Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (The Rise and Fall of Creg) S10E47

Episode Date: November 24, 2020

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for a catch-up. Craig David, Daniel Craig, a pocket shuffle and... the weirdest roll call yet?Pappy’s - https://twitter.com/pappystweetSupport us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareEdited by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her coarse debris and pat in love for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's like theaters December 15th.

Greetings, Lister Dear, and welcome to another Papi'sappy's flat-share house meeting, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew. Welcome to the show, everybody. We were just saying before we started this recording, that we made this recording of house meeting last week. Probably no more than, I would say, five or six days ago, but none of us have any memory of what's in it. Not a jot. Really looking forward to listening. I would say, but you know, I'm not a listener, so I'm not a listener. I suppose words are lost to me in the

sands of time. This is, so yeah, you're, I mean, that's always the case really, but you're going to be better knowledgeable about what we talked about than we are. So the process will be this, listen to dear. You'll have a listen. Some of you might send in a message or email in to a popular email address. Yes. Papisflatchair at gmail.com.

Great, there you go. Or on Twitter at papistwit.co.uk. No, no, no, no. What's slash Twitter? No. And we could even.uk. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that I asked for them. But I won't remember that.

But that's, you know, may the dance continue. Absolutely. Well, do you remember, let's see if you remember this, because Charlotte has emailed back. Now Charlotte was in our Lauren Patterson beef brother's episode. Right, okay, beef brother's talking about your beef. That's exactly right. Great. Is it sorting out your beef or talking about beef?

I was just, it's sorting out. It must be. Beef solved. Exactly, get in touch if you know what our entry theme is. So she says, Hi, Pappies. Thanks for addressing my beef with my Amazon Delivering Nazi Photoshopping brother. Do you remember that guy?

Yes. This is ringing about. Yes. She says, our podcast is called Squabblings, and we're available on Apple Podcast SoundCloud and Stitcher. We'd both be very grateful for the plug if you could mention us. Happy to do it. I've not heard the episode so this is not an endorsement. I stress not an endorsement, but Squabblings is out there if you want to listen to it. I endorse it wholeheartedly.

Exactly, not again, not a listener, parody. No, listener, no, but I'm very happy with to give away endorsements. Sure, all right. I mean, he does it for us. Well, barely. He does it for us. By my as well, endorse everyone else's.

He doesn't, he doesn't remember it. He doesn't listen to it. And quite frankly, I'm exactly the same. And yet, I absolutely endorse it Anything else you'd like to endorse at this stage, Parry, that you don't use in any way Well to quote James Dede what have you got? Bloody hell wow. I thought that was Marlon Brande the endorser without a cause

So we do argue with each other and my brother does put his music degree to use in it. And she said in response to our beef analysis, yes, I do probably need to just chill out and yes, he would definitely be the protagonist out of the two of us. He did actually get us all takeaway pizzas delivered from my favourite near-pollatin pizza ria for my birthday, which makes me more musseline than Hitler. It sounds like he's got your loads of birthday presents, Charlotte, I don't know why you're complaining,

he's never got you anything for your birthday. Cheers everyone, bias is Charlotte. So anyway, if you'd like to get in touch, PapisFlatShare at gmail.com, that's the address to go to. The famous address. In the meantime, we're doing dorses. We're doing a live recording of Faxx Day,

sand down on Thursday night, which's very easy for you to say. Do you want to take another run up at the name of the podcast? It's called Fatshtae Samdown. I like Fatshtae Samdown. Fatshtae Samdown, one of the nice tarry. We're doing one over zoom, yeah. On Thursday night with Nishikuba and Rosie Jones. Oh, it's gonna be a belt.

Could be an absolute double bill, that is, isn't it? I can't wait. So yes, come along and join the fund by watching the live record on Zoom. It's like a night out from your own house. Yes indeed. That's what that's the catch phrase we go with. It's like a night out from your own house

within your own house. It's eventbrite.co.uk if you wanna get tickets, EVNT, BRIT, E.co.uk, a website that we- Twitter. Twitter- Forward slash Twitter. Yeah, that is not forward slash Twitter. It's eventbrite.co.uk search for Papi's flat share on there and you'll find it.

One final thing as well is we've done a bunch of flat share lockdown episodes over on our Patreon. So if you enjoy our stuff, and if it doesn't, right? If you endorse our stuff, then endorse our Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Pappy's flat share for more fun over there. Five or four pound 15 hours, you can do it,

you can do it with sterling or five dollars, four pound 50 a month, and above, you get all the bonus episodes straight away into your RSS feed. That does mean that's the price of a London coffee. It certainly is Tom, a coffee that you endorse. I honestly give endorsing a try, Crosby York. I'm going to now, I can't wait to go out and endorse some stuff.

It really gets the endorphins flowing. I literally cannot recommend endorsing enough. All right, well I enjoyed the record, find out what we talk about, let us know, and hopefully we'll see you on Thursday night. Bye! I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. I want to talk. I want a chat. Okay, let's sit down and chew the fat. Has me ting, me ting, me meeting. What temperature should we set the heat? Has meeting. Why on earth am I always weak? Has meeting. Who went my bed while I was sleeping?

Has meeting. What's the point? Does life have a meeting? So I had a thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry to hear about that, by the way. Oh, you poor old thing. No, you know, it's just pointless. I know, I know, I'm a good man. It's the thing about me. I'm a good, I'm a good upstanding citizen, and yet this thing happened to me. I got a, I got a text message the other day from the Virgin Media installation team.

