me. I really do, you know. I love it. I love it. It's my kind of thing. It's your kind of humor. If you enjoy what we do, listeners, then yes, of course, please do join the Patreon.

Patreon.com forward slash Pappi's Flat Share, where you get a bonus episode every single week. They're a tremendous amount of fun. And don't forget, if you don't want to fork out the cash, the bonus episodes you can get for four quid a month. But if you don't want to fork out the cash straight away, do a seven day free trial. Get to Patreon and do a seven day free trial. If you enjoy it, stick around. If not, we completely understand. Dip your toe in your own ear canal for God's sake. Absolutely right. Wiggle it around a bit. The water's lovely. Pull it out and see how it smells. That's what we're asking. That's all we want. Just for seven days guys. patreon.com forward slash

pappiesflatshare. Yeah, what else is happening? Oh yeah, we're going to be at the Latitude Festival doing a flat share stand down at the Latitude Festival. If you're there, do come along and see us. We'd love to see you there. But for now, enjoy the episode. Absolutely. And stay tuned for the outro where one lucky listener will be winning the opportunity to vote for me by proxy. Vote for you? This is big news. Yeah I should have said that yeah I am running for it. He's running for it. He's running for it guys. I'm running to Margate. He's running to Margate and then he'll hit the sea and

who knows he might carry on running straight off the end? House meeting. Why on earth am I always waiting? House meeting. Who wet my bed while I was sleeping? Let's have a house meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? House meeting.

Without meaning to make this an election special. Oh yeah. Have you got election fever? You must have election fever, right? Do you think this podcast would benefit if we started calling it The Rest is Flat Slam? Well, I mean, by benefit, do you mean be sued by the goal hanger guys? Have they trademarked that? Because it's surely someone got there first. I would say the idea of calling your podcast The Rest Is Something. I think they have a

pretty fair claim considering it's a bit of an empire, isn't it? You've got The Rest Is Entertainment, The Rest Is Money, The Rest Is Politics, The Rest Is Football. They would have a pretty fair claim to say, I think if you call your podcast The Rest Is Something, people might be confused as to think it was part of the glorious empire. But maybe they'll just be like, welcome. They'll welcome us in. Yeah, maybe they were all disparate podcasts that happened to fall under the same name. This is like the thing, didn't Steven Spielberg, I can't remember which lot it was. Let's say it was the Paramount lot for sake of argument. Did he just like find a spare office on the Paramount lot

and like just inhabit that office? And then after a while, I mean, that's by the way, those stories, it's a bit like the story of someone who's like, I wrote myself a letter and then it's, you know, it said, open when you do your first tonight show. And then I opened it on that day and you're like, yeah, but what about all the people who wrote themselves letters that never got yet? Oh mate, my flat is full of letters.

Nothing but correspondence from Clarkie past. The big one for me and I'm sure we've talked, I'm sure we've talked like this before, but when Jim Carey wrote a check for a million dollars to himself. That's exactly, that's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. And then carried it around in his shirt pocket and then one day he cashed that check. Right. And I think, I'm sure, I mean, whenever you get a checkbook,

I used to do that without really understanding how it works. But being like, well I've done it as well. You used to write it and then also go and try and cash it that day. But it wasn't my name. It was an assumed name. I'd go in disguise. It's Jim. I was Jim Carey That was speaking of on fire that was you know what, what I love about you is we've known each other, what's it now, 25 years, possibly longer, and you can still pull out a brand new impersonation that I've never heard before. I've never heard anyone do that one.

It's spot on. It's spot on something. Right, 25 years, and since that first day I met you where I asked you to write me that cheque. Still got it. Write me an impression. Put it in my top pocket 25 years from now, I'm just going to do it. Well the annoying thing was you said will you write me a million cheques for one pound each.

I thought yeah sure why not, how can that backfire and I've never had a penny since. As soon as a pound hits my account, it's straight into Barry's account. He cashed that check. Whenever I need just that little bit more change in my pocket, down to the bank I go and cash the check. The old bank across me. I've got them stored up in a storage unit. Fusion use. But yes. Election fever.

