Pappy's Flatshare - House Meeting (The Winkie Demographic) S12E41

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

Matthew, Ben and Tom slide into your ear canal for another house meeting. Ben got winked at... is that still a thing?If you’d like to donate to the Children’s Hospital Pyjamas appeal, the easiest way is to visit their Amazon wishlist page:https://tinyurl.com/kmh2dpsfMore details are available on their website and social mediawww.childrenshospitalpyjamas.co.ukhttps://www.facebook.com/Childrenshospitalpyjamas/https://www.instagram.com/childrenshospitalpyjamas/https://twitter.com/pyjamasmiles19#SpreadingLoveThroughComfort  Registered Charity No: 1185739Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/pappysflatshareProduced by Emma Corsham Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings, listen to dear, I'm Tom. I'm Ben. And I'm Matthew and welcome to another exciting episode of Pappy's Flat Share House meeting. Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo It's Pazarotti here. Tom, that was really good. The thing about you, Thomas, you are a sort of, you're just, just, just, disappointments to my parents. Well, that's true. That's true. You've got it. I've been in touch.

They've actually sent a message. They sent it, they sent it via Instagram, TM. So you've not seen it. Okay. But yeah, so the, you're actually like, you've got chops as a single cue and but in a really sort of Like oh, I don't know how to put this you're a rough diamond. I think it's what I'm trying to say You know, I mean you're not Neil diamond no because he can sing but

You can't sing but you can sing do you know what I mean? Let's put the list as a ease and tell them This isn't a musical episode and there will be no more singing in show. That's all you've got. That's all you're getting. Tell the outro. No, in which case, Pazirati will make his try-up return. So yeah, house meeting this one,

if you enjoy the house meetings, then you will definitely, 100% enjoy flat-share pop round, which you can get over on our Patreon for a mere four-quid a month. Four-quid a month gets you a new episode every single week. We get new subscribers all the time. You know it's a wonderful community, we have such a good time over there. You get other bonus beef, you get other bonus episodes but the sort of flagship of the Patreon is the flagship hop round.

And it's a real treat. Get yourself over there, patreon.com, forward slash, Pappy's Flat Share. Absolutely. Pound, I think if you look at it as a pound a week. Less, less than a pound a week. Yeah, I can take that. I can, I can, I can take that.

You don't have to show by the way, Paris. I mean, you're welcome too. Any other business before we get cracking on this on today's app? It's a wonderful app and have a nice time. Oh, there you go. Yes. Do you like to talk to anything to say about it?

No, not at all. Oh, it's a rare thing. I'll say one thing, it is a rare, clarky starter s off. And I thought you might lead us to that. No, he didn't want to say that. I don't want to ruin the surprise. So, clarky starts off, and yes, admittedly,

we do go in hard on him, but it actually led to a very fruitful chance. LAUGHTER So this one is for you, clarky fans, enjoy it. I've had a thought. I've got an issue. I've got a question I want to ask you. Enjoy it! Why on earth am I always weak? Have a meeting, be 10, be 10 Who went my bed while I was sleeping? This have a house meeting, be 10, be 10 What's the point? Does life have a meeting? Have a meeting! So, you guys, oh yeah, what do you think about this?

Oh, clocky, put it away. Can we record the podcast now, clocky? We're not zoomed by name, zoomed by nature. We're not that service on the NHS where you can, you know, face time with the doctor. No, it's hard to get an appointment, but I do think you should struggle. are my only fans. Do you think that winking has gone out of fashion? Who did you wink at, Clarke? Talk us through the scenario that led you to this worry. Who have you been wink. Yeah. Or did I? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You know I enjoy the podcast, but it mainly is Crosby and Perry yammering away with Clarkie not getting a word in edgeways. We let him start the episode If it starts with right we're protecting him from himself You're protecting them from me. He's currently losing a game of wink murder against himself

I didn't wink. Oh did I Go on Clarkie talk to the scenario that led you to. Somebody wondering. An old boy winked at me. Are you talking about a Korean man with a hammer? Hang on. Did an old boy winked at you? Yeah.

He'd been trapped underground for years. Did you let him through or held the door or... No. ...blown in his eye? What have you... what have you been up to with this old boy? I crossed the road. I gave him a wave because he'd stop for me, gave me a wink. So he's in a car. He's in a car. Okay, and then you wink.

How old is an old boy? How old is an old boy are we talking here? Sorry, sorry. I'm a dad, say, I'd say early 70s. Okay, he's a early 70s. A young old boy. A young old boy, yeah.

So he came to me, he gave me a wink and I really enjoyed it, first of all, it must be said. And so that doesn't happen very often actually. I'm not often winked at and I don't know if I'm just no longer in the wink the winky. I think winky demographic on it. The winky demographic on it. We're being personally. Can we please call this episode the winky demographic? We kind of, yeah, we came to an agreement a few years ago that we should all stop winking at you.