I thought you were going to say Virgin Mary then. Oh, you know what? I thought you had a cup of bringing. I'm right on the sort of the cusp of religious nutcase. That's the thing. It wouldn't be out of this, you know, it wouldn't be out of the realms of possibility to go. I think, yeah, or by the way, I've had a visitation from the Virgin Mary. It's weird that they've never updated those kind of, you know, because normally you just see Jesus in toast or Virgin Mary, you know. That's quite normal for you, is it,

on a stayed on the wall? Yeah, that's how I normally see it. You're always seeing Jesus in toast, are you? Yeah. That's what you told your parents when you said, you're always seeing Jesus in toast are you? That's what you told your parents when you said you're not gonna go to church on a Sunday morning. I mean, that's the dead. I mean, there's a good chance I just really like bread. Look, there's John the Baptist in my black pudding. You telling me this sausage doesn't look like the archangel Gabriel.

The first wish worshiper. Yeah, gone. Sorry, so the Virgin Media team got in touch. Yeah, I mean, I was in touch with them as well. It was a two-way conversation. I started this. I started this. It was okay. And they weren't let you speak. It was about the blue.

No, it wasn't out of the blue. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, quite the opposite. So I was getting a new Virgin installed in my new place and I had to... You're doing alright, yeah. So I was getting a new version of media installed in my new place and they sent me a variety of text messages. Basically they won't let you speak to a human being, you've got to do it all over text. That's the way they want you to do it. They want you to be... First, clogging up the phone lines.

This is when you've never... I never feel more dystopian than when you're into one of these exchanges. When you're in an exchange with a major company, trying to just get some kind of straight answers off a human being and you realise you're trapped in this system, yeah, that we have designed this web of awfulness for ourselves as humans. Yeah, absolutely. But there are two ways. You either deal with the fact that you're going to be texting. And it is a human being, although it's a different human being every time you text.

So there's no continuity. It's the same number, but it's a different person at the time. Oh, you can't build a rapport. The first guy I had, Jim, we were firing back and forth, we had a good... You know, we just clicked. Did you have a use, you know, we just had, we just clicked basically. Do you, do you, do you have a use his name in the reply to get that report kickstarting that reply? What is in like just, just, just writes Jim, Jim, I love question mark as if he, to see

if he's there, like text him at four in the morning, Jim you up. What, what are you doing? In, like, if you're, I, a Thursday's pretty good, Jim. Have you got a busy Thursday? Like just like a slightly over familiar message to kind of seal the deal. This, we'll get back to the text in a second. This leads us onto something else. How do you feel about using people's names

within the service industry? If somebody says to you, you know, for example, I'm your waiter today, my name's Roger, would you be like, hi Roger and then start saying Roger in every sentence? Or would you be, or, or even if the name was just on a name badge, would you take it, would you read it off the name badge and use it because I think I might. So, I mean, I think I do. My Roger. I know I do. Let me, I don't know why I danced around that. I think I might, I'm with me 24 hours a day. I know I do that.

You know you do. If someone calls up and says, you know, this is whatever Santander, you're speaking to Simon, how can I help you? Straight away, I'm like, hey Simon, here's the deal, here's the situation. That's that gym just now. The gym just takes the gym. I think I've just got a message, gym's like, what the fuck, what are you talking, smack about me on your podcast?

Have you invited Jim to the podcast? Jim has entered the conversation. That's a good title for a podcast. Jim, right, listen, if Jim's profit his name, this is my rule, if they've profit their name, then that's the green light and you should take it. If they haven't, then it's weird. So in a supermarket, when someone's on the till, and you can see by their name tag that they're Jill.

I knew you were gonna say Jill on the till. I actually knew you were gonna say Jill. If you've got some good name for a podcast. Hang on, I said, there is also a podcast called has entered the conversation, isn't there? Yeah, there was a pause. Of course, poppy, yes, that's right. Which is a a podcast. Hang on, I said there is also a podcast called has entered the conversation, isn't there? Yeah, there is a great podcast. If Jill is on the till, if Jill's on the till and she has a badge that says, I'm on the till, how can I help you? I mean, maybe the badge that says, I'm on the pill as well. I mean, whatever, you know,

Jill's on the till and she's got back to the... Her body, her choice. And you're feeling ill. So basically, if Jill offers her name on the till, she goes, morning, I'm Jill, then I think here we go, Jill wants it to be. If she's got a name tag, that feels like it's mandatory. And I think using that is always, it always feels like an awkward step.

And you don't think that, you don't think that on those phone lines, the guy saying, guy saying hi I'm Simon isn't reading from a script that says hi I'm and then you say your name it's all mandatory there's no free will in the service industry mate if you're saying your name it's because you've been told to say your name because that's part of the training so the badge the badge and the and the name are to my mind interchangeable. I'll use them both. Do you think people feel affronted? If I say for example, you know, you were working behind the till and you had the badge that said Tom but you hadn't said hello, I'm Tom. And I said, how's it going today, Tom?

Would you feel affronted? Would you feel would it put would it put your back up it? Yeah, fucking it would. From my brief spell in the Asda Home and Leisure Department, it did and it would. Right. Why do you think it bothered you? I've ever told people- Don't ever take the story when I worked in Asda, I must have told this on podcasts. Go on, tell it again because even if you have told it on the podcast, Clark and I will have forgotten. Yeah, that's it.