Election fever. So you think we should change? But also, by the way, those podcasts are only, only one of them is political. The rest is politics. Yeah. I guess the rest is money will probably talk about the elections. I suppose. Do you know what? Now I think about it, they're all going to talk about the election because presumably

the rest is football will talk about the euros, right? Because it's happening in the middle of the euros, isn't it? The the election this year. Yes. Rest is entertainment. Obviously, we'll talk about it. Rest is money. We'll talk about it.

Rest is politics. Yeah, right. If we could the rest is papi's flat share, then we could be. I just think we'd get a little bit of a bump if we just called it the rest is papi's. We don't even have to get into politics. If we just call our show if we if we rebrand as the Rest is Pappies, we don't even have to get into politics. If we just call our show, if we rebrand as The Rest is Pappies, it'd be very funny. B, the lawsuit would probably be good advertising.

There's no such thing as bad advertising as well. We know. I think there can be when it comes to lawsuits. I can think of loads of lawsuits that I'd say that's pretty bad advertising for the person who's been sued. I don't have to go into details, but but you know, I can, if you like. What about the rest isn't Pappy's? The rest isn't Pappy's is pretty good catchphrase. What about give it a rest? What about that? Can we call it that? Okay, fair enough. Okay. I'll give it a fucking rest, mate. Go back

and give us that Carrie impression one more time I? I somebody's just stopped me. What you forget about Jim Kerry, this is a loss to the Mr Time, isn't it? He started all of his catch races with I didn't he? I say I am smoking. It was confused when he spelt party, wasn't it? Because it was a party. I P A R. You had that deal with Apple, didn't it?

So guys, this is unbelievable. I just yanked up my pants. Easy there. Look at this. I just tore the entire waistband off. I've just, yeah, I've sort of, I just went to pull up my underwear and the entire waistband has come off. Oh my God. In my hands. This is unbelievable.

Wow. This is unbelievable. Oh my God. How old are those pants? Well here's the thing. What I do is I buy the same pants every, I would say every year and eventually somebody restock him. I buy the same pants once a year. And then I just went, something like this happens.

Here, let me tell you now, they're gone. They're out of here. I should hope so. They are out of here. You know what? And I appreciate, you know, you should make do and mend and all that kind of stuff. I don't even use them as like, you know,

I don't even tear up the underwear and use them as old rags because I think, what surface can I clean? That I'll feel, what surface can I rub these on? You know, that I'll be like, yeah, do you know what? What a spotless kitchen. That's better than when I started, definitely. So yeah, so the I can I can actually

let now lift it over my head. Hold on you basically. I've managed to pull my underwear up my underwear headband I've managed to pull the underwear waistband up to a headband. I will give you a check for a million pounds if you wear that wear that round your head for the rest of the week. I've actually got to go into town for some meetings today, but it's good sponsorship, Calvin Klein. It doesn't look bad. Not a bad look actually, yeah.

It's actually, do you know what? With my hair, a headband actually isn't a terrible, isn't a terrible look for the summer. It's got something of the sort of 1980s, 1990s tennis player. Yeah, Bjorn Borg. Bjorn Borg going on, yeah. It's got Bj of the 1980s, 1990s tennis player. Yeah, Bjorn Borg. Bjorn Borg going on, yeah. It's got Bjorn Borg going on, yeah. Talking of my hair, by the way, can I tell you this? I know we're sort of pinballing around from topic to topic, but that's okay.

That's what the rest is, pappies. It's so the rest is pappies. So Charlie, in the last big shop, had bought some Regain. What? Which is like a hair serum to make sure you don't get balls. Caffeine. Unprompted. No, that's the Alpikin stuff, which we already have in the house. That's so confusing, that stuff.

It looks like motor oil in the adverts because it's just Formula One cars and then they're like, shampoo. Yeah, it's sort of caffeinated shampoo that you're supposed to leave on your hair for two minutes so the caffeine soaks into your scalp and, and, and, and makes your hair grow. But no, she's got me re regained to, to stop, to stop hair loss. Have you been shedding? I don't think so. Particularly.