It felt like the time was right to move on. There was one old boy who didn't shut up to the meeting. We knew he was out there, no one had his phone number. It doesn't have a mobile, he's only got a landline. Every time you try and call, he's out. He's driving around, winking at me. Classic, classic old boy. It was my wife's new year's resolution two years ago

to wink more. Really? Yeah. Are you sure you heard her right? Yeah. Cause I know you're away a lot. But she greatly enjoys winking and doesn't do it enough. And it always sparks joy.

Yes. And I think she was Bob on. I think you're Bob on. It does spark joy. Yeah, I think it's like any of these, any social interaction. It's all about the scenario who's doing it, who you're doing it too. But I think in that instance,

you've waved to a guy in a car, he's giving you a wink back. There's nothing I don't like about that. It is so much better than blinking, isn't it? Is there any other interaction that by harving something you improve it to fold? That's a really hard question to look at. I very much enjoy someone who's been left hanging. So I'm quite telling him to be a part.

Well, well, high five is better than a high 10. That's true. That's true. Not quite as much as Winking is better than Blinking. Yeah. Like jump it is jumping better than blinking. Yeah. Like jump is jumping better than hopping. Yeah. Because a hop's pretty joyful.

It is absolutely. It's like the off kilter nature maybe. Or the asymmetry. Because I would say wink hop and high fives are all better than blink, jump and high ten. I think he could be right then. You know, when I watch the, uh, what's the triple jump when I, when I watch in the Olympics and stuff, I'm like, just stop, just stop at the start.

That's what it's. You want it to be a one and a half jump? The hop, hop and half a skip is what you're after. You, I mean, I tell you what, that that would result in them stopping in mid-air. And fucking hell, that'd be impressive, wouldn't it? Yeah, you just jump up onto like a platform or the back of a van and take a picture of it. I'm starting. A triple jump onto the back of a van.

It's traveling at, yeah, you've got to, you've got to, like, it leaves at the same time as you, and you've got to get, you've got to time it perfectly. You like it leaves at the same time as you and you've got to get You've got to time it perfectly you triple jump and you you're Grab onto the chains that are always hanging off the back of a van and you wave to them like you would the cops in you know I don't know some sort of 80s 80s. I was a bunch of the back of a van But yeah, it's it's a really good question though. Take half of it away. Take half of it away and what are you left with? It becomes better.

Is anything approved by doubling? Oh loads of things. Monique. Oh, I've never tried that. Yeah loads of things been approved by doubling but halving, you want it to be, I mean, I suppose prices, right? That's better.

But it's not in the same ballpark as if you high five somebody, it's so much better than if you, if you're high 10 somebody. My daughter does, when I go for a high 10 with her, she just does two high fives. I think she's already aware of it. She just doesn't want to ask the other, rather than doing both hands on both hands.

Oh great, yeah, you present both and she just won at times it. Yeah, yeah, both of the right hand. Fears, you committed to that one hand. I think one of the reasons you got to enjoy this wink so much is because it was separated by glass and a little bit of distance. Yeah. Yes. And I think without those two things, a wink has a frisson. Which is why I think I think you should start visiting prisoners, Glocky.

Find the cheekiest prisoners out there. As I pressing my nephil up against the glass. No, no, no, you've got prison winker. He's like a hospital dog. Like a patch Adam's type figure. Yeah, patch over one of my eyes because I can't, I can't win. We patch Clarky, the prison winker. And he gets a list of the prisoners who never get visitors on the big days. You know, you're pancake days.

Yeah, you still on the list. All the Easter holidays. The big, the big, you know, you're good, you're good Friday. And Clarky does, you know, prison visits, your eyes just gives a little wink, pops the patch back down and onto the next one. And he says, he's doing the Lord's work. He says, I've smuggled a kinder egg in. I won't tell you where I've smuggled it, but he winks at them and out it pops. I think he'd be squinting a bit more if you had a kid in there. I think it's just I wink at them from two different angles. He had it up his sleeve.

The prison officer would be like, you would know if the prison winker was smuggling stuff because it'd be off his game. Why is the prison winker cross-eyed? Let's give him a test. Get over here. Let's check it out. Yeah, just cough twice for us and see what happens. Get the siv out. But I think that could be a nice service.

It was a big thing on the X factor. It was very much like the Hollywood handshake on Bake Off, where Simon Cowell, if you thought somebody's done a particularly good audition, he would give them a wink. I got how old Simon Cowl because he's an ock and we're singing it across the road. We're giving it a hallelujah at the top of your lungs. Always, you know me.

It could be that cross appeared on the front of your lungs. Always, you know me. It could be there. Cross appeared on the front of his car. He never, he never crosses the road without belting out many of horror by Bifu Kaira. That's just, it's just the way the cars will know you there, then, isn't it? It's not the job seriously. It's not done. It's in very, very much the audio high viz for Clarky, isn't it? You know, he's, he might be wearing dark clothing, but there's nothing dark about his vocals. Right, I think I'm buying Audio Hi-Viz as a band name.