That's the way it works. I was a student working in the home and leisure department in Astro. Talk us through what you said in the home and leisure department, because I think they're two quite different departments. Let me tell you something. As a student, it was absolute jackpot. We're talking paider. People didn't think it was glamorous

working in Azda but as the home and leisure department we're talking your big tellies. We're talking DVDs. We're talking being a little bit responsible for the magazines. Now as a student there's a lot to play with that. How have we, what's a lot to play with that. How is it? What's a little bit responsible? Vagely irresponsible. The case you're occasionally, he'd tear the front cover off a takeer break magazine, but the rest of the time he was pretty respectful.

Do you have a nica CD off the front of an enemy? You must have, yeah, you must have come with a... You must have, you must have come up with a cube magazine shoved up just to even strolled out the store. Wow, I wasn't expecting sleeve there. I'll take that much. Well, here in Lysha, I'm going to take the sweetie off first. Here in Lys, my grubby tail. Oh, no, it's awkward. Here we go. I was a rotten old student. Sorry, man. I was bored rotten old student. Sorry man. I was bored as old hell.

Yeah. And I was horny as a dog. Horny's an old dog as well. And I, in the store cupboard. Yeah, the old store cupboard. There was like a magazine cage at the back. Oh no. You locked yourself in a cage and had an absolute time

on your underwear department. Yeah. I went to all leisure. It was like a Saturday afternoon, I think. And there wasn't much going down in the home. Oh, yeah, it was the Saturday afternoon. Nothing happened in a supermarket. If you want to find out when a sitz-in market is absolutely fucking dead,

go on a Saturday afternoon. Are you mad? Like the home in leisure department has its own rules. No one's buying a tell on a satin afternoon. The two busy getting their pork chops. Okay, I'll take your word for it. You've worked there, I haven't. I enjoyed that game.

I think you get the game away by saying, oh, I enjoyed that get out. One of the things Jay's bond never says is, oh, I enjoyed that get out, he just slinks out the door and makes a run for it. That's why I never made it as a lawyer. Famous lawyer, James Bond. Sorry.

He's another man who's, who, happy for you to use his name, always giving it out, James Bond. Yeah, there you go. Mental. Mental the matter times Bond tells people he's Bond. Yeah, there you go. Mental, mental the metatimes Bond tells people he's Bond. I know. He's a spy. Is it they kind of like a spy? It's true. It's true. It's Skyfall. You never get a briefing where M says, by the way, Bond, point down on your name or that would be such a funny, that would be such a funny Bond film that it's like he goes in and covers somewhere, does his famous Bond James Bond and they just have to pull the mission.

Roll credits. Bond effect it mate. I would love it if the next James Bond movie is like M taking him outside and going, sorry Bond, look at what is that billboard? A fucking watch advert, you did a watch advert, you're a spine! What's wrong with you? I've been on the underground, there's post-evere everywhere. And then you jump cut to a casino and him going, the name's Evans, Jonathan Evans. And then like grimacing. And like the music doesn't start playing. And he orders like a beer. And it's just like, and he orders like a beer and it's just like and he's he's not

comfortable. I'm sorry not stirred. You wouldn't see a moderate you just see it arrive. Just like this. You just all foam. All the drinks are shaking not stirred but like a really wet bar man. And he's just all disc and populated. Still over the shrub. Here we go. Jonathan Evans. Let's get Phoebe Wollabridge into this conversation. Jonathan Evans, double-o. I need to

just got a handle that somebody ends up giving his name out more than he gives his name out more than your average show and your average show has got less to lose by giving his name out. He gives his name out more than your average Joe Nathan Evans. So that much of that. It gives his name out Willie Nilly. Imagine if his name was Willie. Do you think you would have been added a successful career if these movies have been about a spike called Willie Nilly? The name's Nilly, Willie Nilly. Nilly, Willie Nilly. Didn't they get done for lip syncing along to their songs? I knew, I so knew we were going to get that. Baby, don't forget my number, it's 007, isn't it?

I know, it's a frog,be-go to Billy Millie. Billy, well he's Billy. Billy, Billy, Billy. Billy, Billy. The name's Billy. Well he's Billy. Oh man. Anyway, so for the teenagers. So, friends, we're getting touched.

Who is your James Bond? We know the answer. Friends with Jillie know the answer. Friends with Jillie from the tillie. Jillie from the tillie. And Jennifer Tillie. I'm Jennifer Lopez. So anyway, you had a white kid engaged.

Don't be distracted by my rocks. Then a silly, I am still gilly gilly from the tilly So yeah, so no you are you're behind the scenes. I'm by the magazine cage. Oh, yeah This is in the I'm horny as a rope. What? And there's some kind of... You already have to give yourself rope, but... Some kind of early naughty's lad mag on the bird. And I decide to try and, you know, toss one off at work.

So, I love it. You were like really dancing around it, then you went with tossed one off, then you went with tossed one off. So you decided to toss yourself off at work using a magazine that you had not yet purchased and had no intention of purchasing? Let's be honest, you don't need to purchase it, do you? No, what you got. What do you do?

What do you do? What do you do? You got access to the magazine cage. So wait, you were locked inside this cage full of magazines. It was like that bit in goodfellas where you used to be in fellas where he's... No, there's no bit in good fellas. There's no bit in good fellas where Rayleigh ought to lock himself in a cage and jerks off to nuts. It's really nuts.

Or my life, I wanted to be a wanker. LAUGHTER We're rewriting some really good movies today. Bad lads. LAUGHTER Bad person. LAUGHTER writing some really good movies to bad lads bad person oh man that's depressing if Scorsese made a film of my life what it would really be like not like what I'd like it to be like what it would really be like just like a long follow shot into the warehouse of of us. Free frame on a guy jazzing it through a magazine cage.