I think Charlie's got a different, different idea, doesn't she? I would say that I would say, you know, out of a lot of people I know, I wouldn't describe myself as a man who's sort of worried about hair loss. I've got quite, I'm doing okay for hair loss. I mean, I don't want to blow my own... I think you've got luscious locks. I don't want to blow my own follicles here. But yeah, but yeah, so, so we've got that for the whole way on.

What a way to find out. What a way to find out I'm balding. You asked her about it? Yeah, yeah. She said that she thinks I've got a bit of a bald spot. She said, like, you've mentioned you've got a bit of a bald spot as well. And I was like, yeah, but it's more like a sort of, I've got a double crown, you know. I've got a double crown so it looks worse than it is. You can comb it in a certain way that doesn't look too bad. But I wouldn't say I'm, I wouldn't think that. If you got comb over mate.

This whole haircut is a comb over. You've got an interesting conundrum. If you, if you start, if that bald spot starts to play a part, then you've got, and you've got a big, well, I don't know how to use the word problem, but you've got, yeah, you've got decisions coming your way. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. That length of hair with a bald spot is a brave decision. Yeah. Well, it's not a bald spot. It's a double crown. It's not a triple crown. Yeah, I have recently grown a third crown right in between the two crowns that is all right. Yeah, I've grown that. But but yeah, for Coronation Day, didn't you did that? That's right. The you're right though. The thing is, the long hair, bald on top is a tricky old look, isn't it? You know, I think it's a tricky old look. Isn't it? It is. I think you can pull it up Bill

Bailey. Yeah. Oh yeah, Bill Bailey has gone for it. He's actually embraced it. What you don't want to see is, I remember watching, it must have been Page and Plant one year on the Glastonbury coverage and Jimmy Page think of Jimmy Page, we think of him in the 70s with his gorgeous hair. He's kept that look for a long time, the long hair. Anyway, he steps out to the front of the stage, he's got his guitar, pointing it to the sky, he's noodling away and the wind changes and his hair just rolls. And you're like, oh yeah, this is, you shouldn't be doing outdoor gigs. There's a reason, there's a reason Slash wears a hat, you know, and has done for many, many

years. It's, you can't be doing that, you know, you can't be doing that. What do you think though about if I started wearing the, wearing the headbands though, that's going to cover up a little bit. I think you should become like Papi's version of Hulk Hogan because he was always sitting on top with the long hair and you can come out in gigs but instead of tearing your top off,

you tear your pants off. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay, you've shown you've got the strength. Yeah, top of every flat slam, Crosby comes on. I am a real Englishman. And then pull the pants off. Pull your pants off. Do a quick bit of crowd work to find out where the nearest branch of John Lewis is.

I think the crowd would go wild for it. It just feels like the transatlantic transition makes a difference. It's Hulk Hogan on one side of the pond. It's Terry Knutkins on the other. I think so. It's a guy who hosts the Really Wild Show versus the most famous wrestler that's ever lived. Certainly of our era. Yeah, I think it's totally lifestyle. I don't think I've got the lifestyle whereby I could be a cool bald guy. And even Hulk Hogan, you know, he had to lean on the bandana pretty hard quite a lot of the time. Leaning on the bandana is a great title for an autobiography.

I've been leaning on the bandana. I was really leaning on the bandana. Andre Agassi, Hulk Hogan. It's a podcast. You're obviously a hat wearer. You're a hat wearer, Tom. That's a lovely euphemism for saying I'm bald. Tom, as a hat wearer. Of course you like to wear, you like to wear material on your head, don't you? You're one of my favorite hat wearers along with Moby, Michael Stipe, John Malkovich and R.A. P. Sneddokonis. Your references are so of a time for bald men. Absolutely. Bruce Willis. Kojak.

Who loves hats, baby? Tom, give us a bit of your Kojak. I don't know about that. I'm gonna be honest with you. I've never really experienced Kojak. He's a big cultural blind spot for me in that people will always reference it, but I've never ever seen so much as a clip of Kojak. I don't know, Tom.