What's your hobby? It's really nice. Big Audio Hi-Viz. Yeah, but it could have been, I mean, the thing with Cowell is, obviously, he is very open about this. He's had a lot of work done. So I don't know how much of an old boy he looks these days.

He's an old boy in the sky, so no. He looks more like a sort of weird, stretch slightly melted boy. I bet when the makeup's off, he's hard-given. Oh yeah, I mean, when the makeup's on, he looks pretty fucking hard as well. Or if he shaved the back of his head, it'd just be. It would look like a bug.

LAUGHTER Just be. It would be like a bug. What kind of car was he driving this whole boy? Oh, I can't remember though. Horse and cart. How old was he? Was it the rag and bone man? Get me a winged one. I don't know the Ragnbo man was a good tip to our next pack.

They've all been through. They've all been through. So were you inspired then to go forth and wink? Well, I don't know because I like you. I was like never how much for people enjoy getting a wink from me is my question. And I inclined think not very. Well, shall we do a few scenarios and work out if they're a wink or not situations? Yeah.

Okay, so if I would say, obviously, Winking starts at home, if your partner was about to leave the house for work, right? If you said, have a great day and then ding, turn a little wink at the end of it. What do you think? How do you think that would go over? I think it would. Would you mean, would you mean to go, right, I don't know what the fuck you're up to, but I'm working from home. Because you've got something going on here. I think that's the only way I'm working from home. Because you've got something's going on here. I think that's the only way I'm leaving. If you work some home, I think so too.

I think personal winking. You're on solid ground. You're own personal winking. Yeah. Well, I don't think I'm very good at it. I don't know how good a winky you are, but it strikes me that I've barely winked in my life I don't think, because when I try and. I don't know how good a wink you are, but it strikes me that I've barely winked in my life, I don't think, because when I try and do it,

it feels quite alien to me. You've lived a double life. That was a good wink. Yeah, but you can't see what's going on in my mouth. Like, it's like, it's controlled your mouth. Those that can. Like, like I said, my wife is great at winking. She doesn't try to wink.

I can imagine that. A lot of nut new years eve too, and I realised the world's been missing out. Does she wing-cut you a lot? Well, she increased, as with all New Year's resolutions, she's did a lot for January, but then it happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So what are you doing with your gobb during a wink? I don't know, I think he's the concern. I think a bit like with your bowels during a wink. I don't know, I think is the concern. I think a bit like with your bowels during a sneeze, like a momentarily loose, touch with them and then re, re-touch base kind of thing. I'd say what happens with me? My side of my mouth that I'm winking on goes up. Like you're doing a half smile, but when I blink, I don't, I don't smile, I don't think. It's a very good thing.

I can't see myself or what, no. But it's presumably using different muscles to wink than it is to blink. It's not a wink, isn't the same, because a blink is like your eyes closing up sharp, isn't it? As opposed to a wink is bringing the muscles up, isn't it? It's bringing the muscles of the cheek up to give it a bit of a hold.

Yeah, it's supposed to. I think it's, it's a lot of winking right now. The big the big question is it's mouth open mouth closed isn't it because you know I think a big mouth open I saw in Hollywood that that's very very yes exactly real glitz and glamour for that exactly it's real it's real tits and it works teeth glitz and glamour for that. Exactly, it's real tits and it works teeth. I can tell you what my tits do when I wink. Mine go up, which is fun because I can see you're clapping. I can give a round of applause just by winking. That's what you sometimes do. If you're in the theatre and you still got your ice cream or a drink on the go, you'll just frantically wink and go, big wink, just like... Standing-o, you'll obviously roll your t-shirt up to just below your chin, just so you the acoustics carry.

And yeah, off you go. Fantastic, fantastic. And the name of the same person in the theatre. LAUGHTER Erm... I think you've hit on something Matthew which is I think if your muscles to your mouth are sorted before you go into the wink then you're okay. Whereas I think if you haven't put your muscle mouths in order then it's...

Yeah. Pal Mel. Yeah. I think that's a really good point. No, Clark, he looks like he's having a bit of a str- He looks like he's not toast. I didn't realise until this call that my mouth goes up when I wink. I thought it just stayed the same. This is it, so what you want to do is move your mouth up first into a big smile and then a smile on a wink. That's a lovely combo because people see the big smile, I mean you've got a gorgeous smile, Clarky. They see your smile first and they thought, oh I'm glad I stopped at this

zebra crossing. And then, Bing, you throw the wink on top. Perfect. Whereas if they stop and you do the wink, the current wink you're doing, they are calling 999. They're getting out of the car to help you. That's the worry, that's the problem. That's what you got to, you got to, you know, contend with. So yeah, I think big, big fat grin and then ding. I've got a question for you. Is it always related to a smile, a wink?