Oh, wait, through the cage. Can we? Wait, wait, wait. I hate to do just box the magazine cage. Can I, can I ask the what the setup is here in this, in this magazine cage? So you've got, you're in a, you're in a cage, right? The cage there. You think it was all very jostly. It was all very handy in pocket okay off we off we go right cheap trousers awful scenes so you so you just into your uniform I think so

any who cut a long story short for the first time in my time working there, on the, oh, on the store, on the store, Tanoi. Oh yeah. Just as I complete, comes the announcement, well Tom Barry, come to the front desk. Oh you just came to the back. Just came to the store room. And I'm like, the longest walk of my life,

because I thought. The slowest walk of your life. I thought someone might have been watching me on CCTV. Oh my God. And called me to the front desk. And there's no reason why they wouldn't be CCTV in the warehouse or whatever, the kind of store.

Well, I had a quick, I had a cursory look, like, you know, like Danny Ocean, scoping out, you have to do, you know, you do your kind of reconnaissance, you check for surveillance. That's why I was in the magazine cage. I, the thing is though, when, like, when, these people you're referencing, you know, bond, goodfellas, Danny Ocean.

None of them are trying to find a corner of a place where they're being employed to jerk themselves off. Oh, I don't know. It's some way they're like- Oh, yeah, no, I know, I know you don't know, but I know. And, but I think everybody else is thinking, no, I've seen Ocean's a leaven. It's not about him. It's not Ocean's five-finger shuffle. It's Ocean's 11 where he gets together a group of people. Imagine if he- The motion of the ocean. It's Ocean's 11 is almost a two-hander.

If he got the gang together, if he was like, alright, you know, Don Cheedle, Jettley, Brad Pitt, listen. I only want to, could you all get a like a towel and put it around me, I won't ever wank? It would be, hey. You'll be in prison straight away. Side note, good idea for a cookery show. Oceans and Levances. Ha ha ha ha. George Clooney and Brad, George Clooney cooks a meal

we watch Brad Pitt eat it. Yes, that's a great idea, because he's eating it every scene isn't he? Yeah, so it's like it's Danny Ocean cooking for his mate. I forget what Brad Pitt's name is but yeah he's always eating it, Rusty isn't it? Is it Rusty or something like that? Yeah, because he's always spending his time around the ocean. Yeah, very nice. He's called Rusty Hull.

Rusty Hull. Danny Ocean and Rusty Hull. So he's cooking him up some toast. He holds up the toast and goes, who do you see there? They burst into tears and start worshipping. Now stick this in your rusty old. LAUGHTER Anything.

I don't think that's how you eat toast. That is how I smuggle a Q magazine out of a WHMIT today. Proud pits smuggles some toast into prison. We'll all watch that. We'd watch it. I've brought you some toast. We have toast in didn't you mate? Why is this coming in Marmot?

This is burnt. I've brought you some burnt toast. It wasn't burnt when it went up there. You either love it or you hate it. You hate it. You hate it. Yeah, you did. You hate it. Has me dead. Go to impressions.

Let's hear bleeding. Has me dead. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to free them. At a lot for her. It's non-stop bonkers brilliant. I love that. Poor

things. It's like theaters, December 15th. So how do we get onto that? Um, Virgin Media. Virgin could give you a text message. Oh, we were talking about that using people's names. Yeah, yeah, Virgin got sent me a text message. That's right. So yeah, we're just to finish, just to put a button on it, they, they, they haven't seen. Oh yeah, okay, so someone wanted help carrying a tele to the car. Right, did you wash your hands first? I'd gave it the old pockets wipe. Oh, that's the pockets where you were doing the, the dirty in the first place. Yeah, everyone. Well, you put both your hands in one pocket. How do you manage that? Two pockets, bad. I wasn't giving it the two-and-a. You can't give it a two-andering public. No, I

know you weren't giving it a two-andering, so you put your one-handy pocket like Lannis Morris' says. That's not what that song's about. I hope I leave so, yeah. Even at the time I was doing it, that was an old reference, so hang your head in shape. Because I got one hand in my pocket and the other ones covering a security camera. Good, Tom Perry. The person was shop floor. This staff member is very nonchalant, help him carry a tele with another hand in his bottom. Come on, what's your badge say? Tom. He already just said, take, come on Tom. Come on Tom, I got this, um,

Jim Chimes in. No, this isn't Germany more. Oh, sorry. I don't know who this is. Oh my god. Well, there's the first beat. Yeah. Is it like a ghost story?

Well, sort of. Um, it's, um, it's, uh, they said, they sent me a message. I, I, I said the message saying, look, I'm moving house. I don't know when my installation date is. They've moved it once already. It's, they send me a message. I send a message saying, look, I'm moving house. I don't know when my installation date is. They've moved it once already. And they haven't sent me a new installation. It wins it going to happen.

And they said, look, you can't speak to us. You've got to speak to the pre-installation team. Give them a call. Do you have any other questions? Yeah, exactly. So do you have any other questions? As I said, no, no, I don't have any more questions. Thanks very much. And they said, no, no, I don't have any more questions. Thanks very much.

And they said, check this out for a message. You are welcome. Take care. Stay home, stay safe. God bless you, your family and friends. You can call our pre-installation team on our 800-052-1734. That's too much, isn't it?