I find that very hard to believe with that perfect impression you just... Yeah, I was going to say. You don't need to see an episode. You can live it whenever you want. That's Kojak from the ether that is. We've got to tell people that this is not producer Emma dropping in a sound clip from an old episode of Kojak. I haven't gone away and studied.

No, this is just Tom off the top of his gorgeously shaped pate. Now listen, Tom, who do you think, who are the modern balls references? This is the question because obviously we've got a lot of new listeners because this is The Rest Is Pappies. A lot of the Rory Stewart brigade have come over from the other podcast to listen. Who should we be referencing? Who are the cool new bald people? Mason Evers So you've got to think modern now, who's out there now? You're Shearers, you're Ian Duncan-Smiths. These are the cats on the street these days, okay? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Of course. It's no longer Amalkovich. It's Shearer all the

way, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. The young upstart. The young button. The new generation comes through. The young pretenders. The young pretenders. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were your first realizations that you were going bald, and what were your steps, Parry? Well, only recently, I've told you this, I was in the queue at the bank,

it was a recent episode, I was queuing at the bank, and I looked at bank monitors and saw the back of my own head, and thought, that guy's going bald. And I turned my head and it was me. Look at that, idiot. And then, you know, you just decide, it's tremendously, I mean, like, I made the case for it only recently,

but it's tremendously freeing once you give in. Right. That's interesting to hear, isn't it Crosby? Yeah, I think that's what I've got to do then. You know what, forget the regain and just shave it all off. Just go for it. Yeah. Do you think I could though?

You know, like in the way that if you lose a, if you're getting rid of a beard and mustache, you obviously want to go down to the handlebar mustache first of all. Maybe go for the old Charlie Chaplin slash Adolf Hitler as you're getting rid of the stash. Possibly you might just keep yourself with a little bit of a soul patch for a few days. Do you think I could go for – could I work through the Terry Nutkin, the Crypt Keeper, the Dungeon Master of Punches and Dragons, the Monk, the Cadfile. Do you think I could do that?

Do you think I should do that? By the way, just I hate to interrupt, but I'd love to hear a bit of Cadfile, please, Tom. Give us a Cadfile, Barry. I do believe the reference of the day is guilty. I do believe it. Of course, by it means God. I do believe it was his head.

Yeah, that's right. It's good. Bang on. I believe it's spot on spot on. Because you wouldn't want to if you're going to shave your head from long hair, you wouldn't want to chop the length out you want to keep the length for as long as you could. Keep it long at the keep it long at the sides and just slowly working ever increasing circle across the top of the frame. It was aliens. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.

The top of your head. Reg Presley. Yeah. Slowly crop circle the top of your head. That's you know what? That's not a bad idea. You know the way you can get like a Nike swoosh in the side of your hair. Do you think do you think in my bald patch, if I got, you know, a bunch of sort of concentric circles, do you think that'd be a good a good way to sort of go slowly go bald gracefully? I'd love to see it. I think I'd love to see it as well. It'd be a great thing to do if you met someone for the first

time, hatted, and then you removed your hat, you doffed your hat and said, how do you do? And just tilted your head down slightly. They'd be like, bloody hell. Like a Mr. Whippy type effect. How do you mean? I mean, like, literally just carving in some crop crop circles inside. Carving in. Well, carving into the hair, not into the scalp. I'm not saying take a blade to you. Well, I'm saying take a blade to you. But you know, what do you think about that? The idea that like the top of your head could have some sort of like ancient signs and runes. Try it.

I appreciate you're not my hairdresser. Well, or your hair carver. No, you're not my hair carver. If you're looking for a green light, I'm happy to give it to you. Yeah, sure. Cool, go for it. Sanskrit, one of your fans say. I don't know.

See, Crosby's got the Rosetta Stone on his forehead. At the top of his head. Yeah, if I had it in my forehead, I've got a slightly receding hairline, I have to say. But yeah, well, thanks for the green light. Beef solved. Yeah, well keep us posted on what you plan to do. I will do, man. I will do. Just to come back to the election thing very quickly.

Oh, yes, please. This was my knee-jerk reaction to the election being announced. I'm away from home on that day. Oh, postal vote. I've got to do either postal vote or by proxy. Ooh. And I'm always more, I mean mean, like by proxy feels more exciting. Yeah.