Like, you never wink without a smile. You can't win. You're sad. Oh, wait, wait, I've got one. If you're signaling to someone. Oh, yeah. That's another, that's another wink. A subtle, the subtle wink, which actually you don't want your mouth to move. You don't want to do a big turn of the head, open mouth, ding, ding, ding, kind of wink. You want it to be a really subtle, yeah. Just that, that's all it is, just a really subtle. Make eye contact with the person, little wink, just a little wink. Yeah, yeah. I mean, no, we know what's going on. These are the droids you're looking for. They're not. I can't remember that scene very well.

Yeah, I think it was. I think he, he doesn't use a Jedi mind trick to say they're not the droids you're looking for. Yeah, what? Is a wink if not a Jedi mind trick, though? Wow. It's nature's, it's nature's, it's a nature's, it's nature's.

It's nature's, it's nature's. Yeah. You know, it gets people on your wavelength, doesn't it? It gets people outside. Yeah, I tell you what, yeah, I tell you what the wink feels like it does. It makes me think that it makes people during wartime do something that they probably shouldn't. That's what I link winking to is like, I immediately, if you was going to ask me, who's winking, I'd think of a 1940s like a sp of type character

who selling tights on the black market. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm immediately put into of no harm, no foul. And then this has where I've kind of goes, oh, go on then, and pushes like, I don't know, three shilling across. And it's like that, that to me is the home of the wink. And I saw like when

Clarky posited that it had grown old, I think it had its day basically and that day was, it's a good night's sweet heart second world war. Well, it had a revival then it did have a 90s revival. People forget that was the full title of the Second World War. It was World War I, the Great War. And it's a bit like the Star Wars movies, you know. It's got a full title, which was Good Night Sweet, Good Night Sweet Heart Second World War. When the Pathaneers would come on,

they would say, More reports from the front, good night, Sweet Heart Second World War. Brad, boys, are fighting on the hunt? Yeah, then over time, people were like, should we just contrunk it to the great wink? That's what I'm saying. Has it been a big thing?

I've said it once before, but it bears a repeat. Has it been a big thing? Do you think actually, like so many things in this life, it's been ruined the wink. By technology. By technology, by a yeah, by the way. Because I'm robots working for us absolutely I'm glad you finally come right

because we do know we have we have the emoji don't we yeah I'll tell you what the winky mojink we've never winked more without winking at all the true tragedy of our society you've really had something across both yeah thank you thank you very much that w winky emoji, same as vomiting, so everyone vomits now, if I own a mug, what was the last time anyone's sick? No one's sick anymore.

When was the last time you employed a monkey to put his hands over its eyes? I can't think of it, but I'm doing it every, I literally, I see evil daily, but my monkey don't. It's seen, I genuinely, genuinely, I mean, like, one of the genuine ones is when was last time any fucking cried laughing, but everyone's crying laughing all the fucking time.

Oh, I tell you what, lots of people are doing it right now mate. I will say one thing, I would love, I mean, I'd hate, but I'd love to see someone's face as they're responding to a WhatsApp thread. When people are bantering back and forth on a WhatsApp thread and people are hitting the old, especially now as you can tag, you can tag an actual message with the crying, laughing emoji, I bet you there's a bit, I bet you it's stony silent in every single

room of every single person who's in that WhatsApp thread. We're not saying not a titter. There should be an app you can download onto people's phones without them knowing. Yeah, go on Thomas. Go on. Everyone now. Oh, I know I think it's been ruined by technology.

You can't even spy on people anymore. There should be some malware where whenever anyone sends that crying laughing emoji the camera takes a picture I love it. Oh my god The person doesn't know just loads of people sort of half staring at there. I'd love that. What's that? What's it called B-Real? Real now. Only fans real fans. Why is it so no? I think I think B-Real is yeah It's where you where you send out a message to everybody and you have to take a

photograph of whatever you're doing right at that moment. It's like an anti-instagram, it doesn't give you time to finesse it and go, you know. It's all the rage, it's all the rage. It's honest, honest social media is what it is. I think you've got two minute countdown. So it says, it guys, this is your B-Real, you get one a day and you never know when it's going to strike. And it says it guys, this is your B reel, you get one a day and you never know when it's going to strike and it says you've got two minutes now to upload your photo and so you have to just take the photo of where you are, be here now, keep it real. And then just stay here now for me. It's like you can just, you can't give me a sat currently by a ring light.

I can't go anywhere. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently.

He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently.

He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. He's kind of, apparently. I think two minutes is too long, Johnnie main. I don't feel like I can make myself look quite presentable in two minutes. Yeah, as presentable as any of us are ever going to look. But yeah, I think two minutes, as my wife will attest, that's me getting ready.