Yeah. But also, I got that message now. Let's see, when did I get that message? About a month ago, I just wanted to know if it's worked. Have you felt more blessed as a result of the Virgin Media team wishing blessings on you, my friends, in many ways, my family? That's God. Did I say colleagues? They said no, they said God bless you, your family and friends.

Yeah, yeah, not including that. I don't think we're covered in that plan, I'm afraid. Oh, and the two countries you do podcasts with. Ah, there you go, there you go, there you go. And, no, so what do we record here? That's not company policy, right? That's someone going slightly off-peaced on an emotional day That's not a guy following the script. He's left out his actual name, but he has you know Unless it was actually Virgin Mary Well, this is it. Yeah, it could be something she'd say

Yeah, I felt that way though. Did you not. Did you not feel a bit like that? I know we're getting a bit more used to 2020 but I definitely spent three months kind of slightly tearing up when waitros like being like I think I can never one to the toilet if I need someone to put all the toilet rolls I could have made myself a little white for Someone's like the cage I had like a nice chat in say nose at the till and like Like the pivotal stage and like wait when you say the pivotal stage The vinegar strokes. Which pocket are you talking? Am I saying pocket stories gonna affect our science brisper.

It's my luckier than ours. Lucky it was an aster, yeah. Did you tap your pocket? I originated the pocket tap. Not a jagged ligth sad though, I'll tell you that much. But you know, you kind of have that kind of like, you stay safe and look after yourself and they're like you too. And it's kind of like that didn't feel just like a pleasantry.

This year, this year that that kind of stay safe thing hasn't just felt like something you just say. That's true but this was that's true but this was like late late late September early October. So you remember? Let's see the other one that's got the phrase late September in I mean doesn't have the phrase late September in it's the other one that's got the phrase late Septemberin. I mean, it doesn't have the phrase late Septemberin. It's the wrong song. Um. So, but yeah, it was that period. So it felt like, I mean, I guess, you know, obviously,

it's still knocking about. But it just seems weird for a company, like a big global company, to be wishing, to mention God in terms of just EA. Does it not feel, I mean, would you have found that comforting? Would that have made you tear up, Ferry? Yeah.

Most things might be tear up at the moment. Fair enough, you're new parents. Yeah, exactly. And like I was always quite, you know, I was always on the cusp of emotion really. I was always, I'm always quick to tears. Yeah, that's true. So you wept watching Craig David perform Rise and Fall at Glastonbury.

And I still remember that, I think, oh my God. Anything, you're on a hair, your tear ducts on a hair trigger. That felt like the end of an incredible redemptive arc. The narrative of what should Craig David sing about the rise and fall and he's back. He's on the pyramid stage at last. Oh my God, yes please. Absolutely, that had everything that did. It was good. I mean it was a good performance. It didn't it didn't move me to tears, but it was it was certainly a good performance. There was a there was a

narrative arc there though. I preferred the next bit where he just played a bunch of other people's songs. He wheeled out a wheeled out a wheeled out a wheeled out of his songs. He wheeled out a desk with some decks behind it and then just started playing like jump around and no scrubs. That was fantastic. I tell you what I tell you what I've done. I tell you why it got me right where it was pure that moment. Yeah. Because what I think I realised I was witnessing was if there's ever going to be a biopic of that man's life, we were, that's the end. That was the final scene. Right. It was truly like, you're like,

oh, this is, this is that moment. Do you think? Yeah, and I think, like, I don't go down a Glastonbury tangent, but I think that's part of the reason why it's very emotional watching people at Glastonbury because when people are on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, you're watching this incredible pinnacle moment for them. And it's kind of like, but in the Craig David biopic, that's where you're ending the script, right? Yeah, absolutely.

You know, you can't go. He came back. Do you show the performance or do you have the, do you have have like the you know the classic sort of star is born shot kind of shot from behind them as they walk From the backstage on stage. Yeah The classic star is born shot spoiler on it. Yeah And then David looks the camera says that's not peace, baby. And then you see he's got one hand in his pocket. Oh my God, he gets, he wheels on a cage. But yeah, I guess, I guess that's true, because he's had a tough old time of it. As me,

Craig David, you know, like one of the biggest artists in the UK Crawley lampooned by Lee Francis in a way that he believes his career couldn't recover from moved himself out to Miami worked as a DJ worked on new music came back played on the played on the period stage there you go welcome with open arms by his uh By his public. The rise and fall and rise. And it would be called the rise and fall, wouldn't it? Are we pitching a great David Drupes musical?

I mean, it's not a bad idea, is it? As he's, because it makes sense, doesn't it? As he's leaving, he's walking to the airport, he's walking away from the troubles in his life. It feels like you could definitely tell the story. That's true. All of the songs from Born to Do It. There would be like this really weird bit in the middle where like

he would have a duet with the Lee Francis Craig David. Yes. Like it like Richard III facing his demons before going into battle. Yeah. That would be so good. I'd love it. Emma says we could call it David Craig David. Good.

We wouldn't get the rights to Craig David's music, and so we'd have to call it Evans Jonathan Evans. It's about a Craig David-like figure. Daniel Craig to play him David Daniel Craig David Daniel Craig David Daniel Craig is Craig David

We might have problems with the casting of day Daniel Craig is Craig It's not ideal. It's not it's not it's not on. But just because of the name, he's got it. You know, there's gotta be other people called Craig or with the surname Craig. Oh, it's called Wendy Craig. We were discussing this briefly the day. We were actually. So Americans don't say Craig, do they?