You got to trust that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you got to trust the postal service. I'm not going to choose a random person. I know you're not going to turn up and they're going to be like, oh, by the way, Mr. Parry Wicks has given you his vote as well. So I'll just go, look, give it to someone you

like the look of. No, I mean, you've got to trust that person to show up, you know, you've got to trust that that person is going to actually be that, you know, actually going to show up on the day. Yes. Not going to oversleep or end up forgetting about it and, you know, realizing they can't get out of work in time or whatever it's going to be. Do you know what I do every time I vote is I write down on the piece of paper,

I fold it up and I put it in my top pocket and then eventually... Keep it with you. Just keep it with me. But that's my overwhelming feeling is on, because that's the good stuff isn't it, is the actual physical feeling of doing the vote. Like the old fashioned go in the booth with the pencil, put it in a box. It's like, you can't beat that. And this feels like it's gonna be a real doozy of an election and you wanna feel like you've done

the actual physical legwork on the day. The photo by the polling station as well, the photo by the black and white sign that says polling station. That feels like democracy, doesn't it? You know, chatting to the people, you know, ours is just around the corner in a church hall, but chatting to the volunteers, you know, it's just, I find all of that exciting. There's a buzz in the air and I think they're, oh my God, there really is going to be when the July the 4th rolls around. And you look around and you think, whose team are you on?

Whose team are you on? Today's the it's like it's like it's like sports day at school almost. It's like I don't know something about it, but I'm not I get to I have to proxy it all out. Where are you going to be? You're going to be on holiday. No, I'm working. You're working. I'm working in Margate.

I'm on the opposite coast. Working in Margate, votes in Exeter. Yeah, that's a tricky double up. It's a real wounder. That's a tricky commute. Missing on the physical act. Could someone like, could they kind of like video, video call you just to give you the,

or is that, I don't think that's not allowed yeah doesn't feel not really supposed to be filming anything inside the I think parry and also video video connection so unreliable you just have to trust what I say is funny and it all pick it up on the recording so anytime I say anything just and I'll pick it up on the recording. So anytime I say anything, just laugh generously. Well, we didn't know you'd said anything, mate. That's the problem with your with your with your video being so unreliable

is that is that we can't we don't know what you've said. You didn't even know. But no, that's that's illegal anyway, is the answer. We don't know what you said, but we're assuming it's illegal. But you know what? It's fair. Any dealings with the law, it's all good publicity. I think it's all good grist to the mill for the Rest is Papi's podcast that Clarky gets

arrested for doing a video link up with Parry in a polling booth in Exeter. Tom, am I your proxy? Yeah, sorry mate, you're going to have to travel. I'll be your tribute. It did make me think, if proxy was more of a thing, it'd be pretty cool, wouldn't it? If you could do more things by proxy. Did you see the story this week of the twin who sent her twin into work?

No! It's a good story. Identical twin couldn't get holiday so sent her sister in for a Friday to do a shift for her and the only way they got caught is that she Instagram storied what was going on and the boss saw it. Oh, this girl put it out on social media. I'm doing a shift for my sister today. And the boss saw it and then run border. I love it. Yeah, that is rule one of doing something like that.

The thing is though, I'd be tempted to stick it up on Insta. It's all good content. It's really good content. So are they both fired? Yeah. Do you think identical twins do a bit of election? I'd be tempted to do it on election day because that feels like the most high stakes version of the supply teach trick. Do you feel like identical twins are less trustworthy than sort of non-identical twins. Great question. This is a really good question. This sounds like a dissertation.

I hadn't ever thought about it, but you've got so much more potential for mischief. mischief. Mischief. Mischief, if you will. If you've got so much more potential to, if any of us had a doppelganger, could we be trusted to use it with morality? No, of course, of course not. Of course not. Don't you think this has got to be, although actually when you think about it, who are the most sort of famous naughty twins?