Getting ready is a two minute job, really. Change out of the jump run wearing into a different grade jumper, and out we go. I guess the other thing people might be doing is like being ready all day. Yeah, just wait then. Only let's go after, you know, it's been, I've been at the top of the Eiffel Tower. So long now, just wait.

I've been in for 17 hours. I've only got, I've only got, I've only got your reception. I don't think for 17 hours. I've only got a cold. So you've got your reception. Don't even be where I was working. I'm just stood on a pier. Just stood waiting. Just in the gym. I'll be real. Is the idea of it though that it forces you to live a more interesting life?

Or is it just that it sort of makes you realize that actually the stuff that people are posting on social media is something of a sort of concoction. I've had people say it. Yeah, it's said it's actively driven them out of their house to be more active and in different places. Really? But I don't want to go out of the house. But I don't want to go up the Eiffel Tower. It's so far away. Please don't come on, don't be real. I've been winking for 18 hours. And who does it go out to? It goes out to anyone who's following you,

or is it just like, can you curate your friendship on it? Or is it, I don't know anything about this be real, but what is it? Like, how many people have to see? How many people have to see? I'm going to say, am I the old boy? I think I'm the old boy. I'm just going to go and bury myself underground. I'm going to go and bury myself underground. It's just when I used people who you didn't know, wouldn't it?

No, but that's what popped up on their phones. That's what Instagram is. That's what Instagram is. A guy's doing. Do you know what I mean? Instagram goes out to a bunch of people that you don't know because it's your followers. It's your followers. It's your followers.

Anyone can follow you on Instagram. They don't have to know you person. Well, yeah, but they follow you, right? Yes, that's what I mean. That's what I'm talking about. Like, can you say, yes, you can follow me. No, you can't follow me, or is it just like Facebook or Instagram? I don like Facebook or Instagram.

I don't know how Instagram works, I'll be honest with you. And that's not me pretending. I know. I had to go on Instagram a couple of days ago and I was like, I just don't understand it. I don't understand how any of it works. You probably have like 700 updates that are all like, Pappy's tagged you in a post. Cause I always tag you you the both of you

in every Instagram post. By the way, do follow us at Pappies Comedy. Right, so when I'm tagging you guys, I know why am I doing it. It's not really interesting, but when I go on Instagram, I see notifications, like click and it says, Pappies tagged you in a post,

and then I can't, I have no way of doing anything with that. I just go, oh, have they? And then I like leave Instagram. I'm so awful. I think the idea of the new concept of it. You then look at the post, you go, oh yeah, that is, we should be shouting about the fact we've got these guests on. And then you like the post yourself, so there goes out to the more people can see it. And then you share it on your story. This is all dutch to me mate.

I don't know what my story is. I don't know what my story is. I don't know. This real thing. I just don't, I have no concept of it. I'm like, so I really am like an old man on Instagram. I have no no concept of how to get about it. I think I've posted about about five times from 2013. And you know, it sounds good. I know a lot of people are into it. And I should sort of... I mean, now is really, it's like quite a weird time to get into it because...

If I don't know if anyone is into it anymore. I don't know, I missed the boat. But any who, I imagine B.R.E.L. goes out to the people who want to see what you're up to right now. Yes, I mean, you know, I'm on your social media now. You've got over a thousand followers. On Instagram. Yeah, you've got over a thousand followers. You know, you're doing very very well. You've got some lovely, lovely posts here. You have, you know, very funny stuff. You've got a picture of some padron peppers. And it says that's from 2013, 2013, yeah, worst production of Macbeth over aton. It's very funny. Three padron peppers that look a bit like which is this good. This is good stuff. You could have reposted that for Halloween.

I'm going to be honest, I should go viral. It's got to be a bit of my post. Two of my posts are about the three witches from Macbeth. Is it a fan account? Is yours a weird sister's fan account? I genuinely think two of my six posts are comments about things that look like the three which is a bit better And then I thought you know, I've done it. I've not clocked it. Yeah, there are a thousand people like that that love that shit Yeah, you know what it's true on the 10th of February 2013

worst production of the Scottish player I've ever seen and it's just three It's three chimneys with chimneys next week I've ever seen and it's just three chimneys, chimneys next week. But Tom, this by the way, as a meme, it's just good stuff. It's good stuff. It's just a can. It could be a LAD E look best Bible. LAD E look best Bible.

I love it. I love it. Clarke, if I could, I'd wink at you right now. Oh. I mean, yeah, I mean, the real tragedy is ever since those padron peppers I've not seen anything that resembles the real tragedy. I'm sorry, look, Hank, every single bloody game. Just waiting, waiting to go again. I post that but there are only two of them. Oh, that's the real tragedy. It's not a real tragedy.

It's not a real tragedy. The real tragedy was all the deaths. I'm the Terence Malik of Instagram. You know, I blazed a trail, did a couple of iconic things, and then off into the wilderness, and then I'm waiting to return to underwhelm. Yeah. And confuse. You just need to see, like, I don't know,

three salt shakers in a shop. Or something, you know, just whatever. Honestly, honestly, you don't need to tell me that every fucking day I go into town, and I look, there's always a two, or six, or 30. Never the three? And the thing about you is you're a true documentarian. You know that you can't remove two or three of the traffic codes or whatever.