They say Craig. They say Craig. Craig, yeah. And they say. That's fucking mental. I know, they say Craig, which is, and we? They say Craig. They say Craig. Craig, yeah. That's fucking mental. I know, they say Craig. Which is, and we talked about this before. Well they also say, I guess we've never had an American guy called Craig on.

We never had like, I don't know, Craig Killborn on. But they also say Graham as well. They don't pronounce the H in Graham. What? They say Graham. They say Graham. Did I call them cinnamon grams? Cinnamon grams, yeah, which makes them sound sort of druggy. But you know, like it's

I don't know what I was I would gram Parsons the gram Parsons but no he was called Graham. His name was Graham. He wasn't called Graham Parsons. Graham Parsons a lot less cool name. But if Graham is Graham then why would you call yourself Graham anyway? That's like I'm called Craig. It's about C-R-E-G. Well you can call yourself Craig if you wanted to. You can call yourself anything famous. Absolutely you can call yourself anything. Put the name tag on, Craig. What do you know what I mean? I know. If Graham Graham, then why would you go with Graham? It's a, you make a very good point, yeah.

For the last time, just like a different spelling of it, like we've got Jeff and Jeff. Does he have different Jeff? It could be that, couldn't it? It could be literally, if it's going to be pronounced the same, then it's just, you know, Mark with a C, Mark with a K. Joe with an E, Joe with that, and a Graham and Graham. I mean, you know, does anyone know this story behind that? Can anyone get in touch with us?

Papi's flat share at gmail.com. If you know the reason why Graham Parsons is called Graham. But why can't I, Craig, Craig, Craig feels like a mental, what I say, what Craig feels like? It feels like a mental, what I say, what Craig feels like. It feels like someone in power messed up and stood by, it stuck to their guns. It feels like 60 years ago or 100 years ago, an American president had someone called Craig working for them.

And they were like, I've got all my staff here, Jill, Jill, Johnathan's, Jonathan's here. He's a spy. We got Craig, unlike the advisors, it's Craig, and they're like, don't tell him. Yeah, Craig's here. And then everyone in the audience is like, God, I've been saying Craig all this time.

And then like, because Craig, Craig Craig it can't be Craig no offense if you're American and you're listening in your names Craig no offense but it is mad that your names Craig I thought no offense no offense but this is fucking batshit and what's wrong with you but also you must come to England on holiday and people are like hello I thought that was an offer you must come to England on holiday and people are like hello. I thought that was an offer you must come to England on holiday You're simply Craig you say Craig will we'd call you Craig over here, but you're simply must come to England You we must come to have a little row test of Craig and see how it should have it feels Imagine if I how off of this

They want for a how often to say your name on holiday How often do people say your name to you on holiday? It's a great question. Yeah, I Say your name on holiday getting touched You say I'm gonna say I think you say it quite a bit Do you get that's what that's the what that's the category I'm going for a point of being I'm asking how many you'll go for quite a bit Give me give me examples of times you might say your name. When you go on holiday, do you go incognito? Do you have a holiday from yourself?

No, I wish. That's the dream, isn't it? That's the side by dream is you can have a holiday from your own thoughts. I was. That's sleep, isn't it? No. If you think sleep is a holiday. You're talking about thoughts.

Oh my God. It's an absolute cage of your own thoughts. I quite like taking myself on holiday, because I think I'm quite good at them. Yes, I think that's fair. We had a great time when we went to San Francisco. You've got to get up and go. You've got to let's do stuff.

You've got to hear what we're going to do. You've got to acknowledge the potential in the day. And I think that's a good kind of, you acknowledge the potential in the day. And I think that's a good thing. I like that. I do like that. I think that's a good, you know, but that's, like, you know. Although, well, yeah, but other people have been on holiday with me and they're like, we just don't want to do very much though.

Right. It depends what kind of holiday you're after. But then, you know, I mean, you're not averse to a little bit of time on the beach of relaxing and stuff. You know, you can balance it out. It's all about balance, isn't it? I could mix it up, you know? You can mix it the fuck up.

I just want to very quickly go back to Craig if we could. And I'm just gonna, like, could we try a few, like a little experiment? Is there any British accent that would say the A-sant? More like... Craig. Maybe, would it be really posh? Craig.

Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. What about in Scotland? Maybe it is, but yeah, gone.

Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig? Craig? Craig? Craig? Craig? I think this is the eh, it's called the eh, back of the throat, isn't it? Eh, eh, eh, eh.

It's not like this, eh, Craig. This eh, looks like Mother Teresa. How are Americans looking at Craig and getting Craig? Yeah, I genuinely, the conversation started because I thought it was how they go for Greg. Oh, right. I was like, do Americans? And then of course, I realized that was a lunatic thing to say.

Do Americans call Greg? So there's a more lunatic than Craig? So there's a name, but there is the name Greg, isn't there? In America, there are Greg's out there. There's Greg Effeken. Exactly. So the Greg's from Who's Line Is It Anyway? Greg Proops, yeah.

And he is spelled G-R-E-G. Possibly a KG might get a double G. Greg, right? They've got Greg. They've got Greg. And then they're seeing the word C R A I G and going, well that must be pronounced exactly like Greg. It's, yeah.

It's, you know what, now I hadn't thought about it that much but now you mention it, it's absolutely wibbly wobbly. Yeah, I'm obviously a little bit straight. You know what, it's willy, it's willy, milly, milly. It's willy, milly, milly, Millie. It's all as the Americans would say, Wily Niley Vanilley. Like Australia have Craig. It's like it's in other parts of the world.