Easy there. Again, again, another great question. You can't be following all these questions out too quickly because they're all, they're all the big questions that we've never asked before. I'm trying to think, I mean, in my head, I was trying to think of the study that you're going to do. I mean, Jed would have got to be up there for mischief, right? It's like they're always around and about. Well, I was thinking the craze, but the craze were identical, weren't they? Craze are worse than Jedwood, you are right.

The craze are identical twins. They are probably arguably the naughtiest twins. It would be a lot. The atmosphere would be a lot different if the craze twins were the people they dropped into the like Big Brother house on the last comic laughing island. Go on then. Make me fucking laugh. What you think that is fucking funny do you? Fucking petty bastard. All right mate, all right, leave it, leave it, leave it. Come on. Especially, especially if it was the Kray twins as portrayed by Tom Hardy. Because that everybody has their Kray twins really, don't they? For some people a little bit older than

us, it's the Kemp's, right? It's the Kemp brothers. It's how you know what generation you belong to. Yeah, absolutely. What they did in the Kemp's ones, they got two non-identical brothers to play the role. And two brothers who I would say don't look anything like each other. Don't look alike. You've got the Kemp generation, the Kemp generation of Kray's and then you've got the generation that say Kray Kray. That was the, that was the example. That's right. Do you know what? This is, I think, I think this is why there should be a brand new Kray's reboot. I don't know when legend came out, but it's probably 10 years ago now, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. It's like Spider-Man. Kray Kray,

Yeah, it's like Spider-Man. Cray Cray, baby Cray Cray is a great slogan for the new Cray's movie with you in position as Ronnie and Reggie. I think this is good, man. Hang on, that's the bit where we've come unstuck. What do you mean? You can't make the same mistake again. We can't make the same mistake again. Listen, you can wear a wig.

No, we cannot make the same mistake again. You can wear a wig. Listen, you can wear a wig. No, we cannot make that same mistake again. Casting me is something that we want to succeed. But I do think this new kind of a more irreverent take on the Cray twins, Cray Cray, and maybe they're East London DJs or something like that. Yes. Well, yeah, the idea being that I was going to say Ronnie and Reggie sort of spread their seed around the East, but that's probably not true of Ronnie. Yeast?

Yeah. They've got an infection. I don't eat that bread. That is some sour dough. But yeah, this is it. So they're the illegitimate sons, the illegitimate twin sons of Reggie Cray from a fling he's had. With a baker. Yeah, with a baker or a blind beggar. One of the barmaids at the blind beggar has Reggie Cray's kids, but she's

on the straight and narrow and she doesn't want her kids to turn out. And she can see that's happening. They're falling in with the wrong East London crowd. Yeah, this is good. This is good. Cray Cray. I like this. This is good stuff. Davey Cray Cray. I think this is, yeah. I think we could definitely see this as a sort of a reworking. It's got, you know, it's got elements of all the great Brit gangster movies, you know, but it's all the Danny Dyer sort of, you know, the football factory style movies, but it's

also got a little bit of the one where Paul K plays a DJ who goes deaf. It's gonna be a bit pitong. It's gonna be hero, it's gotta be hero finds Tiffin. It's gotta be the, that kind of guy. That's what we're looking for. Hero finds Tiffin. Yeah. What's that?

That's the, what's that? Yeah. Yeah, no. The video did cut out, but- I'm with Clarke. I know what a hero is, and I know what Tiffin is. Yeah. What is Hero Finds Tiffin? He's like, uh, Ray Finds his nephew or whatever.

He's the kind of guy that, he's our cray cray. That's what we need, basically. Oh, right, this is, sorry, I thought Hero Finds Tiffin was like a, you know, like, you know, the seven different stories? he's our cray cray. That's what we need basically. Oh right, sorry, I thought Hero Finds Tiffin was like a, you know like, you know the seven different stories. He's a person. No, I know this now. I literally thought it was like type of, you know, the hero's journey was like one of the, I thought you were talking as, you know, you're a screenwriter.

And then in the third act, Hero Finds Tiffin. I thought it was a phrase like save the cat. I genuinely did. I thought it was one of these And then in the third act, our hero finds Tiffin. I thought it was a phrase like save the cat. I genuinely did. I thought it was one of these, where's our save the cat moment? We've got to have our hero finding his Tiffin. And I was like, what? What's this moment where the hero finds Tiffin? That's exactly what I thought too.