You can't interfere. You can't interfere, you mustn't interfere. Adam Curtis, you gotta just observe and comment that you know the things that look like the three witches. Yeah. You know, when you're at that clan rally, you can't say, could you step over to one side please? Just the three of you. Three of you just stand there, no, you can't say, could too few step over to one side please. Exactly. Just the three of you, three of you just stand there, no, you can't, you have to, you have

to maintain a documentarian's distance and I know I was there as a documentarian, I must say. I thought you'd just toss around phrases like when you were at that clan rally. Yeah, can we just let that be just sticking from the record. Not sure about that, Anik, don't. Not sure we want that that be a sticker for the record? What's wrong? Not sure about that, anecdote. Not sure we want that to be out in the open. Do we? Can we just say that Tom is extremely anti the work of the KKK.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. The only thing I like about them is they do look a bit like the witch's photocopy thing. That aside. But to be honest think it's your big comeback. I don't think it's your big comeback to Instagram. You're last posted in 2019, but prior to that you haven't posted since the 24th of March 2013.

I don't think nearly 10 years later you want to be romping back with a picture of David Duke. I'd hate that actually. No, I'd hate. Do you know what, we don't hate that. We went to a wee three meet again in 2022 with an unsavory post. We can't know what happened, maybe there's an Instagram tutorial telling you how to down the line and I'll just just did all off and go again. Have you been asked to go on it for the film though? Have you been asked to go on it because your movie's coming out? Is that why?

No. No. Have they not want me anywhere near it? They've gone, oh, one of Tom's got this. Ah, yes, right. Could you mind going on to Instagram to didle that account? Yeah. Yeah. I'm the amount of deleted scenes in that film of things that look like three witches.

I thought, pardon. Because I thought this could be my routine. Get them in. Can't this be like a Malajet or a comedy. I love triangle between three three circles. Three columns. Heartbreak. The real heartbreak.

A true heartbreak. Well anyway, listen to the if you see something that looks like the three which is something. Do you send in the photo and Tom will attempt, it'll do his best after nine years away from the game to get back into it. I remember how to post something. At least you remembered your login, that's important.

Okay, well, that was one scenario. So in RIO2, yes, for whether or not... You are in your local shop, clarky. You're in your local shop. Andy. You're in your local shop. And I'm gonna make it here, not a kind of corner shop, not that kind of place. We're talking about a Tesco or a Saino's or something like that. Well, we know Clarky's local supermarket.

We've had tails from there in the past. Many of them have started. Many a tails. He's in there frequently. He's in there frequently. Say you're in your S knows Clarkie, right? So I've been in all day waiting for that The be real just just standing

Sorry, there's a bloat. Let's be standing by the champagne aisle for What feels like about seven by me by a way He's king of the wrong thing. It's a champagne sip and over in the aisle. So you're in there, right? And you say to somebody, you say, so he's cute to me mate. Can you tell me where, you know, whatever it is? Sorry mate. Can you take a picture of me? Can you take me? In two minutes mate, come on hurry up. Time is money. By the way, you know that little caution we're cleaning the aisle bit.

You've got two more of those, you can stick next to it. Because I've got a mate, it would absolutely, but it clean up, literally. Three mobs. Oh, no, I'm your male, I'm your male, I'm your male. Three mobs together. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male.

I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male.

I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male.

I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male. I'm your male.. Too familiar. Well, well, sorry, I answered that as would I in real life. No, but how do you think it would go? How do you think it would go? Yeah, you know what, I would. I was just going over that in my head. And you know the phrase in not to good as a wink. To a blind bat, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. What's the second, I wasn't aware of the second half of that phrase. And not as good as a wink to a blind bat, yeah? Yeah, yeah. What's the second, I wasn't aware of the second half of that phrase. And not as good as a wink to a blind bat. That's right. I just thought the phrase was the nods as good as a wink. And not as good as a wink to put, I didn't know the blind bat either.

So what does the blind bat bit do to that saying, does that mean it isn't? Because it's the same. It's the same, it's all the same. It's all the same to me. Yeah, it's all the same to me, it doesn't matter. Yeah, either one's good I'm not a good nod I and I think I nod more than I wink because it doesn't do anything to my mouth right

Very very worried that if you yeah if you nod if anything you're you're moving him out of the way from the person And the top of the head to ward some yeah exactly Protect them from your unusual goal. Don't overthink the nod clocky, the more I'm trying to do the less. I'm going to start from the beginning. It's a major moment, so. It's because I'm so monequed out.