It's Craig. And they must have heard other people say it. So do they have Craig's list? Craig's list. Yeah, it is called Craig's list. It's not called Craigslist. It's called Craigslist I'm so I've never even thought about it. The real name of the Craigslist is Craigslist. Are you American? Are you listening? Can we can we do something about this? It's really one like it's genuinely really good questions there. I was watching, I was watching succession about six months ago and I was thinking, is it a running joke that they're mispronouncing cousin Craig's name? No, he's cousin Greg.

I write there you go. The running joke is that his name is Greg. Oh, that's good, then. Oh, well. Wait, maybe actually, maybe Americans don't pronounce Craig as Craig. Maybe it's just that you watch succession in the character. It's called Craig, and you thought he was called Craig. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I don't think this is one we're going to solve between the three of us, but we'd love for people to get in touch. PapisflatShare at gmail.com, get in touch if you are a American, be listening and see

what we're going to do about. Yeah, good Craig, yeah. In fact, even if you know a Craig, talk us through it. Do you think potentials craigs in America pronounce it Craig? It's good name for a band, potentials craigs. Potentious craigs. And it would be in, people go, oh, I'm going to see that band,

potentials craigs. Actually, it's potentials craigs. Craigs. It's not bad, not a bad name for a band, is it? The potentials craigs. Have to be in them. Is there, is there a way you've got like, we're called craigs eggs? Yeah, craigs eggs. Yeah. And like in America, it'd be like, we're called craigs eggs. Craigs eggs, yeah. And like in America it'd be like, we're called craigs eggs. Craigs eggs.

Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs.

Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs eggs. Craigs for us all to have a wankin. Could you leave a speech? He's craig 11 Danny oceans nephew

Bring me eggs we're cooking at home look for Brad So there you go that That was the episode. And can I just say, so many great topics discussed. I'm happy to do it, Perry. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna endure to that podcast. Yes, there you go. And for Brock, it's for you.

I'm gonna do it. I feel alive. I feel alive for the first time. There you go. Well, thank you, Mr. Deer. We couldn't do it without you. Thank you for letting us your ear canals. I hope you will see on Thursday night at the live record.

Yes, please. Nish and Rosie Jones, absolutely power couple. They're not. A powerful couple of guests, as I should say. Sure. Otherwise, we will see you next week. This episode was produced by Emma Corsham Corsham. Corsham team. Ma! Cheers everyone! Bye! Okay, everybody, gather around. Please, if I could just get a moment of your time, it'd be amazing to see you all standing for a Patreon. I'd just love to do it, if you'll indulge me, a Patreon, neighborhood watch, roll call everybody.

Thank you. Okay. That's great idea. That's great. Oh, that's great. That's gonna be really useful actually. It's just so, I just wanted to give something back really because look, what can I say?

I mean, I'm here, here you're here everybody's here but I just I just got a few words really for someone very special oh yeah he's tall he's wise and whenever I see in there is a crowd of people thronging and I'm really upset to tell you that I love David Longingly, oh god, I'm getting very emotional. Yeah, I mean we're all we're all quite emotional. I feel that very strongly Yes, there it is that's that's sort of There's my emotions got the better of me That's that sort of you know, my emotions got the better of me You know what I mean, it's I've got I've got to say this next person who I've just got to say just a few short words about if you've got You know, I've got you here guys just a few short words

I wanted to well listen. I mean it's only gonna be a few short words. I've called my Uber but I want to say, well listen, I mean, it's only gonna be a few, just a brief few seconds, you know, I mean less than 15 seconds is all I need. Even though she really is one of the absolute best and every time I see her, there's always a big crowd, crowd thronging around her. I mean, if I can constantly thronging, they're thronging for you, they're thronging for me, but most of all, they're thronging for Alison's C. Oh, just a few short words.

That's what I'm saying. You may have played B-Cov-U. Oh, well, it's not that kind of me to get shit. Why you was on the way, get it? One for the road, one for the road, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. That's crazy. If I may, I'd love to just have a,

I don't know, just a couple of seconds. Yes, yes, yes. Finally, someone's, but seriously, no, no, no, we've heard this. Listen, can we speed things up a little bit? My deal is on the way. If that's how it comes out. We've heard this. This.

We've heards, this. I just remember this, everyone. Ravens, this. He's true. He's true. Could someone sort of up Harry, he's slowing down, like, giving a bit of nosebag. The cat's really kicking it.

I got it. Have a bit of this. I'll speak to backup. Have a little bit of this myth, yeah. Just sort sort of just rub a little bit of meth on his aina And that would that should It's wronging and bragging Absolutely thronging to tell you this this next lady. I just like to just like to give her This next lady I just like to just like to give her

Who injected him with Royce who injected him with Royce? Oh Jesus Christ that's the shit He's the wrong English and okay, just a few short words there before he throngs himself into oblivion just before I run off and chase this dragon Okay, it just turned up next to me. Okay Miss next lady she really did she chased away all of my fears She's an Absolute legend

Uh, she's an absolute legend. Oh, no! It's a mo- Okay, Ludo. Okay, Ludo, calm down. It's Rachel Spears. Of course it is. It's Rachel Spears. An absolute legend is Rachel Spears. Oh, yes.

Oh, that's got me right back in the room. Great. Cut through it. Cut through it, mate. Oh, that's it Cut through it mate That's cut straight through that shit Has anybody got any booze in there? Yeah

I've got a bit of asti-stimenti if you want a little small glass of that Great stuff, well listen everybody Just a few words I've got an angel on my shoulder but I've also got a fiend and let me tell you something right now The devil's they be a thronging Can I get some beak for David Lee David Lee He loves the be Crossbeak, it's time he's got stuck again. Oh, tell you what, just do me a quick adrenaline shot straight through the heart.