It was like, oh dear, shouldn't have this stuff actually. Yeah. Exactly what I thought it was like, oh dear, shouldn't have this stuff actually. Yeah, it's like, it's like, you know, as a Clarky, as someone who's read more screenwriting books than has written scripts, you should definitely be on board with that. What's the name of this person? Hero finds Tiffin. Yeah. Oh my God. Hero finds Tiffin.

Hero finds Tiffin. I've never heard of Hero finds Tiffin. Hero finds Tiffin. I've never heard of Hero finds Tiffin before, but it's part of the, part of the finds, part of the finds dynasty. Is that right? Yes, that's right. His, I mean, people say acting is just for posh people these days, but Hero finds Tiffin has made his own way. Yeah, that's so true. And his full name, and I'm not making this up, his full name is Hero Boyregard Falkner finds Tiffin. No! That's not just a posh boy!

He's not just a posh boy, he's made his way into acting. Yeah, from the mean streets of Chelsea. Pureregard Falkner finds Tiffin. Oh my god. Hero, by the way, great name for a kid, isn't it? Hero. I mean, anytime you're named after a Nickelback song, you're all right by me. Absolutely love it. I've never heard of Hero finds Tiffin before, but I'm glad to be introduced to Hero finds Tiffin. Can I ask a question though? Is he bald? Is he a young bald guy?

No, but we don't want the craze. The craze weren't bald. No, I'm just trying to find out who the young bald guys are. Anyway, right. Yes, but you're right. I've given you him. Here I find Tiffin is great. So we've got him. He is playing the both twin sons illegitimate of Reginald Grey. Yeah. And you can tell just from a name like Hero finds, Hero, Beauregard, Faulkner finds Tiffin. You can tell he's going to have a fantastic... What is that second name? Beauregard.

Beauregard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beauregard. Wow. Beauregard, I guess it could be pronounced that way. I mean, I don't know. Because Ralph, Ralph Fiennes, he's pronounced Rafe, isn't he? So I guess all bets are off when it comes to pronunciation. You know, it could be Harrow. You know, we don't know any, we don't know what these names might be, but yeah. Hero, Buregard, Faulkner, Fiennes, Tiffin. It's a name, it's a tracklist thing.

He's like cray cray. He's both our cray crays. Baby cray cray. Yeah, Rafe and Joseph could be in as the we flash to the old craze. The old craze? The Harlem Shake? Everyone's doing the old craze. I mean, it's a brand new craze. It's just planting. This project has got, they be cray cray. Everybody's doing the brand new craze. This project has got, they be cray cray. It's got real.

Brand new craze. It's got real. It's got real potential. It's got real potential. Listen, when are you back from market? We're gonna talk about this. We gotta get ourselves in it. What are you doing on the 5th of July?

I can do the meeting, but Clarkie will be there doing it for me. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Can I write this by proxy? Why do I still get paid? As long as you're there doing it for me. I was gonna say I write this by proxy Paid as long as you're not you as long as you're not doing it by video link up Clarkie I written by proxy is actually hero finds Tiffin's co-star I'm telling you man. He's our green light, Hero Finds Tiffin's our green light. I love your idea.

He is fun to say as well, isn't he? He is fun to say his name. Hero Finds Tiffin. Yeah. You can fund it as well by the sounds of it. He's got that cashed down his soul for us. Hero Finds Tiffin, hero funds movie. That's the pitch we'll say to him.

Yeah absolutely great. Is the idea that these twins, one is on the straight and narrow and the other one's a little bit yeet, a little bit ye a little bit and it's like the other one goes like oh i've just i'm about to go off and you know we could make it a little bit uh you know your boy um you know not um skyfall salt burn there you go you know if you if you sprinkle a bit of that into it, that'll give it a green light. Absolutely. So he's got to like, they're twin brothers, they're estranged. They're illegitimate twin brothers of Reggie Cray, they're estranged. The mother sends the good boy to go and look for the bad boy to bring him back to the fold, the prodigal son, keep him on the straight and narrow.