I think you're nod, you're on safer ground. It's less intrusive than a wink. Yeah. Let's be honest, a wink sexy, right? Well, this is what we've been dancing for in the room. We've been dancing around it. It has to be, for example, if it had been a girl, it was helping you out in St. Petersburg,

it's a different thing to say. Thanks a lot on the wink. I feel like a different scenario, right. I feel like that's a different scenario, right? Yeah. I feel like if you wink, if someone served you in a bar and you had both your hands full because you're carrying three points, by the way, don't show Paris to you guys. Oh, I'm sorry. Don't show Paris to three. Why not? Why not? Stay there, Glocky. Hold that. Gluck. Click.

Here we go. I'm back in the game. So say you're, and you can't give like a cheers mate, a thumbs up or whatever, but you could give a wink. I think that will be totally fine if it was a, if it was a male bartender. It would be different if it was a female bartender. Do you know what I mean? Even if you're holding it, even if it's clear what you're doing it.

Cheers. Thanks a lot. Clint, Clint, Clint. I don't think, I think you can even take gender out of the equation. There's a huge part of me when I heard that anecdote that was like, oh, that old boy, Fancy's Clarky. Right. That's, you know, that, that,

a wink, a wink brings it into that territory, I think. For me, most times. The other big one, I would say, in addition to this was, I remember when I was a kid, it being a thing that adults do to kids, they'd kind of wink at them. Yeah, that's right. That's a little fun moment for you. Yeah. Here's a sweet, and then give him a wink, because if to be like, you know, don't,

I know you're, yeah, exactly. I'm your fun uncle, don't tell you mum, exactly. It's that kind of thing, yeah. Yeah, and I think that's... Funcle. I'm your funcle. I'd please tell you mum, I'm not looking for myself'm pleased I'd tell you my mum and it's now looking myself in. Today.

Three winks. The three winks. So many. I love the fact you've got the whiff of blood in you nose again for the Instagram meme. I can't wait. It's re-ignited something in me I will lie. Yeah. I think, you know, even if it's three tiny magnets, I think just, you've got to get back out there, man.

You've got to get back out there. It's good stuff. The Patreon Pepper's one is absolutely superb, you know. And the great thing is, you started with the chimneys, loved it. Really, you know, looks great. Then you see the Patreon Pepper's, you're like, oh, it's amazing. And I think what you've suffered from is the sort of, you know, you've had

two big hits. Two big hits. Yeah. You've had you definitely maybe. You've had your big real app. And now you're looking for that third success. It's hard to fight. It's while I'll never do another stand-up show, you know, because they're two classics and then what'd you do? I like. Hello? Hello? It's the thing I'm not.

Is it my mail there? It's a weekend of your standup show. You always post do a London run of it. Yes. And I obviously had tickets and then the pandemic got in the way. I think it was supposed to start in March of 2020. Is that right? Yes, around that time.

Around that time. And had tickets to see it. Very excited. It really, really jazzy about it. Obviously the pandemic kicked in. And then the theatre said obviously we're canceling this, but if you like, yeah, the theatre went dark for a long time. Big, god, dark.

And they said, oh, either you can give them money, you can hang on to the, you know, we can get the money back, get a refund, you can hang on in case the show comes back again a few weeks' time, so you didn't know how long the lockdown was gonna last. Or you can give it to us. And I was like, what?

Well, with that being an option. And then amazingly, this week, I was supposed to go to that same theater. And unfortunately, as we were arriving, like it was the shows at 9, at 8.30 you get a phone call saying the performers injured themselves, the shows not happening. But can we keep the money?

We were like, no, I'm sorry, can you send it back please? How many people... How many people... ...people... There are a lot of conspiracy theories flying around about the start of the pandemic. Very few are actually talking about the so-called theatre. Well, I deliberately didn't know them because I'm obviously... I'm a man. I'm an unwilling patron.

Yeah, I've set the lock out. There was an instant where that performer got injured just before going on stage and no one knows. No one knows who did it. What happened? No one knows. He clucked them over there with the lead pipe. Was it Colonel Mustard? That's what they need to do. Colonel Mustard works on the sewing theater. Oh, come on, of course he does.

But yeah, I still don't know what happened to that money, actually. I've got, I should get back in touch with him and say, I don't think Tom Parry's ever going to do this show. What was the options you could send it to me? Well, I think the idea was, was it one of the options I could send it to you? I think maybe, yeah, maybe the options was you could send it to me? Well, I think the idea was, oh, was it one of the options I could send it to you? I think maybe, yeah, maybe the options was I could send it to you. Did you get money from the SOI theater for not doing your run?

No. In which case, then no, I don't. Thank you. Yes. It would be bad if that was one of the options. Now, I think the option was, hang on to it for when we, when we eventually reschedule, but, um, I don't think they've ever rescheduled.

Well, what's this space now? After today, I might be inspired too. He's doing three shows, he's doing three nights. Three nights and you should see the poster. Oh my God, don't just don't send the name of the production. It's very, very bad luck. Very bad luck. No wonder he's always getting injured.