Oh, that's the shit, okay. You give love a bad name. Oh, I give love wherever I can find it. Oh, okay, now wherever I can find it. Oh, okay. Now, I'll tell you what. I just want to say a few just a few brief words about our good friend who directed this year's pantomime. Oh, okay.

I'm okay. Jackson the bean. It was Jackson in the beans. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, She directed and she made sure that every single night every one of those seven dwarves had their packs on it is of course Okay If you win a doll's we are just like to say a few words I've started to sweat quite a lot Getting palpitations I sweat quite a lot. I'm getting palpitations.

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I think it might be wise just to call the emergency services. No, I'll bring the fucking fans into this. My Uber's in the car pack! Oh, Paris, Paris, we all know we've been in a Uber into many things. We can do it all! Bastariani! Oh, Paris, Paris, we all know we've been rober into Mivei and we can de-tour past the rionny! Could you do a double drop, mate? Oh, I am. Anyway, few short words, anyway.

I am sweating. I feel like my anus is about to fall out My inhaler That's the way to combat it More than an inhaler mate. I will infect I'll need more I'll need Mark Taylor Markey boy Mark Taylor. Marky boy. Marky boy! Come and sort me out, wait. Oh, I'm all at sea.

Oh, dear everyone. But I just pop that ass into a bundle of my own. I need to hear. It's turning into an ocean liner. And I'm, are we on a ship or am? Somebody's got a man, the rigging. Oh. Is anybody got any horse for tea? Give

them a bit of horse. Get it back on the horse. Oh God, listen, I've got the DTs. I can see a dead baby crawling on the ceiling. Oh, all I need is just a fix, just one pilser. And I know who's gonna give it to me. Nicholas Willshire. Oh, please! My uber's in the lift. Ah! Oh, guys, my brain is absolutely throbbing. It's throbbing. It's throbbing. Oh, what the fuck? Oh, guys, I'm getting... I'm getting...

I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting... I'm getting, oh guys, I'm getting, I'm getting, I'm getting better roused here. Oh, you too. He's dropped a blueie.

It's got me right where it's pure, it's like, so the whole room is full of nuns. Oh, who put a cowl on Matt Parsons? The old question, who put a cow on that person's Hello everybody Well, I'm back in the room actually and I'm feeling great. This brainstorming session's going really well. Oh no, I gotta move it. Let's take a giddler.

My humus on the kitchen wall. And I have got the mother of all hard-ons Somebody right over email Vanessa Garden Vanessa Garden, oh Hello No, he's back. I'm the Uber driver I'm the Uber driver The cobblins in the office

I'm a naughty naughty woman woman woman And you are naughty man naughty naughty man How do I make a trip to a little I'm on a ban trip man Oh let's keep, who let's keep that a little bit Hello everyone. Oh no. Me and my mom and my nan and my grand went off for waterloo.

Oh, I love that tripman. Me and my mom and my dad with a bucket of Andrew. Miller. It's Miller time. Oh. Files stars on the sea. Miller! It's Miller time! Files stars on the theme! Oh, my Uber driver's gold fat! Lest! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Bray. Whoa. I'm at a bucket.

He's at a bucket. I'm at a bucket. Oh, I'm absolutely fubo. Get me a little little bit of fubo. You can't worth it man, I'll flee you for your time. It's not worth it man, they'll fleece you for your time, oh. You'll get some experience driving the desk, well isn't worth it? No one's listening. Ah! Foo-mas!

Foo-mas! You're listening, baaah! This is a foo-baaah! This is a foo-baaah! This is a f this is the Foobar Christmas party everyone! That's the scenario we've been playing out! Happy Christmas Foobar! So thanks to my kid, my co-pula! Bula! My co-pula! Bula! Got you all in check.

Oh well it's the... It's the Uber Christmas party everyone! I've gotten... I've really hit the wall with Helm and Metcalfa! And it's time for me to welcome my new co-host. It's my Uber driver, Tony Medcalfe. Oh mate. Oh, let me tell you we have an ice-dameer at the Fulba Uber Christmas party We get in an Uber pool and we drive around listening to Fuba

And let me tell you, it's a naughty Friday You naughty, naughty Friday It's a naughty, naughty Friday, Friday, Friday For car donations read to sing music. It's a naughty, naughty, friday, friday, friday. I am onekin, so is Oliver Rankin. You naughty, naughty, Oliver! You naughty, naughty, Ollie, you Ollie, you Ollie, I am not the man. A foober to the u, wherever you are Lee you are Lee I am not a man a Fubo to the you

Fubo to the worst then Fubo to the east and further to the northern south Guys I hate to tell you oh Yeah, sorry I just I just I just come to you and I realized that oh I know we thought it was Friday it's actually Tuesday now but that's the day we're getting audited God there's an absolute shame we're gonna have to leave in our in our throngs close to door behind us were you Andrew?

Close the door behind us, will you Andrew? Oh, bye Andrew. Bye, Andrew, well everyone, that was the best Christmas party yet for Fuma radio and Uber Eats. We could just kick things off now, it's just in time for New Year's, so let's get back on it. Let's get back on it, if we get to the pub,acabra, cheeky ones, that concludes today's Patreon, neighborhood watch. Roll, cobb, baby! Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes.

Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot more. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters, December 15th.