Of course, what happens is good boy turns bad, finds stiffen. This is good. So we've got a good boy. We got a good boy. Actually one of the oldest stories. It's basically the Iliad. I think this is this is really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, what do we what do we have? Do we have a do we have a legitimate sister that has to go and save both of them? Do you know is that what's going to happen? Well, again, this is all we can work out our sort of second and third act. But I think as a start. What the triplets? Send in the triplets. Send in yeah. She's got loads of these kids. It's like multiplicity. It's like that kind of movie. It's got some very strong multiplicity vibes to it.

Of course, the fourth type of story. There was a descendant of Reggie Cray who lived in a shoe. Okay, okay. I mind it. So many illegitimate descendants. She didn't know what to do. Yeah, yeah. I think this is I think this is actually this is good. This is really, really good. I mean, there's got to be I we know this is this podcast, especially now we've put it as part of the Goldhanger family. It's got it's got to be it's got to be listened to by a few top industry professionals. I wouldn't be surprised if part of the Gohanger family. It's got to be listened to by a few top industry professionals. I wouldn't be surprised if members of the Fiennes dynasty are listening to it today. Get us in touch with old Tiff Tiff and we've got to make this happen. Baby

cray cray. Was it Attila the Hun who there's like 1% of the world is a descendant of? Yeah, that's right. Is it Genghis Khan? Is it Genghis? Yeah, I think it's like 14% or something. So yeah, could we argue the case for East London and the Crays? As in most people living in East London are actually in some way...

Or like 5% of East London, yeah, is a descendant of the craze. I could tell you this, at least 5% of the residents of East London claim to have, that someone in their family who works in the craze. This is how you start the movie, exactly. So you talk about all these, you know, you have the voiceover saying that like, if you go into any pub, any old pub in East London,

and someone will sit you down and tell you how they knew the craze. What they don't realize is- All my life I wanted to be related to the Krays. Exactly, but then he goes, what they don't realize is Reggie Kray was my dad and I don't tell a soul about it because I'm the good boy, but the bad boys out there telling everybody, you know, living off that ticket. I mean, actually, if the bad boy tells everybody, it'd be pretty clear who his identical twin brother brothers dad was. So maybe, maybe we're

going to say these things out loud. We're workshopping. We're workshopping, yeah. For one of the twins, it's a secret who their dad is. Oh, sorry. Matthew, my video cut out there, but I presume that was really great what you just said. It was a good idea. Yeah, great. Perfect. Just very quickly, just so we know.

So yes, yeah, very quickly, just so we know, so. Yes, yeah, very quickly. Part of our studies, you put an identical, a pair of identical twins in front of a cake and a pair of non-identical twins in front of a cake. You say, don't touch the cake. You leave them alone. You film it. You find out.

Yeah. Which one of them is related to the craze. Exactly. If they've shot the cake with a Tommy gun, you go, oh, I reckon I know which one of them is related to the craze? If they've shot the cake with a Tommy gun To the craze if they've done a vicious hammer attack on one of the cakes If they bought the cake and all of its land then they're tiffin fines It's a different cake It's a tipping cake. I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat.

Well, there you go. That was a good podcast, wasn't it? Well, listen, thank you very much to everybody for listening to that. Yeah, this episode was sponsored by Ben's internet. Things can only get better, guys. Crikey. It was all over the place, wasn't it? Yeah, still is. He's gone again. He's absolutely, what a time to go.

What a time to go again. But he's gone. He's back a bit. He's gone again. He's back a bit. Anyway, I can only assume whatever he said was absolutely fantastic. Oh yeah.

Well done, Clark. Yeah, great. Great stuff. Okay, good stuff. All right, well, we'll see you next week for, oh my god. The rest is Pappy's. The rest is Pappy's Fat Shares and I'm Down, can't wait. Today's episode was produced by Macaulsham, Caution team.

Caution team. Oh, May's absolutely disappeared, anyway, let's wrap it up, it's nearly Clarky's birthday. Cheers everyone, bye! Bye, happy birthday Clarky!