Clarky, scenario three, you're in a sauna. Yes. Oh, hello. It's very dark and you accidentally sit on someone's lap. Yeah. It's Chandler in Friends. Is that... Is that you're the wink? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I hate to see you. Can I just ask, did you make that noise, Tom?

He did, but not with his mouth. That's one of the worst things we've ever heard. I don't think you're in ability to winky your biggest problem. Well, with how high my asses, I'd have to lie on the bottom of the toilet. No, but that's a good question. I think winking in a sauna is an absolute no no. Yeah, no way, no way how is that? And I think that I think we might have hit on the rule there. If you can't do it in a sauna then maybe it's too sexy.

That's just the rule for life, guys. That's a rule you do, yeah, that's a rule. That's why you do this in a sauna. if not, then you know you aren't. It's the reason why I never wear a duffel coat because it's just too damn sexy. Walking around in a towel completely acceptable. Because you please get that guy out of the champagne aisle? Keep, please get him out of the soap theatre. And we can't have his money back. He's being too real.

LAUGHTER Absolutely. Beating, beating. A living house made of iron sheet. How many do you think? There we go. What a treat. That was...

Eee, cocky fans. Eee, Clarky fans. Eee, Clarky fans. I've got to ask, what does Pazorotti make of that episode? I thought it was great. Beautiful. Thank you very much. I've got to ask, what does Monocene make of that? I feel like it would speak quite a similar message.

Anyway, anyway, thanks very much for tuning in folks. Remember, if you want to follow us on Instagram, it's Papi's comedy. If you want to follow Tom, let's find out again. I'll tell you what it is. It is of course. Thomas Perry, T-O-M-O-S, the Welsh spelling, T-O-M-O-S-P-A-D-R-Y, do follow Tom because I feel like it's brewing. Like which is broth? Which is brewing? I feel the ca- the ca- the cauldron is bubbling.

When shall we three me to gain on Instagram? On Instagram. Also, the- the annoying thing, I imagine I don't really use it, though. On Instagram, is people are posting too much. He's a great one to follow to just not have that. He's not going to be spamming your thread at all. There's no way.

Can we get annoyed with him once following it? No, no. The last post was the 17th of April 2019. I feel like, well, we'll see one in the next... I reckon in the next couple of weeks. Oh, no. Now you're... What? How might you give me a follow?

Yeah, it's well worth it. He's a great follow. He's from my favourites. It's got to the point, you know, I'm always checking his account. Has he posted again? No, I mean, I'll tell you what, the difference, the distance between the 24th and March 2013 and the, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the April 2019, it was a long old time be checking it daily.

But since it had been brought in updates, you can have notifications. Put your notifications on for Tom Perry, because I feel like, I'll watch this space, well, I'll just hope that he sees three Christmas trees in the upcoming... All right, well today's episode was

Fuse by Emma Corsham. Corsham team! Cheers everyone! Bye! Get out of your crypt and open your coffin and please be outstandingly dead Are the Patreon neighborhood school call? You are the... What? I was trapped in my coffin, upsettingly alive, being eaten by Chester, the minister.

Oh no! I couldn't get out! It was hell to pay! So I texted Toby Lester. Oh, as I was eaten by Chester that fiend, his biting gave me a heart on. It's real. The real horror. It's fighting. It's fighting gave me a bubbling, and I asked my friend, please, give me a sip for my throat. It is so parched. Oh, come on, give me some of that potion, Hannah March! Oh, in my crypt late night,

Chester dropped his trousers and said I've got a labyrinth! The lightning crashed, and my knees went weak. Please don't tell Rachel the Robert Sword. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, deep in the crypt, I saw that labyrinth, it came and gizzed over my back. I just, I just, I just said, this is the worst experience with a goole I've ever had. And I shouted that at Alex Pierwack. Then a knock knock knock came at the door.

A knock knock knock. I opened it. Oh no, what was knocking? It was the labyrinth. Oh, I shouted from the sitting room. Don't let the devil in. Slam the door on it. Shad bevelin.

slam the door on it, shard beveling. Chester squatted over my chest, chestered with a gleeful squeal. A wonderful story and that ends today's picture. I've landed on my chest with a crash. Ready? To my immortal shame, I at it all. Please! No one mentioned it to Daniel Cash. We wouldn't, we'll be as quiet as the two. We will be as quiet as the two of you and we as well to church my- He's a little haunted church maize. Ghost of church maize.

I watched. I watched Chester. I watched Chester drop a Cleveland steamer on your chest and I was in sexual heaven I took a photo and I sent it quick fast to my penpal Dearous Kevin Kevin showed me his phone I couldn't believe my eyes. Matthew and Tom, that's them! Please, don't put this on Instagram. I could print M.

That concludes today's free key page. Good to days free-key page in neighborhood, what's wrong, come on.